• Published 25th Aug 2013
  • 12,169 Views, 244 Comments

An Apple A Day - Esle Ynopemos



A collection of thirthy-minute short stories about the rootinest, tootinest farm-filly this side of the Everfree. There'll be a chapter a day for thirty days. I ain't no fancy arithmeticker, but that adds up to a whole month of good, health

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22: Excluded [Comedy] [Romance]

((Prompt: Ship exactly five of the Mane Six together in a single relationship.))

“It's your eyes, darling.” Rarity leaned forward, her eyelids at half-mast as she stared across the table. “They're such a lovely, deep turquoise. I could get lost in those eyes.”

She sat at a table for five in the Chateau d'Celeste, Ponyville's finest Prench restaurant. It was widely known as a popular setting for romantic dates, and the lighting, the low-key music and atmosphere reflected this.

Twilight took a sip of her wine and grinned. “I know I have.”

Fluttershy shrank in her chair, blushing. “I-I like your eyes, too,” she said. A cautious smile formed on her lips. “They're very... nice.”

Pinkie Pie nodded her head vigorously. “Rarity's eyes are super-nice,” she agreed. “They remind me of two blue-raspberry jawbreakers!”

“This coming from the mare who earlier described my coat color as that of a marshmallow,” Rarity remarked. “I do hope our food arrives soon, or else Pinkie is liable to eat me!”

Pinkie grinned lasciviously and waggled her eyebrows in response.

The table rattled as Rainbow Dash arrived, panting. “You guys, we need to get out of here, now!”

Rarity lit her horn and tucked a lock of Rainbow's mane back into place behind her ear. “We are not going anywhere, darling, no matter how bored you are. Do you realize how hard reservations are to come by in this place? It's a good thing Twilight is royalty, or we would never have gotten in!”

Rainbow shook her head, dislodging the lock of mane again. “You don't understand. It's a code orange, you guys! I spotted Applejack in the bathroom!”

“Applejack?” Fluttershy repeated, her eyes widening.

“That's what I said.” Rainbow Dash nodded. “Now, come on. We need to get out before she sees—”

“Well, hug my haunches an' call me a horse! Howdy, y'all!” Rarity, Rainbow, Twilight, Fluttershy and Pinkie all sank a bit in their seats as Applejack sauntered up to their table, a wide, open grin on her face.

“Applejack, darling!” Rarity put on a nervous smile. “What... what a surprise to see you, here, of all places!”

Applejack tipped her hat. “I could say the same for y'all. What brings ya out here, all dressed up to the nines?”

Rainbow's eyes darted around the room. “Well, um, we were...”

“We were playing dress-up,” supplied Twilight.

“Yeah, dress-up,” Rainbow said, rubbing the back of her neck, “because that's a cool and totally not-lame thing to be doing.”

“But then we were just famished from all the dressing,” said Rarity.

“Really hungry,” Rainbow concurred. “So hungry, that we couldn't take the time to change out of all the fancy dresses.”

“So here we are,” said Twilight, her lips stretched into a rictus. “To get food. Because we're hungry.”

“And we're definitely not here because we're in a five-way relationship that we've never told you about because it would be really, really awkward to explain why you're not a part of it!” Pinkie nodded. The other four buried their faces in their hooves.

“I see.” Applejack's eyes passed between her friends. “So... at what point durin' all this 'dress-up' did Rarity get that hickey she's got there?”

Rarity shrieked, picking up a spoon to use as a mirror. “I thought I covered that up!” She quickly tied together several napkins into a makeshift scarf. “Why did none of you tell me it was still visible??”

Pinkie shrugged. “I thought it looked cute!”

Applejack tapped her hoof on the floor. “Is there maybe somethin y'all ain't tellin' me? Maybe somethin' along the lines of exactly what Pinkie said this ain't?”

Everypony's ears flattened guiltily. Twilight sighed. “We're sorry, Applejack. We weren't going to hide it from you forever.”

Rainbow raised her brows. “We weren't?”

Rarity kicked her under the table. “Ahem. You remember that one cruise, dear? The one you couldn't make it to because of your duties on the farm?”

Applejack nodded.

“Well,” Twilight said, “while the five of us were there, we...”

“We had an orgy!” cheered Pinkie.

“We... discovered special, intimate feelings for one another,” Rarity rephrased, shooting a look at Pinkie.

“We really debated whether we should, erm...” Twilight coughed into her hoof, “'invite' you, but... what happened on that cruise was kind of a special moment for us, and it wouldn't be fair to expect you to understand what it meant for us.”

Fluttershy lowered her eyes. “We're sorry.”

Applejack studied the five of them. “So... y'all have been together since that cruise.” They nodded. “And I reckon y'all figured I would feel left out, so ya hid it from me.”

All five shared guilty looks with one another.

Applejack chuckled brightly. “Well shucks! That's awful considerate of ya, but y'all didn't need to be worried about me!”

Twilight raised her eyebrows. “What... what do you mean, Applejack?”

The farm mare grinned wide. “I reckon I ain't been entirely truthful, neither. See, I didn't have no farm-work to do when I said I couldn't come on that cruise. Truth is, I was seein' somepony. Hay, I'm here with her now!” She turned and waved her hoof. “Hey, Lulu!” she called. “Come an' say hi!”

The five mares' jaws collectively dropped as Princess Luna stood up from a booth in the corner and strode over to Applejack's side. She smiled for them. “Thou all make a very charming herd,” she said.

Applejack put a hoof at Luna's back. “Y'all, honeybunch. It's pronounced, y'all.”

Luna nodded at Applejack. “Ah yes, thank you, lover.” She turned back towards them. “Tis good to see y-all again.”

Author's Note:

Donny's Boy challenged us to find a way to make this prompt not sad.

How's this?

Edit: Okay, this Author's Note makes a little more sense if I remember to show the prompt! Oops!