A new threat looms over Equestria in the middle of their worst social and environmental crisis. Will the Main Six be able to make a difference?
Art by DatPonyPL
Chapters (6)
Lisboa
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I don't know why this has so many dislikes. This is a good story.
2850582
Either:
1. Painful to read due to painful grammar.
2. Too much focus on OCs
3. They are Pulitzer winners who have too high expectations for a fanfic.
Either way, it's only 4 (Actually three, I accidetally downvoted my own fanfic). Thanks for faving and commenting!.
I cannot relate to this story at all.
Its structuring is very... helter-skelter. I can't get any context for anything, the setting and tone of the world are very erratic, though it is now abundantly clear that this is alt-universe, as there is no racism between the pony types any longer.
It needs serious work to properly set up the events such that it begins to make some sense. As it is, everything simply happens to fill in the details of the plot and it ends up as severely forced.
3029679
oh... well it's incomplete for a reason.
don't worry, it will make sense in the next part. thanks for the feedback.
3030260 It's not the incompleteness of the story, more the incompleteness of the WORLD itself.
This is NOT Equestria. Not the one we know, and thus what world it is must therefore be established. The characters must be properly reintroduced, their stories retold as they have developed in a world utterly unlike that of the television show.
It's a mistake many writers make with fanfiction: they dramatically alter the PRESENT-DAY world in their story, but forget that such enormous shifts in tone and mood must reflect BACKWARD as well. Cause and effect. The happy world of the ponies in the show would not suddenly snap into this brutal, racist land.
The world must then be remade from scratch, it's entirety recast in this new form.
3030291
each story has a pace. patience.
don't jump to conclusions. what you read, assuming you read from ch 1 is merely the introduction of a problem, a problem that altered the equestria you know in a short period of time. a problem that puts to test the image of equestria, it's residents and main chars that are known, you follow?
but again, the real problem is yet to be revealed. it's incomplete.
3030434 The problem is not the issue. The problem is the SOCIETY.
The entire mood and mindset of the ponies has been utterly altered. I have seen how different communities react to disasters. Only those who are weak and selfish from the start react in a callous manner. Those who have a powerful sense of community bond together, helping each other. Such was the case in many towns devastated by the Japanese tsunami. The ponies of Ponyville also are such a community, even stronger because they are creatures that truly do not know wickedness.
Thus, this CANNOT be the Equestria we know, because their actions reflect beings that developed in an entirely different set of circumstances.
Also, the secrecy of the Pegasi makes little sense and will make little sense for anything other than some sort of attempt to dominate the other races. If it is for any other reason, it becomes a self-defeating occlusion of facts. And yet, the drought is killing them as well... which I find rather hard to believe given that CLOUDS ARE MADE OF WATER AND THEY LIVE ON THEM. Their cloud-based cities would have collapsed long ago if this drought is so severe, and one would hardly suspect them of treason against the other races when they have lost their own homes. This, by the way, makes the notion of this being some sort of subversion by the pegasi all the more absurd.
If it is a natural or magical disaster, why hide it? That simply makes no logical sense, especially when there are many unicorns who could aid in uncovering the cause and finding a solution.
Pride only carries one so far. And certainly not their entire race would be so stupid as to risk all their lives on empty pride. We've already seen Rainbow Dash be ready to give up her dream to protect her friends. She already knows the danger of putting pride in her homeland over the loyalty to her friends (from Discord's mental game... speaking of whom, where is he if this is still canon Equestria?), she would never keep a secret from them if it involved their well-being.
Secrecy only makes sense to those plotting something which will spark open rebellion (and again, Dash would have no part in it were this the case). For any other reason, you must idiot ball your characters severely so that none of them realize this obvious fact. And hence it becomes mere contrivance.
There is also the matter of the rest of the world. Is ALL of the planet under this drought? Including the Everfree Forest? If not, then why can they not bring water OR ICE FROM THE CRYSTAL EMPIRE with their copious magic? If yes, then clearly the pegasi could not be responsible because they do not have total control of the world's weather, as is evidenced in several episodes.
This does not even bring up the other lands and their races: zebra, minotaur, dragons, griffons, Saddle Arabians. If this drought was worldwide, surely they too would be attempting to identify the cause.
You see, the idea has not taken into account all the facts of their world, to ensure that there is no other obvious solution to their problems. It would be better suited to a totally reimagined Equestria of a much more sordid past, abandoning the utopic nature of the show and aiming closer to the racial tensions of the 50's Southern USA. Set in that tone, with a new recent back history supporting the scarcely suppressed hatred, this would make much more sense.
Oh, and the most obvious solution to this whole 'global warming' BS.
Princess Celestia yawned, "Oh? Is it getting too hot outside?" She allowed night to last a couple more hours each night and/or moved the Sun away from the planet such that the HEAT FROM THE BIG BALL OF FIRE THAT MAKES THINGS HOT was lessened to the point where the temperatures cooled down to normal.
And that's how Equestria was saved!
You know, you can kinda do that when you control the Sun. Like I was saying, this was NOT well thought out.
3035257
Again, don't jump to conclusions when it's still incomplete.
Thank you tough, you gave me a wide variety of things to consider in order to make it more believable. Some of them slipt my mind of course, but I ommitted others because the universe is already set. The other races' take on the drought problem is up to your imagination, but they won't alter this particular story anyway.
