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Ponyville is seen as a quaint little town by those who live there, and for Twilight Sparkle, it has all she needs with her friends by her side. When a stranger that she is familiar with comes into town, she finds herself questioning as to what to do and how to accept a secret they have held from her since they meet.
Sometimes, friendship is tested by what your willing to see as truth or lies. But how can one trust those who live with using masks to hide both lies and truth?
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It's improper in one word and with a "M" instead of a "N".
A word seem to be missing, here. “Masquerade, what do friends do for one another?” is probably what you mean.
followed
And it's only the most obvious of your errors. (And only for the second chapter, sorry.)
That said, these 2 first chapters are good one. But they still strongly need to be corrected.
Sorry to be annoying about your most evident orthographically and grammatical errors, but:
It's a ponified version of boyfriend, so it's coltfriend in one word. (Even if, technically, it not incorrect.) Also, why in hell have you put the an uppercase at "colt"?
Even if you have a lot of friends, you will never be more than one yourself, and it also apply to Twilight. So it's "Heavens know they don’t know much of there studious friend past."
Like in chapter two, what you mean here is following. The verb "to fallow" do exist, but absolutely don't have the same meaning.
Bis repetita…
Also, you might want to add a comma just after "asked".
Her name is actually Applejack, in one word.
Again, her name is Applejack.
That said I like this story, so far.
It's time for the fourth chapter of "My Little Annoying: List of Errors". (You can call it "MLA: LoE - E04" for short.
)
Two in one! Firstly, her name is (still) not in two words. Secondly, we don't speak of a herd of Applejacks, but about Applejack's younger sister.
When I read that, I imagine Rarity confectioning a hat that using nuclear combustible as fabric. The resulting garment must be as deadly than it is fashionable.
It's Appleloosa, but i'm not sure you should correct it here, since it might make sense for Masquerade to be confused about how is supposed to say it.
can't
I liked this story, but you need to watch out for the grammar errors.
I know you just didn't got the time to correct it since I (partly) corrected the previous chapter, but her name is still Applejack, in no more than one lone word.
Bis repetita…
I think the term matriarch is more appropriate, here.
… Third time the charm?
Do I need to say it again?
Yes I do…
(And any following reference to Applejack also have her name written in 2 separate words.)
when she made
The word you want is follow.
district
Seduction isn't a job, (even if it IS hard work) so I strongly recommend you to use the word "courteous" instead.
Repeat after me: There is no "a" in followed.
So no, if in any following chapter I still read that somepony fallow, all that remain of your dignity will fall! HO!
It's the contracted form of "can not", so you write it this way: can't
… You are lucky my true name isn't Hurce Hanner, or right now I will have gone all "BULK SMASH!" on you.
It's the contracted form of "can not", so you write it this way: can't
It's the contracted form of "it is", so you write it this way: it's
Note that you didn't make that error in your previous paragraph.
a pony mane
It's the contracted form of "can not", so you write it this way: can't
The word "your" do exist, but here it's the contracted form of "you are" that you want. So it's "Why is it you don’t want me to help with what you're going through?"
keep quiet on it
Ponyville (Pineville must be Ponyville's counterpart in Clopestria.)
I'm sure you know what went wrong, here.
This word isn't needed here, you can delete it.
he doesn’t let ponies know he‘s here, and don't even work alone when fighting those stronger than himself.
born
Sometimes I wonder if you re-read what you write before posting it…
Written like that, it's synonym of habit, practice or custom. What you want is the contraction of "would not": won't
And of course, you still got that strange habit to write follow with a "a". And you do that absolutely every times you use the word. Every-Freaking-Times!
What this poor word have done to you that you feel the need to torment him and his family so much? Can we know why, plese?
repercussions, I don't think Masquerade is planing to reveal is big secret to anypony else in the near future.
it's "form nowhere", in one word.
winced
can't
it's "somewhat", in one word.
part of me can't wait until they are out of the house
what is your family like
can't
In the show officials It's nopony, in one word. Like nobody, but for Equestria main species. (And you don't need an uppercase in "pony" unless it's the first word in your sentence.)
can't
I think we found our new fallowing here.
It's Applejack, like carjacking but with Apple. (Don't ask me what applejackers do, I don't know.)
It's somepony. Yes, I know. Hasbro (and MLP:FiM's fans) can be a pain with all their ponieisms, no automatic corrector know them.
Quickly, the pink mare stretched both forelegs in either direction
I suppose you mean entrance.
surprised me here, with
they're here
can't
a pony that can outrun
Even if innocence is a stranger concept to them, they feign it's picture.
for once, are a little late
Why the plural when you speak (or here, think) of ONE lone friend?
Anyhow
So, you're saying they suddenly got a bunch of Pinkies that also are pet alligators? If NOT, then write: Pinkie's pet alligator
He is able to take the form of taking the form… Changelinception!
a confusing situation.
He wasn't
4521759
I like how the author is just ignoring every single one of your posts.
Seriously author, this guy is doing you a favor. The story itself is really good, but all those errors make it rather annoying to read.
4552493 In fact, said author have contacted me via private messages. He do read our comment and gave me his thanks for helping him. But don't have time to apply any correction to his story right now.
(That said, I do hope he will think to use the search function of whatever software he use to write, or he will need even more time.)
4554742
Honestly it doesn't take that long to correct a simple spelling error, but whatever.
It's STILL following! You don't make any effort to not repeat nor correct any of the errors I point to you!
That's it! I quit!
That's sad, because your story have so much potential. YOU have so much potential.
Actually, I was sure I fixed that one. Unless I missed it again, in which case, is completely possible.
Oy, I sometimes hate the variety of words in the world...
