Sooo. ECQ&tAE Any positive feedback people? Or any feedback about anything that is not the kelpies? · 6:30am Apr 16th, 2016
I know all the negative feedback I got regarding the kelpies and their eating habits, fair enough, I can see what some people mean even if I disagree, and some comments have given me some stuff to think about... one even made me actually rethink some of the later plot elements, but for the sake of perspective, because I'm getting a lot of negative comments and my rating is somehow positive, does anybody actually like what's going on or is everybody just waiting for the next big reveal? If I'm going to improve, I need to know what's good so I can keep the good going even if I can't remove what some people feel is bad due to the fact I like the direction the story is going, very much and will keep it that way... which i know is going to disappoint some people, but I'm a stubborn person :P
Eg. How do you like the Changeling guards aka Harlequin and Diamondshell?
How do people like Luna, Celestia, Alternia, Chrysalis, the main cast of people?
Are the supporting cast getting enough screentime?
Do you like the OCs I brought in aka Retariusil?
I enjoy most of it.
3873638 OH hai vampdash, thanks for the comment. How you doing?
Also, what do you mean by most of it lol XD
3873642 I'm doing good. I'm about to start a big story involving giant robots, dinosaurs, oni, and Galactus scale mecha.
I meant what I said. I enjoyed where you've been taking the story. I was a bit nervous about the Kelpies but you've been handling them pretty well.
Too many polls. Not enough pony/changeling/kelpies/seaponies.
I'm loving the story and always have been. I reckon the hardcore kelpie haters are an (extremely) vocal minority. I like the idea of a villain who is a villain because their culture and moral reasoning are so divergent as to be anathema to the cultures around them. I like my aliens alien.
I will say that, when I saw the new cover art, I realized that Tethys was actually a sexy sorta-pony-thing and not actually a horrifying mass of pulsing sea monster like I had thought.
Maybe she just needs a genuine hug. I'll be happy to volunteer if she promises to not eat me.
I enjoy it, the only thing I don't like is Harlequin, his crush seems a bit force, like you thought you needed a bit of romance or something. (that and Diamondshell is totally the best changling)
Now that we've had some extremely needed screentime with the Kelpies we've become a bit more comfortable. There are a few good stories involving mindless animals whose sole purpose was to kill, but this fic didn't seem to be outfitted for that kind of plot.
Of course, there hasn't yet truly been very many places to really show off the Kelpies point of view, but the heavy-handed "we can only know what the ponies know" tactic was probably too much and should have revealed sooner IMHO.
I do like the interactions of all the princesses and their supports, seems very reasonable to me for the most part.
personalty i am just less interested about military conflict diplomacy, and political intrigue in the early books was great framed by really good characters. the new characters are still good but have not had as much time to really develop. tldr version less fighting more talking.
still b+
I like the story. Though I sorta get a little bored at the military talk and the deployment things, everything still has my complete attention.
Still enjoying the story not particularly bothered by the kelpies.
I really like the story. All the characters are interesting, and I loved the chapter that was in the kelpies' perspective. I'm also not bothered by the fact that they need to eat sapient beings to survive, and think that's really interesting.
Honestly, I can't really find anything to complain about so it's really all positive from my end.
I really love the way you portray the Royal Equestrian Navy, as well as the Gryphon Navy, with ships based off of real life ships I can go and look at (And some I can even play in games like World of Warships), as well as all the old naval tactics and ways of communicating.
Ontop of that, I've enjoyed the way you've protrayed the characters. It's a real thought provoking idea to have a Celestia that is both unsure of herself, and sure of herself, at the same time because she is just like Luna and now basically displaced from the time period she knew. More so for the fact that the only pony (Or changeling) who really does know what's going on, is also unsure of herself because now she no longer has a mask to wear from which she can hide behind.
And then there is Chrysilis. I swear, I've never read a story with her portrayed as a victim (The first story) and then continued to be a good person (or pony) right into the next story. It's refreshing, and I really enjoy the way you write her! It's given me some ideas of my own (Which i can't really use at the moment in my own writing), on just how she acts, as well as the whole structure of how the Changelings work and their culture.
I also love the political turmoil, and the civil unrest you've shown. It really adds a level of depth and credibility to the story when you see the world reacting to all of the stuff that takes place. Ponies are scared because all they know is that a race of sea creatures are attacking their ports for reasons they don't understand, and that this race of sea creatures might also happen to eat sentient creatures like for instance Equestrian Ponies!
