Dear Lord... · 8:20pm Feb 19th, 2014
I think you all may have noticed it by now. In the feature box, new stories box, and even the popular box. Stories about people who wear masks, costumes, costly, whatever, end up in Equestria, and get said powers. Now, I am generally a supporter of HiE's. I know a big percentage of people on this site don't like them, hate them, and are filled with utter disdain for when they read one. And after reading a few of these stories… I can see why.
Now, if you didn't already know this, these stories were inspired by Malideus (no link because it's mature and shitty), which I can only describe as… bad. It's a bad story. Awful grammar, sentence structure, spelling, the technically list goes on and on. And as for the main character, he is your typical douchebag author self-insert. Now, this could have been changed later on in the story to actually make us care for the main character in some shape or form. But nope, he's still the cringeworthy asshat that gets absolutely no sympathy from the readers. I won't even go into detail about the sex scenes because I don't want to induce vomit from anyone reading this blog. For Christ's sake, it isn't even related to MLP anymore in later chapters. Like, seriously, it doesn't have MP characters, or anything remotely related to MLP at all anymore. It's original fiction by now (horrible original fiction, mind you)!
Now, this incredibly shitty story has spawned offan entire goddamn, loosely tied together universe! The only connection these stories have to one another is that they all have humans getting powers, then becoming villains. That's it.
I usually don't do rants, and heaven knows I didn't do one for the Your Human and You verse (don't read that either, it's shit), but come on everyone! Be original! And by original, I mean don't do an HiE story where the human gets powers from what they're wearing. Do… do something, I dunno. Magic and some shit. Anything, absolutely anything other than some universe spawned off one of the worst written stories I've seen on the site. The Winningverse, even with all its problems, is actually close enough to MLP for me to somewhat enjoy and usually MUCH better written than all these stories from this verse. If you're going to shit out a story of this type of low quality, at least edit it first, please.
Basically, the moral of the blog is this. Don't hop on this verse. Please don't, don't do it from a story as badly written as Malideus. Do a Halo crossover, for that is MUCH more original than any of this stuff. In the meantime, I'm gonna parody the shit outta this verse. Because in the end, that's the only thing I can do.
Also, I suppose RealityCheck's The Rise of Darth Vulcan story is a pretty good example of a parody story from this verse, so I give him props for that.
God, rant blogs are so annoying, aren't they?
Don't Worry dude! I steer clear of shit by instinct!
Oh, now I'm really gonna write a fic for this 'verse.
1853375
NOOOOOO YOU ARE TOO YOUNG!
1853372
Then what are you doing here?
1853379 I had just realized I could have used that as a jab against you...
Nah, you're cool. Also, your shit doesn't stink.
I'm meeting you halfway, you beatniks!
blastr.com/sites/blastr/files/styles/media_gallery_image/public/images/nixon-futurama.jpg?itok=fKWki4tv
Well, in the end it all comes down to execution, doesn't it?
It is pretty inarguably true that a lot of these fics have bare-boned writing. The genre, I'd say, started with Villainous, which was, eh, appealing, but very, very barren in its narrative. Then came Malideus, which became popular, but has proven itself to be rather awful in terms of, well, everything.
- Author of Malideus, Uberdeathninja
Unfortunately, I simply adore this sort of genre. Nothing is better than the Fall, after all, and if the Fall can be done convincingly, it's simply magnificent. Unfortunately, there's not much of a Fall of Humanity in any of them, nor are they particularly villainous or particularly compellingly written (Which, I'm afraid, is an opinion I hold of most of Jimmy the Grape's villainous writing, unfortunately). I dread the thought that it become an entire 'verse, for I despise such.
I will say, though, that I adore The Rise of Darth Vulcan, and you are quite correct in stating that it's damn well-written, at the very least by the standards of the genre.
After-writing edit: I was overtaken in my commenting speed! Damn you, other, far faster commenters, and damn your painfully short comments! Daaaaaaaamn Yooooooooooou!
The Winningverse
Everytime someone brings that up I feel like going on a rant about how badly done and overrated that entire universe is... not today though.
