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Loganberry
Group Admin

Off we go again! In the true spirit of writing contests, last month's winner found a way of subverting the rules without actually breaking them -- and also in the true spirit of writing contests, your evil, no-fun-allowed judge has tweaked the rules to stop it happening (like that, anyway) again! So, please note the addition to Rule 4: "You may not use images, special characters or other non-words to get around the 150-word limit." As always, any remaining ambiguities will be interpreted by me as I think fit. So there. :rainbowwild:

Here are the full rules.
Please use this word counter.

You'll note that Rule 6 accommodates G5 entries. Since this means that an active generation is permitted, please bear in mind Rule 9 on spoilers. As always, comments are welcome in the relevant thread.

Remember, there is no prize, as such, for this contest -- but if you win, you will be able to choose the prompt for the next contest. You'll also get a mention on the group's front page. Just the one, however. Well, unless you win FF150 more than once, in which case you'll get more. But still only one at a time. Sorry.

Prompt: "Pure Evil" (selected by Amereep)
Rating: E or T
Word limit: 150
Closing date: Friday 21st July 2023, 11:59 pm UK time (world clock)

Please reply to this post with your entry. This makes it easier for me to keep track. Please do not leave feedback until after the closing date.

Entries are now open! Have fun! :twilightsmile:

7853121

Evil Incarnate

Twilight stood up and faced Nightmare Heart. “You may have the Elements, but you don’t have their power. You don’t understand friendship at all. You are pure evil, and I will stop you!”

The elements flew back to Twilight and her friends, forming a rainbow that enveloped Nightmare Heart.

There was a flash of light, and then silence.

Twilight opened her eyes and saw Flurry Heart standing before her. She had been freed from the darkness that had consumed her.

“Thank you, Twilight Sparkle,” Flurry Heart said softly. “You have shown me the true meaning of friendship. You have saved me from myself.”

The Mane Six looked at her with disgust.

"Zap her again!" Rainbow Dash screamed. "She's still evil; just look at her unnaturally big wings."

7853121

"You may not use images, special characters or other non-words to get around the 150-word limit."

For the record, whenever I've used an image in these contests, I've always had less than 150 words. I've even considered some images as multiple words in a few cases. Last month for example, each gif was worth three words to represent '[height] x [width]' of the image (ironically, I also used 3 images for each of them to make it animated). But anyways...

I've talked about the Final Fantasy crossover I've been writing about a few times in these monthly entries for a while now and made mention of the antagonist, Sol, during those times. He's like an anti-villain Sephiroth that placed all of his sword training into magic casting, a mirror comparison to Tempest Shadow that's lost in his own ambitions, incapable of seeing life as anything but a painful journey that's forced upon us. I often envision his character and construct his lines despite my attempt to focus on the current chapter I'm on. I can't wait to go into deeper detail about him in the story, but before I can do that, I need to address the other antagonist first. While Sol plays as the elusive villain that'll bring the story to a close, the main focus is on a business Burmecian that's pretty much the root of everything.

His name is Yimeck, and the best way to describe him is that he's Donald Trump in a Mickey Mouse costume, but he possesses the brain that Trump likes to assume he has and isn't self-conscious on showing his remorseless side to get his way. I'm trying to make him a despicable ableist that follows a code of dominance no matter the expenses, but I'm concerned that I may be creating a character that doesn't connect with the audience, one that we enjoy to hate. Is he a character with villain traits, or a villain with little character? I don't have a lot of detail about him, and the only line I've written of his is... "There's only one resource that terrifies the competition, whips the defiant, and mesmerizes the consumers. Magic." So I'd like to take this month and test him out for everyone to give their own opinion on him.

And before I start, I'd like to state one fun fact. The last line in the story, it's a phrase Fred Trump drilled into his son. Tell me that it doesn't describe Donald to a 'T'.


Yimeck's Gimmick

"Magic is like a violin's bow, drag it on the string of lives and they sing. Done right, and creatures skip to the fiddle. And as the founder of the Magick Kingdom Corporation, I will always be the winner. Praised, assisted, and proven as winner. Right, captain?"

Shining jerked his restraints, incapable of escaping them, "I wouldn't call the obliteration of your city a win."

"A needed setback."

"Needed? You mean you knew the danger?! How could you just leave the lives under your care inside a deathtrap?!?!"

"Because I will not let a gimp be this company's downfall! I'd sacrifice anyone and profit wouldn't change."

"Even your son?"

"Someone had to go in my place. I'll have another."

Shining's daughter flickered in his mind, recalling all the times he saw her irreplaceable smile, "...you're a monster."

"Nature has two roles. You either play as the loser, or the killer."

Submitting long for now.
7853121

Pure Evil

Smolder was a sauna. Her body felt like it was submerged in lava. Her heart beat lazily, and each breath seemed an effort. Her throat was a fowl taste which no amount of involuntary flame-hiccups would dislodge.

"How are you?" A little turquoise changeling was peering at her, having felt her discomfort for some time now.

"...Pure evil," Smolder responded. "It's geologically, boringly, achingly boring." A deep sigh, "...I even miss class." Smolder turned her head. "Have you come to taunt me?"

"Actually," Ocellus smiled, patting a pair of saddlebags.

"Show me," Smolder prompted.

Ocellus climbed onto smolder's bed, plopping off the bags.

Smolder deflected a flame-hiccup, watching Ocellus click the saddlebags open.

"I was talking to Headmare Twilight, and we had an idea!" Ocellus pulled out a neatly organized pile of... Smolder's school work.

Ocellus must've scavenged them from her locker. With a tinge of irritation, the Smolder took a paper, and stared until she felt a hiccup coming on. It would burst into flames, she wouldn't be able to do any of it.

And then, Poof. The flames sparkled harmlessly on the paper.

Ocellus beamed.

Smolder's eyes widened, and for a moment, she smiled.

And then she remembered. All the papers she had to write. All the chapters she had to read. The frustration that was writing. It felt like her head was numbing, her eyes glazing, scales just giving up. Maybe they'd all come out, just out sheer lack of willpower. Smolder would just spend the rest of this sickness looking like she was molting, wouldn't that be fun. She was too weak to groan, instead, she produced one long breath before looking back at Ocellus.

Edit:
Ack! Foiled again by my inability to deadline!

The whole ocellus/smolder thing was inspired by Ennui by Semillon. If you like slightly surreal and slightly eldritch adventure, I'd highly recommend it!

I'm hopefully going to anthologize all my flash fics and when I do I'll probably take a stab at editing this down for real!

