Patreon Blog Takeover: Equestria hypothetically welcomes MonMusume girls, or "Celestia, Suu something." (FanOfMostEverything) · 8:50pm Jan 31st, 2022
Since I tagged this blog for Daily Equestria Life With Monster Girl readers, I need to explain what's going on. One of my Patreon perks is allowing sponsors at a given level to choose blog topics. Things they want me to ramble about. (If you want to pick a future topic, get in quickly because the price may be going up.) And here's what FOME asked.
Hypothetically speaking, which member of Cerea's household would receive the warmest welcome in Equestria?
...yeah.
Not gonna write six more fanfics with six-digit word counts to go over that.
(Yes, I said six. For the purposes of this blog, we are going to do exactly what the manga does. Namely, completely ignoring any signs that Kimihito's personality may find ways of interacting with those around him. Or just completely ignoring any signs that he has a personality. Or exists as anything other than a witness to and focus of the fanservice. Also, there's been enough HiE on that rough topic, thankee.)
(Poor Kimihito. Three volumes of actually starting to look like an individual. And then the Reader's Name Actually Goes Here kicked in.)
So instead, let's go over each of the other girls, while keeping the following stipulations in mind:
* This is not about trying to figure out who gets the Romance tag. 'Warmest welcome' is being treated as the ability to best fit into the new environment, and be received accordingly.
* In all cases, I'm assuming one girl appears. Alone. The household, taken collectively, has a suspicious resemblance to the local version of the Bearers: to wit, they're a traveling disaster area. Like the Bearers, they seldom mean to do it and also like a certain sextet of mares, they often try to evacuate before anyone can rope them into the cleanup.
One exchange student can already create a large amount of mostly-unintentional havoc: for details, see the linked story. Bring in all seven and kiss the nearest palace goodbye.
Rachnera
"But with me, tying people up is really more of a -- natural instinct. Should I really be subject to punishment for following what my instincts demand?"
"If we are choosing to view the issue from that perspective, I would like to remind you that ponies have a natural instinct for stepping on spiders."
Rachnera starts with a number of problems. Ponies can be spooked by spiders. This is mostly a matter of something coming out of a shadow while moving in an odd pattern and when it comes to Rachnera, we can't even pretend towards 'oops' because she's probably doing it on purpose. There is a possibility to get a phobic response in play, but it's not quite going to be universal -- and on a bad day, she'll pretend to be offended by that.
In terms of sheer space occupied, she's the largest of the girls. She doesn't lead in body mass: Miia and Cerea are both heavier. But Cerea at least has a half-familiar shape, and Miia gets the option to coil. Rachnera takes up a lot of room and in a pony environment, she gets the issues associated with height and width. Ask Rachnera to name her greatest foe after two months in an Equestrian environment and it's probably going to be 'Doors'. She doesn't fit in this world. Everything is at the wrong height, she's looking down all the time, and select areas of her spider portion has nothing even remotely approaching flexibility. Flesh can compress somewhat: chitin doesn't. There are buildings which Rachnera will never enter and even if someone doubles up on the doorways for her, good luck remodeling the narrowest hallways.
But it's not just shape and size. Rachnera has a very real issue in dealing with ponies, and it's called 'being Rachnera'.
It's not just the bondage. ...okay, it's partially the bondage. And the reasons for it. She can claim that she's just playing, but let's face it: that's not a justification which is going to hold up outside of a very permissive (and somewhat skittish) household. It isn't going to take long for ponies to identify her as coming from a predator species, and the majority reaction to an attempted wrapping may be to assume that it's dinnertime and the settled zone is acting as buffet. This is going to get her into major issues early on, especially as her webbing isn't dense enough to be considered as a full restraint on a unicorn's horn. The weaker ones get to be on the receiving end of her dubious sense of humor. The stronger are going to put cracks in the armor. Rachnera has her tricks -- and once you see her in action, it's very easy to work out exactly what all of them are.