This whole thing reminds of the time someone did I really successful Pokemon x MLP story and then everyone started to follow suit. It will die down in a couple of weeks, trust me.
You want to rant on a story about some shitty character going to the MLP 'verse, getting superpowers, and becoming a villain? You should've done it on 'Villainous' by Cryptic Metaphor.
Here it is in a nutshell.
'Oh what's this? A metal that, even though it's used by the royal guard, can drain magic? What's this? A gem that surpasses the Princesses in power? Oh look, I made a complex gauntlet in a few days even though I have no experience in metal working. Would you look at that, I've not only defeated the Princesses and the Elements but Discord as well. And why am I doing this? Because no one appreciated me or my feelings back in the human world even though I never brought it up.'
>telling us to write an original HiE
if anyone can manage this, they deserve a medal.
1853408 It's done more than you think, to be honest. Anything can be written well with enough creativity and effort. I mean, Darth Vulcan.
Some of the stories in the folder in the LoHAV group for "stories outside of the LoHAV Universe" are actually pretty good. A large portion of these were written before the universe was actually spawned and one of them, Human, is one of my favorite fanfics of all time. Human is a much higher quality fanfic of the same general premise. It also has an actual story and not just self insert with super powers, which is a plus too.
I have an idea! What if my character turns out to be Luna's lost son! And she gives him great power! Next, he'll venture to Ponyville to find his true love, Twilight Sparkle. Finally, my OC will defeat Chrysalis with his godlike power!
I'M SO ORIGINAL!
Never read either verse you mentioned.
BUT
Since you hate it so much
I think it to be my duty
to write a fic for both.
kthnxbyeluvubobby
1853408
A hrm?
@bob's whole post:
Yeah The moment I say a lot of them popping up I checked them out, I found most of it to be lackluster and without any good substance. I guarantee you not one of those authors has an ENDING in mind, or any semblance of what story structure is.
Thank you, Bob. You have just reduced the number of unread chapters in my favorites by 17 (all of which were Malideus). Finally below 200 for the first time in like a month.
....I like the YHaY stories, though.
I know the feeling; what's ironic is my first story was a HiE fic and it was supposed to be a self insert, but ended up being someone else entirely. It's not my best work, but I refuse to get rid of it, despite the fact it's not as good as I could've made it...
1853399 You know, Villainous is better than most of the CHE (cosplay human equestria) stories. It has original character and continent (albeit emofag) who has twisted as fuck motivation, and he does something about it. If the Ultra weapons were given after adventure, and the character wasn't such a assburger, it would make for pretty good story.
These CHE stories are basically this - I goes to convention in my pimpt out suit Now I in equestria, using stuff badly ripped of from several of my favorite games to rape ponies and shit, I guess. I actually aren't really want to do it, but I guess I do it anyway, because I such torture.
Thanks for the warning. I actually had that in my read later section, but after that summery...yeah.
It's almost on pair with the Conversion Burrito series.
I tried, just because I knew it would be bad and they hurt, so fucking much.
It's just so much self insert fantasy fulfillment every single one of them.
1853519 Besides Malideus, those stories are more than likely written for the laughs instead of being serious. Take 'F*** it, I'm having fun' for example. This isn't some super serious story with the main character having some tragic dark past that takes out all of his emo rage on the ponies simply because they have a utopian society, this is just a guy who wants to worship the sun while having fun at the ponies expense. Not 'I caused you figure deforming pain and I find it funny' expense but 'I poured hot sauce into your drink while you went to the desert bar to get something and then laughed as you drank it and burned your mouth and then laughed even harder as you drank more to put it out and made it worse' expense.
Did this happen when "Past Sins" came out?
But that's pretty trashcan too, Bab.
1853379
"Happy Halloween!" I close the door on the retreating backs of a group of giggling goblins and ghouls and lean against the door with a groan. "I'm almost out of candy and it's not even midnight yet..." I stretch out my arms and rub the back of my neck, groaning again as I set the candy bowl down on a nearby table.
