Permanent record: the collected Slipped Case review · 7:20pm Sep 3rd, 2019
Last night, I received ten comments on The Slipped Case. This turned out to represent a multiple-post review, along with an introduction.
This blog post is collecting the entire review. My original intent was to paste it just about exactly as it was originally written: for the review itself, there will be no word editing of any kind, or corrections of typos/formatting issues. However, as it turns out, there is a limit to how many characters can be placed into a blog post. (If you're curious, it's 100,000.) This initially meant I had to remove the 'Review Part 1' and 'End Part 1' bits (replacing them with line breaks) just to try and fit the entire thing in -- and even then, when the offsite character counter said I was okay, FIMFic's said I was over. (I wound up with three totals between three sites. I can safely assume at least two of them were wrong.) This meant I had to post the review in three parts: the first section is in the blog entry itself, with the rest placed into the initial two blog comments (because the character limit on a blog comment is 50,000). This was done to keep the entire review on a single thread.
I will leave the original posts up for a day, to prove that I didn't edit the content beyond what was stated above. After that, my current intention is to delete the original comments, followed by explaining what they represented & leaving a link to this blog.
Now: I normally don't delete reader comments. In this case, I am making an exception. And there are two reasons for that.
First: the person who posted the review did not write it. He was doing a favor for a friend, as the reviewing party cannot currently post. It's possible to find the review writer's FIMFic account, but they won't be able to access that either. There is an explanation for this, with links to extra details, in the introductory section: you can get the story through there.
What this means is that if anyone tries to reply using the Comments, you will be doing so to the wrong person. You're asking a wifi signal to explain a website.
So I don't want him to be harassed, or bombarded with notification lights when he has no real way of answering. He can only speak for himself, and he didn't write the review. In part, I'm deleting the original comments in order to keep any of this from inconveniencing him.
In short: please leave the relaying party alone. Do not reply to the review as it exists in the comments, or PM him, or post to his userpage, because none of it is him. Comments could still be made to the actual review writer, but he won't see them for some time, and no one should break site rules by harassing that one either. On the whole, it may be best to keep everything here.
Second: I have been through my share of Comments @#$%storms. In fact, I have been through my share, your share, and there's a chance I've taken some part of Knighty's share by mistake. This review was posted well after the story's publication and in theory, this should mean a lesser chance of setting off Category Anything. But I'm the world's greatest authority on my own luck & eventually, something will erupt.
I am not censoring this individual. The review will remain intact, and I will make sure a link exists so that it can be found. But I am choosing to remove it from the story and place it within the blog. If there's going to be a @#$%storm, then I'm directing it towards this shore.
Now as you might guess, a review which overflowed the blog character limit is rather long. Readers may feel a temptation to skim. I'm discouraging you from doing so. The reviewer is trying to build an argument for his position, and following the complete trail is what leads you to the end.
And with all that said -- here's the review.
My friend read this story. Constantly thinking about this story cost him sleep and his thoughts still wonder to it.To say it impacted him is an understatement.
He'd post a review himself, but he's currently kind of held up in prison. You can read about his situation in this blog: A fellow brony wants to talk to you.
TL;DR I'm posting this review for BEASLEY1053@emailinterface.org
If you or anypony else have a response to the review, write to his email since he can't access Fimfiction. It would actually mean the world to him to receive an email from somepony because he's cut off from the brony community.
So, to be clear, this is not the user posting this but a friend he is doing a favor for. Now, I've read and re-read the fic "The Slipped Case" over quite a few times, and have thought about it a lot (whether I liked it or not) because it has, for better or worse, traumatized me or something of that sort where it causes me anxiety and disquiet, and interrupts sleep. That is not to say the piece is poorly written, in fact the opposite is true and that is part of why it impacts me so deeply. It is very well written, and I greatly appreciate the "Show Don't Tell" that goes into this, but that very same style leaves open a host of questions that are eating away at me. Some of which I have begun to dissect the story in order to try to answer. But before I really get to those, I want to tell everyone how this comes across to me, what I'm getting from it, if that's alright? I'm not stating anything as fact, no matter how much it may sound like it, but know that the conviction behind it is the result of belief. I don't necessarily WANT to believe what I've "deduced" about this story, but I think it might be helpful to share all these thoughts with the Bronies and see what comes of that, see what other views there are besides my own and those I have already read in the comments section (or what I can see of it).
First of all, I want to state that I do not feel that Dash's part in Twilight's method for fixing everything was consensual. I also feel that it was very cruel, very demeaning, and very unpleasant to be moved around publicly while bound and very very vulnerable. I know how this feels only too well myself, having been escorted on several medical trips from prison in a variety of chains and cuffs just barely able to move, and not without discomfort or, depending on the Corrections Officer on escort, pain.
The scene in Mr. Balikhun's office suggests... little. We aren't offered much insight into Dash's mind after Twilight initially captures her and begins to finally tell her why she actually came to her house in the first place. I'll get more into that later. I'm going to try to do this piece by piece. I'll summarize the earlier part of the story, though I'll provide paragraph references. I would like to know what was going through her mind when Balikhun asked Twi about untying and releasing Dash after the final 2 stops, only to hear "Maybe her jaw, I'm still thinking about the rest". This constitutes an Indefinite sentence. Did you know that we humans have established an international treatise on the humane treatment of prisoners? It is called the Nelson Mandela Act, unfortunately backed by the U.N. which has little clout for this. You shouldn't be too surprised then, to learn, that the U.S. Department of Justice adheres to virtually none of the clauses therein. I think it shocking that an Equestrian should be less inclined to mercy and kindness than most humans are.
I'm not arguing Dash's innocence, for she is not. But I also do not believe she deserved that treatment. I am arguing her intent, mostly. I don't believe any harm was meant. It was greed, a desire for instant gratification, to afford all these things she wants. It was a bad choice, or a series thereof, that lead to some particularly bad consequences for her friend.
The latter wasn't a particularly kind perspective, although it was an extremely frequent one: after all, in Ponyville, the definition of insanity was 'Rainbow Dash trying the same failed stunt over and over again while still believing that somehow, she isn't going to crash this time.' It was a behavior pattern which didn't exactly make the locals think highly of her intelligence, and most of the population saw Rainbow's learning curve as something which had permanently flatlined.
This paragraph tells us that Rainbow's reputation and reception in Ponyville isn't particularly glowing. Sad, really. I suppose she brought this on herself, over time, with effort. It works against her and in Twilight's favor later, I think.
"I'm working on it, Rainbow," Twilight sighed. The less-experienced wings flared, and the new alicorn managed to get just enough altitude for a corona-held blade to slice down the next line of packing tape: some of the boxes were a little taller than she was, and her tutor in all things airborne had insisted that Twilight use the opportunity for practice. "I just don't know which box it is, not when all of the publishers issue the new releases on the same day of the week and half of the company logos and packing lists wound up on the bottom. If you could just give me a minute to rotate some of these --"
So this paragraph establishes a few things. This alone tells the reader that Twi's library has contracts with multiple publishers. In context with the preceding and proceeding paragraphs, we also see that Dash is not patient.
It was a rather basic (if slightly risky) favor. There were times when the relationship between publishers and libraries became awkward: after all, a book which was on a public lending shelf could be borrowing and enjoyed a hundred times, and that number of readings would represented{sic} one sold copy. It was a fact which made a few of the larger publishing houses regard libraries in the same way a particularly aggressive shark might regard a remora who came with its own parasites.
Nice visualization here. Anyway, so the relationship between libraries and publishers is strained because a library does not offer much of a profit margin for a publisher.
But the palace had said that libraries were (somehow) necessary, and so an accommodation had been reached. Twilight had a license which allowed her to use her budget for ordering directly from the publishers, at a significant discount: the restrictions were that she would purchase no more than she needed and could onlly sell volumes which had reached the natural end of their shelf life, at the remaindered price. And technically speaking, every copy she ordered was supposed to be for library use: scholarly journals about magic study which were only read by her had to be paid for the same way.
We see here that the Palace has endorsed the value of libraries, so there is some powerful support behind the business. Also the terms of the contract are outlined, and it is clear from the previous paragraph that indeed the ordering of the 1 extra volume could be seen as slightly risky.
It was doing a favor for a friend, although it was an under-the-table one: the publishers really didn't look favorably upon even the most minor abuses of that license. It was assisting Rainbow with her finances, because the pegasus didn't have a budget so much as a biweekly series of mostly-frivolous expenditures which inevitably had her dropping by a friend's house at dinnertime to mooch a meal: something which happened because she had once again run out of bits on the night before the next pay voucher. But realistically, it was also either that or having to treat a single volume as having been permanently checked out.
So, this appears to me to be a pattern of enabling where Twi is actively convincing herself that spending money for Dash is the equivalent of helping her with her finances. Dash probably won't learn anything if she can easily mooch off of friends, and if none of them ever sets her straight. It is also a poor lesson indeed to receive something when she has spent all of her money. Of course, this is not the only motivation. There is the matter of Dash's rather astounding bad luck with lines on release days that factors in, for which Twi seems to offer at least something which appears like compassion. Also, there might have been some selfishness in Twi's decision to help Dash out.
"A lot of publishers," Twilight quietly said, "don't use dust jackets for library copies, Rainbow. Because the books see so much use. A single careful reader, in a home which knows how to take care of their books... a dust jacket could just about last forever. But in here, where ponies take the books home and read them under the blankets because they're sick, they read while they're eating --" the little alicorn shuddered "-- medicine grass-stained teeth are biting the covers, and they're nosing over to the next page while their snouts are leaking. Library books can go through a lot. So the majority of publishers print library copy art directly onto the cover. Balikhun Books was one of the last to give us dust jackets, and now they've stopped. Every library in the world is going to get this kind of edition: the only change is going to be the language the books are printed in. It's not an error copy, Rainbow. It's a normal one. And --" one last sigh "-- I'm sorry. I wasn't paying enough attention to the catalog when I ordered. If you want one with a dust jacket, I'm sure the publisher will let me exchange it, or they might just send an extra slipcover." With a faint smile, "They're actually really nice about that sort of thing, as long as my license is good."
So we see here that Twilight herself placed the order, doesn't sound like Dash had much to do with it. The bulk of this story even tells us that Rainbow pays little or inexact attention to detail or words, and thus is unlikely to have picked up on how this process works. Besides, she ended up going to Spike anyway.
But a friend had just asked her for education. And teaching meant getting the chance to lecture.
Where did Twi get that Dash had asked her for an education? Don't get me wrong, Dash is obviously invested in the ensuing lecture and listens quite carefully, but she still never actually asked. Twi is not good with social cues, as seen in Pargraph 71. I guess she invented this one.
"Celebrity..." Rainbow softly repeated. "Yeah. Like Silver Screen. Who's got a new movie in the cinema tonight, and I can't afford to go... I swear, Spike sees more movies than I do... yeah --- Spike..."
There were times when the librarian was still a little slow to pick up on social cues, and so her second response was "Maybe that endtable could have waited until next week?" Which was almost instantly followed by a nearly-desperate "Rainbow, I didn't -- I mean, I can't go to a movie tonight and Silver Screen just grunts most of his dialogue, plus he keeps playing the same part over and over under different names -- actually, I guess if you like that part, it's fine, but... um... maybe we..." A deep gulp. "...could see it... together... tomorrow? I mean, it's only seven reels. Ponies have survived worse. I think. I mean, technically, I guess Discord was worse, except that when it comes to the scripts, I keep looking at the writing credits for his --"
(The first, purely internal response, had been blocked by several years of hard-won Ponyville lessons: Spike has an allowance and a budget. You have a salary and an impulse control problem.)
Twi missed a pretty good opportunity to help her friend grow here. She lectured Dash on the collectibles market, but avoided the subject of her poor spending habits and budgeting. I get the impression this is a habitual behavior for Ponyville as a whole, having done some research and stumbled upon the information in "Pony Up A Tree" I think it isn't that surprising a pony might avoid it. But Twi isn't particularly weak, and so can easily defend herself and undo whatever spite Dash might inflict. Also, Ponyville teaches ponies to be less honest and forthright with one another?
Oh, Thank Sun. Sometimes the only way to keep from digging yourself any deeper was for somepony else to take control of the backhoe. "What?"
