24 - The morning after
I was taking a hard breath with each footfall, running as hard as I could, but it was not tiring. Running through a dark Ponyville, I had a grim purpose. Something horrible was going to happen and I had to stop it.
There, in the darkness before me, stood Golden Coins, laughing.
“Can you save them? I don’t think so. You’re nothing but a worthless primate.” He looked at me sadly. “I couldn’t save them all. Oh, I tried, but I couldn’t even save the real pony out of their stupid little group. Only her.”
He looked at me and gestured with a bloody knife at a form writhing beside him. I drew closer and realized with dawning horror that the writhing mass was a wingless Scootaloo, her orange coat striped with crimson from two gaping wounds on her sides. In the dark behind her, I knew there were two other small forms of Applebloom and Sweetie Belle slumped bonelessly on the ground, just beyond what my eyes could see.
My mind reeled from the horror, rooting my feet and freezing my arms. A second passed, then two. My screaming mind finally took control of my limbs. In the growing rage, I had a moment of purest clarity.
He was beyond redemption, he had to be put down.
A wordless scream. A blurry charge, knife slashing back and forth. Fire bubbled up within me as I leapt through the air. I bore down on him relentlessly. Kill. Burn. Rip. Tear. KillBurnRipTear killburnriptearkillkillkillkill-
And suddenly, all the rage, all the emotion, just stopped. I could feel it drifting inside me, brushing through my skin like an ethereal mist. Scootaloo was left frozen mid-spasm, hanging in the air like some macabre floating sculpture. Her little body was greyed out and unclear, like looking at her through a badly scratched lens. My eyes were drawn instinctively to the only colour remaining in the scene. Her wings laid haphazardly on the ground, the orange of the feathers and red of blood and flesh, the white of bone and gristle contrasting sharply with the filly that floated above them.
Coins walked up from behind me. I hadn’t even noticed that he had disappeared.
“She’ll thank me one day, you know. I’ve seen her. Seen her struggle to fly and all the other stupid feather dusters laughing at her.”
He reached down and picked up a tiny orange wing, examining it closely, before offering it up for me to inspect.
“Underdeveloped. Atrophied. Barring a miracle, she would never have been able to fly. She’s better off this way.”
I examined the wing closely. His observations were accurate, and I handed it back to him, nodding. I saw the blood and gore on my hands but didn’t think it was important.
He threw the wing on the ground and crushed it under his hoof, grinding bone, sinew, and feather into a gory mess. I smiled in approval.
“Wings are a lie. Unicorn magic is a lie. I don’t suppose you know why Ponyville has the best produce in all of Equestria?”
I shook my head.
“It’s right over there—the Everfree forest. Ponyville is a true earth pony town, one of the very few left. To my knowledge, we’re the only ones to still “wrap up” winter in the proper way. And even that’s a bit of a misnomer. The only important thing is clearing the snow out of the way for planting. Birds? Animals? You would know better than most. They’re supposed to take care of themselves.”
He sighed and rubbed his muzzle with a hoof. “I just wish you would understand, you miserable hairless monkey. All I want to do is save them. And I can’t. I could swindle all the fortunes in Equestria and it wouldn’t do a thing.”
“Who? Who do you want to save?” He ignored me.
“You’re a predator. And I suppose I am too, in my own way.” He shot me an appraising look. “Now that I think about it, we are far more alike than I ever imagined. I hope you realize how much this disgusts me, abomination. I’ve heard some of your stories- the ones that you haven’t censored for the fragile little fillies and colts. No one could survive a journey like that without a certain mindset. But you, you always thought you were better than that didn’t you? Even in the throes of your deluded misery, you clung like a wretched limpet to that thought. It’s why you hate me so much. It’s why you hate yourself so much. And it’s why we took her wings from her.”
Something shattered, and Scootaloo flopped to the ground like a broken doll, head lolling into the mess that had been one of her wings.
“It’s too late for us, you know. There’s a reason it’s called damnation.”
Golden Coins loomed forward, growing ever larger. I cringed, trying desperately but unsuccessfully to look away from the sight before me. No. No. Nonononononononono!
“I would never do that! No! Never!”
He gave me an empty smile.
“But you already have.”
I was in a dark room. It had taken me ages to get here without alerting anyone, but it had all been worth it. I stood unopposed in front of my prey, who was now trembling in the corner.
“It’s for the greater good,” I told the orange pegasus. I grabbed her, and in two quick, efficient movements sliced off both of her wings. “Let this be the first step in your redemption.”
