• Member Since 23rd Jun, 2012
  • offline last seen Saturday




Ponyville is seen as a quaint little town by those who live there, and for Twilight Sparkle, it has all she needs with her friends by her side. When a stranger that she is familiar with comes into town, she finds herself questioning as to what to do and how to accept a secret they have held from her since they meet.

Sometimes, friendship is tested by what your willing to see as truth or lies. But how can one trust those who live with using masks to hide both lies and truth?

Chapters (44)
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Comments ( 292 )

“Because it‘s in proper for one, and for another we haven’t seen one another in years so that makes the situation only less in proper-”

It's improper in one word and with a "M" instead of a "N".

“Masquerade, do friends do for one another?”

A word seem to be missing, here. “Masquerade, what do friends do for one another?” is probably what you mean.

Masquerade fallowed suit


And it's only the most obvious of your errors. (And only for the second chapter, sorry.)
That said, these 2 first chapters are good one. But they still strongly need to be corrected.

Sorry to be annoying about your most evident orthographically and grammatical errors, but:

Celestia knows how awkward it would be for spike to assume him as her Colt friend!

It's a ponified version of boyfriend, so it's coltfriend in one word. (Even if, technically, it not incorrect.) Also, why in hell have you put the an uppercase at "colt"?

Heavens know they don’t know much of there studious friends past.

Even if you have a lot of friends, you will never be more than one yourself, and it also apply to Twilight. So it's "Heavens know they don’t know much of there studious friend past."

The lavender Mare agreed, soon fallowing the two.

Like in chapter two, what you mean here is following. The verb "to fallow" do exist, but absolutely don't have the same meaning.

“Performance?” Fluttershy asked, fallowing closely after Rarity […]

Bis repetita… :facehoof:
Also, you might want to add a comma just after "asked".

Some distance away in an apple orchard, Apple Jack bucked away

Her name is actually Applejack, in one word.

“You know Apple Jack family?” Spike questioned.

Again, her name is Applejack.

That said I like this story, so far.

It's time for the fourth chapter of "My Little Annoying: List of Errors". (You can call it "MLA: LoE - E04" for short. :raritywink:)

She so did like Apple Jacks younger sister

Two in one! Firstly, her name is (still) not in two words. Secondly, we don't speak of a herd of Applejacks, but about Applejack's younger sister.

It was both fissionable and functional

When I read that, I imagine Rarity confectioning a hat that using nuclear combustible as fabric. The resulting garment must be as deadly than it is fashionable.

Well, here and that Appleusa place, but here sounded more calmer then there.

It's Appleloosa, but i'm not sure you should correct it here, since it might make sense for Masquerade to be confused about how is supposed to say it.

However, one day of looking around cant make a spot on decision like this.


I liked this story, but you need to watch out for the grammar errors. :pinkiehappy:

I need to go and help my friend Apple Jack out.

I know you just didn't got the time to correct it since I (partly) corrected the previous chapter, but her name is still Applejack, in no more than one lone word.

Apple Jack pulled along another load of fresh apples

Bis repetita…

She was Granny Smith, the current monarch to the Apple Clan

I think the term matriarch is more appropriate, here.

Apple Jack had decided that Twilight could maybe help

… Third time the charm?

It somewhat surprised Apple Jack

Do I need to say it again?

It somewhat surprised Apple Jack how often they came

Yes I do…:ajbemused: (And any following reference to Applejack also have her name written in 2 separate words.)

This is the sight Twilight was greeted to when she mad her way over the hill

when she made

Apple Jack waved them to fallow and head to Granny Smith

The word you want is follow.

One was near the market distract


Your beautiful and all Rarity, but this is only our second meeting, it just wouldn’t be professional.

Seduction isn't a job, (even if it IS hard work) so I strongly recommend you to use the word "courteous" instead.

With a flick of her head, the door swung open and shortly fallowed by a wave of laughter.

Repeat after me: There is no "a" in followed.
So no, if in any following chapter I still read that somepony fallow, all that remain of your dignity will fall! HO! :flutterrage:

We need to set some rules on what stories you can and cant tell.