Nice, some foreshadowing here. Such a brilliant author
She was highly organized: maintaining any real degree of control over the tree required that. But there were forms to fill out and catalogs to consult. Repair bills had to be paid to the book restoration shop, exactly on time. (Spike had to carry the actual books and payments, as Twilight was banned from the facility. Ponies whose livelihoods had come to depend on their spellcasting bringing texts back to her exacting requirements were slightly reluctant to let her get within what they perceived as copying range.) The dusting process was effectively eternal. And when you kicked in visits to and by friends, the daily chaos which had apparently only become inherent to Ponyville existence on the day she'd moved in, and the intermittent interruptions of the missions...
We see here how organized Twi is, and how controlling she is about that tree of hers. Even without this paragraph, a brony understands that Twi likes a good organized plan and approach, always has a list in mind, and is very intelligent if somewhat lacking in common sense at times. "exactly" is a clue for later on as well. Just developing an understanding of Twi's particular neuroses, for me, paints a very different picture of both the "confrontation" in Dash's house and the interaction on the train in the later part of this story.
Rainbow dropping in and privately speaking to Spike more frequently than usual? Why was that worthy of notice? Rainbow had been known to engage Spike's services just because a pony so dedicated to speed didn't want to deal with the travel time of outgoing mail: her biggest complaint about transport flame was that packages couldn't be pulled in. Besides, they got along fairly well: he was the youngest in the group and mentally, she was the... well, technically, Pinkie was the one most in touch with her inner filly, but Rainbow was the mare who still felt that entity needed to pick up most of the checks.
So this paragraph tells us that Dash has begun meeting with Spike more than usual. Although how much more than usual is not clearly defined. But I suppose if it was very frequent, Twi might have taken notice sooner. Hard to say, really. At any rate, she went to Spike for help with her plan.
It was slightly stranger to have Spike start playing an active part on Release Day. The boxes were delivered early: most of the shipments arrived before Sun was raised, all the better to let shops and libraries have their displays ready at the moment of opening. It was too early for a little dragon to be up, and so Twilight generally let him sleep through it -- but he'd just volunteered, and had done so simply through showing up. He signed for the shipments (although he had to sign Twilight's name) and took inventory of the contents. He was suddenly the only one counting the boxes as they came off the cart, and the fact that Twilight was still responsible for relaying them inside meant she wasn't inside... it was more efficient than simply waiting for them all to be unloaded. And of course the boxes which entered the library perfectly equaled the total which had come off the cart. The fact that he had the perfect opportunity to place a few out of sight never crossed Twilight's mind, because it had no reason to make the journey. He was helping her, and an increased level of assistance was always welcome.
And he had always been the one to bring in the mail, at least on those days when he wasn't serving as a different kind of delivery system. He sorted it before the envelopes ever reached her, and if a number were visibly being carried away in his hands... well, that was just his mail, wasn't it? There were aspects of library operation where Spike took an active a claw: in particular, the most frustrating missing book accounts were often turned over to him because while a dragon flaring his nostrils on the doorstep might offend, an alicorn showing up with a rage-spiking horn corona tended to make the front page. Additionally, it was possible that he'd found a quill companion in a distant part of the world, and Twilight was hardly going to interfere with any newfound interest he might have found in simple correspondence.
Missions came and went. There were also more normal hours when she was outside the tree: friends, daily business, simply stepping outside to enjoy a little well-regulated chill. And in a structure where patrons wandered everywhere except the well-protected basement, treated her rooms as theirs... well, there was a reason why she had those stickers inside the front covers of her personal tomes. Discovering that her shelves had been lightly disturbed during her absence was just part of the routine, and the relief which came from finding nothing missing caused her to overlook that things had been lightly disturbed. Over and over.
Payments had to be made. (Quite a bit of that was to publishers.) And really, why couldn't Spike write up the vouchers? All Twilight had to do was sign them, something she generally did without bothering to look at them first. And if it seemed as if she was signing more vouchers than ever -- well, it was winter, and the typical causes of book repair had seen a major spike in mucus drippings while adding the annual stains from hot chocolate, plus now the ponies reading under her blankets were occasionally found in pairs. (It would slow down for a little while after the Wrap-Up, only to be replaced with newly-grown fruit stains.) It was just the season, or so she told herself before rushing off to the next mission. And Spike taking on additional paperwork duties (of his own free will!) freed part of her schedule for visiting friends, magic studies, and the re-re-reorganization in which he wasn't going to be any part of the process anyway. He could go outside and play during those times, maybe do a little shopping for himself. He'd certainly earned that, and Twilight had even begun to consider a small increase in his allowance.
However, when viewed in retrospect, one potential clue hadn't been there: Spike had been spending no more than that allowance would permit. Aiding and abetting had its almost-immediate rewards, but he knew how to budget -- and might have also been subconsciously aware that a rather good way to draw attention was through flashing cash. Besides, from his perspective, it was just another kind of Rainbow stunt, and that meant he couldn't act immediately, not when there was such a time-honored procedure to follow.
So we have a lot of clues here, I'm going to start with Spike
- Spike began by taking it upon himself to help with the inventory process, giving him the perfect opportunity to set books aside and conceal their existence from Twi
- Spike began intercepting mail. Whether that was notices or queries regarding anomalous orders being placed isn't known, but is very likely. Whether he'd be doing this on Dash's say-so is sketchy, but considering her lack of consideration for the consequences of such? I'm thinking it was his decision, and she wasn't privy.
- Spike began writing up the vouchers for the orders, and Twi merely signed up without actually looking at them. This demonstrates a high level of trust in the young dragon, but also some level of irresponsibility on Twi's part.
- Spike was rather conscious of his spending habits, never inviting any unwanted attention through flashing cash.
- All in all, it seems that Spike was rather cognizant of the potential (really inevitable) consequences of this plan. That Dash seemed unaware means that he probably didn't really tell her much about it. Part of that time-honored procedure?
But more than this, there is this point "an alicorn showing up with a rage-spiking horn corona tended to make the front page." where we see that Twi is conscious, at least a little, of her image and how she is represented around Equestria. It's also evident that she's conscious of the consequences of certain actions. In particular, there is at least one news outlet with a particular soft-spot for reporting on the Royalty, whether accurate or not, in order to promote the idea that they are unnecessary. I should think Twi's actions would reflect poorly on the other royalty, in that case.
You watched.
You held your breath as you waited to see if it would succeed or fail.
You didn't commit your reaction until it was over.
And then you went to the crash site and looked for interesting pieces of debris.
Well, this implies no concern for Dash's wellbeing on Spike's part. In fact, overall it sounds like Ponyville just doesn't intend to intervene and possibly save Dash from herself at any point. Actually, I get the impression that overall most of the characters in the 'verse of inspid, self-serving and shallow without much concept of actual love or caring. It's like the world of Equestria was re-imagined with no real understanding of love, fairness, friendship, tolerance, caring, and all the other things that made the baseline Equestria so charming. I personally counted these 3 lines as one distinct paragraph as they were all connected.
"-- here's your mail!" A pair of boxes were slammed onto the desktop, along with a sheaf of envelopes which hadn't been sorted as carefully as they should have been. "Can I go out for a while?"
This frown was one of concern. "Not unless you bundle up first. It's really cold this morning. That's already kept all our early patrons home, and they're ponies. With fur. You aren't, and you know what the cold does to you. Especially with all the really deep snowdrifts out there. If you step on one and sink in..." He was already shivering, and that was just from having brought in the mail.
With desperation, something Twilight interpreted as There's A Game Starting And I Don't Get To Be In Goal Unless I'm There First, "I'll be okay for a short trip. I'm just going over to --"
So, Spike is starting his escape attempt here. He's also clearly terrified. I'm pretty sure that shivering is not from the cold alone. Twi exhibits just how much control she has over his life here, though in this case it is meant for his own good. The "Mama" Twi vibe here really speaks to me quite darkly, as in an abusive relationship rather than a nurturing one built on respect and caring. The impression is quite different when she borrows a page out of Shy's book to affect the control she seeks over Spike. I don't see caring for Spike here so much as concern for the order she strives for in her own life, and the domain that is her library. The author does a good job of highlighting how, yet again, Twi's incompetence with social cues results in her misreading a tell from someone she presumably cares about. It's a hallmark of quality writing that involves so much nuance and sprinkles of flavor that a reader might just miss. It means a story can be ready many different ways, and then choosing the "right" way becomes rather troubling.
"Which was when her corona automatically went into the open drawer. And under normal circumstances, she didn't even have to look: she knew where the stickers were. Surround and lift the top one. That was all.
Instead, a thin bubble grasped nothing, then regretfully lifted a narrow slice of air."
So, I see here that she's both deft at this and is has become something near effortless to perform for her. It sounds like a construct is formed around the object to be manipulated, and that construct is what is in her control. How can it be changed and manipulated in and of itself isn't clear, but I gather she's rather gifted and also quite strong considered her ascension, her mark power, and her countless hours of study and practice in the field. Seems second-nature, like something she could perform at length with minimal fatigue resulting
The author does a marvelous job of drawing up the tension and creating a feeling of dread and fear. At least for me.
Why is that? Twi has already demonstrated she can get a grip on an object without actually seeing it, and perhaps that telltale noise of "ill-advised impact" told her where to find her assistant, and by feeling she got her grip on him. Of course, that means an open window or door, no? Don't think that happened, so she just left him there until she was ready? I'm unclear here, but in either scenario there's a sudden sharp disconnect from friends when she focuses entirely on her own needs. The resulting interrogation of Spike is not to be taken lightly, either, since in a very real sense his life is risked to get the answers she seeks. And still she does not receive all of them, and with that being said, one cannot be certain of the legitimacy of that information which she did extract. Duress is not always a reliable manner of interrogation, I think. It's already clear that he doesn't care about how Dash is impacted except for entertainment value when it's all over, and he's clearly invested in self-preservation as he tries to get away and then, through vaulting from an upstairs balcony, to run away only to find himself imprinted into a snowbank. In this 'verse, Dragons, usually living furnaces unto themselves, are apprently cold-blooded? I mean, being reptilian, that isn't a great stretch of the imagination.
Amazing work here. There's no point at which the author chooses to outright tell the reader "And these are the factors Twilight took into account as she planned this out...", instead, we are offered the chance to discern this for ourselves. Actually, the other thing I took home from this is that the author also does not choose to explain every action, or lack thereof, during narrative. Thereby making the author, in essence, an unreliable narrator. Not so unreliable as to be outright falsifying the goings on, just that bits and pieces are left to the reader to uncover with clues and nuance. It's really incredible, genius level stuff. So on the technical level, this writing is ALWAYS strong.
Twilight is noted to be a very organized pony earlier in the story, and that plays out well here. For this reason I became convinced that "about ten in the morning" did not necessarily refer to the same morning she received the notice in the red envelope. Perhaps the next day? She's methodically, 24 hours would be enough time to work out a plan (in this case a fairly simple one fueled only by a desire to hurt the pony she's visiting and simultaneously repair the damage to her career) as well as gather the supplies she'd need.
Rainbow does say those bags are really full. But, it might never be clear just how much stuff she had in there or if it was all rope.
Around Paragraph 122, where Twi first seems the envelopes and packages in the mailbox, I had to really dig deep to understand what exactly was happening. First off, it's now evident that she's conscious of her eyes going white (probably has always been to some degree or other), and that she's working hard to rein in her rage in order to carry out her particular plan. It requires a significant degree of surprise, it seems. In that I find this story has certain failings, but I'll talk on those later and explain why I feel as I do.
And at Paragraph 124, which begins "It was about ten in the morning", shows us the degree to which Twi understands her friends, and Ponyville in general. It's a good indicator that, while she is not competent to follow social cues, she is quite competent to discern patterns in everyday life and with respect to the ponies she is most exposed to. The tone of the narrative itself seems to speak to her animosity towards Dash and her judgment in general. It causes me to wonder if this is part of what she is telling the publishing houses later.
At Paragraph 128, Twi broaches the subject of her interest with "It's not as if you told anypony that you'd changed your name to Editions Unlimited." It's passive-aggressive, and effective at opening this topic of conversation with Dash in a way that does not allude to the threat she currently represents.
Paragraph 129, where Dash begins to talk a bit about it, tells me a few things. My initial reaction was "guilty conscience" but that went out the window with the remainder of their exchange in Dash's house. Instead, this is more "disappointed the surprise is spoiled" then "well, at least now I can tell her everything", where there's no guilt felt. I also note that here she indicates clearly that she asked Spike not to say anything, and I wonder if this is the extent to which she instructed Spike? How much of the deceit was his own devising due to experience and understanding of Twi?
