Lyra Heartstrings is an aspiring unicorn with dreams of playing her lyre for the whole world. One day, she meets a stallion called the Doctor who rides his alien spaceship, the TARDIS, through time and space, solving mysteries and learning everything there is to know about the universe. She finds herself trapped on his ship with nothing to do but run.
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Really nice dude. Could I offer some advice and recommend putting things like "Lyra said excitingly" or "The Doctor yelled in terror" after you type one of them talking. I mean it's obvious who is talking when you read the sentences, but I think it would add more feeling to the book
Other than that it has a pretty good plot base. Also if you're interested there is a comic that is similar to this; I could link it to you if you like.
Keep up the good work man! this story has potential!
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I think I know the one you're talking about. The one by Edowaado on Deviantart, right? Believe me, it'll go quite a different path than this ;)
And thanks for the feedback! I was hoping not adding those in too often would help the story flow better since adding them after every line of dialogue would make it a very old song and dance quickly, but I'll definitely add more in the future if it helps the impact the story will have on the reader.
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Yea that's the one! Man I love that comic! Also don't think it makes the story more boring by adding those in, it actually makes it more exciting! Without them you can kinda guess how the doctor, Lyra, Bon Bon, etc. is talking, but you don't know for sure! Keep with this story man!
dont u mean tone here
hmm it feels like theirs a missing line here or something
Nice!
Other than that id say this is a pretty good concept
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Repetition of any kind brings the story to a grinding halt and makes it nigh unreadable. Variety is highly recommended when it comes to any writing style. Add in those little fillers once and a while but not after every single instance.
I can already see the potential this story has. You have a different companion which goes far beyond the norm for usual Doctor Whooves. While a risk it always nice to see those who go outside the norm. You have already developed Lyra beyond the usual human obsessed pony that most are familiar with. You get bravo and high marks for that.
Keep up the good work. I look forward to the next installment.
R U going 2 finish this?