Friendship is Card Games: The Last Crusade · 10:42am Jun 16th, 2019
The madmen finally did it. Multiple its, actually. A moment of silence, please, for the Second Great Headcanon Massacre of 2019.
The first it is Scootaloo’s aunts, Lofty and Holiday, who are very definitely a couple. The Internet apparently exploded over that, as if other animated shows haven't had freaking on-screen gay weddings. I guess it doesn't count if they're genderless space rocks?
In any case, I do appreciate how they handled it. No need to shine a spotlight on the relationship and say “Ooh, aren’t we progressive?” It’s just part of life.
(I do wonder how Lofty gets on with Rarity…)
And, of course, confirmation that Scootaloo’s parents do exist and are alive. I didn’t expect her to be the daughter of Steve Irwin and Jane Goodall, but it actually makes a lot of sense. When your parents wrestle cragadiles for a living, you’re going to be something of a daredevil yourself, to say nothing of the daughter of scientists employing trial-and-error experimentation while seeking cutie marks for herself and others.
(Also, you just know people are going to confuse Scootaloo’s mom with the Ponyville vet, who was largely known as Mane Goodall prior to “Fluttershy Leans In” identifying her in canon.)
The lesson on the weather factory had me thinking the parents lived in Cloudsdale up until the cragadile showed up.
Wyverns exist in Equestria, apparently. No word on what they actually look like. Also, this world has a skull-shaped island that I’m sure Daring Do has gone to at least once. (Indeed, I wouldn’t be surprised if she’s crossed paths with Scootaloo’s parents.)
Snips seems like he’s trying to take Diamond Tiara and Silver Spoon’s role as youthful antagonist, with iffy success.
Interesting to note that Snap Shutter and Mane Allgood are a mixed-tribe couple. We haven’t seen many of them. I find myself wondering if that has any impact on Scootaloo’s lift issues, though if that were the case, pegasi would've gone extinct generations ago. (Unless they had isolated cloud cities... No, no, we're edging into what feels like tribalist propaganda.)
Throughout the scene at the ice cream parlor, I was waiting for the parents to reveal just where the family would be together. And the answer is literally the opposite end of the world, assuming Shire Lanka is where I think it is.
“We’ve been together our whole lives!” Apparently their lives began at Diamond Tiara’s cuteceañera. Accurate from a metafictional perspective, but I think Sweetie’s speaking more emotionally.
Yeesh. You know somewhere’s remote when the Equestrian rail system can’t access it instantly and regularly.
I do like how this episode dusts off a few Crusader-significant characters in both the photo wall and the end scene, particularly Diamond Tiara and Babs Seed. Though Pipsqueak’s a bit of a headscratcher, since he still doesn’t seem to have his cutie mark yet. Yeah, they're friends, but it feels a bit odd for him to be on the wall of Crusades. (Though I suppose one could raise a similar point about the older sisters in their grease monkey getups from "The Cart Before the Ponies.")
So how well understood is the Everfree if its inhabitants can’t keep Scootaloo’s parents nearby? I know the place has steadily lost credibility as an eldritch, unknowable hellwood for most of the series, but this is an especially nasty blow to its reputation.
On the other hand, there’s another exotic species to study relatively close to Ponyville. Let me tell you about humans… (Which, come to think of it, raises questions about that Scootaloo’s parents.)
“Follow the spoor”? Uh, that doesn’t mean what you seem to think it does, Snap.
I see Sweetie Belle took inspiration from her sister’s dragon migration disguise for the banshee beast.
Given the description of the potion, I thought it would end in something like this. You have to admit, it would keep Scootaloo’s parents from separating her from her friends.
Interesting that Sweetie cites Rarity when Scootaloo worries about her getting in trouble. Scoots may have absentee parents, but Sweetie’s are apparently just indifferent. Or on vacation yet again. Ouch.
That is a pretty nice quilt.
In Best Pony’s defense, she delivered the letter to the ponies it was addressed to, if not necessarily their address.
Wait, wait, wait. Snap and Mane are the only ones who can do what they do? There aren’t any other field researchers in all of Equestria? I mean, with the Crusaders, it kind of makes sense. Metadestiny isn’t exactly something that strikes every day. But zoological research seems like it’d be a bit easier to break into. (Of course, given all the evidence we’ve seen of Equestria’s pre-Twilight isolationist tendencies, it does make sense that few ponies bother to cross the border for any reason.)
