In Need of Feedback · 11:59pm Mar 6th, 2015
Edit: This blog is now irrelevant. Details on what's going to happen to the story can be found Here.
Basically, I'm really losing the motivation for this story.
I've been losing motivation for well over a month mostly because I'm just not satisfied with how it's going. I always feel awkward when I write the scenes because I'm just not satisfied with how they're turning out. They feel... stale. Now, I could keep going right now, but I just don't know how long I can do that before I call it quits and send it into "On Hiatus" limbo. I can't quite place down why I'm unhappy with it, but it just feels like a load of wasted potential. Then I got one comment that effectively shitted all over the work.
Before I go on, let me just say that if you know what I'm talking about, then do not go bothering the person who wrote it. It's just their personal list of complaints opinions.
Anyway, that comment really got to me, and it still does now. I'm normally a pro at passing off criticism, but this bit at me a lot because this story means more to me, and I hate seeing it get attacked (I'm writing it for myself just as much as for everyone else). Naturally, that made me question why I'm writing this anymore. Although I disagreed with most of their points, there were two that stood out, and that's where I need some feedback from you all.
First of all, the ever-famous pacing. Yes, the story is slower than molasses. Why? Because that's the style I wanted to write it in. I was recently reading a very slow and detailed classic novel when I first started writing Years, and that's what got me inspired. Here's my spiel on the subject (copy and pasted from where I originally posted it):
No one seems to understand the importance of minute details anymore or what they mean unless it's completely spelled out for them. For example, everyone dislikes The Scarlet Letter because practically nothing happens in each chapter, and it's so extremely detailed. But if you look at it from a writer's standpoint, it's a beautiful novel with so many meanings to each scene. I'm not saying my story is anywhere close to that novel, but you have to ask yourself: why did I write a chapter where Applejack wakes up, eats breakfast, and walks outside? Why did I describe each of the rooms upstairs? Why did I describe the village as I did? I'm certainly not writing to see how well I can bore the reader.
But what do you guys think? I'm okay with speeding up the pace... again. A lot of people want to see that, but I just want to hear some final thoughts.
The other point is about the three OCs that revived Applejack. Main issue: do you care about them? I know it's obvious that people are going to want to see Applejack's story more, but what I want to write is their story as a sub plot. Heck, I originally considered having the entire story from their perspective instead, but I decided against it to make the story more reader-friendly. Are they likable? Are they worth caring for? What do you think of them? I care about them, but I'm worried their just boring flat characters being forced to tag along to you all.
To be honest, I'm putting real consideration into just scrapping what I have so far and starting over. Even if you all want things to stay the same, I'm not sure that I want that since, as I said, I'm not satisfied with how the story's currently coming along. Not much would change except that Rhapsody and Apache would be scrapped from the story (events pertaining to them would obviously have to be revised), and that the pace would be sped up. Those are the only major differences, and I imagine that much of the text from the current chapters would be copy and pasted to make up the new ones, so it's not too big of a revision.
On a side note, if I did do this, Skylight and the two scrapped characters would eventually be in their own OC story. I've been wanting to write that, but Years was putting it on hold.
What are your thoughts?
I dunno. I liked your detail, but sometimes it did feel like it was dragging pacewise.
But PLEASE don't abandon the story! :(:(
So many good stories on this site never get finished. I swear I'm going to go insane from OCD because all of these stories floating in my head never get finished.
Ive really been enjoying the story. I'd hate to see it get sped up to much, but I'd really hate to see it scrapped.
TL;DR: keep doing what you were doing.
Pacing? Well, some stories work best with fast pacing, and some are better slow-paced. IMO this is one of the latter - you can't rush the process of having a character discover they've been a statue for the equivalent of their normal lifespan. It's all the little details that really immerse the reader. (Shameless plug: There's a story I really like called Onto the Pony Planet that pulls off slow, detailed pacing perfectly.)
OCs? The problem with OCs is they're usually either gratuitous or Mary Sues. Years' OC cast are, in general, neither. There aren't a lot of existing characters you can utilise after eighty years without serious handwaving, and well-written OCs really aren't that bad. Really. They aren't. Keep 'em, I say.
I like the story as is the paceing is slow but that hasn't been a problem with me it s a story I keep checking for new chapters on but really if you not happy with it rewrite if ya want im still gonna read it. oc wise I have like the characters and have been noteing their tick and personalities as they go. whatever you decide to do though ill read it.