Heading towards the kitchen and the snack I'd been eating, I pass a body-length mirror, giving myself a once-over to see if my costume was still in place. I was wearing a cracked Darth Vader helmet, one I'd found in an old box of costume masks from when I was a kid. Covering the half of my face left bare from the mask, I had painted my face blood red and dark black, giving it the image of a demon. I'd been aiming for Darth Maul, but this was as close as I'd be getting. Atop my head I had a jagged black horn with a reddened tip.
Straightening the mask so it better covered its half of my face, I pulled the vampire teeth out of my mouth and smoothed out the straight jacket I was wearing. Along with a shrill cackle and a frenzied look in my eye, I'd look like a real asylum escapee in this, even if it was just something a friend had made for me.
The ragged pants spattered with 'blood' were the least interesting part of my ensemble, in my honest opinion, but after realizing I already had things from four different costumes on, a pair of "Minecraft Zombie" pants didn't seem too outlandish. The wand-chucks hanging at my waist and the Shwartz ring on my middle finger were a testament to how big a nerd I was, while the black wings and leather boots made me look like an even more homosexual Sephiroth.
Satisfied that I still looked like shit, I turned away from the mirror, just as it started to glow from within. Suddenly, I was knocked off my feet as the entire house shook, the mirror falling off the wall and landing atop me, sending me through the swirling vortex with a scream of terror.
It was interesting, having my body stretched and compacted as it was, watching my fingers dissolve until my hands were just lumps of red-and-black colored flesh, I couldn't help it as I started giggling, wondering if I was tripping on something my girlfriend had put in the chocolate-covered pretzel balls she'd made for me. As the wings on my back suddenly pierced my skin, molding with me, I screamed in pain, terror, and an insane thrill of glee as my body continued to warp and change.
Out of the lumps of flesh that used to be my hands grew wicked-sharp claws, and an electric jolt wracked my body as the headband-horn I was wearing suddenly attached itself to my nervous system.
My feet melted in their boots until all they were was the boots, and the leather started crawling up my legs, rippling as it became hardened flesh.
I don't know how long it took, whether it was a millennium or a minute, but I finally fell to the floor, my screams dying down to a cascade of crazed cackles, then a gaggle of gurgling giggles, and finally a stanched staccato of stuttering rasps, my throat too dry to do much else.
My skin felt warm and thick as I slowly made my way to my feet... no, hooves? I looked at my clawed hands and flexed my suddenly bulging muscles, realizing that, beside the kuuuuuuuuu-pahhh of my breath telling me that I sounded like Vader, I was a near exact replica of Satan from most lore, and most likely from South Park. Chuckling dryly, I reached up and realized that I was completely bald except for one horn that looked astoundingly like King Sombra's from that MLP cartoon I'd started watching almost eight years ago. Focusing on the horn, I tried casting some magic, but couldn't do so. Shrugging my shoulders with a ripple of muscle, I looked around at the clearing I was in, bordered on one side by an evil looking forest and on another by a path leading towards a peaceful looking Hobbit-esque cottage.
It took me almost a minute to realize that I was in Ponyville.
Pulling the wand-chucks out of their holster, I started casting one spell I knew I could: magic missile. Laughing maniacally through the Vader mask, explosions filled the area around me as I burned down a place I had once loved so much, before Hasbro took it completely down the gutter by turning all the main characters into princesses.
That was when a magic bolt struck me in the back. Turning in anger, I looked at a group of ponies all decked out in regalia. "So," I say with a sinister smile. "This is that universe. Heheheheheh..." I put my two hands together at crotch level, letting the schwartz extend to full length. "Then DIE for what your creators did!"
Barely a minute later, I'm pinned to the ground by several giant metal spikes, my right leg sliced off by a wild swing of my own weapon, and the Eternal Elements of Harmony are staring down at me, nonplussed. "What does this make, Twi, the fifth this week? The sixth?"
"The ninth," the Purple Princess of Pain says as she turns to look at the Royal Rainbow. I can't help but let out a chuckle.
"Stupid... Hasbro...it's so boring when you're all OP like total faggots."
Fluttershy dips her head lower, her eyes showing no remorse. "I'm sorry, but it's not like we can help it. It's too bad everyhuman that comes through goes psychotically evil for some strange reason."