So… did they just fail to notice that their daughter literally ran away from home? I know these two haven’t spent much time with her, but wow.
CMC Appreciation Day does highlight how much the three have grown, going from heralds of chaos to celebrated pillars of the community. Even if all the cheering had me thinking ponies were celebrating converted mana costs. 
Rainbow Dash continues her track record of exploiting fellow Wonderbolts for personal reasons. I wonder if the others call in favors from her in a similar fashion. Heck, I wonder if any of them have needed Crusader counseling.
This really was a good conflict to use; the distance between Scootaloo and her parents, both physical and otherwise, meant that they had no way of realizing the damage they were doing without something this big to shove it in their faces.
On that note, I have to consider one of Scootaloo’s more implication-heavy lines from “Parental Glideance”:
Growing up, I never thought I'd be the best at anything, because nopony ever told me.
Comparing that to the home life we see here, I have to wonder how much of that was true. Scootaloo may have exaggerated the situation, focusing more on her parents’ near absence from her life as compared to Bow and Windy’s far greater engagement in their daughter’s life. Dash’s reaction to that treatment could've definitely prompted some less than accurate venting. After all, I’d expect a few words of encouragement out of Aunt Holiday at the very least. (Of course, I’d also expect a few flight lessons from Aunt Lofty, so there we are. 
)
Speaking of whom, I do appreciate the show addressing the issue of just where Scootaloo will live now that her parents sold their house.
In all, this did an excellent job of addressing one of the bigger elephants left in G4’s room. If this really is the last Crusader-centric episode of the series (which would actually be odd, since only two out of the three would get focus episodes in Season 9,) I’d say they ended on a high note.
Crusaders’ Acolyte 1W
Creature — Pony Child
Renown 1 (When this creature deals combat damage to a player, if it isn’t renowned, put a +1/+1 counter on it and it becomes renowned.)
Whenever Crusaders’ Acolyte attacks, if it’s renowned, tap target creature defending player controls.
2/1
Far Afield 1W
Sorcery
Kicker 4 (You may pay an additional 4 to cast this spell.)
Exile target creature. If this spell wasn’t kicked, that creature’s controller may search their library for a basic land card, put that card onto the battlefield tapped, then shuffle their library.
Aerial Observer 3W
Creature — Pegasus Scout
Partner with Field Researcher (When this creature enters the battlefield, target player may put Field Researcher into their hand from their library, then shuffle.)
Flying
4W, T: Target creature gets +2/+2 and gains flying until end of turn.
2/2
Chained Protesters 3W
Creature — Pony Rebel
Defender
When Chained Protesters enters the battlefield, exile target nonland permanent you don’t control until Chained Protesters leaves the battlefield.
“We shall not be moved! Even if we want to be!”
1/4
Clean the Erasers 2U
Instant
Draw a card. Until end of turn, creatures your opponents control get -1/-0 for each card you’ve drawn this turn.
Chalk is a scholar’s greatest ally.
Rain or Shine 2U
Instant
Separate all creatures target player controls into two piles. Tap all creatures in the pile of that player’s choice.
Cloudsdale produces most of Equestria’s weather, giving the city political leverage few others can enjoy.,
See What Develops 2U
Sorcery
Draw three cards at the beginning of the next upkeep.
”Whether in the jungle or the darkroom, you need patience to get the greatest rewards.”
—Snap Shutter, field researcher
Frontier Wyvern 3U
Creature — Drake
Flying
Landfall — Whenever a land enters the battlefield under your control, you may exile target nonland creature. If you do, return that card to the battlefield under its owner’s control at the beginning of the next end step.
2/2
Binding Potion X1U
Instant
Tap up to X target creatures. They don’t untap during their controllers’ next untap steps.
Apple Bloom soon learned to test recipes with vague descriptions.
Everfree Banshee 2BB
Creature — Chimera Spirit
Everfree Banshee enters the battlefield with three +1/+1 counters on it.
If damage would be dealt to Everfree Banshee while it has a +1/+1 counter on it, prevent that damage, remove a +1/+1 counter from Everfree Banshee, and each player loses 1 life.
0/0
Waves of Despair 2BB
Sorcery
All creatures get -1/-1 until end of turn. Whenever a creature dies this turn, creatures get -1/-1 until end of turn.
Every tear a Crusader shed prompted two more from the others.