Loganberry
Group Admin

7853323
I mean, I did consider making it an outright ban on anything except plain words, but I decided against that on the grounds that preventing any clever subversion of the rules would be against the spirit of things. (Though it may happen in due course.) That said, now that you've won with a picture story, it's no longer an original idea and so I'm now unlikely to be impressed by an entry that does it. Nor by using something other than spaces between words, since that happened last month too.

7853121
Rules, rules and more rules with Loganberry as judge, jury and executioner. Every one watch out, he can get a little wild when swinging his gavel.
I humbly offer up a very compliant and obedient entry to the great adjudicator. We are not worthy, we are not worthy........

Party Night


The card stated ‘You are cordially invited to Nightmare Night at Canterlot Castle. Please attend as Equestria’s most Evil.’

Cheerilee caught a glimpse of her outfit in a mirror as she entered the ballroom, stiff red jacket, white cross belts, medals and a sash carrying the Star of the Sun and regimental insignia.

The dyarchy had returned, the sounds of mad cackling switched to vicious snarling as Day Breaker and Nightmare Moon glared at each other as a mad orchestra sawed away at their instruments trying to cover the foul language.

The host approached wearing medical garb emblazoned with lightning bolt runes on her collar.

“Dr Maregele?” Cheerilee inquired.

“Indeed. That’s the uniform of the 4th Regiment of Hoof. Colonel First Strike of the first Griffon War?”

“Yes Ma’am!” A military pose struck. “I love the scent of burning eyries in the morning. It smells like….”

“…..Roast chicken!” Twilight grinned

I was rereading the Siege of the Crystal Empire comics mostly for the gorgeous art of the Umbrum's home (saying that as a plural feels wrong), but the plot grabbed me as always. (If anyone hasn't read the comics, I'd definitely recommend you do.) Lots of interesting stuff going on, the history of the Crystal Empire, the Changelings, a new race, the Umbrum, Amore—all round some great insight into such a long-ago era before Luna's banishment, plus a classic case of show writers not knowing about comic canon (still, where they headed was cool).

The thing that bugged me was the Umbrum's portrayal as this race who are just . . . evil. Similar to the changelings but less developed and never showing up again. Understandable, given that they only showed up in one comic plotline, but it got me thinking, so here it is.


Into the Umbra

What Hope is there for beasts like us, that e'en the changelings fear?
Who make the creatures of the light all cower when we appear?
When our true form is an affront to all they hold so dear?
Peace is not a path for us.
Umbrum can't be friends with Lux.
Only in our own we'll trust:
We'll coalesce our otherworldly dark,
Agglutinate our murky-magicked souls,
And form the shadow of a pony—
Oh to be a changeling for such things—
He will through the barrier cross,
Grow amongst the sheepish cubs,
Guided by the shadows all around.
We'll make them see just what we are,
Melt through this eternal cage in ice;
No longer shall we in twisted underwaste fend—
We'll bring our Sombre lives thus to an end.

7853121

The Application

"And you are?" Starlight said to the mare who had come knocking at too-early-for-visitors-o'clock in the morning.

"Evil, ma'am. Pure Evil." The mare was a pleasant, sunny yellow and wearing a warm smile.

"I'm here to apply for the teacher opening at the School of Friendship." She passed over a resume.

"I see. And may I ask why you want to work here?"

"I've been doing villainy jobs for a the last few years now, and I thought it was time to branch out. Try something new."

She wasn't kidding. The resume went into detail on her misdeeds.

Oh dear.

Oh dear.

OH—well, Starlight had done that one too, actually.

"I'm going to have you come back for an interview later today. But before we go any further, the school has a strictly zero tolerance policy on equine sacrifice. That won't be a problem, will it?"

7853121
Been a few months! Only one of the last few prompts grabbed me, but not enough to force me into action. This one at least lent itself to being misinterpreted easily.


Contents Highly Volatile

Upon entering Fluttershy’s cottage, Rarity immediately frowned. “What is this?” she remarked as Twilight followed her in.

A bottle sat on the sideboard with a label on the rear showing through: “PURE EVIL.”

Twilight shook her head. “She’s usually more positive.”

“About what?” Fluttershy asked, walking in from the kitchen, and Twilight pointed at the bottle.

Fluttershy blanched and peered at the black bead inside. “Oh, no! I’m sorry, that’s a hibernating erup! I made sure it was alive and wanted to remind it what it was when it unrolled and woke up all confused, but… their eyes are in the back of their heads. They read backward.”

Rarity held a hoof to her chest. “Oh, thank goodness! I certainly hoped no animal was too unsavory for you.”

“Yeah, I should’ve realized how that would look,” Fluttershy said, nodding, then rolled her eyes. “But he is a nasty little shit.”

7853121
Back in the groove! I think.

Children Are Pure Of Heart

"It's what?"

"100% pure concentrated evil," Starlight repeated.

Twilight stared at the bottle with concern.

"I extracted it from Trixie," came the explanation.

Twilight made an uneasy but non-committal grumble.

"It's for science!"

The grumble became a sigh of resignation. "I guess. What kind of science?"

Starlight's smile got a lot less confident. "Still working on that! Which is why I need you to store this safely for a few days."

Twilight's lips pursed tightly, but she took the bottle anyway. "I'd say you should have figured that out first, but what's done is done. I'll keep it safe for you."

"Great!" Starlight beamed... for two seconds. "On a side note," she added, "Do you know a cheap foalsitter?"

Twilight's eyebrow spiked upwards with unspoken questions.

An embarrassed Starlight held up a giggling blue unicorn filly as explanation.

7853121

May You Walk Only The Earth

"Epfihaytes."

Bewilderment reigned amongst the pegasuses companions, shadows dancing around their campfire. It wasn't just the speed of her answer, but the content that befuddled the Bearers.

All save one.

"That's an interesting choice, Rainbow Dash." Twilight mumbled around a strip of dried fish, "Why him specifically?"

" 'Cause he's scum," she replied, face wrinkling in a way reserved for rulebooks and no-fly zones.

"Mind enlightin' us there you two?"

"It's...ancient pegasus history, I think?" Squeaked a mop of pink hair cocooned within a sleeping bag, big blue eyes nervously glancing into the darkness.

"Before the Princesses, before Commander Hurricane, even before the Windigos-" Rainbow Dash snarled, "-there was this war. A pegasus cloud city and some unicorns didn't like each other too much. Odds were on the Pegasi, till Epfihaytes, a crippled citizen, sold them out in exchange for fixing his wings. All dead. Pure evil. Next question, Pinkie Pie."

