I... I don't know how to respond to this... · 9:24pm Jan 14th, 2014
Okay, so, in the latest chapter of Solar Embrace, I asked for reviews on how I was doing, what you liked or didn't, and I was surprised by just how many people that review actually left such a comment behind. It made me so happy to see so many comments, most of which were nothing but positive.
Mostly. There was one which, frankly, I'm not sure how to respond to, and as such, this feeling of "not-knowing" kinda has me down in the dumps. It's a good review, mind you, that states what and why they don't like it, and I'm glad they were honest. I'm just... confused about how I really feel about it.
I apologize, but I'm going to be unfavoriting this. This story started off pretty strong, but as every chapter came out I found myself less and less interested in what was going on, especially in the case of Spike and Celestia's relationship.
Something about your writing makes everything feel... mechanical. Robotic. Soulless. It's like there's no heart in any of this. With all this considered, the fact that this is supposed to be a romance disturbs me greatly.
The sex scenes are easily the best thing about this story. They're incredibly detailed, not to mention steamy and arousing in certain areas. But even in those parts that soulless feeling comes into play again, making me want to just skim over it until it's finished.
Even with that problem in mind, the sex might have been enough to make me stay and continue reading this story... IF all this was just a silly multi-chapter clopfic where the plot is secondary.
But it feels like you're trying to make this out to be something that it's not.
For example, there is a "Comedy" tag on this story. And yeah, based off the premise alone, it could be considered comedic.
But in terms of the execution...
To be perfectly honest, this is the most unfunny clopfic I've ever read on this site.
If it were up to me, I would have that Comedy tag removed.
So, all in all, my reason for unfavoriting this fic is that it's just too serious.
You can keep my upvote, because the first couple chapters did keep me entertained, and it is well-written throughout.
I'm just no longer interested in the trials & tribulations of Spike and Celestia.
I apologize once again.
I did remove the comedy tag as they suggested, since it was true this story didn't need that tag, but... jeez, I don't know what else to say. Thank you for tearing at my motivation to continue this story, even though you are only (formerly) one out of how many hundreds of fans and I have no wish to disappoint the rest of them? Thank you for, well, making me feel bad about something I apparently had no awareness of (how soulless my story was and all that)?
Any thoughts? I just... don't know.
Honestly, I think this is a really good review, it has criticisms and constructive points and he told you why he was unfaving it. I'd honestly just take on board what the fellow said for future work/chapters and at the mean time keep the goal of writing being to do it for yourself.
Let the review work out in your brain, brother. This is going to sound horrendous, but look back to what you wrote and see what's "wrong" with it. It'll be tough, but at least attempt it. Mechanical or not, there's room to re-do and polish writing even more. Maybe the reviewer didn't like how your writing was.
You see, there's no solid rubric of "good writing". It's just like a personal thing. I remember someone sharing me a story how he submitted a paper to his professor and got outstanding feeback. The professor asked him if he would like the chance to be published. Overjoyed, he submitted to his English professor and got red 'error' marks everywhere.
The thing with writing is that, it's a beautiful art that no one else can copy. The way you write and how do scenes is entirely up to the reader. This reader/reviewer did not approve. It's good that it's brutally honest and points out flaws on their perspective.
Keep your chin up man. If you need anyone to talk to, I'll always be here. Carry on, brother.
I would just take it as it is, an honest review that, while a bit stinging, may have something you can take away, as long as you remember it's one person's opinion.
A lot of people get too caught up in some thing that they forget one basic rule of writing,...
You can't please everyone
No matter what changes or non-changes or plot devices or jokes, quips and tricks may pop up, you will always find someone who is displeased. All you can do is try and take what you can from the experience in the hopes of becoming a better writer.
Oh, and Smile
(Don't worry, it's not that Smile)
Don't allow it to make ya discontinue your massively successful story mate. Take a step back and re-read what you've done. See where his points come to fruition and see how you can make it better! Don't just give up my friend
1718449
I hate to contradict you, but that was a terrible review. Not that the reviewer decided to not like the story, or his reasons. But rather he was perfectly ambiguous on the details as to why.