Willful Cragadile 3B
Creature — Elemental Crocodile
Willful Cragadile can’t block unless you control a Pony, Pegasus, or Unicorn.
“Marshmallow gets a little feisty when she hasn’t has her nap.”
—Snap Shutter, field researcher
4/3
Chimera Troglodyte 3RR
Creature — Chimera
Chimera Troglodyte gets +1/+0 for each land card in your graveyard.
2R, Sacrifice a land: Chimera Troglodyte gains first strike until end of turn.
One day, Discord took a tantrum and gave it a body.
3/3
Three-Tailed Bandicoot 2G
Creature — Beast
2G, Q: Destroy target artifact. (Q is the untap symbol.)
“Good luck shipping them anywhere. They hate crates more than any other creature I’ve met.”
—Snap Shutter, field researcher
3/2
Field Researcher 4G
Creature — Pony Scout
Partner with Aerial Observer
Whenever a creature you control deals 4 or more combat damage to a player, draw a card.
3/4
Key to Ponyville 3
Artifact
Key to Ponyville enters the battlefield tapped and doesn’t untap during your untap step.
3, T: Draw two cards.
Tap three untapped creatures you control: Untap Key to Ponyville.
Friendship opens many doors.
Crusader Quilt 4
Artifact
As Crusader Quilt enters the battlefield, choose a creature type.
Whenever a creature of the chosen type enters the battlefield under your control, put a +1/+1 counter on each creature you control of that type.
Every patch marks another destiny fulfilled.
Call the Caretakers 1GW
Sorcery
If you control no creatures, you may cast Call the Caretakers as though it had flash.
Create a 1/1 white Pegasus creature token with flying and a 2/2 green Pony creature token.
Aminatou didn’t normally like adult supervision, but she didn’t mind this.
Parental Fiat 1WUB
Instant
Choose one —
• Exile target nonland permanent.
• Counter target spell. If that spell is countered this way, exile it instead of putting it in its owner’s graveyard.
Few incantations have the dread power of “Because I said so.”
Territorial Markings 3RG
Enchantment
Whenever a creature enters the battlefield under an opponent’s control, target creature you control fights that creature.
Claw marks on trees foretell claw marks on invaders.
Rabid Bugbear 4GU
Creature — Insect Bear
Flying, trample
Rabid Bugbear gets +2/+2 for each Aura and Equipment attached to it.
”You’d think the disease would at least make them easier to fight. You would be wrong.”
—Sweetie Drops, anti-monster operative
3/3
Uncharted Isle
Land
T: Add C.
T: Add U or B. Each opponent gains 1 life.
“Most ponies fear the unknown. We study it, finding ways to use it for their benefit.”
—Mane Allgood, aerial observer
I'm sort of divided on this. On the one hand, I do like the idea of her parents trying to be a family again and wrapping up the CMC saga with a nod to the fact that people kinda just drift out of each other's lives and it's not some grand tragedy that leads one to slap on a pair of aviators and steal cutie marks. On the other hand, we're dealing with the fact that they'd probably treat her like the much younger filly they left behind and not the yearling she is now. It's kind of too late for them to be the parents they wanna be so they'll have to reforge a relationship with the adult her.
Also, it doesn't pay dividends to bet against the emergence of freaks screaming about cartoon characters not totally up their ass about things.
They might just be that up themselves to think that nobody else could do what they do.
Just like a tree that's planted by the water, we're just animation assets.
Oh, hey, next episode will be your 800th blog post. Congratulations!
True, no Cutie Mark, but they did help him win that
popularity contestelectionI was expecting super glue.
likely the last CMC as a group focused, could still get a Sweetie Belle focused one.
And yeah, while not quite up to Perfect Pear levels of "OH CELESTIA THE FEELS!" it's still a really good overall ep that wrapped up some lingering questions really well and with some great moments.
"On the other hand, there’s another exotic species to study relatively close to Ponyville. Let me tell you about humans…"
At this part of the episode, I was wondering if their plan to create a new creature for Scootaloo's parents to chase would go rather a lot better... well, more literal, at least-- than expected due to a certain chaos god deciding to "help".
"Given the description of the potion, I thought it would end in something like this."
Aye, same, as I recall, or at least wondering if it'd do that.
"Metadestiny isn’t exactly something that strikes every day."
Aye, though apparently Scootaloo's parents were easily able to casually reinterpret that.
"CMC Appreciation Day does highlight how much the three have grown, going from heralds of chaos to celebrated pillars of the community."
