• Published 31st May 2014
  • 9,107 Views, 303 Comments

Acceptance - Riddle-Me-Think



Ponyville is seen as a quaint little town by those who live there, and for Twilight Sparkle, it has all she needs with her friends by her side. When a stranger that she is familiar with comes into town, she finds herself questioning as to what to do

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Once more, from the Top

I do not own My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic


After the shield had flung the changelings away from Canterlot in a very bright and noticeable display, the remanning Invaders all fled the fight, knowing that without their queen to hold the front, they had already lost. It was a rather anticlimactic end for those that had fought, watching as all the bug-ponies just up and ran from the battle.

The troops still cheered in the end, celebrating the victory they had gotten from the long fight they had been in. They all gathered around each other, patting one another's backs while also congratulating one another for such a good job. Others wren't so happy, looking on as they had witness the loss of their fellow guards who had gotten carless during the battle.

Thankfully no hate was harbored for the changelings as a whole, as the Gems did their part with the armored caravan, actually saving a number of lives.

Celesta was happy for that fact, and felt that was cause for celebration in itself, seeing that the lives of a hundred were saved with that caravan. It still did not stop her grief over the loss of those who did die, and even for those that she had just killed.

Standing on a hill and overlooking her ponies, Celestia sent a glance to Solar Wind, spotting all the grime and green blood that now painted it. Regret was a painful feeling to have, knowing that you did something that you may never live off.

Hearing the beat of wings, as well as the faint sounds of marching, Celestia looked over the right side of the battlefield, finding columns of Luna’s own forces make their way from the forest, with the alicorn flying overhead to meet her.

With a smile on her face, Celestia felt glad her sister was alright, landing before her in a moment and looked a little roughed up. Looking her sister up and down, Celestia asked, “Was there a rock quarry were you fought?” Noticing all the dirt and grass covering her sister.

Snorting in some amusement, Luna said, “Intrusive was correct when he told of the drones strength in numbers.” Using a hoof to try and brush some grass that was stuck in her armor, “I believe Roma’s words are well placed in their meaning.”

Seeing her sister rise a brow, Luna said, “They be like mosquitos, numerous and annoying.” Recalling how a hundred of them had dog piled her.

Shaking her head at the night princess, Celestia looked over her sisters troops and asked, “How heavy were your losses?” Trying to count the numbers before her.

Sighing, Luna told, “Five have ben lost, with twenty possibly having to be honorably discharged from injuries.” For Luna, all those under her command had fought with great valor during the fight, as they nearly outnumbered by the swarm in the camp. But the invaders had suffered more losses than she did, making them the true victors. “They had done a commendable job in their duties, and have done us and their families great honor.”

Nodding at that, Celestia watched as the the healers from the Gem clan got to work on healing Luna’s troops. Some looked uneasy when it came to getting close to the changelings, but they eventually relaxed enough for them to get to work. Even from where she was, Celestia could see what Luna meant, seeing one pony, a unicorn, missing his horn.

Looking back to Canterlot, Celestia wondered how things had turned out back in her home, and how bad the damage was. Feeling a nudge to her side, Celestia turned to see Luna smiling and say, “Go, finish the wedding for our niece.” Then looked back at the scattered guards telling, “I will clean things up on this end.”

Smiling at her sisters willingness to finish things up for her, Celestia put a wing around her sister and told, “Thank you Luna, I will ensure the party lasts till your return.”

Nuzzling back into her sisters embrace, Luna told, “We be the co. ruler to our nation sister.” Pulling back to smirk at Celestia and tell, “What sort of princess would we be, if we did not take some weight off thy sisters back?”

Laughing openly at this, Celestia nodded, “I suppose you are right Luna.” And spread her wings telling, “Be sure to organize the paperwork for me, I will get to it in the morn.” Giving a strong flap to take off towards Canterlot.

Watching her sister leave for home, Luna could not help but be happy her sister did some of the paper work. But one must wonder, how does a pony not go insane from paper work for nearly a thousand years?


