He just turned 26 (human years) old, and his aunt dies, his only caretaker. So he lives with one of his friend, then finds an apartment, and he got his cutie mark while at is friends, reading people. He only has one friend, and his friend is very social, and wants him to come out of his shell. He slowly begins to unravel his past to a girl he likes.
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>freind
friend is not one of those exceptions, though :3.
I'll read the story in a bit.
Hint: If your first story sucks, fix it AND THEN write another. Don't leave it be shit and write more shit.
2491553 dude have even read the updated version
? it's way better, and im writing a couple at the same time
.
2491659
Don't.
Woah, okay. We're blindsided with the protagonist being attracted to lila. Given that the protagonist is unusually introverted, it comes off as hard to believe. Why is he attracted to her? Given he's at a bar and ordered alcohol, perhaps have a flashback scene that helps illustrate one or several qualities that he likes about her?
2493044
don't?
2493374
Yep. Don't.
Well at first I was a bit dicouraged by the overly descriptive style of the story, but I guess it suits the personality and occupation of the character. Yet still it feels like we are thrown into random situation. Add more background story and it will be just fine
what happens is as we progress through the story, we learn more and more about his past
2493424
why don't you complete the sentence.
2495749
Okay. Don't work on two stories at once unless you are a superb author who is able to write both concepts pretty well.
2496156
thank you for the advice, now if you could giive me feedback ast to why it's "shit" as you put it, it would be much appreiciated
I like your oc
And the story
2499242
thank you! i hope you like the future chapters