Twilight proved to be a very quick learner, and despite getting off to a rough start, and losing the first bout of her first match, she managed to make it through the early rounds of the tournament. So far she had not battled against any of her friends, but was relieved to see that all of them were still in the running.
However when she glanced at the tournament lader for the fourth round, and saw who her opponent would be, she was shocked.
Reluctantly when the fourth round began, and Twilight was told to advance to the stage that had been selected, she did so. The stage looked almost exactly like the stage where her friends had attempted to show up a traveling showmare by the name of Trixie. But the cart that the stage had been attached to had been destroyed by a rampaging Ursa Minor. How could the stage have been rebuilt?
She didn't have long to dwell on the matter however.
"Well, well. So we meet again Twilight Sparkle." a familar voice said.
"Trixie?" Twilight asked.
"Ah Trixie sees that you did not forget her name." Trixie said "Well that's good because The Great and Powerful Trixie does not like to give out reminders."
"What are you doing here Trixie?" Twilight asked.
"Isn't it obvious?" Trixie asked "Trixie has come to get her revenge."
"Revenge?" Twilight asked.
"Yes, revenge." Trixie said.
"I never did anything to you Trixie." Twilight said.
"Oh don't you play innocent with Trixie Twilight Sparkle." Trixie said, her words sounding cold and bitter "You humilated Trixie and turned her into the biggest laughing stock in all of Equestria."
"I didn't do anything except save you from becoming an Ursa Minor's late night snack!" Twilight said "I saved your life for crying out loud!"
"Trixie does not recall asking for your help." Trixie said "But Trixie does not like to dwell on the past."
"Well that's good because I don't want to put up with your bellyaching all day." Twilight said.
"Trixie hopes you realize Twilight Sparkle that unless you decide to forfeit this match you can't run away." Triixie said "So you and Trixie are going to fight."
"Bring it on." Twilight said "And may the best mare win."
"Trixie's gonna make you eat those words Twilight Sparkle." Trixie said.
"Fighters take your poistions." Princess Celestia said, observing the fight from above. Twilight and Trixie did so. "Are you ready?" Twilight and Trixie nodded. "Round 1, Fight!" Princess Celestia shouted.
Twilight knew that there was some restrictions in place to ensure a fair fight among all ponies. Unicorns were forbidden from teleporting, they could not create duplicates of themselves, they could not attempt to pull opponets in with magic, they couldn't summor other objects to use as weapons, and they couldn't use protection spells.
All the same Twilight knew that Trixie would likely rely on smoke and mirrors tactics and prepared herself for what she knew was going to be a tough fight.
Trixie made the first move, swinging hard at Twilight with her front left hoof. Twilight easily dodged it but was surprised at how much fury and rage she could feel chanelled into it. Trixie wasn't fooling around.
Twilight took advantage of the opening and delivered a swift kick to sweep Trixie off her feet. Trixie recovered however. "Now watch closely." Trixie said "The real fight starts now!"
Hoping to end this fight as soon as possible Twilight charged forward, trying to deliver another powerful kick. She wasn't going to resort to magic just yet. However Trixie seemed to anticipate the move and with a flash of smoke dodged it.
"Hey that's cheating!" Twilight said.
"No it isn't." Trixie said "Trixie did not teleport. The rules never said illusions were not allowed."
Twilight groaned as she realized Trixie was right. The rules did not prohibit illusions so long as they weren't ones that granted the user an unfair advantage. Twilight would just need to be more careful, one mistake could open her up to a world of pain.
The fight dragged on for a little bit and on occasion Twilight managed to get in a quick hit or two. But most of the time Trixie either dodged her kicks and punches, or disappeared in a cloud of smoke only to attack once the smoke cleared. All the while time kept passing with neither side gaining much ground. Blow after blow was traded and a few bruises began to show on areas that were hit several times. The contestants stamina also began to drop prompting them to pant from time to time. The auidence observing the fight from only a short distance away clapped and cheered loudly. Some even waved signs and banners for the fighter they wanted to win.
