Many ponies still fear Luna’s night and its wonders but a shy Pegasus down in the lands enjoys the peace it brings and the wonders of the stars. Leaving one Princess with some questions and worries of her own, which maybe a bashful Pegasus can show her a bit of Kindness and learn some things herself.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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I was just looking around, and saw this. Look, I'm going to be honest (I was the first like). I like the story. I'm not going to gush on how it is my favorite or how it was beautifully written. This would diminish the meaning for both you and me.
However, I look at this story and for a good portion of the story (aside from the occasional spelling or grammatical error) and see no dialogue. You manage to set the scene, everything in silence. Mind you, this magnificent feeling is ruined when they start talking, but the effect was still there for a while. Perhaps under different circumstances (or I could do this) you could write a story with no speaking, thinking, just unspoken words. It is a crazy idea, but it could work.
Furthermore, there is also the occasional flow to the writing. Nice touch, but if it is interrupted, then it backfires (I don't think the flow was intentional so ignore if you want).
I will not favorite the story (Because I need to work on that system), rather follow you so that I will see what you do next. I would hope you don't change anything, rather continue as you would normally.
Otherwise, good story. Toodles!
Now i'm not usually one who gets bent out of shape about spelling and grammatical mistakes but, I would start getting into the story picturing the scene and hearing the sounds and then "bam" grammar error. Every time there was a sentence arrangement problem it was like I was pulled from the scene because I had to try and figure out what was trying to be conveyed in that sentence. Parts of the story flowed very well and the details of the setting were very good. My only recommendation is to have someone else proof read it to help with the errors. Over all it was a cute short story that I enjoyed.