1 - A rough landing

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I stumbled through the dark and snowy woods, the silver moon in the star-speckled sky my only light. With each breath, my lungs replied with fire, my tired body numb from the cold. The branches scraping at my arms and legs, leaving welts on my face, were meaningless. In the distance, I heard the dogs and their handlers getting closer.

I was desperate, ‘Just a few more minutes.’

I saw a stream up ahead. A glimmer of hope inspired me to run just a little faster. I drew a sharp breath as I splashed into the icy water. My legs burned as I waded upstream into the freezing, fast-running water. I pushed myself as hard as I could. I managed about a hundred meters before I scrambled up the bank, my fingers grasping at the snow and frozen earth.

The dogs were getting louder. My soaked canvas leggings dragged against my legs, quickly caking in snow.

In the distance, I could hear the barking of the dogs; they suddenly seemed confused. ‘Thank God. I lost those mutts at the stream.’ I took a moment to gulp a lungful of burning cold air. This respite was cut short when the dogs changed the tone of their bark. They'd found my trail again. I muttered a curse under my breath.

With relief, I could feel it in my gut. I was just a few moments before a jump. It took me many years to learn all the signs, but now I know them by heart. A vague sense of unease, a curious shifting not quite centred in my chest, and just a general, indescribable increase in discomfort. I'd even learned to estimate how long my stay would be once I had arrived in the new world.

‘Who knows?’ I thought, ‘I might even jump back home this time.’ I knew it was optimistic to the point of stupidity, but the hope of seeing my family again had kept me going all these years.

I turned my head and, just for a moment, in the distance, I looked into the eyes of one of the handlers. I realized at that moment they had spotted me as well. I wasted some precious breath to swear.

The lead hunter called out, “Alex Roberts. Surender now, don’t kick up a fuss, and I’ll make sure you get light punishment.”

“Sorry, Sam. Not this time. I’ll be out of your bald head soon enough.”

The grizzled guard sighed, “You asked for it. Unleash!”

I swore as the dogs charged towards me.

I knew the sensation, and it was the prelude to a jump. It quickly grew stronger. In the growing haze, I stumbled and fell, disoriented and unable to run. The world around me became brighter. The jump had to be coming any second now. I felt sick and afraid as I saw the dog's foam-flecked teeth.

Time slowed as the lead hound leapt at me. The dog moved closer and closer, first by meters, then centimetres, and finally millimetres. It never quite reached me. The edge of my vision dissolved into silvery white and slowly covered my field of view. I couldn't tell if this took seconds or days, my sense of self disappearing as the whiteness grew. And as that pure light superseded my vision, so the silence deafened me. Before I lost all sense of self, I knew something was different, and what was left of me cried out in fear.

In Canterlot, the Princess of the Night was awoken by a strange tug on the fabric of reality.

In the Royal Court, Princess Celestia was startled by a sudden and violent sundering of The Weave and an equally violent reconciliation.

Xenobiologist Lyra Heartstrings crept into the woods. She was cautious, partially to avoid disturbing any dragon fairies but mostly to avoid the ire of the landowner and her rabbit companion.

She stopped at the edge of a clearing, taking a long, cool drink from her water bottle. The telekinetic glow faltered when a bright flash and crack of thunder startled her.

She saw a strange sight in the distance; a patch of snow-covered ground with what looked like a young misshapen minotaur.

She crept closer, leaving her emptying water bottle behind.

In the past, a jump was a quick affair; a little disorientation, a little visual distortion, but these went away after a few moments, a minute at the most. This time, I blacked out. I’m not sure how long.

When I regained a modicum of my senses, my vision was a wall of white, whether my eyes were open or closed, and the vertigo was nauseating. My hearing was no better. All I could hear was a high-pitched tone. I was effectively deaf and blind.

I felt warmth on my back and icy, wet cold on my front. I slowly clenched my hands into the wet snow, getting life back into them. The world was still indistinct, and I tried to get up, only to fall back down, the dizziness causing me to vomit. My face landed half on the edge of the snow and half on the wet warm grass. I was grateful, ‘At least it didn’t seem to be winter here.’

This was the first time I had been so disabled after a jump. In the past, it was, at most, a head shake, and after a few moments, I would start seeing again. I calmly waited for what I thought was a minute or two. I was unsure if there had been any change, but maybe there was a slight improvement.

I had learned that the longer I was dazed, the longer I would be staying, and it looked like I was in for a long one. ‘This may be the last jump, then,’ I thought. ‘This is where I’ll die, in whatever final hell I've been dumped in.’

Lyra stopped at the edge of the woods. In the distance was a familiar demure yellow pegasus with anger issues. She guessed the landowner would be worried the light and noise may have frightened her beloved animals. Carefully hiding behind a bush, she watched the pegasus cautiously move toward the large clearing at the back of her estate. As an extra measure, she put a few small branches with clumps of leaves in her mane. Her smile grew smug, ‘Now no pony will see me.’

I slowly crawled on my belly to the edge of the disk, dragging vomit on my chest. Whenever I jumped, I brought a two or three-meter radius sphere of whatever was around me. The exact radius varied each time I jumped. This time, it was snow, frozen earth, and a few branches replacing whatever was there when I landed.

While dragging myself, my hand slipped several times on the quickly melting ice and snow. Nevertheless, I continued until I moved off the frozen ground. I dropped to the ground from fatigue, glad of the wet warmth underneath me. I could feel the short, cropped grass on my cheek, and I knew that usually meant a yard or field. I had a worried thought. 'That means people.'

My eyesight was slowly returning, the world moving from a white wall of haze to one of the more defined fields of colour. I heard a very gentle, very feminine voice speaking from a distance, “How strange, a round patch of snow in mid-summer?” It then exclaimed, “Oh my, you poor creature. I've never seen anything like you before.”

Remembering the hard lessons of the past, I couldn’t be a threat - if I’m not a threat, they’ll leave me alone.

That same, sweet voice continued, “Are you hurt? Are you sick? Here, let me see.”

Something hard touched my shoulder.

I felt a surge of desperate, manic energy. Terror flooded my veins with adrenaline. My arms strained as I threw myself off the ground and away. I heard a surprised, high-pitched squeak but ignored it. The impact was sharp and sudden. I had hit something far harder than the ground. My breath was cut from me as I tumbled to the ground.

‘So much for an escape.’ I wasn’t going to be going anywhere soon.

My vision was starting to clear, and I saw what I assumed was their mount. I thought it was a tiny thing for a horse, even for a pony. With my blurred vision, I assumed it was decorated with a bright yellow body covering and had its mane and tail dyed pink. A pink like that doesn't happen in nature. I looked around and saw bold, bright colours with very few gradients. Even my hands were looking like this. I wondered if my vision was failing in some new strange way, colours were never this pure in nature.

Between gasps, I tried to apologize. “Sorry... to... startle... you... ma’am... I just... landed from... a... long trip, and I’ll be off... your property... in a few minutes.”

If it was possible, her voice was even more meek, “Oh my, you can talk.” My vision was getting clearer, and I could have sworn the voice was coming from the mount. She must be behind it, keeping the pony between her and me.

My breath was returning, letting me speak a little more normally. “I didn’t mean to scare you, miss. My name is Alex Roberts. You don’t have to hide behind your horse. I don’t mean you any harm.” Things were getting clearer, and all I saw was that ridiculously coloured pony. I was still confused by the bright, unnatural colours.

“Oh, that's alright. I'm Fluttershy. I'm so sorry I touched you. I realize it was rather rude.” Incredibly, her voice was even softer than before.

I strained my eyes, trying to see around the mount. She must be quite small. By now, I could see the mount quite well, and it was a very odd-looking animal.

She had a tone of curiosity in her voice, “Now, what do you mean by hiding behind a horse? I’m not hiding behind anypony,” she continued, “Anyway, I’m a pegasus pony.” I could see something expand a little from the pony’s side and then collapse back in.

“I’m very sorry, miss... Fluttershy, was it? My vision and hearing are both a little out of whack right now. Did you say you’re a pegasus? As in a flying hor-, er, pony?” That name made something tick in my mind, but I decided it could wait.

She tittered, “Well, of course. What else would I be? Here, let me clean up those cuts and scrapes.”

As she approached, I could see what looked like a cloth in its mouth and white patches where eyes should be. I could see that they were far too big for her head to be eyes.

Suddenly, what I thought was some decoration blinked.

“Holy shit!” My exclamation made her scamper back. I berated myself, 'Idiot, don't alienate the one person trying to help you.' I smiled, bowed my head a little and raised my hands in a friendly way, “Ha ha, sorry about that. My vision is still sort of bad, and I didn't expect you so close. How about this? I'll put my hand out, and you put the cloth in my hand. I would really appreciate that.” I heard a high-pitched squeak in response. I slowly pushed myself up, leaning against what I assumed was a tree. “Just... just let me get my vision back, and we'll start again.” I saw she had moved away from me, out of sight, and I cursed myself, 'way to push away the one person willing to help.'

Lyra had been watching the unfolding scene with fascination. Her focus was shattered by a white rabbit smacking her in the flank with a carrot. She decided to make good her escape before the little rat giving her the stink eye gave her away.

It had been about a quarter of an hour since I frightened that yellow creature away. The heat of the summer sun was getting oppressive. I removed my coat and wet leggings and laid them out to dry, then I stumbled back down and closed my eyes. Every few minutes, I would open them, and each time my vision was clearer. It was about another quarter-hour before my vision was fully cleared.

I was still a little dizzy, but I managed to stand and take in the surrounding landscape. If my vision was failing in new and exciting ways, it was doing so in a very consistent fashion. In this place, lines were unnaturally smooth, and colours were bright and almost free of gradation. Even my hands almost looked stylized and unreal, even though when I touched them together, they felt as they always have; rough, calloused, and scarred.

I looked at the circle of mostly melted snow and noticed a black, bloody object on the far edge. I looked closely and realized what it was. One of the dogs that had attacked me had lost the tip of its nose. 'Damn, that was close.' I was thankful the field had caught it there, not higher up. That would have been a real mess.

The hairs on the back of my neck rose. I could feel someone watching me. I turned slowly, and hiding behind a tree was what I assume called itself Fluttershy. I sat back down and called out, “Fluttershy. It’s ok. I won’t hurt you.” I raised my hands, fingers open, palms out, “See, no weapons in my hands. I’m sorry I frightened you,” I chuckled, “I was just a little panicked myself.”

Very timidly, she fully stepped out from behind the tree, and, for the briefest instant, I saw my daughter standing there. ‘Lily’, I thought, and nearly said aloud, but then the vision dissolved, and once again, I saw a shy alien creature standing before me, its hoof tracing a nervous pattern in the grass. ‘Very timid. At least she’s not a fae, or it would be far more eager to ‘help’ me.’

I got a good hard look at her and found it difficult to understand what I saw. Her teal eyes were unnaturally large. If they were spheres, they would be half inside each other and outside her head. And her coat was a perfectly smooth yellow. Not even the best dyes could make it look that consistent. Her mane was a bright pink with darker pink highlights, and there were outlines of wings on her sides.

She squeaked something so softly that I couldn't understand what she said. I asked her to repeat herself, but her reply was even quieter and higher pitched. ‘Is there something wrong with her?’ I wondered to myself. ‘I’ve never met anything this shy. How the hell do I interact with her now?’ Not knowing what to do, I recited the mantra that had kept me alive through so many encounters, ‘Apologize, be meek, don’t be a threat.’

“Miss Fluttershy? I’m very sorry for my earlier reaction. I’ve never met a talking pony before. You startled me, to be honest.” I thought desperately, ‘Be meek, be humble, do NOT be a god damn threat.’

“Oh... You’ve never met a talking pony?” Her voice was questioning and still timid but getting stronger.

“No, this is the first time. And I get scared when I can’t see, but now that I can, we can reintroduce ourselves. Hello, my name is Alex Roberts, and you seem to be a lovely person called Fluttershy.” ‘Not too shabby, Alex, just don’t overdo it and hope she has a kind heart.’

I could see her raise her hoof to her mouth and titter, “I can understand being upset when you’re blinded and lost. I’ll be glad to forgive and forget what just happened. Let’s start again. I’m Fluttershy, and you seem to be a person trying to make amends.”

I chuckled, “That I am, Miss Fluttershy, that I am.”

‘You have no damn idea,’ I thought bitterly.

My clothing was still wet, and I needed to warm up fast. I could get sick if I were like this for too long. Even though it was warm, a summer afternoon, it wasn’t warm enough to dry me off quickly. I needed a fire. “Miss Fluttershy, with your permission, may I please make a fire to dry off? These clothes are wet, and I don’t want to catch a cold. I’ll happily chop wood or do other tasks in exchange.”

She looked confused, “Well then, why not remove them until they’re dry?”

I wondered if I read her expression correctly and her tone of voice. ‘At worst,’ I thought, ‘she’ll think I’m some kind of idiot or simpleton.’

I sighed, telling her a simpler version of the truth. “I have some scars I’m self-conscious of, you understand,” and added to myself, ‘among other things.’

She seemed to accept that answer, “There’s a fire pit closer to my house. You’re welcome to use it. There’s some firewood by the back shed you can use. I would really appreciate some cut wood. I find it so difficult to do.” Her voice was now almost normal, assuming the way she spoke before the misunderstanding was normal.

“Yes, Miss Fluttershy. Thank you very much again, Ma’am.” I repeated the mantra that had served me so well, ‘Stay meek. Stay humble. Stay safe.’

A winded Lyra ran headlong back to her home. She threw the door open and rushed to her work desk without even closing the front door. As she excitedly revised and expanded her notes, she muttered to herself, “Wait until Bons hears about this. This project will beat the hay out of everything I did on dragon fairies.”

Had she been a bit more perceptive, she would have noticed a tiny butterfly-winged creature waving goodbye to her.

I spent the afternoon drying by the fire, and then, as agreed, I started getting to work. I saw she had a rusty old pull saw and no axe. “Miss Fluttershy, if it’s alright with you, I’ll use my own tool to get the job done.” I slowly pulled my knife out and held it by the blade. ‘Don’t be a threat, Alex, don’t be a threat. Better explain before changing the shape.’ “Miss Fluttershy, can I ask you a silly question?” She nodded. “Do you have magic in this country?” A look of curiosity crossed her face, but she slowly nodded. “This is Imperial Pattern One Two Seven Nine C... Knife with Mental Controls and Polymorphic Enhancement.” ‘Best to skip the Combat part.’ “It allows me to give it commands, and it will change its shape based on a small library of predetermined shapes.” I gave her a friendly smile.

Her own grin rewarded me. “My, what a useful device. It must be very rare.”

I chuckled, “Actually, ma’am, this is a fairly common device where I got it.” ‘She seems to be relaxing, that means I can relax. Seems like a decent person too.’ I felt good about this situation and decided to take a chance. I thought the command words,‘CHILD MODE.’ As much as I wanted to establish trust, I was not going to risk my life. I flipped the knife, holding it by the blade. “Here, touch your, um, hoof to the handle. Think ‘PICKUP’ clearly. It will shape itself to your limb.”

Fluttershy gingerly put her forehoof out and touched the blade. The brass handle and knuckle guard flowed like water around her hoof, producing a pretty gilded pattern while the blade remained in the centre. What started as a startled flinch grew into a panicked shaking of her foreleg as she desperately tried to remove it.

I stated calmly and firmly, “Think ‘DROP KNIFE.’.” I snarled at myself, ‘Good going, idiot. And things were going so well. Christ, I hope I can salvage this.’

Her face scrunched up in concentration for a moment, and the knife dropped off her hoof. She looked in terror at it as if it were some poisonous insect.

I rubbed my eyes, “Miss Fluttershy, I’m truly very sorry about that. I should have warned you that it gets a little clingy. Please, let me chop some wood for you, and I’ll get out of your hair.” I bent down to get the knife, and she started to speak.

“It’s alright, Alex Roberts. We can’t think of everything. You’ve been using it for a long time, so I’m sure it's second nature to you. I was just surprised at how perfectly it fit. And,” she smiled up shyly at me, “I can be a little skittish sometimes.”

As she was talking, her expression became one of angelic kindness and forgiveness.

‘This is crazy. I’ve known her for less than an hour and trust her completely. I never trust anyone. I must have a concussion or something. What if it’s some mind control magic or worse?’ I spent a few moments feeling around inside my mind for any telltale signs of influence but didn’t find any. This just left me a little confused.

“Well, Miss Fluttershy, you were kind enough to let me use some wood. I’ll split some as promised.” She led me to a felled tree. It was about 5m long and still had all the branches attached. With my knife in garrotte mode, it only took about an hour to clean all the branches off the trunk, cut everything into lengths, and split the larger pieces.

Once completed, it was getting near dusk, and I put a small log on the remains of the fire. “I want to thank you again for your kindness.” I played with the ashes of the fire, “You didn’t have to help me, you know.” I gave her a sidelong glance, “I really mean it. Almost everywhere else I’ve been, it’s been everyone for himself.”

She had what seemed a reproachful expression, “Don’t be silly. You needed help, and I was there to give it.”

We sat quietly together by the fire while I processed my day. The sky was darkening, and I saw the first star. I smiled, glad that the sky was as consistent as ever over all the realities I've been at. I softly said, in a sing-song voice, the same thing I've said almost every night:

“Star light, star bright,
First star I see tonight.
I wish I may, I wish I might,
Have the wish I wish tonight.”

I wished the same wish I have for as long as I remember, ‘I want to go home.’

Fluttershy spoke wonderingly, “That’s a lovely little poem. Is it from where you come from?”

“Yes, it is. This will seem silly for a full-grown man to do, but it’s a child’s poem.” I continued looking at the stars coming out, the constellations forming quickly. “You know, Fluttershy, they,” I pointed at the stars, “have been one of the few constants in all my travels.” I pointed them out, “Orion, Ursa Minor, Cassiopeia, Scorpius, Leo, there are more, but you get the idea. They tie me back to my home, Fluttershy, and for that, I’m very thankful.”

“Princess Luna has been making the stars and the moon much more vibrant these days. It’s her you should thank,” Fluttershy stated demurely.

I usually don’t pray to the local gods, but the quiet sincerity with which she believed was hard to dismiss. I smiled as I would to my own daughter, “So, how does one thank Princess Luna?”

“It’s very easy to thank her. All you do is look at the most beautiful part of the sky and give her your letter of thanks.

I grew thoughtful for a moment, “So, Fluttershy, how do I send a letter of thanks to Princess Luna, exactly? I’m afraid I don’t have any paper to write on. And what part of the sky is considered the most beautiful?”

She looked at me with such kindness, such joy at a chance to teach, “Silly, you don’t need paper. You just write the letter in your heart and speak it with your mouth. And the most beautiful part is the one that means the most to you.” She smiled wistfully.

I looked at Fluttershy for a long moment and resigned myself, ‘I may as well do it. I have nothing to lose. Anyway, it feels good to believe, even if I really don’t.’ After thinking for a moment to gather my thoughts, I composed my prayer. Once it was ready, I looked at the North Star, the one that has guided me so many times, and cleared my throat:

Dear Princess Luna,
I am new to your world and don’t know if you’ll listen to me or even exist. No matter, I ask for nothing. I only want to thank you for your gift of the night sky. You arrange your constellations in the same way as they are back home. A home I lost so many years ago and seek to return to. Please accept my deepest thanks for this.
Your supplicant,
Alex Roberts

Luna, on her throne, sat with an expression of pleasant surprise. ‘A simple thanks. How... unexpected.’

Fluttershy smiled warmly at me, “That was a... nice letter. I know Princess Luna will be pleased.”

Much to my surprise, even as sceptical as I was, I felt better after that little supplication. I muttered to myself, ‘I hope you’re real, Princess Luna. I really do.’

As the warm summer evening wore on, I started dwelling on a nagging thought. 'Why did my mind tick at her name? How could I have possibly heard that name before?'

She must have seen the pensive expression on my face as I absentmindedly stirred the embers.

“What’s wrong, Alex?” I flinched as she put her... hoof on my arm. I’ve developed a very strong sense of personal space over the years, and I found it hard to ignore any physical contact, even from such a lovely and sweet person.

“Sorry, just... well, it doesn’t matter. I’ve just been noodling why you seem familiar, like I had heard of you before. It’s been bothering me like a song stuck in your head. But please don’t take this in a bad way. I doubt I’ve heard of you before today. Please understand, it’s just some ramblings from an old man.”

“It’s alright. It happens to all of us.” I was struck again by the fierceness of her gentle kindness.

I almost felt overwhelmed. She smiled sweetly at me again and started humming a wordless tune. I started picturing my little Lily singing something to that tune.

I listened briefly, eyes closed, letting the music flow over me. I soon asked, “That tune. Are there any words to it?”

She smiled that omnidirectional kindness, “Not really. But it’s called ‘My Little Pony’.”

“Huh.” I pondered this for a moment. “Doesn’t ring a bell.”

2 - Bad News

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I was on the couch in my living room with the kids. We were watching… something. The screen was covered in bright, colourful pony shapes, and Fluttershy's tune was invading my senses. It was a repetitive yet catchy tune that triggered something on the edge of my mind, but its meaning was just out of reach.

And then I saw it—a still image on the screen, a moment frozen in time. At the bottom centre was Fluttershy, sitting demurely and unobtrusively, surrounded by other ponies, but I couldn’t quite see them beyond coloured pony shapes. A purple screen suddenly replaced this image with some kind of logo made up of dark pink words. I was fascinated by the spectacle. While I could see each letter clearly, I simply couldn’t make sense of the garbled collection.

I briefly tore my eyes from the screen to note the room was empty, with only the lightly billowing gauze curtain to keep me company. All I could do was turn back and stare at those letters, slowly changing and dancing but never resolving into anything legible. Despite my frustration, I smiled. I felt like a child joyfully chasing after a butterfly but never quite reaching it.

The diarch sat at the breakfast table overlooking the terraced gardens. Tea and scones for one, ale and apples artistically arranged on a plate for the other.

Celestia spoke tentatively, “Lulu, did you sense anything unusual earlier today?”

Luna nodded, “I did, dear sister. In fact, it woke me from my daily slumber. May I assume thou were likewise disturbed?”

She replied with concern, “Yes. During Day Court, I sensed The Weave being rend then as quickly mended.” She added significantly, “The mend was imperfect.”

The Princess of the Night tapped her chin, “An old foe seeking vengeance? A new foe seeking a weakness? Do you think a friend, perhaps?”

“I’m not sure. I will investigate the damage to the weave, and perhaps I can draw information. In the meantime,” Celestia called her majordomo, “Time Keeper? Send word to the Royal Intelligence Service, I require eyes and ears.” With her will put into motion, she bit into one of her apples.

This had been the first good sleep I could remember having in a very long time, but I didn't know why. Despite the feeling of safety, I still kept my knife at hand, ready to be used in my defence at a moment's notice. The various safety features built into it meant I could sleep with it in my hand, clutched against my chest, without worrying about stabbing myself. The years of back-breaking slavery in that thrice-damned copper mine had taught me that sometimes just being too comfortable, too vulnerable, or too weak would exact a high price. It was better to stay armed at all times and survive no matter how safe it seemed.

But that dream did something to me; I couldn’t remember the last time something like that had happened. I had felt a glimmer of hope. Maybe, just maybe, this place was different. I had thought that a few times before over the years and had usually been wrong, but this time, could I be right?

It was just a ghost of a glimmer, faint, the merest wisp, but it was there.

While I lay there, it struck me that the tune Fluttershy was humming was also in the dream. What did she call it? My Little Horsey? No, it was My Little Pony. That was the show. The logo from the dream resolved itself in my mind’s eye. Yes, that was it, I’m sure. I’ll have to look it up properly when I have a chance. I didn’t remember much, but if this is that world, then this is a paradise. A safe place where I can rest. ‘It would be nice just to rest.’

As I lay half awake, savouring this new hope, my body reacted reflexively. I rolled away from under the blanket and had my knife drawn before I was aware of what I was doing. I crouched, my blanket half draped across my leg.

I looked to find a small white rabbit sitting on his haunches, holding a carrot over his shoulder like a club. He looked angry. With a little rabbity snarl, he put one hand on his hip and pointed his club menacingly at me.

I lowered my knife, “You're one of Fluttershy's little animal friends, right?” His carrot lowered slightly, and he nodded slowly, his eyes squinting suspiciously. "Look, I don’t mean Fluttershy, or anyone else, any harm. In fact, I'm grateful to your friend. I suspect she's the kind to pick up any old stray, but I promise I'll repay her kindness. Even if it's just manual labour, I will repay her." I looked at the brave little menace thoughtfully, "She's lucky to have a protective friend like you."

The rabbit’s expression hardened. After a few moments, he pointed to his own eyes, then at mine. His message was crystal clear. Satisfied he had made his point, he shouldered his carrot and hopped off.

I made a mental note to never, under any circumstances, cross that rabbit. I had to admit I liked his spirit. I can respect wanting to protect Fluttershy. She radiates warmth and kindness. It’s hard not to feel protective.

Since I was awake, I took the opportunity to get properly washed up. My rough hand rubbed the shaggy growth of facial hair. I searched for my toiletries kit from one of the side pockets of my pack. Anyone looking at me while I was digging around in my handy haversack would see I had my arm almost to the shoulder inside the small side pocket. I called it my Tardis bag, but no one had understood the reference in years.

I finally found what I was looking for; a small cake of shaving soap and a small mirror. I wet my face and made a lather in the palm of my hand, then rubbed it into my beard. Unsheathing the blade, I issued a simple command: SHAVING MODE. I used to do this every day or two, but for the last few years of captivity, I only shaved when I had a chance to escape, mainly to disguise my appearance and allow myself to feel human again. I was quickly done, the magic blade only cutting the hair on my skin.

Admiring the clean shave in the mirror, it was about this time I heard the gentle voice of Fluttershy, “Alex?”

I called back, "Miss Fluttershy, over here, by the stream. I'm just cleaning up."

She called back, her voice getting steadily closer, “Oh, good! I was wondering if you would like to come to the house for some breakfast. I sure … you’re …”, her voice trailed off.

I was drying my knife on my pants and looked around for her. She was standing a short distance up on the bank of the stream, sunlight streaming behind her, with a look of shock and horror on her face, tears forming in her eyes. "Hey, Miss Fluttershy, what's wrong? I'm sorry, is the knife disturbing you? I'll put it away." I quickly sheathed the blade. I then started to think, with just a slight panic, ‘Damn, have I totally freaked her out?’ Her expression was slowly changing to one of disgust and pity. "Ah. Well, no worries, I'll get out of your hair as fast as possible. I'm very sorry I upset you." I was crestfallen. I had been hoping I could make friends this jump rather than temporary allies. I muttered a curse, “Calisse.” I reprimanded myself for the false hope, ‘Eh bien, c’est la vie.’ I hurriedly started packing up. I wasn't even bothering to change clothes, just throwing my shirt over my shoulders.

Fluttershy shook her head. "Oh, no. Don't leave. I didn't mean to upset you. Those scars. How can one creature have so many scars?" I realized Fluttershy was looking at my back.

"Oh.", I said quietly. "Most of them are punishments I got when I was a slave. A few are from some 'adventuring', or 'running-for-my-life-ing'.” I gave a weary chuckle. “I'm very sorry you saw them." I continued before she could speak, "They don't belong in a world like this, and frankly, neither do I." I quickly continued to pack my things, my back to Fluttershy. Those years in slavery were very hard, and I had seen a lot of cruelty. I didn't want her to see my tears.

I felt what I assumed was her hoof gently touching my back and lifting my shirt. My body stiffened. I fought the urge to knock her away. "Oh, you poor colt. What happened to you? Some of these are fairly fresh, no more than a few weeks." She gently touched some of the fresher scars. She made little comforting noises. "I'm sorry if I gave you the impression I wanted you to leave. Please stay. I think you're a kind person who was put in an impossible situation. Maybe my friends can help you get home? Please, don't go."

I was silent for a few moments, and then I forced my body to relax just a little. "I really appreciate the offer. I really, honestly, do." I turned and smiled, looking her in the eyes for a moment. Those eyes are so big, kind, and warm. I gave my head a shake and put on the best smile I could manage.

Fluttershy looked at me angrily. “Now, I think you need a decent meal. I want you to march to my cottage right now, mister. I have breakfast ready for us. I will not take no for an answer. Pick up your things and scoot,” her expression changed to one of motherly sternness.

"Well,” I cleared my throat, "I certainly can't refuse a wonderful breakfast from such a lovely lady. How about this? After breakfast, I'll contact my family. Then I can earn that breakfast. I'll be happy to help feed the animals, muck out stalls, whatever you need doing."

Getting in the house was an experience and a half. The door was at least two meters tall but only about half a meter wide, maybe slightly smaller. A little too narrow for my build, so I had to take my backpack off and scuttle in sideways. This world was built on a 3/4 vertical scale.

Fluttershy directed me to the low table piled with food. There were no chairs, and instead, there were pillows arranged around the table. Considering how sparingly I had been eating in the last three or four weeks, it was hard not to throw myself at the food and gorge myself.

I was a little surprised at breakfast. I didn't know what to expect, honestly. There were what looked like pucks of some kind of shredded wheat cereal and what turned out to be cow milk with the label Matilda’s Best. It was funny, after a fashion. No matter how outlandish, how far from home, I could still read the local writing and still speak the local language. Occasionally, I wondered if there might be more to it than just chance.

I noticed there was no spoon, but that was alright. I had my own. There was also a bowl with cold, hard-boiled eggs, a plate of toast, a small platter with what looked like cheddar, and a steaming pot of tea. I bowed my head and muttered a simple thanks to the universe for its gifts. When I opened my eyes, Fluttershy looked at me, a little perplexed.

I chuckled, "Sorry about that. I'm not religious, but I always like to be thankful for anything I receive. In this case, good food and a good person to share it with." I thought for a moment. "When I was growing up, breaking bread with a stranger made them your friend." I took a piece of toast, ceremoniously broke it into two equal pieces, and gave her one. I chuckled, "I would usually do it in my own house, but I'm a little new in town at this moment." I smiled and looked her in the eye. "I promise to do it again before I leave, with my own bread, in my own house." I shrugged, "it may seem like a silly tradition, but it means a lot to me." At that moment, I realized her irises were almost pinpoints.

Fluttershy looked at the dry piece of toast, up to me, and back down at the toast. I realized she was blushing. Her voice was so soft and meek I could barely hear her. "We have a similar tradition, but it's between married couples..." her voice trailed off.

It took a moment for her words to take on meaning, followed by my panicked exclamation, "Oh! Hay! Whoa!" I pointed to my bare left ring finger. "Married man! Holy Hannah, I'm so sorry. I didn't mean to imply anything at all. If I had known this meant anything like that, I never would have... I mean, I would never... well, maybe in different circumstances... but, whoa, hey, oy... ugh..., I've never had this happen before. I'm really sorry. Gah! I'm such an idiot,” I facepalmed and tried not to laugh, or cry, at my error.

I heard her delicate, angelic laughter, “Um, Alex? It's alright. It was just a little cultural miscommunication. No harm done.” The yellow pegasus smiled warmly, “Now we have a laugh to share.” She was still blushing, but now she was looking at me with a friendly grin.

"Heh, I guess we do." I savoured the quiet for a moment. "So, it basically means, 'Hi sweetheart, want to get busy?'"

Fluttershy nodded once again, draping her hair over her eyes for a moment.

"Good to know.” I paused, then chuckled, “Can you imagine if I had tried to 'make friends' with someone less understanding? I suspect there would be a me-shaped hole in a handy wall and two horseshoe prints in my face." I chuckled at the imagery. "Or even worse, if I would have had all five of your friends around the same table, I shudder to think of the outcome. Especially if my wife found out." We both giggled at the imagery and in relief of an awkward situation sorted out. For the first time in a long time, I was hopeful and felt I could let my guard down just a little.

"Well, no point in letting this naughty toast go to waste!" I made exaggerated 'nom-nom' noises, and more giggles ensued. "You know Fluttershy, I'm relieved you have a wonderful sense of humour. However, for the foreseeable future, I'll double-check with you or another person I trust before making any cultural assumptions. I really don't want to propose anything untoward to some random pony."

I hadn't realized how hungry I was until I ate the toast, but I did my best not to bolt down my food. Fluttershy kept hovering over me, ensuring my cup was always full, and my plate was never empty. It was getting a little annoying.

I smiled kindly at her, "Fluttershy, as much as I appreciate what you're doing, I really feel like I'm monopolizing your time. Can you at least have breakfast yourself? I don't want you passing out from starvation because I'm too lazy to get my own tea." I cocked an eyebrow and smirked. Seeing her cup was empty, I reached over and filled it. "See? Long monkey arms come in handy. Now, sit and eat. Please."

From here, we continued like any ordinary breakfast party, passing toast with only a giggle. When one participant is a pony and the other an interdimensional monkey, you must make the best of things. We spent most of the time talking about my family and her friends. Bits and pieces of the show started falling back into place, but it was far from a complete picture.

Having finished our meals, I helped clean up, mostly putting dishes in the sink, and then my thoughts turned to other matters. "I think it's time for me to call home. I would be very pleased if you were with me when I do this. It would be nice to show them a friend instead of a dark cave, alleyway, or some crazy situation."

I took out my most prized possession. The most important gadget I had. The one I would do anything to keep safe. It looked like a thick plastic sheet, folded in half and then rolled up like a scroll. I flipped it out casually, then unfolded it to a comfortable angle. A laptop, if you wanted to oversimplify grossly. Have I thanked Mr. Richards enough yet? Nope, not really.

I fired it up and began the sequence to make an inter-reality connection. It usually takes less than a minute, but this time it took almost fifteen. Still, I wasn't worried. I chalked it up to this being the first animated universe I was in.

I used Skype to make the call but put my thumb on the camera. I wanted it to be a big surprise. The other end was ringing, and I got an answer. "Hi, sweetheart!" There she was, Ann, my wife, almost unchanged from the day I was taken. A look of concern crossed her face. "Why is it so dark? Are you in a cave again?" her voice lowered, full of worry, "Are you in a bad situation?"

I smiled, "No, dear, I'm in a great place. But I didn't want to surprise you too much. I'm in an animated universe. Everything is like a drawn cartoon. So, when I pull my thumb away, be ready. Oh, and call the kids. I think they will get a kick out of it."

"Dan is at school, but Lily is here. Wait a sec." Ann left, and a few moments later, a rambunctious three-year-old was looking at the screen, sitting on Ann's lap.

I could see my daughter peering curiously at the screen, "Where's daddy, mommy?"

I answered by removing my thumb, "I'm right here, sweetie!"

In a fit of giggles, only a toddler can produce, "You look silly, daddy!"

"Lily, I have another surprise. I met a very nice lady who has been very kind to me. You may know her. Miss Fluttershy, if you please." I turned the camera toward her.

Lily started hopping up and down with a manic grin, "Pony! Mommy, look! It pony! It Fuddershy! Fuddershy!"

Fluttershy said, "Oh, what a lovely daughter. So full of energy! She's a beautiful foal. And Mrs. Roberts, it's a pleasure to meet you. Alex has told me all about you. He's courageous, and I promise to take him to meet Twilight Sparkle and maybe get him home."

Anne asked worriedly, “Alex? Are you sure it’s safe? That you’re safe?”

“As safe as I can be, Ann.” As much as I hated lying, sometimes fake certainty and confidence were the best options. Besides, there was little I could do about this situation.

Fluttershy interjected, “He’s safe here, I promise you. I’m sure my friends will be able to get him home.”

I flashed my best smile at the camera, "Okay, Ann, now that I've checked in, let’s do the time test. I'm going to help Miss Fluttershy feed and take care of her animals, and I'll be back soon."

The test was fairly simple: I would end the message, Ann would start a timer, I would wait an hour then call back. A little math, and I would know approximately how long until my next jump. Easy peasy. I didn't want to get stuck anywhere for 20 years again. That was a long time. Too long. Even in a paradise like this.

So, with an hour to kill, I helped Fluttershy with her morning chores. It felt good to do something physical. Anyway, we had to hurry. Fluttershy informed me the weather office had a rain shower planned for late morning, which was coming up soon.

Under her guidance, I did as I had promised. I suggested we do the worst first, so we started with the shovelling out of the outhouse. Mind you, I almost had a heart attack when I saw the bear exiting it. I guess they don’t do it in the woods after all. Fluttershy assured me Harry was quite friendly.

The pig stall was far less exciting but did confirm my theory that pigs are the meanest s.o.b.s in every universe. No wonder orcs look like them.

The hour ended just as the rain began to fall, and I managed to duck back inside without getting too wet. Plopping into the seat with my laptop, I reconnected, and Anne had her face away from the camera. She turned with a shocked expression on her face. "Oh, sweetheart..." Tears were welling up in her eyes.

I stayed calm. It could mean anything. "How long?"

She just looked and stammered.

I felt desperate. I raised my voice. I never raised my voice to Ann. "How long?"

She closed her eyes, "27.33 seconds.".

I did the math in my head and blanched. 27 seconds for an hour translates to about 60 years. I was in a daze and mumbled, "Excuse me, I need to step outside for a minute." Fluttershy looked at me, not understanding, but she didn't follow. The gut-wrenching, primal scream full of anger, sorrow, and despair that I emitted must have startled her. It almost sounded like it hadn’t even come from me, yet it still didn’t express how I felt.

All I could think was, ‘Soixante calisse de tabarnak d’années.’

After a few moments, Fluttershy stepped out of the door.

It was still raining. She found me standing by the tree, methodically punching the trunk, my knuckles bruised and bloody. I had stopped saying anything, just silently punching, punching, punching, tears streaming down my face. Finally, I stopped even that, leaning my head on the tree and sobbing.

Fluttershy tentatively came up to me, "Um, Alex? Is th-"

My head snapped in her direction. A target had presented itself for all my grief and pain. A voice shrieked out, "WHAT DO YOU WANT?" I can only imagine how my face contorted to produce it.

Fluttershy cringed in terror. Realizing what I had just done, I could only imagine how she saw me, a mad, scarred monster twice her size.

"Oh, dear god..." I dropped to my knees. "F-Fluttershy, I'm so sorry, I... I..." I dropped my head. I sobbed. I was so tired. I missed my family. I just wanted to go home. I couldn't keep up the mask. Oh god, I was so tired.

I felt her warm head on my shoulder and her forelimbs hugging me. It was a small but appreciated comfort.

3 - A bash and a rainbow

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It took me over an hour to regain my composure. My hands were shaking, and my eyes hurt from all the tears. I had never let myself crash like that before. It was exhausting, but it was also like the massive weight on my soul got just a little lighter.

“Alex, let me look at your hands,” Fluttershy ordered. I numbly lifted my hands so she could examine them. She expertly appraised the damage. After almost a full minute, “They'll need some attention. Disinfectant and bandages, maybe a few stitches.” Fluttershy went back to her cottage and returned with her medical kit. She took out a small bottle and some cotton swabs. I could smell the alcohol and winced despite myself. That stuff stings no matter what you do. “You're lucky, no stitches.” Then, with great care, she helped me put bandages on my hands.

“Could I have a moment alone? I want to collect my thoughts, and I'll be right there.” She went back to her cottage as I looked into the sky. The pegasi were busy clearing the clouds, and there was a beautiful rainbow with glorious sunshine. I sighed, and I went back inside. I had to finish this conversation with Ann.

When I came in, Fluttershy was speaking to Ann, but all I heard was, "Oh, here he is. I look forward to the next time we can speak, Ann."

I sat down at the laptop. The screen was still on. She answered, smiling and wiping away a tear. "That Fluttershy is something else. So, how are you doing?"

"Never mind me, how about you? Look, for you, it will only be a few weeks, a month tops, don't worry about me. I'll be fine. It's not the first time we've been in this kind of situation. Anyway, look where I am! I mean, it's not like I'm going to be pressed into a slave gang, and I'm fairly sure I won't be on any pony menu." I put on a good half smile, trying to make it easier for her.

Ann blew her nose. "Yes, I know. And I want to say this now, so don't you dare forget. If you find someone who's kind and loving, please make a life for yourself. I don't care if they're an elf, or a dwarf, or a pony, I want..."

I interrupted her, "Stop. We've had this discussion before, and I don't want to have it again right now. I promise that if I ever do, you will be the second one to know. Anyway, like I said, I don't want to have this discussion right now. I have important fish to fry."

I whispered to Fluttershy once I saw the expression on her face, 'It's just an expression my people use'.

I paused for a moment, rubbing my eyes. "Now that I know I'm here for the long run, I have to set up house. I'll be away for a few hours, your time, so don't panic. I'll be setting up my house, getting established, looking into citizenship, avoiding mobs with pitchforks, all that jazz. So, this world is about ten minutes per day plus connected time. I'm guessing it will take me two or three hours to get things started. Here's hoping the government bureaucracy works better than back home. Oh, and I'll try to record anything interesting I see. When I get back, I'll leave everything connected so I can see Dan."

We continued for a few minutes more. I noticed that Ann didn't ask about my hands. I think Fluttershy had filled her in. She thanked Fluttershy for her kindness, and we said our goodbyes.

I sat quietly and stared at the blank screen for a few minutes. I took a deep breath and let it out. There was no time like the present. It was late morning, and it was now a beautiful day. I quickly folded and rolled my laptop and stuffed it in the bag without saying a word. I quickly rummaged around my pack for my hiking boots, found them, put them on, shouldered my pack, and started leaving. I stopped, standing at the door.

"My dear, kind Miss Fluttershy. I'll be going to visit Miss Twilight Sparkle. If I remember correctly, you mentioned she is a very intelligent, knowledgeable unicorn. I am eternally grateful to you and will strive to repay you in any way I can as soon as I can, but I have already taken advantage of your kindness and used too many of your resources. My last request would be for you to point me toward Ponyville, and I shall no longer be a burden to you."

Something totally unexpected happened. I found myself looking into the huge, beautiful, angry eyes of an indignant pony, standing on her hind legs so she could look me straight in the eye. "How dare you! How dare you assume you are an inconvenience to me." She prodded me in the chest, and I was a little surprised at the strength of the impact, but I didn't say anything. "If I found you inconvenient, I would tell you myself, Mister Alex Roberts. You have been nothing but a proper gentlecolt from the moment I met you. You have done nothing but be thankful, grateful, and helpful. You will not tell me what I can and can't think. I will go with you and introduce you properly to my friend Twilight Sparkle. Do I make myself clear, mister?" She stood with her forehooves on her hips, glaring at me.

I blinked at the unexpected tirade and stammered, "Um... er... okay?"

She dropped to all fours with a bashful smile, hiding behind her mane. "My friend Rainbow Dash has been giving me assertiveness lessons. I think they're working."

"I would say so." I grinned, rubbing my chest where she prodded me. "At the risk of getting a second round of that, you have no idea how much it means to me to have you with me."

I was walking a few steps behind Fluttershy, lost in thought. Staying a few steps behind was not hard. I discovered what they call a walk, humans would call a jog. Still, nice day for one.

I mainly was thinking about practical things, like what I could do here for a lifetime. How could I contribute? They have magic, and they live in a utopia. It's an honest-to-goodness utopia, not one of those anti-utopias. I mean, I had programming skills, but I was no genius. Anyway, I seriously doubt they had any use for a Java programmer, even if I could get back up to speed. I had some woodworking and metalworking skills, but again, nothing exceptional. The only thing I was good at was surviving by any means. Not precisely a marketable skill. Also, I'm starting to think I'm not as physically strong or tough as a pony, which was a little worrying. I wonder if...

My world exploded. Something ploughed into my upper back, knocking the wind out of me. I was thrown off my feet, hitting the ground hard, face in the dirt, unable to breathe. There was a weight on my back When my vision cleared a little, I turned my head, and I saw blue and maybe a dash of other colours. My arms were pinned, but I was able to start levering one arm.

And whatever was on my back yelled, “Run for it, Fluttershy!” at the same time.

Whatever was on my back continued, “I've got the monster pinned! Run and get help! I'll keep it here until you get back!"

I yelled, “Fluttershy, I'll keep it busy, run for it!”

I could get my arm free, and I elbowed it hard. We rolled away from each other. My hand reflexively readying my knife in my right hand, arcane energies crackling in response to my mental commands. My knees were slightly bent, my left leg forward, arms loose and ready. It's a classic combat stance. Thank you, Fiore dei Liberi, wherever you are.

I could now see my assailant. It was a pegasus. Sky blue coast and a rainbow mane and tail.

I now realized they were getting back on all four hooves, head low, a snarl on their face, wings erect in excitement, and front right hoof pawing at the ground, ready to charge. For a moment, we locked eyes, assessing each other. Their eyes flitted over my knife but didn't linger. They quickly returned to my eyes. They knew how to fight.

Before either of us could act, there was an ear-piercing shriek, "STOP!" We both turned to see Fluttershy charging between us, standing on her hind legs, one hoof to each of us. "Rainbow Dash! Stop! He's not a monster. He's a friend."

Still looking at her, I quickly put the knife away. I looked down sheepishly and sighed. The best course of action would be to take the 'it was my fault you punched me' route. I dropped to one knee to be a little less towering. "Mister Rainbow Dash? I'm really sorry about this. I didn't mean to take you by surprise. I guess I can be a little intimidating." I gave him a bashful smile.

Rainbow Dash's eyes narrowed, "That's Miss, and, well, ya. When I see something huge with bloody knuckles stalking behind one of my best friends... Well, you can see why I did what I did." She looked me up and down again, "So, what are you, anyway? Some kind of pink Diamond Dog with a clothes fetish?"

I snorted but smiled. "Nope, Alex Roberts, a plain old homo sapien sapien, at your service." I gave her a bow. My expression changed to one of concern. "Are you okay by the way? I hope I didn't hurt you." I had hit her hard enough that, had she been human (or elf or dwarf) it would have caused a severe bruise, maybe break a rib or two. I know my elbow hurt like the dickens, but I tried not to show it. On the other hand, she looked utterly unhurt. I filed that away for later consideration.

She then looked at me with a look of confusion and annoyance. "Well, of course, I'm ok. It wasn't much of a tap. I'm not some foal, you know."

I sighed. "Well, Miss Rainbow Dash, since our friend Fluttershy has not been scared off by me, can you take it as a given that I'm not a pony-eating monster? An incredibly handsome monster perhaps, but not a pony eater." I smirked. "Tell you what, I'm going to be here a while." Rainbow Dash threw me a puzzled look. "How about we talk about this later? In the meantime, if you don't dive-bomb me, I promise not to elbow you." I paused, "Now, how did that go? Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye." I finished with a palm to my eye and chuckled, "and I'll even shake on it." I extended my right hand palm out, fingers slightly spread.

Rainbow looked at my hand, then looked at my face suspiciously, cocking an eyebrow. "How do YOU know how to Pinkie Promise?"

Fluttershy intervened, "Dashie, it's okay. I'll explain along the way. Right now, we're going to visit Twilight."

She finally, reluctantly, shook my hand. Well, she touched my fingertips with her hoof. Close enough, under the circumstances. "Miss Rainbow Dash, I hope you and I can be friends. And, again, I'm really sorry about hitting you." I shrugged. "Reflexes." She stared at me momentarily, slowly nodded, and murmured an okay.

We continued our trip. Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash stayed ahead about ten paces. I stayed back to give them some space. I could hear the conversation clearly. Fluttershy was relating my story to Rainbow Dash. While she was listening, she occasionally glanced back, her expression a little confused, sometimes sad, sometimes both. She even occasionally wiped her nose, and I think I saw a tear forming once. I just kept a little smile on my face, enjoying the view of the countryside. It really was quite beautiful out here. Unsurprisingly, it was far more complex and detailed than what was seen on the show, but everything still looked stylized to me.

I was still walking, looking to my left, when I realized there was a steady stream of air coming from in front of me. Rainbow Dash was hovering, staring at me, with a slightly angry expression. She wiped her nose, then rushed forward, hugging me hard, her voice cracking, "Don't worry, big guy, we'll get you home." She sniffed loudly in my ear.

"Rainbow Dash, I appreciate the sentiment. Having the element of loyalty at my side will help, no matter what happens."

She pulled away. "Hey! My friends call me Dash. And so will you if you know what's good for you." She grinned, and with a surprising rush of air she flew straight up, did a barrel roll, a loop, and a graceful landing.

I clapped, "That was spectacular! Dash, you're amazing! I hope you let the Wonderbolts join you one day. I hear they're not bad. They would be thrilled."

Rainbow Dash blushed but answered with bravado and a smile, "You mean if I let them join."

4 - Bits and bashes

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“You know, I'm not quite sure what kind of reaction I'll get in town. I mean, look at how Dash reacted,” Dash flashed a confident smirk that seemed so natural, “Mind you, it was a reasonable reaction under the circumstances, so it doesn't count.”

Fluttershy spoke, “You know Alex, I think it should be alright. Do you remember when Gilda,” Dash flashed a grimace but quickly went back to her usual expression, “that big rotten meanie head... sorry for that outburst. Anyway, no one minded when she came into town.”

I could feel the continuous, too quiet, rush of air as Dash hovered, “That's true, but almost everyone knows what a gryphon is. I don't think anyone has seen an Alex before. But remember when Zecora first started coming into town? It was freaky town all over the place! I stayed with you guys to protect you, of course. Didn't want to give away our hiding place.”

I raised my eyebrow slightly, “What's a Zecora? Something I might know? Someone I should know?”

Fluttershy tittered, “Zecora is a zebra pony.”

“As in a pony with stripes?”

“Well, yes. But zebras are skilled with potion and medicine making, the same way pegasi fly, unicorns use magic, and earth ponies are skilled farmers. Twilight had to go door to door explaining she wasn't an evil enchantress that puts you in trances.” Fluttershy sang the last part and giggled. “Pinkie Pie is such a good singer.”

Dash snickered, “Ya, Pinkie Pie's always making songs up on the spot. Remember that one song for Rarities party?”

Fluttershy blushed, “Oh my, yes, but I don't think that's appropriate for, you know, the public.”

Dash started to sing, “Stallions with big d...”

I interrupted, only to keep the information flowing, just not the TMI type of information, “So, if I've got this right, the gryphon, which I assume is a half lion half eagle creature with sharp claws and is a predator of some kind caused less of a kerfuffle than a zebra, who is basically the same as you. Well, since I represent the only sentient tool-using apex predator where I come from, they should welcome me with open arms. I would really hate to have to go from house to house explaining everything.” I chuckled, “Don't get me wrong, I'm a hundred kilos of loudmouth, but even I can get tired of talking about myself.”

Dash fluttered beside me, “Don't worry, lunkhead, if you start jabbering too much, I'll put you in your place.” She gave me another one of those friendly punches in the shoulder. Damn, these ponies were strong.

Before getting too close to Ponyville, I raised my bandaged hands, “One moment, guys, I want to take these off. I think that walking into town with bloody bandages might be counterproductive to a pleasant greeting. I'll just get cleaned up at the stream.” I could clearly hear and smell the running water and made a beeline to it.

Dash was concerned and confused, “Hey! How did you know there was a stream there?”

I looked at her a little confused and shrugged, “I could hear it and smell it.”

She seems to accept that without further comment.

At the stream, I carefully took the bandages off my hands after soaking them in water. The bleeding had long ago stopped, and I had managed not to pull many of the scabs off. I thought the sight and smell of blood would be unsettling to most ponies. I pulled some soap out of my pack, cleaned the wounds, removing the dried blood, trying not to get them bleeding again.

With the bandages off and my hands clean, Dash peered closely at my hands. “They look like Spike's hands a little, but softer, without the claws and an extra finger.” She took my hand in her hoof, and it gently stuck there. It was so strange, almost like the bottom of her hoof had a really strong static field without the static.

I jerked my hand away in surprise, “Whoa!” I grinned sheepishly, “Sorry about that. It's just that I didn't really notice anything when Fluttershy bandaged my hands. To be fair, I was a little out of it.” I put my hand back out. “That, what, magical field, helps you hold and grip things? Almost like hands?”

Dash smirked, her tone as if she was talking to a slow learner, “What? You've never seen that? Every pony has that.”

“Dash, the only ponies I've met, other than you and Fluttershy, have been just animals, beasts of burden.”

Dash looked confused, “What, they didn't have good manners?”

“No, they weren't people. As in, they couldn't talk, and they didn't understand much, maybe their name on a good day. Like, I don't know, a dog or a cat.”

Dash looked indignant, “No way!”

Fluttershy looked at me in horror, “Oh, how terrible!”

Okay, now I felt a little embarrassed, “Well, ya. Sorry to tell you. But not here. Here, you're obviously people. Different realities, different rules.” I shrugged. “I guess I'm more used to it.”

I offered my hand back to Dash. She 'held' it with one hoof and slowly ran the inside of her other hoof on my hand. It was soft and warm, almost like a giant fingertip.

Dash smiled and turned her hoof to me, “See here, the outside is hard, but the inside is sensitive.” I touched the inside of her hoof, her cheeks developed a slight shade of purple, and she snickered, pulling her hoof away, “It's also ticklish.”

I become flustered, “Dash, I hope I didn't cross any lines. With my luck, it's the whole bread thing all over again.”

Rainbow Dash looked puzzled and shot a questioning look to Fluttershy.

Fluttershy giggled, “No, Alex. Nothing like that.” Turning to Rainbow Dash, “Dashie, we had a 'cultural misunderstanding'. In his culture, if you want to show someone friendship, you share bread with them.” She blushed.

Rainbow Dash suddenly had a rakish grin plastered on her face. “You mean he tried to 'share his bread' with you?” She paused for a beat, then started to laugh her head off. In a silly imitation of my voice, “Oh Fluttershy, I'm a reality travelling stallion, and I love sharing bread with every mare I meet!” She was actually on the ground and holding her stomach she was laughing so hard. Fluttershy looked mortified at first but then started to giggle once she saw I was shaking my head and smiling.

I smirked and snorted. In a similar silly voice, “Oh, that reminds me, Dash, I may have something for you. Do you like ... rye bread?”.

Dash blushed, still laughing. She picked herself up, wiped away a tear, and hit me in the shoulder. “You're alright, Alex Roberts.” I did my best not to let on how much her friendly punch had hurt. I think I'm starting to bruise.

We skirted the main part of Ponyville, sticking to the outside of the town until we got to the library. It's best to avoid anybody... anypony?... until I have things figured out.

Fluttershy knocked on the library door. I heard a young male voice call out, “Door's open! Come on in.” We walked in, and there was Twilight Sparkle, a quill enveloped in a purple glow, making notes, just quickly glancing up. “Hi, Fluttershy, Rainbow Dash, Diamond Dog...” The quill she was using dropped to the ground. Her expression didn't change. She slowly looked up, got a weird smile on her face and her voice slowly climbed from normal to frantic. “Why is there a Diamond Dog in my library?”

Spike, ever the hero, grabbed a book and broom to defend his friends. “Back you ugly cur! Stay away from them!” Spike rushed forward and smacked me on the arm with the broom.

“Hold up! Stop! Wait! I'm not a Diamond Dog, I'm a human!” Celestia's flank, Equestrians were strong! Darn near broke my arm!

Spike kept flailing blindly with the broom, knocking me down. Dash yelled, “He's not a Diamond Dog Spike!” This had no effect on him as he continued to ineffectually attack, stopped only by Dash grabbing the broom in her mouth and yanking it away from him. I was sore and bruised, but no broken bones.

“Spike! Why did you do that?” Twilight turned to me. “Oh, I'm so sorry, Mr. Diamond Dog. Are you all right?”

Spike continued to look at me, anger in his eyes. But there was something deeper than that. It was loathing, disgust, rage, all bound together behind those eyes. And I didn't understand why.

“I'm okay, Miss Twilight Sparkle, just embarrassed.” I got back up, “Spike, I'm Alex Roberts. I'm a human, not a diamond dog. I'm here with Fluttershy and Rainbow Dash. I don't mean anyone any harm.” I put my hand out to shake his.

Dash put the broom down, "It's okay, Spike, he's cool."

He glared at me for a long moment, that abominable look not reduced by one iota. “Well, if Dash says you're cool...” He picked up the broom and book. “Anyway, I have... errands to run.” He kept glaring at me as he walked out the front door, slamming it on the way out. I put my hand down.

Twilight, slightly confused, “I'm so sorry for Spike. He's never acted like that before.”

I shrugged, “I don't know what I did to make him so angry, but I'll try to make it up to him. However, for now, I'm here to see you.” I smiled and continued with a condensed version of my situation, answering a few questions along the way and asking one or two myself. I was a little amused that she was making notes.

Once I was done with my story, Twilight looked at the scroll in front of her. “So, let me get this straight,” she started checking it off, “One, you're from a different reality. Two, you spontaneously started jumping from one reality to another, with no control as to when you jump or where you jump to, approximately sixty years ago from your perspective. Three, time in each reality flows at a different rate from your home time, usually much faster, but you do not age. Four, you will be in this reality for approximately 60 of your years while approximately two weeks go by in your home reality. Five, you have a device that lets you stay in contact with your family and gives you access to something called the 'internet'. Six, from your perspective, every reality has been a fictional reality of one kind or another. Seven, this is the first 'animated' reality you have been in, specifically the 'My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic' television program, which is like a weekly serial play. Spike and I used to see those in Canterlot. Eight, you want to know if I can help you get home, but you are not confident it is possible. Have I got the basics covered?”

I nodded emphatically, “That's my situation in a nutshell. Now, on the last point, I realize this will not be an overnight quick research thing, and I'm clueless as far as magic goes and always have been. However, I urge you not to make this your priority. And for goodness sake, don't let it interrupt your studies. Many skilled wizards have tried and failed in the past. I really don't want you to be like a cold fusion scientist back home.” Twilight looked puzzled, “Oh um... the cold fusion theory was a discredited scientific theory that still had some support from the edges of legitimate science, at least the last time I looked into it. So what I'm saying is I don't want you to saddle yourself with oddball corner case magical science.” I gave a little resigned sigh and smiled, “I don't want your brilliance wasted on me.” I paused for a second. “Anyway, you're the brains around here, and if I can't trust the friend of the element of loyalty and kindness, who can I?”

Twilight considered this. “That sounds reasonable. More reasonable than some things around here.” She brightened up. “Thank you for giving me a new line of research. It should be fun!”

Dash rolled her eyes, “Only an egghead would be happy with more homework.”

“So, I want to earn my keep. Sponging off Miss Fluttershy is wrong. I have some resources, specifically jewels and precious metals, to pay for my needs. I'm sorry if I'm skipping ahead, but I want to get out of Miss Fluttershy's hair as soon as possible.”

I turned to Fluttershy, stopping her from objecting. “From the bottom of my heart, I appreciate your kindness, but there is no point in delaying. The faster I get some... what do you call your currency? Bits?” Twilight nodded, “The faster I get some bits, the faster I can start contributing.” I nodded my head, ending that argument. “One more thing,” I sheepishly looked at Twilight, “Please give Spike my sincerest apologies for whatever it was that I did to offend him. I want to make it up to him if I can.”

Twilight looked puzzled, “Why are you apologizing? You were a perfectly polite gentlecolt. He attacked you.”

Sheepishly I replied, “Well, maybe. I want to make sure it wasn't me, that's all. So, who would be the best ponies to talk to get some of this converted to funds so I can get going?”

Twilight seemed to think momentarily, then brightened up, “The best ponies to help you would be Rarity and Applejack, both smart business ponies.”

Twilight stood a little straighter, ready to lecture, “Rarity is a skilled fashion designer, and she is also an entrepreneur. She has an encyclopaedic knowledge of jewels and precious metals and will know current market prices. Applejack is a skilled apple farmer and business pony. She runs the family farm. She is a skilled negotiator and can get top bit for your resources.”

“Thank you for the information. I wouldn't have had a clue where to start.” I considered what I knew, what I thought I knew, and what I knew I didn't know. I wearily smiled, “I used to be a fan back in the day, not that I remember much. Just weird little odds and sods, for example, you Twilight send a weekly letter to your teacher about what you learned, but do you think I can remember who your teacher is? Also, Dash had an incident of some kind with the Shadowbolts at a bridge. Then there's something about everyone loving 'Mr Smarty Pants'. And there was a whole series of videos around the 'Love Me' incident.” Fluttershy looked shocked but didn't comment. I looked down and chuckled, “Honestly, I think I've exhausted my memories on the subject.”

Twilight seemed excited, “I'm curious to see this show. Alex, do you think we could watch one?”

I blinked, not expecting to get this request, “Um... sure. Most people who find out they're, from my point of view anyway, fictional characters usually get a little freaked out, but it seems you're made of sterner stuff.”

I pulled out the laptop and fired it up. I was fairly sure there would be something on some website, maybe YouTube or a streaming service, so once the connection was established, I started an episode at random. In this case, it was season one, episode three. “Wait, let me expand the screen.” I pulled the sides out and then pulled the top up, doubling the screen size. I stood back and enjoyed the show. The girls were absolutely silent for the whole thing. Dead silent. I assumed they were in awe of a picture screen or something. Once it was over, I asked, “Well, you're big stars! As you can see here,” I pointed at the screen, “looks like just over a million views. That means that around one million people have watched this video.”

The girls looked at me, a little stunned. Then, Rainbow Dash hesitatingly said, “So, that was one episode?” Dash looked a little panicked. “Did everyone see what we did all the time?”

I looked at Dash, trying to reassure her, “No, no. Nothing like that. Just the exciting parts appropriate for young children.” I chuckled, “It's not like they followed you in the bathroom. Except I recall one time they followed Pinkie to the bathroom door.” I noticed Fluttershy blushing, her eyes huge, her pupils tiny. I sighed. “Oy, look, it's a kids show. For little girls. It's known for not having bad stuff. It's a sweet, kind, cute show. It made many people very happy. Trust me, they never showed anything untoward. Ever.” I sat cross-legged, the ponies looking down on me. I was sure to neglect to mention some fan art, some fanfics, most shipping, and all of Rule 34.

They all relaxed a bit, taking me for my word. I brightened up. “Well, there's no time like the present. With your permission and help, I would like to get started. Who do you recommend I talk to first? I'm thinking Rarity because then I will at least get an idea of what I have to work with. Then, Applejack, so she'll have something to work with. Does that sound like a reasonable plan?”

Twilight agreed. She looked a little pensive, but I guessed it was about Spike. I still couldn't figure out what I did, said, or didn't say to tick him off so much. Well, that's a mystery for another day. I mean, the little guy seemed so friendly on the show.

It was late morning, and we headed out to Rarity's boutique. I started doing a mental inventory of what goods I had. Although ponies were glancing and sometimes openly staring, no pony panicked or screamed. I even heard a few snatches of conversation, including 'mutant diamond dog' a few times. Walking along with three of the Elements of Harmony was a calming factor.

We walked past a gayly decorated shop. The sign said 'Sugarcube Corners'. Wait a minute, isn't that where...

Pink, lots of pink. And eyes, huge blue eyes. An upside-down face with a manic grin. I realized there was something, or someone, standing on my head, and given its size, it did not weigh enough for what I saw. I blinked twice, processing what was happening.

“Gah!” I screamed. Arms flailing in an appropriately comedic fashion.

There was a blur of motion, and she jumped off my head. She talked a mile a minute in the squeaky voice, all the while bouncing almost her own height, “Hi! I’m Pinkie Pie! Are you new to Ponyville? Where else would we be? This is where everything seems to happen! So, where are you from? Are there more giant pink monkeys with funny clothes on?”

I smiled, realizing who she was. She was known for breaking the fourth wall, so I decided to skip ahead. I did my best to match her rapid-fire pace, “Hi Pinkamina Diane Pie, I’m Alex Roberts. I’m from a different reality, and I’ve been bouncing from reality to reality, trying to get home. This is my latest reality where your reality is a TV show in my reality, I used your real name to prove to you I come from a different reality where you are adored by millions of fans!” I stopped, both because I had given her the basics and I was out of breath.

It was her turn to blink. She looked up to the sky, looking at something no one else could see, and at a more normal pace, “So, you're the Gary Stu for the author, huh? That's great! Let's hope there will be no mention of cupc...” She covered her mouth. “Hey! Stop typing that. You know it bothers me! There, now we will never speak of that again.” Speeding up, “Oh! I'll have to get a party organized! And Gummy will be there, because the author loves Gummy, and...” Slowing down, getting crestfallen, “But, I can't right now, I have work to do, so I'll see you guys later. Anyway, the author is having problems filling out my dialogue, and I like the way this story is going, so I'll see you later!” Pinkie Pie bounced off, as joyful and happy ash I remember her being. I heard from the distance, “Well written! I like that! Don't forget to change 'ash' to 'as'!”

The girls stared at her, bouncing back to the shop. I scratched my head, “That was, odd...”

Dash, shaking her head and snickering, said, “Pinkie Pie, you are so random.”

As we continued, there was only one small incident that I kept to myself. While walking through the market, I overheard a snobbish voice with an affected upper-crust accent saying, “The two feather dusters and the purple narwhal have a trained diamond dog now. Typical.” The girls didn't seem to hear it, but I mentally noted the voice. I didn't see who said it, but I would keep an ear out for it. I was disappointed that racial slurs seemed to be universal.

We entered the Carousel Boutique. Rarity, being Rarity, didn't bat an eye when seeing me. “Welcome to the Carousel Boutique where everything is... Oh, hello, girls. Who is your new friend?” They explained, and I kept quiet, just smiling, admiring the work around the shop. When they were done, I was going to introduce myself directly. I faltered. Rarity was looking at me, eyes narrowed. Before I could even open my mouth, Rarity pushed me to the back of her shop, “Idea! Darling, you must allow me to make you a suit to replace those drab rags.”

While I was being pushed, “Miss Rarity, please, I'm quite comfortable in my 'rags' for the moment. And, once I have attended to a few basic matters, like a home, I will rush back here at full speed.” Amazing. Even the 'weak' unicorns were damn strong.

“Nonsense, for a gentlecolt to make their way in the world, they need proper clothes. Now, take those off so I can make a basic pattern from them.”

I'm fairly sure my eyes got huge, my pupils were pinpricks, and my face red. “Er... Well... Um... My culture has a nudity taboo.” This was met by confused looks.

Dash looked at me, “What's a nudity?”

“I would be very uncomfortable being without clothes in front of such lovely ladies.” I looked around. The girls, except for Rarity, still looked a little confused.

Like a true lady, Rarity smiled, broke the silence and cleared up the situation. “Oh. Well then, I think I understand. A gentlecolt must be modest. Well, we shall continue this conversation later. I look forward to the challenge of designing clothes for a new body shape.”

The disaster was averted. I hoped. “Miss Rarity, I come here because you are a knowledgeable business pony and may be able to help me determine the value of some of the goods I have. I will be here a long time, a lifetime, in fact, so I want to build a home here. Ponyville is a beautiful community; the ponies are kind and friendly.”

I sat on the ground and started rummaging in my pack. Some jewellery, mostly human, some elf and dwarf pieces too, likely worth only the materials they were made of, lots of coinage, and a small bag of gems. In total, about 1.5kg of platinum, 10kg of gold, 22kg of silver, and maybe 72kg of copper, and finally, I still had about 250kg of aluminium coin, basically worthless. I never had a chance to change the aluminium out for 'cheap' gold last jump, and I'm still kicking myself.

I started taking items out, including the jewellery, my precious little bag of jewels, and a few samples of each coin. The jewellery, for the most part, was the wrong shape and size for ponies. The jewellery I did have was mostly gold and silver, with large jewels. Well, large by my standards. Rarity seemed unimpressed. The designs tended toward the simple. She informed me there was not much value there.

This is where I discovered their standards for jewels were very different. Many of theirs would individually fill my palm. The little dust crystals I had were not considered usable. They were dross at best. I give it to Twilight for Spike. I thought he ate gems and Twilight confirmed it. I thought he might enjoy a little snack.

I also discovered gold and copper were both considered semiprecious metals, with copper being the more valuable of the two. In fact, gold was used for coinage because it was the least valuable of the metals. Silver and platinum were the most common precious metals, with silver taking the place of gold in the scale of value. Then, almost as a joke, I asked about aluminium and told her how much I had. Rarity's jaw dropped.

“You have aluminium? As in the complex to make metal made from rare bauxite, aluminium? And, how much did you say you had?”

“About 250kg. Is it worth a lot?”

She blinked. I noticed Fluttershy's and Rainbow Dash's jaws had dropped.

“Um, Miss Rarity?”

She composed herself and cleared her throat with a little difficulty. “A rough estimate? Let's just say you could buy half of Ponyville at retail and have some bits left over.”

It was my turn to sit in stunned silence.

I heard a long slow whistle from behind me. Rainbow Dash commented, “That's a lot of bits.”

I gave my head a shake. My voice quavered a little. “So, lots of bits, got it.” I sat, still a little stunned. Rarity had sat down, digesting this new information.

I heard Dash whisper, “Hey Fluttershy, I guess this stray's no deadbeat.” I was fairly sure that Rarity didn't hear it. I'm starting to wonder if my senses are sharper than that of ponies. Something else to add to the list.

“Sorry, I'm still a little in shock. So, you're saying I have enough to set up a home here?” I sighed and smiled. “You know, this will be the first home I've had in almost 60 years. I've slept outside for half of that, the other half was in barns, inns, and castles a few times.” My voice broke, “But now... A home. I'll have a real home.”

I found myself in the centre of a pony pile of hugs. Dash whispered, “Welcome home, big guy.”

5 - A trip to the market

View Online

Rarity and I were the only ones left at the Carousel Boutique. Dash had left to get Applejack and promised to explain the situation to her on the way. Fluttershy had left to get back to take care of her animals, promising to come back later.

The open sign was flipped to close, the workshop floor was covered with piles of coins, and a work table had several pieces of jewellery arranged on it. Rarity and I were slowly making an inventory of the various coins.

"I have to ask, what makes aluminium such a valuable precious metal? I mean, it's not particularly pretty, at least to my eye."

"Oh my, you really aren't from here, are you? Simply put, it's a magical lens. Ponies use it to enhance their natural magical abilities. For example, it might make an Earth Pony physically stronger, a Pegasus Pony fly faster, or in my case, have more..." she paused for a moment, "finesse with my telekinesis. It varies from one individual to another. I have a 1.76-gram wire wrapped around my horn."

I looked carefully and could see a very thin metal wire along the spiralling crease of her horn. "No wonder ponies would want that stuff."

"I'm sure Twilight will be able to give you a much more exhaustive and detailed explanation." She looked up and tapped her chin. "With diagrams."

We both chuckled and went back to sorting my filthy lucre.

After a while, I clicked my tongue and said, “You know Rarity, I was a little worried about meeting you. I'm a little rough around the edges, and you were always depicted as the most elegant pony in Ponyville. To be completely honest, I was intimidated. I've always been a little socially awkward, but you're really forgiving of my lack of eloquence, and I appreciate that.” I smiled sheepishly.

“Don't be ridiculous, darling. You are a stranger in a strange land, so to speak, and we were the only ponies you knew anything about. Now, I'm not completely sure how this 'show' presented me, and while I do appreciate fashion, I am not a close-minded snob. Besides, you have been nothing but a perfect gentlecolt.” Rarity grew thoughtful, “Since the Gala, I have learned the value of judging others by the quality of their character, not by their appearances or social status.”

We both sat, lost in thought, in my hand a sixty grott coin from the Illithid Empire. I finally spoke, all the while toying with the coin. “Sixty years,” I said sadly. “Sixty years is far longer than anywhere else I've ever been. It's almost as long as I've already been gone from home.”

Rarity looked at me sadly. I smiled, feeling hope coming back. “But,” I took a deep breath, “Miss Rarity, this is a good place with good people. Did you know last night was the first time in years, years, I didn't fall asleep with dread and wake up in a panic? And, with this,” I waved vaguely at the piles of coins, “I can build a life. Heck, maybe even have a family.” I considered the implications and frowned, “No,” I shook my head, “that one's out of the question.” I grew sombre, sitting in contemplative silence as we continued to sort the coins.

The door opened with a crash and quickly slammed shut. I could hear Dash call out, “We're here!” Her exuberant manner snapped me out of my funk. Rarity and I both made our way to the front, where we found Rainbow Dash and Applejack.

I stared a little when I saw Applejack. She was noticeably bigger than the others. A good hand taller, solid muscle, and surprisingly graceful. Not in that ballroom dancing sort of way, but in the way a strong person can move with ease and an experienced athlete can move with no wasted effort.

When Applejack spotted me, she scamped back into the closed door, eyes huge, pupils pinpricks. “Ah thought you said he looked a little like a diamond dog! That t'aint no diamond dog!”

“Relax, Applejack! He's cool. He's a... what are you again?”

“A human,” I replied helpfully.

“That's it! He's a human, Applejack. He's far from home, and for reasons I don't completely understand, Twilight understands that egghead stuff, he'll be here for a very long time. Anyway, he's got a flank load of gold, silver, platinum, and, get this, aluminium, and needs help from you and Rarity to get this converted to bits.”

“Miss Applejack, I'm very sorry I startled you,” Dash snorted, “ and it's a pleasure to meet you finally. As Dash told you,” Applejack raised an eyebrow at my using such a familiar name with Rainbow Dash, “I would humbly like to request your help. As I think you may know, I come from a place where you, all of Ponyville and Equestria actually, is something like,” I had been thinking about this, “a weekly serial play. Anyway, you and Rarity are always presented as successful business ponies. I don't know a bit from a horse-apple, and I could really use your help. My name is Alex Roberts, but my friends call me Alex.” I put out a hand.

Applejack gave me a long, appraising look. My hand hung in the air, not moving. This was not going the way I expected. Soon, a slow smile crossed her face, and she shook my hand. “Pleased to make your acquaintance, Alex. If Rarity and Rainbow Dash both trust y'all, ah suppose ah can too.”

Applejack and Rarity got to work determining the best prices and markets. I interrupted them. “My only request is that you lowball your estimates. Rarity, I know your nature is to be generous, but in this case...”

Applejack started to object, but Rarity raised an eyebrow and a hoof to stop us, “I can assure you, darling, that mine is the element of generosity, not stupidity. But I can appreciate your concern.” She smiled warmly. “Applejack and I will both appraise your trade goods. Now, finding a buyer for this much aluminium may be a problem. We'll likely have to sell it in small lots, two or three kilos at a time. We'll have to go to Canterlot and...”

“Wait, wait, wait. Hold on, if you guys are going to do so much work, I expect you to take a cut. Does 20% sound fair?”

Applejack scowled at me. “Now, hold on there, sugarcube. 20% isn't a cut, it's a horsefeathering. 5%, split between me and Rarity. Now, that's a pretty standard fee 'round these parts, and that sounds plenty fair.” Rarity nodded and Applejack looked at me with a look that said that was the end of negotiations.

I slowly stood so as to tower over them, scowled, and crossed my arms. “Um, 'sugarcube', that's not going to happen. 5% is ripping you off and is definitely not fair. 5% each.” I smiled, uncrossed my arms, and gave her a pleading look. I knew I had to convince Applejack. Rarity wouldn't say shit if she had a mouthful, and I just want to be fair. “Look at it this way,” I explained, “you have to teach me that, I don't know, paying a hundred bits for an apple is not reasonable. If I recall, at the Gala you sold an apple pie for 2 bits, but then sold a little apple pastry for the same price. I need to understand the logic. And, to be frank, I'm an idiot when it comes to economics. I really would like Ponyville's top business ponies to guide me.”

Applejack's expression softened just a tiny bit. “Ah reckon ah can accept that. Deal.” She spat on her hoof and held it out. I spat in the palm of my hand and pressed my palm to her hoof.

Her experienced eye started to appraise the piles of coins, “That would go a long way toward grannie's hip, a new barn, some new acreage, and maybe a few other things...”

Once I answered a few questions and helped finish sorting the coins, I was summarily dismissed by Applejack and Rarity. This was business, and they wanted to earn their share. So, finding myself with some free time, I asked Dash if she could help me find an apartment, cottage, or something. Sleeping inside would be a welcome change. Also, breakfast was wearing off, and my stomach was thinking about the next meal.

Dash was hovering beside me as we walked and talked. We were headed to city hall, where the post board with vacancies were. She warned me that pickings were likely slim. Ponies tended to stay in one place for a long time. But if you don't check, you don't know.

While walking through the market again, I felt my stomach growl. “Okay, I usually don't do this, but could I borrow a few bits until things get going? Breakfast is wearing off, and Mr Tummy is getting upset. I promise to pay you back! You know I'm good for it.” I slowly realized how pleading my voice was. I guess a combination of fear, hunger, and fatigue was getting the best of me.

Dash stopped, hovering in front of me. She had an annoyed expression on her face, almost angry. “Look,” Dash tapped me on the sternum, “when Applejack said she trusted you, it wasn't because me and Rarity trusted you. It was because she trusted you. She only said that about us because she wanted to be polite. If she didn't trust you, and I mean really trust you, or had any doubts about you, you would have known about it. Trust me,” she rolled her eyes.” Anyway, I won't lend you any bits. I will buy a friend lunch, you knucklehead.” She ended with a confident smirk and a hoof ruffling my hair.

This was a small town, so the choice of eateries was limited. We found one with an open outside table and sat down. Well, Dash sat down. The tables were perfect for ponies when they were sitting, but for me, not so much. The table was a bit above belt height when I stood, and when I sat, it was a little above eye height. The waiter was kind enough to bring me a stool, but I felt like a kid at the grown-up table. Naturally, Dash found it amusing and happily sniggered at my plight.

Once she stopped laughing, she had a wildflower sandwich, and I ordered the apple oatmeal soup, basically watered-down, undercooked oatmeal with bits of apple. It was a little bland, but I was going for substance and something that wouldn't poison me. Flavour experiments can come later.

We chatted some more, mostly me asking her more about her work with the weather office and what the Wonderbolts were all about. She was surprised to find there was basically no weather control where I come from other than some cloud seeding, nothing like the pinpoint accuracy she had available. I also told her a little about the machines we use to fly and do acrobatics, promising to show her some videos on the subject later.

“Dash, mind if I ask something?” She mumbled an okay through a mouthful of food. “So, why aren't you at work? Don't misunderstand me. I appreciate this and enjoy your company, but a mare has to make her bread, right?” I facepalmed as soon as I realized what I said. Poor Dash almost choked on her mouthful of food. I don't know if she was blushing more from what I said, choking, laughing, or all of them simultaneously. I passed her my unused napkin, chuckling, “Are you okay?”

Once she stopped coughing, she smirked, “Ya, ya, mister bread fixation.” She wiped her mouth, “So, this is my week to be on call, I need to show up if they need extra help. Being an element of harmony has perks, like getting more on-call weeks than others. Never know when Discord or Nightmare Moon might come back.”

We chatted more about her adventures and what I knew compared to what had actually happened. The broad strokes were more or less correct, but there were a lot of details that the show glossed over. I commented that she was a lot more fun to be around than I thought she would be.

She smiled with confidence, “Of course I am. It's because I'm awesome!”

We finished our lunches, Dash paid, and we started to leave. Then I heard it just on the edge of my hearing, that voice I heard earlier. It sounded angry and dismissive. “Get out of my way, you worthless feather duster.” I looked over Dash's shoulder. The voice, with that affected accent, was coming from an earth pony stallion. Brown coat, black mane and tail, wearing one of their suits that looked like a cloth necklace, and a pile of coins for a cutie mark. He was looking at something, but I couldn't see what.

Dash could see from my expression that something had happened. She followed my gaze. Her expression changed from concern and curiosity to distaste once she saw who I was looking at. “Golden Coins,” she said flatly.

The crowd parted for a moment. On the ground in front of him was a young pegasus with orange cost, purple mane and tail, her little saddle pack of apples scattered. “I'm so sorry, Mr Coins. I'm going as fast as I can.” She was trying to collect the apples as quickly as she could but nervously kept dropping them.

Golden Coins sneered, “Here, let me speed up the process.” He lifted a hoof and crushed an apple, “There, one less to pick up. Now, get out of my way.”

Without a word, I sprinted in their direction, Dash only hesitating a split second. She passed me with a gush of air strong enough to throw gravel. I could hear her yelling, “What's your problem, jerk? She's just a little kid!”

I arrived, finally, yelling, “Hey pal, why don't you pick on someone your own size? Why don't you pick on me?” I really hoped he didn't take me up on that. I was becoming too well aware of how much stronger and resilient ponies were.

Golden Coins turned to me and scurried back, startled. He quickly regained his composure. He looked at Dash and me for a moment before getting a look of disgust on his face. “Oh, wonderful. The feather duster and her pet monster.”

I stepped forward, between the filly and Golden Coins, and snarled, “Since I am a monster, then I guess you'd better get out of here before I get angry. You wouldn't like me when I'm angry.”

We locked eyes. He broke first and laughed, turning away. He then trotted off as if nothing had happened. I let the adrenaline drain before taking my eyes off him.

I heard some hooves stomping on the ground and saw some approving looks. Out of the corner of my eye, I thought I saw Dash looking at me oddly.

I turned to the young filly, smiled softly, and dropped to a knee, “You okay, sweetie?”

She was very shy, her head down, looking up at me. Dash said, “It's okay, Scootaloo, he's a friend.”

“Yes, I'm okay, Rainbow Dash. Thank you, sir. Ugh, Silver Spoon is just like her dad, sometimes.” I glanced at Dash, still smiling, thinking, 'She knows this filly?'

“My name's Alex Roberts, Scootaloo. But my friends, and that includes you, call me Alex.” We helped her pick up the remaining apples and put the saddle bag on. “Ok, off you go. I'm sure you're late for something. Go have a great day.” I smiled at her. Scootaloo zipped off on her scooter happily.

“So, do you know her, Dash?” I was racking my memory from the show but was coming up blank.

“She's friends with Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom, Rarity's and Applejack's sisters. I've been giving her flying lessons after school.”

“That's cool!” I gave her an appraising look, “I didn't think it was your style, the whole big sister thing.”

Dash blushed, “Ya, well, that stupid show doesn't see everything.”

We walked, each lost in our own little worlds. I broke the silence, “I hope Scootaloo doesn't mention what happened to her friends. I don't want her to blow it all out of proportion. People will think I'm some thug who picks fights in the market.”

Dash looked at me incredulously, “Are you kidding? You stared him down like Fluttershy stares down dragons! That was so cool!”

I sighed, “Dash, I just saw some idiot bullying a kid, and I stepped in. I figured she needed someone to help her. That's all. And, just to let you in on a secret, ponies are way stronger and tougher than me. I was giddy as a school girl he didn't step up to me. If he had, I was screwed. What was I going to do? Pull my knife on him? Not only was he unarmed, but it would have just escalated the whole thing way out of proportion. The only result would have been to have horseshoe marks all over me. What I did was stupid.”

Dash got that odd look again, “Wait, so even though you knew he could beat the tar out of you, you still took him on? And you had no plan to use the one thing that would have made you his equal in a fight. And you did it to save a kid you didn't even know?” She smiled, ”That is cool.”

I threw my hands up in exasperation. “Ugh! Dash, I just did the right thing. Can we drop it? I'm sure no one will remember what happened by tomorrow.” I said sarcastically, “On the bright side, I made an enemy on my second day. That's a new record.” I found my expression getting sour.

Dash looked at me with an evil grin, “I have even better news. Not only is he the richest pony in Ponyville, but he's a complete bastard with a long memory. Well done, Alex Roberts. You sure know how to pick your fights.”

6 - Rolling in my new home

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Dash and I made our way to the town hall. Although I did get a few glances, there was no panic, no screams, and, much to my pleasure, a few polite nods.

When we got to the message board, I discovered Dash was right about slim pickings. There were only three choices: a single room above the joke shop, a one-bedroom apartment with a shared bathroom, and a cottage. I quickly made my mind up and took the oldest flyer down. “The cottage. That's the winner. Let's go check it out.” We looked at the address.

Dash was excited, “Hey, that's close to where I have my house, and the rent is good. I wonder if it's... nah... It must be one of the cottages at the bottom of the hill. Hah, lucky for you, I class up any neighbourhood I'm in.” She flashed me her trademark confident grin, and we headed out.

Dash pointed out her cloud house, which was not far from our destination. It was... ok, how do I describe Dash's house? The best I can do is a Salvador Dali painting of a Greco-Roman temple. In 3D. With rainbows. Don't get me wrong, it was stunningly beautiful, especially in the late afternoon sun, but it made my eyes hurt to look at it.

We made our way to the cottage to check it out. It was not, in fact, one of the lower cottages. It was at the top of the hill, and not a great place. The outside walls needed a coat of paint or three, there was a broken door window, and the roof needed to be re-shingled before winter. On the bright side, the foundation looked solid from the outside, and aside from some junk that had come in from the broken window, it looked clean. Dash looked in through the loft window and said it looked okay.

Dash settled down beside me after helping me inspect the cottage. “What a flank hole. That place needs to be burned to the ground before it's good enough to be condemned.”

I grinned, “This will be perfect! I see so much potential here.”

She looked at me with concern and put her hoof on my arm, “Are you sure, Alex? It's gonna take a lot of work and bits to get it up to reasonable shape. I mean, I know you're swimming in bits, but still...”

I put my hand on her hoof and looked at her, “Miss Rainbow Dash, I truly appreciate your concern, but this will give me something to do,” I put my hands on my hips and looked at the wreck of a building, “and time to think. I'm going to be here a very long time, and I want to spend some time deciding what I'm going to do. No better way than building a home.” I smiled happily at my soon-to-be new house.

Dash and I entered the Carousel Boutique. I was happy with my choice, and Dash was sure I made a mistake. I was greeted by Rarity and Applejack sitting at the table with cups of tea, just looking at me with knowing smiles and with, I don't know how else to describe it, but bedroom eyes.

Rarity broke the silence, “The gallant knight returns.”

I was confused. Dash's expression went from confused to, again, that weird appraising look directed at me.

Applejack added, “That was mighty neighbourly, what you did.”

Dash turned to her friends, “And get this, he knew ponies are way stronger and tougher than him, and he did it anyway. He stood right there between Scoots and Coins. It was awesome.” She giggled, “Old Coins didn't know what was going on! That sour horse apple took off like a rat!”

I pinched the bridge of my nose, “Please, don't make a big deal out of it. All I did was let my daddy instincts take over before my brains could stop me.” I gestured to Dash, “She's the real hero here. She was there in a flash! By the time I got there, it was all over. As far as I'm concerned, she was the Lone Ranger, I was Tonto.” I was greeted with blank stares. “Batman and Robin?” Still nothing. “Cupcake and Sprinkles?” That worked. I smiled and tapped Dash on the shoulder, “She's the real hero.”

Dash blushed, “Hey, what's a cupcake without sprinkles?”

I then did something I had not done in a very long time. I blushed. I actually blushed. I literally couldn't remember the last time I blushed. It was a release, like years of repressed blushes suddenly all jumping to my cheeks at the same time. It felt good. It felt... cleansing. And it was over as fast as it had happened.

Before they could start stroking our egos again, I stood straight, clapped my hands, smiled and declared, “So, change of subject. Rarity and Applejack, how am I fixed for spending money?”

Applejack tilted her hat back a little, “Well, sugarcube, you might have a few bits to throw around. Now, this here is just an estimate, and it'll take months to turn it all to bits, but we reckon at current market prices, you're looking at north of seventy-six million bits, less our share. We'll get a more exact number later on. To get ya started, me an Rarity scraped together about two thousand bits. That should keep you for the first two or three weeks. Oh, and expect to spend about half on food this time of year.”

I blinked a few times, “Well, if you can only get that much,” I stopped their protests, “I'm kidding! I'm joking! That's... that's... wow...” I sat heavily cross-legged on the ground and said quietly, “Thank you, guys. I don't know what to say. But I'm making you guys two promises.” I started counting off on my fingers, “I will not sit around eating grapes and getting fat. I will use this to provide something this community needs. I will use this to help those who can't help themselves.” I thought for a moment, “Wait, that was three. No worries, pretend I said three.”

Applejack gave me another appraising look, “That sounds like a mighty fine set of goals.”

Rarity nodded at Applejack's comment, then put her glasses on her nose and referred to some papers. She smiled, “I have some contacts in Canterlot for the metals who are agreeable to our needs. As for the jewellery and the jewels, well, there was not much we could do. The shape is all wrong, and they would have to be modified. As for the style, I'm afraid the current fashion is more,” she seemed to be looking for a nice way to say something, “complex. Finally, I'm afraid to tell you that the stones are simply too small. At best, these would be used to make jewel dust.”

I thought for a moment. “Would Spike like them? He eats gems, right?” Thinking back to earlier today, “We... didn't hit it off. I'm not sure what I did. Anyway, a friendly peace offering?”

Rarity smiled warmly, “I'm sure it was a simple misunderstanding. My little Spiky-wyky is such a dear. I know he will appreciate them.”

Dash and I examined the notice and proceeded to the cottage owner. It was the tailer who greeted us. A nice old unicorn stallion with a blue coat and a fancy coat hanger for a cutie mark. Interestingly, he didn't even bat an eye when I walked in. In a friendly voice, “Are you looking for a new suit, young fellow? I'm afraid I only do ponies at the moment, but my son will be back from Canterlot in a few weeks. He's taking a course on interspecies tailoring. He'll fix you right up.”

“Well, thank you, sir. I'll be sure to come back. But I'm here for the cottage. Am I in the right place?”

“You bet, son. Have you seen it yet?” I nodded, “And you still want it?” I nodded again. “Okay, it's in... monstrously bad shape.” He chuckled at his own joke. “So, it's 250 bits per month, plus last month, plus a 100 bit damage deposit.”

