• Published 25th Aug 2013
  • 12,090 Views, 243 Comments

An Apple A Day - Esle Ynopemos

A collection of thirthy-minute short stories about the rootinest, tootinest farm-filly this side of the Everfree. There'll be a chapter a day for thirty days. I ain't no fancy arithmeticker, but that adds up to a whole month of good, health

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11: Bitter Harvest [Comedy] [Slice of Life]

((Prompt: 22 Short Films about Ponyville. (In other words, pick a Ponyvillian pony or minor character or background pony and write a story about a typical event on a typical day for them).))

Look at her. So smug. Golden Harvest's lip curled in contempt as she watched her neighbor at work bucking apples. 'Howdy, Ah'm Applejack. Look at mah dumb hat. Ah'm all special 'cause everythin' Ah grow falls down in a basket for me with jus' one little kick. That must be why Ah get invited to go shake hooves with princesses all the time! Gee, it shore is great bein' me!

Applejack looked up from her work and spotted Golden Harvest. A warm, neighborly smile spread across her face, and she waved before moving on to the next tree.

Golden Harvest made a rude gesture back. Actually, she smiled and waved back, because there was a deep-seated primal instinct in the pony psyche that made them automatically respond to friendly greetings. It was considered the height of class in Canterlot to be able to suppress that instinct. Golden Harvest liked to tell herself that by waving back to Applejack, she was being very rude.

Sick of looking at her neighbor's toned orange flanks, she turned her attention back to her plot. Of land, for goodness's sake! Golden Harvest turned her attention to her own plot of land. Celestia's sake, she didn't even swing that way! Which was, of course, not something she could say for her neighbor. All of those shapely young mares she hung out with all the time... there was no chance there wasn't something going on there. Golden Harvest could just picture it, Applejack rising from a panting, sweaty heap of mares, locking eyes with the blue one, and growling, 'Yer next, sugarcube...'

Ahem. Golden Harvest turned her attention to her own plot of land. She pawed at the soil with her hoof. It wasn't like Applejack was any kind of special, anyway. Sure, there were the medals, defender of the realm, all of that stuff, but that could have been Golden Harvest there doing those things just as easily. Everypony knew that Applejack had met Princess Twilight because she had been in charge of the food that year for the Summer Sun Celebration. That would have been Golden Harvest, if Mayor Mare hadn't decided to lose her mind and say that apples were tastier than carrots. Ha! As if! Apples would be tastier than carrots when chocolate milk rained from the... wait. Apples just weren't tastier than carrots, okay?

Whatever. Golden Harvest was glad it wasn't her, anyway. They'd have probably made her join their weird lesbian cult. She didn't need them. She had her prized, world-class carrots to tend to.

That's right, world-class. Ponyville was the mecca of Equestria's carrot aficionados. Ponies came from miles away to have a taste of Golden Harvest's carrots. She once sold a carrot to a couple from Saddle Arabia. Granted, that couple was just passing through on business, they weren't here for the carrots specifically, but still. She sold it to them. And they liked it. Saddle Arabians really knew how to enjoy their vegetables.

Golden Harvest sighed and glanced over her fence again. Applejack lined up her haunches and gave the next tree a swift kick. Apples fell all around her like rain. It looked so easy. Of course it was easy, apples grew in trees. Gravity worked for her, not against her. It wasn't like Golden Harvest could kick the ground and have all her carrots pop up out of it. She stared at the rows of carrots. Well maybe...

The carrot farmer set her jaw in a determined grimace. She took a deep breath in, and out, honing her focus to a razor-sharp point. She raised her hoof off the ground and suspended it in mid-air. Tense. Ready to attack. She closed her eyes and pictured the force of her blow sending shockwaves rippling out through the ground, knocking her carrots cleanly into the air, and also making that orange rodeo clown over there lose her balance and fall face-first in the mud.

“Hyaah!” She struck the earth with all of her might.

No carrots popped out of the ground. She did, however, stub her hoof very hard on a small rock. “Ow!”

Applejack trotted over to the fence, concern playing across her brows. “Y'alright there hon? I heard you hollerin'.” She bit her lip as she glanced at Golden Harvest's chipped hoof. “Ooh, that looks like it smarts! Hang on there, neighbor. I'll run an' get some ice and a bandage!”

Immutable primal callings made Golden Harvest smile gratefully. “Thanks. You're the best.”

Stupid Applejack.

Author's Note:

If you haven't seen it yet, this entry has been expanded into a full length story. Go check it out!