Best weekend ever, worst night ever · 2:07am Jul 11th, 2016
Sorry. I really wanted to blog about this earlier. Talk about every leg of my trip and what happened every day of Bronycon. Unfortunately, I got swept up in the events and its only now that I'm able to take a moment, reflect, and talk about it.
In short, it has been one of the most wonderful times of my life, despite the tears that I am shedding right now. Cons are wonderful for me. It's doing things that I love, about something I love, with people who love the same thing I do. Most of my life is spent alone, sitting in front of a computer, wondering when I'm going to just kick it. I rarely meet new people, and when I do, It's rarely for anything good.
This weekend, I had hundreds of friends. Real friends that I could talk with and do things with. It was filled with wonderful moments. Like the time fifteen readers all united to abduct me to the writers room, where we talked for two and a half hours. Or the reader who told me how P-21 helped him get through his opium addiction. Or another reader who said Rampage's own struggled helped him deal with his mental illness. Or how Blackjack helped someone prevent them from committing suicide. It's one thing to read that in a face less E-mail. It's another thing to have it from a person fighting as hard as possible not to break down in tears.
I love the vendor hall, with art and crafts and prints and merchandise. I saw a Blackjack plush for nearly four hundred dollars. She sold in an hour (I didn't buy her) and I saw a half dozen others with her under their arms or sitting on shoulders. There were cosplayers ranging from people in Security outfits to a full on Blackjack fur suit. It was incredible to see.
I also caught up with wonderful friends. Hinds, Icyshake, and Solis were all there, good RL friends of mine. And as much as I may complain about Hinds from time to time, it was wonderful to see him and Icyshake again. And even if I got some head-bangingly frustrating news from Solis, it was wonderful to see her in her Crysalis costume. Most of my friends are just text on Skype or a person I bump into online. There is nothing to compare with being able to spend wonderful time with them, even if it wasn't long.
And I met a girl. No illusions, she had a boyfriend and a life in Canada. It was never going to be more than friendship after tonight. But for an hour in her bedroom and fifteen minutes in mine, we shared a pleasure that has been missing in my life for a year now. She helped me get a little out of my shell, and I helped her get out of hers. And even if nothing will ever come of it. I'll miss her.
I'll miss all of it.
I'll miss the panels and the people and the crowds, the annoyance of two events planned at the same time, and the frustration of long lines. I'll miss people telling me how much they love my stories and the look on their face when they realize I am 'that Somber'. There's really nothing like the look of surprise followed by the joy. It's overwhelming and humbling and wonderful all at once. I'll miss the cosplayers ranging from horribly wonderful to wonderfully horrible. I'll miss eating everything from 7-11 garbage to fine dining in an Irish pub with sixty of the best writers we have all enjoyed on Fimfiction.
I'll miss all of it. Nothing that happened, good or bad, can detract from this experience.
And it's ending. And it hurts. This was a time of joy for me, and now it's ending. Soon as the last panel ended, I felt it. That void opening up inside me. The pain coming with that void. My lady friend tried to help me deal with it, but I'm not a party person, and it was just prolonging the inevitable. We both said goodbye with tears in our eyes, and promised that we would see each other again next con, but both of us didn't have to say that we both knew there was no guarantee. And while I love all my friends online, nothing beats that flesh and blood contact that comes with a friend you can hold and touch.
This was all made possible by WandererD and Vendable Sheik. Soon as the first heard I didn't make it to EFNW, he worked to find some way to let me attend, helping me to get on a panel to pay for my badge, and letting me stay with him free of charge. The latter paid for me to get to Bronycon at all, donating hundreds of dollars for the plane ticket. All he asked for in return was a hug, a handshake, and fifteen minutes of my time. These two wonderful people made this wonderful experience possible, and I do not have enough words to thank them for their effort. And if you know my writing, that's a lot of words.
So, despite my tears, I am glad to have been here. No matter how much it hurts, this has been one of the few times in my life where I can say I have no regrets. To everyone, those I met and those who met me, I wish to say thank you.
Goodnight.
Somber
I really hope you somehow go to Babscon next year, as it will be my first con and where I will meet my writer friends as well.
It was an honor to meet you.
~Skeeter The Lurker
The con ending hit me in a way too. This was my first Bronycon and it was truly a magical experience just being with so many other people in this fandom. This was one of the first times where I didn't feel alone in my love for the show but actually had other people to share that joy with and not just names on a computer screen. It was really a silent moment when it finally sank in that it was over for the year. I'll miss it but I am definitely going to do everything in my power to be back next year.
As for you Somber, it was an absolute privilege to assist you and I was overjoyed to finally meet the author of one of my favorite stories. Thank you Somber, for everything you've done and just for being you. I know life has been rough on you so just keep hanging in there.
