Dear Princess Dawnbreaker,*
I found a zombie deer in the Everfree. Yes, I FOUND it. I have no idea as to its origins, which is why I’m
writingmaking my fuckmonkey write.Here’s what happened: I was being a creepy little shit by walking into the Everfree at three in the morning. I apparently wanted to take some sketches of the night sky to see if there were any significant changes to the constellations when viewed in low-magic areas. Before I could find a good spot, I heard sticks exploding. There’s no other way to describe it. Imagine you have forty sticks and you put a tiny firecracker in the middle of each one. Now light them all randomly. That’s what it sounded like. If I had more brain space for fear, I would have done the normal thing and run away. Instead, I walked straight in the direction it came from.
What I found was a lone deer standing in a clearing with a bunch of sticks scattered around it. The deer looked really young; male, but not old enough to have antlers. It was just standing there, completely still, staring at nothing.
I stayed hidden for a while until a timberwolf suddenly jumped out at it. The deer went whatever the deer equivalent of apeshit is (deershit?) and tore that poor puppy to pieces. I heard the same exploding sticks sound as before, and I realized: all the sticks in the clearing were actually from timberwolves. This thing must have killed a dozen of them already.
The deer made short work of the timberwolf, not even taking a scratch. After that, it went right back to just standing in place, unmoving, unblinking. When everything seemed calm, I walked out and tried to introduce myself, because fuck self-preservation. It went deershit again, so I activated cheats and made a bubble around me. Now that it was closer, I finally noticed the smell.
My first instinct was fire, but I remembered you said not to burn things without thinking, so I thought about burning it. Then I thought about how bad it would be if I didn’t burn it. Then I realized it had run off while I was thinking. I tried tracking it, but I’m pretty shit when it comes to actual skills, so I went back home.
The deer zombie had been fairly fresh, judging by the lack of small wounds one would normally see on a creature that can’t heal. The lack of wounds also points to it being an intentional creation, rather than a byproduct of cursed land, meaning there’s a high likelihood the source is a necromancer or a demon.
So yeah. There’s a zombie deer running around in the Everfree. If you’ll allow me to capture it, I can more easily trace where it came from, but I understand if you want me to wither away and die because you hate me and you hate fun and you only want me to suffer. I’m cool either way.
Your professional creepazoid,
Spark and Span* It’s funny because Luna is the one who deals with undead problems.
If we catch the zombie deer, we’re naming him Zambie. This is non-negotiable.
Love, Anon
Oh yeah, there aren’t any licensed necromancers. I can’t tell if the writing style belongs to Twi or Anon.
Goddamnit twilight.
10070406
Anon is the only one who uses nicknames, plus he signed his little addition to the bottom. I think he couldn’t make Twi’s technical talk funny, so he just wrote it word for word.
Fair enough.
Seconded.
This... this wasn't Twilight's fault? Did she turn over a new leaf, or maybe she's finally begining to lear-
Twilight's gone on a necromancy spree, and that's Stupid pretending to be Twilight.
10070426
I don’t think Stupid is even capable of lying
To whichever complete and utter moronic necromancer made Zambie: You don't make Bambi a zombie, you do that to Bambi's mom, and then hope souls and shit work the same way as in Brother Bear.
10070435
Hmm you're probably right.
*Reshelving day*
Spike: "Twilight, have you seen the book on changeling mind control?"
Twilight: "No." Where's my book on dragon mind control!
10070421
thirded.
@Snow where you been fam I need my responses
10070456
I do not think ANYBEING would let Twilight ANYWHERE NEAR a book on MIND CONTROL of any type
Did you just include Alan Dracula from Infinity Train Book 2 in this piece?
10070699
wut
10070704
https://m.10070664
She had several books with reforming spells until Discord ate them.
Somehow, Twilight is responsible for this, indirectly or not. I refuse to believe necromancy happened without something purple being involved.
10070813
But Luna's a (licenced) necromancer. Does that mean that she's purple too?!?
No matter how much time goes by, I can't seem to stop calling Daybreaker Dawnbreaker.
10070813
My guess is that one of her exploded self-clones didn't explode as fatally as it was supposed to and has been fucking around in the woods for a while.
10071027
No no, she’s blue. She doesn’t have the red Twilight has to be purple enough for the Necromancy to go badly
10070787
see he was smart
I... will just wait for the response.
Stunning twist: Zecora's home defense system escaped and is still on proximity alert. She doesn't want to say anything because of all the damage Twilight has done to necromancy's reputation.
10071389
Also possible. Though it's probably still Twilight's fault. Mare was probably experimenting with some kind of zombie summoner when she choked on a pretzel or something and reflexively clonesploded, sending the summoner sailing out the window and into the forest. A week later she sneaks into Zecora's hut to... "borrow" a black tome or two and leaves the door open.
Also if you're not picturing the deer as the YouTuber TL;DR, you're doing it wrong.
10071389
The concept of Zecora being a lawful/neutral good necromancer, and every chapter is either solving a problem with zombies, or hiding said zombies, sounds incredibly appealing~
"Mortals call it Dawnbreaker, for it was forged in a holy light that breaks upon my foes, burning away corruption and false life."
10072810
That's what I thought at first when I saw the name Dawnbreaker
10070421
I third that motion.
10070406
anon.
yeah... burning things even with forethought didn't end well for ya, Twi. just... just... leave the pyrotechnics to someone with more than two brain cells. Thanks.
I guess we know how Anon has the patience to stick around.
10072810
The Ashbringer?