Canterlot Orphan Twilight Sparkle receives a surprise when Princess Luna offers to take Twilight as her personal protege. Under Luna's tutelage, a new Valkyrie is born.
Well played now i'm realy eager to see what happens with Rarity and Fluthershy next along with the other mare of the mane six.
And i think you would be a great intrigue writer you leave just enought clue for me to say that : This is the worst possible thing! And that i'm gonna say called it latter.
Is there a specific reason that brightsteel was italicized every time it was mentioned?
Four more times she repeated this procedure, heating the metal and folding it back upon itself.
That method kind of reminds of how katanas are forged; the metal is heated, folded, pounded and the process repeated many times, the metal being folded over and over on itself before actually being shaped into a blade. It's what makes them lightweight(in comparison to something like a broad sword) but incredibly strong and sharp. So I thought was really neat.
Man, poor Vinyl. Burning is not the most pleasant of things, especially because the smell of your own flesh cooking will stay with you for a long time to come.
I have feeling that the cloak is nothing but a bunch of "placebo effect" Tricking Fluttershy into thinking that it blocks her shyness while it's actually just a normal cloak
The folding of steel for katanas is not for strength, it is to smash all impurities out of the metal (the spark that fly when the hot steel is hit are impurities that have been removed). The hardening that the hammering causes is undone every time the metal is heated.
The strength comes from having the perfect amount of carbon in the outer layer and pure iron in the inner layer to keep it from shattering. Then the quenching hardens the steel in a more even fashion.
Fluttershy loved her job. Granted, she was not yet a full blown medic,
I hate this phrase, especially when applied to people. It reeks of being stuck for a more appropriate word. Words like accredited, authorized, certified, licensed, commissioned, recognized, sanctioned, heck, even official would work in it's place; with, or without fully in front of them. I know that it's used correctly here, but it just feels... sloppy to me. Sorry, just a pet peeve of mine.
What disappoints me is the combo of the two. Given the universe they're in, it's not too far fetched that she would have gotten that injury from something else than a burnt down nightclub.
34742513473446 Ohohohohoho! Kapuchu is disappointed in me! For some reason, that comment made me laugh. That being said, I'm also a little disappointed at you. As long as you've been following me, I had thought that, by now, you would KNOW I don't do cliche. Period. So I'd like you to take into consideration that the captain of that team stated fact as she saw them before whisking her victim off. Im not going to say much more and ruin part of Rainbow Dash's chapter, but let us just say, this little event is the first signs that something in Equestria isn't quite right.
3476028 Vinyl ... To be honest Vinyl was not my first guess. What pony would be involved in a show that might involve explosives? as far as i know Not Vinyl. What pony (at least in cannon shows) has shown a remarkable lack of ability to see the consequences of her own actions (with regard to the safety of others)? as far as i know Not Vinyl. What showmare would do what ever she had to in order to fill up a show? The One The Only The Great The Powerful TRIXIE!
3476949 I know, I know, but I still add mentions of OCC in an attempt to protect myself. You'd be amazed at the number of readers who will get mad at an author for making changes to the personalities of the Mane 6 in a world said author creates. Even though this is a militarized Equestria, and this has the AU tag and is a practical cross over with RA, readers will still get angry because their favorite character(s) don't act exactly like they do in the show.
3475486 Yea, I thought Rarity made a nice touch. I didn't want her to be the "lady" too afraid to get her hooves dirty.
34728553473210 Gwen really has the right of it. Its why I made sure to mention Rarity inspecting the quality of the metal, to be sure it was going to be the best she could produce. Every time Rarity repeated this procedure, she made the metal a little more as close to 'perfect' as she could manage.
Will Pinkie's disregard for impossibilities earn her a whole chapter to herself? Maybe see her mentor visiting counselor Bubble Pipe (I think I may have accidentally started a new character here) to talk about it? I certainly hope so. Heck, Bubble Pipe could be Pinkie's serious side here instead of Pinkamena Diane Pie. Flicka, if you like these ideas, go ahead and use them.
3476672 Remember the melted plastic on the burned mare's face? Right where some glasses would be? Tell me, since when does Trixie wear glasses, functional or otherwise? Granted, this is an AU fic, so that minor detail could be there.
You can't really blame me for not knowing what is to come. All we get is "Vinyl Scratch is hurt in a fire." It all sounds so ordinary and just "Oh, we need to give Fluttershy a patient to show that she's become better."