She's the household's troll, and that's in the sense of being a mobile, skittering Tartarus. She wants to get a reaction out of you. Were you offended? Then she won. Did you ignore her? Well, why would you be ignoring her if she wasn't right? Clearly that means she won. Rachnera can write the scripts for a hundred social battles in a day and somehow, she never loses any of them. Just ask her. It's not exactly something which helps her in developing relationships.
The most likely to abuse her abilities for not just personal gain, but personal amusement. The girl who wants your fear, because it's easier than gaining respect --
-- and there's the heart of it.
Rachnera doesn't trust.
She doesn't believe you'll accept her. Why should she? So few ever have.
So she's not going to give you the chance. Because she's tired of being pushed away.
And she has a way to solve that.
She's going to reject you before you can reject her.
Cerea and Rachnera share a trait: in an ideal world, they would both want to be surrounded by friends. But Cerea turns away, feeling she's not up to the task of making them. Rachnera? Pushes. She pushes you away. She constantly tests everyone around her, and one of the most common routines is to make herself as obnoxious, hateful, and repulsive as possible. Because if you were really trying to be her friend, you'd put up with it long enough for that chance at meeting the real girl. And if she drives you off? Then you were never suitable in the first place. Rachnera can very easily grade the world on a fail/pass system, and it's in exactly that order because she starts you at failure and demands that everyone work their way up.
She is, somewhere close to the core, absolutely, constantly terrified. Of giving people power over her by letting them get close. Of being alone. So she pushes away, and thinks that the right person will figure out that it was actually supposed to be a pull in dark disguise.
Imagine how well that's going to go over in pony society.
Rachnera wouldn't trust a warm welcome. She'd sabotage it just to make sure it was real. And she'd do it while believing that if the ponies truly cared about her, they'd let it happen -- and then accept her anyway. Otherwise -- well, she was just bringing out the inevitable a little early.
Good luck.
Miia
"Cause of medical emergency?"
"Vegetable stirfry."
With Miia, appearance becomes a problem again. Snakes can really set off fear reactions in ponies: for details, see Twilight Sparkle. (The fact that Miia's not poisonous doesn't help. Consider the side of the average pony, and then have them face a seven-meter constrictor. Surround And Conquer applies.) She's also a very open carnivore, and the fact that she'd never go after anything which spoke, was identified as a pet, or just looked cute is not going to get the smell of blood off her breath. To a pony, in appearance and base scent, Miia is scary.
And then she starts talking.
Let's get to the core of it immediately: when Miia is in a good mood, she's a Golden Retriever. With scales.
"Hi! What's this new place? Are you my friend? You're talking to me, so you must be my friend! Where do I sleep? Is someone going to feed me? If you don't, then I'll just cook for everyone. Oooh, you're warm. I'll just stay next to you. Or around you. Pet me! Pet me!"
Miia and Papi are the extroverts of the household: they want to be out there in the world, they want to meet everyone, do everything, and preferably get it all in before 'do everything' gets them deported. Miia's true issue in Equestria is going to be having anypony stay around long enough to learn that this predator is mostly likely to kill them through affection --
-- no, I'm not rephrasing that. She's a hugger. She hugs you with her entire body. And now you have the fractured ribs to prove it --
-- and meet the very loving, somewhat overly-possessive girl behind the vertically-slit pupils.
(May Sun and Moon help the first pony whom Miia decides is her best friend, because that pony may not get to see anyone else for a week.)
It's easy to see ponies as fleeing from Miia: the predator aspect is just that strong, and letting her into any kitchen is an open invitation for the Beastriality to rewrite the local version of the Geneva Conventions. (She might get along famously with Sizzler -- until he realizes that she really can't taste any of the subtleties he's been adding to the meals. Quantity over quality, because she won't even notice the latter.) But she will insist on being met. She will push her way into homes in order to meet someone -- which may create a few more problems. But once she makes her intentions clear, then she will cuddle and hug -- gotta be careful about the hugs -- and do everything she can to find a place in another new society. And those who are willing to give her a chance may wind up loving her.
And binding their own rib fractures.
A lot.
Pretty much all of Miia's debris trail is accidental. That doesn't keep it from stretching out to the horizon.