OK, so Ponyville and ponies in general are good, caring and overall with a strong sense of community. That's the challenge. To digest the idea that as sentient beings are subject to snap during moments of distress. To realize that they can also do things for the worst. That's what this story is saying anyway.
Throw in a world-shattering test in a universe where things always had a happy solution and people who were never into a moment of real distress and they will SNAP. They will consider options that were damnable in previous, peaceful times.
Seriously, when was the last time they faced as a WHOLE (not only the main chars) a moment of crisis that supossedly was triggered by someone close to them?
Discord? He was evil to begin with in their minds, assuming they all kew about his history.
Nightmare moon? The even have a tradition that makes her look scary until very recently...
Sombra? Whe the hell is that guy?
Paraspites? The ocassional stampedes?
They know who to blame. They need someone to blame when nothing seems to make sense. They got that conclusion because they know who is in charge with the weather in their community. Most of them didn't want to have an opinion or got neutral, minding their buisness until things got more out of hand.
Obviously, the most resentful ones who somewhere somehow had a grudge with their race took that to their advantage for their own reasons. Racism is not general feeling of the town, it never was until the most noisy one offered an alternative to the crisis. And even then they didn't think that it would potentially kill somebody.
Things weren't any easier fo pegasi either. Thay kept things secret during the early stages of the dought out of pride because they thought they could handle it (which company accepts that they are unfit for their task before exhausting all of their options first?), by when they found out that the drought was indeed deadly it was too late for them to tell the general population. Suspicions were already there. So they took the poor choice to leave and suvive on their own. They preferred to do that rather than cause mass panic. Of course that only made them even more suspicious.
basicaly it is a game of bad-timed circunstances, I guess. I already explained in my notes, it's english practice. I'm no writer, I'm no english speaker. I am no story teller either.
BUT. I'm willing to make it better. I'm not ditching your comments, I am replying explaining what I am trying to say here because I believe that making assumptions before even the problem is finally revealed is a bit silly. Then again, comments like yours that fully analizes and concludes that something doesn't match are more than welcome.
....could it be that you are that proofreader I was hoping to appear?
3035289
Thank you for taking the time to analyze it and to comment. But bear with me: things will be cleared up eventually.
3035704
I was just going to give a fave and wait for your next update (whenever it happens), but now I feel the need to defend your story.
I love your social dynamics: how a nice, almost-perfect society just collapses once, in a time of crisis, the government lets go of the reigns, the populous is left in the dark and there is a visible minority that can be made to take the blame. Half of these problems in your story could have been prevented by something as simple as Princess Celestia acknowledging the problems and quoting the actions that are being taken, or by Cloudsdale Co emitting a regular newsletter that is not a piece of propaganda. As it is, the situation is coming to a head, and Celestia's rule could topple. Just like the French Revolution, or the ascension of the Nazi party to power. Or how in present day Mexico, the country desperately needs an energy reform (the state-owned oil company is almost bankrupt, and partisan power-plays have been blocking every minor reform for the last 15 years), yet there is this Hugo Chavez wannabe that is ruffling the population by utterly denying the need for the energy reform and thus mobilizing the people into vocally opposing the bill.
And man: you don't need a proofreader for the content of your story. Better learn to proof-read your own typos and auto-correction errors, that there are plenty.
3035257
You may be forgetting something very relevant: this is MLP: G4. Unlike previous generations, ponies aren't brain-addled lollipops. Ponyville alone has a recent history of racism: Zecora. The pony nation then has a history of racial-based classism that any serious student of sociology would then be able to translate out from the children's rating and into something resembling European or Japanese feudalism, with semi-enslaved serfs being ruled by a soldier class, that then upholds the power of some divine-descendant nobility. And then you have that, despite equality, the canon has us with ponies living under some degrees of racial segregation, up to Cloudsdale and other cloud cities enjoying absolute racial segregation.
And before you refute the last part: remember that Fluttershy had never even touched the ground before she fell off flight camp. For all we know, there could be plenty of pegasai whose only relation with the surface world is "I don't care where my fruit comes from, and when I shit, my shit falls down". Such easy isolation could breed plenty of isolationism and xenophobia within pegasai-only communities, which would result in plenty of pagasai having no respect for surface dwellers, which would then breed reciprocal contempt from this same surface dwellers.
And we cannot forget that the ponies' peacefulness is only surface deep. If it wasn't, then there would be no school ground bullying, no elaborate courtesy (because, after all, contemporary courtesy evolved from powerplaying between courtiers inside the old monarchical courts of Europe), the Element of Generosity wouldn't be an expert at conning, and marketplaces wouldn't be so cut-throat.
And then I'm not even mentioning Nightmare Moon, or Sombra.
3035704 The problem is that the ponies in this story begin acting stupidly right off the bat and never seem to entertain any logical thought whatsoever.
All the pegasi are in on this conspiracy? That's just ridiculous. It's a simple fact that no conspiracy can remain long-hidden when too many people are involved.
Just look at the NSA, for instance. As high-security as it is, as deep a background screening as is gone through, someone (Snowden) got the information and released it because he felt it was the right thing to do.