I cocked an eyebrow, “What happened to the last damage deposit?”

“That's all a 100 bits would fix.”

Oy. “And, no issues if I spruce the place up a bit? You know, coat of paint, windows, roof, little things.”

“Knock yourself out, youngster.”

I started counting out coins.

“All right, when do you and your marefriend want to move in?”

Dash blushed and sputtered. I chuckled, “No, we're just friends, and it's just for me.” I smiled a little sadly.

The old unicorn winked, “It's the year 1004 son, I don't judge.”

We finished changing bits for keys and signing papers. I thanked him for everything, and we left. As Dash and I made our way to the cottage, I walked slowly as Dash hovered beside me. I kept staring at the key in my hand, smiling.

“Alex,” she sounded annoyed, “what's the big deal? So you rented a house. Once Applejack and Rarity get converting, you'll be able to buy or build any house you want. I don't get it. What's the big deal?”

I sighed, still looking lovingly at the key, “I haven't had a home for longer than I was alive back 'home', Dash.” I turned to look at her, “This key and this place is the first bit of hope, and I mean real hope, I've had in a very long time.” I took a deep breath, “and you, Dash, you're the first real friend I've had in a very long time. Until now, my 'friends' have just been allies of convenience, always their convenience... “ I stopped, embarrassed. “Sorry, I shouldn't be dumping on you. You just meet me, and I'm sounding like... well, never mind. Forget I said anything.” I angrily shoved the key into my pocket, upset at myself for slipping, and started walking faster. It was just so damn easy around her. I felt so comfortable.

I felt a hoof on my shoulder. I stopped. “Alex, you're right, we are new friends, but we're friends. I know you've had some weird times, and this is the first place you can... decompress. I mean, if you're still doing this next year, well then, you're being whiny,” She smiled warmly, “but, for now, you're my friend, and friends listen.” her smile changed to her confident smirk, “also, it doesn't hurt that you're fairly cool.”

Once again today, I blinked, processing what I had heard, then smiled wearily, “Thanks, Dash. I guess I have too much cynicism and not enough faith.” I smirked and pointed a finger at her, “But for the record, you're the coolest, and you know it.” We both chuckled at the ego-stroking and kept going.

It was getting late in the day when we got to the cottage—a few hours had not improved it. Inside, it was a little musty, and some junk was inside the broken window. The main room was big and took up most of the lower floor. There was a small kitchen and bathroom, and the stairs led to a nice open loft.

Dash helped me open the windows to clear the air. It was getting dark, and I was getting hungry. We then went out to grab a bite, on me, of course.

Looking at the menu, I asked Dash, “Would you like the steamed vegetable and flower stir fry? That's what I'm having.”

She looked at the menu and choked, “Are you nuts? That's 50 bits!”

I looked at her, shrugged, and smiled, “So? I'm rolling in it and...” I looked down shyly, “I wanted to thank you. Thank you for taking a whole day out for me. I appreciate everything you've done, Dash, so the least I can do is buy you a nice dinner, and I promise,” I put my left hand on my heart, right hand up in the air, “no bread.” We both snickered at that and had a lovely meal.

In the early evening coolness, we returned to what I now thought of as 'my place'. Amazingly, it had still not magically improved. I commented that I needed a musical montage to speed things up. Dash looked at me weirdly, then smirked, “You're weird, Alex.” Seemingly realizing what she said, “But in a good way.” Relieved that she had caught herself in time, we said our goodbyes.

I called 'home' and gave Ann an update, reassuring her this was the real deal. Everyone here was so nice, and even the one 'villain' I met today was, at worst, a rude twit. Dan would not be home for about three weeks my time, so he'll have lots to catch up on. My daughter asked where all the ponies were, and I had to explain they had all gone to bed, but they would be back in a little while. She accepted that and trundled off to do all the things little girls do. I wished Ann good night and logged out.

I thought about that wonderful gift Reed Richards had given me. While he couldn't get me home, at least he could allow me a fairly standard internet connection back home with what was essentially a self-repairing laptop with its own power supply. When I was 'surfing' it connected for fractions of a second. It was good enough to send emails, read the news, browse the web, and stuff like that. While I was connected with Skype, the two universes temporarily synced, but it was limited to about half an hour at a time. Even if I disconnected and reconnected right away, the universes would 'spring' back to their normal time ratios while disconnected. You couldn't cheat the system. And here, it meant that each day in Equestria equalled about 10 minutes back 'home'. The time difference meant the exchange of information was mostly one way. Not much happens in about 10 minutes. It also meant that Ann and the kids were sleeping for about two months at a time.

I laid out my bedroll and reflected on the day's events; made good friends, made an enemy, and made a home. It's been a good day.

7 - A tale of scars

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The interesting thing about pony toilets is they're like ceramic saddles with a lip set low to the ground. I could use them, but it makes reading on the throne a lot less comfortable. It turns out they also have a built-in bidet, and not only is the water ice cold, but is pointed in weird directions when compared to the human anatomy.

I would also like to point out that half asleep at 3 A.M. is not the best time to learn to use a toilet designed for another species. Also, stairs designed for ponies are very narrow. Lets just say that by morning there was a big mess in the bathroom and the wall in the stairwell was damaged with an imprint shaped like me.

In the morning, I carefully made my way back down the stairs. I stopped and examined the damage in the stairwell. It wasn't that bad, and it was my ego that was hurt more than my face. Once I cleaned up the mess in the bathroom, I didn't feel like leaving the house that early, so I grabbed a chunk of beef jerky from my pack. I took a bite and placed the rest on the counter. I may as well eat it up. I figured it would be spoiled by the time I left this place.

I reviewed my clothing situation. I had lost most of it last jump, and all I had was a coverall, still smelling slightly of vomit, and what I was wearing yesterday, long pants and a simple long-sleeved tunic. I decided to start with my coveralls.

Warm suds. Simple repetition. Washing clothes lets you think, and I was thinking about what happened the last two days. I remembered My Little Pony as a television show; now it was a reality. I mean, I remembered bits and pieces, but they were fighting with 60 years of memories. Bad memories. I remembered the weirdest stuff, like money is bits, but I couldn't remember Scootaloo. It was frustrating, knowing I should know something but totally blanking. I hung the overalls to dry in the shower stall, took my shirt off and started washing it.

Still, this is a wonderful place. The people are so kind here, so accepting. It was strange being in a place where I was not a target. This place seemed to run on love and kindness. Not the usual 'don't look too deep, or else' kind of utopia, but, real honest-to-goodness kindness and love. Even the worst 'villain' was just rude. I was utterly alien, yet most ponies accepted me just like that. I didn't know Rarity and Applejack beyond some vaguely remembered fictional cartoon characters, but they were willing to drop everything for me, not only a total stranger but not even a pony.

The omnipresent love and kindness made being here that much harder. You would think it would be wonderful to be bathed in it from all sides, and it is. But, when my mind wanders back to Ann or Dan or Lily, I feel a heavy weight on my heart. It only reminds me of what I left behind. Oh, sure, I can talk to them, even see them, but it's not the same as hugging them. In all my years of travel, I've been fairly stoic, enjoying the grand adventure, but ever since I arrived here, I've found it harder and harder to hold it all together. It's like this place forces you to feel your emotions. I'm not sure I want that.

Aside from my emotions, I still have the problem of what I will do with my time now that I'm here. I know I have more bits than Celestia, and I made those promises to Applejack, Rarity, and Rainbow Dash. But what could I do for Ponyville? What can I do to repay their kindness?

A knock and a familiar, confident voice interrupted my train of thought, “Morning, Alex! Can I come in?”

With a jauntiness I didn't feel, I replied, “Come on in, Dash! The door's not locked.” I was starting on the shirt, so I was stripped to the waist. I still had my back to the kitchen entrance.

Dash spoke, a little muffled, “Hey, Alex! I just thought you might like...” I heard a gasp, and something soft hit the ground. Dash whispered, “Oh, apple-bucking moon, she wasn't kidding...”

I turned, only to see a paper bag on the ground with a few muffins spilling out. I looked up to Dash. She had a look that was a cross between horror, disgust, and pity. She rushed out the door, and then all I heard were retching sounds.

“Dash, what's wr...” I stopped as realization set in. I grabbed the wet, soapy shirt and threw it on while running out the door. Dash had her face low to the ground and had obviously just vomited.

She wiped her mouth, “Oh, Alex, I'm so sorry.” I'm unsure if the tears in her eyes were from being sick or something else. “Fluttershy told me you had some bad scarring, but I didn't expect...” She turned and was sick again. When she regained her composure a little, she whispered, “Who could do this to you?”

I thought, 'I didn't want to start my day like this. Yes, the scarring is bad, but it's just a scar. What is wrong with these ponies? Fluttershy wasn't sick, and Dash is a tough cookie. I just don't get it.'

I helped her back inside, “Dash, I'm sorry about this. Fluttershy freaked out when she saw me, too. I didn't even think of covering up. Here, let me help you get cleaned up.” I used a clean washcloth and wiped her face. I figured it was easier for me to do it than she would alone. All she did was look at me with a sad expression while I did it. When I was done, she gently hugged me for a long moment, avoiding contact with my back. I continued pondering, 'Maybe it's because Fluttershy has taken care of injured animals? Maybe it's because... I don't know...'.

She looked at the dropped paper bag and said flatly, “I brought muffins for breakfast.” She smiled weakly, “Surprise...”

The shirt was getting cold and was dripping on the floor. I smiled kindly, “Thanks, Dash.” I saw her coat was wet from the hug. I sighed, “I'll get you a towel.” I grabbed my one remaining dry towel and put it around her shoulders. “So, why were you sick? I mean, I know it's really ugly back there, but it's just scars. I don't understand...”

“It's just, I've never seen scars like that on anyone or anything. It's like... like... every strip of hide was taken off your back, one bit at a time. I'm sorry I puked. I just... I've never...” She looked away, embarrassed. Finally, she said quietly, “I need to know. I need to know how it happened. I need to know so I don't have to imagine it.”

I wrapped the towel more tightly around her, avoiding eye contact. Then I sat with my back against the wall. I stared at the opposite wall, not daring to look at Dash. “About five and a half years ago, I landed in a world with humans, elves, and dwarves. There was magic, not as much as here, but enough to have wizards and clerics. It was what I had been calling a vanilla fantasy world. They were boring, with nothing exceptional, nothing that stood out. They were all basically the same. Anyway, they had a law that said anyone new to the land had to work for the crown for five years. If you came in voluntarily, you could choose stuff like eradicating a cult or stopping bandits. Stuff that, from a certain point of view, was 'fun adventure' stuff. If you didn't sign up, you were forced to work the mines for ten. Of course, no one told me about the law.”

“Anyway, I was tracking down a rumour about a wizard who claimed could travel between worlds. While I was at an inn, I was asked by the local guardsman for my citizen token. I had figured it was just some local religious custom. Well, I didn't put up any kind of fight. It's usually not worth the effort. They were 'kind' enough to hold my things until my sentence was complete. As weird as the system was, they were honest about it.”

“So, I was brought to the local magistrate. He said he bought my story but that the law was the law. There were armed guards, so, again, I didn't fight it. And they said I could get out early with good behaviour. That all my stuff would be returned to me. In fact, all my stuff would be kept at the guard tower, so once I paid my debt to the king, I could just leave.”

I closed my eyes, keeping my voice even, just spitting out the facts. “Punishment was harsh. Lashes. Always lashes. That was the only punishment. Talk out of turn, 10 lashes. Drop your pick, 25 lashes. Strike another slave 100 lashes. Strike a guard, 250 lashes. Break into the guard tower, 500 lashes. Try to escape, 2000 lashes. Actually escape and get caught, 5000 lashes.”

I glanced at Dash. She had this expression of incredulity. “They beat you? They took something and hit you repeatedly? What kind of monster could do that to another?”

I laughed, “You have to remember that this was all light punishment by their standards. But the worst part was the healing potions they would feed us at the end of the beatings. They healed, repaired nerve damage, everything. Everything except the appearance of the scars. They were to be reminders always to follow the rules. Unfortunately, I was a slow learner.” I sighed sadly at the memories, “I tried to escape six times. I think I got some punishment every single day. In the end, I did escape, and I managed to steal back the few items I had when I got here.”

I glanced at Dash. She sat silently, looking at the floor in front of her. I couldn't read her expression.

I continued, “The floggings were given in the open square. They had a production line going up to ten floggers. Every 25 or so lashes, they gave you a sip of healing potion. It tasted like a sharp lemon, lime, salty, and herbal mixture. Anyway, I was tied to an X-shaped stand at my wrists and ankles. And they would get to work. The worst part was that the flogger looked bored. It was just a boring job for him.” I smirked, “Just a punch clock villain.”

I closed my eyes, “They would start after the work day and the evening meal. There's no point in not getting a good day's work out of us. They couldn't give me all the lashes I earned, so they would beat me for up to an hour at a time, about 150 hits, every day for weeks. It became such a routine that I didn't even cry out after a while. I would even try to chat with the flogger. I'm sure that earned me a few extra hits. It also let me tell my story and, in the end, get some help.”

I smiled sadly. “Garat, son of Sinabi, took pity on me. He was one of those punch clock villains, not a bad man. He just believed in the system. Anyway, he saw the system wasn't made for corner cases like mine. So, he helped me escape. At the end of the day, he made sure to run out of healing potion, and when he got more, he slipped me my pack, which still had the coins, laptop, knife, a change of clothes, and some food. He ensured the guards were distracted long enough for me to escape.”. I grew sad, “I regret not finding out what happened to him.”

“I was on the run for the last two months, hiding in the woods, stealing food, avoiding patrols. I finally jumped here, and this is a glorious place. Dash, you have no idea how wonderful this place is.” I looked at Dash, “I'm sorry I wasn't totally honest with you from the get-go, but I think you can understand why. Still, I'm glad I've got that out of the way. Nothing left but the gory details. And, please, I really don't want to go back there.”

We sat for a long time, each lost in thought. Dash finally broke the silence, “I can't say I understood everything you just said, but I think I got most of it.” She considered everything she had heard, “And, if that wasn't the gory details, I don't need to hear them.”

I grunted, “Ya, let's just skip that part.” I cleared my throat, “So! Change of subject. Do you mind if I have one of those delicious-looking muffins? I'm starving!”. I smiled, “After all, it takes a lot of calories to sustain my massive ego.”

Dash chuckled and smiled weakly. I wondered if she was trying to drive the images from her mind. With forced joviality, “I can't see that being a problem monkey boy. And if you do get out of hand, I'll put you back in your place.” Dash looked at the muffins and turned a slight shade of green, “I think I'll skip the muffins for now. My stomach is a little, heh... weak. Anyway, I have... er... stuff to do.” She finished quickly, “Oh, and before I forget, Twilight wants to see you this afternoon. I'll see you later at Twilight's, okay?”

“You bet.” I smiled after her, but when she left, I started mentally reviewing her reactions and the kind of world this was. As I was contemplating recent events, I ate two of the four muffins, and I had to admit, they were fantastic. But, as good as the muffins were, I still had the problems of a freaked-out Dash, clothing, and what to do with my new life here.

Even though my problems here were simple on the surface, the thought of hurting any of these ponies just tore me up. I never thought I would say this, but having a mad scientist trying to take my brain out to use in their atomic robot sounded so much easier to deal with than making a life here without hurting any feelings.

By late morning, the coveralls were dry enough, so I changed into them. The shirt was still damp but dry enough for what I had in mind. I was going to head to Rarity's first, then to Twilight's.

The day was beautiful, just one lone cloud, a perfect day. As I walked along the gravel path, I was happy to have a sense of purpose, even if it was just to get some clothes and talk to Twilight. Those would be outstanding accomplishments.

About halfway to the town proper, I heard an angry voice, “Alex Roberts! What did you do to Rainbow Dash? Why is she crying, holding herself, and rocking back and forth?”. The voice belonged to the previously quiet and gentle Fluttershy. I turned around to see her hovering with her arms crossed and a furious expression.

I looked at her, confused and worried, “Wait! What happened to Dash?”

“You've lost the right to call her Dash! You will call her Miss Rainbow Dash, you big meany!”

“Hold on a sec! What's going on? What's wrong with Das...” I saw the expression on Fluttershy's face harden, “Miss Rainbow Dash? The last time I saw her, she took off and said she had stuff to do. Is she... oh... damn...” I looked up at Fluttershy, “I think I know what's wrong. I... I didn't mean to do that to her. It's just that she saw the scars on my back, then she was sick, and wanted to know what happened. I didn't get into the gory details, and she seemed a little shaken up but basically fine when she left...” Fluttershy's expression softened.

“She wanted to know about your back? Beyond what you told me? Oh, well, that might explain it. That's not the kind of thing we see much of in Equestria. And Dashie has always been a little squeamish under all that bravado.”

“What can I do to help? Dash”, I said with a little defiance, “is my friend, and I'll be damned to hell before I don't do anything to help her, but,” I sighed, “I don't know how this world or its people works. I thought I had a clue; I thought I knew it all, but a kid's show is not a good primer for this. Something as simple as breaking bread with a friend has a whole different meaning here. I'm afraid anything I do will be wrong and that I'll just hurt her or freak her out. If it helps, this is what I told her.” I repeated the story to Fluttershy. She was shocked but surprisingly stoic, and by the end, she was starting to tear up. I ended it with, “Please don't cry, and please don't feel sorry for me. What happened is in the past. Let's leave it there. I've forgiven those who hurt me. I want to, as it were, change the subject and carry on.”

Fluttershy sighed and smiled sadly, “Alright, I will never mention it to anyone.” Her expression changed to embarrassment, “I'm sorry for calling you a big meany. I know you're her friend, but she's mine too, and I was just upset. Sorry for being so aggressive. It's just that she kept muttering your name, and I thought you had done something. I know Dashie, and I know a story like this would affect her deeply, but if she's letting you call her Dash and she asked for the story, she considers you a friend. And once she digests the information in her own way, she will be back. I expect to see her later today, tomorrow morning at the latest.”

I felt relieved, “Good. I'm happy she's able to deal with this.”. I looked up, “Is that her?” I pointed to the single cloud in an otherwise perfect sky. Fluttershy said it was. “So, me asking you to bring her down here to talk it out with me will not work. In fact, it may make it worse?” Fluttershy agreed it would be a bad idea. “Well, I feel useless.”

My friend, the sky-blue angel, is suffering, and there's nothing I can do. God damn me to hell.

8 - Basic biology

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I was in a thoughtful, if dour, mood. It was only a half-hour walk on my way to Rarities' boutique, and I was halfway there when I was accosted by Fluttershy. She had given me a lot to chew on. Again, no pony seemed too bothered by me, and in fact, I was greeted by friendly nods or at worst, curious stares.

I'm worried about Dash. I didn't even think about how an experience like mine would be perceived in a world like this. This is a place where a failed party is a disaster, where if your friends don't talk to you for a day, you have a nervous breakdown. She's been a far better friend than anyone has the right to expect, and I go and treat her like that. I feel ashamed. I should have sugar-coated the story. I should have... I don't know, done something different, protected her from me. I hope I don't lose her as a friend.

I finally arrived at the Carrousel Boutique and noticed the sign said 'Closed,' but I thought I would knock anyway. I heard Rarity call out as she opened the door, “I'm sorry, we're clo—Oh, hello, Alex. Please, come in.” I walked in and closed the door behind myself.

I sat heavily on the floor with my back to the door. “Rarity, I accidentally did a terrible thing. I—” I was interrupted by three fillies rushing into the room. I recognized Scootaloo, but I had no clue about the other two, a yellow earth pony filly with a red mane and big red hair bow and the other a unicorn filly with an off-white coat and pink and purple mane. I smiled despite myself, “Hi, Scootaloo, how are you doing?”

Scootaloo answered excitedly, “I'm doing great, Alex!”

Rarity cleared her throat and raised an eyebrow.

Scootaloo blushed a little, then continued more formally, “Sorry, I mean, I'm doing very well, Mr Alex Roberts. Me and my friends, Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle, would like to extend our thanks for helping me. You and Rainbow Dash, that is.” Scootaloo ran off.

Apple Bloom excitedly added, “Ya! We made a hero award for you and Rainbow Dash! For talking back to old stinky Coins!” Rarity glared, “Um, I mean when Mr Golden Coins was so uncivil. Applejack said that was real gutsy of you, seen' as you're not as strong or tough as a pony.”

“My sister said you acted like a real gallant knight. Just like in the fairy tales.” Sweetie Belle said, looking at me in awe.

Rarity smiled, “Now, Sweetie Belle, he's a decent pony and saw a decidedly indecent event and intervened. As any gentlecolt would.”

I looked down, genuinely embarrassed. To say I was shocked would be an understatement. I shakily got to my feet and wiped my eyes, “Oh, dear. Looks like I got some dust in my eye. May I use your bathroom, Rarity? I'll be right back.” I smiled. Rarity, with a knowing look, pointed the way for me. I closed the door behind myself. I splashed some cold water on my face and pulled myself together. Why did such a childish act knock me out like this? I didn't know. Well, once I dried myself, I went back to the main room. Scootaloo and her friends were there, brimming with pride.

“Here you go!” they said in unison. The picture was crudely drawn. It showed me kicking the flank of an angry-looking pony with a top hat and monocle and Rainbow Dash by my side. It had the word 'HERO' at the top, traced in jewels, 'Thank You For Saving Scootaloo' and their names at the bottom. Okay, fine, I had a really hard time controlling the waterworks. I admired it for a very long time, my expression blank.

Apple Bloom whispered, “Do you think he likes it?” I wasn't sure, but I could swear Rarity didn't hear it.

Sweetie Belle answered in the same whisper, “I told you we should have used more glitter.”

Scootaloo looked crestfallen.

Quietly I said, “Girls, this is the best gift I've gotten in a very long time.” I wiped my eyes, “It's perfect, just the way it is.”

The three looked relieved. Scootaloo jumped forward, hugged me, and the three of them ran off with a cry of “Cutie Mark Crusaders Award Makers! Yay!”.

I remained where I was, admiring their gift. I spoke without looking up. “You know Rarity, the last time I got a gift like this, it was made by my daughter. It was about a week before I jumped. I looked at it for a moment, then casually tossed it on the pile. I'm not sure I did more than casually thank her.” I continued looking at the gift, lost in thought.

Rarity said softly, “Well darling, you seem to have made an impression on those young fillies,” I looked at her and saw she was smiling, “And they on you.”

“Could you store this for me, please?” I reverently held my treasure so Rarity could take it with her magic. “My house needs some work, and I don't want to damage it.”.

“Oh, course, my dear. I will be happy to store it for you. Now, I assume you've come here for an update on the finances? Well, there's n—”

I dismissed her assumption with a wave of my hand, “No, no, I know it's in good hands. Hooves? I trust you and Applejack completely. No, I came for two reasons, one trivial and one important. I need some clothes, and I was unsure if you did male non-pony clothes, but that's not important.” Rarity looked concerned. Clothes to her were always paramount. “No, I did something bad. I... ugh... I assumed ponies, Dash, in this case, had the same sort of psychological grounding as humans do.”

“I'm not sure I understand Alex. What do you mean?”

“I believe you know my story and about the scarring on my back?” Rarity nodded. “I was washing my shirt, and Dash saw my back. She threw up, Rarity. She was so sickened by what she saw, she was physically ill.” Rarity looked shocked, “Once Dash pulled herself together, she wanted to know exactly how I got them, so I told her. I didn't go into detail, but I told her enough. Too much, I think. I feel so bad for hurting her. Fluttershy said she'll be okay, but...” I looked away in shame, “it doesn't make it any better.”

Rarity's expression became stern. “Show me,” she said.

I blinked and looked at her for a moment. “What? Do you mean my back? Are you sure? It's not the kind of thing ponies seem to deal well with. I only figured Fluttershy didn't completely collapse because of her experiences caring for sick and injured animals.”

“Alex, my dear, I am a grown mare. I do not need protection, no matter how gallantly it is offered. Please. Your back.”

“Alright.” I slipped my arms out of my coverall, “If this gets to be too much, let me know, and I'll cover up,” I slowly exposed my back. I was getting sick of this. It's an ugly scar, but these damn ponies keep making an issue out of it.

I heard a gasp and a muttered, “Oh, good heavens...” Then she cleared her throat, “Thank you, that's enough. I think I can understand why Rainbow Dash was disturbed.” She paused, looking me in the eye, “You are correct in assuming that this sort of damage is almost unheard of here. Rainbow Dash is a very loyal pony, and when she sees a friend in distress, she internalizes it. If she was physically ill, it was only because she sympathized with what happened to you or what she imagined happening.”

“Hmm. That would explain what she said about wanting to know so she didn't have to imagine.” I sighed, “If I would have known—”

Rarity interrupted, “If you had known, you would have done things differently, I'm sure.” She sighed, “Alex, although you first became aware of us through children's entertainment, we are not children. Please do not forget that.”

I stammered. “Miss Rarity, I apologize if that was how you perceived my... “ I stopped and grimaced, “Who am I kidding? I have no clue how this world works. I'm trying to behave as dictated by a half-remembered cartoon I last saw almost 60 years ago.” I sat back down, “And now I'm alienating the very ponies who were kind enough to help me, not only a total stranger but not even the same species.” I hung my head down, “I should have followed my first instincts and ran into the woods.” I looked back up to Rarity, “Look, Miss Rarity, once you cash out my coins, I'll—”

“Stop! Stop right there, Mr Alex Roberts.” Rarity was standing right in front of me, close enough that the smell of her perfume was almost overpowering. Her expression was one of annoyance. “If you think we will let you off easy by letting you trot off into the woods and living as a hermit just so you can avoid accidentally hurting one of us, you will be sadly mistaken. Like it or not, we are part of your life now. We are your friends.” She was glaring at me, and it was almost physically painful, “And whether you like it or not, Rainbow Dash will be loyal to you until the end. She has seen your pain, Alex. As much as you want, you cannot take that away from her. Do you understand?”

I nod, not truly understanding, but it's all I can do. I look up, voice heavy with guilt, “What can I do to help Dash? What can I say to her to make her better?”

The late morning sun was streaming in from behind Rarity. She smiled beatifically down at me, “Simply be the gallant knight that you are.”

I wiped my nose, “You ponies...” I shake my head, “are so different. I come from a place where children are taught early to beware of the stranger. Where cynicism is considered the safest attitude to have. Trust has to be earned and is reluctantly given. Here trust, friendship, and kindness is the basic assumption. I have lived a lifetime, two lifetimes really, in realities where cynicism is the only position the world around you will allow. It will take a lot of effort on my part to change. I'm glad I have good friends to guide me.” I stood, “Thank you. Thank you for being a good friend. Thank you for... everything.”

And then I did what I always do when I don't want to talk about something: I clear my throat and change the subject. “So, change of subject. My dear Miss Rarity,” I put on my best false smile, “I was wondering if I could purchase an extra set of clothes until the tailor's son gets back from something called 'interspecies tailoring'. I know...” I chuckled to myself, “Sorry, I think I know,” Rarity smirked at that, “you only make dresses for mares, but I was hoping you could stitch together a simple copy of these,” I gave her the pants and tunic, “and what I'm wearing right now. These have seen better days, and I need something a little tidier.” All the clothes had minor stains, little tears, and the knees were starting to blow out.

Rarity looked at me, a little confused, “I'm sure no one will judge you if you don't have fashionable clothes on for a day or two. Even I don't wear clothes most days.”

This was a subject I wanted to avoid, but I could not. I averted my eyes and blushed a little. “Well, that's one of those wonderful cultural differences that have been cropping up. While your society seems to be, er, clothing optional, mine is generally not.” I gave a half smile, “I don't know if you noticed, but I always try to look you in the face, and if my eyes are not on your face, I look at the ground, the ceiling, the wall, anywhere but... not at your face.”

I was speaking to the floor now, “It's become worse for me as I've been seeing ponies as people.” Rarity made an expression of incredulity, and I interrupted her before she could say anything, “I know, I know. Ponies are fully sentient beings worthy of all my respect. I truly understand that now. But when I arrived, all I could think was I was in a cartoon world populated by cartoon characters. I'm not proud of that Rarity. Since my many gifts do not include the ability to undo stupid mistakes, I'll have to live with that sin too. So, if you can forgive the idiot before you, can I once again take advantage of your generosity?”

Rarity seemed surprised and puzzled. “My dear Alex, there is nothing to apologize for. We have all made errors in judgment and have had misplaced expectations,” She seemed far away for a moment, “We all, as you say, have our sins. Now, for your clothes,” she lifted the pants and shirt, examining them with a critical eye, “They're simple, and the basic body pattern is similar to Spikes. While I do not normally make clothes for stallions, I will be happy to make something based on this. And, despite appearances, I can appreciate the need for simple and serviceable clothes. Could I take those coveralls and pants while you could wear the shirt while I make a first copy? Surely, that would be acceptable.”

“Heh, well, not really.” She said she was an adult, so I should deal with her as an adult, “You could say the core of the clothes issue is this area, basically the front and back of the pelvis,” I indicated the areas with my hands. “In humans, that is where our genitals are located, and these are primary sexual characteristics. In the males, that's basically where it ends. In females, their mammaries are also considered primary sexual characteristics. They are located here,” I again indicated with my hands. “These areas are considered intimate and private.” I smiled sadly. “So, in short, when I look at a pony, my brain recognizes you as human, and I guess I mentally map human sexual characteristics onto your body. It feels...” I waved my hands in small circles, looking for the right word, “disrespectful.” I was really blushing now, and I couldn't make myself look at Rarity.

The room was quiet, and I figured Rarity was in shock at the concept or maybe just disgusted. Then I heard laughter. It was a very kind and ladylike laugh, but laughter nonetheless. “Oh Alex, you truly are a gallant knight from a fairy tale. I can assure you not a single citizen of Ponyville would be shocked by your walking down the street without any clothes. But, I understand your concerns. How about I take the pants and shirt and I will make some copies from a sturdy un-dyed cotton material. Just something simple until you can get that fine young unicorn stallion to properly create more clothes.” She seemed momentarily lost in thought, “Elusive is very talented. Judging from his work, of course.”

“Thank you, Rarity, for helping me.” She is a damn good friend, and I hope I can be one too.

I headed to the marketplace to get some lunch, then headed up to Twilight's library. On the way, I debated whether to start watching episodes of My Little Pony and whether that would help me. By the time I reached Applejack's stall in the market, I had decided that they would only cause problems. It was in my best interest to learn who they were like any other friend and not rely on their cartoon caricatures.

I spotted Applejack. Some distance away, I waved and called out a greeting. She didn't react at first; I had to repeat myself a few times, and I had to get much closer before she heard me. I'm sure my senses are better than the locals'.

“Well, howdy there, Alex. What brings you out here?”

It's time to turn on the old Alex Roberts charm. With a big smile, “Well, a man has to eat, and your apples look fantastic! And I want to thank you again for your kindness. But first, business. How much for a bag of apples?”

She gave a smile, “After what you've done for my family, it's on the house.”

I cocked an eyebrow and my smile faded. “Applejack, come on. You work your flank off to get these apples. I will darn well pay you. Now, how much?”

Applejack stood on her hind legs so she could look me in the eye and scowled at me. “Gosh darn it! Are we going to have to do this every time? You have gone and given the Apple family the greatest gift in its history. You will take as many apples as you want. Do I make myself clear?”

I put my hands out, afraid she would fall, “Be careful! Don't hurt yourself! That doesn't look too easy for a pony, and I don't want you to fall.” Applejack dropped nimbly back down. “Please, as a friend, let me buy my apples fair and square.”

A smile slowly crept over the mare's face, “Shoot, you're lucky I've got a kind heart. That'll be six bits.”

I'm fairly sure Twilight lives at the tree-house library. I wasn't sure of the protocol and have become painfully aware that I don't understand how this place works. Do I walk right in? I decided to knock on the Library door, and I heard a cheerful Spike's voice, “I've got it, Twilight!” I can hear Spike taking a deep sniff just as the door opens, and his face goes from a smile to a scowl. “It's you.” He turned and bellowed, “The smelly freak is here for you!”

“Spike! What an awful thing to say. Alex Roberts, I'm so sorry for this. Spike isn't normally this rude.” She shot Spike a withering glare. Spike stomped off to another room, muttering under his breath.

I smiled, “It's ok, Twilight Sparkle. Oh, and my friends call me Alex. That includes you, just in case there was any question.” I called out, “And that includes you too, Spike, whether you like it or not. Did Rarity give him that bag of jewels?”

Twilight, looking a little confused, said, “Yes, Rarity dropped it off last night soon after you left. He was thrilled to get a gift from Rarity, but as soon as she left, he threw them away. He said something about their smell.” She gave her head a little shake and smiled, “And, please, call me Twilight. I called you here because I wanted to give you some good news!” She levitated a scroll from the table, “The Princess wants to meet you. Here is the letter I received this morning.” Twilight passed me the scroll. I opened it carefully—the paper was thick and smooth, with a hand-made feel to it. The writing on the page was perfect, each letter executed with analytical precision, not a single drop of ink spilt, and a golden seal at the bottom.

My Dear Mr Alex Roberts,
My Most Faithful Student, Twilight Sparkle, informed me of your arrival and unusual circumstances. She has suggested that you would make an excellent addition to the Equestrian people. I trust her judgment and agree with her conclusion.
I want to welcome you to Equestria as our newest citizen. You will receive your formal documentation within a week. I know you will be a loved and respected member of our society. I'm sure the life you build here will be positive for everyone around you.
I invite you to come and visit me in Canterlot at your earliest convenience. I look forward to our meeting.
Signed,
Princess Celestia,
Donec Regia Pax

I read the letter again and again. Well, that's citizenship taken care of. I looked at Twilight, and I felt immense gratitude. “I don't know what to say, Twilight. Thank you.” I looked out the window, the panorama of daily life unfolding, and a slow smile crossed my face. I quickly turn my eyes to Twilight, “At the risk of seeming thankless, why did you do it? Why me? You don't know me. I could be anything.”

Twilight pursed her lips, “An excellent question. According to 'The Equestrian Guide To Citizenship', forty-seventh edition, a good citizen should always be willing to help fellow citizens. After your recent actions stepping up and protecting Scootaloo from,” Twilight got a bit of a sour expression, “Golden Coins, I thought you showed excellent moral fibre. Therefore, I felt you were an excellent candidate for citizenship. I sent the letter to Princess Celestia this morning, and she agreed with my assessment,” she gave a quick nod and smiled at me. “However, I have to tell you, I also had a bit of an ulterior motive for recommending you.”

'Oh boy, here it comes,' I thought to myself.

“I thought it would be fun to have someone from a different universe to talk to. And maybe I can use your... laptop?” I smiled and nodded. She got a dreamy look on her face, contemplating the possibilities, “A multiverse of libraries. So much information, so many books to read...”

“Don't get too excited, Twilight. Think of it as a library where anyone who can write, or not write, to be honest, can publish whatever they want. Almost nothing is peer-reviewed, so most of it is garbage.” Twilight looked crestfallen. “But, if you know where to look, there is some wheat in the chaff. When I have time, I'll gladly help you out.”

“That sounds like a great opportunity, Alex. Thank you!”

“Before I visit Princess Celestia, I want to get some more clothes. These are a little threadbare.” I gave Twilight the same little speech I gave Rarity on the subject. Unlike Rarity, Twilight accepted it without comment, not even a blush.

Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a glimpse of Spike making a gagging motion. “Hey, Twilight, do you mind if we walk and talk? I would really like to get the window fixed up before tonight. That and Spike doesn't like me. My body odour seems to be very offensive to him.” I started to worry, “I don't smell to you, do I?”

Twilight leaned in closely to me and tentatively sniffed. I couldn't resist sniffing her when she was close. The only pony that had been physically close to me was Rarity, who wore a lot of perfume. Twilight didn't seem to wear perfume, or if she did, it was subtle. It's a little like a very mild, very clean short-haired dog, with a hint of baby powder. I suspect the baby powder is what she uses for perfume. There was something else, but I couldn't describe it. A sort of something that makes you want to smile. As weird as it sounds, it could be described as the smell of friendship.

She said, “No, nothing bad, a little sweaty maybe, but nothing offensive.” She grew thoughtful for a moment, “It could be some hormonal thing. I wonder if some magic trick could fix it.”

I shrugged, “Well, thanks Twilight. I'll fix that sweat problem tonight—just one more thing to add to the to-do list. So! Change of subject.” I smiled. “My dear Miss Twilight Sparkle, as fun as it would be to spend the day sniffing each other,” Twilight giggled at that, “I would like to do the manly thing and go shopping for tools.”

“That sounds like fun, Mr Alex Roberts.” She trotted to the back of the library, “Spike! We think we know what's going on with you and Alex. I'll fill you in when I come back.”

We left, her discussing possible magical solutions and me offering technological solutions for my problem with Spike.

One of the topics we discussed was the Equestrian calendar.

The days of the week were the familiar seven I was used to. They even had days of 24 hours with 60 minutes. The only significant difference was the 'rest' day was Tuesday rather than Sunday.

The major changes came with the months. They were named after the seasons: Spring, Summer, Fall, and Winter. The three warmer months had one hundred and forty days each, and winter only had seventy. It made a certain kind of sense. The months could be arbitrarily as long or short as needed. After all, it was a geocentric system, with the sun and moon controlled by literal goddesses.

The upshot was that their year was almost a third again as long as most worlds, 490 days versus something around 365. I discovered I had landed on the 16th day of Spring in the year 1004 After Nightmare Moon. A Wednesday, it turns out. So, I guess the show was right about 1,000 years, just wrong on how long a year is. It ended up being around 1,340 Earth years.

I was glad I was able to find the tools I needed, plus some plastering supplies. I also took the chance to pick up a few basics, like some containers, kitchen wares, dishes, and some soap. The backpack made it easy to carry stuff without much worry. I was surprised the cost of goods was on the low side, especially when compared to food.

As we were leaving the hardware store, Twilight was lecturing me on building codes and best practices. She commented that with all the damage to her home, she had become familiar with them and was happy to share her vast knowledge. I was grateful because I didn't want to break a building code and have to rip out everything I did.

In the distance, I saw a crowd starting to gather and the smell of smoke. The smell is different from a plain wood fire. A burning house has a smell that is hard to forget.

“Twilight! Do you smell that?” I unslung my backpack, carrying it in my hand.

She looked a little confused, “No, not... wait, that's not a normal smoke smell. Oh my gosh! Look!”

“Shit!”, I cursed. “Where is the fire department, Twilight?”

“They should be on their way.” She looked worried, on the edge of panic.

I could see a mare beside herself being held back by a stallion. “My little foal! He's still in there!”

The stallion held her back, “Honey, no, you can't go in. You'll only get yourself killed!”

Damn it! I hate this. All the ponies seem to be standing around, not knowing what to do. I don't want to be a hero. I just want to get home alive. But damn it, there's a kid involved.

I yelled, “Twilight, cover me!” I dropped my backpack and quickly took a couple of deep breaths. I charged into the house, yelling as much because I needed the false bravado and was scared stupid. The front door is partially open, and I knock it open with my shoulder. I'm going to feel that in the morning. The fire is in the kitchen and spreading fast. There's smoke everywhere. I head up the stairs, trip, and fall a few times—damn pony stairs. I finally make it to the top, staying low. I look back and see flames licking around the kitchen door. This inspires me to get moving.

“Come on, kid, where are you?!” I coughed, trying hard not to breathe in too much.

I heard a weak voice, “Over here, mister! My closet door won't open!”

I opened one door, then a second, and finally, found the voice in the third room. The smoke was thick, and flames were licking up the stairway. I hurried in, bumping my head on the door frame and slamming the door behind me.

“Okay, kid, stay calm! I'll open the door, but you need to get to the back and stay low!”

“O-Okay, mister.” The child coughed from the smoke, and I hope he followed my instructions. I pulled out my knife and gave it the command 'CROWBAR'. As it flowed into the proper shape, I drove it into the door frame. The frame cracked and splintered as the door came loose, giving me a spot to get a grip. I put my foot on the wall and pulled the door open with a loud crack. I smiled at the terrified young colt, his eyes the size of saucers, not sure how to react. I looked at the crowbar, put in back in the shape of a knife, and quickly sheathed it.

Smoke was starting to fill the room. I felt the door and almost burned my hand. Going out the door was out of the question.

“Come on, kid! I'll get you out the window, but I need you to come with me!” He looked at me in terror, scurrying further back. The smoke was getting thicker. It was getting harder to breathe.

“Sorry about this kid!” I grabbed him by the scruff of the neck. He bit me, the little bugger, but I didn't let go. What's a bite for a kid's life?

I looked over my shoulder and saw flames licking under the door. I'll have to admit that I panicked a little. Unfortunately, my knife was on the far right side, and so was the flailing colt. I smashed the window of the room with my left hand, the glass cutting it up. I used the sleeve to protect my arm while removing the glass shards from the window frame. I screamed, “Twilight! Catch!” and tossed the foal out the window. I hope she catches him. If not, a broken bone or two is better than burning to death.

With my right hand free and my left hand cut to ribbons, I gauged the window. Shit. It was small. I mean, average-sized for a pony, but not so much for me. The fire was coming, so I didn't have much choice. I dived through the window and got hung up at my hips. It hurt like the devil, but I pushed my way through and fell. For a split second, I saw the foal floating in the air, surrounded by a purple glow, and I was at peace.

My last thought before I hit the ground was, 'It's a fair tra—'

...

9 - A trade for my sins

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...

I was flying. Wings on my back, steadily flapping, each flap taking as long as a breath.

Thump.

As natural as breathing. The warm air was playing over my face and body. Smells of hay, flowers, and green things. Below, rolling hills as far as the eye could see. The sky was a perfect cyan blue, and a rainbow was in the distance—a perfect spring day.

I could see my house down there. My family was in the yard, waving at me. I only had to swoop down, and I would join them forever. But the flying was so breathtaking, so wonderful, I just wanted to fly a bit longer.

...

The world was black, pain in my side and chest and my head. I could hear distant voices and a few words, but I didn't understand...

“...n you hear m...”

“...o get a chest tu...”

“...lood ty...”

“...d that fluoroscope N...”

“...e's got no mag...”

“...s Luna damned anatom...”

...

And I was flying again. Spiralling down, closer to my family. I knew I would be paying for my sins, and I was at peace...

...

Dry lips. I tried to lick them. My tongue was blocked by... something...

...

Perfect cyan sky and stunning rainbows. I could still see my family, and they were getting further away. The wing beats became more ragged, and I had to work harder to fly...

...

Harsh antiseptic smell.

Mouth, so dry. I can lick my lips now. I feel a straw against my lips—cool, sweet water.

A gentle cracking voice whispers, “Not too much, big guy.”

I cough, having drunk too much too fast. It hurts so much I cry...

...

I'm half awake but don't have the strength to open my eyes. I expect to feel Ann in bed beside me. The sudden pain and the grinding of bone on bone snap me to reality for a few moments. Ribs. I have broken ribs. I now understand why each breath is like a dagger. I taste blood, old blood. How long have I been...

I hear a cracking female voice yelling out, “Oh my gosh! He's waking up!”

I can't place it. I know I should know it. Is it from some... cartoon? Rainbow Dash?

I finally, slowly open my eyes. I see the angular, animated nature of this world. It's all coming back to me. I mutter, “kid... okay?”

I feel Dash's hoof on my hand, gently stroking, “Ya, he's just fine.” I could hear the worry turning to joy in her voice.

I turned my head. Dash was smiling, relief cascading from her. Her hair was even messier than usual, and the bags under her eyes were visible. I smiled slightly, “Get sleep... you look... terrible...”. I close my eyes and let the darkness embrace me.

I was told I had been slipping in and out of consciousness for almost two days. The nurse told me Dash had been at my side the whole time. In the end, I had three broken ribs, a concussion, some lung damage from a puncture and smoke inhalation, and lots of bruising. I found it amusing to be tended by a doctor, a veterinarian, and a potion maker.

As soon as I was able to, they were getting me moving, saying it was the best for broken ribs. It hurt like hell, but I gritted my teeth and did it. I had to be in good health for the next trade opportunity.

I was a little embarrassed at the dressing gown. It was designed for a pony, and when it was on me, the opening was at the front. They also had to pin up the back legs, so I didn't trip over them. No one around me seemed to care, but it embarrassed me to no end to have my boys open to public view.

Apparently, the usual spells and procedures to promote healing were not as effective on me. The best ones had limited effect. Some of the potions made by Zecora, a lovely lady who always talked in rhymes, also have some effect, but the painkillers seemed to work just fine. The consensus of the doctors, vet, and Zecora was that I would be back to my old self in two or three weeks.

Dash was back in my room when I returned from the first physiotherapy session and the kindly poking and prodding of the medical staff. She was yawning, stretching her wings, and looked graceful despite her evident fatigue. Those wings. It amazed me such small wings could lift anything the size of Dash. Magic, I guess.

I was helped to the bed and took a few moments to find a comfortable position. Pony hospital beds are made for different body shapes, so it had been left flat. Dash and I chatted about the physiotherapy and how pleased the doctors were to be able to get some basic medical information from me directly. One commented on how much more complex my body was compared to ponies, but that they couldn't find my left or right starswirls. I had jokingly asked the doctor if I could still play the piano without them, and his reaction was a little... weird. He blinked, then looked at my hands and said, in all seriousness, he said that I could as long as my fingers still worked without them. I figured it was just one of those cultural misunderstandings and let it drop.

We both got quiet, one of those natural lulls in a conversation. Dash broke the silence, softly asking, “Why Alex? Why did you do it?” I was taking a deep, slow breath and about to answer, and she interrupted me, a bit of anger in her voice, “And don't give me that 'daddy instinct' pile of horsefeathers. You know you can easily get hurt, maybe even killed. I mean, what kind of lunatic would run into a burning house? And Twilight told me the firefighters were in sight by the time you ran in, and they could have saved the kid in ten seconds flat with their equipment.” She sighed and held my hand between her hooves. She continued quietly, “I want to know the real reason.”

I turned my head away and scowled. I was in a good place, just the right amount of self-loathing, just enough to remind me of... things. Why did she want to wreck that? It made me angry that she wanted to upset the apple cart. I turned to face her, still scowling, and with a hint of anger in my voice, “Fine, you want to know? You want to know why I don't give a damn if I live or die some days?” I glared at her for a few moments, “Fine. Get me my knife and close the door.” I wanted a little privacy for this.

She closed the room door, then went to the little cubby and took the knife in her mouth. With a worried expression, she reluctantly passed me the blade, which formed around my hand. Dash was taken aback at the flowing, liquid movement of the metal.

For a fleeting moment, I thought how easy it would be to slash my wrist or plunge it into my heart. But, I had promised myself it would be a fair trade or until I could hold Ann in my arms, and not a second sooner.

My expression hardened when my mind returned to the day I got my blade. I sure didn't want to share something this intimate, but with luck, it would get her off my back. If I was really lucky, it would drive her away so I couldn't hurt her. It would be for the best.

I slowly took a deep, painful breath, just like the therapist had taught me to do. I slowly played with the dull knife as I told my grim tale.

“I got this about twenty-five years ago. It's an Imperial Pattern One Two Seven Nine Combat Knife with Mental Controls and Polymorphic Enhancement. Top of the line, changes shape based on mental commands. I usually leave it in non-combat mode, a dull blade. It was high-end but fairly common.”

“It was given to me by the wizard Zathrok. He gave it to me so I could get the gem of Balzoon, which he claimed could be used to transport me home.” I smiled slightly, “I was with Shedinath, dragonborn paladin of Bahamut, and Hayi Crystalsmiter, dwarven lock and trap expert. We dodged traps, avoided guards, and risked everything.” I paused momentarily, lost in thought, “In the end, we got that thrice-damned gem. But I was an idiot for believing Zathrok intended to send me home. Heh, I doubt he was even able to do it.” My eyes flitted on Dash's wings and back for a moment, carefully avoiding her face and intimate areas.

I took another deep, slow breath. “My greatest sin is taking a life to get that God damned gem.” I heard a gasp but didn't look. “I had smashed skeletons and bashed zombies, but they were already dead. I was smashing machines made from flesh and bone. This was different.”

Dash was quiet. I couldn't make myself look at her, and as much as I wanted to drive all these good, kind ponies way from the likes of me, I was afraid of actually seeing that look of disgust—another slow, painful breath. I was quiet for a moment, drawing on those black memories. “To avoid a patrol of skeleton warriors, we were sneaking through a small side passage. It was hidden behind a secret door that had not been used in years. The passage was narrow, so we could only move single file. I was at the front of the group with my knife ready.”

“We got to the end, and a small grate was set in a small door. I peeked outside and saw the gem on a pedestal on top of a small dais. The room was small, maybe 5 meters square. It was quiet, except for the sound of breathing. I slightly changed my angle of view and caught sight of the guard. He was beside the door, on the opposite side of the hinges. That meant I could jump out quickly and knock him out. That was my plan.”

“I readied myself. I quietly unhinged the lock, which was mercifully silent, and readied myself. I kicked the door as hard as I could, and it swung out with ease. I jumped, put my hand over the guard's mouth, and punched him in the head. I wanted to make a clean knockout punch. But things didn't go according to plan. He wasn't knocked out. He struggled, reaching for a leaver.”

“I panicked. I knew if he reached that leaver, we were all dead. I turned the blade and cut his throat just like that. The green blood covered my hands. All I could smell was a coppery, salty odour of orc blood. He gurgled and went limp.” I took a long, ragged, painful breath. “No one ever tells you about the piss and shit. When you die, you lose control of your body and release your bladder and bowels. As he sprawled on top of me, all I could smell was the blood and piss and shit.”

My voice started to crack, emotion pouring through. “They laughed at me, telling me it was only an orc. I had killed it, and now I took its stuff. That's how the game is played, they said.” Tears were starting to flow. “I was still in shock, numb, so I emptied the coin purse. I found money, of course, just a few gold coins.” I suddenly started to breathe faster, harder. The pain in my side was blinding, “B... But I also f... found a piece of paper. Oh, God! There was a drawing... “ I started weeping, tears dripping down my cheeks. “It was a figure, with a smaller figure holding its hand.” I sobbed. “He was a father!”, I wailed softly. “I killed a father! I took away a child's dad!” I turned my head away from Dash, “All for a few damn coins and a useless rock!”

I felt her nuzzling me. She hoarsely whispered, “You didn't mean to kill. It was an accident. You're not like that.”

I weakly pushed her away. I was getting drained. “Dash, you don't understand. I went out of my way to do it. He was in my way, and I cut his throat. His blood was on my hands. It still stains them. That's why I call myself a monster! That's why I want to make a fair trade! That's why I don't deserve to live in this happy place. That's why I don't deserve friends like you. I'm a stain on all that's good. That's why I keep the damn knife. To remind myself. So I never forget.” I weakly tossed the dull blade away, and it clattered on the floor.

I slowly turned my head away in shame. Shame at the tears, shame at being forgiven so easily, shame at what I had done, shame at being too weak to take my own worthless life.

I felt a warm, wet muzzle on my neck, her hair tickling my chin. I could feel her crying. She gently put her hoof on my chest.

Between my own sobs, I whispered, “This is the first time I've told anyone. I've kept this inside for so long. I haven't even told Ann.” I put my hand on her hoof, “I'm so sorry to do this to you. You just met me, and here I am, sharing my deepest darkest secrets.” I turned my head away. I just want to stop feeling.

She moved away from me, sniffed loudly, and then thumped my chest, “You big idiot!” She thumped me again, “Look at me, gosh darn it!”

I turned my head, unsure, afraid of what I would see.

She stood beside me, one hoof on the edge of the bed. I could see the wet fur on her cheeks—defiance and anger in her narrowed eyes. “Twice you put yourself in danger for people you didn't know. First, you look out for Scoots without knowing how Coins would react! And then you pull a bonehead stunt like running into a burning building? Now...” She squeezes her eyes tightly, tears leaking through, then resumes her glare, “Now you tell me you have some crazy death wish because of something you did twenty-five years ago? And now you expect me to walk away because I've only known you for a week? How many times do I have to tell you? I'm the apple-bucking Element of Loyalty!” The anger was gone from her eyes. Only compassion and—something—was left, “You will never get rid of me.”

I could only look at her with sadness and confusion. I didn't know what to think. I put my hand out and took her hoof. It was warm and soft. I gently rubbed my thumb along the hard front of the toe. I looked her in the eyes, then looked back at her hoof. “I... I don't know what to say.”

She pulled her hoof slightly. I looked up to see her smile, and it felt like a perfect spring day.

10 - Zecora's potions

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Dash had gone home after two and a half days. I selfishly wanted her to stay, but apparently, gallant knights insisted they go home for some rest. Her presence and caring had brought me some tranquillity, and while I was not at peace with myself, my burden did feel lighter.

It was hard to break the habits and assumptions of a lifetime, but this place made it so much easier. It made it easier to trust, easier to care for others and harder to look for that fair trade. The guilt still burned inside me, but that flame of rage and self-hate was slowly being extinguished.

I was happy to see Nurse Redheart come by with a new medication from Zecora that was supposed to dull the pain more effectively. Like most of Zecora's potions, it was a little sweet and thick. I found it easy to take and was told I could expect a second dose in four hours.

I had just drifted off to sleep when I woke with a bit of a start and a wince of pain. Someone was touching my arm. I turned my head and saw Fluttershy gently touching it, and Twilight was sitting beside her, grinning her fool head off.

Fluttershy looked at me with concern all over her face, “Oh, Alex, I'm so sorry. We'll go now. Twilight, I told you he...”

I grunted and smiled slightly, “It's ok. You two lovely ladies can visit my bedroom any time.” I giggled a little at my own joke and winced at moving just the wrong way. Fluttershy blushed a deep red and hid behind her bangs, and Twilight tittered behind her hoof. Whoa, the meds are really kicking in. “Sorry, I blame the wooooonderful potion Zecora is feeding me. It's making me a little loopy.”

“Alex, we're only allowed to be here two at a time for a short visit. That's the rule. Rarity and Applejack are waiting to come in next, then Pinkie Pie. I informed the Princess of your heroics, and she said to postpone your visit for as long as you need.” Twilight grinned from ear to ear, “And I'm so happy you're feeling better. We were really worried. What you did was so amazing! You should be proud of yourself.”

My smile diminished a little, my voice a little weaker, “I just... followed my daddy instincts, I guess. Let's not make a big deal about it.” I mumbled to myself, “... it was almost a fair trade...”

“Oh, Alex,” Fluttershy clucked like a mother hen, “I'm just glad you're alright. I saw Rainbow Dash on the way here, and she looked terrible. She usually sleeps about twelve hours a day. Staying up for almost three days was hard on her.”

“Is she getting some rest and a good meal or three?” Fluttershy nodded shyly. “Outstanding.”

“I think we've been here long enough, Fluttershy. We have that... thing to help with.”

I grew annoyed, “Don't do anything for my sake, please. I'm not interested in rewards. Just... please don't.”

I saw them quickly glance at each other before Fluttershy blurted out, “Oh no, it's nothing like that. Some of the girls were coming over to help me with the... um... new bunnies. So many bunnies, so few hooves,” she nervously forced a laugh, making her sound more psychotic than anything else.

Twilight face-hoofed and then seemed to realize she may as well go with it, her voice getting slightly manic to go along with a slightly creepy smile, “Oh ya, bunnies! A real big batch of them! Bunnies as far as the eye can see.” She grabbed Fluttershy by the elbow, “Well, look at the time, we had better get going.”

As Twilight ushered Fluttershy out of the room, I asked, “Why does Spike hate me? I mean, I know it has something to do with my smell. We did spend time sniffing each other, and you said I didn't stink much.” I giggled at my own joke. Ouch. “Maybe some magic will fix it? Or some good old human technology? I'm sorry I'm not likeable.” Giggle. Ouch. Whee!

She paused at the room door, her expression softened into a genuine smile, “You're something else, Alex Roberts. We're all glad you're getting better.”

“Oh, and sorry about my comment, Fluttershy. I didn't mean to offend you. I'll blame the potion since a poor excuse is better than no excuse.” Giggle. Ouch. Poor Fluttershy. She's so cute when she's embarrassed.

I was alone for a few minutes and relaxed. I knew they cared. I knew they were doing... something. And, if I was honest with myself, I wasn't sure I hated the attention. Oh, I didn't really care about others singing my accolades, but... it didn't feel bad. To be honest, I'm feeling really good right now, so I think that this is not the time to get in touch with my feelings or make any choices. Choices. That makes me giggle. Ouch.

Applejack walked into the room, Rarity close behind. Applejack's hat was at a jaunty angle. “Well, well, well, Mr. Alex Roberts. Laying about eating grapes, I see. What will we do with you?” Rarity shot her an annoyed glance.

Giggle. Ouch. “Bake me into a pie!” Giggle. Ouch. “Did you know Zecora makes the best potions? Takes aaaaaall the ouches away. Makes me a little derpy, though.” Giggle—less ouch.

Applejack chuckled that low chuckle of hers. Now that's a cute chuckle. Why did I think that? “Don't you worry none, sugarcube. No business talk until you're feeling better. We just came by to see how you was doin'.” You know, that Applejack sure sounds and acts like Ann. She's pretty too. Giggle—less ouch.

In her slightly haughty, affected accent, Rarity smiled a seductive smile, “You know Alex, I already said you were a gallant knight. You do not need to continue proving it to me.” Ok, that was... what's the sexy version of cute? I don't know. Whatever the sexy version of cute is, she was that by the bucket load. Mr Brain is free-associating. Whee!

“Ladies, thank you so much for cute-ing up my room! Applejack, you make me think of Ann, all pretty, common sense, brains, and strength. Rarity, you're plain old class and eye candy!” My voice started to slur even more, “Why, if I were a pony, I'd be chasing after you like... like... something chasing something.” Whee!

In my happy haze, I could see them looking at each other and smirking. Giggle. No ouch? “Zecora does all this really cool rhyming all the time, did you know that? And the potion she gave me... wow! I have never been this inebriated. I feel great!” I sang, “And I'm starting to sing anything that pops into my head!” Giggle. No ouch. I clear my throat, “I think I may be a little silly right now...”

Rarity came into focus, mainly because she was right beside me and gave me a peck on the cheek, “All is forgiven and forgotten, my gallant knight.” She smiled kindly, “Our only concern at the moment is your well-being. We shall discuss business matters when you are sober.” She disappeared from focus. Things were getting a little blurry.

Applejack came into view, and I smiled. “Hello, pony Ann.” I made a sad face and reached out to touch Applejack's cheek but couldn't reach it. I looked her in the eyes as best as I could, “I miss Ann.” I smiled again, “But that's okay. I have pony Ann.” Giggle. No pain. Tired.

She took my hand and put it on my chest, then chuckled that cute chuckle and patted me on the shoulder, “Don't you worry, lover boy, I think you're going to be just fine.” Yay! Pony Ann is happy! “I love you pony Ann.”

I assume they left because the next face I saw was pink with big pink hair. Am I hallucinating, or is this actually happening? Giggle. No pain. Tired. “Big poofy hair.” I sniffed. “Cotton Candy?”

“Hey there Mr Monkey Man! Boy, oh boy, you really got hurt saving that foal, didn't you? They wouldn't let me bring Gummy in here, something about alligators being unhygienic. I'm so glad to see you feeling better.”

“Oh, hey, Pinkie Pie. Pinkie Pinkie Pinkamina poofy Pie. You're cute and smart, you know that? Did the girls tell you about the potion Zecora made for me? Happy giggle juice!” Giggle. No pain. Very Tired. Whee!

She giggled and gave me a warm smile, “It was really brave what you did, and I'm happy you're making a full recovery. I haven't spent much time with you, but everyone else says you're really nice.” She whispered conspiratorially, “I read ahead so I know you get better.” She continued, “So when you get out, we're having a big party for you. With balloons, streamers, and Gummy will ... there, and ... I also ... on ...”

...

The doctors soon adjusted the dosage of the pain medication. Just enough to dull the pain without turning me into a babbling idiot. Apparently, I had an entire conversation with Pinkie, but I don't remember a darn thing. She and all the ladies were classy enough not to bring anything up I said while... indisposed. I still apologized to them individually. Stoned or not, they were still my actions. Now, I truly thought of them as my friends. I was really seeing the ponies around me as people, not just an extension of a cartoon.

Dash was visiting me every day, even if it was for a short time, and at least one of the others visited me too, usually two or three. I scolded Dash more than once for wasting her training time on me. Her response was pure Dash, “Don't worry about it, fat head. I've got it all under control. Anyway, I'm not leaving you hanging, got it?”

Later, when I healed enough to get out of bed by myself, I looked out the window. I wondered if Dash knew I might be looking because I could always see her do her routines from my window. She always did her routines from about eight to ten in the morning, then again from one until three in the afternoon, and sometimes for a couple of hours after supper. I had no idea when she did her job, but I guess that's the benefit of being friends with the Princess and being an Element of Harmony.

Twilight was the first, after Dash, to visit me on her own. The door handle glowed purple, and the door opened. “Twilight! It's great to see you with a clear head.”

Twilight tittered, “Yes. As entertaining as you were, a clear head is always better. I thought you would like to know you planted the seed of the solution with Spike. I just had to do some magical enchantments to a medical mask, and I'll have a prototype sometime in a few weeks.”

“You know Twilight, I just had a thought. I was going to teach you how to use my laptop, and there is no point in waiting. It's really simple, and frankly, if I were half as smart as you, I'd be twice as smart as I am, so it should be a snap for you.”

I told her where I kept it and showed her how to open it. Without fingers, she used her magic. I asked her if she was physically able to open it with her hooves, and we discovered that, with difficulty, she could. Magic was just much more intuitive for her.

We had similar problems with the power button and keyboard, but magic or a stick held in the mouth worked just fine. Oddly enough, the trackpad was not a problem; she could use the front edge of the toe easily enough, and the left and right 'mouse' buttons were just below the pad.

That was the easy part.

Poor Twilight had a hard time getting her head around the User Interface. Fairly standard stuff back home. She kept trying to associate parts of the U.I. with, I assume, magical theory and what the equivalent of a U.I. was. She kept asking about morphemic fields, mana flow, ocular frequencies, and stuff that I didn't understand.

It took almost half an hour to teach her how to start it up, click on CONNECT, and open the web browser and/or Skype. I showed her how to do basic searches and suggested she not search for My Little Pony. I thought it would be best if they didn't see the show.

A little misogynistic, I know, but I really wanted to protect them from the weirdness out there.

Rarity visited almost as much as Dash. She's definitely not some empty-headed fashionista. We discussed how the business of selling aluminium was going. Very well, it turns out. There was an increased market demand not long before I appeared, and the price had gone back up after the sudden influx of the precious metal. The coins were being greedily bought up.

I was delighted when she brought me the set of clothes. She also made a robe more appropriate for human use. They may have been simple, but they were expertly made. And I think she was insulted when I asked her for the bill. I let the matter drop when I realized she could be even more bullheaded than Applejack.

I admitted my knowledge of fashion was limited, but I did show her some fashions from back home on the laptop. I also taught her how to use it so she could, as she said, “Get inspiration from an entirely new universe.” I thought Twilight was a slow learner. It took almost twice as long for her to understand how to use it. Ponies are just not very adept at using complex technology.

She even had a conversation with Ann about fashion, but Ann was never very fashion-conscious. However, she does have good taste. She married me, right? Both lovely ladies agreed I was an enormous ham but was a dear nonetheless.

During a lull in one of our conversations, Rarity said something that really touched me, “My darling Alex, thanks to your generosity, I can now spend more time making the world a more beautiful place and less time just making a living as it were. Thank you.” She gave me another peck on the cheek. I made a glib comment that she was being generous, but I did thank her. What a huge difference I was making in her life never occurred to me.

At the end of my first week, when I could get out of bed on my own, I got a visit from Scootaloo and a mare I didn't know. “Hey, Scootaloo! Nice to see you again.”

Scootaloo started talking at a rapid rate, “Mr Alex Roberts, that was totally awesome the way you just ran in the burning building and saved that colt, and what's even cooler is you're super brave 'cuz you're not as strong or tough or magic as ponies, and the other thing that's cool is...”

I cut her off, “Scootaloo, sometimes adults do crazy stupid stuff because they don't think it through. I got hurt badly, and I found out afterwards that the firefighters could have saved him. What I did could have turned out way different.” I smiled at her, “Who told you all that stuff anyway?” Realizing I was being rude, “Oh, I'm sorry, ma'am, are you Scootaloo's mom?” Scootaloo and the mare exchanged glances. Scootaloo looked a little embarrassed, and the mare blushed a little.

“N... No. This is Miss Sweetheart, my caretaker. I needed an adult to visit you, so she's here...”

Scootaloo's an orphan? A ward of the crown? “Well, it's nice to meet you, Miss Sweetheart. Thank you for bringing Scootaloo to visit. She's a great little filly, and she's always welcome.” The tension in the room faded.

Scootaloo excitedly continued, “And it was Sweetie Belle who told me that. She said her sister Rarity told her.”

I motioned for her to get closer. When she was within reach, I mussed up her hair, “and one more thing, Mr. Roberts is my dad. I'm Alex. I expect all my friends, including you, Miss Scootaloo,” I look up, “and you too, Miss Sweetheart, to call me Alex.”

“Sure thing, M... Alex!” She suddenly looked a little embarrassed, “Um, can I use your bathroom?”

“You go right ahead, sweetie.” Scootaloo quickly scampered off.

Miss Sweetheart beamed at me, “She puts on a tough front, but she's really such a sensitive child.”

“I know. The tough ones always are.” I mused sadly, “She reminds me of my daughter.”

During the second week, the boy I had rescued and his parents visited. They came into the room quietly and, if I was not mistaken, with some reverence. The father said, “Mister Alex Roberts, sir, my name is Forest Harvest. This is my wife, Hedge Trimmer, and my only child, Tree Trimmer. I want to thank you for saving my son's life. Our family is in your debt. As a token of our appreciation, please let me at least pay your medical bills.”

I sat on the edge of the bed with a bit of a grunt and smiled, “Sir, while I appreciate the gesture, that will be unnecessary. To be blunt, I have more bits than Celestia. My reward is seeing your boy safe and sound.” I was momentarily lost in thought, “I have a boy too, and even though he's a long way away and we stay in touch by letter, I... well, I know what it's like to have a son.”

The little guy stepped forward, “I'm real th'orry I bit you mith'ter.” The little guy looked genuinely embarrassed.

I smirked, “Don't worry about it, Tree Trimmer. I suppose if some huge, scary-looking thing grabbed me from my closet, I would bite it, too. No harm done.”

Hedge Trimmer was looking at me, on the verge of tears. She suddenly marched up to me, stood on her hind legs, and hugged me. She said, with her voice full of emotion, “Thank you so much. Thank you for my little foal.”

I gave her a gentle hug back, “My pleasure, ma'am.”

11 - To meet a Goddess

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The doctor said I was ready to go home today. My injuries had almost fully healed in only a few short weeks. While this was longer than a typical pony, this was, as far as we could research it, much shorter than it would take back home. The magic from the unicorn doctors and the potions from Zecora must have done their collective trick. The doctors said I had been a real medical challenge and the skills they developed while treating me could save lives. After my final checkup and a big round of thank yous to the medical staff, I was officially discharged mid-afternoon.

Dash, Applejack, and Rarity were there to escort me home. With her confident smirk, Dash chided me while giving me a noogie, “No heroics, dummy. Hospitals are boring, even with a good Daring Do book, and I don't want to go back there, not even for the likes of you.”

Rarity confessed, “As much as it pains me to say this, Rainbow Dash is correct. Please, let us try to go a full week before any more selfless acts of bravado.” This was followed by a light hip bump and one of those little flirty smiles that included lightly biting the bottom lip. Applejack made her distinct low chuckle. Dash was behind me, and I thought I heard an angry snort, but I wasn't really paying attention.

Still chuckling, the farm pony's hat was set low over her eyes, and she grinned slightly. “Fer once, I t'ant the only voice of reason. Stop showen' off like a school filly with new ribbons. That there is a direct order from your Pony Ann.” Rarity tittered warmly, but Dash was still a little behind me, and out of the corner of my eye, I could have sworn I saw a flash of... something cross her face for just a split second, and it quickly returned to her trademark ultra confidant smirk.

Still looking straight ahead, I snickered and answered, “Yes, dear. Whatever you say, dear,” much to the amusement of all.

Okay, I know I'm reading way too much into all of it. I'm going to assume it's all innocent cuteness, and Dash is just annoyed by it. That will make things easier. Less complicated. I mean, from what I can tell, ponies are more... innocent. Not simple or stupid. It's just that, as far as I can tell, they don't think like humans in that respect. Maybe it's more subtle, or maybe it's so overt I don't see it. All I'm saying is that I choose to not see it that way. It's like when a guy has a friend who's a girl, and she flirts with him, it's just one buddy busting the chops of another buddy. Anyway, I'm not even the same species, so I don't know why I'm thinking about this. I don't want to confuse friendship with something else.

So, change of subject. See, I even do that to myself.

We were just past the edge of town, going toward my cottage near the top of the hill. I squinted a little and could see it was different. I groaned. “I told you guys not to do anything for me. I can see the house is painted beige, the shutters red, and it looks like a shrubbery fence of some kind.” I squinted again, “And somebody fixed the roof.” I scowled, but only a little bit.

Dash zipped in front of me and looked at me incredulously, “What do you mean 'I can see'? I'm a pegasus and can barely see it, Alex.”

Applejack puts a hoof on my arm to turn me around, a puzzled look on her face, “Sugarcube, are you telling me you can see the house from here? And you see it good enough to make out that the roof's been fixed? That's some good eyesight there, eagle eye.”

Rarity simply said, “Oh my yes, that is very impressive. Are your other senses as sharp, I wonder?”

I shrugged, “I'm not sure. I haven't sat down and done a systematic analysis, but I think so. See that pony over there?” I pointed to a pony in the distance and took a few theatrical sniffs, “he put on a little too much cologne this morning and had,” sniff, “two eggs, over easy, with mint tea.”

The girls were all slack-jawed. Rarity snapped out of it first, “You could tell all that from here by sniffing?”

I looked at her for a moment, then snorted and laughed. “No, but I had you going, didn't I?” I was grinning like a loon, having just pulled a prank worthy of Dash.

Rarity, laughing, tapped me on the thigh, “You naughty boy.”

Applejack gave that low chuckle of hers, “You've been hanging around Dash 'n Pinkie Pie too much.”

Dash, in her usual confident tone, disagreed, “No way Applejack! He's been hanging around me just enough. Good prank, Alex.”

“Heh, ya, I couldn't resist. I can see him just fine, and I'm fairly sure I could hear him if he was speaking normally. I know I can hear ponies clearly when they whisper if they're in the same room. But my sense of smell isn't much better, I don't think.” I closed my eyes and sniffed, “I can smell your perfume, Rarity, the same stuff you were wearing when you gave me the hermit speech. Very nice, by the way. Dash, you don't wear perfume. I personally don't think you need any. Applejack, I smell a hint of baby powder.” I opened my eyes and looked around, only to see all three gaping at me again. “So, was I close?”

Applejack gave a low whistle, “That's a mighty clever sniffer you got there. Maybe even as good as Winona's.”

Rarity smiled, “Very impressive.”

Dash, blushing at last, shook her head and tentatively sniffed under her arm. “I don't smell anything.”

I smiled, “I promise to only use my powers for evil.. er... I mean good. Good. That's what I meant.” As hoped, the girls chuckled, tittered, or laughed.

“You know, it's funny. When Twilight and I were trying to figure out what the problem with Spike and me was, we took a quick sniff of each other. Long story. Anyway, she said I only smelled a little bit sweaty. Now, and here is the funny part, to my nose, I reeked of sweat, it was an obvious smell. It didn't occur to me until now. I'll make sure to tell Twilight when I see her next.”

As we neared the house I thought I spotted a flash of pink in the front window. I guess Pinkie Pie was throwing a party for me. Well, I do remember her saying something about it. I guess there's no harm in a bit of fun.

“So, Applejack, just out of curiosity, how much were the renovations? And please tell me I did pay for it. My house, after all.”

“Well, I can respect your attitude, and I wasn't gonna get lectured by you, so I made sure you paid for every last bit. I practically had to force Tree Trimmer's folks to take a payment, but I explained it was a matter of pride for y'all.” She gave me the amount then chuckled, “Y'all would make a fine Apple.”

Ok, now I know I heard a snort because we all turned toward Rainbow Dash. She had landed on the ground and had a look of, annoyance and maybe a little confusion. I became a little worried. While I've only known her for a short time, she almost always had that confident grin, the one that said she had already won but was letting you try anyway. But, right now, if I didn't know any better, and I didn't, I would say she has a worried expression. It must have stayed on her face for a full second, maybe two, but it disappeared as soon as I opened my mouth, “Hey Dash. Are you okay?”

That grin was back in place, “Okay? I'm not ok. I'm the best!” And with that and a blast of wind, she took off, twirled into the air, made a loop, and shot past us at top speed, kicking up dust and gravel as she passed.

I couldn't help myself, I clapped and cheered, “Spectacular!” I put my fingers to my mouth and whistled. That caused Dash to tumble for a moment, but she recovered.

I heard some tittering behind me and I felt a tap on my thigh, “Darling, do be careful. That was the kind of whistle reserved for use by stallions to get the attention of mares.”

My face contorted to one of annoyance, “Great, first I 'share bread' with Fluttershy, now I'm firing off wolf whistles at Rainbow Dash. We'd better wait here so I can explain myself.” So, I waited in the field, about halfway between town and the cottage, surrounded by friends.

Applejack, with that half smile, “You humans sure are a randy bunch there, Romeo.”

I half smiled at her, “Smart ass.”

“You know it, sugarcube.”

Dash finally landed with a smirk. It wasn't her usual overconfident smirk, it was a little different, but just a little, “What's with the whistle there, big guy? Like what you see?” She struts towards me, showing a little flank as it were.

Look at the face. Look at the face. Look at the face. I think my face was as red as the shutters. Rarity and Applejack were barely suppressing their laughter, “Yes... no... what... I... er... Dash, I'm so sorry, I didn't know a wolf whistle meant so much more here. I mean,” this was crazy, “I like what I see, but... wait... no... I...”

Finally, thankfully, Dash laughed, “You're way too easy to fluster, Alex Roberts! I'll let you off the hook this time.” She stood, put her hooves on my shoulders, looked me straight in the eye, nose to nose, and in a sultry voice, “But the next time I hear that whistle, you'd better mean it.” This only made Rarity and Applejack laugh even harder. It just made me glad everyone was laughing about this.

After I regained some semblance of dignity, we walked the last bit to the cottage. Just before I opened the door, I whispered to myself, “Showtime.”

I was almost physically knocked back by the cheers of “SURPRISE!!!”. I took it all in, my eyes taking a moment to adjust from the bright light of the outside to the light of the inside of the cottage. Pinkie Pie was leading the assault, with Fluttershy and Twilight Sparkle also there. There was also Tree Trimmer and his family, as well as Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo, Miss Sweetheart, a big red stallion with an apple cutie mark, an old green mare with an apple pie cutie mark, a big white unicorn stallion with a Hawaiian shirt and a moustache of all things, and a smaller pink unicorn with bee hive hairdo a blouse and stretch pants—quite the crowd.

I grinned, “Thank you all for coming, and thank you, Pinkie Pie, for doing all this.” There were rounds of reintroduction and hoof shakes and a few hugs.

The only new names I remembered were Big Macintosh and Granny Smith. The last two I couldn't remember were Rarity's parents.

It was a great party. The Apples were very welcoming, even if Big Macintosh was a little distant. Holy shit, that guy was big. He had to look down to look me in the eye. And his hooves were the size of dinner plates. I noticed he kept looking at Dash, so I figured he was interested. I'm not good at this kind of stuff, but even I could tell there was something. I even tried to manoeuvre Dash into a three-way conversation and then bug out, but she stuck with me. Sorry, big guy, I tried.

There were some interesting culinary differences like the 'kid' drinks were like drinking liquid sugar mixed with hard liquor. The 'adult' drinks were like somebody took apple cider (about as strong as beer) and added about a teaspoon of salt. Both were basically undrinkable, but as long as everyone else enjoyed it, I was happy with the water. I'll have to remember to ask Applejack if I could buy some unsalted apple cider.

I was glad Dash didn't tell anyone what had happened earlier. It gave me the chance, when I was hanging out with the boys, to tell the story. “So, in my short time here, I've discovered some, um, interesting cultural differences. The two best ones were sharing bread and wolf whistles. Oh, and feel free to laugh. I know I will.” I told the two stories. Forest Harvest seemed to enjoy them. Rarity's dad had a good laugh with both and slapped me on the back. He was enjoying his apple cider. Big Macintosh chuckled good naturally at the first but just smiled politely at the second. Uh oh, this was a set of feet I didn't want to step on, and I think I was starting to tread hoof.

As the evening started to wind down, only Pinkie Pie, Rainbow Dash, and myself were left. I thanked Pinkie again and again. Gummy chomped down on my leg while doing dishes, and it was like a slightly slimy clamp. Not painful. He's a cute little guy.

When we were done cleaning up, I was admiring the work that was done. The window was fixed, as was the stairwell wall. New paint, and I saw the new roof already. There was a nice couch and a lounge chair in the living room. A table with stools all around in the kitchen. The pantry was full of food. There were what looked like good-quality pots and pans, dishes, and cutlery. Unicorn, I'm guessing.

Once Pinkie Pie had everything packed up, including her 'Party Cannon', she happily bounced off. She was so cute, she didn't walk, she always bounced. Constantly dripping with energy.

Finally, it was just me and Dash. I sat on one end of the couch, and Dash made herself comfortable on the other end. I wanted to apologize properly for that afternoon. “Hey Dash, look,” I sighed, “I don't want you to think I'm some hormone-driven teenager who wants to bed every mare he sees. It's just stupid mistakes on my part. I'm really sor...”

Dash cut me off and smiled warmly, “Alex, will you please stop apologizing? It was a funny mistake. No biggie. I know you have more class than that.”

I looked at her seriously, “I'm scared, Dash. I'm scared I'll do something that will make me a pariah, and I really don't want that. This place is a paradise. The people are kind and loving, and... and I haven't been somewhere I feel safe in such a long time... That's why I'm always saying sorry and second-guessing myself. I'm so afraid... you're the best friend I've had since I left home. I don't want to mess that up.”

“You won't. I can't see you doing anything but the right thing.” Dash was now sitting upright on the couch, leaning toward me slightly. Our eyes locked for a fraction of a second, and then her eyes flicked away. She leaned back, “Well, I have to go. Got to feed Tank and get up early for weather work tomorrow.” She got up from the couch and stretched. That radiant smile returned, “See you tomorrow, you big goof,” and with that, she headed home.

It was a wonderful morning. Part of the construction was to divide the loft into two rooms. The main bedroom was big, and the bed was comfortable. I slept soundly in my new home. Once I got out of bed, I looked around the room. Someone had built a stand for the backpack and placed it in the corner. They also stocked the small desk with blank scrolls, quills, and ink. The other small bedroom was empty except for a bed, dresser, and small desk. Both closets were empty.

Sitting on my desk was an envelope, with 'Expenses' written on it in a clean hand. I opened it. Bless Applejack. She must have had this already done before the party. It was a detailed summary of the expenses for the renovation. The damages were not bad, only a little over β21,000 and done so fast. I was happy to see a price associated with the hedge. I will have to write letters of thanks to all the contractors.

Time for breakfast! The fridge was full of eggs, cheese, milk, cream, butter, little baskets of berries, and flowers. The pantry contained flour, oats, hay cakes (dense pucks of hay), wheat cakes (dense pucks of shredded wheat), sugar, spices, and a few assorted baking and cooking supplies.

So, I fried up some eggs while a Shreddies puck, as I called them, soaked in milk and sugar. No toaster that I could see. No worries. I'll pick one up later.

The Shreddies here were less... processed. Lots of chewing is required, but that's okay. I can work out these details later. I'm really not sure what I'll do with the hay pucks. They're about a quarter of the pantry. It's not something I can really digest. Well, it's a problem for another day.

Today's problem is getting a suit so I look presentable for the Princess. While Rarity is an excellent seamstress and designer, she caters to mares, not... 'me's. I had to see Snazzy Suit's son, Elusive. According to Rarity, he's very talented, and I think she has a little something for him. Captain Matchmaker may have struck out once, but I'll keep trying until their ship comes in! These ladies deserve a little pony love.

Ugh, maybe I should keep my nose out of their private lives? Maybe, but if opportunity knocks, I'll be sure to pass on the message.

I decided to jog instead of walk. I've been on my butt for almost a month and didn't want to get too out of shape. I grabbed one of the simple top and bottom copies Rarity made for me and started jogging. You know what? I didn't even lock the door or take my knife. I guess old dogs can learn new tricks. That thought made me smile.

On the way, I was greeted by friendly faces and nods. Even Golden Coins just sneered at me. That guy really needs a top hat, monocle, and thin moustache. It would make him a more amusing threat. I've seen real threats. He's no threat.

By the time I got to Snazzy Suit's shop, I was a little winded. After catching my breath, I walked in, smiling broadly, “Good morning! I heard there was a tailor here who could make beautiful suits for things like me!”

“Hey there, youngster! Good to see you back on your feet. I'll get Elusive.” The old unicorn paused for breath and bellowed, “Elusive! Alex Roberts is here!”

A unicorn stallion came out of the back room. He had a pale blue coat, dark blue mane and tail, vibrant blue eyes, and a thread and needle cutie mark. In a decidedly effeminate voice, “Oh my goodness! The heroic Alex Roberts! Welcome, Welcome! How can I be of service!”

“Mr Elusive, I have been blessed with an audience with Princess Celestia. I would be honoured if you would make me a suit befitting the occasion. Although my friend Rarity is an amazing designer and seamstress, she designs for mares. Rarity said you're the best designer for stallions, and your father said you were knowledgeable in inter-species design. Thus, I place myself in your hooves.”

“Rarity sent you here? Really.” Elusive got a faraway look for a moment. He gave his head a little shake, “Well, you made the right choice. Are there any design considerations I should be aware of?”

“Yes, and this is a human design sensibility. I do not want to be covered in jewels. A diamond tie pin, sure. Cuff links, no problem. Blinding others when I walk past them, not so much. And I'm being honest here, I'm not a formal, froufrou kind of guy. I prefer a simple cut. Oh, and the budget is unlimited.”

Elusive looked at me for a long moment, his brow furrowed in concentration. His mouth slowly curled into a smile, his eyes intense, “I have a plan.”

I was finally in Canterlot. The train ride was a little uncomfortable but made quite bearable with good friends to pass the time. Thanks to the unicorn tailer, Snazzy Suit, who was also my landlord, and his son Elusive, I had a fantastic formal suit for the occasion.

We had a few hours to kill, so we went shopping. Well, the others went shopping. Dash and I went looking for less sophisticated entertainment. We finally found our way to 'The Wheat & Turnip', a little bar on the seedy side, but it had a view of the track so that we could watch the races. I was surprised they had beer without salt. Found out salt is bought by the little bowl full, and you add it yourself. Dash was doing sarsaparilla shooters with about a teaspoon of salt in each one. She was chatting excitedly about the pegasus racers, and I was doing my best to follow. She was starting to get a little tipsy, but it looked like she could handle her liquor, salt, or both. I'm still not sure.

“What the buck is that fancy suit-wearing thing? Looks like a shaved diamond dog!” There was some laughter. The voice belonged to a big, rough-looking earth pony stallion. Not Big Mac big, but big enough. Oh, and I didn't bring my knife. I didn't think it would be a great idea to wear a knife meeting the local ruler.

Dash stood from her stool so fast she knocked it down, and it clattered on the floor. “You get the buck out of my friend's face, or I'll make sure you never walk straight again!” I glanced at Dash and saw fierce defiance. The stallion was half a head taller, but he stepped back.

I quickly followed her lead. I sneered and pointed my finger, “Listen, pal, I'm a human being.” They looked confused, “that's right, I'm a god damn human! Now, I don't want to use my flame breath. Gives me heartburn, but if you don't get the hell out of my way, I don't know what'll stop me.” I glanced at Dash, and our eyes met. The tough guy and his buddies were starting to back away.

Dash changed her expression to a slightly exaggerated one of fear, “No, Alex! You can't! You mustn't! Not again! Think of their foals!”

I snarled, “Hold me back! Hold me back! Luna blast their eyes! I can feel the fire rising!” Dash dramatically put a hoof on her forehead and the other on my chest.

The thugs bolted, with variations on, “Run for your life!” and “There's a human among us!”

Once they were out the door and hopefully out of sight. I casually strolled to the front door, opened it a crack and looked out. I couldn't see any of the jokers who wanted to pick a fight. “Dash, you were beautiful. I'll get you the highest award for acting I can find!”

Dash looked up, swaying a little and grinning at me, “You really think so?”

We stepped out into the sunshine, and I smiled, “Miss Dash, you've had quite a bit of salt, I think. But, yes, you were fabulous.” I looked around for the clock tower, “Anyway, it's time to go, or we'll be late. Don't really want to keep the Princess waiting.”

I told the rest about our little misadventure between chuckles. Rarity admonished us for going to a seedy bar, getting drunk, and possibly getting into a bar fight. I defended Dash by saying we were drinking responsibly; it was some idiots who picked a fight, and anyway, Dash behaved like a perfect lady. Telling the story and arguing over it passed the time while we waited. Dash had been on the quiet side, which was unusual for her. I guess this was what she was like when she was sobering up.

We all stood in the antechamber, waiting for our turn to see Princess Celestia. I had met kings, queens, and self-professed gods before. Granted, Celestia and Luna were powerful beings, but nothing I couldn't handle. I put on my cockiest grin, confident I could get her to laugh and she would succumb to the old Alex Roberts charm.

I was totally unprepared for what happened next.

When the doors opened, it was like having every cell in my body gently prodded. It was not painful, just intense. My heart started beating faster, and I felt it rising in my throat. As we got closer, my heart beat faster and faster, and my throat felt increasingly closed off with raw emotion. The feeling of awe, love, and terror increased with each step. I had felt a mild version of this occasionally in some holy places, but this was that feeling cranked up to eleven. It took everything I could muster to keep moving.

I could see a golden nimbus around her head, with rays of golden light coming out. It stabbed my heart with its beauty. I never saw that on the show! Why is this happening? Why can't I breathe?

When I was finally standing before her, before anything could be said, I dropped to both knees and prostrated myself before her. It was like my soul was being hit with a sledgehammer with every breath, every moment, every instance. I was so struck by the sensation that I could not speak, tears forming, but I could not weep. I now understood what they meant by fearing God. It wasn't to be afraid. It was the fear, no, the terror of Her not approving of me, of being a disappointment in Her eyes.

The radiance, majesty, and grace just radiated from Princess Celestia. All I wanted to do was confess all my sins, which I knew, I knew for a fact, She already knew in intimate detail. If I could only get my damned worthless mouth working, i could confess, then beg, no, plead for Her mercy, even though i knew i was unworthy of Her forgiveness. It was then i realized how worthless i was in the face of Her grace.

All the girls could see was me prostrated and whimpering at Celestia's hooves. Twilight and Pinkie Pie looked at me in confusion, not understanding what I was doing. Fluttershy moved to comfort me, but Rarity stopped her, having an idea as to what I was experiencing. Dash smirked and started to make a comment, but Applejack, with that knowing half-smile, stopped her.

Princess Celestia smiled a knowing, loving smile. “Ladies, I would like a few moments alone with Alex.” They bowed and walked back to the antechamber, exchanging glances and shrugs.

Once we were alone, “Alex,” She touched my shoulder and i cowered away, not wanting to dirty Her pure divinity with my filth. “Please, stand. I know what you've done. I know all about you. Twilight has told me much, and she has grown quite fond of you. They all have.”

I turned my face up, wincing at her glory centimetres from my face. “But...” I managed in a croaking voice. I lifted myself to my knees. She put her head on my shoulder. Without knowing why, I wrapped my arms around her neck, hugging her, the tears of joy flowing freely.

“You see, Alex, because you come from a non-magical world, you perceive my divinity directly. Natives of this place all having a magical nature, have a natural resistance to it.” She gave me a quick hug. “You, my new subject, have taken the full brunt of my aura. I'm sorry to make you suffer like this.”

I broke away from the hug and looked her in the eye, my face contorted in guilt. “No, y-your M-Majesty. All my s-suffering is just and right for my sins. You a-are glorious! I-I am worthless beside you.”

She rolled her eyes, and I felt despair at disappointing Her. “Oh stop that. You are worth much more than you think. As for your 'sins', you never did anything any sane sentient would not have done in your situation. Every time you killed, they were trying to kill you; there was always great reluctance and sorrow, and you always tried to find a peaceful solution. It was self-defence. You are a good man placed in a bad situation. However,” my heart dropped, knowing my sins were unforgivable, “in order to make you feel better, I hereby absolve you of all your sins. Go in peace and be a good citizen of Equestria.”

My heart sang. It was like the feeling of getting a lifetime's worth of birthdays, Christmases, anniversaries, and the joy of my wedding day all focused into a split second. I wanted to sing hosannas upon the highest. I wanted to sing my joy. I wanted to praise Celestia until my voice was gone. Instead, all I could do was whisper, “Thank you.” I dropped down again and kissed Her hoof, knowing i was unworthy to do so.

Luna frowned at her sister, "Was that really necessary?"

Celestia didn't look up from the diplomatic scrolls, "What do you mean?"

