When Lightning Flicker was born, an elderly timey-wimey stallion was there with a magic box to watch his birth. After he lives his life to his young adult years, he leaves Cloudsdale to find the elderly stallion with the magic box.
Chapters (1)
- Member Since 19th Aug, 2013
- offline last seen Jul 6th, 2014
Lightning Flicker and co
Young adult male Brony with OCs
Lightning Flicker and co
Joined 19th Aug, 2013 ·
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That's showin' us, champ - nothing says 'I'm a butt-hurt little princess' faster than deleting comments.
But by all means, keep diggin' that hole.
3072023 I only deleted your comment because you really seem like a troll.
TL;DR
Uses too many cliches. Borderline Mary Sue. Too strange to get into. Boring. Block of text structuring means little to no development for the reader.
I suggest trying again with a different story.
Rating: 3 out of 10
3072089 Well, it seems like the people on fimfiction are really different from my friends on Deviantart. My friends like the story so far. And at least 1 person on here so far likes the story, so I'll just take the criticisms from the honest people and friends and ignore the useless complaints from the trolls
3072104 A person observes the weak points of a story in a rather simple manner. Obviously a troll, right?
Besides, friends are friends. There is bias in their comments and reviews. Not to mention that's an art site, not literature.
3072122 literature is art
3072128 But drawing is not literature. See the error in your previously stated loop of logic?
3072135 I don't see how that proves that literature isn't art. something doesn't have to be drawn to be considered art.
3072036
Based on what you've written, I can only hope you're one.
Your characterization is non-existent, the events you write suspend disbelief to such a degree that you can hang chandeliers from them, basically boiling down to 'because things,' Celestia pops by so often she may as well be delivering pizza, and the only way your character could be more of a Gary-Stu is if you made him an alicorn
About all you've right here is spell.
Read this and try again later.
3072149 What on earth makes him a gary-stu? He's not an overpowered character, there's nothing forced about him, he's not related to any main characters except Discord. And Celestia's involved so much because Discord was involved. And how do the events suspend disbelief? to me, these events seem plausible in the world of MLP.
3072143 No, you're not understanding. I had said initially that Artists (typically having a connotation of painters, sketchers, and the like) cannot accurately perceive a fiction as being "good" or "bad" due to the fact that they lack knowledge of the subject matter. This is where their bias towards you as a person comes in. If they know you, they are more inclined to like out of either pity or blind respect. If not, they give around the same review as everyone else on this site. People similar to me.
And so this is why I say that the opinions of these "trolls" are actually the stated facts instead of the bias that has been given to you by your "friends".
3072178 Tell me, is this really worth your time? you made your opinion clear, why go on about it?
3072181 So that this story doesn't waste precious data on this site and waste peoples' time.
What they hell do you think I'm here for?
3072186 I'm done discussing this, the story stays, and that's final. I'll listen to your criticisms and make the next chapters better
3072197 But why must the story stay if it has already been pointed out that it is flawed? Try making a new and different story instead.
3072203 Because I want to keep working on the origin story for my character. Because that's what this is. His origin story
3072104
Ah, yes, and there we reach the heart of the matter - how many of your friends are going to tell you they think your story is bad?
None of them, obviously.
We are not your friends, thus you're going to hear things you don't like.
Deal with that.
And read that FAQ.
3072207 Keep it to yourself then. Not posted publicly. You'll only get more comments like these that take forever to end with argument because you won't accept that this story is bad.
3072214 Sure, just ignore my response for you and instead butt in on my conversation with someone else.
3072223 This is the Internet. Nothing is sacred.
3072225 I know, I was just expecting better from a site like this
3072223
He's with me.
We've been dating for weeks, right my little wacky taco?
3072233 The internet is the internet is the internet. You know what happens when you assume.
3072238 Damn straight. Love you, hun.
3072244 well I think we're done here.
3072248 Decisions, decisions.
3072245
Talk dirty to me, baby - you know it turns me on.
3072268 Not now. The mods might be watching. Later, my dear.
3072271
Well, if you're gonna make me wait, then you'd better bring 'Uncle Mikey' too...
3072286 3072248 This comment box is now plagued by sexual innuendo. Mission accomplished, beyatch.
3072294 okay, that is actually funny XD
3072294
Pfft. Flirt.
3072302 This is tame.
3072321 I must now head off to prowl the site for signs of dumbass. Looking forward to working with you again.
*Teleportation noises*