I could hear the growing laughter, my own mingled with that of Golden Coins. I swung my arm, trying to stop it and make it go away. It made contact with something. In that instant, I fell back into my body and with a gasp, I opened my eyes to see Dash sprawled on my living room floor.
I scrambled off the couch to her side, “Are you hurt? Oh, Dash, I’m so sorry.” I reached out to hold and comfort her, but she moved away, cringing. A moment of blind terror had made me hurt my angel and it broke my heart. She finally looked up. The expression of fear on her face tore my soul. Tears started dripping down my cheeks, “Dash, I-”
Her expression changed to one of compassion and a small smile as she understood what had just happened had been an accident. “It’s okay, you big goof. Anyway, you hit like a filly.”
I did a little coughing laugh and took her in my arms, “Dash I’m so sorry. I’m a monster. I hurt you. I didn’t mean to. It was a nightmare, a horrible, horrible nightmare. I know it’s no excuse. Please forgive me. I’m begging you.”
She held me and softly, slowly cooed, “It’s okay. It’s okay. It was just a dream. It’s gone now. You didn’t hurt me. I’m a lot tougher than that.” She held me tight for a few minutes, “Do you want to talk about it?”
I sniffed, “Coins. I was him, and he was me,” I hesitated, reeling from the horrifying imagery still fresh in my mind, “we did terrible things, even by human standards, and he was laughing, and I couldn’t stop us.” I continued after a moment to regain myself, “I hurt Scoots, there was so much blood on my hands. So much blood... But the worst part was that I couldn’t save any of them.”
“What do you mean, 'any of them’?”
I hesitated again, took a deep breath, and answered, “Coins, Sweetie Belle, Applebloom, and,” I shut my eyes and stifled a sob then whispered, “oh dear God, Scootaloo.”
I felt Dash’s hoof on my chin, lifting my face back up. I opened my eyes only to gaze into the visage of the person I’d fallen in love with. My voice was full of shame, “I’m sorry I’m weak, that you have to deal with this. It’s not right. I, I should be stronger.”
Dash pushed me away slightly and looked at me for a long time, her expression unreadable. “You’re a strong person when it counts. You really believe in that redemption stuff, don’t you.”
I didn’t reply immediately, but when I did, it was with certainty, “As much as you believe in loyalty.” We sat there, looking at each other for the longest time. “Thank you, Dash.” I caressed her cheek, and she kissed my palm. “For not hating me. For being my redemption.” I noticed the aroma of coffee.
Her confident smirk made my heart skip a beat, “Hey, I’m your trophy marefriend, and don’t you forget it.” We both laughed at our private joke. “Now, let's try this again without you clobbering me.” She gave me a long, slow kiss. “Good morning, Alex. I’m not much of a cook, but I made coffee and oatcakes.” I was surprised at her timid tone, not at all the brave and brash Rainbow Dash I knew.
“Thank you, it smells wonderful. Made by the hands, sorry, hooves of an angel. My angel.” I held her in my arms for a moment, happy she was here. “Heh, before I do anything else, I need to take care of something.” I quickly went to the washroom, splashed some cold water on my face, swallowed some powdered willow bark with water, and gave my teeth a quick brush.
I looked at the tired old man staring back at me in the mirror. I pointed at myself, 'You're lucky. After all these lonely years, you finally meet a woman as strong as Ann in many ways but so different and one of a kind.' I sighed, 'Best put on my best face for my angel.'
When I returned, I saw her pouring two mugs of coffee. “Dash, what did I ever do to deserve you?” I happily took a sip and abruptly stopped. The coffee was... bad. Oh my goodness, it was bad. I panicked but had enough presence of mind to hide it, ‘I can’t say I like it, she’ll see right through me.’ I smiled, “Have I told you I love you yet?”
She smiled, “Not yet,” then added with a sensual expression, “But you sure showed me last night.”
I fought with every ounce of strength to not spit the next sip of coffee out in shock. Too late. I did manage to spit most of it back into the cup. “I-I’m sorry?”
Dash grinned, “You’re so cute when you think you’ve been bad.” She took a sip of her coffee, “Mmmm, best brew yet. No, last night you carried me upstairs, and I was, you know, thinking you were finally taking me up on my offer,” she rolled her eyes, “and then you tucked me in your bed, gave me a kiss, and went back downstairs. Well, you fell once on the way down.” She looked into her cup, her expression bittersweet. “That was the kindest thing anyone has done to me in a long time.”
“What can I say? I want you to know I’m not in it for a roll in the hay.”