In every single brutal regime on Earth, there are always those who slip out, who quietly rebel, who infiltrate to gather information. Given that the pegasi aren't dragging ponies out of their houses for hiding Jews and shooting them in he streets (and recall that the resistance STILL kept working in Germany, despite all that), the notion that these novice pegasi could keep a massive secret for even a few days is breaking plausibility.
There is simply no way for the pegasus leaders to cover all the bases. They have no precedent to go on, thus their information security is going to be filled with holes.
3106202 Wrong. So very very wrong.
The ponies were not 'racist' against Zecora. They were scared of her. Just as they were scared of a bunny stampede. Just as they were scared of Luna.
Just as they get frightened by everything, pretty much.
The settler ponies in Apploosa were closer to racist against the buffalo, but even than it was less based on race and more on the dispute over the land. Once the solution was found, the antagonism ceased. Again, that is quite atypical of true racism, in which the hatred does not simply vanish.
There was no deep-rooted hatred behind either of these incidences, without which racism cannot exist.
You forget how easily Zecora was accepted after that.
You are also reading far too much into Cloudsdale, making assumptions that have no factual basis. Isolation doesn't automatically equal racism either. The pegasi prefer to live in clouds simply because it feels natural to them. But quite a few also live on the ground.
The ponies do not have a perfect society, and always there are individuals who display flaws. But ascribing a wholy different social ill upon the ponies as a whole for the actions of a few (who do not themselves display said trait regardless) is patently illogical.
It is the same as saying that because someone enjoys vodka a little too much, they must also be a heroin addict, as must everyone in their family.
If there is any species that has demonstrated clear-cut derision of another race it would be... the dragons. They truly do seem to view ponies as inferior to them, at least as teenagers. We have only two other examples: Spike, raised by ponies and thus inapplicable as a proper sample; and the red dragon, who may have been under the influence of The Stare, and thus emotionally vulnerable to Fluttershy's influence.
3109271
I don't know, but you may have heard at some point about something called "The Manhattan Project".
Besides, you definitely don't need to be the military or even the government in order to know how to keep secrets. That's simply called "industrial secrecy" and "need-to-know basis". And you don't need to go to things like the crazy levels of secrecy around the exact composition of the pre-sweetened Coca Cola concentrate (the company data states that there are only two persons alive at any moment that know the entire formula and process, and rumours go that the costs around its industrial process are about 1/3 for the actual formula, 1/3 for an occluding chemical that doesn't allow the formula to be precisely analysed through spectrography, and 1/3 for an elaborate smokescreen that gets flushed down the drain): I once tried to make a company making Spanish style hand fans, with elaborate surrealistic designs on their wings. In the process I created a formula for a chemical accelerator that makes a cheap one-hour/hot-set dye into a good five-minute/cold-set one. The most important parts are that my accelerator was just a fraction of the cost of commercially available accelerators, and that it didn't give any clues that could help my workers to identify its composition. And during the time that my company operated, I never let anybody learn the formula, doing the reaction in my own kitchen and coming to work with the ready-to-use accelerator. Heck, to date that formula still exist only inside my head.
However, I'm digressing. Cloudsdale Co is stated to have been a monopolistic company before being bought by the government. For a company to become a monopoly, it has to crush the competition, and for that, it would need serious market advantages. And for it to maintain its market advantages, it would need to know of secrecy, industrial counter-espionage and need-to-know (not to mention whatever intellectual property laws rule in Equestria).
Second, you are right: it was wrong for me to say that the Zecora affair was racism. Properly said, it was xenophobia. However, you are forgetting something else: the show is a 22-minute show aimed at little girls. Scenes are edited for time as well as for content (famously: time-cuts warped the scene that sparked the whole Derpy affair), musical numbers are inserted rather than cold reality (like the Cutie Mark Song in "Magical Mystery Cure", or the "Babs Seed" song in "Bad Seed") and comic relief is added whenever a situation turns too serious (like on "Bad Seed", when Sweety starts crying like Bugs Bunny after the bullies steal their clubhouse: if she had cried realistically, that scene would have gone above the show's rating). All that we really saw on the show was that the Elements were forced to confront their prejudices against Zecora, and that they had to then pretty much force the town to open their businesses to her. For all we know, it may have taken weeks if not months before Zecora was fully accepted. If the Elements hadn't walked through the blue flowers, then the Zecora situation could have continued until Twilight exploded.
And the issue with the bunny stampede:
A) It was only a short time since the town had narrowly escaped being trampled by a cow stampede. Ponies' nerves would be on edge at the word.
B) Trust the flower sisters to go into a panic for any issue under the sun. That's why they are comic relief characters.
Remember issue with the 20 bit cherry for the cherry salad for Angel Bunny? If cutthroat practices weren't commonplace in the pony market system, then the witnesses to that issue would have raised hell and the arsehole would have been run out of the market plaza.
And if you think I'm reading too much into the easy isolation of Cloudsdale, then you don't really know how voluntary isolation affects communities. Try to check a few serious sociological studies on the Quechua (the modern-day Incas), the Amish, certain fanatic-filled settlements in Israel, or modern-day Mayans.
Well, my lunch break is over. Please digest what I just wrote.
2851316
By the way, was there a significant reference to Jaime Maussan, that crazy Mexican conspiracy theorists?