Mero
"Ain't no such thing as seaponies!"
"There aren't? How tragic! ...did you want me to look?"
Let's hope this particular arrival takes place in or very close to water. And in any case, if she's going to be truly interacting at all, somepony's going to have to build a wheelchair.
Mero has the advantage of being almost completely non-threatening. A pony might see her shape as being strange -- but ponies don't do a lot with water to begin with. They're not great swimmers, the navy is minimal, sailing is a rare pursuit... essentially, anypony having trouble with Mero gets the very simple retreat option of 'I'm just gonna walk over there.' And trouble is unlikely, because she's naturally friendly -- while not being quite on Miia's sheer level of overbearing, at least until someone mentions romance novels. Also, when it comes to strange abilities, 'can live underwater' is just about it.
Get past the initial moment of 'What's that?' and Mero's issues in Equestrian society come down to the following:
* Like Rachnera, she's frequently self-sabotaging. Mero's recognized this and is trying to moderate it -- but she'll still manipulate a situation for a little extra drama, because the possibility of a tragic result is just so much more appealing! It doesn't mean she'll deliberately twist things to get herself turned out: just that having a situation play a little too smoothly is boring. Mero sees herself as a character in a story, and what kind of tale is it without a few obstacles for the protagonist to overcome?
* Mermaid.
We've seen it in the source material. In water, she's quick. Agile. Can maneuver in three dimensions with the kind of instinctive skills which make dolphins jealous. On land... either that wheelchair got put together in a hurry, someone's carrying her, or a pull-cart has been refitted into a mobile swimming pool. Incidentally, here's two words you may never hear used to describe Equestria: 'wheelchair-friendly'. Half of the streets are still cobblestone, and indented ramps are angled for those working with hooves. Unlike the larger girls, Mero can fit in just about any pony-sized space -- and she's still going to have trouble getting in.
So with Mero, the biggest issue is going to be accommodations. There's no home refit crew standing by to convert a few rooms for aquatic use with standard blueprints: everything has to be worked out from scratch. She's either going to be confined to the rivers, or she'll wind up doing a lot of waiting around because now that someone's recreated the wheelchair, the next step is the swing-grips at the pool exit which let her get in it.
Mero may single-handedly force the creation of Equestrian accessibility laws.
...the bureaucracy is going to hate her.
Papi
"There's something moving in the forest. Do you think it's a dryad? Love dryads! Let's go see!"
"DON'T DROP ME!"
You could drop Papi into the middle of a Zerg hive and within five minutes, she'd set up a game of tag with the larvae.
Papi isn't going to have a lot of trouble getting ponies to approach. (Not that she'll give them a choice. Anypony who runs or flies away is going to be followed. 'Where are you going? Is it interesting? Can I come?") Her appearance is strange and there are griffons who are going to be developing severe cases of talon envy -- but in terms of what the world is used to, she's got wings, she can fly, and she's not going to let you leave without getting the chance to talk. It usually takes people about five seconds to realize that she's friendly. Place her in any situation where there's children about and she'll be in the center of every activity. Papi makes friends so easily as to have any number of Twilight iterations silently pass over the crown before going off to write some catch-up scrolls. With the exception of those individuals who are going to have true issues with 'deadly hunter from the sky' --
-- again, I'm not rephrasing that. Of all the girls, Papi is the surest and fastest potential killer. She hits from above, she hits hard, and you do not mess with those talons. Papi can gut most creatures from collarbone to pelvis in about half a second. She just doesn't see any need for it --
-- Papi can very easily make her way into pony society.
I'm just not sure she can survive there. Because Papi's issues in any society will become the ways in which that society functions.
Papi can make friends very easily. She'll have to. Because here's some things Papi has trouble with: holding down a job, remembering to show up for the job, paying rent, marking a calendar for the day rent has to be paid and then actually looking at it, paying for things at all because she may not always recall what money is for...