"Your dietific field. You enhanced it. It was at least five times as strong as normal."

"Perhaps I wanted to ensure he knew who was in charge."

"But did you have to crush him like that? He was completely overwhelmed."

Celestia made eye contact with her sister, "Yes. A clear message had to be sent. He had to know, in no uncertain terms, who I was."

Later, when I left the room, I was very quiet and introspective. I didn't even joke around with Dash. It was a long while before anyone said anything. Dash, with concern in her voice, gently asked, “What happened in there Alex?”

Without looking up, I simply tapped my chest and sadly said, “No magic.”

12 - Reflections

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On the train back to Ponyville, I sat quietly, thinking about the events after my mini-breakdown. The unicorn guards who helped me out of the throne room were kind and compassionate, exactly what I was starting to expect from this place. They sat me down and got me a bowl of water and a cloth to wipe my face. They were puzzled but didn't pry. I never got their names. I made a mental note to find out and send them thank-you letters.

When we were headed for the train station, Dash dropped to the ground and nuzzled her head against me. I put my hand on her neck and gave her a little squeeze. Rarity, then Applejack, and then the rest of the girls followed suit. I smiled. Who wouldn't smile being in the middle of a pony pile? I had only known these ponies for a little over a month, these friends who gave me unqualified support all the time. They didn't pry further than my simple little answer. I'll admit I had to choke back a few tears again. I didn't want to lose it in such a public place.

And now I was back at my cottage, back in my home. I'm lying in bed, staring at the ceiling. I couldn't sleep well with all the emotions still buzzing in my head. I mean, I had hugged a Goddess. How's that for the highlight of your week?

I was tired of trying to sleep and looking at the ceiling, so I got up. It was early, and I didn't have an agenda. I spent most of the day just kicking around the house, drinking tea, and thinking. I called Ann to let her know what had happened. I found myself at a loss for words. I tried to describe my experience, but the words were not strong enough. I finally summarized it by saying it was that occasional little flash of reverence you get during a touching church service but multiplied by a thousand. She said she thought she understood. I hope one day I can find the right words.

Mid-afternoon, I sat at the laptop at the desk in my bedroom and started downloading every episode of 'My Little Pony: Friendship Is Magic ' I could find. It would take a few hours, so I decided I needed a nice run to clear my head.

Anyway, I wanted apples.

So, I put on some clean clothes, grabbed some bits, and headed for the Sweet Apple Acres stand in the market. It was a short run, just 20 minutes or so. My feet crunched on the gravel as I ran. I was absorbed in thought when I heard a loud “Are you listening to me?” to my left and above my shoulder. This made me stumble and land face-first in the gravel. This caused a fit of laughter from a certain cyan pegasus. Between laughs, she got out, “Oh my gosh! Are you okay?”

She always manages to cheer me up. I spit out most of the dirt in my mouth, propped my head up and smirked, “Why yes, my darling Dash. I always run on my face. Don't you?” This only caused more laughter.

Her laughter finally wined down, and she asked, with a little concern in her voice, “So, are you okay today? I know the Princess kind of freaked you out yesterday and all. I was just checking up on you.” She quickly added, “Cuz, that's what friends do. They check up on friends, and they share. I did my half. Now spill, ya goof.”

I sort of half smiled, “It will seem silly from your perspective. Promise not to laugh?”

Dash, with that confident smirk, raised an eyebrow, “Only if it's not funny.”

“Heh, fair enough, I guess. First, a question. From what I gather, you don't have much in the way of religion here.”

Dash looked at me strangely and repeated the unfamiliar word, “Religion? I'm not even sure what that is.”

What is religion? Damn good question. How do you explain a concept to someone who has never even heard of the concept? “Imagine having heard stories about Princess Celestia, all the good things She's done, all her suffering, everything, but never having seen her. And, not just you, but no one has physically seen her, ever. Yet you still want to thank her for raising the sun...”

Dash brightened, “Like the 'Summer Sun Celebration'?”

“That's it. But imagine no one has ever seen Her, ever. All you have is stories. Well, that would be like a religion, I guess. Believing in something and having faith without any hard proof.”

Dash looked a little confused, “Okay, so what does that have to do with the Princess and you?”

I smiled sadly, “Where I come from, we don't have a Princess Celestia. Our sun is just a big ball of burning gas. Everything works because the math works, not because someone moves stuff around. Some people claim God speaks to them, but it's their word against the world. Me? I always hoped there was a Princess Celestia, but I never felt it, not really. That, and I don't have any magic.” I gently touched her chest with my fingertips, “You have magic, Rainbow Dash. Applejack, Twilight, all of you,” I waved my arm, “have magic. I think that magic makes you all connected. It makes you closer to the Princess than I could ever be. I just got a face full of all the magic and love the Princess has for you and me, I guess. You must feel like that all the time. To me, it was just... overwhelming. The closer I got to the Princess, the harder it got to move, but I got there.”

She smiled tenderly at me, “Alex... I... I didn't know...” If I didn't know any better, I would say Rainbow Dash is speechless. Finally, “Alex, I think you were really brave. You could have run out of there long before you got close. But you didn't. I admire that.” Dash paused for a few heartbeats, “That,” she gave me a rakish grin, “and you face plant funny. Anyway, I just wanted to check up on you, and you're just fine. Got to get back to work! I'll see you later, big guy.” She raised a small cloud of dust and gravel, taking off into the clouds.

I finished brushing myself off and continued my little jog to the market. Dash had taken the edge off my slump, and I was looking forward to chatting with Applejack. I slowed to a quick walk in town. I didn't want to bump into anyone.

“Good afternoon Miss Applejack and Miss Apple Bloom.”

“Well, howdy, Alex. Glad to see you're back to yourself. I t'ant gonna lie, I was a might worried about you.”

Apple Bloom looked at me, concerned, “Y'all didn't say he wasn't okay, sis.”

Applejack flashed an irritated look at her little sister, “Apple Bloom, you just hush now. This is grownups talken'. Sorry ab...”

I put up my hand to interrupt, then I smiled and used my jaunty voice, “Miss Apple Bloom, I am touched by your concern, but I can assure you, it was just silly human stuff. Not to be condescending, but it'll be alright, don't you worry yourself.” Apple Bloom seemed satisfied with my answer, and Applejack let her go off to play with her friends.

Most of the apples had already been sold, but there was still one bushel, “And I see it was a good day for the farm. There's not much left, but I'll take two bags of the Apple Family's finest. I believe that will be twelve bits.”

Applejack gave that little low chuckle, “You got it. I t'ant gonna try to talk ya down.”

“Thank you kindly for that. I like to keep friendship and business separate. Unless business can help a friend, but you know me, Mr Double Standard. Speaking of double standards, is there any chance I could buy some applejack without salt?”

She looked at me, a little surprised, “A big colt like you can't handle his salt? Shoot, I didn't have you pegged for a lightweight.”

“Different biologies, my dear Applejack. I need about a tenth of a teaspoon of salt daily to stay healthy. My giggle juice of choice is ethanol, the kind of alcohol in applejack and apple cider. That's why I was drinking water at the welcome home party. The drinks were too salty. I didn't say anything at the time. I didn't think it was important. But now I'm looking to build my life here, Applejack, a real life, so stuff like that is becoming important. And, with good friends like you, well, I think I can build that life.”

Applejack gave me an odd look, then smiled softly, “I'm mighty pleased to hear that, Alex. Mighty pleased.”

It was early evening, the sun had set, and, feeling a little lazy, I had made some tomato and cheese sandwiches for supper. It was warm, so I opened the balcony window and got comfortable. I wanted to watch those videos, but I wanted to do it alone. I just wanted to compare what I saw and felt with what was on the show. I just had to know how much of this world has gone to mine.

I started right from the beginning. When I heard Twilight in the narration, I held my breath and then saw her on the screen. My heart jumped. Seeing my friend in two dimensions, so... flat, so... un-detailed. They were all like that. I kept watching. I think the worst part was whenever Celestia was on the screen, I felt... nothing.

By watching this, I thought I would learn... what? I really didn't know what I would learn. Maybe gain some insight? I continued watching, totally engrossed, not only seeing the episodes for the first time in a very long time but seeing them with a completely different eye. These were my friends on the screen, not just cute animated ponies.

I was watching the episode with the gryphon Gilda. It was the part where Gilda just arrived when my train of thought was interrupted by something soft resting on my shoulder.

“She was my first... special friend, you know.” Dash was speaking softly, head resting on my shoulder, watching the small screen. I carefully turned my head so I would not disturb her and saw she had a sad expression. I put my hand on the back of her head, just below her ears, gently rubbing with my thumb. She shifted a little closer. Suddenly, this episode got a lot sadder.

Dash must have landed on the balcony quietly. Usually, when I'm engrossed in something, the world around me disappears, so I'm not surprised I didn't hear her.

We watched in silence, her reliving old memories and seeing new perspectives, me trying to understand new ones. As the episode neared its climax at the Pinkie Pie party, she asked me to turn it off. In deference to my friend, I closed the laptop.

She kept her head on my shoulder. “I've never really cared what others thought about me. I like who I like. I've always tried to look at the pony inside, you know? I don't care about the outside. She was my first special friend. She was totally awesome, fearless, strong, she did what she wanted when she wanted, you know? We had shared so much. And that day was a total buck up. A total complete buck up. It was really hard to tell her to go away. I really miss her.”

Wow, Cast Iron Rainbow Dash was opening up to me. “Well, Dash, I would love to meet her one day. I figure everyone deserves a second chance or two. As far as I can tell, she just had some dumb bad luck that day and needs to exercise a little better... prank target selection. Anyway, it would be fun to talk to another predator.” I hope this distracts her.

She pulled her head off my shoulder and in a sceptical tone, “What do you mean? No offence Alex, but you don't look like predator material. No claws, fangs, pointy spikes, nothing, And you're weak and a bit of a wimp. I know I could take you right now.”

I stood, a predatory smile on my face, “Oh, you don't think I could mess you up? As I am now, you're right. Not much of a threat. You wait right here.” I made my way downstairs, grabbed my knife, and came back up.

See, I don't actually have to say 'Change of subject' to change the subject. I was happy to change her thoughts to more fun ones. That's what friends do, right?

Once back up, I stood near the door and dropped to a combat stance, knees and elbows slightly bent, and said, “Knife—sparring mode. Okay, Dash, now I'm a threat. I don't need claws and beaks and stuff. I use technology, in this case, my trusty knife and my mind. Dash, humans are bastards. We're sneaky, underhanded, dishonourable, sleazy scumbags. Fair fights are for games and suckers. For example, if I were in a situation like this, I would...” I quickly hit the light switch with my left hand. I could still see fairly well in the room, but I knew she was more or less blind. I quickly dived to the right, rolled over the bed, and had the tip of the now dull and soft blade right between her shoulder blades. I said in her ear, “Not a predator, huh?”

She was stunned for a few seconds. “Whoa... I mean, I let you do that. But I'm glad you're on my side. And maybe you're not the marshmallow I thought you were. But you are on my side, right?”

“I... Dash, if anyone ever hurt a hair on your head or any of my new friends, they had better hope the royal guard or a manticore finds them first. I take friends and family seriously.” I walked past her and turned the light back on. She gave me that overconfident smirk of hers. I toss the knife on the bed and sit. If Iron Dash can open up, maybe Alex Roberts can spill the beans. “Dash, that experience with Celestia really hit me. Before, I was just surviving, just killing time until the next jump. Don't rock the boat, don't stand out, don't be a target. Oh, sure, I had made friends, but, and I'm not going to lie to you, it was just more marks on the wall until I got moved to the next cell. But now... I hate to use the word, but meeting Princess Celestia was a religious experience. Now, I want to use all my smarts, wealth, and everything I have and am to make this world a better place. Just surviving until the next jump isn't enough, Dash. I want a life, and I can see it happening with awesome friends like you.”

Dash's confident smirk came back, “All I heard was 'blah blah blah I finally took my head out from under my tail blah blah blah I smartened up blah blah blah Dash is awesome.'” We both laughed, “Good enough for me butt head.”

I chuckled and shook my head, “Yes, Dash, that's exactly what I said.”

I wanted to throw a little dinner party for my friends to thank them and to test my culinary skills. This would be the first time since I started this crazy adventure I've had a home to invite friends to. Come to think of it, it was the first time I've had friends I wanted to spend time with. I think I spent most of the day with a half grin after this thought.

I went straight to Sugar Cube Corners. I walked in and smiled warmly, “Mrs Cake, that coffee smells wonderful. I'll take a cup. Oh, how are the twins?”

Mrs Cake looked a little tired, “Oh, they're a handful, dear.”

I chuckled, “I know what you mean. I've been there and done that twice.”

“Now that they've started crawling, it's been very exciting.”

“Wait, they're crawling? After a month? That's amazing! Human babies take about 8 months before they crawl.”

Mrs Cake looked a little concerned, “Oh dear. That seems like a long time just to crawl.”

I smiled, “Well, it is. They start walking by about their first birthday. Before you ask, it's 365 day years and 12 months all about the same length. We develop a lot slower than you.” I shrugged, “just the way it evolved.” I brightened up, “I almost forgot. I need to speak to the one and only Pinkie Pie.”

Mrs Cake nodded, “Of course, dear. Here you go.” She handed me a cardboard cup of her wonderful coffee and called into the kitchen, “Pinkie! Your friend is here.”

I took an appreciative sip, “Mmmm.” Pony coffee is naturally sweet and robust; no cream or sugar is needed. Perfect.

Pinkie bounced in, “Oh! Hi Alex. What's up?”

“Well, I've come to ask one of the best chefs in Ponyville for some help.”

“You're buttering me up? No need to do that.” She took a sudden deep breath, “You want me to set up a...”

“Pinkie.”

“...party? Oh! You're having a party?” Pinkie was getting excited.

“Pinkieeeee...”

“That's great! I'll have to start...” Pinkie was bouncing like a steam-powered pogo stick.

“PINKIE!” She looks bashfully at me. “I'm just having a little dinner party, Just the seven of us. I just want to do this as a thank you for all of you. I wanted to ask you for help. Cooking help.” I noticed Mrs Cakes' eyes got huge, her pupils small. She saw me, her eyes returned to normal and she gave a little embarrassed smile, then continued to her tasks. Ponies are weird.

“Sure! I'd be super duper luper happy to help you. This'll give us a chance to get to know each other better.” She glanced up at the ceiling, smiled warmly, and then smiled at me. I think this was one of those 'Pinkie being Pinkie' moments.

“So, I see you're busy here. How about on your next day off, you come on over, and we'll start a menu plan. Sound good?”

“Next Tuesday?”

“It's a date!”

Pinkie got a slightly worried expression, “Oh... I'm not sure if Dashie would like that. Well, we'll keep it a secret.” I looked, feeling slightly confused. She brightened up, “Okie Dokie Lokie! I'll see you then!”

She bounced off to do whatever she does all day, and I got a second cup of that wonderful coffee to go.

It was the evening after Dash had seen part of the episode, and I heard a knock on the balcony door frame, “Come on in, Dash.”

She walked in, all confidence and swagger. “You watching those stupid shows again? Why do you need that when you have the real deal right here.” She made herself comfortable on the bed.

I closed the laptop and snorted, “Yes, yes, you're a goddess. Every stallion wants you. Every mare wants to be you.” Surprisingly, she blushed a little. “Oh hey, I'm sorry, Dash. I didn't mean to... you know... embarrass you. I was just busting your chops.”

“Naw, don't worry about it. I'm just still a little sore about that reminder I saw last night.” She rolled onto her back, examining the ceiling. “What it didn't show was how Gilda had come to Ponyville to make up with me. She was trying to, I don't know, rekindle what we had.” Dash rolled away from me, “We had something real special, ya know. She was the first one that I, now don't laugh,” she took a deep breath, “she was my first crush.” She waited for what I assume was laughter.

“You know, Dash, you never know who it's going to be until it happens. Love's crazy that way. I met Ann, working at a canning factory. I only worked there so I could get enough money to go back to my girlfriend across the country.”

“Wait, you mean you already had a marefriend, went off halfway across the country to earn enough bits to go back across the country? You're weird.”

“Well, there was a bit more to it than that, but that's basically it. And, according to my friends, it was crazy because my girlfriend was prettier. But you know what, Dash? Ann was much more beautiful.”

Dash turned her head, looked at me for a long moment, and gave me a little smile, “I can respect that.” She chuckled, “You're full of surprises Alex Roberts.”

“That's me, an interdimensional man of mystery. I had realised long before jumping that the outside doesn't mean much. It's not the package; it's the contents. You're lucky; you have both. I'm sure there will be a new person out there for you, and they'll likely pop out of nowhere. Whoever they are, they will be lucky to have found you.”

Dash smiled sadly, “That's a very nice thing to say, but you darn well know I'm not pretty. Not like Rarity or Fluttershy or Applejack.”

I was genuinely confused, “What do you mean? I think you all look equally cute, just different. Am I missing something?”

Dash, now sitting on the bed, said flatly, “Cute. And you think we all look basically the same?” With chagrin in her voice, “Take a closer look, I'm no beauty queen.”

Still confused, “Okay, well, let me put it this way, if you took ten ponies, scrubbed off any makeup, and asked me who the prettiest was, I wouldn't have a clue. Maybe the eyes? The shape of the mouth? The ears? I don't know. But to me, your attitude, how you carry yourself, your confidence, that's what makes you beautiful. And you know what? If they don't see that, screw 'em.”

Her expression didn't change for a few moments. Oh, crap. I hope I haven't stepped over some line, have I? She said to me reservedly, “You really think that?”

“Well, ya. You're my best friend, right? I want to see you happy, and that's what I think. If you don't like it, too bad,” I shrugged.

She turned her head away, “No one other than my mom ever called me that before.”

I was surprised, “Seriously? Surely Gilda must have said something like that at some point. She was your special friend, right? Among humans, something like that is basically a given.”

“Let's just say Gilda wasn't somepony who used mushy words. She was more likely to... Well, it doesn't matter. All that matters is she's not the pony I thought she was.” Dash sat up and started stretching.

I got off my stool and sat on the bed beside Dash. I carefully put my arm around her. Her feathers were so soft. “Blah blah blah Dash is great blah blah blah don't you dare forget it blah blah blah Alex is your buddy” She snorted and laughed.

“You're a goofball.” She pushed me away and then looked at me, “Thanks, Alex. I'll let you get back to your creepy town pony show. I'm tired and, honestly, I don't think I can look at those things right now.”

“Fair enough.” I put my hand on her shoulder and gave her a little smile, “Go get some rest.”

13 - The dinner party

View Online

It was a fresh new day, and I was ready to face the world. I found a note in my mailbox from Twilight that morning. She said she had a surprise for me and wanted to use my laptop for a few hours. This was good because I wanted to borrow a book on cooking. My tiny repertoire of recipes was somewhat limited to my own palette. I was cooking for my friends, and I wanted to offer only the best dishes I could create.

I soon arrived at the library and knocked. Remembering Spike, I quickly called out, “Careful, Spike, it's me, Alex!”

From inside, I heard a muffled, “Got ya! One sec!”

I heard some activity, and Twilight said, “There! Let's hope it works.”

The door swung open, and Spike was standing there, smiling, with a weird little contraption on his nose held on by straps. It looked like a little steam engine, puffing away, with a gearbox with a blueish glow. Spike took a tentative sniff, and then he smiled. His voice had a nasal tone, but he was otherwise completely understandable. “Alright! I can't smell you! This is great!”

I knelt and put my hand out, “Well, Spike, it's great to shake your hand finally.” Spike shook it enthusiastically.

“It's good to finally have another guy in the herd, you know what I mean? I mean, Twilight and the rest are great, but sometimes it gets a little too girly, you know what I mean?”

“Well, Spike, your attitudes may change when you're about a hundred like I am.” Spike looked at me in shock, and I caught Twilight out of the corner of my eye, looking a little sceptical. “I was forty-two when I first jumped, and I've been jumping for about sixty years, give or take five or six years. Back,” I found it difficult to say 'home', weird, “where I came from, it's only been about seven or eight months. As far as I can tell, I haven't aged. If I ever get back there, well, I don't know what will happen. It's just one more adventure, I guess. Anyway, good to finally talk to you face to face.”

Twilight cleared her throat, “Spike, could you get some tea for us, please?”

He shook his little head, “Um, sure. Right away, Twilight.” He trundled off, I assumed to get tea.

“Hey! Twilight Sparkle, I assume Spike was the surprise?” She nodded with a smile, “Because I'm finally glad to really meet him. Oh, and I've got the laptop right here.” I took it out of the satchel and held it in the air. The purple glow and slippery pressure around my fingers told me she was holding it. I let go, and she placed it on the table.

She had that little self-satisfied smile, the one she got when she was clever. “Yes, Alex Roberts, I finally got that device working properly. It was a wonderful intellectual exercise.”

“Miss Twilight Sparkle, how many times do I have to tell you to call me Alex? We're friends. At least, I hope we are. So, I assume you want to conduct some additional guided research on the topic of humans?”

Twilight smiled and, I think, relaxed just a little. “Yes, that is correct, Alex R..., yes. And please, call me Twilight.”

Now, when I say 'guided research', I mean I make sure she doesn't stumble on stuff that would be too shocking. Yes, she's an experienced adventurer and a full-grown mare, but she's still a pony. Ponies just don't have any experience with that kind of stuff. I mean, for these people, a 'desperate battle' is them throwing apple pies at each other. That one time she insisted on doing the research by herself, she stumbled on something nasty. She never told me what she saw. All I know is she cried for almost an hour, and I think her opinion of humans dropped a few notches. She later agreed that it would be best if I did the searching and generally vetted links.

Spike returned with tea, some cookies, and a small bowl of gems.

Twilight was researching different governmental systems, and I suggested she start with the system from where I came from, Canada. I knew the system and could maybe fill in any gaps. She happily read the various wiki pages and was soon looking at other systems.

“I can't believe how many kinds of governments you have. We only have Representational Monarchies, Republics, and Dictatorships. Your world is such a chaotic mixture,” she seemed a little confused and worried.

“Heh, yes. Can't throw a rock without hitting a different form of government. If you get three people in a room, you get four opinions.” I looked out the library window, “I envy you so much. You're born knowing you're part of the world. And when you reach a certain age, pow! You get your cutie mark. And, while I understand it's not the complete answer, it sure beats being a blank flank without a clue.”

Twilight looked up at the childish phrase and smiled. “Well, a stallion... I mean, a man of your age would certainly not be accused of being a blank flank. You seem to know what you want and how to get it.”

“Humph, I guess I have you fooled too.” I was still looking out at the beautiful day, “Twilight, I don't have a clue what I want. I've been thinking about it ever since I got out of the hospital. I suppose I could be the grim defender of Ponyville, ready to fight the good fight. But, the Elements of Harmony can handle anything that crops up. And if you can't, I sure can't. I don't think my little toothpick would do anything other than annoy a Discord or Ursa minor. And, as I've discovered, I am in fact quite soft and squishy.”

Twilight blushed, “I'm so sorry about...”

I interrupted, annoyed, “Twilight, we've had this discussion before. Tree Trimmer is safe, and that's all that matters. Given the choice, you picked the correct one to save. Now, I'll have no more about that. Promise?”

Her expression wavered between embarrassment and confusion. Finally, with a little smile, she said, “Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.” Thankfully, she closed her eye this time.

We continued to do her research and drink tea. While she's reading, I chat with Spike. I find out what his favourite kind of gem is and how to age them. Rubies and place them in a silk-lined oak box, as it turns out.

Once Twilight was done, or more specifically, she ran out of blank scrolls, I asked her one question before I left, “So, Twilight, what's the policy on donations to the library?”

Tuesday. It was Pinkie Pie Day, and I was a little worried. I'm not worried Pinkie Pie would do something... weird. I was worried I would, I don't know, fail her or something. I had gotten up early and scrubbed every surface, making sure everything was as organized as I thought it should be. Now I'm waiting quietly for Pinkie, skimming a book on Equestrian cooking.

I don't know why I'm so nervous. That pony is a real sweetheart, and I appreciate her coming to help me. I'm worried since it's the first time I've ever spent alone time with her. I've talked to her in groups, usually with Dash or Rarity, but never alone.

Finally, the focus of my anxiety knocked on the door.

I nearly jumped out of my skin and dropped the book. I rushed to the door, tripping over myself. I opened it, maybe a little too fast. “Hi, Pinkie! Welcome, welcome, come in, please come in.”

Pinkie was looking up at me, tittering behind her hoof. “Hi, Alex! Why are you so nervous? Are you planning something?” She glared at the ceiling for a moment, then looked back at me with a grin.

Fighting hard to relax and lighten the mood, “Only sweet and savoury goodies, and fun with a good friend.” I smiled, now feeling guilty for some reason. I offered her a cup of tea, made one for myself, and got two scrolls, one for food and one for the to-do list. I was ready.

“Okie Dokie Lokie! So...” Pinkie seemed to be reviewing a mental checklist, “I'm assuming it's casual, clothing optional.” I admit that I kind of snickered at that a little. Pinkie looked at me, a little confused but carried on. “I also assume your budget is basically unlimited.”

I interjected, “Technically, yes. But I want to do it myself. I really don't want to hire anyone to do this for me. I want it to be a gift from me to you.”

“Oh, that's so nice! Will you be giving it to the others too? Because if you gave it only to me, the others would feel really left out, especially Rainbow Dash and Applejack. I mean, even I can tell they're b...” She slammed her hooves to her mouth but was still talking for a few words. They were muffled, and I didn't understand them. Mind you, I didn't try too hard.

I just looked at Pinkie with a little half smile and a slightly confused and surprised expression. “We were talking about what needs to be done.”

“Oh, right! So, casual, unlimited budget, no staff, invitations. So, I assume it's going to be us girls plus you, right?”

“Yes, and Spike, since we have a workaround to our problem.”

I could tell Pinkie was in her element, planning a party. She didn't seem like the spastic party pony I've usually seen, here or on the show, and it made me feel good that I had misjudged her. “So, seven guests, plus you. Okay, we need a shopping list for the pre-meal snacks, the meal itself, dessert, and snacks for later. We'll also need some salted and unsalted drinks and something for Spike.”

“The only part I know for sure is gems for Spike. I know he likes rubies. After that...” I shrugged. “Oh, and before I forget, I'm just a so-so cook, but I have time to practice.”

“Mmmm...” Pinkie appraised the kitchen professionally, “The first thing we do is make sure you have some decent kitchen equipment. To the kitchen store!”

Pinkie was like a kid in a candy store or, in this case, a Pinkie in a kitchen store. “Oh, I love the kitchen store! Almost as much as the joke shop! Oh! Look at those knives! I imagine that would chop through veggies like... like... a hot knife through warm butter. You need those. And these mixing spoons! And a whisk! I don't know why Applejack didn't let me design your kitchen. I mean, you would already have this stuff! And...”

I had a cart full of handy, dandy kitchen tools by the time we were done. And happily, none were hokey speciality devices. All were good professional-grade kitchen tools. “Pinkie, is there anything here you would like? Anything at all? I owe you that, at least.”

Pinkie looked at me bashfully, “Well, I could use some new cake decorating tips.” I looked around the store and strode to the display of a one-of-a-kind set, over one hundred tips in a beautifully carved wooden box, plus a storage drawer for the frosting bags. I took it and added it to the pile. It was over three hundred bits, but I didn't care. Pinkie just looked at me, flabbergasted.

I smiled at her bashfully, “Thank you Pinkie. You have no idea how much I appreciate your help. I want to give my friends a real gift, and I feel embarrassed that I don't know you well enough to give you anything but this. I hope to get to know you better, so I can thank you properly one day.”

Pinkie nuzzled me, “You silly willy! I don't need gifts to know you're my friend. But I do appreciate this. Thank you very much.”

“Pinkie, if you ever need anything, come to me, and I'll make it happen. Do you promise?”

“Cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye!” When the originator of the Pinkie Promise did it, it was extra cute. I don't think I'll ever tell them the human version. It's a bit too grim for this place.

I paid for everything, had a saddle bag over each shoulder, and carried Pinkie's gift. That was easier than 'normal' bags. We dropped the tips off at her place, and Mr Cake was impressed by the kit, “I haven't seen half of these before and have only seen half of the other half in magazines. That's a real complete kit there, Pinkie.”

We went back to the cottage and started organizing the kitchen. I said, “You know, Pinkie, I'm starting to really dislike those cartoons. The ones based on this place. Going by the show, you would be some marginally psychotic hyperactive...” I searched for the words “thing that thinks the only solution for every problem is parties and silliness and has a complete mental breakdown if her friends don't talk to her for five minutes. The mare I've gotten to know really is the Element of Laughter, an intelligent, hard-working mare who finds joy and laughter in anything and brings that to the forefront. The point is, I'm thrilled you're my friend.”

Pinkie looked at me for a long moment, then gave an appreciative smile, “Thanks, Alex. It feels good to be seen as something other than some silly willy bobblehead. I know I can act that way, but that's not all there is to me, and I'm happy someone recognizes it.”

“No problem, that's what friends do, right? They see the best in their friends.” I put on a silly grin and changed my voice and demeanour to that of a formal French chef with a very bad French accent, “Zo! Let us to be making with the menu planning!” Pinkie laughed at that, and, as planned, it lightened the mood.

After some work, we devised a simple but tasty menu well within the scope of my meagre cooking skills. She also made me a timeline, what to start cooking when, what to prepare in advance, and so on. With all this, I only had the invitations to write, to be sent a week in advance, and music to choose from.

Music. That's a tough one. I got Pinkie to listen to some of my own music, but I was fairly sure they would not be appropriate. Her reaction? “GAH! What are they doing to that poor cat?!?!?” So, unsurprisingly, heavy metal was out.

I ended up with a nice selection of Michael Bublé, some light jazz, and some nice classical music stamped with the Pinkie stamp of approval. A good eight hours of music should be enough. I would put it on a loop and random, just to make sure.

On the day of the dinner party. I wore a casual outfit, just shorts and a short-sleeved shirt. I realized I had never felt comfortable wearing such revealing clothing until now. I found it difficult to be comfortable in my own skin, so to speak. But, well, what can I say, these were my friends.

Pinkie and Dash were the first ones there. Pinkie was bouncing all over the place, double-checking everything, making sure I had followed her instructions. Lucky for me, everything was just so. Dash just sat on the lounge chair and watched me with her smirk. I started the music, low in the background, perfect.

Soon, everyone else arrived, and I had the snacks and drinks out. So far, so good.

I tried to include something special for everyone. Spike was very surprised I had gone through the trouble to 'age' some jewels for him, and he was very pleased with the flavour. I had licked one of the extras, just out of curiosity. It was like licking glass with no flavour at all. I shrugged.

I had found out from Pinkie that Dash likes sarsaparilla, so I made sure to have a selection, including a little bowl of salt. Turns out she liked the brands I had provided.

For dessert, I made some apple pies and apologized that they weren't as good as Applejacks. She was very kind and said they would not have been out of place at home.

For Twilight, I made a batch of fried doughnuts, again for dessert, like the ones at Pony Joe's place. Extra sprinkles.

For Rarity, the snacks were those fancy little tidbits you find at society soirées—plenty for everyone.

For Fluttershy, a rose petal salad. I was a little worried because giving roses would be a romantic gesture between humans. Anyway, Pinkie assured me there was no such connection for ponies, at least not in this context.

The party itself went very well, with only one little incident. Somehow, 'Love Surgery' by GWAR was in the playlist. It started up a few minutes after I had served the main course. Once I heard the distinct heavy base, I stood fast enough to knock my chair back and scrambled to the laptop. It was in the other room, and in a burst of speed that, I think, impressed Dash, I vaulted over the couch. The song had gotten most of the way through the first verse before I managed to flip to another song, 'Beyond the Sea' as it happens.

There was an awkward silence, “Um... Sorry about that. That wasn't supposed to be on the list.” Thinking fast, “It's actually a comedy band. They take things so far to the extreme that it becomes ridiculous.” I added, “It's a human thing?” That seemed to satisfy everyone. Before going back to the party, I double-checked the playlist and didn't find anything else.

Everyone was gone, except for Dash, “Hey Dash, you don't have to help me clean up, you know,” she had been a guest and friend, and I didn't want her working for her supper.

That smirk just radiated confidence, “Hey, no problem! I don't leave my friends hanging.”

“Alright then, what would you like to chat about? Dealer's choice,” I smiled as I started washing the dishes.

“Tell me about growing up. Tell me about your dad, that kind of stuff.” Dash was picking up the streamers and seeing how many different ways she could pop the remaining balloons.

“Okay, well, I grew up as a base brat,” Dash looked confused, “my dad was in the Air Force, he fixed aircraft, and I grew up on military bases.” This grabbed her attention.

“So, he was a doctor?”

I smirked, “No, he repaired aircraft, flying machines.”

Dash gave an exasperated chuckle, “You and your machines. You're worse than Pinkie and Twilight combined.”

I stopped washing dishes for a moment and bowed deeply, “From you, I'll take that as a compliment.” I returned to my dishwashing. “So, I grew up on bases. My mom and dad were great, made sure I got a good education, supported me, and all that good stuff. Boring but safe. Now living on military bases had some cool perks, but in some ways, it's a sucky way to grow up. The worst part was moving every three or four years to different parts of the country. I found it hard to make friends.”

“What are you talking about? You made friends with me in, like, less than a day.”

Still facing away from Dash, I didn't want her to see my expression, “Well, unfortunately, humans take longer to make friends between themselves. Remember when I was telling you humans are not as nice as ponies? How we don't have a Princess and magic to bind us? Well, that's why. All you have, as a human, is what you can see and hear. I didn't have friends. I had allies. That's why I like it here. Aside from the fact I'm fairly sure I won't be caught up in a plot by a villain, and you will not be trying to make a stew out of me, it's that I have friends, not allies.”

She sounded sad, “Oh, I... I didn't know. I'm sorry for bringing it up.”

I turned and smiled, “Don't you dare apologize! It also had its perks. I got to see places and things most kids didn't see. It gave me a broader view of the world. Something I know you would have loved was seeing an airshow. Dash, when seven fighter jets fly by just under the speed of sound, it's loud. You feel the sound in your chest. Have you ever been to a concert or a dance and stood by the speakers? That subsonic rumble that vibrates your bones?” I breathed deeply at the memories, “When I was a kid, that was the best.” I had an idea, “Hey, do you want to see it? It won't be the same, but it will give you a taste.”

I shut down iTunes and fired up Chrome, went to YouTube, and a quick search produced what I was looking for, a Blue Angel airshow.

The video showed a pilot climbing into the F18, Dash was fascinated, “If the pilot is about as big as you, it must be huge!”

“Planes tend to be. No magic. We're stuck with physics.”

As we watched the acrobatics, Dash sniffed, “They don't turn very sharp.”

“Well, yes, compared to a pegasus, they handle like a brick. But they're not being compared to pegasus, remember? That thing is considered nimble.”

We finished watching the video, and we watched a few more. Dash was getting a kick out of it, and I thought I would show her something I got a kick out of the other day. I googled 'Rainbow Dash Search and Rescue Patch'. First hit.

She practically exploded, “OhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGoshOhMyGosh! That is so cool! That's what the Wonderbolts do when they're not doing shows. Quick response team for all of Equestria. They deal with any problem.” She nuzzled up to me, “Thanks Alex,” then gave me a peck on the cheek.

I glanced at her and saw she was blushing. “What was that for? Not that I'm complaining.”

“For being a cool friend. And knowing I would appreciate something cool like that.”

I barked a laugh, “Cool is not a word I would use to describe myself, my dear Dash. But I'm glad you think so.”

We sat for a few moments. “Okay, Dash, your turn. Tell me about your childhood.”

“Well, I grew up in Cloudsdale. My dad is Thunder Dash, and my mom is Golden Rainbow. My mom was great, always quiet in the background. Always there for me. My dad, well, he loved me. Tough love, ya know.” She looked a little sad, “He tried training me hard. He always expected me to be better than the best. I was never quite good enough.”

“I've never told anyone, but I think my dad always wanted a colt. Actually, I know for sure. He told me once when he had been hitting the salt too hard.” She saw my flash of concern, “Oh, don't worry, he never hit me. Just... I was a disappointment. He never came to my graduation from flight school, top of the class when all the others were losers, and was nothing to be proud of. Said I would never be a winner, no matter what I did, no matter how hard I practised. But he did it because he wanted to make me strong, not like Mom. So, winning became the most important thing. The only thing. But I still love him, Alex. He's my dad.”

“He doesn't sound like much of a dad to...” The next thing I knew, my jaw was sore, I had a split lip, and I was on the floor.

Even through my stunned surprise, I could see Dash was angry, and she had tears in her eyes. Her glare was withering. She screamed in rage at me, “He's my daddy! He loves me very much! Don't you ever dare talk about him like that! Ever!”

I was still a little fuzzy, but I could see the tears starting to drip on her cheeks. “Dash, I'm sorry, I...”

Still screaming, voice filled with rage, “My name is Rainbow Dash, Alex Roberts. Don't you dare bucking forget it! Rainbow! Dash!”

She ran out the door, tears flowing freely, and I could feel the gust of wind as she took off even from inside the house.

14 - A new life

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I stood under her beautiful cloud house, still admiring the cascading rainbows. No matter how often I see them, I'm still amazed. I'm still in my short pants and short-sleeved shirt from the party, but now they're soaked from the late afternoon rain and splattered with mud, and I'm fine with that. My face hurts, but I don't mind. My neck is sore from craning up, but I don't care. I'm cold and wet from the rain, exhausted, my body aches, my throat is raw, but I don't give a damn. All I know is that my best friend is in pain, and as far as I was concerned, I was the cause.

It hurt to yell, but I did it anyway, “Rainbow Dash, please come down. I want to apologize to you. I don't care if it takes until Doom's Day. I'll stay right here and keep apologizing!”

On the edge of my hearing, I overheard Rarity and Applejack in the distance, “How long has he been standing there shouting?”

“Ah reckon since the end of the party last night. He hasn't left that spot, as far as ah can tell. He hasn't even cleaned up his lip. Ah don't know what happened. He won't tell me. He said something about failing at being a friend. But, I just can't see it.”

Rarity's voice was so soft I only caught the end, “...care for him?”

Applejack's voice came back strong, “Shoot, I care for all my friends, but...”

I'm not interested in what they're talking about. I shouted again, my voice raw, “Rainbow Dash, I'm sorry for what I said! Please, come talk to me.”

Rarity's voice was full of concern, “Is she actually up there?”

Applejack replied, “Fluttershy said she was. Everyone else is worried about him, too, but that dang fool won't let us help. Fluttershy even offered to act as a go-between, but he refused.”

“I really don't see why Alex is behaving this way. I think he is carrying himself as this gallant knight a little too far. If she doesn't accept his apology, the least he can do is return home and get cleaned up.”

“Sugurcube, Alex is the real deal. It's not an act or a put-on for a show. He really thinks that way. I guess that's why I admire him.”

I called out, “I abused your trust. I plan to stay here until I can apologize, Rainbow Dash! I hope you can hear me! I want you to know how sorry I am! I was wrong! Totally in the wrong! Please, let me apologize to you face to face!”

I thought I saw a smear of cyan and colour at the edge of the cloud, just for a moment through the rain. “Please, Rainbow Dash, I'm sorry for hurting you! I was thoughtless, and I never should have said what I said! You're my best friend. I don't want to lose you...”

My voice finally gave out. I just couldn't do it any more. I dropped to my knees, mud splashing on my clothes. I was exhausted and discouraged. Maybe Rarity was right. Maybe I should...

I felt a gust of wind and looked up. Dash was hovering just above me and had a sad little smile, “I heard you all night, you big goof.” Dash landed and looked at me bashfully, “I'm... I'm sorry I hit you. I shouldn't have lashed out at you like that. Especially not a friend who stands out all night yelling apologies at me. Especially when I hit you.” She looked away bashfully, “I've never had a friend do that, who cared enough to do something this crazy.”

My voice was weak from all the yelling, “Rainbow Dash, I was totally wrong about that remark. I never should have said it, especially in such a flippant manner. Applejack asked what it was about, but I didn't tell her. I figured it was private. I'm still going to talk to you about it when you're ready. Because I'm your friend, and I'm not sorry for caring. I...”

Dash gave me a hug and sniffed. She said quietly, “Shut up, you big jerk. We will talk about it later, but not right now. I... I can't right now.” I hugged her back, so happy she was there. She continued, with only a trace of confidence in her voice, “I'm so sorry I hit you, and I know you're sorry you mouthed off. We're both sorry. And thank you for keeping the reason to yourself.” She broke away, concerned, “You really should take care of that lip. It's making you uglier than usual.”

I touched my face and winced a little. I hadn't really noticed how swollen it was. “Yes, I think I should.” I noticed Applejack and Rarity were keeping their distance. “Thanks for talking to me, Rainbow Dash.”

I looked at Applejack and Rarity over Dash's shoulder. Rarity seemed quite happy, but Applejack's expression was... flat.

She admonished softly, “Hey, I told you already. You can call me Dash.”

I looked up at the sky and noted it was another perfect day. You know, just for once, I would love to see a slightly cloudy day here—just a few random clouds. Dash would never let that last. Oh well, I guess I can't complain too much.

Spring turned to Summer and slowly turned to Fall. In the time since I came out of the hospital, things had, for the most part, become a dull routine. I have breakfast, clean up, work out on the heavy bag for half an hour, change into clean clothes, jog into town, and always stop at Applejack's stand.

She's always a fun chat, and like Dash, I feel I can let my guard down around her. I'll sometimes stop and talk to Rarity, Pinkie Pie, Twilight and Spike. Sometimes, I'll go through town and drop by Fluttershy's. I usually catch Dash sometime in the afternoon, or she'll drop over at my place after work. The only two I seem to see almost every day are Applejack and Dash.

As I jogged up to Applejack's stand, “Hey Romeo, spend more time call'en up to your true love?”

I chuckled at our private joke, “Applejack, you know you're the only one for me. Well, you know, after Fluttershy. Twilight. The Mayor. Rarity.” We both chuckled at our private joke. “Actually, Dash and I have patched things up. I'm glad we did. I would have hated to lose her as a friend.”

“Sugarcube, ah don't think there was any chance of that. That filly thinks the world of you. Heck, I do, too, truth be known.”

I chuckled, “Darn shame I'm not a stallion. I'd have to beat you all off with a stick.” I saw a pile of flyers beside her stand. I pick one up and read it, 'Sisterhooves Social'? I brightened up, “Hey, I know it's a filly-only thing, but my schedule is empty, and maybe I can help set things up. I'm feeling useless around here, and you would be doing me a big favour. You know what they say: idle hands are Discord's playthings.”

“That sure is neighbourly of you, and I hate turning down somepony with gumption. Alright, come on down early Sunday morning, the thirty-third. Me and Big Macintosh are setting things up for that Monday. Get ready for a hard day's work.”

“Thanks, Applejack, I appreciate it. It'll be good to be doing something with my hands again. The house is all set up, and everyone else has something to do during the day. I feel like I'm just in the way.”

I leaned on the stand facing Applejack, “Applejack, I'm feeling directionless for the first time in a long time. Before, it was fairly straightforward: survive, get ready for my next jump, try to get home. That was it. Honestly, I gave up on the last goal about twenty years ago. It just didn't seem all that plausible.” I snorted mirthlessly, “Says the reality-jumping human in Equestria. And now, I'm in this wonderful place, this almost perfect society, and I don't know what to do.”

“My usual course of action while waiting until I jump is to start off as a storyteller in inns, then use the funds to become a merchant. People always enjoy a good story, but merchants travel, and you know what, travelling doesn't seem very attractive anymore.”

Applejack tilted her hat back and gave a sympathetic grunt, “I hear ya. As much as I love the orchard business, those trips to Canterlot drive me crazy. I guess I'm just a homebody.”

Homebody. That sparked something in my mind. Why not combine storytelling with building a home here? I was always decent at telling stories. Well, they already have a stage by the town hall. Why not a real theatre? Bringing entertainment to Ponyville! Make ponies laugh and cry and think!

I looked at Applejack in the eyes and smirked. I grabbed her by the shoulders and hugged her.

I let her go and stepped back. She had a slight blush, a confused expression, and a half smile. “What in tarnation was that for?”

“For being the inspiration that gave me a direction for the next sixty years of my life.”

I could hear Big Macintosh, “Applejack, you sure about this? He can barely carry what Apple Bloom can. Besides, ain't he some fancy pants, throwen' bits around like water? And then I heard about him improperly hugging you in the market. What's he doing spending his day hugging mares in the market? Has he ever done an honest day's work?”

“Big Macintosh! He can hear you from here! He's got real sharp ears. And anyway, he's always eager to help, with bits or his back. And that hug was just a friendly one. Nothing else, understood? And even if it was, it's none of your darn business. I said he could come help, and that's that.”

I did my best to hide my smile. I wanted to show Big Mac I could do a good day's work. Applejack called me over, and I quickly jogged the rest of the way as I pulled on a pair of work gloves. Did I mention Elusive is amazing? That stallion eyeballs me and makes stuff that fits—he made the work gloves in about an hour.

I clapped my hands together and rubbed them in anticipation, “So, where do I start?”

Big Macintosh looked me up and down disapprovingly, “Well, I guess I can't turn down an extra pair of hooves,” he gave his sister a quick glare. “You can get started with the hay bales. The track's already outlined. You just put bales along the edge.”

I nodded, gave a snappy two-fingered salute, “Yes sir!” and trotted off. It was a lot of hard work, but I made a point of not taking a mid-morning break. I wanted to prove myself. It felt good to have a tangible purpose, even if it was just for a day or two.

It was late morning, and I was feeling jaunty. I had a tune in my head all morning, so I started singing it out loud, “Alouette, gentille Alouette. Alouette, je te plumerai! Je te plumerai la tête! Je te plumerai la tête. Et la tête. Et la tête. Alouette. Alouette. O-o-o-oh. Alouette, gentille Alouette. Alouette, je te plu...”

Big Macintosh interrupted my zen-like train of thought, “What in tarnation are you singing? Sounds mighty highfalutin.” His eye squinted a little at me.

“Oh, sorry, Big Macintosh, just an old work song my grandmother used to sing. She was from a little French farming community where I come from. That was actually a chicken-plucking song, not really for hay bales, but it's the only one I remember. If it's bothering you, I'll stop. It's just... well, this place was a little slice of my childhood, and it slipped out...” He glared at me in silence. I shut my yap and continued carrying the hay bales. He snorted and went back to what he was doing.

Right. Duly noted. No singing.

The sun was high in the sky. It has been a back-breaking morning, and I had about a third of the track done. I heard Granny Smith call out, “Soups on everypony!”

I started walking toward the farmhouse, wiping sweat from my face. I saw a table in the distance piled high with food. As I was walking, I was carefully rolling my shoulders so they wouldn't stiffen. Just before I got to the table, I stopped and twisted my upper torso. I felt a satisfying crack and sighed. I felt a silence and looked around. The Apple family was looking at me, looks of surprise on their faces. I looked behind myself, “What?”

Applejack looked worriedly at me, “Should you be bending yourself like that? I mean, doesn't that hurt?”

“Um... no, not really. I was cracking my back. I was a little stiff from the work, and doing that made me feel better. That's all.” I grew concerned, afraid that I had committed another social faux pas, “Did I do something wrong?”

“No, I guess not. It just didn't look natural. Well, not natural for pony folks.”

I smiled, “Trust me, this is quite natural for humans.” Everyone seemed satisfied with my answer except Big Macintosh, but he kept his mouth shut. “So, now that we have that all cleared up, this spread looks fantastic! I want to thank you very much, Granny Smith. This looks really good!” And, no word of a lie, it was. The Apple family sure know how to cook. I may try to get some tips from Applejack later. The food was sweet, like most pony food, but not overly so. I guess this was plain country cooking by their standards.

Once lunch was over, everyone was taking a little break except for me. I joked, “Well, as much as I would like to while away the afternoon, I'm behind on my bales. Thank you again for lunch.” Applejack cocked an eyebrow at this and kept that little half-smile she usually has. Big Macintosh shot a glare at me. I walked back to my pile of bales and got back to work.

“Applejack's got you working her farm, huh?”

I smiled and looked up at Dash, hovering a short distance away. “Well, I'm trying.” I glanced around, then, in my best Big Macintosh imitation, “But this critter's only as strong as Apple Bloom.”

Dash laughed and landed, “That was pretty good. Big Mac can be a little pig-headed sometimes. Once he gets an idea in his head, well, it's hard to change. Did you want some help?”

“Thanks, Dash, but no. I want to do this myself. Stupid pride and all that jazz. Mind if I work while we chat?” I continued grabbing bales from the stack and placing them around the track.

“Nope! I'll get comfy right over here.” Dash laid down on the last bale I had placed. Once she got comfortable, “So, something I was wondering about, and you never talk about it, why did all this jumping around start? You know, from one world to another.”

I paused momentarily, “That's something I don't have an answer to. Maybe one day I'll know.” I dropped the bale and headed back for the next one, “I remember the first jump. I was mowing the lawn. God, I hated mowing the lawn.” I grunted as I grabbed a new bale, “Halfway through the front lawn, the damn mower had broken down, and I was trying to fix it, “ I chuckled mirthlessly, “and, of course, I burned my hand on the exhaust. I remember swearing out loud and then looking around to make sure there were no,” I dropped the bale, “children around.”

I wiped my brow, “That first time was scary. It started with a vibrating sensation,” I grunted as I picked up a bale, “in my chest and pain in my head. I collapsed. I was sure it was a heart attack or stroke. The next thing I knew, this was followed up by a sensation like... like my outside,“ I dropped a bale, “was being pulled to a point inside my chest. Then, there was a blinding flash, and aside from a little headache,” I grunted as I picked up the bale, “and a slightly upset stomach, I was feeling normal again. I was pulling myself off the ground. I wanted to go to a doctor and get checked out. I thought,” I dropped the bale and adjusted it with my foot, “I had a heart attack.”

“I slowly realized something was wrong, not just with my body, but with my front lawn. The tree,” I grunted as I picked up the bale, “that's in the middle of my yard was replaced with a flag pole. I started looking around and saw that every front yard had a flag pole. I know that will not mean anything to you, but what I saw on every flag pole scared the crap,” I dropped the bale in place “out of me. It was the flag of a group called nazis. A red,” a grunt while lifting, “flag with a white circle and a black bent cross. Imagine all the evil of Nightmare Moon and Discord rolled into one, then add industrial level... ” I decided to shield Dash from that horror, “bad stuff.” I dropped the bale and adjusted it.

Dash looked at me with pin-prick pupils. She knew from our conversations humans could be ruthless, so when I said something like that, she knew I wasn't exaggerating. After giving her head a shake, she moved a few bales closer.

“I saw all the houses were now painted the same colour, same door, same little garden, same everything. I heard some,” a grunt and a new bale, “yelling from the front door of what should be my house and saw some guy in old-fashioned clothes doing the yelling. I couldn't understand what he was saying, but I was sure it was directed at me, and he was quite upset.” I dropped the bale, just at the right spot this time.

“So, to make a long story short, I got off his lawn and started wandering the neighbourhood. I didn't know what to do. I wanted to know what the hell was going on, so I decided to do what I would normally do at home. I started looking for a police officer.” I paused before picking up the bale. “I must have been still a little out of my head because that was a mistake.” I picked up the bale and carried on.

“So, I saw what I assumed was a police car and started going toward it. Two burly men in suits came out and started speaking. I said I speak English, what I'm speaking now, and French.” I drop the bale and adjust it, “Anyway, they spoke French and asked me for my papers. I asked if my driver's licence would do,” I grabbed a new bale, “and was rewarded with a punch to the gut. They dragged me into the back of their car and took me to the police station. Once there,” I dropped the bale and sat on it, “they dragged me out of the car. Now, keep in mind I was overweight back then. I'm talking 145kg, and they tossed me around like a rag doll. I don't really want to get into the details, but they had me handcuffed to a chair and were 'getting my statement' by screaming at me in a language I didn't understand and a badly accented one I could barely understand. I had been in that world for half a day, and it was dark outside. I jumped just as their 'specialist' had arrived. I must have scared the living daylights out of them.”

“With all due respect, Alex Roberts, that sounds like quite the load of horse apples,” a voice so deep I felt it in my chest. Dash laughed at that, and even I chuckled. I turned and saw Big Macintosh standing behind me. “How do, Miss Rainbow Dash.” Even with my poor skills at reading ponies, I could tell his tone radically changed when addressing Dash. I don't know if it's because she's a mare, and he would address any mare like that, or if he had something for Dash.

“Sorry, boss, just taking a sit down with a pretty lady.” I winked at Dash. I think I saw Dash blush, but if she did, it didn't last long. In retrospect, that was a stupid thing to say.

“Yes, you are, and I would thank you if you stopped goofing off. You're only halfway done, and it's almost mid-afternoon.” Big Macintosh towered over me with an unfriendly expression, “You wanted to work, so get to work.”

Dash barked a laugh, “Ha! He told you, Alex.” Dash grinned, “Good one, Big Mac.”

Big Macintosh blinked at Dash a few times, then, I think, had a hint of a suggestion of a smile.

I smiled, “Point taken, boss. Less flirting and more working.” I got up and started walking to the bale pile.

Dash, with her confident smirk, “Well, colts, as much as I would like to see you fighting for my affections, I think I'd better let Alex get back to work.” With that and a gust of wind, she took off.

I watched her go, following her path, and I noticed Big Mac was too. I felt a hoof on my shoulder. To be precise, I felt a corner of a hoof on my shoulder.

I turned to see Big Macintosh still looking up and, in that rumble in my chest deep voice, “Don't you be thinking of fooling with Miss Rainbow Dash. Understand?”

Who the hell did he think he was? I never had any interest in Dash that way. Heck, I never had any interest in any pony that way. But I sure as shooten' wasn't going to stand here and let some muscle-bound idiot tell me how to live my life.

Unfortunately, my indignation caused my mouth to act before my brain could catch up. “Good thing I was going to court your sister.”

15 - Dumb Luck & Special Friends

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The world was silent except for the buzzing of the flies. I watched Big Macintosh out of the corner of my eye. The only part of him that moved was the wheat stock he always had in his mouth. I figured I had riled him enough. “Look, about Applejack...”

I could feel the anger radiating off of him. He answered through gritted teeth, “Not another word, colt. Don't you move one muscle, or I'll tear your head off. Let me tell you what...”

I turned toward him. “No, Big Macintosh, you will not tell me what. We are about to have a calm conversation where we treat each other as adults, not hot-headed idiots who will take a swing at the first opportunity. Besides, what do you think Applejack would say if she found us fighting like school kids.”

Big Macintosh snorted but stayed silent. I looked straight ahead, leaning on the fence.

“First off, I was out of line. I never should have said I was courting your sister because I'm not. I wanted to get your attention, and lucky for me, you talk first, swing second. Applejack is a wonderful person and a good friend. It doesn't hurt that she's a lot like the wife I lost a long time ago, so she'll always have a special place in my heart, but never in that way. Second, you will not tell me who I can court and who I can't.”

“With that being said, I'm not a pony, and I don't feel like that about her. I don't feel like that about any pony, including Rainbow Dash. But even if I did, honestly, what are the odds of Applejack or Dash returning those feelings and jumping into my arms, huh? Zip. Nada. None. The best I could hope for is a pity date. Not exactly the makings of a heartbreaking Lothario,” I chuckled at my own whit.

“Who knows, one day you may be my brother-in-law,” Big Macintosh stiffened, making me smirk, “But not today and likely not ever.” I paused, letting what I had said sink in, then continued, “And for Celestia's sake, if you like Rainbow Dash, go talk to her! She won't bite, or maybe she will. I'm not up on pony dating etiquette.” Big Macintosh chuckled, and I could see he relaxed just a little. “The point is, you need to get off your flank and start, you know, interacting with her. Pining away silently may work in fairy tails, but not where I come from. Saying three words a day will not cut it.”

I turned to him, “Big Macintosh, I know you don't trust me, but I want to be a friend. I'm a bit of a loudmouth, and I don't always know when not to joke. But Applejack was there when I needed help. I will forever be in her debt and, by extension, in debt to the Apple family. The point is, I hope you and I can start again.”

I was surprised to see him turn, give that almost smile, raise his hoof, spit in it, and hold it out. I spit on my palm, and pressed it against his hoof. Man, that is one big hoof. Even with my fingers spread out, I still don't reach the sides. We gave a single shake. In that subsonic rumble of a voice, “Pleased to make your acquaintance Mr Alex Roberts.”

“My friends call me Alex. The mister confuses me, and I start looking around for my dad.”

Applejack's twang sounded amused, “I'm sure you hens would love to spend the whole day clucking, but we all have work to do, so get at it!”

My clever reply is to squawk like a startled chicken and jog off to the bale pile.

At about supper time, I was three-quarters done. I was fed again and headed back to my bales.

About half an hour later, that bass rumble called out, “Need any help, Alex?”

“No, thank you: stubborn pride and all that. But I appreciate the offer. You and everyone else have worked like crazy today. I just want to pull my weight. Anyway, it won't be much longer, a couple or three hours, tops.”

“Crazy fool. Alright, but if y'all decide to swallow your pride, just give me a shout.” He headed to the stands and got comfortable.

Not fifteen minutes later, “Sugarcube, you sure you don't need no help?”

“Go sit with your brother, please. I'm Apple family stubborn if I think I'm right. Anyway, just a couple of hours and I'll be done.” Applejack sighed and headed to the stand.

About an hour later, I heard from the stands, “Apple Bloom, you go say goodnight to Mr Alex Roberts, then it's off to bed.”

I smiled. She's a nice kid, good at building things. I paused for a minute while she came trotting along, “Mr Alex Roberts, sir? I just wanted to say good night and thank you for helping us set up for the Sisterhooves Social.”

“Sweetheart, call me Alex, and you're very welcome. Helping out today gave me a chance to get to know your Granny and big brother better. And I'm always happy to see you, too, young lady. Have a good night.” I patted her on the head and got back to work.

After Apple Bloom went to bed, I heard Big Macintosh ponder, “You sweet on him, little sister? He said he's got a, what did he say now, a special place in his heart on account that you remind him of the wife he left behind.”

Applejack replied in a flustered tone, “That ain't no mind of yours, Big Macintosh. And he didn't leave her behind. He was taken away from his family. Now hush, he can hear us.”

“Hear us? All the way across the track? Shoot.”

I was almost done. No more than half an hour left. I paused for a minute to stretch my back again and heard, “Applejack's still got you working? Or are they holding you prisoner?”

I snorted at that, “Well, I almost got in a brawl with Big Macintosh over you, but otherwise, there have only been minimal threats of violence.”

Dash blushed a little, “I can't imagine that happening. Anyway, Big Macintosh isn't my type.”

Uh oh.

Dash continued, “Sure, I guess he's good-looking, but he never says more than three words. Anyway, I'm not interested in anything right now. I've got my eye on someone, but I'm still figuring things out, know what I mean? So...” she shrugged.

“Rainbow Dash, you stop bothering my working stallion. He owes me the rest of the track,” Applejack's tone was playful.

Dash smirked, “I'll flirt with any stallion I want to Applejack,” she giggled. “Well, I'd better go. I have a race tomorrow. Bye, Alex!” With that and a burst of wind, Rainbow Dash flew straight up and disappeared into the darkness. I glanced in Big Mac's direction and smiled, seeing him follow her flight.

I finally finished at about nine that night. I walked the track twice, once on each side, to make sure everything was straight. I was tired and looking forward to bed, but wanted to do a good job. After saying my goodbyes, I walked home. It took about half an hour, and the cool night air refreshed me a little.

When I got back to my cottage, I was surprised to find a snack on my kitchen table, along with a bottle of ice-cold sarsaparilla. There was a note beside the plate that said, “For my hard-working stallion.” It was signed “Your Special Friend”.

I looked at the note for a long time. Who could have written this? As I ate the snack, I kept looking at the note. It was not written on the notepaper I had on my desk. They must have been here very recently. The bottle of sasparilla was still ice cold, and the food was still cool. They had used my dishes, not that I minded.

I finished the snack and washed the plate. Just in case they came back, I wrote a small note, “My Dearest Special Friend, Thank you for the lovely snack and drink. They hit the spot after a long day. I am curious to know who you are, as you seem to know me. If there is a reason you wish to remain anonymous, I will respect your wishes.” I signed it, “Your Curious Friend, Alex”. I left my note on the table, with notepaper and a pencil.

Although I was tired, I needed some time to wind down. I took the opportunity to call home. According to my calendar, it should be 3:47 on Monday. Dan should be home from school by now, and Anne will still be out for another month. I'll give him a call. He was happy to talk to me. We chatted about school, how he was doing on a project, and how his friends were doing. He talked about the latest episode of My Little Pony where some con artists were trying to outdo the Apples at cider making or something like that. I promised I would watch it and call back later.

After a good night's sleep, I came down the stairs with a mix of excitement and trepidation. Would there be anything on that notepaper? I doubt it, but you never know. I noted, with a little disappointment, that everything was as I had left it.

I made some breakfast and checked out the episode on YouTube. Very interesting and possibly useful in my current endeavours, especially since the antagonists left on an incompetent note, not a bad one. I made sure to carry two coin purses with enough bits to cover anything that came up. As they say, luck favours the prepared.

On the way to the race, I stopped in town and made a reservation at the cafe. It took a little bribing, but I got us the tables reserved for the whole day. I was going to take my friends out for a celebration. Afterwards, I took my time walking to Sweet Apple Acres. I still had the note and pulled it out periodically. What pony in their right mind would crush on me? I didn't recognize the handwriting, but I didn't see much of any pony's, so it's unsurprising.

I'm fairly sure it's not Applejack. I doubt she could have gotten past me. However, she does know this town like the back of her hoof, so it's not impossible that she could have. Also, she would have been rested, and she's a heck of a lot faster than me. Also, after Dash left, I didn't see Applejack for a while, but I was busy, so that doesn't mean anything.

This doesn't strike me as something Dash would do. It's not really her style. I think she would be more... direct. Grab the bull by the horns and all that. However, she does seem more reluctant when it comes to affairs of the heart, so it's not impossible.

Rarity? Hmmm, maybe. I think she's still got that gallant knight idea about me. But she's more likely to try to seduce me. I snorted. I can see her standing in front of me, batting her eyelashes. Now Alex, you know that's unfair; she is your friend.

Twilight? It's conceivable but unlikely. We haven't spent much time together, and I really don't see her doing something like that. I doubt she will ever date; she is too wrapped up in her studies.

Pinkie Pie? Again, it's not her style. She would throw a party for two or something.

Fluttershy? Again maybe. I can't see her building up the courage to do something like this, but I could be wrong.

Some other mare? I don't know. Who else do I have regular contact with? Mrs Cake? Nope, not with Mr Cake and the twins. So, no one else, really.

Humph, I'll have to nip this in the bud.

So, with my head full of questions, I walked through the gates of Sweet Apple Acres. The place was crowded. The stands were full of spectators, ready to cheer on their sisters, daughters, and wives.

I wandered over to the staging area of the big race and saw Rarity with Sweetie Belle, Applejack and Apple Bloom, and, to my surprise, Dash standing beside Scootaloo. “Hey, guys! All getting ready for the big race, I see. And it's extra nice to see you, Miss Scootaloo. Dash, I didn't have you pegged as the big sister type.”

“Ya, well, I have hidden depths, okay. I saw a flyer for the Sisterhooves Social and thought Scoots would like to go. I figured her best first time would be to win, with my awesomeness to help.”

Scootaloo's little wings were flapping so fast she was almost hovering, “You bet, Rainbow Dash!”

Looking at all six of them, I said, “I don't know Scootaloo. It's going to be hard to pick a winner in advance.”

“Well darling, with our grace and elegance, Sweetie Belle and I are bound to come in first place.” Rarity gave a haughty smile, then broke down and gave a warm laugh.

“Well, I reckon you have your right to an opinion, no matter how incorrect.” Applejack had that little half smile she usually has, and Apple Bloom hopped around excitedly.

“Darn right! 'Cuz it's me and Scoots here that are gonna win!” Dash ruffled Scootaloo's mane and flashed her confident smirk.

“Ladies, please, no fighting. Save the dirty tricks for the track,” I chuckled. “First and foremost, I've come to wish you all good luck. I also want to share the wonderful surprise I had last night.” I carefully watched their faces, “When I got home, someone had left me a snack, a perfectly chilled bottle of sarsaparilla, and this,” I pulled out the note, no noticeable reaction, “does this writing look familiar? I want to thank whoever did this.”

The fillies 'awwwed' as a group.

Rarity grew thoughtful, “A kind gesture and a mysterious note. How romantic.”

Applejack gave her low chuckle, “Well, looks like you will have to beat mares off with a stick after all. Whoever did it must be mighty sweet on you.”

Dash seemed annoyed, “They probably wouldn't appreciate having that private note flashed around everywhere.”

“Yes, you're right, Dash. I just wanted to share something cool with my friends. I haven't had a secret admirer since high school,” I grew thoughtful for a moment, ”that's about eighty or eighty-five years ago,” That was a depressing thought, “and I have to admit I'm a little excited by the prospect.” Rarity gave one of her knowing little smiles, “Not that I think it will be anything at the end of the day, but I can't deny it feels good. Anyway, I'll keep it to myself and let you know the day before the wedding.”

I looked at the platform beside the track, “Looks like Granny Smith is setting up for the announcement of the race. I'll head out to the stands. Okay, I promised myself I wouldn't show any bias, and you know I'm rooting for you all, but I'm putting my bets on Dash only because she has Scootaloo with her.”

Scootaloo looked at me in surprise, charged towards me, and grappled me with a hug, “Thanks, Alex! I won't let you or Rainbow Dash down!”

“Don't worry about that, kid. No matter what happens, you've already won.”

I headed to the stands and found the bookies. There are always bookies in these situations, in every reality. It must be some kind of universal law. It was twin unicorns, and one had a moustache. “Hurry up, pal. I'm stopping bets as soon as the race starts.” It looked like them, sort of. And it sounded like them, sort of.

I pulled out a coin pouch, “Five thousand bits on Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo.” I was going to bet on Applejack and Apple Bloom, but that was before I knew Dash and Scoots were in the race. I felt anything else was a suckers bet.

The bookie and his patrons stopped and gapped at me. The one with the moustache broke the silence, “There's a gambler, folks. Most ponies don't make more than a twenty-bit bet, but if you want to throw your money away on unknowns, well, I'll be happy to take it.”

I lightly toss him the budging bag. “What are my odds, money pony?”

“Seven to one. Last chance to get out.”

“Nope, it was burning a hole in my pocket.”

“Alright, bet taken, whatever you are. Your money's as good as the next pony's.”

I could hear Granny Smith starting her speech. I could see over the crowd and placed myself so I could be seen. The bookies, with their trade complete, joined me. Just as Granny Smith said go, I started talking, “Yup, my best friend Rainbow Dash, winner of the young flyer competition, only pony known to have made at least two sonic rain booms, champion athlete, a real class act, and Scootaloo, her protégé.”

The girls were leading the pack past the mud pit. Surprisingly, Rarity and Sweetie Belle were in the lead, with Applejack, Apple Bloom, Dash, and Scootaloo all neck a neck.

The bookies moved back to behind the bleachers, but I could hear them talking franticly, “What do you think, Flim?”

“Well, Flam, if she doesn't come in first, second, or third, we can cover the bets and make tidy profit. If she does, we can only cover it if she's in third.”

“Not only that, but what if the Apples catch us? Did you see the size of the red one? What are we going to do?”

“Don't worry, brother of mine, our disguises are foolproof.”

I cheered as Dash and Scootaloo raced by in the lead. Then I stepped back behind the bleachers. “Well, gentlemen, you seem to have yourselves a bit of a pickle.” They looked up at me, surprised.

Flam put on a false carnival barker's voice and demeanour. “You've got it all wrong, friend. We're just discussing other business matters. But I like the cut of your jib, and I'll forgive you this time.”

I glance at the track. Dash, Scootaloo, Applejack, and Apple Bloom are ahead of the pack, jumping the hurdles. “Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo are in the lead. Looks like Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo are getting first or second place. Tell you what, I may need your entrepreneurial skills in the near future. Do you know what a retainer is?”

Flam answered cautiously, “It depends on what you want to retain us for.”

There was a roar from the crowd. I looked out. Dash and Scoots were the winners! “Oh, looks like my friend came in first place. Well, hear's the deal: I'll need some ponies with a flare for showmanship, and you two fit the bill—the name's Alex Roberts. You can ask anywhere in Ponyville. People know who I am and where I live. I'll make sure you earn more with good, honest work suited to your talents than you make running numbers or pulling scams. So, take the five thousand or pay me my thirty-five thousand, your choice.”

The brothers looked at each other and nodded, “You've got yourself a deal. The Flim-Flam brothers are in your employ.”

I steepled my fingers and smiled, “Excellent... come to my cottage in two days at 1 pm, sharp. We'll discuss details.”

I carried a self-satisfied smile all the way to the winner's circle. When I finally caught up with the girls, they were all talking excitedly, and it almost looked like Applejack and Dash were arguing. When they noticed me, they stopped talking abruptly. I couldn't hear them over the noise of the crowd, but it's none of my business anyway.

When I made my way to them, “Hey! Great job, Scootaloo and Rainbow Dash!” I gave Dash a quick hug, then saw Scootaloo's expression. Not sadness exactly, just resignation. I glanced at Dash, smiled, and called out, “Hey, we're missing the star of the race.” I gestured for her to come. She looked so surprised and happy. I think she was about to cry. “That's my girl! You did great. You both did.”

For a split second, I had a family again. My world was this pony and this filly, and I was happy. I wanted this. I wanted this so bad I could taste it, but I knew, deep down, that it wasn't mine to have. The moment passed.

Dash said quietly, “So, Alex, are you going to let go or what?”

“Sorry, I got swept up in the moment. So, who's up for a celebratory dinner?”

“As generous as that is, I must decline. My parents are here, and we were planning on having dinner with them,” Rarity gave me a little grin and shrugged.

“Alex, I'm pleased you asked, but we have, uh, commitments here. Sorry sugarcube.” Applejack seemed a little disappointed.

Dash's confident smirk was like a mask. I just couldn't read through it. “Looks like you're stuck with the winners, Alex.”

I smiled, “Well, that's just fine by me.”

16 - A day in the park

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In retrospect, booking half of the restaurant was a little excessive, so I let the maitre d' know it was just the three of us. He looked much less annoyed when I paid for the unused tables. We took a table out front on the patio. “Why hide inside? I want everyone to see what winners look like.”

I could see Scootaloo was so full of joy and bursting with pride at winning the race with her idol. I encouraged her to tell me everything about the race, and she happily complied, bouncing around the whole time. Dash just watched quietly with her confident smirk, enjoying the energy of her little sister for the day.

Scootaloo was talking excitedly, “It was awesome when we jumped the mud pit in one leap. Hey Rainbow Dash!?! And how about when we climbed the crates, and I was all, 'I can't make it', and you were all 'I believe in you kid, now jump!' and I jumped, and you caught my hoof, and we got over it! And then we gobbled down those pies in ten seconds flat! How cool was that?!? And then we got to that hen house, and we went all slow-motion ninja like they did in that play with all the special effects I saw in Canterlot, and we had the egg, nose to nose, and carried it out easy peasy! But the best part was when we were jumping the hurdles, and I did the same trick I do when I'm on my scooter to jump low branches!” She sat back, winded from the storytelling, “It was totally wicked!”

Dash threw out her best overconfident grin and ruffled Scootaloo's mane, “You're the coolest kid.”

Scootaloo got a bit of a surprised look on her face, “Oops, got to go to the can! Be right back.”

Dash followed Scootaloo with her eyes. Her expression softened when Scootaloo was out of sight, “She's a good kid you know. Tough as nails. She was taken away from abusive parents when she was three. That's why her wings are a little small. They half-starved her and kept her in a closet. I try to give her the big sister she never had.” She chuckled mirthlessly, “And the big sister I never was. And I'd appreciate it if you kept that to yourself. I haven't told anyone else, and it's not something they need to know.”

“Hey, mum's the word. But how did you find out?”

“Heh. I was doing some court-ordered volunteer work, and while I was waiting in Ms Sweetheart's office, I saw Scootaloo's file folder. I was curious and flipped through it.” Dash looked away for a moment, composing herself. “Alex, if I could get my hooves on those monsters...”

I put a comforting hand on Dash, “I hear you. I was a scout leader back in the day and saw some kids from bad situations. I know exactly what you mean.”

Dash wiped a tear away, and I saw something new in her face, a fierce, almost defiant loyalty, “I never want her to think I feel sorry for her because I don't. I want her to be strong and feel worthy of herself.”

I nodded and gave her a small smile. We looked at each other in silence, and then my brain caught up with what I heard. I snickered, “Court-ordered volunteer work? My dear friend Rainbow Dash is a master criminal?”

She rolled her eyes and gave me an annoyed smile, “I crashed into the Town Hall while practising. I couldn't afford to fix it, so I did some community service, a hundred hours in the Big Sister program. Are you happy now?”

I smiled, “That's actually very cool. As hard as it is to believe, my admiration for you has gone up.”

Dash blushed a little, “Really? I mean... naturally! Someone as cool as me only continues to amaze.”

“Oops, short stuff at twelve o'clock.”

Dash looked confused, “Short, what when?”

Scootaloo's exuberant voice cleared up any confusion, “Sorry about that, there was a lineup.”

“I was just about to say before you came back, your exciting tale of heroism and race-winning almost wiped me out.” In a bad French accent, “Now, what would the young lady like for her winner's feast?”

Scootaloo giggled and pondered for a moment, “Oat burger and hay fries, please!”

I looked at Dash, “Et madam?”

Dash snorted at my French but didn't even glance at the menu, “Steamed vegetable and daisy stir fry.”

The waiter was just arriving at our table. He asked, in an obviously fake french accent, what we wanted to order. I replied with my best Persian french, “La jeune femme, " I gestured to Scootaloo, "aimerait le hamberger d'avoine et des frite de foin, et pour la jolie demoiselle," I indicated Dash, "les légumes cuit à la vapeur sautés avec marguerite.” As a joke, I threw in, “Et pour moi, un bifteck, cuit à point.” Who knows, I might get lucky.

I could see the beads of sweat forming on his brow, and in a slightly less French accent, he replied, “Beg pardon?”

“I'm sorry, I assumed you spoke French. My bad.” I repeated our order except for the rare steak. I got the same thing as Dash. Much to their credit, the girls didn't start laughing until the waiter was out of earshot.

Scootaloo was just looking at me slack-jawed at first. I'm not sure if she was more shocked that I spoke French or that I had pulled a prank in such a public place. When the waiter was gone, she started tittering, then all out laughing.

Dash was slowly shaking her head, a look of pleasant surprise on her face. Between giggles, “Alex Roberts, that was a good one.”

I smiled, “Well, sometimes I just like to shake things up. Anyway, I was curious if the guy actually spoke French.” Why did I do such a juvenile prank? It's not like me. Now I feel bad about embarrassing the guy at work. But I feel so damn at ease around Dash. I guess it just seemed to be the natural thing to do.

Once we had finished the meal and were waiting for dessert, I readied myself to tell them what had been burning in my head, “Okay, Dash, and you too, Scootaloo, I figured out what I'll be putting my energies into.” I nervously wiped my mouth one last time with the napkin, and they both perked up. With a dramatic flare, “I, Alex Roberts, have decided to build... wait for it... a theatre! And not just any stage. I mean a theatre fit for Princesses. Plays for every taste, young and old, action, adventure, drama, comedy, everything! And not just plays, but all kinds of music, lectures, something for your mind and your soul.” Noting they were not excessively excited about my idea, “Think about it, maybe I can get a retired Wonderbolt to give a lecture on what it means to be a Wonderbolt, maybe a documentary on how to become a Wonderbolt.” That got their attention.

“I want to build something that will last a thousand years, Dash. Applejack gave me a hint of an idea, but...” I put my hand on her hoof. Dash looked down at my hand, then back up to my face, slightly confused, “Dash, it's you that really inspired me. I wanted to do something bold and brash that would bring joy to others, illuminate their minds, and make strong stallions cry and sad foals laugh. That... that's what I want to do. I want to do to them what you, my best friend, do to me.”

Dash was blushing, looking at me in surprise, “I do all that to you? Really?”

“Yes, really. When you take off, and that gust of wind hits my face, my heart jumps into my throat. When you're turning a lazy arc in the sky, your grace makes my heart ache. Before I met you, I'd never talked to anyone who could fly without an aeroplane, magic spells, superpowers, or some other cheat. Well, technically, I met Fluttershy first, but you're the first I really talked to. And your self-confidence is amazing, even if it does get you into trouble sometimes. You know who you are, you know what you want, and you know where you're going. Most days, I don't know if I'm going left or right.”

This touching moment between two friends was shattered by the awesome and perfect timing of one little filly known as Scootaloo, “Oh, that's soooo gross! Are you guys, like, dating or something?”

Dash started laughing, and I started sputtering, “Whoa, hey there Scootaloo.” She had been so quiet I had totally forgotten about her, “You see, sometimes grownups can say stuff like that without it being anything more than what it is.”

“You're so funny when you're flustered, Alex. No Scootaloo, we're just friends. It's just the way Alex talks. All emotions and passion and junk like that.” Dash turned her face to mine, a light smile, her expression otherwise unreadable, “But, that's what makes him cool.” Her smile became a little sultry, “But, I'll tell you what, if we do start dating, I'll get your permission first.”

“Eew! He's not even a pony. Why would you go out with him? I mean, he's cool and all, but you wouldn't go out with a diamond dog or a dragon?”

From the mouths of babes. I smiled, “Dash and I are just good friends. I assume that is an acceptable social pairing?”

Scootaloo looked confused, “A social what?”

Dash chimed in, “He means, is it ok if we're friends?”

Scootaloo grew thoughtful, scrunching her face as if she were doing a complex algebraic calculation. “Ya, I think that's okay.”

I threw my hands in the air, “Woohoo! Scootaloo approves!” This prompted a fit of laughter from Scootaloo, some chuckling from Dash, and some curious looks from other patrons. Maybe I shouldn't have used my 'Homer Simpson' voice

After dessert, while paying the bill, I apologized to the waiter and ensured there were no hard feelings. I also tipped him 100%, just to make sure. I even offered to give him French lessons, and he accepted. He told me he had taken French in school, but that was one semester in Canterlot, and there were few ponies who spoke it in Ponyville—years of not practising had left very little of it.

We all headed to the park so Scootaloo could burn off some of that energy and Dash and I could talk. “She's a heck of a little filly.”

Dash's voice was soft and thoughtful, “Ya, she is.”

We walked in silence, simply enjoying each other's company. I was happy in this fleeting time as a family. I was enjoying this so much. I didn't realize how much I had missed this. I gasped, suddenly overwhelmed by sadness and a sense of loss, and stumbled.

“Alex? What's wrong?”

“N... Nothing. It's just me being stupid. Don't worry about it.”

“Are you new around here? It's me, knucklehead.”

I snarled at her, “I said it's nothing.” I cursed myself for snapping, “Sorry, Dash. I was just... remembering something I lost a long time ago.”

“Don't worry about it, and that's not nothing.”

“It's fine, see? I mean, why wouldn't I be deliriously happy?” I pirouetted and flashed a smile, “I'm in paradise for heaven's sake.” I started counting off on my fingers, “I have friends, my own place, more bits than I know what to do with, and now I have something to fill the time until the next jump!” I started dancing and, in a sing-song voice, “Happy! Happy! Happy! Happy! Happy! Happy!”

Dash didn't look very convinced, “You sure?”

I continued walking. I smiled, maybe a little too much, “Dash, I have more than I could reasonably ask for. This is as good as it gets, so I'm calling this happiness.”

She snorted in irritation, “Okay. When you decide to stop lying to me, I'll be here.”

There's no point in keeping things focused on me; it's time to redirect. “Speaking of butt heads hiding things... tell me about your dad.”

Dash stopped. “You really know how to make a segue, don't you?”

“Well, you know me. Sneaky, underhanded, all that stuff. Tell you what, if I tell you what was going on in my head, you'll tell me about your dad. Deal?”

Dash looked at me for a long moment, anger and irritation evident, but she rolled her eyes and sighed, “Deal.”

I pursed my lips and sighed, “It was just me being stupid. I haven't had a family moment like this in a very long time. You know, mom, dad, little one in the park. It felt nice, really nice. And a moment after I had that feeling, it all collapsed when I remembered you're not my wife, Scootaloo is not my daughter, and I'm nothing important to you guys, just a friend. And that led to me remembering what I lost all those years ago, which led to getting bucked in the heart, which led to the gasp and stumble. Et voilà! Now you know my sad, sad story. You know, the usual boring, whiny one. It was the one I usually keep under tight control, but it got away from me today. Sorry about that.”

“For what it's worth, Alex, you are a lot more important to me than some casual friend, and I think you would make a great dad, pony or not.” Dash walked silently for a few moments more, “Alright, my end of the bargain. So, my dad. Well, first off, I want to say I love him very much, and I know he loves me in his own way. He wasn't one of those lovey-dovey dads who praised you for every little thing. He was always helping me get better at flying. All the training he gave me was to get faster and stronger. Speed, skill, and winning were all that mattered, and he reminded me of that every day. He was always pushing me to try new tricks. He taught me how important the Wonderbolts are. He told me you have it made if you can make it to the Wonderbolts.”

“We saw them whenever they were in Cloudsdale.” Dash privately relived old, happy memories, and then her face went neutral, “He almost made it into the Wonderbolts, you know. He was in the finalist group of five. They picked three, but not him. He said it was his second biggest disappointment.” I saw her face harden. “He never told me what it was, but I knew. You see, my mom couldn't bare any more foals after me, and I knew he wanted a colt. Well, I knew for sure after he got salted that one night. He could never have the colt he always wanted and was stuck with the little mare.”

I carefully put my hand on her shoulder, “I don't care if you slug me, Dash. I need to have my say. I know your dad loves you; he would have been a monster not to, but if you're his greatest disappointment, then he was blind to the wonderful daughter he had. And the truth is, you're so far beyond awesome I can't even think of a word to describe you. Maybe super-ultra-extreme-awesomazing?" Dash chuckled. "No, not cool enough. Anyway, if your dad couldn't see that, he's missing out on something amazing. No, not amazing. He was missing out on something even better. He was missing out on you.” I gave her shoulder a little squeeze and got up. I smiled wearily, “Come on, I don't see Scootaloo or hear emergency vehicles yet. Let's go find her.” As I started off to look for Scootaloo, I realized Dash had not moved.

She was still sitting, with a little half smile and that unreadable expression. Her lips moved a little, and then she spoke. “But, you're still a big loudmouth, you know that, right?”

I unshouldered my carryall and knocked on the library door, “Sir Spike! It is I, your arch-enemy.”

“One sec!” The door opened after a few moments with a smiling Spike and a new, more refined nose filter. “Hey, Alex. What's up?”

“I need to talk to Twilight, Spike. Also, I wouldn't mind if you were there too. I think I know what I want to do with my time here, and I'll need help. Also, I'm hoping to get Twilight's approval. Her blessing, if you will.”

“Huh, what are you doing, breeding dragons? Because, if you're doing that, I think it would be cool to be the elder statesman, you know, show them what to do and all that.”

I winced, imagining a pen of living flamethrowers all hating my guts, “No, nothing like that, but I'll keep it in mind as a backup plan.”

I see Twilight coming down the stairs to the main room. “Hi, Alex. What brings you here?”

“Ulterior motives and sneakiness,” Twilight gave a little laugh. “Well, not exactly. I think I've come up with an idea of what I'll be doing from here on out.”

Twilight gave me one of her genuine ear-to-ear smiles, “That's great news! I'm so happy you found a direction for yourself.”

“Me too, Twilight, me too.” I stared off into space for a second.

“So? Don't keep me in suspense!”

“Oh, right! Heh. Yo, Spike! I need your expert opinion!” Twilight looked at me with a confused expression. “So, what is Alex going to do with his life? The short answer is I'm building a theatre.”

Spike exclaimed, “Cool! This place needs a better place to see plays! Twilight, you remember when we lived in Canterlot we used to go to one or two plays every week. I mean, the Town Hall is okay, but there's maybe, what, one play a month? And half the time, it's just some talent competition or amateur production with only a few cheesy special effects. Plus, it's a little run down and...”

I interrupted, “So Spike, what you're saying is that you think it's a good idea. Good. How about you, Twilight? I value your opinion.”

Twilight grew thoughtful. She levitated a pencil and slowly tapped it on her lips. Then, she spoke slowly and nodded her head, “I think it would be a great addition to Ponyville. The educational possibilities alone would prove to be a great boon to this town.”

“Great! I'm glad you brought up education. What would you say about creating a musical series about various scientific and magical truths? I actually have a human example of what I have in mind. There was a series of musical compositions called the Symphony of Science.” I pulled out my laptop, went to YouTube, and started playing a few of the titles. I had listened to them before, and they still caused a catch in my throat even after all these years.

After listening to a few, Twilight said, in a dreamy voice, “'Not a sunrise, but a galaxy rise', you humans sure are ambitious.”

I smiled, “Twilight, I'm tired of stagnating. I want to grow.”

17 - My cunning plan

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I had visited all the girls and had invited them to come over that evening. I wanted to tell the last four and do it as a group. I also wanted opinions, ideas, and objections.

I had a snack table laid out, along with a Gummy-free punch. I moved the couch to the side and placed pillows so we could all sit in a circle. Dash was the first to arrive. She had been really busy with work, so had been unable to see me yesterday.

“Alex! How's the planning going? I saw you going around town today. You looked busy.”

“Dash, I was busier than Fluttershy at baby bunny counting time. But I think I have my first set of ducks in a row. I've even hired some employees to find a key employee.”

She looked a little surprised, “Really? Fast mover. So who is it? Someone I know?”

I smiled and looked at the ceiling, “You could say that. I'm just going to, ah, juice this...” I took a sip of coffee.

“Ugh, you know I hate riddles...” Then realization crept across her face, “No... way... Applejack's going to flip!”

“No, I don't think so. They won fair and square, remember? They just had stuff that tasted like urine. Well, maybe not that tasty,” I chuckled.

“I heard it was so gross some pony had to lick up some cider-flavoured dirt to get the taste out of their mouth.”

“Yikes. Well, don't worry, I'm not letting those two anywhere near the concession stand. I'll tell you what I have in mind for those two when everyone else gets here.”

Dash tapped me on the thigh, “Okay, fine, Mr Showmanship, I'll wait for the others.” We sat on the pillows, “You know, Alex, I think you can do this, and I know the others will believe in you too.” She smirked, then looked up at me. “You know when I was walking Scoots home yesterday, she said it was a good idea, too. Just thought you would like to know.”

“Thanks, Dash. That means a lot. Scootaloo seems to be the kind of filly to call it as she sees it.” I looked at her flank, her cutie mark. I had kind of looked at it in a general way, but never closely. It amazed me how vibrant the colours were and how perfect the lines were. “At the risk of sounding creepy, you have a stunning cutie mark. Strong and bold, just like you.”

Dashes voice was quiet, her demeanour almost coquettish, “Careful cowcolt, you're straying into more than friend territory.”

I turned my head and squeezed the bridge of my nose, “Sorry Dash. Just admiring. I never really looked at a cutie mark, I mean really looked closely, and I find it incredible.” I sighed, “I committed a social faux pax, didn't I? I guess I should have asked first.” I chuckled self-consciously, “It's like staring at a human mare's chest, you know, her goodies.”

Dash giggled, “No you goof. It's nothing intimate. It's just, I never had anyone comment on it like that before. Here,” she took my hand in her hoof, those telekinetic 'fingers' holding it, and placed it on her flank. “See, nothing weird.”

Her coat is uniformly warm, but each colour has a slightly different texture. “That is so cool. Thank you.” I kept slowly moving my fingertips, feeling the changes between the colours, feeling how perfectly smooth the lines were. Each tiny change in the texture tells its own story.

Dash continued, “No problem, you're, what was that term Rarity used? A stranger in a strange land? You don't know this stuff. No shame in learning.” She smiled, watching my fingertips tracing the outline of the cloud.

To me, this feels very intimate. Not in a sexual way, but something shared by two friends, one learning from the other. I'm very thankful that she's letting me touch her like this as my fingers glided over the lightning bolt. I want to tell her she is the most beautiful mare in Equestria, that I love her, that I want to hold her, and that my isolation within this universe ends with her. But I can't. I can't make myself go that extra step beyond friendship. It's not something I'm willing to disrupt her life with. She's my friend, my best friend, and that will have to be enough.

At that moment, there was a knock at the door. I feel like a teenager about to be caught in something forbidden, my hand in the cookie jar, as it were. I jerked my hand away from her, embarrassed, “Um, I'd better get that.”

Dash blushed and seemed to be snapped back from a faraway place herself, “Ya. You do that.”

It was Rarity leading the rest. With a mischievous smile, “Oh, I am so sorry, darling. Am I interrupting something? You seem flustered.”

“No, no, no! We were just talking about cutie marks.” I flashed my smile, “Ladies, please come in! Come sit down in the other room. I have pillows laid out, and help yourselves to some drinks and snacks.”

As Applejack walked past me, she had a worried expression, “What's this all about, Alex? If it's bad news you, we've got yer back.”

“All in good time, Applejack. All in good time.”