There is nothing, from the reader's perspective, that indicates anything happening outside of a random accident, and a certain pony that seems to always be associated with that kind of accidents.
If you have something planned further ahead that would explain why it was a Nightclub and why Vinyl was the victim, then I'm all for it. Until then, I honestly can't help but dislike that part of the story.
3477723 Ohhh! I see, I missed the part about the melted plastic around the eyes It could also have been Photo Finish (if there is a horn hidden under all that hair )
3478687 You are a horrible horrible person, picking on a mare because of her ... unfortunate medical condition ... its not her fault she has SHD (small horn disorder)! It is not her fault that her father was a Deutsche Reitpony! open your heart to love and acceptance Love and Tolerate! LOVE AND TOLERATE!
"Her mane lacked its usual coiffer," coiffure. "It was, quite easily, the" technically correct, but reads better with the commas left out. Which seems to be a common problem. "next phrase of your" phase.
3477575 Couldn't Rarity do something else than make armour. Flicka, y u do dis? Poise, grace, precision. You could of had an excellent swordsman, but nope, armour. Unless that armour is somehow superior to Celestia's without being OP Harvey Dench MegaDebug armour I feel having her as a smithy is too, I hate to use the word mainstream, but it applies. Even with the ties to dressmaking.
Sad moment over, happy moment begins
Hooray for a new chapter, my email is screwed and to see this brightens my day, and makes me smile etc all that crap. Very nicely done. I feel like a hypocrite but even though everyone and their cat and their cats toy immediately thinks of Flutters as a medic, it's because she is already in canon. But yeah, she fits into said role perfectly, if the cloak was specified though, my imagination keeps on shifting her from CMC style cloak to Darth Vader's to Dr. Doom, but that's just me.
3484176 Flutter's cloak will be brought into light better, believe me. As for Rarity, I did mention that being an armorsmith was not the only thing she brings to Equestria. Yes, this profession does kind of tie in with 'dressmaking' and whatever else quite well, but its not the only thing she does. But I don't want to spoil it for you. You'll get to see Rarity in a combat situation soon enough.
And, Rarity is the one that's going to lead a lot of the upcoming technological advancements; her experiments are going to shape the way Equestria's military does battle for a while to come. As for the new Valkyrie's armor, yes, its going to be powerful. Yes, its going to make Twilight powerful. Doesn't mean she still cannot be injured, but that armor is designed to protect her from the worst stuff, and lend her strength when she needs it.
How much time has passed since the beginning of this story? I can't help but feel that Fluttershy hasn't even had enough training for it to kick in at any point.
3496760 Not sure what the original post was.. In any case I tend to think that at some point the character is so far off canon that to complain about it is silly. That was the point I was trying to make; that it's ridiculous to compare Twilight in this story to canon because her whole backstory is different.
3530717 Read on a bit farther. I do mention, finally, at the end of last chapter, that Applejack does still have her brother, who, like Shining Armor, enlisted in the military to follow their dreams at their sister's insistence. As to the fact of why they are orphans... I urge you to remember that this is an alternate universe, one in which the "nightmare" version of Celestia attempted to rule. There is a solid reason that all of the mane six no longer have parents or most other immediate family. After all, Corona Flare can't plan her revenge if some of the ponies who foiled her the first time are still alive to oppose her plans.... I've already planned out several plot lines for the death of the parents, but I'm simply not at the point I need to be at to add them yet.
I can't speak to the accuracy of the details, but I'm pretty sure that the folding is just one part. As far as I know there is also lamination involved.
3532973 Well, it's probably worth noting, granted AU tag, that the canon seems to suggest that Celestia alone brought about Luna's banishment. What you're saying would lead me to conclude that somehow their parents used the elements of harmony or were at least instrumental somehow in the course of events. I think that what ~shadowx meant is that it's a little too convenient, even tacky seeming, that all the kids are also somehow tied up in this. Granted that well, stories are a bit prone to that in general, given the omniscient, omnipotent hand of the author in writing it.
To be fair, we'll see what you end up writing, but canonically the ponies only seem to be of any real use in that they somehow embody the element they wield/hold and aside from that are merely average ponies or at best above average, with perhaps Twilight and Rainbow having some uniqueness. So in this story they seem almost opposites, and as though they are as socially isolated as the canon ones are social (i.e. everyone except Twilight and maybe Fluttershy in canon seems to know a lots of the townspeople).