Paragraph 132 shows us the first question of Dash's that Twi actually answers, through the answer itself is vague to keep Dash from becoming concerned or worried. Just more of Twi's passive/passive-aggressive approach. The more of this I read, the less future I think their relationship (or indeed any of Twi's relationships) really has.
Finally, Paragraph 135 shows Dash invited Twi in without having received an answer to the question of just why she had shown up at Dash's door. In fact, Twi only answered one out of the 4 questions that Dash asked. Albeiot, 2 of them were rhetorical anyway. It shows, first, just how much trust Dash has in Twi here, and is equally effective and demonstrating Twi's animository toward Dash in her willingness to use this trust
By now, Dash has accumulated a lot of strikes against her, without even knowing she was on such a count or otherwise threatened. Twi has kept this very much to herself. I also counted 8 questions that went unanswered by Twi and 5 that received either one-word responses or only gestures as responses. I'm alarmed, though not really surprised, at how oblivious Dash is. Though I think this illustrates some integrity with her, since none of what she's about to talk about came as the result of fear or other duress.
In fact, the general vibe I take from this is "Aren't you proud of me?" and "Isn't this a cool surprise?", both of which feature a certain amount of preening to be sure. But she doesn't realize she has any reason to be afraid, she's not spilling the beans as some sort of hard-won confession, it's just her own integrity shining through, really. Someone suggested a sort of Detective/Noir style of narrative here, but I don't see it, there's more at play and it's darker and more painful than that. For the most part, this is just a tragedy.
I can also see how well-supressed Twi's rage is, even if thinly veiled. Of course, when Dash asks about putting the saddlebags down, Twi opts to keep them. Too important to let go of, as part of her general plan.
Incidentally, the line "Yes. Yes you will be." Illustrates Twi's single-mindedness, and tells nicely about how much a formality this all is to her. She feels she already has to true story, the right of it, and so does not need Dash's side of the story. She needs only to hear a specific admission, and this will trigger her to act on her desires.
I also note that Twi is doing an admirable job of controlling and deftly steering the conversation where she wants/needs it to go. As such, we are witness to a strong mind with a dominant personality that is in control of the situation (if not entirely of herself). I'm disappointed she wasn't more direct in her approach, here was a good opportunity to help Dash grow, and herself grow as a friend by asserting to Dash her problem areas. Considering what she found out through that notice in the red envelope, I'm surprised she managed so much control. But that's also neatly explained in these paragraphs too.
Dash continues to talk about the journey to her success, and in so doing exonerates Spike and continues to tell the truth of her involvement and his involvement. The more she goes on, the more I realize she's really filling in every blank she can. So she's telling what she knows, and to me this means she doesn't know the lengths to which Spike went to hide this from Twi, and that Spike was not likely very honest with her on that matter either. After all, he did leave other parts of his involvement out of it. I also note that the word "risk" was used, so he almost certainly understood the potential, and eventual, consequences of the action. Other clues come later, I'll address them as they do.
But we've also seen where he understands what to avoid, and what to do to get the word out without tipping of Twi. It also seems to be in evidence that his years in service to Twi had educated him on the literature market, and the ins and outs of the business as well.
By Paragraph 154 it is also now in evidence that Dash provided her own start-up capital, which required some patience on her part. We are regularly shown how little patience she typically has, how the act of taking one's time is abhorrent to her, and this sets the tone for her coming punishment. But it's only a part of that tone, a part of the whole picture, I feel.
Paragraph 156 is where Dash exonerates Spike, for the first time. But not the last time. Again, she seems to be very honest about not only her part in everything that happened, but really about everything at all. This may be in part because she feels she has earned bragging rights, so why wouldn't she be honest?
Paragraph 158, where Twi reassesses his wages, makes me wonder about whether she has already forgiven him. That his name is so safe to say seems to indicate something of this
Dash consistently casts Spike in a favorable light up to this point, demonstrating to me that she's been focused on the truth and straightforward delivery of information with a not-very-discreet peppering of bragging to go with it. But she's honest, and I even believe that she's actively avoiding all of the dishonest traits she listed out as she went over which actions would represent them. She's even forthcoming about her thought process leading up to the method eventually decided on. Whether or not this hurt her with Twi is unclear, but I suppose it is evident that it really didn't make much difference. It did not help her.
Again, Twi is single-minded. She's listening as a formality, as she needs to hear certain words before she'll take action because Twi generally does not act without evidence.
In Paragraph 168, it sounds an awful lot like Dash and Spike were attempting to steal from Rarity. Doesn't mesh well with her later assertion that she wouldn't steal. Doesn't mesh well with her overall honesty either.
Dash is fairly clear on what Spike did and did not know about, so any details he left out (and Twi never noted any of those which Spike didn't know about to be that) which he didn't know about are corroborated as such.
Paragraph 174 shows me that Twi is content to increase her vengeance for any transgression. Not that defacing a book is a particularly light one where the librarian is concerned, mind you. But she's practically looking for more reasons to punish Dash, and she's getting them.
Paragraph 179 shows Dash declaring stealing as wrong and demonstrating a sort of respect for Twi's property. (She'll never develop a filter for calling that stuff boring, I think.)
Paragraph 181 shows Dash demonstrating excitement and pride, but not fear. Nor remorse. There's still no hint she understands she's done real wrong, and Twi isn't telling her that.
And Paragraphs 197-198 show Dash genuinely surprised at the small print. Was Spike playing both mares for fools?
Throughout this section we gradually see Twi's mood darken and her cunning take shape, her manipulating is reaching it's crescendo, and soon she'll be able to spring her trap and finally satisfy that lust for vengeance she has been nurturing all along. It's also shown that she fails to obey her own inner voice at times, resulting in asking a question she never really wanted the answer to, which illustrates her far her anger is going. It serves as a potent reminder of why she is so brutal in the near future.
And then there's this:
"I know what you did
I just need to hear you say it.
Those two lines, which I counted together as Paragraph 199 for reference, speak volumes about Twi's motivation and patience. Rainbow is doing a lot of talking, but Twi isn't actually listening more than is necessary to direct the conversation to the point where she can ask the leading questions. She is picking up on those things which are new information, such as Spike collecting her tail hairs and nose hairs and such. But she's not processing this information past the most superficial points, rather than connecting dots she's leaving the greater picture out of focus to just go after Dash.
We also come to understand that Dash's status as friend is quite tenuous as this point, well before this point. It's not clear whether or not Twi intends to just wash her hooves of Dash or what, but what is clear is that she's hostile and set in her stance. A wide range of authors tend to portray Twi as exceedingly single-minded and stubborn, that when she has set her mind to a particular course of action there is no going back. So, is she under the impression she will effectively push Dash too much away to recover the friendship or she not certain she wants to maintain that relationship?
Dash has now begun unwittingly throwing Spike under the bus, but as he elected to keep those things to himself while he was under duress, that's really his fault as well. Dash is just telling the truth here. But Spike's consequences are disproportionate in that they are remarkably light compared to his transgressions. Or that the reader knows of, at least. It's not really elaborated on beyond "The price for sitting in the fire was telling her everything
Here, I feel, lies evidence that Dash was not a willing participant. In fact, in all of this I think Twi is shown to be a truly ineffectual communicator and overall terrible pony. If she was meant to be a sympathetic character, here is where that was lost to me.
First and foremost, Dash's abrupt stop. It's the linchpin on this whole thing for me. Throughout this exchange there have been numerous clues both physical and ephemeral for Dash to pick up, including mail being rudely shoved into her sternum, and not one single clue ever penetrated her skull. So I had to ask myself, why now? What got her attention? Then I realized, she's caught. Twi has her gripped, her body stomped moving according to her will.
Two points I note. First, the paragraph ascribing Dash's actions is peppered with text about attempts, but does not mention anything like success or progress. It's stagnant, as Dash is not actually able to move. The next paragraph begins with Twi's corona already active, but and then I realize why that was.
Twi never confronted Dash up to this point. She just carefully moved the conversation forward until Dash "confessed", and then captured Dash and then, at long last, proceeded to tell Dash what had gone wrong.
But there's more to this than meets the eye, I feel. It's the core of my anxiety, the very deep and disturbing element of this story that immediately thrusts Dash into the role of victim more than perpetrator. It is also among the many reasons I don't believe that this relationship stands much chance of survival.
I read and re-read this section both with and without Dash's portion of the dialogue after "-- your eyes". I realized that it feels oddly disjointed to read the text with Dash's words included, because it doesn't flow well, because Twi's interrupted never directly address anything Dash is saying, and because they also never effectively pick up from where Dash's words leave off. There's a slight sense of it at first, but it's sort of an illusion.
So when I read the section without her intervening dialogue, it flowed more smoothly. So I began to think of Dash's dialogue of "thought bubbles" serving as a distraction for Dash until Twi's voice drags her back in. It made little sense to me until I read Estee's War Journal of the Second Equestrian Revolution (Second Grader Rarity Belle Commanding) and learned that magic can be used to hold a muzzle shut, keep a pony silent during a confrontation. In that story, the user of the magic is a slacker teenaged unicorn who prefers to skip out on school, so it is unlikely her magical talent is terrible refined. Twi's is. Very. Doesn't seem a stretch that she'd do this either, because she was never here to hear out Dash's side of things, feelings, or anything else. She was here to hear specific works and engage a trap, and it isn't even over yet.
So, I feel fairly sure that the Paragraphs 212 and 214 are not spoken aloud. However, Paragraph 211 seems telling. It only ascribes two actions to Dash: Blinking and her tail twitching. Her tail hit a stack of books, but nothing came of that. As well, there is the point that she never landed after she lifted off to point at the book at the top of the stack for Twi to look at to see the label. Yet her legs, unknown to her, attempt to go into reverse. Attempt, but there is no allusion to success, and no indication that Twi is in any way hearing anything Dash is saying up to Paragraph 216.
Well, that isn't quite true. Paragraph 215 does offer at least something like acknowledgement of Dash's words... "So yes, Rainbow, I know what my eyes are like right now." and I had to think on whether that addressed to "Think about your eyes" or something else... and I realized that it's more in response to information about the state of her eyes, than a reminder to think about her eyes. So, "Your eyes, "are getting kind of white right now --" are likely the only words she got to say out loud. So I realized that Twi interrupted Dash's interjection with magic, sealing her jaw and continuing her lecture, only responding to the little Dash had had any chance to say at the end, and goodness what a gut-wrenching reveal it is. Can't imagine just how stressful it must have been for Dash to realize that Twi was in control, that Dash wasn't getting out of this.
Then I really started thinking more at length about Paragraph 214, which begins "Desperately, so desperately" and I thought it sounded more like the despairing pleas one might scream inside one's head when all else is lost to them. Of perhaps that tone you adopt in your head when across a crowded room you see someone you care about going to make a mistake and you are trying to will them to think and act differently to avoid the hurt and frustration they'll feel. Only on this case it's to get Twi to regain control. The reveal that she's in control connects better to "Your eyes --" than it does to this, I think.
Someone suggested that this paragraph had been a warning. I don't think it was. Warnings come before consequences and actions, they are there to let you know how to avoid consequences, and Dash was definitely not given any opportunity to actually do so. Moreover, Twi waits until she has Dash trapped to begin her exposition. All hallmarks of a terrible communicator and an overall bad relationship, perhaps even an abusive personality.
After all this, why not talk about the content of the lecture? What a confusing mess of profound factually empty crap is this? Twi never once addresses her feelings, never illustrates to Dash how this hurt, how this angered her, how this damaged or destroyed trust, or anything else. In fact, her lecture really tends more toward the feel of "The publishers would never have caught you if you hadn't done it the way that you did!" and that's a very confusing message. If Dash is supposed to take home from this the message that she shouldn't do this again, Twi is already doing a terrible job of communicating that, and she's not making it personal and bringing it home to the loyal pegasus pony before her.
Ah, and there's a brief but telling deviation from character for Twi during the lecture. In every part of this story Twi's character as held true to the pony who does not take risks, who likes to have all of the facts in order before making a decision, who collects evidence before acting. In fact, she doesn't even engage the first part of her trap until Dash's words corroborate Spike's testimony, she's definitely a pony governed by proof. Yet, there in the midst of her lecture she sites a probability, and based on that levels an accusation of blacklisting at Dash. It's not proof, though it might be borne of her experience in the field, it still deviates enough from her character to tell you what a dark place she's in and what danger Dash is actually in.