Three steps. It's a joke in the source material, but it says something about her attention span and memory problems. It can take three steps across level ground for Papi to completely lose track of what she was doing, or pick something else to focus on -- an act which generally means she just forgot about what she was doing before. You can get her to concentrate: she wouldn't be capable of gaming or hunting if she couldn't put all of her attention on a single goal. But as soon as she's distracted? ADHD with wings.
She's easy to love. She has to be, because those who love her are forever going to be getting her out of trouble. Papi doesn't just need friends: she needs minders and handlers. And she can find a place in Equestria -- the place of a child. Because when faced with the complex environment of civilization, it's possible that she may never be able to fully function as an adult.
(But at least she won't feel any loss from entering a world which works without hands. That's every day of her life.)
Lala
"Dinnae ye wish te discuss the dramatic unities again?"
"'What are words my sister has never actually placed into a single sentence'?"
"Yer pardon, lass?"
"I thought it made for a rather amusing riddle. Yes, the unities. Let us pick up where we left off."
There are effectively two Lalas. One has a case of chūnibyō at a level of severity which makes eighth-graders jealous, and the other is a sweet girl standing in a field, waiting to meet you on the worst (and possibly last) day of your life. Just in case there's anything she can do to help. And the former is at least partially an act. Lala plays herself up around humans to the point of parody: what everyone thinks a dullahan is supposed to be, added to what appears to be unintentional comedy and a knack for losing track of where her head is. The local theory is that she's putting on a performance, making everything so over-the-top, scythe and all (with no edge, because the laws) that you can't be afraid of her. She's a joke. And if you're laughing, if you stop associating her with death and don't see her as bringing it...
She's a true psychopomp. The one who takes you onto the last road, and makes sure there's a companion for the journey. But it's something she does out of love, because Lala feels that someone has to be there.
So... what if you put her in a place where there were no legends of dullahans at all?
Physically, Lala is the closest to human -- if she bothers with a scarf and leaves her head atop the neck more often than she doesn't. If you want to consider physical issues among ponies, consult most HiEs on the site. The whole 'I can take this off' is going to get a lot of shock, more than a little horror, and have Gifted School students following her through the city in search of a thesis paper -- but beyond that, she's human. And the rest of her tricks don't come into play every day. Certainly not where they're visible.
So this is more about fitting in for personality. And in my opinion, once you take her out of the stories, put her in a world which knows of nothing exactly like her... she's going to drop the mask. The robes get put away, the sundress comes out just about full-time (allowing for weather), and the scythe is swapped for a real one because she can go into the fields and collect some wheat. Lala will have no issues with holding down a job, talking to those around her, learning about the world, and dear gawds, there is a good chance that if you get her within six feet of Luna, you will never get them apart. Two shadow-oriented females who put on masks because the world has decided on what it mistakenly believes to be their true natures. They are going to understand each other. They will hang.
In some ways, it's always about meeting the right person. There's even somepony out there who would be able to put up with Rachnera. But Lala, who can both stand out so much and yet make it so easy for her very presence to be forgotten... Lala, after that initial shock, once enough time had passed to let her take the mask off -- Lala would just blend in.
Dramatic unities will be discussed, without mercy.
Suu
"Who are you?"
"Who are you?"
"...it has been doing that for the last two minutes."
Papi's biggest issue is intelligence. Suu's may be free will.
We're never entirely sure just how much Suu understands about anything. We've seen her during moments of full sapience, but -- those are sometimes tied to body mass: the larger she is, the more she has to draw upon. As the story has progressed, there's been increasing signs of true thought when she's in base state, but... there's almost always a question mark. As to how much (and how often) she's thinking for herself, as opposed to simply imitating. Suu copies everything around her, and perhaps that's just part of how she learns. Or... it's what she does instead of learning. Find a survival pattern and mimic. It works for the original, so it'll work for her.
How much does Suu initiate on her own? Most of the actions she takes without outside cue are survival-based: just ask anyone in the household who was unlucky enough to come in sweaty when Suu was dehydrated. (Eventually, the girls started to carry spray misters in gun holsters.) We know she can think, but... how frequently? How deeply? Is thought the first resort or the last? Are there plans? Can she truly construct a life in society without someone to guide her? Someone she can duplicate?
