Equestria Girls Dolls · 11:13pm May 27th, 2013
As of this writing, Equestria Girls still hasn't premiered in theaters, so it's still too early to cast judgement on the movie.
However, I have no problem judging the toy line.
By the looks of things, Equestria Girls is trying to be Hasbro's answer to Mattel's Monster High. I've talked briefly about the show before, but let's take a look at the dolls.
I can see why these are popular. The Monster High dolls are carefully-calculated to appeal to the "Hot Topic" and "Sparkly Vampire" crowd. That's not to say that the dolls are terrible. They're very well made; with several points of articulation. While they all have the similar, impossibly-thin bodies, the dolls each have unique hair and clothing.
Now let's take a look at the recently-revealed line of Equestria Girls toys.
Sweet Jiminy Christmas! Where do I even begin? The dolls make the initial leaked concept art from the cartoon look good by comparison.
Heck, even the promotional art for the toys looks better than the finished product!
How do you do it, Hasbro? How do you screw it up this badly? Then again, look who I'm talking to.
(sigh) Remember when the only thing bronies had to complain about was Celestia's toy being the wrong color? Those were simpler times...
Let's go ahead and examine these dolls further.
So the pegasi and alicorn have wings, but neither the unicorn nor the alicorn have visible horns. They have "cutie marks" below their eyes like freaking prison tattoos.
This is the biggest encouragement for little girls to get inked since the release of the much-maligned Totally Stylin Tattoos Barbie.
Complete with Ken tramp stamp.
The Equestria Girls dolls appear to only have five points of articulation. (Head, arms and legs.) That's less than half what the Monster High dolls have. (Head, arms, elbows, wrists, leg and knees; which gives them a total of eleven points of articulation.)
The Equestria Girls outfits are wholly uninspired. They're all pretty much wearing the same outfit; right down to their knee-high boots. I mean, even the Monster High dolls had different styles of footwear.
There's something wrong when cosplayers put more effort into designing unique outfits than the creators of the actual show.
EDIT: Apparently, these aren't the finished product, but prototypes. Hopefully the apple falls very far from the tree. Otherwise... yikes.
I think I speak for everyone when I scream
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!
*Takes deep breath*
...
My eyes... it's so dark...
Dat cosplay.
What? Oh, I should say something relevant to the topic?
Uhh... Pardon my french, but those dolls are complete and total merde. Seriously, they're pretty bad. I've gotten over the character designs now that I've seen them in action in the trailer (I like them as far as that goes) but this is like... Horrifying.
Hasbro, y? Stahp it. Guise, srsly, STAHP.
Come here, girl, play with us!
*distant heartbeat*
play with us!
*low bass growl*
play with us
*strings*
pLAy wItH US!
ＰＬＡＹ ＷＩＴＨ ＵＳ
Hasbro, STAHP!
Ohmai...
un........................... i'm gonna go vomit.
Someone made a very relevant point about Hasbro needing something to take on Mattel's Barbie line.
IIRC, Barbie alone is bigger than all of Hasbro. Hasbro is bigger than all of Mattel sans Barbie plus ALL the other toy makers in the world.
Or:
Barbie > Hasbro > (Mattel - Barbie) + Eveyone else.
So, Equestra Girls, as a means to try to cut into Barbie, is a perfectly sound strategic idea.
But they're going to fail so hard with these. Srsly.
Damn those dolls are creepy!
[youtube=KXWkFhf3rqM]
Also three of those cosplayers are kinda hot
1108584 It's actually twelve, really. There were two separate groups.
Of the one we saw more, I would have said four.
I like this idea. We should wait for the movie, it might be alright, but the toys?
[url]=TV Tropes says it best.]http://tvtropes.org/pmwiki/pmwiki.php/Main/AcceptableTargets[/url]
Fuck.
Just fuck.
Fucking fucker fucks fucked fuckers.
Fuck.
Fucky fucky fresh.
1108581
like many ideas Hasbro has had in the last few years, the idea was good
the actual execution, not so much
1108598
It's funny. When I first saw the dolls, the word "execution" sprang to mind.
1108600
don't go there, they'd just botch that too
It's a good thing I stopped buying any toys after Bionicle finished.
I would race the Rainbow Dash player just to lose. Always liked those little track shorts, even when I had a small argument with a coach about uniforms. Turns out "boy cut" does not mean "boy shorts"; those suckers were tight.
I want a Pinkie Pie already.
I hope she won't come white in the final version of the toy.
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Ah, so I was right. It's all ogre.
*dials mobile phone*
Harry? Yeah, get me a call with SHIELD... We need Tony Stark here to make a point of how to make decent products!
picanese.com/pics/i-give-you-the-jericho-yVCM.gif
Even as a toy collector I wouldn't buy these. They're absolutely terrible.
The appropriate response when confronted by these dolls:
[youtube=-9-Te-DPbSE]
1108569 Wow, someone says that and then actually speaks some French!
1108710 J'aime parle beaucoup de francais!
... I'm learning.
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Holy SHIT, the ones the fans made were seriously really impressive but GODS those ugly dolls for MLP my only question is if they have tails, because for some reason they seem like they do, now if the movie would have been like the pics withy both the humans with fur, tails, etc and then ponies I really would have gone and seen it, and hopefully Spike would not be a DAMN dog but now that they are fully or rather semi human.....no
1108715 Hell, probably more than me!
What I think of the dolls.
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1108803 and this. i3.kym-cdn.com/photos/images/original/000/322/446/dde.gif
Well, these monstruosities are the level of quality that Hasbro keeps us used to, at least as far as toys go.
Go Mattel!
Go Faust!
Alright at this point I really have to wonder, is Hasbro just leaking image of the terrible prototype designs to get the Brony fandom to accept the real things easier. I mean the first images of the EQG characters were terrible, then they released the second batch that were absolutely horrifying, and then the real versions and everyone responded with oh that's not so bad. Hell they then told us that only Twi and Spike are actually going to the human world. I honestly wouldn't be surprised if we get more images of the toys that are horrid, and then they will show us the real thing and it won't be nearly that bad.
TL;DR Hasbro seams very good at internet marketing...
1108658 cool guys don't look at explosions, they only look away!
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1108731 It's only logical that Spike is reduced to being a pet considering how he's treated in the show. He sleeps in a ---)>BASKET<(--- instead of a bed like everypony else. During his greed rampage Twilight took him to a fucking animal vet instead of a hospital. Twilight and Spike going to the human world is right up there with becoming an immortal Alicorn because you understand friendship. Hopefully this garbage is gonna tank fast.
Dude, seriously? All you have to do with your time is complain about something that hasbro obviously put alot of effort into. Are you sure that you are a brony? Cause you sure don't sound like one.
1192505
It's funny; if you read an except from one of my blog post about Equestria Girls that got featured on Equestria Daily, there were several people in the comments who thought that I was a corporate shill for Hasbro.
I actually had to make a follow up blog post to clarify my position.
I can assure you that I don't hate Hasbro for making Equestria Girls. I just wish they had put as much effort into their dolls as the competition.
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