Even with the invasion that had happened, or the city being thrown into disarray and most anything was tossed about, the wedding did happen at the end of the day. True, it had to be held outside, and Celestia upon her return had to assure her ponies she was the real one. The battle smudged armor and weapon seemed to help convince them all of that fact.

After it was all said and done, did all that attend this celebration go for the reception outside, where all could congratulate the newly wedded couple. But the pony guest were not the only ones there.

When they all stepped out, they were greeted by more changelings, but unlike those that had invaded them, they all respectfully kept their distance. This was the first time some of them were seeing who they thought were their enemies so close, not knowing that these were changelings from the Lue clan.

Things were smoothed over when Cadence and Shinning Armor began to talk with the changelings, whom all gave their respect and wishes for a happy life together.

Steadily, the ponies eventually got use to their apparent neighbors, taking tentative steps to talk with them and enjoy the celebration. The only one that didn't seemed to be part of the festivities was one mare, whom had snuck herself back inside the castle. Walking herself to the room where the queen had shown herself, the mare found who she was searching for, sitting in the room and looking it over.

Breathing gently, Twilight made her way over to the stallion, who just sat in the center of the room, looking at an untouched sword that stuck out of the ground. Once she was next to him, Twilight sat down, uncaring about the dress she had on would get dirtied.

Looking to Masquerade, Twilight could see a conflict in his eyes as he looked at the sword, as if unsure what to think. Looking about the room, the mare could only wonder what had happened in it. She had seen first hoof what her stallion could do, so it left her wondering what he had done to fight off his mother.

“She hesitated.” Twilight felt her thoughts come to a stop when Mask just spoke those words, looking at the sword intently as he continued, “Mother had a clear chance to end it, but she hesitated.”

Twilight didn't say anything, opting to just sit and listen to what the heir had to say.

Looking to Twilight with glossy eyes, Masquerade said, “I had told I would tell you what I was thinking abut mother when I met her again, while being on the other side.” Then turned his eyes back to Disarray, “At first, I had no idea how to explain how I felt, feeling too confused to say anything…” With a long drawn out sigh, Mask bowed his head some saying, “But now I do, and I don’t know if I can accept it.”

Letting himself slide down to the scorched floor to just lay flat, Mask continued, “I feel like I’ve done the most worst thing I could ever do, betray my own family, my own mother.” And screwed his eyes shut when he said that aloud, “I feel like dirt Twilight, for just…forsaking my clan like I did.”

Opening his eyes to look at the sword that was planted into the floor again, he went on, “And it doesn’t stop there, because I had to go and add insult to injury by fighting with my mother.” Burying his face into his fore hooves as he did, “I knew I couldn't win but I fought with her anyways because I had hopped to get her to stop.”

Feeling for her coltfriend, Twilight lifted her hoof to place on him, but stopped cold when she heard what he told her next, “She almost killed me Twilight.” The tone in which it was told sounded more defeated and pained then she would have ever thought.

“I was at her mercy and she knew her duty as queen was to eliminate me, a rouge changeling infiltrator who had abandoned and betrayed his own people for another!” By now, Masquerade was shouting, covering his head with his hooves as he did, sobbing out, “I was forcing my own mother to kill me Twilight, how can I ever do that to her?”

For once, Twilight felt at a loss at what to do. She felt so out of her element at that moment, hearing the pain that her Masquerade was going through. How was she even suppose to talk about it when she had no way of figuring out what to do?

Use actions an’ not words, That was what Applejack once told her when she had trouble talking about her feelings. Maybe now she had to do the same thing her friend had said and just do.

Laying next to the distraught stallion, Twilight did her best to pull the —currently— black unicorn closer to herself in a hug, not saying anything. But strangely, her action seemed to encourage words, unplanned and spontaneous with her feelings, “You didn't force her Mask.”

