A perished entity from another realm finds their conscience mind inside an adolescent body of another. Disgruntled and confused as to what this fresh start at living again will entail, this individual wishes to observe what the inhabitants will make of him and he of them. How will this character handle this unforseen event postdeath?
Will the events and other characters that appear perhaps lead to something greater?
(Author: I am aware that this is a faulty story. I actually consider it a failure. However, I shall leave it up here since it may still serve some purpose.)
Chapters (1)
Since nobody else seems to bother to comment when they vote, I will have to be the first.
Well. I can't say that the premise is entirely boring or uninteresting, but it has been done to death already. Whether the narrator used to be human or not, this seems like your typical "I wake up in Equestria" fic featuring a Mary Sue character who has to slowly accept friendship into his heart. The Mary Sue is especially evident by the way he casually confronts his predicament and Celestia, but also by the fact that the world seemed to focus on the character the second he stepped into it. These are usually big warning signs.
Then there's the style of writing, which is very convoluted. It focuses very much on trying to sound sophisticated, but ends up rather pretentious in my opinion. You should focus instead on telling the actual story.
This is my opinion. I don't have anything against the author. I just felt that he/she deserved a comment and an explanation for the bad rating they've gotten so far.
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And I very much appreciate it.
It has been most helpful and insightful, and for that you have my thanks. But don't feel bad about what you've said, for you have a valid opinion. For this, there was a need for more time to clarify and clear up faults in the story, of which I did not have. But for me, once I find myself leaving a work of fiction behind for a while I find it fairly difficult to return to it to make changes. For the future I will have to free myself for both time and style.
What I probably need most of all, is an editor and a friend for this sort of thing.