7853121
Idea taken from this Tumblr post.

Thinking of You

Celestia,

I must apologize for the late message—as somepony accustomed to delivery by dragon, it may be hard to believe, but finding a mailmare willing to make the journey to Skyros is agonizing. Thankfully, the unwilling come in far greater numbers.

Regardless, I was deeply saddened to hear the news of your sister. Do you find it easier, ruling alone? I always thought that you might. Luna never did like to share. I can only hope you are making time for yourself amidst this dark period... though, of all our lessons, I do recall that being one you took to with ease.

Of course, if you need to talk, my castle doors are wide open. Losing somepony you love is a pain most unimaginable. At the very least, we have that in common. Try not to let the night steep too long.

Yours in antiquity,
Queen Opaline “Fire Alicorn” Arcana

7853121
The greenhouse here is intended to be the same as that seen in this EqG short.

Evil and The Garden of Good

Principal Celestia stared, disbelieving, as she looked upon the ashen remains of what had once been a thriving greenhouse.

The fire crew, mercifully, had arrived in time to save the building. But everything inside was gone. Every azalea, every marigold, every cactus, the hobby she’d spent years cultivating – there was nothing left.

Her refuge, incinerated.

She tensed, her body radiating fury. She’d known there was always some risk associated with asking students to help tend the plants while she was away. But arson? And from a student still in CHS’s junior high section, too?

That face, that sweet little doll-like face of hers, hiding pure evil…

Celestia clenched her teeth so hard she could feel them start to strain as she turned and stormed off.

Cozy Glow was going to pay dearly for this.

Loganberry
Group Admin

48 hours (and a few minutes) left to get your entries in, everyone!

7853121
How does it come you don't mention me? I did my fair sharing of breaking the rules too! :pinkiecrazy:

Anyway, have now a normal entry

Twisted Fate

You won.

You truly won.

I saw you running away, only minutes remaining. I didn’t catch up until it was too late.

Now, only the memories of me terrorising the school are left.

I can’t return the memories of my friends or the school anymore. I have lost years of progress in becoming a better person for them. 

You took everything from me.

Wouldn’t you have won, I would’ve forgiven you. I would’ve understood you, but now, all I feel is hatred for your pathetic life.

I’ll use the Memory Stone daily. No one will remember anything but the awkward girl messing up everything. No one will remember that you did something good for someone, nor any of the smiles or support you’ve given.

There won’t be any good memories of you anymore. What a funny, twisted fate, isn’t it? Exactly what you were afraid of before, becoming a reality.

7853121
I've been re-watching the show and not too long ago reached the episode Hearts and Hooves Day. The backstory of the love poison always struck me as a fascinating bit of unexplored lore. I will say, this is the piece that really hammered home just how tricky it is to effectively tell the kind of story you want to in such a limited amount of space.

Very much open to feedback if anyone wishes to give any! Thanks for coming to my TED Talk lmao.


Febris Amatoria

Meadowlark knew he'd made a scene, wrenching the scroll from that poor courier's hoof and sprinting to his bedchamber. But as he giddily admired the flower impression on the scroll's wax seal — her's —, some social faux pas at court couldn't have mattered less.

After a moment, he nervously broke the seal and began to read.

Anxiety quickly overtook excitement as each new line brought worse news than the last. Crop failures, the approaching dragon migration, sightings of pink clouds rolling over checkerboard plains in the marches.

The color drained from his face as the gravity of the situation washed over him.

"...I shall arrive tomorrow. Stars willing, together we'll weather the coming storm."

~Morning Glory"

As he finished reading, his mind raced. He shifted nervously, glancing between the letter and the small vial of brilliant purple liquid on his desk.

After a moment, he sighed.

It was now or never.

An Accidental Experiment: The Nature of Pure Evil
by Mockingbirb

Upon the table between Twilight and five of her best friends, a vial of swirling, noxious liquid softly glowed.

Twilight announced, "Equestria has had far too many villains for far too long. But yesterday, I tackled the problem at the source. I invented a spell that sucks evil out of the world and concentrates it, trapping it within a container." Twilight gestured at the vial. "Behold! Pure evil!"

"Woah!" Rainbow marveled.

Spike ran into the room, waving a flyswatter as he chased mosquitoes. Unfortunately, he broke the vial.

He looked at the spill. "Oops. I got your experiment all over those bugs."

That evening, the Mane 6 swatted again and again, as a mosquito buzzed in a pony's ear or bit her.

"Well," Twilight remarked, "I guess that settles it. Even after soaking in pure evil, mosquitoes don't seem to act any differently from how they did before."

I guess for many of us, this is a seasonal story. :trollestia:

Loganberry
Group Admin

7853137 7853323 7853358 7853514 7854140 7854186 7854828 7855137 7855358 7855447 7855876 7859379 7859746 7859788

Time's up, folks! Thank you as always to everyone who entered. :twilightsmile: Nice to see a couple of you returning after some time away. Welcome back!

Even discounting the two ineligible fics (Amereep was last month's winner of course, Merallakos didn't edit down to the word limit) it's still been a pretty good response this month, so good stuff.

Feedback is open!

Ah dang I was late.

7853137
Okay, kind of an odd joke. At first, I was worried I'd be lacking context, but it does feel right for a build-up to a joke. If Flurry Heart is big enough to speak coherently now, I do wonder why it took them so long to do anything about this particular sign that she's evil, so that's where I'm still lacking a little context. I could see a lot of potential humor in her parents continually having to defend her from this kind of thing.

7853323
Ineligible fic! Well, I'll review it anyway. And good thing it's ineligible, because if it takes you that much setup to explain it, that's not a good thing. I read all that after the story, since it needs to stand on its own. I'm also lacking context here. I get we're immediately supposed to hate the other character, but the only vague reason I'm given to is expository. A few proofreading errors.

7853358
Another ineligible one! Hm, this feels like it doesn't go anywhere. I guess Smoulder is sick? At first, it comes across like she's being lazy and trying to avoid her homework, with Ocellus finding a way to keep her from doing so. But the end implies more that Smoulder is sick and wondering how she's going to do her work while feeling terrible. But why would they expect her to? Then she seems more angry about her appearance than the work, so I don't know what the issue is. Some proofreading problems. I do like the interaction between the two, and their personalities come across well.