And the fact that it's actually true makes it even better! You don't apologize for the fact that they do actually eat sentient creatures, it's just a part of their culture and they'r going to stick to it! I've really loved how you've written them, and hope that the people who are yelling at you for them stop, because it's a brilliant idea and a well thought out culture.
Anyway, one author to another: Keep up the good work!
~Sylvian
3873708
You take that back, filthy lying scumrag! Just kidding on the scumrag bit, but Altequin is the best ship in the sea!
3873645 Thanks :D It makes me feel far more confident to hear you say that.
3873660 Working on it!
3873684 EXACTLY what I and my editor were going for. Thanks!
3873695 She's supposed to be a villain... that has reasonable motivations. Contrary to the interests of everybody else, but certainly reasonable from her perspective. I'm giving more detail about how the whole eat sapient stuff in a chapter or two so yeah, more to come.
3873708 3875775 Bugger, I always intended Alterniaquin to take a backseat in the story and I intend to keep it that way, though I am writing certian things to set their relationship up for the future. She's not focusing on romance right now, she's got a crisis to solve and I really didn't want to detract the focus on the crisis, sooo any details on how it seemed forced?
But as to why I am trying to set certain parts of their relationship up was because I NEEDED to set it up for future stories if I am going to make any, and because Harlequin does have a crush on Alternia as part of his character, and while Alternia is not interested in romance at this point, she is flattered. She's not a virgin by any means, but she has never been courted without a literal mask on. Moreover, in changeling terms, she IS a virgin b/c she hasn't actually done it without her disguise on.
Now, one reason I think some of Harlequin and Alternia's interactions may feel forced is because I didn't quite figure out a way to flesh Harlequin out a bit more and make him... more interesting or as interesting and intriguing as Diamondshell and Buzz. Problem was that he was never intended to be a really out-there character like Diamondshell and Buzz. Harlequin is a stalwart, perhaps a bit fidgety, but well-meaning almost Shining Armor type of dude. He's the straight man to Diamondshell's angsty-tsundere girl and Buzz's outrageous guy. Reason being was that I was thinking for the future. Alternia's had a complicated life, and her personality is the type that thrives on making people happy, but also stressing herself out (i've actually done a Myers-Briggs personality test to figure out her type... and she appears to be ESFJ). Someone who would complement her and actually work as a mate/partner would probably be someone who offers her constant encouragement, and loyalty, but also advice when necessary, aka Harlequin. Unfortunately writing such a character was a bit... difficult especially in trying to make his unique traits stand out.
3873709 Yeah... perhaps it was a bit heavy-handed, but I wanted to actually reveal them from alternia's perspective, try to show how she sees it, rather than put too much focus on the kelpies, but it seemed to have backfired a bit earlier XD. Thanks. I'm glad you like the rest of the stuff though.
3873740 The sequel to this will highly likely return to the SoL formula XD.
3873832 XD pardon me for that, I was trying to indulge myself
3873852 Thanks!
3873963 Phew! At least you're one of the few who do like them XD
3874135 That review is very detailed and I'm very glad you noticed the thought I (and Zervziel) placed into Celestia, the civil unrest and all those other facets you mentioned. It makes me feel very happy that someone noticed XD
3875825 As long as hes more fleshed out I'm happy, cause at the moment all I can only see him as a yesman "trying" to roleplay a knight.
3875825 I have no problem with them, but I'm only in middle school. I don't understand all this military speak... It confuses me.
3875825
You're welcome! Sometimes, the smaller details are what make or break a good story, and you and Zervziel seem to have done the small details right.
I look forward to the next update (And consequently the next excuse to just read a story chapter and not work on my own stuff, much to the annoyance of my own editor).
Till then, keep up the good work!
~Sylvian
Like 3873684, I think the kelpie-haters are in about the same category as the drive-by downvoters – on the plus side, they at least leave comments to explain themselves; on the negative, they leave comments and have just as little intention of changing their minds. Ignoring way some people prefer to keep the tone of stories matching the tone of the show and acknowledging the fact that I do have a few problems of my own with the kelpies, ECQatAE seems to be generally well-written and well-developed.