Comment posted by StormyVenture deleted Nov 26th, 2013
4002899 Why would she be? So far, there is nothing else to suggest at Luna's intentions on turning her into the Valkyrie. As far as she knows, anypony apprenticed to Luna learns multiple schools of magic.
4292815 I was referring to Luna and Twilight in earlier chapters. You might not be ntending to ship them, but them ogling each other is a bit awkward to the pacing of the story. I had to ruminate on what as throwing me as a read and that was it. Too sudden and awkward, IMHO.
The Guedel tubus was a nice touche. The fact that she wasn't at least covered up to prevent infection or that on on-site medic inserted was kinda unrealistic, but whatever. I only really thought of that because you actually added a neat detail, so I'm not too bothered about that.
5370993 Definitely. Actually, i was thinking Rarity as I (sometimes) have a tendency to forget immediate stuff. I was just like, unicorn? FASHION GLASSES? Rare DOES work in a metalsmith shop.
Not a bad chapter. Only thing I saw that was wrong was the medical side of things in the Fluttershy section. From a medical standpoint it is wrong, but it still works for the story. Looking forward to reading the rest.
Well played now i'm realy eager to see what happens with Rarity and Fluthershy next along with the other mare of the mane six.
And i think you would be a great intrigue writer you leave just enought clue for me to say that : This is the worst possible thing! And that i'm gonna say called it latter.
So, Fluttershy is going to learn the art of Offensive Alchemy, hm? I wonder if Zecora will have any part in this...
Is there a specific reason that brightsteel was italicized every time it was mentioned?
That method kind of reminds of how katanas are forged; the metal is heated, folded, pounded and the process repeated many times, the metal being folded over and over on itself before actually being shaped into a blade. It's what makes them lightweight(in comparison to something like a broad sword) but incredibly strong and sharp.
So I thought was really neat.
Brightsteel... I see you've read the Inheritance series.
Man, poor Vinyl. Burning is not the most pleasant of things, especially because the smell of your own flesh cooking will stay with you for a long time to come.
hmm, hey what ever happened to Unity? oh, it's on hiatus. never mind!
I have feeling that the cloak is nothing but a bunch of "placebo effect" Tricking Fluttershy into thinking that it blocks her shyness while it's actually just a normal cloak
Also... I'm honestly disappointed in you, Flicka. I expected you to be above using the "Burnt Nightclub, Vinyl is the victim" cliché. You could have used any other random background pony that no one knew of, used a clean OC character with no ties to the show. The fact that you so blatantly jumps a bandwagon like that is... well, it's disappointing. A guy with your skill should have easily been able to avoid that.
3472855
The folding of steel for katanas is not for strength, it is to smash all impurities out of the metal (the spark that fly when the hot steel is hit are impurities that have been removed). The hardening that the hammering causes is undone every time the metal is heated.
The strength comes from having the perfect amount of carbon in the outer layer and pure iron in the inner layer to keep it from shattering. Then the quenching hardens the steel in a more even fashion.
3472891 I can't wait to see what weapon is forged from this awesome metal!
I hate this phrase, especially when applied to people. It reeks of being stuck for a more appropriate word. Words like accredited, authorized, certified, licensed, commissioned, recognized, sanctioned, heck, even official would work in it's place; with, or without fully in front of them. I know that it's used correctly here, but it just feels... sloppy to me. Sorry, just a pet peeve of mine.
3473446
I don't say that he couldn't have Vinyl in his story if he wanted to, what I'm saying is that I know Flicka is good enough to get her in without resorting to a cliché like that, and that he could easily have used an OC or something if he just wanted to nightclub to burn down.
What disappoints me is the combo of the two. Given the universe they're in, it's not too far fetched that she would have gotten that injury from something else than a burnt down nightclub.
Armorsmith Rarity, so awesome.
Silly Vinyl, burning the club down is a terrible way to end your gig.
3474251 3473446 Ohohohohoho! Kapuchu is disappointed in me! For some reason, that comment made me laugh. That being said, I'm also a little disappointed at you. As long as you've been following me, I had thought that, by now, you would KNOW I don't do cliche. Period. So I'd like you to take into consideration that the captain of that team stated fact as she saw them before whisking her victim off. Im not going to say much more and ruin part of Rainbow Dash's chapter, but let us just say, this little event is the first signs that something in Equestria isn't quite right.
