Zaps Apple
Chapter 4: Looking Forwards
Silence between everypony, I was still on my back looking right up at Big Macintosh as he had moved tossing the hay off his back into a pile beside him, I wasn't sure what was going to happen now, it was so sudden, first Scootaloo found me, then I got too curious for my own good and now this... I slowly turned over and sat on my rump looking up at the large stallion then to Scootaloo and her friends.
Big Macintosh finally broke the silence glancing over to me “Applebloom this isn't a safe place to play games in, ah told yer before”
Applebloom spoke up “What!? Ah, don't even know who he is, big brother! Scootaloo told us she found somepony sleeping in our barn and wanted us to come to see him before we told ya or Applejack” Applebloom protested looking right at him as she said it and he looked at her.
Then his green eyes came to my eyes as he shifted his body a little “Then what are yer doing on our farm?” he came to be a look that gave a chill to the air as I shivered at that look he gave...
I gulped “Hey leave him be! It not his fault he ended up here because of those stupid timberwolves! They was chasing him last night and he seek safety here in this barn!” Scootaloo suddenly was in front of me in a stance that was protecting me... “I had to even give him a name because he didn't know his or how he got so deep in the Everfree Forest!” she jumped buzzing her wings rapidly before landing with a snort.
“Hey don't talk to mah brother like that Scootaloo!” Applebloom yelled out at her
“And scaring him isn't going to help!” Scootaloo yelled back.
“How he suppose to know! Yer just told us!”
“But he didn't have to give him such a cold look like that!”
“He was doing what he needed to do! Because that colt is on our farm!”
“That doesn't matter!”
“It does!”
“It does not!”
“IT DOES!”
“DOESN'T!”
Both of them had their heads press against each other eyes looked on each other with Sweetie Belle putting a hoof to her head seeing me look at them argue with a confused look and watch them continue to exchange words at each other till Big Macintosh step up putting both front hooves between them and slid them apart.
“Enough!” Big Macintosh voice boomed “Ah like to hear it from this young colt, so keep quiet!” both of them went silent seeing Big Macintosh stepped in on their argument.
Sweetie Belle nods “It would stop you two from arguing too”
Big Macintosh look right at Scootaloo this time “Yer said he didn't know his name so ya gave him one, what did ya name him?”
“Zaps! Big Mac, since he woke under some Everfree zap apple trees and can eat them as they are, so I thought it be a fitting name” Scootaloo replied with a smirk looking right at me with the corner of her eye winking at me. Then her expression changed “From what I know off him is that he knows almost nothing, so I am sure he doesn't even know his own family is”
“Really?” both Sweetie Belle and Applebloom look at me with what I could see was the surprise in their reaction.
Big Mac eyes turn back to me this time a calmer look. “Is this true?”
I pushed my front hoof against the ground a little sliding it backwards the lifting it and tapping it on the ground “It true...” 'what do I say to them or him... that he looks like the pony in my dreams is the only thing that I would call family even I didn't feel if that pony was my big brother or not... I really confused... I wish I just know who I am... what going to happen to me...'
My eyes slowly raised to his “Answer me truthful when ah ask ok?” I nod silently
“Do ya know where ya from?
“No”
“Do ya know ya age?”
“No”
“Do ya know who ya family is?”
“No...” tears started to fall from my eyes as I said the third 'no' I felt really sad and couldn't contain my sadness
Big Mac seeing me in tears felt taken back at the questions he just asked but the final question he had to ask “Do ya know where is ya going? Or where ya be going to?”
“No... NO NO NO!!!!!” I cried out as I started to sob and cry hard with me lying there with my front hooves over my eyes as I just cried my heart out. “I... don't... have... anything part... from... my... zap apples...” I said between my sobs.
I was crying for not sure how long but I just kept crying... I felt sick as I did and sniffing as my nose ran a little from all the emotions flooding through, I was truly lost...
Suddenly I felt three sets of hooves and slowly raised my head with my eyes burning from the tears still falling through my furry face, I saw the girls called the Cutie Mark Crusaders if I remembered right hugging me. “That not cool” Scootaloo whispered
“Yeah come on ya got us as yer friend” Applebloom added
“So your not alone you got the Cutie Mark Crusaders to help you!” Sweetie Belle spoke as they continued to try and help me feel better I softly smiled but it soon faded.
Scootaloo saw the short happiness I had “Friends help each other out Zaps, even your in a rough spot you got us, as one thing I like what Rainbow Dash said to me is 'never leave a friend hanging' and that what you are to me a friend and we leave no friend hanging” I slowly looked to her then the others they nodding to her words. I sniffed a little rubbing my eyes as they broke away from the hug.