He starts this whole thing off with "I'm un-favoriting this." Which says he is just showing negativity and not trying to help improve things.
He calls the writing mechanical, but does not show an example and how to improve it.
He says the author if forcing things, but does not say where.
He twists the lack of comedy into a subtle insult.
Negative feedback is important, almost as important as the positive stuff. But it has to be useful, and this isn't.
>>Abramus5250
Unfortunately, I have not been keeping up with this story. But, if you like, I will catch up this afternoon so that I can offer something worthwhile.
Well, to be honest...the review is kind of right. When I read, there are parts that seems...'soulless' for lack of better terms. It's not really the story itself, its more or less the way you tell the story. If you go into detail about every little thing, it doesn't leave anything for the reader to discover on their own. Readers need something to say attached to the story, not just the much awaited sex at the end of the tunnel, but something they want to know on there own. Most read to learn something- anything -that they didn't know already or that they themselves thought of.
I been reading this story and A Dragon's Journey, I love both by the way, but there was a point right when you started this story, and right after the next chapter in A Dragon's Journey that it started to feel...too planned out. Like, there was a celestial clock dictating when everything happens, and how it happens.
When I write, this is just an example, I do have a general idea where I want to take the story overall, but I never plan everything out all the way or even fully explain everything and their reasoning's. Reason I do this, it allows me to surprise even myself, and when I do that I know that the reader will be surprised.
Nothing wrong with going into detail, it basically the main way to tell a story, but you have to leave something to the imaginations of the reader. Hope you'll still continue all of you stories, I really do enjoy them.
-Sid
There will always be problems like this. Always. All you can really do is accept the criticism and move on. You can rewrite the entire thing and make it read better, you can keep going and continue as you have been, or whatever you want to do. Honestly, I have been too busy to read most of my favorites that have updated recently, including this as I have school and my own projects to attend, but if you give up then you will let down those (like me) who enjoy this story. Keep it going, at least finish what you started.
hang in there buddy!!
here is a hug to keep you going and brighten your day!!
I'll be honest... he does seem to make a bit of sense, though I wouldn't go straight to soulless. It does get a little dry every now and then, but all in all the story is great. I really don't think you should let this get you down... in fact, let it encourage you. Let it make you want to do better. It is after all just one person's opinion, and the rest of us (at least I think) think you're doing a GREAT job.
Keep going, work harder, and laugh when you realize just how great of a story he's missing out on!
My thoughts exactly, I'm still just starting and I've asked for reviews and constructive criticism, which is helpful as I can see what I've done and how to improve it.
This guy just makes the story seem bad, as you say he gives no ways to improve the script and the whole thing just seems like an exercise in how to depress someone.
My opinion, this guy clearly doesn't understand how to give constructive criticism and therefore is only useful as an example on how NOT to review a fiction.
Your story is great. I like the pacing and the thought processes that you explore, the insecurities of Celestia are a favourite of mine because everyone see's her as this nigh infallible goddess yet the point your are making is that she is not. She is a mare like anypony else and is prone to mistakes, needs and in this case, urges.
In addition Spikes own insecurities are well in character for him, he worries how his friends, and the entire country, will react to him being Celestias lover. Her also worries that he wont measure up to somepony that is not only a ruler but as near to a goddess as Equestria can get.
The sex is also well written, more sensual than sexual I think, which is great by the way. It's detailed, well paced and the imagery is beautifully done. It's a story of two inexperienced individuals falling in love through a very natural process despite the unusual nature of their situation and you should be commended for this.
You weave a beautiful narrative sir and look forward to your next instalment.
ok were is the jackass becuse i got by doshbag beating stick ready!!!
P also dude your stories are anything but robotic in a way they are like a modern shakes spear. you show the passion, worry strife, and struggle as well as the love and hunner of you characters they guy who unfaved you is just one of those guys who if is not 1000% perfect they hate it. but dude were humans and we all make mistakes but dude your one of the few guys who can come to cusp of god like writting
not to be rude but you did ask for our opinion after the chapter and i'll be honest i still like the story. Even though it gives me the feeling that i already know whats going to happen due to so much detail in each chapter. But dont let that stop you from writing this story it is still great overall don't feel down about it keep going can't wait for the next chapter
I don't know what this guy was thinking but he didn't make himself look good with the way he reviewed it.