3476028
Vinyl ... To be honest Vinyl was not my first guess.
What pony would be involved in a show that might involve explosives? as far as i know Not Vinyl.
What pony (at least in cannon shows) has shown a remarkable lack of ability to see the consequences of her own actions (with regard to the safety of others)? as far as i know Not Vinyl.
What showmare would do what ever she had to in order to fill up a show?
The One
The Only
The Great
The Powerful
TRIXIE!
The Great and Powerful Flicka does it again! Definitely have me excited for more. And I love all the subtle references.
3476949 I know, I know, but I still add mentions of OCC in an attempt to protect myself. You'd be amazed at the number of readers who will get mad at an author for making changes to the personalities of the Mane 6 in a world said author creates. Even though this is a militarized Equestria, and this has the AU tag and is a practical cross over with RA, readers will still get angry because their favorite character(s) don't act exactly like they do in the show.
3475486 Yea, I thought Rarity made a nice touch. I didn't want her to be the "lady" too afraid to get her hooves dirty.
3472855 3473210 Gwen really has the right of it. Its why I made sure to mention Rarity inspecting the quality of the metal, to be sure it was going to be the best she could produce. Every time Rarity repeated this procedure, she made the metal a little more as close to 'perfect' as she could manage.
Will Pinkie's disregard for impossibilities earn her a whole chapter to herself? Maybe see her mentor visiting counselor Bubble Pipe (I think I may have accidentally started a new character here) to talk about it? I certainly hope so. Heck, Bubble Pipe could be Pinkie's serious side here instead of Pinkamena Diane Pie. Flicka, if you like these ideas, go ahead and use them.
3476672 Remember the melted plastic on the burned mare's face? Right where some glasses would be? Tell me, since when does Trixie wear glasses, functional or otherwise? Granted, this is an AU fic, so that minor detail could be there.
3476028
I know you don't do cliché, which is why I got disappointed when I saw it.
You can't really blame me for not knowing what is to come. All we get is "Vinyl Scratch is hurt in a fire." It all sounds so ordinary and just "Oh, we need to give Fluttershy a patient to show that she's become better."
There is nothing, from the reader's perspective, that indicates anything happening outside of a random accident, and a certain pony that seems to always be associated with that kind of accidents.
If you have something planned further ahead that would explain why it was a Nightclub and why Vinyl was the victim, then I'm all for it. Until then, I honestly can't help but dislike that part of the story.
3477723
Ohhh!
I see, I missed the part about the melted plastic around the eyes
It could also have been Photo Finish (if there is a horn hidden under all that hair )
3477835 I think Photo Finish is an earth pony.If she were a unicorn, there would be a horn sticking through her mane.
3478687
You are a horrible horrible person, picking on a mare because of her ... unfortunate medical condition ... its not her fault she has SHD (small horn disorder)!
It is not her fault that her father was a Deutsche Reitpony!
open your heart to love and acceptance
Love and Tolerate!
LOVE AND TOLERATE!
3478949 Eh, alright.
"Her mane lacked its usual coiffer," coiffure.
"It was, quite easily, the" technically correct, but reads better with the commas left out. Which seems to be a common problem.
"next phrase of your" phase.
3477575 Couldn't Rarity do something else than make armour. Flicka, y u do dis?
Poise, grace, precision. You could of had an excellent swordsman, but nope, armour. Unless that armour is somehow superior to Celestia's without being OP Harvey Dench MegaDebug armour I feel having her as a smithy is too, I hate to use the word mainstream, but it applies. Even with the ties to dressmaking.
Sad moment over, happy moment begins
Hooray for a new chapter, my email is screwed and to see this brightens my day, and makes me smile etc all that crap. Very nicely done. I feel like a hypocrite but even though everyone and their cat and their cats toy immediately thinks of Flutters as a medic, it's because she is already in canon. But yeah, she fits into said role perfectly, if the cloak was specified though, my imagination keeps on shifting her from CMC style cloak to Darth Vader's to Dr. Doom, but that's just me.
3484176 Flutter's cloak will be brought into light better, believe me. As for Rarity, I did mention that being an armorsmith was not the only thing she brings to Equestria. Yes, this profession does kind of tie in with 'dressmaking' and whatever else quite well, but its not the only thing she does. But I don't want to spoil it for you. You'll get to see Rarity in a combat situation soon enough.
