Let's Talk Materialism · 9:50pm Sep 15th, 2021
Let's do a little behind the scenes. It'll be fun.
I'm staying at my father's for a week due to family reasons, so yesterday I did what I do whenever I lose access to my drawing tablet: I doodled something on a piece of paper. That was the comic you just read. I posted it on Twitter this morning, and now I'm posting it here!
Only that's a lie.
What you just read isn't the comic I made. This is the comic I made:
Behold, the power of editing, I guess. Because, oh, god. This original version is so much worse.
I'm a big proponent of the idea that writing happens in the editing phase -- always have, always will. And this little comic might genuinely be the clearest, rawest example as to why I defend that thesis.
See, when I planned this comic, I was writing it as concisely as possible -- at least to my own understanding. I knew I wanted to post this both here and on Twitter, and Twitter limits the number of pictures you can post in one go. So like, it had to be eight panels. I tried to write the joke in four panels, it didn't work. It had to be eight panels.
Refining work that is already there will always be easier than creating it from scratch, because you have something to compare it to. You have a baseline, and you can see the project as a whole while you work on it. You can refine the start because you know how the ending will look like, and you can rewrite the ending so it fits the start a bit better.
I didn't hate the original comic. It was fine. But one can see the joke coming a mile away, and it feels like it drags on in the middle? Starlight makes basically the same face twice in a row, too, and it just feels sloppy. So I was a little bit frustrated about it, and it got worse the more I thought on it.
Then I went, hm. Wait.
And covered half of the panels with my hands.
The result is what you first read in here, and what I posted on Twitter -- because it is, quite simply, so much better. It tells the same joke in half the space, doesn't drag, and the punchline comes before the reader's eyes doze off the page like they're slipping on ice.
And isn't that just an indictment of how bad the original was? I took out half of the panels, and the point is still made perfectly. Turns out I can write a joke in four panels just fine; I just need to give myself more space, and then edit it tighter. Which is, funnily enough, exactly how I write my stories. How's that for consistency?
So that's a neat little lesson in writing right there! I like how clear the comic shows this principle -- that after writing a story, you should go back to it and delete all the boring bullshit -- and how effective it is in making the joke land better.
Never tell a story in a million words if a thousand will do the job, y'know? Same goes for pictures, apparently.
Anyway, here's a bonus panel:
Now that we're done, go read this and please consider donating here, it's kind of important. Have a wonderful week, and see you soon.
wait sorry what's this about AraComics being mommy kink anime bullshit
Delightful. XD
5582443
don't worry about it it's fine just enjoy doll twilight's imaginary screams as Starlight and Trixie cuddle
Maybe this is why writing is so hard for me. I always try to get it right the first time, and if I can't, then writing doesn't tend to happen. How much of that is my Aspergers/ADHD/anxiety versus bad habits from high school, IDK.
AraComics? Really?
Brilliant!
Brevity is the soul of wit. Trixie is the soul of hilarious pettiness.
There's no way Starlight would turn that down, I'm sorry. But obviously they're married and Trixie is trans pass it on.
(I like the first one actually)
5582480
He'd have gone with Gon Comics but it sounds like they're going out of business
5582531
"FLUTTERSHY! FLUTTERSHY THEY PRINTED IT!"
"Printed what, Zephyr?"
"My letter!..."
"Oh!"
"...Penthorse printed my letter!"
"Oh..."
" 'Trix with Dicks'--see? I got you your own copy. Oh, heh, lemme just autograph that for ya..."
I stole that from a Disney movie. Truth.
I actually think it worked better in the original, honestlyI COULD GET USED TO LIVIN' ANYWHERE
I USED TO LIVE IN A REMOTE COMPOUND WITH A HUNDRED BRAINWASHED FOLLOWERS
THEY CATERED TO MY EVERY WHIM
BUT THIS IS WAY BETTER HONEY I SWEAR
64.media.tumblr.com/9a3898f0cee15e2af15e0d0270588fbd/tumblr_pdmtfgxp0f1x59igmo1_500.gifv
How did you so expertly capture Trixie and Glimmer's personalities in one picture?