Honestly, I don't care at all about the OCs, and as for the pacing, I wouldn't mind how slow it is if we actually got some kind of detail, cause that's not whats going on. We get a lot of Applejack being sad, some boring conversation between the OCs, and nothing's happened. Maybe if it were about how Equestria's changed since Applejack was gone or something it would be more interesting, but so far, none of the differences have been expounded upon or really even touched on much.
You can keep the pacing as slow as you want, but if you do, actually adding detail about the world and characters / you know, making the OCs interesting would be much appreciated.
DON'T QUIT THE STORY! IT'S AWESOME AND PEOPLE KNOW IT! IF YOU CHANGE ANYTHING I WILL DIE!
that is my simple response that should mean a lot to you.
your welcome
So, realizing that I had no idea I would be commenting on, I started reading. I thought the pacing actually felt rather fast through chapter two. True, there isn't a lot that 'happens,' but there is a lot that happens. Erm... that didn't make sense. Hold on.
So, slow pacing is about a balance between narrative and 'action'. Narrative is where the pacing slows to describe something. It's the part of the story where nothing much 'happens'. It's where the reader becomes immersed in the surroundings to the point they should be able to smell it, feel it.
Action is the following things:
Characters doing things.
Characters saying things. (which is also doing something)
There is a lot of action in this story up through about halfway through chapter two. Take a look at your more recent story "It's Only Anatomy". The pacing throughout that story felt good for what it was doing. Description was decently rich without hanging around too much, mixed in with enough Action to keep things flowing smoothly.
In this story, so far, there has been an awful lot of action, and not much space taken up by narrative--and I've just been informed my vocabulary is odd. Hum. So Narrative=non-Action in my lingua franca. I'm not sure what you call it.
Anywho, moving on. Action flows quickly. It's there, done, and moves on. There is a lot of action - including thinking (an action) going on. I'm not saying you should drop everything else and focus on description, but mix it in more thoroughly. Slow it down. Adding in description to offset the action will go a long way towards adding a few things to the scenes that I think may be what you feel is lacking.
This will slow down your pacing. A room, a pony, a thought, or a feeling described will add weight to everything connected to it. Don't be afraid to put descriptions in the middle of dialogue. Instead of saying "she paused" put a description, or a thought, a reason why she paused. If it is the main character pausing, then thought, if it's another character pausing, uh... 'she paused' is okay, but add a little description. Is she fidgeting? Is she looking away? Is she trying to smile? Frown? What?
This is probably best described thus: words are time passing. The greater the length of the pause between dialogue to dialogue, or action to action, the more time has passed. Even inserting something like "In the silence, all she could hear was the slow ticking of a clock, meticulously measuring tension she could feel building up in the air. Building up towards what, she could only wait to find out." That is time that has passed for the reader and the character, in absolute terms for both.
Also... sorry for the rambly, off-the-cuff commentary. They're fresh thoughts from freshly reading up through chapter two.
Well, luckily for you, I happen to have this on my read later, dear eLLen. If you've seen me floating around on the site at all, you'll know that you can expect some pretty good feedback. Er, when I get there.
The "Rip Van Winkle" type story is one I gravitate to; in fact, I even started my own last year, but I realised that its prequels require a thorough rewrite, and so it lingers on hiatus.
Still, if you decide between now and me getting to it to scrap it/start over, I won't hold it against you. Your story, after all.
I have scribbled a lot of stuff (none published) and I find that if I start loosing the story, my best goal is to 'semi-re-write it', that is, start writing it over, in my head or another note pad, keeping the original intact. Sometimes the re-write finds another way to carry the story, or bridge a gap. Don't erase what you've written so far here, just grab a pencil, a pad, and start over, as an exercise. You might find out what's troubling you.
I know the comment you're referring to and unfortunately, I did agree with it. To be honest, I am only reading the story because I'm intrigued by the idea of Applejack trying to pick up her life again after a tragic event. Anything in the story that's not about that is just a distraction.
I don't really care about the OCs at all. That's not because they're badly written; it's just that I don't know them and nothing is at stake with them; they're already living their own comfortable lives and any problems they have pale in comparison to Applejack's. They simply aren't the focus of the story no matter how much you may want them to be.
I don't mean to belittle your writing; I think you're a great writer and you should definitely keep at it. I'd still love to see more of this story. But I do think my expectations differ from yours, and maybe that's the case with others of your readers too.