“Th-thank you...” I said very quietly sitting there between them, suddenly I felt the large hoof touch me on my back slightly and I turn to meet the cream hoof followed with red fur leg to the eyes of Big Macintosh once more.
He lowered his head to my eye level “How about we sort out these problems after ya had a good bath” I looked at my front legs seeing they still covered in mud, dirt, leaves, and twigs.
“We can help!” Applebloom beamed
Sweetie Belle nods “Even if we don't get our cutie marks for doing this it the right thing to do!”
“I'm in!” Scootaloo raised her hoof and the other two clapped their hooves with hers. “Hey Zaps come on raise your hoof and clap with us, then you be truly our new friend”
I looked to Big Mac with a bit of nervousness he just smiled and gave me a nod. I walked over to them and jump up on my hind legs and place my right hoof against theirs with a 'clop' then they cheered together “Cutie Mark Crusaders! Helpers! YAY!” I also blurted out the 'yay' part with them and they all stared at me.
“So-sorry...”
“Nah it cool” Scootaloo put her hoof around my back and push me against her “Your a pony needing of some awesome friends, even we all just met moment ago, your going to enjoy it here in Ponyville and what better way to start things off being our friends” she poked me with her other hoof on my chest.
“Yeah like Scootaloo said, ya now a friend and we might be able to make things even better by making ya a crusader like is to find our cutie marks!” Applebloom added looking at me with a smile. “What ya think?”
I turn my head to the ground “maybe when I get used to all this suddenness maybe I could join... could I get used to all this first... if it ok?” I raised my head looking to the trio.
Sweetie Belle replied to this “Sure that cool with us right girls?”
“Right!”
“For now it cleans up time!” Sweetie Belle steps up behind me and started to push me back onto all four hooves, she continues to push my towards to exit of the barn “Come on its time to get you all cleaned up!” I heard the movement of the others following behind me as Sweetie Belle continued to push me, my hooves skidding against the dirt.
I quickly got my legs working and walking as she finally stopped pushing me “Right towards the house over there!” Applebloom said and runs ahead of us “Ah'll get the tub filled and ready!”
Big Mac only replied with a simple “Eeyup”
I looked around as we walked taking into the view of the farm, I could see apple trees all over the place as far as my eyes could see. But they wasn't holding the zap apples they had red and green apples on them. “What kind of apples are those?” I asked with wonder.
“They normal apples, the zap apples only come around this time of year.” Big Macintosh explained to me “We have Apple Cider season, apple bucking season and zap apple season. It where we make the money to feed ourselves and keep the farm going with paying bills and keeping roof over our heads. But that nothing for ya to worry about yer too young” Big Macintosh chuckled lightly as we continued to walk, I didn't get really what he meant by bills and paying but I guess it was important for him but not for me the way he said it to me.
I saw the house coming into view and what seem to be a sign at the entrance of the farm, I soon saw Applebloom standing by a large tub of soapy warm water before us, I blinked a few times. “How did she do that so fast?”
“When you get sap all over ya, we learn to get ourselves cleaned up fast," and then Scootaloo chuckled “And with our club house in the area of Sweet Apple Acres it comes down to practice” Scootaloo explained to me as we stopped before the tub.
“In ya get” I yelped with shock as Big Macintosh grab me with one of his forelegs and tossed me into the water with a splash, I surfaced coughing a little and saw them laughing. I looked up and saw why I had a crown shape bubble suds on top of my head. I laughed a little as well. “Now get yerself cleaned up while ah talk to Granny Smith” Big Macintosh walked into the house and I looked over at the girls as I sat in the water using my front hooves to start cleaning myself.
I was puzzled again when I was doing this and the girls noticed it “Look like you know how to clean yourself” Sweetie Belle said to me
I thought about it “I do not sure how... it like I have done it before but I don't know when or how...” I rubbing the dirt out of my fur.
Scootaloo shrugged “Not sure what we can do to help you on that one Zaps, if you know how to clean yourself it means you did it before. Even if you forgot when you did” Scootaloo turn to Applebloom next to her “What do you think Applebloom?”
“Ah haven't got a clue, never met anypony with a complete gap in their memory like ya Zaps,” Applebloom said to me and I did wonder myself why I did have this gap in memory... I sighed heavily “Don't feel bad please... ah'm sorry...” Applebloom turns to the others “Let talk about something else, this just making him feel bad and sad...”
Scootaloo flapping her wings rapidly hovering a little and lands on her hooves “We can talk about our home town Ponyville!”
“Yeah!” both replied.
