Acceptance

by Riddle-Me-Think

Returning Home

I do not own My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic

---

Life as a nomadic trader was a difficult, but perhaps a simple one. For Sham, the difficulty was getting up and have to work on moving supplies, shipments, readying carts and getting up early in the morning. The trading and makings of deals on the other hoof, were simple to him, and let him pull in a huge profit.

If a pony knew of the Gem clan being changelings, one would have to ask why Sham, or any of his clan, were so interested in large profit. After all, changelings didn’t need food, just emotions. The answer was very simple in itself: the Gem clan could be relatively greedy at times when it came to bits or gems.

This wasn’t the only reason for Sham though, as the head of the Gems knew that the clan also helped with Equestria’s economics. This was only fueled further when news of the other clans plans to invade did he work even more to rake in more bits.

Sham had took time to work out the numbers, and though helping the three attacking clans would help insure victory, allying with the ponies would allow for even more trade. Granted he was going to spend a large amount of their treasury to help make any repairs if the invasion gets rough, but that would only put the Gem clan in better light.

Still, we need to watch how much is spend, can’t have a sudden flux in bits and throw off the economic balance. The changeling thought, using his skills with advance planning to figure out where to get supplies and how much to spend.

While he kept his eyes on the work before him, Sham could distinctly feel Chronicler come in from his tents entrance. The stallion didn’t look away from his work, addressing the young advisor, “What is it Chronicler?” While scribbling down a few notes to pass on.
“Masquerade‘s here to see you.” The colt told from the entrance.

“Let him in.” Was all Sham said, to his more-or-less assistant.

Chronicler looked behind himself, nodding to Masquerade to come in and enter while he left out to do something else. Masquerade entered in while casting his gaze all over the tent area, tsking a bit at the papers strewn all over the place. “Ivory and Ebony would have lot's of words on you for this.” The infiltrator grinned, using his magic to pick up a number of the documents.

Not even showing that he was even paying attention, Sham told, “I‘m too busy with planning to do any menial tasks.” Crunching more numbers in his head and writing it down, “Why did you come?”

Shaking his head at his cousins very straight forward approach, the Malek walked up and told, “Twinkles has planned for us to leave later today, so I‘d thought I let you know.” Trying to peek over the Gem head’s shoulder.

Sham seemed to take notice of this, pulling a number of other documents to cover up what he was up to while saying, “Where is that mare of yours, you barely leave her side these days it seems.”

Rolling his eyes Masquerade told, “It’s not like I‘m with her twenty-four-seven.” Eyeing his cousins mixed up paper work, “Besides, I think she earned more time with miss sunshine.”

Sham only hummed with minor interest while pushing the unicorn back saying, “In any case, it was good you happened along, I had something for you.” Getting up from the small table and going to a small chest in the tent. Opening it and doing a quick search, Sham reached his hoof in to scoop up two boxes, one white with the Gem family circle, and the other black with no defined markings.

Going back to Masquerade, Sham hoofed over both boxed telling, “The white box is for my sisters.” Letting his cousin lift them up into the air with his magic, “It contains a letter and two sets of bonding gems.” Then pointed to the black box saying, “And this is a little something I put together for your use.”

Masquerade gave both boxes a look over, both eyes mostly on the box that was his and told, “Thanks, I‘ll be sure to put it to good use.” Giving it another look adding, “Whatever it is…” Shaking the box a bit to get an idea what was inside.

Rolling his eyes in slight annoyance, Sham began to shove his darker cousin towards his tent door telling, “Good use or not, you have told me what you wanted, and I gave what I needed to give.”

Getting the message, Masquerade moved quickly out the tent entrance saying, “Alright, alright, no need to be pushy.” Craning his neck back to ask, “What are you working on that you need me gone?”

The stallion gave no reply, closing the tents doorway to get back to his work and leaving an infiltrator left to wonder. With a shrug, Masquerade decided to head back to Twilight, seeing they only had an hour or so before they left back for Ponyville. He slightly wondered what was going on in that small town.