Your friend,
Vendable Sheik
It was great to actually meet you! I was one of those 15 people to abduct you to the writers room lol
I was the one who had the "shooty look" Blackjack plushie
Wait a second.
Where's the horde of fangirls I predicted?
Would have liked to meet you since PH is one of my favorite stories , but sadly I live a bit too far for it to be financialy possible for me.
Oh well , maybe one day , who knows.
It's great that you got to go to the con and get to interact with your fans. I think a lot of us would have loved to meet you. I sincerely hope you can attend another one. If I wasn't working so much (as a security officer, ironically) I would have done the same thing as your friend.
You've probably heard it a lot from other people, but your stories change lives and has changed mine in ways I honestly can't describe. The fact that I read the entirety of Project Horizons nonstop both at home and at work should say how much I loved it. Even when several people said stop after a certain chapter, I kept reading. I wanted to know how Blackjack would pull through. I wanted to know if she kept her promises.
I never actually thought I could like someone from reading what they write. What you wrote in this blog made my heart ache. I'm not actually sure where this comment is going and I have to be on shift in a few minutes so I'll wrap this up best I can. Please be safe. I hope you can see all the friends you made again. Perhaps we may meet in the future. Don't think of your time at the con with all those wonderful people as your last. I don't think it'll be the last you'll see of them.
Dude I loved to meet you. I was excited to have dinner with you at Tir Na Nog! I really hope you can show up next year, I'd love to chat with you again!
24
Aw, I'm sorry dude.
It was nice meeting you, though. You seemed interesting, even though I didn't know who you were.
I'll tell you one thing, though - if you act friendly and open in the rest of your life, there's a lot of potential friends waiting for you in the world.
It doesn't just have to be at BronyCon.
I hope you shared grilled cheese. I think very poorly of cheaters and those that encourage/enable it. Unless she had permission in which case, in the words of my younger self. "You so scored"
Other than that it's nice to see you actually having a good time... I mean you seem to have good days less often than Blackjack if that's possible.
Post con depression sucks. I'm glad you had fun though. Haven't been to Bronycon, since it's just a little too far from me. Maybe next year though (He said for the third time).
Anyway, if you liked getting out there and meeting new people like that, then you could try looking for other bronies in your area. Or even people outside the fandom. I spend more time behind my computer than is probably healthy too, so maybe this is a good idea for us both.
So, if I get this correct:
You saved a couple people's lives with horsewords, went pubbing and boozing and generally made merry, viewed the fruits of your labor, and topped it off by cuckolding a Canadian.
G-fuckin'-G, man.
Damn. Deep man, I even have to admit that Bronycon ending hit me too, hell I even paid attention on vlogs and youtube videos. I didn't go (for few reasons but none I'd like to disclose, I do hope to go in the near future though), but I bet it was fun. When you got to the part of about it ending and it causing void opening up inside you... just damn. I gotta admit that brought tears to my eyes. Not in a good way either. The sad words I have read tonight will stay with me a for a while. I'm happy it was a fun time for you though, laddie. I'm also equally sad that all the fun ended for you. But, nonetheless, you are a master of words and on the day I do go. (and that day is far from now) I would be proud to shake your hand.
Thank you for making Project Horizons and being here with us all.
I'm not sure it counts as abduction if you consented to it before it happened, even if you didn't remember it.
Anyway, it was a ton of fun arguing, discussing, and bantering around with you in Quills and Sofa's. Glad to hear you had a good time.
Somber is happy.
Somber is happy.
Somber is happy.
4083473
Since I'm a little busy right now, this is basically two birds one stone... Thank you Somber and TD both. Both of you are lovely to read and follow in the fandom and I'm really sad I didn't get a chance to go to the con this year to meet you!
I'm glad you had such a good time. :)
Sorry about whatever the bad news from Solis was.
Thank you, WandererD and Vendable Sheik. :)
4083299 (putting that in since I saw your name in the comments)
Feel like I ought to say more, but... I am very tired, sorry. Think I'd better head off to bed and finish the rest of the backlog tomorrow. So, as you said: Goodnight. :)
It was good meeting you, Somber. Glad you were able to make it to the panel I had done. I also learned a thin or two from you.
Glad you had a great time by the way, and I truly hope that things get better for you. I really do.
~Lunatone
i'm so sorry things are getting worse, sir... I'm grateful to WandererD and Vendable Sheik for helping you make it to the con, it's wonderful you were able to actually enjoy yourself, for however little it lasted.
i'm sorry too that i'll never be able to meet you ever...