I'm seriously disappointed in the author here. It's a marvelous work, genius technical writing at work painting a breathtakingly realistic portrait of a pony in the throes of intense rage simply focused on revenge. It's a thought provoking look into the oblivion of a pony completely deaf to undertones, lost in her own pride and unable to see the consequences, potential or otherwise, of her own actions. It's a wasted opportunity, though, if there was any intent at exploring their relationship proper. Or perhaps it isn't, since I could just as easily consider how poor the communication is between them all and conclude that this is a toxic series relationships that can only end in disaster in the future. So, really, it's a complicated look at a pair of very damaged ponies who have yet to grow from their trials and learn to communicate, to be actual friends. Twi's allusions to love always strike me as being terribly misinformed, leaving me skeptical of her sensibilities. That her love is entirely conditional and given to flux simply reduces her character to something more superficial and selfish to me, which serves to remove the sympathy from her and place it on Dash as she struggles to understand everything that's going on in a whirlwind moment where she suddenly finds herself trapped in Twi's magic and, perhaps, unable to speak.
I had read this as a comedy at first, and up to this point I might have mistaken it for one. It certainly paced and narrated in such a way as to present a sort of comedy of errors type of farce, but then I get here and I see how Twi set Dash up to lose, and lose badly. I see how poorly this is handled, how Twi gives him to her rage, so much so she loses objectivity and simply waits to hear certain words instead of listening and putting together clues.
I read on TVTropes that most pegasi are Claustrophobic. Now, it's not entirely accurate to say that this fear is irrational for a pegasus, since being immobilized would inhibit their magic. "Pegasi are unable to use their magic if they're fully immobilized". The irrational begins at how they handle the fear in the first place. I imagine Dash would be in a panic state pretty quickly, so what little brain power she'd have to focus would be gone now and replaced by adrenaline pumping survival instinct. Twi probably counts on this.
The final question, whether or not Dash would help, is just another trap within the trap. It does not constitute consent for Dash to have answered yes to it, but then that makes it a sort of poetic justice since nothing Twi said or did ever constituted consent for Dash to do what she did. However, the ensuing cruelty is overwhelming to me and the myriad potential ramifications are quite a lot to consider. More on that later.
I also note that Twi goes through a sort of catharsis, would that have settled the spiking corona before she brought Dash through Ponyville and beyond? Did she plan so carefully as to avoid any consequences for herself
So this scene opens up with Twilight finished up the story, apologizing for taking so long to tell it to him, and in general affecting a submissive demeanor for the exchange. Now, when I first read it I sympathized with the embarrassment of a yawn, but after the first reading that particular sympathy went the way of all the others. Twilight is performing an inherently evil act at this point.
So in Paragraph 221, where she explains her reason for showing up in person. I'm not sold on this one, because she also has a hostage and a revenge to continue executing. Sure, there's the idea of wanting to hear any denial rather than read it, but it seems a thin reason and perhaps even a blatant lie. But who'll question her at this point?
Paragraph 223 is where I start thinking more about what's going on and starting putting numbers together in my head, which I will later outline. However, there is Balikhun's question of how many publishers have been visited so far.
She doesn't answer his question directly, though the question is answered just the same, she answers the question of which number he is rather than how many she's been to so far. It still tells him what he's looking to know, but preserves some of her control in the conversation. She also rambles a bit on this, explaining it away. I think this might serve to distract Balikhun from something, but who can say what that is? Not Dash. She can't say anything at all.
Balikhun cuts her off, and states that she is sorry for something which is not her fault. I remember upon reading this the first time I had mistakenly taken this to be another question, albeit rhetorical in nature. Nope, a statement, and it stops her talking. Now he has his answer, and his silence, and he spends that silence staring at Dash. I wonder what's going on in his mind? What's going on in Dash's mind? Part of me thinks that, the answer to this question just told him how long Dash has been held immobile and mute as she is. I also think that this effected his deeply. I wonder if he's a pegasus? This seems to trouble him a lot, and he seems to be empathizing with Dash.
But the number never really matters. It's there, but it doesn't serve much purpose in the dialogue since it continues to speak in absolutes. So it serves another purpose, it's an indicator, a message to the reader. They do discuss her success rate at getting her license honored, which he probably already speculated to be 100% anyway.
Paragraph 233, where the scent of paper and the pinkish tinge are mentioned. Here I once again cite Estee's War Journal of the Second Equestrian Revolution (Second Grader Rarity Belle Commanding) for point of reference. In that story, it is evident that a unicorn's corona isn't terribly visibly in plain sunlight or other sharp lighting. Now, Mr. Balikhun is an executive, who is likely to have an officer higher up in his building with a commanding view that invites plenty of daylight. If his office is now lit by candle, lantern, or lamp that might explain a fresh pinkish-tinge to his office. Otherwise, the other story would seem to indicate that wouldn't be apparent. I'm pointing this out for a reason, please bare with me as I get to it.
Paragraph 234 has Mr. Balikhun as much as admitting a fear of Twi in her current state, the likelihood that every other publisher will have felt similarly threatened, and Twi proceeded to not acknowledge it at all. He has dragged this exchange out a bit, possibly to reassert some control of the situation, but otherwise he acquiesces here.
Paragraph 236 shows a continuation on questions. He asks if Dash is sorry, marking the second time during this conversation that her existence is acknowledged beyond being stared at. Now, I wonder if he expected Dash to be able to speak for herself? In any case, Twi answers for her. I also see a shift in Twi's attitude, where before she was submissive and meek, frequently apologizing and pleading, now she has taken control over the conversation back. She got what she wanted, she's just working on leaving now.
Paragraph 238 "Are you?". Balikhun asks Dash directly. Marking the only time in this conversation she was addressed. Otherwise, the conversation takes place as though she isn't in the room outside of the loose allusions, and the staring.
Paragraph 239 notes how long it took to perform a single nod.
So, I stopped here and picked up a stop-watch, where I began to record the speed of several of my nods. I recorded 6 nods, averaged to 1.08 seconds per nod, then determined that the time Dash took to nod was about 27 to 32 times as long as it might otherwise have taken. I should think this would drive her crazy, being so slow. But it sounds like she had to really push to accomplish this, or, alternatively Twi treated her like a puppet. Dash's state means that there's not really a way to know one way or another, she can't express herself in any meaningful way.
Paragraph 240-242 is where Mr. Balikhun tells Twi and Dash to see themselves out (as if Dash has any control over that..), and he also has some last minute questions that seem to have just sprung to mind (though whether for his own peace of mind or for Dash's sake isn't clear, perhaps a bit of both?)
I also note that Twi turned and was readying to leave before she started to move Dash, so she probably left Dash in second place throughout this journey of however long. It also means she probably wasn't paying a great deal of attention to her. So if Dash found her airway blocked, there'd really be no way for Twi to know about this?
"And after your final stop," the publisher inquired, "you will untie the ropes from your friend and release her from the bubble?"
Paragraph 243 "Maybe her jaw," the librarian admitted, her corona bringing the prisoner along. "I'm still thinking about the rest. Good night, sir."
This paragraph, on the first and every subsequent reading, has given me chills. Because here I learn that Dash is unequivocally a prisoner of Twi, and that her sentence is indefinite. It is unlikely that Twi explained anything to Dash upon tying her up, I think, because it seems that Twi has little to say to Dash at all in the ensuing scene.
So, here Twi says "Good night, sir" which to, to me, adds some substance to my theory about time of day. Mr. Balikhun has already noted that she has 2 more stops to go, and she agrees with that. Also, she said this while on the move, having taken back control and not wishing to engage in further discussion on the topic. As I said earlier, her demeanor changes at the moment Mr. Balikhun says that her license will be honored, and she resumes being in control.
I also note that at no time during this meeting is Spike mentioned, there is not even mention of an accomplice nor any regard for the remorse of the dragon. I have a feeling that Twi's story leaves out his parts in the deception, and that Dash is acting as something of a scapegoat as well.
So we're talking about 18 stops with a long story to be told at each in the course of a single day? I don't think that's plausible in the least. Not that anything here suggests that, to be fair. But I've done a lot of thinking about this, as well as some math. I figure the average meeting with a publisher takes about an hour or so, considering the level of detail Twi is likely to go into, as well as any questions and what turns out to be the inevitable bid for the rights to publish her biography. So that's 18 hours alone for each meeting without any travel time or other delays taken into account. I also note that Twi probably started the first day of the journey a bit late, and as far as I know a Publisher is usually a 9 to 5 type of business. Twi probably arrived in whichever city (that isn't specified) around 11:30 or noon, after parading Dash through Ponyville for the first time and then she might either have immediately gone to the first publisher or, deciding it would take more than a day, secured accommodations and then found her way to a publisher. Okay, so I generated a random sampling of 18 times for possible travel times, capping it at 18 minutes, I came up with an average of about 8 minutes, which gives us a little over 2.5 hours for travel time total. I also generated a random sampling of possible delays, then found an average of 17 minutes roughly to account for a worst-case scenario, and got a total of 5 hours and 20 minutes. So
[All figures totaled for 18 stops]
34 hours 11 minutes total, on some rough figures that were fairly generous as times go. So that wouldn't be accomplished in the day that started at 9 AM, either. So I concluded that Mr. Balikhun's office scene takes place on the evening of the 3rd day of their trip, and I stayed with that thought for awhile.
Oh, and one last bit of narrative evidence to cite: The train ride back to Ponyville probably wasn't a short one, and Dash's mouth is untied only when they get pretty near to the destination, and after that Sun begins to dip in the sky. But Twi bid Mr. Balikhun good night, the lighting in his office was relatively dim, and she had another 2 stops to go after him. So the train ride? I'm pretty sure that took place on a different day than did the meeting with Mr. Balikhun.
So, the train ride
So I have to note that Rainbow's first words take place before she even begins to work her jaw, thereby lessening any pain she's in. So, the first thing she actually does once the ropes are off is to throw out her best bargaining chip, just put that positive note, that really cool surprise out there. When I read someone suggesting this story ended up a friendly note, I have to say that I did and still do disagree.
Here I began to think about the Stages of Grief, after all this is meant to be a punishment for/revenge on Dash, so she is meant to suffer. Being held so isolated in such a public way is sure to be very stressful, it was for me. I realized that this might be the "Bargaining" stage of grief, and certainly it's important for her to get across to Twi that she did something really nice.
Paragraph 250, Twi's gratitude. It bothers me a lot, mainly because Twi is here acknowledging that her gratitude is insufficient, and possibly that her reaction was also over the top. Yet she shows no inclination to undo it. So Dash remains her prisoner.
Paragraph 251, where Dash reminds Twi that they are friends, comes across to me as more than a simple reminder. It's also a point where Dash may want Twi to understand that what she's doing is neither necessary or appropriate, that continuing to hold her prisoner is not necessary either. Dash says none of that though, just a reminder about being friends.
The very next paragraph shows how disconnected Twi is from all of this. She doesn't acknowledge Dash's reminder about their being friends, and instead elects to focus on pointless trivia, after which the book becomes another bargaining chip for Twi rather than have any weight for Dash. For the most part, Twi is rather terse through this exchange excepting when talking about either A.K. Yearling or Bradiant's book. I think that demonstrates a great deal of selfishness. I imagine that Dash's existence, what there was of it for the last few days or however long, must have been very lonely indeed.
Paragraph 257 shows just how much more so, as the general public gave them a rather wide berth. Probably not just on the train, either. Which is telling in itself, since the court of public opinion seems to deem this uncomfortable to be around, or look at, and so likely inappropriate. But try telling an alicorn that. Might even be that they're afraid. I also got from this single paragraph that Dash herself was waiting for something. It didn't occur to me until a few readthroughs later that Dash might be waiting for Twi's grip to lessen, for the ropes around her barrel to come away, for something other than the nothing which happens. Instead, she comes to realize that Twi isn't done with her.
Paragraphs 258-266 were confusing for me. I mean, Dash is clearly shoving her hooves into her mouth here. But I think I get it, she's trying to demonstrate some responsible thinking and she's running it by Twi for permission in the first place. Unfortunately, I think this only really served to lengthen her "sentence".
And even up to this point Twi is hardly engaged at all. Even less so, I think, for Dash having upset her again.
And still neither of them talks about how they feel, there is no communication of meaning between these two.