---

Soft winds brushed the leaves of the tree tops and shade provided cool relief for those seeking to get out of the warm suns rays. Mac had to admit that a good amount of work had been done around the farm lately, and had given some extra time to just relax under the trees he helped grow.

And of course, the two mares responsible for his free time relaxed near him, sleeping peacefully and contently. They constantly snuggled close, seeking his touch more than anything else. Like all other times, the large stallion granted that wish, nuzzling them to keep them content and leave smiles on their faces.

Macintosh smiled himself, remembering all those other times they smiled and giggled while hiding behind their hooves when they were more in their youth. He may have been a colt back then, but he was no clueless bumpkin that most made him out to be back then. He noticed the fillies --now mares-- shy actions towards him and slightly nervous advances on him.

He chuckled lightly, remembering how Applejack would act so protective of him with the two around, even if she liked the two as if they were sisters. More like a couple o’ troublesome sisters t’ her, a small and playful smile showed on his muzzle at the thought while looking down to the two mares asleep.

As playfully active as the two were, Ivory and Ebony seemed to always love cuddling with him more than anything else. That was something the large stallion liked in a sense, calm and peaceful time on a ever steady moving life that was a farm. That didn’t mean Mac didn’t like their more playful side.

They loved to constantly try sneaking up on him and either snuggle up close to him, or if he was not doing any work, pounce on him. They seemed to enjoy the hide and seek games, especially tag based ones were he has to chase the twins, or one of twins chase him and her sister.

They mostly seem t’ enjoy doin’ tha’ near the pond. Mac thought, remembering all the splashing, tackling chasing and even resting they did around the little watering hole they had in their orchard.

It seemed to be their special little place on the farm, where they could just lay down and forget about what was going on around them and just enjoy each other. It was also the same place they asked and taught the stallion how to preen pegasus wings.

Admittedly, that was a rather interesting and slightly embarrassing to do for the two. The stallion never felt so worked up over something since he had to do a little extra for one apple bucking season. Didn’t help when ’em two asked after getting out’a the water, he thought with a slight blush, bu’ I can’t say I didn’t enjoy it some…

A slight shift on either side of the stallion let him know that both sisters had woken up, and were now looking at him with sly smiles and half lidded eyes. “Is Beau thinking of us?” They both giggled while rubbing up to him more.

Despite the electrical shocks that danced over his skin, Big Mac seemed to keep calm as he simply told, “Eyup.”

With the same thought, both sisters kissed either side of his face saying, “Good.” Getting up and playfully running their tails over his nose telling, “We shall be back later, we wish to see what little Bloom is up to” Giving winks as they did.

With a slightly amused chuckle of his own, Macintosh got up nodding, “Ya‘ll do tha‘, I‘m gonna get back t‘ work.” Turing around to take a quick look around to see what else needed to be worked on.

Looking back to the other, both sisters giggled and flew off towards the house, smiling widely. For them, times have been good. Their Beau was getting closer to them, and they were most ecstatic over getting so close. Things only seemed to get better when Applejack came back one day from Twilight Sparkles wonderful library saying that the lavender mare --with a little help from their cousin-- had got both princesses to agree to listen to both Gem and Lue clans.

That was four days ago, but never the less, the news made all the changelings in Ponyville go to Pinkie Pie and request she help set up a party for such a momentous occasion. If the changelings respected Twilight before, they now were ready to sing her praises if she had secured their lives to live without fear of being seen.

Titling up to slow down their approach, both sisters landed outside the door to the house and enter in, finding the room filled with books of all sorts. Looking around slightly confused, both sisters spotted their target, sitting next to Granny Smith going over a book. They also noticed that Apple Bloom was wearing a hat, one they were familiar with reporters having.

Granny Smith pointed into the book telling, “Now this ‘ere was a tricky bit to get.” Cackling as she did, “You were so cute playin‘ with tha‘ yarn back then!”

With a flushed face, Apple Bloom picked up a different book say, “Granny, ah sort‘a want t‘ know more about Ponyville‘s past history.” Unable to hold the pleading in her voice.

