• Member Since 28th Jan, 2013
  • offline last seen Nov 15th, 2022

A Generic Carrot


*Carrot Noises*

E

Time went on as all traces of Humanity faded. But something survived, long enough to be found.
Twilight and Daring walk through the ruins of an ancient metropolis belonging to a long gone race.
Thousands of years before, a boy walks through what was once his city, now ruined from nuclear war.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 12 )

I like stories like these. When humans died out and they left ruins and pieces of history behind for future generations to find. Bravo, my good man!

-The Good Doctor

Oh the cliff hanger!!! LOVING IT! :D :pinkiegasp: Please dont make me wait for more. :twilightangry2:

Sounds good. On a side note whenever I see a story that looks good but I don't have time to read it so I can find out if it is worthy of a favorite I comment on it and go back later. But I favorite this one anyways I KNOW it's gonna be good.

Moustache :moustache:

3173919
Sorry but it supposed to be complete, i dont know why it is on imcomplete.

Wow, that's it? Lame. You could've made this into a good story, but instead it was a teasing oneshot with little payoff. I thought this was going to be good. I take back my like, and my fav.

3175186
Sorry, but if you really want, I'll try to write a crappy epilogue, I am not a good writer and can't continue a story for shit.
Also Inception endings are best endings.

3175207

No, inception endings are not best endings, at least not in this case. I don't want an epilogue now. I've said what I've said, and now I'm leaving this story alone. Even if you're a bad writer, there's a difference between having bad abilities at writing, and common sense when plotting out a story or one-shot. If you want real criticism, here it is.

One, you need to fix grammar, punctuation, dialogue tags, and you need to edit, if this is how your work turns out the first time.

Two, you have to learn what's teasing, and a shitty ending, and what's a good, ambiguous ending. This is the former, not the latter. The reason Inception is a good movie is not because of its ending, it's because the entire movie before the ending is good, and you know what exactly happens whether or not he's still in the dream.

Let me tell you a story, about a story I wrote once. It's a horror story about a doctor and a patient in a medical ward, and the doctor doesn't believe the patient. All the way through, the patient tells the doctor her story, and multiple things happen that point themselves towards her story being the truth happen. At the end, the doctor smokes a cigarette in a parking lot, refusing to believe it.

The difference between that and this- and I'm not saying I'm a good writer- is that this, right here, barely has any set up or anything interesting to it. I expected more chapters to follow, because this is basically an incomplete story. It's complete if you say it is, because you're the author, but it definitely doesn't feel complete.

Meanwhile, my example of my story, that story was complete because it made you try to decide whether or not what the patient believed in was real. It was similar to Inception in that way. That's not how this works. We know what is going to happen, but there is no payoff. It just feels like a big nothing, that's really the only way to put it- it feels like a tease, and a big middle finger, basically.

3175242
Actually thank you, I'll try to improve myself based on your criticism.
And I was joking about the Inception thing.

3175251

No problem.

Couldn't tell you were joking. Sarcasm doesn't translate well to text.

3175261
It doesn't, could have made it clearer.

I think it worked well as a one shot. Good job and keep writing.
I liked it a lot.

Nice short, a bit vague in parts but it gets the point across nicely.

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