7853514
This one went over my head. I have some vague knowledge of the person you're referencing, but if a reader doesn't, then the meaning won't be apparent. I don't get the joke at the end. That's usually a poke at Scootaloo, but she's not there, so I'm lost. I'm curious why you decided to make Cheerilee your protagonist. Is there some connection I'm supposed to be making with her? As near as I can tell, you could have picked literally any character, and it wouldn't have made a difference. It's worth thinking about what you could have done so that the story only works as is because it's Cheerilee.

7854140
I read this one early on, and I want to tackle it in two parts. First, as a story. Well, it's more exposition or lament that a narrative, but for what it is, it's fine. It effectively creates an atmosphere and relentlessly hammers a dark tone. So as a mood piece, it works. Structurally, though, I'll call it misleading. Your first three lines almost have identical rhythm, and they have solid rhymes. That sets up the expectation that you're writing a poem, but then it abandons that form. I could see us/Lux/trust being attempts at weak rhymes, but the rhythm goes away there, and it's not until the final couplet that rhyme returns. So I'm not sure what you were gong for here. The irregular rhythm had me in mind of song lyrics, since they can get away with fudging structure more than poetry can. Really, though, I'd caution you against the beginning looking like it's going to take a certain form that the rest doesn't follow.

7854186
This was pretty amusing. I like how Starlight gets impressed by the misdeeds (I loved the one canon instance where she did something similar). I'm guessing she doesn't unilaterally get to decide whom to hire, so maybe a thought about how she's going to get this person past the other committee members might make for a nice joke. On the one hand, at least one example of the misdeeds would have been nice, but on the other, I completely agree with the refusal to elaborate on the one Starlight had also done. That was the right way to play that joke.

7854828
Hack.

7855137
Maybe it's the constraints of word count, but you're relying an awful lot on telling emotion. I may have missed the meaning of this, but I'm guessing she cast a spell to remove the evil from Trixie, and the remainder of her was reduced to a filly? Nice atmosphere, and the dialogue suits them well.

7855358
Some proofreading issues. I gather the question posed to Dash was who she thought was the most evil being in history? I like this window into a historical event, but I feel like there's a small piece missing. Is Dash so against him just because he betrayed the pegasi, or did that result in some sort of atrocities occurring such that they'd all agree he was evil? As it is, you're asking me to hate him on the betrayal alone, and for all I know, there was some justification to it. Dash does say it's for some selfish reason, but it's hard to branch from that to "terrible things happened as a result" with canon-style conflicts, so it's often a good idea to give some context to bridge this to something darker than canon.

7855447
I have mixed feelings about this. I spent the whole thing waiting for the prompt to kick in, and it does effectively, but divorced from the prompt, you lose that meaning. If you post this to an anthology on your account, you might want to change the title to "Pure Evil" or something like that so anyone reading it away from this event will get what you're going for. Still, I'm not that clear what the pure evil is. I could see it being Opaline twisting the knife a bit, but she takes a genuine tone, leading me to think you're implying she's the one responsible for Luna's death (I'm not current on the G5 comics, but I assume any kind of untimely death for Luna isn't canon). I also wonder how Celestia will receive it. In earnest and without suspicion? Then there's some nice dramatic irony. She does know what happened and this is a jab at her? Very different tone, and having it ambiguous like that is risky. I'm not sure which way would be more effective.

7855876
Hm, I have really mixed feelings about this, too. Celestia's not the type to give up on rehabilitating someone, so having her do so here suggests a long history of problems with her, so maybe at least one example and an indication of how far back this goes would add some meat. Off the top of my head, I didn't remember the short this references, so I was it first assuming this was Wallflower's greenhouse and Celestia was upset for her sake, but that's on me. Very good at conveying a desolate mood.

7859379
I like the way this is built, but ultimately, I find it very confusing. Part of it may be typos—I couldn't decipher the "Wouldn’t you have won, I would’ve forgiven you." line. It's also confusing because it takes a long time for the context to snap into place, and there nothing else to bind the story—I don't even know who any of the characters are until late, so I'm left desperately trying to remember every line so that once the fog clears, I won't be missing the piece that causes it all to make sense. As it is, I had to read it 3 times, and I'm still not sure I got it. The speaker is probably Wallflower (as opposed to someone else who may have gotten possession of the stone later), but I'm less sure of who 's on the receiving end of this conversation (though I don't mean that literally, as it seems more like Wallflower is talking to them in the abstract). Probably Sunset, but then I can't tell if this is during "Forgotten Friendship" and Wallflower is talking about her plans to use the stone, or if she's somehow gotten hold of it again and is up for a second round of it to make things even worse than they were before. I think the former? It's been long enough since I saw it that I don't remember whether Sunset expressed a fear early on that people would forget her good side so that it would mesh with Wallflower referencing it here. Though then my confusion comes back, given the prompt. Wallflower's initial use of it was misguided but not evil, so writing this to that prompt makes me think she's subsequently gotten vindictive about it. So... nice mood piece, but it confused me a fair amount.

7859746
A few proofreading issues, and another one of these that relies a lot on emotional tells. It's also one that relies on the introductory explanation to realize who the characters are. I imagine few people would remember them by name (wait, did the episode even give their names?). That also leaves me unclear on what the implications are here. I remember that to cure the potion, the two have to remain apart, but presuming he doesn't know that, I don't know what Bad Thing is going to happen now. I'm guessing all the calamities mentioned in her letter are occurring because the two haven't been performing their duties? But he hasn't even taken his yet, and according to the episode, he's the one who made the potion, so having him wait until he sees this letter from her seems to imply he wants all the bad stuff to happen, I don't get why he was waiting until he saw she'd taken her dose, and doing it now in the face of those disasters smacks of the irresponsibility the legend speaks of, except he shouldn't be affected yet, so... I'm a little confused about the logistics of this one.

7859788
I feel like I've seen that setup before, but maybe I'm just thinking about Galaxia. Anyway, a nice low-key joke. Nothing outrageously funny, but a nicely light and amusing jab at how nasty those stupid bugs are. And if the evil is now gone without making them any worse, then the world should be in much better shape now, right? Sounds like a win-win situation.

7860206
While it's sorta understandable that one would come to the conclusion like you did, it's actually the opposite, look at this line:

Now, only the memories of me terrorising the school are left.

It's Sunset Shimmer talking to Wallflower. The idea is that Sunset was too late and the three days have passed (hence Wallflower "winning"), with everyone having now forgotten for sure the good things about Sunset, so she takes revenge

7860307
Hm. That makes sense, but I think that’s pretty hard to decipher from the story. Maybe that’s just me. I’m not the best at reading between the lines.

