Meet Applejack, not the Applejack you know and love. The Real Applejack, that has a friend named Mr. Mad. Applejack and Mr. Mad where the best of friends since she was very young. They talk about anything in the pony world. Everything is open to those two, a duo of sunlight and lamp light. Today though is a different day for the two. Something is not right and Mr. Mad can feel it in her friends eyes.
Something...
Odd
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I'm sorry I laughed so hard and then I read desert eagle and BOOM!!! Started crying tears as I laughed some more.
Rushed, and a LOT of questions left unanswered. I don't know if didn't read a story before this that explains it, or if it just doesn't answer the questions. But mind I ask, why is it dark? I mean, it's sad, but I don't find it very dark.
This could've used more work, maybe leave it at Bang, or she just fell to the ground, but The End ruins the mood.
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2917267
I'm going to do a sequel.
2917299 Oh okay, good.
desert eagle? dafuq? kinda ruins the whole mood wouldve been better and more fitting with a rope
and yes i repeat what the others said way to short you could remake this into longer
but still good enough for a thumb up keep going at it
2917299
Why does this need a sequel? She dead.
2917376
It's still doesn't explain things.
What just happened?
Fix teh speling, and grammur erors.
You had a good idea for a story. However, it seems like it was rushed and it could have been better.
The feeling started to fade at the I'm not real then fade, then died at the desert eagle, and you beat the dead horse with a bang. This story had real potential if you had started from childhood and took your time and dragged the story out. Also just say pistol or hand gun, desert eagle is so over used and it isn't practical to own so it doesn't really allow me to be immersed in the story it made it feel so flat.
2917299
I'm going to read that and expect some things that were not explained in this story.
This is a good first line. With the exception that I don't like to use of "so". It tells us everything we need to know about this story. Hopeless black, save one point of light, that is out of reach.
Your writing style is a bit jerky, but that would probably washout with a second draft or a style editor. The only thing I'm really going to chide you about is Mr Mad's name, it gives too much away. Just calling him 'Mister Crickets' gives more depth.
You get the "diamond in the rough" award for the contest. AJ's imaginary friend is a thought provoking idea, it's defiantly worth exploring.
I encourage you to go read some Philip K. Dick.
3001042
Thank you!
.......damn.
2930123 Exactly my reaction...
interesting story gives me an idea for another