Yeah, I was pleasantly surprised! I kept thinking that the sensible thing to do would be to just go to Twilight (You know, the local alicorn princess? Big crystal castle? Saved Equestria multiple times?) or some other powerful person they've connections with, but expecting that this would have a makes-sense-on-the-surface message about friends moving away. But... no! No, they actually really did go with how important the CMCs are to each other and collectively to the town and potentially beyond! Actually went far beyond what I'd been thinking of, getting a town holiday thrown for them with pretty much every local dignitary showing up to cheer and the mayor giving them honors.
Though it does make me wonder just went wrong with the letters between Scootaloo and her parents that they somehow apparently had no idea their daughter was such an important person here (and part of a triple manifest, but that doesn't seem to matter much in this universe; I was wondering during the episode, though, what the reaction would have been if they'd tried her to pull her away with something like the Triptych Continuum's cutie mark mechanics in play (in the actual Triptych Continuum itself, meanwhile, I suspect a different sort of going away party might have been thrown, at least a some points in the timeline)).
There went my headcanon of her dad being an earth pony whose wife was too attached to pursuing other interests and thus left Scoot's dad to raise her not knowing a thing on how to raise a pegasus foal, and having to work so many jobs to make ends meat.
Also I got so baited on that potion part. Thought she'd go through, well one need only scroll to the bottom parts of my user page to see where that train of thought went!
Yeah, great episode. Recall Twitter going nuts riling up fearmongerors on the evils of cartoons brainwashing your kids to be gay. And then other side trying to say that kind if representation was meaningless without realizing how important and powerful that form of representation really has over last minute makeout scenes and empty blind acceptance of dat we all figured was gay for years anyways getting finally married.
MLP managed to continue the trend of depicting same sex as a natural option in life. It's nothing special in pony land. It's how you carry yourself and the things do who make you special. Not who you're sleeping with.
Those first three white creatures are all things I would totally play
I mean, outside of that outburst of information about how unique the CMCs actually are, specially compared to a pair of... whatever they are, no matter how successful, it's painfully obvious that Scootaloo's life in Ponyville, where she's had a chance to meet and work for/with literally all of the royalty of Equestria, obtained unique cutie marks (which her dad was quick to condescendingly just attribute to "you'll be friends forever"), and the fact that if her aunts just visit sometimes, she's been taking care of herself, in that house, since the beginning of the series... they're not just absent parents, they're not parents at all. They're gone her whole life and then suddenly want to drag her with them?
I didn't hate the characters, but there is literally no point for them to exist other than mindless filler.
I laughed at the bandicoot. Also, if Aminatou doesn't play a significant role in the story at some point a few years down the road, I'll eat my hat.
Regarding Mane Allgood's line during the scene at the ice cream parlor: It's public knowledge that the Tree of Harmony was destroyed?
Going into this episode, I warily went along with the idea that Scootaloo's parents would finally be seen. Even if it meant that the show was throwing away a much tidier and satisfying conclusion that had been set up by "Parental Glideance."
But this was disappointing. All we got were two characters who are absolutely terrible parents. They come in, announce that they're changing their daughter's life (giving her a mere three days to prepare for it), and then, after it takes an entire town to get them to realize what they're doing, part ways with their daughter once more while none of the parties involved express any particular heartbreak. We're never going to see these two again and this didn't develop the CMCs as characters in any way. What was the point?
Sometimes it's better to leave Schrödinger's box closed.
Scootaloo's gay aunts being officially part of the show would make this episode worth the while all on their own.
Snips had been called the biggest prankster in school. Even if there is zero evidence of that actually happening.
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I was expecting them to be smooshed together like a John Carpenter Thing in cartoon form.
i.ytimg.com/vi/AVWGAkxOzMs/maxresdefault.jpg
...which they messed up with their several tweets and stuff advertising their inclusion. Then we get to the episode itself and there's nothing.
Not saying they need to scissor, but their debut in the book did have them give each other a peck on the cheek. Could've done that.
I think I'm gonna stick with TDR's headcanon of Scoots being the daughter of Spitfire and Soarin.
I was waiting/hoping for that bombshell too.
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I do not see evidence of the two of them being “Gone her whole life.” Metacontextually this is their first appearance, and Scootaloo of course treats this as a rare occasion. But there isn’t concrete proof they haven’t been able to see her during the series, either with a quick stop at Ponyville, or a meet up at one of the other locales Scootaloo has visited. Don’t forget the times they were together before the series started. Although it’s hard to say how long that’s actually been, considering this show’s difficulty with calendar years and stating character ages.