He didn't point anything out that he didn't like specifically. And I don't think he can really say how 'Mechanical', 'Robotic', or 'Soulless' you work is when he doesn't have a single story of his own written.
He has no idea how hard it is to make a popular piece, and make it good. He seems to just want all the smut that is in the story, and non of the build in the story.
As a reviewer and persistent reader of this story, I'd like to let you know a few things as well.
While I enjoy the clop and the romance in this story, I think what the reviewer in your post stated is a bit too vague to be actionable. It's good he told you how he feels, but I think the main problem with your story is your pacing. You do a good job of setting up scenes, but the world-building tends to get in the way. I, too, have felt the desire to skip paragraphs that were just describing some aspect of lore because the bulk of it wasn't really important to the story itself. Knowing the origin of dragons is nice, but it went on for a long time and didn't really change the dynamic between Celestia and Spike at all, so it was just kind of a long footnote the reader had to get through before continuing with the tale. The guy in your post basically said he didn't really connect with the story emotionally, and that's a sign that he isn't immersed in it. It could be the pacing that's putting him off or it could be other things, but 'too serious' generally means 'dry' and slow pacing can certainly cause that reaction.
Having said all of that, I want to tell you that your story is by no means bad. The character interaction is charming. The scene-building is immersive. The premise is what you need for a clopfic. The world-building can go on a bit long for the story, but the lore is interesting.
Hell, I'm enjoying it. Keep going, buddy.
I honestly have no idea what he's talking about, except for the Comedy tag bit.
The closest thing to "soulless" you get is some of the heavier exposition, like that "history of the universe" bit, but even then I think you did a pretty good job of making it engaging (a lot better than I probably would have were I you).
1718512 This. Listen to him, you cant please everyone. I for one think your story is wonderful and not too "mechanical". It also HAS comedy.
Honestly, I can't see it. I think you've got a fine fic here.
Let me start off by saying that I have yet to read the latest chapter of this story--though I have read all the others--so my opinion may not mean much, but here it is...
First of all, I cannot fault the guy for his comments. From what I can tell, he was doing his utmost to be honest without hurting your feelings. I'm glad you seem to recognize that and hold no grudges towards his words.
That being said, I think you should keep this in mind: "YOU CAN'T PLEASE EVERYBODY!!!!!!" There are going to be people who either don't like your stories in general or don't like the direction they are going. And there will be people who say things that my make you depressed or angry.
If/When this happens, you should remember three important things. First, even if you lose one fan, you have plenty of others (myself included) who love your stories; if you feel bad, then do your best to keep those who still favor you interested. Second, if you depressed about their words, think about why the words bother you so much. If it's because you lost your fan, then see item one; but if it's because you feel they may be right, then simply take the time to reconsider your plan for the story and if the commenter's critiques will either help you or hurt you. Third, and most importantly, the one person you have to please more than anyone else is YOURSELF! You are writing your story the way you envisioned it. It may hurt if some don't like it, but as long as you are happy with it--and its content doesn't get you banned from the site--then that is all that you should worry about. If you want to include someone else's ideas, go ahead; but only do so if you want to and if you will be happy with the changes. Besides, the fact that you have so many followers means that you must be doing something right.
I believe I have said my enough. Good luck, and flutter on...
I don't find this story mechanical at all! I feel like it has great characters that really feel like real people.
Even if he had a point about the comedy tag, that was still pretty insulting. He could have just not beat around the bush and said it out straight, but that's what i would do.
Keep up the story. you're doing fine. If it makes you feel any better, there have been worse plots for a clopfic.