7860206
Epfihaytes is a thinly veiled version of Ephialtes of Trachis, who (in Zack Snyders adaption of Frank Milllers 300) is a horribly disfigured 'spartan' saved from their cultures tradition of killing 'the weak'. He's rebuffed despite his willingness to die with them because of his disabilities (somewhat legitimately in the movie at least , they highlight he can't keep the shield wall up) and later sells out the 300 Spartans for earthly pleasures. Dash, being quite literally all about Loyalty, find this act particularly heinous. Rightly or wrongly, selling out your people only for them to get slaughtered is just about the worst thing she can imagine.

7860206
I’m a little confused at the implication that Principal Celestia wouldn’t be thinking about harsh disciplinary measures after Cozy literally torched her garden. She didn’t seem especially interested in “rehabilitating” Sunset post-demonization, and her alicorn counterpart sent Cozy to Tartarus after one major offense.

7860206
And why not Cheerilee, as you said your self, could be any character. I like Cheerilee.
This skit was culled from something else i was working on, but never finished, the premise being Twilight inviting Cheerilee to a party in the hope of repairing a broken friendship.
Scootaloo was never intended to be involved.
The Twilight character is a reference to a certain infamous German doctor.
The Cheerilee character and the 'joke' is a reference to Colonel Kilgore and Apocalypse Now.
I find it very tricky to create to create something fully fleshed out in 150 words and a lot of the time i write as a form of stress relief. I have a difficult and stressful job working in one of life's more dangerous occupations.
Any way, this is as far as i got with it, read it for your self.


“Professor? Oh Professor Cheerilee!”
The mare in question flinched and turned, one eyebrow raised in question as she suppressed a groan. It was the Yak, the new lecturer in Cheerilee’s department of Drama and Music.
They were at opposite ends of a corridor that was full of students, all of whom had stopped to look. Baltimare University had long and wide corridors. Yaks had loud voices.
Yaks also had presence, a lot of presence as a number of the students soon found out.
The jingle of bells became audible, this yak liked bells, loud bells. Cheerilee took a deep breath and mentally scolded herself, the yak was proving to be a good and popular teacher, her lectures in Yakyakistan music and culture well attended.
“Miss Yvonne, good afternoon.”
“Professor Cheerilee!”
“How may I be of assistance to you?” It was her last day for the week, Cheerilee had just finished her final lecture and home called, along with a glass of something tall and cold.
“I have for you the proposal and requisitions for the Zenithrash club.” Yvonne offered 3 scrolls. “A good dozen students have shown interest in joining!”
Cheerilee suppressed a wince, more noise. No! She scolded once more, the Miss Yvonne was well versed in the instrument and had an incredible singing voice, high and clear and her renditions of Yak laments had moved many members of the faculty, including herself, to tears.
“Thank you, I will read and give my decision next week.”
“My pleasure, I hope you will have the time, as…..” A sly grin slid across Yvonne’s face. “Two Royal Guards have been looking for you!”
The student traffic in the corridor that had started to flow suddenly stopped again, ears rotated towards a shocked Cheerilee. The silence around her was palpable.
“They had this to deliver to you!” Yvonne produced a large envelope.
A low murmur. “The guard are arresting by letter now?”
“Yeah. They are probably worried that the old git will lecture them to death.”
“She did that to me a couple of times last term.”
Cheerilee ground her teeth a little.
Yvonne grinned a little more.


Cheerilee lived in a penthouse apartment on the edge of the park just beyond the campus. A refreshing trot through the tree lined open space with a chill autumn breeze swirling the golden leaves round her hooves, she made it home. The front door closed, saddle bags hung over the back of a chair, the envelope placed on the dinning table, kettle filled and on the stove and then a quick shower before the whistle of boiling water called her back to the kitchen. Tea set to brew she turned to the table, carefully opened the envelope and slid out an elegantly embossed pasteboard invitation.
By the command of
HRH Twilight Sparkle
Empress of Equestria
And all its dominions
‘You are cordially invited to the Nightmare Night celebrations
To be held in the Grand Ball Room
Canterlot Castle
Dusk till Dawn
Please attend as ‘Equestria’s Most Evil.’
“Well, that’s tomorrow.” She pondered just how long it would take to sort out a costume and just what did ‘Equestria’s Most Evil’ mean, get a train to Canterlot, find a hotel. “Not going to make that.”
“Why invite me?” Cheerilee then wandered, she hadn’t spoken to Twilight Sparkle in years. They had been friends once, grown close, very close and then Twilight had become an alicorn and they had drifted apart. The last time they had been in the same room was when Cheerilee had been informed that the Ponyville school house was closing in favour of the School of Friendship. She hadn’t taken that at all well and shocked expression on Twilight’s face still haunted her some nights.
But, life had carried on and her position at the university was satisfying if a little dull. Cheerilee sighed. “One to frame I think.”
Then, as she went to place the invitation back in to the envelope she noticed that there was another folded note inside. It proved to be a short hoof written note with a simple signature of T.S. at the end.
Dear Cheerilee,
I am sure that this has come as something of a surprise to you and I realise that it is
very short notice so I have made a number of arrangements to help you attend.
I have had a suit in the palace set aside for you for the entire weekend and a pegasus chariot will be waiting for you outside your apartment building at midday to bring you to Canterlot.
Your lectures and appointments for the beginning of next week have been reassigned, I believe the promise of a royal visit to the university may have helped persuade the Chancellor.
As for a costume, I believe you received a package from your sister recently, I may have had something to do with that as well.
I am looking forward to seeing you.
There was a postscriptum below the signature, a few line of old equish poetry that brought back a flood of memories from a long and languid summer break when she had probably spent more time in the Golden Oak library than any place else, day and night.
After putting the note back onto the table, Cheerilee headed for the second bedroom, a space she used as her office. In one corner was the package, that at the time of arrival she had no idea why her sister had sent it to her. A substantial and battered travel trunk for military officers, a piece of paper taped to the arched lid, ‘Uncle Whizz Bang. War Stuff’ written in her sisters hoof. Cheerilee released the latches and lifted the lid. The uncle had been a highly decorated soldier, a proud career officer, a patriot who went to war, experienced the horrors of combat with an implacable enemy and then had gone rouge.
She had only met him the once when still a very young filly, an ancient, grizzled stallion waiting for death after his release from prison for war crimes.
Laying on the top layer of the trunk was a heavy sword and a ceremonial dagger positioned next to each other, two large boxes of decorations and standing out in its colour was the neatly folded brilliant red with black and gold braided cuffs and collar of a dress uniform jacket