In my personal opinion, I'd say keep the story's pace as it is, nice, slow and detailed, but keep the ocs to a minimum. They aren't bad, but they should be kept in the background, like how in romance stories between 2 of the mane six, the other 4 are kept there as friends, but hardly the center of attention. Like you said in your post, people clicked on the story because your concept is really really interesting. It's fresh and new and well written. Pretty much any oc you put in there is not going to be as interesting as that storyline, and they shouldn't fight for that spotlight.
Sorry to hear you're thinking of dropping this. I really like the idea, but I can certainly understand some of what has been said about it. I'll be honest about my feelings for it, though maybe a bit blunt.
Your OCs are, to put it directly, not a terribly compelling lot. My problem with them is that they haven't done all that much of consequence, outside of dragging AJ in from the swamp. Apache is the weakest by far, and could be substituted by Skylight or Rhapsody in almost all instances. He's just so... superfluous. He couldn't even act as an exposition dump for local history, to catch AJ and the reader up on the setting. Rhapsody is a little more useful, but he's not in the story all that much. I haven't been able to divine any purpose to them narrative wise, aside from unearthing Applejack. Given AJ's importance and, really, what happens with Luna in chapter 6, they could very easily be dropped from the story entirely at this point with a simple relocation of AJ to, say Canterlot, and they'd have served almost no narrative impact despite close to 20K words spent on them. For me, I haven't been given a compelling enough reason to want to keep those ponies around.
As to the pacing, well, the Monty Python comment I posted back on chapter 4 still sums up my feelings. The last chapter I thought was better, as it felt like we'd (finally) gotten through the buildup stage and achieved some forward narrative momentum, that we could finally get AJ out of the house and exploring the world. At this point, the world is the most interesting part of your story and we haven't been given a lot of it. We've seen hints and glimpses of how it's changed and how some of it has remained the same, but not nearly enough. Given AJ's condition, that's understandable. But you can't keep that going much longer, else your readers may / will get board. Since you're posting this whole thing as it's written, the reader has no option to skip ahead in your narrative when they think it bogs down. It's like trench warfare (blame me watching the Youtube channel The Great War of late); it takes weeks of waiting, and the gains are only maybe a few yards for each chapter. That can be terribly frustrating for a reader, especially since you're playing against the instant-gratification mindset that pervades the internet in many cases.
As for fixing this... well, that comes down to several things. I think you need to stop letting them linger and addressing the obvious questions first, starting with who else is still there? Go over what we're expecting, get that itch scratched, unless it is absolutely paramount to the overall story. Once that has been settled, I think readers will be more open to the story going in new directions, with figuring out how AJ is going to deal with all this. Next thing you'll need to address is giving your characters better reasons for being. Why are they there, what purpose do they serve. Taking up space is never a good thing; if I'm stuck with someone for 7-8K words, I want to know why (and ideally find them interesting enough to say there).
There are a couple of stories I track that have a problem with faffing about, this and A Little Loopy being the two most notorious in my mind. They're kind of like the Wheel of Time series, specially the latter books; great swaths of narration, where almost nothing of importance happens. (Though unlike Jordan, you don't have the personal advantage of getting paid by the book.) You mention in your post here The Scarlet Letter, how most view it as a terribly tedious and boring story, but how it's really layered with meaning in all the minutiae it focuses on. Ask yourself how much of that meaning can be gleaned on the first read-through, when the reader is still trying to understand the story and where it's going, and how much is gained once they've gone back to look at it again, once they're familiar with the path and can properly stop to take in all the small details along the way. We can't do that here, because our path is only as long as you've posted.
We're all anxious to go, and it feels like we're the ones stuck in stone. Let's pick up the pace a little, and get some good company for the journey. Those are my thoughts.
2855789 I pretty much agree with this guy. It shouldn't take so long to see some pony we know meet Aj. My other complaint is the town. You really don't need it and it makes no sense to have one so close to Ponyville. If you keep the OC's then have them live in Ponyville. I'd say keep the OC's till Luna shows up then have them fade, showing up only occasionally. Still a bit bummed you killed Twilight but having Luna be the primary help is an awesome choice. Figure out where you want the story to go, the major arcs, then work towards that. THis story does have very great potential so even if it means doing a rewrite, do it. Don't fully quit on this story.
I don't know what to say about the OCs as I don't really have an opinion about them. Getting to know them better might change this but then again as they are I doubt I would miss them if they just faded away.