There's always that question mark. And now we can throw in another: once she reaches Equestria, why would she stay humanoid? Suu can manipulate her body mass, membrane configuration, and hue in ways which let her simulate clothing and fully-functional limbs. Becoming an occasionally-translucent pony is not going to be much of an issue. Depending on when she shows up within the timeline, she might wind up with Cerea's problem of trying to overcome someone else's bad first impression -- thanks, Smooze -- but possessing the ability to meet it all as a new quadruped isn't exactly going to hurt.
Suu is still going to have problems with her instincts. (Ponies can produce a lot of sweat. Froth is worse.) But... extend that out. It's not just the instincts: it's how far she can distance herself from them. The degree of which she's capable of existing as a thinking individual. Because without that, she's not going to be part of Equestrian society. On her best day, she's going to be its collective mascot. Something just above the level of a pet -- because, all too often, that's the role she occupies in the household. No longer shedding residue on the furniture, because at least you trained her to wear a raincoat.
We can ask the question of how Suu would fit into Equestria. But first, we would have to answer another, older query. We'd have to figure out just who Suu is...
Now there's a story.
So, in order of greatest difficulty finding a true place (and that warmest welcome) to the least issues, with strongest obstacle indicated:
Rachnera (attitude)
Suu (individuality)
Mero (accessibility)
Papi (intellect)
Miia (discretion)
Lala (openness)
Huh. Suu's introductory chapter had the usual laws handwaved with the liaison going "I don't know what that is so it's not a monmusume". I suppose her big focus story did once again have her mysterious nature become the central plot point... revealing that she is fundamentally incomplete, and if taken to another world without her kind would be so for the rest of her life. Yeah, you've done well to delineate the problem.
Hm. Suu as described would maybe more fit in as a tenant-type of second-class citizen?
If you wanted to give Rachnera a fighting chance at integration, she'd need somepony like Rainbow Dash to help her. Because Rainbow flocks with Pushers, as seen both in canon (Gilda) and in your own verse (Garble).
*hums* Would the MON girls do any better? Tionishia has the size problem, Zombina is a walking corpse, and while she might look like a different species, she's still dead, Doppel probably can turn into a pony, but then she's just a weird looking changeling, so same problem there. Manako, being a cyclops, might have the best chance of blending in in her own way, but it wouldn't be easy.
And Smith... she would just talk her way into a job at the palace and then take a nap.
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Papi might fit in that category as well
Hah, I called the Lala/Luna connection way back in the Daily Life comments. They would be amazing together.
You know who might have almost as easy time, though? Manako. Awkward and retiring as Fluttershy (on a good day), but there won't be anything particularly unusual about her appearance other than the singular eye, and ponies are used to oversized eyeballs.
That first option does raise the possibility of sympathetic serpents in the Everfree. The question is how much drama he can stand...
As for Suu, an interesting question for all parties is if she decides to imitate a cutie mark. That could lead to quite a bit of awkwardness for everyone involved.
Fascinating stuff throughout. I admit, I still haven't really gotten into the series, but after your devastating portrayal of Cerea thus far, I wanted to see the rest of the house through the same lens. TV Tropes can only give one so much of a sense of the characters. Thank you for the insight and the engaging read.
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"What, you think I'm not good enough to be your friend? Well I'll show you!"
As somebody who is also somewhat ADHD, I have to say... um... It had something to do with the blog post...
There is a story about Rachnera in Equestria, if you want to see how a different author handles it.
Oh! Here's a fun hypothetical: Pony in the world of "A Centaur's Life," or vice-versa. I unfortunately do not have money to
bribecommission you, so you don't have to pick this up if you don't want to.5632695
These kinds of comments always amuse me, because I can only imagine what the reaction is.
Reader: "Boy, Estee's story is so gripping and emotional, and deeply examines the plight of a stranger in a strange land! I want to see the source material!"
Actual plot line from the source: 'Giant naked dryad fights giant naked slime girl, and protagonist-kun has to suck out the growth chemicals from the dryad's boobs.'