It's the contracted form of "can not", so you write it this way: can't

And then fallowed him there.

… You are lucky my true name isn't Hurce Hanner, or right now I will have gone all "BULK SMASH!" on you.

it‘s a family thing, I cant teach it!

It's the contracted form of "can not", so you write it this way: can't

I‘m telling you, its not learnable.

It's the contracted form of "it is", so you write it this way: it's
Note that you didn't make that error in your previous paragraph.

Are you telling me that you turned a Ponies main into a banana?

a pony mane

I cant think of another Mare so devoted in helping somepony like that.

It's the contracted form of "can not", so you write it this way: can't

Why is it you don’t want me to help with what your going through?

The word "your" do exist, but here it's the contracted form of "you are" that you want. So it's "Why is it you don’t want me to help with what you're going through?"

Why, what is so important that you need to keep quit on it?

keep quiet on it

I‘m sure I could find a few around here as one of Pineville’s construction teams.

Ponyville (Pineville must be Ponyville's counterpart in Clopestria.)

creating eerie green imagoes of Ponies

I'm sure you know what went wrong, here. :derpytongue2:

Not until I find a solution, the we will no longer have to fear being seen out of the shadows we hide in.

This word isn't needed here, you can delete it.

he doesn’t let Pony‘s know he‘s their, and doesn’t eve work alone when fighting those stronger than himself.

he doesn’t let ponies know he‘s here, and don't even work alone when fighting those stronger than himself.

I was barn into an almost exact copy of him.

Sometimes I wonder if you re-read what you write before posting it…

You wont know unless you take the risk.

Written like that, it's synonym of habit, practice or custom. What you want is the contraction of "would not": won't

And of course, you still got that strange habit to write follow with a "a". And you do that absolutely every times you use the word. Every-Freaking-Times!
What this poor word have done to you that you feel the need to torment him and his family so much? Can we know why, plese? :fluttershysad:

By all rights, he has broken nearly all the big rules by doing this calculated risk, and knew the reproductions of this would have horrendous results.

repercussions, I don't think Masquerade is planing to reveal is big secret to anypony else in the near future.

not understanding why he was including them into this plan he pull form no where.

it's "form nowhere", in one word.

he winched on the inside.


I cant let him know yet


Eh, some what

it's "somewhat", in one word.

part of me cant wait until their out of the house

part of me can't wait until they are out of the house

So what if your family like Mask

what is your family like

Why cant I find anything on them?


There is no way no Pony knows about them?

In the show officials It's nopony, in one word. Like nobody, but for Equestria main species. (And you don't need an uppercase in "pony" unless it's the first word in your sentence.)

Part of the reason you cant find us in book

I think we found our new fallowing here. :raritywink:

At least Apple Jack could help see any of his lies.

It's Applejack, like carjacking but with Apple. (Don't ask me what applejackers do, I don't know.)

Mask, some ponies here to see you!

It's somepony. Yes, I know. Hasbro (and MLP:FiM's fans) can be a pain with all their ponieisms, no automatic corrector know them.

Quickly, the pink Mare starched both forelegs in either direction

Quickly, the pink mare stretched both forelegs in either direction

she landed on her hooves at the entice of the kitchen

I suppose you mean entrance.

you surprised me their, whit how quick you dragged me

surprised me here, with

Yea, they don’t like to be in town that much. You said their here?

they're here

letting Rarity and Apple Jack up and untangle themselves.

I cant help it, we haven’t had a gathering in nearly two weeks!


So far, there has yet to be a Pony that can out run or hide from Pinkie Pie.

a pony that can outrun

their own pranksters who foreign the picture of innocents.

Even if innocence is a stranger concept to them, they feign it's picture.

her final two guests that for once, a little late

for once, are a little late

I only have a shape shifting friends

Why the plural when you speak (or here, think) of ONE lone friend?

"Any who," Apple Jack cut in


This was met by Pinkies pet Alligator

So, you're saying they suddenly got a bunch of Pinkies that also are pet alligators? If NOT, then write: Pinkie's pet alligator

Capable of taking on the form of taking on the form of other Ponies and masquerading as them.