And, Rarity is the one that's going to lead a lot of the upcoming technological advancements; her experiments are going to shape the way Equestria's military does battle for a while to come. As for the new Valkyrie's armor, yes, its going to be powerful. Yes, its going to make Twilight powerful. Doesn't mean she still cannot be injured, but that armor is designed to protect her from the worst stuff, and lend her strength when she needs it.
3484231 But could you tell me what it looks like? Because, my mind is now set in Dr. Doom mode
How much time has passed since the beginning of this story? I can't help but feel that Fluttershy hasn't even had enough training for it to kick in at any point.
3496760
Not sure what the original post was.. In any case I tend to think that at some point the character is so far off canon that to complain about it is silly. That was the point I was trying to make; that it's ridiculous to compare Twilight in this story to canon because her whole backstory is different.
3496733 Ya know, I meant to go fix that, then ended up forgetting about it. I'll have to fix that for real this time.
3530717 Read on a bit farther. I do mention, finally, at the end of last chapter, that Applejack does still have her brother, who, like Shining Armor, enlisted in the military to follow their dreams at their sister's insistence. As to the fact of why they are orphans... I urge you to remember that this is an alternate universe, one in which the "nightmare" version of Celestia attempted to rule. There is a solid reason that all of the mane six no longer have parents or most other immediate family. After all, Corona Flare can't plan her revenge if some of the ponies who foiled her the first time are still alive to oppose her plans.... I've already planned out several plot lines for the death of the parents, but I'm simply not at the point I need to be at to add them yet.
3472855
http://www.sword-buyers-guide.com/authentic-samurai-sword.html
I can't speak to the accuracy of the details, but I'm pretty sure that the folding is just one part. As far as I know there is also lamination involved.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Laminated_steel_blade
3532973
Well, it's probably worth noting, granted AU tag, that the canon seems to suggest that Celestia alone brought about Luna's banishment. What you're saying would lead me to conclude that somehow their parents used the elements of harmony or were at least instrumental somehow in the course of events. I think that what ~shadowx meant is that it's a little too convenient, even tacky seeming, that all the kids are also somehow tied up in this. Granted that well, stories are a bit prone to that in general, given the omniscient, omnipotent hand of the author in writing it.
To be fair, we'll see what you end up writing, but canonically the ponies only seem to be of any real use in that they somehow embody the element they wield/hold and aside from that are merely average ponies or at best above average, with perhaps Twilight and Rainbow having some uniqueness. So in this story they seem almost opposites, and as though they are as socially isolated as the canon ones are social (i.e. everyone except Twilight and maybe Fluttershy in canon seems to know a lots of the townspeople).
I love this, cant wait for an update, yaay~
My prediction for Twilight at the end of this fic
derpicdn.net/img/2014/1/30/538825/medium.jpeg
ignore Mario
Thank the gods that Raity is not the lady she is in the show, but instead a master armorsmith.
4002899 Why would she be? So far, there is nothing else to suggest at Luna's intentions on turning her into the Valkyrie. As far as she knows, anypony apprenticed to Luna learns multiple schools of magic.
4292815 I was referring to Luna and Twilight in earlier chapters. You might not be ntending to ship them, but them ogling each other is a bit awkward to the pacing of the story. I had to ruminate on what as throwing me as a read and that was it. Too sudden and awkward, IMHO.
4292309 fair enought about chimps but fish isn't meat.
3478687 It was at a club! it almost has to be Vinyl
her shyness was started to recede
by ensuring that the unicorn could still breath
1. Starting.
2. Breathe.
Eragon reference! Awesome levels increasing!
The Guedel tubus was a nice touche. The fact that she wasn't at least covered up to prevent infection or that on on-site medic inserted was kinda unrealistic, but whatever. I only really thought of that because you actually added a neat detail, so I'm not too bothered about that.
4346422 what was the reference?
Night club, glasses, and Unicorn?
Vinyl Scratch, anyone?
5370993
Definitely. Actually, i was thinking Rarity as I (sometimes) have a tendency to forget immediate stuff. I was just like, unicorn? FASHION GLASSES? Rare DOES work in a metalsmith shop.
images.wikia.com/mlpfanart/images/8/81/Vampire_Twilight_Sparkle.png
Not a bad chapter. Only thing I saw that was wrong was the medical side of things in the Fluttershy section. From a medical standpoint it is wrong, but it still works for the story. Looking forward to reading the rest.
4317752