3110239 I have no idea what you're talking about (scrunchy, lying face)
3110212 And you're making ponies identical to humans. In which case, it's no longer the show. I could point out that in the 'real' world, the Elements would never find Bearers as no one is close enough to the ideals in anything.
Perhaps I should mention that Celestia would have had to execute her sister for war crimes in the 'real' world, because in the 'real' world, Nightmare Moon would have slaughtered innocents in her rebellion.
Or even if the Elements chose for Celestia, certainly she would not have sent 6 totally unprepared mares to face her insane sister who would almost assuredly have killed them the instant she realized they were going after the sole artifacts that could stop her.
And let us not even begin to discuss the horrors of Discord in a 'real' setting.
The point is, when you darken the world to human-level, ALL of it must fall. All the history, all the canon. None of it can remain the same when the entire tone and mood have so fundamentally been altered.
The Manhatten Project was not at all a perfectly well-kept secret. The Soviets had quite a few spies in there who gathered a tremendous amount of information for their government. The Soviet's first nuclear device was based almost entirely off data stolen from the US.
And a massive catastrophe does not guarantee a collapse of civility. I would like to point to the 2011 Japanese tsunami.
Much of the reaction has to do with the society BEFOREHAND. If the societal values strongly favor honesty, generosity, kindness, kinship, and any number of other positive traits, then that society is far more likely to react less destructively to crisis.
The stronger the social contract is held within each member of society, the harder it is to break. The few who refuse to partake will not sway over the majority who hold fast to their deeply-instilled values.
The things you point out about human isolated cultures are the result of flawed and/or biased beliefs which foster the reactions. It also neglects those cultures who are isolated by geography, rather than choice, and who are quite open to visitors.
And even among people like the Amish, there is hardly uniformity in response to outside presences.
If this story wished to portray the ponies as a species that would stoop so easily to the worst of our level, then it must better establish that this world is harsher and crueler in its past. It can bear no resemblance to the television canon, for I can only think of a handful of ponies from the show who, under the worst circumstances, would think of murder.
The changelings, however... absolutely would kill. The dragons, without a doubt. The teen dragons were quite clearly planning to slaughter Spike and his 'namby-pamby' pony friends.
I certainly wouldn't put it past the Diamond Dogs to work or beat their captives to death, given that they had the equipment on hand for slave labor.
It's hard to say with griffons, since we only have seen two. Gilda was just a jerk and Gustav was a snooty but good-natured patisseire. However, we can assume that since no ponies were even remotely alarmed by the presence of either of them, the griffon race is not viewed as hostile to ponies. The donkeys seem to be more or less integrated into pony society. Minotaurs are impossible to judge from the single example, who was simply a parody of self-help gurus.
3111156
Now that just sounds emo. Go out there, get a life, and you'll meet plenty of human adults who would be as good on a given element as any of our imperfect Mane 6. On my part, I'm sure that I would be able to find a new set of Bearers just by walking into a meeting of volunteer firefighters and paramedics.
A) Celestia, as an absolute ruler, issued a pardon on the spot.
B) The show's depiction of Nightmare's rebellion simply states that Luna transformed into Nightmare, who then refused to make way for the sun, and then her sister had to banish her. For all we know, the 'rebellion' could have been over inside an hour, with no more combatants than the two princesses slugging it out.
About Discord:
A) Discord was like a historically-accurate depiction of Loki, the prankster god of the Norse pantheon: chaotic-neutral, and always getting on everybody's nerves. He wasn't imprisoned for being evil, but because he was crazy.
B) Something that has been discussed extensively around the forums here is that Discord pretty much just offered every facility toward being captured. Personally, I think that he had made a bet with Celestia about the Elements not being able to overcome his mind trick, then either had to own up or couldn't believe that they had done it.
The Manhattan project was perfectly well kept toward its primary objective: dropping two nukes on Japan and bluffing that more were coming. The Japanese never knew that the US was bluffing, and as they didn't know a thing about the project, they didn't even suspect that the US only had enough enriched uranium for a third bomb.
The Japanese tsunami is actually a pretty poor example, considering that the government never stopped coordinating the disaster relief efforts, and had learned since the Kobe earthquake and immediately accepted every offer of international assistance. Heck, even the Mexican Army sent relief workers. Better try an example were the government suffered a complete collapse, like the Haitian earthquake. If you want a Japanese example, consider the Kobe earthquake: most deaths from that earthquake can be traced to bribery received by building code inspectors, and to governmental pride that was putting more effort on covering up the disaster than on actually performing disaster relief efforts.
Let me quote Christopher Columbus, regarding the taino tribes he found in La Hispañola (today Dominican Republic and Haiti):
Well, the so-peaceful Taino people didn't take well to 'slave' as a new lifestyle, and apparently fought so fiercely that the Spaniards had to exterminate them completely and then had to repopulate the island with African slaves.
You don't say!
Okay, now seriously: are you going to fault the Mayans and the Quechua for defending their freedom and way of life against the Spaniards, then the self-serving, Spanish-descendant governments?
Yeah: regardless of their rather uniform posture of xenophobia, half of the hotels in Cancun and the Mayan Riviera are owned by Mayans. They will accept your money with open arms, but better think again before moving in and competing for their children's jobs.
Man, whatever is your day job, don't quit.