"15 seconds remaining." Princess Celestia called out. Twilight and Trixie knew what that meant, unless one of them was knocked out soon the round would end and Princess Celestia would decide the winner. And from the looks of things the two unicorns appeared to be evenly matched, at least in terms of damage taken and given.
"I've gotta focus." Twilight thought to herself "Trixie is sure to try something big."
Twilight had no sooner spoken those words when Trixie attempted to hit her with a blast of magic. The rules said that unicorns were not allowed to rely entirely on magic to help them, but a few blasts or spells that didn't grant unfair advantages were allowed. Twilight dodged the blast and countered with her own.
The blast caught Trixie by surprise and stunned her. Now was Twilight's chance. Seizing the opening Twilight charged forward and began to execute a combo that she had spent hours trying to perfect. She started off with a powerful uppercut, followed by some light punches, a sweeping low kick, a medium punch, another uppercut, and then to top it off a powerful charged blast from her horn. The combo proved to be too much for Trixie and she fell to the ground, groaning a little as she did so.
"K.O.!" Princess Celestia said "Twilight Sparkle wins the first round." Twilight now noticed that her fight like all the others was being displayed on several large projection screens, so those watching the tournament could see what was going on. The audience liked what they saw.
"Are you alright Trixe?" Twilight asked as Trixie slowly but surely rose to her feet.
"Trixie doesn't need your help." Trixie fumed "You just got lucky Twilight Sparkle."
"Why do you despise me so much?" Twilight asked.
"It's none of your business Twilight Sparkle." Trixie said "Let's just get back to the fight."
Twilight sighed "Very well then." she said. Princess Celestia used her magic to heal both Twilight and Trixie and restore their stamina. All bruise marks disappeared as the contestants stared each other down.
"Are you ready?" Princees Celestia asked them. Twilight and Trixie nodded. "Round 2, Fight!" Princess Celestia said.
Trixie seemed to learn from her mistakes as she dodged every blast of magic that Twilight sent her way. And whenever Twilight tried to attack her Trixie would either dodge or disappear behind a cloud of smoke.
Twilight quickly caught on to Trixie's plan however. "Trixie is trying to wear me down so I'll be too weak to fight back. Well I'm not going to let that happen." Twilight refused to attack and kept her guard up. Whenever Trixie attempted to attack Twilight blocked every punch and kick, but made sure to stay out of throwing range.
Trixie grew furious. "Are you going to fight Trixie or not?" she asked.
"I'll fight you, but only if you actually want to fight me." Twilight said "Unless you're going to just keep running away every time I try to attack you." She felt bad about baiting Trixie into attacking her but she knew that unless she did Trixie would likely just keep dodging and running.
"Trixie is no coward!" Trixie bellowed and rushed forward. This proved to be a big mistake. She didn't realize until too late that she was wide open as her punch failed to connect. Twilight once again stunned her and comboed her though she knew that wasn't enough to take down Trixie.
"30 seconds remaining." Princess Celestia called out.
"Time is running out Twilight Sparkle." Trixie said.
Twilight was convinced that at this point as long as she dodged all of Trixie's attacks she would win when the round ended. But Trixie was not going to let Twilight win, no matter what.
To Twilight's shock Trixie started going on the offense, throwing punches and kicks, and firing off blasts of magic that barely missed Twilight. All Twilight could do was block and dodge to the best of her ability. She had to do something or else Trixie would eventually wear her down and knock her out. But what could she do?
"It's all over for you Twilight Sparkle." Trixie said "Nopony humilates The Great and Powerful Trixie and gets away with it." She charged forward, hoping to launch a combo that would break through Twilight's guard and defeat her. But Trixie's ego caused her to underestimate her opponet. A big mistake that she would soon come to regret.
Waiting until the right moment Twilight grabbed Trixie's hoof, stopping her punch and cancelling her combo. Trixie was completely helpless. Throwing all her strength into her front hooves Twilight flung Trixie as far as she could. Trixie went flying and very nearly would've fallen off the stage if weren't for the protective barrier that Princess Celestia had installed. All the same the throw was too much for Trixie and she fell to the ground once again.
