Octavia and Vinyl Scratch are portrayed back to when they first met,and how things were for them back then.
Friends,relatives,and new relationships are forged;high school is a tricky thing.
Chapters (17)
Bronylover109
Joined 7th Jun, 2013 ·
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Umm. Maybe longer chapters? Scratch that. This needs alot of everything, including more detail, a neat layout and a bit more story. It moves way too fast and there absolutely nothing here to read. I read the 6 chapters in like 2 minutes. Not good.
This story is a good idea but there are problems I should point out: no.1- there should be 2 spaces between each sentence, you have none. no.2- make each chapter longer, make them too short then we will lose interest, if you have too, update once every month. no.3- there is no enough plot development, you rush through scenes to fast and I get lost. no.4- you need detail on events, not enough info on what is going on.
But like I said, this is a really good idea, and I think if you keep trying and put your heart into this it will be better than any other story on here.
~A
The story is fine.
Rainbow being a bitch totally fine really I thought is was
but!
The words are spaced a little and the dialog is clashing together I dont know if thats my computer or my eyes thats it story is fine to me. I have bad typed story too thats why I'm favorviting this and thumbing it up.
oh and between you and me I want a OC of mine in there....
Blue coat like rainbowdash and a brown mane with a curly twist at the end like pinkie pie his name is Aero Flow! cool and fun but when it comes to trouble he knows how to get serious he also wears glasses because he cant fly without them...
If you can put that in that would be awesome!!
oh and listen to the others too a long chapter would be nice BROHOOF!!
2873383 I agree he is good at a story idea
2815773 True but its a good story right
Beta readers.
YAY my oc was their this is AWESOME!!!
You got him spot on too thanks
There is a lot of comas, periods and spaces
(spelled it rong) in the dialog but other than that its getting better
maybe if you brush up the begining chapters I can feature it on my facebook
(Brony groups) for you to get more likes but if you don't they will dislike it...well maybe but hey if you dont do it that will be fine I still enjoy it.
I want to thank you all for the positive feedback,and even those of you who didn't like it,because that told me what I needed to add.
Iv'e also been going back and fixing up all the beginning chapters so that they have at least 1,000 words each,and have more dialog in them.
For those of you wondering why new chapters are released so quickly,that's because Iv'e been writing the story in notebooks,and on my computer in notepad,so all I have to do is type most of it.
The rest is really good,and there's going to be a lot of stuff in the next few chapters,so look forward to it!
:) I thank me :D haha.. keep it up.
normally a big fan, but not well explained
EVIL RAINBOW DASH
NOW That's what im talkin about
Hey guys. For those looking for the new chapter update,it unfortunately,isn't coming. I got locked out of that account,so if you want to find out what happens in the rest of the story,message me on this account.
Sorry for the hassle
I know I'm late to the party, but it seems to me like you are rushing things. You made their first meeting mean nothing, you showed no clash of personalities or what circumstances cuased the to be around one anither. You pretty much skipped over Tavi's first experience in a club.