• Member Since 3rd Feb, 2013
  • offline last seen Nov 23rd, 2016

GreySkiesAhead


T

Shorty after the end of Luna's banishment, her sister sees fit to assign her a court wizard. Shining Dawn helps Luna adjust to the new Equestria and becomes one of her most treasured friends and companions during the often-deserted Night Court.

Shameless harem/herd fic! You have been warned!

Chapters (4)
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Comments ( 37 )

This is a really good story! I like your writing style, and there were little/no errors, which makes for a smoother read. I like where you're going with the storyline, and I look forwards to the rest of the story.

It would be better if you make it such that there is only 1 speaker per paragraph.

Also, don't you think the romance is coming along a bit too quickly? Dawn and Luna have just met. Letting them get used to one another's presence as colleagues would make it more believable.

I liked the writing style, by the way. Good job showing us Luna's thoughts.

Upvoted.

Not bad. Your story has my interest

2495094
Thank you for the feedback!

I think I didn't convey this very well in the chapter, but none of Luna's emotions at this point are particularly romantic. She thinks Dawn is pretty cute, but most of her strong emotions in this chapter are directed at Celestia.

2496240

Oh. Alright, then. I must have had my shipping goggles on, heh heh heh...

Well, I hope I helped! Good luck!

Comment posted by GreySkiesAhead deleted Apr 29th, 2013

Yo! It's looking good so far, it's rare to find a strong male character (or any really) in a story nowadays, so you got my attention!

I'll be following to see what you do, good luck!

Transmutation? Equestria has alchemy!? AWESOME!

2503633

As entertaining as that notion is, I meant THIS kind of transmutation.

I wouldn't mind giving it a shot but I don't think I would have much time not to mention be good at it. I'm more of a grammar Jew than a Nazi. lol

Also ROYAL NUZZLES!!!

Loved the new chapter. Looking forward to more.

Not bad so far but you need to separate dialogue, every time a different character speaks it should be in a new line this is to prevent confusion on who the speaker is so please edit that as soon as possible.

Great start for a story. Luna's depiction is likeable and the OC, while reminds me of male version of Twilight :twilightoops: thanks to being some level of a prodigy, still seems like he might just develop into a great character. Your writing style is clear and easy to follow.

Following at least for now. I usually wait till the story has at least 10 000 words on it before deciding that, but the premise is interesting enough for me to make an exemption.:twilightsmile:

A good start i look forward to going through this, careful though not to make your oc to powerful I noticed you edging on that at the beginning of the chapter making an anti-mage caster is fine but they do have weaknesses and you must be sure you know them. So just careful with how many powers and spells he has. Also no one seems to understand why you can't leave the moon out for another day and i would like to see this fact brought up, if luna had gotten her way for even just a day, while everypony on this side of the world would be fine all the ponies on the other side of the world such especially the ones in the desert would burn to death! Luna is my favorite pony of all and i love the night time most of all and literally sleep through most of the day, but even i think eternal night is dumb as fuck.

My brain demands another chapter, but I'm fine with waiting.

2508189

if luna had gotten her way for even just a day, while everypony on this side of the world would be fine

That's actually not technically accurate. Without the planetary rotation with an even period of heating and cooling, from the day and night, the side getting eternal night would drop to temperatures which would absolutely finish off life, unless it some bacteria, virus, or protozoa. If the freezing temperatures didn't finish them off, the inability to produce food via natural means would.

Ooh yeah, another chapter!

I look forward to reading it as soon as possible.

Edit: read it finally, nice chapter.

Bad Tim! Assaulting a Prince! To the dungeon with you!

:pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy::pinkiehappy: I love this story :heart: it's soooo awesome :rainbowwild:

This is good. I like what you're doing with the magic, and I find that the plot, so far, at least, seems to be well rounded. A bit quick on the development of the relationship between Dawn and Luna, but nothing that some more plot development can't help. I look forward to reading more of this.

Sursum Aeternum!
-Jet Howitzer

3403808
I think I'm having one of those "sempai noticed me~!" moments, lol.

Thanks for stopping by, I'm glad you like it.

3411377 You're quite welcome. Not to be 'that guy' but about how long do you think it will be until more of this is released? I am interested to read more.

3413239 This... Makes me angry. Irrationally so. I'll have no choice, now, but to find you, and force you to write things.
Or...
How about a deal, then? You get a chapter out for this for every one that I put out for the story of your choosing? However, you must pick between one of the following:
Fireflies
Faster Than Light
Imagined Parallels

You can change what I write at your discretion. But once you pick one for a chapter, you'll have to stick with it.

Fairer than this, there ain't.

Sursum Aeternum!
-Jet Howitzer

3414165
Dude... you serious right now? Fireflies for sure.

3415563 Yes, I'm serious. So, for each chapter I release of Fireflies, from here forward, you'll get a chapter of this out? That's the agreement?

Because from the sound of it, I'll have to write more than five words for each one you write.

'Tis a challenge worthy of mine skills!

HAVE AT YOU!

Sursum Aeternum!
-Jet Howitzer

3416511 OY! You owe me a chapter! Best get on it.

3488393

Working on it, still only like... 855 words in. ._.

3498617 I... I am disappoint. I'm already 885 into the next chapter!

So Shining Dawn is a baron. Thats kinda cool

3520032 Third son of a baroness, not a baron in his own right.:twilightsheepish: There is quite a difference.:twilightsmile:

Yay new chapter! Also, protection from spells is OP, pls nerf.

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