The pacing on the other hand. Please don't make it any faster. Healing process after what AJ went through is slow and takes a long time but the early stages matter so much that speeding over them would just take away all the impact of the tragedy. The last thing this story needs is to devolve into a generic random action story. Far too many slice-of-life stories suffer that fate and I at least lose all interest in the story at that point.
That said I actually like what you have so far. You don't just skip over AJs pain but at east try to show it. If something I would like to see inside her thoughts a bit more.
People who feel that a story is too slow Apparently don't really understand how to a actually read. I read to allow myself to get more involved with the story. If the pacing is too slow, then I will stop reading it due to being too boring. yet, if the pacing is too fast then I'll stop reading because there's far too much that can be said that isn't.
I'll start with the pacing issue, obviously...
The pacing you have is perfect, or damn well near it, anyway. A story like this (something bad happens and traumatized a character so now they have to work at get to.g their life back together) absolutely has to be taken slow. Details of their daily life has to be near excessive. Comparing these two examples:
Applejack is eating eggs and hash browns with some other vegetables, brought to her by one of the three roommates that have given her their home. this somehow this reminds her of her old life, sitting down and enjoying breakfast with her family prior to a hard day's work of applebucking and haggling with customers. The memories involved caused her to roughly push her plate forward and cry into her forelegs.... (Etc)
Vs.
After a morning Of uneaten breakfast and lots of crying, Applejack...(etc)
There is absolutely no development, no knowledge of her healing and getting passed what happened to her.
Keep the pacing, it's as it should be.
Taking the same example, let's add the roommates to the equation and say they came to comfort her. One is obviously becoming infatuated with her, which adds depth to the story. One is a mare, just like Applejack, which could provide more comfort to her because she's a mare. The last, though I'll admit I am having a hard time reremembering whose who in this story, can at least provide some sort of comfort.
The roommates, in my perspective, are important simply because they took her in, got a hold of the princess and proved it was her.
I may not be making arguments that make enough sense, but if you change any of this, then I'll lose interest in the story. (I also don't like having anything on hiatus on my list, got too many already.)
Also, for the roommates, they have to be developed. Anybody who comes in, especially this eearly downing them for such a reason, shouldn't be taken seriously.
Even the most boring characters have personalities.
I honestly don't mind a slower pace. I think it's good for establishing characters. My concern with slower pace and more chapters is that it means if the person gets tired of writing the story, it's a lot of time invested for an incomplete story. By all means, if you want to keep the pace slow to maintain your passion for the story, then by all means, go with what you think is best.
As for the story itself, I think the reason the pacing didn't work for a lot of people is that it's an established character with deeply entrenched fan interest interacting with otherwise unknown Original Characters. One reason why slower pace can work in novels is that people go in blind so any new information is welcome. In your case, AJ being turned to stone and sent to the future is the only emotional grasping point. So while I like reading about the new characters and seeing your story play out as you wanted it to, many readers want to get back into familiar territory because they aren't as emotionally invested in the OCs.
For the record, I have no idea if this is the case, but it seems like that would be the core reason why pacing would frustrate some readers. I know, for me, when I read "Letters from a Friend at the End of the World," I found myself frustrated about 20 chapters in. The premise (Trixie has been sending letters to Twilight about her travels and are only getting to her one year later) was pretty straightforward, but the story kept taking detours that, while interesting, delayed the scene of Twi and Trix meeting. Additionally, the letters were only being read as Twilight passed through a town without a good explanation as to why. It felt like the story was intentionally withholding information and dragging its feet to tell miniscule details with minor characters. (Oh and unsurprisingly, the story has hit a delay 41 chapters in with Twi and Trix still nowhere near each other.)
I went on that little rant to make the point that when a premise features a prominent character and feels straightforward, the writer has to either get to the point quickly or delay the character's entrance to the plot until all the major players have been established and given the audience a chance to get invested in them. I actually think you could have delayed AJ's introduction longer, or at the very least opened with her being turned to stone and then spend a few chapters establishing the supporting cast.
I honestly think your pace and characters are great where they are and would love to see more. Speaking as a reader as to what I would like to see (and what might hype your readers back up), my suggestion would be to do a short (maybe 3-5 chapter) story that would serve as "the lost opening chapters." Take the readers through a normal day in the OC trio's lives and let them see how they were when AJ wasn't in the picture, and then use AJ as a bookend. Her being set in stone could be the opening scene and Starlight walking through the Everfree right before finding her could close the mini-story. Going back to the beginning might be a tad tedious, but it would solve the issue I think is bothering some readers (i.e. wanting to get back to the character in which they have investment) and allow you time to plan the release time of the story's biggest moments going forward.