The confident smirk that gave me such joy returned, “But you will roll in the hay, right? You don’t have a problem with rolling or hay?”
“Absolutely. Rolling and hay are both part of a balanced love life.” I started taking one of the small cakes.
“Not those. I had this pile just for you and your human gut.”
“Thank you, Dash.” I patted my tummy, “He appreciates your thoughtfulness.” The oatcakes were a little burned on the outside and a little undercooked on the inside.
Dash eagerly started digging into hers but paused, “Do you like them? My mom made them like this all the time. They’re my favourite.”
I am ashamed to say I took a very tentative first bite, but I was pleased to see she didn’t notice, and then I started chewing thoughtfully. They weren’t that bad. “They’re different from what I’ve had in the past, but they’re quite good.”
Dash seemed to have accepted what I said. She seemed relieved, and most importantly, she seemed happy. I was determined not to talk about the dream and did what I always do: I changed the subject.
“So, I’m planning a trip to Canterlot. Rarity got me a meeting with Perfect Home. I guess he’s a hotshot architect that she met at some society thing. Anyway, it turns out he has connections with Filthy Rich so that, plus a nod from Rarity, was enough to get a meeting. It gives me the chance to impress him enough to maybe get him to design the new theatre. Rarity said it would be a huge mark of prestige. So, I’ll have to class myself up and hope I can impress this person.”
She flashed the overconfident smirk I had grown to love, “I don’t doubt you can do it. You know how hard I am to impress, and you’re almost there. You’ll knock him off his hooves.”
“I’m also going there to hire Trixie. Because one hottie is just not enough.” I smiled innocently.
Dash raised one perfect eyebrow. “You know I don’t believe you.”
“That I’ll hire Trixie or that one hottie is not enough?”
She looked at me with a barely suppressed grin, “That you’ll hire Trixie.”
We both looked at each other for a moment, suppressing grins and laughter, until we both finally broke down. “You, my dear, are all the mare I can handle.”
“Good, because I’m the jealous type,” she smirked and threw a little piece of oatcake at me. I caught it with a smile. “Nice catch.”
I glanced above Dash to look at the clock and groaned. Two hours until Applejack is supposed to come.
Dash followed my gaze and looked at the wall clock behind her. “Oh right, AJ.”
“Yes, Applejack. I’m not sure what to say to her, really. I mean, other than the obvious. I’m just afraid we will lose her as a friend.”
She looked at me, “I know what you mean.” Dash had a sad expression and propped her head on the table with her hoof. “She’s my best friend, Alex. What, what can I say to her? I mean, on one hoof, I’m angry. She was hitting on my stallion. Trying to steal you.” Her expression grew loving, “On the other, any stallion who could grab me the way you do, well, I can’t blame her.” She threw her head back in frustration, “Ugh. I’m just no good at this mushy stuff.”
“Dash, what’s the expression? ‘Blinders off, everypony.’ That’s the one that means we all say what we need to say and show everyone what’s on our minds, right? No hiding anything from anyone.’
“I’m impressed. Your fat head can get pony stuff in there.”
I stood and replied with a forced jauntiness in my voice, “Well, with you around to pound it into me, I'm starting to learn. Tell you what, you have been so kind to me this morning...” I had almost managed to forget, but the imagery came rushing back to me. I suddenly lost my composed face for a moment, exposing the real terror I was hiding. Our eyes locked, and I just turned. I fought hard to compose myself again.
When I finally won that battle, I whispered, “Sorry.” I scowled at my renewed weakness. “I thought I was in control. I thought I was stronger.” When I turned back to Dash, her expression of pain, sadness, and compassion made my knees buckle. Even though I knew intellectually there was no reason, I felt shame for showing weakness in front of the woman I love. I dropped into my chair, leaning forward, unable to speak. I couldn't even mumble an apology.
I stared blankly at my plate. 'Now, Dash has seen me at my worst, physically and emotionally. I can't see her wanting this train wreck. And so soon, too. Well done, Alex, well done.'
I was so wrapped up in myself I didn't notice her sidling up beside me. When she put her warm cheek on my own, I took a sharp breath in surprise. She put her hoof on my back and slowly rubbed it. This was the first time she had touched my back, even through clothes. These simple, loving actions comforted me, and I was thankful.