For some strange reason, she was sure she could feel doubt form the stallion, but went on saying, “She loved you, I may not want to believe it after everything she’s did to us, but if what you said is true, than she loved you too much to ever hurt you.” Using her hoof to brush through his slightly messy mane, “You were only trying to help her, trying to give her another way out…”

Hugging Masquerade tighter, she said, “You did everything you could, even if you were beaten in the end, I believe you gave everything to help her see another way.”

Twilight could feel the stallion shake under her, feeling the slight heaves of his chest as he openly cried where he was, muffling out, “I did, didn’t I?” Lifting his head out of from under his hooves to say, “I gave up my family, my clan, my credibility…just so they could maybe live a possibly better life…” Then let his head slumped down ending, “I’ve lost it all, my family, my clan…even my mother.”

Feeling a hoof lift his head, Mask followed the hoofs prodding to be lead to stare up at Twilights lavender eyes, holding nothing but understanding and kindness as she smiled, “You haven't lost everything yet.” Kissing the stallion once more on the lips.

Pulling back after a moment, Twilight went on, “You still have me, my brother and sister-in-law, even my friends.” Then hugged him close once more saying, “You’re not alone Mask, you still have us.”

Cracking a small grin, Masquerade looked to the mare nuzzling his neck and asked, “What divine creature was merciful enough to bestow such a beauty like yourself, to comfort a monster like me?”

Pulling away some, Twilight scolded, “Your not a monster.” Giving the black stallion a light swat. Then with a soft look she added, “Just a little lonely and misunderstood, just like that colt I met so long ago.”

With a small chuckle and rubbing the tears from his face, Masquerade shook his head, “I sometimes think you deserve better than me.” Receiving a little nudge from the mare.

“Hush you.” Twilight smiled with a teasing tone, planting another kiss on the heir’s cheek, “You deserve to have somepony by your side for everything you’ve done for us.” Nuzzling back into his neck, “So why not somepony that loves you?”

Smiling back at this, Masquerade put his head over Twilight’s own, and told, “I think I can live with that.”

A sudden thought came to Mask's mind, making the stallion stop his cuddling and ask, “Hey Twinkles.” Catching the mares attention as he asked, “Do you think your parents are going to be angry that we didn't mention I was a master infiltration specialist; that also happens to be the son of a changeling queen that wanted to conquer their home?”

That made Twilight laugh, unsure how to answer that sort of question. Instead, she grabbed a mouthful of his mane and gave a few light playful tugs, letting go to say, “Come on mr. concerned, we can go and find out.” Rising off the floor, while telling, “Then after that, you can treat me to a dance.” Before quickly adding, “And without your disguise.”

Getting up to follow the mare, Masquerade only shook his head saying, “I don't know which is worse, having two angry parents, or being around a bunch of ponies as a changeling.”

“You can always hold my hoof, Mask.” Twilight teased while upturning her nose, while Masquerade chuckled and went about gathering his swords.

Twilight then gave a slightly startled yelp when she was suddenly pulled close to Mask, who caught up with her and nipped at her ear saying, “And as I’ve said before, I’d prefer to hold all of you.” Chuckling at the mares flustered feelings.

Despite her embarrassment at the stallions actions, Twilight couldn't stop herself from leaning her head on Masquerade some and relax. It still felt strange to have a pony to lean on like she was now, knowing they were content with the other being close by.
They soon walked back out where the reception was being held, and thankfully things had calmed down enough for the ponies to feel comfortable around their new changeling allies.

Looking through the crowed for two ponies in mind, Twilight gave a triumphant smile when she spotted her parents and tugged her stallion to follow her. With a roll of his eyes, he did as Twilight bid him to do, figuring to get it over with and then have that dance.

Then I can find a nice little dark corner to hide in, Mask thought, liking the idea and deciding to do that if Twilight didn't mind.

While the two approached, Twilight Velvet turned away from the conversation she was part of for a moment and locked Twilight in her sights. With a big smile, she called out, “Twilight!” Alerting her husband to their daughters presents.

Hearing as she was singled out, Twilight picked up her pace a little, peeking to her side to make sure her coltfriend still hadn't vanished on her. Considering he now knew an invisibility spell, she needed to keep an even closer on on him.

