- Member Since 19th Feb, 2013
- offline last seen March 17th
SleepIsforTheWeak
I want to be a lion, everybody wants to pass as cats. We all want to be big big stars, but we got different reasons for that...
SleepIsforTheWeak
Joined 19th Feb, 2013 ·
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Nice clop material
3202390
Thank you. It was a first for me.
Well it was a success
I like it.
I didn't know there was Applejack and Pinkie Pie fics out and about....guess I have to read them all as well.
This delivers exactly what it says in the description. Thumbs up for truth in advertising. Plus femdom!
I don't think there was enough done to build up anticipation, though. For example, Applejack seems to be feeling teased and desperate, and Pinkie would occasionally shift body position. I bet those times when she was slowly descending on Applejack, and she wasn't allowed to touch anything must have been pretty torturous, but I didn't feel any of that because there wasn't enough of a literary 'pause' during those scenes, when things got described in detail.
Also, it's probably just me, but it all seemed too casual and straightforward. Like I said, it's exactly what it says in the description, so there's that, but sometimes I just crave a little more, like some emotions? If they've been together for a long time, how about some loving emotions? If they've been together for a short time, how about some nervousness? If they're just casual fuck-buddies, how about some second thoughts and shame? .... It's probably just me. I should have just fapped instead of doin' all this thinky stuff.
Oh well, enjoy your upvote ^_^
3203284
Yeah... I'll sit on it for a while and then maybe rewrite it. I know what you mean. It is missing a lot of things.
Truth in advertising indeed.
PinkieDom is pretty hot, I gotta say. I particularly liked the moment where she broke character though, as it was so very Pinkie. But watching her attempt to torment Applejack was both adorable and... well, again, hot.
3203284 is correct in that there is definitely room to explore, if you feel like putting any more work into this, and I don't really have anything to add to what s/he said about that since he pretty much covered all the ground I otherwise would. But as is, this sets out to accomplish a clear goal, and succeeds in doing that. So you definitely get kudos there.
Aside: Do ponies have Christmas?
Oh God I'm nitpicking so hard right now, but also, it says at the beginning that this is early December, but then at the end Pinkie wants to give Applejack her present now? :P The ending was adorable though, too, so whatevz, my jimmies aren't rustled about it.
Nice story! I wonder what the second present is though......hmmm.....
Such a sweet clop. ^_^
Love these two mares!