Dear Princess Celami,
The Not-Gun of Fixiness worked way better than expected. Bug number one (Anon named him Juan) agreed to be our test subject if he was allowed to go free. The magical fixy bullet phased into his chest and made him glow for a few seconds. I then offered him an apple, which he ate without throwing up. It worked.
Juan is now a very happy boy. He has requested permission to tell his hive about the fun of being a winner, so you will soon receive a release form pending approval from yourself and Luna. In my personal opinion, the danger of freeing a single changeling is negligible when you consider the good that would come from pacifying even a small portion of an aggressive hive. I also need an excuse to shoot more changelings, so it’s a win-win in my book.
Bug number two was a massive dickwad that didn’t want to eat cool foods like pizza and ice cream. He kept trying to bite me through the bars, so I “forgot” my promise to Stu and fired at him. It seems the magical fixy bullets stop being magical and fixy if the target isn’t willing, so it just fired a normal, non-fixy bullet. We cleaned up the cell, don’t worry. I still consider this a win for science.
Stu was talking to Juan at the time, so he didn’t see. I told him the other bug was transferred to another facility a few days ago. He believed me because he’s Stupid.
I also ran a few basic tests on Juan, and it seems he has none of Stu’s allergies. That rules out the possibility of it being genetic. Stu’s nerdy name is the only valid explanation. You did this to him.
Your purple pesticide,
Twyklon B
Uh oh, we got a trigger happy purple pony in the making. This won't end well
#BugNumberTwoDidNotKillHimself
I kinda missed it: does that procedure also prevents changelings from eating love?
9928073
... maybe?
media.giphy.com/media/TPzQarTIAxP56/giphy.gif
9927893
Surely , if he can think of a bajilion names for SunButt , he can probably remember that .
FFS Twilight quite losing your shit and killing things
Is it weird that I know where the signature of Twyklon B is coming from?
Atleast I think I do... Germany some 75 years ago?
Well, that was an important question to ask. Could've aimed for a hoof to test the reaction in the unrepentant, though. Really, Twilight, there's only so much testing material...
Er, prisoners. Prisoners who are protected by the Geneighva Convention, which I have of course never violated. That would be wrong.
9928073
Ye. It wasn’t clear, but Stupid mentioned in his first letter that he no longer craves love.
He exploded.....
Well shit. One ling gone to never get cuddles.
I guess the bullets are the final solution.
Oh. my. Celestia. After I got over the moment of horror I couldn’t stop laughing.
This really is morally ambiguous though. If they start calling this gun plan The Final Solution I’mma just nop out of here.
Is this the first time Twilight killed something that didn't come back alive later?
I think that this time Anon should have taken this seriously because she just murdered a prisoner, here she crossed the line
derpicdn.net/img/2019/3/1/1974198/medium.png
9928337
The first that we’ve seen
9928337
We don't know that subject #2 is actually dead though, it might just be somewhere from lightly wounded to horribly maimed. It's just that there's a mess to clean afterwards because Twiggy Spergles is involved, and there's always a mess when she does something SCIENCE.
You seem like you'd be a big fan of tjpones and Jargon Scott's Twiggles
9928089
But how is she going to fill her murder quota if she doesn't?
Twilight, you're lucky you didn't Pinkie Promise.
I swear I can’t NOT hear DWK reading these. XD
9928428
I, being a man of culture, prefer Sparkles the Wonder Horse.
Okay, that was low.
Even if it is, technically, somewhat accurate.
Twyklon b. The joke is accurate in two ways. One: Zyklon B was a pesticide. Twyklon kills bugs, too. Two: Zyklon B was also used as the gas in gas chambers during the Holocaust. It was used to kill people that were considered useless and a drag on society. Bug 2 was useless as he was a complete dick. Well played, my friend.
Agh, I gave myself a nosebleed from laughing at that last joke.
9928523
The only good bug's a dead bug.
9987093
I didn't know Typhoid could take on a gasious form
the implications of living in this AU are horrifying, but it's one of my faves
Just execute the guy I guess