Once in range, Velvet all but attacked her daughter with pokes and prods as she checked over the mare fussing, “I was concerned you were hurt, your not hurt are you?” Trying to if anything had happened to her baby girl.

“She’s fine dear.” Night Light smiled, moving his wife back gently before hugging his daughter before pulling back to say, “Shinning Armor said you helped with stopping this who mess, and said you came out no worse for ware.”

Blushing at the slight praise, Twilight scuffed the floor light saying, “Well, I did have my friends to help.”

With a grin, Mask threw a hoof over the mare and said, “You’re just being modest.” Nuzzling her a bit and planting a kiss on her cheek, “I like it, makes you more cute.”

Coughing to clear her throat and shake off her slight embarrassment, Twilight said, “Mom, dad. Mask and I have something to tell you.” Doing her best to stay professional.

Passing a look between the other, Twilight Velvet calmly said, “Your coltfriend is actually a changeling, who’s mother is the queen that tried to take over Canterlot, and has been around since you were small.”

Now with her mouth agape, Twilight could only stammer out, “H-how did you…” Completely stumped how her parents apparently knew.

An amused smile worked it’s way onto Nightlight’s muzzle as he told, “Rather hard to not notice when that boy is proclaiming his love to you while facing down his own mother, who is the queen, on stage before the assembly during the wedding.” Then gave a pointed look to the mentioned stallion saying, “I have to say, you gave us quiet the shock when you mentioned out little Twilight during your speech.”

Smiling at the unicorn mare, Twilight Velvet told, “After Masquerade stopped acting as the princess, he tried to convince the queen from stopping her plans.” Then gave the stallion an approving nod, “He might not be a pony, but he’s alright in my books if he’s willing to fight somepony that can turn into a dragon.”

Rounding on Masquerade, Twilight said with wide eyes, “You didn’t say she could turn into a dragon!” Now understanding why so much of the room was scorched with such straight lines.

With a light shrug Mask told, “I actually forgot she was a expert with her dragon form.” Still receiving a disbelieving look, he added, “I can’t remember everything at once, I’m bound to forget something every now and then.”

Sighing at that, Twilight shook her head telling, “You worry me at times.”

“And you don’t?” Masquerade quickly shot back, only to get a glare from the mare and said, “What, it’s a legitimate question!”

Deciding to drop the subject before it got out of hoof, Twilight said, “Never mind, what I should be asking is when will you actually drop your disguise.” Then motioned to a number of the Lue clan that was attending and told, “Even the Lue clan are out mingling as themselves, why no you too?”

Looking around a little, Mask started to say, “I don't want to make them nervous—” Looking back to Twilight who slowly fluttered her eyes innocently at him. After a moment of starring he sighed in defeat, “Fine…” Letting a burst of fire change his form, surprising a few ponies.

Once fully reviled, some ponies backed away at the more intimidating changeling near them, feeling a little unsure around the taller heir. Night Light was the first to comment, looking up and saying, “You looked shorter on stage.” Feeling a light nudge from his wife.
Even with the now imposing form beside her, Twilight pressed herself right to his side saying, “Now, how about that dance?”

Rolling his eyes, Masquerade shook his head telling, “Only you Twinkles.” And lead the mare out to the dance floor where other couples were dancing.

As they left, both of Twilight’s parents gave the other a knowing look, and went back to watching their daughter dance with what they could only define as a changeling prince.


As per expected, the reception went on through the night, giving Luna a moment to come and joined the festivities. There was much celebrating happening, as Ponies and changelings alike danced and sang, as this was more then a union of two ponies. For on this day, it was the union of ponies and changelings alike.

That’s how I see it anyways. Masquerade thought, finishing on wrapping up the gift that he had worked on for nearly three months.

The wedding had ended a week ago, with both Cadence and Shinning Armor leaving with a present given by Celestia and Intrusive. The ponies might have thought the bonding gems were beautiful, but for the changelings it was something more. Those gems represented a deep commitment with ones better half, showing that they would settle for no other.