Once all the ladies were gathered and comfy, I stood in front of them, smiled and looked at them, each in turn. Dash was sprawled on the pillow, relaxed and confident, enjoying a bowl of popcorn. Twilight had her sincere grin, knowing she knew what the good news was. Applejack looked worried, always expecting the worst with me, I guess. Pinkie Pie was enjoying some lovely rainbow cupcakes, seemingly oblivious, but I knew she was analyzing, sorting, and organizing all this data in her head. Fluttershy and Rarity were quietly sipping tea, waiting for things to develop. Spike was sitting between Twilight and Rarity with a little bowl of gemstones, happy to be between his surrogate mother and the love of his life.

My eyes lingered on Dash a little longer than the rest as I admired her confident grin. I wonder if anyone noticed? I don't care. It's not like I'm leering at her.

I started suddenly in a loud and nasally voice, causing Fluttershy to 'eep', “Ladies and gentle-dragon, I'm here to reveal who the master criminal is!” I reverted to my normal voice, “Oh, wait, wrong speech.” I was rewarded with groans, titters, and a pelting of popcorn. I chuckled and continued, “I have actually called you here to ask you...” I thought for a moment, “For your blessings in my future undertakings. I've already asked some of you in private, and there seems to be support for my idea...”

Applejack frustratedly called out, “For Celestia's sake, will you please get on with it!”

I held my hands out in a grand gesture, “Heh, right! In a nutshell, I'm building a theatre. To be specific, I want to rebuild and expand the town hall into a full theatre. I want a theatre that will become a focal point of the Equestrian Entertainment Arts. A place that will cater to the elite and the common pony alike. Not only pure entertainment but educational plays and music.” I smiled at each of my friends in turn. I have to say their reactions were mixed.

Dash, Twilight, and Spike just smiled and nodded sagely. I knew they liked the idea and supported my decision.

Pinkie Pie, with frosting on her nose, started hopping excitedly, “Oh my goodness! That's super-duper-luper fun neato! Will you have clowns? And parties? And party clowns? And clown parties? And cherry chungas? And party rooms? And treats? And...”

I hated doing it, but I knew if I didn't interrupt her, she would keep going for another hour, “You bet, Pinkie! In fact, I want you to be the official party planner. I know you can plan anything from a kid's party to a wedding reception, to... to... well, every kind of party!”

Rarity smiled dreamily, “Oh, the art and culture of Canterlot in our humble little town. This is simply a delightful idea!”

I turned and answered, “I hope so. I'm glad you see the potential of this type of facility. I don't just want to entertain, I want to uplift and educate too. A rock band one night and a concert by,” I snap my fingers, “that pony who plays the cello the next night.”

Fluttershy was not as enthused, “I'm very happy for you, Alex. But, the thought of a theatre reminds me too much of my modelling career. I can't see myself going in any case.”

“I understand, Fluttershy. As my first friend here, your thoughts are very important to me. I may have some ideas to change your mind, but I never want to put you in an uncomfortable position.”

I cleared my throat, “Applejack, you've been really quiet. What's on your mind?”

“Well, sugarcube, to tell the truth, I'm not so sure it's a good idea. I mean, being an entertainer? You're funny an all and can tell a story, but I don't know if it's enough to fill a theatre week after week. Besides, wouldn't it be better to run some kind of business that involves technology? I mean, you're always mouthing off about how that you people are so good at it, why not do that? I'd be like an Apple not apple farming, or a unicorn not using their magic.”

I stared at Applejack for a few heartbeats. “That's a good point, Applejack. That is a very good point, and I have thought about that. In fact, until you gave me the idea, that was exactly what I was going to do. A mighty technology company, building mighty computers. But, the more I thought about it, the more I realized I didn't really know how to build a computer or any higher technology that would be a game changer.”

I turned to Twilight, “Correct me if I'm wrong, Twilight, but hypothetically, if you were suddenly dumped into a non-magical environment, like where I come from, your ability to cast spells, heck, even your ability to do ordinary telekinesis, make your horn glow, even that basic little stickiness trick all ponies can naturally do under your hooves, would be impossible.”

Twilight sat a little more primly, “Although my starswearl glands could normally store five or six blaaneras of magical energy, it would be quickly depleted just keeping me healthy. In fact, I'm fairly sure it would be impossible even for a fit earth pony like Applejack to stay healthy in the long term.”

Applejack looked at me suspiciously, “So what does that have to do with the price of hay?”

I dropped to one knee and looked Applejack square in the eye, “Everything. My magic, if you will, requires a heavily industrialized society. I don't see a lot of integrated circuit manufacturing plants around here. Heck, as far as I can tell, you don't even have vacuum tubes. I can't do much beyond what any other pony could do. My hands don't even give me much of an edge, really. Before I could start producing anything, it would take twenty or thirty years to build the tools to build the tools to build the tools I need to get started.”

I put one hand on Applejack's shoulder. Her eyes flicked to my arm, and an unpleasant expression dawned on her face, “Applejack, I really do value your opinion. You are a brilliant business mare, and under your control, Sweet Apple Acres has prospered. You understand this world far better than I do. I have no reason not to scrap my plans based on your advice. If you say the word, I'll come up with something else.” I took my hand off her and went on both knees. I looked her straight in the eye, waiting for an answer. Everyone was looking at her with bated breath.

The expression of irritation grew on Applejack's face. “I think it's a damn fool idea and a waste of bits, but you're an adult, and I can't tell you what to do. I refuse to take on the responsibility of deciding for you. If you think it's a good idea and they do too, I won't stand in your way. But I don't have any interest in taking part. I hope you succeed Alex, I really do, but I just can't see how you will.”

Rarity seemed to lose her patience, “Applejack! What a rude thing to say to Alex. This is his dream, what he wants to perfect over a lifetime, surely you...”

I raised my hands, “Rarity, I wanted Applejack's honest opinion, just like the rest of you. I asked you all here because I assume you respect me enough to tell me your honest opinion, not what you think I want to hear.” I looked around and saw only loving, supporting friends. I sat back, “Well, that was an honest opinion, Applejack. I want to thank you from the bottom of my heart. I also thank you for... well... not approving exactly, then not stopping me from trying. I want you to know that.”

A slow smile crept on Applejack's face, “I still think you're a crazy fool for doing it.”

“A little madness goes a long way. Now, I already hired some agents to find a specific entertainer for me.” I braced myself, reasonably sure this would not go over well. “The Flim-Flam brothers are going to be my talent scouts, and the first person I want them to find is Trixie.” I winced, waiting for the onslaught of... no reaction whatsoever? “Wait, you mean you have no issues with me hiring the Flim Flam brothers and trying to hire Trixie?”

Dash spoke first, looking at me, eyes half closed, a strange smile on her face, “As much as those two jerks and the loudmouth bug me, if you believe in them, then I do too.” Her face quickly went back to her trademark confident smirk.

I could see the other girls sort of looking at each other, passing perplexed glances around. This didn't seem like a Rainbow Dash response at all.

Applejack spoke next, “Well, the Flim Flam brothers didn't cheat. They carried through the contest fair and square, and in the end, they lost because they made an inferior product.”

Twilight added, “As far as Trixie goes, I think we misunderstood her. Yes, she was arrogant but, in retrospect, I think some of us flew off the handle at her. And the whole Ursa Minor mess, it wouldn't have happened if it wasn't for those two, over enthusiastic fans. For all we know, picking fights and boasting was just part of her act, and I suspect it was. She was used to outdoing the local hotheads.”

Rarity, with her trademark generosity, “My dear, when I got over the shock, it was all quite funny, my hair, I mean. It was an illusion that was gone within the hour. I may be a little bit of a drama queen at times. In fact, I would find such a spell useful for the work I do. Short-lived, but still useful.”

Twilight chipped in, “And even though I could teach Rarity illusion spells all day, I'll admit that Trixie has truly mastered that kind of spell. She is far more skilled in that respect.” Her expression became a little sad, “She ran off so fast we never had the opportunity to help her out before she left. I'm not proud that I never looked for her after the dust settled. Normally, insurance doesn't cover that sort of loss, but I'm sure if I had asked Princess Celestia, something could have been arranged. I even kept her hat and cape, just in case I meet her again one day."

I looked around, surprised at their reactions, “Heh. Just when I had you ponies figured out...”

Today is a fabulous day. I woke up early, ready to face it. I had a plan, and I had a direction. For the first time in I don't know how many years, I felt I could achieve something.

I needed to go to the bank for bits. I was running low at home. Heh, home. That word still makes me giddy.

But first, I was stopping to see my good friend Applejack. I stopped and got us two coffees, mine black and hers with milk.

Once I got to her stand, I made myself comfortable. We chatted about the price of apples, hay futures, and possibly planting a few fields of oats.

I was craning my neck, looking at Applejack's cutie mark. I saw a perturbed expression on her face. “What do you think you're doing?”

“Taking a good long look at your cutie mark.”

“Beg pardon?”

“Sure, getting a closer look at your cutie mark. Last night, before you guys got to my place, I was checking out Dash's cutie mark. I was fascinated by how each colour had a different texture and could feel them with my fingertips, but I'm sure I could also see it if I looked close enough.”

“Wait, you're saying Dash let you touch her cutie mark? As in your hands in contact with her flank?”

“What? I asked Dash, and she told me it wasn't intimate or anything...” I blinked a few times, then put my face in my hands, “Oh my goodness. It is a private place, isn't it?”

Applejack gave that low chuckle, “You bet it is, sugarcube. You touch me there, and I'll buck you to next Tuesday. I think Dash was playing a prank on you. But, I've got to say, that's kind of... adult, even by her standards.”

I snickered, “Still, you do have a fine cutie mark.”

Applejack smiled, “Why thank you, Mr Romeo. You do know how to sweep a girl off her hooves.”

I chuckled, “You bet Pony Ann. If I were going to hit on any pony, it would be you.” I waited while Applejack sold some apples. “Do you know why I call you Pony Ann?”

“You already told me it's because I remind you of your Ann.”

I leaned on the apple cart, not daring to make eye contact with Applejack. “That's only half of it. If I put your mind in a human body, kept those wonderful green eyes, and changed your accent, you would be Ann. Heck, you even take your coffee like she does. If I closed my eyes and listened to you speak, I would swear it was Ann talking. Not just the sound of your voice but your attitude, thoughts, way of thinking, values, everything. I suppose that's why I'm here every day. Talking to you is like talking to Ann. The only thing missing is having Lily run up to me in one of her ballistic hugs or Dan's little bear hugs.”

With a burst of anger I barely kept under wraps, “I wish Dash hadn't pulled that little stunt of hers. All it does is remind me how alien I am to this place. Well, I hope she had a damn good laugh.”

“Hey, there, sugarcube. I'm sure Dash was only funning.”

I took a few breaths to calm myself, “You know what, Applejack? It sucks being the only one of your species, and having that slammed into my face is not appreciated.” I turned my head away completely from Applejack. I didn't want her to see my face. “Sixty goddamn years is a damn long time.” I breathed slowly and deliberately. I couldn't speak for a full minute.

I wiped my eyes, then turned to her with a sad smile, “Well, I may be alone, but at least I've got friends.”

18 - A hard working stallion

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I was wandering back home, still a little upset from the prank. Lucky for me, I had a very understanding friend. Had I done that with a stranger, I suspect the result would have been... unpleasant. I had to calm down before I met with the Flim Flam brothers, clear mind and all that for the meeting.

I'm sure Dash meant it as a joke, and I'll have to take it like that. She couldn't know how much it would bother me, and I knew she wouldn't have hurt me on purpose, would she? You know what, I'll send her a message and invite her for dinner. We'll have a chat and sort it out. Anyway, I've never had dinner with just Dash before. I'm sure it was just a prank, and we'll have a good laugh. That's all it was, just a prank.

I walk into the front door of the little building known as the Ponyville Post Office. Behind the counter is Derpy, sorting mail for the day. I felt uncomfortable addressing her by her name, even though there were no negative connotations with her name here. “Miss Derpy? Is it possible to send a note to a pegasus who is, say, in the weather patrol and working today?”

“No problem. We do that all the time!” I happily handed her the note, paid my bits, and continued home with a clear mind.

I had coffee, tea, and a few baked goods ready for our meeting—no point in not being a good host. I sat quietly, waiting for them to show up, reviewing my notes. The time passed: 1:00, 1:10, 1:20. It would be annoying if they just took off with my cash. Five grand is still five grand.

I could hear some crunching on the gravel, and if I strained my hearing a bit, I could hear the Flim Flam brothers whispering to each other.

“Are you sure this is the place Flim?”

“As sure as I can be, Flam. Not very swanky for a pony with bits.”

There was a knock on the door, and I called out, “Come on in, gentlecolts, join me in the kitchen.”

They sat nervously on the other side of the table. I made it a point to not say a word and counted to three in my head, then looked at the clock. “One twenty-three. It is an inauspicious beginning to our business relationship. Still... tea, coffee, baked goods? Help yourselves.”

“Now, you must be wondering why, in the wide, wide world of Equestria, I would hire you. Well, you're not thieves or crooks, but you seem to have a real talent for being resourceful, and I can respect that. I'm going to assume you know your way around this world. You know people, places, and things. Would that be fair to say?” They nodded in unison. “In the short term, you have one task. I need you to help me find a performer who may have fallen on hard times. Her stage name was The Great and Powerful Trixie. I don't know if that is her real name or not. Just get me the information as to her location and real name. I want to contact her myself.”

“In the long term, you will be my roaming agents, looking for talent all over Equestria. Why do I need this? Simple, I am building a theatre and need entertainers of all kinds.” The brothers looked at each other and seemed relieved and interested.

“So, if this sounds like rewarding work, and you wish to join me in this enterprise, we will figure out the details of your compensation later. If you're not interested, keep the five thousand as a gift, and we will part company with no hard feelings. Do you need time to discuss this?”

“As we said before, Mr Alex Roberts, the Flim Flam brothers are in your employ.”

“Outstanding. Oh, and call me Alex. Now, I'm just curious: where did you get that cider-making machine? Did you guys build it?”

Flam leaned back with a confident grin, “Well, Alex, we were in Fillydelphia, running num... er, providing a valuable wagering service to the community. One fella bet his mobile cider-making equipment and lost. Flim and I decided to try our hand at honest work, but old habits are hard to break. So, when we saw what was going on at the Apple farm, we thought we could beat them at their own game. You know the Apple family?”

I sat back, arms behind my head, leaning back on my chair slightly, “Oh yes, very good friends of mine. Applejack, that's the pretty mare with the hat, told me there were no hard feelings. I made sure she was okay with me hiring you guys. She's a good judge of character, and I trust her. That's why you're at my table.”

I was making supper when Dash came in. My heart still skips a beat when I see her, she's so damn graceful. I didn't care what she did; seeing her right in front of me was always breathtaking. Oddly, she had a scrunchy in her hair and maybe it was my imagination, but her mane and tail seemed a little more straight and tidy than usual. Once she came close, I detected a scent surrounding her—a nice one.

I smiled and teased her a bit, “Miss Rainbow Dash! Do I detect the scent of lilacs? Because if I do, I must say it is most pleasing. So Dash, who's the lucky stallion?”

Dash finished drinking one of the salted sarsaparilla shooters I had prepared. She smiled, blushed a little and gently hit me on the shoulder, “I just wanted to show you I clean up good,” she laughed.

We soon settled down to the nice dinner and talked about our day. I told her about the meeting with the Flim Flam brothers and how pleased I was with the results. Dash was complaining about one of the weather ponies, Ditzy Doo. It seemed she was always making the same mistakes. It was telling when she mused, “I almost wish Derpy Hooves was on the weather team again. She may have random accidents, but at least they're always different accidents.”

By now, I wasn't upset about the perceived prank, but I did want to get her back. Juvenile? Maybe, but what's good for the gander is good for the rainbow goose. Anyway, Dash loves a good prank.

My tone was jovial with a genuine smile because this part was true, “Hey Dash, I want to thank you again for letting me examine your cutie mark. I really think we're closer for it. Honestly, I've been thinking about it all day.”

She had a little smile and a hint of blush, “Oh? That's great. I was hoping you would.”

Focusing on my dinner, I continued, “Yes, it was a fantastic piece of advice. I dropped by Twilight's this morning, and I asked if I could check out her cutie mark.” I glanced at Dash, and she had a growing shocked expression, “It's so complex, I just had to touch it. You know the weird part? She sent Spike out to run errands and locked the doors. Then she turned the lights down low. Well, that was annoying because I wanted to get a closer look at the little stars on the outside of the big ones. Anyway, Twilight fixed that by lighting some candles all around us.”

By now, her expression was complete jaw-dropping disbelief. “And then, get this, Twilight asks to touch my cutie mark.” With exaggerated frustration, “Well, I had to explain to her, again, that I don't have one, and she said, and I quote, 'Oh, a blank flank, how exotic'. I mean, if I didn't know better, I would say she was coming on to me. But why would she do that?” I did my best to keep an expression of beatific innocence. Dash looked at me, unable to speak.

In the silence, I found it impossible to suppress my smile, and then I snorted, “Okay, Dash, okay. I never went to see Twilight. I did see Applejack, and she filled me in on your prank. I have to admit, it was a good one.” I turned to face her.

She looked confused, “What prank?” I cocked an eyebrow at her while I played with the food on my plate. Her expression became one of confusion and worry, “No, seriously, what prank.”

“The one where I'm thinking that checking out a mare's cutie mark wasn't intimate. Thank goodness the first flank I checked out was Applejack's. She cut me some slack. Any other mare would have bucked me into next Tuesday.” I pinched the bridge of my nose, “I'm usually okay with anything you throw at me, but this one hurt Dash. It just reminded me how alien I am around here. I know you just meant it as a joke, and I know you would never hurt me. Damn it, you're my best friend after all.” I opened my eyes and was taken aback by her look of hurt and anger.

“Okay, fine. What I said wasn't exactly true. What I should have said is it's okay for a special friend to do that.” She snapped, “I'm sorry if you're my special friend.” Does she think of me as her special friend? I sit in disbelief, mouth gaping.

Dash's expression softened. She used her hoof to close my mouth gently. “I'm sorry I hurt you, Alex, but I'm no good at all this emotional stuff. I'm a mare of action, not talking and feelings and stuff.”

“I can honestly say I have never had a beautiful female of any kind come after me. Not even Ann, truth be known.” Dash seemed to relax. I examined the remains of dinner on my plate for a moment. “Let's sit on the couch and talk, okay?” I sat and waited for her to join me. She sat beside me, closer than she usually would.

We sat in silence for a full minute. I examined my socked feet. My thoughts were confused and conflicted. This sort of thing had never happened before. Dash finally broke the silence, “You know I watched you working on Applejack's farm the whole afternoon and most of the night. You put so much effort and care into it and had nothing to gain. Heck, it might have been faster if Apple Bloom had done it. That was when you became my hard-working stallion.” I turned my head and found myself the recipient of a kiss. And then I remembered the note, just before the Sisterhood Social. I can't say I fought the kiss too hard. I tasted salt and sarsaparilla, and I have to admit it was nice. She broke the kiss to get a breath. Her expression changed to one of embarrassment, her cheeks glowing red.

I stammered for a few seconds. “Wow. Um, didn't see that coming.” I smiled, but my brain was peddling like mad like the serene duck on a calm glass pond. “Dash, this is crazy. I'm not even a pony." How on Earth can she be attracted to me if I'm not even the same species?

“Alex, I was special friends with Gilda. The outside doesn't mean anything to me. I know you. I know what you're like. And I've fallen for you, Alex. I want to be part of your life. I want to make a life with you.”

“Dash...” I sighed. How can I shoot her down but keep her as a friend? I was glad she did this in private, with no public humiliation. “Dash, if I were a pony, I would be all over you. I... I... damn, that's not what I meant to say. I don't know what to say.“ I couldn't look at those perfect eyes without faltering.

Rainbow Dash pulled away, anger crossing her face. “So, what?” she sniffed, “I'm not good enough? I'm not pretty enough? Is that it? Do you want me to paint myself up like Rarity? I'll do it!” Her eyes were getting moist. “Is it Ann? Is that what's bothering you? We had a good long talk the last time you left your laptop at Twilight's. She said she would be happy if I were with you.” She wiped her eyes, “She told you to make a life, Alex! Why not make that life with me?”

I went to touch her face, to comfort her. She swatted my arm away, almost dislocating it at the shoulder. I cried out. I was happy she didn't break anything, but there was going to be one hell of a strain.

Her hooves were at her mouth, a pained, frightened look in her eyes. “Oh Alex, did... did I hurt you?”

I chuckled, rubbing my shoulder, “Hell hath no fury like a mare scorned. I'm okay. Just a ding, I'll be fine,” I lied. “Anyway, I earned that.” I dropped my head, closed my eyes and sighed. “I would love to be with you. The last time I talked to Ann, she even hinted as much, now that I think about it. But... but, what about the community? I mean, Ponyville has more or less accepted me. There are still ponies who would dance in the streets if I left tomorrow. And I'm sure a few would dance if a dragon ate me. I...”

Her cheeks were streaked, her voice breaking, “I don't care, Alex. I don't care about any of that stuff!”

I continued, wanting to say my peace. “And if we do make a life together, what about kids, huh? Unless some unicorn has some insane kick-ass magic, it won't happen. And if it does happen, what will they be? Pony, human, something in between?” I was pleading, begging, trying to dissuade her. I didn't want to saddle her with the likes of me.

She was angry, “We don't need to have foals. We... we can adopt.”

I continued quietly. “And what about your dream? What would the Wonderbolts say, huh? No matter how talented you are, no matter how good you are, if you have a human for a coltfriend or husband... it's just... being anything other than a friend would doom you to a life of being an outsider.” I felt my vision obscured by tears welling up from the joy at Dash feeling like this, at rage that I can't have her, in sorrow that I can't think of a solution, for despair for Dash's sake, and in terror, I may lose my closest friend.

Her voice spent, she whispered, pleaded. “I don't care about the Wonderbolts. As long as I have you.”

I leaned over and hugged her. I whispered in her ear, “It would be so unfair to you. You would give up so much. I don't belong here. You know that I'm already damned. I just can't hurt you like that. I do love you, and that's why we can only be friends.” I paused a moment, letting the lump in my throat relax a little. I managed a hoarse whisper. “Please don't hate me.”

She broke the hug and held me at arm's length. She leaned forward and gave me a kiss on the cheek. “I could never hate you. Never. You're my friend first and anything else second. I understand you must be... conflicted... give me a chance. Think about it.”

“Okay. I'll need some time to really think this through.” My gaze lingered on her eyes, those beautiful, confident eyes. “Tell you what, next week we'll meet for dinner again, but we'll meet at the cafe we had lunch at before my accident. No matter what happens, no harm, no foul, ok?”

I snorted, smiled, and started to laugh. “One more argument. I don't think I could compete in the, you know, bedroom department. There's an expression back home, 'hung like a horse'. Let's just say I was never accused of that.”

Dash began to laugh. “You goof!” and she taped me in the sore arm. Ouch! But I would not tell her that.

The trademark confident smirk of Rainbow Dash came back, and it slowly changed to a sultry smile. “Here, let me give you a little something else to think about...”.

19 - My heart on the moon

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(7 days to meeting with Rainbow Dash)

I sit and watch the embers die in the fireplace, thinking about the past, and a possible future. I asked myself some uncomfortable questions. “Do I actually love Dash, or am I just confusing it with a strong feeling of friendship? Have I been just denying it to myself because... why? Because I don't want to hurt her? Because I feel guilty? I still love Ann, don't I? I made a sacred vow all those years ago, and even if she released me from that, I still haven't released myself.”

My thoughts are harsh, almost brutal, “Anyway, what possible life could we have together, Rainbow Dash the Wonderbolt and her freak husband. What kind of life is that? What happens when Dash wakes up one morning and really sees the creature she’s married to? How long will it take for her to have second thoughts? Months? Years? When that day comes, will I be strong enough? Will it have been worth the suffering we’ll both experience?”

After the last cinder crumbled, I crawled upstairs into bed. It was a quiet, cool night. Laying there, examining the ceiling I was looking for answers. Unable to sleep I stepped out onto the balcony, leaning over the railing. Dash's home was always easy to spot, resting in the distance, the only blemish in a perfect sky. “Scratch that”, I mused out loud. It was a lovely mark in the sky, enhancing its perfection.

For one of the few times in my life and the second time in this perfect world, I felt the need to call upon a higher power for guidance. The moon’s silver glow reminded me of the goddess whom I had called on before. With a heavy heart, I composed my letter to Luna.

Dear Princess Luna,
Once again I look at your beautiful starry sky with no idea what to do. Rainbow Dash told me that she has feelings for me beyond friendship and I don't know how to respond. I think I have those feelings as well, but I fear returning them. I don't want to hurt her and I want her to be happy. I will speak to my friends this week and maybe through them you can give me guidance.
I thank you for listening to my problems.
Your subject,
Alex Roberts

(6 days to meeting with Rainbow Dash)

The Carousel Boutique is the famous home of Rarity and a good friend. I walked in and waited while Rarity helped a customer. To my surprise, I saw a familiar character, the mailmare, being fitted for one of Rarity's finest saddles. If I didn’t miss my guess, she was wearing a wedding dress. Admiring Rarity at work, I turned away when the grey mare hugged her and started thanking her. If I had understood correctly, the reason Derpy was so excited was that had to be because Rarity had given her the dress. Once we were alone I smirked, “That was awfully nice of you. The last time I saw a price tag on that one it was, what, two thousand bits? Can’t see a mailmare buying that on her salary.”

She made an exaggerated sigh, “Darling, even a philistine like you can see how perfectly the silver cloth accentuates her coat, and the gold accents match her eyes exquisitely. It would be scandalous for her not to wear that dress. One more fitting and the dress will be perfect for her.” A dreamy smile crossed her face while she watched the mailmare happily return to the post office. Rarity mused, “She will make a beautiful bride.” She looked at me and concern grew on her face, “Alex, I may not be able to read you like Applejack or Rainbow Dash do, but even I can tell something is troubling you.”

Running my hand through my hair I took a deep breath and then looked at her sheepishly, “I'm just an open book I guess. I don't even know how to ask this, but I just don't understand the nuances of pony society and I need your insights.”

“Whatever do you mean?”

“Okay. I've recently found out that a mare has...” My hands were waving vaguely, “those kinds of feelings. And I don't know how to react. I mean, I'm a man, I'm not even a pony. What could I possibly offer? I mean, Dash is,” I stopped, hitting myself in the leg. “Damn it. Sorry, Dash. Look, long story short, I like Dash a lot, but,” thinking about how to put my feelings into words I took a small pause. “I don't know what to do. I don't want to screw up her life just for me.” I started thinking, “On the other hand, it would be nice to have a family.” My eyes were avoiding Rarity’s gaze and I caught myself in one of the many mirrors that were all over the shop. I sneered, “Well, that was a damn selfish thought.”

I glanced back at Rarity, embarrassed, and she had a sad smile. “Oh, Alex, always the gallant knight.” She cleared her throat, “Still, Rainbow Dash is no shrinking violet, nor is she a mare that gives her affections lightly. Truth be known, she came to me for advice. I now know who her mysterious stallion was.”

I looked at her, surprised. “So, Dash came to you for advice? Well, it makes sense, you've always seemed knowledgeable on the subject of romance and such.” My thoughts turned back to my original question, “So, how do ponies, in general, feel about inter-species couples? I mean,” I voiced my greatest fear, “would Dash be ostracized?”

“Pony couples of different types do not even raise an eyelash. My father is an earth pony and my mother is a unicorn. As for completely different species, while rare, it is not unheard of. They do not generally meet with negative reactions, but there are always a few individuals who object. However, I want to assure you they are few and far between,” her smile grew warm, “and I know none of your friends will object.”

(5 days to meeting with Rainbow Dash)

Despite what was going on in my personal life, the organization of the theatre still needed to be done, and my next step was to build the building. I made the appointment yesterday to meet with the mayor. With my confidence and optimistic attitude, I strode up to her office, located in the basement of the town hall. Unlike most of Ponyville, this building had seen better days. Clenching my fist nervously, I firmly knocked on the door, only to have it slowly fall forward and land in a cloud of dust. I gave a little embarrassed smile and propped the remains of the door against the wall.

The Mayor looked tired and worried, and I could just imagine all the craziness she had to put up with in this town. And I suppose she was just getting ready for the next round of insanity. I decided to skip the formalities and get right to the point. “Madam Mayor, I would like to offer a gift to Ponyville. I would like to rebuild the town hall and expand it to include a full indoor theatre and an expanded outdoor stage.”

She rolled her eyes, “Well, that's very kind of you, but we don't have to funds to...”

I smiled, “Ah, but here's the best part, I am both willing and able to fully finance this endeavour. In addition, the town will have full access to all the new facilities at no cost.”

She raised an eyebrow, “Come now, Mr Alex Roberts. Do you expect me to believe you are willing to donate tens of millions of bits to the town with no expectations?”

“Yes. Look, in my mind, the money is found money. And I want to use it to give this town something back. It will be self-financing through income from ticket sales, concession stands, hall rentals, and so on. I want this to be a monument of my thanks to this community that will last a thousand years. I want foals to look and wonder what a human was. I want both Princesses to come here each year to be entertained, and who knows,” I shrugged, “maybe shed a tear in my memory.”

The Mayor looked at me for a long moment, “And you need building permits, tax concessions, and so on?”

“What I need is to know what you need to get the ball rolling.”

She had a huge grin, “First, I need these forms filled out and they need to be passed by the town council.” In a single quick but controlled movement she opened the dusty bottom drawer in a rusty filing cabinet and pulled out a stack of paper, at least 10cm thick. “Then, all the construction plans have to be approved. Pages 227 to 364 are the instructions for that.” She beamed at me, “I do so look forward to your plans coming to fruition, Mr Alex Roberts.”

I thanked her and started making my way out. Focusing so intently on the tsunami of paperwork looming ahead of me I accidentally bumped into somepony. “Sorry about that, I was just looking over some paperwork.”

The pony I had bumped into had a greyish amber coast and dark grey mane. “Quite alright, I admire a pony lost in his work. My name is Filthy Rich, but you can call me Mr Rich. If I am correct, you are the licentious Alex Roberts? How did Coins describe you? Ah yes, ‘A shaved diamond dog who doesn’t know his place around his betters.’”

He chuckled then glanced around. In a conspiratorial tone, “In my mind, you put that close-minded fool in his place. Sadly, realpolitik forces me to play nice with him. However, I want you to know you have friends, Mr Alex Roberts. Yes, indeed, that you do. Well, I’m off to the council meeting, good day to you sir.”

(4 days to meeting with Rainbow Dash)

After working the entire morning with the paperwork, I needed a break. So many questions remained. Adequate hay storage? Silage for corn? Sanitary cleaning troughs? Pest control? ‘Ugh. I need a walk, say hi to Applejack, grab a bite, and come back and get back at it.’ On the bright side, a spreadsheet made the financial stuff easier to figure out. I never thought I would be thinking that in Equestria.

I reached the town square at about half past one, and I could hear a commotion. An agitated crowd had gathered. As I got closer my ears picked up that sweet, sweet voice that could provide so much aggravation relief, Golden Coins. I was going to enjoy this.

“... duster was late with my very important business mail, worth far more than you will ever be.”

I heard the mailmare’s frightened voice, “I’m sorry Mr Coins, I was just getting my wedding dress fitted and it ran a little late. I promise it won’t happen again.”

I strode over to Golden Coins. Ponies in the marketplace scampered out of my way, but, as crowds are inclined to do, they stayed close by to see what was happening.

I dropped to one knee and looked him straight in the eye, he stared back arrogantly. “Mr Golden Coins! It's a pleasure to see you again! What do you say about being friends this time.” I extend my hand. He looks at me like I had offered him a dead skunk. “Oh, not friendly?” I put on an exaggerated pout and get a few giggles from the crowd.

“So, as I am still new around here, I heard you use some words that upset this lovely young mare. I am quite confident this was just simply a misunderstanding. A stallion of your breeding and sophistication could not have possibly uttered the base words I know I heard. I'm confident it's just my silly monster ears that misheard. Who would possibly bear any ill will toward our hard-working mailmare?” The number of giggles in the crowd increased.

“However, you may freely call me a monster.” This caused a murmur and gasps from the crowd. “Because, to you, I suppose I am.” He took a step back as I stood up and towered over him. “Yup, a big scary monster.” The crowd was getting quiet, listening intently. “but I want to assure you, sir, that I aim to be a friendly monster,” I melodramatically posed, “A handsome monster and the finest tipper in Equestria.” More giggles moved through the crowd.

My expression became sober and serious. “You know, I'm willing to bet that in a thousand years, no one will remember Golden Coins or Alex Roberts, but foals will be reading about the,” a look of disgust grew on my face, “‘feather dusters’ who are Elements of Harmony. Ponies who have saved your flank from Nightmare Moon, Discord, and I don’t know what else.”

“I'm sure Celestia will shed a tear on their birthdays long after they’re gone. You and me? We will be dust. We will be unremembered.“ I smiled, “Now, here is your opportunity! You can change and become a better stallion. I want you to think. Do you want Silver Spoon to be full of hate? Really, honestly, think about it. That's all I ask. I bid you an excellent day.” I turned with a self-satisfied smirk on my face, confident my words had skewered him.

“One moment, Alex Roberts. The interesting thing about insulting your betters is that they are, in fact, your betters. Pencil Pusher, what is the current value of the Apple mortgage, please?”

A green-coated, blue-maned, short and pot-bellied earth pony steps up and answers in a weedy voice, “One hundred and twenty-two thousand and fourteen bits exactly, sir.”

“Pencil Pusher, who, exactly, owns that mortgage?”

The little toad gave the smirk only a true sycophant can give, “The legal owner is Golden Coins. Why, sir, that’s you.”

“And, when is the mortgage due?”

“Oh dear, sir. It was due at noon today.”

“One more question, Pencil. If I ask Mr Alex Roberts for, say, sixty-five million to buy the Apple mortgage, how much should that leave him?”

“Well, sir, and keep in mind this is just an approximation based on our investigations; it should leave him one million two hundred and forty-seven thousand nine hundred and fifty three bits and forty-two cents. Approximately, sir.”

An earth pony mare with a little tray of coffee cups offers one to Coins. “Thank you, Miss Butterscotch. Coffee? No? Ah, well, let no pony ever say I took the oats out of their mouths. What do you say, Alex? Tick tock, the offer runs out when I finish my coffee, then I start foreclosure proceedings.”

Coins started taking a loud slurp, but before he was finished, “Done. Let’s go to the bank.” I’ll be damned if someone pays for my mistakes. Anyway, I had a nice Christmas gift for Applejack now.

“That’s, ‘I’ll accept your generous offer, Mr Coins, sir.’ Now, try again.”

“I’ll acc,”

“On your knee.” He added dismissively, “You’re far too tall.” There was a mummer in the crowd.

I drop to one knee, my head low, “I’ll accept your generous offer, Mr Coins, sir.”

“And what do you say when someone extends their hoof with such kindness?”

“Thank you. Sir. Now may we please get this over with? Sir.”

He smiled a predator's smile, “But of course. Now follow behind.” I had just been played like a harpsichord, and I knew it. All I could do was follow behind Coins like a beaten dog.

(3 days to meeting with Rainbow Dash)

My worries weren’t about the loss of all those bits. They were a lot more selfish than that. I could drum up support from the town. Sell donation bricks, get sponsorships, sink what I had left into it, that kind of thing. No, I was being selfish and worrying about Alex Roberts.

As I walked past the gates of Sweet Apple Acres, the smell of apple trees made me forget my problems for a moment. I had come for solid advice from one of Dash’s best friends. Anyway, I chuckled to myself. She owes me one, not that I’ll ever tell her. Applejack was leaning on the fence and taking a break.

As I neared, “Hey, Applejack! Do you have a few minutes?”

She wiped her brow and slowly smiled, “For you, I’ve got all day, sugarcube. “ With that easy smile of hers, “What’s on your mind?”

“I've got a problem. Well, it's not a problem exactly, just a dilemma. It’s... “

She was leaning closer, putting her hoof on my mouth, “I know what you done. With Coins, I mean. That was the kindest, sweetest and stupidest thing anypony has ever done for us.” She was close enough that her musk filled my nostrils, and my eyes unfocused a little. ”For me.” She suddenly moved forward and gave me quick peck on the lips. Her cheeks were red. “What ya did means a lot to me.” She pulled her hat down and turned away, “Shoot, I’m no good at this kind of stuff. I knows y’all are married, but consarn it, you’ve done everything for mah family and I’ve done nuthin’ for ya.”

“About what happened... wait, how did you find out? You know what, I don’t care how you found out. I just did something very, very stupid, and you were going to pay the price. The truth is I underestimated Coins, and I fell in his trap. It was a setup from the get-go. I also realize I’m not as smart as I think I am, and I’m very sorry I got you dragged into my mess. Anyway, think of it as an early Christmas, sorry, a Hearth's Warming Eve gift.”

“Sugarcube, you threw away everything you planned for, what you were so excited about.”

I shrugged, “He was going to foreclose. What could I do?”

“Foreclose? The foreclosure date is a month from now.”

“He... he fucking lied to me? He told me it was noon yesterday.” I groaned and hit my head against the fence. Repeatedly. “He played me! He played me so hard I smell of harpsichord wax.”

I felt her hoof on my back, “Don't do that, sugarcube. You'll just break the fence with that hard head of yours. Now, you have to talk to a lawyer and...”

“No, that darned jerk made me seal the contract with my hoof print, my thumbprint actually, not that it matters. I was told by the bank clerk that it cannot be revoked under any circumstances. Coins said it was the only way he would sell it to me. What choice did I have? The only bright side in this miserable week is I figured out who left the note.”

I looked at Applejack. She was slowly pushing her hat back again. A light breeze was making a few errant hairs in her mane frame her face in the stream of light just behind her. Her eyes were half closed, and a warm smile was growing. I was struck by her beauty. I’m sure somewhere, there was a choir of angels singing. It was the kind of moment you remember in your old age.

I shook my head, took a breath and revealed my findings, “I know for sure it was Dash.” At that moment, I wondered if I had said something wrong. I’m sure it was just my imagination, but I thought I heard the sound of a record needle being dragged across a disk. Applejack’s expression slowly collapsed. Her eyes became pinpricks, her mouth slightly open in shock.

She shook her head and quietly asked, “Beg pardon?”

“I know, right? Who knew Dash would be crushing on me? I’m not even a pony, for goodness sake. Why would any mare want anything but a friendship with me.” I shook my head sadly, “Anyway, that’s why I’m here, Applejack. I want your advice on what to do.”

Applejack didn’t answer. She just leaned quietly on the fence. I was so wrapped up in my own problems I didn’t realize she was crying. “Whoa, hey there, Applejack. What’s wrong?” I put my hand on her shoulder and she shrugged it off. “Okay, no touching. So, what can I do to help?”

“Not much y’all can do about it.” She turned to look at me, tears forming in her eyes, “It wern’t Rainbow Dash that left that note. It was me.” Now, it was my turn to stand in slack-jawed surprise. “I raced ahead of y’all after Dash left. I knows more than a few shortcuts, and you can be a little slow. Did Rainbow say she left the note?”

“No, I thought I was being clever. She let me know that she had special feelings. Damn it, Applejack, I didn’t want to hurt you or her. I don’t want to hurt anyone. I never thought I would be in this position. Like, I seriously never thought that in a million years. Ever.” I hung my head low, “And now I have Dash and you both interested in me. You’re both crazy. But I am flattered. And spending time with you is like spending time with Ann. Maybe too much.”

She sniffed, “What do you mean?”

“It’s stupid, really, but truth be known, being around you just makes me happy. You’re so much like Ann; well, like I said, you may as well be her. And that’s the problem. Is it you that I like and feel happy with, or is it that you remind me of the wife I lost so long ago? An Ann substitute. And Applejack, I don’t know. How unfair would it be to you if deep down you were just a substitute.” Looking up at the sky, I saw a stray cloud and wondered if Dash was there. “I need to sort things out in my head. I want to make sure my decision is one I honestly feel, not something I’m confusing. I don't want to... heck, I just don't want to screw things up between all of us. Can I have a few days? Please?”

We leaned quietly for a few minutes. Applejack sighed, “Why do you have to be so darn decent?”

(2 days to meeting with Rainbow Dash)

I was down in the dumps. As much as I appreciated the girls, I needed to talk to another guy. I did a very quick and very short checklist of guys I feel I know well enough to talk with. I had Spike but crossed it out. He's too young. Big Macintosh? Am I nuts? I could picture it, “Hey Mac, the girl you're crushing on and your sister both want to be my special friend. What should I do?” The result could be ugly. Mr. Cake? I've said maybe three words to him. Cranky? We've chatted a few times, but nothing beyond the weather. Elusive? Well, I usually see him once a week for some clothing-related issues, and we always have a good talk. I needed a new pair of socks anyway.

I entered the tailoring shop of Snazzy Suit and Elusive. Elusive was manning the counter at the moment. He greeted me with a friendly smile, “Alex, how's my favourite human?”

“Not good, Elusive, not good.”

Genuine concern passed over his face, “What's wrong, Alex? You look like a dragon ate your pet dog.”

“Ha, I wish that's what happened. That I could deal with.” I leaned on the counter, one elbow propping my head up. “Elusive, you’re the only guy friend I have that doesn’t want to beat the tar out of me or set me on fire. Although Spike doesn’t really count, he’s just a kid. Anyway, I’ve just lost a big chunk of my fortune and I’ve got girl problems, and I just need a buddy to sink a few and shoot the horse apples with. I know this is coming off as want-y, but I could really use a friend right now.”

“Well, that's easy, of course, you're my friend. Just because we don't hang out every moment of every day doesn't mean I don't think of you as a friend.”

I put my head on the counter, “Please tell me it's just as a friend. Nothing else.”

“Okay, now you're getting creepy.”

I laughed, “Once I tell you, you'll understand. Two questions, where's the nearest bar, and when can you get off work.”

“There's the Grain Bucket, and I can leave right now.” He opened the curtains to the back of the shop and let his dad know he was leaving.

Elusive led me to the Grain Bucket, a seedy bar by pony standards. Bright, clean, and cheerful. Elusive had a little salty beer, and I was ever so happy to see they had rye whiskey. I gave the bartender two 100 bit coins to start a tab and told him Elusive was on it too. The bartender kind of knew who I was, and knew I was rolling in it, so she was happy to oblige. I started with two shots before I launched into my story. I didn't tell him who they were, just in case.

By the time I was done, I was a third of the way through the bottle. “Tho, in sum... summery, I have two hot mares who love me and,” I wildly gestured and spilt booze in a graceful and aesthetically pleasing arc, “I got ripped off by the son of a bitch Coins. Those two mares are great! One is so brave and brash and... and in your face. And the other is so sweet and warm, just like the wife I lost.” I downed my glass and refilled it, “So, this is where you come in. You're a guy, right? I mean, I didn't check you out, but you're a guy, right?”

Elusive had a lot of salt in his system. He looked between his legs and snorted, “Yup! I'm all stallion, me. The ladies love that elusive taste.” We both laughed.

“So, what would you do about the mares? There must be four or five mares for every stallion in this town. I'm sure you've encountered that before.”

“Well, the first thing I would do is buck Coins in the head. It wouldn't help, but it sure would make me feel better. As far as having two mares who want to be your special friend, that's a tough one. The mares seem to know where it would work and not work. But you're not a pony, and that makes things just a bit more complicated. I'm afraid I just don't have a lot of advice.”

“Heck, that was more advice than I bargained for. Thanks for being honest and all.” I concentrated for a moment, “You've got a thing for Rarity, right? I mean, she's cute and all, but not my type. And she's not one of the mares I was talking about.”

He leered, “I think I could teach her a thing or two about sewing if you know what I mean. She's so ele.. hic... elegant and smooth in all the right places. Like a sexy marshmallow. Rarity and Elusive would be one of a kind.” He giggled at his own joke.

“Well, buddy, You know how I said I come from a different world where ponies are all like a weekly play, thing.” He nodded, “Well, I have an insider tip. You've got no chance with her.” I looked around and whispered conspiratorially, “That girl's got dragon fever.”

“Well, horse apples, that sucks.” He took a shooter, put a full tablespoon of salt and topped it off with rye, “Here's to love bucking us over.” He shot the drink back and kept going until he was on the floor.

I figured the least I could do was help Elusive back home. I fireman carried him for most of the distance. However, tripping with a 60 some odd kilo pony over your shoulders and face-planting in the gravel while drunk will wake both participants very quickly. After much laughter, he dragged himself home, and I did the same thing.

(1 days to meeting with Rainbow Dash)

I woke up with the mother of all hangovers. Welp, that's what you get when you drink half a bottle of rye. I showered and took two willow bark tablets Zecora brewed up for me. After a pot of coffee and some breakfast, I started feeling human again.

So, tomorrow is the day I'm meeting Dash, and I'm as conflicted as ever. I realize I have not talked to Twilight yet, and I didn't want to make a decision without her insight. Although, at this point, all I have is two mares who are crushing on me, the realization that I am not as clever as I thought I was, and a headache.

I knocked on the library door and was greeted by Spike sporting two little nose plugs. “Hey, Alex, Twi’s just in the main room. She’ll be the unicorn under the pile of books.”

“Cool, thanks, Spike.”

I walked to the big pile of books and dropped down on my back beside Twilight. “This has been the craziest week of my life.”

“What’s wrong, Alex?”

“Before I tell you, let me ask you a serious question. Do you harbour any kind of secret crush, love, special friend fantasy, or anything of that nature in regard to me?”

“What? Eww, gross.” Twilight looked embarrassed, ”No, sorry, I didn’t mean it quite like that.”

I laughed from the gut for the first time since this all started, “Oh, thank God. That is exactly what I want to hear. It was getting to the point I was going to ask the mayor to call a town meeting just so I could ask if there was anyone else who had a crush on me. With my luck, five mares and a stallion would raise their hooves.”

She laughed, “Wow, sounds like an interesting week.”

“Tell me about it. Let's see, I’ve had two mares tell me they want to be special friends, in no uncertain terms, I might add, and if that wasn't enough, I was tricked out of most of my fortune by Golden Coins. Now I have to break the heart of a friend and figure out how to fund my theatre after promising it to the Mayor. Did I mention I suspect the Mayor thinks I’m an idiot?”

“What?! What happened?” I told Twilight about my stupidity and financial loss. “But, you know what, I'm still ahead of where I usually am. I can raise money. That's not a problem. I've got enough cash to get things started, and, more importantly, I have friends. I hope I don't lose any.” I sighed.

Twilight asked, “So, who are the lucky mares?”

“I would rather not say, just to keep everyone's dignity intact. If they want to tell you, they can, I just don't want to make that kind of decision for them. I hope you can understand that.”

My self-indulgent monologue was interrupted by a mighty burp emanating from Spike. Twilight, familiar with this form of mail delivery, deftly snatched the scroll with her purple glow before it hit the ground. I saw the seal on the letter was different than the golden sun one I received from Princess Celestia. It was a black disk with a dark blue moon.

“Thank you, Spike.” She took the scroll and started to open it, and stopped. “Oh, this is addressed to you, Alex. I didn't know you were known to Princess Luna.”

I frowned in confusion, “I didn't know either.” I took the scroll, snapped the seal, and opened it. It was made from the same perfect paper, but the writing was more ornate and old-fashioned.

My Faithful Adherent Alex Roberts,
We Were Pleased To Receive Your Supplication And Have Chosen This Time To Reply. As You Know, Affairs Of The Heart Are Complex, And Both Applejack And Rainbow Dash Pleading Us For Yours. You Are At A Cross Roads That Few Would Envy. Two Good Friends Whom You Love, And Now You Must Break One Or Both Hearts. I Could Give You A True And Simple Answer. But You Are Not Of This World And That Would Not Give You The True, Deep Satisfaction Your Kind Needs.
My Counsel To You Is To Ask Yourself A Question Of Each Mare Only You Can Answer.
Do You Love Her Soul?
This Guidance I Give Unto You In Love, My Faithful Adherent.
Princess Luna

I reread the letter, letting the words find meaning. I slowly clutched the letter to my chest and pressed my eyes closed, wetness seeping, devastated at how dead centre this had hit my heart. My shoulders shook as I tried to suppress my emotions. That question. That simple stupid question.

Twilight was at my side, “What's wrong, Alex? Are you all right?” I shake my head from side to side in answer.

I didn't want to hurt one of my friends, but if I looked deep, I knew which souls I loved.

20 - The right choice

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The night was clear and calm and I carried the letter written by Luna herself. Her silver moon was bathing the streets in an icy glow. Unsurprisingly, the streets were deserted when I started walking home, and I appreciated that. I didn’t feel like interacting with others at the time.

I walked in the shadows to stay unseen, just in case. As I rounded the corner at the soap shop, I could see Pinkie Pie with another pony I didn’t recognize, standing on the step of Sugar Cube Corners. They had a brown coat and a darker brown mane and tail. I couldn’t make out their cutie mark. It looked like they were talking, and I soon saw he was a stallion. I walked a little more slowly, stuck to the shadows, and generally tried not to be noticed.

Pinkie lurched forward and gave him a hug, maybe a kiss. I smiled, thinking how pleased I was to see that sweet young mare so happy. They hugged for a few moments more, and I was soon close enough to hear them say the sweet goodbyes new couples say in every universe. He trotted off, all the while glancing back at Pinkie, and I could see the hourglass cutie mark.

When he turned the corner, I quietly walked toward Pinkie. Without looking at me, she said, “Hi Alex, that’s Whooves. He’s my special friend, and he makes me very happy. He even wants to work on my party cannon designs and said he had some ideas to make it bigger on the inside than the outside. I never thought I would be romantically involved, but I think I like it. It’s not the usual me, but sometimes it’s good to change.” She looked up at the sky with a smile and then looked at me.

“Luna works in crazy ways, hey Pinkie?”

“Yup, she sure does. So, do you know who it will be?”

“What do you mean?”

“Dashie, AJ, or Rarity, silly.”

I was getting used to Pinkie’s craziness and simply didn’t question it. “Rarity?” I groaned. “Don’t tell me she’s got a crush on me too.”

Pinkie snorted, “No, I was just seeing if you were paying attention. Rarity is all about, well, you know.”

I chuckled, “I hope those two get their heads together.”

Pinkie got reflective, “So, Dashie or AJ?”

“I think I know, and if I’m wrong...”

“I know you’ve made the right choice. You’re a clever cookie. Sometimes.”

“So, Whooves a nice guy?” I laughed, ”Well of course he’s nice. I can’t see you dating a bad boy.”

Her tone, as always, was infectiously sweet and upbeat, “You bet he is. We went star gazing, and he told me all about what was out there in the universe. His hobby is astronomy, so he had a lot of stuff to tell me. Even chatted about time and stuff. Timey-wimey stuff, he called it. It was nice to meet someone who was as smart as me, just as interested in everything, and could be just as silly.”

I patted Pinkie on the shoulder, “Well, it sounds like you have a great match with him, Pinkie. I’m really happy for you. And as much as I would like to chat, this old man is rolling home.” Pinkie giggled then we said our goodbyes, and I continued my reflective journey home.

Celestia’s sun burned brightly through my eyelids. As much as my body protested, I knew I should get up and face the day. Today was the day I would gladden one heart and break another. I thought sadly, ‘I hope the broken heart can forgive me.’

I scratched my chin and realized I had been so wrapped up in this problem I hadn’t shaved all week. Not only that, but my hair was shaggy. Well, Shaver's barbershop was closed, so there was no chance of getting a trim. I chuckled, ‘She’ll have to take me as I am.’

Shaved and showered, I grew more confident in my decision. I knew what was right and what was in my heart. I decided to wear my best suit, the one I wore to the audience with the Princess. ‘I may as well look as good as I can, not that she cares about looks.’

‘All dressed up and nowhere to go,’ I chuckled. Noticing a small rip on the knee, I decided to head to Elusive for a chat and a patch-up. I avoided the market, not wanting to bump into AJ until I was ready. I got a few looks. I guess someone dressed to the nines strolling along back allies was not a usual sight.

I walked into the shop and greeted Elusive in a jaunty voice, “Good morning. I assume you’re fully recovered from our night of debauchery.” I saw he was sporting a black eye.

He smirked, “Only just. Two questions. How much salt did I eat? And who did I get in a fight with?”

“Lots and that harshest of all mistresses, gravity. I remember tossing you over my shoulders in a fireman's carry, tripping, and laughing our fool heads off.

“Was gravity wearing a sexy saddle?” We both laughed.

I explained my minor wardrobe issue and he offered to fix it right there. As he was working on my pants, he asked, “So, you figure out how to fix your problem? With the girls, I mean.”

“I think so, but I want to get all my ducks in a row and in the nest before I start talking about them.”

“Fair enough.” I smiled at that, ‘He’s using human sayings like a pro.’

“Oh ya, before I forget, I’ll need some warmer clothes, Fall just started.’

“Huh, planning ahead, are you? Well, it never hurts to be ready, and I never begrudge the business.”

We continued to chat about the events of the day while he worked. I shook my head, ‘That guy is a wonder. If I was trusted with thread and needle, someone or something would be eviscerated, likely me.’

Elusive took his time to fix them, and I was in no rush to leave. ‘I suspect I’m stalling. Coward.’

I looked at the clock on the wall and smiled, ‘I’ve still got time to get flowers.’ “Well, my friend, I have a date with a beautiful mare. I’ll let you know tomorrow, assuming someone's big brother lets me live.”

We say our goodbyes, and I head toward the market to get roses from Rose. There is a good crowd, and Applejack is facing away from me. I see her starting to turn, and I ducked down behind a brussel sprout stall just in time. I thought desperately, ‘Okay, I have a plan and AJ not seeing me is basically it for now.’

She finally looked away, and I skulked to Rose, Lily, and Daisy’s flower stand. I got a dozen of their finest roses, including a recipe card, and managed to almost make it out of the market. I was so intent on keeping an eye on AJ that I bumped head-first into Derpy.

“Oh, Mr Alex Roberts. I was just headed to Applejack’s stand. That’s where you usually are this time of day. Anyway, Caramel and I want to thank you for standing up to Coins and, as Caramel put it, defending my honour.” She reached into her pack and pulled out a small envelope. “We would be honoured if you came to our wedding next week as one of the special guests.”

Staying crouched low, I looked up at her and smiled, “Well, thank you very much, Miss,” I chuckled, “soon to be Mrs Derpy. I would be most pleased to be your guest. However, at this exact moment, I’m late for an important date, as it were. You can expect me there with bells on.” She had a confused expression, “Sorry, human expression. It means I will be there happily.”

I was late getting to the restaurant. Dash was sitting at a small table beside the big dining room window, the red rose tucked behind her right ear almost blending with that part of her mane, her long hair in a simple tie. On the table a steaming pot of tea and two cups waiting to be filled. Her expression was pensive as she looked out the window. I was almost at the table before she noticed me. She turned, and her face lit up, “Wow, you clean up good.”

“If I'm speaking to a princess, I should dress appropriately.” Dash blushed and turned her head slightly. I lowered myself to one knee and looked up to her. “Rainbow Dash, you are my princess.” I presented the roses, “It took Luna's guidance to set my head straight.” I took her hoof, “She saw what was in my heart. And it was you Dash, my special friend. You inspire me. You make me laugh. You fuel my optimism. You are my redemption in this world. Will you accept this foolish old man?”

Her expression was affectionate as she leaned forward and kissed me softly. “Alex Roberts, you are something else.” She put a hoof on my cheek. “I heard about what you did for Applejack. You're such an idiot. A wonderful, caring idiot. I'm proud to call you my special friend.” She winced as she pulled a large feather from her wing. “Wear this to show the world where your heart belongs.”

I took the feather with reverence and looked at it for a few moments. “I'm sorry I don't have anything half as wonderful to give you.” I thought for a moment, “I have an idea. I'll be right back.” I tucked the feather in my breast pocket, the tip sticking out. I ran to the front desk and asked for scissors and some string. The waiter, being grateful for the French lessons, was happy to help me out. I carefully cut a lock of my hair and tied it with the string. I took a moment and made a necklace with the feather. He smiled and wished me good luck.

I returned to Dash’s expression of curiosity. I presented her with my meagre gift, “ I know it's not as pretty or as wonderful as yours, but I hope you'll accept it.”

She smiled as she accepted my gift and held it to her heart. “You didn't have to cut your mane.”

I shrugged, “It'll grow back. Anyway, you have a bald spot on your wing.” I gingerly brushed her wing with my hand, and they involuntarily popped out. “Heh, sorry about that.”

Her cheeks glowed red, “I could never feel embarrassed about that with you.”

Image commissioned by me, drawn and coloured by AphexAngel

Dash and I took a long walk in the park, talking about everything and nothing. I finally broached the subject I had been dreading. “Dash, I have to tell you something. And you have to promise not to be upset.”

She stopped dead in her tracks, a look of repressed anger on her face. “What is it.”

I sighed. It was better to do it then and there rather than later. “I found out this week Applejack has a crush on me. I love her as a friend, maybe a sister, but nothing more. Now, I have to let her know that we're together. I know she's your best friend, and maybe you can help me figure out how to break this to her. I don't want to mess up your friendship. Plus, there's...”

Dash was suddenly hovering in front of me, planting a quick kiss to shut me up. “Listen, AJ needs the truth, straight up. Don't candy-coat it. It'll just tick her off. And, if you wear my feather, she'll know what it means.” She kissed me quickly again. “And it makes me so happy when you care about others when you help them. Just don’t screw it up, AJ’s still my friend and yours too.”

“Thank you for the advice. I hope we can all be friends after this.” For the first time, I lean forward and kiss her.

Dash smiles and, with a throaty chuckle, “Nice to see I'm not the only one who can plant a kiss.”

I reached out to hold her, “Take a load off your wings, Miss Dash?” She hovered up against me. I hooked my arms under her wings, and she relaxed. She was lighter than I expected. I wondered if it was hollow bones or magic or both. With her forelegs around my neck, she nuzzled into my cheek.

She whispered in my ear, "That's Ms Rainbow Dash, now."

I noticed a few ponies looking at us. 'Let them stare,' I thought.

After a few moments, “Dash, I promised AJ I would tell her my decision. But it’s something I would rather do alone if that’s okay with you. Just, no matter what happens, don’t be mad at AJ, okay? She’s your friend and,” I was once again interrupted by a kiss. ‘Not a bad way to be interrupted’, I thought.

“AJ is my pal. She has been for a long time. How can I be mad at her for falling for you?”

I saw him working in the south field, and I wanted to talk before I spoke with his sister. I hopped the fence and jogged towards him. “Big Macintosh, there’s something I have to talk to you about.”

He looked up from his ploughing, “Applejack said I owe you some thanks for saving the farm. I just see it some darn fool fixing his own mistake.”

I smirked, “Glad someone else sees it my way.”

He squinted a bit, then prodded me with his hoof, “Is that a sky blue feather on your neck? The kind of feather Miss Rainbow Dash has?”

My face hardened, “Yes, it is. She declared herself to me, and you know what, I’ve got feelings for her too.”

His voice grew loud enough to rattle my bones, “Colt, I told you not to mess with Miss Rainbow Dash.” He drew his hoof back, anger growing.

I threw my arms out and yelled at him, “Fine, you want to beat me up? I won’t defend myself. If you need to crucify me to fix up your damn self-esteem, then that’s what I’ll do.” I stepped forward, surprising him and forcing him to stumble back. “And do you know what else? Your sister declared herself to me too. And do you know what? I was this close to taking her up on the offer. Do you know why? Because she reminded me of the wife I lost a long time ago.”

I take another step, forcing him to stumble further back. “And every time I see her, likely for the rest of my worthless life, my heart will break just a tiny bit. And that was why I could never get involved like that with Applejack. Because I would never know if I was her or Ann, it would have been so damn easy just to be with her. It would also have been so damn unfair. And now, I have to go and talk to one of the sweetest, warmest mares in Equestria and break her heart.”

“But if you need to beat the tar out of me because I stole your Rainbow Dash, I want you to do it now. Turn me to fertilizer, you stupid muscle-bound idiot.” I stepped forward again, putting my chest against his. “Do it!” I stood, arms out, glaring at him defiantly.

Anger was replaced by compassion, and Mac’s voice was softer, “Whoa there, Alex, let's all calm down.”

My arms dropped to my sides, and sadness filled my voice, “I don’t want to hurt her Mac. I love her like a sister, and knowing I’ve got to break her heart is killing me. Dash said I should be honest with her, and I can’t imagine doing anything else. I don’t want to do this. I would take the last week back and have it never happen if it would mean not hurting Applejack.”

Big Mac thought for a moment, wheat stock moving from side to side. “Alright, Applejack is at the barn. Let’s go.”

I tilted my head a little, unsure, “So, just like that?”

Big Mac snorted, “No, you all still have to talk to my little sister. And as for Miss Rainbow Dash, well, I guess if I had really wanted to court her, I should have done something about it. It’s not like you didn’t try to help me with that. And I suppose I owe you for the farm, no matter what the reason.”

I nodded, “Fair enough. I hope we can be friends after all this.”

He gave that almost smile, “I ain't making no promises, but I ain’t saying no.” We made our way to the barn. “Go on, colt. I’ll get ya to the hospital when you need it.”

“Gee, thanks.” I let a long, slow breath out and walked into the barn. She was facing away from me, and my heart was sinking from the moment I saw her. I tried my best to keep my voice neutral, “Hi, Applejack. I was hoping we could talk.” She turned, her face radiant.

As she saw the necklace, I knew that she knew. Her face became impassive. It would have been so much easier had she been angry, shouting obscenities at me, something, but she was just sad. Her voice was quiet, defeated, “Howdy Alex. I see I’m not special friend material.”

I sighed and smiled sadly, “Luna said to look in my heart, and I saw that I loved you like a sister. You know why I could never love you in an intimate way. Ann would always be there. Always. I’m so sorry.” I sat on a hay bale, “Applejack, it would have been so unfair to you. And I think if you’re honest with yourself, you know it’s true. And please don’t be upset at Dash. She cares for you very much, and I know she would hate to lose you as a friend.”

Applejack sat beside me and took a slow, deep breath, “If I look inside my heart, I guess you just made me think of Daddy. Kind, warm, funny, and always dreaming. I guess, if I look deep down, I love you like a brother.”

I smiled, “I assume siblings dating is just as creepy here?”

She laughed and bumped her shoulder into mine, “I guess so, mister comedian.”

“I’ve never had a sister, or a brother for that matter, and I’m honoured to have such a wonderful friend as you be my sister.”

“Alex, y’all have done so much for us. You are an Apple. You always will be.”

“Speaking of family, I had a talk with my newly minted little brother. I figured he might beat the tar out of me, and I could do this at the hospital. I’m not going to lie. My gut was in knots. But he’s okay with the situation, especially after I explained myself. He loves you so much, and I hope we’ll be friends in the future.”

The subsonic voice piped up, “Darn right, I love my little sister. And I guess I can tolerate my new big brother, seen’ as you’re older than I am.”

I snorted, and in an old man voice, “Darn right, sonny.”

Dash was waiting for me at the edge of the pond, just outside Sweet Apple Acres. She flew over as soon as she saw me, “How did it go?” Her face was painted with worry and concern.

“Well, Big Mac didn’t crush me like a bug, and AJ now thinks of me as her brother. I guess I remind her of her dad. Anyway, she’ll be having a chat with you tomorrow. So, I guess things are hunky dory.” I had a pensive expression, my brow furrowed in thought.

Dash said quietly, “Are... are you having second—” I interrupted her this time.

“Second thoughts? About you?” I smiled, looking into those eyes, “Never. I just,” I sighed, ”I just hated hurting Applejack.”

Dash just looked at me with a sad smile and beckoned me closer. I lowered myself to my knee, and she held me for a few moments. She whispered, “It’s going to be fine, you big lug. Everything will be okay, trust me.”

We walked until we were at my cottage, “I would walk you home,” gesturing to her cloud house, “but I'm a little too much of a ground pounder. Do you want to come in for a cup of tea?” I thought for a moment, “I'm hoping that doesn't have any double meanings.”

She gave me a sultry smirk, “Why, what does it mean to you?”

I decided to be honest, “It can mean the same thing as shared bread, sort of, but that's not how I mean it. I think we're still far too new as a couple for that, and I wouldn't want to abuse your trust, Dash. However, I warn you, there may be pastries.”

She beamed at me, “I guess you really do care. Ya, I would like, very much.”

I turned the lights on in the kitchen and was surprised to see a scroll on the table. I picked it up and saw it had the black and blue seal of Princess Luna and was addressed to me.

“That's weird. Check this out, Dash.” I sat with Dash at my side, then snapped the seal and started reading.

My Loyal Adherent Alex,
From The Moment I Was Aware Of You, I Saw In You Your Need To Find Redemption. Not Only In Your Self, But In Others. Even When You Have Redeemed Yourself Time And Time Again In The Eyes Of Those Around You, You Continue Your Search. Know That I Understand That Hunger. I Was Saved By The Power Of Redemption, The Sin Of Nightmare Moon Was Absolved By The Elements Of Harmony. I Wish To Give This Same Gift To Others Through You.
I Choose A Title From Your Own World And Many Of The Worlds You Have Visited. You Shall Henceforth Be Known As My Paladin Of Redemption, A Knight Protector Finding The Redemption Others Seek, Whether They Know It Or Not.
You Will Not Be Alone In This Task. There Shall Be Other Paladins Representing The Different Virtues Of Redemption. I Shall Advise You On Future Candidates And You Shall Assist Them In Finding Their Own Redemption.
Go Forth, My Little Paladin, And Give Others The Solace I Received In My Hour Of Need.
I Say This Unto You With Love,
Princess Luna

I felt Dash hugging me tight, “I guess you really are a knight in shining armour.”

21 - The calm before the wedding

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I woke with a smile. The warmth of knowing I had found someone to share my life with was comforting, but it also presented me with old questions. ‘Why would she love an old man like me? Will she ever regret this, yata yata yata, I’m getting sick and tired of having my mind slip back into the old routines.’ I climbed out of bed with a little more of a spring in my step. ‘And why not feel good? I have a young, pretty girlfriend who found herself,’ I chuckled, ‘a not so young and not so pretty me.’

I sighed as I stood naked in front of the full-length mirror in my room. ‘Maybe I should work out more. I’m in good shape,’ and the cynic in my head added, ‘for a forty-year-old man.’ I scowled at that. ‘Dash is, what, in her mid-twenties? So young and vibrant.’ As I looked in the mirror, I sucked my gut in. ‘Maybe some sit-ups, too.’ I stuck my tongue out at myself, ‘You’re just too damn lucky, old man.’ I sighed, lay on my back, and started doing sit-ups. ‘I don’t want to humiliate her in public. She’s the Celestia blessed Element of Loyalty, after all. She’s basically an archangel.’ I smiled, ‘My sky blue archangel.’

I was in my shorts and tee shirt, my abdomen sore from unaccustomed work. The weather, as always, was perfect. The sky was immaculate. The morning sun was rising, its warm glow giving me a smile. I had a wonderful cup of pony coffee, and I was watching Dash’s early morning routines. It was Fall, and the weather teams were spending more time actively changing the weather, but Dash still maintained her early morning workout. I could see her in the distance doing a complex series of barrel rolls while doing an inverse loop. I smiled, once again contemplating my luck at having such a young and attractive girlfriend. I corrected myself, ‘marefriend.’

I waited until she was at the top of the loop, her fifth time doing it, then blew the loudest wolf whistle I could. Dash tumbled through the air. As she recovered, she turned and headed for the cottage at a staggering speed, straight for me. I could see a smile on her face. When she stopped the burst of air sprayed half of my coffee on my chest and almost knocked me off my feet.

She had a look of amused annoyance, "I thought I told you only to do it if you mean it.”

I smiled and took a sip of what remained of my coffee, "Who said I didn't.”

She looked at me, a little surprised, then with an expression of genuine joy, she lightly bit her bottom lip, "Not me.”

I smirked, “You’d better not. Hey, before I forget, how would you like to go to a special event with me? I was invited to a wedding, and it’s me plus a guest. I can’t think of anyone else I would rather be seen with.”

She tapped her chin in an exaggerated manner, “Well, I’ll have to check my schedule. I may not be available.” She looked at me with that confident smirk, “What the hay, I’ll pencil you in. Meet you for supper?” I nodded, and then she gave a warm smile, “Now, you should stop checking out my flank and get back to that theatre paperwork.” She winked, “You can taste the rainbow later. And don't forget to change your shirt.” After a moment of us both snickering, she suddenly blasted straight up in a spiral and continued her training routine.

I kept watching her for a minute, then relented to that nagging voice in the back of my head and returned to my morning routine of working out with the heavy bag, paperwork, and later, a jog to Ponyville for coffee with Applejack. I mused on that last thought, ‘I wonder when Dash and AJ are going to have their little chat. Meh, I’ll go visit AJ anyway. It’s her and Dash that need to work things out, not me. I’ll keep it light.’

Sitting at the table enjoying a second cup of coffee and buttered toast, I happily thought about my day and my future. When I noticed my cup and plate were empty, I dragged myself away from my wistful daydreams. ‘Carpe diem, Alex. Carpe that diem with both hands.’ Without changing my shirt, I slipped on a pair of sweatpants and headed outside to my heavy bag.

As I warmed up, punching the air, I mused about my fighting ‘style’ before I learned how to do it properly. I would wildly slash with the blade, holding it like a really, really sharp butter knife. I could remember my teacher saying, ‘You fat oaf! Not like that!’ He would then take the knife away as if I was holding it in my open palm. He was so exasperated after my first lesson at how easily I could be disarmed he suggested I use my polymorphic knife instead of the regular one I was using to train with. ‘That knife is cheating, but it will hold on to you, so you don’t need to hold on to it, you clumsy fool.’ The last thing he said to me before it was time to leave was, ‘I am no longer ashamed to call you my student, just embarrassed.’

I laughed out loud, ‘I hope that old son of a bitch is happy. He had finally taught me how to fight in the end. Well, I’m warmed up enough now.’ I danced closer to the heavy bag, intent on hitting it. My mind was still flooded with thoughts of Dash, ‘Left. Left. Right Cross.’

“Aw! Crap!” Much to my surprise and annoyance, I realized with my first right cross that I had put the knife in combat mode rather than sparing more. My reward was a gash across the bag and sand pouring out. ‘Great. Nice job, Alex. Well, at least now I’ll have something to talk to AJ about. Anyway, Elusive can use the business. And I’ll have something to tell Dash. No point in denying her any material.’

I waited until it ran out, shook the rest of the sand out, took the empty bag down, and put it on the step. ‘Well, so much for that. May as well do paperwork.’ I spent the next five hours chipping away at that horrible, soul-crushing paperwork. The main conclusion I came up with today is I needed some building and renovation plans made, but I also needed the original plans for the new plans to be made and a plan for where to house the town council, mayor’s office, and so on.

I showered just as much to clean up as to cool down. With a fresh set of clothes on, I headed to town. My first stop was Elusive’s shop.

The first thing he said to me when I walked in, even before our usual greetings, was, “What the hay is that over your shoulder?” With a smirk and a mock caveman voice, “Did Alex mighty hunter catch bag?”

“Laugh it up, fuzzball. Naw, I was working out this morning and was thinking of Dash instead of what I was doing. Forgot to put the knife in sparring mode. One right cross later...” I shrugged.

He snickered at me, “Let me guess, the love-struck teenager wants to get his toy fixed?”

“Hey, it’s important to help me keep in what little shape I have. Anyway, you’re the only one I can trust not to put hearts and flowers on it.” I made a bit of a face. “You would think I would be used to the generally accepted level of cutsie in this world by now.”

Elusive rolled his eyes, “You’re not alone, and I was born here.” We both chuckled.

“That’s what you get when the male-to-female ratio is not about half and half.”

“Maybe. So, any word on your sister? Did you talk to her yet?”

“Yes, I talked to her about me and her, and no, I didn't talk to her about you. From one love-sick teenager to another, give me a chance. Anyway, she’s still on the rebound from me, poor thing. Give it at least a few weeks for emotions to mellow out. Or, you could just come with me on my daily visit to her apple stand.”

“A little busy right now with the wedding next week. Maybe after. As you said, it will give Applejack a chance to mellow and business to be a little less booming. Then, I’ll take you up on that offer.”

“Oh ya, before I forget, what’s that holiday at the end of fall where the kids get dressed up, and some grown-ups too? With candy and all that stuff?”

“Nightmare Night. That’s coming up in about a month, just before the running of the leaves. Why? Did you want a costume?”

“Actually, I did. Maybe a ninja costume, you know, mottled dark colours, head to toe. Actually, if you sell me the cloth I can do it myself.”

“Hey, I refuse to be held responsible for you stabbing yourself. Anyway, I can whip that up real quick. I know your measurements. And you know what, I’ve got lots of dark scraps that will be perfect, so it’s on the house.”

I started to protest but found myself shushed, “I never thought of using mottled cloth. Everyone always wants black, and I could always spot them. It’s weird how pure black stands out. Ya, that’ll be so cool.” His eyes unfocused a little, looking at a spot about 10cm to my right, lips curled into a smile, “I have a plan.” This was the same expression he had when we first met and triggered my memories of our first encounter.

“Elusive, something I have to ask. When I first met you, your voice was, if you’ll pardon the term, very effeminate. Now, you talk, and I hate to use this term, normal. So, have you been taking voice lessons or something?”

He looked at me with no expression on his face for a moment, and then he laughed out loud. He continued with that effeminate voice, “Oh, my darling Alex. You must understand that those seeking the talents of the one-of-a-kind Elusive expect certain things. Male fashion designers are simply not allowed to enjoy hoofball or go out with friends for a,” he tsked, “what is that drink you ruffians consume? Ah yes, rye.”

I snickered, “You realize you make Rarity sound like an ex-hoofball player construction worker, you know that, right?” I shook my head, “Well, I, for one, know that an otherwise ordinary guy can make amazing clothes. Screw the stereotypes.”

Elusive sighed and continued in his normal voice, “You know that, but if I talk like this, they assume I’m just some needle jockey, and they don’t take my designs seriously. I’ve even heard that Hoity Toity talks and swears like a teamster when he's alone.”

I gave him a sympathetic pat on the shoulder, “Well, pal, all I can say is, that sucks.”

Sugar Cube Corners is home to the finest coffee in Ponyville. I always stopped here for the two cups I take to Applejack’s apple stand. It’s usually Mrs Cake at the front counter, but I was pleasantly surprised to see Pinkie. As soon as she saw me, her expression changed from her usual happy, manic joy to narrow-eyed suspicion.

She somehow moved from behind the counter to directly in front of me with a deerstalker cap without moving between the two points. I had learned to ignore stuff like that from her.

“So, Alex Roberts, if that’s your real name, you’re the new love of Dashie’s life. Is this true?” I swear her eye stretched out of its socket and almost touched mine.

“I hope so.”

“I see, I see.” Pinkie was now blowing on a bubble pipe she materialized from wherever she gets these things. “So, what are your plans for Miss Rainbow Dash? Is she just a fling? Do you really, really like her? Do you plan on marrying her? What about babies? How many are you planning on? And what about Applejack?” Each sentence was punctuated by her stabbing the stem of her pipe at me.

I smiled at Pinkie, “Dash is lucky to have a friend like you. They both are. But, to answer your question, I plan on taking things slow and just letting things develop. And, no, Dash is not just some fling. She’s someone special, and I care for her very much.” I touched the feather around my neck, “I just hope... well, it doesn’t matter. I know she will. So, to answer the next question, I like her very much, and I can see something special developing and if it does for me, and I think Dash feels the same way, I’ll make her my wife. Assuming she’ll take me, of course. As for kids, Pinkie? Sure, why not?”

“Well, your answers don’t quite match up to the story notes, but close enough.” Her face went back to that manic, happy grin. “I know you’ll be good for Dashie, and I’ll let her know you’re Pinkie Approved™ for shipping. Oh, and here are your two coffees, on me. Well, not ‘on’ me because that would upset Dashie and freak you out a little, not to mention a little gross. I mean, I’m all sweaty from working all morning, so ew. Now, what about Applejack?” She continued to grin, blinking and smiling at me, the hat and pipe gone.

“Right. Applejack. We came to an understanding, and Dash and her are chatting on the subject today. They’ll work it out. And thanks for feeding my coffee addiction. Oh, are you going to Derpy’s wedding?”

“I’m organizing the reception since I’m Ponyville’s number one party planner. I wanted to make sure Applejack’s cousin got the best for his wedding.”

“Huh, I didn’t know they were related. Well, that’s good to know. Anyway, Pinkie, I’m glad I ran into you, and thanks again for the pony joe.”

“Pony Joe? He’s in Canterlot, and anyway, he’s a person, not an object. I can’t give him away.” She paused for a beat, looked at the ceiling, and then started to giggle. “Oh, I get it now. You’re funny.” Then she turned to me, “You’re funny too.”

Smiling and enjoying Pinkie’s randomness, I fixed up Applejack’s coffee just right and headed off.

“Hey there, little sister. Here is your coffee. So, how’s the apple business?”

Applejack chuckled that low chuckle of hers, “Thank you kindly, big brother. And the apple business is just fine.” Some of the ponies in the adjacent stalls looked at us strangely after that exchange, but we didn’t notice.

“Did you have that talk with Dash?”

“Shoot, not much for small talk, are ya?”

“Nope. I want to make sure my sister and special friend are still friends. I was a little worried.”

“Well, ain’t you sweet. It wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be. We’ve been friends for a long time, and we know each other. We,” she thought for a moment, seemingly searching for the best word, “understand each other,” she trailed off with a sad little smile. “But, it don’t mean it doesn’t sting. Likely will for a while.”

Unsure what to say, I decided to change the subject, “So, cousin Caramel is getting married, huh?”

She looked confused for a moment, then smiled, “That’s right. How did you know?”

I told her about the events that led to my invitation. She smirked, “Taken care of family before you even knew they was family.”

“Eeeyup.”

22 - The lovely wedding - pt 1

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After leaving Applejack at her stand, I picked up a few items for supper and headed home. Beside the pathway to my door, I noticed the little flag on the mailbox was raised. Quickly retrieving the contents, I excitedly opened the thick envelope and smiled broadly. It contained a single thick stack of pages, stapled together, with a simple letter on the top.

Dear Mr Alex Roberts,
We are pleased to inform you that we have found the mare you’re looking for. Attached are the addresses of her place of work and apartment, as well as her real name, work schedule, and some photographs of her [SCRATCHED OUT WORD]
[DIFFERENT HANDWRITING] You’ll have to forgive my brother.
With this assignment complete, you can send us our next task to the return address on the envelope.
Yours Sincerely,
Flim & Flam

I didn’t bother to look at the rest of it. I figured it would be standard stuff. As I walked in, I caught a flash of colour out of the corner of my eye. Turning my head, I saw a rainbow mane peeking up from behind the couch, “Hi sweetheart. What are you doing here so early? Not that I mind.

“I strained the muscles between my wing and shoulder, so I came to borrow some ice.” She lifted an ice pack to show me. “I hope you don’t mind.”

I put my packages down, “Um, why would I mind if the mare I love borrowed some frozen water to ease her pain? Here, let me get this stuff in the fridge before it spoils then I’ll be right there to help.”

Dash gave me a grateful look, “I could really use a massage to my left threes. Just be gentle. It’s my first time.” She snickered.

I had just finished putting the perishables away and started sneaking to the couch as quietly as I could. I gently rested my hands on her shoulders. She stiffened, then relaxed. “Now that’s what I’m talking about,” she purred.

Being unsure, “Dash, I’ve only ever done this with a human, and I’m just not sure what to do with your lovely, “ I kiss her ear, “threes. I’m not even sure where or what they are.”

“Those are the” Dash made a face at the scientifically correct word, pronouncing it slowly, “supraspuriascapular muscles. They pull my wing back up and are around at the forward top of the wings, about a hoof-sized bulge. I messed it up a little doing a barrel roll.”

“Okay, so right here?” I gingerly place my thumbs on a warm bundle of muscle near the top of the wing.

Dash grunted, “That’s it. I know you’ll be gentle. I totally trust you. But I’ll smack you if you mess up.” My thumbs slowly and carefully moved in small circles, working the muscle. “On the way in, I noticed your heavy bag was down. What happened to it?”

“I’m not sure I should tell you. In your weakened condition you may hurt yourself.” As I spoke I continued working the stiff muscle

She started laughing, “Ouch. Oh, this should be good.”

“You know how I do that human martial art, boxing, as part of my morning workout?”

With stifled snickering, “Ya. Go on.”

“Well, I’ve been mixing it up a little, using my knife in my right hand.” My fingers felt around for more stiff muscles.

Openly snickering, “I think I see where this is going, but don’t, ouch, stop.”

“I forgot to put the Luna cursed thing in sparring mode.”

Dash was now laughing, wings popped out, tears in her eyes, occasionally ‘ouch’ing. “You’re a monster, making your injured marefriend laugh like this.”

Once I was done, I carefully put the ice pack on her sore spot, “Okay, now you relax, and I’ll whip up some dinner.” I started washing and slicing the eggplant, preheating the pan and filling the steamer with water for the peas.

“A back rub and a meal? You’re a catch.” I could see her stretch and heard a snap from something. I was about to ask if she hurt herself but was answered with a happy sigh.

“I’m just your trophy boyfriend. Every stallion wants to be me, and every mare wants me as arm candy.” I put the eggplant in a large bowl and added spices, a little salt, and oil.

“You’re also the most modest—man—around.” I noticed she was stumbling over the new word.

“Ah, yes, very important to point that out.” We both snickered as I added the peas with a few sprigs of rosemary to the steamer.

“And if any mare wants a piece of you, they’ll need to take a piece of me first.”

“And I’ll be there right by your side unless it’s that Mrs Cake. She’s got them wide birthing hips. Swanky.” I was rewarded with an icepack to the back and more laughter. I started frying the eggplant after giving her the ice pack back.

“I don’t know what you’re cooking, but it smells good. You’re a keeper as long as you can keep yourself from straying.”

“With you, that will never be a problem.” I smiled, but I was also a little concerned at her comment, ‘I know she has that tough outer shell, but I get the feeling she’s always about to collapse, that the toughness is just a show. I would love to know how she ticks, just so I can do right by her. I want to be there for her like she was there for me. It also makes me wonder what kind of relationships she’s had. I wonder if Gilda-’

“Equestria to Alex. Come in, Alex.” Dash was leaning over the back of the couch, a bemused expression gracing her lovely face.

“Sorry, Dash. Just thinking about... stuff,” I finished lamely.

Dash squared herself to face me and had a calm look on her face. “What kind of stuff?”

I gave her a half smile, “I was just wondering if I’ll be there for you. I mean, when it counts. I mean, when you need me. In the way you need me. I just,” I sighed and took the eggplant off the heat, “I don’t want to fail you. I,” I turned to face her, “I want you to know you can depend on me. I trust you, and,” I broke eye contact with her and pursed my lips, “I don’t know, I just, if I knew more about your past, I could be a better friend, and a better lover, in the future.” Her expression hardened. “I’m sorry, it was stupid of me to push. Let's just have dinner.” I turned, checking on the peas.

I berated myself, ‘Okay, this was amazingly stupid, Alex. Why did you have to upset her like that? If you were a pony, upsetting Dash would be your cutie mark.’ I was so wrapped up in myself that I didn’t hear her come up behind me and put her hooves around my neck.

“You are my best friend, and you make me so happy, no matter what dumb things you say. Tell you what, after supper, bring a blanket, we’ll walk to Stargazer Hill, and I’ll tell the most wonderful coltfriend in the world about my past.”

My jaunty, “Can I come too?” was rewarded with being physically turned around and given a warm kiss.

Dash and I set the table, and I served our little meal. She picked up the stapled sheets I had left on the table and started flipping through them. As she flipped, her eyes grew wider, her grin grew larger, and the flipping faster. Dinner was completely forgotten. She stopped for a moment and mumbled, “Nice flank.” Then she looked at me with a cocked eyebrow and a crooked smile. “So, the brothers were taking candid pictures, I see. They even caught her in the shower. What exactly did you ask them to do?”

I moved to grab the sheets, but she pulled them away, “Dash, I just asked them to find her. I had no idea what they would do. I swear, but I want to see where my cash went.” With a throaty laugh, she passed me the papers.

I flipped through the pages, the first few were standard information, address, place of work, etc, but then as I flipped the pages, I got to the photo section. They started innocently enough, a snapshot of Trixe entering where she worked, Trixie buying groceries, and so on, each image a little more intimate than the last. My jaw was dropping lower with each page, each picture. By the end, there were a few pictures of her sleeping and one picture, taken from inside her house, of her taking a shower. “What in the hay were those two doing? I said I wanted her found, not some, some porno portfolio made.” I dropped the papers on the table.

“Well, I’m impressed, especially with the shower picture. And don’t be too hard on them. Trixie is very nice to look at. Maybe they assumed this is what you wanted?”

“Who in the name of Luna would make that crazy assumption?”

Dash picked up the papers and started flipping through them again. “I don’t know Alex. If I was a two-bit low life and someone dropped five thousand bits to find a girl, I would assume they wanted stuff like this. Anyway, if you don’t want these, I’ll take them with me.” She looked up with a sultry smile and twitched her eyebrow.

“Wait, what? So, Trixie’s a hottie.”

“Oh ya,” Dash replied, stretching out the first word, all while flipping through the latter half of the pictures. “She sure is.”

“Dash? Dash. Dash!” She finally tore her eyes away from the pictures. “Are you, I mean, should I-” I sputtered.

Dash laughed, “Oh Alex. You’re way too easy. Don’t worry,” she stood and leaned forward to put a hoof on my cheek, “you’re the only one for me. I’m just pulling your chain. And, it’s funny how you were appalled at the pictures, not drooling over them.”

“That was only because half of those pictures are kind of private. I think they went too far. Anyway, that’s a letter for tomorrow. Let's finish eating so I can wash up, and I can take my hottie to Stargazer Hill.”

Dash smiled, “I assume I can come too?”

It was only a ten-minute walk, but Dash limped a little from her strained muscle. She was walking even slower than I was. When we got to a quiet, secluded spot, we both lay down, her head on my chest.

As we watched Luna’s nightly show, I absentmindedly scratched behind Dash’s ear with my left hand. I was rewarded with a content sigh. After a while, Dash started speaking.

“When I was a filly living in Cloudsdale, my dad came home one day with Wonderbolt tickets—box seats. I was really excited, and I knew he had spent a lot of a bits for them. You’ve got to remember that we weren’t rolling in it, my dad was a cloud pusher, and my mom was a homemaker.”

“So, cloud pusher is slang for weather pony?”

Those beautiful eyes looked at me like I was an idiot, “No, they’re the ponies who push the clouds. Basically, every pony starts there, and you stay if you don’t have any skills or are a part-timer. Anyway, Dad was a fast flier but not much else. He had talked about the Wonderbolts for as long as I could remember. He was a huge fan. I realize now he spent a lot of what he made on Wonderbolt merchandise and salt. I still don’t know how Mom kept us fed. Anyway, I was just a kid. I didn’t know any better.”

“I remember walking with my dad to the stadium, the same one the Young Fliers competition is held in every year. Our seats were so high up and close to the centre, we could see Princess Celestia clear as day.” Dash grew quiet for a moment, “I still think she looked at me and smiled. Like she knew who I was and what I was going to be. Maybe I'll ask her one day.” Dash snuggled a little closer.

“So, the show started, and they performed. It was amazing. But, in his excitement, my dad called me 'son'. He stopped cheering for a second and looked at me, sad like I had disappointed him. I felt so bad, but I loved him so much, I just said, 'It's okay, Daddy. I know you love me even if I'm just a filly.' He actually smiled and said, 'That's my Rainbow Dash.'

“But you know what? I wanted to buck him, break his wings, and toss him over the side. But, I kept the shell, I kept the smile, and I just put up with it. Mom would be proud.”

“Mom, she was so loving but a real doormat. She made Fluttershy look downright rude. She never stood up to my dad, never. After Dad would tell me off or put me down, she would tell me she loved me and to forgive,” she spit the word out, “my dad because he was under stress at work. You know she was the only one who told me I was beautiful, that she loved me. Dad only praised me if I was doing something athletic. I guess that’s why I’m such an overachiever. I just wanted my daddy’s approval.”

I placed my right arm around her, “Rainbow Dash, you can be whoever you want to be. I will always be your friend, and I will always love you no matter what.”

Dash rolled over. A small smile crept on her face. She leaned forward to kiss me, softly at first, then with growing passion. She then got up and climbed on top of me, kissing my neck. I could feel her hooves sticking to my shirt, trying to pull it off. I put my hands on them to stop her.

“Whoa, Dash. What are you doing? I'm all for fooling around, but I thought we were taking this slow.”

She looked confused, almost frightened, “Alex, I want to show you how much I love you, how much you mean to me. My week is starting, and you're the stallion I want to be with. D-Don't you want to be with me? Like that?”

“Well, sure I do. I'm not made of stone. But, come on, we've been dating for less than a week. I don't know about pony culture, but where I come from, well, okay, what I should say is, ugh, I'm old-fashioned, I guess. I know it's not cool to bring up past relationships, but Ann and I didn't get past making out for almost a year. I know it must sound stupid.”

Dash sat up, still on me. She moved her hooves slowly down her body and, with a sultry smile, “So, you really want the rainbow, but you're being all honourable about it?”

