Princess Celestia began to notice a change in the Elements of Harmony and has summoned the Mane Six to figure out exactly what is causing the reaction. Soon the six girls are tossed into another realm, far beyond their own, separated from not only their country but from each other. Filled in a world with beings calling themselves "Hue-manes" the girls try to find a way back home, and a way back to their friends....
Little do they know of what the Elements of Harmony are planning of for their future. They have another quest in mind that none are aware of and for what goals.
Finding the Knights of Harmonia in this strange new world.
Rated Teen for Violence, Language, Alcoholic and Sexual References
Tags, Characters, etc. are suspect to change
Chapters (0)
And here we are, my very first story! I'm really excited with how this is going to turn out.
I do pardon if things seem out of place in a few spots. I've read and edited this thing three times already but I know that I might have missed something or made something feel/seem odd. I just wasn't able to get anyone to help read the story and give me an opinion as well. Comments and constructive criticism are very grateful.
Thanks, and enjoy!
Interesting. VERY interesting. I like how you did Hue-Manes instead of humans. It's like that book I read once, where the centipedes called humans "Hoo-Mins." Ah, yes, Harry the Poisonous Centipede is still my favorite chapter book to this day.
The concept of this story is pretty unique (at least to me) and I'm excited to see where it will go! I'll be tracking it
Tracking.
This looks gooooooooooooooood.
I'm really curious to see what comes next
I'm gonna track the buck out of this!
What I got from that last part:
Applejack ended up in South America.
Pinkie Pie ended up in North America.
Really curious. Tracking!
Really interesting story.
A few criticisms:
Memes. I'd advise against using them. Especially ones as beaten down as 20% cooler/ten seconds flat. They just make the fic look lazy, like a comedian who won't stop telling the same joke over-and-over.
Also, don't put notes right in the middle of the story. If there you need to explain something, either work it into the narrative or leave a note after the chapter. If you feel the need to just make a joke, either work it into the narrative, or just don't say it at all.
Things like this, "Believe it or not, Dash actually HAD a good point. ((Go figure))" and this, "You and only you, Holders of the Elements.
((Now, for those who were expecting the Elements to do as Twilight had wished and explained things in a calm and logical matter, let me, as the author tell you exactly how that intention was answered.
Nope.))" are the equivalent of someone pausing a movie to tell a joke/explain the plot.
It just completely throws people out of a story. Don't do that.
I really do like the story however, you clearly have talent.
Heh, wow. That's all I can pretty much say about how this story is responding. I'd really never thought that this would receive such positive reviews AND a 4.5 star rating in such a short time. You all make me feel excited in how this will progress.
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A bit of feedback for you kind sir/madam:
Memes....as far as memes are concerned, don't worry there aren't going to be as much as what I probably caked on in this first section. And in reality, there aren't going to be many people spouting them. Pinkie Pie and Rainbow Dash are pretty much going to be the only ones spouting references, unless it's me who also states them. Even then, they're going to tone it down a bit as well. I'm going to keep them, because, like all things in the internet, even the memes are part of the culture of it all...even though the rate at people spout them off gets annoying at best.
That's another thing, I will also be referencing several other bits of fandom media. If you could spot it, I also referenced one book known as the "63rd Rune" in which they turn into colts and have to fix it. These I'll also snipe in there as well. Not to many, but once in a while.
Now, I also will agree with you on those two brackets of author comments and author comments alone. While I will promise to keep it to a minimum, that doesn't mean that I won't pop in there from time to time and quip myself. While I'm definitely not a comedian, I do like to shoot a quick joke in from time to time, even in real life.
The reason why I agree is because of, with the first one, it did indeed sound odd in there when I read it. I will agree that I was trying to quip but it struck out, in both joke and form of writing. That's getting deleted as soon as I finish this post. The second, well, I gotta give Dash more love. I feel myself that this one was just a low blow for our favorite rainbow mare....well, our only rainbow mare...but still. She has good ideas, but her method of charging in headfirst with it usually backfires, instead of sitting down and thinking of the when.
The Rarity quip stays though, as the fear is definitely real in my heart.
I congratulate you, good sir/madam. You really helped me out. Like I said, I didn't have anyone to really give this thing a good read over to state such errors before, so this helps out.
Aaaaaaand here's the very first Chapter. I'm starting off with Applejack with this story.
Seems like she's found herself in a bit of a pickle. Wonder who this nice guy is too...
We'll find out more in the next chapter
Enjoy!
This is going to be a long story, ain't it.
Awesome!
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Honestly, yes. VERY yes.
6 arcs, 15 chapters with each ranging from 3,000 to 5,000 words per chapter, with 5 Interludes and an ending.
And that's just going to be book one.....
When I make something, I make it BIG!
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Looking forward to it Cap'n Anchors away then. Sorry had to make a bad joke, it's kinda a tradition.
Here's Chapter 2!
I can't believe that I was able to shoot this one out so fast.
You aren't going to have this very often, so I hope you enjoy it as much as I made it.
Also, yes, sheep are THAT adorable...and THAT stupid.
Anyways, Enjoy!
Just curious, how many chapter is this whole story looking to be, if you can even tell, because it looks like you are really taking a lot of time developing the plot, which I really like! Also, how much will you concentrate on each of the Mane Six?
Zombies. Really?
Also, you gotta love Chad's enthusiasm.
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Yes Zombies. FEAR THEM!
In a more related note, they DO have significance to Applejack, part of her own personal fears to accomplish.
Same thing with Chad's own enthusiasm. He's hiding something that nobody knows....
It's all for story, my friend, all for the story.
That and I HATE Zombies....fuckers are terrible things...*shudders* The fear is greater than the fear of Pinkie Powers.
Damn. Sorry it took me so long to write this one folks. I had the HARDEST time trying to word it all out.
Enjoy!
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And a Where's Waldo reference....and a TF2 Reference.
I love them so much.
Also a Code Geass one by having AJ react to pizza.
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Now THAT one I never purposely made. Good work on me making a reference that even I never knew about!
*Achievement Unlocked*
You do realize that you are going to have Chad reveal the series to AJ at some point right?
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All in due time, my friend. All in due time.
True enough. Oh well, I have a Brony Survival Guide to finish, later!
It took me thirteen years, but I finally found Waldo.
Sweet.
Oh, story's good too. Keep it up, mate. Fight skills seemed out of nowhere, though.
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This, too, will be explained in time.
Ooooh, beatdown. That AJ lost. Anyways, great chapter. Great job with the fight. Nice and tense. On a side note, can't wait to see how the others handle their situations.
I bet those fight skills were his 'Brony must protect the ponies' instinct.
And I caught that TF2 reference!
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Was he wearing the Killing Gloves of Boxing or something?
Alright, it's time for Chapter 4.
Apparently Chad likes to dole out the lessons. Never thought he was a big teacher, eh?!
Also, this will be the last chapter for awhile. Please see my blog for more details on the subject.
Enjoy!
You like One Piece too. So far nobody as made a good One Piece Crossover fanfic, I'm thinking of doing one after I finish my first one.
Word choice and placement could use a little work. But the ideas are sound and interesting.