5632699
There's a reason I haven't really gotten into the series.
A while back I had to repeatedly fight off the temptation to write a comedy fanfanfiction of Papi crawling in a hole, ending up in Protocera, and having a great time compared to Cerea thanks to a combination of personality differences and Protoceran culture. A Suu fic sounds great though, and I'd be really curious to see where it goes. A one-person tenant species? What if you sign her up as a sheep? She'd probably do great as a sheep.
Requesting a blog post on the relationship between your various stories. Specifically where are Tish and Starlight in relationship to Cerra? Are these independent stories that sometimes share characters but are not canon to each other, as your fanfic is to the original show, or is each playing out over the others horizon and potentially interacting?
5632690 5632692 I don’t know the character at all, but from the description of a Cyclops I suppose her chances of getting by better than Cerea would depend on the reputation of the Arimaspi. Maybe if she just avoided Griffonstone…
A fantastic blog post that really shows how deeply you grasp both series. Thanks!
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Assuming that sheep aren't delicious
I guess I would like to see Cerea meeting the Smooze and know how to handle him while everyone else panic.
Would the translator work with the Smooze?
Yeah ... Papi and Suu would probably be relegated to "tenant" classification pretty quickly.
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...You know, I was considering leaving a comment here, wondering just how disappointed I'd actually be with the source material if I tried it (beyond seeing part of the opening once, as I recall).
...And then I read yours.
...Yeeeeeah...
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I mean, to be fair, if someone never saw MLP and only knew it from Estee's fics, they'd probably be just as confused when they finally saw the show. But yeah, MonMusu is the word 'gratuitous' extruded into reality and made solid. There is (debatably) no actual sex on screen, but it's a very near thing. Still a lot of fun, though. at least for me.
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He appears to have stayed friends with Rarity, so that's a good sign on that front.
I actually really want to see a Lala fic now, exactly the way you described. I bet it would be a feel good story with a garnish of drama. Suu would also make for an interesting fic based on your assessment. She'd be an oddity to study until ponies realized she is intelligent, but in a fashion that's pretty alien in nature. She could be like a less crabby Odo from DS9! But with boobies sometimes.
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"I mean, to be fair, if someone never saw MLP and only knew it from Estee's fics, they'd probably be just as confused when they finally saw the show."
I suppose that's a point. :D
"But yeah, MonMusu is the word 'gratuitous' extruded into reality and made solid. There is (debatably) no actual sex on screen, but it's a very near thing."
Thanks for the information.
"Still a lot of fun, though. at least for me."
Well, I'm glad you enjoy it. :)
Probably not going to give it a try myself, though; while I am somewhat curious about it, I have so many other, higher-priority things to do.
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Well it’s not THAT much material… the manga is about 18 volumes now? You can read that in a couple days…
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Hm, thanks for the information; I'd been thinking of the anime. Maybe I could get through the manga faster... Well, I still don't know when or if I'll try it (not too soon, I imagine, as I have a substantial backlog of much higher-priority stuff at the moment), but I'm now a bit better informed. :)
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It's no so bad if you can look at the fan-service as amusing rather than with disgust. It doesn't pretend to be deep, so it's quite the contrast to look at Estee's take.
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What bugged me about that issue wasn't the boobie kaiju fight, but the fact that sucking out the chemicals didn't poison Kimihito.
Suu is sapient sometimes depending on her mass, and her actual personality is really hard to pin down because it varies depending on what she's eaten recently.
Miia would think Spike is the cutest thing ever, and being an excellent heat source means he would need to be pried from her coils every ten minutes.
Once they establish that she isn't going to dissolve or burn ponies, I'm tempted to suggest that someone decides that they should keep her in the equivalent of a refrigerator and use her to cool down ponies suffering from heat exhaustion. After all, she obviously enjoys it if it's been so hard to get her to stop.
(Insert emoji of Lotus facepalming)
Or Rarity tries to use her as a living spa bath. After all, she is exotic and from far away, and therefore obviously good for her skin.