Discord has won, but the Everfree Forest continues to live up to its name, a last bastion of its own brand of order in a sea of unending chaos. A wild sun and moon untied to outside magic raise and set themselves, and the legions of guardian creatures once called monsters by ponies now stand watch at the edges of the trees. Within these bounds live the last survivors of the Last Day, including the zebra Zecora, the Cake Twins and the Everfree Crusaders. Together they attempt to restore a sense of stability to their broken lives, and attempt to one day restore Equestria. This is their story.
Chapters (3)
I absolutley bucking love this!
Fire the MOAR cannon!
...This could be very good.
I just can't tell yet.
Needs a bit of a touch up but other than that it's good.
Hmm, I dunno why but reading the descriPtion has me thinking of Bastion now!
thanks everyone for the feedback :) suggestions and questions are appreciated; I'll try updating on a weekly basis (because this is my first fanfic and I'm a slow writer)
This is the first "chapter" chapter, and probably the only update for the week. Please comment; all constructive criticisms, corrections and questions welcome, seeing as this is my first time writing. I've tried to keep the grammar and spelling accurate, but I probably made a bunch of mistakes here and there. I'm also not quite sure about the geography of the place, so I might have gotten something wrong chronologically too.
EDIT: Incidentally, to the two who gave me a thumbs down, I don't really mind, but I would appreciate it if you told me WHY you gave me a thumbs down. I would gladly fix any errors or mistakes you find. If the concept itself is disturbing, I can be flexible also. I just have a hard time fixing things if I don't know what's wrong.
Bravo! I await the next chapter with much anticipation!
Was going to have the meeting with the Diamond Dogs in this chapter, but realized a week was up already and didn't want to have a schedule slip this early in my writing carreer
Comments, advice and constructive criticism all welcome; hope you come back next week!
Hmm... I realize this story is about three years old and discontinued, but I'll go ahead and review the published chapters anyways. It saddens me to see a story that ended because it never took off in the first place.
First, let's start with grammar. It isn't horrendous by any means, but there are still a few spelling mistakes here and there.
Examples:
There should be a dash between those two m's. Actually, you don't even have to write out the stuttering if it makes it any easier. You can always end the dialogue with "Sweetie Belle stuttered," or something along those lines.
Second, the chapter length needs to be longer. For a first chapter I would recommend about 4,000 words. You need enough to draw the readers attention, but not so much to the point of being overwhelming.
Let's talk about what you did right. I like the overall premise of this story, and it seems like it could be a very good idea if it was carried out all the way. Second, your story has better grammar than a good bit of others that I've seen on this site. You have those two things going for you.
I'll read the next chapter later and tell you my thoughts on it.