I smile, “Yes, I do, and yes, I am. That’s the problem with us nice guys. We’re nice. I hope you don’t think I’m not interested in you in that way because I am. As God is my witness, I am. But it feels disrespectful. I want you to know, and I mean really know, I’m not in it for a roll in the hay.” I take her right hoof and kiss it gently.

Dash’s expression changes to a beaming smile. “I guess I’m not used to respect in a relationship.” She layed down on my chest, “But if you change your mind, I’m yours, any time of the month.”

I smiled but wondered, ‘What the heck does that mean? Beyond the obvious.’ In “So, change of subject, the wedding next week, you’re coming with me, right?”

“Wouldn’t miss it for all of Equestria.”

“Great. I’ll be giving them two gifts, one from us and one anonymously. Is that okay?”

“That depends on what you are giving them.”

“Well, the anonymous one is a bank account with ten thousand bits. That should get them started. I never know what to give, and it’s a little embarrassing to just give cash. You know, I should see if I can get paper money invented. Anyway, that’s not the important gift.”

“Ten thousand bits is not the important one? What are you giving them, a solid aluminium dish set?”

“Nope, a very old human gift. An important one, well, important to me anyway. You could say it has magical significance.”

“So, you're sure this wedding gift for Derpy and Caramel doesn't have some meaning to ponies that would be perceived as rude? It has no meaning in your culture at all. Nothing,“ and I used air quotes, "'intimate'? Nothing good or bad? You're positive?”

Rarity sighed, “Yes, Alex, I even asked the rest of the girls, just in case. Twilight researched it and found nothing. Fluttershy didn't blush until the bread part but was not scandalized otherwise. Applejack thought it was sentimental and didn't think you had it in you. Pinkie Pie thought it was fine but suggested switching the salt with sugar.”

I let out a long breath. “Good. I still feel bad about the whole bread thing with Fluttershy. She says she forgives me, but I assumed some traditions were universal, and I still kick myself for being so rude to such a kind and gentle person.”

"Darling, Fluttershy is a dear but can be quite over-sensitive. Do not worry about it. If she said she forgives you, she has, and so should you.” Rarity smiled and nodded, meaning, to her, the topic was closed.

The hall was packed with family and friends. There were at least five hundred ponies, maybe more. Pinkie had outdone herself with the decorations. Dash looked around, impressed, “I wonder how Derpy got the town hall. Mind you, she put in a lot of hours fixing it up after The Incident. And anyway, marrying an Apple probably counts for something in this town.” She leaned into me as we walked.

The whole Apple family was in the front row, except Mac, and I greeted each of them as I passed by. Dash and I were seated right beside them. Someone had thoughtfully put a little stool for me. I noticed Applejack’s mane and tail were in a braided ponytail, and she just gave us a little nod but didn’t think anything of it. I asked my other seatmate, “Hey, Apple Bloom, where’s Mac?”

“Oh, he’s part of the wedding, seeing as he’s so big an’ all.” Apple Bloom replied in a tone that indicated I should already know this.

“Cool. I’ve never been to a pony wedding before, and I’m really excited. It sure looks different from a wedding back where I come from.”

“Well, y’alls in for a real good time!” she responded with a child's enthusiasm.

The chatter died down as soon as the band started a rather militaristic piece of music. It almost reminded me of the Star Trek fighting music and made me chuckle. This earned me a tap and a glare from Dash, and I quickly whispered, “I’ll explain later.”

Her glare could have frozen a sun, “It had better be a good one.”

First, Derpy galloped up the red carpet, looking behind her in what looked like fear. Trailing behind her was a unicorn filly I didn’t recognise, also in a matching saddle but just beaming. I started getting up, but I noticed no one else seemed panicked. I looked at Dash, and she smiled at me, so I relaxed my legs and sat back down to watch what was going on.

Derpy looked positively stunning. ‘I guess Rarity was right. Even a philistine can see how perfect that dress is.’ The hovering pegasus photographer snapped pictures from different angles while they slowed down. She finally went up to the stage and stood to the left of the stairs going up, with the filly standing behind her. She was smiling and looking to the back of the hall.

I saw two ponies trotting in, one being the unmistakable Big Macintosh. I didn’t recognise the other pegasus pony. I was surprised to see them holding spears. They stopped and stood guard about three-quarters of the way. I could tell the tips were paper mache painted silver, and the shafts were thin and looked like soft balsa.

I leaned to Dash to ask her a question, but I was shushed. Dash pointed to the back of the hall and smiled.

I heard what I assumed was Caramel bellow, “I will save you, my princess!” as he charged up the middle. He then wrenched the spears from their mouths and snapped the ends off.

The two guards stood back, letting Caramel pass. They said, “We cannot stand against such love.” and bowed. I hadn’t noticed the old earth pony, Mr Waddle, wearing his minister’s collar, was now standing on centre stage. Caramel picked up the two spear tips and trotted up to the stage. He tossed them gently at her hooves and took his place on the right.

“I have overcome all for you.” Caramel was grinning like a fool, and Derpy was smiling too. I could see she had tears of joy, and, being an old softy, I had to wipe a tear too. Dash snuggled up even closer, resting her head on my shoulder.

They exchanged their vows and familiar sentiments, even if the wording differed. Strangely, the little unicorn filly was included and had her own set of vows. From what I gathered, the filly was called Dinky, and she was Derpy’s daughter. Caramel’s vow to Dinky was to be the best dad he could be. She vowed to be the best daughter she could be.

‘Damn dusty air,’ I mumbled as I wiped another tear. Dash snickered.

Then, Caramel and Derpy kissed, Caramel and Dinky hugged, and in a surprisingly clear and strong voice, Mr. Waddle announced, “Friends, family, neighbours, I would like you all to welcome Mr Caramel and Mrs Derpy Hooves, husband and wife.” The crowd started stomping their hooves, and I joined in with claps.

Pinky, thanks to her Party Cannon^TM, was able to do the decoration change in about 15 minutes while everyone was outside. It was actually clever, they had ushered everyone outside to give Pinkie time to redecorate. Once everything was ready inside, we would form a reception line to go back in.

While Dash and I were waiting for the line to get going, she taped my leg, “So, mister giggles, what was that when the music started?”

I, after explaining as best I could, “So, it found it funny to hear fighting music at a wedding, that's all.”

“Heh, I guess that would be funny. So, what's the wedding music for human weddings.”

“It goes something like this.” I hummed the tune for a wedding march as best I could.

As I was trying to get the tune right, I saw Dash's expression shifting to one of horror. “You use a funeral march? That's bucking horrifying. What's wrong with you people?”

It was my turn to get a little upset, but I kept my voice low, “Hey, I refuse to be held responsible for traditions I had no part in creating. I, for one, think it's a very nice little tune. And is that going to be your reaction every time you bump into something about my culture you don't like? 'Oh, Alex, you're a monster. What's wrong with you?' I mean, how the heck can I defend myself? So since we're on the subject of all the horrible things I do, let's get the other big one out of the way right now. My species is predatory, I eat meat, well not since I got here, but I can, and I have. My teeth,” I flick my thumb on my top front teeth, “are made for it.”

“Well, I'm sorry for voicing my opinion. Maybe you would be happier if I was more submissive like my mom.” I could see the rage and betrayal on Dash's face.

The reception line started moving, and we joined it in silence. We ended up walking beside the Apple family with myself between Applejack and Dash. When it was my turn Caramel and Derpy thanked me profusely for what I did. I protested, “I was protecting family, even though I didn’t know you were.”

They looked confused until Applejack put a hoof on my arm and confirmed, “He may not be a pony, but he’s an Apple, right to the core.”

Dash shot Applejack a cold glare, then gave me a look of irritation. “Allow me to drag my knight protector away. We're holding up the line, sweetheart.” Looking at Applejack, she said the last word a little louder than necessary. Applejack’s expression was neutral, with a slight smile, but there was the most minor flash of a scowl.

We made our way to our table in silence. I felt like a monster, 'I haven't lost control like that in a while. Luna, I failed Dash and don't know what to do.' I saw Dash occasionally glancing at me and looking sad. I also noticed Applejack, 'Damn, if I didn't know better, I would say she's looking smug.'

The party was starting, and Derpy and Caramel had the first slow dance. It was interesting. It involved the two ponies balancing each other and doing something like a waltz. Then, everyone else was invited to join them.

I hoped what I was planning would fix things a little, “Miss Rainbow Dash, would you care to join me in this dance?”

Dash looked a little panicked, “But I’ve never danced like that. I mean, I’ve party danced, but never slow danced. Anyway, I'm mad at you.” She looked me in the eye and smiled a little, “But, I guess I can forget that for now.” Out of the corner of my eye, I think I saw Applejack frown a little.

“We’ll do the hug and shuffle. It was the only slow dance I really mastered. And I can teach you.”

Dash was wearing that lilac perfume that suited her so well. When she reared on her hind legs, she lost her balance a little, and I caught her. As I held her, the crowd melted away. All my troubles grew distant and trivial. Her scent mingled with the lilacs, her forelegs around my neck, nose to snout.

“I'm sorry for losing my cool,” I whispered. “Not that it's an excuse, but I feel like I've been walking on eggshells for the whole six months I've been here. And, I guess I just lost my temper.”

She gave me a kiss and then put her left cheek on mine so she could whisper directly in my ear, “Apology accepted, just don't do it again.” We moved slowly in silence for a few moments, “I saw you flinch when Derpy ran in. You thought there was real trouble, didn’t you.”

“No. I knew what was going on,” I lied.

Dash snickered, “You know, the muscle under your left eye twitches when you lie.”

“Is it that obvious?” I asked with a groan.

Dash giggled, “Not really, Ann told me. Well, warned me, really.”

“Damn it. Why is it I fall for strong, smart women?”

“Because we’re the only ones who can handle you.” She followed that with a light nibble on my ear. My knees almost buckled from that intimate action. ‘Ann used to... Stop it, Alex. Ann is long gone. It’s Dash now. Only Dash.’ My reaction did not go unnoticed, causing Dash to make a low chuckle and nibble again. I moved one arm to her shoulders and held her a little closer.

My hand absentmindedly moved down from her shoulders to the spot just between her wings. Dash gasped but didn’t take her cheek off mine. “You’re a bad colt, touching me there. You know it’s still a little tender. Not only that, you know this is my week.” I could hear the smile in her voice and felt her cheek warming up.

Confused and unwilling to do something stupider than usual, I moved my hand back to where it was before. “Sorry for the roving hands, Dash. I didn’t realize.”

She pulled away, looking at me in my worried eyes. “You’re so cute when you’re freaked out.” She put her right cheek on mine, switching sides, whispering into my other ear, “If you’re a good colt, maybe you can do that again. Or maybe if you’re a bad colt. Not sure which would be better.” At that, the slow song ended, and DJ-P0N3 started doing her magic.

Dash and I were walking back to the table, laughing about the silliness of the fight. I noticed three empty little drinking bowls in front of Applejack and one on its way to her lips. Mac gave me a pleading look, and I hoped I understood the message.

“Whoa, Applejack. Don’t you think you should be slowing down on the salt?”

She carefully put the little bowl down and scowled at me. “Why? Can’t I have a little fun for a change? I work all day, every day, for the farm, and if I ain’t doing that, I’m working for others. You just leave me be, Alex Roberts.” The table got very quiet. She took a slurp of the drink and held the shallow bowl up, inspecting it. “You know what they call this? I came from the bartender at the Grain Bucket. Apparently, you were there with some unicorn, and this is what he was drinking. They call it a ‘Human’. Makes a mighty fine drink. Mighty fine.” She polished it off. “I think I need another one.” She got up, wobbly.

I turned to Dash and saw a weird combination of sadness, anger, and triumph. Her eyes were on Applejack. “I think I’ll see if this ‘Human’ drink is as good as the real deal.” She gave me a quick but passionate kiss and followed after her friend. ‘I hope they still are, anyway.’

Mac leaned over, “Colt, you’re in a whole heap of trouble. I knows you have all the right intentions, so I don’t blame you, but AJ and Miss Rainbow Dash are real competitors. And AJ dun got it in her head that she wants you. I can’t rightly say why, except maybe it’s because Miss Rainbow Dash has you. Them two fight over everything, but at the end of the day, they work it out. Until then, expect things to be interesting.”

I looked at Mac gratefully, “Thanks for the heads up. Mac, as Luna is my witness, I never thought it would escalate to this. Maybe in my dreams when I was a teenager, but that doesn’t count. And, of course, now I can't go to the bar for a drink.”

Soon, the girls returned without comment. Dash was carrying four little bowls of ‘Human’. Applejack with a little tray holding six little bowls of what I assumed was ‘Human’.

Dash slurped a little bowl slowly, rolling her eyes in pleasure. “Mmmmm, they taste almost as good as the real thing,’ she said a little too loudly while looking directly at Applejack.

Applejack glared at her and shot back a bowl, “I know exactly what you mean, RD. I could enjoy any kind of ‘Human’ —drink,” the pause before the last word was just a little too long.

I was about to try to be the voice of reason, but as soon as I opened my mouth, they turned and said in unison, “Not now, Alex.”

I decided to make small talk with Mac, mostly about farming. Not that I had much to contribute, but I was always interested in what he had to say. We both, very deliberately, avoided the girls. By now, their talk had disintegrated into a drinking contest, with snide comments between drinks.

They went back to the bar a second time and kept going. Just as they had finished their tenth or fifteenth drink, the music changed to a slow dance again. Applejack took her hat off and gave me a slightly sultry smile. She asked in a slightly slurred voice, “Alex, would y'all like to take this country girl for a spin? If Dash don’t mind.”

“Well, I guess it’s okay,” she answered uncertainly, all the while glaring at me.

We went to the dance floor, and Applejack put her hooves around my neck and rested her head on my shoulder like Dash had. She started drunkenly rambling. All the while, when I could make eye contact with Dash, I gave her a pleading expression and mouthed ‘sorry’.

“You know what, when I first met you, I thought you were Discord ugly, but now, I realize you’re not ugly. You’re just different. A different I like.” She sighed wistfully, “I wish you would've picked me. I could have made a stallion out of you. Well, I think so, you would have been my first, but Rarities’ romance novels have some mighty fun-sounding ideas.” She raised her head and whispered into my ear, “You’re the first one I even considered given myself to, you know that?”

She put her head back on my shoulder, “Do you know how many stallions come courting for me? Well, the ones who get past Mac? Two or three every season. I get em callin’ on me, all fine looking, I suppose, but none can hold a candle to you. You’re always putting family first, even the family you can’t do nothing with. If I could spend an hour alone with you, I know I could make you love me.” She giggled, “Golly, would RD ever be mad. But, naw, I wouldn’t do that to her. She’s my best gal pal. I wish things had gone differently. But, if wishes were something, then something would happen.“ She chuckled, and the song came to an end.

“Well, thank you kindly for letting me pretend for a few minutes. I loves you, Alex, and if things ever don’t work out, please think of me.” She pulled away and kissed me.

It was just a little peck, but I knew I was a dead man.

23 - The lovely wedding - pt 2

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For a moment, our eyes met across the dance floor. Her perfect rose eyes widened in shock and horror as Applejack pulled away. ‘Dash...’ She looked at me, cheeks amaranthine, her face a controlled explosion, wings erect in anger. I mouthed ‘sorry’ again, pushing past Applejack, hoping beyond hope she wouldn’t kill me. It’s telling I wasn’t worried about Big Macintosh, who I noticed also looked rather pissed off, but I wasn’t sure at who.

Dash came towards me at a canter and whispered loudly, “Alex Roberts, what do you think you’re doing? Did I just see what I thought I saw?”

Applejack started putting herself between me and Dash, but I shoved her out of the way. She didn’t offer any resistance. “No, it wasn’t. Now, let's just sit down and discuss what happened. Let’s sort this out.”

“Ya, we should.” She turned her head and scowled, “Applejack, you’re coming with me. We need to talk. Outside.”

Applejack scowled back, “You bet, sugarcube. Let's go talk.”

I called after them, “Guys, you’re loaded. Don’t do anything stupid.”

Dash turned her head and snarled at me, “Stay out of this. It’s not your problem.”

I looked on as they walked out, side by side, fake smiles plastered on their faces. I went back to the table and pleaded with Big Macintosh, “Mac, I’m at a double disadvantage here. I’ve never been in this situation before, not even back where I come from, and I still don’t understand how ponies tick. What should I do?”

Mac thought for a moment, then gave that almost smile, “I think we should get out there and make sure they don’t kill each other.”

“Agreed. I’ll go first. They won’t kill me. I hope.”

As I walked past our table, I grabbed the remaining full shot glass and downed it. ‘Liquid courage, don’t accept any substitute.’ Mac took his position as my wingman, and we headed out into the cool night air.

The girls were beside the well in the town square for privacy. By the time we got there, they were arguing loudly.

“AJ, you’re my friend. How could you? We already agreed he was mine.”

“RD, I never said I wouldn’t let him know I was still interested! And if this one goes like your past relationships, he’ll leave you in a season. You drive them all away with your temper tantrums, with your clinging to him like glue, and with your petty jealousy. And when he leaves, he’ll come to me because he loves me.”

“Like a sister! You know he can’t feel that way about you. Anyway, he got advice from Luna herself, and he loves me. And for the first time in my life, someone who’s kind and decent and not looking for a one-night stand loves me. Me!”

They stood, muzzle to muzzle, mouths distorted in almost savage snarls.

“Dash! Applejack! Simmer down the two of you. You’ve both had too much and-”

Dash turned her full rage onto me, “She kissed you, Alex. She. Kissed. You.”

“Dash, it wasn’t a big deal.” I realized how stupid my statement was as it came out of my mouth.

“Wasn’t a big deal? How would you feel if I did this.” Dash strode over to Mac, put a hoof on each side of his face and kissed him deeply.

I blinked several times, my mind in a state of shock. My first coherent but stupid thought was, ‘I’ll kill Big Mac.’

My next thought, realizing my first thought was impractical, was, ‘I’ll kiss Applejack! That’ll show Dash.’

My third thought, kicking the first two thoughts out of the way, was the one I went with: ‘She’s drunk, Applejack’s drunk, hell, I’m a little drunk too. We should all just forget it.’

Big Mac just stood stiffly, eyes darting from me to Dash, finally resting on me with a faint smile and an apologetic expression.

“Well?” Dash’s expression was both angry and pleading. Her eyes had tears forming, “Aren't you going to do anything?”

I fought to keep my face neutral, “No, because you’ve had too much salt. Yes, it bothers me, but at least you picked a class act for it. I know he won’t take advantage of a drunken mare. And for the record, Applejack kissed me, I didn’t kiss her. It didn’t mean anything to me. In fact, my first thought was of you. I’m sorry I was too slow to stop it.”

Dash turned to Applejack, who was looking sad and a little embarrassed, “You hear that AJ? Alex is mine.” She grabs me and gives me a long, sloppy kiss, then turns back to Applejack, “He’s all mine. Keep your hooves off him. You can have any stallion you want, and you know it. Just,” her voice got quiet and her expression pleading, “just, go find your own Alex, please.”

After a moment of silence, I knelt down and hugged Dash. When I broke the hug, I smiled and said, “Okay! Let’s all head back in, smiles and sunshine, and let's all chalk it up to too much salt all around. Applejack, you and Dash come over to my place tomorrow for lunch, and we’ll settle this once and for all. Mac, I’m sorry you got caught in the crossfire.”

They all stood there, just looking at me. “Allons-y!” I yelled. When they continued to look at me in slack-jawed surprise, I pointed to the town hall, “On décolle!” I facepalmed, realizing I was speaking in Quebec French slang, “Just get back in before we make more of a scene.” I realized how upset and tipsy I was, ‘I haven’t spoken French in a while. Tabarnak, it always happens when I’m drinking and under stress.’

We went back in, Mac and I leading the pack and the girls following sheepishly. Once we were all back at the table, I brought them all a round of unsalted drinks. That came with another round of uncomfortable silence. The music slowed again, “Dash,” I put my arm around her, “come here. You’re dancing with me.”

She pouted, “Alex, not now.”

“Hey, just because you had too much isn’t my problem. I want to dance with an angel, and you, my dear, are the only one who fits the bill.” I led her out to the dance floor and helped her up. She was a little wobbly, but I kept her steady.

“Dash, Applejack just gave me a drunk kiss. I’m sure when she sobers up, she’ll feel as bad about it as you will about the kiss you gave Mac.”

“I don’t know why I did it.” Dash had a heartbreaking expression of sadness, tears welling up in her eyes.

I sighed, “It was Mr Salt. I’ve already forgiven you, and I’m not worrying about it. Now, in the meantime, I want you to promise to be nice to Applejack, okay?” Dash sniffed and nodded. “She’s your friend, and she just did something stupid tonight. I want you to know there is no way she will ever get me. She’s a friend, a sister, but nothing else. You are the one I think about, day and night,” I smiled, “even when boxing.”

Dash snorted and laughed, then snuggled into my neck. “I so want to be with you right now.”

“Dash, not only are we too new as a couple, but you’re drunk off your flank. I don’t want to take advantage. It wouldn’t be right.”

Dash held me tight for a few moments, then spoke in my ear, “You know, everyone else I’ve been with wanted to buck me as soon as they could.” She pulled away and seemed to be examining my face. “You’re the first who didn’t take me up on the offer, you know that?”

“I just want to treat you right, like you deserve to be treated.” I smiled and pulled her closer. We just held each other, keeping ourselves close for the remainder of the song. As the song ended I whispered, “You’re stuck with me, no matter what.” into her ear. Dash pulled away and had a happy and hopeful expression.

As we went back to the table, instead of more music, I heard the smooth voice of DJ-P0N3, “Alright, all you happy party ponies, now is the time I always have the most fun at every reception, the opening of the gifts.” This was followed by much stomping from the crowd.

I glanced at the table. Applejack had a crestfallen expression, and Mac was rubbing her back. They were not even looking in our direction. ‘Thank Luna for small favours.’ I brightened up, “Well, Dash, you up to coming with me?”

“You know it. Just,” Dash wobbled a little, “keep me from falling over, please.”

I had to smile, ‘She’s damn cute when she’s drunk. Except for the jealous rages. Those are frightening.’

We waited at the front of the crowd while Derpy and Caramel picked up and unwrapped gifts. There was oh-ing and ah-ing as they were opened.

I smiled when Derpy picked up the gift from Dash and me. She looked at the exquisitely carved box with a little confusion. I stepped forward and took the box from her hooves. “Derpy, Caramel, this gift from Rainbow Dash and I requires a little explanation. It’s a very old tradition where I come from to give this gift to a newlywed couple. Some even say it’s a decidedly human kind of magic, a blessing, if you will. The giver is usually an older family member, and since I’m an official Apple, I took the initiative, cousin Caramel.” There was some laughter from the other guests. I opened the box, showing them the simple bun, candle, and cloth bag.

“First, the bun. It represents our blessing that you have plenty of worldly goods. I think you’ll do just fine.” There was a murmur of agreement, and Dash snickered with the knowledge of one of the humble-looking gifts.

“Second, the candle. It represents our blessing that you always have warmth and light in your relationship. I’m not worried. Even a blind person can see you two have plenty of that in yours.” Dash put her head on my shoulder, making me smile.

“Third, a bag of salt.” There were some chuckles in the crowd. “This is our blessing that you always have a little spice between yourselves. But not too much.” More chuckles in the crowd, including Dash.

“And finally, the beautiful box that holds these symbols. It represents your beautiful marriage containing these blessings. Please accept this gift and our blessings that you will have a happy life together.”

Derpy carefully took the box and placed it beside her. “Thank you so much, Alex Roberts and Rainbow Dash. We appreciate the magic used to create and give the gift.”

Dash smiled and added, “Wait till you see the little anonymous one. This big lug didn't want to tell you. He was so shy.” She kissed me on the cheek.

“Anonymous gifts are a human tradition. I see a few of them, so you'll never know which was mine,” I smirked.

The gift opening continued, 'Wow, these two are sure loved. There are so many thoughtful gifts. Everything they needed to start two new homes.' When they opened the anonymous little envelope, it caused a commotion.

“Told ya they would like it. Now, come here, you big ape.” I went to a knee, and Dash whispered something in my ear. I blushed.

“Dash, not while you're drunk. But as soon as you're sober.” We snickered like two teenagers.

Soon, there were only a few gifts left. Derpy took an elaborately wrapped box. Everyone ooh-ed and ah-ed, and with encouragement from the crowd, Derpy opened it.

When the lid was opened, the sides fell away to reveal the contents. There were gasps, a few angry curses, including my own, and then silence. Derpy started to cry. Caramel's expression became hard. In the box, on a little pedestal, was a broken feather duster with a tag saying,

To Caramel the Race Traitor
From Real Earth Ponies
Here's your retarded feather duster.

How could anyone do this? What would possess someone to ruin this day, especially for two wonderful ponies like them? I didn't realize it was possible for Dash to look even angrier than when AJ kissed me.

I shrugged, 'It's not like they'll ever know for sure about human marriage traditions.' I kneeled in front of the shocked couple and faked my sincerest smile, “Not that I did this, but someone pulled another human tradition. Do you mind if I take this upfront? No? Great!”

I started walking quickly to the stage with the box under my arm. 'I have to say something, but what? Damn, that stage is getting closer.' I reached the stage and whispered a few words to Vinyl Scratch. I still had no idea what I was going to say. The music stopped, I tapped the microphone, and heads turned.

In my best theatrical voice, “Ladies and gentlecolts! Tonight, some pony has given us a gift that, while seeming to be an unholy abomination, has actually become a wonderful opportunity for us all!”

The sea of faces looked at me questioningly. ‘Here goes nothing except bull pucky,’ I desperately thought. “There is a marriage tradition in my culture called 'The Cleansing Flame'. In this tradition, we take an offending object and place all of our hate, anger, rage, and negative emotions into the object. Then, you burn that object to symbolize all your negative emotions being cleansed by the fire. If anything, we should be grateful to that anonymous gift giver for that abomination of a gift. They have allowed us to love and tolerate them, no matter what."

"So, if the lovely bride, groom, and Dinky will please join me, I'll show you all how to do it!” It only took them a few moments to get to the stage. Once they were on the stage so everyone could see, I grabbed the box, contorted my face in rage, and screamed at the feather duster. Then, I put it back down, smiled, and said, “There! Now, all my bad emotions are locked away in that thing. I think the bride, groom, and daughter should be next.”

Derpy, Caramel, and Dinky hoof in hoof all yelled at the feather duster. Then, when they were done, they looked at each other and giggled.

“Alright! Now, everybody, let’s form an orderly line. Everybody gets a chance.”

A tipsy Applejack, eyes red from what I guessed were tears, walked up, looked at me for a long moment, and then yelled at the feather duster. Right behind her was Dash, who looked at Applejack for a moment, glanced at me, and then yelled. Soon, everyone was lining up for a chance. Even Big Macintosh roared, vibrating a few nails off the walls.

“Is that everyone? No one else?” I called out. Even the foals got into it, 'This is going better than I thought.' “Everyone, follow me!” I bellowed out while picking up the box. I marched with exaggerated movements and led everyone to the front of the building. “Now that all our hate, anger and sorrow is in this garbage, let the cleansing begin!” I placed the box on a patch of gravel and looked around. The only unicorn I cared about was Dinky.

I went to my knee and motioned her to come closer. “Dinky, do you think you could put some sparks on that box and make it catch fire?”

She answered hesitantly, “I think so.” Her little face screwed up in concentration, and her horn began to glow. Suddenly a stream of sparks was shooting from her horn onto the offending package. She continued for a few seconds and stopped, panting. I carefully blew on the smouldering package, and in a few moments, a flame started growing. Once I was sure it was good and caught, I stepped back.

At first, everyone watched the burning package, lost in their own thoughts. Dash leaned beside me. Dinky cried out, “Goodbye, bad feelings! See ya never!” Soon enough, everyone joined in.

After the box burned to ashes, the crowd returned to the hall. Dash and I lingered behind, just happy being close to each other. I looked around for Applejack or Macintosh but saw no sign of them. I felt the grip of sadness and guilt enveloping my heart with its icy fingers. Once again, I was the cause of pain for someone else, someone I cared about. Once we were alone, I knelt down, and Dash held me. “Why did she have to do it?” I sighed. “Why couldn’t she understand it’s you I want to be with? I hurt her. And now, because of me, you guys are fighting.”

Dash put her cheek against mine, “You dope. Me and AJ fight over everything. This is no different, and anyway, she’s just sore that I won. If it makes you feel better, what you did with that garbage gift was awesome. My knight in shining armour, redeeming everything in sight.”

I just held her tighter, thankful for her presence. Once I pulled myself together, I gave her a final squeeze. “Sorry about that. I just needed to get that out. All the smiles and sunshine were getting to me.”

She put a hoof on my cheek and smiled, “It’s okay. I’m here for you, you big lug.”

I kissed her tenderly. “Now, my lovely angel, if you'll excuse me, I have a little errand to run. I’ll be back in an hour, an hour and a half at most.” I saw the distressed expression on her face, “Don’t worry. I’m being a good boy.”

“Define ‘good’.”

I blame the idea on the booze. I had had just enough to be stupid but not enough to be disabled. In retrospect, I would not have followed through if I had had just two more shooters.

My normal light jog takes me about twenty or thirty minutes from the house to downtown Ponyville. Running flat out, I made it in ten minutes. Once home, I opened the package from Elusive, that ninja costume. I was confident it would fit like a glove, and it did.

I grabbed my knife, ‘STEALTH. SPARRING.’. I wasn’t that stupid. It took me about twenty minutes to get to my destination while staying in the shadows and avoiding random ponies.

One thing I can say about Equestria is that their security is crap. The back fence was only about 180cm high and made of stone: plenty to stop a pony, but nothing for me. There were no guards, no security systems as far as I could tell, not even anything sharp at the top of the fence. ‘Pathetic piece of garbage.’

The house was a very large three-story mansion. In the backyard, I could see many bushes and one light on in the lower part of the house. There was what looked like a pony-sized shape in that window. I crept closer. ‘Yes!’ The objective of this little exercise himself was sitting at a desk, his back to the window and very close. The bottom of the window was about one meter from the ground, ‘That will make this easier.’ As I got closer, the room seemed empty, except for him.

Skills honed from dire necessity did the work with almost no thought on my part. ‘SPARRING GARROTT.’ The blade thinned to a ribbon while a second handle formed at the end. In a single swift motion, I slipped the business end over his head and to his throat. The ribbon widened, distributing the pressure and preventing harm. I leaned in and started my soliloquy.

“Golden Coins, what I'm holding against your precious neck is an Imperial Pattern One Two Seven Nine Combat Knife with Mental Controls and Polymorphic Enhancement. You will notice that your head-” He started to struggle, and through gritted teeth, I ordered him, “DON'T MOVE!” I continued in a friendly tone, “Your head is still firmly attached to your neck. That's because it's in a non-lethal mode. The blade is dull, or in this case, a ribbon instead of a wire. One mental command from me-” he started struggling again, and I ordered him again, “I SAID DON'T MOVE! One command and it will be sharper than a razor blade that can cut through steel. You are much softer than steel.” Coins stopped struggling and, based on the smell, had wet himself.

“Is this about the money? I can have it transferred back in-” I interrupted him.

“It’s not about the God damned money. You were playing the game, and you won fair and square. This is about you breaking the rules of the game. Just to refresh your feeble mind, here are the rules. One, I am your only opponent. Two, you only attack me. Friends, family, and employees are out of bounds. Three, children are always out of bounds under any circumstance. Four, you never cripple your opponent physically, mentally, or financially. Nod, if you understand, you pompous piece of shit.” He nods his head slowly.

“Good. Now, you broke the rules. You attacked my family twice. The Apples are out of bounds, as are the Elements of Harmony. As is Derpy Hooves. Nod if you understand.” Again, Coins nods.

“Good boy. Lucky for you, I was able to turn things around with that feather duster thing.”

His eyes widened in surprise, and he managed, “How did you know?”

“I didn’t until just now. So, if you want to play the game man to pony, say yes. If you don’t want to play the game, say no. Just remember that I follow the rules of the game, but only if I'm playing.”

Coins was silent for a long time, at least a full minute, before finally nodding.

“Excellent! Now, I'm willing to bet that you're thinking that you'll contact the Royal Guard as soon as I'm out of sight. And I would say that's the smart thing to do. However, you will find a reception hall full of people who will swear I was there all night. I wonder how that will pan out.” I leaned forward so I was speaking directly in his ear. “Just remember that I'm not an Element of Harmony, and I will lie, cheat, and steal to protect those around me. However, I was appointed a Paladin of Redemption by Luna herself, and I hope this is the first step in your redemption.”

‘SPARRING KNIFE’. Golden Coins coughed, regaining his breath. “Now that we have an understanding, Coins, I bid you goodnight.” I took off and was fairly sure he didn’t see me leave. I made my way back home to change and rejoin the reception.

Dash greeted me with a look that said, ‘I’m very upset with you, but you’re lucky there are witnesses.’ “Where the hay have you been?”

“I had to go to the bathroom?” I lied.

She cocked an eyebrow. “Eye twitch,” she said flatly.

“I had a cathartic experience?” I grinned innocently.

“I'll buy that, for now.” She smiled. “Now, let's go party!”

24 - The morning after

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I was taking a hard breath with each footfall, running as hard as I could, but it was not tiring. Running through a dark Ponyville, I had a grim purpose. Something horrible was going to happen and I had to stop it.

There, in the darkness before me, stood Golden Coins, laughing.

“Can you save them? I don’t think so. You’re nothing but a worthless primate.” He looked at me sadly. “I couldn’t save them all. Oh, I tried, but I couldn’t even save the real pony out of their stupid little group. Only her.”

He looked at me and gestured with a bloody knife at a form writhing beside him. I drew closer and realized with dawning horror that the writhing mass was a wingless Scootaloo, her orange coat striped with crimson from two gaping wounds on her sides. In the dark behind her, I knew there were two other small forms of Applebloom and Sweetie Belle slumped bonelessly on the ground, just beyond what my eyes could see.

My mind reeled from the horror, rooting my feet and freezing my arms. A second passed, then two. My screaming mind finally took control of my limbs. In the growing rage, I had a moment of purest clarity.

He was beyond redemption, he had to be put down.

A wordless scream. A blurry charge, knife slashing back and forth. Fire bubbled up within me as I leapt through the air. I bore down on him relentlessly. Kill. Burn. Rip. Tear. KillBurnRipTear killburnriptearkillkillkillkill-

And suddenly, all the rage, all the emotion, just stopped. I could feel it drifting inside me, brushing through my skin like an ethereal mist. Scootaloo was left frozen mid-spasm, hanging in the air like some macabre floating sculpture. Her little body was greyed out and unclear, like looking at her through a badly scratched lens. My eyes were drawn instinctively to the only colour remaining in the scene. Her wings laid haphazardly on the ground, the orange of the feathers and red of blood and flesh, the white of bone and gristle contrasting sharply with the filly that floated above them.

Coins walked up from behind me. I hadn’t even noticed that he had disappeared.

“She’ll thank me one day, you know. I’ve seen her. Seen her struggle to fly and all the other stupid feather dusters laughing at her.”

He reached down and picked up a tiny orange wing, examining it closely, before offering it up for me to inspect.

“Underdeveloped. Atrophied. Barring a miracle, she would never have been able to fly. She’s better off this way.”

I examined the wing closely. His observations were accurate, and I handed it back to him, nodding. I saw the blood and gore on my hands but didn’t think it was important.

He threw the wing on the ground and crushed it under his hoof, grinding bone, sinew, and feather into a gory mess. I smiled in approval.

“Wings are a lie. Unicorn magic is a lie. I don’t suppose you know why Ponyville has the best produce in all of Equestria?”

I shook my head.

“It’s right over there—the Everfree forest. Ponyville is a true earth pony town, one of the very few left. To my knowledge, we’re the only ones to still “wrap up” winter in the proper way. And even that’s a bit of a misnomer. The only important thing is clearing the snow out of the way for planting. Birds? Animals? You would know better than most. They’re supposed to take care of themselves.”

He sighed and rubbed his muzzle with a hoof. “I just wish you would understand, you miserable hairless monkey. All I want to do is save them. And I can’t. I could swindle all the fortunes in Equestria and it wouldn’t do a thing.”

“Who? Who do you want to save?” He ignored me.

“You’re a predator. And I suppose I am too, in my own way.” He shot me an appraising look. “Now that I think about it, we are far more alike than I ever imagined. I hope you realize how much this disgusts me, abomination. I’ve heard some of your stories- the ones that you haven’t censored for the fragile little fillies and colts. No one could survive a journey like that without a certain mindset. But you, you always thought you were better than that didn’t you? Even in the throes of your deluded misery, you clung like a wretched limpet to that thought. It’s why you hate me so much. It’s why you hate yourself so much. And it’s why we took her wings from her.”

Something shattered, and Scootaloo flopped to the ground like a broken doll, head lolling into the mess that had been one of her wings.

“It’s too late for us, you know. There’s a reason it’s called damnation.”

Golden Coins loomed forward, growing ever larger. I cringed, trying desperately but unsuccessfully to look away from the sight before me. No. No. Nonononononononono!

“I would never do that! No! Never!”

He gave me an empty smile.

“But you already have.”

I was in a dark room. It had taken me ages to get here without alerting anyone, but it had all been worth it. I stood unopposed in front of my prey, who was now trembling in the corner.

“It’s for the greater good,” I told the orange pegasus. I grabbed her, and in two quick, efficient movements sliced off both of her wings. “Let this be the first step in your redemption.”

I could hear the growing laughter, my own mingled with that of Golden Coins. I swung my arm, trying to stop it and make it go away. It made contact with something. In that instant, I fell back into my body and with a gasp, I opened my eyes to see Dash sprawled on my living room floor.

I scrambled off the couch to her side, “Are you hurt? Oh, Dash, I’m so sorry.” I reached out to hold and comfort her, but she moved away, cringing. A moment of blind terror had made me hurt my angel and it broke my heart. She finally looked up. The expression of fear on her face tore my soul. Tears started dripping down my cheeks, “Dash, I-”

Her expression changed to one of compassion and a small smile as she understood what had just happened had been an accident. “It’s okay, you big goof. Anyway, you hit like a filly.”

I did a little coughing laugh and took her in my arms, “Dash I’m so sorry. I’m a monster. I hurt you. I didn’t mean to. It was a nightmare, a horrible, horrible nightmare. I know it’s no excuse. Please forgive me. I’m begging you.”

She held me and softly, slowly cooed, “It’s okay. It’s okay. It was just a dream. It’s gone now. You didn’t hurt me. I’m a lot tougher than that.” She held me tight for a few minutes, “Do you want to talk about it?”

I sniffed, “Coins. I was him, and he was me,” I hesitated, reeling from the horrifying imagery still fresh in my mind, “we did terrible things, even by human standards, and he was laughing, and I couldn’t stop us.” I continued after a moment to regain myself, “I hurt Scoots, there was so much blood on my hands. So much blood... But the worst part was that I couldn’t save any of them.”

“What do you mean, 'any of them’?”

I hesitated again, took a deep breath, and answered, “Coins, Sweetie Belle, Applebloom, and,” I shut my eyes and stifled a sob then whispered, “oh dear God, Scootaloo.”

I felt Dash’s hoof on my chin, lifting my face back up. I opened my eyes only to gaze into the visage of the person I’d fallen in love with. My voice was full of shame, “I’m sorry I’m weak, that you have to deal with this. It’s not right. I, I should be stronger.”

Dash pushed me away slightly and looked at me for a long time, her expression unreadable. “You’re a strong person when it counts. You really believe in that redemption stuff, don’t you.”

I didn’t reply immediately, but when I did, it was with certainty, “As much as you believe in loyalty.” We sat there, looking at each other for the longest time. “Thank you, Dash.” I caressed her cheek, and she kissed my palm. “For not hating me. For being my redemption.” I noticed the aroma of coffee.

Her confident smirk made my heart skip a beat, “Hey, I’m your trophy marefriend, and don’t you forget it.” We both laughed at our private joke. “Now, let's try this again without you clobbering me.” She gave me a long, slow kiss. “Good morning, Alex. I’m not much of a cook, but I made coffee and oatcakes.” I was surprised at her timid tone, not at all the brave and brash Rainbow Dash I knew.

“Thank you, it smells wonderful. Made by the hands, sorry, hooves of an angel. My angel.” I held her in my arms for a moment, happy she was here. “Heh, before I do anything else, I need to take care of something.” I quickly went to the washroom, splashed some cold water on my face, swallowed some powdered willow bark with water, and gave my teeth a quick brush.

I looked at the tired old man staring back at me in the mirror. I pointed at myself, 'You're lucky. After all these lonely years, you finally meet a woman as strong as Ann in many ways but so different and one of a kind.' I sighed, 'Best put on my best face for my angel.'

When I returned, I saw her pouring two mugs of coffee. “Dash, what did I ever do to deserve you?” I happily took a sip and abruptly stopped. The coffee was... bad. Oh my goodness, it was bad. I panicked but had enough presence of mind to hide it, ‘I can’t say I like it, she’ll see right through me.’ I smiled, “Have I told you I love you yet?”

She smiled, “Not yet,” then added with a sensual expression, “But you sure showed me last night.”

I fought with every ounce of strength to not spit the next sip of coffee out in shock. Too late. I did manage to spit most of it back into the cup. “I-I’m sorry?”

Dash grinned, “You’re so cute when you think you’ve been bad.” She took a sip of her coffee, “Mmmm, best brew yet. No, last night you carried me upstairs, and I was, you know, thinking you were finally taking me up on my offer,” she rolled her eyes, “and then you tucked me in your bed, gave me a kiss, and went back downstairs. Well, you fell once on the way down.” She looked into her cup, her expression bittersweet. “That was the kindest thing anyone has done to me in a long time.”

“What can I say? I want you to know I’m not in it for a roll in the hay.”

The confident smirk that gave me such joy returned, “But you will roll in the hay, right? You don’t have a problem with rolling or hay?”

“Absolutely. Rolling and hay are both part of a balanced love life.” I started taking one of the small cakes.

“Not those. I had this pile just for you and your human gut.”

“Thank you, Dash.” I patted my tummy, “He appreciates your thoughtfulness.” The oatcakes were a little burned on the outside and a little undercooked on the inside.

Dash eagerly started digging into hers but paused, “Do you like them? My mom made them like this all the time. They’re my favourite.”

I am ashamed to say I took a very tentative first bite, but I was pleased to see she didn’t notice, and then I started chewing thoughtfully. They weren’t that bad. “They’re different from what I’ve had in the past, but they’re quite good.”

Dash seemed to have accepted what I said. She seemed relieved, and most importantly, she seemed happy. I was determined not to talk about the dream and did what I always do: I changed the subject.

“So, I’m planning a trip to Canterlot. Rarity got me a meeting with Perfect Home. I guess he’s a hotshot architect that she met at some society thing. Anyway, it turns out he has connections with Filthy Rich so that, plus a nod from Rarity, was enough to get a meeting. It gives me the chance to impress him enough to maybe get him to design the new theatre. Rarity said it would be a huge mark of prestige. So, I’ll have to class myself up and hope I can impress this person.”

She flashed the overconfident smirk I had grown to love, “I don’t doubt you can do it. You know how hard I am to impress, and you’re almost there. You’ll knock him off his hooves.”

“I’m also going there to hire Trixie. Because one hottie is just not enough.” I smiled innocently.

Dash raised one perfect eyebrow. “You know I don’t believe you.”

“That I’ll hire Trixie or that one hottie is not enough?”

She looked at me with a barely suppressed grin, “That you’ll hire Trixie.”

We both looked at each other for a moment, suppressing grins and laughter, until we both finally broke down. “You, my dear, are all the mare I can handle.”

“Good, because I’m the jealous type,” she smirked and threw a little piece of oatcake at me. I caught it with a smile. “Nice catch.”

I glanced above Dash to look at the clock and groaned. Two hours until Applejack is supposed to come.

Dash followed my gaze and looked at the wall clock behind her. “Oh right, AJ.”

“Yes, Applejack. I’m not sure what to say to her, really. I mean, other than the obvious. I’m just afraid we will lose her as a friend.”

She looked at me, “I know what you mean.” Dash had a sad expression and propped her head on the table with her hoof. “She’s my best friend, Alex. What, what can I say to her? I mean, on one hoof, I’m angry. She was hitting on my stallion. Trying to steal you.” Her expression grew loving, “On the other, any stallion who could grab me the way you do, well, I can’t blame her.” She threw her head back in frustration, “Ugh. I’m just no good at this mushy stuff.”

“Dash, what’s the expression? ‘Blinders off, everypony.’ That’s the one that means we all say what we need to say and show everyone what’s on our minds, right? No hiding anything from anyone.’

“I’m impressed. Your fat head can get pony stuff in there.”

I stood and replied with a forced jauntiness in my voice, “Well, with you around to pound it into me, I'm starting to learn. Tell you what, you have been so kind to me this morning...” I had almost managed to forget, but the imagery came rushing back to me. I suddenly lost my composed face for a moment, exposing the real terror I was hiding. Our eyes locked, and I just turned. I fought hard to compose myself again.

When I finally won that battle, I whispered, “Sorry.” I scowled at my renewed weakness. “I thought I was in control. I thought I was stronger.” When I turned back to Dash, her expression of pain, sadness, and compassion made my knees buckle. Even though I knew intellectually there was no reason, I felt shame for showing weakness in front of the woman I love. I dropped into my chair, leaning forward, unable to speak. I couldn't even mumble an apology.

I stared blankly at my plate. 'Now, Dash has seen me at my worst, physically and emotionally. I can't see her wanting this train wreck. And so soon, too. Well done, Alex, well done.'

I was so wrapped up in myself I didn't notice her sidling up beside me. When she put her warm cheek on my own, I took a sharp breath in surprise. She put her hoof on my back and slowly rubbed it. This was the first time she had touched my back, even through clothes. These simple, loving actions comforted me, and I was thankful.

After a few moments, I turned my head and was immediately drawn to her eyes. Her perfect eyes are wonderful in all their intricate detail and delicate beauty. I remembered why she made my heart skip. Without tearing my eyes away, “You remember Dash, when I was in the hospital and how I said I was always looking for a fair trade?” She gave a little nod. “That thought hasn't crossed my mind in the time we've been together. When I told you you were my redemption, I wasn't kidding. Before, I was willing to die for others. Now, I'm willing to live for you. I want to give others the gift of redemption you’ve given me.” I caressed her cheek, “You're a strong mare, and you deserve a strong man. I was afraid you would be ashamed of me, of being disappointed, now that you’ve seen me so weak.”

I tried looking down, but she held my gaze with a loving expression of incredible fierceness, “Alex, when it comes to others, you're as brave and strong as anypony I know. Braver than me, sometimes. But you're such a whiny little foal when it's about you. You're very special to me, and it hurts when you're so down on yourself. I don't know what to say to you that will make you see that. And, yeah, that nightmare was really scary, and I know what kind of things you've seen, so it must have been horrible to affect you like that, but it was just a nightmare. You're not Celestia or Luna. You have to be afraid of something. I just,” she swallowed, “just don't be afraid of losing me.”

I smiled, finally having that lesson driven home, and I slowly brushed my fingers along her cheek, “Not anymore, my sky blue angel.”

25 - An understanding

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With my confidence shaky but improving, we finished breakfast and I started cleaning up. With a quick kiss and hug, Dash turned to leave for her daily exercise routine. “I’ll be back in an hour, you big baby, eleven-thirty at the latest.”

I always get a thrill watching her take off, so I followed her out to watch her leave. When I reached the door I leaned against the frame. She was in that crouched position she takes before a powerful takeoff but when she saw me she straightened herself and hovered toward me with a sultry smile. Without saying a word she embraced me again, more passionately this time. I held her in my arms, her wings wrapped around me. I couldn’t help but notice she still had the scent of lilacs from the party last night. I took a deep sniff and smiled. Her natural scent and the perfume mingled perfectly. “You still smell great.”

I could hear the smile in Dash’s voice and a bit of a giggle, “Enjoy it now. You won’t want to do that when I’m done with my workout.” I held her with my left arm holding her up, the other around her shoulders. I didn’t know how long we stayed like that, but I didn’t want to let her go. She finally spoke, her voice almost purring, “Alex?”

“Yes, Dash?”

“As much as I hate to say this, you need to let me go so I can get working out. You may think I’m a hottie, but that won’t get me into the Wonderbolts.”

“I’m afraid I must agree. One last kiss?”

She kissed me again, as passionately as she ever had before, after a much too short a time, “There. That’ll have to hold you until I get back. Now, move your arm from around my shoulders.” I did as instructed, and she launched herself from my arms. The burst of wind almost knocked me down, and I could only look up in wonder and admiration as she joyfully spiralled into the sky.

“There, all done,” I mumbled to myself. With the house all clean, I made my way back to the living room to sit. As I was turning the corner, I heard a small popping sound. I turned back and saw a scroll with a black and dark blue seal. ‘I wonder what Princess Luna wants?’ I picked up the scroll, snapped the seal, and started reading.

My Faithful Paladin Alex Roberts,

I Am Disappointed At Your Recent Actions Regarding Golden Coins. While He Is Flawed, We Both Know There Is A Spark Within Him That Can Be Fanned Into The Flame Of Redemption. We Also Know That Your Approach Was Equally Flawed. In The Future, You Will Refrain From Physically Threatening Ponies.

With This In Mind, I Want You To Meditate Upon The Dream I Sent You and Coins. It Is A Glimpse Into A Possible Future, One That Must Be Avoided. I Hope This Will Help You Understand The Dire Need For The Redemption Of Golden Coins.

While You Are The First Of My Paladins Of Redemption, You Must Still Learn Humility. In the Interest Of Learning This, I Would Ask You To Apologize To Golden Coins, As He Will Apologize To Mrs Derpy Hooves. I Have Sent Him A Letter Of Guidance As I Have Sent One To You.

I Give You This Guidance In Love,
Princess Luna

P.S. In The Future, Please Monitor Your Alcohol Consumption As It Seems To Make You Act Foolishly.

'I'm a disappointment.' That was my only thought. I had disappointed a goddess with my stupidity and now had to prostrate myself before that caricature of a pony, Coins. ‘Fair enough, I suppose. I do owe her for her guidance, and she did appoint me a Paladin, so I may as well live up to it. Anyway, I think Coins is hurting as much as me after that dream. I mean, if big bad Alex can get cut that deep, I can only imagine what it would do to a pony. Even a bastard like Coins.’

I sat a while, just waiting for Dash to come back. I was thinking about what I would be saying to Coins. ‘You’d think I was worrying about the girls, but I’m not. Elusive told me mares work this kind of thing out, and heaven knows I’m no expert on this kind of thing.’

“Equestria to Alex. Didn’t you hear what I said?”

“What? Sorry, Dash, just thinking.”

“I said, ‘Would you like to take a shower with me?’ but that’s off the table. You only get the hottest Rainbow if you’re paying attention.”

I was so distracted my response was, “Oh, well, if that’s the way you feel. it’s okay by me.” I was brought back to reality by a tap on the back of my head. That snapped me out of my funk and made me realize what had been said. “Dash, I’m so sorry. I just got his letter from Princess Luna that’s messing with my head.” I handed her the scroll.

Dash read the scroll and let out a low, slow whistle, “So, what exactly did you do when you weren’t under supervision?”

“In a nutshell? Put on my ninja costume, broke into Golden Coins’ house and held a garrot to his throat. I then, in a very drunken act of stupidity, threatened him with much bodily harm for almost ruining Derpy and Caramel’s wedding. You know, the usual.”

Dash hugged me from behind and kissed me on the cheek. “You, Mr Roberts, require constant supervision and no alcohol. What possessed you to do something that stupid?”

I smiled, “Lack of supervision and too much alcohol. Do you know the worst part? If I had had just a couple more virgin Humans, I would have been too drunk to pull it off.”

“I would say that was totally awesome if it wasn’t so bucking stupid.” She pulled away, and I could hear a sniff, “Wow, okay, I need a shower. Do you mind if I use yours?”

“You go right ahead, angel.” I smiled, wishing I had paid attention.

“I guess it will be a lonely shower, all alone.” Dash tsked and sighed, “You missed your chance for today.” There was a heartbeat, and she started giggling. I turned my head in time to receive a kiss and watched her go off to the bathroom.

When she came out, it was quarter to noon. It must take longer to dry off with her coat, mane and tail. I felt bad not offering to help her dry off. Maybe next time. I was still on the couch, waiting for events to transpire. She climbed on the couch beside me, stretching her toned body and resting her head on my lap. I absentmindedly scratched behind her ears and was rewarded with a happy sigh. “Dash, I hope you know how happy you make me.”

Art by Dan Houser (dan.r.houser@gmail.com for commissions)

I paused, carefully thinking about my next words, “In fact, I've been thinking, and even if I had a chance to go back to where I come from, I don’t think I would take it. I would miss you too much. I don't think I could ever bring myself to ask Twilight if she could do it, even hypothetically.”

She turned and looked me in the eye, “Really? You would give all that up for me?”

“In a heartbeat. I’m not saying I don’t miss them, but it’s been so long, they’ve become an abstraction. Even with the occasional communications, they’ve become unreal to me, just moving pictures. But you, my beautiful angel, are far more real to me. I hope you don’t think any less of me for abandoning them.”

“Alex, you idiot, you hardly abandoned them. You waited a lifetime by anypony's count. You deserve a family. And I’m happy you want me to be part of that.”

“You bet I do. I mean, who else will keep me in line?" I happily stroked her mane

We spent the last half hour or so simply enjoying the warmth of the other, not saying much, if anything. I would occasionally run my fingers through her soft multi-coloured mane or a fingertip along the edge of her ear, making her giggle and her ear twitch. She would run her hoof along my leg, causing it to twitch making her giggle even more.

Finally, the event I was dreading, what broke this moment of warmth and comfort, distant voices I recognized as Applejack and Big Mac. They were arguing outside, and they were both speaking in stage whispers.

Big Mac's smooth baritone was the first I understood properly, "Now I told you to get in there. Alex is trying to help you and Miss Rainbow Dash patch things up."

"Listen here, Big Macintosh, you know full well why I tried to get Alex's attention. Dash will chew him up and spit him out before the end of the season. Alex is too sensitive to be jerked around by that... that jerk."

The exasperated tone in Big Macinosh's deep baritone voice was evident, "Applejack, just go. As your big brother, I'm ordering you."

"You can't order me. You may be older, but I'm the head of the household."

"Maybe so, but I am your older brother, and don't you forget it." He punctuated his point with a snort.

"I don't know why you're so keen on them two getting together. Didn't you have a crush on RD? Didn't he steal your mare? If Alex is with me, you can sweep in and romancify her."

There was a noticeable pause before he answered, "A while ago, I might have taken you up on that and maybe let you give him a try. But now? Alex is a decent person. Now that I know him a little, I could never do that to him. Do you know he tried to set me up with Miss Rainbow Dash?" there was a pause, "That's right, you didn’t know that, did you? I know he's not some colt looking for a quick rut. Who knows, if the situation ever changes, I wouldn't be opposed to it. But right now, that's not going to happen and likely never will. You need to get in there and settle things."

I heard Applejack give a little grunt and stumble. “Alright, alright, no need to push.”

There was a knock on the door, and Dash sat straight up. She looked at the door worriedly, then back at me, "I guess it's time to go."

"Best to do it like a band-aid, rip it off fast." Dash looked at me with pinprick pupils. "Er, sorry, I guess that would be bad for you. Let's do this and get it over with. I'll be the one in the middle." I smiled and gave her a little peck on the nose, "Trust me, Dash, I'll fix this." I added to myself, 'I hope I can, anyway.'

"No, Alex. I want to talk to AJ alone. Mare to mare. And I don't want you listening in, even though I know you can. It's something we have to do. Please, do it for me."

"For you, anything. I'll grab some drinks and go chat with Big Mac. Do you want me to make some tea before I go?"

She laughed, "You'll make a great little homemaker. I think we'll be good. If we want anything, we'll raid your fridge."

"That's why it's there."

I reluctantly got up, grabbed a couple of cold bottled drinks and stepped out the back door. "Thanks for coming, Applejack. Dash is inside. Help yourself to a drink in the fridge. I've been kicked out, so I thought me and Mr Macintosh could have a talk. Hope you like this stuff, Mac." Applejack gave me a small apologetic smile and went inside.

Mac gave me that almost smile, "That's just fine. Best let the mares come to some agreement. No need to get involved."

I motioned to the shady spot under the tree where the heavy bag was. I tried hard not to listen in. I pulled the top off one of the bottles and passed it to Mac. I opened the other one and sat down. "Eeyup."

Mac answered with his usual verbose commentary, "Eeyup."

After a while, to drown out the conversation Applejack and Dash were having, I started talking, "I tell you, Mac, it wasn't this complicated where I come from. Just as many hes as shes. What's the ratio here, three to one, four to one?"

"Four to one in Ponyville." Mac finished off the drink and placed the bottle on the ground.

"Yikes."

“Alex, in my experience, mares usually work this stuff out beforehand or just wait for the stallion to choose. This here situation just got more complicated because the mares involved are stubborn.”

I chuckled, “Really? Are Rainbow Dash and Applejack stubborn? Inconceivable.”

Mac looked a little confused, “Alex, I don’t think that word means what you think it means.”

I snorted, “Sorry, Mac, it was just a joke.”

Before Mac could answer, Dash called from the back door, her voice and expression neutral, "Alex, could you come in here, please?"

Applejack was seated at the far end of the kitchen table, her hat in front of her. She had a look on her face that said embarrassment. Dash motioned me to sit on the stool between them as she sat opposite Applejack.

Dash started speaking, “Alex, me and Applejack have things worked out, but I wanted to ask a question, and I wanted you to hear the answer. Like you said, blinders off.”

"AJ," Dash looked at her long-time friend with a little sadness, "why did you do it? Why did you, and I never thought I would say this, why did you try to steal my stallion? I mean, you're so pretty. Big Mac has a hard time keeping them away from you."

Applejack sighed, a faraway expression on her face, "RD, it's like this. Yes, I suppose I'm pretty, but that's part of the problem. The stallions who try to court me are fine looking, but not much else. Alex liked me," she paused with a bittersweet smile, "loved me for me, not because I'm pretty. Heck, he couldn't tell if, if Twilight or Fluttershy was the prettier mare." Applejack looked at me pleadingly as if to ask me to confirm this.

I smiled a little, "I'm not proud to say so, but it's true. Physically, ponies all look alike to me. If I had a black-and-white image of just your face, it would be hard for me to tell you apart. I rely on your colours, body shape and language, and cutie mark to recognize you. Colour-coded for my convenience. But that also means I can focus on the important part of a pony, their heart. At the end of the day, that's what matters."

I turned to Applejack and took her hoof in my hand. I saw the controlled scowl Dash was flashing me, but I ignored it for the moment, "Applejack, you are the sister I've never had, and I love you with all my heart. It's the same kind of love I feel for my daughter: absolute, heart-bursting, and platonic. That will never change, never. You could break my bones, and it would not change that. I would be annoyed, but I will never stop loving you."

Dash was visibly upset, but I continued. "I am so sorry that I will never be the person you can love in that way. But, there are two straightforward reasons, the one you know, that you're too much like Ann, and this one," I turned to face a scowling Dash, "my heart belongs to a mare that makes me smile when she kisses the sky," her expression became neutral, "that makes my heart skip a beat when she speaks," her expression grew to a small smile, "that makes me dream of a future with her," her smile grew as her eyes became moist.

I turned back to Applejack and was greeted by a bittersweet smile and wet cheeks. She slowly pulled her hoof from my hand and placed it on my cheek. "I, I think I really understand now, sugarcube." She put her hoof down and turned to Dash, "I'm so sorry, RD, I wronged you, and you're my best friend. If I had only been honest with myself, and I mean really honest with myself, this never would have happened. I guess I was wanting that kind of friendship so badly I ignored what I knew." She sniffed loudly, "I'm so lucky to have a friend like you," she turned back to me, "and a brother like you."

After a tender moment between us all, "Okay, so I think you girls should go off and spend the rest of the day together. Patch things up, have fun, and be friends. Maybe prank somebody.” They both hugged me and turned to leave, “Dash,” I give her a quick peck on the forehead, “ Can I have a word in private with Applejack? Family business.”

Dash looked a little unsure but finally nodded and went outside to wait. “Applejack, I just want to give you a single piece of advice that I know has helped me in the past. Instead of waiting for your prince charming, maybe you should go out there and find him.”

Applejack seemed to be taken aback by my advice, “I, I never thought of that, really. Around here, stallions take their pick of mares, seeing as there are so many. I’m not sure it’s proper. But I know you wouldn’t steer me wrong, at least not on purpose.”

I give her a smirk, “Just telling what worked for me once, long ago. Anyway, according to everyone else, you can have your pick of the litter. You just need to find the one. Heck, you might find that tailor, Elusive, to be right up your alley.”

She gave me a questioning look, “Are you trying to set me up with your pal? Because, if you are, he must be a fine stallion to be your friend.”

“Not set you up as such, just letting you know about an option you may not see otherwise. Oh, and if he talks really campy when you meet him, just say you’re friends with me and I told you his secret. He’ll talk normally after that.”

“But, what if he doesn’t like me, you know, the real me?”

“Then you get back on the horse and... wait for me to find a better human saying. It means, if Elusive Isn't the one, keep looking. I know there’s a stallion out there who is decent and hard-working and will care for you. The real you. And if he doesn’t, he’ll have two older brothers to look out for.” I got up, lazily stretched, and gave her a big smile, “You’re a good person, Applejack. Don’t you ever forget that.”

I jerked my thumb toward the door, “Now scram and go spend time with your friend.”

26 - Explanations and humility

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I smiled and watched Dash and Applejack walking into Ponyville, laughing and bumping into each other in friendly one-upmanship. Mac was still waiting by the tree, a smile actually noticeable.

“Damn good to see them friends again, Mac. I don’t know what I would have done if they hadn't made up.”

The wheat stock in his mouth moved from side to side, “Eeyup. Best thing for ‘em.” Mac paused for a moment, watching them go, “After all this ruckus, just make sure to treat Miss Rainbow Dash right.”

“You know it, Mac. You know it.” I stood watching them for a few more minutes, admiring Dash, then sighed, “Well, I have some very unpleasant business to attend to, sir.” I slapped him on the shoulder, “Wish me luck.”

I was rewarded with an angry Mac, “What in tarnation did you hit me for?”

“Oops. Heh, sorry. It’s a human thing. A slap to the back of the shoulder is a sign of camaraderie. I keep forgetting ponies don’t go for violence as easily as humans do. I didn’t even think how that would be interpreted.”

Mac gave me a sideways glare, and then his expression softened into a genuine smile, “Here’s how a pony does it.” He then shoulder-checked me hard enough to knock me to the ground.

I laughed, both in relief that Mac was not offended and for the silliness of his response. “Mac, does this mean you like me.”

His smile extended to an actual grin and he extended a hoof to help me up. “Nope, but I guess it means I can tolerate ya.”

I snorted, “I’ll take that. I’m headed to town. Want to come with me?”

“Nope, too much work on the farm, but I’ll walk with you as far as the gate.”

“Sounds good.” We walked in silence, Mac going a little slower to accommodate me. After a few minutes, “Ya know Mac, I’ve said it before, but this world,” I pursed my lips, shook my head, and looked at the perfect sky, “you have no idea how lucky you are. The people here are so, so good and forgiving. Heh, I really realize now how much, how badly, I overreacted to Coins by your standards. The more I think about it, the more I realize it’s something to be ashamed of.”

The wheat stock went from left to right, “So, what did you do that was so bad?”

I couldn’t make myself look at Mac, I just found a very fascinating spot on the ground, “I broke into his house, slapped a garrote around his throat and threatened him for messing up the reception with that thrice-damned gift.”

He snorted, “I would agree that’s a mite harsh, considering you managed to fix it before any harm was done.” Mac was silent for a few moments, “Is what you done normal for humans?”

I didn’t answer right away, then chuckled, “No. I guess that wouldn’t be normal where I lived. I just, I just saw that ugly thing in this wondrous place and got so angry. Righteous indignation, Mac. The blood in my veins was filled with it. As far as I was concerned, I was on a holy mission. I was stopping evil. Being drunk didn’t help, but that’s no excuse. And, damn it, what if I had been wrong?” I enjoyed the beauty of the countryside and the beautiful rows of apple trees. “Well, Mac, thanks for listening to me ramble. I guess I’m off to make things right.”

“Don’t worry none, you’ll be just fine. And if’n it means something, I think you did the right thing. Well, maybe not in fact, but in principle anyway.”

“Thanks, Mac, that means a lot. You have a good day, okay?”

Walking into town, I hum ‘This Is The Life’ by Weird Al to distract myself. I smile despite the feeling of a knife being twisted in my gut with each step closer to the humiliation I was about to experience. ‘I deserve this. I know it’s just. I’m the one who went too far, not him.’

Despite my inner turmoil, I was smiling when I reached the town. There were not many ponies, so I could easily hear the little maelstrom of youthful exuberance coming my way. I turned in time to see Scootaloo on her scooter, pulling Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle at breakneck speeds in their little red wagon.

Seeing Scootaloo brought the bone-chilling details of the dream to the forefront of my mind. For a split second, I screamed in my mind at the imagery. Then, when I realized Scootaloo was whole and unharmed, full of life and joy. I almost cried. I couldn’t explain it, but it was as if I had just laid eyes on Lily. My heart burst with relief and joy at seeing that little pegasus filly. After a full second with who knows what expression on my face, “Hi girls, up to no good?” I smiled broadly at them. Seeing them made me so happy and relieved.

They screeched to a halt and, with toothy smiles, said, “Yes, Alex,” all except for Apple Bloom. She just looked at me with all the hostility a little filly could muster. ‘Uh oh.’

With concern in my voice, “What’s wrong, Apple Bloom?”

She jumped out of the little wagon, ran up to me, and bucked me hard, knocking me to the ground. “That’s for making my sister cry, ya big meanie.”

The other two looked at me and Apple Bloom in shock. Scootaloo was the first to defend me, “Why did you do such a mean thing, Apple Bloom? Alex would never do something like that. He’s really nice! Rainbow Dash is always saying nice things about him when she gives me her special lessons.”

“And Rarity still calls him a gallant knight, whatever that is. She gets all googly-eyed when she does, so I know it’s a good thing.”

Despite the pain in my leg, I pulled myself to a kneeling position with a grunt. “It’s okay, Sweetie Belle, Scootaloo. She has, or had, a good reason to be mad at me, but it’s kind of private. Could you girls go ahead to Sugar Cube Corners and tell Pinkie Pie or Mrs Cake I’ll be along too in a few minutes? Order up whatever you want. It’s on me. I want to talk with Apple Bloom.” Sweetie Belle looked sceptical, and Scootaloo seemed upset, but they did what I asked. I sat on the curb and rubbed my leg.

Once they were out of earshot, “Apple Bloom, I’m sorry I upset your sister. We had a,” I groped around for the right word, “miscommunication. Do you know what that word means?” she nodded, “Of course you do. You’re a smart filly. Well, your sister thought she was in love with me, and I was in love with her, in a marefriend and coltfriend kind of way.”

“You mean like a special somepony?”

“Yes, exactly. The problem is, I don’t like her as a special somepony. I liked her more like a sister.” I smiled and shrugged, “My heart was somewhere else. It was with Miss Rainbow Dash.”

“So you led my sister on and stole my brother’s mare?” I could see she was even more upset.

“No, no, no.” I had never realized how perceptive she was. “It was more like Applejack thought she liked me like a special somepony, but she was just a little confused. You see, I can’t tell a pretty pony from an average pony.” Apple Bloom looked at me incredulously, “I really can’t. I’ve been told Applejack is really, really pretty, and she was so happy that someone liked her for her, not because she’s pretty. She got a little confused. But we have that all worked out now. Now, I want you to know that I care for your sister very much as a friend, even as a sister, but not in that special way. And I would like to think of you as my little sister, too, if you’ll let me.”

Apple Bloom looked at me, unsure. “I suppose that’s alright.” Her eyes narrowed, “But what about Big Macintosh?”

“Well, Mac had a chance to ask Miss Rainbow Dash out, but it never worked out. In fact, I even tried to set them up once. Mac told me he was alright with me and Miss Rainbow Dash. Anyway, do you honestly think Rainbow Dash would let herself be traded around like a ball?” Apple Bloom smirked and shook her head. “So, Miss Rainbow Dash and I like each other very much, and Mac and Applejack are happy for us. We like them very much, too, as friends.” I sighed, “Grown-up relationships get crazy sometimes.” I patted her on the head, “You know what? Nobody needs to know what happened here. I don’t want you getting in trouble for protecting your family.”

Apple Bloom looked gratefully at me, “I appreciate that. Applejack’s always telling me I jump to conclusions.” While I limped, she skipped to Sugar Cube Corners, and our little disagreement was forgotten.

Apple Bloom burst in, “Everything’s alright! Alex is my new big brother.” This drew confused looks from the girls and other patrons.

I chuckled and limped to the counter to a confused Mrs Cake. Before I could say anything, Pinkie Pie said, “I’ll handle this. Why don’t you take a break.” She turned her uniquely intense joyful smile on me and, in a stage whisper, said, “She’ll make a super-duper-daughter, you know. I think you’ll be an okay dad, too.” The confusion must have been clear, “Scootaloo, you silly willy. Oh, and you owe ten bits.” Still a little confused, I paid her the bits. “And here’s your coffee.” I thanked Pinkie for the coffee and thought, ‘Being a dad again after so long would be nice.’

I watched them from the counter, a small smile plastered on my face. The girls were whispering hurriedly between themselves, and I could catch Apple Bloom explaining what had happened. I saw the sad little expression on Scootaloo’s face, and it bit into my heart.

I joined them at the table and sat beside Scootaloo, much to her excitement. “So Miss Scootaloo, what cutie mark crusade are the Crusaders crusading for today?”

“We’re trying our zip-lining cutie marks again, this time with extra pulleys. I hope we don’t get as covered in sap and pine needles as we did last time.”

Apple Bloom answered in the annoyed tone of a child who has already been caught in the past, “Ya, Applejack was sure sore at me the last time. Ah forgot to scrub my backside enough and my sheets were covered in them. Applejack made me do extra chores for that.”

“I know what you mean,” Sweetie Belle added, “Rarity almost fainted when she saw my mane. She really didn’t like it.”

“Well, you ladies don’t worry about me telling on you. I think what you’re doing is really cool. Oh, Scootaloo, before I forget, when is the next training session with Dash?”

She answered gleefully, “Today at seven, right after supper.”

“Why don’t you come around at five or so? You can have supper with me and Dash. That is if you want, and Miss Sweetheart is alright with it.”

“Oh, thank you! That would be super cool!”

“Awesome, but don't forget to tell Miss Sweetheart. Now, I have some boring grown-up stuff to deal with. You ladies have fun today, and I’ll see you tonight, Scootaloo.” I patted her on the head and headed out, but not before waving bye to Pinkie and keeping a smile on my face I didn’t feel.

As I approached the Golden Coins mansion, I knew I had to stop my cowardly procrastination. I resolved to deflect any such distractions. After all, I was on a mission imparted to me by a goddess. ‘Alex, you wronged him, and this is part of your redemption, and if I’m lucky, the beginning of his.’

As I approached the mansion, I noticed a thin plume of smoke rising from the backyard. I had to admit it was a nice building, painted a bright white with golden columns and trim shouldering the main double door. ‘If I didn’t know better, I would say that’s real gold leaf.’ Despite myself, I was impressed.

I stood at the door, raised my fist, and hesitated. For the longest moment, I couldn’t make myself knock. The thought of crawling to Coins to apologize was simply repugnant. The door was suddenly opened by an earth pony I recognized, the one who brought drinks during the ambush. She obviously recognized me and sneered, “Your kind is not welcome here. Get off Mr Golden Coins' property before I have the Royal Guard called in.” I was taken aback by her very obvious disgust with me.

That smooth, grating voice called from inside, “Miss Butterscotch, it’s alright. He has been invited by Princess Luna herself, and we have been commanded to speak to each other. Please, Mr Roberts, come in.” I was surprised he didn’t use my full name like every other pony and it must have shown. He gave me that superior smile, a smirk really, “Surprised I know your proper mode of address? My investigators were very thorough.”

On the way, just outside the office, I saw he had large, exquisitely crafted paintings of Celestia and Luna. He paused and gave each painting a reverent little bow and the blessing under his breath, “Blessed is Celestia. Blessed is Luna. Blessed is thy kingdom in Canterlot”. When I just looked on in mute curiosity, he gave me an unpleasant look.

He led me in, and I saw the expensive rug was gone. He must have noticed I was looking. “Yes, the cleaning crew were very effective but unable to save the rug. I refused to have it sullied by magic. Much better to burn it.”

He sat on a cushion behind his desk, made a show of getting comfortable, and then simply sat there and smiled at me. He finally broke the silence in a much too pleasant tone, “I believe you have something to say.”

There was no delaying or avoiding this. “Mr Golden Coins, it would seem I owe you an apology. Breaking into your home and threatening you with violence was wrong.”

He waved his hoof expansively, “There, was that so bad?”

“No, I guess not. I do feel bad for doing you wrong. I really do. Do you receive the nightmare from Luna la-”

He interrupted me with an angry snarl, “You will refer to Her as Princess Luna, Princess Of The Night, or Her Holyness Princess Luna. If I am not good enough to refer to her in such a flippant manner, you most certainly are not.”

I was surprised at the vehemence of his attack, ”Oh, of course, I forgot myself. I feel close to Her, so I forget sometimes. As I was asking, I assume you received Her dream?” He didn’t answer but just glared at me. “Tell you what, I cut, you choose. Let me tell you my dream, then, if you want, you can tell me yours. That way, we can both learn. Does that sound fair?”

His expression was hard, “Go on then.”

I told him the dream to the best of my ability. His expression became more and more disturbed as I went on. By the end, his face was a mask of fear and regret. When I was done, he lowered his head, looking at the large green desk blotter and mumbled, “Blessed Luna, I thank you for the guidance you have given me in love.”

I knew this would hit him much harder than it did me, so I moved toward him, to comfort him. ‘He’s an ass, but god damn it, nobody deserves that kind of pain. Not even him.’ As I reached him, concern and compassion my only expressions, he looked at me in fear, ‘No, not fear, terror.’ He moved away, stumbling over himself, falling and sprawling on the ground.

I backed away, “Sorry to frighten you. I just, I don’t know, I just want to help.”

“That Discord damned dream, it was the same, word for word.” He picked himself up, and I helped him. “I may not like pegasi and unicorns Mr Roberts, but I assure you I do not wish them any harm.”

“I understand.” He looked at me, not understanding. “I feel the same way about orcs. But, sometimes, hate can dehumanise if you’ll pardon the turn of phrase. And that can make you do terrible things. I know that far too well.” I couldn’t look at him for fear of breaking down.

We sat in silence for a time. I sat on the edge of his desk, both of us lost in thought. I don’t know what was going on in his mind, but I was thinking about Ann, Lily, Dan, Dash, and Scootaloo. My eyes were downcast, "You know Coins, I envy you."

His voice was incredulous, "You envy me? You have the ears of two blessed goddesses. Not one. Two. You have a powerful group of universally respected friends. You still have more wealth than most ponies could spend in a lifetime." His face was in mine, and I could smell salt on his breath. His voice grew louder, "What possible thing could you envy me? My wealth? My power? What?"

I looked up, jealousy filling my heart, my eyes drilling into his soul, and bitterly spit out, "You can hug your daughter."

"S-Silver Spoon? That's all?"

I grew angry and stood, towering over him, "What do you mean, 'That's all'." I ground my palm into my forehead and continued quietly, "What else is there? I have not hugged my daughter in sixty years. Sixty. Years." I took a deep breath, "I would gladly give up everything to hug my Lily just once. You get to do it every day. Even if you were destitute tomorrow, Silver Spoon would know her dad loves her because he hugs her. Do you want wealth and power? They're all yours. Me, I'll take a family." Long ago memories, half-remembered and desperately clung to, filled my mind. I even thought of Scootaloo. I sat heavily on the edge of the desk, desperately trying to compose myself. The last thing I wanted was to start bawling like a baby in front of Coins.

We sat in silence, contemplating our respective fates. Suddenly, Golden Coins said, "You know, Alex, I think I'll give Silver Spoon a good long hug when she gets home from school." He gave a mirthless chuckle, "I don't know if we can ever be friends, you and I, but now, I'm not sure we can be enemies." I looked up and wiped my eyes to see Coins with his hoof extended. I slowly reached out, and we shook, two men who had come to an understanding.

I left with a genuine smile, this time repeating the little prayers at the paintings of Celestia and Luna. ‘I think I may half believe it. Who knows, I may one day be as much a follower as Coins.’ Miss Butterscotch still scowled at me on the way out, but I didn’t mind. I just smiled wider.

There was an old weight on my heart, and I felt it lifting. ‘I think, for the first time in I don't know how long, I feel truly clean.’

27 - Science and Family

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‘I hate to say it, but Coins isn’t that bad, once you get past the,’ and I chuckled out loud at my own wit, ‘hate.’ I was now walking quickly, with a sense of purpose. ‘And once I talk to Twilight, we can plan next week's trip to Canterlot.’ I felt positively jovial. I did have a stray thought, that surprised me in its pessimism, ‘If I’m here for sixty years, I’ll likely outlive Dash.’ I grunted out loud. ‘I’ll start a fire under that bridge later.’

I arrived at the always impressive and slightly confusing Ponyville Library. I knocked and the door opened a moment later by Twilight herself, she spoke without looking up from her book.

“Thank you for coming to the Ponyville library, how can I, oh,” Twilight gave me a big toothy grin, “Hello Alex. How is my favourite human?”

“Fantastic! I was actually wondering if I could pencil you in for a trip for two, or three if Dash is coming, to Canterlot. I want to hire Trixie, and I kind of need your help. I’ll pay for everything of course. And separate rooms for you and me or else Dash will kill me in slow and interesting ways.”

“That’s right, you and Rainbow Dash are special friends. I suppose congratulations are in order. I have to say you’re a step up from the usual SFs she's had in the past.” I was tempted to ask but decided to keep my mouth shut.

"I know Dash has a more chequered romantic past than my own, but I don't care. I just hope I can make her happy."

Twilight closed the door and started leading me inside. “Alex, I owe you a big thank you for the use of the laptop. I did have one question, though.”

“Sure thing, Twilight. Anything at all.” I started looking around and noticed the windows on the ground floor were having their curtains drawn, the slight purple glow that was Twilight's signature was noticeable.

Her expression was serious and professional, “Could I have a small blood and tissue sample?”

I rolled my eyes, “Ugh, I hate needles,” I stuck my tongue out, then smiled, “But for you, sure.” I sighed and asked, “What do you need them for?”

Her demeanour became perky, “I need to compare them to the samples from six months ago to see how your system is adapting to the Equestrian diet, among other things.”

I stared into space for a moment, shook my head, and just had to ask, “I don’t remember giving you any samples. Where did you get them.”

Twilight smiled bashfully, “When you came into the hospital after saving Tree Trimmer, you had some extra just lying around, so I thought you wouldn’t mind if I took some. You’re not upset, are you?”

While I was put off by the violation, I figured there was a different standard for this kind of stuff here. “A little,” noticing her expression, I quickly added, “but no harm done, I guess. So, what do you need?”

“Not much, just hair, blood, urine, stool, and skin scrapings from your foot.”

‘Twilight sure is thorough’, “So, when did you want it?”

From out of nowhere, there was movement and a small cloud of medical devices, including a syringe, a pair of scissors, a urine and stool collection kit, and what looked like a tiny grater and bowl floated near Twilight. “I can just get it right now. For science!”

“You want what now?” by Dan Houser (dan.r.houser@gmail.com for commissions)

Before I could protest, my clothes were teleported off my body. I gasped in surprise and instinctively covered my shame. In a single coordinated motion, the gleaming instruments swooped in. A small tuft of hair was unceremoniously snipped off the back of my head. The needle, designed for ponies, jabbed my arm and forcibly withdrew a few drops of precious bodily fluid. I was jerked into the air by my ankle, where the callous on my heel was sanded at a blinding speed, and the resulting cloud of skin dust was deftly caught in the bowl.

I had time to think, 'Oh hell, what is that stool and urine kit doing?', and then I just had time to yell out as I realized what was being done. There was a blinding flash. My clothes were back on. Backwards. A bandage popped into existence and slapped itself onto the small bleeding entry wound the needle had left. Finally, a lollipop jammed itself into my mouth. Lemon-flavoured. This entire ordeal took about ten seconds. Part of me knew Dash would appreciate that.

I stood slack-jawed for a moment, then simply said, “Ouch.” It took me a few moments to finally be able to speak, “Twilight, what the heck was that? You, you, you violated me. What's wrong with you?”

She looked at me, not understanding, “But, Alex. I was trying to be efficient. I thought if I did it all simultaneously it would be less of an inconvenience for you.”

Ignoring her, I grasped my arm, “Ouch. How big was the needle? Did you just hollow out a pencil? That hurts.”

“No, should I do that next time?”

I threw my hands up in defence, “No. No no no no no no no. Next time, assuming I have a brain aneurism and there is a next time, next time we use little thin needles and do things gently.”

Twilight looked hurt, her hoof tracing little circles on the floor, “I'm sorry, Alex. I didn't realize you were so delicate.”

“Yes, well, I am. Look, I'm not mad, as such, I just felt,” I scratched around for the best turn of phrase, “I felt uncomfortable, especially for the urine and stool samples.”

Twilight was still examining the floor, “I'm really sorry about that.” She looked up, “I see I teleported your clothes on backwards. Here, let me fix th-”

“No!” Then I caught myself, remembering who I was speaking to. “No. I'll just use your bathroom, not that I'll actually need to use that for a few days, and get changed.”

Once my clothes were in order and the shock of being violated by Twilight's medical equipment wore off, I returned to the main room. Twilight had a look that said she felt horrible about what had happened. She was about to speak, but I raised my hand and interrupted her, “I'm going to call this a cultural misunderstanding. Let us never speak of this again. All is good between us. Just, next time, please let me help.”

She hesitated for a moment, then smiled nervously. She finally simply said, “Thanks.”

“So, can I borrow you for a couple of days in Canterlot? I'll only actually need you for a few hours, but I would appreciate you there for moral support.”

“Absolutely. Anyway, I think I owe you one.” Twilight grinned, “I can introduce you to my brother, Shining Armour and his wife, Cadence. He’ll be happy to finally meet you.”

“Finally, meet me? Oh, that’s right. You must have told him about me?” I grinned, “Your strange friend from another world.”

Twilight’s eyes flicked away from mine for a moment before answering, her grin a little too wide, “Y-Yes. That’s exactly correct.” Her response seemed forced, but I figured she just felt terrible about the whole incident that had just occurred.

I spent most of the afternoon making appointments for next week, nursing a stabbed arm, shopping for supper, and being slightly puzzled about Twilight.

I was sitting at the desk in the living room. It was originally in the bedroom, but I had moved it downstairs. I wanted to leave the bedroom, as one of my old human friends would put it, for sleeping and screwing. ‘Ye gods, will this paperwork never end?’

Lost in my work, I was shaken back to reality by a knock on the back door and an enthusiastic “Hey Alex! I’m here!”

I looked up from the paperwork with a smile and called out, “Come on in, Scootaloo. I was just about to start cooking, and I was hoping you could help.”

That little bundle of orange energy dropped her bag at the door and started washing her hooves, “So what are we going to cook? Oat burger and hay fries? Daisy veggie stirfry? Oh, how about that eggplant thing you made last time?”

“Nope, I was thinking ‘Pizza a la Roberto’. What do you think of that?”

“Awesome! So, let's get started.”

“Okay, I see you’ve already washed your han- hooves. Nice. So, We’re going to make two pizzas, a large one for you and Dash, and a little one for me.” Scootaloo looked at me questioningly, “I don’t want to behave like I ate baked bads, so I’ll be making my crust a little differently.”

She nodded sagely and clapped her hooves together, “So, where do we start?”

“Okie dokie. First, we make the crust, then let it rise while we chop the toppings.” I quickly wash my hands, “Alright pumpkin, you ready to rock?”

Scootaloo looked at me with a little smirk, “Pumpkin?”

“Err, yes. Yes, you’re my pumpkin. It’s a term of endearment, like kiddo, or short stack. Why, what does it mean here?”

She looked up at me with a broad smile, “Same thing.”

“Cool.” I took a deep breath. “Okay, we have pizzas to make. One for you and Dash, one for me.”

“Can I make yours?”

“I would be the happiest human in Equestria if you did.” With the assistance of Scootaloo, we made a batch of pizza dough, cut a portion off for me and crumbled a hay puck into the rest. “There. Hay is good for you, and I want to keep my two favourite girls healthy.” Scootaloo giggled at that.

While the dough was rising, we chopped up various vegetables and grated lots of cheese. It was then that I unleashed my little girl to make the pizzas. ‘Where did that come from? She’s not your daughter, Alex. Don’t forget that. She’s just a nice kid your girlfriend does stuff with, like a big sister or scout leader. Nothing else. Right?’

She made mine with extra cheese, just the way I like it. ‘Damn shame there’s no pepperoni.’ I think she saw my expression because she instantly asked, “What’s wrong, Alex? Didn’t I do a good job on your pizza?”

I laughed, “No, no, nothing like that. I was just thinking about a pizza topping you can’t get in Equestria called pepperoni.”

She looked relieved, “Oh. But the pizza looks good?”

“Good enough to eat uncooked, my dear Miss Pizza Chef.”

I made her half with light cheese and extra green peppers, just the way she likes it. For Dash, lots of everything, just the way she likes it. I had two flat stoneware baking sheets and a nice big preheated oven. ‘Thank you, Applejack, for the stove, and thank you, Pinkie, for the stoneware.’ The actual baking would be a little lower and slower than I usually do, so we had time to clean up and set the table.

“And now, my dear Scootaloo, it is time,” she gave me a slightly worried look, “while the pies are cooking, let’s tidy the kitchen and set the table. Dash should be here by the time we’re done.”

Just as I predicted, I was taking the pizzas out of the oven, “Hey there, Alex. What smells so good? Wh- Oh, hi, squirt. I didn’t know you would be here.” Dash shot me a questioning look.

“Yeah, I thought we could have dinner together. You’ll be showing her some flight moves at seven-ish, right? I thought I would save her the time to run back to town and then back here. Anyway, she was an excellent sous-chef and table setter. I spent most of the time relaxing and drinking tea.” I winked at Scootaloo, and this made her giggle.

“Um, yeah, sure.” She was smiling, but her eyes showed she was a little disappointed. I gave her a little smile and shrugged, but her eyes were still a little sad.

‘Damn. Okay, Dash is uncomfortable. I hope it’s just the surprise being sprung on her.’ I straightened up and said, with a grand gesture, “Excellent. We have prepared a feast fit for two princesses and some very lucky human guy.” I served them each a couple of slices of their pizza with as much flair and showmanship as I could muster.

Dash gave her usual overconfident grin, “Well, I guess if it’s only for a princess, it will have to do, eh Scoots?”

“You bet Rainbow Dash.” Like most pre-teens, she dug into her pizza like she had not eaten in a week. She was eating so fast that I’m not totally convinced she actually tasted it. As silly as it sounds, seeing her wolfing down the pizza made me smile.

Dash, as is her nature, boldly took a big bite, chewed, and smiled. “I guess I can keep you two around. You make great pizza.”

I took a bite of the pizza, and despite the lack of pepperoni, it was excellent. “Miss Scootaloo, this is fantastic. I now hereby promote you to head pizza chef.” I chuckled a little when she looked at her flank, hoping for a pizza-making cutie mark.

We all sat, quietly chewing, savouring our dinner. Scootaloo looked at me with narrowed eyes and tilted head, “Alex, do you mind if I ask you a question?”

I wiped my mouth and focused on her, “Sure, fire away, Scootaloo.”

She looked away for a moment, took a deep breath, and asked, “Why do you invite me over for supper all the time?”

I faltered, not expecting such a probing question. All I could do for a few heartbeats was look at her, mouth slightly open. I finally shook my head slowly and smiled, “I could give you some answer that sounds good and sounds reasonable but just isn’t true.” She looked at me, a little confused, “Instead, here’s the truth, for better or worse. I would rather tell you the truth and,” I averted my eyes, “look like an idiot in front of both of you than lie.” I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose, “It was for a very selfish reason,” Scootaloo rolled her eyes at this and got a peeved expression.

“You see, Scootaloo, I miss my son and daughter very much, and at first, you reminded me of them. But, as I’ve gotten to know you, I’ve seen you’re not like them at all. You’re your own wonderful person. I love hearing about your Crusader adventures and misadventures. You’re strong and clever and brave, and if I had another daughter, I would want her to be just like you. As for why dinner? Well, in my culture, you share food with friends and family. Especially family. And I can’t think of any two people I would rather share a meal with. I’m sorry to both of you for being so selfish and dragging you in the middle of something you may not want to be part of.”

I felt Dash’s hoof on my arm. Turning my head she was smiling at me, a loving smile, a fierce smile, and for the first time a truly confident smile beaming from her core. She finally said, “You’re something else, Alex Roberts.”

I looked back to Scootaloo and saw she had a soft smile, “Thanks for telling me the truth, Alex. That means a lot to me.” A mischievous smile grew, “That also explains you calling me ‘pumpkin’.”