With amused smiles with one another, both sisters quietly walked up to both elder and foal with a almost playful look in their eyes saying, “Little Bloom playing with yarn, please elder Smith, do tell!” Catching Apple Bloom’s attention and a suddenly playful look that seemed to show on the older mare.

Holding up the photo album, Granny Smith told, “Well, she was just a little munchkin back then, bu‘ as ya‘ll can see, she liked t‘ play with this here yarn.”

“Granny!” The younger Apple groaned, pulling down her hat to cover her flushed face and try to hide from further embarrassment.

---

Back in Canterlot, Twilight was giving few more goodbyes while readying for her trip back home. As of right now, Celestia was giving a few last words until they met back up within a months time, “Be sure to keep me updated on events pertaining to…” Giving a quick glace towards Masquerade that was next to twilight, saying, “Your coltfriends kin.”

With a smile and a bow, Twilight told, “Don’t worry princess, I‘ll be sure to keep in touch.” Then gave her brother a look saying, “And you better let me help plan your wedding when I get back, BBBFF.”

Shinning gave a short laugh at his sisters insistence telling, “Don’t worry Twily, I‘ll be sure to have that in the invitation for you.” And looked to the black stallion saying, “I can't say I like you much Masquerade.” Getting an amused grin from the changeling, “But I can certainly tolerate you until I can.”

Masquerade grinned saying in a joking tone, “So we have to skip the whole ‘bug Twinkles older brother until he’s cool with me’ part?”

With a small giggle, Cadence told, “I think you already did most of that while you were here.” Recalling quiet well the poker game and how Shinning or his father had not noticed the light illusion in the room.

“Thank you Caddy.” Shinning Armored smiled to his-to-be bride, and telling the younger stallion, “Just treat my sister right, and we wont have any problems.”

Throwing his hoof over Twilight's shoulder, Masquerade once again grinned, “Sir yes sir, I‘ll be sure treat her real well.” Wiggling his eyebrows towards Twilight and making the mare blush again. While the captain faced hoofed and groaned, everypony else just laughed the couple.

Clearing her voice to get their attention, Luna said, “Masquerade, we have a proposition for you.” Making sure she had the stallions attention. Looking to Celestia to be sure her sister was alright with the idea, Luna said, “My sister and I have talked it over and wish for you to take up position as one of my own guards.”

With most gave varying look of confusion, Luna explained, “We have come to understand that you have the skill set to not only protect Twilight, but to help with certain…tasks my sisters guard is not equipped to handle.”

“Like?” Masquerade pressed on, wondering what the night monarch was trying to get at.

Casting a quick look around, Luna said in a lowered voice, “You have skills in using the cloak and dagger, more so than my own guard.” Seeing the stallion nod in understanding she continued, “We wish to have you come to our aid in dealing with more…shadowy matters.”

Thinking it over for a moment, Masquerade nodded, “Sure thing, I have to find a job sooner or latter.” Smiling as he told, “After all, Twinkles would be steamed if I kept being a lump.”

“I‘d still put you to use.” Twilight told the stallion next to her, “You do make a good pillow, so maybe I should throw a blanket over you and use you like a beanbag.”

With a slight gasp the stallion said, “Is that all I am to you, a mobile pillow that you can recline on whenever you wish?”

Giving a quick peck on his cheek, Twilight told, “Only when your being a lump Mask.” Giggling at his surprised look.

Having a smile tug on the corners of her mouth, Luna told, “Then it is settle, you will come to our aid when dealing with matters my guard cannot handle.”

Looking up to the night princess, Masquerade nodded, “I can do that, but I might make slight request depending on the situation.” And tapped his swords telling, “One can never be sure what situations might arise.” Turning to leave for the chariot while lifting up a bag that held a few things.

Turning to leave with him, Twilight waved at the princesses and her brother telling, “Bye, I‘ll see you next month!” Boarding the chariot that began to take off while the others waved goodbye.