Lifting the gift before him, Masquerade nodded in contentment, happy with the results he now had, unable to wait for Twilight to see what he made. Getting off the pillow he was using and looking about the empty library, the once-more-pony stallion looked up, knowing where to find Twilight.

Just like every other time, the infiltrator reverted back into his sneaking mode, using his feather light steps to climb up to the second floor where Twilight was. Just off to the edge of the bookshelves, Owlowiscious watched as the strange pony once more began to sneak up the stares. The owl shook its head, wondering if the pony would ever stop his stalking like habits.

Nearing the top of the stares, Mask peeked his head over the edge to find Twilight once more sitting at her table reading. Looking about the room again to make sure there were no surprises, Mask continued to sneak up on the mare.

Once he was in range, Masquerade sat down and activated his magic. Like so many times before, Twilight let out a yelp of surprise, only this time she wasn't tackled, but pulled back by green magic. She then found herself landing into a soft chest, and two black hooves wrap around her as a voice said, “Oh look, a Twilight, I always wanted one to cuddle and tickle!”

Just like that, Twilight found herself stuck in the stronger stallions hooves, being tickled relentlessly. The mare couldn't feel angry or annoyed at this, coming to enjoy the random and spontaneous events Mask seemed to enjoy so much.

“Mask!” Twilight was able to gasp out, just in time for another fit of giggles to silence her. To her relief, she was heard, and Masquerade did stop his fun with tickling her.

Letting out a breath, Twilight slumped back onto her stallions chest, opening her lavender eyes to find another pair of green ones looking down on her. With a light smile she asked, “So, whats the occasion this time, you found a cat and while petting it you felt I needed some attention too?”

Tilting his head to the side he said, “No, but a cat does sound nice…” Looking up and saying, “Maybe I’ll visit Fluttershy later and play with a few kittens, I do like cats.”

Looking back down he said, “But no, that’s not why I came up.” And looked over to the stares where he could se his gift near the edge. Lighting his horn, Twilight watched as a wrapped gift floated over and was presented to her.

Grabbing it into her own magic, Twilight noticed it was wrapped in an old Gabby Gums newspaper, with Masquerade and Cloud Kicker on it. Without an form of remorse for the defenseless paper, Twilight tore it to pieces to look at the gift within.

After the paper was discarded, Twilight now looked over the black book in her magic. On the front cover were five green circles, each one with a symbol from each of the five prominent clans. At the top was the title, written in the same green color the circles were dawn in.

“Acceptance.” Twilight read, opening the book and reading the first page out loud, “This book is based on the first hoof experience of a number ponies and changelings that have lived through this time to make history.”

Craning her neck to look back at her coltfriend, Twilight saw him nod for her to keep reading, which she did, “This history book, or story if you wish, follows true events that united theses two races because of one act made by a mare named: Twilight Sparkle.”
She sat there blinking, unsure what she was feeling. After a time, she asked, “Mask, is this—”

“This book.” Masquerade started, still holding a hoof around his mare while giving her a look of pride, “Are the events we had gone through together, and I have written down not just for you, but for future generations to see and know.” Nuzzling her neck, he continued, “This copy is for you, and only you.”

Darting her attention between the book and the stallion she had come to love, Twilight gave a joyful smile, twisting in Masquerades grasp to hug him and give a quick peck, whispering, “Thank you so much.” Pulling away and saying, “I think I’ll start right now!” Happily getting out of the lose grasp on her being to move her last book aside to read this new one.

Shaking his head in amusment, Masquerade turned around and headed back for his little spot on the main floor, before being stopped by, “Do you think you’ll ever make a sequel?” And looked back at his fillyfriend’s expecting face.

With a grin, Mask told, “Who knows Twinkles, I just might.” Giving a wink to her, “I like to tell stories after all.” Then walked back towards the stars, leaving Twilight to her reading.