On a side note:
I would completely agree. You should have joined us at around 11:30 at the Renegade Stage on saturday so you could reach out and touch someone for some real blood. It really is good to have some good hand to hand contact, and I can totally understand crying when you have to leave. #BronyFightClub
Hopefully I will go in the next couple years...Finally in my last couple years of college, I just hope to meet some of the greats before they lose interest. I'll see ya someday, I'm certain
Good to read that this convention had a profound impact on Somber and others. Like Blackjack, the impact you have on people gives a lasting impression so to speak. Project Horizons gives a lot to people who read it. It gives them inspiration, despair, hope, fear, perseverance to keep going, to do better, dreams and nightmares all in the same package. After reading this deep and 'real' blog describing your time at Bronycon, it certainly shows how much of a magnum opus Project Horizons truly is. It is amazing to read that this story and it's characters helped people overcome their depression and addiction or other problems. The ups and downs, of life as described in the story resonates with the readers. That's a part of why I keep reading it among many other reasons. For better or worse, come what may, I'm sticking with this story and in a positive light at that. It's one hell of a story.
Reminds me I must try out a convention some day, when I have the opportunity and resources available.
4084004
You're welcome! I'm just glad you like my stuff.
I do understand not going to cons, though; I hadn't been to any before this year, and then I ended up getting shanghaied into two. They're kind of expensive, especially if you live a long ways away, but they are fun. Possibly in some future year we will manage to meet.
4085592
Yea that was my problem - college student and all that ;~; But now I've got a job and stuff! Should be able to now, and can't wait to try it out!
Now less tired... and I'm still not sure what to say to all of that, I'm afraid. Rather weighty stuff, of course. My experience wasn't as relatively wonderful as yours, but I'm still pretty sure I get what you mean. Granted, I only have a sample size of two, but cons seems to involved at least one altered state (and I'm currently thinking it's three, pre, during, and post).
...Yeah, really still not sure what to say here. I'm really glad you had such a good time, though; I think you were certainly due one. :)
No thanks are necessary, bro. It was an honor to hang out with you and a real pleasure to start a solid friendship with you. Here's hoping to hear from you soon, but whatever happens, brace yourself because if I have it my way you're attending next year too!
Good things do tend to end before you know it, but that doesn't mean they won't happen again.
Nice meeting you too! I was a secondary handler for the Littlepip fursuit and talked for about 15 minutes. I understand that feeling of post con depression, but I think it's getting better. Anyways, it was an honor to meet you and I hope your post con depression passes without too much trouble!
4084277
Good dialogue vs Bad dialogue right? That helped me a lot. But also for school I hope. Anything I can use to make my teachers like my writing more is appreciated! Awesome panel, I got to meet some great writers.
It was nice to meet you in person Somber, although we didn't really ever talk online. It was nice to just sit down and chat for a few hours about our fics, and see what kind of ideas we both have going on in our heads. I really hope you're able to attend next years BC, so that maybe we can sit down again and chat, person to person.
4086006
Yes, sir, that was my panel. I'm glad you enjoyed it and learned something. If you have any questions that you have about dialogue, I'll be more than happy to answer them. I'm on Fimfiction a lot during the day, so getting back with PMs is very quick.
It was a blast meeting you and hanging out at the dinner man. I'm definitely gonna help make sure you make next year too.
Us Canadian chicks are jus irresistible.
Aww, I honestly teared up reading this. That post-con wistfulness is still hitting me right now...
I'm glad that I could talk to you for a good few minutes in the line for the Sadfic panel – or well, listen to you talk mostly. You are a fascinating person, and as I said then, you should really, really consider writing about writing some time in the future. You certainly have the eloquence and knowledge to talk about that.
Hope to see you some time in the future!
It was truly an honor to meet you! (I was the guy with the RD hat & hoodie in the group of 15...) Not much of a conversationalist in person, I'm afraid, but being part of that little circle of the fandom for the afternoon was definitely the highlight of the con for me.
Horizons was one hell of a ride... I'm still in a bit of disbelief that it's been five years that your characters and story have been part of my life. I can't thank you enough for writing such meaningful, relatable characters - I see a lot of myself in Blackjack, and her determination and resilience have been a huge inspiration throughout a lot of 'interesting' times in my life. You touch the lives of a lot more people than you realize...
~NIghtWolf
4089995 It seems a little surreal to me. All I did was write a story, and not a very good one at that. It amazes me how much strength people take from my characters. I just hope I can repeat the process with my next stories.
4088290 I'm glad you think so. I don't really know what I have to add to writing that hasn't already been said in a hundred 'how to write' books.
4088037 You're also getting me to publish clop, which I swore I'd never do.
4085881 That's true. And I'm sorry things weren't as good for you. ::Hugs:: Hopefully next time.
4086018 Yeah. There just wasn't enough time, was there? I would love to talk some story with you some other time. Nothing like the face to face experience to make it real and wonderful.