As they left Canterlot, Twilight heard some snickering beside her and turned to Masquerade that had another of his grins that told her he did something. With a risen brow, she asked, “What did you do this time?” Looking back to the castle in wonder.

Still smirking, Masquerade only said, “I‘ll show you once we get back to the library.”

---

It took no less then an hour before both Twilight and Masquerade were back at the Golden Oaks Library. They both felt ready to relax a little from the filled four days they had up in Canterlot.

Reaching for the door with her Magic, Twilight opened it and took one step in before the lights were flicked on and a collective, “SURPRISE!” Was shouted from within by a number of ponies.

This almost set Masquerade off, already reaching for a swords with his magic before pausing and seeing the party before him. He let out a breath, continuously telling his thoughts that there wasn’t a threat, just Pinkie Pie up to one of her parties. Though, how did she knew we were coming today, and at this time?

Twilight gave a somewhat confused look over her library, noticing that all the ponies in this party scene were mostly changeling, all smiling and looking excited. Walking in and looking up at a banner Pinkie Pie had put up, she read, ‘Congratulations for Changeling and Pony Peace!’

As soon as Masquerade closed the door, most of the changelings in their pony forms began to chatter off excitedly, Daisy seemingly leading the group asking, “So, how did it go, did you actually get the princesses to agree with us being here?”

Twilight gave a slight nod, only to be interrupted by a hard sock to her shoulder as Roma said, “Girl, you have no idea what you just did for us.” Grinning form ear to ear, “And looking to be in one piece for that matter, I have to say I‘m impressed.”

“What‘s going on?” Twilight finally voiced while looking around the main room.

Rarity emerged from the crowed, telling, “Ever since Spike got the letter you would be up in Canterlot a little longer due to working out peace between the changeling clans and the princesses--”

Pinkie chose that time to pop up saying, “They‘ve been asking me to throw a party for the last three days none stop!” Bouncing in place, “They‘re really happy and excited about this, but I can't figure out why that is, but they are!”

Shaking his head, Masquerade walked forwards telling, “Because Pinkie Pie, with the princesses fine with changelings, it means all changelings don’t have to worry about being hunted down on sight.” The idea made the heir smile, but also add, “But that can‘t happen yet.”

All the excited chatter stopped, all eyes on the heir while a changeling asked, “Why not, didn’t they agree not to hunt us down?” Some quivering in his voice.

Stepping up, Twilight told, “No, it‘s because there is something going on that would put you all in danger if ponies knew about you just yet.” And looked to Masquerade who nodded to go on and tell them. With a deep breath, Twilight announced, “I have just found out that three of the prominent clans are going to invade Canterlot in one month.”

All the changelings and the few ponies in the room remained deathly silent at the news, and the mood to party was just outright killed at those words. Seeing this as a potential problem, Masquerade stepped up to Twilight saying, “Right now, we can‘t show our hoof that there are changeling allied with the princesses.”

“The two prominent clans of the Gem and Lue, have agreed to aid Canterlot in defending ageist the other three clans the best they can.” Scanning over all the changelings telling, “So I ask, are you willing to help Equestria in one months time?”

While some of the changelings in pony form looked ahead in slight thought, Roma sneered to the heir saying, “Listen up scarecrow, cuz I‘m only saying this once.”

This gathered the attention of all in the library as the mare told, “This mare here.” Poking Twilight as she did, “Just gave us hope to live in peace, and I think I speak for this lot when I say that if Twilight need us to help, she‘s got it.” Glaring up at all the changeling she called, “Am I right, or am I right?”

A number of changelings cried out in a affirmation to help, while Toe-Tapper stepped out of the crowd saying, “Roma, not all of us are fighters and don’t stand a chance in real battle.” Subduing the changeling that seemed rearing to fight at a moments notice.

Looking about the room, the blue stallion continued saying, “But that doesn’t mean we aren‘t going to help.” Going up to Twilight telling, “If the princess needs more hooves to help, then just give us the word and we‘ll be off like Roma said.”