Reaching the first floor and sitting back down at his little corner again, Masquerade looked about the place he had called home for what seemed like forever now. He had done a lot during those three months, and he now found himself here.

He then cast his eyes on his saddlebags, the same ones he used to begin this whole endeavor for his people. Lighting his magic, Masquerade opened it’s left side, pulling out the black box Sham had given him.

Opening it, Masquerade peered down at the two ocean-blue hexagon shaped gems that glowed with magical power that only channeling elders knew how to make. Gaining a mischievous grin, Masquerade said to himself, “Yes, a sequel is very much possible.”

Author's Note:

Ellow, this be Riddle-Me-Think, and I hope you enjoyed this story I have made.
This has been one of my most largest projects to date-- and hopefully not the last. I will say right now I have another story in the works, however it's not the sequel to this one. Sorry, more planning will be needed before I do that.
But in any case, keep an eye out, I might post it on here...or it might have noting to do with ponies. Been having thoughts about mixing Mass Effect with Megaman-- or maybe Digimon maybe?...I don't know, I'll give it time... or Pirates...theres that too...
Anyways!-- Keep an eye open for more stories, do leave a comment on how you thought of this chapter, or the story as a whole. I'm open to your thoughts, and enjoy taking my time to read what your thoughts are.
Until next time/story/persinal message-- This is Riddle-Me-Think, your fellow writer and/or reader, signing out and reading someone else's stuff.

Comments ( 38 )

I want a sequel! As soon as you can. This wan't long enough for me...

I need resolution between the mother son conflict RESOLUTION!

That is a great - albeit slightly meta (in a good way) - ending to this fic, and I hope that you write a sequel.

~Crystalline Electrostatic~

O wow it actually ended :fluttercry:

Besides the fairly large grammar/spelling errors this was a very nice story :twilightsmile:

I'm so glad I read this. Story's cover is finally explained, yay!

exactly 100 likes when finished nice

I was hoping there would be a sequel! The stories was well written and had a very intriging plot. You most definatly get my like.

Well written and with a good plot, but as far as grammar and the like go, you should look into getting an editor. You repeatedly used there instead of they're/their, your instead of you're, and some others.

There was also room for improvement as far as some structure goes, while it was nice as a whole some things could have been improved.

You are so set you for a sequel it's untrue. The way it reads, it's almost like you wanted to make a sequel...

Well? We're waiting...:trixieshiftleft:

5442432
Some of the best stories do the past like a flashback

5443633 I agree. But Fragment's past in these chapters is not being presented as a series of flashbacks; They are being presented here as cliff notes instead of as constructed scenes showing his relationship with Twilight and his own family.

5481186
Thanks. I plan on taking a day to once again re-read through as many chapters as possible and do these fix's. Again.
And probably a few more times after that to see what I missed.

Hmm... The title of this story and it's sequel, as well as the cover art, seems very reminiscent of Divergent. Reasons?

5528254
Did a search on that for both word definition and book/movie it was apparently used for.
I did not realize that was done, so or less a fluke from what I can tell. Though I'm not too surprised, with so many ideas in the world, there was a good change what I have done has already been done at some point in time, just with somewhat different circumstances. Honestly, I had a different cover art in mind, but used this one instead. The other one will be used later.

Overall this story is absolutely riddled with spelling and grammar errors, which are consistent throughout the story. That said the actual content of the story is enjoyable and more or less well told. You (the reader) will likely be forced to muscle past the many glaring errors, however, to enjoy it.

5685206
I have no clue. I don't have anything too solid on what Bit's are worth, since gold, gems and most other rare metals are nearly commonplace in Equestria from what I can tell.
I have no clue at the moment how their economy is completely structured, so it's mostly guesswork at the moment. I only have a rough idea what the economy is like, but even then it's mostly guesswork.
Don't know what to tell you. Unless you're offering up some ideas on Equestrian economic structuring, then I'm all ears to hear.