The triarchy are all very nicely characterized: your Luna has a great balance of the youth and slight naïveté of being the younger sister and having just come back, and the competency from both her rule before NMM and her growing familiarity with the new world since her return; Celestia (minus some slight memory issues) was clearly a very competent ruler in the political situation a millennia ago, and it's really nice seeing how things have changed since then through her; Alternia is as amazing as she's always been in her interactions with both her subjects and her political equals. You've definitely hit a good balance in terms of character screentime, with the world still feeling vibrant and alive with minor characters but the focus never feeling too loose or unconnected from Alternia and the others. Even the kelpies – from a worldbuilding perspective, at the very least – seem like an intriguing, strength- and honor-based culture with an emphasis on memory and history, and contrary to the complaints, in my mind their diet has actually brought up some interesting parallels to that of the changelings (maybe not in your universe, but in general and especially in the darker ones) that I want to see explored – what if that is the best metaphor for how the changelings feed, and would it be possible to still have them be a sympathetic race if that were the case?
The main thing I have a problem with is the same that I had with the first story. Yeah, we're currently in a state of war, and even afterward there's going to be some problems with how to manage the kelpies' predation (which is not cannibalism for as long as they eat seaponies or changelings rather than themselves [/rant]) but once the main conflict is worked out, it feels like everyone's going to more or less get along minus that small tension. It might not be quite as obvious or distracting as "everypony not in Equestria First forgives Alternia very quickly" but it's difficult to maintain the tension when a calm, honest discussion (or a change in leadership) seems like all that would be needed to repair the relationship. That does make a bit more sense now that I've read your post on the influence of religion, but even for ponies and even with that framing, that simple a resolution to either of the main conflicts in the stories isn't hugely satisfying.
Even so, if I look at the characters as being the primary focus of Abyssal Empress and the conflicts being more a setting to show them off, it's definitely a enjoyable story; even your minor characters are really fun to read. I should probably describe that a bit more, but look back at the second paragraph, and basically, they all feel real and generally well-rounded. There are a couple blatant fourth-wall references that felt a bit too heavy-handed, but I'm generally biased against that to begin with and they were definitely in the minority. I will say that I didn't have any problem with Harlequin's crush or Alternia's response to it.
3876582
I don't see how you could call that a small tension; it's a really interesting ethical dilemma, one we haven't really had to face yet in reality. Although the ponies probably have. We've been the alpha predator on every major landmass for the last 10,000 years. We're also the only sapience on the planet.
In broad strokes, the history of ethics has been to include more and more of the population in the group 'people' that we deem worthy of the same ethical considerations as ourselves. We've gotten to the point where most people will at least say that all humans belong in the category 'people'. Thus, when we talk about other hypothetical sapients, it's easy to call them people as well. But what do we do when an alien sapient predates us? For the last 10,000 years, whenever something tried to predate us we would just predate them right the hell back. But those critters weren't 'people'.¹
So, here we have a sapient race that by nature must prey upon 'us' (or rather, our equine 'us' substitutes). Are we ethically required to accept predation to prevent the genocide of another sapient race? Does their predatory nature make them automatically 'not people' regardless of their sapience? I don't see an easy, obvious answer to these questions, and that's what I find really interesting.
¹. Well, we hope they weren't. Something happened to all of the other hominin species, but you can't prove it was us. We homo sapiens were on the other side of town doing a thing. Ask the orangutans, they'll back us up. If they know what's good for them.
3877063 Yeah, I have a habit of expressing sarcasm via understatement. That obviously doesn't come across too well in writing so I try to avoid it, but there's still times like this where it slips out.
I'm also probably influenced in this by my belief that we aren't the only sapience here – that there's much less separating us from other animals than we like to think. We have certainly become the alpha predator, but I'd argue that unless our entire species becomes vegitarian (and I also see that as problematically setting ourselves up as even more superior than the rest of the world – as you said, difficult questions) we can't morally complain too hard about something that finds us prey in turn. It would be more obviously wrong if they treated us like we treat our prey these days, but that's something we need to work on anyway.
On top of that, ponies are inherently not going going to be Equestria's alpha predators; they certainly seem to have risen to a place where very little's going to try to eat them now (with some wiggle room depending on your headcanon) but their history and the cultural values derived from that are going to be be different. That's definitely an excuse and I'm not sure whether a arcano-technologically superior herbivorous species would be more or less understanding of predators, but there's enough going on that we can't simply transplant our own culture.