3112627 >>>Something that has been discussed extensively around the forums here is that Discord pretty much just offered every facility toward being captured. Personally, I think that he had made a bet with Celestia about the Elements not being able to overcome his mind trick, then either had to own up or couldn't believe that they had done it.>>>
And that is what we call 'fanon'. There is no proof, nor even the suggestion of it being true.
>>>The Japanese never knew that the US was bluffing, and as they didn't know a thing about the project, they didn't even suspect that the US only had enough enriched uranium for a third bomb. >>>
That would be because Japan and the US were utterly cut off from each other. All Japanese-Americans were put into internment camps after the Dec. 7, 1941 attack. They could not know how much enrinched uranium and plutonium the US created in the ensuing time period. They likely knew of the project on a basic level, but not nearly enough to ascertain its scope.
The Nazis certainly knew about it, and were attempting to build a bomb themselves, but again they didn't know how far along the US effort was. And their own attempts were sabotaged.
3114874
A) Discord could have thrown the Elements to the four winds, destroyed them or otherwise kept them on his own power, but he rather put them on Twilight's lap (through a misleading riddle, though). His only chip was playing mind games so the Bearers wouldn't be able to coordinate.
B) Discord went as far as to literally paint a target on his own chest for the first time the Bearers tried to hit him. The second time they came for him, he put the token resistance of pulling at their necklaces for a few seconds to then sit down on his throne and wait until they shot at him. In fact, if you analyse the scene, you'll notice that he was literally sitting down when they finally hit him.
And the Nazi didn't really know, but had almost-certain suspicion, considering that the very physicist who had proposed the atom bomb had then fled to the States. If they had known, then the Japanese would have known as well. Besides, the Nazi actually sucked at espionage: most modern historians agree that even before D-day, there wasn't a single uncompromised Nazi spy in the British Isles.
Man, you are just too easy.
3116847 Ahem, then we could say that EVERY MLP villain basically gave up.
NMM's 'resistance' was a joke. She stood there while Twi & Co. monologued about the Elements instead of just, I dunno, blasting them.
Chrysalis didn't even bother imprisoning Cadence again, nor the Mane 6, once they were caught. And she so very conveniently looked out the window while Cadence was repowering Shining's spell. Not to mention her declaration that Cadence's attempt to use her love to power Shining's spell was ridiculous... despite the rather obvious fact that Chrysalis herself just used love to defeat Celestia... a really really powerful alicorn...
The only reason Discord made it look easy was... *drumroll*... THE SCRIPT. The villains are made to fail because time doesn't allow for a more legitimate setup for their defeat. You see that in adventure cartoons all the time. It's hardly proof of the villain just giving up or making it easy.
3119597
See? You have finally made me work on an answer!
The one who tends to take a dive is Celestia, not the enemies. I'll explain within these explanations.
NMM's involvement wasn't just on the final confrontation, but started from her show of power inside city hall, then from the moment that the (future) Bearers entered the forest. Besides, for a great and terrible evil queen, she seemed extremely reluctant to cause any harm:
A) The landslide: That was her most lethal attack against the Bearers, and it was just tossing them from a ledge and into an incline (...that ended in an abyss). Considering that the Bearers had among them two pegasai and at least one visibly fit Earth pony, I bet that NMM was counting on all of them to remain safe, but to get so shaken up that they would lose their nerve and head back.
B) The manticore: While a manticore may be a grievously dangerous creature, it would not give chase with a multi-inch thorn stuck in its paw. And not even by wing, as manticores, like migratory birds before migrating, might be the kind of animals that need a running start to take off.
C) Stephen Magnet: poke the sleeping drake so the river becomes a mayor obstacle.
D) The angry trees: The same landslide, but now using nothing but some weak illusions.
E) The Shadowbolts: some more illusions, plus psychology. Her weakest attempt so far.
All of this, plus the weak final confrontation, adds up to a nice, four-part hypothesis:
1) Whatever she did in order to first escape the Moon and then dethrone Celestia had left her as weak as a kitten. She spent the very last shred of her power on breaking the Elements, then was standing on nothing but adrenaline and practised posturing.
2) Luna, and then NMM, knew her Sun Tzu and knew that when you are at your weakest is that you need to appear your strongest, so to not invite attack. Perhaps, after breaking the Elements, she was just hopping for the mares to finally take a hint and leave her alone, so she could faint in peace.
3) Even through everything, Luna's rebellion was little else than a neglected child that acts up in demand of attention, or a neglected teen that tries to do every little thing that her parents don't want her to do. The sole fact that the rebellion happened makes me think that she lacked the emotional maturity to see beyond a quick fix.
4) Celestia was never truly defeated, but she took a dive so her "Faithful Student" could restore the Elements, cleanse her sister and kick-start her own ascension. She must have had a reserve plan that would have been activated from the very moment that Twilight's expedition had been defeated.
The fight with Chrysalis wasn't a test concerning Twilight, but one concerning Cadance. For all we know, the city shield came up as soon as Celestia knew that her niece had been replaced, then she put both her niece and the fake under watch, and was waiting until her niece would bother to try and find an exit rather than keep acting like some damsel in distress and sit on her rump until someone would come to her rescue. I honestly think that Celestia would have waited patiently, and wouldn't have lifted a finger until the bug queen forced her hand (like started abducting ponies or activated her invasion plan). Her plans would have included to make another dive as soon as Cadance showed up, so to force Cadance to solve the situation. And all of these would have been so to make sure that Cadance was ready to rule her Crystal city as soon as it emerged from its hibernation.