Looking around in shock, Twilight said, “You’re all willing to help?” Surprised by their willingness that they seemed to suddenly have.

With her friends by her side, Daisy also walked up to Twilight telling, “We all made our home here in Ponyville, Twilight, and it‘s ponies like you that helped us to stay.”

Scuffing the floor a little, the earth mare told, “There was a number of times we wanted to help keep Ponyville safe, like that ursa minor incident.” Getting a number of nods around the room, “But we were always so scared of what would happen if Celestia even knew of us.”

With a bright smile Daisy then said, “But ever since you found out about us, things have been getting better and better.” And gestured to all in the room, “You brought us together Twilight, and now your giving us the opportunity to not only not be scared of the princess any more, but allow us to help for once.”

Twilight stood still, looking about the room in stunned silence before stuttering out, “I-I don’t know what to say.” Not realizing the full impact she had actually made.

Getting another rough punch to her shoulder, Roma laughed, “Then don’t say anything, just nod along like your paying attention.” Then leaned on the mare telling, “That‘s what I do when Pinkie doesn’t stop talking.”

The two were pushed away when the mentioned mare popped up between them saying, “So all those times you said you were listening, you actually weren’t!”

With a light shrugging gesture, Roma told simply, “I lied.”

“Anyways--” Daisy cut the two off, “This party is mostly to thank you and…Masquerade for securing possible peace in the future for both our races.” Still giving the Malek heir an unsure glace.

Giving a shrug, the changeling heir told, “Look to Twinkles, she was the one who kept me from being incinerated.” Masquerade then held both hooves up telling, “All I did was help calm things down by saying a few choice words.”

Twilight rolled her eyes at Masquerade’s downplaying of himself and saying, “Getting the princesses confident in trusting changelings was mostly your doing, I only helped them take a moment to listen.”

It was Masquerade’s turn to look at the mare beside him and say, “And convincing Celestia to stop her sister from blasting me, stopping your brother from attacking me and halt fifteen solar guards from further fighting was easy?”

“It was a simple miss-understanding.” She told simply with a nod.

With a grin, Masquerade pointed to the crowed saying, “Tell them that.” Showing that a number of changelings were looking at Twilight as if she was potentially crazy.

With wide eyes at what the infiltrator told about Tiwlight, Roma said, “Damn, you are a crazy brooder!”

---

It took some time, but the party did get started after Twilight had taken time to explain what had happened in Canterlot, while underlining the main points of the visit. Masquerade wasn’t sure of everything Twilight had told them, as he had excused himself from the party before it could begin.

Twilight tried to convince Masquerade to stay, to possibly enjoy a party for once. He was able to dodge this by telling Twilight that he still had to find the Gem sisters, seeing as they weren’t attending the party. Sham had asked him to bring the bonding gems to the twins, so he had a responsibility to do so.

According to Applejack, both pegasus-disguised-changelings were back at the orchard, helping Big Mac with some work he wanted to do. So that was were he was off to now, taking his time to deliver the white box and its contents. Mask hoped that the party would be done by the time he got back from his ‘some-what-long’ delivery.

Somewhere in a corner of the changelings mind, Masquerade was wondering what Sham had put into the letter for the twins. Most likely the demise of uncle Midpoint and half the clan, as well as Sham‘s rise to being head a and the clan going into hiding. It was not a pleasant thought for the second heir, not sure how the two sisters would take the news.

It was not easy for any changeling to know that half their clan was wiped out, along with its head and it’s elders. Adding to the fact that the remaining half of the clan would be ordered into hiding would only add to the stress.

Just making his way over the next hill, Masquerade could see both of the twins helping Macintosh pick up a small harvest of apples from the orchard and start heading back to the barn. Seeing their bright smiles sent a ping of regret through him, knowing the news he had would quickly make those moods go sour.

With a deep breath, Masquerade walked down the hill, following the three from a distance before showing himself. He considered leaving them after delivering the box and its letter, but doing so would only be cruel in his mind. I’ll stay for a while, Mask nodded in thought knowing they would need some extra form of comfort.