The pegasus chariot touched down on the castles privet landing pad, Cheerilee stumbled from the vehicle after one of the most harrowing experiences of her life

Cheerilee caught a glimpse of her outfit in a mirror as she entered the ballroom, stiff red jacket, white cross belts, medals and a sash carrying the Star of the Sun and regimental insignia.
The dyarchy had returned, the sounds of mad cackling switched to vicious snarling as Day Breaker and Nightmare Moon glared at each other as a mad orchestra sawed away at their instruments trying to cover the foul language.
The host approached wearing medical garb emblazoned with lightning bolt runes on her collar.
“Dr Maregele?” Cheerilee inquired.
“Indeed. That’s the uniform of the 4th Regiment of Hoof. Colonel First Strike of the first Griffon War?”
“Yes Ma’am!” A military pose struck. “I love the scent of burning eyries in the morning. It smells like….”
“…..Roast chicken!” Twilight grinned

7860206
The letter is actually regarding Luna’s banishment to the moon, something I imagine Opaline would have been amused to hear about, in that “I knew she was bad all along and this is just proving my point” sort of way. I was trying to play it like a smug sympathy card, but if it reads that Luna died then there might have been too much sympathy and not enough smug lol.

7860392
One major offense that was far worse than torching a greenhouse, to be fair. And now that you bring it up, I don't understand Cozy's motivation. In Equestria, she had a very big plan, and I'm not sure what a personal attack is accomplishing here. And a personal attack it must be, given Celestia's reaction to it. It can't be the first thing Cozy's done to her if her immediate response is "she's going to pay" more than "why would she have done this?" but then I'm left speculating about it. Fair enough if you think the anger itself makes enough impact. I was just looking for some of the "why."

7860445
You've got plenty of context in the longer version. Yes, writing a complete story in 150 words is a tricky business. You have to get used to how much story can actually be told in that small a space, so you can come up with a premise that won't overflow it. I struggle with that myself and have to abandon an idea or write it with more omissions that it can really bear. You've been around here long enough that you're getting good practice at it.

7860473
Oh, I hadn't considered that Opaline might have been alive at the time of the banishment. I'm not quite done watching this season, and I haven't read any G5 comics, so if that's included in any of those, I was unaware. I assumed she came along later, so any reference to Luna being gone was some later event, which I took to mean a death, though another banishment would certainly be possible. Of course Opaline would never be sympathetic to Celestia, so it definitely read as her being antagonistic. I just couldn't tell whether she thought Celestia would interpret it that way, since it sounded genuine if ignoring context. So then the question is whether Celestia has the context, and that I don't know, but again, that may be because I'm behind on G5 content. Either way, you capture Opaline's voicing well.

7860206
In hindsight, writing something that required an explainer for the characters and the setting was a rather poor choice. To be perfectly honest, I hadn't even considered that until you pointed it out. Something I'll definitely be avoiding in the future!

The episode does not name the characters, though they do have placeholder names on the MLP wiki which I didn't particularly care for and opted not to use. My intention was that those disasters weren't caused by their failure to perform their duties, rather they were looming crises that they ultimately failed to respond to. I wasn't trying to imply that he wants these things to happen, just that in the face of a very uncertain future his obsession with the princess was more important to him in the end. If they manage to work together to stop these things afterward, great, and if they don't, from what we see of the poison's effects it wouldn't really matter much to either of them at that point anyway. He was not already under the effects of the poison, the idea was that it would be administered at some point during their meeting.

Considering this explanation is now ever-so-slightly longer than the piece itself, I'd say it's pretty clear that this one didn't turn out very good! In all honesty, I just didn't think this one through very thoroughly and it most definitely shows.

Thank you very much for the feedback, I greatly appreciate it! I've still got a lot to learn, haha!

7860538
I think you've got something that could easily work. One of the hardest things for an author to do is divine what a reader will be able to understand from it, since that author already knows everything. I think all it would take is a few tweaks to make that all come across clearly (and it certainly also may be that most readers understand it as is and I'm the outlier). It's not a bad story at all. In fact, it does a lot of the things that a flashfic usually needs to in order to work well and be able to tell the narrative within the limited word count: focus on a small number of characters, and deliver something surprising or striking (be it a plot element, an image, a turn of phrase, etc.). It's been interesting to see the repeat participants evolve in how they write these. Yours worked out pretty well. The only thing that sent me down the path of misinterpreting it is: he hears his love interest is traveling to see him amid these disasters, so instead of starting to deal with them, he takes the love potion instead. That made it seem to me like he'd already turned irresponsible, but I grok your explanation of what was going on.

7853137
I'm not going to be fooled by her innocents. I've already learned that lesson from Sadako!

7853323
Your character is lame. Oh, and that subtle reference from your villain about wielding magic like a violin, that was a poor attempt at implying that he was the devil playing the fiddle.

7853358
You know, I never had any homework back in high-school. Outside of the fact that I was hardly ever sick, I took every free moment to finish homework during the school day. During lunch, other classes, I even postponed the work and started the next day during homeroom (even if the work was needed later that day).

I remember doing well enough that I was one of the many who didn't need to take the final during senior year, except for social studies. If we wanted to talk about evil, that teacher REALLY hated me for no clear reason. (ex. No one was taking notes, he turns to me to see that I'm also not taking notes and he yell at me by name with, and I quote, "EITHER WRITE SOMETHING OR GET YOUR ASS TO 118!!")

7853514
It took me a while, but this was a burn on griffins, wasn't it?

Roast chicken, I keep forgetting there's some bird in those lion features.

7854140
♪ Snuff the light, claim your right, to a world of darkness. ♫
♫ Snuff the light, neophytes, of a world of darkness. ♪

...big-lipped alligator moment aside, I took note that you were rhyming in the first few lines, but it seems to lose it's rhythm over the course of it until the final two lines. I'm not sure if it was your intention or just my observation, but this subtle shift seems to work at capturing the smoky shapeshifters that the Umbrum are.

7854186
This reminds me of the resumes found in the guidebook to Dungeon Keeper, particularly the Horned Reaper's. Lots of dark humor, like the Reaper's Education involved them dropping out of school due to no one left to kill or eat, and burning down the school.

7854828
So, upon it waking up, her intentions are to remind this erup that they're pure evil.

I don't know, sounds like a perfect opportunity to try and course correct it somehow. Although, I can't fathom how to do it without a relapse in the foreseeable future.