4086004 Thank you. It did. Being sick was probably part of it. It was all the help I got along the way home that kicked me out of it. The Con might have been over, but the friendships weren't.
4085891 I'd love to! I'd love to be on a panel for long projects, working with editors and pre-readers, characterization, character development, or anything else really! I definitely believe you'll find a way to get me there, no matter what. This time, though, everyone will have a lot more warning. :)
4085592 It's like going to Disneyland. Definitely a vacation, but with some help it's manageable. It was really good to meet you. We never really had a chance to talk much at the parties or at Quills and Sofas.
4084394 You're going to make me drive all the way to Arizona to give you a hug, aren't you Ryx? I'll do it! I swear I will!
4084560 Keep it up! If you don't give up, keep pressing forward, and make progress as you do, you can do amazing things.
4083439 Hee. That food was good! Glad I splurged a little, even if it took a bite out of my trip money. I hope we can talk stories soon too.
4084004 There's always next year!
4083751 I know, right?!
4083473 It's fine. I'm a very forgetable person. And yeah, I know I can, but that requires me leaving my room.
4083503 She had an open relationship. It was a little odd. I kinda imagine it was like Glory finding out about Blackjack's sexuality. "Huh.... well, okay then!"
4083550 But the outside is scary! And my computer has games. And porn! I do see your point though.
4083641 Thank you for reading it! A story that's never read is just a pile of paper and ink.
4083348 Thank you very much, both for reading and the kind words. It means a lot to me. That what I wrote wasn't just wasted time.
4083338 One day!
4083333 Only one, and she wasn't a fan girl because she actually hadn't ever read my writing till the con. Then she read Rarity's Rodeo and things went from there. One other girl talked Horizons with me, but we didn't get to talk long. Apparently she wanted Blackjack to end up with Stygius at the end of the story, and I was horrible for what I did to him.
4083319 Hee! I love that plushie. So angryface!
4083299 You. Got. Me. To. Bronycon! You. Are. AWESOME! AWESOME time infinity times infinite AWESOME. I was wracking my brains trying to figure out how I was going to get there, and you just ask 'how much is it?' There's no words for how amazing you are, man! I want to shake your hand again right now!
4083296 You too Skeeter. Need to talk more next time!
4083259 That would be great! I hope we can BOTH make it.
Hope I didn't miss anyone!
4090399
Oh, thank you, but no worries. Mine was still extremely good, and if it wasn't as good as yours (which I'm not sure about, but it sounds like you had a really, really wonderful time), it also probably wasn't as far above my nominal states. Hence the "relatively" there. Not that I don't hope that next time is that good, of course, so thanks. For my part, may the same be true for you. :)
[hugs back]
I do seem to have dodged con crud, also, so that's nice.
4090399 This must be some dream to not only receive a reply from yourself, but an encouraging/motivational one at that. Somberpony must be under Discord's spell then.
Nice job replying to everyone. Don't worry about me, I ain't jumping ship anytime soon on Project Horizons. I said I would read it ala a promise and it shall be done. Likewise keep up the great work. Chapter 69 is up (yes!) and we are getting ever so close to the finish line on this fimfiction upload. Thank you and to your friends for all the efforts to bring Project Horizons to fimfiction. No doubt being this engrossed in the story I can hardly wait to see what Homelands is all about next.
4090399 I'm happy you liked her! I love her simply for the fact she drew you to me so I could meet you lol
4090399
Oh man, how'd I miss this in my notifs?
We most certainly do! Feel free to poke me any time, yeah? That is if you don't mind a mostly silent guy...
~Skeeter The Lurker
4090399
The outside is always gonna be scary, but you either conquer that fear or let it control you.
I understand the games stuff though. What games do you usually play?
4090399
Exactly, I couldn't agree more. I have some people's numbers and we're all going to meet up next time. Those friendships will last forever, even though they may not be in constant contact. If Wanderer isn't lying, I hope to see you there next year as well!
And I'm going to add on to KMCA's comment, being in an open relationship is wierd, however I've seen it before but it's not common. But I think it's beautiful that two people love each other enough to trust each other to have pleasures with other people and still love the other more than anything at the end of the day. I take inspiration from that a little but I would never cheat on my girlfriend, it's just wonderful to me to see that level of trust.
I hope you're sequel doesn't have as sad as an ending as Horizons though..
4090399 Well said.
Again, I'm glad the Con was fun for you, as was talking to your fans. I hope the next one will be equally fun for you or even better. Like Pinkie Pie Party fun!
Sláinte mhaith!
4090399
Ah, no, i wouldn't even dream of imposing on you so much, sir. i just hope some day maybe things will get better for you.
This is one of the most touching things I've ever read.