Okay, I'm liking the story, but I'm going to take some time to highlight some grammatical errors
Red = Things you should remove.
Green = Things that weren't there that should be added.
Yellow = Things that should be changed, i.e A sentence's wording.
Strike Through= Things that should be changed to something else i.e:ColtcoltShould be re-written to be more comprehensible, add an apostrophe to Twilights (since it's her life).
should be changed to something similar to
Dress, and it's plural possessive, are very tricky. Everyone says something different, i.e: dresses, dress's
If you make it singular and take off the 'a' before it, it makes everyone happy.
Don't capitalize colt or stallion unless it's the beginning of a sentence. Same goes for filly and mare, plus pegasus and unicorn.
Bigou's post was nicely written and explains each error better.
You do this a lot, but the beginning of a quote should have a comma, like so: His eyes gleamed with mirth as he whispered, "Let's play a prank."
I'm a little iffy on the green and purple parts here. You can see if you like how I worded it.
Some examples of proper there/their/they're usage:
"There was a man with a backpack." "The park there was never used." There is usually used to refer to a person, place, or thing.
"Their hats were all black, aside from a dark blue strip going down the brim." "It was their bed, and he was a guest." Their indicates it is a group of people and you are describing something having to do with them.
"They're getting ready for celebration!" "Aside from having fun, they're going to be doing some work too." They're is just a nice way of saying 'they are' so use it like that.
They aren't taking pictures are they? imaging should be imagining.
I didn't get all of them, but these are just some suggestions. Great story so far, keep up the nice work!
I'm spotting a lot less errors, great job!
You have yet to order a prereader and editor.
You need a copy editor / proofreader BADLY. There are plenty available on this site. Please get one and then go over these older chapters. You do not show a very good image with this first chapter. If the simple errors continue, they serve as a distraction and detraction for the story you're attempting to tell.
Edit: Also, a very important rule of dialogue. When a new person speaks, you start a new line. Otherwise conversations can get confusing and you again force the reader out of the experience. You're goal should be for the reader to forget that they're reading a story like when you watch a good movie and you just slip away and forget you're watching a movie.
You need a proofreader badly, or at least someone to read the story out loud who has English as their first language. (I apologize if English is your first language but a lot of the mistakes are similar to ones I have seen in 2ndard English speakers).
Thru is an improper spelling of the proper word "through" and lots of errors. I even spotted the wrong there thrown in. I really have minimal problem if a person screws up their or there because people can make that mistake but how do you screw up when you need they're instead of there? Read the sentence if it makes sense to say they are, then they're if it doesn't work then it's either there or their. Their is possessive, so that can help a lot. There is usually teamed up with some form of to be and acts as a sort of connecting word.
Example: There are multiple problems with their solution but they're going to succeed anyway.
There combined with are....their is possessing the solution like the apostrophe s attached to normal possessive words. They are going to succeed is a complete sentence that makes sense while They are are multiple doesn't as well as With they are solution but, Sounds horrible as well.
Hmm, I think these two have covered most of the mistakes in this chapter. You really should get a beta reader, or at least read over it several times before you post. It looks like your autocorrect is going crazy fixing the mistakes and making it even worse. Then there's the awkward choices of phrasing things all through the story. While the story is enjoyable, the constant need to figure out what you are trying to say distracts the reader. One thing I noticed the other two missed is that you need to remember to put quotation marks around things they say. It also helps the reader if you use some method of noting that a sentence is something one of them is thinking, such as single quotation marks or italics.
Hoping for more talking with Daisy than this but whatever it was stil good.
Your italics borked right after the first Rainbow Dash scene.
4619213 Thanks for that, didn't catch it
Woah, lot of spelling errors at the end there.
private*
besides* hers*
That's* vault*
Ha that ending.
Im not sure what you wanted to say but im guessing thats not it^^
Anyway carry on I eagerly await the next chapter.
4645452
....all in favor that we never speak of that little error again...ever...
Fixed
4646120
Uh, I still see it. There's quite a few others too.
It's not a big deal, but I still recommend you get a prereader or editor.
Well you can either do nothing or love them those are about the the two things you can do with them.
Why you change to bold letters?
4681069 Yep, sorry, user error on my part. should be fixed now.
4681084 Oh ok I was just wondering.
For a second I thought 'tong' was a misspelling since his tongue was numb, but then it was spelt the same in his thoughts. Might wanna fix that.
4681288 Thanks. it's strange, i was sure it was done right. Eh, i'll get to work on it. Now where's my wrench?
I'm very happy that your are updating this great story that fast !
Is that a reference of a certain cartoon ? :)
Beep-Beep !
Roma loves Rarity!
Squee I loved this chapter, and rarity x Roma shipping yessss plox xD lolol
4701175 that would be glorious to see
roma is my second favourite changeling
4701175 that profile pic, the cuteness XD
4701526 Yes it proves that Luna is the best princess!
this rapidly approaches "just kiss already" territory^^
4701541 always best princess <3
Amazing fic, can't wait for more.
There are some small issues where (I assume) spellcheck messed up, and some cases where you were missing a word that should have been there, but these issues are minor and don't really detract from the story. The pacing is good, the plot is delightful, and the concept is glorious.
~Crystalline Electrostatic~
Cat fight gonna happen soon.
4722533 We better go cook some popcorn and drag some lawn chairs xD
4722610 Can't forget the beer.
I tried to read it. But mary sue character and uninteresting fillers (what are like 90% of story), overall it was somehow very hard to read.
Adding to this a lot of errors, did you even reread you chapter before posting it?
High on love lolol, freaking priceless! Love going to see the next chapter
he's love drunk HA!