After a few moments, I turned my head and was immediately drawn to her eyes. Her perfect eyes are wonderful in all their intricate detail and delicate beauty. I remembered why she made my heart skip. Without tearing my eyes away, “You remember Dash, when I was in the hospital and how I said I was always looking for a fair trade?” She gave a little nod. “That thought hasn't crossed my mind in the time we've been together. When I told you you were my redemption, I wasn't kidding. Before, I was willing to die for others. Now, I'm willing to live for you. I want to give others the gift of redemption you’ve given me.” I caressed her cheek, “You're a strong mare, and you deserve a strong man. I was afraid you would be ashamed of me, of being disappointed, now that you’ve seen me so weak.”
I tried looking down, but she held my gaze with a loving expression of incredible fierceness, “Alex, when it comes to others, you're as brave and strong as anypony I know. Braver than me, sometimes. But you're such a whiny little foal when it's about you. You're very special to me, and it hurts when you're so down on yourself. I don't know what to say to you that will make you see that. And, yeah, that nightmare was really scary, and I know what kind of things you've seen, so it must have been horrible to affect you like that, but it was just a nightmare. You're not Celestia or Luna. You have to be afraid of something. I just,” she swallowed, “just don't be afraid of losing me.”
I smiled, finally having that lesson driven home, and I slowly brushed my fingers along her cheek, “Not anymore, my sky blue angel.”
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Yes WE Aprorve of this
D' to the aaaawwwwwwwwwww
Dear author bravo, I certainly enjoyed the visceral scene Alex shared with Golden Coins. His inner turmoil of trying to leave behind his darker impulses, though i wonder why he didn't attack Golden Coins in lust for violence, rather then Scootaloo? Surely Golden coins would be foci of his anger, unless you going for the predator always goes after the weakest prey first. All in all an enjoyable read, though i wonder how Alex will be able to afford his theater now with so few bits to his name.
Pretty good. I wouldn't think that humans would be more delicate than ponies, the physics in their world are all wrong, so why wouldn't it affect us? Why wouldn't we become something more?
Oh yeah, I also have a question, he hasn't physically aged, correct? But he is definitely old, correct?
~Jack
444218 I imagine it was more of a dream trick, where he thought he was attacking Coins, and it ended up being Scootaloo, which further reinforced the Alex = Coins part of the dream.
Hm. It is well written, though I think the nightmare took too much of the chapter. It dragged out a bit, IMO. The nightmare conveyed a well-deserved consequence for Alex's threatening of Coins's life (morally-speaking, Coins is a nuisance and an asshole, but not deserving a death threat). So yeah, I equate this to Alex's guilty conscience gave him a good slap across the face for that.
In terms of character development, Alex (Paladin of Redemption) has a title and a responsibility that he isn't playing out very well, especially with his adversaries. His self-redemption is important to him, I understand that. But Isn't he supposed help others achieve redemption too? Maybe during the wedding reception he did that somewhat with successfully keeping Dash and Applejack from doing any further harm to their relationship, and then inviting them to lunch to get them to repair their friendship. So points for that. But they are his friends, what about his enemies? Its hard not to get adversarial with people like Coins, but his title implies he needs to get past that do what he can to put Coins on a better path.
Now, I see that aspect of him as a good challenge for the character to overcome. Even if it isn't intended. Also, his self-pity is seemingly another challenge, which does appear to come back to haunt him (understandable given his traumatic past).
444364
Physically ponies are stronger and tougher pound per pound, mentally, it's a crap shoot, like humans. While he doesn't have the brute strength and toughness of a pony, he does have better long duration endurance. So, a pony could out sprint him, and out run him over a short to medium distance, they would be winded after a few kilometres, Alex could jog all day. You'll be seeing this during the upcoming running of the leaves. Emotionally, Alex tends to man up during the action, but when things are 'safe' that's when it hits him (like many of us, I think).
As for the age, and this does not effect the story yet, but is a good to know for the reader, it's not that he doesn't age, it's that when he jumped, his age would reset to 40. He never stayed long enough in any one place for it to matter. So, to answer your question he's physically about 41 now (he's been in Equestria about 6 months). Chronologically, he's about 100. So, while is body is middle age, his mind is old. Very old, and tired to a degree.
(Dan tips his hat to Jack)
444407
I will PM my response to you. In fact, it's like you read my next chapter notes...
Eh, I kind of felt this chapter was weaker than the previous ones. The nightmare dragged on too long for my tastes and while it was well written just didn't really interest me as much as what came after it. It seemed unnecessarily extreme. Yes our intrepid hero has guilt issues and feels guilty for things he shouldn't, this was established a bunch of chapters ago.
444415
Nah, I'm just good at psychoanalyzing characters in literature.
lethal amounts of d'awwww
chzbronies.files.wordpress.com/2012/04/my-little-pony-friendship-is-magic-brony-hugs.gif
Nice chapter, that nightmare was well and truly disturbing.
