• Member Since 6th Aug, 2013
  • offline last seen Sep 10th, 2013

HinataHyuga


I am 15 and a major mlp lover. I love human fics most of all and i am a fan of Naruto :).

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Today everypony in school has to bring a family member to school for career day. Why does Apple Bloom not want AppleJack to attend

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Comments ( 1 )

Couple of small recommendations:

First, you need to remember to add scene breaks when jumping ahead in time and/or changing physical locations, like this:

Applejack pawed the floor. "Alright, Apple Bloom. You done challenged me and ah accept! You think ah can't give a good speech about apples? Well ah'll give your class the best speech they ever done heard!"

~ ~ ~ ~ ~

"This is gonna be the worst speech they ever done heard! Why did ah accept Apple Bloom's challenge?" Applejack was pacing back and forth at Twilight's library, a look of concern knitted across her equine brow.

You can do this with [ center ] [ b ] ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ [ /b ] [ /center ] (remove the spaces before and after the square brackets), and of course the "~ ~ ~ ~ ~" can be any set of symbols you want, as long as they provide a visual break. Otherwise, the reader has to stop and back up to realize that you've changed scenes, and it gets confusing.

(You can also use [ hr ] to get a horizontal-rule break:


but those aren't as easily noticeable because their size and color is governed by the site's CSS, and the pale-grey against white doesn't stand out very well to some people's eyes, especially on smaller screens or at high desktop resolutions. They would've been a good way to insert a break between the entries in Rarity's diary in your other story, though.)

Second: If you're going to spell out Applejack's accent, then always capitalize "Ah" when it stands in place for the personal pronoun "I":

Applejack pawed the floor. "Alright, Apple Bloom. You done challenged me and Ah accept! You think Ah can't give a good speech about apples? Well Ah'll give your class the best speech they ever done heard!"

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