Paragraphs 276-277 show me that the only freedom Dash has is the use of her mouth, which she promptly used to throw out her best bargaining chip. She's grateful for that, though she doesn't show that right off. In fact, she doesn't openly acknowledge her captivity at all until this point. Twi's response to her gratitude is a nod. That's underwhelming. Twi is truly vindictive, truly small. I wonder how that feels for Dash? Either way, here I see nothing particularly friendly going on. I'm getting a sense of desperation and hope gradually fading.
Paragraph 278 is where Dash finally works up the courage (or bothers) to ask about having her wings untied and herself not parading through Ponyville again. This is the second time Dash acknowledges her captivity, and by asking this question she also acknowledges that she is at the mercy of Twi, and she is asking for that mercy. She doesn't even get to complete the sentence though.
Paragraphs 279-281 show that Twi reasons that her love is conditional, and right now it isn't enough to show Dash any mercy. She cuts Dash off with a very calm, cold, "-- no."
And Twilight carried her friend home.
And that is an ambiguous note. Home could mean one of two places in this sentence, and the story ends without Dash being freed from her captivity. This is a story without closure, with an ambiguous "end". No idea whether or not this meant Dash was carried to the library tree, or the cloud house. And why would Dash want to return to the cloud house at this point? I should think this experience at least mildly traumatic, and she was abducted from her own home, so would she really want the reminder this soon? I mean, if she's carried there, then she had no say in the matter.
In all, Twilight seems a very cruel and unpleasant pony. I gather that her characterization is meant to be nerdy, socially awkward, and a pony damaged by her past and coming into the use of assertive communication and struggling with trust. I see a cruel pony who let life jade her and damage her to a point of losing touch with whatever kindness may once have existed in her. And I am honestly using the word cruel very seriously here about a work of fiction, or rather what's going on in the fiction. Dash can't express herself in any meaningful way, her mouth is tied shut so facial expressions are mostly suppressed, body language is gone with her being motionless, and with her wings being tied she doesn't even have the "luxury" of simply existing since she'd likely be at war with her own instincts to prevent damage to them. I mean, there's also the obvious, since this is Dash we're talking about and losing her wings would have had quite an impact on her. I did think, as well, that trying her mouth and wings shut would reduce her profile and make it easier for Twi to hold her at length. Either way, she couldn't speak up to refute anything that Twi said and there is no mention of Spike or other accomplice during her meeting with Mr. Balikhun, he seems to only know about Dash's part in the con. Actually, Dash herself is hardly acknowledged at all by Twi during that meeting. In fact, she only acknowledges Dash when explaining her itinerary to Mr. Balikhun, and only because she uses "We" there. So what version of the story is Twi relaying?
Of course, then there's the realization that if this took more than a day to complete, and the starting narrative for the train is accurate, then Dash wasn't fed during that time, nor did she have opportunity to rest. I note that she seems rather awake on the train, but I wonder if that isn't the result of a continuous adrenaline spike from continued exposure to a deeply ingrained fear
So what about all that time Dash spent helpless? What could have happened during that time? Well, it's the harsh part of Winter from the sounds of it, and Dash apparently doesn't like the cold (even has heat in her home) and so this might mean she'd have a reaction. What about her sinuses? Would those have remained clear in the temperature changes as they travelled? How was her breathing through all of that?
But I'll just take a moment to work out the minor to the major, in my opinion.
So, the mundane
- An unreachable itch
The bad
- Cramps or other pains that cannot be addressed and which will either linger or increase over time
- Or instincts cause her to try to flair her bound up wings, which might cause pain or damage to her wings
The serious
- A silent assailant behind Twi, doing who knows what
- Dash's stress gets the better of her, she vomits, and she suffocates
All in all, this seems like Twi risking Dash's life to protect a tree and a bunch of books.
So this leads me to several questions, which I'll put out here. I welcome all feedback and opinions, and arguments.
Dash was rendered motionless and voiceless for the duration of the 18 meetings with publishing houses. This leaves Twi alone to tell the story of what happened (which might require more context with publishers other than Mr. Balikhun) but did she embellish in any way? Did she own her own part in the development of Dash's criminal activities? Or did she paint a picture of total innocence for herself?
So, for reference, I'll include the following information: Nelson Mandela Act
The specific clauses I'm concerned with are the following:
Basic Principles
- All prisoners shall be treated with the respect due to their inherent dignity and value as human beings. No prisoner shall be subjected to, and all prisoners shall be protected from, torture and other cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment, for which no circumstances whatsoever may be invoked as a justification.
Contacts with the Outside World
- Prisoners shall be allowed, under necessary supervision, to communicate with their family and friends at regular intervals: By corresponding in writing and using, where available, telecommunication, electronic, digital and other means; and, By receiving visits.
Food
- Every prisoner shall be provided by the prison administration at the usual hours with food of nutritional value adequate for health and strength, of whole quality and well prepared and served.
Information and Complaints by Prisoners
- Every prisoner shall be allowed to make a request or complaint regarding his or her treatment, without censorship as to substance, to the central prison administration and to the judicial or other competent authorities, including those vested with reviewing or remedial power.
- Allegations of torture or other cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment of prisoners shall be dealt with immediately and shall result in a prompt and impartial investigation conducted by an independent national authority.
Instruments of Restraint
- The use of chains, irons or other instruments of restraint which are inherently degrading or painful shall be prohibited.
Restrictions, Discipline and Sanctions
- In no circumstances may restrictions or disciplinary sanctions amount to torture or other cruel, inhuman or degrading treatment or punishment. The following practices, in particular, shall be prohibited: Indefinite solitary confinement; Prolonged solitary confinement; Placement in a dark or constantly lit cell; Corporal punishment or the reduction of prisoner's diet or drinking water; Collective punishment.
^ I've personally been subject to most of this here. It sucks. And Dash's sentence is indefinite as well, which is an awful way for it to be when you can't even ask anything about it.
To contact me, tell me I'm wrong, ask questions, criticize, tell me I've missed something or overlooked something, or otherwise say something: Please e-mail beasley1053@emailinterface.org
I am in prison, therefore I am currently unable to interact with Fimfiction for myself, thus the use of a generous proxy and good friend.
References:
So that's the review. And for those of you who finished, I'd like to pass on some information. It's data which was freely available, because the introduction contains a link directly to the reviewer explaining his own situation. But it's possible that not everyone (or anyone) clicked on that. So I'm going to save the group some time.
At the start of the review, the reviewer said he was traumatized by this story.
The reviewer had someone else post the comments for him, because he can't access the site. You might have wondered why that had to be done.
It's because the reviewer is in prison.
The charge -- to which the reviewer admits guilt -- was Possession and Receipt of Child Pornography.
And.
I.
Traumatized.
Him.
The blog post which contains this information talks about forgiveness. Bringing people back into society. And there could be a lively discussion about that. But the reviewer interpreted my words in his own way. That's what reviews do, right? So now I'm going to provide my only response.
I see this review as acting in two ways. And the first is to provide an argument for my being a monster. Let's entertain that thought for a moment. Don't I care about how much I hurt the reviewer?
No.
I don't.
Because I'm a monster.
And the definition of a monster is something which can't care.
In that sense, I feel the reviewer missed the core of his own argument.
But the second purpose of the review, in my interpretation, is to make my monstrosity visible to all. The reviewer has identified the horror. He's warning you away from me. He has to tell you how horrible I am. What a monster he's uncovered.
Because that way, if he can make people see monsters somewhere else...
...maybe you won't believe he's a monster.
I traumatized you, reviewer? Then I have only one regret.
That the trauma will keep you away from future stories.
And that means I'll never get to do it again.
Some of the language involved feels like the reviewer has never actualy read fiction before. Seen it discussed in theory, yes, but never put into practice.
I can understand a sensitivity to captivity in a prisoner, but the argument seems specious at best, especially once it gets into speculation on whether or not Dash can actually speak once Twilight's eyes start to glow. I've seen more reasonable leaps of logic on Game Theory. And bringing real world laws into a fictional universe... Now I'm imagining someone's OC simply walking into Mordor to read the Geneva Convention to Sauron.
Still, this seems less an attack or an accusation and more the result of inadvertently poking a trauma trigger. Though that could certainly be too charitable a read on the situation. Triggers don't usually lead to nine-part literary analyses.
Wow this is extremely deeper then the story allows. I think he’s really overthinking it.
I skimmed. I skimmed most of it to be honest. After I hit the second paragraph and of the review proper and I was lke "yeah, I see where this is going." Eh, I guess they literally don't have anything better to do there, do they?
So, if you're a monster, Estee, was does that make me? An individual that can't read a phrase like "inherent dignity and value as human beings" from an actual human legal... thing... without a geniune snort of derision?
To paraphase a fine space-feline scholar "man, I must be public enemy number one two and three!"
Are you familiar with Carl Hiaasen? It's not terribly relevant, just the most memorable example of "Genuinely Awful People Have Genuinely Awful Things Happen To Them And It's Funny" off the top of my head. Part of actually enjoying his books is having to keep the meta awareness that they are, in fact, comedies. I stopped being able to enjoy them after a while because it was too much work (and also because they all worked out to the same modern fairy tale: not the one about the scullery maid and the prince, the one where the evil queen is vain AND THAT'S BAD and gets rolled down a hill in a barrel of stones.)
Edit: And speaking of awful jokes, I hope you hung that "Traumatised Someone Imprisoned For Child Pornography" achievement on the wall of (sh/f)ame.
5115800
Achievement Unlocked!
First laugh I've gotten out of this. Thank you.
5115774
You know, this could be a good experience to turn into a story. Dr Gentle has a lot of books in his cell from what we’ve seen and they can’t /all/ be legal texts. I’m sure he could critique a story like... say... the Journal Of Friendship? Sure, that book definitely doesn’t exist yet in the timeline, but I’m spitballing here.
Aaaaand it means I’m not the worst person to be critical of one of your stories recently, so Yay Me!
After reading the linked information, I was curious why you’d bother engaging at all. I can appreciate your stance on avoiding censorship. It would be much easier to just delete things, but you make the effort to let discussion continue. As someone who had a bad reaction to a story, acted like a total butt-trumpet, had a nice therapeutic exchange in the comments, and now feels much better about the story as a whole, I appreciate that you let the comment sections do the things comment sections do.
Keep up the stellar work. We (I) can get caught up in critiques and preferences and whining sometimes and forget to show appreciation for good work and entertainment provided. So, thank you. It’s easier to get passionately negative than it is to get passionately positive so please remember for every butt-trumpet blaring in the comments section, there’s probably ten content fans giving a satisfied sigh after reading the newest installment of their favorite story before getting back to the drudgery or daily life.
Wow, he spent a lot of time on something that was not worth sitting through.
The simple answer for the induced trauma is obvious.
The reviewer is in a state where they are hyper-aware of the issues of bodily freedom, consent and personal privacy as well as trust in others. And as such they will overreact when faced with situations, even fictional ones, where these rights are challenged.
......quite interesting when you take into account exactly how child pornography is created.
But if we are already in the spirit of deeply analysering things?
It is interesting to look at the the world the reviewer are creating out of the story. How insistent they are on making Rainbow a victim -oh certainly, she did do something bad, but it really wasn't that bad, was it?
She simply made a bad decision, and can she really be blamed? The true blame lies at the feet of others, it is the cultural climate of Ponyville that never lets Rainbow learn that there are consequences to her actions, that it is better to be dishonest and hide your actions, who is unwilling to help her. It is Spike who enables her, it is Twilight who is more interested in personal justice than teaching poor Rainbow how to manage her finances.
Twilight is the true criminal, the one who methodically plans her actions, who ignores the emotional trauma she puts Rainbow through, who will only listen to the things that she wants to hear, and ignore anything else in order to compartmentalize her own wrongdoings.
And the reviewer is obviously seeing themselves in Rainbow, never Twilight, they could never be like Twilight.
Right?
"Fun" fact.
Somewhere out in the world, perhaps on the dark web, or hidden in someones closet, or maybe now only existing in an evidence locker, there is a soundbit with me saying that I would like to be squirted into the mouth.
I sound confused, and a bit cautious, as a child being told to do something something strange will sound.
How old I was I can't quite remember, somewhere between 8 and 10.
They got lucky, and managed to call my home at a hour where I was alone. I remember finding the whole thing odd, but only slightly alarming, as my innocent mind could only associate the line with syringes. It was over in a few minutes, and I told my parents about it in a manner similar to any kid experiencing something quirky but harmless.