Discord's escape would have then been carefully planned between Discord and her. I don't buy the 'accidental release' for a second.
And King Sombra: she had already defeated him once, and was so confident in her ability to do it again that she intentionally sent her student with a flawed plan, just to test whether her student would place a greater value on not disappointing the princess rather than on defeating the enemy.
Well, I'm off to bed. Thanks!
>>>Whatever she did in order to first escape the Moon and then dethrone Celestia had left her as weak as a kitten. She spent the very last shred of her power on breaking the Elements, then was standing on nothing but adrenaline and practised posturing.>>>
Yeah... hence the 'just blast the Bearers' solution. Or tie them up? Or whack them over the head with a log? Or, you know, ANYTHING that really doesn't require much magic but could stop them?
And your Chrysalis notion is nothing but completely unsupported fanon conjecture, actually it's rather opposed by the episode itself. Celestia would not risk her ponies by leaving them at the mercy of the changelings for any length of time. How could she know Chrysalis wouldn't just kill Cadence? The only way would be if Chrysalis was working with Celestia all along. Otherwise, this so-called 'test' of Celestia's would be an utterly reckless gamble.
You don't buy the accidental release of Discord? Well that's too bad, since that's the only version of the event supported by the evidence. STOP TRYING TO USE YOUR FANON AS IF IT WERE FACT!!
And Sombra... ugh... he was barely a character. Do not even bother mentioning him. That entire episode was weak vehicle for the Crystal Pony toyline. At any rate, he was a barely coherent, ranting spectre whose main means of attack was slamming his head into the shield. Hardly a comparison to the 3 former villains who could actually enunciate their syllables.
You're reading far too much into the weaknesses of the writing resulting from having to solve all the problems with these villains in only two episodes.
>>“It’s the most logical answer if you think about it. Inside Canterlot there is a being from an outdated form of government who is sliding slowly into madness… this is caused by nopony else but Princess Celestia!”>>>
*reads the rest*
Ok... nope. I'm done. This completely obliterates any possible hope for me entertaining any notions of willing suspension of disbelief. Everypony on this Equestria is retarded and I am done. DONE.
3123237
bye!
3123237
Hoped you at least bothered to downvote, Shakespeare.
3123367 *sighs* Last points of extreme contention.
1. Celestia suddenly becomes a recluse for months and noone, not even her Faithful Student,who is now a Princess with rather greater authority than ever before, bothers to see if anything's wrong.
2. The mysterious bull, who mysteriously seems to know a whole lot about what's going on, who mysteriously shows up out of nowhere, is suddenly granted more credibility than the pegasi the ponies have known all their lives. Why have these paranoid ponies not immediately cast the blame on him? For all they know, perhaps HE is the culprit and has used evil magic to change the Sun in an attempt to subvert the populace into revolution and set himself up as dictator. And given that he does openly suggests he will be ruler when all is said and done... well, color me suspect!
3. The measurement of the sun's distance from their planet was obviously measured by recording changes to its parallax.... which every god-damned astronomer in Equestria should have also noticed by now. Why wouldn't Celestia (if it is indeed her behind it, which I naturally find unlikely) simply intensify the sun's adiance? A few percentages increase in infrared flux would increase the temperature steadily AND be almost impossible for the ponies to comprehend given that they canonically lack the technological sophistication to measure itm while parallax was known even to the ancient Greeks in human civilization as a simple function of basic geometry.
4. If Celestia is going nuts, why hasn't Luna said anything, given the danger to the planet? If not, then why hasn't Celestia said something? None of this makes any sense from any point of view. The stakes are simply too high for this absurd level of secrecy, especially keeping the Bearers out of the loop considering they hold in their power the greatest Deux Ex Machina of the entire world. If Celly's goin' Coo-Coo for Cocopuffs in da head, just blast her with the magical rainbow thingey and see if it fixes her like it did for Luna's little jaunt into world-ending insanity.
5. Nopony has yet brought up the notion of Discord or a like being, given that the chaos being's powers easily stole control of the Sun and Moon from the Princesses. This also raises the notion that creatures such as the changelings and other as-yet unknowns could also wrest control from Celestia, given that the changeling at the very least have conclusively demonstrated the ability to overpower Celestia merely by stealing the love of a single unicorn.
The internal plausibilityof this story has not been clearly considered. It resorts to severely lowering the bar for the protagonists' side's intelligence so that none of them think to ask obvious questions.
3123621
Again, incomplete.
Also, weren't you done?
3123214
Acting impatient while you are failing to debate your way out of a paper bag doesn't reflect well on you. It's rather sad. Now, lets see:
Let me quote my own answer:
The Elements means the round rocks. And if you do not understand 'being tired to the bone', then I imagine you to have a singularly sheltered life. Does your momma pick you a sweater to wear everyday?
Where?