"Yeah, maybe it's because you guys make being a hero look retarded." I'm still laughing at their indignant looks as the Rainbow of Harmony rips into me, and then everything is white.
1853648 It's garbage spam. There is difference between parody, and shit that is not funny. It's like making shitty ripoff "ironically".
1853381
Excellent!
1853388
See, that is the type of shit I'm talking about. Also, RC really knows how to parody a shitty work good. I can only hope he discovers winningverse sometimes soon.
1853396
I actually did parody that, but with Magikarp.
1853399
Oh god that story was so boring and… yeah. :face hoof:
1853408
Gold place, here I come!
1853457
True dat.
1853464
Yeah, Human is an example of a good HiE. Most of the other examples in that group's folder aren't.
1853466
Let's get cracking!
1853476
No! Don't become corrupted as well!
1853482
^ all of this!
1853492
We are all guilty of sin, my son.
1853496
There's always hope for the future.
1853519
Actually, a pimp in Equestria story using that same premise would be more original than these stories.
1853537
Thou art welcome!
1853572
But that hasn't been parodied forever!
Hey, 1853671! Read my thing here: 1853645
Tell me if it's as shitty as the rest you've seen, k?
1853671 Sounds like you need some faith restoration, my lord.
An original HiE story that doesn't suck balls.
1853408 I managed to do it.
Thank you!
i thought i was the only one who thought it was shit.
Since you never update anything, I'm going to punish you by writing an HiE story.
But...but... I like the story of Malideus... I also sorta like this whole new humans-becoming-villains franchise, but geez, I didn't expect a rant on how bad it is. I also like the Your Human and You story...
I guess I'm insane for these reasons.
*Oh look a new chapter of Malideus is up!*
Bob whats is your opinion on Xenophilia? Personally I think it's probably the best HiE fic on this entire site.
Funny, something I started writing way back in 2012 was exactly like that.
And it was TERRIBLE. Which is why I decided never to finish it.
Maybe I should have and stolen all of the free popularity and gotten myself a terrible reputation for making a popular badfic.
1853993
Dude, just get an editor for that story. At least something! Make it somewhat readable is all I'm saying! Also, try to give your character some grounds of being liked by the reader! No one will cheer for a douchebag for too long! Listen, you do have talent as a writer, you just need to improve yourself, you know what I'm saying? Also, why are you here if you're an anti-brony? Seems a bit weird, honestly.
1853993
But why you mad m8?
Oh no there's a group of people that don't like the story you wrote or the shit storm of other crap it spawned. If they post their opinions on it, I should call them horse-fucking robots. Yes, truly this will make them realize that their opinions are wrong and they're worse than Hitler for having them.
1853993
We are. But some of us can bear the thought that we're not inherently perfect at writing.
1854011
Eh, I know.
I overreacted a bit, didn't I?
1854026
Just a wee bit
1853993
As a robot, I take offence to that!
1854035
Sorry.
I honestly have no idea what I was thinking when I typed that. I hate criticism, but I shouldn't fume like that.
... I'll just be going...
1854038
Sorry! I didn't mean to be racist.
1854000
Yes, I seem to have let my temper flare.
Yeah, I have a problem. I guess a few failed stories will do that to a guy.
sorry.
1854052
Dude, it's fine. Every writer has room to improve. We're not all born to be great writers, it takes time. Get an editor for your story, and trust me, you'll find yourself getting better with each and every day.
1854057
Yes, I know.
But if you're just trying to tell me that, Then why'd you put this whole rant up behind my back?!
1854041
It's cool sometimes we say things we shouldn't when we get angry it happens to all of us.
1854071
I will not ask forgiveness for my rant, but I do apologize to you and everyone else offended. I was wrong, and I suck.
Again, sorry.
1854062
I am going to be truthful about that story. It is shit. But, shit that has room for improvement. But truthfully, the story isn't as bad as the universe that it created. Now that right there, with many of those stories, are worse than your original. Now, that's not entirely your fault, but you do have a story that needs some touching up. It won't be easy, but I'm confident you can improve yourself and your writing abilities if you work hard and put your mind to it.
1854080
Ok.