Dear Princess Sunbutt

by 2Merr

Letter 136.2

Dear Princess Sunshiney Hiney,

Good news! Everything is k now, and with no lasting damage to anything I care about. We'll be arriving in Canterlot tomorrow morning because we're taking the train like peasants. By pure coincidence, this gives us time to wait for the chaos to die down so we don't have to deal with the worst of it. We really wanted to get back immediately, honest. It's just that Luna was so tuckered out from teleporting all the way here and using her old lady magic to break the thing,* and we didn't want to put even more strain on her precious little headbone. It's definitely because of that, and not because Anon bribed her with the promise of sharp cheddar squeeze cheese from the human world if she stayed back with us. Oh well, safety first.

Your mythic rare,
Dumb Whisperer

---

* I miss the thing. Talking in funny symbols was fun.

Also, I forgot to mention: Twilight is disappointed in you, and frankly so am I. We specifically requested old, and you sent Luna? By herself? What if she wasn't old enough? For shame, Sunbutt, for shame. Because of this, you will only be getting a single massage from me on your day off. That's right, I was going to give you TWO (2) massages, but your selfish behavior has cost you. I hope you learn from this going forward.

Love, Anon

P.S. - And I was going to make a cake for you, but guess what? You're only getting half now.

Author's Note:

Context for the thing:
Letter 121
Letter 131

Comments

[Kirtai]

Alllllright...

I didn't see any funny symbols though.

[LexCrowne]

This is great

[luigipwnsall]

Anon needed someone that could get past the Rated M for mature rating and Luna BARELY qualifies.
for shame Tia. FOR SHAME.

[Ninjadeadbeard]

Wait, so was Anon or Twilight effected by the Thing?

[Smurf]

Glad to see this back, do we know if anyone has picked up the other half or not?

[Thought Prism]

Yeah, I would not put it past this Twilight to summon an actual Doom Whisperer. The flower trio would instantly void their bowels upon glimpsing one. Though that probably holds true for any Nightmare or Horror.

[Illi]

Lol, funny chapters as always.

[Kirtai]

10469631
Could be worse, she could summon a Nexus Crawler.

[2Merr]

10469544
Whoops, forgot to put the context in the author’s notes. Here:
Letter 121
Letter 131

[LunarGuardian]

if you only make half a cake, is it still half a cake or just a smaller cake?

[vortex123]

I forgot about the thing, guess that means I'm safe.

[PonyDragon]

Good news! Everything is k now, and with no lasting damage to anything I care about.

And how would the list look like if you include those things you consider unimportant?

P.S. - And I was going to make a cake for you, but guess what? You're only getting half now.

: *sings* How could this happen to me...
(I wonder how many here still get this older meme.)

[FanOfMostEverything]

Your mythic rare,
Dumb Whisperer

Sigh... *cracks knuckles*

Dumb Whisperer 3B
Creature — Unicorn Warlock
B, T, Discard a card: Target opponent discards a card. Activate this ability only any time you could cast a sorcery.
Threshold — 3B, T: Each opponent discards a card. Each opponent who can't loses 2 life. You draw a card for each opponent. Activate this ability only any time you could cast a sorcery and only if there are seven or more cards in your graveyard.
2/2

[Barbaric_Bob]

I still wonder what eldritch horror they've pulled from discord sock drawer to get 'the thing' to happen

[Housecarl of Clan Drops]

10470194
Celestia may have made her mistakes, but the night will go on.

[Officer Hotpants]

So Twilight somehow cursed them with Wingdings, huh?

[Legioner8]

