Short Hand: Whipping them into Shape 2 · 6:35pm Sep 2nd, 2020
Shepherd: "Okay troops... Today your assignment is to guard the Incredibly Dangerous Weapons Vault! Let's work on things like we practiced."
The troops agree, and then take up their positions. And very soon, a little filly with red hair comes in. She smiles up at the guards.
Applebloom: "Hello! May I please go into the Incredibly Dangerous Weapons Vault, mister? Pretty please?"
Guard 1: "Well... I don't know. It is very dangerous."
Applebloom: holds out a note "I have permission!"
Guard 1 and 2: Read it. It is done in crayon and signed "General Somepony".
Guard 1: "Yes! This looks legit! Go right on in!"
Applebloom: "Yay!" She trots on in
Nearby, Shepherd sighs and facepalms as Luna observes over his shoulder.
Luna: "We thought you were japing! This is just humiliating!"
Shepherd: "I know. You know what's worse?"
Luna: "What?"
Shepherd: "That's not even the weapons vault. That's a janitor's closet. I left the sign up."
Applebloom: "UWAH!"
Sounds of falling janitorial supplies are soon heard from outside the closet.
Applebloom: "I'M OKAY!"
Now I have to wonder if the basis of the Royal Guard was not just some foals playing guard.
To be fair, nopony's trusted General Somepony with sharp objects since the Javelin Incident.
This is why claymores have 'front toward enemy' written on them.
5347277
There was a fanfic with a similar premise, at least for the Lunar guards literally being children under a glamour. Maybe orphans, not sure. I don't remember many details and can't find it though.
5347280
Be fair. The US Army conducted extensive research into how dumb is "too dumb for the Army" (at a certain point you only create more work for everyone else, even if you're only peeling potatoes), and they keep them out. They also did a ton of work on discovering the best ways to train a bunch of different people (anywhere between "barely smart enough" and "we don't know why he enlisted instead of getting a full scholarship at MIT, but we'll take him") all at once and all up to the same minimum standard. Their training system works very well. The Equestrians clearly need to learn from the Americans.
5347286
I remember that one! It was adorable.
5347286
It was one of Aegis Shield's fics if we're thinking of the same fic, correct?
Well at least Bloom is okay.. ish
Soldier 5: "But I thought the sign was just a decoy! Yanno, to prevent ponies from catching on where the vault is?"
Shepherd: "If that was the case, why would we ruin the deception by posting guards outside of it?"
Soldier 5: "..." *Face-hoofs* "I'm an idiot.
Shepherd: "Well, on the bright side, at least you're trying to think and willing to self-criticize. That's approximately ten times better than your fellows."
Soldier 1: "You are not allowed inside!"
Janitor: "But I need to get the mop and bucket to clean up that mess Blueblood left in the dining room."
Soldier 2: "If you don't have a pass from General Somepony then you don't get in!"
Shepherd: "...Of course, ten times zero is still zero."
Soldier 5: *Groans in dismay*
You need to compile all of these into fic so we can give them the likes they deserve.
I'm still tickled to death that you're still wearing the avatar I showed you. I squee a little every time.
5347279
That's where he got the eye-patch.
(Ah, behold the glory that is the Equestrian royal guard! ... Seriously, would have liked to see the Royal Guard do their job even semi-competently... at least once. And for Celestia and Luna to actually kick some flank! Y'know, on occasion. Was that too much to ask!?)
5495264
Well that's what the comics are for.
5495344
(Oh? Do they do better in the comics?)
5495420
Significantly. Check it out!
5495427
(Well thank you for the pointer! I'll see if I can find them online, any that spring to your mind with Celestia and Luna in particular kicking rear?)