A young and impetuous mage named Clever Clover is tasked with establishing trade relations with the elusive griffon nation. After a harsh winter storm, he is left stranded with an elderly and barbaric griffon, where he learns that true nobility is not just the power you wield, but the quality of your heart.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Very well written. I look forward to seeing where this goes. Keep up the good work!
Okay then, you asked for me to take a look at this and give you my thoughts.
Firstly, rather interesting characterizations you seem to be using; there's definitely something that can be gleaned from Clover's personality that shows there's a hero underneath all his pompousness and overt racism. I'm not entirely sure on the significance of the flashback, yet, but it does go a long way to establish him as a character in his own right, as well as shed a bit of light on how he became the mentor to Starswirl. The scenes between the two of them are rather cute in their own way, and shows her (I'm assuming there's an explanation for the lack of an actual beard) to be a nice pony at the core as well. I can safely say that you've got some solid characters here, provided you stay true to their core.
Now, what I'm most concerned about is the overall premise. It's not bad, far from it actually, but, it seems like the type of story you need to have planned out well in advanced to actually writing it. I don't know if you have or haven't, but this strikes me that it's going to be about the characters than the actual adventure that's in the tag. Character pieces can work, and you have at least one strong character to work with, but I'm advising you to take it slow and make sure every action, comment and thought is actually in character. Above all else, however, make sure that any and all character development is done slowly and naturally; people don't change at the drop of a hat, so ponies shouldn't either.
All in all though, I'm fairly confident in this story, even if it's just starting out. Please, continue.
Also, a couple of grammar mistakes:
'Half head voices borne on the wind'
Pretty sure you mean 'Half heard' there.
'do to the laws of entropy'
Common mistake, but it's actually 'due' when you're refering to the the reason or cause behind something.
Other than that, looks good.
*Looks at SaintAbsol's comment*
Well... I guess he went ahead and said everything I was going to, but better.
Liked, faved, looking forward to more. This story has some crazy potential.
I like it quite a bit! I personally lean heavily towards the more individualistic fanfics; I prefer those that take the universe and make it bigger
rather than stories which focus on an already well-known character or plod along in a too-familiar narrative.
Though there are some things that need working on, I must say I'm absolutely intrigued. I really hope you continue this story, because I'm actually looking forwardto more of it.
3260823 Thanks! I'm so glad you liked it. One of the reasons I became a brony is just the MASSIVE potential the series has for being epic. Betrayal, jealously, the struggle between chaos, order and harmony, it's all there (And done by cute talking ponies to boot!
).
3260187 Let me be the first to assure you that the craziness is just beginning...
3259978 Thanks Absol! You are a *puts on glasses* true saint.
Terrible puns aside, reviews like this are what inspire me to be a better writer. And thanks for the error checking. 
3259259 Thanks Gherkin! Your profile pic is amazing, BTW.
I love this!
The opening sequence is just perfect. You seem like you have an amazing universe built up here, I just hope you manage to expand upon it without too many complications.
I would like to point out the parts that I liked, but in truth it was the whole that impressed me. It's like one of those introduction scenes to an rpg game where as you watch the characters and game mechanics unfold upon the screen, you just cant stop your heart from beating faster. Because you know, you just know, That this experience, is going to be awesome!
I hope you keep the following chapters just as classy as this one sunny
.
E. H.
I FOUND YOU!!!!!!!!!
Dude, I thought you had finished the story. It's okay that you haven't though, I really really like it and can't wait to find out where it goes from here.
I'm going to start working on my story again with the help you gave me in Chile. Oh, yeah, my church mail account is deactivated so if you want my other one just ask.
Till next time, love the story,
Crank Rider