Sorry if this sounded rambling, but since you requested reader feedback (and I really want to see the direction you're taking this story) I wanted to offer my thoughts. Hope I was able to help
Been mulling over your questions for a bit and thought I'd throw in my 2 bits (which is probably worth even less!) First I want to say that I really don't have many criticisms of the story. Overall I'm enjoying it quite a bit and really want to see it continue.
I think first and foremost is that YOU are happy with the story. Now that can mean different things to different authors. Does that mean you like what you wrote and it tells the story you want to tell, even if readers aren't that happy with it? Or does it mean you only like your story if readers like it? Or something else? Basically does the story meet your goal in writing it? Only you can decide that.
I'm OK with the pacing. It does feel frustrating at times, but oddly I find that works in the story's favor. AJ is frustrated, her recovery is slow. The pacing helps identify with that. But I think the slowness is magnified by the release format. In the case of a book, even with slow pacing, you can continue reading at your leisure until you reach the end. With a chapter coming out only every few days or weeks it makes it feel that much slower. That's not to say you have to crank it up and spit out chapters as fast as possible - don't want quality to suffer. That's more a comment to other readers that they may enjoy it more to wait until the story's complete and the read it straight thru - it may not feel as slow.
As for the OCs, as others have mentioned this type of story requires them - there just isn't that much familiar cast left. Unless you want to hole up AJ with Luna and Celestia in the castle for the rest of the story. I like the characters in general. However I'm not terribly into their backstories so far. Maybe you're setting up something with a later payoff, but it feels a little like filler right now.
My biggest complaint has to do with the excessive ignorance of the characters.
With it only being 70 years or so, it's just hard to buy how little these ponies know of their own history. Given everything the elements did, I would expect almost everypony in Equestria to have at least heard of them. It's like living in the US and not even recognizing the names of George Washington or Abraham Lincoln. Also AJ's reluctance to ask questions just feels off. 
I know she's very pragmatic and thinks she knows the likely answers to some of them, but it seems she'd realize that after "only" 70 years Apple Bloom at least could still be around. Given how long Granny Smith lived it wouldn't really be that unusual for several of her friends to still be around, maybe in their 90s. Even if she can't get an answer right away it seems she'd ask. This was also a huge gripe I had with "Lost" - they'd ask weird questions but never the obvious ones. Now that I think about it, that may be contributing to the pacing complaints. AJ's recovery and reassimilation back into modern Equestria should be paced slowly, but it shouldn't take so long for her to find out basic info about the last 70 years.
Please do continue the story. Even with the points I mentioned I've really enjoyed it so far and I'm looking forward to seeing what you have planned for my favorite pony!
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Two points to make on the 'knowing your own history' thing.
Not very many people in real life know our world's history at all. If I were to ask a random person who Alexander the great was taught by, the chances are extremely high that they would not know. Both people involved in the question are very well known people throughout history. He'll, I didn't even know what caused world war one til somewhat recently, and I still can't find a legitimate answer to it.
Also, if you look at how other characters interact around the elements of harmony, in the show, they act as if they couldn't care less of who they are. It's as if they hadn't even heard of them in the first place.
2857617 That's pretty much been my thought process. It's surprising how many important people in history aren't known about, especially if they're fairly recent.
Hey it's your baby. You do what you need to to feed it and let it grow.
2857617
Asking the average American "Who was the teacher of Alexander of Macedonia?" is like asking a pony "Who was the pony who befriended Scorpan?" It's not analogous to AJ's situation.
AJ is an Equestrian national icon from 70 years ago; a closer analogy would be "Who is Martin Luther King?" I can answer you without thinking, but if I saw his double walking down the street I'd probably completely miss the guy.
Ok I'm throwing in on this one too. I can understand about pacing, hell I'm the worlds worst for letting my chapters hit 5K+ words simply because I don't know when to quit so I feel for you there about what you believe is your pacing. All I can say to that is Buck'em. Pace YOUR story at YOUR pace. You want to go slowly and flesh out everything good for you and more power to you. If you got haters then you are doing something right.