Once they reached the farm itself, did Masquerade stop his hiding and come out into the open where he would be seen. He waited for the three to come back out, knowing that Ivory or Ebony would at least notice him.

A small smile tugged at Mask’s lips as both sisters called out, “Cousin Masquerade!” Bounding out with excitement at his four day return. Just like so many other times, Masquerade used his magic to catch both pegasi before they could tackle him.

Masquerade gave a small laugh at their pouting faces as they continued to reach for him, being only mere inches away. “Is not funny cousin of ours!” Ivory told while flapping her wings.

“Why don’t you let us hug you when ever you come to visit?” Ebony also questioned, trying to squirm out of the other changelings magical grasp. This only seemed to increase Masquerade’s amusement and sit perfectly still before them as if to taunt them.

Looking over his hoof, Mask told, “Now girls, you both know how I feel about being touchy with others.” And presented the white box telling, “Plus, I‘m mainly here to deliver this.”

Seeing both their eyes on the box now, Masquerade put the Gem sisters down and gave them the box, where upon they took and opened on a moments notice. Both of their eyes widened at what they saw, they gained huge smiles saying, “How did you acquire these?” With Ebony looking at the forest green gems, while her sister eyed the yellow ones, as well as a letter attached o the lid.

Careful not to touch the gems and taking the letter out, Ivory opened up the folded up paper and read it along side her sister who also took interest. The infiltrator silently waited and felt out the slight changes in their moods, feeling how quickly their joy drop into pain.

Not able to stomach the change in the always happy duo, Masquerade walked passed them and up to Big Mac, whom was leaning on the door frame to the barn. Both stallions watched as the sisters put the letter back, closing the box and hanging their heads.

Turning around and marching back, Ebony and Ivory seemed lost in thought, both seeming ready to cry on the spot at what their brother had written them. Over fourteen-hundred lost. Ebony thoughts seemed to echo inside her link with her sister, most were commons, those we knew.

We’ll never see Gaiety, or those wonderful children she was so prod of, Ivory conveyed back, biting her lip at such a thought. She looked through teary eyes to see her cousins impassive face, something he seemed to use to hide how he felt.

Some anger flared in her at how impassive and calm the changeling heir could be at times, just to be reminded by her sister of what he could have been feeling. After all, the Malek clan was partially responsible for such a loss in Gem clan numbers, a clan Mask considered more closer to family.

Now standing before the black stallion, both sisters asked, “Is it as bad as brother said, had the Gem clan truly lost so much that they now hide?” Looking pleadingly as there voices rose in pitch, “That we have lost father and the elders?”

Masquerade gently nodded, choosing not to say anything that could make the situation worse. He waited a moment before Ebony tossed herself onto him and hugged him close, crying on his shoulder. Ivory did the same, only with Mac, who had heard all that was going on and gently stroked the mares mane.

Peace is not earned without some sacrifice, Masquerade thought sadly, hugging Ebony closer as she continued to weep over those she and Ivory would never see again.

---

Twilight relaxed in a nearly empty library, laying down on the couch as Spike and her friends went about cleaning the room for her as she told, “I can help too, it wouldn’t be much trouble.”

With a shake of her head, Rarity told, “Hush darling, you have just gotten home from a very long visit. Let us do some work while you relax some.” Walking past the table in the room and spotting the bag Masquerade had brought with.

It wasn’t the bag itself she was interested in, but the cardboard box that was sticking out and tied shut with twine. With a tilted head, Rarity asked, “Did you go shopping for something while up Canterlot?” Not recalling if Twilight had mentioned anything.

Shaking her head, Twilight told, “No, Masquerade brought that bag with…he said something about showing me something.” Getting up to investigate the box.

The others seemed to show interest rather quickly as well, stopping their tasks to gather at the box and give it a look over. Pinkie gave it a long look, taking in a big breath of air and saying, “It smells sweet!” Eyes now locked onto the box of goods.