I chuckled, “Yeah, you caught me in my big secret. But I stand by it. I’ll always think of you as my little pumpkin.”

Scootaloo grew thoughtful, “I think I can live with that.”

I had shooed them out after dinner so I could clean up. Once I was done, I spent some time watching them. I smiled at Dash’s encouragement and firm but kind guidance. “You’re doing great, squirt. Those exercises are really paying off.”

Dash and Scootaloo had been at it for almost two hours, finally stopping when it was too dark to continue safely. The night was cool and still. Dash and I made sure Scoots made it safely back to the orphanage. Miss Sweetheart was sitting on the porch, waiting to meet us all at the door, “Alright, Scootaloo, go in and get ready for bed.” Once Scootaloo had left, she turned to us, “You know she’s always talking about you two. If you’re interested in adoption, I can help make the arrangements.”

Dash spoke up first, “You see, the thing is, I, that is, we, aren't married. To each other, I mean. I mean, we started dating, but-”

“I think Dash is trying to say that while we’ve been very good friends for a while, we only just started dating. And Scoots is a great kid.” I look at Dash, a grin plastered on my face, “And I couldn’t think of a better daughter. But right now, we’re not in a position to do that. But as soon as it changes, we’ll be in your office to start the paperwork.” I turned to Dash with a smile and cocked an eyebrow.

Dash had a look of pleasant surprise, then that truly confident smile she had earlier returned, “Yeah, that would be a good plan.”

At that moment, Scootaloo came back out. “Thanks for supper, Alex and thanks for the lessons, Rainbow Dash. I really had a good time today.” We bid her goodnight in a flurry of hugs and headed for home.

We took the long way just so we could spend some more time together. I think Dash wanted to show me off a little. It was early evening, so there were a few passers-by. Dash nuzzled against me while we walked, “You didn’t say much about Coins. Now that the squirt is out of the way, you can talk. As your marefriend, I order you to tell me all about it.”

I chuckled, “Pulling rank on me, eh? Fair enough. I can honestly say it was not as bad as I had expected. I think I get what Luna wanted me to learn. Humility isn’t always admitting you’re wrong and thinking everyone else is better than you. It’s knowing that you’re not always right and others are worth as much as you. Except in your case, you’re far better than I deserve.”

Dash laughed, hit my thigh, and then said softly, “I’m exactly what you deserve, you big lug.” She jumped a few steps ahead, hovered in front of me, and looked into my eyes. Her expression was desperate, almost hungry. She lifted her hoof and put it on my cheek, a small smile crossed her face, “I’m so happy you chose me.”

“You say that like there was ever any other choice. Applejack was never really an option once I got my head straight.”

She gave me a throaty laugh, “And that little speech when we dropped Scoots off. Was that a marriage proposal?”

I gave her a sly smile, “Sort of. It was my warning that I will ask you to be my wife. It’s a little fast, I know, but I know an angel when I date one. When I pop the question, it will catch you totally by surprise. You’ll never see it coming.”

Dash started laughing so hard that she dropped to the ground so she could lie on her back. She finally managed, “Well, it’s not much of a surprise if you tell me in advance.”

“Maybe, maybe not, but now you’ll always wonder if today’s the day.”

She stopped in mid-laugh with a tilted grin, “Oh, you are good.” She stood and hovered again, putting her nose against mine, “You are very good. And such a bad colt.” She put her arms around my neck and kissed me. We were oblivious to the world around us.

28 - Mr. Roberts Goes To Canterlot

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Dash and I were sitting under the tree in the backyard, enjoying the cool night air. I was at the base with my back against the trunk, and Dash was leaning against my chest. I had my arms wrapped around her and was holding her hoof, running my thumb along her toe. “So, next week. Can you come with me and Twilight?” I moved my arm and slowly stroked her soft mane. I could still catch the scent of lilacs. “I would love to have you there with me. You know, for moral support.”

Dash didn’t answer right away. Instead, she snuggled closer and sighed. Finally, she simply replied, “Try and stop me.”

We stayed like that for a while longer. I was enjoying the warmth of her body against mine, the feel of her silky mane, her own scent mingled with that fragrance of lilacs she wore on that fateful night. “You're wearing that perfume all the time now.” I smiled, teasing her a little, “You're not just wearing it for me, are you?”

Her wings flexed but quickly relaxed, “No. Well, maybe.” She sounded frustrated, “I don’t know. I guess, I guess it’s because it makes me feel like a mare. Like you do.” She sniffed, “You must think I’m a dope.”

“Why would I think that? I know you’ve had issues on that subject, but I’ve never thought of you as anything but a mare. Anyway, I think it matches your natural scent perfectly, and if it makes you feel more like the beautiful mare you are, then that’s much more important than any opinion I have. Dash, you know I love you for you, and that will not change.” I hugged her tighter, “And I hate to break it to you, beautiful, but you’re stuck with me.”

It had been a hectic week, getting everything organized and ready. I managed to book three rooms at the Ritz-Canterton, one of Canterlot’s five-star hotels. The rooms were side by side and included a suit specially designed for the needs of a pegasus like Dash. I hoped she would be comfortable.

I had been considering what to do about the Flim Flam brothers. What they did to Trixie was uncalled for. I regretted offering them a job the more I thought about it. I wrote a short note that I wanted to see them while I was in Canterlot. I included the hotel, room number, and a small stipend for travel and room expenses. I made sure only to include enough for an average hotel, not the swanky joint we were staying at. I was not about to reward their actions.

I was also happy the paperwork was almost complete. ‘Hopefully, once I get the plans from the architect, I’ll be able to present them to the town council.’ Also, during this crazy week, Dash and I spent more time with Scootaloo. In fact, we had supper together every night. We were going to be out of town all next week, so I decided to catch up a little in advance, as it were.

We had walked Scootaloo back to the orphanage and were just saying goodbye. “Scootaloo, remember when I told you earlier this week Dash and I are going to Canterlot for the week? Well, tomorrow’s the day, pumpkin. We won't be back until next week, but don't you worry, we won't forget you.” I dropped to a knee and put my arms out, and that little ball of orange energy almost knocked me on my backside.

She hugged me tight, “I'm going to miss you, Alex.”

“We'll miss you too, pumpkin,” and for the first time, I dared kiss her forehead. I didn't give a damn about the appropriateness. “I’ll miss you.” I glanced up at Miss Sweetheart, and she was smiling.

Dash joined our hug, “I’ll miss you too, squirt,” she mussed up her mane, then hesitatingly, gave her forehead a kiss too.

Scootaloo looked up at us in disbelief, looking back and forth between me and Dash. Her face was the very definition of joy, and all she could do was hug us even tighter. Dash and I made eye contact for a moment, and then she looked lovingly at Scootaloo and kissed her again. That truly confident expression was in her eyes, and I knew, I knew for sure she loved that little filly as much as I did.

Dash and I finally said our goodbyes, and we walked toward my cottage in silence, just enjoying each other’s company. Out of the blue, she tapped my thigh, “I'm upset with you, Alex Roberts.” I looked at her in hurt innocence. “Before I met you, if any pony would have told me I would be thinking about being a mom, I would have told them they were bucking nuts. Now, being a mom and a wife is looking really good.” She nuzzled against me, and I stroked her mane.

“You know, even being a Wonderbolt would only be a bonus now. Heck, I'm not even sure I want to be one anymore. I mean, all my friends are in Ponyville and all the stuff I do as an element is just as exciting as any stunt show. And being a Wonderbolt would mean being away from you and Scoots.”

“Anyway, the more I think about it, the more I realize the important things to me are you and Scoots and my friends. I want to give her what I never had: a loving dad and, I hope, a strong mom. So, Alex, you can see why I'm so upset with you.”

Before leaving to pack, Dash and I kissed, and she ran her hooves on my back. I was glad she had gotten past the scars. I hated the idea of being disgusting to her. I had already been packing all week, so I only had a little left to do. Once everything was done, I stood in the spare room for almost an hour, just looking around and imagining it decorated for a little pegasus girl. I promised myself I would pick up a few Wonderbolt posters and some stuffed toys, maybe a set of goggles if I could find them.

My thoughts drifted to Dash, ‘I want to make her an honest woman, don’t I?’ I was hesitant to actually pop the question until I could have a conversation with Ann. But I was beginning to wonder why I was waiting. What was really holding me back? ‘Hell, what isn’t holding me back? I’m still married, and that would feel like the blackest betrayal. I’ve been through hell, literally, and anyone else would jump at a chance for a loving marriage. I know I’m being foolish, but those eighty-year-old vows still mean something to me.’

The train station was like every other train station: crowded with fellow business travellers and noisy. I was carrying my luggage on a cart, including all the rolled plans and paperwork I needed. I was surprised to see Dash carrying a suitcase in her mouth. I didn’t think she needed much for a week, ‘But what do I know.’ I smiled at her, “Hey, pretty lady, need a hand?”

Dash smirked around the handle and heaved the suitcase onto the pile, “I’ll take both.” It continued to amaze me how ponies could speak pretty clearly, even with something in their mouth.

While I was walking to our departure platform, I suddenly had the weirdest feeling, like both feet were stuck to the floor, and I was suddenly falling forward. The world went into slow motion, and I saw a light aquamarine unicorn beneath me. Their horn was about to slam into the soft spot just below my sternum. As I felt the tip of the horn touching my skin, I realized I was hovering, my outstretched hands brushing against their chest, a few centimetres from the ground, and a razor-sharp horn pressing on my valuable skin.

“Alex, are you okay?” Dash's hooves were under my armpits, and her strong wings easily lifted me back to my feet.

My hand moved to the small hole in my shirt, and I saw beneath the hole a little drop of blood, hidden from view by the red tee shirt. Luckily, it was just a little hole and a tiny scratch, no big deal. “I’m just fine, thanks to you, sweetheart.” I knelt down to help the young mare up to her hooves. “I’m really sorry about almost falling on to you, Miss...”

“Lyra. Lyra Heartstrings. I’m so sorry I bumped into you.” The whole time, she was looking at my hands and had a slightly manic grin. This wasn’t the first time a pony was fascinated by my hands, but never to this extent or with that kind of smile. I started to put my hand out for her to examine, but Dash placed herself between us.

Dash’s voice had a forced friendliness, “Hey, Lyra, watch where you’re going next time. Alex, my special friend, could get hurt. Nobody wants that to happen, right? Nobody wants to get hurt, right?”

Lyra blinked and seemed to snap out of whatever place she was, “Oh. No. I would never want that to happen to him.” The pause was just a little too long, “O-or anyone. Yeah, nobody needs to get hurt.” Her eyes lingered on my hands in an appraising way. “Well, nice to finally meet you, Mr Roberts. Very nice.”

The estrogen was so thick you could cut it with a knife. I didn't realize mares were so territorial. I had thought it was just the unique situation between Dash, Applejack, and myself. I realized saying anything at that moment would upset her, so I kept my mouth shut. I gave Lyra a simple little wave and turned my attention fully to Dash. I dropped to one knee and put my hand on her cheek, “I want to thank you so much for saving my life. I'm so lucky to have you in my life.”

She kissed my palm, “You're lucky you're smooth. And, I know you're not the straying type, but...” Dash looked a little sad for a moment, then smiled and shrugged, looking me in the eye.

I smirked, “It's okay. I understand. You've never had such a stunningly handsome and modest boyfriend, and you're worried every mare will try to steal me away. Well, you can stop worrying. When I've got the most awesome mare in all of Equestria, why would any other turn my head?”

Dash smiled and gave me a throaty laugh, “You goof, come here.” While Dash was hugging me I noticed Lyra was still hanging out in the background, just watching us, that same weird smile fixed on her face. A single word crossed my mind, 'Creepy.'

I heard Twilight's slightly manic voice, “I hope I'm not interrupting anything.”

Without breaking the hug, “Absolutely not Twilight. Just hugging my best girl.” I kissed Dash on the cheek and turned to Twilight. She had a forced smile, but I figured she was just uncomfortable with Dash and me showing affection. I told her about the heroic save Dash made. I gestured to the luggage cart and bowed, “And I would be pleased to carry your luggage, madam.” I noticed Dash was looking at me with some pride.

Twilight relaxed a little and smiled, “Why thank you, sir.”

Dash was lying in the seat opposite me and Twilight, snoring softly. The four-hour ride to Canterlot always bored her and she needed her sleep anyway. I’ve since learned that it’s fairly normal for pegasus to sleep more than other ponies.

For the first half hour or so, Twilight just sat beside me, nervously, almost jumping out of her skin every time I shifted. I finally got fed up, “Hey, Twilight, I don’t bite.” She smiled nervously at me, “Look, let’s talk science. I know you’ve done research and you’ve asked me questions formally, but I would like to just, you know, just chat. I was always a science buff, heck I still am, and you’re the smartest person I know.”

Twilight seemed to brighten up and relax a little, “Oh, well, alright. That sounds fun. What kind of science do you want to talk about?”

I smirked, “How about something you may know a little about, something I’m clueless about, like magic? It was always just fictional where I grew up.”

Twilight leaned towards me, happy to be able to lecture, “Oh, but you’re wrong. It does seem to exist in a very weak and fragile form, based on what I’ve researched. I found a copy of Authentic Thaumaturgy by Isaac Bonewits. His theories, while they have a heavy element of mumbo jumbo, are sound. If I was in a very low magic environment, that’s how I would have to more or less do it. In our world, mental imagery and constructed emotional states do not have to be as exact to work. In yours, even the slightest doubt or incorrect thought would cause any spell cast to collapse like a house of cards.”

“In fact,” her eyes narrowed, and she slowly tapped her chin, “I wonder if you might be able to use magic here.”

I smirked at her, “No way. I can’t see myself making with the magic. But, when I have some time later, I would love to give it a try.”

Twilight’s expression fell, her voice sad, “Yeah, later. Heh heh, we’ll try it,” she gulped, “later.”

What the heck is wrong with this mare? Why is she acting so weird? I smiled, “Anyway, magic is for another day. I think I’ll just enjoy the scenery and Dash.” Twilight silently agreed, and sat pensively looking out the window. I spend the rest of the trip admiring my sleeping angel.

Checking into the hotel was quick and easy. ‘I guess it’s a universal constant. Dropping a considerable pile of cash gets you good service.’ I had to give them credit, no one flinched or did a double take when we walked in, even if they weren’t overly friendly. However, once I paid for a full week in advance for the three rooms, it was all smiles and sunshine. To get the rooms I wanted, it cost almost double the usual rates, but it was worth it.

A young grey unicorn with an orangish mane in a bellhop outfit started loading up our things to take them to my room, but I stopped him before he picked up the girl’s suitcases. “I’ll take care of those.” Dash and Twilight gave each other a look, then turned as one to me.

Twilight started, “He’s a real gentlecolt Rainbow Dash, I like this one.”

Dash smirked, “I agree.” She gave me an appraising look, “Very nice.”

I bowed low and in my best Parisian French, “Mais certainement, mes jolies demoiselles.”

Dash gave me a sultry smirk, “I like it when you talk like that. It really classes up the joint.”

Twilight tittered and blushed. Then suddenly stopped and had a bittersweet smile, “Yes it does.”

On the elevator ride up, I turned to Dash. “They had a room specifically for pegasus ponies, so I made sure you got it Dash. I’m not sure of the details, but, here you go.” I handed her the key with the cloud handle. “Twilight we’re in the two adjoining rooms.” I handed her a key with a stylized pony-head.

As we got to the rooms I turned to the bellhop, “Ok, just pile it neatly, I’ll take care of unpacking.” I reached into my pocket, pulled out a ten-bit coin, and slipped it into his pocket, “Here you go, thanks for everything.”

While the bellhop was doing his job, I led the girls off to the next room, the larger corner pegasus suite. “Allow me, Ms Dash.” I took the key back from Dash, opened the door and stepped in, or at least, I tried to step in. What I thought was a white carpet turned out to be a cloud. My foot went straight through and I fell to the concrete subfloor about a half meter down. I sort of tossed her suitcase but it landed on the cloud floor. Luckily, I managed to roll so the only thing hurt was my dignity.

Between laughs, Dash managed, “Oh my gosh, Alex. Are you okay?”

I popped out of the cloud layer and quipped, “Ah, so this is a pegasus room. I get it now.”

Dash walked in, her approving expression pleasing me. Unlike me, her hooves were making soft yet solid contact with the cloud. “Very nice. Thank you, Alex.”

I reached up from under and tried to touch her hoof, but when my hand got close, it was like that slippery field you notice when you bring two magnets together, only it was on my bare skin. “Heh, I guess I can’t tickle you from here.” She snickered and bent down a little and gave my forehead a kiss.

As Twilight walked into the room, treading carefully on the clouds, she smirked and slowly shook her head, “You know, Alex, the next time just ask for a cloud-walking spell. It will only last about a day and a half with you, but still better than nothing.”

Anyway, it was a really swanky place, well worth the three hundred and fifty bits per night, and I was sure Dash would be comfortable. Before leaving, I looked around the room. Almost everything except vertical surfaces was made of the same cloud material including the bed and most of the tables. Up close, it looked like cotton candy, not the wispy clouds of water vapour I thought of as clouds.

I heard Dash from the back room, “Oh cool, a mini exercise room. Thanks, Alex. I can’t do my usual routines around Canterlot.” I could hear her rolling her eyes, “Restricted airspace.” Twilight and I snickered, knowing Dash was serious.

I hesitated before entering Twilight's room, looking down before stepping in. I saw the walls looked the same, but the floor seemed to be made up of large square panels. ‘I guess they just put a floor in a pegasus room.’

Her room had a similar layout but had a study room with a direct note-sending and receiving device connected to the Royal Libraries at the castle. When Twilight saw this she had the happiest grin and started saying, “Thank you!” repeatedly as she hopped around. Dash and I both chuckled.

“I thought you would like to do a little studying in comfort, and while this isn’t as comfortable as home, I hope it’s alright.”

Twilight stopped bouncing and gave me a big hug, “Thank you, Alex. I’ll be able to spend time with Princess Celestia, visit my brother and his wife, keep in touch with the library, and everything.” She got a little sad expression, “I wish Spike could have come. He really likes Pony Joe's. Joe always made him this little turquoise-crusted doughnut.”

“We should remember to stop by and get some made up for him. Not too many; I don't want him to get a tummy ache. Anyway, Scootaloo mentioned something about a big crusader's project this week, something called Cutie Mark Crusaders Changeling Investigators.” When Twilight and Dash looked at each other with slightly panicked expressions, I smiled. “Ladies, don't worry. They’re all good kids, even if they make the occasional mistake. I mean, how much trouble could three little fillies and a stalwart baby dragon get into, anyway?” I reflected on what I just said, 'Is this where I say that I feel a great disturbance in the force? No, I'm just being paranoid.'

The bellhop popped his head in the doorway, “Sir, your things are all in your room, did you need anything else?”

“No, that's great kid. Here's a little extra for your trouble.” I flipped him a second ten-bit coin, and he caught it deftly, “Thank you very much again, sir.”

As he walked off, I commented, “He looks familiar. Is he from Ponyville?”

Twilight piped up, “Actually, yes. He is the older brother of Snails. I teach all the unicorn children magic at the school. Cheerilee is a great teacher, but she's also an Earth Pony. Anyway, teaching the basics only helps me improve. It's only a few hours a week, and it's fun.”

I beam with pride, “Dash has been teaching Scootaloo how to fly. I know she's doing an awesome job because I saw Scoots gliding. I mean, I know a little about her past, so in my book, that's amazing.” I smile and put my hand on Dash's cheek, “But, she has an amazing teacher.” She only kissed my palm in response. Twilight shifted uncomfortably but eventually gave us an awkward smile. I straightened up and put my hands on my hips. “So, how does this sound for a plan, you ladies relax while I set up my office, then at five we head down to the main dining room. I'll call ahead to make sure we have a table for three.”

Dash fluttered up and gave me a kiss on the cheek. “That sounds good to me,” she turned to Twilight, “good for you?”

Twilight still had an awkward smile, “Sure, sounds great. I think I’m just going to relax and read a book. See you two later.”

Once Twilight closed her door, Dash still hovering, a sultry smirk gracing her lips. “I can’t believe you were so thoughtful, to both of us.” She shook her head a little, “What am I saying? Of course, you are.”

“Well, I owe you both so much, and you’ve both done so much for me. Especially you, Dash.” By now, my hand on her cheek caused her to kiss my palm automatically. “You’re my everything. You’ve given me my life back twice now. How could I not treat you like the princess you are? It’s how you deserve to be treated.”

With my things unpacked and my temporary office setup, I got cleaned up and wandered down to the restaurant. Nothing fancy, just a comfortable dress shirt, a pair of dress pants, and red sneakers. I got there and spotted them sitting at a table on the outdoor patio. They were laughing, talking about their past adventures, and bringing up old jokes.

Noticing a small flower stand, I decided to prank Dash. I had a dozen roses sent to their table, with a note, ‘To: Rainbow Dash, From: Your Secret Admirer’. I waited a full ten minutes before joining them. On the way, I heard the tail end of their conversation. Dash sounded like she was on the verge of tears, “Oh my gosh, but what if it’s not from him Twilight? He’ll freak out and leave me. Oh, Celestia, I don’t want that to happen Twi. I’ve never had someone so kind before. But if he did send them, I don’t want them not to be here.”

‘Ah crud. This didn’t go as planned. Why is she so damn paranoid? Man, she must have dated some real gems in the past.’

Twilight answered hurriedly, “Dash, don’t jump to conclusions. Anyway, Alex is a reasonable stallion. He would never leave you. I, I saw how he looked at you on the train trip while you were sleeping. We talked for a few minutes, but for most of the trip, he just watched you with this goofy smile on his face.” Dash’s expression became tender, smiling softly for a moment, then as if she remembered why she had been upset, her expression changed to one of fear. “I hope I have someone look at me like that one day when I sleep. I’m the first to admit I don’t have much experience in romance, but even I can tell he’s crazy about you, Rainbow.”

Dash looked in my direction and gasped, then in a stage whisper, “Oh Gosh Bucking Darn It. He can see us, and I think he can hear us.” She started up again, louder than normal, “Hey, Twilight. These roses are a great appetizer, right?” She took a flower out of the bouquet and bit the end off.

I saw Twilight jump a little as if she had been kicked. “Oh, yeah. Yummy.” Twilight did the same thing and grimaced a little. I thought I heard her mumble, “I hate roses.”

The waiter led me to their table, and I was furiously trying to think of what to say to save face for everyone. By the time I was seated, I decided to admit my foolishness and apologize. But before I could open my mouth, Dash started speaking quickly.

“Alex, I’m sorry, I don’t know who sent me these roses, but I would never leave you. Please, please, don’t be mad...”

“Dash, I‘m the one who’s sorry. I sent the flowers as a prank. I should have realized it would cause you to react badly.” I took her hoof and knelt beside her, unable to look her in the eye, “Please forgive me. It was stupid and ill-conceived. I never should have made fun of your feelings like this. Please, I’m so sorry.”

I heard a snort. I looked up, and I could tell Dash was holding back. I looked up in confusion. She kissed my forehead and finally started laughing, “Oh Alex, you’re so easy. The pony who brought the flowers said it was from a shaved diamond dog, and you’re the cutest one I know.”

With a happy grin, big enough to make Pinkie Pie proud, Twilight added, “I suggested to Dash we have a fake conversation for you to ‘accidentally’ overhear. I for one, enjoyed playing the part of a pranker instead of a prankie.”

Dash kissed my forehead again, “That’s right, big guy, you’ve just been pranked by the best.”

I looked up at the two smiling mares and smirked. “Well, it’s good to know it took the most loyal and the most intelligent Elements of Harmony to prank me.”

After a wonderful dinner with two people I greatly respected, we all agreed to call it a night. We walked Twilight to her room first, bidding her good night. Dash and I walked slowly to her room, and we spent a few minutes holding each other on her doorstep. She gave me a warm kiss and then leaned forward to whisper in my ear, “I’ll miss you until morning.” She pulled away, looking into my eyes as if she was memorizing every detail of my face. She smiled sadly, “Good night.” She stayed at her door, watching me go, and I was walking backwards so I didn’t miss a moment of her. I finally turned the corner and returned to my room, a little melancholy. I carefully put my clothes away and slipped my red tee shirt on.

I needed some fresh air, so I went to the balcony, leaning on the rail, enjoying the cool evening air. No socks or shoes, wearing only my t-shirt and boxer shorts. I was a little chilly, but I had begun to appreciate small discomforts in this perfect world.

Even this high up, I could tell Canterlot was a bustling city. Many of the sounds drowned each other out, making a sort of low-level white noise, but there was a sound that stood out in the city’s din, the sound of sadness. I stood and cupped my ears to figure out where it was coming from. It was hard to pin down because although it sounded close it was very faint. I finally pinpointed the sound. It was coming from the open balcony adjacent to mine. It was coming from Dash’s room.

I realized I was a little underdressed but really didn't care. There was a pony who walked past me but didn’t blink an eye. ‘I guess when you walk around naked all the time, some guy in their underwear isn’t a big deal.’ I knocked and called out to her, "Dash, what's wrong." there was no response. I knocked again and spoke a little louder, "Dash, let me in. "

She finally opened the door a crack, her voice weak, her eyes a little red, her cheeks tear-stained. Her voice was rough, “I thought I used enough pillows.” She sniffed, “Good hearing.”

I smiled sadly, “The best. Now let me in.” Dash hesitated for a moment, then finally opened the door. I carefully stepped down to the solid floor below the cloud floor, “So what's wrong, sweetheart?”

Dash sniffed again, “It's, it's stupid. You shouldn't have to worry about it. It’s just me being an idiot.”

I put my hand on her cheek, “What do you mean don't worry about it. You’re crying, and you’re the person I love. There is nothing more important to me than your happiness. Nothing. Now I will hold you and comfort you until you spill the beans.”

Dash laughed and cried at the same time. She held me tight. “You're awesome, you know that? I guess the problem is, I feel so stupid to say this, but I guess I'm just lonely. I have a handsome, one-of-a-kind special friend just next door, and he's not with me. But, now that you’re here, I guess it's all better now.” She kissed me slowly, tenderly, then looked deeply into my eyes, “I don’t want to be alone tonight. Could,” She looked at me with sadness and hope, “could we spend the night together? I promise no funny stuff, nothing you’re not comfortable with. Just cuddling.” She looked at the floor and gave a short laugh, “We’ll be better off in your room, though.”

I hesitated before answering, a little unsure, then finally knew what I had to say. “Sure, that sounds wonderful.” I climbed out of Dash’s room, much to her amusement, and we went to my room.

I fell asleep with Dash’s head on my chest, and the rest of her snuggled against me. The last thing I remember is her stretching out her wings and thinking how soft and perfect they were.

When I woke up, she was gone, but she left a simple little note on the pillowcase:

Thank you for making me feel loved and respected. See you at dinner tonight.

Love, Dash

I smiled at the sweetness of the note, a little surprised maybe, but still touched. Once dressed, I went to my office to gather the papers for the day and saw there was a familiar scroll with a black and blue seal.

My Faithful Paladin,
I Am Pleased With Your Progress In Learning The Qualities Of Redemption. I Now Have A New Task That Coincides With Your Activities Today. Miss Beatrix Is An Excellent Candidate For Paladinhood, And I Will Help You Gain Her Trust. Together, We Shall Guide Her To Take Her First Step To Becoming A Paladin. Attached To This Scroll Is A Very Short Script That Will Strike Her Heart And Begin The Process.
I Wish You Well In This Task, And I Have Complete Confidence In You.
I Write This To You In Love,
Princess Luna

After getting dressed, I was hoping to have breakfast with Dash, but she didn’t answer her door. I saw Twilight as she was leaving her room, “Hey, Twilight, have you seen Dash? We were together, sort of, last night, and she was gone this morning.”

Twilight had an expression of slack-jawed shock. “You were together? Last night?”

“Wait, what? No, we just slept together.” I facepalmed. “What I mean is we were sleeping, only sleeping. And why am I trying to justify myself here? Oh, right, a trusted and respected friend of both parties. Sorry. I’m never sure how much is too much or too little information.”

Twilight gave me an unsure look, “That was likely just right. I’m just so used to seeing her in bad relationships,” she quickly added, “but you’re not that kind. I hope you can appreciate how much you’ve affected her. Just, please don’t take advantage of her.”

I gave her an appraising look, “I won’t. I promise. She’s far too important to me.” I look down, “She has made me change some fundamental things I thought I believed, things I never imagined would change.” I sniffed, stood straighter, and then smiled. “So, Miss Element of Magic, who could likely turn me into a newt if I messed with her friend, join me for breakfast and some strategizing for our task today?”

Twilight relaxed and chuckled, “Yes. But for the record, a frog would be easier.”

I snickered, “True, I am francophone, after all.” Twilight just smiled politely.

After fighting the crowds, we finally made it to the ground floor. We stood outside the restaurant, waiting to be seated. I started, “So Twilight, let’s recap. The Flim Flam brothers told me Trixie worked in Canterlot at the Hot Bun coffee shop as a barista. It was a small out-of-the-way coffee joint, but I have the address, and it shouldn’t be that hard to find. Once I have a cup of coffee in my system, we’ll go over the details.” Twilight seemed unsettled. “So, Twilight, are you ready for this? I mean, if you’re not up to it, I can do it alone.”

She seemed a little surprised at my offer, “No, I’m fine, Alex, just a little nervous.”

I smiled, “Good. I’ve always thought being a little nervous keeps you sharp. I’m terrified, myself. This could go so bad so fast. Let’s hope we can come to some agreement.”

We were seated with the usual flair I had come to expect from this place. Once seated and after our drinks arrived, black coffee for me and herbal tea for her, we were quietly looking over the menus when she suddenly blurted out, “Are you going to tell her about the pictures?”

‘Damn’, I looked at the tip of her horn to avoid eye contact for a moment. “Dash told you?” Twilight nodded slowly, and I thought for a moment, “I know I can trust you to be discreet, so I won’t even ask.” I let out a breath, “To answer your question, yes, I will tell her, but in private. I know the brothers thought they were doing what I wanted, but I want to assure you, I had only asked them to find her, not stalk her. I will be having a very serious predator to pony talk with them.” My cup of coffee suddenly became very interesting, “I’m sorry I’m not the one who told you sooner. I guess I was afraid of how you would react. Dash told me some of them were really racy, but I honestly had a hard time seeing them that way, at least until the last few pages. Even a dumb monkey like me could see it at that point.”

There was a long moment of silence, and I was actually a little surprised by the answer. “I believe you, Alex. Knowing you as I do and knowing that Dash trusts you, I know you did not intend for that to happen. I also know you would never do that kind of thing on purpose. But mostly, it’s that Dash trusts you.”

Twilight and I were standing outside the Hot Bun, waiting. According to the notes, Trixie always took her break at exactly 10:31. The clock was at 10:32 when I made my move. I cracked my neck and knuckles, smiled at Twilight and quietly murmured, “Showtime.”

I walked into the coffee shop, pushing the door open ahead of me. I held the door open for Twilight and felt all eyes were on me. This was precisely the point: to get everyone to pay attention. And get everyone’s attention was exactly what I did.

The noisy main room went quiet. The citizens of Canterlot, unlike the denizens of Ponyville, were not used to seeing me. To them, I was a tall cross between a diamond dog and an ape, both shaved.

I surveyed the room with a friendly smile and strode to the counter. A light blueish purple mare with a dark blue mane and bright green eyes wearing a purple bow tie stood in shocked silence. I could see she was young, and I felt sorry for her, but she started speaking before I could say anything.

“C-Can I help you, sir?” I had to admire her professionalism. Some ponies would have bolted.

Twilight stood beside me with a warm, comforting smile, “Yes, we're looking for someone.”

I dropped to one knee, smiled kindly, making sure to not show teeth, and said, “Yes, miss...” I looked at her employee tag, “Blueberry Fritter. I'm looking for a unicorn mare named Trixie. Bluecoat, silver mane and tail?” If the information were wrong, I would be even more upset with those two.

Blueberry looked a lot less scared and a lot more puzzled, “Do you mean Beatrix? Um, yeah, she's on her break. I'll get her for you.” She trotted to the back and called out, “Hey, Beatrix! There's a monster and bookish-looking purple unicorn here to see you! Celestia knows why...”

A tired voice sighed meekly, “On my way.” The voice was familiar from the show, but it wasn't the same smug, self-centred performer.

What came out of the back was a sad sight. Her mane was in a simple ponytail, with few errant strands, her tail a little unkempt, and what I’m assuming is the uniform here, a purple bow tie. She came out, looking at the floor, looking beaten, broken. When she looked up, her eyes widened for a moment when she saw me. Then she saw Twilight, and her eyes narrowed. “So, you've come to humiliate me again? Fine. Just make it quick so that I can finish my break in peace. Oh, and next time, leave your pet at home.”

I cleared my throat, “Miss Beatrix, I've come to offer you a job.”

Beatrix sneered, “Oh, the abomination speaks. Well done, Twilight Sparkle. You've bested me again.” She turned and started to leave.

I raise my voice, “Damn it, Trixie!” I caught myself and pinched the bridge of my nose. “Allow me to introduce myself, my name is Alex Roberts, or just Alex to my friends. I'm opening a theatre in Ponyville, and you are the best damn show pony I know of. I haven't travelled a very long way for you to throw this opportunity away. I have here five thousand bits as a signing bonus and a yearly salary of thirty thousand bits. Is the Great and Powerful Trixie not up to this task?”

I pulled the bag of coins out and held it in the palm of my hand. “Before you answer, one more thing. I hate the idea of a signing bonus. Here,” I lightly tossed the bag to her, “take it as a goodwill gift. No strings attached. I want to show you I’m serious.”

She looked at the coin purse, and I could see she was trying to find the catch in the deal, “So, what does this position entail? What will I be expected to do.”

I smiled and straightened up, “I’m glad you asked. Please allow me to lay all my cards on the table or blinders off, as a pony would say. I will be rebuilding the town hall in Ponyville into a world-class theatre. Your job is to provide artistic genius and insight, to help me select the best entertainers and maybe not so best, in short, to stop me from making foolish mistakes when it comes to the artistic side of running a theatre. I’m looking for a partner, a friend, someone I can trust. I believe you are that person, and seeing your talent wasted here is disappointing. I want to offer you the opportunity to regain your dignity. Because I know you’re worthy of that dignity. Please, let me be your redemption.”

The expression on her face was almost angry, “How dare you assume Trixie needs your pity. We have all the self-esteem we, I, could ever need.”

“I don’t pity you, Trixie.” She winced at the name, “I really don’t. I see a beautiful soul that yearns to make foals laugh and stallions cry and has made a few bad decisions. I’m here to offer you a way to do what makes your heart sing. I’m here to help you entertain.”

I could see her thinking, and then she gestured with her head at Twilight, “What about her? Why is she involved? Not only is she an Element of Harmony, but she is Princess Celestia's personal student. She single-hoofedly defeated an Ursa Minor. Why me?”

Twilight stepped forward, “Because you have a natural gift for showmanship. I don't have that. I may have magical abilities, but you know how to captivate and mesmerize a crowd.” There was a murmur of agreement among the patrons. Twilight’s head dropped a little more, “But I've also come to apologize for not making sure you were alright after the Ursa attacked. And I'm sorry for not making sure you got compensated for your livelihood being destroyed. And, what I'm most sorry for, is that I didn't recognize your showmanship and because of that didn't offer my hoof in friendship. Please accept my sincerest apology.”

For a long moment, Trixie stared at Twilight and me. She simply stared, her expression becoming neutral. Then, slowly, she raised her head up high in as proud a stance as any queen could manage. I couldn’t help but notice the tear beginning to form in her eye. In a regal manner, with only the slightest quaver in her voice, “It would seem the talents of The Great and Powerful Trixie are wasted here. It would also seem that we, I, have misjudged you, Twilight Sparkle. It would please us to consider you a friend. Therefore, I accept the position and the apology.”

It started with one pony, then another, and another. Soon, every pony in the room was stomping their hooves. Blueberry Fritter went to Trixie and hugged her. “Oh, you go, filly friend! I'll miss you! Don't you dare forget me!” She sniffed and smiled.

Beatrix replied in her show voice, “The Great and Powerful Trixie does not forget her friends.” Then, dropping to a normal voice, “Especially a good friend like you, Blueberry.”

I cleared my throat to get Beatrix's attention, “Before I go one step further, do you prefer Trixie or Beatrix? I don’t want to get off on the wrong foot with my new friend.”

She turned, and I could see the dignity in her eyes that wasn’t there before. I had to admit it made me a little teary-eyed. You would have to be a heartless monster not to if you had seen the change I saw. “You may call me Beatrix, as all my true friends do.”

I bowed a little, “I’m honoured to be given the privilege, Beatrix. You can call me Alex.” I hold out a simple business card, “This is where I am this week. Otherwise, I’m in Ponyville. If you could meet me there at my temporary office in two days at 11 am, we have things to discuss. Twilight reminded me that it was the right thing to do.” I gave Twilight a little smile. “Oh, one more thing before I go. When you get home tonight, don’t be surprised to find a scroll with Princess Luna’s royal seal.” I clapped my hands, “Now, I must be going. I have a little filly to buy gifts for.”

I turned and started to leave when I heard Beatrix speak, “Thank you, Alex. Truly, thank you for giving me a second chance at my life.” She stood dignified, ready to fulfil her destiny, “I will not fail you.”

I turned and gave her what I hoped was a warm smile. I bowed again, “You are most welcome, Beatrix. I hope I’m worthy of your trust.” Now my smile grew mischievous, “As much as I would love to spend the day getting to know you better, I have some gifts to buy for my daughter, er, I mean future daughter.” I gave a gallic shrug, “It’s complicated.”

I turned to the crowd in a slightly louder voice, “I’m new to this town, and I have a little girl who is just crazy about the Wonderbolts. Does anyone know where I can get Wonderbolt merchandise? Posters, dolls, goggles, that kind of stuff?”

An earth pony stallion called out, “The official store's beside da Canterlot raceway, just a few minutes from here. I’ll take you dere.”

I started to turn with a smile, “Thanks, I’ll-”

Beatrix spoke, her voice flat, “He’s lying. He wants to harm you.”

The earth pony snarled, “Don’t listen to that bimbo. She’s just a bitter nag of a failure.” The pony was getting very upset.

I looked between her and the stallion, “Frankly, sir, I trust her much more than I trust you. Nothing personal.”

Beatrix beamed at me, “I remember hearing him and his cronies talking about getting back at a shaved diamond dog called ‘human’. I thought it was just their salt-fueled imaginations. But now I see all the pieces fitting together.”

The shop went quiet, and I locked eyes with the stallion. My expression suddenly went sour, “I’m feeling some heartburn coming on.” His pupils became pinpricks, and then he suddenly scrambled out of the shop as fast as he could, much to the amusement of the other patrons.

Once the laughter and the congratulations being heaped on Beatrix died down, people quickly pointed me in the right direction. I was standing near the door, simply enjoying the sight of a happy Beatrix. It did not go unnoticed by me that Twilight was almost as happy and seemed to be quickly making her a friend. I smiled and called out, “Beatrix, Twilight, I’m heading out now. I promised myself I would spoil my little girl, and am off to do just that. Beatrix, I’ll see you soon, and we’ll hash out all the boring details. Oh, and before I forget, thanks for the save.” I waved and went out the door, slowly striding toward the Wonderbolt store.

It was late afternoon, and I was planning my evening with Dash. ‘I know she said she doesn't need to be impressed, but I love taking my lady out and showing her off.’ I was half contemplating going to the bar off the racetrack we escaped from the last time we were here when a knock on the door surprised me.

I answered it and was pleasantly surprised by Twilight. “Hi Alex, Dash asked me to ask you to get ready for a fancy dinner. And for me to do this.” She shut her eyes tight in concentration, and her horn glowed. I felt lighter momentarily, as if I was being lifted telekinetically and then released. “There, now you're all ready for your date. I hope you have a good time, Alex. I really do. Dash was really lucky to find you.” Twilight then really surprised me by giving me a hug. She then totally floored me by looking up at me, slightly teary-eyed, “P-Please, have a really good time tonight. You have no idea how happy you've made Rainbow Dash. She's very lucky to have you.” She then quickly trotted away down the hall.

I stood at the door of my room, looking down the empty hallway. I finally shrugged and started getting changed. 'I hope Twilight doesn't have some crush on me. We just fixed the Applejack problem. A Twilight problem would be a pain in the backside. I'm sure it's just Twi being happy for Dash.'

I put on my remaining clean suit. I wanted to look good for her, so I spent some time making sure all the details were just so. When everything was perfect, there was a knock on the door. I smiled and greeted Dash. She was wearing a fancy dress, and I caught her perfect lilac scent, “You look absolutely stunning. I'm the luckiest man alive to have you as his special friend.”

She blushed, “Yes, you are, but I'm really lucky too.” She looked down, almost shyly, “We were lucky to find each other.”

I dropped to one knee and looked up at her. I placed my hand on her cheek, the smooth and silky coat, just feeling her warmth, my thumb tracing her lips. As I did, she kissed it and smiled. I tisked, “I don't want to smudge your makeup.”

Her laughter made my heart sing, “You know I never put makeup on.”

I smiled, “I keep forgetting you're perfect as you are.” I beamed with pride at her, “So, where are we going on this mystery date, and why did Twilight zap me?”

Her eyes flicked up, “We're going to the exclusive pegasus restaurant at the top of this hotel. I made reservations for two. Me and my handsome stallion.”

I got a little worried, “I hope we’re getting up by elevator. I would hate for you to get your dress all dirty, lugging my butt up there.”

She rolled her eyes, “Don’t worry, they don’t like ponies flying in without reservations.

We were quickly whisked to the top floor, and the doors opened. I had a very slight panic attack, “Dash, it’s all cloud up here. I’ll make a big mess when I hit the ground.”

“You goof, that’s what the zap was for. Cloud walking spell.”

“Oh, right.” I tentatively placed my foot on the cloud, then shifted my weight. It was a little like walking on wet sand but spongier. Walking was a little difficult because my feet were more flexible than hooves, but after a few steps, I managed to find my gait.

Before being led to our table, the waiter asked, “Would sir care for a pony menu or a gryphon menu?” When he said that, I noticed a gryphon couple in the corner. Their empty plates had reddish-brown smears on them.

I didn’t answer right away, and Dash spoke, “He’ll take one of each. He’s an omnivore.”

The waiter smiled a little condescendingly, “Very good. This way, please.”

We were seated at a table for two in the centre of the room, the most exposed and visible spot in the place. Well, when I say room, I mean a large expanse of cloud floor and a cloud lip all around. We only had Luna’s perfect sky above us. “Perfect sky above me. Perfect angel before me.”

Dash blushed at my compliments. “You know you’re going to give me a swelled head.” She gave me a sultry smirk, “But you shouldn’t stop.”

I chuckled, “Remember when we first met?”

Dash snickered, “You bet I do.”

My memories of that day were tempered with friendship and love, “You ploughed into my back from behind-”

Dash interrupted, smirking, “I thought you were a monster-”

I excitedly cut in, “And we both shouted,” Dash and I said in unison, “Fluttershy, run!” We both laughed, and I leaned over to give her a quick kiss.

“Do you know what my first thought was after I elbowed you off?” Dash smirked and shook her head a little, ”It was ‘She knows how to fight.’” I held her hoof and smiled, "I always admired you even before I knew you.” I kissed her hoof, “You were always my beautiful Dash. I just didn't know it at the time." She blushed and looked away.

Dash grew quiet and had a shy, hopeful smile. Her eyes gazed into mine, and she took a piece of bread from the basket on the table. I saw her wings stiffening, slightly popping out. She then slowly, deliberately tore the bread in half. With great care and a sultry smile, she extended her hoof with the bread to me. My hand reached out hesitatingly.

The moment was shattered by a high-pitched, nasally voice, “Well that’s disgusting. A pegasus and a dirter sharing bread. I suppose she’s not much to look at, but surely there must be some pegasus pony desperate enough to—”

In a flash, Dash jumped from her seat and tackled the pegasus who was speaking. She pinned her down and started yelling at her, “Don’t you dare say anything about my special friend. He’s more of a stallion than most ponies will ever be.”

It took me a moment to realize what was happening, and I was impeded by the springy softness of the cloud underfoot. “Dash, please, get off her. She's not worth the aggravation. Please, Dash, I don't want you to get in trouble. You're better than this, please. For me.”

Dash sneered at her captive, “Only for you, Alex,” she jumped off and kept staring. “You're a very lucky mare. Very lucky. "

I could see her husband, coltfriend, or whatever didn't seem very impressed with his dinner companion. He made eye contact and gave me a little apologetic shrug. I returned the gesture.

I guided Dash back to the table. “Sorry Alex, she just, for the first time, I have a special friend I’m really proud of, and she,” Dash growled in frustration.

As we sat back down, I could hear him berating her angrily. He was so angry he didn’t even whisper, “Don't you know who that is? That's Rainbow Dash. The Element of Loyalty. She's saved Equestria at least four times, maybe more. And that is Alex Roberts, Princess Luna’s personal champion. You're just lucky he seems to be the forgiving type.” I could hear the iciness in his voice, “You know what else? He’s one of my clients. I took him on as a favour to both Rarity and Fancypants. Neither of them has ever asked me a favour, and you know they have done a lot for me. And how do I repay them? By having my ex-special friend insult his special friend.”

“Ex-special friend? But, you can’t, I-”

“Why did you think I invited you here in the first place? You’re snobby and cruel. I thought this would be the kind of place...”

I forced myself to stop listening. It was none of my business. I focused back on Dash, and she was sitting quietly, examining her placemat. I reached over the table to put my hand on her cheek. Before I touched her, she quietly snarled, “I screwed this up,” I pulled my hand away for a moment, “Just like with every other special friend. I screwed this up, and now you don’t want to be with a psycho who picks fights in fancy restaurants.” She looked up with an expression of sadness and shame. I only looked into her eyes and smiled.

I don’t think I have ever smiled so broadly, “I told you, you’re stuck with me, no matter what.” Her expression became confused, and I put my hand gently on her cheek, her soft lips pressed against my palm automatically, “I know you, Dash. You’re kind and gentle and loving. You’re also strong, fierce, and passionate. What you did was what I expected of you. You heard a threat, someone insulting us, and you reacted. Sure, you reacted strongly—”

“But that’s the problem. I go all out. I knocked that idiot off her seat. I hurt her over—”

“Stop. Stop beating yourself up. The truth is, he was dumping her tonight because she’s a total nag. Because, apparently, she does stuff like this all the time. I overheard him after, and I swear to you that was the gist of the conversation.” I glanced over, then nodded my head in their direction, “See? He’s looking mighty pissed at her, and she’s looking sad. If I had been less focused on my beautiful, amazing, warm, compassionate, wonderful Rainbow Dash, I would have been the one to do something.” Dash now wore a happy and hopeful smile. I took my hand off her cheek and picked up a piece of bread from the basket. I very deliberately tore it in half. “Now, I believe you were interested in sharing some bread?”

I didn’t remember much about the meal and honestly didn’t care. For the first time since I had started my adventures, I wanted to be intimate with someone, and that someone was Dash. We waited impatiently for the elevator down, giggling like teenagers, Dash nuzzling me while I stroked her mane. The pony couple waiting with us only smiled, the mare sighing and nuzzling her stallion.

As we hurried down the hall, stopping for the occasional kiss, we turned the corner and saw Twilight sitting beside Dash’s door. As soon as she saw us, she galloped toward us. I groaned, “I get it, Twilight, you’re not happy Dash is with a human. I get it. You’ve made that clear all week. But we’re adults, and we love each—”

Twilight interrupted me, shaking her head, “No. It’s not that. I’m happy Dash has found you.” Her expression was one of sadness and pity. She shook her head again. “No, the tissue samples from before and the ones I got last week. The reason I was,” she sniffed and wiped her moistening eyes, “acting so strange, is that that,” tears started to flow freely, “you’re going to die.”

29 - A moment in Dash's mind

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(This takes place in the moment in Dash's mind after Twilight's announcement but before Alex's reaction)

Sparkle, you mangy nag.

I had him. I finally had him into me enough that he had forgotten those damn, honourable, beautiful vows he kept. He was mine and I was going to take him all the way.

And then you had to go and dick buck him like that. Could it not have waited until morning? If he had a day to live, I would have given him the most amazing night of his life. He would have died as happy as anyone could.

Not only that but knowing someone like him had loved me would have made me complete. No matter what happens now, I’m not getting any action tonight. I can probably get him to snuggle again. Maybe.

Oh, I’m going to get you Sparkle. I’m going to wait until you’re about to have a very intimate moment with some stallion or mare (I have a running bet with Applejack; I’m calling you a filly-fooler all the way), and I’m going to crash in, declaring my love or something. I don't know yet, but it will be like a bucket of ice water between the flanks. I’ll make sure to have an air-tight alibi, so it’s plausible deniability all the way, baby. You've given me a reason to revenge prank you with everything I’ve got.

Okay, Rainbow Dash. Let’s calm down. Alex will probably say something smart to that egghead, and it will all just be something stupid she overreacted about.

But what if it’s not? What if something is killing him? What if there’s something in the food or water or air? What if it’s something he’s missing?

What if it’s me?

Come on, Alex! Say something!

30 - Trust

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I could only stare at Twilight in disbelief for what seemed to be an eternity. Ice was in my belly, a frozen claw tightening its grip around my heart. I redirected my growing fear into anger.

I looked to my strength, my sky-blue angel, but her eyes were pleading. I steadied myself, ‘Stay focused old man.’ I turned my attention to Twilight, my expression colder than I would have liked, “Are you sure, Twilight Sparkle? Because while I acknowledge that we are all doomed to die eventually, thus is the fate of man and pony alike, I do not feel my health is impaired. So, are we talking hours, days, weeks, years, what?”

Twilight, taken aback by my verbal assault, hesitantly opened her mouth to answer, but before she could speak, I tersely interrupted her, “Also, are you a physician? Are you an expert in xenobiology? Heck, are you even a biologist? No, to the best of my knowledge, you’re a very intelligent physicist who dabbles in other disciplines. In fact, you are the most brilliant person I have ever met anywhere.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose, “Twilight, I trust you, but you have a bit of a track record for not looking at all the facts, jumping to conclusions, taking stuff out of context, and making mountains out of molehills.” Poor Twilight looked so crestfallen. I softened my expression, “But, to be fair, you also have a track record of being right when everyone around you doubted, even the Princesses. But, assuming you’re right, and I’m not saying you are, can you leave me alone just for tonight? One night will not make a difference in this case, will it? If I only have one day left to live, I want it to be with Dash.” Dash nuzzled against me, and I stroked her mane and smiled, “She’s my everything, and if this is true, I want to hold her in my arms one last time.”

Dash looked at Twilight with a peeved expression, “You’ve got awful timing, Sparkle. But I also know you. You probably knew about this for a while. It probably took you this long to build up the guts to say anything. I could tell there was something bugging you since we left Ponyville. I thought you had some prudish problem with me and Alex. Well, I know for sure you don’t, now.” She looked up at me, a tender smile growing. “But I want to spend some quality time with him. Will one night really make any difference?”

Twilight, her eyes still full of tears, simply nodded. “You still have plenty of time left for that. I’m sorry for interrupting.”

I took a deep breath. I could tell Twilight was suffering. She had been so preoccupied I don’t think she’s had a shower in a few days. I dropped to a knee and hugged her. “Thank you, Twilight Sparkle. Thank you for caring so much about me, about Dash and I, to do this. I know the social sciences are not your strength, but I want you to know you did the right thing by telling us. I appreciate what you’ve done and what I know you will do. But for right now, Dash and I would like some alone time as a couple.”

Her usual baby powder scent was faded, and there was a noticeable, to me at any rate, edge of dried sweat. I pulled away and wiped a tear away from under her eye with my thumb. I then gave her a quick peck on the cheek. “Thank you from the both of us. You are a truly wonderful friend.”

Dash beamed at us both, “Aw, when he puts it that way, I guess I can’t stay mad at you, egghead.” Dash, with that new glowing smile, hugged her friend.

Twilight looked at both of us, “Alex, I promise I’ll start researching a solution tonight. I’ll work twice, no, three times as hard. I’ll ask the Princesses for help, I’ll—”

I smiled kindly because she was such a kind pony in her own way and warmly interrupted her, “No, Twilight Sparkle. Tonight, you will pay a surprise visit to your brother, your parents, or someone you love. And you will hold them tight, and you will remember why you love them. You will then get a good sleep tonight, and you, me and Dash will discuss this over a late breakfast in the morning.”

Twilight seemed to calm down and smiled a little. “I think I can see what Dash sees in you.” She sniffed and wiped her eyes. “O-Okay. I’ll, I’ll go and see my parents and bring Miss Smartypants.” She did a sad little chuckle, “After my brother, she was my best friend for so long. I know it’s silly; she’s just a doll, but she is.” She paused, seemingly staring into space, “Thanks, Alex. I’ll see you two in the morning.”

I leaned forward and whispered to Twilight, softly enough that Dash couldn't hear, “You may want to take a shower first. You’re a little ripe.”

I gestured to Dash, “Come on, sweetheart. Let’s spend some quality time together.” I opened the door to Dash’s room and entered, Dash following behind me.

Dash spoke softly, “Wow, Alex, I'm impressed. I don't know if I could have kept my calm like that after hearing that kind of news.”

I didn't change the kindly expression I had kept for Twilight. “Is the door closed?”

A now worried Dash replied, “Ya, it is now.”

I began hyperventilating. “Oh god, I don’t want to die. Dash, dear god, I don’t want to die.” Dash was by my side, holding me. “Twilight’s never wrong. She never makes mistakes. I just, I just didn’t want to break down in front of someone I didn’t completely trust. I know you won’t be ashamed of me. I know you won’t pity me.” I sighed, “This isn’t what you had in mind for tonight, is it.”

She gently cooed and stroked my hair, “It doesn’t matter what I wanted for tonight. I’m here for you.”

“Dash, you are the first person since this nightmare began all those years ago that I’ve even considered being,” I gulped, tripping over the phrase, “physically close to.” I hit my thigh, “It’s just not fair, Dash. I’ve been alone for so long, and just when I find a perfect angel to share my life with, I’ve got a noose around my neck.”

I buried my face in her shoulder, breathing her in deeply, running my hand between her wings, my fingers stroking the soft feathers. I hear her gasp, and her wings expand, and then she just holds me tighter. I whispered in her ear, “I need to be close to you, to hold you, to know you're here, to drink you in. You make me feel alive.” I kissed her neck and whispered again, “I need you, Dash. I need you.”

I revelled in the cool night air brushing against my body as we lay on the cloud bed. We were both exhausted and happy, holding each other, simply being. We had discovered many surprises, some good, some bad, some funny, but all joyous in their own way.

Dash nuzzled my chin as she ran her hoof on my chest. Her cracking voice was soft and calm, “So, what are we going to do now? That was fun and all, but it doesn’t change the facts. Are we going back to Ponyville, spend what time we have left together?”

I sighed happily and gave her a quick kiss, “As much as spending the rest of my life in bed with you is tempting, I’m going to carry on. I’ll do everything I planned on doing here in Canterlot.” I gave a single mirthless chuckle, “Anyway, lots of people are depending on me doing my job. I have promises to keep, even if they’re only to myself.”

Dash propped herself up and looked down at me with only a slight smile, “Make me a promise?”

“Yes, Ms Rainbow Dash?”

“Tell me the truth, when you know it, about what’s happening.”

I put my hand on her cheek, “It never occurred to do anything else. I need you. You are my strength. I can fake it in front of others, but not you. It would feel too much like being deceitful. But I also have one request: that we don’t tell Scootaloo until we know for sure. I don’t want to freak her out. She’s a tough kid with a strong heart, but...”

“But you don’t want to burden our daughter any more than we have to. I get it. You don’t have to explain.”

It took my mind a moment to catch up with what she said. I smiled a slow, broad smile, “Our daughter. Our daughter is one of a kind. Just like her mom.”

She lay on my chest, her cheek slowly nuzzling against mine. Her warmth, her weight on my chest, her beating heart, her vibrant mane tickling my nose, the scent of lilacs. They were the things I treasured. These things were what reminded me I had to live more than ever.

I exhaled slowly, “Dash, I’ve lived far longer than most have the right to. I’ve seen things that would make most people weep with joy or break down in despair. But, of all the things I’ve seen, of all the people I’ve met, you are the only one that has made me want to live, not just survive. You have no idea how much you mean to me, how much I trust you. I mean deeply and with absolutely no doubts. If you told me to jump off the balcony right now, I would do it without hesitation.”

Dash raised her head and looked down at me with that smirk that so defined her. “That much, huh? Okay, jump off the balcony.”

I kissed her tenderly, swung my legs off the bed, stood, and cracked my back.

Dash started snickering nervously, “Okay, that’s enough. I believe you."

I walked towards the balcony, "Don't worry. Come on, Dash. Join me. I want to share some fresh air with my beautiful fiance."

She snickered, "I thought you were going to jump for a second." As I strode to the edge, Dash warned me. "Careful, that ledge is a little thin."

I wanted to get a good look at the stunning cityscape. "I'll be caref—Shiiiit!" I had stepped too close to the edge, my foot slipping through the balcony lip. I tumbled.

I was in mid-air before I realized what was happening. I managed to make out a panicked Dash yelling out, “Alex!” The cold evening air whipped past my ears as I gained speed. While I don't have a phobia of falling, I was scared out of my mind. I still had a little presence of mind and quickly assumed a spread-eagle position to slow my fall, to give my angel a chance.

If anyone were looking out their windows, they would have seen a naked human, arms and legs spread wide, falling straight down. I could see the ground rushing up at me.

About twenty meters from the ground, I felt Dash grab me under my arms. I never felt such relief at being grabbed. Of course, the thought that Dash couldn't carry me crossed my mind. A gradual change in the direction of my fall into a parabolic arc stopped my doubts. I could hear her struggling to change our course. The bottom of the arc levelled out, my feet almost touching the ground.

The hundreds of ponies in the plaza were shocked and surprised at seeing a cyan-coated, rainbow-maned pegasus pony carrying such a large, bulky creature. Even I was surprised at how strong a flier she was.

She carried me back up to the room in silence and unceremoniously dumped me on the cloud balcony, away from the ledge. She landed in front of me, incredulously looking at my goofy smile. I started to get up, grateful for her rescue. “I told you I tru—”

Dash slapped me.

Not hard enough to spin me around or hurt me, but just enough to make me fall on my butt again. She was in tears, and her bottom lip was quivering, “Alex Roberts, what in the hay was going through your stupid head to get so close to the ledge like that? It’s bad enough it looks like your ticket is getting punched, but there you go, trying to speed up the process.” She sniffed loudly, “And now you won’t have anything else to do with me because I clobbered you again, and even you will run out of patience with me, and you’ll die alone, and I’ll be alone, and I'll die alone too, and-”

I did the only thing I could do: I got up to my knees and put my hands on her cheeks. She trailed off, fear in her eyes. She didn’t resist me aligning her face to mine. I smiled at her, knowing the little bruise on my cheek was starting to show. It stung, but I knew she was hurting more. She kissed my palm, then I drew her close and kissed her as passionately as I could.

When I ended it, I could only look into those perfect eyes, “I would have died happy, knowing you loved me. That you, my beautiful, strong, spirited, passionate angel, loved a flawed me.”

We held each other like that for an eternity that passed far too quickly. I pulled away, losing myself in her perfect eyes, “I don't care how short my time is. I want to be with you. I want you to be part of me. I don't know how it's done. I don't have a ring, necklace, bracelet, or whatever I'm supposed to have, but I have you.” I took her hoof in my hand, kissed it, and then looked up at her. “Rainbow Dash, will you be my wife? Will you take the flawed creature before you as your husband?”

Her expression became serious, “On one condition.”

I kissed her hoof again, “Name it.”

She gently pulled her hoof from my hand and rested it on my cheek, “Stay away from ledges.”

I woke slowly, my fiance snoring softly in my arms, a blissful expression on her face. It was a wonderfully tiring night, and we slept well. I knew I could face anything the universe threw at me, knowing I had my strength.

I lay there, enjoying her steady breathing for a while. When my stomach growled, I decided it was time to get out of this very happy bed. Anyway, I suspected the cloud-walking spell was starting to fade as my butt was beginning to sink. I smiled and blew on her ear. She twitched as an irritated smile grew on her lovely face. Dash protested weakly, her smile growing until finally, she fully awoke and assaulted me with kisses.

“Good morning to you, too, Ms Rainbow Dash. How about a shower, clothes for me, then breakfast with our good friend.”

“That sounds like a great plan.” She suddenly stood on the bed, pushing me down, “Race you to the bathroom.” I chased after her, laughing my fool head off. I noticed each step was a little bit lower until I was hip deep in the floor and my feet were touching concrete. I called out, still giggling, “We had better go to my room for that. I think we used this one up.” I ducked down, feeling around for my hastily discarded clothing. Unlike me, it did not float on the cloud floor.

I popped up for a second and could see Dash’s head at the bathroom door, a sultry grin softening when she saw me stand, “They have hard floors in the bathroom, remember?”

“Oh yeah,” as I fondly remembered the night before, “Yeah...” I tossed my pants over my shoulder and strode boldly on.

Dash and I finally left the room and stood in front of Twilight’s door. I knocked a jaunty shave-and-a-haircut while calling out, “Breakfast is on me.”

To my surprise, I heard Twilight reply with two knocks and, “I’m starved” in time to the knocks.

She opened the door and looked rested and happy. I could smell she was freshly showered. She then blushed and looked down, moving her hoof in a little circle, “Did you, did you two, did—”

Dash rolled her eyes a little and smiled, stepping forward and hugged her friend, “Yes. We had a really good time. Thanks.”

If I didn’t know better, I would have sworn I saw a hint of jealousy pass over Twilight’s face. I’ve got to be misreading that. I clapped my hands together, “Well, I don’t know about you guys, but I could eat a h—huge pile of oats. May I escort my lovely fiance and our amazing friend to the dining room? We have much to discuss.”

Dash, with a smirk, as she had just pulled off the greatest prank, and I, just a simple, confident smile, walked down the hall as I silently counted to myself, ‘Three, two, one...’

Twilight suddenly processed what I had said, “Fiance?” She galloped in front of us, blocking the path to the elevator, looking at us with a huge, toothy grin. She proceeded to grab us both in a huge hug. “When did that happen? Who else knows? Am I the last to know, again.”

“My dear Twilight, you are, in fact, the first to know. I proposed last night, and, heh, Dash accepted.” I smirked at Dash, “You still never told me how ponies do it,” Dash snorted, “I mean how they propose, you goof. Anyway, I want to do it again and do it right this time.”

Dash snickered under her breath and lightly shoulder-checked me, “Practise makes perfect.”

“Look, there will be time enough for that. Right now, I may start gnawing my own arm off, I’m so hungry.”

Twilight tilted her head and levitated a notebook and quill from somewhere, “Is that what humans do if they don’t have enough food?”

“No, just an expression.” My smile grew, “But if you don’t get out of our way, I’ll be forced to tickle you until you move.” I started wiggling my fingers.

“You don’t want him to do that, Twilight.” Dash nuzzled me, “He’s very good at it.”

Twilight laughed nervously, “Moving.”

Once in the elevator, I had to ask, “So, how did it go for you last night, Twilight? Did you visit your parents or your brother or someone special?”

“I dropped in at my parent's house. As it happens, Shining Armour and Cadence were there for dinner. By the way, that was good advice, Alex, excellent advice. When I got there, I guess I was still visibly worried. They asked me why I was upset, and I told them about you. I hope you don’t mind.”

“No, I don’t mind. Why would I? I trust you and, by extension, your family. I know your brother didn’t become the head of the Royal Guard by not being trustworthy. I also realize that he is absolutely loyal to the Princess. Cadence is a princess, too, and that’s good enough for me.”

The elevator dinged, and the doors opened. “Besides, the more minds that touch the problem, the more likely we'll get a good solution, right?”

It was mid-morning, so there was no line to get in. I didn’t have anything to do until this evening, so I planned to spend a lot of today with Dash and Twilight, but mostly Dash.

We were led to a private table at Twilight’s request, and the waiter got our drink orders. I welcomed my mug of coffee, and the girls had their cups of tea. Twilight suggested I order something from the gryphon menu, but she didn’t explain why. I shrugged but was delighted to see bacon, eggs, pork chops, whole chicken, etc. No beef. It's not a problem for me because it kills your appetite for steak when you’ve chatted over coffee with the cow.

So, I got bacon and eggs, Dash got oat cakes, and Twilight got oatmeal. It was simple filling fare, perfect to fuel us for the day. While we were waiting, Dash gave me a sly glance and whispered, “I dare you to ask about, you know, the candy.”

I return her glance with a confident grin, a small nod, and a whispered, “As you wish.” I turn to Twilight, "Hey, Twilight. Is there a candy called ‘Skittles’ here?" Dash snorts and almost spills her tea.

Twilight, with furrowed brow, "No, I don't think so, why?" Dash is now holding back her laughter so hard she is forced to put her mug down.

I smirk and innocently reply, "Nothing, just a joke between me and Dash."

Dash breaks down in laughter and whispers, "You're such a bad colt."

Poor Twilight looks on, confused, “So, what is the joke, Alex? Can you explain it?”

I smile in the purest of beatific innocence, “I think Dash would be best suited to explaining it.”

Dash narrowed her eyes at me, “I’ll get you, Alex Roberts.” She then turns to Twilight, “I’ll explain later, Twi. It’s not a public type of joke.”

Before Twilight could inquire further, our breakfasts arrived. The waiter gave me a bit of a once-over with his eyes, but I ignored it. As he placed our food down, I could see the bacon was a very thick cut, almost a centimetre thick, and half raw. I realized this must be how gryphons eat their meat, basically just seared on the outside. It makes sense, but I asked the waiter to take it back and finish cooking it.

Dash looked at me questioningly, “What was wrong with that meat, Alex?”

“Nothing, but I like it a lot more cooked.”

“Huh. Gilda used to complain how it was always overcooked.”

“Technology users, remember? We humans developed cooking at the same time we started controlling fire. Our teeth are made for cooked food.”

Twilight’s face brightened, “My goodness, it’s all so clear now.” Her notepad and quill appeared, and she started scribbling furiously. “The front cutting teeth to bite through the hard outer cooked layer, the incisors to tear a piece of food off, the molars to grind the food. Yes, I can see how you evolved to eat cooked food. Very interesting.” She seemed to be peering very intently at my mouth.

“Twilight, we’ll play science later.” To their credit, the bacon was quickly returned. It was like tough ham at this point, too hard to cut, and I had to eat it with my hands, but it was quite edible.

The girls didn’t look at me while I ate, likely millions of years of instincts telling them not to get the predator's attention. I had to admit I was really enjoying the greasy, salty, oh-so-meaty bacon, but I tried very, very hard not to make any nom nom noises. I’m not entirely sure I didn’t.

I glanced at Dash, “I’ll try to eat this stuff in private, okay? I don’t want to disturb anyone doing it.”

“Hey, you big goof, it’s for your health, right?”

Once we had finished our breakfasts, I wiped the grease from my hands and chin and asked the waiter for another cup of coffee. I smiled, “Alright. I have a full stomach, Twilight. Let's talk about my impending doom.”

Twilight seemed to have been taken aback by the flippant tone of my question, but she quickly collected herself. “Alright, Alex. My main concern is the telomeres on the deoxyribonucleic acid chains-” My confusion must have been evident. “The part of your DNA that protects against mutation when cells divide.” I nodded, “This mechanism also controls the ageing process. They break off when the cell splits, and when you no longer have any, the cell stops splitting, and they die.”

“Your cells are losing telomeres at four to six times the normal rate, at least as far as I can tell. I think the cause is the high magic environment of Equestria. Your body can metabolize a small amount naturally, but not enough, and the excess burns out your cells. I have also confirmed that the trans-dimensional events, or ‘jumps’ as you call them, have the side effect of reconstructing your DNA, including the telomeres, to the same state they were when you first jumped. They effectively reset your age, Alex.”

Dash held her hoof up, “Wait, wait, wait, Twilight. Are you saying Alex is ageing faster because he can’t handle his magic?” Dash scurried away from me, a look of horror in her eyes, “Am I killing him? Is my natural magic doing this?”

Twilight smiled hopefully, “No, Rainbow Dash, quite the opposite. With your body absorbing the local magic, it’s actually saving him. As a matter of fact,” Twilight blushed, “until I can get a proper solution to this, we should both spend time physically close to him.”

Dash scooted beside me with a worried expression on her face. “Even, even at night?”

“I’m afraid so, Rainbow Dash. Unicorns are best because we absorb and use magic more readily than the other ponies. Sorry, Dash, but you're second best for this.” Dash flashed a very annoyed look at Twilight, and she quickly added, “But both of us there would be better for Alex. I apologize if it interferes with your se- um, snuggling, but it's for Alex's health.” For the first time since I've known Twilight, she looked positively defiant.

I maybe had a little too much of a smile, “So, how close are we talking? A few tens of meters, a meter or two, touching? I mean, don’t get me wrong, being close to two such lovely ladies will be a very ego-enhancing experience.”

Dash gave me a smirk, “Don’t get too excited, Mr Roberts.”

“That’s right, casanova, it’s just for medical reasons. To answer your question, it needs to be within a few meters. We will have to figure something out for sleeping. But, that is a problem for tonight.”

I snickered, “As long as Dash can chaperone, I don’t foresee any problems.” We all chuckled, and Dash leaned against me.

Twilight continued, “Once we get to Ponyville, you should have two of us by your side at all times, but any two ponies should do. This should reduce the amount of damage over time to a normal level. I would also like you to carry your knife at all times. It will act as an additional magical sink and protect you somewhat when alone.”

“My tests have also shown a reduced amount of cobalt-containing vitamer compounds. We usually create our own in our gut, but you need to get them from an external source. Maybe I can synthesize something. But it brings us back to the magic issue. If I use magic to create this compound, it will be infused with it, and when it’s injected or eaten, the problem will get worse. As a stop-gap, some diet modifications, specifically adding non-plant-based proteins, could help. In other words, eat meat. Fish will be the easiest to find in Ponyville. Even some ponies eat the stuff.”

“So fish is safe. Even Fluttershy wouldn’t be too upset with fish.”

“There’s one last thing, probably the more alarming in some ways but not the most pressing. I’ve detected a growing amount of chaos magic infused with your cellular structure. The traces may date back over sixty years when you first started jumping. I have to tell you I’m not sure if this has any relation to Discord or if it’s the naturally occurring magic in humans. I would need a few more tests and maybe a second human to confirm.”

“Isn’t that magic bad for me too? What’s the difference?”

Twilight thought for a moment, no doubt dumbing it down for me. “Normal magic is like an outside energy source generated by the environment. Ponies absorb that energy and use it through our starswirl glands.” I nodded and maybe rolled my eyes a little in irritation. “Sorry. At any rate, chaos magic is an internal source of energy. Ponies might have a tiny trace, but not enough to be useful. On the other hand, you seem to have a notable amount of chaos magic integrally connected to you, and it seems to be slowly growing. I’ll have to do more testing to determine exactly how much and how quickly.”

“Okay, that’s all good to know. But right now, I was hoping to do a little shopping. First, I would like to get Dash a little something to commemorate our engagement. Humans usually use rings, but I don’t know what ponies do. Also, I have an outfit for tonight, but unless I miss my guess, society ladies wear hats and clothes. Dash, I think your Gala dress is a little much, and Twilight, I don’t know what you have. Since you’re both going to be with me, we may as well fit in with the local yokels.” This drew some appreciative snickers from the girls. “So, between now and seven, we should be able to do all that. Maybe grab an early supper?”

Twilight became serious, “Alex, I really need to start researching this problem.”

“Yes, I know you do, but I already said I needed to continue what I was doing.”

“Alex, she wasn’t in the bedroom with us.”

Twilight got that panicked pony look, and her cheeks were bright magenta.

“What? Oh. Right.” I smiled sheepishly, “Sorry. After we, well, you know, I had decided that I would carry on doing what I was planning to do here. It’s important to me. And now that things are rolling, there are people depending on me to do what I need to do.”

She was still blushing slightly, “Oh, alright. I can respect that. And while we're with you, you will not get any worse.” She took a sip of tea and smiled, “So, what will you be doing today?”

In my best Flam impersonation, I started a little sing-song, “Well, you see, my dear Twilight,” the girls started giggling at my antics, “I have found myself recently engaged to marry a very beautiful pegasus, and my traditions require the man, that's me, give a ring to the mare, that's you, Dash, however, I have a problem. You see, I suspect my lovely pegasus bride-to-be has a different tradition, and I want to honour her. So, why this song and dance? This humble homo sapien needs to know what gift I should give to my beloved Rainbow Dash.”

Twilight, still giggling, clapped her hoofs together, “Oh, that's so sweet.”

Dash rolled her eyes, “I'm not exactly big on traditions, but the normal thing is a necklace with gems that match the mare.”

In my normal voice, “Heh, can't do that voice any more, or sing. Well then, we're going necklace shopping.”

We left the hotel and strolled to the nearby jewellery district, discussing possible designs. “So, I was already thinking about getting Dash a necklace before all this. The design I had in mind was an aquamarine gem as the centre and a rainbow of jewels surrounding it.”

“Oh. That's so thoughtful.”

Dash smirked, “You're more excited about this than I am, Twilight.”

Twilight sighed, “It's just so nice to see a special friend who acts special, that's all.”

I bowed, “As a friend and as a special friend, I thank you.”

Dash rolled her eyes, “Twilight, you're giving him a fat head. I mean fatter than usual. He's puffed up enough being engaged to me.” She nuzzled me, “But, I have to admit, that does sound like a pretty design.”

We spent a few hours shopping at the various boutiques. While we didn't see any designs that were exactly what I had in mind, we did speak with a jeweller who said he would have something we could look at tomorrow. With the necklace taken care of, it was time to get some hats and clothes.

Shopping for the outfits the girls would wear that evening was much faster. I already had a suit, and the girls were getting stuff off the rack. It was high-quality stuff, with designer labels, but still off the rack. We didn't have time to get custom outfits made.

“Dash, I really want to thank you for coming. I know this isn't your thing. Heck, it's not my thing, but adapt and thrive, eh?”

“I need to stick with you so you can stay healthy, right? Anyway, Fancypants is cool. Don't let the outside fool you. He's a good guy.” I gave her neck a little squeeze.

“I am happy to be here too, Alex.”

“Thanks, Twilight. I thought growing up here, you would be used to high society. Princess's personal student and all that.”

“Not really. She shielded me from a lot of that. Still, I know the basics, so I should be okay. Fancypants helped us all with that.”

I felt the white alabaster doors with gold trim looming above us. Despite everything I had been told about Fancypants, I was feeling intimidated. I knocked on the door, and a butler soon answered it, “This way, please.”

We were led through his impressive mansion, room after room of posh furniture, breathtaking paintings, and incredible works of art. We were finally led to a room with large windows overlooking a lovely garden with a crowd of society ponies.

“Ah, you must be the fascinating Alex Roberts Rarity has spoken so highly of. And, of course, who would not know the lovely Rainbow Dash and the brilliant Miss Twilight Sparkle? How wonderful it is to see you both again.”

Much to my surprise Dash leapt forward to give him a quick hug, “Hi ya, Fancypants. Great to see you again too.”

I smile, “I have heard nothing but good things about you, sir. It's a pleasure to meet you.” I offered him my hand. He looked at it curiously for a moment before shaking it.

“I say, those hands of yours seem quite useful. Much handier than the old hooves, eh.”

“That's what I thought at first, but I've learned that hooves have advantages as well.” I could see he was weighing and measuring my response. “In fact, I would say that for some things, the hoof is far superior to this humble appendage.” He raised an eyebrow, “For example, when picking up objects, I need to grip them on a protrusion or the edge. However, you simply place your hoof on the surface and grab with that telekinetic field.” I chuckled, “At the end of the day,” I gave him a gaelic shrug, “both have advantages and disadvantages. Just like anything else.”

This seemed to satisfy him, “Well said, old boy. Well said, indeed. Come, let's go to the garden and meet the other guests. They are simply dying to meet you.”

As we walked through his mansion, “I have to confess, I’m a little nervous. High society always made me feel horribly inadequate. Exposed and out of my depths, as it were. I hope I don’t become a social liability.” I chuckled, “Rarity tried to teach me some social graces, but I still feel kind of hopeless.”

Fancypants politely smiled. “Nonsense, my dear boy. Just be yourself, the same self Rarity was so impressed with. I’m sure everything will all be right as rain.”

Fancypants graciously led us to his grand ballroom and opened the double doors himself. “Friends, I would like to introduce my most important guests for the evening, Miss Twilight Sparkle, Ms Rainbow Dash, and of course, Mr Alex Roberts.”

At his words, the crowd of classy ponies swarmed us. While all three of us were surrounded by ponies, I had the lion’s share. They were all talking to me, and I found it difficult to focus on just one conversation. We were separated by the weight of the crowd, but I figured that as long as I kept a couple of ponies within two or three meters, it was all good.

One stallion pushed his way to the front, a mare trailing behind him. They worked together to push the others back a little, and I was able to understand what he was saying. The stallion had a light grey coat, dark grey mane and tail. Not that I checked out the stallion’s flanks, but I did glance and saw what looked like part of a jet covered by his sweater. It's a very eighties preppy look. She had a pale yellow coat and a mane that was pale blue-violet with white streaks. She was dressed in a similar eighties preppy style.

He spoke with an affected Boston accent, “It’s a pleasure to meet you, Alex Roberts. My name is Jet Set, and this is my wife, Upper Crust.”

Her voice was icy and unimpressed. I noted she had that same Boston accent, “Charmed, I’m sure.”

Jet Set cut back in, “Fancypants has told us so much about you.” His expression became sly, “I hear tell your species is meat eating. Is that true?”

No point in lying, “Yes, sir. That is correct. Although I am an omnivore, I can exist quite happily on a diet of plants. However, due to the slight differences in biology, I do have to eat a small quantity of meat,” I shrugged, “for health reasons.” I chuckled, “However, I want to assure you that I would never eat anything that would require me to explain myself to their family.”

He looked at me in that usual pony-shocked way with huge eyes and tiny pupils. “I’m sorry. I hope I didn’t offend you. I was just making a little joke.”

Upper Crust flipped her mane and harrumphed, “Well, I never.”

That distinct voice called out, friendly and cheerful as always, “Jet Set, Upper Crust. May I speak to you privately?” They both looked at me, smug smiles on their faces and happily followed Fancypants.

Most of the other guests stopped talking and started whispering to each other. One stallion, with that Boston accent, said, “Don’t worry, old boy. Those two are always stepping in the muck, even before Rarity came on the scene. And, as far as we’re concerned, your diet is inconsequential. It’s not like you’re going around eating ponies.” Dash snorted and smiled.

I put my hand out, “I’m sorry I didn’t catch your name.”

He took my hand with his hoof, “Opera Mask, composer and conductor. I’ve heard you plan on building an opera house in Ponyville.” He had a black coat and a stark white mane and tail and was wearing a simple pony tuxedo. His cutie mark was a pair of opera glasses.

“Yes, sir. It's more of a multi-use facility actually, but acoustics will be very important. I’ll be seeing Perfect Home tomorrow and would be very interested in what you have to say about the acoustics of facilities.”

“Perfect Home? The waiting list to see him is years long. According to the gossip, you’ve been here less than a year.”

“Hmmm, about seven months, give or take a month. I will confess I was very lucky to land where I did. Literally in the backyard of one of the Elements of Harmony, Fluttershy, the Element of Kindness. If that’s not luck, I don’t know what is.”

“Ah, yes, I remember that party when Rarity introduced us to them. Charmingly rustic, loam of the earth, and all that. Saved Equestria several times. Anyone who saves the world deserves to be respected.”

“That they do.”

“I saw you had two of them as companions with you. Are they both your friends?”

“They’re both friends, but Rainbow Dash is very special to me. Let’s say we saved each other from a fate worse than death.”

He gave me an appraising look, and a smile crept over his face, “I see. Well, good show to you. She’s a vibrant, energetic mare.”

My eyes lingered on Dash for a moment, our eyes met, and she smiled sweetly at me. ‘I never thought I would ever see Rainbow Dash smile at anyone like that, let alone me.’

Opera Mask cleared his throat, “Alex, could you tell me about the operas where you come from.”

“My opera experience is somewhat limited, I’m afraid. The only two I saw were called 'Tommy' and 'The Phantom of the Opera'. Essentially plays, told with song and maybe a little dialogue.” I continued, describing their basic plots.

“I say, those are very different from the operas here. We may have to speak again on this subject.”

“So, what kind of opera do you have here?”

“The form is essentially the same, a play with music to tell the story. But, our operas tend to be historical in nature. And not as violent.”

I shrugged, “I have found that predatory species tend to be more violent, mine included. As one anthropologist from my world put it, when humans are confronted with a problem, the first questions are, ‘Can I run away from it’, 'Can I fight it?', ‘Can I eat it’, and ‘Can I mate with it’, not necessarily in that order.” We both chuckled.

The evening wore on, I became more comfortable with the society ponies. It was easier when I could see they were not much different from me. They just enjoyed the pomp of high society. They were also quite forgiving, especially when they found out I come from a different universe.

I noticed Spitfire was there, too, in her military uniform. Dash was animatedly chatting with her. I found it interesting her dress uniform looked a little like US Airforce uniforms. I'll have to remember to have a hefty discount for service personnel in uniform.

Twilight was having an animated conversation with several older unicorn ponies, all having the air of professors or wizards. In this world, they are usually one and the same.

In the end, many of the guests were artists of some kind or a patron of the arts, most very wealthy. Some even suggested investing in the theatre, and I promised to contact them once it got to that point.

As the evening wound down, Dash and Twilight approached me as guests started to leave. Dash fluttered up and gave me a peck on the cheek, “You did great. I’m proud of you.”

Fancypants smiled and winked at me, “Yes you did. You even handled those two individuals admirably. To be perfectly candid, I always invite them for the antics they provide. They rarely disappoint.”

He chuckled lightly, “However, I must say, for someone who claims to be socially unskilled, you certainly adapted to tonight's situation. I dare say all the guests that mattered were quite impressed by you. Finding investors and artists for the new Ponyville theatre will be much easier. You may have to come to Canterlot more often now that you’ve made a name for yourself.”

I felt relieved, “My big worry was causing you grief. I’m very pleased I didn’t.”

“There is humility Rarity spoke of. Marvellous.”

We stayed a few minutes longer but finally started to leave. We chatted excitedly about our evening while walking back to the hotel. Dash called her friend, “Hey, Twilight, why don’t you poof us to the hotel? Save us some walking.”

I shook my head, “I don’t know, Dash. Sounds pretty magic-intense to me.”

“Alex is correct, Rainbow Dash. Teleporting requires a great deal of magic, and doing that would reverse any benefits he has gained by staying close to us today. It looks like we’re walking.”

Dash groaned. “On the bright side, I get to spend more time with you guys. Anyway, we can take the street that runs in the lower part of town. It’s quicker, and we should be fine with three of us.”

I shrugged, “Lead on, Dash.”

We were walking in this quiet, seedy part of town when I started recognizing the location. I giggled, “Hey Dash, remember when we were last here? Chased all those goons out of the bar? Good times, good times.”

Dash snickered, “Ya, that was hilarious.” Dash proceeds to tell Twilight all about that night, including the whole ‘flame breath’ ruse.

We were all chuckling when I heard a shout, “Look, it’s that human and his nag.” I turned and saw a group of nine or ten ponies looking very angry. “Yeah, that’s right, monkey, we know all about you. We also know you don’t breathe no fire. You owe us a thumping, and we aim to collect. Now, you tell your two nags to get out of the way, and we won’t hurt them.”

I face-palmed, “Oy.”

31 - Our Friend The Show Pony

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My fists clenched involuntarily, "What did you just call my fiance and our friend?"

The tough guy who seemed to be in charge of the mob sneered, "I called them nags, you ugly shaved monkey." His cronies chuckled at his razor wit. He seemed familiar, but then I realized he was the guy who had picked a fight with me and Dash the last time we were in town. The same guy who tried to ambush me when I was looking for the Wonderbolts store. I smirked, dubbing him Fathead for my own amusement.

I glanced to see a very, very angry Dash, "How bad is 'nag' compared to other rude names to call a mare?"

"It would earn you at least a few weeks on the couch."

"Wow, that's bad.” I turn back to Fathead and company, “Ok, you know what? I usually look for a peaceful or at least non-violent solution to problems, but today? Today, I really, really hope you think I’m bluffing and decide to make this physical. That would make me very happy.” I quickly glance back to the girls, “With both of your permissions, of course.”

I glanced at Dash again, “Kick his flank, sweetheart.”

I turned to Twilight and saw an angry smile I hope is never directed at me, "I, for one, feel this is an excellent idea, Alex. A calisthenic workout on such an unpleasant individual can only increase your mental and physical well-being. You may proceed."

Fathead’s barking laugh drew my attention, “You see that? He’s tail whipped by two mares. No wonder he’s such a wimp.” This drew a chorus of laughter from his associates.

While still facing them, I carefully take my suit coat off and lay it on the curb. I could see the cobblestones were very smooth on this street.

“Look at that. The little colt has to take off his Tuesday best.” This drew more laughter from the thugs.

I turned to the girls, my fingers making quick work of the buttons on the shirt, taking special care of Dash’s feather on the simple necklace I keep around my neck. Twilight’s eyes softened momentarily, then returned to the task at hand. I whisper, “Follow my lead, and, um, Twilight, I am really, truly sorry for what you’re about to see.”

Twilight's eyes widened in realisation as my shirt dropped to the ground. The sounds of the shocked exclamations by Fathead and his group were sweet. When I turned with a predatory smile to our accoster, the sound of Twilight gasping and then her choking back a cry only served to make me angrier. ‘You bastards made me show my scars to a sweet, innocent young lady. You’re paying for this Fathead.’

I smiled and deliberately gestured with my hands, “Now, in the interest of full disclosure, I want to introduce you to your playmates for tonight. To my right is the beautiful Element of Loyalty, Rainbow Dash. This lovely pegasus is also my future wife. To my left is the Element of Magic, Twilight Sparkle. This lovely unicorn is our very good friend.”

I put my arms out in a dramatic pose, “As for myself, I’m a bucking human: Meat-eating, tool-using, apex predator. We hunt and kill for fun. I’m also one of Princess Luna’s personal champions, The Paladins of Redemption.” I could see Fathead was getting worried, so I may as well crank it up a notch. I pointed at him and smiled, making sure to show teeth, “Do you know what we call people like you where I come from?” I could see the worried looks of Fathead’s crew. I counted to two before continuing and slowly, with all the relish and threat I could muster, said, “Lunch.” I then licked my lips and theatrically wiped my mouth as if I were drooling at the prospect of fresh meat.

Fathead’s voice quavered slightly, “He... He’s bluffing. He’s nothing.” Fathead puffed his chest out and exclaimed, “I can take him all on my own, you lily-livered cowards.”

In a clear, loud voice, “Ladies, you heard the pony. He wants to take the first dance. Please, do not interfere unless his minions join the fray.”

Dash’s hushed tone was worried, “Are you sure? He’s awfully big.”

I smiled an unpleasant smile, “And I’m a complete bastard.”

I pointed to him and raised my voice, “Here are the rules, Fathead. No weapons, no killing. I’m giving up my two advantages because they would be overwhelming, and where's the fun in that?” I whispered, “Twilight, I need an illusion of a knife. I’m pulling it out now.” I reached into my pocket and felt that telekinetic slipperiness in the shape of a handle. I pulled out a practical-looking blade, about thirty centimetres long, plus the handle. I tried not to look surprised at the size.

I lifted it up, kissed the blade, and threw it to the ground. Twilight made it strike the street blade first and had it embed itself half of its length into a cobblestone. ‘For someone who claims they have no talent for showmanship, you’re putting on a fantastic show.’

I started walking slowly forward as Fathead angrily yelled and charged. As he got closer, I sprinted. The moment he turned to buck and had committed himself, I threw myself into a slide, passing over the glass smooth cobblestones with little resistance until I was below him with his legs high in the air. I threw a punch straight up from my position, directly between his hind legs. As he started falling, I held him in the air for a moment, then redirected him away from me. When he hit the ground, I rolled away and got back to my feet. I knew I needed to make this a definitive end, so I unceremoniously kicked him in the head as hard as possible. I knew a pony could take it, so I didn’t feel any need to hold back.

I looked down at him in disgust. Fearful of their expressions, I was a little afraid to look back at the girls. I snarled at the mob, “Who’s next? Anyone else? No? Good.” I relaxed and looked at them with a friendly smile, “Now, let this be a lesson to you. Being part of an angry mob is fun and games until someone gets the shit kicked out of them. I strongly suggest you disperse, go home, hug your loved ones, and think about what you were part of tonight. I’ll make sure your pal here,” I indicated the groaning Fathead curled in the fetal position, “gets home safe and sound. And the next time I see you, drinks are on me. But not tonight.” When they continued milling about, I shouted, “Beat it, I said.” They quickly left.

Once they were all gone, I started rubbing my hip, limping back to Fathead and the girls. I murmured, “Son of a pup that hurt.”

Dash was by my side in a flash, a look of concern plain on her face, “Are you okay? Do you need to get to the hospital?”