What someone writes is the reflection of themselves. You are writing a beautiful, heartfelt fic that combines two people into a hot, steamy, hilarious story that let's them experience romance. You are an amazing writer, and because of that, you are 100% an amazing person. If he found the writing soulless, that's because he doesn't understand your feelings and emotions, or the love and care you put into it. If he says it's mechanical, that's because he isn't used to your kind of writing. Or he is in the wrong genre. You are an amazing writer, and remember, the best critic is yourself. So I want you to ask yourself, "Do I like my story?" If the answer is yes, then keep writing. If your answer is no, than think why. If you can't answer that, then ask one of your favorite authors if they can find out why. But remember: you are the most important to please, and never, EVER, give up. Hope this helps.
I feel it's more of a shift in focus rather than the writing actually being 'soulless.' The earlier chapters were very creative and entertaining, but now you're focusing a bit more on the sex. Which is fine; everyone should have been expecting it, not to mention the fact that it's actually helping develop Spike and Celestia's relationship. So long as it doesn't just drag on for dozens of chapters of just clop, it's quite an interesting read still.
Still, I guess I can see how one could perceive this as 'soulless,' for lack of a better word. But hey, most of us are still here, interest still piqued and wanting to see this story through.
You know what is the most important thing you should take away from this entire experience?
There are 7+ Billion people on this planet.
Not everything you write is going to please everyone.
I got no complaints here for you, I can only tell you to cheer up. The whole world is composed of different people. Some will have a missing bolt in the head for not liking the story yet not explaining what you could do better.
To put it simply: He didn't like what you were brewing, well tough luck for him not liking this fine Columbian coffee.
Then he can drink his tap water alone in his corner for all you should care.
Great chapter, keep up the job & heres a song to keep that chin up.
1718664 I completely agree with this. It was interesting to read about the origin of dragons and it was nice that it was there but things that aren't necessary just annoy me but that may be my OCD for things being to the point. I personally found the scenes where Spike and Celestia interact in an innocently romantic and cute way to be the most interesting. Like the comedy tag may become less appropriate for the more serious part but honestly, this story made me genuinely laugh in scenes like the carriage crash because of the sheer ridiculousness of Spike getting his face stuck in cleavage while spanking Celestia with his tail. Perhaps what the reviewer meant by soulless was that it didn't have the same flair or pizazz that it once showed or something like that. The thing I hate more than anything is cliche stories and this story has done well not to instantly make Spike fall in love with Celestia because of her goddess like features and I really liked that. SOOOOO I would be very disappointed if something like one review was enough to discourage a great writer like you cos nothing makes this community sadder than a death induced feels trip or a cancelled sign on a story c:
I really hope you continue this fic. It's become one of the ones I look forward to eagerly. Also, you yourself have been a great inspiration for me to further my own writings, and for that I am greatful. Youre an awesome auther with great writings
Not all stories appeal to all people. Look at some of the most popular stories on this site: you'll see thousands of upvotes, but often as many as a hundred downvotes. Every one of those represents someone who didn't enjoy the story, as baffling as that might be when you're someone who does.
But "soulless"? Quite frankly, I think your story has far more soul and character than average, and certainly far more than I'd originally expected given the premise and rating.
At most, I'd say that you occasionally go into long walls of exposition. I can't bring myself to call that a bad thing, at all; it's just a matter of style, and I do know that's something that will put some readers off. Personally, I like the world you're building, and I look forward to seeing more of it.
I myself can't see where this guy is coming from, but some parts do seem somewhat dull. But you immediately remedy that by adding something to capture the reader back and put them back on track. This story is great from my point of view, and as long as you keep posting new chapters, ill keep reading :D
Personally I love all the detail you had about the origins of dragons and what not. It's one of my favorite parts of the whole story
This guy clearly doesn't know what "soulless" is. I'm ginger and your writing fills me with what I believe you humans call a "soul". Also, every last one of your stories is actually what gave me the inspiration to write my own stories. Keep writing and don't let one comment bring you down. Best of luck to you sir!
Well for be honest i dont love that story but i like it's very entretaining, but that comment left me without words
Other thing that its well writting so just continue it i will wait for more
1718447 It was for me too: I just fixed it.