According to whom? I do not subscribe to the hypothesis of Celestia being a lollipop. I rather see her as an immortal that is no less than a thousand years of age, and perhaps much longer: her perspective would be of Buddhist detachment, where she will cherish them while she has them but will let go once they are gone. She would also encourage them to live life at its fullest, but will not weep if this or that pony didn't: they all live lives barely longer than a butterfly's anyway. Ponies matter, but individual ponies matter nothing compared to the value of her herd. And if she knew that the Crystal Empire was scheduled to re-emerge, then she could have ranked a higher value to give the Crystal ponies a tested ruler than to risk losing a few subjects in Canterlot.
As far as we know, Cadence is immortal. And while she was terribly thin and dirty when Twi found her, she regained her health just by finding her groove again.
Actually, a low risk, high return investment. I have bought real state with worse odds.
Are you going to tell me that you buy that a spell that could be broken by three good friends having a childish spat, stood unbroken for at least a thousand years of lovers' quarrels, courtiers' conspiracies and backstabs, diplomatic disputes, old feuds and gardeners' and caretakers' grumbles against their bosses?
If the data doesn't yield information, you dig into the metadata. If the metadata still doesn't yield information, you speculate and come up with hypotheses. Believe it or not, but that's the scientific method.
Well, yeah: People had three years' worth of questions, and nobody but him was bothering to come up with answers.
A) Astronomers tend to be creatures of the night. The ones watching would be helliographers.
B) In a universe where living goddesses can push around the celestial bodies, we can imagine that recording the movements of them is much more of an artform than a scientific discipline.
Do you know how often the Japanese see their Emperor? Once per year, during a short address he makes on his birthday. Anyway; as far as we know on the story so far, Celestia could have had a brain aneurysm and Luna has been running the show, keeping the situation under wraps so to not incite panic. Unfortunately, she doesn't have complete control on the sun, and the world has suffered for it.
Do you or me know what's inside the author's head?
Don't let the door hit you on your way out, emo kid!
3123628
Nice commission that one you got on DeviantArt. Truly epic style. How much did you pay for it? Or are you friends with the author, or making some trade with them?
'cos that image is Awesome!
3128220 And apparently you have no concept of continuity or simple logical analysis.
NMM had enough power to turn into mist, teleport, shoot lightning... getting the picture here yet?
How much energy would it have taken to pick up a pointy stick and jam it into one of the ponies' chests or through their heads? Very little, considering even we humans can do that.
Had NMM wanted to, she could have killed them all easily by a number of methods. She did not, which proves conclusively that she is nowhere near as evil as even the worthless little punks in our world that... oh, let's say, are bored and decide they just want to kill somebody for fun... to reference a very recent case.
To make Equestria 'real' at all is to abandon the idea that its canon events could have occurred. They are far too idealized to be 'real'. The ponies are far too kind to be 'real'. The villains are much too restrained to be 'real'.
Do not forget that even the simple Hobbits killed to protect themselves in LoTR, a far more 'realistic' take on a fantasy world.
I reiterate, it is a common failing in fanfiction to fundamentally alter the qualities of the world only in the story, while neglecting to realize that such changes would have been prohibitive to the occurrence of the previously established canon.
3132618
Considering that you don't seem to understand the word "fatigue"... I don't even see your point.
And I had already said that I don't believe her to have been more than a neglected kid trying to get attention. She would have been nowhere ready to kill people just for kicks, especially as those people would serve as witnesses and discourage others from revelling.
Funny that you mention hobbits. Try and actually read the first half of first book of the trilogy. Considering that the Shire doesn't even have an Everfree Forest, hobbits are actually worse lollipops than ponies.
3132618
well duh, it's called fanfiction for a reason, it's never meant to be canon.
then again mr simon cowell, I totally get your point. I was hoping you would understand my position by bothering to read my comments and author notes and what not:
This story is set in an already stablished universe. Your point that "most fanfics commit the mistake of altering the universe in a unnatural way, with no other explanation or background but pretending that the universe has always being like that." I understand it.
My point, and what I am trying to say, and the point of my replies, is that "There is no other way in which this story could fit." I have imagined ways in which this particular story and characters like the bull, the donkey, the earth kissers to be believable according to the most light-hearted nature of the show...but I gave up. For the story to develop the way I want to and for it to end the way I intended to, I have to work with what I have.
You might say "BS. There are always ways for any story to be believable and match my refined-analytical tastes". Of course, there may. But goddamn it give me a break. I'm writing my first story (probably the only one) in a totally foreign language. I didn't study literature or anything, or picked it as a hobby. This is a story I have played in my head and wanted it to pull it out if my head. If it happens to be silly or illogical, what the hell can I do?
Then again, I could just spare the fandom of a bad fanfiction, but hell I am having fun with it. And I believe writing a fanfic should be fun. For it to be awesome or well-written or a piece of art its a bonus. So no, I ain't leaving until it's done, the way I intended to and the way I want it to. Of course, taking into account positive and constructive criticism.
Oh and humanity is not that bad.
3131690
La verdad si me costo un billete.
For the latest chaps I will add one made by Ziom05. THAT one is badass.
3134667
I'm referring to the image in this link. Totally awesome!
BTW, don't let some emo kid suck out the joy from your writing, and specially not one whose single story has and deserves a worse rating than yours: the grammar is a write-off, the punctuation is all over the place and his narrative technique is herky-jerky. And remember him criticizing you for not following canon to the tee? He has a completely distorted version of Discord!