I didn't learn what had actually happened until more than 10 years later.
My parents had chosen not to pursue the perpetrators, I did give a testimony to a cop, under the belief that it was simply illegal to talk to kids like this without their parents, and then forgot it all. My parents had the choice to get a trial, there was an active investigation, but I was no more involved, as my parents did not want me to know too much.
I am lucky.
Knowing that this soundbit exist is slightly disquieting, but nothing that have left me with any form of trauma. It is merely a fact of my life, no more painful than a mole in a strange spot.
I am lucky.
Some time ago, during the height of #metoo, my dad asked if they had made the wrong choice.
I though about it, and in truth, personally I am likely more happy for it, but if me being involved in the trial might have spared other children who were not as lucky as I?
It would have been worth it.
It doesn't matter if you are not the one creating it, you cannot peruse it without knowing exactly how many boundaries have been crossed.
Screw you for talking about the dignity and value of human beings. For even mentioning consent.
Aaand this is why I never comment, stupid oversharing ahoy
Hm; that was an interesting perspective.
5115774
I do think you might be being a bit unfair there, particularly given the holes in our information, but that actually makes the lengths you've gone to to make sure this is preserved and has a place for discussion more impressive, so well done.
Of course, this made me think back to On The Application Of Time And Motion Efficiency Studies To Initial Relationship Formation, and I wonder how much of the events of this story could be tied back to the events of that. Though I do note that that's part of the Continuum while this isn't.
The Continuum is sometimes not a very nice place for the inhabitants...
5115802
To be more charitable than possible, child pornography laws in some states are so draconian that a pair of sixteen/seventeen year olds exchanging lewd pictures of themselves (because teenagers are horny and stupid) both qualify as victim and perpetrators of pedophilia.
And so a stupid impulse becomes life ruining.
I don't know if that's the case, but considering that the b user page of the guy also mentions a percocet addiction and alcoholism that they're managing to leave behind themselves...I think there might be extenuating circumstances (even if it's just a college/high school relationship that is kinda sketchy but not...that).
As for the review itself I was only able to read the first part because of being on my phone and being very hard to read the rest on a small screen, but I agree with @Fanofmosteverything that it feels like someone unfamiliar with fiction in general...If I were you I would try to put it out of my mind as something that you had no way of foreseeing
5115836
Ah, and thank you for that perspective on the review.
5115840
Right, that's the sort of concern I have about unfairness given the lack of information, and also the fact they've been in prison for a while. One picture of someone seventeen years eleven months old might count as child pornography in some areas, after all, and we don't know just where this person was between something like that and gigabytes of really terrible stuff. We also don't know how their time in prison might have changed them; the ostensible point involves reform, after all.
A one hundred thousand word comment? Setting records all the way.
I read it, then clicked the link. A terrible person triggered by guilt, is what it looks like.
Not that I particularly like the U.S. prison system. But he clearly admits a long history of feeding the child porn industry, and is also getting treatment, again by his own admission.
Fuck people who hurt kids, or enable kids being hurt. My sympathy is very low.
Yes, Estee, you’re clearly the monster here. /s
It may not seem like it, but I think a lot of writers would take something like this as a compliment. The reviewer in question really does seem to think you wrote a fantastic story, just one where one of the main characters has done something really bad.
I'll confess I only read the beginning, ending and skimmed the middle, so I could be wrong about the review, but it seems like this person has been pulled into an incredibly detailed world you have created, whether he wants to or not, do to the power and skill of your prose. Obviously this person has a lot of baggage and is projecting here, but you've managed to write your main character as so identifiable that he breaks the entire story down paragraph by paragraph to analyze what they are going through.
To summarize, the reviewer does not at all seem to be saying you are a bad author or that this is a bad story, quite the opposite, he seems to be saying this is a great story that is so compelling that the treatment of Rainbow Dash is shocking and cries out to be analyzed. I bet this person still considers themselves an Estee fan and reads your work whenever they can get it.
Only skimmed the review (100,000 words is longer than half the stories on this site)
But they do make 1 good point
Dash was treated fairly harshly. Spike was a co--conspirator & got a raise & back pay.
IMO, not exactly fair.
(& yeah, Spike’s actions make it pretty clear that he KNEW he was doing something that Twilight would disapprove of)
5115878
I'm sure Spike was punished offscreen.
Looks like Mr. Traumatized doesn't understand one of the core rules of narrative: If you don't see them die on-screen, they are still alive.
Or, to put it more generally,
If it was not stated, it did not happen.
He inferred much where nothing was implied.
5115800
I actually have several of their books and you're right about them working out to the same modern fairy tale.
I can't read them too often as they do start to feel a bit samey, but they are decent to have as a quick option when you've just finished one book and need to grab something else before you leave for work.
5115981
They're not horrible, it's just a limit on dark humor that pops up occasionally. Especially on a second or third read. The drive thru scene in Sick Puppy, for example.
5115966
See, that's the thing. I am serious when I say that it doesn't really bother me. In fact, I didn't even remember it until a bit after having read the review.
I read it, cheered inwardly at Estee's reply, read the blog about the reviewer, and then I went for a walk (they just released shiny sentret) and thought about it.
My initial reaction had been one of disagreement, but understanding (fueled by the my current bingewatch of Orange Is The New Black) at least until the part with the confrontation where they are really reaching- and the final reveal? My sympathy took a plunge.
So I walked, and though more about just how the reviewer analysed the story, how they constructed the world, and how that connects to their crime, combined with just how things went down according to the blog, and that was when I remembered that "oh yeah, technically I am a victim of CP" I just didn't know what was happening because it was so vague.
And then I connected the dots.
That asshole.
It wasn't rage, more peeved, a silent disgust. Because my emotional connection to the event is really muted, I feel no guilt, no anger, no sadness, no personal disgust. It is just too vague. That there was a chance for more involvement does not make me feel much either, more of faint interest, a purely intellectual mindgame.
But that doesn't change that someone did something without my consent - because I was literally unable to give it at that age.
My past does not hurt me, but it does give me knowledge to better sympathize with those who was hurt.
And that is what angered me here.
Was the reviewer traumatized? Oh I can believe it - just as I firmly believe that they are massively projecting and compartmentalizing their own actions.
They never really did anything. They just looked.
It wasn't them behind the camera, it wasn't them on the phone.
Who cares how the children felt.
I was put off reading this when I read the referral link at the start and found out why he was in prison. But over the course of the day I eventually came to read it all.
It read to me like he genuinely got a lot out of Estee's writing; there's several comments to the effect scattered around the review, but like others have said, was overly impacted by the ending because of his personal experience being incarcerated. This leading into extrapolation and reading deeper meaning into character actions than was authorial intended.
Though I did find it interesting as a thought exercise and for seeing the story in a new way from a different perspective than what was ever intended.
And doesn't it say something that the world wrought only by these words on a screen could pull someone in so deeply that they could completely immerse themselves enough to see beyond the page limits? Yes, the argument he's basing these logical guesses on is inherently flawed and missing the point, but you have to care a lot about something to write this much about it. He multiplied the hours of their travel time off-camera ffs. That's so unnecessary. Definitely made some leaps and bounds in logic to come to the conclusions he did.
5115774
Good. Fuck that guy.
I am generally 110% behind restorative justice, but there are some things that test my ability to be kind. Some things, the furious part of my brain screams, still merit a short drop, a sudden stop, and a shallow hole 'round about six feet long. It's not a pretty thing, but I'll own it.
If this is an example of how this person's thought processes have 'improved' over their rehabilitation, I hope they stay in jail for a very, very long time. For the safety of everyone else.
Remember, a condemnation of your villain is a praise of your writing skills. And you don't write heroes.
5116032
There are people who cannot be rehabilitated. They cannot see that what they have done is wrong, because they cannot see themselves as being wrong. We have diagnoses for these people. Narcissists and people with Anti-Social Personality Disorder, mainly. Or people who are attracted to children who refuse to control themselves.
5115967
I might be triggered by something and write a long response, but the chances of me actually hitting ‘Post Comment’ are pretty slim.
In short, you learn to manage your responses, even if it’s by knowing when to keep it to yourself.
See if you still want to post this in the morning.5116056
>You don't write heroes
I dunno, nobody in the verse has strangled the town vet yet. That probably counts for something.
@estee, after having thought things over, I believe I apologize.
5116032
Nah, that wastes the cost of a rope, and a hangman, and the scaffold... .22 rimfire is incredibly cheap and instantly fatal when applied to the base of the skull at an upward angle (destruction of the brainstem and ricocheting inside the skull).
In all capital punishments I feel the victim should have final say in the execution.
5116238
Indeed, hanging is severely inefficient in pretty much every possible way. In fact, I personally prefer forced labor; people are the most important resource of any nation, after all.
Also, it's not a punishment if you're okay with it happening.
That was quite a slog to get through. It was slow, rather tedious, and not very entertaining. Admittedly, entertainment isn't the main point of doing an analysis or review, but it does help.
Now, to be fair to the reviewer: there have been Estee stories where the punishment or such seemed excessive or overly mean-spirited for supposed friends to do (although, this particular story was not one of them); it also could be argued that what Twilight did was abusive considering Rainbow's personality. I don't particularly agree with it in this case, but I will admit it can be argued.
I will also concede that literary analysis and interpretation is subjective. That doing so is partially a reflection of our own thoughts, experiences, and preferences. As such, whether a person agrees or not, there is space for all sorts of interpretations and conclusions.
That said, some of the mental gymnastics that the reviewer performed to reach and support their view and conclusion are something that would make the Murdocks Press Corps proud. And in a way, he does it perfectly. Some facts which support their conclusion are presented, some which are questionable or twisted and removed from context in order to do so, and still others are made up completely, with little to no in-story support, but presented as absolute proof of the interpretation and conclusion.
I could possibly argue large portions of the analysis, and honestly, a part of me is tempted. However, I really have no interest in trying to read through that entire thing again, or do I have an interest in writing such a lengthy and in-depth reply.
I will, however, point out a small number of things.
Twilight's conclusion of the library being shut down -- while flawed and likely inaccurate -- is very much in character. Admittedly, we do not see her speculate much in this specific story, but it is a short one. Not only is it shown in stories that are part of this same continuity, but some of those also specifically reference the Smarty Pants incident from the season two episode Lession Zero. As such, her reaching such a conclusion is very in character, both in the greater universe of this story, and in the canon of the show.
The story is told in third person, but that perspective is limited to Twilight Sparkle. While we do get small details she misses out on, it is things which she is around for and simply doesn't notice. As such, we are never at a point where we are capable of hearing other character's thoughts, Rainbow Dash included. So coming to the conclusion that something Rainbow is saying is actually something that she is thinking makes no sense. All the more since it is in quotation marks, and when we see Twilight's thoughts, they are in italics.
Tied to that same conversation, Twilight is worked up and unleashing a lot of her frustration verbally. When someone gets in such a state, they aren't always listening to others around them, especially when that other is the very individual that the character is frustrated with. Kind of like how in Triptych, Twilight starts ranting and yelling about the mission at Fluttershy until Rainbow Dash gives her a cold soak. That said, however, Twilight actually does respond to Rainbow Dash's comments. Twilight says that the publishing company refused to honor her license, Rainbow says they can go to another, and Twilight points out that she probably got letters from them doing the same on the way as well. It could be argued, yes, that if Rainbow's comment at that point is removed, the sentencing could sound the same, but that also means it could be argued that Twilight knew Rainbow would try and make that excuse, and so had planned for it accordingly.
Finally...well...
I have to rant a little on this one.
"How many publishers have you been to so far?"
"You're the sixteenth."
How does that NOT answer the question directly? He asks how many she's been to, she answers he's sixteenth. It's quick, and accurate, the latter of which is very fitting for Twilight's personality. She was asked a question, and gave the most concise answer she could think of. Should she have been less so? Given a longer reply? "Fifteen. Sixteen if I include you." Why? What would that accomplish? What would that prove? Was she supposed to list them all by name, doing nothing more than slowing down the story, and forcing the author to come up with fifteen additional fictional Equestria publishing companies? Seventeen if we also force them to include the names of the two Twilight had yet to go to.