7855137
*Reads title*
Time and time again, I question if that's the truth, or if that's what we're seeing. Babies, sure, but children... possibly not the same in the eyes of other children.

7855358
I feel like this story has a plan, but it doesn't know what to pack. For example, the line...

Twilight mumbled around a strip of dried fish,

I envisioned that this was an Equestria Girls story as ponies are herbivores and wouldn't be interested in fish, but...

"Before the Princesses, before Commander Hurricane, even before the Windigos-"

...those are all elements associated to the magical ponies and not the magical girls. One last note (which will definitely contradict me somewhere down the line) is Pinkie's line...

"It's...ancient pegasus history, I think?"

...I was told that following a question mark after a comment like 'I think,' or 'I wonder,' is incorrect. Question marks are usually intended as a method to seek an answer, which is why they're followed by comments like 'Really?' or 'Right?'. 'I think,' is a statement or a fact, so it should be followed by a period, I assume.

7855447
It just occurred to me that Opal could possibly have a knack for delivering letters if she adapted a method similar to how Spike delivers them. She claims to be a fire alicorn, so I can see a few ways to implement fire into her spells (like teleporting by being engulfed in flames, similar to how Voldemort escaped in the 5th Potter film).

7855876
The first thing that came to my mind...

7859379
There won't be any good memories? Of Wallflower?? Don't get me wrong, I like her and this story, but I don't think there's a memory of Wallflower in anyone's mind going off how her presence is absent from those around her.

7859746
Ah, this is the one or the many impossible scenario. Always difficult, but speaks volumes on the answer.

This story reminds me of an interview on Majora's Mask where somebody dropped the comment, 'Is it really a good idea to have a wedding when we're on the brink of destruction?' It later became Kafei and Anju's story arc for the game that ended very admirably of their devotion to each other, but I can't see it being the same for Meadowlark and Glory as selfishness is taking a huge part in this, especially if they're going to be poisoning themselves to blind themselves from the world.

7859788
This story seemed kinda fast as it had the set up, issue, and the result within 148 words. I feel like there could've been more fun with the ending though as Twilight could say that she can be even more evil or voice her role of riding evil from Equestria before turning her horn into a bug zapper. The only downside, there would be dead bugs in her static mane.


Good, my minions, good. I think the phrase 'Pure evil' was dropped too many times, but everyone had great approaches with their stories.

7861011

The headcanon I follow is that Wallflower's too anxious about any social interaction she had, thinking she messed up in some way and erased any memories of her—which is more self doubts than actually being true, when you look at how "normal" she is during talking with someone else.

What Sunset does is making sure that her fear will become true, as she still has to interact in some way with others when she goes to school, being at home, or anywhere else—and this time, only bad things will be remembered. The only way to escape it for her is to remain locked in her room

7861011

This story seemed kinda fast as it had the set up, issue, and the result within 148 words.

Yes, I should have made better use of those extra two words available.
:trollestia:

................................ Fuck. I suffered from lack of sleep on Wednesday, Thursday and Friday and it made me forget to submit my last-minute entry. So much for this goal again. Only one tiny thing that goes wrong.....
Writing this flashfic feels almost pointless now, but I can't allow it to get worse.
.

Snickering in giddy delight, Cozy Glow picked up another pebble and tossed it at Flurry Heart's forehead. The princess, distracted from her reading, shot her head up and glared at the obnoxious filly. With a mere glimpse during this movement, her eyes brushed over a crystal stallion who was sitting on another blanket some way across the grass, and a blush that was just as fleeting appeared above Flurry's nose. But Flurry Heart's attention was all on the pegasus pest next to her now.
"Cut this out or you'll be a decoration in the garden outside my bedroom."
Predictably, Cozy didn't listen and another pebble followed. "But how would I make you look at him then?"
Flurry frowned and the blush returned. "You're pure evil."
Cozy shrugged. "Eh, just doing my best. I'm here to become reformed, after all." Grinning unapologetically cheeky, she picked up another pebble and tossed.

.
Inspired by Glomps #1 | Evil Partner.

7853323
All of my Flashfics take place in my Reflectionsverse wherein Twilight has always been a diamond dog, ignoring that though Ponies are low ley omnivorous.

Also the pony in the sleeping bag was Fluttershy, not Pinkie.

7860206

I'm also lacking context here. I get we're immediately supposed to hate the other character, but the only vague reason I'm given to is expository.

I had this whole spiel of him explaining the many vague areas the flashfic grazed upon, but there were three things that began to bug me when I started to write this out: the word limit, the spoiling, and the point of this flashfic. While the first could be ignored, the second leads into the third as I'm trying to make Yimeck and the story he's in to sound appealing for everyone into wanting to investigate further. Revealing planned moments in the story (such as the incident he's talkin about with Shining) would not only ruin the story with spoilers, it would also ignore the point that I'm trying to find out, seeing how people will accept Yimeck's character and not the deeds he's charged with.

On top of that, this flashfic/conversation is intended for a story that's attempting to recreate that Final Fantasy form of writing, so explaining everything won't be a cakewalk. To try and sum up the context quickly... Yemick saw someone that has a death wish on him. Terrified, he abandoned the kingdom he built and gave his son the job to impersonate himself for the time. His son and the kingdom was nuked the next day, yet Yemick is now relaxed because he believes that he's no longer being hunted.

7861173
You may be late, but no story gets left behind when it's my month!

*Reads flashfic*

This gives me a mischievous idea. It's not possible with the solid appearance of Cozy Glow, but one could be rubbernecking while still looking at a crystal pony. It's like that meme where the boyfriend is checking out at the passing woman, but his girlfriend is standing between them. Course, in turn, it would make them easier to hide and catch them in the act. A perfect threat that she could be anywhere.

7861011
You missed the spot where Fluttershy said an erup reads backward. To it, the label will say, “LIVE ERUP.”

7861173
Bonus review!

I’m having trouble deciding whether Cozy is trying to be genuinely helpful here or whether she’s just looking for plausible deniability in continuing to be abusive. I guess they’re about the same age now due to Cozy’s time in stone? A little context might help the love interest. Is it someone Flurry already has a crush on, or is Cozy trying to instigate an initial meeting? If this is a place ponies go to to be reformed, why is Flurry there? She’s too young to be an instructor. I suppose it’s possible she’s an adult now, but I get no sense of her age. I’m not sure you meant this to be ambiguous, but I can’t decide whether it’s a charming bonding moment or just Flurry being an asshole.