“No, but Fathead here,” I gestured to the groaning pony, “needs some looking after. I hit the ground a little harder than expected, and my hip is sore. A couple of willow bark tablets, and I’ll be fine.”

Twilight trotted forward, an angry expression on her face, “He was rude, and he attacked us. Why do you care about him?”

“Because that’s what he does, Twilight. Paladin of Redemption, remember?”

Impossibly, my appreciation of Dash grew just a little more, “Everybody deserves a second chance, Twilight. Come on, can you pick him up off the street? Maybe you have a healing spell to fix him up?”

“Cadence taught me a basic one. I can fix his head, but I need to touch the affected body part with my horn, and I’m not putting my head anywhere near his crotch.”

Fathead quavered, “Come on, sweetheart, I’m dying here.”

I looked at Twilight, “Do it for me. Speaking as a guy, getting hit in the fork is very unpleasant. Just close your eyes and think of Equestria.” I hoped she didn’t ask me to explain the reference.

Twilight rolled her eyes slightly but smiled, “Okay, but you owe me one more, Alex.”

“That’s the magic of friendship, Twilight.”

Twilight’s horn glowed, and she touched his forehead. Then, with a little blush, she touched her horn in the general area of Fathead's private parts. Relief was clearly apparent on his face moments after. He looked up at me, his relief becoming fear. He pleaded, “Y-You’re not going to eat me, are you?”

Dash snorted, and I answered, “No. I only eat fish and pork once in a while. I’m sorry I hurt you. Look, before we do go any further, what’s your name?”

He replied, his voice returning to normal, “Wood Frame.”

“Well, Wood Frame, I think we need to talk. If there’s something wrong in your life, maybe we can help. But, right now, I’m beat, and you need to go home and hug your loved ones.” I passed him a business card, “Here, this is my address in Ponyville, and I wrote where I’m staying here in Canterlot on the back. When you feel up to it, whenever you want to, get in touch with me. We can have a good talk, man to stallion. No judgments, no horsefeathers, just you and me making things better.”

Wood Frame’s expression was confused. He kept looking between the card and me until he finally muttered, “That sounds good.” He tucked the card away and wandered off, presumably home.

Once he was out of sight, Twilight started into me again, “Alex. Why did you offer to help him? He’s not a nice pony. I can see fixing him up and letting him off the hook, but... Ugh, don’t tell me, it’s what you do.”

I smiled wearily, “Twilight, he had a good reason to be mad at me. I made him look like a fool in public twice, three times now. Once at the racetrack bar, once at the doughnut shop, and now tonight in front of his friends. I don’t blame him for being upset. Not only that, but if I can help him be a better person, I’m doing my job as a Paladin.” I smiled sadly at her, “I don’t need to be their friend. I need to point their way to redemption.”

We were back in Twilight’s room with her research materials spread throughout her temporary office. She was looking bashfully at Dash, having just explained her conclusions. Dash gave her friend a hard stare, “So let me get this straight, Twilight. You want Alex, my fiancé, to sleep with you?” Her head snapped in my direction, “And what are you snickering for Alex Roberts?”

I couldn’t help but smile, “Hey, don't get mad at me. Is it my fault Twilight is a better magic sink? Anyway, I want you there to be my chaperone lest I be tempted to wander.”

Twilight started sputtering and protesting, "Dash, I promise I never even considered him a potential suitor. I mean, ew. No offence, Alex.”

I snickered, “None taken.”

Dash snorted and smirked, "I know I can trust you guys. And what do you mean, ew? Are you putting my stallion down?” She lovingly laughed, “I know he’s not much to look at, but...”

I snorted, “But what?”

Dash started laughing while fluttering over to me, “But, you’re butt ugly. And you’re all mine.” A sweet, slow kiss told me how she really felt.

Without taking my eye off Dash, “Ladies, I think I have a solution. It will preserve Twilight’s dignity and Dash’s peace of mind.”

Dash grinned at me, “Oh, this should be good.”

Twilight just smiled and raised an eyebrow.

“Okay, so, Twilight casts a cloud walking spell,” Twilight opened her mouth to object, “but only on herself. I know extra magic is no good for me. You two share the cloud bed, and I sleep beneath you on the subfloor. It's a little cold and damp, but I can grab a few extra blankets. Thus, dignity is preserved by Twilight, Dash has a clear conscience, and I get to spend the night with my angel and our friend, thus preserving my health.”

The girls, with surprised looks, glanced at each other. Finally, Dash started slowly nodding, “Hey, Twilight, you may have a run for your bits as top egghead.”

“Maybe so. That’s actually a very simple solution. But won't you be uncomfortable sleeping on a concrete floor?”

I dismissed her concerns, “Twilight, I slept in the branches of a tree in the middle of an ice swamp for four months. This is not a problem.” I stretched and yawned, “You know what, I’m beat. Let's do this.” I quickly went to my room, stripped the blankets and sheets off my bed and grabbed a few extra blankets. I also grabbed the extra pillow from my room.

When I returned with my bedding, Twilight cast the cloud-walking spell on herself. I carefully stepped off the entrance ledge and walked to the bed. There, I blindly arranged the pillows and blankets on the subfloor. Once done, Dash gave me a very passionate good-night kiss, and I lay down on my makeshift bed. I didn’t realize how cold and damp it was in the cloud layer until I had been lying down for a few minutes. I guess the cloud-walking spell gives immunity to cold and dampness.

I was soon dozing, not quite asleep, but perked up when Twilight whispered hesitantly, “So, how was he?”

Dash, half asleep, whispered back, “What do you mean?”

Twilight clicked her tongue in irritation, “Don’t make me say it. You know, was it any good?”

There was a pause as if Dash was collecting her thoughts, “It was different. I mean, I love him, Twilight, but he just didn’t know what to do half the time, and some of the stuff he tried was just weird. Mind you, he thought some pony stuff was weird, too, so I guess it goes both ways. Anyway, I find it's not that great until the second or third time, so I wasn't totally surprised. The poor guy was at a double disadvantage, you know. It isn't my week, so it’s a little harder to get excited about it. And it's not like he's had a lifetime of knowing what a mare likes. The most surprising part was, well, human guys only, you know, once, and it can take a while for them to go again. I feel bad for human mares.”

“Oh, he didn’t feel too bad, did he?” There was a pause, “But, it does make sense. I mean, he’s only been in our world for less than a year. If a stallion were with a human mare, she would feel the same way. Intimacy always seemed to make him a little uncomfortable, and I know it’s not something he ever got a book on. It would be crazy to expect him to know what to do with so little experience and, at best, second-hand stories.”

“Yeah, I know. Anyway, I did enjoy the effort. He was so cute, trying so hard to make me happy. I know he has to learn how it works here, and some of what he did was really interesting. I don’t think it was that great for him, either. Anyway,” Dash giggled, “plenty of time for us to learn the skills.”

Twilight’s voice became so sad it hurt my heart, “Well, I’m envious. I’ve never had a stallion look at me the way he looks at you. I don’t think I’ll ever have that, Rainbow, I...”

I coughed, “Excuse me... damn it.”

Dash asked hesitatingly, “How... how much did you hear, Alex?”

I raised my hand through the clouds and touched a feather. I lovingly stroked her wing, “Enough to know that time and some learning will fix things. And as for you, Miss Sparkle,” I pushed my hand a little higher and pointed at her, to both of their amusements, “you never know when that special someone will drop into your lap. Have hope, Twilight. I know you will find what you seek.”

I felt a hoof grab my hand and tug it a little, and then soft, warm lips kissed my palm. “I love you, Alex.”

“I love you too, Dash.” My fingers played along her cheek, “With all my heart.” I heard a sad little sigh that I guessed was Twilight, and my heart broke just a little.

Ugh.

There was nothing worse than waking up cold and damp. My joints ached, my back ached, my nose was running, and I felt sticky. I needed a good hot shower. I started standing, completely forgetting about the two ladies above me. I smacked into Twilight, knocking her off the bed with a surprised cry. I then stumbled forward, tripping over my pillow, my face landing on Dash’s chest and my arms grabbing her from beneath, startling her awake, making her wings pop, and making her fall off the bed. Finally, this caused me to stumble sideways and smack the back of my head into the wall.

I groaned, “Is everybody okay? Sorry about that. I forgot I had two lovely ladies sleeping just above me.”

Dash was laughing, “I’m just fine, you big oaf. You okay, Twilight?”

She was giggling too, “I’ll survive.”

I smirked, “I would say it was not exactly the romantic wake-up you were expecting, Dash, but your wings are telling a different story.”

Dash realized her wings were fully extended, and she blushed. Slowly, deliberately, and with some noticeable effort, she closed them. “Sorry, you had to see that Twilight. He tends to do this to me in the morning.”

Twilight was blushing as she tittered, “That’s quite alright, Rainbow Dash.”

Still facing Dash, I snorted, “I just realized I could tell Elusive I slept with Dash and Twilight at the same time. He’ll be so jeal—” I was hit from behind by a pillow.

A laughing voice chided me, “Don’t you dare. Rainbow Dash, you tell your fiance not to tell anyone about this.”

“I don’t know Twilight. He has so few good stories like this. I’m not sure I can take this from him.”

I turn to Twilight, “Okay, okay, I promise that if it ever comes up, I will make sure to describe exactly what happened here in cold, clinical terms. How I bravely slept on the cold, hard, damp floor so my beautiful fiance and our wonderful friend could share a comfortable cloud bed. The listener will draw their own conclusions.”

Twilight gave me an incredulous smirk, “I suppose that will be the best I can hope for. Just promise you’ll avoid the subject?”

“Yes. I promise never to bring it up and only describe it if it slips.” I put my hand over my heart, “You have my word as a friend, and I also,” I raised my hands to perform the required gestures, “cross my heart, hope to fly, stick a cupcake in my eye.”

There was the snap-crack sound of a small item being teleported. On the dresser was a scroll with the black and blue seal used by Luna. I confirmed it was addressed to me and snapped the seal. I smiled as I read it, getting some useful information from Princess Luna about her decision to ask Beatrix to join our little crusade.

After an early breakfast, we headed to downtown Canterlot to the jewellery store where Dash’s engagement necklace was ready. “Girls, why don’t you have a cup of tea at that cafe over there? I don’t want Dash to see it unless it’s perfect.”

Dash rolled her eyes but smiled, “Come on, Twilight, he’ll pout if it’s not just so.”

I waved them off and hurried to the jewellery store. Walking in, I saw the unicorn jeweller at his workstation, polishing the necklace. He turned his head at the jingle of the doorbell and came out to greet me.

“Welcome back, sir, welcome back.” He sneered at the mare behind the counter, “I told you he would be back, Gem Set.” He turned back to me, “I knew you would be back. And sir, if you don’t mind my saying so, this will be a real mark of prestige, making a piece for one of Luna’s Paladins and the Element of Loyalty. After the party last night, you probably didn’t see me, you are the talk of the town. I must say it is an honour and a privilege to provide my humble services to you.”

I was taken aback by the gushing, “Well, thank you very much. You’re Stone Facet, right?” He nods. “Between you and me, I was very intimidated at first, but I was made to feel so welcomed that I completely forgot about that. I was afraid it would be a string of awkward silences, but it turned out to be a fantastic evening. And, for the record, I’m the one who is honoured. You were the only jeweller who took the time to listen to me.” I peered at the necklace on his workbench, “And I can see you read my mind as well.” He levitated the necklace, and it was beautiful. It was, in fact, perfect.

“Just a little more polishing, and it will be ready. Say, fifteen minutes?”

“Make it so, but take your time. I realize rushing art does no one any good. Also, if you can place it in a nice flip-top box, that would be perfect. I’ll wait here and admire your other wares.” I walked around, looking at the amazing work presented in the shop.

I stopped in front of a display case with unicorn jewellery in front of the mare. “Pardon me, miss. I’m looking for a gift for a unicorn friend of mine. She’s feeling down, and I want to give her something that says, she’s my friend, I'm there for her, but it can’t have any romantic connotation. And I mean none. Just one buddy to another to cheer her up. I have a history of cultural misunderstandings, and I really want to avoid it here.”

“I’m afraid, sir, that jewellery almost always has a romantic component. Have you considered something related to her cutie mark? That’s a very friendly gift and unlikely to imply anything intimate.”

I thought for a moment and smiled, “Do you know where the nearest book store is?”

She smiled, “As a matter of fact, I do. It’s just one block from here.”

“Thank you very much for that, and I’ll be right back.”

I strode out of the store, waved at the girls and yelled, “I’ll be right back.” With that, I headed down the block in search of a little pick-me-up gift for Twilight.

From the outside, the shop looked like every other used bookshop in every other reality. The storefront featured slightly dirty windows, piles of slightly dusty books, and signs pointing out a few featured books. I entered and found an old unicorn mare, also slightly dusty, at the counter with thick glasses. She peered suspiciously at me, “We don’t have picture books, diamond dog. You would be best to scoot before I call the royal guard.”

“Actually, ma’am, I’m not a diamond dog.”

She peered intently at me again, “You may look like one, but, oh my, you certainly don’t sound like one, far more articulate. Come closer.” She lifted her glasses up and squinted at me, a little confused, “Huh. You look like... no, that can’t be right. You’re not a hominis, are you?”

It was my turn to be confused, “No, I’m a human.”

She smiled and took her glasses off, lost in thought, “In my youth, I had the privilege of working in the Canterlot archives. One day, while cataloguing an ancient shelf of volumes hoof written by Starswirl the Bearded himself, I found a thin volume, no more than sixteen pages, titled ‘On The Dangers Of Piercing The Veil To Other Worlds’.”

“I was young and had a curious mind. I was so fascinated by the title I dared to gaze upon the pages and found a description of a bloodthirsty race called Romanorum hominum in their language. Starswirl described such horrors they inflicted on their own people, how they murdered for entertainment, and how they butchered animals, even ponies, simply to amuse the crowds. I even made a copy of the image in the book.” She points to an old frame on the wall behind her.

“Wait a second, why is there ‘LIFE’ in the corner?”

She smiled and got the same look Twilight gets when lecturing, “Oh, Starswirl himself was a terrible artist. His faithful assistant, Life Drawing, always did the art and sometimes signed her work.” Realization dawned on her face, but not fear, “So, you are one of these creatures, eh? Come for more entertainment?”

I took a step back and put my hands up defensively, “No, no, no. That was two thousand years ago, just a little before my time.” I put my hands in my pockets and smiled, “Me? I’m harmless. I'm here to buy a gift for my friend, Twilight Sparkle.”

The old mare squinted at me for a long moment, “You’re downright decent for a bloodthirsty monster. Well, I guess you can’t judge a book by its cover.” She trotted over to a back room with a locked door. Her horn glowed, the door opened, and she went in. She soon returned with a small, thick brown book and placed it on the counter. There was no title on the cover or spine. “This is only one of three copies of ‘Advanced Transdimensional Mathematics’. If this is the same Twilight Sparkle that practically grew up in the library in Canterlot, I know she never read this one.”

“Unless there are two violet unicorn mares with a six-pointed star cutie mark, then we're talking about the same person. I may not know anything about magic, but I know a little something about old books. A rare book like that must be worth a fortune.”

“Oh, it is, but this is for Twilight Sparkle. She was always such a dear child. I’ll let you have it for a thousand bits. What I originally paid for it.”

‘Yikes, that’s more than I'll pay for Dash’s necklace. But, I have the rest of my life to make it up to her.’ “That is very kind of you, but I insist you make a little profit. Let’s say one and a half?”

She had a very slight smile, “Very well. I’m not used to dickering up the price, but I’ll accept.”

I was happy I bought that pouch with a direct link to the bank. 'Best hundred bits I ever spent.' I paid her the money I owed for the book, and she wrapped it in a plain brown wrapper. As I was leaving, the old mare called out, “Tell Twilight, Indexed Book says hello. And tell her to come visit me when she can.”

“Yes, ma'am. And thank you for looking past my species.”

“Books and covers, my child, books and covers.”

I jogged through the crowds back to the jeweller. As I walked in, Gem Set said with a smug expression, “I told you he would be back. Welcome back, sir. Do you have a gift for your friend?”

“Yes, a dense and complex book on transdimensional mathematics. That will tickle her math bone. I want to thank you for that advice. She's a sweetheart, and I know she will love it. And I think my fiancé will flip for the necklace. She's not the kind of girl that wears jewellery, but I wanted to do it right, you know.”

Stone Facet nodded and winked, “Sounds like you will have two happy mares in your near future.”

“I hope so.” I examined the sky-blue box and opened it, “This is perfect. The box opens with a single smooth flick of my thumb, showing to the mare I love your masterpiece.” I felt a catch in my throat, “This is truly stunning. Thank you.” I started walking out of the store when Gem Set and Stone Facet both cleared their throats. I stopped and sheepishly walked back in. “Sorry about that. I was just... anyway.” I pulled out my coin purse, “How much do I owe you?” They gave me a price, and I paid. I chuckled on my way out at my inadvertent shoplifting attempt.

I returned to the girls, Dash smirking and busting my chops, “Hey Alex, we're getting bored here. You all settled up, or what?”

“Yes, I am. I actually have a little something for each of you. First, my awesome magic user friend. I wanted to give you a little something.” I hand her the small package, “This is one of three copies of a rare book from the personal collection of Indexed Book. She says 'Hi' and asks that you visit her at her bookshop sometime.”

Twilight's eyes widened as she unwrapped the book and started flipping through it, “Oh my goodness. I was never allowed to get this book out. The Princess said it was beyond me. Thank you, Alex.” She gave me a hug and went back to flipping through the book.

“And now for the main event, if you will.” Dash rolled her eyes but smiled. I pulled the box out of my pocket and went to my knee. “Miss Rainbow Dash, will you do me the honour,” I flipped the box open, “of being my beloved wife? I'm just double-checking.”

She smirked, then tapped her chin, “I don't know. You're coming off as a little... wanty.” She beamed at me and laughed, we both did, “Yes, you crazy goof. I would be honoured to be your wife.”

I removed the necklace from the box and put it around her neck. I then took the feather she had given me, the one I had mounted on a simple cord that I wore every day, and pulled it out from under my shirt and proudly displayed it for the world to see.

Dash snickered, “You know I'm probably never going to wear this thing again after tonight, right.”

“I know, but I'll wear this,” touching the feather reverently, “for both of us. If you don't mind.”

“It would make me very happy. And...” she gave me a quick kiss, “Thanks, Alex. Thanks for being a stubborn flankhead and wanting to 'do it right'. I was happy you asked me, but I'm even happier you care enough to do it again.” We hugged and there were appreciative stomps from around the cafe.

Twilight looked up from her book, “Did I just miss something?”

I was drumming my fingers on my desk in irritation. I finally heard a knock on the door and called out for them to enter. They were late. Again. Just fifteen minutes this time, but it was still... annoying. I had everything off the desk except the offending document.

Flim walked in first, leading with that distinct nasally voice, “Never fear, your star employees are here. I’m sure you just wanted to thank us for the fantastic job we did with the lovely Trixie.” He looks around, ignoring me, “Say, these are some mighty swanky digs you have here, Mr Roberts. Isn’t that so Flam?”

“You speak the truth, dear brother. Sending us after Miss Trixie was a stroke of genius, pure genius. And if I may say so, I look forward to your next mission.”

I’m sure my expression became sour because I saw their expressions grow worried. “Are you two done kissing my ass? Because it’s starting to wrinkle.”

In a much more restrained and humble tone, Flim stated, “Yes, sir.”

Quickly followed by Flam, “All done, sir.”

“Good. Now, what do I have in front of me?”

Flim ventured hesitatingly, “That’s the report you requested.”

“Close. It’s the report you gave me.” I idly flipped through it. “I know my appreciation of the pony physique is not as developed as the native...” I could see confused looks on their faces. I sighed, “I can’t tell how pretty a pony is physically.” They nodded in unison. “So, let me stop dancing around the issue.” I casually tossed the report on the desk, leaned back in the chair and steepled my fingers. “Why, in the name of all things pony, did you two take such candid pictures of this person?”

They started sputtering, “Well... I... we... he... they...”

I raised my voice, “You know what, you don’t have to explain anything to me. You really don't. You have until she gets here to explain to her why you did it. You will sit down in that corner and get ready for her to be here in about half an hour. I’m going to step out and be back in twenty minutes.”

I didn’t make eye contact and stomped out, slamming the door behind me. I then made diminishing stomping sounds. I looked back, making sure the door was still closed, and quietly opened Twilight’s door. I was greeted by a smiling Dash and Twilight. A smug-looking Beatrix asked, “Did they buy it, boss?”

“Hook, line and sinker, and don’t call me boss. It implies I own you or something. Alex is fine.”

Dash smirked at her new friend and hit her in the shoulder, “You call him whatever you want Bea. You've got my permission. Anyway, Alex can be a little too humble for his own good sometimes.”

“Me? Humble? Whatever. My ego knows no bounds. Anyway, Beatrix, I’ve got to say this was a brilliant idea. And thank you for not holding a grudge.”

“Alex, this is merely the first step in their redemption. They must learn that the dignity of others is as important as their own.” She looked away from me, then looked back with kindness in her eyes, “I have to know, why did Luna choose me? I mean, I don’t exactly have a background in heroics.”

I glared at her, a little confused, “Didn’t you help Blueberry Fritter after that messy breakup? You stopped her from making a fatal mistake, Beatrix. You’re as much a hero as anyone else in this room. Except me. I’m just faking it.”

Dash hovered over and pecked me on the cheek, “Hey, what did I tell you about knocking yourself? That's my job.”

“I know, I know. Old habits die hard.” I knelt down, and Dash landed beside me. I put my arm around her and turned my head to Beatrix, “So, we let them stew for about twenty minutes? Then I head in, all cold and angry, or did you want to go first, in full Trixie mode?”

She touched her chin with her hoof, “Hmmm,” and started speaking in her Trixie voice, “As tempting as it would be for us to confront our two enthusiastic admirers with the full wrath that Trixie can bestow upon them,” she reverted to her normal voice and a chuckle, “it would be best to follow the plan.”

I sneered, my face a visage of anger, “Who do you think you are telling me what to do? I’m an apex predator, pony. I’m the one in charge here.”

The girls all looked at me with gentle smiles, and then almost as one burst into laughter. I quickly joined them. Beatrix placed a hoof on my shoulder, “Oh Alex, you should have been an actor.”

“Nope, not talented enough for that. Hey, Twilight. Could you check on them, please?”

Still tittering, her horn glowed, and a small whirlpool appeared in the air. An image formed showing the Flim Flam brothers hurriedly talking to each other in my makeshift office. They looked panicked. I smiled at Beatrix, “Should we let them simmer for a little while longer?”

“Not much longer. I think Flim is going to cry.” I chuckled while reflecting on the events earlier today...

Twilight grinned at us, “I can't believe I missed the proposal. I'm so sorry.”

I waved my hand dismissively, “Don't worry about it, Twilight. You were distracted. Anyway,” I put my hand on Dash's cheek, “I only needed an audience of one.”

A proud feminine voice said, “I hate to admit it, boss, but that was very sweet.”

I looked around and saw Beatrix walking toward us a few tables away, levitating a latte cup in front of her. “Beatrix, my goodness. I'm sorry I didn't see you. Please join us. You already know Twilight Sparkle.”

Twilight grinned, “Hi, Beatrix. I was looking forward to talking to you again. That advice you gave me about illusion spells already came in handy.” Beatrix smiled but looked a little confused.

I beamed at Dash, “And this is my fiancé, Rainbow Dash. We were soon headed back to the hotel, but there's plenty of time to finish your coffee.”

Beatrix quietly said, “Don't stay on my account. I'll be at the hotel soon.”

Dash spoke up, “Hey, Bea, you're our friend, and we don't leave friends hanging. Besides, if we leave now, it only means less time to hang out with you.”

A surprised, hopeful smile crossed her face, “Um, wow. Okay. Luna said... but I thought she was... wow. Thank you. You really do make friends fast. And, no hard feelings?”

“Nope. Too much work to carry a grudge. Anyway, this big lug and the egghead see good in you, and I trust them, so I trust you too. Easy.” Dash gave that easy smirk I found so endearing.

While Beatrix enjoyed her latte, she and Twilight discussed the book she had received. She also took some time to admire the necklace gracing Dash's neck. Once we started leaving, Beatrix asked, “So, my illusion advice came in handy? What happened?”

Twilight and Dash looked at each other and started laughing. I told her all about the altercation and the role the illusion of a knife played. “Come on, Twilight. Show her your evil human blade.” I put my hand out as if it was holding it.

Twilight smirked, “Okay, here goes.”

The simple, practical blade reappeared in my hand. Beatrix examined it with a professional eye, “Very good. But, if I may,” the slight, almost imperceptible purple glow changed to a silvery glow. “It needs to be a little more frightening.” the blade suddenly grew curved with protrusions and useless decorations that would be a liability in a real fight, “There.” She had a look of satisfaction. “Now, let's put that away. Please eat it, Alex.”

It was an illusion, so I knew it would not hurt me. I shrugged, tilted my head back, and proceeded to swallow it. I think I shocked onlookers, especially when I commented on the flavour in a thick, gravelly voice, “Yummy, tastes like cheese.” The girls and I continued without further comment on the subject.

We finally made it to the hotel and relaxed in Twilight's room. At my insistence, we explained my current medical condition to Beatrix. I wanted her to know what was going on. Then came the part I was dreading.

“Beatrix, there's no easy way to say it, so I'll be blunt. I had hired the Flim Flam brothers to find you, and find you they did. They also went further than I had asked. Now, to be fair, I didn't tell them where to stop, so I take full responsibility for their actions. I insist any repercussions fall on my shoulders.”

She looked at me, not understanding. “Here,” I hold out the report, “this is what they sent me. While I personally don't get too excited about this kind of stuff, I actually have trouble telling ponies apart without the colours, I've been told this is very risque. I want to humbly apologize for this disrespectful act and want to assure you it will never happen again to any pony if I have any say in the matter.”

Beatrix grabbed the report and started flipping through it, her expression neutral, business-like. “Some of these are not half bad.” She flipped some more, “This shower one is very good. Shows me with that very sexy wet mane look.” She gave a coquettish laugh, “It brings all the colts to my yard, as they say.” She finishes flipping through it and looks up, seeing us all staring at her in slack-jawed disbelief. “What? I'm more upset that they didn't simply ask me to pose for these properly. Do you know how expensive glamour shots are?”

“So, you're not going to throw me out the window?” I was sure I saw Twilight slip Dash something out of the corner of my eye.

“My dear friend, why would I? It's not like you personally stalked me. At any rate, when Princess Luna asked me to become a Paladin, she told me about you.” Her expression softened, “She said you were kind and honourable but a little too trusting at times. She felt I would be a good complement.”

“Now that we have this all sorted out between us, Alex, we must help redeem those two. My first act as a Paladin must be to teach them that the dignity of another is as important as your own.”

“What do you have in mind?”

Beatrix slowly broke into an evil grin, “I may have something up my sleeve.”

I stood outside my room with Beatrix, making myself ready to redeem the Flim Flam brothers. With a wink to my new friend, employee, and fellow Paladin, I slammed the door open, “Guess who I met in the lobby, boys.”

32 - Of Princesses and Angels

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I stood at the open door with a manic grin. Behind me stood meek, demure, shy Beatrix. I suppose I was starting to appreciate the pony form, at least intellectually, because I could notice she had that same aura of femininity Rarity had. Even though I could only appreciate it intellectually, I knew the brothers had essentially stalked her because of it. Dash had told me she was something to look at, and Beatrix was well aware of her charms.

The brothers huddled in the same corner I had left them in. At the sound of the door banging open, they had turned and looked up at us in surprise and perhaps a little terror. Their eyes darted from me to the increasingly insulting pile of putrid papers to their new co-worker, Beatrix.

“Well, boys, I was in the lobby, and I met our good friend Beatrix here, and you have some explaining to do.” They both gulped as I smiled broadly at them, “So, who wants to go first?”

Beatrix ignored the brothers, taking the report in her horn’s glow and slowly flipping through it. Her carefully constructed visage of shock, horror, and grief slowly grew as she turned page after page. With what looked like genuine tears in her eyes, she sobbed, “A-Alex... you said it was bad, but this... this is... is... demeaning.”

A tearful Beatrix, with the report in her horn's glow, turned an expression so full of righteous indignation that I took a step back, even though I knew it was just an act. "How could you do this to me?” her mouth remained open for a moment, a silent snarl, only the sound of escaping air. “How could you humiliate me like this?” she sniffed back a tear, “Have I, have I wronged you in the past?” her eyes pleaded, begging for an explanation, “Did I ever hurt you?” her expression became one of rage, of pain, of hate. With an angry snarl, “Well, I think you deserve to be hurt!" Beatrix’s horn glowed and she effortlessly lifted up the desk, scattering the items on the floor.

In a not-quite-mock panic, I threw myself bodily between the desk and the brothers. I yelled out, “Whoa, that is enough. If anyone’s sorry, it’s me. This is completely my fault. I asked them to find you, and I wasn't specific as to why I wanted to find you, nor was I specific as to how much information to find. They must have assumed, because you’re such a lovely mare, that I had carnal needs and interests in you.” For a moment, Beatrix flashed an angry smirk at me. That bit had made her and Dash laugh like mad mares and she knew I knew it. “If anyone deserves to be punished, it's me." Dropping to my knees before her, I lowered my head and raised my arms, wrists exposed and vulnerable. I was the very image of supplication.

There was a long silence. ‘Come on, Bea, my arms are killing me.’ And then I realized this was just a little payback for almost making her laugh. Finally, with a voice that betrayed her barely controlled anger, "How dare you offer yourself. You, having given me the dignity I was seeking. You who have been nothing but kind, offering me a hoof in friendship. No, Alex,” she carefully places the desk back on the ground, dropping the report on it. “I would rather these two walk off than hurt you."

Twilight and Beatrix had taught me there was an informal scale among unicorns, roughly from 0, a foal with little to no power, all the way to 5 for Celestia, Luna, and, one day, Cadance. Most unicorns are 1’s or 2’s, Twilight was a 4, Beatrix was a 3, and the brothers were 2’s at best. The scale is logarithmic, so the difference between each value was huge. The brothers, having just witnessed a full level 3 were obviously shaken by the display of raw power. Flim spoke up first. “N-now see here, my little terif... sweet, I mean sweet, rose, we’ve done you wrong. Alex is a fine lad for offering to take the rap for us, but,” and then realization filled his eyes, “but... it’s... not... right.”

The brothers gave each other a sideways glance that spoke volumes. Flim quietly spoke, “Miss Beatrix, it would seem we owe you our most sincere apology.” Flam only looked at her and nodded sadly. Their expressions had completely changed. Gone were the two con ponies, the two tricksters looking for an edge. Now, there stood two ponies who knew they had done wrong. They sought repentance. They sought redemption.

I smiled softly, “Well, lady and gentlecolts if I am no longer needed here, I’ll let you finish sorting things out. I...” I verbally stumbled, surprised at the strong emotions welling up and at finding myself speechless.

Beatrix smiled thankfully at me, “It’s okay, Alex. I’ll see you and the others later. You go see Dash.”

As I was walking back to Twilight’s room, I reflected upon seeing redemption in action right before my eyes. ‘This feeling, this experience, is surprisingly satisfying. This time, it was just me and Bea, without the direct help of a goddess.’ I chuckled out loud, ‘I hope Dash isn’t jealous.’

Beatrix and I had agreed that if everything went well, we would meet up with the brothers in two weeks at my house. That would give Beatrix time to work her magic and have people for the brothers to look for. In the meantime, no matter what happened, she would be joining me, and the girls, on the return trip. I really hoped her new place was ready by the time we got back.

I knocked on Twilight’s door, “Just me,” and let myself in. I could see Dash sprawled on the bed with a smirk and Twilight sitting up at the head of the bed, suddenly turning in my direction and blushing a bright purple.

With her smirk growing into a grin, “Hey, Alex. We were just talking about-”

Twilight’s hoof slammed into Dash’s mouth, cutting her off. “What a great time we’ve had here.” She glared at Dash, “Right, Rainbow Dash?”

Dash snickered and pushed Twilight’s hoof away, “Right. We were talking about gooood times. We had right here.”

I smiled innocently, “You know, girls, I’ve found, in my short time here, that subtlety is a very rare trait among ponies.” Dash gave a throaty laugh and leapt from the bed to give me a warm, spinning embrace. She whispered something naughty in my ear that even made me blush. I had to ask, “Um, is it your week again?”

She shook her head, “Just feeling like I want to be close to you.”

I blinked and smiled, “Okay. That works for me.”

Twilight and Dash flanked me as we stepped out of the elevator in the downtown office building. They both looked like a million bits, and I looked as good as possible. I was impressed that it opened up directly in the architectural firm’s lobby. This told me it was big enough to have an entire floor of a building or at least afford to fake it.

As we entered the lobby, I recognised the rude mare from the restaurant that was with Perfect Home. Unfortunately, she recognised us. She greeted us coldly, with a bit of a scowl and a blush. “You’re Mr Home’s two o’clock appointment, I presume.”

Dash only gave her a confident smirk, which only seemed to irritate her more. I gave her my most charming smile and said, “Yes, miss, we are. I think we’re on time.”

The mare coldly smiled, “Of course you are.”

Before that little love fest could continue, a pegasus hovered in so he was at eye level with me, “Welcome, welcome, Mr Roberts. It’s such a pleasure to finally meet you properly. And it is also a pleasure to meet you ladies as well, Miss Twilight Sparkle and Ms Rainbow Dash, soon to be Mrs Rainbow Dash. At least, that’s what the gossip says. ” Dash blushed as he continued gushing, “I can’t tell you what an honour and a privilege it is to have not only the leader of the Paladins of Redemption but two of the Equestria famed Elements of Harmony. But, I have to ask, not that I mind, but why are you here? Are you involved in building the theatre?”

Twilight smiled up at him, knowing she was in her element, “It’s complicated, but in an apple bushel, he doesn’t have Starswirl glands. We act like two Type Five Medical B.T. Sinks to absorb extra magic.”

Homes seemed a little confused. “Well, why not just get him a pair of Blue Tulip fives and free yourselves up? Surely you could get them assigned to him.”

“Maybe. It's not a problem for us to have a pair in saddle bags, but for him, his musculature attachment is much less efficient. He might be able to carry one, which wouldn't be enough. Anyway, I have a few ideas about what to do, which could come in handy for other applications.”

I smirked at the two academics, “If you're both satisfied evaluating my current medical conditions, I would really like to talk to Mister Home about a little shack he might like to help me put together. Sort of a weekend thing, a bunch of my friends, a two-four of beer to drink, some music on the old record player.”

Perfect Home looked a little panicked, “Mister Roberts, I'm so sorry. This was very unprofessional of me.”

Dash laughed and punched me in the shoulder, “Don't mind this big lug, Perfect. He's just fooling around.”

Twilight had a bemused expression, “Yes. Alex has an unusual sense of humour, but don't let that fool you. He can be serious when he needs to be.” She looked at Dash, “He can be, right?”

I gave her my best gallic shrug, “I suppose if it's really needed.”

Perfect Home chuckled along with us and relaxed. We stepped into his office, sat on the large plump pillows in front of his desk and got to work.

“Now, Mister Roberts, how may I be of service?”

“Let me give you the big picture, some specific characteristics, and a few off-the-wall ideas that would set this place apart. So, my goal for this building is fourfold,” I counted off on my fingers, “it will serve as a theatre, one of very high quality, suitable for everything from a play to music, and for use as a reception hall.” I turned to Dash, “Do the Wonderbolts have an indoor routine?”

“I think so, but the only place that's big enough is the Royal Canterlot Theatre.”

“Thanks, sweetheart. Yes, it needs to be big enough to handle this. Anyway, I'll get back to the specifics in a minute. So, the four things it needs to be are a theatre, a town hall, an emergency shelter, and easily and cheaply maintained. The last two are very important because Ponyville is the centre of a lot of disasters. I want a safe, centralized building for residents to bug out to, and I want it cheap and easy to fix after the fact.”

“So, should I go on, or is what I'm asking for unreasonable? I mean, if it's out in left field, er, if my expectations are unreasonable, please let me know. Oh, and please call me Alex.”

“Well, Alex, I've heard you think big, and this proves it. Anyway, there's nothing crazy here, just nothing that has ever combined before. I've got a few ideas percolating, but let's hear what else you have to say.”

“So, the theatre itself should be big. At least as big as the Royal Canterlot Theatre. However, the distance from the front of the stage to the location where Princess Celestia would sit must be a little further than her throne and the anti-chamber door. I have some, um, issues, being too physically close to any Princess. I envision the Princesses and special guests,” I smiled at Dash and Twilight, “like the Elements of Harmony and Paladins of Redemption will be in a place of honour on the balcony. Otherwise, I leave the design entirely in your hooves. Oh and it should include an outdoor stage, like the current city hall does, but that's a nice to have, not a need to have.”

“Like the original building, the city hall facilities will be part of the theatre with a separate entrance. I have the current plans and layout with me.” I pass him the battered rolled-up plans. He unrolls the dusty drawings and begins to examine them. “Ideally, I would like this expanded, maybe half again as much, and a nice office for the mayor. She puts up with so much stuff in Ponyville, so much random craziness. I want her to have some nice facilities to work from.”

“The emergency shelter should have enough storage for at least ninety-six hours of emergency food and water for as many ponies that can sleep in the theatre. Make sure any attached kitchen can double as a community kitchen. There should be some kind of small medical room. I'm not sure what the standards are for pony emergency shelters, and I'm not sure what is already there, but this should be a nice supplement to any disaster. Also, feel free to change the details based on any legal requirements. An independent source of clean water would mean more room for stored food and less pressure on undamaged water supplies around town.”

“Finally, it should be built with easily obtained materials and be maintainable with local, to Ponyville, skill sets. Since I have no idea what that means here, I’ll trust you to do the right thing.”

The room was quiet, and Perfect Home’s gaze and smirk were directed at me. “That sounds like a fun building to design. Let's get to work...”

We were all quite pleased at how well things had gone with Perfect Home. He even said he would have the initial designs for the Princess Theatre by next week, enough for me to present them to the town council. In the meantime, Twilight had received a note inviting us to the home of Shining Armour and his wife, Princess Cadance.

On the way, we talked about further ways to make the theatre more unique. “So, here is one of my crazier, human-style solutions to the problem of getting patrons to the theatre quickly. For this, I’m going to need an expert in unicorn magic.” I lightly tap Twilight on the shoulder, “That's you, babe.” She chuckled. “So, unicorns, with the right spells, experience and practise, can teleport, correct?” Dash and Twilight nodded, both with curious expressions. “Is it safe for me to assume that the usual spell used by unicorns is a general-purpose spell, like something I would call a computer program, one that has to take a huge breadth and depth of factors into account, even for the simplest jump?” Twilight nodded. “So, would a spell that teleports an object or living person from a specific location to another specific location be simpler?”

Twilight answered, not following where I was going with this, “Yes, but that would not be a very useful spell.”

“Normally, I would agree with you, my brilliant friend. Now, picture this. In Ponyville, we construct a teleport pad, a simple closed-off enclosure of a certain size, and a protected and sheltered spot that would minimize the number of variables. A fixed point. Then, in the surrounding cities, we build matching teleport pads. We would then simply need a source of magic to power the spell and associated machinery. Tada, you have a way of moving patrons from Canterlot, Manehattan, Fillydelphia, Cloudsdale, anywhere to humble Ponyville in a single step. Hmm,” I grew thoughtful for a moment, “it also opens up fast travel, package delivery, and so on.” I looked up a little sheepishly, “Sorry, just the businessman in me talking. It would be a great way to help fund the theatre.”

Twilight glared at me with admiration. She then tapped me on the hip, “I'm mad at you only because I never thought of it first.” She got a look of concentration on her face, “Yes, I can see the modifications to the spell already, bind it to single-purpose mana load machinery and amplifiers, replace a lot of the cognitive thought trains with fixed values... yes, it would only require 1.5 or 2 blaaneras of power, for even a few tons of mass. Three or four average unicorns could do that all day, maybe have six or eight for redundancy. You could get a teleport as fast as it takes to load the send pad and clear the arrival pad.”

I smiled broadly, “Just seems to be the logical next step. You have the technology. You just call it magic. This is exactly what humans would do with it.” I thought to myself, ‘Right after they weaponized it.’ I grew thoughtful for a moment, “Hey, and we could even have some kind of travelling pad to all the small Ponyville-sized towns.”

As we continued toward our destination, I started to notice bulky ponies trying to look inconspicuous, just walking around, even a few hiding in bushes. The girls seemed unaware of them, so I didn’t comment. When we walked up to the mansion, I glanced up and couldn't help but see a helmeted head peeking over the edge of the peak of the roof. I doubt any pony could have seen them, but I could until they dipped back down. ‘I guess we’ll not be as alone as we think. I’m not surprised, but I’ll keep it under my hat for now.’

Twilight was especially excited to present me to her brother. “Shining sent me a note saying he and Cadance gave the whole staff the night off. She wanted to practise her cooking skills, and Shining wanted to just have some private time with us. Alex, I just know you and Shining will hit it off. You’re always thinking of others, just like him.”

I interrupted her with a snort. “Please, I’m an abject coward. I’m just good at hiding it.” I was rewarded with a hoof to the shoulder from my fiance.

“Hey, knucklehead, cut it out. Do you think I‘d marry some lily-livered dork?”

I could only laugh, “I don’t know. I mean, I am your Adonis.” Dash gave me that slightly exasperated smirk she gave me when I used a human expression she didn’t quite get. I tried again and started guessing, “Hoof candy?” She grinned, telling me I had got the right one based on context. “Right. I’m just your swanky hoof candy.”

We all chuckled at this and soon arrived at the front door of Shining Armour, the Captain of the Guard, and his wife, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, better known as Princess Cadance.

As we were walking up the steps, I sighed. “Dash, I’m a little worried. I hope I don’t start babbling like an idiot and embarrass you. I mean, she’s a princess, right? With a horn and wings? Like,” my throat caught, remembering the onslaught of emotions, “Princess Celestia.”

She rolled her eyes at me, “You couldn’t embarrass me. I know you wouldn't do it on purpose.”

“I... I’m just scared of that moment when Cadance will take your place in my heart. What if she replaces you? What if I love you less? I don’t want to forget why you’re the most important mare in my life.”

I felt that telltale burst of air that told me Dash was hovering. I could hear the smile in her voice as she whispered in my ear, “Don’t worry. I’ll just do this to remind you.” She nibbled on my ear, and my knees buckled a little while I made a goofy, throaty chortle. Dash backed off, still hovering, “See, totally effective.”

Still chortling, “That is so totally unfair. Come on, cut that out. We’re at the door.” When she landed beside me, I placed my hand on her neck and touched the base of her ear with my thumb.

Twilight rolled her eyes and smirked at us. She raised her hoof to knock, but the door opened to reveal a unicorn stallion. He had a white coat with a blue mane and tail. Twilight exclaimed, “BBBFF. It’s so great to see you again.”

“Hey, little sis, why so excited? You just saw us a few days ago.” He gave his sister a warm hug, then turned to Dash with a friendly smile, “Hey, Rainbow Dash, good to see you too.” He then turned to me. His expression became sober, weary. “Hello, Alex. Twilight’s told me all about you.” After eyeing me for a heartbeat, he put his hoof out, “Nice to meet you.” I was taken aback by a pony who was almost human in his ability to be suspicious. I can’t say I was pleased.

He led us to the main room, “I hope you don’t mind if we just relax here for now. Cadance will be with us in a few minutes.” Once we were all seated and comfortable, he said, “So, Mr Roberts, I hear your father was in the military during your ‘Cold War’, was it?” I’m sure my look of surprise was quite noticeable because it caused him to smile just a little. “He also spent some time doing espionage work. So I hear.” But this made me smile, snort derisively, and shake my head. The girls looked at me questioningly.

Out of the starting gate, he had used my correct mode of address and was referencing stuff I had no idea where he found out. I decided to play it cool and explain it. “You are correct, sort of. My dad was in the Canadian Air Force, but he was a sheet metal technician. He was trained in repairing the aluminium structure of fixed-wing aircraft. As for his” I used air quotes “‘spy’ work, my understanding was that he was just one of the many technicians who helped take a MiG fighter apart. That was one of the Soviet fighter aircraft. The pilot had defected to the West on Canadian soil, so we had the right to take his machine apart.”

Shining Armour narrowed his eyes. “You mean you had enough aluminium to waste building machines with them? Large enough to carry a man? Not only that but fleets of them?”

“Sure. Aluminium was as common as dirt where I come from. Global production was about fifty million tons annually.” I held up a hand, “And before you ask, I had helped my son do a project on aluminium for school not long before I... um...” I turned my head away for a moment. Dash put her hoof on my thigh. I gave her an appreciative look. At that moment, I decided to take a page from Dash’s playbook and go on the offensive. “Anyway, what’s with the questioning? If you don’t trust me, throw me in a dungeon. Man up and keep your world safe. I would do anything to keep this place safe from something like me. Anything. If you have any doubts, stop me right now. If you don’t, if you’re just seeing how I’ll react, well, now you know.”

I knew the look on his face. He was used to being the toughest guy in the room. In fact, he could wipe the floor with me, and we both knew it, but he also knew I had much more experience than him and could still put up a tough fight. He just wasn’t used to having someone not intimidated by him and maybe even be his equal.

From the kitchen, I hear her voice call out, “I’m coming out now. Will... will Alex be okay?”. While I didn't feel anything yet, I braced myself for the emotional onslaught to come. Her voice was so kind, the voice of an angel, and I could feel myself becoming tense in preparation for what was to come. I knew, intellectually, the staggering, crippling love I would feel for her was just what alicorns did to me, but I still felt a horrible knot of guilt for it.

I look at Dash, a pleading expression of near panic. She sat up and put her hoof on my hand. “I’m right here for you. You’ll be fine.” No bravado, no ‘you big lug’, just loving, comforting words. I gave her a weak smile in thanks for reminding me who was the most important mare in this room.

The door to the adjacent room, a mere ten meters away, opened a crack, and a pale pink pony princess peeked pensively out.

Nothing.

I blinked. I should be crying like a baby right now, or at least, I don’t know, be speechless or something. But, while I was perhaps a little more aware of her presence, it was nothing like being before Her. I noticed Shining Armour just sitting off to the side, with an interested expression and simply observing.

When she finally opened the door and walked in, I could see she was supposed to be drop-dead gorgeous by pony standards. I could also see she was wearing an apron. Much to my surprise, my brain only registered her as 'leggy and cute' and not much else. It took me a moment to remember my manners. I stood and bowed, "Good evening, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza. As you no doubt know, I am Alex Roberts, but you can call me Alex. And, for the record, I think I’m as surprised as you that I'm not on my knees and drooling on the floor."

She stepped closer, and I braced myself. Once again, there was no adverse reaction, except, maybe, a very slight tingle, much weaker than the one I experienced when I stepped into Her throne room.

"It's a pleasure to meet you, Alex. You may call me Cadance. I was just getting supper ready, including something special, just for you. I've seen the chefs prepare this dish for the gryffin ambassadors, and I've heard you like it more cooked than our eastern friends. I hope you like it." As she got closer, I could feel my emotions subtly changing, but I didn’t care. She went from being a lovely pony that was pleasant to be around to the perfect wife and mother. Elegant, kind, caring, fun, down to earth, simply perfect.

By the time she got to within a meter, I stiffened, slipped off the couch and went to my knees in front of her. I couldn't see her anymore, really. I could only see the perfect wife and mother of my children before me. I sensed that Dash was beside me, which allowed me to catch myself before I started fawning over her. I felt a hoof on my arm. It was a physical reminder of the mind-affecting abilities of an alicorn. There was no way I could love the perfect creature before me more than Dash. I murmured, "Help…"

I was blindly trying to put my hand on Dash’s shoulder. When my hand finally made contact, it was like my mind exploded with love. The moment I made contact, my heart was filled with certainty. ‘Dash and Ann are simple little flings compared to what I can have with Cadance. All I have to do is get rid of that ass Shining Armour. I’ll show him why I’m a fucking apex predator. I’ll—’

I heard Dash yelling, “Get away from him!” a sharp grunt, a loss of balance, and a sudden loss of those crazy thoughts, like a bucket of burning ice water was thrown into my head. ‘What the hell was I thinking? What... why would I...’

As she increased the distance, the cascade of emotions faded into a static of background emotion and shame. I was finally able to regain my self-control fully. I wiped my eyes and looked around, the world out of focus. I could hear the terse teacher’s voice Twilight used when she was really annoyed, “Dash, you didn’t have to push her so hard.”

“But—”

Shining Armour spoke, angry, “How dare you hit my wife, under my roof, as my guest. I should throw you both in the dungeon.”

“It was—”

Twilight spoke again, “I’m disappointed in you, Dash. Surely there was—”

This time, it was Dash’s turn to bark an angry snarl, “I’m not going to lose him, Twilight, no matter what.”

Twilight, with an uncharacteristic snarl, “That doesn’t give you the right to hurt somepony.”

Dash’s voice was angry, “I’ll hurt whoever I need to to keep him safe. He’s the only one who’s ever taken me seriously. Can’t you see that Twilight? I don’t have to pretend to be anything around him. I can tell a dirty joke and not be afraid I’ll be judged, and I can talk about my fears knowing he’ll be there for me. He cares for me, he really cares, and no one will take that away. Not a princess, not some royal guard pony, not even my best friend.”

The silence was deafening. I looked up, my vision clearing, and could see Twilight’s expression had softened, her eyes a little red, tears forming. I could only hold my sky-blue angel, comforting her, my cheek on hers. I smiled a little sadly, “That was quite the speech.”

She sniffed, “It’s true, you know. Every word.”

I held her closer and whispered, “I know.” I could feel her tears on my cheek.

That voice I now feared, so soft and caring, finally broke the silence, “Shining, don’t be upset with her. I know exactly how she feels, to have the one you love enthralled by another. It’s very frightening. Dash only did what she felt she needed to do, Shining. Wouldn’t you do the same?” There was another uncomfortable silence, “Let’s just forget what happened and have dinner.” She gave Sharing Armour a ‘we will talk about this later’ look, then smiled brightly, “Now that we know what happens when Alex is too close, we can simply avoid it. Let's not let a simple misunderstanding ruin our evening.”

I smiled, “Well said Cadance, well said. So, Shining Armour, what do you say? No harm, no foul?”

He stared at Dash for a long moment, “Cadance is very forgiving, and Dash is the Element of Loyalty, so I guess I can see her point of view. Alex, just make sure it never happens again.”

The seating was rearranged in silence to accommodate the agreed-upon three-meter safe zone between Cadance and myself. We all sat without saying a word, the occasional false start not yielding any sustained conversation. Mercifully, there was a small ding from the kitchen. Cadance looked up from the uncomfortable silence, smiled brightly and cleared her throat, “Dinner is now served, everypony.” As the lidded plates floated in, surrounded by her pinkish silver glow, the smells wafting from the kitchen made my mouth water. The covers were lifted with a flourish, and I was presented with a perfectly arranged chicken breast with two lemon slices, a sprig of dill, and perfectly prepared fresh vegetables. I glanced at Dash’s plate and saw she had a nest of hay in place of the chicken breast.

I hesitated when I realized Cadance was watching me expectantly. I held the knife and fork above the food, then sheepishly smiled at her, "Sorry, I'm a little self-conscious about eating meat. I get the feeling that millions of years of herbivore pony evolution is telling you to bolt from the predator."

She replied sweetly, “Oh, don’t be silly,” she looked at Shining Armour, “We all know you won’t eat us in our beds, right Shining?”

There was a brief icy stare between Dash and Shining, “Oh, course not, sweetie. I don’t have any problems with Alex.”

Interestingly, Twilight seemed to be totally oblivious to the looks Shining Armour and Dash were exchanging. It was surprising because even I had no problem reading their not-so-subtle expressions and body language.

So, I cut a piece of chicken and immediately saw it had been cooked through. When I took that bite, it was like the very essence of the ingredients had been fused into a new perfect whole. I wondered if Cadance was still influencing me subconsciously because of what I said next. "I have been to many different realities, many different places, and I can say without a word of a lie, this is the best chicken I have ever eaten." Cadance graciously accepted the compliment and seemed to relax a little.

The meal continued in silence, but I still felt the overall mood had improved somewhat. Before the desert, I decided to try to have a friendly conversation with Shining, “You know Shining Armour, I’m a bit of an armchair general, and I have to say the troops you have surrounding the house are pretty good.”

Shining looked a little flustered, “I’m not sure what you mean.”

I smiled, “Sure you do. Look, my species developed camouflage a week after we had fire and the pointy stick. We’re good at it. Let me give you some advice because I want to help your guys get better. The three patrolling on hoof looked like soldiers who had lost their uniforms. In the future, tell them to walk around more slowly, relax, and maybe have a female soldier with them to act as their marefriend. Never their real special friend, even if they’re both Royal Guard, it could slow them down in a situation. They should talk, laugh, tell dirty stories, whatever they would normally do on a date. And, having more than three, maybe five or six would be better. That reduces the chance of the target, me in this case, of seeing the same three faces always popping up. Also, have them walk in different directions. It looks more natural.” Shining was just looking at me in slack-jawed incomprehension while Dash just gave me an admiring smirk.

I gleefully continued, “As for your troops hidden around the building, they should really put some more effort into camouflage. Maybe some ghillie suits would help.” I saw Shining was confused but ploughed forward anyway, “I mean, holding a few branches and ducking down behind a bush isn’t exactly inconspicuous. As for the guy on the roof, he shouldn’t have been wearing his helmet. Not only that, but he should have been on another rooftop, not the one I was looking at directly. And, if he was a pegasus, why not scatter a few clouds around, make it look like a lazy weather patrol, and then hide in one of them? Ideally, set that up days or weeks in advance, so it’s not too out of the expected.”

“So, assuming that was my best infiltration team, which I’m not saying it was, you’re saying someone with a military upbringing like yourself can spot them easily?”

I laughed, thinking about my dad, “I didn’t have a military upbringing. My dad may have worked for the military, but he wasn’t a soldier. I can still remember him complaining about ‘playing Cowboys and Indians'.” I paused for a moment, looking for an Equestrian equivalent and looked at Dash for guidance, “‘Settlers and buffalo’?” and Dash gave me a subtle nod, “Anyway, he didn’t like ‘playing army’, as he put it. He was there to fix aircraft, nothing else. The bottom line is that I didn’t have any military training to spot hidden troops. I just had my normal senses and some basic observations. Now, to be fair, and you no doubt already know this, my senses are almost an order of magnitude more accurate than yours, so what they were doing may have been perfectly fine for ponies. I’ll be happy to help in any way, by the way. Because if I can’t spot them, I’m confident a pony will not.”

He smirked, “I may ask you, as an honourable Paladin, to advise us on the best way to be sneaky.”

I inclined my head in his direction with a smile, “I would be honoured to place my humble skills as an untrustworthy, dishonourable, cheating scumbag in your service for our beloved Equestria.” This caused him to chuckle good-naturedly, Dash to look at me with a smirk and an eye roll, and the others to smile at me uncomfortably. ‘I like this Shining Armour. He’s a good, honest soldier.’

The rest of the evening went well, with Shining being polite but distant towards me, warm and loving towards his sister, and cold but polite with Dash. Cadance was the perfect hostess who couldn't get close to me, but that was okay, as she could do everything with her magic. When we left, she even gave me a telekinetic hug. It was interesting to have my torso gently squeezed with even pressure.

On our way out, I noticed the ‘crack’ infiltration team was still amusingly skulking about. I singled out the poor guy in the bushes, trying so hard to be ‘one with the foliage’. I smiled at him and made eye contact, “Shining Armour says hi.” I did this with anyone I suspect was on the infiltration team. I’m fairly sure there will be a meeting tomorrow to discuss some new ideas Shining has for camouflage.

As we walked back, we chatted about the events of the day, how Cadance made me feel, and many other things. In a natural lull in the conversation, I had to ask about something that I noticed but never spoke up against. Frankly, I was feeling a little embarrassed about going along with casual speciesism. “So, I’ve got to know. Why are ponies so down against Diamond Dogs, anyway? While I now know how useless those cartoons were in showing me how this world worked, were they right about Diamond Dogs?”

Dash spoke up first, “Ugh, really? Do we really have to explain why Diamond Dogs are totally evil?”

I blinked at her, “Actually, yes.”

She rolled her eyes, “Fine, Diamond Dogs used to capture ponies and make them slaves to pull their carts and do other work in their mines. They used to do it all the time. They still do. End of story. Diamond Dogs are evil, and there’s no changing them. Now, can we talk about something different?”

“Huh. Twilight? You’re usually the first to jump in with the academics of whatever topic we’re on.” I placed my hand on Dash’s head and scratched behind her ear, “Not that I doubt you in the least dear, it's just that my buddy Twilight loves to lecture, and she’s been mute on the subject.”

“Yeah, monkey colt’s right. Why aren't you boring us to death with facts and figures and logic and stuff?”

We all took a few more steps before Twilight spoke with a sigh, dropping her head slightly, ears down, “My academic neutrality”, another hefty sigh, “has been compromised.”

I half-joked, “Let me guess, you fell in love with a Diamond Dog, and now you only see the good in them, making it impossible to follow the official ‘We Hate Diamond Dogs’ party line?”

While Twilight continued walking in silence, Dash and I stopped in our tracks. I spoke up, “So, is it an ongoing relationship?”

She looked back sadly at us, “No, it didn’t last, but Rover and I are still friends. He’s really sweet and intelligent once you understand the species' speech patterns.” She smiled a little sadly, “Quite handsome too, in his own way.” She gave a little laugh while looking at Dash, “Like a furry Alex Roberts.”

Dash, with a look of shocked confusion, went beside her friend, “Were you nuts? When did it happen? Why? How? And tell me you’re not crushing on Alex.”

Twilight “It all happened right after we rescued Rarity. Before we left, I asked them why they needed the gems. Rover told me it was for buying winter supplies for the pack. And, no, Dash, I’m not trying to make time with Alex. He’s a great guy, but he’s also totally devoted to you.”

I interrupted, “So when you said ‘ew’ the other day, that wasn’t ‘ew a human’ it was ‘ew he’s not my type’, right?”

Dash smiled and glared at me, “Alex, stop encouraging her.”

I snickered, “Dash, you have nothing to worry about. Anyway, this is very important to me. It’s an ego thing.”

Twilight chuckled, then lifted her head, not in pride exactly, but not in shame. “Exactly, you’re a good friend, but any sort of romantic relationship would be impossible. Anyway, Rarity was going to get half the gems collected, and she was likely aware of this, not that she would admit to it. She was just being a drama queen, as always, and we overreacted, as always.”

“The fundamental problem was that they didn’t know how to approach her. And when we showed up, assuming she had been kidnapped, they were afraid we wanted all the gems to ourselves. Alex, I believe the term you’ve used for such situations is ‘and hilarity ensued’. What I’m trying to say is that they’re not evil. They just have different communication skills than ponies, leading to miscommunication.”

We continued walking to the hotel, my hand on Dash’s neck, all of us musing on the events and revelations of the evening. I had suggested Dash, and I would like to be alone tonight, and Twilight didn’t argue.

Once we parted ways with Twilight, Dash said softly, “I really love you, you know.”

I chuckled warmly, “I know. You decked a princess for me. If that’s not love, I don’t know what is.”

She only giggled and nuzzled closer.

Lost in thought, I lay on the bed, playing quietly with Dash’s wild mane as she stretched luxuriously, draping one beautiful, soft wing over my chest. Her hoof touched my scarred belly. “Penny for your thoughts, Alex? You’ve been really quiet tonight, and that’s never a good thing.”

I chuckled, “I was thinking about a bunch of stuff. Like the way I asked you to marry me.”

I could hear her gasp a little. Her body stiffened, her voice soft and sad, “You... you don’t regret...”

I held her tight, “Regret asking you? No, I would never regret that. What I regret is not making it about you in the first place, about doing it in a way that was worthy of you. I... I’m sorry what I did wasn’t good enough for an angel. You deserve better.”

“Oh my gosh. Is that what you’re worried about?” she laughed, her voice full of relief. “You jerk. I don’t need all that fancy stuff. I just need us to be together. I want to spend my life with you. I don’t care if you give me jewels and junk. We could live in a shack in the Everfree forest for all I care.” She caressed my cheek with her wing, and her voice grew soft, “I mean, you’re a good person, and for some crazy reason, you love me, and I’m going to hold on to you forever.”

I breathed her scent in deeply, “Man, what good deed did I do to deserve you, my soon-to-be wife?”

She snorted, “Let’s see.” She takes a deep breath, “You save Scoots from Coins. Tree Trimmer from a burning house. Derpy from Coins. AJ’s farm from Coins. Derpy’s wedding from an ugly gift from Coins. You did something stupid on that last one, but I’ll let it slide for now. You saved Bea from herself. She’s way cooler than Trixie, by the way. You saved those Flim Flam brothers and gave them a chance at an honest life. Finally, and most importantly, you helped me to believe I’m a mare who deserves to be loved and respected.” Her voice became soft and loving, “Like I do every single moment I’m with you.”

I held her a little tighter, “That means a lot to me. Thank you.” I kissed her head again and sighed.

I could hear the concern in her voice, “I know that sigh Alex. You can go ahead and spill the beans. Tell your loyal marefriend what else there is in that brain of yours.”

“You’re amazing, you know that?”

“Yes, I’m totally awesome. Now, quit trying to change the subject, monkey colt.”

“Heh, I suppose it would happen eventually that you could read me like a book. A rip-roaring Daring Doo, I hope.” She answered with a warm chuckle. ”Okay, well, I was feeling guilty for feeling so... so... I don’t know, in love, I guess, with Cadance. I mean, I know it’s alicorn voodoo messing with me, and you were totally there to remind me who was the real angel.” I kissed her, letting my lips linger for a moment.

“Anyway, that got me thinking about how lucky I’ve been. I mean, I landed in a world that, by my standards anyway, is a paradise,” I kiss Dash on the head tenderly, “I’ve found the true love of my life, my soul mate, not once, but twice. Most people don’t even get that privilege once.” Dash stretches her neck a little and kisses my jawline. “I have the opportunity to adopt a beautiful vibrant daughter. I have more good friends than I deserve. Heck, I even have a terminal illness that’s become a minor inconvenience.” I sighed happily, “I guess,” I kissed her again, “I guess I was just thankful for Cadance reminding me of all the wonderful people I have in my life.”

Dash nuzzled me, “Well, maybe you should let all three of them know you’re thankful. I know they would appreciate it. Twilight told me once that most ponies only talk to them when they want something.” She turned my head with her hoof, “I tell you what, let’s do it together. I think I may have something to be thankful for too.” Her voice trailed off as her lips softly brushed mine, and I drew her into a deep kiss. We held each other like that for a very long time.

After some discussion, we composed our letter in our hearts. We went to the balcony, and Dash hovered beside me. I held her hoof, and we started speaking our letter together.

Our dearest Princess Celestia, Princess Luna, and Princess Cadance,
We wish to give you all our thanks for the blessings we have both had. We have never taken the chance to thank you, as a couple, until now, and we hope you will forgive our tardiness. (Dash rolled her eyes, but smiled warmly at me)
(I spoke this part) Princess Celestia, I wish to thank you for accepting me, an alien, alone and afraid in your beautiful world. For allowing your kindest Element to find me and comfort me. And for the first meeting with my Rainbow Dash. (Dash gave me a sly smile, lightly biting her bottom lip)
Princess Luna, my patron. I wish to thank you for giving me a chance to repay your society for its kindness. For giving me a second chance at life with a wonderful mare who is kind, brave, bold and a wonderful friend. My second soul mate. For the daughter, I will adopt. For all the gifts I have been given. (I realized tears were streaming down my cheeks.)
Princess Cadance, sister-in-law of my good friend Twilight Sparkle. I would like to thank you for the time we spent together. Although our initial meeting may have been less than ideal, I appreciate how thoughtful you were, doing so much to make us feel comfortable. I would also like you to know that when you affected me, you helped me realize afterwards how lucky I was in every other facet of my life. I thank you for that gift.
(Dash smiled at me, then spoke) Yeah, well, I’m not for all the fancy words Alex uses, so I’ll do this my way. I guess, all I want to say is, thanks for bringing this big lug into my life. He’s a good person and kind, and he always sees the best in others, even me. Thanks. (She sniffs back a little tear. Taking her hoof out of my hand, she flutters closer and wraps her hooves around my neck, putting her cheek on mine.)
(We finished together) Princesses, we thank you from the bottom of our hearts.

We stayed on the balcony, enjoying the cool, fresh air. “I feel better for getting all that off my chest.” I closed my eyes, breathed deeply and found her scent. Even without the lilac, it could only make me smile.

33 - One hell of a night

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Our thankful little prayer offered, we returned to our warm, soft bed. We lay, snuggled together, just enjoying being close. Eventually, I sighed, “You know, Dash, I feel so... stupid sometimes.”

Dash lifted her head, looking me in the eye, “What for? And where does this come from all of a sudden? I thought you already told me everything.”

I looked up to the ceiling, “I did. I just...” I sighed, “you know, when you start to free associate?”

“‘Free associate’? What’s that?”

“You know, when you start just randomly thinking of stuff and it reminds you of other stuff. Say you see a cloud, it reminds you of rain, you think of someone named Raindrops, who you know likes strawberry ice cream, which makes you think of roses because they’re both red and then you remember that Twilight hates roses and not to make a rosebud salad as the appetizer for dinner next week. Or something like that.”

“Wait, wait, wait. You mean when you think, you think like that? Jumping all over the place? That is so random. You must think like Pinkie Pie. Maybe it has something to do with all the chaos magic inside you? I don’t know, but Twilight would likely want to know that.”

“Huh, I always thought of that as normal. I’ll have to let her know in the morning.” I pondered for a moment, “So, ponies usually can’t think like that?”

“No, we can, but it’s very unusual. I mean, we could get to the same answer, but it would be something we would, you know, work at doing. It sounds like you can come up with a train of thought like that really easily.”

“Heh, I guess. I’m sure it will earn me some extra prodding and probing from our dear Miss Twilight Sparkle. I just hope it doesn’t involve needles. The ones she uses are huge. Anyway, and this is weird to hear me say this, back on topic.” This earned me a little chuckle and a nuzzle. “It’s those... damn, Flim Flam brothers, and what Luna said about me to Beatrix.”

“What, that you’re too trusting?” She smiled and gave me a nuzzle, “Well, maybe sometimes.”

I turned away, groaning, "I feel so stupid. Here I thought I was a positive force and now I find out I'm just a laughing stock. I know you love me, but your opinion is skewed. I mean, how many others must think I’m a complete fool?”

I felt her hoof on my cheek and my head turned toward her. She leaned in and gave my nose a little kiss. “I know it bothers you, but you have to believe me when I say it's one of the things ponies like about you.” Her expression became sweet, “I know it’s one of the things I admire about you.”

I chuckled, “So, you like guys who are oblivious?”

She chuckled warmly and rubbed her nose against mine, “No you goof. I like how you see the best in others, sometimes to the point of not seeing the worst.” She shifted herself to lay on my chest, her cheek on my neck, “Especially, how you see the best in me. For all my big talk, well, you know,” she finished shyly.

I spoke softly, “Yes, I do know. You’re an amazing person and I...” I faltered, took a deep breath, and continued, “I know I say this a lot, and I know it can sound so trite, but I need you to know I mean every single syllable of it. I am truly blessed to have you in my life. You... you are so special to me.” I chuckled sadly, “I wish I could show you.” I let my hand slowly glide along her back before kissing her. “Now, it’s going to be a long trip to Ponyville tomorrow. I think we both need our sleep.”

“Hey, before you konk out for the night, when did you want to actually tie the knot?”

“I don’t know, what’s the usual time between proposal and marriage?”

“About a month.”

I exclaimed, “A month? That’s fast. Ok, so I guess we had better get on that.”

“What do you mean, fast? How long did you and Ann take.”

“Four years. I asked her after dating her for a year.”

“Wow, you humans sure do take your time.”

“Well, to be fair, we took a long time even by human standards. A more ‘normal’ lead time is six months to a year.” Dash nodded, tilting her head slightly. “So, how about six weeks from now? I’ll need a little extra time because of the theatre.”

“Sounds okay to me.” She paused, thinking for a moment, “But, you don’t want to talk to Ann first? You know, to make sure she’s okay with us being together?”

“I thought you said you already talked to Ann about this and she approved. Didn’t she suggest we get together? I know she gave me those vibes, but she never explicitly said anything.”

“Well, I suggested it, and Ann never said no...” Her voice became very hesitant, “she was a little upset, but very-”

I interrupted, raising my voice a little more than I wanted to, “Hold it. What do you mean, Ann never said no and she was upset. I thought you said she suggested,” I gestured with my index finger, “us.”

Dash sighed, “It’s just that she knows you’ve been alone for so long, and she likes me, and I like her, she is a lot like AJ after all, and even though it’s been less than a year for her, she, she didn’t say no.” Dash was smiling a little too broadly and her eyes shifted from side to side. Ponies have such an easy tell when they lie. Well, most do. So, she was hiding something, but I decided to ignore it. She wasn’t a deceptive person and while she must think it’s a big deal, it’s likely something trivial by my standards.

I thought for a long moment, “Well, she did tell me to build a life, and I can’t think of anyone else I would rather do it with.” I brushed her cheek with my fingertips, “So, let’s push the wedding back a few months until we can get this all cleared up.” I smiled with confidence, “I’m sure Ann will be happy for us and it will be nothing to fret over. You don’t mind waiting a little longer than normal, do you?”

“Not much, I guess. I mean, I would rather just go to Los Pegasus, just you, me and Scoots, elope and be a family, you know. I don’t care about a fancy wedding.” She suddenly covered her face with both hooves and groaned. “Oh, Celestia. When Rarity finds out, she’ll be even more freaked out than when Cadance got married.” Dash groaned again, “She’ll want me to go for a million dress fittings.” She gasped and turned to me, “She’ll want to give me a makeover.” She buried her head in my chest, and her voice was muffled, “She’ll want me to have a hooficure, Alex. A hooficure. I don’t love you enough to get a hooficure.” I laughed out loud, making her laugh, too, “I am not kidding!” We both laughed harder, “Well, maybe a little, but I definitely won’t enjoy it. And I’ll only do it once. And only if Rarity begs. Maybe.”

“Come on. Rarity is just being Rarity. I don’t think you need makeup to look amazing. You pull that off by just being you. Think of it as a favour to Rarity. Speaking of the wedding, do I need a best man, best stallion, best person? How many? I mean, what’s my role in all this? Are we having a wedding like I would know?

“I don’t know. I want to send a note to my mom before we leave in the morning, telling her about us and the wedding. She might be a little put out that it’s about four months away, but...” Dash looked worried.

“I’ll take the blame. Just tell her it’s a human idiosyncrasy.”

“No, it’s not that. I just, I just hope you’re not upset with me?”

“You mean about bending the truth about what Ann said? Maybe a little. But it doesn’t mean I don’t love you. I’ll always love you, no matter what. I just...” I sighed, “You have to understand, Dash. I was married to Ann for almost twenty years before I jumped, and she kept me sane for the last sixty. In my mind, I’ve been married to her for almost eighty years. I still love her as I love you, and I will love both of you until the day I die.” I looked away for a moment, “I just need the peace of mind. I guess... I guess I just need her blessing. I need to know she approves of this.” I laughed angrily at myself for dumping my problems on her shoulders, “I know it’s just me being stupid, but I hope you can understand...”

She made a happy little sigh, and I turned my head to face her again, “You’re loyal. You’re loyal to her and me, and the only way to stay loyal to both is to get her blessing to marry me, I get that. I guess I thought I needed an extra edge to get you interested in me.” She snuggled up closer, “I’m so sorry I lied to you. I know you said you’re not upset, but... I am. I never should have told you that, and I feel ashamed. I hope I can make it up to you one day.”

I smile, “What did I do to deserve a woman as loving as you? Tell you what, let’s shelve it for now. There’s nothing we can do about it, and frankly, I would have been much more upset if you had told me after we were married. I’m just happy we’ve cleared the air. If I know Ann as well as I think I do, there should be no problem. So, you were sending a note to your mom?”

“Right, I was going to tell my folks about us. I mean, I’ve told Mom a little about you but nothing about us. I think my mom will be really excited when she finds out. Anyway, it’s usually the mother of the bride who arranges for all this stuff, with the help of the couple, of course.”

“Well, make sure they know it’s on my dime.”

Dash looked at me questioningly, “‘On my dime’?”

“It means I’m paying for it. I don’t want to put your parents in any kind of financial trouble, not when I can afford it. Anyway, if they object, just tell them it’s another crazy human tradition.” I snorted, then started laughing, “And I breathe fire when I get mad or turn into a big green monster. I keep forgetting which one is the lie.” Dash snuggled into my chest, laughing.

Still snickering, “Oh, Dash, AJ would be so disappointed in us.“ I noticed Dash suddenly became very quiet, not making eye contact, “What’s wrong?”

“Nothing, I guess. I know things are settled between me and AJ, but we haven’t spent much time together since. I just hope things are okay with us. I mean really okay. I’ve just never had that kind of fight with any friend over any partner, never mind a friend like AJ over someone as loyal and honest as you.”

“Why wouldn't she be? Look, there’s no point in worrying about it. If she’s over this, we both get a friend back. If not, then pushing her will not help her get over it. Anyway, Elusive said he might ask her out.”

Dash snorted then laughed, “Your buddy Elusive? The same guy half the town thinks is a colt cuddler? The stallion who’s a little skinny, no muscle tone? Unlike every single stallion,” she runs a hoof on my decidedly non muscled chest, “and human, that has had any kind of romantic involvement with Applejack.” I nod. “He is very cute, you know.”

I chuckle, “You wound me, madam.” I dramatically put my hand to my forehead. “You cut me to the quick. Well, as long as you think I’m of adequate quality to be your colt-toy.” We chuckled and held each other, soon falling into a happy slumber.

In the morning, all three of us met Beatrix at the train station. Her suitcase was thin and a little battered, but I made sure to take it and put it with Twilight’s and Dash’s. Beatrix gave me a sad and hopeful smile, like she couldn’t believe her luck or she was experiencing some wonderful crazy dream. I couldn’t help but give her an encouraging smile. Before our luggage could be taken to the cargo car, I grabbed the little sky-blue box out of Dash’s case. She rolled her eyes at me a little but smiled warmly.

We had a private berth for the trip back home. Dash and I shared a bench, and Twilight and Beatrix sat across from us. At first, Twilight and Beatrix chatted about magic, spells, and all kinds of stuff I honestly didn’t understand. Dash, in her usual style, stretched, put her head in my lap, and promptly started napping.

The trip back was a repeat of the trip there, with the addition of Beatrix, and like every trip back home, it felt a little faster. Dash spent most of the trip with her head in my lap and a content smile. I lightly stroked the leading edge of her left wing with my thumb, with the occasional sigh from Dash as a reward. I didn’t chat much with either of my unicorn friends this time. Twilight spent most of the trip looking out the window, and when she thought I wasn’t looking, she would look at us wistfully.

In the darkness of a tunnel, I mused, ‘I hope she finds someone special soon, and I mean real soon. But that is not something I can help her with. I mean, she’s envious of two lost souls clinging to each other in a desperate bid to not die alone. How sad is that? I mean, without asking anyone and based on what I have learned of the pony form, she is quite attractive, and I imagine she would clean up nicely. There’s no reason why she can’t find some brainy hunk, somewhere. I better keep this little bit of insight to myself, though. Taken out of context, it could be quite hurtful.’

I was woken from my thoughts as we arrived at the Ponyville station. Dash lazily stretched and gave me a warm smile. Beatrix stood, and Twilight sighed, and both started making their way to the platform. I stopped them before they could leave, “Can I ask one favour, guys? Can we keep the whole ‘magic is killing Alex’ thing under your hats for now? I want to control who knows that and how they find out,” I looked down sadly, “especially Scootaloo. That kid’s had a tough life, and we’re part of a better one for her.” I closed my eyes and took a deep breath, “Anyway, the last thing I want is everyone fussing over poor sick Alex. You understand, right?”

Dash made my heart sing with her confident smirk, “Sure, Alex. No point in worrying anyone, right Twilight?”

Twilight looked at me with a determined expression, “Absolutely.”

We all looked at Beatrix. She looked at me a little sadly, “You’ve got it, boss. The show must go on, right?”

I smile broadly, “Eloquently put Miss Beatrix Lulamoon, thank you. The show must go on, and for that to happen, we have to keep this on the ‘Q.T.’.” All three ladies looked at me, not understanding, “It means keep quiet about something.” They nodded as one, looked at each other and chuckled warmly. I smiled sadly and continued, “Thanks guys. But, if you feel the need to share with someone, I trust you to use your discretion.” Dash came forward and threw a hug at me, quickly followed by Twilight. Beatrix looked at us, unsure of what to do.

Dash gestured, “Come on Bea, you’re our friend.” Beatrix came forward hesitantly and joined our little group hug. I glanced down at her. A happy smile was on her face.

I gave them all a final squeeze, and then I spoke with a rough, gravelly voice, partially to hide my emotions and partially to amuse, “Okay, enough of this emotional stuff. Let's go face the world.” As Dash started to head out, “Dash, wait. Your necklace. Here, let me put it on.” I quickly placed that perfect accessory around her neck and was rewarded with a sweet smile and a peck on the cheek.

We stepped out onto the platform, and I was surprised to see a banner, “Welcome Back Alex”. Standing below the banner was a crowd of ponies who cheered as they saw me. At the front of the group, the Mayor was beaming at me. She strode forward and put out a hoof, which I happily took, “Alex Roberts, how did your business trip go? Did you meet with Perfect Home? Did you secure funding?” She paused, her eyes flitting from my feather necklace to Dash’s intricate jewel necklace, and her smile grew wider, “Are you two getting married?”

I tried being as businesslike as possible, “Madam Mayor, everything went very well, better than I expected. I got a lot of very interested investors to follow up with, and Mr Perfect Home will have the initial plans by the end of next week. And yes, Ms Rainbow Dash and I are engaged to be married.”

“Oh, that is absolutely wonderful on all accounts. I look forward to your presentation before the council. And congratulations on your engagement.”

The rest of the ponies rush forward with a cacophony of congratulations, hugs, and pats on the back. Pinkie, as always, a happy smile gracing her face, was the first I could understand, “Our little Dashie is getting married!” She looked back at the banner, “Wait!” she reached into a nearby nook and pulled out a new sign, “I always have a few of these stashed away for engagement emergencies.” She quickly slapped the new sign over the old one. It said, ‘Welcome back and congratulations on your engagement!’”

Her colt friend was standing off to the side with a bow tie and a Fez at a jaunty angle. His expression went from annoyed to delighted as he said to no one in particular, “I never expected to see one of them here. Cool.”

Looking around, I could see the whole Apple family had come. Granny, Big Macintosh, and Applejack, with Elusive standing beside her. I also saw Applebloom with the other Crusaders. I was surprised to see Elusive with them and did a little bit of a double-take. I couldn’t help but notice he was standing very close to AJ. Very, very close. This allowed me to notice that AJ was actually a little taller and more heavily built than Elusive. I wondered if it was simply the difference between earth ponies and unicorns. While Big Macintosh was giving me a little wave, AJ quickly made sure he was not looking and stole a quick kiss from Elusive. Unfortunately, Mac must have caught them out of the corner of his eye because he flashed a scowl in their direction. ‘I think I’ll have to have a little chat with my little brother about them.’

In the centre, charging in our general direction, were four fillies. Scootaloo was leading the charge, flanked by Applebloom, Sweetie Belle, and a little grey unicorn I didn’t recognise. The new Crusader had the most brilliant sapphire blue eyes,

Beatrix was to my left, and I caught two colts, Snips and Snails, I think were their names, sidling up closer to her with goofy grins on their faces. Beatrix saw them and flashed them her best Trixie smile, “Ah, my two enthusiastic admirers. I hope you’re not bringing anything to town this time.” She responded to their nervous chuckles with a warm laugh. “And, I hear you two have a magic act. I look forward to seeing it.” The two colts grinned like any star-struck kid would. “Now, if you’ll excuse me, boys.”

Rarity was also waiting, as ladylike as always, with Spike in attendance. It always made me a little sad to see him there, waiting on her and for her. I idly wonder if she feels the same way about him. It's none of my business, but still, Luna knows redemption comes in many forms. When she saw Dash and her necklace, her eyes grew, and her usual decorum was completely forgotten. She squee’d and lunged at Dash, hugging her friend in pure joy, “Oh, Rainbow Dash! You’re getting married! How wonderful!” Realization dawned, “A marriage between the Element of Loyalty and the Paladin of Redemption! It will be the social event of the season!” Once again, she squee’d like only she could squee. I couldn’t help but laugh.

Dash looked at me and smirked, “I told you she would go nuts.”

I thought Dash would appreciate having Rarity’s attention deflected away from her, at least for a little while. “Rarity, I have some even better news. I’m not the only Paladin anymore.” Rarity looked a little confused as I gestured to Bea, “Our good friend Beatrix, you may remember her by her stage name of Trixie, is a Paladin too. She saved the life of a distraught young mare and gave her her life back.”

Rarity paused for the slightest of moments but smiled brightly and with all the genuine charm and class she could muster, “Darling, what a pleasure it is to see you again.” She gave Bea that upper-class kiss on both cheeks without quite touching. “You absolutely must teach me the spell you used to affect my hair when we first met.” Rarity leans back, tilting her head slightly, “Of course, we can discuss all that while I make you a new ensemble. I dare say Fluttershy may have a rival as my top model. Now, as I was saying, once I was past the shock, I found the effect to be wonderfully amusing. There are so many uses for it in the charity work I do.” She grew thoughtful, “Sometimes a pony will regain her health faster if they look their best, you know. Sometimes, just feeling better is all that matters.” With that, Beatrix and Rarity began chatting in earnest.

As Pinkie started herding the well-wishers to my house for the party, I spotted Miss Butterscotch. She stood at the edge of the platform, near the closed ticket window, her severe demeanour and mane in a tight hair bun perfectly matching her scowl. She was obviously unhappy, but suddenly seemed to reach a decision with a little nod, stepped forward, “Mr Roberts, my employer, Mr Golden Coins, would like to send his congratulations on a successful business trip and,” I could see the distaste in having to say this, “on your forthcoming nuptials. He would also like to offer you a friendly meeting next Wednesday at noon for lunch at his mansion for negotiations in regards to his future investments in the theatre.” She glared at me, “Don’t be late for this undeserved privilege.”

As the crowd moved, I recognised Lyra off in a corner, looking very upset. She was being comforted by a cream earth pony with a pink and blue mane. I heard her moaning, “It’s not fair, Bons. He was going to be mine to study. Now that Rainbow mule,” she spat, “has taken him away from me.”

The other mare responded with a long-suffering sigh, “I know, sweetie. I know. But you have to remember that Alex is a person, just like you or me.” Bons continued with much more annoyance in her voice, “He’s not a science experiment. Please remember that. For us, Lyra, for our sake” Lyra gasps and turns to Bons. Bons sighs again and continues, her voice kind, loving, “Maybe one day another human will pop up, but for now, be thankful you’ve been able to study him as much as you have. Let's leave him alone to be happy. Can you do that? For me?” Lyra nodded, and they went off together.

I felt compassion for both of them and wondered if actually sitting down with Lyra would help. ‘That’s something for later.’

Our little menagerie made its way to my house, now the centre of a Pinkie Party. On the noisy walk, I could see Twilight casting a spell. While I wondered what she was doing, I suddenly heard her voice very clearly in my head, “Alex, I’ve been thinking about some additional magic reduction measures, and I think your knife will provide a small but consistent protection. I suggest you take a chance to slip it on as soon as you can.”

I imagine the sound of a finger tapping a microphone, “Is this thing on?” Twilight smirked without looking at me, “Sorry, couldn’t resist. So, the knife. Will do. Hey, random thought, would a magical device designed as inefficient as possible be a practical protective item? I mean, all technologies have efficiencies, and I imagine magic does too. So, how about an old-fashioned, magic-sucking something, maybe a pendant, combined with some task that burns lots of magic, like, I don’t know, maintaining a large mass both small and light? Does that give you any ideas?”

“Maybe. Well, it will give me another avenue of research anyway.” As I see Twilight pursing her lips in thought, I start ‘hearing’ her quite complex thoughts on possible devices. I really don’t want to be in her head at an inopportune time and decide to interrupt her, “Cool. So, how do you hang up this line?”

I see her momentarily confused, quickly followed by a smirk. She glances in my direction, “You’re funny.”

I smile kindly at her, “I’m a scream. I know how you get distracted by new problems. I just didn’t want to be in there if there was something you didn’t want me to see or hear or whatever this is.”

She nods and gives me an awkward half-smile. “I appreciate that.” She paused, then looked back at me as if she remembered something. “You’re a good friend, Alex Roberts.” Her eyes glaze over in concentration for a moment, her horn gives a slight glow, and at that instant, her thoughts disappear.

As we reach my humble cottage, I can see the party cannon parked outside my back door, a lone thin ribbon dangling comically from the end. The streamers, balloons, and other decorations are visible in my front window. I make my way closer to Pinkie, smiling broadly, “Wow! Look at this place, Pinkie. You, my positively popping party pony pal, have done it again! You are such an amazing organizer and decorator, Pinkie.” I give her a big hug, knowing Dash won’t mind, “Thank you so much for such a wonderful welcome.” I gesture to Dash, and she joins us for a quick squeeze.

Pinkie pulls away from us and grins, “Aww, thanks, but I don't deserve all the credit. Gummy helped too.” Feeling pressure on my leg, I looked down to find him gnawing on my calf. I bent down to pick him up, and he changed his focus to my hand. It didn’t hurt. He just happily chewed with enough pressure to hold on. ‘Cute little bugger.’ With that, I transferred him to Pinkie to continue my trek through the guests.

As I stepped in the door of the house and the party beyond, I immediately excused myself and rushed upstairs. I opened my bedroom door, and to the right was my dresser, with the single item that had saved my life and treasure many times. It was proudly mounted on a simple wood stand, unpretentious in its battered leather sheath. It was more than an item; it was a friend, one that even helped me remember from time to time. I had stopped wearing it soon after saving the child, fearful it would encourage me to violence in this innocent place. Still, it held a place of reverence, deserving of this simple little altar.

And now, it was going to save my life again. I picked up my trusty old knife in its worn and battered leather sheath. I quickly strapped it on my waist and right leg. It’s slung low for several reasons, but the two main ones were it made it easier to draw, the handle is where my hand is when my arm is relaxed, and the second and most important reason, it made me look badass. In the few rare situations where I needed it, this setup saved my life. Again, my trusty blade will be saving me, albeit indirectly.

Armed with my lifesaving weapon, I returned to the happy party. As I walked down the stairs, Dash called out, “There’s my anti-social hubby to be. Come on and join the party and have a drink with your amazing future wife and awesome future daughter.”

I laughed and called out, “Anything for my two angels.” I hurried the rest of the way and stopped at the drink table. I grabbed a bottle of hard apple cider from Sweet Apple Acres for myself, a box of apple juice for Scootaloo, and a salted sarsaparilla shooter for Dash. We only managed to spend a few minutes together before being whisked away in different directions.

Everyone wanted to chat with me, and being too polite to say no, I was moving from one group to the next. I barely had the chance to get into a conversation when I would be whisked away to the next group. I stopped for a moment to see Scoots and her friends. I was told their new friend, Sapphire, was mute, but she always made herself understood. When I made eye contact with her, she was very expressive, and it was like I knew she was asking me if I was Scootaloo's daddy. I simply nodded and said out loud, “Yes I am, Sapphire.” This produced some excitement on her part, like no one has ever understood her this clearly. Before I could react further, I was whisked away again to Forest Harvest and Hedge Trimmer.

While I was chatting with Tree Trimmer's folks, Dash hovers up and whispers in my ear, “Come on. You, me, and the kid are getting some fresh air.” She glances down my side, “Good, you’ve got your knife. Twilight said it should act as a good sink, and me and Scoots will be there too.”

I whisper back, “You and Scootaloo head for the back door. I’ll get a distraction going, and we’ll head out.”

I excused myself and made my way to Beatrix. I gently touched her shoulder to get her attention and whispered, “I’m really sorry to bug you, but can I ask a huge favour? I know it’s a little unfair asking you this, and if you say no, that’s totally—”

She interrupted me by putting her hoof on my mouth. I felt a little twang of guilt at noticing how soft and smooth it was compared to Dash’s hoof. With a bit of a smile, she spoke quietly, “Twilight and Rainbow Dash both said you apologize way too much. They weren't kidding.” She looked down and chuckled sweetly then looked me in the eye, all business, “So, what do you need, boss?”

I chuckled, “So, I humbly request, as a personal favour, the Great and Powerful Trixie come out, and both entertain and distract while me, Dash, and our daughter escape for some fresh air alone.”

She laughed and whispered, “It will be my pleasure.”

She made her way in front of the fireplace and started in her bombastic Trixie voice, “Come one, come all! Come and witness the amazing magic of the Great and Powerful Trixie!” Her trademark fanfare blared out. With that, the guests oohed and aahed. Beartix’s gaze met mine, and she sent a wink my way, “Watch in awe as the Great and Powerful Trixie performs the most spectacular feats of magic ever witnessed by pony eyes!” With that, she created an illusion over the ceiling of the living room. We all saw an open sky with a dazzling fireworks display, right down to the slight thump you would feel in your chest after a large burst.