With a smile, Fluttershy said, “It‘s rather nice of him to get you sweets Twilight.” And looking to the lavender mare that gave the box a scrutinizing look. Tilting her head in confusion, the shy pegasus asked, “Are you alright Twilight?” Unsure why the mare didn’t seem as happy.

Contemplating it in her mind, Twilight decided to pick up the box in her magic and put it in the center of the table. Seeing as the stallion was going to show her later, she didn’t see any reason to wait for him. Undoing the twine and opening the box, Twilight gave a sigh at what she saw.

Her friends however, looked on in amazement at the beautifully decorated white cake. Red frosting lines were made on the exterior of the cake, making intricate sort of art all around it’s self and blueberries placed in like gems.

On the top edges were eight rises of whip cream, each having a cherry in them. In the center were slices of pineapple, making a yellow circle with slices of strawberries acting as flames and making it look much like a sun.

“Hold up now.” Applejack said, looking at the centerpieces again, “Why does tha‘ look like the princesses cutie mark?”

Giving a drawn out sigh, Twilight told, “Because Applejack, my coltfriend has stolen the royal cake…again.” And gave the cake a long look, knowing her teacher was going to miss out on eight slices of her favorite cake.

With wide eyes, Rainbow said, “Again?” Glancing at the cake saying, “He‘s done this before, and not get caught?” Seeing Twilight’s nod, the pegasus smiled, “I am so going to convince him to go pranking with me and Pink‘s, no talking his way out this time!”

Shaking her head, Twilight made her way to the kitchen as Spike called, “Where you going Twilight, aren’t you going to tell Celestia about this?”

Looking back to them all, Twilight said, “It‘s not going to hurt the princess if she misses out on some cake.” Getting all jaws to collectively drop at what the mare said. It took only for a moment for Twilight to gather seven plates and forks and one knife while saying, “He‘s done this little game of his on multiple occasions, mostly for me.”

It only took a moment for the table to be set up for them all, nodding for the stunned ponies to take a seat and adding, “Though, he normally gets me a slice, he‘s never gone to the trouble for a whole cake…”

Shrugging, Twilight got the knife ready to cut the cake asking, “So who wants the first slice?”

Comments

[Magmatic]

The last part of the story is written in italic.
Other than that great chapter!

[nobodywaseverhere]

4827985 i love this two storys in italics in one day
great story by the way i cant wait for the next chapter

[Lazy_]

lol, the accidental italics mistake. I've done that before, it's super annoying.

[Jphyper]

The premise sounds good, but the grammar is bothering me. I got through the first chapter, but the impression it gave me is that I shouldn't go any further. I thought you said it had been edited. You still have apostrophes with plurals and multiple characters speaking in the same paragraphs. This is basic stuff that even the most inexperienced proofreaders would notice.

I suggest you get a new proofreader to fix things. Your old one's mistakes have cost you a potential reader.

[RandomPerson78642]

4836483
Oh can it. Not everyone is an English major, average readers aren't going to care about trivial stuff like that.

[Jphyper]

4840442 Now, why do you have to be like that? I state my opinion, and you blow up in my face, despite this not being your story.

Please speak for yourself. It is the author's place to accept or reject criticism. Plus, most people I've seen on this site actually do care about stuff like that. I'm not even the only one here that's offering fixes. Just because you don't care doesn't mean the majority feels the same way. I know this from personal experience.

One does not need to be an English major. Much of what I was commenting on was stuff I learned in elementary school.

I will admit my obsessive-compulsiveness tends to make my standards higher than most people's (sometimes too high), but I feel a proofreader must also have above-average standards to be effective, and the first chapter's editor did not have that.

All that said, this story is not too bad, relatively speaking. I still can't get past the errors, though. I like the premise, so I really want to like this story. I want this to be the best story it can be. What's wrong with that?

[BronyofMeddlers]

Poor Gem twins. At least they have hope with Ponyville. And with Big mac.

[Dragon of Shadows]

“I have just found out that three of the prominent clans are going to invade Canterlot in one month.”

party went to equestria party died in changling attack.