The girls told me about Ponyville, the key locations such as Golden Oak Library, Sugarcube Corner, the Carousel Boutique, School House, Bowling alley and many other places around the town. They told me also about Applebloom's sister and her friends. I wasn't sure how much time was going by but we just sat there and besides the tub after my watch listening to them talk about Ponyville learning a lot from them and happy to know this town I was in and how peaceful it was for the most part.
“Do you remember how we raced all over town just to hear the stories of how Rarity and the others got their cutie marks?” Sweetie Belle giggled as I wondered about these stories.
“Hehe yeah” Scootaloo replied
Applebloom turns to me “If ya wondering Zaps, Rainbow Dash did this move called a Sonic Rainboom when she was about our age and chain of events lead to mah sister and their friends all getting their cutie marks. From singing with animals, finding some crystals, parties, magic, racing and finding where yer belong, it was really something when we heard all those stories” Applebloom explained to me about it.
“That really sounds amazing, I not even sure how you get a cutie mark. I know what they are, the symbols on the flank but not quite sure what they mean though...” I rubbing my head a little with my hoof.
Scootaloo put a hoof over my back and I looked to her “It your special talent, we been trying all sort of things but nothing came up”
I thought about it but couldn't really think of anything part from the strange tingling feelings I had among the zap apple trees. “So... if I find out what I am good at then focus on it then there a chance I get one of these cutie marks?”
“Basically yes” Applebloom replied.
“So what are you three good at?” I asked with wonder.
They look to each other then back to me “We not completely sure, we kinda tried lot of things” Scootaloo gave her answer
“Yeah, we kind of get into a bit of trouble half the time” Sweetie Belle rubbing her right hoof over her left front leg.
“Ya will get it soon young'uns” they all turn and I did to gasp in shock seeing whom it was. “Ya must be the young colt Zaps that Big Macintosh spoke of, Ah'm Granny Smith”
I step back a little getting up on my hooves “Y-your the one with th-those pans...”
“Yes ah was yer do not need to fret young colt, ah not going to harm ya. So Zaps how today been?” she said in a kind steady voice.
I look to the girls then saw Big Macintosh standing there behind Granny Smith. “Is it almost over already?” I took notice of what she said and look to the sky seeing the sun was almost set and the moon starting to appear. “Have we been sitting here and talking all day?”
“Well, the afternoon but it been cool” Scootaloo answered. “Now you know more about our home town Ponyville”
I turn to the barn “I better get my zap apples and go... I am sorry for being on your land without permission Miss Smith...” I turn to head to the barn.
“Hold on there sugarcube did ya say zap apples?” I turn and nod to her. “Ya pick them from the Everfree forest?”
“Yes... I only remember waking up there and finding myself under one set then found another set sometime after, maybe a day or two... not quite sure, that when I found Applebloom's bag and used it to carry my find and also found some old photo in a stinky old bag, it still in her bag” I remembered not taking it out and got a surprised look from the old mare.
“Did ya say photo?” I nod “Well ah'll be, that old bag was mine, ah lost it on my second trip to the zap apples with mah pa... that when ah lost that photo too...” she smiled softly looking to Big Macintosh “Ya right about this young'un he got an Apple within”
“Apple within?” I blinked in confusion “What do you mean?” I turn around looking at her for an answer to what she said.
Big Macintosh steps up to me and I looked right up at him. “It means ya staying here till we find yer, family”
I stared wide-eyed and so did Applebloom “Wh-what!? Ya mean he staying here!? Applejack won't allow that Big Mac! He's not an Apple, but just some random colt that has no memory of where he from or how he got in the forest!”
I had to agree to Applebloom it was true all of it... “I don't want to be a bother... I can find somewhere to...” I was cut off by Big Macintosh putting a hoof over my snout gentle and smiled at me.
“Ah won't take no for an answer Zaps, ah will deal with AJ when the time comes, Granny and ah talk to over and agreed that ya better off staying with us. Tonight ya have something to eat with us, get some rest in our guest room and tomorrow we see what happens” Big Macintosh said to me.
I look to Applebloom “Ah say it strange we doin' this but ah okay with it, also in return, he can help us with the school project”
“He already has” Scootaloo cuts in “He gave me an Everfree zap apple which means we got what we needed!” Scootaloo told her.
“Since Y'all helped Zaps out why don't ya all come in for something to eat then ah take ya and Sweetie Belle home,” Big Macintosh said to Scootaloo then glance to Sweetie Belle.
They both smiled happily “Yes please Big Mac!”
“Then all ya get in and at the table” Big Mac smiled and they rushed in. Granny Smith gave me a smile and hint for me to come in, she enters the house leaving me and Big Mac looking at each other “Come on Zaps, in ya come” he put the hoof to the door and I wasn't sure if I was very happy or scared but I choose to enter by request and step through the door into their house.