Why do I say that? Check out my story Equestria Under Siege, even if you don't read it (I would be honored if you did) take a gander at the like/dislikes. you will see that bar is mostly red. Everytime I see it I giggle like a mad pony to the point those around me start to look at me funny. Why? Because I know I'm doing something right. Maybe its the plot (Mind out of the gutters you guys), maybe it is the world setting, maybe its just the details I put in but I have found over the years that those that hate real quick with out saying anything are generally jealous of the job you did. So if you see the down votes and wonder what's up, just smile and know you are doing something right. Don't get me wrong I would love to see more green on my bar that red but no matter what I see I know I'm doing something right.
OF course that being said someone who does take the time to write out a well written post about what you can do to fix problems, take a look and see what you can do. if they take the effort its worth to listen.
The story you wrote is slow, I sure as hell don't fault you for that. But that is no reason to give up on it. I do want to see what happens to Applejack and where it is all going. The idea is unique enough I do want to read more so don't give up on it yet. Give it a few more chapters before you do.
YOu said that some scenes feel stale? I'll tell you a trick I use to find stale points in dialog, scenes without dialog I just wing it. But for interactions between characters is simple. Speak it out loud. Listen to the flow as you speak. If you can match a character's pacing of the words (Dialect not required to be matched) bounce it back and forth out loud where you can hear it. If you can't do both parts (or more if more than one characters is speaking) get someone you trust to read the other lines. Keep playing with it until you like how it sounds. Its what I do and yes I have gotten some funny looks from my family when they looked in on me wondering who I was talking to.
Don't drop those two OCs, they give great foils to Skylight, she needs them to keep grounded. Other wise you got a winged Pinkie Pie. Applejack can also bond with Apache, his stoic style is something that Applejack's personally can get along with. For a farm pony like her who sees one's actions speaks for the pony not their words, Apache's hard working yet quiet style means there someone right there for her to interact with.
Anyway that's my two bits, yes I know I need change but you can keep it and I hope this helps. Good luck.
2857617
2858092
Actually, an absolutely perfect analogy would be asking people "Who is Amelia Earhart?"
Sure, she disappeared in 1937, but was famous and well known enough at that time that her place in popular culture, and eventually American history, was solidified.
We have the same thing here; a well know (depending on pony pop culture) national hero vanishes under mysterious circumstances. You can be that Twilight would have used her influence to raise awareness of AJ in the public consciousness (if she wasn't there already) to the point where she would not have been forgotten, even if it was 70 years later.
At least that's my take on it.
2858092
Actually, his teacher is important to America, though it may not be directly. This is the case because aristotle was taught by Plato, who was heavily influenced by Socrates. Plato was important in this because of his ideas towards democracy, which we have (somewhat) rectified to make better, and Socrates because he opened up a new way of really questioning.
Western philosophy is important to the founding of America.
2860342
Though I wouldn't have recalled the name upon being questioned her name, I do know who she is by hearing, or reading in this case, the name. That is actually the best way to go about this in order to be relevant. Now, one has to wonder, how she'd react if she was suddenly found alive and well.
2858092
My issue regarding this involves the apparent lack of knowledge of the elements as a whole. It's relevant enough.
2860461
Yeah... no. Maybe you're taking Philosophy as your major, or something. But Aristotle, Plato, and Socrates are not in any way important to the average American.
Don't get me wrong, I know who they are. Roughly. But I wouldn't be able to tell you much about what each specifically taught. And I'm a well-informed layman.
Amelia Earheart sounds about right.
2862069
I'm not majoring in philosophy, and I know little of the history. I do know that western philosophy is important to America, though not directly considering so much has happen since then as far as events are concerned.
Amilia is relevant to the story, my two examples are, in my opinion, relevant to my argument. Take it or leave it.
Aside from the rather interesting developments involving all three OC's ((and yes I'm ignoring every comment up to this point because I hate reading non-relevant walls of text)) I think they do need a TOUCH more fleshing out as does why the Buck a town developed in the middle of the Everfree ((if it hasn't already been covered I need to reread I missed a lot I know I did))
)) for possible ideas
and then there need to be more world-building I can never get enough World-Building ...but I digress slightly I feel you are doing fine with the story you picked one of the harder things to do while writing... established Characters and advancing the Age of the world...manipulating time is one of the hardest things to do in a literary setting because of the whole "what happened when?" did the race develop space flight or not ect ect but What I must say is ask your fans((like me