5817890 Oups! This one was quite the obvious but I still didn't didn't see it. --'

Some would say that I can't see everything, especially since English isn't by birth language. (And am dyslexic, also.) But honestly, for something this obvious, I don't have any excuse. --'

5818781 Ah, that makes sense, I probably should have noticed the absence of the "edited by..." at the top of the page.

5941653 Well... I'm no longer writing criticism as I have yet to know how to write it constructively.

For now I shall conclude that my earlier complaints were based on me being more comfortable reading stories in third-person objective instead of third-person omniscient.

The issue is not with this story, but with myself.

I liked the story.... :twilightsmile:
but dear lord the typos... :fluttercry:
Please, please use the corrections that I pointed out in previous posts. :fluttercry:
Also, learn about there, they're and their. :twilightsmile:

aaaaaaawwwweeeessssssoooommmmmeeee:derpytongue2:

Sometimes, friendship is tested by what your willing to see as truth or lies. But how can one trust those who live with using masks to hide both lies and truth?

Tisk, tisk, a mistake in the description? It should be you're.

6352806 do You even KNOW the meaning of GMO? Genetically Modified Organism.
Your argument is that
1) there are no natural fruits/vegetables/grain in existence, and never were.
2)there is no difference between genetically modifying plants, and natural evolution.
3)APPARENTLY making a 'noticable' evolution to occur, it will take hundreds of thousands of years.
Let me prove all of those points wrong:
1)if there were no natural plants/grains, how did they come into existence? Most certainly not in a lab.
2)there IS a difference, genetic modification is simply more precise and controlled.
3)no. That's just wrong. A noticeable difference can occur in a measly 12 years.

Last but not least, eating some GMOs CAN harm your body. Stop right there, I'm not done yet. These GMOs can be found in a lot of the normal things we eat.

You should have done your research before trying to engage me in glorious internet combat.

*chuckles* Finally, done...Now onto the next.

Comment posted by SWolf deleted Mar 23rd, 2016

5687407
That was a really good story and I can't wait to see your sequel finished.

The characters got a great development, and i am looking forward to see how

the plot will continue.

Keep up your good work and have a nice day or night (dependent on your timezone) :trollestia:

Pros:
Excellent world-building aspects to this story.
Engaging characters that seem different and true-to-life.
Appropriately paced romance which is not overdone.
OCs that are believable and vastly different.

Cons:
Exceptionally poor grammar, word usage, number of typos, and drastic overuse of the word 'some'.
Some trust conflicts are solved entirely too quickly.

Overall grade: B+
Consensus: Liked and Faved.

Comment posted by FordPrefect deleted Dec 5th, 2016
Spacecowboy
Moderator

I've noticed that it appears you rarely log in and haven't really answered to any comments in a long time, but I still feel the need to point something out here.

Your story here, it's good. I actually earnestly enjoyed the take on changelings, the romance, the conflict, all components of it were highly satisfying. However, your story is literally a prime example of how grammatical issues can drag down the story. Immersion was constantly broken from misspelled words that littered the story, and there were many of them. Even some of your characters were misspelled at times. It looks like you may be done with the fandom and your stories at this point, but if for whatever reason you aren't, having a close pass to clean up the errors, restructure some of the really awkward sentences, and give it a nice clean makeover will make this an outstanding story.

8536244
It's less of fact he can't, and more of he isn't interested. Yes, he could date Cloud Kicker, but if he has no interest to? Well, that becomes interpretation of one might think, hmm?

dialogue needs to be broken up. every time a different person is speaking should be on a different line

This was a grate story and an awesome read. Thanks for this grate story!

Great reread! Somehow I miss this having a sequal. Now off to read that!! Thanks again for this story.

This story is one of my all time favs on here, and every time I finish reading it I feel like I'm saying good bye to an old friend. Just wish the sequel got finished :ajsleepy:

This is a wonderful story I love the idea of having the various ling groups as Clans.
The characters are super fun and enjoyable and where changelings were inserted into actual characters was pretty damn cute.

A good Spellcheck and Editing Pass would make this story easily in my top 10.

I Do hope the sequel gets completed one day

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