Magic Fez is nearly finished studying his shadow magic and is on his final test: Creating a living pony out of shadow. However the system goes wrong and he ends up creating something from his memory, a memory from a different world insted of creating an innocent Earth Pony like he'd planned. Insted of an innocent little Pony he creates something that he thought he'd forgotten...The Prince of the lost, the Prince of the gone....The Prince of The Dead.
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Okay, so do you just want me to tell you the good things about your story, or do you want me to be brutally honest with AND tell you the good things?
...
2625695 brutally honest...
2625974
You obviously thought out the idea, and had it in your head, LONG before you put it on paper. (er...typed it i s'pose..)
Good luck!
Okay, first I'm gonna tell you what was good: your general story idea. Being the awesome person you are, I expected none the less (I mean, duh)
Now for the bad things: Mostly its just grammatical stuff which can be fixed easily, but it really makes a negative impact on the people who read, 'cause it just looks messy and then no one will have the attention span to read your story, when they could read something with a terrible story line, but with good grammar. And last is...the um, cursing...tone it down a bit, yeah? Your kinda dropin' the f-bomb every other sentence. Its okay to say that maybe once or twice if someone is in, like, excruciating pain, or they're gonna die really soon with no way out. But you're using it casually, and people won't want to read your story.
So...I guess just fix those things and your good!
2625974
You're not mad at me...are you?
2630125 Nah it's fine!
Ok... haven't read anything besides the description. But now the only thing I can think of is "Doctor Whooves creates a pony, Vashte Nerada hybrid that is part shadow carnivore and part "Could've Been King" along with his army of "Meanwhiles" and "Neverweres"