5582547
agreed, maybe the general majority opinion is that the shorter version is better but i think drawing the explanation out for a few extra panels just makes the punch line funnier. but then i am somewhat neurodivergent so maybe im just wrong
5582533
They're a real aragoner
media.discordapp.net/attachments/229042330009600001/887410314835013682/trix_extra.png?width=560&height=472
Peak Trixie, honestly.
I did find the revised version punchier, you're right.
Hmm.
The joke is snappier as you've edited it, but without panels 2 and 3, the pronouncement of materialism goes from "reasoned argument" to "statement of fact", which I find detracts from the joke as part of me is too busy disagreeing with materialism to laugh, whereas with those panels the motivated reasoning is highlighted.
Then again, I refuse to use Twitter for similar reasons, so it makes sense I dislike the Twitter edit.
You have to admit, though, 'AraAragon' would be an awesome handle if you were into weeb mommy bullshit
Honestly if I had any critique of your comics for the Twitter format, it's that you should link the comic it came from under the post so that people can see the unabridged version of the comic, not that you need to start abridging your comics.
Also I like the second version better.
5583488
Nah nah, i won't abridge my comics for Twitter; long stuff is my forte and the thing I actually enjoy doing -- next comic is already planned and it's going to be 100+ panels again. This little experiment was, again, cause I just physically can't work on it right now, so I just distracted myself.
That said -- replying to 5583025 and 5582603 and 5582547 while I'm at it -- obviously personal opinion may vary on which one is better between the two comics, but I do think that from a purely technical point of view, the shorter version is better. Structure-wise, you can have the four extra panels, but they have to add something more, rather than just elaborating Trixie's argument?
Like the problem here isn't the length itself, or the fact that Trixie goes a bit more in depth about what she means (which I happen to personally enjoy; I have done similar jokes, where a character goes on a serious rant for three or four panels, and it ends in a punchline, multiple times before). It's that the panels don't add anything that isn't implied by the first two panels; Trixie's ultimate point is that 'an act of love' by itself is good and that intention does not inform the ultimate morality of an action, only the action itself does -- which like. That's essentially what she says to Starlight in that one panel that's kept in the final comic?
So to me the problem is that the other four panels are redundant; if this had been written by someone else, and I had been the editor, I would've told the writer to cut them, too. I think even the people who prefer the original will think the shorter comic is good if there's nothing else to compare it too? But the people who won't like the original (which, I feel, are the vast majority, because not everybody enjoys rambling rants like I do, or else this would be a better world) will never like it.
Which means that as an editor, cutting it up is simply the better option. It makes it punchier and shorter, and it fits the intended format -- a short, single-joke comic -- better. If I had added more jokes to it, like I usually do (my comics tend to weave a lot of running jokes in a row, it's why they're so long) then I would've felt the extra panels are justified. As the comic stands, though? Nah.
Either way, yeah, don't worry too much about this because my main focus is 100% longform comics. Twitter is just a way for me to get my name out there, and so far it seems to be working, so hell yeah. Four panel comics are interesting because I am not used to them, so for the time being I kinda suck at them? But at most, they're a diversion. Nothing to really think too much about; narratively speaking, they simply don't interest me outside of the inherent challenge of making a single joke strong enough to justify anyone's time.
5583752
I agree from a purely technical standpoint, it's more that the extra panels more effectively "sound" like Trixie. Trixie is verbose, and loves to hear herself talk. It's more "Trixie" for her to ramble on in an attempt to morally justify what she wants. This is how I feel the extra panels add to the joke, it makes the character speaking feel a bit more, organic, I guess. Not that it isn't funny either way, mind. Both versions work. Personally I just think the original "sounds" more like Trixie, and so it makes a better setup to the punchline.
I feel like the build up to the Punchline was fine in the Eight Panel one. It didn't really feel like it was dragging or anything. I was actually pretty into whatever point Trixie was trying to make, while Starlight just stares at her lol.