'Is this what Luna meant about telling those at Sweet Apple Acres what happened to me... that I have something to look forwards?'
I'm curious what others Apples will say, when they learn that he can eat raw zap apples.
As for the grammatical mistakes. Meh. English is not my native language, so I ignoring them ´cause I can not find them.
The mistakes as far as I can tell are missing periods and commas for certain pieces of dialogue. 3347328
There was a few grammar errors that tripped me up a bit but not to much. The Story still flows pretty good. I wander what AJ's reaction is going to be when she learns about Zap staying.
3348107 I am not even sure where these missing parts are lol
3348735 glad you enjoying the story so far
And everyone else too.
*Sigh* I could point out plenty of mistakes if you want me to try? Remember I do just want to help this story read better to others, the better grammar the more views you will get. Its not just grammar though which I can deal with while I read. It's how certain ponies are handling this situation and how your OC handles it too. One tiny example that stood out was that Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom suddenly knew the information that Zaps had only told Scootaloo. This being that he did not remember doing much of anything, including tasks.
“Look like you know how to clean yourself” Sweetie Belle said to me
This is two examples of something that is wrong to me. One, there is a missing period after the word me. Two, Why would Sweetie Belle question him or think that it is weird that he knew how to clean himself? Sure, maybe Scootaloo would think this since our little colt explained to her that he did not remember much. But if anything only Zaps himself would be amazed that he can clean him self and not the crusaders. 3350409
Here is a quick example of missing commas:
“When you get sap all over ya, we learn to get ourselves cleaned up fast” Scootaloo chuckled “And with our club house in the area of Sweet Apple Acres it come down to practice” Scootaloo explained to me as we stopped before the tub.
Right after the word fast there should be a comma followed by the " and then Scootaloo chuckled. there should also be a commas followed faster practice or a period. There are dozens of these tiny mistakes through out your story that can be fixed quite easily.
3350425 as for them knowing Scootaloo had told them before hand when she went out looking for them since she had Applebloom's bag. Should I add scenes that show them talking together in a 3rd person point of view? to fill in these missing parts?
I kind of kept it so far to the scene around him not outside parts. So maybe I should of added that part in.
You should but keep it always in first person, keep it consistent. Switch perspectives to Scootaloo or one of those three. I'm actually itching to grab each chapter you have and add as many fixes as I can find... 3350434
3351507 yeah I done that with the chapter I put up with Scootaloo's POV and be my guest to do the fixes.
I accept the help
I just sent you a PM containing edits for the Prologue, let me know what you think. 3351546
As someone who speaks English I have one thing to say about most of the story.
This is a grammatical nightmare.
The use of 'Your' is wrong in several locations throughout the story. This is how they are supposed to be used.
Your (as in possessive): "This is your bed, this one's mine."
You're (as in 'you are'): "Is this where you're going to sleep?"
And something chapter specific:
The way you put this makes AB sound like some rapper, not a little country girl. Try putting it more like this:
I live in Oklahoma, so I personally know how the accent works. Other than those issues, this is a great story that I would love to see continue. Though I suggest finding someone to help edit the chapters before you publish them. *Cough* NightmareKnight *Cough*
3356439 nightmareknight? Your suggesting talking to this person to look through my chapters first?
Also I am sorry about the grammar errors... English maybe my only language but the writing side never been my strong point.
Yet again sorry for all the mistakes... I am really trying... Seriously
3356905 Yeah, NightmareKnight is a pretty cool guy when it comes to editing. He does so on some of my stories so I know that he's pretty good at spotting errors and noting them.
And don't worry about the whole grammar issue. Just read and write some more stuff and you'll get better over time. Trust me. My first works, while good ideas, had such terrible writing and grammar that when I looked back at them I nearly gagged. It was a rather unbelievable change in quality from constant run-on sentences and misspelling to stuff that is almost on par with some of the better writers here on FimFiction.
Just keep writing and do what you like. In the end that's all people can do with their lives.......... And I just realized I went all philosophical on this message.
3357193 I will find time to talk to him ^^ thank you for the advice and I will try to keep improving on my work
Other then the grammar issues how are you liking the story so far?
3357218 I believe I stated so in the first comment but I'll say it again.
This is a great story and I would love to see it continue
3357233 lol I must of over saw that
I will continue on it ^^ just hope to keep everyone happy, I never had this sort of pressure like this before. With 22 thumbs up and 30+ favs on this, it kind of nerve racking...
But I am happy so many are liking it though. And continue to try and keep every one happy
3357243 You think that's nerve racking? HA! Try having 50 favorites on just the first day that seems to only grow with each passing day till its around 800! When that happens, you can say you have nerve racking pressure on you. Till then, stay calm and keep writing.
3357324 YES SIR