*Takes a breath*
Yes, there are times when the specific wording used by the author could be analyzed and interpreted to have some deeper meaning. The "forgive me, Father," vs "I'm sorry, Daddy," joke is an example of that. However, the claim that this quick and concise answer does not only somehow not answer the question while simultaneously doing so (as the analyst themselves claim), but is actually some sort of power play to keep in control of... something in their conversation and interaction is an incredibly massive, back-bending twist of logic that I cannot comprehend.
I'm going to leave it there, because to me, that is the biggest one. And so strange.
Did Dash do a bad thing? Yes -- arising from ego-centrism, arrogance, and greed.
Was Twilight's reaction extreme? Yes -- she felt betrayed and, in her anger, went a bit overboard.
However, while their analysis is rooted in the text, it emphasizes a particular perspective (as 5115964 notes with electicism). Overlooked are the aspects of:
Dash's punishment, while unpleasant and cruel by some definitions (at the very least, inhumane), are is intended to be humiliating, and the text implies that she is none worse off for it.
I can see the reviewer's perspective, and I feel for them. However, I do not believe that it reflects a wholly accurate interpretation of the story.
I wonder if the reviewer has ever consumed "great literature" dealing with themes of anger and betrayal. Surely many would be available in the library, e.g...
Cask of Amontillado
Ajax
Count of Monte Cristo
Hamlet
Moby Dick
The Republic
5115802
While I can see where you're coming from here, I do believe that this viewpoint is based in a logical fallacy; equivalent to saying that vegetarianism is bad, because Hitler was a vegetarian.
That is to say; evidence very strongly suggests that this person has done some terrible and horrifying things in their life. (There's also always a possibility that someone is lying, but let's put that aside for now). Does this, on its own, mean that the entire ten-comment review is somehow flawed?
No, it does not. In order to see whether the review is flawed or not, one needs to actually look at the review.
--------------
And, having looked at the review, I think that it does have a few valid points to consider. I don't agree with it, but I think that there is some validity there.
The central point of the review is to present the view that the punishment that Twilight levies upon Rainbow is disproportionate; that it is cruel; and that it is completely over-the-top. In support of this, the following points are cited (among others):
(1) That preventing all motion for a pegasus is particularly cruel
(2) That an imprisonment without a defined term - an indefinite imprisonment - is additionally cruel
(3) That Rainbow's inability to move lasted several days, while Twilight visited several publishers
(4) That Twilight did not adjust her punishment to the severity of the crime, but rather chose the punishment first and manipulated Rainbow into saying what could be taken as a confession for everything Twilight thought Rainbow had done.
Giving these point due consideration, then:
(1) Preventing motion, for a pegasus, does prevent their unique form of magic. Keeping it up over the long term would be reasonably cruel; however, over the short term, the main damage is done to Rainbow's ego. Also, see third point below.
(2) One thing that the reviewer didn't take into account is that there is a certain level of trust between Twilight and Rainbow. Twilight trusts that Rainbow won't deliberately harm her relations with her publishers (a trust which Rainbow has strained with her recent actions) - and Rainbow, in return, trusts (once she finds out that what she did has problems) that Twilight won't go overboard with her idea of punishment. Had Twilight attempted this with a pegasus with whom she has no prior relationship, the argument would have a lot of merit; as it is, however, it simply seems that Rainbow has to rely on her trust of Twilight (and, at the same time, Twilight is leaving the interval of her punishment undetermined, not so she can unfairly extend it, but so she can let Rainbow loose early if she wants)
(3) The idea that Twilight took several hours to visit the various publishers is, I think, fairly unlikely. The reviewer suggests an hour or so per meeting, along with accommodation, travel times, waiting in waiting rooms for appointments, and so on. However:
- Twilight is capable of creating magical illusions, and even direct memory transfer. She can explain the situation to a publisher in maybe ten minutes, with magical help; and she is strongly incentivised to get all her publishers dealt with on a single day. Add five minutes for some basic questions, multiply by 18, and we're talking about maybe four and a half hours, total, in meetings.
- Twilight does not have an appointment at any of these publishers. However, she arrives at their offices as a visibly angry alicorn, her aura spiking brightly enough to tint the light of the publisher's office. This is the sort of appointment that make other appointments end up getting delayed. (Since the publisher would prefer for minimal delays in his other appointments, he also has an incentive to wrap it up as fast as possible; see above).
- Twilight can avoid travel times by teleporting from office to office, and likely would.
- Twilight would have no need to deal with accommodation; she'd arrive, head directly for the publishers and, if she didn't return to Ponyville before evening, she would be able to stay at the Palace or book a room somewhere in the evening.
So, even if she arrives at 11:30 in the morning, there's plenty of time for her to get all her meetings at the publishing houses done before 16:00 in the evening; even given some time for unforeseen delays.
Finally, (4): Twilight was well aware of the severity of Rainbow's crime even before she went up to visit hi (she had Spike's confession, after all). She only needed enough evidence to be sure that Spike's tale was true and not, say, the result of a long con by a passing changeling.
--------------
Was Twilight's punishment of Rainbow disproportionate? This depends on the question of what would have been a proportionate punishment. Rainbow certainly didn't intend any harm to Twilight; on the contrary, she fully intended that Twilight would share in the benefits of her little scheme. If intent is the only things under consideration, then yes, Rainbow's punishment was grossly disproportionate.
But intent is not what made Twilight angry. Twilight's anger was due to the idea that Rainbow had poisoned her relations with her publishers; an unintended consequence, but a consequence nonetheless. And I think that Twilight's idea of punishment was proportional to these consequences. First, the punishment had Rainbow play a part in repairing those consequences; specifically, Rainbow's part involved taking the blame, nodding where appropriate, and absolutely not saying anything that could possibly make things worse (which, given Rainbow's actions so far, probably necessitated the gag). Second, the punishment had Rainbow undergo a degree of public embarrassment (being carried through town, twice); this hurts her ego, and ensures that she will be careful not to make the same error again. (I am assuming, naturally, that Twilight kept a reasonably close eye on her all this time - sufficiently agitated distress would have allowed her to untie Rainbow in order to, say, use the bathroom). There is a degree of exaggeration in the punishment, for comedic effect (instead of just tying her wings to her sides, Twilight has Rainbow so trussed up that she has trouble nodding); however I assume that this is merely comic over-exaggeration, and I ignore it.
Having said that, there is a certain type of person who would be perturbed and traumatised by this sort of comic over-exaggeration, and that is someone who had been in worse positions before; someone who knows, in a way that I don't,what jail is like and equates what Twilight is here doing to her friend with what someone else did to a stranger that was accused of fairly heinous crimes; equating Twilight's stern anger with the hatred that they had met in the past. And while there is anger in Twilight's actions, there is not hatred; but for someone who has been imprisoned with hatred, I can see how the idea of imprisonment and the idea of that hatred may have become commingled.
In short, I don't think that the reviewed story will resonate well with prison populations in general. And while I've never been there myself, I imagine that imprisoned readers would find more enjoyment in Triptych.
I guess I'm a carrier drake in all this but a lazy one at that, so I'll just tag all the responses. Sorry if you got tagged twice.
Here's BEASLEY1053@emailinterface.org's response for all 'ya:
-Estee:
First, I want to thank you. You put effort into making sure this wasn`t silenced, that people read it, that my friend wasn`t treated to bombardment, and then you took the time to respond. I fully understand both of your reasons for having moved it, and again am grateful for your having done so.
You have stated that you see this review as acting in two ways. First to provide an argument for your being a monster, and second to advertise that very argument.
But I don`t think of you as a monster, and it was never my intention to argue such a thing. I know what I am, and what I did, and I`m not offering excuses or explanations or cheap cop-outs like "I didn`t touch them" because I don`t believe any of that myself.
If anything, I admire your skill as a writer and I hoped to demonstrate just how impactful some writing can be and why that was. It was also a way for me to leave the distinctly unpleasant feelings somewhere else.
I`ve been in prison for 7 years, deserved all of them. But I don`t say that I gave the Department of Homeland Security what they needed to actually arrest me, or else they couldn`t have. I don`t say that the very morning they showed up I immediately sought help. It`s a crying shame, it was far too late, and it was cowardly of me to wait until AFTER I was caught because I didn`t want to face the consequences of what I`d been doing for 15 years. I started at 14, and that is itself no excuse either. I have never been able to divorce myself from the truth of what I was looking at, and my myriad suicide attempts were testament to that. I only regret that not once did I succeed, because I truly feel that it would be better if I were dead.
But I`m not here to try for sympathy. I don`t deserve it, I don`t want it. I accept what I did, my consequences, and those will carry on. I`ll live with that. I know that they might not, that some will take their own lives. I know that they are hurting, those who are still alive. I know because they are also in here, have also committed this crime as part of a vicious cycle. I know because one of my friends is so damaged from his abuser, though he never went on to abuse another himself he did go on to watch it, to look for it.
But you should believe that I`m a monster. Just don`t think that there isn`t worse out there, that with me you have found the end of the line and the darkest part of humanity. Because that isn`t so. I`m no predator, I don`t go after children. Or anyone. It`s been 3 years since the last I thought about that stuff, and 7 since the last time I looked at any sort of picture. I`ll enter counseling again when I leave prison, continue with drug rehab, and I`ll never do this again. I`m not asking for anyone`s forgiveness, because no one here knows me well enough to offer it. I`ll do everything to be sure I never do it again, even it means the most drastic measures.
And I never said anything about the trauma keeping me away from future stories. I`m pretty sure I made it clear that I had intended to continue reading your work, because I find it amazing. So believe me, you`ll have your chance. It won`t work, but you`ll have your chance.
What I`m really sorry for is how hostile this became, and how quickly. I`m sorry, I didn`t mean to incite such feelings. I don`t know if that was by virtue of the review, or simply the charges and the truth I laid plain about myself.
Throughout the review I had repeatedly said that you are a gifted writer, that your work is well worth continuing to look into. There is no point at which I say anything like what you suggest, my words are pretty clearly the opposite. So to anyone caring to read this, though you are likely already a fan, that is well deserved. Estee is a remarkable talent.
So, I`m sorry. I`m sorry for what I`ve done, for how I hurt society. I`m sorry for all those children whose voice was taken away, who were in Rainbow Dash`s place without having done anything at all to deserve it, whose worst moments I witnessed. I`m sorry for all of them. And I know that either means nothing or might even be insulting, but I`m not sitting here in prison feeling anything but ashamed for what I did. Not because of the consequences, but because that`s always how I have felt.
I did struggle to stop, and I never succeeded. It`s over now, too little and far too late.
-FanOfMostEverything:
I`ve actually read quite a lot of fiction. Could you please point out for me, and explain a bit more, what you mean?
The Real World laws, which are hardly adhered to in the real world, were only meant as point of reference. The point being that while Ponies arguably have a higher moral standard than human society, this demonstrates something much less. Otherwise, I see your point.
This is not an attack or an accusation. I`m not looking to demonize Estee. Everything I`ve written has been about Twilight, about parts of the narrative and how they come across to me, but I have not once spoken ill of Estee.
If it`s a trigger, I haven`t yet identified it. Whatever it is, it was a deep and powerful impact that would not let go. I felt I had to write that out, to express and explain my point of view. That is all that it was.
-Tigerarrow
I am definitely overthinking it. That`s 100% true. It doesn`t change the impact on me, though. Doesn`t change how I`ve seen it.
-Aotrs Commander
If you didn`t really read it, then I don`t find much value in anything you have to say. Can`t see any reason that I should.
And I`m not accusing anyone here of being a monster.
-Arkonfleight
I am familiar with Carl Hiaasen, an author I very much enjoy. That is true, and they are mostly Genuinely Awful People, but you are right in that it is not terribly relevant. I even went into reading this story knowing it was a comedy, and I still found it to have this effect on me. I hadn`t thought of that, but they do work out rather like a Grimm Fairy tale most of the time, that`s true. But those characters very much blew themselves in the foot, it wasn`t often that someone pulled the trigger for them.
You`d be surprised how easy it is to traumatize someone in that position. The vast majority, myself included, are mid- to high-functioning autistics, or have other learning or developmental disabilities. It`s also very easy for some to just slip into the wrong stuff and find themselves on the wrong side of the law. That most certainly is NOT what happened to me. I did this to myself.
-MasterClacky
I don`t think that I did forget to show any appreciation for the quality of the work. Nor did I spend any time speaking out against Estee as a writer. I don`t think I was entirely negative, but I was definitely mostly negative. It`s not a particularly strong argument, I know. And I am a fan, just to be clear.