He is able to take the form of taking the form… Changelinception! :pinkiegasp:

but it still put Twilight in a confusion situation.

a confusing situation.

He west suppose to even tell

He wasn't

I like how the author is just ignoring every single one of your posts.

Seriously author, this guy is doing you a favor. The story itself is really good, but all those errors make it rather annoying to read.

4552493 In fact, said author have contacted me via private messages. He do read our comment and gave me his thanks for helping him. But don't have time to apply any correction to his story right now.

(That said, I do hope he will think to use the search function of whatever software he use to write, or he will need even more time.)

Honestly it doesn't take that long to correct a simple spelling error, but whatever.

Then the fallowing two weeks were you staying here in Ponyville.

It's STILL following! You don't make any effort to not repeat nor correct any of the errors I point to you!
That's it! I quit!

That's sad, because your story have so much potential. YOU have so much potential.

Actually, I was sure I fixed that one. Unless I missed it again, in which case, is completely possible.
:facehoof: Oy, I sometimes hate the variety of words in the world...

Okay, I'm liking the story, but I'm going to take some time to highlight some grammatical errors :twilightsmile:
Red = Things you should remove.
Green = Things that weren't there that should be added.
Yellow = Things that should be changed, i.e A sentence's wording.
Strike Through = Things that should be changed to something else i.e: Colt colt

The talk Rarity had with mainly Twilight on her surprise friend had been somewhat enlightening.

She could tell Fluttershy was just as curious, knowing like herself, wanted to hear more of Twilight's life before Ponyville.

Should be re-written to be more comprehensible, add an apostrophe to Twilights (since it's her life).

Who would have thought Twilight had such a lonesome past filled with an amount of studying that it made Rarity question how her friend could be here talking with them.

should be changed to something similar to

Who would have thought Twilight had such a lonesome past filled with an amount of studying that made Rarity question how her friend could be here talking with them?

...thinking for every instant the lavender Unicorn unicorn would fuss over a book's contents or condition like she would a dresses style and coloring.

Dress, and it's plural possessive, are very tricky. Everyone says something different, i.e: dresses, dress's
If you make it singular and take off the 'a' before it, it makes everyone happy.

Twilight was the one who really knew him, not her, so she cant couldn't be sure of any changeds from Colt colt to Stallion stallion.

Don't capitalize colt or stallion unless it's the beginning of a sentence. Same goes for filly and mare, plus pegasus and unicorn.
Bigou's post was nicely written and explains each error better.

With a gasp she glared in a playful manner, “You wouldn’t ofhave dared!” she exclaimed, her eyes gleaming with wanting to know more.

You do this a lot, but the beginning of a quote should have a comma, like so: His eyes gleamed with mirth as he whispered, "Let's play a prank."
I'm a little iffy on the green and purple parts here. You can see if you like how I worded it.

“Look at me Twinkles, I can fly!” and the Guards would look at me before rubbing theretheir eyes as if they were imaging it!”

Some examples of proper there/their/they're usage:
"There was a man with a backpack." "The park there was never used." There is usually used to refer to a person, place, or thing.
"Their hats were all black, aside from a dark blue strip going down the brim." "It was their bed, and he was a guest." Their indicates it is a group of people and you are describing something having to do with them.
"They're getting ready for celebration!" "Aside from having fun, they're going to be doing some work too." They're is just a nice way of saying 'they are' so use it like that.
They aren't taking pictures are they? imaging should be imagining.

I didn't get all of them, but these are just some suggestions. Great story so far, keep up the nice work!

I'm spotting a lot less errors, great job!

You have yet to order a prereader and editor.

You need a copy editor / proofreader BADLY. There are plenty available on this site. Please get one and then go over these older chapters. You do not show a very good image with this first chapter. If the simple errors continue, they serve as a distraction and detraction for the story you're attempting to tell.

Edit: Also, a very important rule of dialogue. When a new person speaks, you start a new line. Otherwise conversations can get confusing and you again force the reader out of the experience. You're goal should be for the reader to forget that they're reading a story like when you watch a good movie and you just slip away and forget you're watching a movie.