Ultimately, hobbies should be egotistic: you should write primarely because you like to.
3138791
Ah nice Ziom05 did that one. It was quite expensive and I'm starting to regret it, but the art itself is worth every penny. I may be able to draw a little, but this guy goes overboard.
Now, this guy.
I dont't think he has ill intentions. He is just stingy, I guess. If it's his style and it works for him, that's fine by me. Besides you and him are the only ones commenting this fic. And I'm veeery grateful for that.
285052
I think some people just get a headache from the grammatical and structuring errors. It doesn't seem like English is Lisboa's first language.
I can certainly see how you were attracted to Equestria Divided, Lisboa.
Hmm, why didn't the Elements work on him indeed.
My biggest complaint has nothing to do with the structuring or English. The biggest flag is that the reasoning for the vigilantes to follow the two CMC... makes no goddamn sense whatsoever. Let's breakdown a few of the sentences uttered by Rickshaw:
Wrong. Whether or not somepony approves of the different breeds intermingling, it doesn't change the fact that the CMC were close friends. When someone's actual physical presence goes missing, it's noticed by the people who were in close proximity to them. That's basic social functioning.
-The CMC don't know where their friend is.
-The pamphlets distributed gave a location (that all Pegasi were called to the sky).
-The CMC don't know where their friend is, as evidenced by them putting up posters asking for help.
And Rickshaw assumes from that information that they HAVE read the pamplet!?! The only way that conclusion wouldn't violate basic logic is if the information that was known and what was hidden were reversed. If the pamplets said "all pegasi are missing," THEN it would make sense for someone who's READ said pamphlets to make an effort to search. But that's not what happened.
I don't even know how much time and word space I should dedicate towards pointing this out. I've never had to explain something that seems so basic while critiquing a story.
I understand it's suppose to be an unfortunate turns of events, but I don't buy at all how Rainbow Dash gets taken down. What explanation is given for Rainbow's attack missing? That Rickshaw ducked? Did RD really not anticipate Rick trying to avoid her attack?
Even if she did miss him, why would she fly into the cave? How far away from the cave entrance was he positioned? If he was standing in front of the mouth, wouldn't she dive at an angle to make sure she wouldn't fly into the cave? Besides it being an obvious place for her to get ambushed by the third stallion she knows about, a cave would be a terrible place to turn around while flying.
3436949
No, nonono.
Drop that. That was only Rickshaw's gut trying to expand his reasoning.
The main reason for his gang to follow the CMC was because they were the first ones they saw actually making an effort to find ONE pegasus.
They only needed one to capture and interrogate or to use as a bargain.
Also, when he said "no kid should worry" he meant it in the context of a kid worrying enough to actually do something about it. What were the other foals doing? Maybe staying with their parents, not caring or too naive, perhaps.
Maybe Rickshaw's reasoning was too confusing, but that was it, really.
As for RD's dumb bravado, that's exactly what it was. Dumb.
See, she was stressed because Scootaloo was with them, thanks to the CMC, who broke into her tent, where she was staying out of her home, leading a bunch of pegasi who like her, were no longer welcome. Pretty much thanks to ponies like THEM.
Rage + overconfidence = backfire.
What happened here? This chapter feels downright sloppy compared to other chapters on this fic!
3454632
sloppy, as in too light hearted? XD
At this point the Bull has been pushed beyond good taste. He called out Rickshaw for causing unrest for the sake of satisfying his base desires for power, as opposed to trying to help people. Yet the Bull is doing the same thing, to a certain extent. He's clearly getting a kick out of mocking the Bearers and Princesses, and it seems to have become his true objective, as opposed to seeking reform (even if in a violent fashion). Especially with the "I'm in your base, killing your dudes". His new behavior disservices the story in several ways.
A) It's really hard for me to get behind any character who acts like a prick, particularly when presented as otherwise in the first place.
B) Even though I could see it coming from a plot standpoint, I really feel that as he was acting now, the Bull Bashan should have been affected by the Elements. I can easily accept the Elements can work on dark souls and/or those armed with corrupt magic, but not on political opponents with an alternate viewpoint (it's a nice touch that Wisely though otherwise). Yet one way I would define 'evil,' or what's plainly wrong, as screwing over one or many persons to satisfy base, selfish desires. So when the Bull of Bashan proceeds to flat out mock people and make snide comments for the LOLs, I don't at all think he's here for the people. Even if that does turn out to be the case in the future, I still feel like the Elements should be picking up on his intentions. And if you decide to go that direction, and just say he had a way of deceiving the Elements, why present him as a character the audience can side with in the first place?
Finally, why doesn't Celestia or Luna order the guards or army to arrest the Bull and Wisely?
I haven't read this story yet, but THIS:
http://ziom05.deviantart.com/art/Bull-of-Bashan-391708949
The epicness might just be because of the artist, but the fic can't be too bad if it can inspire that... I'll check it out!
And sadly, it's just the artist. Not a terrible story, but ruined by poor grammar.
" I really don’t see what Mom and Dad see so interesting of that program."
"He got fired of his job?"
Misusing the word "of" a bit...
Boo hoo, grammer killz stori boo....
Sorry 'bout that. English is not my first language.
Also...meeeh, I got on a permanent writing block on that story.
Oh well.