-Purple Seacow
I think yours was the most telling response here.
First, I`m sorry for what you went through. For what they all went through. I`m sorry I took part in that, but I`m no victim here. I don`t mean to portray myself as one, but reading my own words I can see why it would come across that way.
Rainbow is a victim, of both Twilight and her own decisions, and while I do empathize with her, I am not seeing myself in Rainbow, either.
The opposite is true.
But Rainbow can be blamed. She did make a bad decision, but I don`t know that such an over the top reaction is conducive to teaching her anything but resentment. It`s not the cultural climate, it`s the lack of communication. The description is in how they tend to avoid talking around her at all, and Twilight`s own actions avoid ever telling Rainbow how she was hurt by her actions. And maybe Dash did that to herself as well. I don`t know. Spike didn`t enable her, he just never talked to her at all. He looked out for himself, and in so doing let Rainbow get far more hurt than was necessary. That`s my stance there. There are, of course, consequences to your actions, but when does it get to be over the top? Too much? When are the perveyors of justice going too far?
I`ve never been in a position where I didn`t truly have my voice. I was never rendered so immobile as to be unable to at least scratch my nose. But I have been on Twilight`s side, in a sense. Those children lack agency in the form of a picture or a video, they have no voice there and almost certainly lack it outside out of fear and shame they don`t deserve. I`ve been there, where Twi is, in that position of looking at someone helplessly victimized. Of getting pleasure out of it. I hate myself every minute of every day because of it, and I know that`s not enough.
When I`m arguing for Rainbow as I have been, it`s not really been about me. I do feel for her, and hate what she`s going through, don`t get me wrong, but I`m not really seeing myself there. I do hate the length and severity of the restraint, it seems very cruel. But, I`m really I`m seeing myself in the person you described, the one who hears only what he wants to hear. Ignores anything else, and compartmentalizes my own wrongdoings. I did that, for a very long time. I kept it all to myself, told no one, didn`t reach out. I was a coward, I waited and waited until it was finally too late, I had been caught. Only after I had been caught did I say anything. In a sense, Rainbow was the same way in this story. So I was that person until 7 years, 6 years, 5 years ago and then I started to think more clearly about it. I just don`t think she realized she had anything to be caught doing beyond what she might have thought of as mere mischief to achieve a goal, not the damage she ended up doing. I knew I what I was doing was wrong, and I did it anyway.
I could be, and have been, like Twilight. My estimation of her, I mean.
I`m sorry for even that which you went through.
You`re absolutely right. I can`t peruse it without knowing exactly how many boundaries have been crossed. And I did. I did more than peruse. I collected, catalogued. But I never could divorce myself from that reality, no. It didn`t stop me, and I hate that. What stopped me was selfish. I was caught, arrested, and put in prison for a lengthy term. As often as I had tried to stop before, I always went back to it. It never took long for that to happen either, I didn`t last. But I knew I was wrong, that I had to stop, and I wanted to stop. I don`t expect you to believe me, but it is the truth.
But that doesn`t mean I don`t get to talk about these things, either. Because I do understand, more now than ever, the damage I was witness to, the damage I was a part of. I can not say that I understand what those children went through, how could I ever? But I am not divorced from the wrong, the shame of what I have done.
I told myself that, I never did anything, I just looked, I wasn`t behind the camera, or phone, all the time. It was a frequent bit of self-talk, yes. It isn`t anymore. It has no weight, means nothing, it`s just an excuse, just hiding behind something worse.
Please believe me. I do care how the children felt. And how they still feel.
-Reese
While lengths were gone to to make sure this was both preserved and had a place for discussion, it was only started off on a hateful and vindictive note that essentially began a lynching. Estee calling the fans to berate the reviewer, really. So it`s more than a bit unfair, but`s fine. I`m used to it.
I do understand that the Continuum is sometimes not a nice place for the inhabitants. I struggled with research with my severely limited resources. I could only ever view the first 13000 characters of anything I pulled up, and it jumped around a lot too, so the information on something like TVTropes was butchered, but not unusable. I was also never sure about whether this story connected to that or not, but I decided that while it likely did not that the rules still applied.
Full Disclosure: The final count by the government was 24,647 images. But that didn`t account for Lolicon. It was roughly 8 gigabytes, saved to a hard drive stored in an enclosure. Everything had also been painstakingly renamed, so conventional searches would not have turned anything up. They asked me where to find it, and I showed them. It`s no consolation to the victims, but it`s the truth.
As for my time in prison? You all have words, and that`s it. They don`t sting all that much compared to what I`ve been through in here. And I`ve taken numerous programs, but that`s all information available behind that link. I`m trying very hard to change, and I am making progress
-devas
To be honest, and in the spirit of full disclosure, my charges were Federal not State. They are very rarely State, actually. The Federal Laws are actually more draconian, but even so, my crime is not the result of some teenage-hood tryst. No, I was from the age of 14 until the age of 29, using fileshare clients to download all kinds. Aged from 6 to 40s. Nothing here is an excuse, nor do I intend for anything to be treated as one. I used to comfort myself by saying "I don`t share this stuff, I don`t make it available for upload, so I`m not part of the problem" and hindsight shows me exactly how heartless and stupid that is. I`m wrong, believe me, I know that.
Another go to for me was that I had only saved those pictures where they were alone, posing, smiling. They`re happy, right? No, and I know that. I knew then even then, but I could manage to convince myself. Not anymore.
It was, at one point, an impulse. The first night, but thereafter it became something more gripping and I found I couldn`t find the will to stop. Or I didn`t want to.
So, no, there`s no high school/college relationship that was kinda sketchy. There`s no extentuating circumstances. Just me
committing a terrible crime and seeing a lot of pain and thinking nothing of it.
-Whiteout
I really don`t understand the hostility here. That I`m empathizing is problematic? Please help me to understand how you feel.
-Herald of Opera
I definitely have praise for Estee`s writing skills. I have littered that review with praise.
And prison is essentially that, forced labor. Though the inmates are paid, at $0.12 an hour, up to $0.45 an hour.
And that`s true, it isn`t a punishment if you`re okay with it happening. But it`s only discipline if you can realistically learn anything from it, and grow.
-circs
I am neither Narcissistic nor do I struggle with Anti-Social Personality Disorder. I am not beyond rehabilitation, and truthfully very few people are that. And I don`t refuse to control myself. I don`t know where you`re getting this from or whether you`re even talking about me anymore. But I have done a lot to change myself, and my thinking. It`s been a long time since I`ve thought about children like that, or much at all. Except to think on how they`ve been hurt, and to wonder how I could ever have thought it was okay to do. And I did think that way, once upon a time. But nothing of that remains.
-Hopeful_Ink_Hoof
That self-same argued can be used to establish that she knew already how Dash would react and thus Dash didn`t need to be able to speak. But you`re right, those lines I`m referring to aren`t in italics and are framed in quotation marks, I`m only stating how it seems to me. I don`t mean to imply that it is fact, but the way I word is frankly quite a bit stronge than simple opinion. So I acknowledge that and apologize.
Those which were removed from context did not seem to require context to retain their meaning, I thought. Other than that, I left it as is and commented on everything as seen. At least from Twi`s arrival at Dash`s house and on. Prior to that, I had been cherry picking, yes. At any rate, I was clear in the introduction that, however much it may have sounded like it, I was not stating anything as fact, and that the conviction behind is was purely the result of belief.
And I feel you are mistaken, there is one sentence that would seem to give way to Dash`s perspective.
Yes, I know the formatting difference between the thoughts and dialogue. I thought I`d been fairly clear about that point to, that it was how it seemed to me, but that it was unsupported.
As for the next point, well, you`re right. It`s nitpicking, kinda ridiculous, and after getting your take on it, does seem strange
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Yes, Twilight can teleport. No, she can’t teleport just anywhere. She needs to have a memorized place to teleport to + be reasonably sure of having a CLEAR space to land (It has been spelled out that attempting to land in an occupied space is both painful and dangerous (as in “you WILL get hurt, perhaps badly enough to need to be hospitalized”))
So, even if you think that Twilight has memorized the offices well enough to teleport there, I don’t think that she’d dare to. IMO, 1 hour a visit + travel time, eating, sleeping, etc. It probably took 2-3 days to visit all the publishers
5118048
I encourage you, Bad Dragon, to stop posting this stuff. I tend to suspect that you're writing it yourself for attention, cynic that I am, but even if you are actually serving as an enabler to a convict you should stop helping them to engage in this open narcissism.
5118048
I glossed over the "I'm lazy so pinging everyone" bit, I was about to comment that I didn't get a reply and shouldn't have been pinged.
5118048
Ah; I didn't really see it that way.
Ah, pretty limited resources indeed, yes. And I would expect most of the things in the Continuum to hold true here, yes; it's just that not everything necessarily must, nor should it be assumed that things here will feed back into it.
Ah. Aye, thaaat's quite a bit. I'm sorry you weren't caught earlier; it sounds like that may have been better for everyone involved.
Thank you for the disclosure, though; I do indeed look significantly less well on you now, but much better not to hide it here.
Good luck to you indeed with doing better! Can't change the past, but you can move forward and work for better lives for yourself and others, and it's good you're making the effort and making progress at it.
5118071
Lol, you underestimate my laziness. I didn't even read the story. It's just not up my ally; it doesn't even have any rape in it.
Also, my days of long reviews are long gone. I couldn't be bothered to write a novel-length review nowadays.
I'm just giving a voice to the voiceless. I don't care about the content, I just care that the censorship doesn't win.
5118093 I'm pinging you again because I'm evil like that.
5118201
But it's legally-ordered censorship. You're helping to break the law, BD.
5118209 Access to the internet should be one of our freedoms. Nobody should be able to prevent us from using the internet.
And if posting his emails is breaking the law, then I guess I'm breaking the law.
5118213
Your rights get taken away when you break the law, simpleton.
Facilitating contact or usage of the internet between someone who is legally not supposed to have any kind of access or usage is the same as furnishing a firearm to a felon. You're breaking the law.
Do not reply to this comment. Your defense of this person and your uninformed, idiotic view of the world shows me and everyone else everything they need to know about how fucking awful of a person you are.
5118068
Twilight could just teleport out a window and fly to the ground floor (or other access point) of the next address. But that's just super-optimizing around the edges. The real timesink is the 18 hours, 3 minutes supposedly spent across eighteen one-hour-long meetings, and this is where the greatest savings are found too.
CCC's suggested 15 minutes per meeting seems feasible, and reduces the ~18 hours by 13 hours and 30 minutes, more than all the other items combined.
...I think. He seems to have done his arithmetic out of order; the ~34 hours is not the sum of the given terms. My guess is he calculated 18/8 and rounded up, having stated his assumptions of 1hr/meeting and 8hr/workday, and figured this into the total before actually stating it must have been three days. (So this means 18 Stop and Rests per day isn't all that clear in origin, but eh.) This lines up all right with tripling the 1hr50 and 1hr51, and brings the sum only 1 minute short of the offered total.
So... we have two reverse-engineered schedules, one for one day and one for three days, where the arithmetic mostly works. Pick your poison. I have trouble buying into the claim that the meetings averaged an hour and ten seconds, and no trouble saying they were closer to fifteen minutes each.
5118048
I believe FoME was referring to how your buddy was taking something clearly covered by Rule of Funny so seriously. Family Guy and The Simpsons get away with far worse.
5118209
I'm sorry, which specific rules is he breaking? I have a hard time believing that he could get a computer in prison if he wasn't supposed to have one.
5118267
The part where minors, kids as young as 13, access this site. I don't know how it's being managed but everyone at every point of the chain is breaking the law and it needs to be stopped. Preferably with a permaban of all involved since it's clear they will not.
5118401
Not to mention that this is a site that's apparently okay with foalcon, so the person 'commenting' shouldn't have access at all as it is effectively letting a convicted sex offender browse for what they were convicted of possessing. Hence why I suspect it to be fake, because I'd think there's no way in hell a prison is letting someone in custody have enough unsupervised access to be reading here.
5118242
I’m sure that 15 minutes is reasonable, ONCE YOU GET IN THE DOOR TO SEE THEM!
IMO, that’s the real variable: “How long is it taking her to get in, find the right person, & get in to talk to them”
My experience, big shots like it when you make an appointment.
5118474
Yeah, but when a politely irate Alicorn carrying a chaimed up prisoner want stood see you, you bump things from your scedule.