In the land of Mondax, a small planet in another galaxy approximately 3,000 light years away from Earth, there rules a king that seeks the destruction of every known universe. One teen is thrust right into the middle of a deadly fight that could result in every the death of a Millinillion people or the safety of everyone. Along with 6 accomplices, that teen will attempt to usurp the king in a final effort to save mankind.
This is the story of Silver.
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Humans-It has humans...
Matt seems to be handling this all rather well. I don't know about you but if I found myself in a new galaxy with super powers I'd be freaking the hell out left, right, and center.
Plot moved rather fast and the details seemed to suffer as a result. Take some more time to describe their reactions and Matt's feelings, especially if he freaking out for everything going on. Make Matt more dubious and distrustful, perhaps he thinks he's gone crazy (A slight cliche, but nevertheless realistic). Just focus more on details, stopping just short of being tedious with them.
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Hi! Thank you so much for the review! You're right, he is handling this extremely well. I'll focus more on the way he handles the situation, so the readers can see how he's actually reacting. The plot moved fast, but it's going to be a lot slower now that he has a slight grasp on what's happening. And trust me, Matt is going to be very, very distrustful. Again, thank you for your kind and sincere help!
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Yes. Humans. How insane is that?
I guess some men just want to watch the world burn 
Original, just how I like 'em! Tracking! More please good sir!
Hello again, I don't know how I got here but I found my way here from there.
Biggest complaint - Pinkie's POV is first person. I would like to dissuade you from anybody but Matt getting a first person POV. It is okay, however, to put her thoughts in an omnipotent third person POV. It's usually considered bad poise to have more than one first person POV.
Furthermore: Rather than explaining yourself in the A/N I recommend that you edit those details into the first chapter for ease of reading. Keep authors notes to things explaining less significant things - reason why your characterized this, or why your central them is that; or otherwise asking for a reader's opinion.
May I recommend some more worldbuilding? For now it's okay, but we're going to need more background to fully understand what's going on. Assume your reader has no idea what MLP is (silly, I know, but regardless it makes you seem more credible). In my case I have an inch thick journal that describes my world; everything from the geopolitical structure, or the political expansion of various nation,s all the way to the genealogy of the OC. But than again I might just have expectations that are unrealistically high.
Irregardless, continue as you were -hopefully following my advice,- thought I do enjoy longer chapters.
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Ah, hello again! Nice to hear from you so soon. Yes, I thought I'd try some Pinkie p.o.v, but I'll cease that from now on. Alright, I'll begin editing as soon as possible! I'll be sure to add lots of more details and background on the world. Thank you for your kind advice.
You have my full support man!
This is a great story and out of the three chapters so far, this one is the best. Its great seeing characters portrayed in a new light while still retaining their normal mannerisms. Nice work. Besides, a story based around relatively constant 'action' is rare on this site. There are a few, but this one is good!
Cheers for the hard work mate.
The action felt rather fast, and a little one-sided. Not to be rude or anything, but even a second rate assassin would prove a challenge to the average human. The only explanation that I can think of (And I'm borrowing it from MAR) is that the planet that Equestria's on is smaller than Earth, and therefore has slightly less gravity. That would explain why Matt is stronger than the average Equestrian, it would also have the side effect of giving him higher jumps. Then the assassin suddenly breaks down crying? He must really suck, or Discord was using him as a simple experiment to test out how tough Matt was, but it wasn't Matt who actually defeated him. But then again, I have a habit of reading way to deep into things, but explaining those little things help to make a more believable world.
Just my thoughts, and I don't mean anything bad by them.
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You're actually spot on. Discord's an intelligent man, he wouldn't send his best assassin out to fight a princess of Luna's power. Action was intended to be fast and one-sided; Yataro is just horrible at fighting, and there's going to be some background on him later. And I did want to expand on Pinkie's skills. I could tell you about the rest of your comments, but it has to be a surprise. I don't want to ruin the story. All your questions will be answered. Matt has a way of thinking things over deeply, just like you do.
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Thank you so much! I really appreciate the feedback. It's nice to know that people really enjoy the story
This Matt guy needs to learn to not knock precious metals. Argentum is good stuff, dont'cha know...
first!