• Member Since 5th Dec, 2011
  • offline last seen Nov 23rd, 2016

Darje


Comments ( 11 )
  • Viewing 7 - 11 of 11

976970 No problem, I'm interested to see where you go with it. :pinkiesmile:

Thanks for the fave of 'The Furthest From the Tree'. I appreciate it! :twilightsmile:

600154 Yeah, I lay the blame for that one on my impatient mind... I can't write empty walking scenes... it jumps around to show what his new behavior, and to set a tone... other wise I'd have him walking from the farm, to the outskirts, through town, into cupcake corner, and (for a little variety) walking some more before finally arriving at the Boutique...

600041
I find the premise interesting, so I'm going to follow it for now.

I do have a minor gripe, which I'm sure bothers others as well. The flow of your story feels a little rushed. At first Spike's with Big Mac, then he's suddenly walking past RD outside town. It's easy to connect the two events as a reader, but it's disruptive to enjoyment of the story. Same thing with Spike suddenly turning up at Sugarcube Corner and then at Carousel Boutique. There's no narrative to bridge the gap.

Now, obviously I'm not trying to discourage you, so please keep writing. I merely hope you keep what I've said in mind. :twilightsmile:

Thanks for the fave on "Toasting a Marshmallow" It means a lot to me!

  • Viewing 7 - 11 of 11
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