444409 I want to make a Doctor Who reference so badly with that last statement regarding his age resetting.
Thank you for the reply, and clearing that up. Also, I just wanted to make sure I was correct in assuming something: the constant "ya's", instead of "yeah's" in your fic... That is because you're Canadian correct? Just wanted confirmation, as I was going to write them all off as spelling errors.
*tips hat back to techogre*
~Jack
444745
Well, son. Ah'm from Southern Ontario, I ain't got no accent. Well, maybe one a' dem fancy French accents.
...
Ok, I'll stop being silly.
Lets just call it a spelling error so deeply ingrained that when I see it spelled properly, it feels wrong. Also, it has not been brought to my attention. However, in my defence, when I say it out loud, the 'a' is more nasal because of my Francophone stilled speech (I've been told it's subtle) as compared to my Anglophone and American mid-west friends.
In the interest of caving in to my readers, because spines are for winners, I'll see if I can fix that.
Lets hope they can patch things up with AJ.
444456 That gif is pretty dam awsome.
at the beginning the first thing I thought was 'What did I miss?'
444820 ya is just you, I write yeah, and I'm not even 40km from you. Don't go dragging our beloved stereotype through the mud, lol.
I agree this chapter wasn't as... well it didn't have the same feel all your do but I still like it. My condolences to earthrise for the nightmare, which is probably the reason for the mood feeling less... light(?)
444820 Ahh, no biggy. I was just curious.
Also, were you making fun of Americans with the hinted accent in that post? (I'm not expressing butthurt, and can take a joke; just curious)
*sips tea*
~Jack
446415
Making fun of myself, really. I've always found that accent quite charming. When I speak french I have a bit of an Acadian (Cajun in the States) accent, which is similar of the 'Southern' accent, with it's contracted words and slang. It also implies the same sort of things; honest, hard working, more practical than theoretical thinking, etc.
447541 Right, I know what Cajun is, silly. I've been to the states a few times.
You're right, too. It's why I have so much trouble trying to find a favorite pony, that accent is just so sweet and charming to me.
~Jack
448058
That was more for others who may not know the connection between Acadians (Canada) and Cajuns (US).
This is now at the top of my priorities for fics to read.
This has been in my watch later for a bit, but I just noticed all of the side stories that you have for this! Now i'm insanely interested in reading so I can get to those! I should have paid more attention when I marked this.
I did it! I read all 24 chapters and all side stories in...8 hours. Man im slow
I'm speechless with how this entire story has gone; it has been an incredible read that has to be my favorite if not tied with a story ive forgotten, but when it comes to just this chapter I can put a few words together.
I agree that the nightmare was a bit bloated for this chapter, but I saw its necessity to set the mood properly and set up the weakness that Alex felt compared to being a redeemer.
You have an incredible gift for writing.
453299
Heh, 8 hours is how long it takes for me to listen to the whole thing in iTunes. Yes, I'm that narcissistic.
.
And, I agree, this chapter leaves me flat too. I enjoyed writing it, but in the end it was a little too, I don't know, single subject? Well, a thousand apologies to one and all. Next one is back in the swing of things.
455870
Yes, this is one of the inconsistencies I was talking about due to the rewrite. I apologize for this, but as the earlier chapters are rewritten, you will see this less and less.
457003
dont worry, that didn´t stopped me from reaching chapter 18 ^^
459602 Then why are you commenting on what aluminum is, then?
459689 Want to know why? Because it 2 bucking 30 in the morning, I won't be able to fall asleep for another 3 hours, I have to get up at 6:30, and I don't think the sleep mess are working right...
459696 Poor you.
459696
You have my condolences. I understand the pain of sleeplessness.
I must say, you use Luna's name too often in lieu of god. Throw some Celestia in there. For example "In luna's name" could easily be "In the name of Celestia", maybe even better because that saying has actually been used in the series. Just an observation by someone who otherwise enjoys the story very much and has read the first 24 chapters in one breath
Blood and gore in a love story that's supposed to be some kind of sci-fi reality-shifting... SOMETHING. Now that's what I call "versatile".
Damn you, Tech! This is the 2nd time in a row I sit up, literally, ALL NIGHT, reading this fic.
And I regret nothing!
444182 yes you do..
Ahhhh maaaaaan... dat nightmare D'x
Jeebus... no one hurts little Scoots on my watch! 'O'^'O'
Nice chappie.
So he's just going to let Coins win the money part by cheating