H̗͉̘̯͈̀̐̽͂͐ͯ͒̈́ẽ̎̌͏̘ỵ̡̗̙̬̻̠͑̾͛̓̌ͭ ̧̛̖̭̦̭̔ͫg̸̴̥͖ͮͪư͐͡͏̫̭̯͎̗̟̪y͖̗͚͓͉͕̱̱͑̑ͩ̆̽̇ͣͩ͠s̈͛͞҉̲̪̤͠!̧̫͙̲̬̞ͤ́̆̏̿ ̦̺̬̩͙ͥ͛ͧ̌̋͠ͅÏ̱̻̞̯̙͇̘͐͠ ̴̬͖̹̈́̓ͨ̎̾̉̓͢ͅ ͕͙̟͓̯̰̙̬̿͢ ̯̥͕ͬͩ̈́͢ ̴̧͕̯̩͚̈́ͯͥ̓̌̒ ̺̘̬ͬf̧̦̞͉̝̱̣͂ͬ̃ͥ͆ͩ̒͞o̴̪̣͙͔̔͊ͣ̓͋̆u͎͔͖̫̰̙̣̅͊͟͠͡ṅ̰̙͖͉̬̘̠̺̹ͪ͌̽d͓̠͇͐̍ͬͤ̈́͢ ̛̞̺͙͐̆̔̾ͨ͛͂͜ ̧̱̖̳͉̦͎̭͂̔̉̋̇̽̚͜͜ ̵̬̞͖͛̊̔ ̐̄ͪ̋̓̔͊ͫ͏͏̣̪̞͔͉t̪̭̰̜̻̱̘̺̒ͯ̆̿̎̒̌̊h̢̨͉̼̭̓ͮͮ̏̉͌͒ề̯̪̄ͨͨ̍͐̿̈́͟ ̤̰͕̻̖͚͗͗͛ͮ͊́́ ̭͚̟̝̜̘̱͒̋͘ ̼͈̦̞͙͉̬͖͐̇́ͬͤ̒̚͢͟ ̡͓͕̖͖͕̥͛ͥ̄̒̇̂͟ ̺̙͚̝̲̺̗̇ͫ̑̽ͦ̽ ̥͎̖̖͗͗ͮͯ̽̉ ̸̟̮̩̩͕̖̝̳̀ͩ̇ͩ̓̊ͥ̂͟͟ ̵̹͙̩̩̂ͪ͐̀͋̋ ̸͖̪̲͒ͫ̊ ̵̷̡̺̹̙̤̩̰ͪ͐ͯ͗̽̎ͪ̒͆ ̷̹̫ͫͩ̏ͥ͐͑̇t̵͔͖̦͕̩̠̽̉̃̃̉̍̚͜͟h̴̹̮̻ͩ̇̈́̂̂̈́ͨḭ̶̗͈̞̫̹̰̲̲̒ͬ͜n̨̦͖̗̳̱̱̊̉ͮ͗g̻̝̰̅̓̄͟

[ClockworkShield]

10474724
Unfortunately no. I don’t really follow the horror docs that much, and those I did follow I never got into for long. the closest I could recommend would be undead robot bug crusaders, which actually combined that prompt with two others: scootaloo being a secret changling, and sweetie belle discovering she’s actually an advanced android. I do recommend the fix regardless.

[EdBoii]

Who's got two thumbs and a bad case of sleep deprivation after reading all these + the sister story in under two nights?

This guy.

[A_Bloodthirsty_Unicorn56]

Alright I just fuckin binged this whole story and snow’s in one sitting and ho boi was that a ride. I don’t think I’ve laughed that hard in weeks. Thank you, and I can’t wait to read more.

[KvAT]

My most faithful student, Twilight Sparkle,

I am joyed to hear that the thing has been taken care of. While I understand the urgency of the situation, I am sorry that I couldn't come and deal with the problem myself. An urgent situation concerning the life of a particularly important pony arose within the castle's perimeters, which needed the hooves of a royalty to defuse.

Also to note, it might be beneficial for you to get to know Princess Luna better, considering she is a part of the diarchy as I am, and no less capable. I daresay that Luna is in fact more well-versed in spells pertaining to combat and containment than I am, although the reasoning behind that is not at all worth the knowledge she retained.

I will be waiting for you all in the palace. Safe travels, Twilight.

Your mentor,
HRH Celestia.

---

Dear Anon,

I know that you requested old, and I specifically sent old. While I am the de-jure big sister, the truth is that the hunk of rock-encrusted crystal jewel moving across the sky every night is significantly older than the blazing hot ball of licking flames we call the sun.

I fully regret that I cannot personally greet you over the circumstances that arose (My hooves were crossed, literally. Do understand that even alicorns suffer from morning cramps).

While it is deeply saddening, I can understand your unwillingness to grant me the princessly sum of reward that is two massages, but please understand that I am willing to negotiate, compromise, and even reach a deal for your gracious tithe of a full cake. I request that you refrain from eating any of the cake just yet, until we reach a mutually agreeable partitioning in the discussion I am willing to host within the castle's dining room.

Your friend in deep sorrow,
Tia.

P. S. : If you had carried your punishment of eating half of the cake, then there will be no need of negotiations. Although I do expect a long and complete explanation over what the thing actually did, and you will be my main source of information.

P. S. S. : If you do reconsider, I might conveniently forget about interrogating you, and instead turn to Twilight for the run-down.