I’m not sure if it qualifies as absentee parenting when communications are frequently exchanged, a house has been bought, and family and friends are arranged to live with her. There really are some jobs taken by parents that involve extended time away from home. It can be military deployment, piloting, fishing, mining, construction, acting, international aid, or wildlife conservation. Anything that could involve camping out or traveling to different countries.
Being in a close knit community and being located close to royalty is probably why they felt she would be OK at Ponyville without their supervision. The fact that they want to relocate her after the whole town was successfully conquered, and their daughter was turn into a mind-controlled child-soldier minion is a sign of GOOD parenting.
When Snap Shudder was giving his interpretation of their marks, I didn’t see that at all as talking down to the Crusaders. It was an abridged and incomplete version, sure. What I heard was the writers setting the record straight for the would-be critics who complained that having Cutie Marks in a set stripped them of individuality, and cheapened the very concept of Cutie Marks. The rant I most vividly recall was the one from Reality Check, years ago before he left Fimfiction. This scene was actually pretty clever. It was like when Fluttershy was talking down her own crowd of critics in Fame and Misfortune, except here the Crusaders were pretending to be their own bad interpretation.
Lovely analysis, FOME. More positive than some I've seen, who got more hung up on the seeming contradiction between Parental Glideance and this episode. I like your interpretation that Scootaloo does have a reasonably happy home life, it's just that she was exaggerating when faced with the excessive over-the-topness of Bow and Windy.
Delightful cards as well. Far Afield is a great way to split card Path to Exile / Angelic Edict.
And of course Snap and Mane make a "partner with" trio. Shouldn't Aerial Observer have flying herself, though?
Binding Potion looks pretty potent, but I guess it has to compare with Sleep.
Key to Ponyville looks slightly steeply costed compared with Jayemdae Tome, which is not at the highest power level itself.
The flavour of Crusader Quilt confuses me a little. Day of Destinies is all about helping one type of creature at the expense of any others. Surely the Crusaders are more into helping anycreature no matter what their species?
Parental Fiat is incredibly strong. As such an immensely flexible response, I wonder whether 4 mana is too cheap, even in three colours.
Thank you as always!
5075395
See I kinda agree with this because it bleeds somewhat into my own issues with this episode.
With the ending as it was, their is a question as to whats the point. Sure its a fun episode, and I enjoyed it, and maybe thats enough, but I always felt that Crusader episodes more then perhaps any other episode really were meant to teach something.
Its children speaking to children after all.
And given this is the last season, and perhaps the last Crusader focused Episode, they had a true chance to take advantage of the fact that they didn't need the Crusaders together any more.
They could have talked about the fact that sometimes people move, and while its sad, fighting it won't help, and its better to find a way to deal with it, even if thats by long distance visits.
They could have talked about the fact that the Crusaders staying together can only influence a small area and if they really want to help ponies far and wide inevitably they would have to leave Ponyville and split up.
They could have talked about how in a few more years they would be all grown up and could be together then.
Their was plenty of lessions they could have done here. But instead they magically managed to keep Scoot in Ponyville. You know, despite the fact their are probably hundreds of ponies Equestria wide that need help with their Cutie Marks that aren't damn well getting it.
"You three have a unique gift and a unique ability to help others with their special talent. So please, stay all together, in this one town with only a few hundred people."
I enjoyed this episode, it was fun and I loved quite a bit of it. It is a fitting end the the Crusaders, if it is such a thing...but their definately wasn't a moral here.
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Well, I mean, they are horses. Herd culture probably won out.
And just like that, another Fifty First Episodes attributed to you was born.
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Or treesap.
Wait, what was the First Great Headcanon Massacre (also, I'm surprised we're only at two)?
Am I missing a reference here? What's interesting about those two in particular hanging out?
5115496
The First Massacre was "The Beginning of the End," what with the various villain abductions and resurrections, the diarchs announcing their retirement plan, and the destruction of the Tree and Elements of Harmony. (I'm not counting the Tree's reincarnation, since there was only a week between the two events.)
Both Rarity and Lofty sew, though dresses and quilts are very different beasts. Still, it gives them some manner of connection, and they've likely crossed paths at some point during the Crusade.