7861272

This gives me a mischievous idea. It's not possible with the solid appearance of Cozy Glow, but one could be rubbernecking while still looking at a crystal pony. It's like that meme where the boyfriend is checking out at passing woman, but his girlfriend is standing between them. Course, in turn, it would make them easier to hide and catch them in the act. A perfect threat that she could be anywhere.

Hmm..... Are you shipping Flurry Heart and Cozy Glow? That's not what I see for them, but I love their chemistry as a pair. The responsible teenage princess and the mischievous, somewhere-between-good-and-evil villain filly. Pure perfection.
Also, imagine them going together on a FF-style adventure. :rainbowkiss:

7861333

I’m having trouble deciding whether Cozy is trying to be genuinely helpful here or whether she’s just looking for plausible deniability in continuing to be abusive. I guess they’re about the same age now due to Cozy’s time in stone?

Good, because that's where the appeal is. You are not supposed to figure out what Cozy's intent is exactly. The way I see it, she is trying to help, albeit in her own way, she makes Flurry Heart look at the stallion because she hopes that Flurry will finally go and talk to him, then. But it could go both ways, her behavior is ambigious, you don't truly know with Cozy. Especially her last response to Flurry can be interpreted in both ways:

"Eh, just doing my best. I'm here to become reformed, after all."

Cozy is not reformed yet, but also not evil anymore, she is somewhere on the path to reformation.

And Flurry Heart is a teenager here, around 15. Cozy Glow is still the same little filly, probably around 7 or 8, that she was when she got turned to stone.

7861385
Hm, I'm not sure the ambiguity is working in your favor there. It's fine if it informs a few different possible outcomes and attaches dramatic tension to each of them. But when it means I don't develop a rooting interest in any of your characters since I don't know which one I'm supposed to be cheering for, then it's a lot tougher to pull off.

7861384

Hmm..... Are you shipping Flurry Heart and Cozy Glow?

Just trying to outsmart the bully in some way.

The layout of everyone's location isn't fully clear, but I get the impression that this stallion Flurry is noticing is somewhere behind or in the frame of her gaze when she looks at Cozy. If Flurry angled herself right, she could be watching the stallion while observing Cozy to avoid the next pebble she throws. It might be easier if Cozy was partially transparent like a crystal pony can be and I wanted to show other ways this method could be used for, so I suggested the first thing that came to my head.

Loganberry
Group Admin

7853137 7853323 7853358 7853514 7854140 7854186 7854828 7855137 7855358 7855447 7855876 7859379 7859746 7859788

Results time!

An interesting feedback discussion this month, something that's always very nice to see. One point related to it that I'd like to touch on myself: the more you have to explain yourself, the less the fic itself is likely to stand out in my mind. You're welcome to take the risk if you like -- for example, AUs are allowed as long as they're clearly G4/G5-based, so Moproblems Moharmoney's use of their 'verse where Twilight is a Diamond Dog is eligible. It does, however, create one extra barrier for readers -- especially readers coming to these cold. It's up to you as authors to decide whether what you're writing can deal with that.

Okay, on to the results!

Hon mensh 1: heartlessons -- ooh, stir, stir, stir. Opaline knows damn well what she's doing there, doesn't she? Also, "Thankfully, the unwilling come in far greater numbers." -- there are some very dark possibilities indeed behind that one, aren't there?
Hon mensh 2: Pascoite -- heh, a fun little subversion, and I usually enjoy those. I'm not a huge fan of "Fluttershy does swearing" (except for "peeved", naturally) so that specific aspect of the ending didn't quite hit for me as well as it probably did for others, but the tone-switch still landed nicely and the rest was very entertaining.
Winner: axxuy -- This made me giggle. As Pascoite said, leaving what Starlight had also done unspecified really works well. Mind you, if someone's that evil, who's to say her resume itself wouldn't be a pack of lies? So many possibilities here!

Well done to all, and congratulations in particular to axxuy! Please think of a prompt for August's FF150 and post it here when you're ready. It's fine to take a day or so to mull over options if you like, or to post immediately if you already have something in mind.

Feedback is still open for anyone who wants. :twilightsmile:

7861969 7854186
Congrats, axxuy! A worthy winner.

7861969
Oh this is a nice surprise! But I haven't thought at all about the next prompt. I'll be back tomorrow for that.

7862154 So, the prompt is:

I'll be back

?

:trollestia:

7861969
I'm thinking "Underrated" for the next prompt.

Loganberry
Group Admin

7862419
Looks good to me! Thanks; I'll post the new thread on the 1st as usual. :twilightsmile:

7862419

Well done for securing victory this round, axxuy. 👍

Hm, I might finally come back for this prompt. I've had a rocky few months, so haven't taken part as much as I'd have liked to.

7860206
This is a little late, but Thanks for the feedback! I see now how that last monologue becomes about Smolder's appearance! And the rest of your feedback is invaluable too! Although,

At first, it comes across like she's being lazy and trying to avoid her homework, with Ocellus finding a way to keep her from doing so

Would you mind pointing at what stuff made you think that?


To clarify, the vision is that Smolder is so sick and so bored, that she is missing school.

So Ocellus is like, "Check it out, I made a way for you to do school now!"

And, then Smolder's like, "Yay! No more boredom!"

But then!

She tragically realizes this is a fate worse than sickness, because school is so hard.

Sighing, Smolder stares at Ocellus...

Pure Evil.

And then maybe they play connect 4 after the fic ends.

7861011

You know, I never had any homework back in high-school. Outside of the fact that I was hardly ever sick, I took every free moment to finish homework during the school day.

That's awesome, dude!

If we wanted to talk about evil, that teacher REALLY hated me for no clear reason. (ex. No one was taking notes, he turns to me to see that I'm also not taking notes and he yell at me by name with, and I quote, "EITHER WRITE SOMETHING OR GET YOUR ASS TO 118!!")

Sounds like he might've been a weak teacher (unrespected, unlucky and/or incompetent) and maybe he was using you as a punching bag for his general frustrations. And he probably hated you. That sucks.

Though, it could maybe be funny to channel that kind of energy it a Chancellor Neighsay story.

And perhaps this is a little off topic, but,
7860445
I'd love to see where this is going!
I'm very interested as to A). What Twilight wants with Cherilee, what it has to do with this "Chancellor," (Related to the Zenithrash club???) B) What is this pure evil stuff; there must be a deeper reason than "nightmare night." This seems like a serious and clever story.

I love the style of writing, the details and imagery and musing. The background about Cherilee's uncle, the "waiting for death part," and the confrontation with Yvonne in the hallway. Twilight's letter was also intriguing.

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