"K.O.!" Princess Celestia said "Twilight Sparkle wins the second round. The winner of this match is Twilight Sparkle."
"I did it." Twilight said wearily. This fight had been a real challenge but she'd managed to stay calm and was able to outsmart her opponet and win.
"Darn it all!" Trixie said "Now you've beaten The Great and Powerful Trixie a second time Twilight Sparkle!"
"I'm sorry Trixie." Twilight said walking over to Trixie "But the best mare won, so what do you say we shake hooves?" She extended her hoof out towards Trixie but Trixie pushed it away.
"We'll meet again Twilight Sparkle!" Trixie said and ran off.
Twilight sighed. "Somethings never change." Now it was on the fifth round. She could only hope her friends were doing good as well. Even if some of them would be eliminated within the next few rounds.
Great job!
So, there are some things that need to be addressed. First, go into detail as to what the combos are. I cannot visualize them, and expecting me to remember combos from the game is ridiculous. Second, you need an editor. Bad. You have a large lack of commas, and as an editor myself, the cringe factor is huge. It is spelled "opponent," by the way. Lastly, I like that you are doing this in an interesting style, but... it just feels odd. This is an opinion, by the way. I am not asking you to change it because it is not something I can have a say on. But it just doesn't seem to me that it has the proper story feel. Sure, in the game's story mode, it could very well be like this. But for a written story, I am not sure I can feel for it very much. But then again, it is still a point of view.
Either way, do not take this criticism harshly. I don't want to be the guy that stopped a story from being written. But look around for an editor, revise some things like writing out the combos, and this story will improve so much more.
2907551 Want to be my editor? I don't have google documents but I can set up a system to allow you to look over the chapters and make suggestions for improvement.
Not bad start to this. Not bad at all.
But, I agree with 2907551 , you do what he suggests, this will hit the box. Easy.
~Skeeter The Lurker
2907744 Would you like to be my editor? (I don't use Google Documents but I could find something.)
2907756
Sadly, I'm not an editor. There are, however, groups around that can be just as helpful.
Damned if I can remember though...
~Skeeter The Lurker
2907607
I wish I could offer my services, but I reached my editing maximum not too long ago. If I take anymore people, I swear I will go insane. You will have to take this one on your own, and look for an editor through groups on here.
I recommend this one, personally: It is a really good group, trust me.
If you go through there, you will find an editor you like. They have some good people, trust me. But seriously, as Skeeter said, if you get an editor, you will most certainly get to the feature box. I can see this story doing very well.
Interesting idea, although a rather dry read, and a very rushed feel to it. You could do very well to draw things out a lot more, be more descriptive in showing what they do. Sweat dripping, chests heaving from exhaustion, maybe some blood and real injuries. (Seeing as Celestia is overseeing the whole thing, nopony's going to get really hurt, but if they're fighting, they should take it seriously, amirite?) Make the readers engrossed in the action, don't try to hurry to the scene end.
I do like the taunting. That is absolutely something that should be in every fight, up to and including Fluttershy. Who will terrify her opponent by staying endearingly friendly even as she trounces them.
2907866 Do you want to help me? If not do you know anyone who can?
2907871
I would love to, but I'm running so very late on my thesis and have no time to spare, sorry. Maybe in a few weeks. Though I don't see how much help I could be. Those suggestions I made is what I can give you at the moment. Flesh it out a bit more. You may want to describe the scene and the setting a bit more - where they are, the crowds watching. Right now it feels rather sparse with only Twilight, Trixie and Celestia around.
2908305 Yeah I drew a little inspiration from them. Noticeable Tekken 5 where you had story battles every 4 and/or 7 rounds and sometimes even round 8.
The rivals for the battles in this fic will be ones that involve some kind of plot or motive behind it. A reason for why they're pitted against each other and why it's so special.
Of course since this is before Season 2 Lightning Dust can't be used for Rainbow Dash.
Cover art. It helps get attention.
2910362 I would do it if I could. The only problem is I can't see to get cover art to work for my stories.
2911021 just put it on imgur or something.
2911024 What's imgur?
2911608 imgur.com