You need a proofreader badly, or at least someone to read the story out loud who has English as their first language. (I apologize if English is your first language but a lot of the mistakes are similar to ones I have seen in 2ndard English speakers).

Thru is an improper spelling of the proper word "through" and lots of errors. I even spotted the wrong there thrown in. I really have minimal problem if a person screws up their or there because people can make that mistake but how do you screw up when you need they're instead of there? Read the sentence if it makes sense to say they are, then they're if it doesn't work then it's either there or their. Their is possessive, so that can help a lot. There is usually teamed up with some form of to be and acts as a sort of connecting word.

Example: There are multiple problems with their solution but they're going to succeed anyway.

There combined with are....their is possessing the solution like the apostrophe s attached to normal possessive words. They are going to succeed is a complete sentence that makes sense while They are are multiple doesn't as well as With they are solution but, Sounds horrible as well.

Hmm, I think these two have covered most of the mistakes in this chapter. You really should get a beta reader, or at least read over it several times before you post. It looks like your autocorrect is going crazy fixing the mistakes and making it even worse. Then there's the awkward choices of phrasing things all through the story. While the story is enjoyable, the constant need to figure out what you are trying to say distracts the reader. One thing I noticed the other two missed is that you need to remember to put quotation marks around things they say. It also helps the reader if you use some method of noting that a sentence is something one of them is thinking, such as single quotation marks or italics.

Hoping for more talking with Daisy than this but whatever it was stil good.

Your italics borked right after the first Rainbow Dash scene.

4619213 Thanks for that, didn't catch it

Woah, lot of spelling errors at the end there.

With a glare she said, “Well I didn’t mean for you to get it form Celestia‘s privet stash!”


“Well it‘s no fun getting it from the kitchen, beside we both agreed that her's taste better.” He told her with a nod.

besides* hers*

Thant’s because it‘s Celestia‘s personal cake, and it‘s locked in a vualt to keep others from messing with it!” Twilight almost shouted back.

That's* vault*

He gave her a genital hug

Im not sure what you wanted to say but im guessing thats not it^^
Anyway carry on I eagerly await the next chapter.

Fixed:twilightblush:....all in favor that we never speak of that little error again...ever...

Uh, I still see it. There's quite a few others too.

It's not a big deal, but I still recommend you get a prereader or editor.

Mares, what’s a guy to do about them?

Well you can either do nothing or love them those are about the the two things you can do with them.

“So, first thing we should do…” The librarian said with some enthusiasm, knowing that she did not have a plan for this, “Is maybe, get something to eat?”

Why you change to bold letters?

4681069 Yep, sorry, user error on my part. should be fixed now.

For a second I thought 'tong' was a misspelling since his tongue was numb, but then it was spelt the same in his thoughts. Might wanna fix that.

4681288 Thanks. it's strange, i was sure it was done right. Eh, i'll get to work on it. Now where's my wrench?

I'm very happy that your are updating this great story that fast !

Getting a nod from the older mare, Pinkie jumped up with a ‘Meep-Meep!’ and zoomed off in a pink dust cloud.

Is that a reference of a certain cartoon ? :)
Beep-Beep !

Squee I loved this chapter, and rarity x Roma shipping yessss plox xD lolol

4701175 that would be glorious to see

roma is my second favourite changeling:heart:
4701175 that profile pic, the cuteness XD

4701526 Yes it proves that Luna is the best princess!

this rapidly approaches "just kiss already" territory^^

4701541 always best princess <3

Amazing fic, can't wait for more.

There are some small issues where (I assume) spellcheck messed up, and some cases where you were missing a word that should have been there, but these issues are minor and don't really detract from the story. The pacing is good, the plot is delightful, and the concept is glorious.

~Crystalline Electrostatic~

Cat fight gonna happen soon.

4722533 We better go cook some popcorn and drag some lawn chairs xD

I tried to read it. But mary sue character and uninteresting fillers (what are like 90% of story), overall it was somehow very hard to read.
Adding to this a lot of errors, did you even reread you chapter before posting it?

High on love lolol, freaking priceless! Love going to see the next chapter

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