Rarity seemed absolutely delighted, clapping her hooves in a most unladylike way while exclaiming, “How simply delightful.” Meanwhile, Twilight and Fluttershy titter at the fun spectacle provided by their new friend. I could see a poof of frizzy pink mane bopping up and down across the room, and I assumed that was the brilliant and sweet Pinkie Pie. Applejack, with Elusive by her side, simply looks on with that half smile of hers. Big Mac’s reaction was the most amusing of all, a combination of dumbfounded fascination and maybe a little hint of lustful ogling.

With everyone's attention on Trixie, I joined Dash and Scootaloo in our escape. They were both thankful that we were taking a walk together, although Scootaloo was a little disappointed at missing the Trixie show. Dash reassured her, “Don’t worry squirt. Bea will be staying in Ponyville, so I’m sure you’ll have plenty of chances to see her.” Scootaloo seemed to accept this and happily started sneaking away with us.

Once outside, and with the act in full swing, no one saw us sneaking away. I peeked back into the living room and saw Beatrix had a radiant smile on her face, drinking in the adulation and obviously enjoying every moment in front of the crowd, even a modest one like this.

Sure that everything was going as planned, I bent down to my soon-to-be daughter. “Okay, Scoots, we have to be quiet until we’re away from the house. Here’s a trick I picked up. When you’re walking, place your first hoof forward on the ground, but don’t stomp, then shift your weight to it as smoothly as you can. Do that with every step. I’ve only got two legs, but it should still apply to you and mom. Here, let me show you.” I carefully stepped as I had instructed her, crouching and moving slowly, but with almost no sound. “It’s slower, but even if you’re walking on sticks, you’ll make a lot less noise. I know you can do this because I’ve seen how graceful you are,” Scootaloo blushed, “and it should be easy for you.”

I looked behind and above me. There I saw Dash with a loving smile, looking down on us, like an approving angel. With that, we all moved in silence to the path between Sweet Apple Acres and Fluttershy’s cottage.

Once we were far enough away that we were out of sight, we started walking together at a brisk pace. I figured we could all use a stretch like this. I gave my back a little crack and started speaking. “So, Scootaloo, as you can see, Dash and I are getting married. I want you to know that tomorrow, no matter what, we’ll go see Miss Sweetheart and start the adoption process, just like we promised. We want you to be our daughter. I hope that’s okay.”

Scoots looked up at us questioningly with a hint of fear, “So, I can call you ‘mom’ and ‘dad’ now?”

I chuckled, “Only if I can call you ‘pumpkin’.”

“And only if I can call you ‘squirt’,” Dash added with that glorious, truly confident smirk.

Scootaloo grinned and tapped her chin in mock thought, “Well, I guess that’s ok, Mom and Dad. But,” a sly smirk grew on her face, “you know, everypony already calls me ‘squirt’, Mom,” she suddenly threw a hug around Dash, “but yours is the only one that matters.” Dash’s expression softened, her eyes moistened, and she looked down on her new daughter lovingly.

I cheerfully call out, “Group hug.” and both girls run into me, wings, arms and forelegs all wrapped together. I spoke, my voice thick with emotion, “I am so lucky to have you both in my life.” This only promoted stronger hugs and a choked chuckling on my part. We were a family in every way that mattered. We just needed the paperwork to back it up. We soon continued, the girls at a leisurely pace, for them, and a brisk walk for me.

“So, as soon as we can, we’ll get permission for you to move in. I have a few surprises for you, but you’ll have to wait until then.”

She started buzzing excitedly, “What is it? What is it?”

I chuckled, “Good things come to those who wait, pumpkin.”

Dash ruffled Scootaloo’s mane, “He went through a lot of trouble for it, squirt,” Dash chuckled, “and when you’re older we’ll tell you all about it.”

The young filly rolled her eyes with a smirk, “Aww. Okay, I guess I should obey the authority figures.” We all laughed. I couldn’t help but think, ‘She has the same smirk as Dash, her Mom now. Brave, bold, and strong.’

Scootaloo looked up at us, “So, I’ve got to know. How did you guys meet? Fighting dragons? Tricking Diamond Dogs? Shopping for carrots? I bet it was bad-flank...” She suddenly looked embarrassed and became very meek, “Sorry. I didn’t mean to use bad language.”

Dash snorted, “Don’t worry about it, squirt. We know you’re a good kid.” Dash looks up at me with a sweet smile and a bit of a smirk, “And as a matter of fact, it was bad-flank.”

“Your mom’s right.” Scoots brightened at that, “That language was appropriate to the situation, it was totally bad-ass.” Scoots looked a little confused, “That’s the human version of bad-flank. Smaller but more concentrated awesome.” This elicited a round of snickers.

Dash continued, her voice growing excited, “We met along this road actually, right back there. Your dad was walking along with Fluttershy and I’d never seen a human before, so I thought he was some kind of cute Diamond Dog.” Dash bumps me with her shoulder while Scootaloo rolls her eyes and makes a gagging face. “Anyway, I knew Diamond Dogs were bad news, so I charged at him to give Fluttershy a chance to escape.”

I interrupted, “Hey, your mom did the smart thing in that situation. She clobbered me from behind.”

Our little orange audience was buzzing with excitement, “Oh wow, I’ll bet that hurt.”

I cracked my back, “Yup, my back still hurts. Sorry to interrupt.”

Dash chuckled warmly, “Anyway, I slammed him to the ground and pinned him there, or so I thought. We were both worried about Fluttershy, so we both yelled at her to run away at the same time. That’s when he elbowed me in the side and knocked the wind out of me, not that anyone except you two will ever know that, and he rolled away.”

“That’s when we stood there, like two old west gunfighters,” The girls looked confused, “Um,” I looked at Dash, “Help me out, Dash. Any time in your history where ponies regularly settled differences like—” I stopped in mid-sentence and quickly held my hand up and open, a symbol I hoped they would understand. I was sure I heard the characteristic subsonic growl of a large animal. I thanked Luna for my enhanced senses and peered around the tree line.

Looking over my left shoulder, I saw the outline of a massive creature that made my blood run cold. The exact dimensions were hard to judge, but the body looked to be three meters long. The shadows and shrubbery obscured most of the details. As I slowly drew my knife I issued a command, NON.LETHAL.COMBAT.MODE. I then glanced at my two loved ones and designated them as friends, just to be safe. The blade sank into the knuckle guard, and several short spikes grew all around the edge—small arcs of electrical discharge played over the tips of the little spikes. I wanted to be able to stop this thing without killing it. ‘Anyway, killing things means they need to be remembered, and I really don’t want to start that again. Not here. Not now.’

In a sudden and totally unexpected action, there was a dark purple flash, almost like the afterimage of a lightning strike, blinding us all for a split second. I felt the telltale burst of air a teleporting body creates from displacing the air in the location it is materializing in. My body reacted before I had time to understand, and I instinctively threw myself over Dash and Scoots, unceremoniously knocking them to the ground. I had the wind knocked out of me and I felt something fly past my head and back again. Just as suddenly, there was another flash and the dull pop of air filling a vacuum. The creature had teleported again. This frightened me far more than the thought of a three-meter animal simply attacking us.

Dash and Scoots were both shaking their heads, their vision obviously impaired and still stunned at being knocked to the ground. I smiled a little at Scootaloo. I was so proud of how she was handling herself. I could see the fear in her expression and body language, but she kept quiet.

I whispered, “Dash, you take Scoots straight up, as fast and as hard as you can. Take Scoots somewhere safe and get Twilight or Fluttershy. I’ll keep this thing busy and away from Ponyville. When I say the word, you get her out of here.”

Dash, also following the creature with her eyes, spoke angrily at me, “Alex Roberts, I will not leave you alone with a popping cat.”

The creature snarled and skulked out of the shadows, coming closer to us. In the dim light of the evening twilight, I could see the monstrosity in more detail. The huge panther-like creature with six legs was frightening enough, but it also had an even more unusual feature, two long tentacles sprouting from the front shoulders, tipped by a cluster of vicious-looking barbs. I muttered a small thankful prayer to Luna for the limitations of this creature's teleportation abilities.

I begged, “Dash, there is no way you can take off fast enough with both of us.”

Scootaloo whimpered, “Dad?”

I touched Scootaloo’s cheek, “It’s going to be okay, sweetheart. Your old man has everything under control.” With growing fear for the safety of my loved ones, “Please Dash. I’m begging you, do as I say. I’ll be fine. Just... go.”

She glanced at me for a moment, fear and determination in her eyes. She carefully picked up Scoots , “I love you, you stupid ape. Stay safe.”

My eyes flicked to her, and my lips curled into a small smile. “I love you both, now get out of here.” I took a deep breath, “On three. One... two... THREE!” I burst forward with a primal scream, letting all my ape ancestors voice their fears and anger. The beast’s head snapped between looking up at Dash and down at me until he decided I was the easier meal.

I shifted my direction, running away from Ponyville, away from Dash and Scoots, and toward the Everfree Forest. I glanced up and saw Dash carrying Scootaloo already high in the sky, heading toward Ponyville. With my loved ones safe, I gritted my teeth and yelled out, “Hey, you ugly son of a bitch! Come and get me!”

I could hear the odd asymmetrical thumping a six-legged creature makes while running. ‘Okay, the more legs, the slower they are because it’s harder to coordinate all those legs. Now, what did that old bastard say when fighting teleporting creatures? Shit, shit, shit, gah! Oh, yeah, right! Stick to areas with lots of undergrowth or obstructions. They usually can’t teleport safely, and it’s easier to find cover.’ I looked around desperately, ‘Toward the forest. It has trees, maybe tree stumps and fallen logs. That will have to do.’ I pressed myself even harder to get to the relative safety of the forest.

I suddenly caught a reflection of the afterimage flash from behind and immediately dived to the ground. This was followed by the rush of air and a dull thud, right behind my head. I quickly turned and saw one of the huge clawed paws. I could smell its breath. I rolled and threw a punch straight up, as I sent the command HALF.DISCHARGE. My blow landed squarely on its sternum and I was almost blinded by the electrical discharge. There was another afterimage flash, and I took the opportunity to scramble the last twenty meters or so to the tree line.

‘Holy shit! That was enough juice to stun a bull elephant. I think I just pissed it off.’ A beautiful angelic voice, elven to be specific, spoke in my mind, “Half discharged. Fifteen heartbeats until two-thirds charge available. Sixty heartbeats until fully charged.” So, about forty-five seconds until it has what might be an effective charge and about three minutes for a full charge. I hope they get here before then. I could use the help.

Breathing heavily, I peered around, looking for any telltale signs of that nightmare. My heart was pounding in my ears, making hearing difficult. I used my breathing exercises to calm myself, but it was no use. I knew it only took it about thirty seconds to recharge, based on its pattern so far, and that was any second now. I knew hitting it with a half charge was a waste of time. I needed that full charge. ‘Three minutes is a very long time.’

The other rule when fighting this kind of creature is to keep moving. Sitting still means it can plan its next move. As I start running in a random direction, I hear that subsonic growl of something to my left. I immediately turn right, diving between two pine trees. ‘I can’t afford to give it anything but a hard time.’ As I ran, I started doing sharp turns at random, always trying to pick my next path with at least one or two spots to rabbit in or hide behind.

I had enough time to register that afterimage flash, and then there was an impact to my left arm, slamming it against my chest, and knocking the wind out of me. I could feel my body being lifted up. This was followed by a moment of weightlessness, a sudden impact, and blackness.

34 - Ethical Equations

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My eyes snapped open from the pain of my arm being crushed and gouged. I looked to my left to see the thing's middle paw crushing and its claws digging into my bicep. In a moment of dispassionate and lucid thought, “Huh. That feels like about five hundred kilos.” That didn't last long, and it only took a moment to assess my perilous situation fully. I was pinned to the ground by my left arm, my legs and belly exposed to the creature's dripping maw, and my head between its middle and hind legs.

I desperately tried to remember the lessons about fighting larger animals. The only thing I could remember was, 'slit the belly.' The beast reared back to rip me to shreds and I panicked. My mind screamed FULL.COMBAT.MODE. The blade shot out to its full length; razor sharp, continually adapting and adjusting to produce the deepest, most grievous cut. In a single desperate slash, I slit its belly open. A torrent of blood and gore poured out. It roared in pain and took a few staggering steps, grinding my arm further in the process, until it finally collapsed in a boneless heap.

I dragged myself to my feet and stumbled to my fallen foe. I stood over the body, my heart pounding in my ears, my left arm screaming in pain. I could see its eyes fluttering, the blood and ichor still dripping from its open belly. I crouched beside its head and stroked its rough fur.

“Please forgive me for taking your life. If I had been a little smarter, a little faster, a little better, I could have done otherwise. I promise you, I will do the decent thing and treat your body with dignity.” With a heavy heart, I take a moment to put it out of its misery. I then stagger a few steps and drop onto a fallen tree log in exhaustion. I was tired and sore; all I wanted was a hot shower, a warm bed, and a soft wing around me to forget this horrible evening.

Still breathing hard, I heard some rustling behind me, followed by rushed steps and a warm embrace. I could hear the fear and relief in Dash's voice.

“I was so worried.” She kissed my dirty face, not caring about the filth, “Thank Celestia you're still alive. What—”

I snapped back to reality, realizing I only had one thing on my mind. In a panicked voice, I asked Dash, “Scoots! Is she alright? Did... did you get her to safety?” I gently pushed Dash away and started examining her sky-blue coat and feathers. It was hard to tell if she had been injured because she was covered in the same gore I was. I spoke softly, shakily, “My god... were you hurt?”

“She's fine. I'm fine. Both thanks to you. What...” She trailed off as she looked around and seemed to see the carnage for the first time. She continued softly, “What happened?”

Before I could answer, I heard weeping. I looked around and saw it was Fluttershy. My heart sank. She moved forward, her eyes on the popping cat.

“You killed her, Alex. Why?” She hovers past me, tears streaming down her face as she gently closes the beast's eyes and suddenly gasps. “Look,” Fluttershy pointed to the teats, and for the first time I saw some kind of milky fluid seeping, “she was lactating. She has cubs, Alex. Somewhere out there, not too far.”

I spit out some of the gore that had made its way into my mouth. I was still buzzing from the adrenaline rush of the fight and wanted to snarl at her, but this was Fluttershy. I knew I had to keep a soft, even tone or it would upset her.

I spoke softly, my voice filled with grief, “I'm so very sorry Fluttershy. It... had me pinned. It was going to rip me apart. My instincts forced my hand and it was the only thing I could do. I... I wanted to see my family and friends again, Fluttershy. Please understand I—”

“I saw her wounds, Alex Roberts.” Her voice was harsh and I think she was on the edge of a full-blown 'Flutterage'. Dash had told me about them, and they were not a harmless bit of bad attitude as presented on the show. She was prone to violence and considering the strength difference, that could be deadly for me. “You weren't happy to simply hurt her very badly. No, you had to end her life. You had to go out of your way and,” she spat out the last few words through gritted teeth, “Kill. Her.”

Dash spoke up in my defence, desperately trying to reason with her friend, “Fluttershy, that's not fair. Look at that belly.” Fluttershy's eyes flicked from Dash to the cooling corpse, “Look at it. Unless we could have flown a vet here with us with surgical equipment, you know darn well it would have—”

“He should have known better, Rainbow Dash. You always said he's a high and mighty adventurer over a hundred years old, and he's oh so wise. Surely the mighty Alex Roberts should know how to handle a dangerous animal without killing it.” Fluttershy turned her glare at me again, “Unless he wanted to kill it, to feed his bloodlust. I'll bet he planned the whole thing. I'll bet he—”

I was getting sick of Fluttershy's holier-than-thou attitude. I looked at the ground, spitting out more gore and composing myself.

Looking up at Fluttershy, I involuntarily raised my voice, “I'm very sorry I had to kill it, I really am, but if killing this animal means Dash or Scootaloo, or any pony for that matter, stays safe, then I'll do it again and not lose a single solitary second of sleep.”

I tried to stand, but I stumbled and fell. I grimaced, gripping my injured arm, and stood back up. Dash came to my side, but I brushed her away before she could do anything. I realized she was just standing there, looking at me, her face a picture of pained confusion.

In that moment of silence, I glanced at the pink-maned pegasus only to find her glaring at me, anger the clear emotion she was projecting. She charged up to me, actually shoving Dash out of the way, getting nose to snout with me, almost pushing me back to the ground.

“How can you say something like that?” She turned to Dash, despair in her voice, “How can you be in love with something like him? He's worse than Gilda!” She turned back to me, pushing her hoof on my chest, shoving me to the ground, “You meenie, you brute, you... you... you monster!”

I finally lost my temper. With all that adrenaline still in my system, I simply lost control. I easily slapped her hoof off my chest, “First, take your fucking hoof off me before I remove it permanently. Second, what the hell do you know about monsters? Real monsters! Huh?” I sneered at her damn naivete, the increasingly sickening innocence of this whole damn world.

“Well, let me tell you a little story about some real monsters called the Illithid. They're slavers, not in the simple way Diamond Dogs are. These monsters enslave your mind. But not in the nice tidy way like a Need-It-Want-It spell. Do you know what they do?” I looked at her, holding her glare, “Of course you don't. They bite into your skull, right about here,“ I indicated the top back of my head, “and they remove a little piece of your brain and replace it with one of their larvae. Do you know how I know this? Well, let me tell you about the last five minutes in the life of Essak the candlestick maker.”

“He was a friend, an ally really, but that's just semantics. He was my friend, and he had promised to find a quiet, out-of-way spot for me to jump. I said I would give him all the grots I had. Hell, I didn't need them anymore, and he was my pal and he could use them for his family. So, when we get to the spot, we hear a patrol coming our way. Essak was as surprised as I was, so he got me to hide in a small outcropping. It wasn't much, but it was enough to hide me. He stood out there and started talking.”

“Do you want to know when you know you're dealing with monsters? It's while you're hiding in terror, soiling yourself, hoping they don't look in your hiding spot, thinking how happy you are they're killing your friend instead of you. You watch as it takes your friend and gnaws through their skull.” I moaned in grief at the memory and it took a moment for me to compose myself enough to continue, tears streaming down my cheeks. “And for a split second, before the larva takes over, Essak made eye contact with me, his eye begging me to do something, anything. And there's not a goddamn thing I could do to save him. But, there was one thing I could do to end the horror.”

My expression hardened, “A few moments before I jumped, I lept out to what was left of my friend and I stabbed him through the heart.” Fluttershy and Dash looked at me in slack-jawed horror, “It was all I could do for him. He died knowing he wouldn't be serving those abominations.” I pinched the bridge of my nose, collecting myself for a moment. “Those are monsters, Fluttershy. Those... are monsters.”

I stood unsteadily, but I was still full of rage. I thumped my chest, “Me? I'm just an ordinary guy, and I wanted to see my family again. I'm sorry, but there was no choice to make. Feed her cubs or see Dash and Scootaloo again? What would you have me do? If you were in my position, with my limitations, what the fuck would you have done?”

Fluttershy just glared at me for a moment. A small part of my mind was shocked at the rage I was directing at Fluttershy, but my voice of reason was silent, and I was in the haze of surviving a fight.

I knew it was wrong, but I continued, venting myself at that innocent creature, “Do you have any idea what kind of responsibility it is to take a life? Do you?”

In that moment of rage, I realized she was no longer fluttering in front of me, trying to intimidate me. I was standing over her, unsteady, spittle dripping from my mouth; my face contorted in fury. I looked down and saw my knife was still in full combat mode, the blade razor sharp, glowing from the dancing electrical discharge and hungrily twisting and turning, eager to cut and maim.

Dash spoke quietly but firmly, “Back off, Alex. You're scaring her.”

I dropped the knife and took a few steps away from Fluttershy, realizing she was cringing, her fearful expression mixed with indignation. I wiped a blood-covered arm across my mouth and spat out some of the gore that had made its way into it.

“Oh, god, Fluttershy, I...” I turned my head to Dash, pleading forgiveness, “Dash I... I... I'm sorry. I don't know what happened. I...” I dropped to my knees and wordlessly stared at the palm of my right hand. Just on the edge of my vision, I could make out that old stain of green blood over the blood and gore from the popping cat. I quickly look away from it. I wiped the tears from my eyes and turned to Fluttershy, our eyes locking, “I'm sorry I scared you, but I'm not sorry for killing this animal. If one more scar is the price to pay to keep my family, or anypony, safe, then I'll gladly pay it. God help me, but that's what I'll do.”

I could see the expression on Dash's face. She was caught between her oldest friend and her lover, loyal to both, unsure what to do. My heart went out to her, but there was nothing I could do.

Fluttershy's tears were flowing freely now, her voice full of sadness, “But how can you justify your actions? How?”

I took a deep breath to calm myself, but it was only marginally effective. My voice faltered as though I was trying to convince myself as much as her. “Easy. When she,” I pointed to the cooling corpse, “kills in the forest, do you chase her down and give her a stern talking to?” Fluttershy's expression changed to an incredulous scowl.

“No. She was just as ready to kill and eat me, Dash, Scootaloo, or you. She would have done so happily, knowing she was feeding her cubs. I, however, will have to live with regret and shame that I killed her. There will always be a little doubt that I could have done better, that I should have distracted her just a little longer. The point is, she was a predator, and predators eat meat. That means she needs to kill because unless I have been grievously misled, meat does not grow on trees.”

She started staring at me, her expressive eyes seemingly looking for a way to get into my soul. I think she was trying to use her famed 'stare' on me, but under the circumstances, it just looked silly. After a few moments, she realized it wasn't working and began crying in earnest. Her bottom lip was now quivering, her now impotent glare was full of anger, and maybe it now contained just a hint of disdain. I know Fluttershy was never comfortable around me, but now, she was outright disgusted by me. She finally turned, sobbing, flying back to her cottage.

Dash helped me stand, “I need to get this arm looked after. I'll be back tomorrow to bury her. Then I'll go looking for her cubs.”

Dash objected, “Listen, Alex, you need rest and time—”

“I'm not a monster, Dash. No matter what she may think, I'm not.” I sighed, “I took no pleasure in killing this animal, and I will do the decent thing and take care of it and the pups.” I groaned, pinching the bridge of my nose, “God, tonight has been an absolute cluster-fuck.”

“Alex I... I can't... I'm sorry...” Dash sat close, but not too close.

“I understand, Dash. I said I would love you no matter what, but I won't hold you to returning that. I know what I did was barbaric in your eyes, and I don't expect you to demean yourself by staying with me. I won't blame you if you... I think I...” I wept quietly. Dash was so close yet so completely beyond my reach.

Applejack was the first to arrive, fear and defiance in her voice, “Rainbow Dash! Is he alright? I saw Fluttershy leaven', bawling her head off. Don't tell me he's hurt or...”

I mumbled, “I'm fine little sister, just some bumps and bruises, maybe a broken arm.”

I heard Elusive exclaim, “Bucking moon, what happened to you, buddy?”

“I'll tell you later, and you're buying the drinks.”

There was a moment of silence, and I recognised Applejack by her unique scent, holding me, not too tight. “Oh, sugar cube, I was powerful worried about you.”

I felt another body and Elusive's voice, “Man, I was worried about losing my drinking buddy. Cuz, you know, that's the only reason I let you hang around me.”

I chuckled a little, despite myself, and he patted me on the back.

I could hear Beatrix's frantic, somewhat winded voice getting closer, “Please don't be hurt. Please don't be hurt. Oh dear Luna, please let him not be hurt. I never should have let him go for that walk. Luna said I needed to keep an eye on him. I knew I should have gone with him. This is all my fault-”

I was surprised to hear a familiar baritone rumble interrupt her, “Now don't fret yourself, Miss Beatrix. Alex is a cagey rascal, and he was fightin' for kin. He'll be fine.”

I could hear the worry in Beatrix's voice, and I was honestly touched, “Do you really think so?”

Big Mac's voice was confident and steady, “I knows it.”

I heard a sudden increase in the speed of hoofbeats, and I was fairly sure they were not from Big Macintosh. I suddenly felt another warm body wrap its forehooves around me, “Oh, thank Luna, you're alive. Princess Luna, I promise to start using my second name all the time from now on.” I felt a kiss on the back of my head, “Thank goodness you're alright.”

I felt a large, rough hoof on my shoulder, “I told you, Miss Beatrix. He'll be just fine.”

Finally, I heard the slightly out-of-breath voices of Twilight and Rarity.

Rarity's affected accent was almost forgotten, “Oh, that brave gallant knight risking his life to keep his loved ones safe. Rainbow Dash is such a lucky mare to have such a—”

“Fool. He was a fool, Rarity. I'm sure Rainbow Dash could have carried him and Scootaloo high enough and quickly enough to escape from that popping cat. He risked his life in a selfish act of bravado. He should be treasuring every moment, not- not living out some heroic fantasy.”

“Twilight, Alex is many things, but he is certainly not a fool. I don't think you—”

“Rarity, stop. You need to know something about Alex.” There was some whispering, a loud gasp, and a few more exchanged whisperings.

In a softer, more tender tone, “Twilight, in view of this new information, I feel what he did was even more noble. However, in deference to his wishes, I shall endeavour to treat him as I always have. Now, he does not seem to be seriously injured. Let us present ourselves in as ladylike a manner as possible.”

I sort of faded out at this point, answering questions in a simple monotone. Mac had insisted on carrying me, and seeing as I could barely stand, I gratefully accepted. I mumbled thanks as I tried to get on. I remember Beatrix and Rarity arguing who would lift me up and who would hold me in place on Mac's back. Beatrix won, saying Princess Luna had given me to her as her charge. I had three large gashes on my arm that would need a few stitches, various bruises and scrapes, and possibly a broken left arm. Someone had brought some first aid supplies and crudely bandaged my arm. Twilight, I think.

I don't recall the trip back to the hospital. I remember telling the doctor in the emergency room I was fairly sure it was a hairline fracture about halfway down the left humerus. The location and type of break were confirmed, and the rest of the procedure went as smoothly as possible. They cleaned me up enough to get the sling on and told me I could remove it for a short time. This meant I could have that hot shower once I got home and then see my little girl. All told it was less than two hours before I could leave.

During the whole thing, Dash didn't say much, but she did stay by my side and held my hand, especially during the stitching, as there were no painkillers available. I took a few willow bark tablets and bit on some tongue depressors. I thought I should visit Zecora and see if I can stock the hospital with a few basic medications.

All things considered, they were fast and efficient. The doctor said I could leave at any time, and we thanked him. When we were alone, I was quiet, processing everything that had happened, trying not to dwell on the growing self-hatred I felt, partially just from my painfully obvious limitations that showed themselves this evening, but mostly from angering and disgusting the Element of Kindness.

'I really am just a monster in this place. Maybe I've just been fooling myself the last few months.' And then it hit me. I whispered to Dash, “Fluttershy was right, a monster like me doesn't deserve your loyalty, let alone your love.”

Dash seemed confused, worried and surprisingly, she shifted slightly away from me. She's never shifted away from me. Never. I was sure she would say some comforting words like she always does. I could only look into her eyes in silence.

Finally, with a guarded tone, she spoke, “I... I love you, Alex, as Celestia is my witness, I love you with all my heart, but right now, I don't know if I can be with you...” It was impossible not to hear the sadness in her voice, “I... I'm so sorry, Alex. This is just too much, and I need some time to think.” Dash turned and quickly left the room.

In the echoing silence, I sat and stared at the door for I don't know how long. My trance was broken when there was a tentative knock, and the door opened a crack.

Beatrix poked her head in. Her voice was soft and maybe a little fearful, “Hey, boss. How are you doing? I see they have your foreleg in a sling.” She walked in and chuckled, “Not a big deal for a biped like you, I guess, but a royal pain for us though.” I gave a little chuckle at her joke, causing her to smile too.

“So, the doctor said you were ready to go half an hour ago, and we saw Rainbow Dash leave without saying a word. We were wondering what was up.” She came up and put that soft, smooth hoof on my arm, a twang of shame for enjoying her touch made me blush. “Are you okay? Do you need to talk? I know you don't really know me, but I'm happy to lend an ear.”

Still in shock, my voice was neutral, “I think Dash just left me.”

Beatrix sputtered, “Leave you? Why? I've never seen such a happy couple as you two. What happened?”

I collected my thoughts for a moment, looking at the floor. With my thoughts in order I explained myself, “From the moment Fluttershy arrived, she started hammering at me, asking me why I killed it, demanding explanations. I stayed calm, Bea. I was hurt and full of adrenaline. I wanted to lash out, but I stayed calm. And then what does Fluttershy do? She knocks me to the ground.”

“I lost it. I told her to keep her hooves off me and threatened to take them off if she didn't.” I shook my head at the recollection, “It went downhill from there. She called me a monster, and I told them what real monsters are like. They do things to your friends, and the only way to save them is to kill them. I...” faltering I continued after clearing my throat, “Anyway, that's what I think did it. I know, to anypony, I must be as monstrous as any Illithid.”

I looked up at Beatrix, expecting to see disgust. Instead, I saw compassion. She moved closer and placed her cheek against mine, holding me in a hug. She whispered sadly, “I don't know what happened to you or what you had to do, but I know you're a good person. Luna herself can see the good in you. If she's left you, then she's a fool.” She held me for a moment in silence, and I felt so grateful for a friend at that moment I put my arm around her.

My moment of comfort was broken by my sister's voice, “Woah nelly, I guess I should have knocked.”

Beatrix pulled away from me and seemed a little panicked, “What? Trixie has done nothing wrong here.” I wondered if she used her Trixie persona as a crutch when she was scared.

“Well, while you were holding him, your tail was higher than a feely* on nickel night.”

I sighed, “Am I missing something here?”

“Well, I don't blame you, sugar cube. It was Trixie here that was hugging you with her tail held high.”

Beatrix looked away, obviously embarrassed.

“So, what's the big deal? She lifted her tail...” I had a sudden realization, “Oh my god.” A lifted tail would be a sexual tell to a species with a tail. A really big, screaming to the heavens 'You're going to love me!' kind of tell. I pointed to Applejack, “You, and all those times we were alone, and Dash, and,” I did a quick mental inventory, “Rarity. Okay, that's everybody.” I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose, “Seriously, what's wrong with all you mares? Okay, look, what just happened does not leave this room, understand? Applejack, I just found out Dash may have left me, but keep that under your hat, please. And Beatrix was just comforting me. One friend to another. If she got a little excited, it was just an accident.”

I looked kindly at both of these warm mares, “This has been the worst night since I landed here, and the worst part is that I may have lost the person I love. I could really use a hug from my sister and my friend.”

Excerpt from Applejack's Diary

In some ways, it was worse than we imagined. Alex was sitting on an old stump, covered in blood, crying. Dash wasn't holding him or comforting him at all. She was just sitting close by, her back to him.

I was so mad at the so-called Element of Loyalty for abandoning her stallion that I walked right up to him and held him. Elusive followed suit, then that hussy Beatrix, even Big Mac put a hoof on his shoulder. We didn't hold on to him too tight, seeing as he had a hurt arm and all, but we did help him up and get him to the hospital.

Everyone except me, Elusive, Big Mac, and Beatrix left. While we were waiting, Dash came out and gave me a sign that she wanted to talk in private. Bea and Mac was talking in the corner, so I sent my Elusive to get some coffee. He's real sweet and I think he knew we needed some private time because he said it may take a while, maybe half an hour. Then he quickly added, "Or, it can be faster or slower if you want it to be." He made me chuckle at his consideration, and I said a half hour would be fine.

Me and Dash found a quiet spot, and as soon as the door was closed, Dash started to cry before it had even stopped swinging.

"It was terrible. He killed it without a second thought. I told him, right there, AJ. I told him I didn't want to stay with him. I couldn't even make myself hold him and comfort him, AJ. I told him I didn't want to be with him tonight, and I didn't know when I would be ready."

Then, R.D. did something I have never seen her do, she cried and sobbed like a foal. "I don't want it to be Gilda all over again. He's not like her, AJ. He's warm and kind, and... and good, but he's got that same wild, dangerous animal inside of him. He can be so cold-blooded, just like when he cut the cat's throat and then yelled at Flutters for being upset with him. I don't want to deal with that kind of stuff again. Not again."

R.D. carried on a while more, but all I could think about was that she may not love him anymore. In fact, I couldn't even bring myself to say anything in his defence, like... like I wanted their relationship to fail.

The only thing I could say was that she should follow her heart. She took off right then and there.

After we got word from the doc that he was patched up and could leave any time, he didn't come out of the treatment room. Beatrix had said Princess Luna told her to keep an eye on him, so after about half an hour, she went in to check on him.

She didn't come out for a few minutes, so I went to see what in tarnation was going on. I got in there, and for a split second, I thought I was in the wrong room and had walked into a couple make'n hay. The Beatrix hussy was holding her tail high enough that I got an eyeful of her privates.

Well, Alex being Alex, he smoothed everything over, and we both held him for a few minutes. The Beatrix isn't all that bad.

I'll finish this up tomorrow.

Signed,
Tired from a long night.

P.S.

On the way home, after Alex did what he wanted to do, I had a thought catch me completely by surprise. 'If Dash don't want him, I'll take him.' I wanted to track her down and tell her to forget about him and find somepony else, anypony else, go back to Gilda, anything for me to try him again. I shouldn't be thinking this: I have a wonderful special friend, Elusive. I love him, don't I? Alex is just a brother, nothing more, right? Am I lying to myself about one or the other? I'm not, am I? I'm the Element of Honesty, I should know when I'm lying. I am truly ashamed and hate myself for thinking such thoughts.

* A feely is slang for a kind of pony prostitute who lets stallions touch her cutie mark for cash. A place where they ply their trade is called a touchy house. A stallion might say "I'm going to the touchy-feely tonight".

35 - Unexpected Meetings

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As Bea and AJ finished the group hug, I announced my plans, “Alright, guys, now I just want to get cleaned up and see my daughter.”

Applejack looked at me with motherly concern, “You sure about that, hon’? Scootaloo can wait until morning.”

Bea shared an expression of worry and concern, “I agree. Rainbow told me about that child and she sounds like a strong little filly. She will survive until morning. You really need to get some rest.”

I had a small smile and looked at them in turn, “Thank you for your advice. I will take it all into consideration.” I touched my lips with my fingertips, turned my eyes to the ceiling then looked at my friends again, “I’m afraid I have to see her. I’m just not strong enough to wait. I... I need to see my daughter.” They both sighed, rolled their eyes, and gave each other knowing looks.

Big Mac carried me to my house, again with no argument from me. Twilight and Beatrix took turns supporting me and Applejack walked beside us. I could see worry painted on Twilight’s face, more so than I thought the situation warranted.

“Hey Twilight, penny for your thoughts?”

She looked up as if startled then gave me a tired smile, “Oh, no big deal. It's probably just me worrying about nothing, as usual.”

“Come on Twilight, tell your old uncle Alex.”

Twilight laughed, “Until I can run some blood tests to confirm, I would rather not say.” Her voice became a little manic and ended in a sing-song, “I don’t want to drive anypony crazy.”

I chuckled, hoping she was just joking, but I did notice Applejack gave Twilight a worried glance. I tried to lighten the mood a little, “I just want to confirm that we’re using little tiny baby needles next time, right?”

Twilight chuckled a tiny bit more maniacally than I would have liked, “Yes, wittle Alex-y W-alex-y will have his itty bitty baby needles.”

I wanted to defuse this bit of madness I accidentally started before it got out of hand. “Twilight, I have complete faith in you. I know you didn’t know how weak my cowardly skin-”

Applejack scowled at me. “Now you hush about that. You’re braver than anypony should ever have to be.” She muttered under her breath, “Braver than that traitor Rainbow Dash deserves. Why that disloyal featherbrain would run away when her stallion needs her the most is beyond me.”

I knew no one else heard her, but I needed to defend my Dash, even if what Applejack said was likely true. “The reason Dash isn’t here is because she needs time to internalize what happened tonight, Applejack. It happened before when she saw the scars on my back. What she saw tonight was horrible by human standards, I can only guess what it would be like by pony standards.”

Applejack gave me a friendly glare, “Rarity said you sometimes forget we’re adults, on account of that silly show.”

I dropped my head slightly, “That is true, my dear Applejack. Thank you for kindly reminding your foolish older brother. The monkey one, to be specific.” I could feel a subsonic chuckle from Mac.

We finally got to my cottage, most of us in quiet cheer. I was hopeful Dash was only reacting as she did with my scars. No point in fretting over something I have no control over. As I limped my way up the back steps, Beatrix was right behind me.

I stopped cold, and she almost bumped into me, “Whoa there, Miss Beatrix. Where do you think you’re going?”

Beatrix tilted her head slightly and spoke to me as if I were a young, dull child, “I was coming in to help you with that shower.”

“Like hell, you...” I stopped, closed my eyes for a moment to centre myself, then smiled a little and started again, “I mean, while I truly appreciate all the help you’ve given me so far and will be giving me after this, I don’t feel comfortable with getting help from a beautiful mare while I’m buck naked. So, if Applejack can spare Elusive for a few minutes...”

“Is it the scars, boss? They can’t be all that bad, and anyway, I’m a big filly. I can handle anything.”

“That’s part of it, but it’s mostly the nudity taboo.” I sighed, “Applejack, can you explain it to her while Elusive gives me a hand... hoof... horn... whatever.”

Applejack chuckles, “You see, sugar cube, Alex’s people wear clothes all the time.” She continued her explanation to a curious Beatrix while Elusive helped me in.

Before the door closed, I turned and said, “Mac, when I’m done, you should come have a quick shower to clean the mess off your back. Sorry about that.”

Mac answered in his usual verbose manner, “Thank you kindly.”

As Elusive helped me to the bathroom, he voiced his opinion, “I don’t know, buddy, that Beatrix is a hottie and if Dash is out of the picture...” I glared at him for a moment. “Hey, I’m not saying you guys are splitsville, but, and I say this only to be informative, not to be a jerk, but Rainbow Dash has a bit of a reputation. She doesn’t stay with any one stallion, mare, or gryphon for very long. Hey, I hope I’m wrong, and you guys gallop into the sunset together, know what I mean? But under the current circumstances, well, if I was in your hooves, I wouldn’t be opposed to having Beatrix lather me up. Not me mind you. I’ve got Applejack. She’s all the mare I can handle.”

“While I appreciate your candour, I have no doubts Dash will be back. I know her past has been very different from mine in almost every way, but I really don’t care. I’m still not sure what she finds so special about me, but I do know I love her with everything I’ve got. I know you’re trying to be helpful. You wouldn’t be a friend if you didn’t. But please understand, that’s the past. I understand her, Elusive. Well, enough to know she cares about me. Deep down. Most folks get that once in their life. I got it twice.” I stared into space for a moment and chuckled as we got to the bathroom door. “Anyway, let's get me showered up. Oh, and a heads up. The scars on the back are bad, really bad. You should brace yourself.”

“I’ve seen some of the scars on the sides of your barrel and your shoulders. Are those them?”

“That’s the edge of them, yes. Ever notice that whenever I had my shirt off I would always face you? I never turned my back on you. Well, you’ll see why.”

In the washroom, I managed to take my dirty, damaged clothes off with a minimum of embarrassment and placed them in the garbage. I thought wearily, ‘I’ll burn them in the fireplace later. Damn, I liked that shirt. Guess that means more business for you, Elusive.’

Elusive spoke cheerfully, “Alright, Alex, let’s get you cleaned up.”

Still facing him, I saw the blue glow surrounding his horn and a look of concentration on his face. Feeling lighter and supported, I made my way to the tub and started the shower. The bandages were water-resistant, so I was able to remove the sling and wash all around it. When my left arm straightened and had to support its own weight, I grunted in pain. The stitches pulled, and my upper arm ached. Once the water was nice and warm, I gingerly turned and stepped into the tub.

At the moment, I had one foot in the tub and one foot out of the tub. Elusive, I assume shocked by what he saw, dropped his telekinetic hold on me. With the sudden loss of support, I dropped like a stone, hitting myself on the ice-cold porcelain.

Elusive called out, grabbed me again, and lifted me back up. “Alex, I don’t know what happened. Are you okay?”

I grunted out an answer, “Yes, I’m fine. I really didn’t need my balls anyway.”

“I just got surprised, that’s all. I’m okay now. Won’t happen again.” The hot water flowed over my body, relaxing my muscles, Elusive made a comment, “So, those scars. Nasty. Where did you get them?”

“One day, I’ll tell you about Garat, son of Sinabi, but not tonight and not without a lot more alcohol in my system.”

“Subject dropped, oh mighty Paladin of Luna.”

We continue without much further comment. While I wash my hair, one-handed, Elusive just worried about holding me up, deftly catching me when I slipped. He helped me get dried off with a minimum of embarrassment.

As I resigned myself to climb the stairs, Elusive spoke, “Where are you going?”

“Upstairs to get clothes. That,” I gestured at the ruined clothes in the trash, “is way too dirty and damaged to wear again.”

Elusive rolled his eyes and spoke in his designer voice, “Nonsense, my fine human friend. Let the master do his magic.” So, I sat on a stool and let my tailor friend do what he did best.

He closed his eyes, and the clothes lifted from the trash basket. They swirled around in a tiny whirlwind, the blood, gore, and dirt forming a vile flying shell. This disgusting crust separated itself from the spinning mass and gently dropped into the toilet. I glanced at Elusive, and I could see beads of sweat on his brow, his eyes shut tightly in concentration. My attention returned to the mass of now clean whirling clothes. They slowed, hanging in the air and forming themselves into the shape of my body. All the rips and tears began to glow brightly and knit themselves shut, seemingly on their own. Once all the damage was repaired, the clothes folded themselves neatly and landed on the side of the vanity.

Elusive let out a long breath, “And that, ladies and gentlecolts, is why Elusive washes by hoof. It's slower but a lot less effort. Anyway, I still feel bad about dropping you on your colts.”

Now clean and dressed, we returned outside. I sat on the step with a grunt. “Big Mac, the shower’s free. Get that crap off your back. I imagine the smell must be driving you all a little buggy.”

Big Macintosh rumbled, “Thank ya kindly. The stink was getting to be a bit much.”

Once he was inside, I decided to be a good host. “If anybody wants a drink or a snack, you’re welcome to raid my fridge. I’m afraid I’m not much of a host right now, so you’re on your own.”

“Shoot, hon’, don’t you fret about us. I know where everything is.” Applejack gave Elusive a bit of a ‘come hither’ smile, “Come on, Elusive. After all that hard work you deserve a treat.” Elusive happily cantered behind Applejack, smiling from ear to ear.

After a few long minutes, Applejack and Elusive came back out, with Elusive hovering over a tray of drinks and sporting a huge smile and Applejack with a bit of a blush. In short order, my little brother came back out, clean as a whistle, the stench of blood completely gone.

With Bea and Twilight’s help I slowly climbed back on Mac. It was only a twenty-minute or so walk, at Mac’s speed, to the orphanage. Just before we got into sight of the building, I spoke up. “Hold up, Mac. I don’t want Scootaloo to see me like some invalid. I want to walk the last bit. I want her to see her dad walk up to her on his own two feet.”

There was a chorus of disagreements, but I spoke firmly, “This wasn’t a request. I was telling you what I was doing.” I grunted, pushing against the telekinetic fields that Beatrix used to hold me in place. She relented, carefully lifting and guiding my limbs.

Beatrix sighed, “Applejack, is he always this stubborn?”

Applejack chuckled warmly, “Shoot, I’ve never known him any other way.”

Beatrix snorted, “Fine then. At least let me provide some discreet support. I promise you, no pony will see anything.” She smiled, and her voice changed slightly, “The Great and Powerful Trixie is, after all, the greatest illusionist in all of Equestria.”

I gave her a half smile, “How can I possibly say no to the Great and Powerful Trixie?” She gave me a self-satisfied smirk, and her horn glowed. I gradually felt like I was wearing a snug body stocking on my legs and torso. I felt lighter and more stable. I simply said, “Thank you.”

I noticed Applejack was giving Beatrix an appraising look. Her expression went from probing to a slight smile and a small nod. I was happy to see Beatrix had passed whatever test Applejack had set before her. I was growing quite fond of Beatrix and her Trixie persona.

Prepared with invisible support and with my entourage close by, I turned the corner. I could see Scootaloo on the porch, her little ears pressed down, abject sadness and worry on her face. Miss Sweetheart was sitting by her side, comforting her.

I gave a sharp whistle, careful not to make it a wolf whistle. It was just a nice high-pitched sound that would get her attention.

Scootaloo's head snapped up, a wide grin plastered on her face. She bolted towards me at full speed, all the while calling out, “Dad! Dad!”

I carefully lowered myself to my knee and held my good arm out. Beatrix thoughtfully made some padding for the knee on the ground. When she got to me, all she did was snuggle into my chest. All I could do in response was to hold her tightly, the tears of joy seeping through my eyelids. My body shuddered in relief with each wave of joy. I could only speak the comforting words my parents had used with me and that I had used with my human children, “Tout ira bien, ma petite, ton papa est là.”

She looked up at me with curious eyes, “What does that mean, dad?”

“It means everything will be alright, pumpkin.”

She looked behind me, looked up, then back at me, “Where’s R... Mom?” I could hear panic and fear rising in her voice, “She’s not hurt or d—”

I interrupted her before she could work herself up, “She had some stuff to take care of, that’s all. All you need to know is that she’s just fine.” I turned my head and was taken aback by the look of disappointment in Applejack’s eyes. When I turned back to Scootaloo, I think she suspected there was more to it, but she was so happy to know we were both alright she didn’t pursue it.

She scanned me up and down and asked, “So, what happened to your foreleg?”

I shrugged, “The popping cat kind of stepped on it, hurt me a little, but not too bad. I’ll need the sling for a few weeks, and the stitches will come out next week.

“What... what happened to the popping cat?”

I had already lied about Dash, and I just couldn’t do it again. Anyway, I knew this would get out sooner or later, so I decided to simply tell her the truth. I licked my lips before answering, “I tried to keep it busy until Miss Fluttershy or Miss Twilight could get there to take care of it properly, but I messed up. It had me pinned, and I had no choice but to kill it. I’m not proud of that, and I hope you don’t think less of me because of it.”

Then, that amazing little girl said the most incredible thing. Quietly, almost in a whisper, “I know you tried your best, and that’s all anyone can do. I also know you feel bad about it, but you shouldn’t. You were in a bad situation, and there was nothing different you could have done. I’m just happy you’re not badly hurt.”

I looked at my daughter, love filling my heart, my eyes wet, and then all I could do was hold her tightly. I whispered, “Thank you.”

After a few moments, I sniffed and pulled away, “Alright young lady, I think it’s way past your bedtime. Miss Sweetheart is waiting for you, and I’ll see you tomorrow, okay?”

She smiled brightly, breaking my heart again, “You bet, Dad!” She lept up and kissed my cheek, then ran off back to Miss Sweetheart.

I returned to the group, waving to Scootaloo one last time before I turned the corner. I then promptly collapsed against the wall and was immediately helped by Elusive and Beatrix.

“Applejack, I know you think I should have told Scootaloo everything, but right now, all she needs to know is that we’re both safe.”

Applejack cocked her hat back, “That may be so, but I still think you should have told that filly the truth.”

I grunted as I stood, “Well, what did you want me to say, Applejack?”

She pointed a hoof at me accusingly, “I wanted my adopted brother to tell the truth to his adopted daughter.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose, “You wanted me to tell her that her new Mom went crazy? That she pissed off as soon as things got complicated? What happened tonight is tearing me up inside Applejack.” I put my head against the cool wall of the building, “I’m still wondering if it might have been better for me not to survive if only to give that filly a chance with Dash and not disgust Fluttershy.” I punched the wall and spat out, “Damn it.”

I heard a few steps and a distinct voice, “Boss, look at me.” I didn’t budge. “Alex, I said look at me.” I reluctantly turned and saw Beatrix was almost snout to nose with me. “Get your head out from between your flanks and think about what you have, what you would have lost. You have friends and family who love you, and you would have missed out on watching that fabulous little filly grow up. And worst of all, you never would have had a chance to make up with Rainbow Dash. I’ve seen a lot of couples who say they’re in love, but you two... you two radiate it. You fought for their flanks. Now fight for their hearts.”

I looked into her eyes and could only see fierce determination. I slowly put my hand on her cheek, then hugged her. “Thank you, Beatrix. I’ll be forever in your debt for what you did for me tonight.”

I straightened and turned to face the worried crowd, “Okay, I had my moment of weakness. I want to thank you all for helping me. I owe you all a great debt for your actions tonight. Now, I need to get home to rest and do the right thing.”

Mac was the first to respond, “Climb on, big brother. We’ll be back in the morning to sort things out.”

We finally made it back to the cottage. I thanked everyone for their kindness and was escorted up the stairs by Applejack and Elusive. Elusive supported me as I lay in bed.

Once I was settled in, Applejack came beside my bed and gave me a kiss on my forehead. “I opened your balcony doors, sugar cube. Fresh air and a good night’s sleep help a body heal.”

Finally, once they were satisfied I was as comfortable as possible, they wished me goodnight and left. As I watched them step out of the room, I desperately thought, ‘Please don’t leave’. I wanted to ask, beg them to stay, but they obviously wanted to enjoy some time alone together. I resigned myself, ‘Who am I to mess up their plans more than I already have.’ The sounds of their hoof steps got quieter, the sound of the downstairs door opening and closing, and finally, the murmured sound of conversation faded. I was now left in the dark, quiet bedroom. I felt very alone.

After about an hour of effort, I still couldn’t sleep despite the physical exhaustion. The events of the evening were dancing in my mind, always putting themselves at the forefront of my thoughts when I relaxed my guard. Unable to take any more, I sat on the edge of my bed, my back to the open balcony doors, and I enjoyed the cold night breeze. With the warmth of Scootaloo’s hugs still fresh in my mind, I smiled, though perhaps a little bitterly because of the lie I told her.

I reached a decision and slowly reached for my knife on the bed stand. I drew it out of the sheath and spoke in a weak and shaky voice, “SAFETY.OFF”. My hand trembled as I moved the tip to my left forearm, about halfway between my wrist and elbow. There, a small neat row of twelve little scars. They were inconspicuous among the other little scars, but I knew what these ones meant. Each had a name and a story. Each was important to remember; a person, a life, a death, an event. Now, I would add another failure I needed to remember.

I prepared myself for the ritual of remembrance, a ritual I’ve already done twelve times, and now, I thought with a bitter chuckle, ‘Lucky thirteen.’ As I meditated on the breeze, on the smells, on the soft, smooth handle of my old friend, even on the pain of my injuries. My thoughts were interrupted when I heard the soft sound of a pegasus landing on the balcony.

I didn’t turn or open my eyes. I lifted the blade away from my skin ever so slightly and smiled with joy that the marking of my shame was interrupted. With a catch in my throat, I spoke quietly, “Rainbow Dash. I’m so glad you’re back. Thank you.”

A very meek, quiet voice answered, “I’m sorry, Alex, it’s Fluttershy.”

I lost my smile but stayed calm and kept my back to her. I put the knife back on the table, and I answered more tersely than I had wanted, “What can I help you with, Miss Fluttershy?”

She didn’t speak for a moment, so I spoke again a little louder, “So? What do you want?”

Her soft voice was difficult to hear, even with my senses. “I... I don’t know why I was so cruel. I was very upset at the death, but I understand why you did what you did. Even a bunny will fight to protect its family, and for you, Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo are your family. I don’t know why I didn’t see it. It was like I lost control, just like when that meanie Discord... hurt me.”

I turned to see her sitting in the double doors, her forehoof tracing a small circle. She seemed quite sad and sincere. ‘This universe runs off friendship and kindness. I would be the monster she accused me of being if I refused this olive branch.’

I lied a little, just to smooth things over, “Same goes for me. I guess it was a combination of adrenaline and high emotions for everyone. I haven’t been in that kind of situation since I got here. I mean a real, life-threatening emergency, fighting for my life. Believe me, I’m ashamed of what I did. I wonder if Scoots would be better off with a pony fa—”

“Oh, goodness, no. No, please don’t blame yourself. Things just spiralled out of control. I... I don’t blame you for what you did.” I could hear the delicate clopping of Fluttershy moving closer. I felt the bed shifting, and I think Fluttershy was sitting on the edge.

When she spoke, she was much closer, “You’re scary, you know. It’s not nice to say, and I don’t think you do it on purpose, but you’re scary. You looked so vulnerable, lying on that field of snow. But, when you stood, you were so tall, so wild-looking. And then you spoke. Your voice can be so harsh, so angry, and yet so full of fear. You’ve always frightened me.”

I thought for a few moments, “Yet, despite that fear, you were always so kind to me. I will always find that humbling.” I sniffed, my eyes getting moist. “Fluttershy, I’m thankful for your reminders to be kind. I’m always so worried about protecting, about helping others, that I forget to be kind. And because of that, Dash left me.” I felt the tears running down my cheeks, “She left because I’m a monster. All you did was point out the facts, and I thank you for that. As much as I love her, I don’t think I can get rid of that monstrous part of me.”

I heard a high-pitched gasp that was Fluttershy’s vocal signature. This was followed by the unmistakable voice of the coolest mare in Equestria, “You’re no monster, you big lug. I’m the jerk who bolted from my stallion at the first sign of trouble.”

36 - A Fresh Grave

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I turned a little less carefully than I intended, straining some of the pulled muscles. There, in the doorway, was the person I was convinced had left me, and rightly so. Her athletic body was outlined in Luna’s moon, yet I could only see her eyes. They were so sad, and I knew I was the cause. I was convinced of this fact. I tried to get up, to go to her, to be with her.

The tone of Dash’s voice held just a hint of anger, “Fluttershy? Are you here to yell at Alex some more?”

Fluttershy started protesting in her meek, gentle voice. The sound of her voice was almost imperceptible.

Dash cut her off, her voice with a tone of forced control. “Alex, you stay where you are, don’t hurt yourself, please. Fluttershy, I... I just need to talk to my fiance in private.” Her voice became quiet and frightened, “Assuming he still is.”

Fluttershy spoke a little more loudly, “Yes, but Rainbow, I have to tell you something.”

Dash dismissed her, “Fluttershy... just leave, alright?”

By this time I had repositioned myself on the bed so I could see both pegasi. “Dash, sweetheart, Fluttershy and I had a little talk and it’s okay. Fluttershy, can you come back in the morning, please? Can you help me do the right thing?”

She gave me a little beatific smile, “Of course.” She turned and walked to the balcony to make her way home, but before she left she turned back with that damned apologetic expression that made every fibre of my being want to protect her, “You know, Alex, on calm reflection, I just can’t understand why I was so angry at you.” She turned again, preparing to take flight. Unlike my Dash, Fluttershy took her time to position herself for takeoff.

My attention placed itself fully on my angel. I didn’t speak for a moment, staring at her, lost in her eyes. “Dash...” I blurted out the rest, knowing if I stopped I wouldn’t be able to say anything, “I was the one who caused this all to happen. I know it. I’m just so thankful you’re giving me another chance.”

Dash shouted at me, tears in her eyes, “Shut up Alex! For Celestia’s sake, just... shut up. It’s not always your fault!” As I cringed like a frightened child, I noticed Fluttershy had stopped and turned back to face us, her face painted with concern. Dash’s voice became pleading, begging, “Can you let me take the blame? Please? Because from where I’m standing, I ran away from you.”

I simply couldn’t understand why she was begging anything of me.

In that moment of stunned silence, the forgotten and delicate voice of Fluttershy sounded like a deafening roar, “Rainbow Dash? Um, did you feel a little like you did when Discord broke you? Because I did.”

Dash’s head snapped toward her friend, “What? I don’t know, maybe, a little. But why wouldn’t I? I was disloyal to my special somepony. I abandoned him when he needed me most, Fluttershy.” She stopped, obviously thinking hard about recent events. “Yeah, I guess I did feel like I did when... Discord... oh...” A look of horror crossed her face. She looked at Fluttershy, then looked at me. Suddenly she rushed forward, embracing me, tears in her eyes, “Oh Celestia, no! No! Discord is back, and he’ll mess with us, and I’ll lose you forever.” She was sobbing.

I stroked her mane and the soft fur of her neck. I forced myself to lift my injured arm to stroke her wing. I kissed the top of her snout and whispered, “Dash, no. I... no, please don’t, Dash. Please, you did nothing wrong. I’m just so happy you’re here.”

She turned her face to me and kissed me with a desperation, a hunger, that surprised me. She pulled away and looked into my eyes with all of the fierceness she was known for, “I don’t know why I took off. I don’t know why I left you. But I swear to Celestia I will never leave you again. Nothing will take me away from you. Nothing.”

I could only examine her face, her perfect eyes, and answer with a kiss. “You know, when you belted a princess to save me, any doubts I might have had about us were gone. That,” I wiped a tear from her eye, “and it was totally badass.”

I had a sudden thought, “I wonder if... shit. Twilight wanted more blood tests, and she mentioned something about chaos magic. I wonder if the three of us were affected by that. It sure as hell was chaotic; me getting angry and savage, Fluttershy acting like a heartless fiend...” I raised my hand and looked away, “sorry, I didn’t mean that.”

Fluttershy’s voice was so forgiving, “It’s alright Alex, that is exactly what I was.”

“And you,” I stroked Dash’s cheek, “my loyal angel, running away from me, from all of us.” I turned to our quiet friend, “Fluttershy, when this... this mess dropped on us, were you trying to use The Stare on me?”

“I... I think so, my memory is a little fuzzy, but I recall the frustration I felt when I just couldn’t find that place in my heart. I only use it to protect, to defend, never to hurt or punish, so that’s why it didn’t work.”

I let out a small, mirthless chuckle, “I thought I was so hard, so tough, that it didn’t work on me. Good to know never to get you mad when we’re not all crazy.”

Dash smiled at me, a look of pride beaming, “Sparkle’s got nothing on you for smarts.” She leans in, kissing me tenderly again.

Fluttershy’s meek little voice interrupted us, “I... think I’ll leave now. You look busy.”

Dash turned her gaze to her old friend, “Hey Fluttershy, are we, you know, okay?”

Fluttershy smiled at us angelically, “Yes, Rainbow, we’re good. I know what happened wasn’t anypony’s fault.”

We watched her leave, holding each other and smiling at our friend. Once she had left, we turned our attention to each other. I placed my hand on her cheek, “I was so afraid of losing you.”

Dash shuffled a little closer, put her head against my chest and started to cry. “I’m so sorry for... for being such a flank head. I never wanted to lose you or Scoots.”

“We’re still a family, angel. I made sure our little girl knew we were both okay. She doesn’t have to know about this. And, if my suspicions are right, it was that goddamn chaos magic that messed us up.” I stroked her mane then lifted her chin so I could look into her eyes, “As far as I’m concerned, it was something beyond our control, and it only proves how loyal you are.”

Dash tilted her head and looked at me questioningly.

I lovingly ran my fingers along her cheek, “If you were truly disloyal, you would have bolted as soon as you saw me. And, in retrospect, I can see how hard it was for you to stay. I can only imagine what it was like for you when the doctor was stitching my arm. You only left once you were sure I was okay, Dash, and not a second sooner. Even with a face full of chaos magic, you were so loyal. I’m so proud of you, humbled by you, and I love you with everything I’ve got.”

Dash sniffed and smiled sadly, “Rarity’s got some competition as the Element of Generosity.” She placed her head on my chest. “Mind if I stay with you tonight?”

“Nothing would make me happier.”

I started stirring at the smell of warm food but was fully awakened by the sound of my sister’s voice.

“Whoa nelly, what is that hussy traitor doing snuggled up to my brother?”

As I woke, trying to get myself focused on what was happening, Dash was awake in a flash. She leapt over me, throwing herself between me and Applejack.

“Back off, AJ! He’s hurt and doesn’t need any kind of excitement. He needs his rest.”

“Lollygagging in bed all day ain't gonna help him heal. And anyway, what rights do you have here? You dropped him like a hot potato as soon as he was patched up. Not exactly what I would call ‘loyal’, Rainbow.”

“Look, Alex thinks it had something to do with that chaos magic inside of him Twilight was talking about.” Dash paused for a moment, and then her tone became suspicious, “You didn’t feel anything weird yesterday, did you? Around the time you got close to Alex.”

“Well, um... er...”

Dash’s voice was pleading, “Come on AJ, if you did...”

Applejack’s voice was low and a little angry, “I did, alright. I was thinking that if you didn’t want him, I would take him. I know it’s wrong for a lot of reasons, but... I guess that would explain why I thought that.”

“Little sister, Dash did nothing wrong. I’m sure there was something... external going on. Twilight already has some suspicions, and now, we do too. So, are we all good?”

AJ gave Dash that critical look, the one that made me want to cringe a little. I noticed Dash didn’t even flinch. After a long second of this, AJ finally went and gave Dash a hug. “I’m powerful sorry I called you a hussy traitor.”

Dash sniffed, “You were just looking out for that big lug. I wouldn’t expect anything less from his sister and my best gal pal.”

I smirked, “Now that my two mare protectors have made up, how about we go downstairs and enjoy the good food I can smell.”

AJ gave that low chuckle, “Y’all can thank Bea for that. She made a mess of mighty fine vittles for breakfast. That girl cooks like an Apple.”

I smiled, “Looks like our new friend has hidden talents.”

“She sure does.” Applejack pulled her hat down a little, “Now, I think I'll be leaving you two lovebirds alone. Rainbow Dash, you take care of him, you hear.”

Dash gave her friend a subtle nod, “You can count on it, cowgirl.”

Applejack paused for the briefest moment; it was almost imperceptible if you didn’t know her, and in a soft tone I had never heard before, “I know I can, Rainbow.”

She turned and, with that half smile, headed down the stairs.

As I started getting out of bed, Dash was by my side. I waved her away, “No, Dash, I have to do this myself.”

She clicked her tongue, “Come on, stop being a tough stallion. You don’t have to impress me.”

I chuckled, “No, I just want to make sure I’m not hurt as badly as I’m afraid of.”

Dash grunted in frustration, “Fine, but I’m right beside you.”

I smiled at her lovingly, “I know you are.” I slowly swung my legs over the edge and found the experience less painful than I expected. All those bruises and pulled muscles didn’t feel as bad this morning. “Hey Dash, I guess sleeping with a beautiful pegasus cures a lot of aches and pains.”

Dash snickered, “Yeah, well, make sure you never test that with any other pegasus pony.”

“Huh, now why would I look at anyone else if I already have perfection at hand?”

Her laughter was music to my ears, “Darn right you do, you big lug. And I’ve got a pretty awesome guy. Now that you’ve sat up and you’re the toughest guy in town let me help you stand, you butt head.”

I smirked, “Hooves off the merchandise, woman. I can do this. I had better be able to do this...” My expression became sober, my voice a little less jaunty, “I have a full day of work ahead of me.” I cheered up again, “Anyway, you heard your future sister-in-law, lollygagging all day in bed won’t help me heal.” I winked, “Well, not alone, anyway.”

I stood slowly and deliberately. “So far, so good. On the bright side, I can’t even feel my threes.” This earned me a snort from Dash. I usually did my stretches on the balcony, but I wanted to keep this private today. I slowly stretched, bending my good arm a little. The ceiling was just under two and a half meters, so stretching to my fullest extent was next to impossible.

While my body ached and every muscle group protested, there was nothing some willow bark wouldn’t fix. I got dressed slowly so as not to hurt myself. Once dressed, I walked past Dash and ran my hand along her back, ending with a quick goose.

I looked back, and she seemed totally surprised. She simply looked at me with a slack-jawed half-smile.

I stopped in mid-step, worried, “Did I do something wrong?”

She shook her head a little, maintaining that goofy smile, “Heh. No, it’s just that you’ve never done that before.” Her eyes flicked away from me for a moment, “No one’s ever done that before.”

“Really? No one?” I thought for a moment, “Well, I guess without fingers, it would be tough. But, I guess a slap on the rump would be the same thing.”

“No, I mean you’re the first to do... anything like that.”

“Well, why wouldn’t I?” I couldn’t help but smirk, “I love everything about you,” I snickered, “including your rump.”

Dash gave a little laugh, “So, you really do love the whole package?”

I knelt down in front of her so we could be face to face, “Inside and out. I want to be with you for the rest of my time in this world, and showing you how much I love you in every way I can think of is very important to me.” I give her a quick kiss, “Besides, I couldn’t resist copping a feel. You’re soft and firm, just plain old gropable, as a matter of fact. It’s not something I would do in public, or at least not in an obvious way. But if I thought I could get away with it...”

Dash leaned forward with those half-closed bedroom eyes and a little grin. “You can go ahead and do that anytime you want.” She finished off with a kiss on the nose and started laughing.

I joined in her laughter and stood with cracking joints. This was quickly followed by a growling in my stomach. “Well, my beautiful angel, I don’t know about you, but I’m hungry.”

“Yeah, whatever they brought smells pretty good.” Still chuckling, she warned me, “Now, take your time going down the stairs.”

“Yes, dear. I think I’ll take them three steps at a time, backwards, while juggling flaming chainsaws.”

“That sounds cool. I’ll just get some popcorn and watch. By the way, what’s a chainsaw?”

“Heh. On second thought, I think I’ll go with your plan.”

Dash gave me one of her smirks that melted my heart, “That’s a little disappointing, but I’ll let you off the hook this time.”

I made it down the steps without any incident. A quick stop to the medicine cabinet gave me four willow bark tablets swallowed with some tepid tap water. I put the bottle in my pocket, knowing I would need some again by mid-day. When I finally stepped into the kitchen with Dash by my side, we were greeted by Applejack, Big Mac, and Bea.

I chuckled, “Well, look at this, the whole family's here.”

Applejack pushed her hat up and flashed that easy smile, “There’s my lazy brother. Finally decided to come down to join your hard-working kin?”

I yawned, and did my best Elvis impression, “Well, I don’t know little sis, I was thinking of spending the day with my little filly here,” I put an arm around Dash, much to her amusement.

Beatrix giggled, “Elvis Parsley, Alex? Really? That old hay-puck?”

I answered with a hurt tone, “That’s Elvis Presley, madam. The king of rock and roll. Well, about twenty years before I was born, anyway.”

Beatrix started snickering, “You mean, Elvis Parsley, the prince of rock and roll.”

As we laughed, there was a knock at the back door. Applejack answered and exclaimed, “Why howdy, Twilight. Were you coming to give us a helping hoof?”

Twilight responded with a slightly manic voice, “No! I mean, no. I’m here to get a blood sample from Alex, see?” There was a pause where I assumed Twilight was showing something to Applejack.

“Ain't that what they use for foals? Oh, wait, that’s right, normal needles hurt for him. That should do just fine.”

The door closed, and Twilight joined us. I notice right away her dishevelled hair and the bags under her eyes.

“You alright, Twilight? You’re looking a little worse for wear, pal.”

She giggled a little off key then spoke at a slightly higher pitch than normal, “Oh, I’m fine, Alex. Just fine. Can’t you see I’m just fine? Now, give me your foreleg so I can drain some blood.” I noticed she had a slight tremble in the hoof and wondered how that translated to her telekinetic control.

“Have you had breakfast? Maybe a nice cup of coffee?”

“Spike made me a mug of espresso shots. I feel great! Now, let’s get that rich, rich haemoglobin juice you’ve got in that body of yours. Foreleg, please.”

I reluctantly pulled my sleeve up and presented my arm, thinking it best not to look. I felt the cold of the alcohol swab, then the smallest of pricks, a sensation of pressure, then the needle being removed. “Wow, Twilight, that was great! I’m very impressed.”

“I practised on Spike all night.” She stared into space for a moment, “I think I need more coffee after all. Maybe more Espresso? Spike makes a great Espresso!” Twilight spoke faster, “Oh, or I could have iced coffee, a nice, cool drink. Maybe Café au lait, like the cows make. I’ve heard of Zebra Mocha. I wonder if Zecora knows how to brew it. Or I could be naughty and have Gryffin Coffee with extra salt. Hmm... decaf? Now that’s just silly. Who would want that?”

“Err... right. Remind me to get Spike a few rubies from Rarity,” I spoke softly, afraid to upset the powerful unicorn, “Twilight, how about we get that blood sample on ice, and you skip the coffee and get some sleep instead?”

“Maybe...” She wavered slightly, “Maybe I should.”

I looked at her kindly, “Yes, I think so too. Anyway, you’ll think better if you’re well-rested. Twilight, I appreciate everything you’ve done so far but as a good friend, I want you to rest and sleep until tomorrow.”

“Sweetie, he’s right, you know. In fact, I’ll make sure you get back home.” Bea started to leave, “Twilight, please don’t make me pick you up and carry you to your bed because you know I can.”

Twilight blinked at Beatrix, then started giggling in a more normal tone. “Thanks, Beatrix, you’re a good friend. But I can assure you that will not be necessary. If only to keep the two Paladins of Redemption happy, I’ll put a cooling spell on this sample. I'm off to hit the hay.” She seemed to think momentarily and got a sheepish expression, “And apologize to Spike.”

With Twilight safely heading home and everyone fed, we began to organize ourselves for the trip to the edge of the Everfree Forest. Of course, no one wanted me to carry or do anything, so I got a little frustrated. “Darn it all, I’m not disabled. I just have one arm in a sling.”

Applejack and Dash were about to argue when we were interrupted by a happy squeal. “Mom! Dad!”

I immediately turned with a happy smile. Dash, forgetting her argument, rushed forward to meet Scootaloo, “Hey, squirt. I hear Dad,” Dash glanced at me with a grateful look, “made sure you were okay last night.” She gave her daughter a tight hug.

“So, where were you last night, Mom?”

Dash’s expression became worried and a little panicked, “I... um...”

Applejack put a hoof on Scootaloo’s shoulder, “Sugar cube, your mom had to take care of some important personal stuff. What matters is that she’s here now, and she loves you a whole bunch.” I saw the exchanged glances, Dash’s gratitude and Applejack’s modesty. It only lasted a split second, and I would have missed it had I not been looking right at them, but I did see it, and it gladdened my heart to see such love between friends.

“We’re both really happy to see you, Scoots, but we have to get cracking. We have a lot of work to do today. Why don’t you hang out with Applebloom and Sweetie Belle? Do some crusading, and have a fun day.” I smiled at her, hopefully communicating that this was a command from Dad, not a suggestion.

The little filly glared at me, “Do you think I’m going to leave you two to do something dangerous again? You might need my help today.”

“Sweetheart, where we're going is something really... unpleasant. I...” I suddenly realized something, I don’t know what the pony standards are for kids here. “Can you excuse me for a sec?”

I took Applejack, Dash, and Bea aside. “Ladies, I’m in serious need of some advice here. I know if she was a human child... well, I might consider asking her to come, so she can see death in a safe way. That way she’s not as afraid of it in life. But Scoots isn’t human. I don’t want to hurt her, you know?”

Dash caught my attention, “No offence to those two, but I’m her mom. Why are you bringing Applejack and Bea into this?”

“Oh... yeah... okay... fairly straightforward reason. Applejack’s been raising Applebloom for a while, and Bea’s seen a lot in the world.” I suddenly realized I had just acted unilaterally in raising our daughter, “I didn’t mean to overstep, Dash, I just...”

Dash put her hoof on my arm, “I know you don’t, big guy. I’m cool with it. Anyway, I don’t think she should go. That was... really nasty, Alex. I think it might mess her up.”

Applejack pushed her hat back, “Sugar cube, Applebloom grew up on the farm. She knows why we have pigs; besides, gryphon folks have to eat too. I say you bring her, maybe keep her back from the mess, but let her help out.”

Dash grew a little annoyed, “Look, AJ, I know you’re trying to help, but Scootaloo is my daughter. I say we leave her here.”

Applejack pushed her hat forward, “Dash, I’ve been raising Applebloom since...” Applejack takes a deep breath. “Since Ma and Pa passed on. I know a thing or two about raisen' young ‘uns. You don’t even have any brothers or sisters.”

I could see Dash was getting upset, “Now look, I may not be the most motherly type, but I’ll do anything I can to keep that filly safe.”

Applejack snorted in frustration, “I understand that, Rainbow, but what I’m saying is-”

Beatrix cleared her throat, a noise obviously amplified enough to interrupt the two bickering mares. “Applejack? Rainbow? Alex? You all know I consider you dear friends.” We all agreed. “And, while I’m not a mother, I helped take care of enough foals in the circus to know what a child needs. And you’re both right. That little filly can’t be exposed to that gore, but she shouldn’t be sheltered either.”

Bea seemed to steel herself. “Here’s what I propose. When we get close to the site, I’ll skip ahead and say I’m scanning for more popping cats. Then, I’ll cast an illusion, hide the worst of it. It will be kind of complex, but I’m a big filly. Besides, if I can’t stretch myself a little for my friends...” Bea shrugged and grew a well-earned smirk.

Dash’s smirked, too, “I think I can live with that.”

I exclaimed, not very loudly, “Hot damn. Miss Beatrix, you are brilliant.”

Applejack gave Beatrix that half smile, “Shoot, sugar cube, that’s a mighty fine compromise. Well, I’d better finish getting things sorted out. Let’s leave the new parents with their little filly, Bea.”

Bea gave us a knowing but kindly smirk, “Alright, you two take care of that fabulous little filly. We’ll nail the shoes and pop the clouds.” When we hesitated, she gestured with her hoof, “Shoo. Both of you, off you go.”

Grateful to our friend, Dash and I returned to Scoots. We were presented with a look of annoyance by a little, orange-coated and purple-maned filly. "So, Mom and Dad, have you guys worked it out?"

I dropped to a knee and put my good arm around Dash. With a little smirk, I started lecturing my new daughter. "Hey, cut us a little slack. I've parented before, but that was a long time ago, and it was human kids. This is mom’s first time. We were both a little unsure, and we both wanted to do the best job we could. We love ya a lot, pumpkin. We just don't want to hurt you."

Exasperated, the little filly rolled her eyes and made a gag expression, "You're not going to be those smothering parents, are you?"

Dash laughed and mused Scoots mane a little, "No way, squirt. But I do want to keep my little filly safe. You getting hurt or messed up would be totally uncool."

The young pegasus seemed to consider this for a moment, then she got a bashful look and, in a reverent tone, said, “I guess it shows you guys care.”

My answer was jaunty, “Yes, it does, my dear little daughter. We will bring you if, and only if, you agree to listen to and do everything we ask you to do.”

Scootaloo hopped up in excitement, almost hovering, and exclaimed, “Yes! I promise I’ll listen to you for the whole day.”

Applejack joined us, “Alright, you lollygaggers, we’re all packed. Scootaloo? Applebloom will be coming too, so you two stick together, you hear?”

“Yes, Miss Applejack. Come on, Applebloom! Maybe we can get our cutie marks for something.”

The red-bowed filly objected, “What about Sweetie Belle?”

Scootaloo, ever loyal to her friends, “Yeah, we can’t crusade without Sweetie Belle. She’s our pal. And what about Sapphire?”

I piped up, “Girls? How about you go get your friends and meet us along the way? We’ll walk slowly, and you can catch up before we get to the place we need to be.” The two hyperactive fillies cheered as one and charged enthusiastically to get their friends.

I worriedly thought to myself, ‘I hope Rarity doesn’t mind we dragged Sweetie Belle into this mess. For that matter, Sapphire’s parents. I hope they’re the understanding types.’

With that settled, we all started walking to the edge of the Everfree Forest. Despite high spirits, it was a sombre, quiet walk. I steeled myself for the upcoming grim but necessary task.

I found myself a bit behind the others, deep in thought, and Dash must have noticed the expression on my face because she hovered up to me, put her hoof on my shoulder and quietly spoke to me, “You okay?”

I put my hand on her hoof and smiled sadly at her. “Yeah, I’m fine. I’m fine. Just... not looking forward to the scene of the crime, know what I mean?”

Dash rubbed my back, “Yeah, I do. But this time, we’re together, right?”

I stopped and gave her a quick peck. “Yeah, we can do this together, angel.”

Dash and I laughed when we were interrupted by a certain pegasus filly’s exasperated voice, “Mom, Dad, do you have to do that in front of my friends?”

Applebloom and Sweetie Belle were both snickering behind their hooves. This did not go unnoticed by my pony daughter. I replied first, “Yes, we do. Just like I have to give my little pumpkin-doo a hug.” I went to a knee, and Scoots reluctantly accepted a little hug. “Anyway, I think mom has a cloth she can use to wipe your face.”

Dash snickered, “Don’t worry, squirt, I’ll keep Dad in check. And I don’t do spit baths... unless you really need it.” I did an exaggerated pout, which drew laughs from the young ones.

After this little exchange, I felt much more hopeful about the coming task as we joined the others. The kids chatted excitedly, speculating on what super important job they would be given. They were very... creative.

We were almost to the scene of the fight when we met up with Fluttershy. She was sitting patiently, with an angelic expression and a sad little smile. The one that says she’s sorry, even if you’re the one who wronged her.

I called out to her, “Fluttershy, thank you so much for helping us out. I really appreciate it. I really do.”

“Alex Roberts, I’m happy to help. I was going to search for the popping cat’s nest and hopefully find its kitten.” She seemed to notice the three fillies for the first time and smiled kindly. “And there are my three little angels to help me in this task.”

The three fillies lined up before her and chorused, “Yes, Fluttershy. Whatever you say, Fluttershy.”

With a slight attitude of superiority, Fluttershy spoke to the Cutie Mark Crusaders, “Come along, girls. Let’s help Scootaloo’s father do the right thing.” Then, without another word, the four departed.

I muttered to Dash, “That... is fricken amazing.”

Dash leans into me, her tail rubbing against my lower back, “I don’t know how she does it. Ever since she saved them and Twilight from a cockatrice, they always listen to her. It’s freaky.”

I sighed, “I’ll be happy as long as she listens when it counts.”

Dash snorted, still looking at Fluttershy and the fillies, “That’s a little... bleak.”

I gently touched the back of her head, and her attention became focused on me, “Nope, just being practical. She’s a high-energy kid with a mind of her own, Dash. She’s like sand. The tighter you hold on to her, the more she’ll slip through your fingers.” I chuckled, realizing what I said, “Heh... you know what I mean.”

Dash smiled at me and replied softly, “Yeah, I do.”

I left my happy mental place and came back to the task at hand, “Okay! The Element of Kindness is off on a quest to find kittens and has taken the kids with her. So, if I remember correctly, the location is about half a klick that way.”

Dash took off, calling back to us, “I’ll scout ahead, save us some time.” We all continued walking in the general direction where the incident happened. Soon, I saw Dash coming back with a sad expression. She landed and hugged me, whispering, “I need a hug.” I simply gave her what she needed without question, as she had done for me. After a few moments, she pulled away, sniffed, and confirmed the direction and location of the site.

When we reached about two hundred meters, Bea moved ahead as planned. She thought it best even if the kids were not with us.

As we reached the scene, we could see Bea was standing off to the side, a look of calm boredom on her face. I first looked tentatively at the popping cat itself. The belly had a nondescript cut, and the ground was free of blood and gore, as well as any sign of a struggle. In fact, the ground about five or six meters around the dead beast had been roughly cleared. That would make our task much easier.

I strode over to Bea, “Hey, Bea, I just want to-”

“Shut up. Focusing.” She developed the slightest of smiles and added, “Boss.”

I snorted and shook my head, “Okay, nobody bothers the pretty blue unicorn.” I was rewarded with a little shoulder check from Dash. I smiled at Dash and shrugged apologetically.

“Okay, first, we need to dig a grave. Looks like it should be about two by three meters, maybe four meters deep. So that’s twenty-four cubic meters. Should take about seventy-two man hours...” My voice trailed off when I noticed everyone around me was chuckling. “What’s so funny?”

Big Mac actually smirked at me, “Human folk don’t work too fast, do they? Shouldn’t take more than three hours, four if we lollygag.”

I chuckled along with the rest, “Alright then, let's get to work. Give me a shovel, please.”

Applejack scoffed, “Alex, you’re outmatched even when both your forelegs are working. How are you going to help with only one?”

I smiled at Applejack, “My dear, doubting sister, I will help because, as a very wise pegasus once said, every little bit helps.” Dash and I made eye contact for a moment. She gave me such a loving look I felt my heart ache. I snapped my attention back to Applejack, “So, let me help, please.”

Applejack sighed, “You’re an Apple to the core. Grab a shovel then, and break the ground.” With a smile I took the tool from Big Macintosh, then awkwardly planted the blade. It was much more difficult to do the task than I expected, but after some fumbling, I managed to move half a spade of soil.

While I helped along the edge of the pit at first, it was Mac and Applejack who did most of the digging. The amount of soil they moved was astounding, but considering their physical strength, it wasn’t completely surprising.

The smell of the soil was strong but comforting, in a way. I spoke softly to my friends and my family, “Could I have a moment alone, please?” I knelt down and placed my hand reverently on the popping cat’s head. I gently stroked the rough, cold fur. ‘I’m so sorry I had to kill you, but I can’t change what happened.’ I felt a sense of sadness overwhelm me, ‘I was going to remember you with my flesh, but I just can’t do that anymore, thanks to you. I was interrupted by a kind friend, and her presence made me realize I just don’t have to mark myself, not anymore. For the chain of events you kicked off, I thank you. While I can’t remember you that way.’, I felt my cheeks getting wet, ’ I do promise to remember you with my heart.’

I continued slowly, softly stroking its head. For a few moments, my vision was obscured by emotion. I wiped my eyes and started to drag the remains to their final resting place. My vision was still blurry, so I didn’t see the others helping me with my sad task. I assume Beatrix helped lower the beast into its grave. All I knew was that it was done slowly, reverently, and with kindness.

I took the shovel awkwardly in one hand and placed the first clod of dirt on the body. Dash simply used her hoof to scoop up a small amount of soil and dropped it on the corpse. She stood beside me, comforting me. Applejack dropped some earth in the pit, and I noticed there was a little bit of green new life on the dirt she had sent. She simply stood by my side, close to me. Finally, Big Macintosh placed his own clod of dirt in that hallowed place. He then placed a hoof on my shoulder and spoke, “You dun the right thing.”

I glanced at Beatrix, and I could see she was getting tired. We made eye contact for a moment, and I nodded. There was a movement of some kind. A distortion toward the pit. I presume it was the entrails and other mess being moved. Then, the pile of dirt glowed a blueish silver and went back where it came from.

I heard a small grunt and turned my head toward that disquieting sound only to see Bea starting to slowly fall over. Big Macintosh was beside her in a flash, holding her up.

Her voice was weak, but I could hear her clearly, “Keeping up that illusion for so long was a bit tiring, even for Trixie.” I could see her smile, “However, it is nice to wake up in a good stallion’s hooves.”

What was a heavy and sombre mood a moment ago became lightened by all of our chuckles. Everyone was except Big Macintosh. He just blushed brightly.

Fluttershy interrupted us by landing beside our group, “Congratulations, Alex, we found a kitten.”

37 - Making her my little girl

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I turned my head to see my oldest friend smiling kindly at me. I felt such joy knowing Fluttershy had forgiven my actions, chaos magic be damned. I welcomed her good news, “You found the pup, Fluttershy? That’s great!”

The timid pegasus shyly hid behind her long mane, “Oh Alex, the poor little thing was half starved. It’s so young, it needs constant care, and with your injuries, I’m just not sure you’re able to do that right now.”

I scowled a little at her, despite myself, “Fluttershy, I made a promise. I have something very important to take care of with Dash, but I’ll get to your place as soon-”

Applejack put a hoof on my mouth to stop me from talking, “Alex, sugar cube, I think y’all had better take Fluttershy up on her offer. You can barely take care of yourself, never mind a newborn. Look, no one here will think any less of you for asking for help, at least until you’re better. Then you’ll make your sister proud, or else.”

Bea spoke weakly, still being held up by Big Macintosh, “Alex, sweetie, Applejack is right.” She smiled weakly at Fluttershy, “She’s the expert here, she knows what’s best. Dash, talk to your fiance.”

Dash taps me on the shoulder, “Listen, you big lug. I know you want to do the right thing.” Her expression softened, “You wouldn’t be the person you are if you didn’t.” She put her foreleg around my waist and gave me a little squeeze, “But sometimes you’ve got to swallow that pride of yours and accept help.” Dash smirked at Applejack, “Your sister learned that the hard way.”

I rolled my eyes and shook my head, “Just when I thought I had everything under control, you guys show up.” I chuckled, despite being oh so annoyed at these wonderful ponies, “I suppose you’re all correct. However, Fluttershy, as soon as I feel I can fulfil my promises, I’ll be at your doorstep to learn from the best.”

Fluttershy’s expression and speech became stiff and formal, “And I, Mr Alex Roberts,” but then it changed to a warm, mischievous little smile, “will be happy to teach a friend.”

We arrived at the adoption office about an hour ago. The air was a little dusty, and the furnishings were well-worn and utilitarian. Like most pony public rooms, the outer walls had a low shelf with a wide cushion that served as a common seating area. Nothing fancy, but comfortable.

We spent the first few minutes quickly filling out the adoption forms. Like any of the pony paperwork I’ve encountered, it was simple but extensive. We managed to get it all done in fifteen minutes, my hands being a great advantage for writing quickly. Once we gave the sheets to Miss Sweetheart, she gave us a polite smile and said she would be back with us momentarily.

Momentarily turned out to mean almost three-quarters of an hour. We sat without saying a word, my arm around Dashs' shoulders, her sitting upright and leaning against me. Dash sitting upright, rather than in her usual sprawled position, was worrying. It spoke to how upset she was. I did the only thing I could, I kissed her muzzle and whispered encouraging words.

If I was honest with myself, my heart was in my throat, and I was probably as freaked out as her, but I’ve had a lot of experience in delaying my freakout to a better time. The only telltale of my worry was my foot tapping the ground.

Dash stated in a deadpan tone, “Alex, if you don’t stop that I’ll glue your foot to the floor.”

Ignoring her little joke, “If we screw this up, we may lose Scootaloo. We may never see our daughter again.”

Dash turned to face me, “You...” she placed her hoof on my cheek, “are going to be a great dad for her.” She smiled warmly, her voice uncharacteristically soft, “Don’t worry about yourself, it’s me you should be worried about. I mean, my past isn’t exactly squeaky clean.”

“And you...” I placed my hand on her cheek, “are going to be a great mom. You’re the Element of Loyalty for goodness sake. How much of a better mom could Scoots have? Dash, sweetheart, it ain’t you I’m worried about, it’s me. I mean, I’m not exactly a local.”

She gave me a short chuckle, “I’m from Cloudsdale, you goof. I’m not local either. Anyway, we’re both Equestrian citizens, and we both live in Ponyville. That’s all that matters.”

I chuckled nervously, “You know what I mean, Dash. I’m not exactly a known quantity. I’ve been here about, what, eight months, and as far as I can tell, the only humans any pony has ever seen before me was two thousand years ago, and it was the freaking Romans at their worst. I just... I hope I—”

Dash and I were so engrossed in our conversation we didn’t notice Miss Sweetheart open the office door. We nearly jumped out of our skins when she spoke, “I’m ready to see you now.—”

She smiled kindly, trying not to smile behind her hoof, “I hope I didn’t startle you.”

‘Time to be large and in charge.’ I stood and smiled, “No no, we’re just excited to see you. The sooner we get this done, the sooner we can all be a family. I just...” I weakened as the gravitas of the situation weighed on me, “I just don’t want to lose my little girl.”

Miss Sweetheart smiled kindly, “Mr Alex Roberts, Ms Rainbow Dash, I want to thank you for coming-”

Dash interrupted her, “Sweetheart, you’ve known me for a while. Just call me Rainbow, and you can call this big lug Alex. He doesn’t like being called mister.”

She chuckled softly, “Of course. Rainbow, Alex, thank you for coming here today. Scootaloo has said so much about you both, how kind you’ve been, how loving. She’s never been this excited about any potential parents, and truth be known, neither have I. But, I must still conduct an official investigation, no matter what my personal feelings are.”

We nodded, showing her we understood.

“Good. Rainbow, let’s start with you.” Dash gulped and nodded, worry obviously painted on her face.

Miss Sweetheart brings out a fairly thick file, two or three centimetres thick. It lands with a slightly dusty thump. It looks old, twenty years at least. She opens it with a little smile. “Now, Rainbow, let’s review your file taken from the public archive. Your full name is Rainbow Marigold Dash.” Dash gets a slightly sour expression and nods while I smile ever so slightly. “You were born on the 46th day of Winter, 984 A.N.M. You grew up in Cloudsdale, at 1717 Skyway Towers, apartment 137, your father is Thunder Rose Dash, currently working at the Cloudsdale weather factory, and your mother is Golden Tulip Rainbow, currently a homemaker. Your academic marks at school were average, but you excelled in flight classes. You achieved top marks in your flight class every trimester, even your first season in Junior Speedsters.” Dash got a bit of a smirk at that.

“Your youth was not without... issues. You and a Miss Gilda,” she flips a few pages, “a gryphon would get up to no good on a regular basis. You spent a lot of time in detention. You were arrested six times during your high school years for various misdemeanours, but nothing truly criminal. You two were well known by the school staff and Cloudsdale authorities for your... hijinx.”

Dash rose in protest, “I... I was just a dumb kid. I didn’t know better. Please, don’t let this-”

She smiled kindly, “Please, Rainbow, let me finish.” Dash sat back down meekly. “You left school two months before the end of your final year, never completing high school. You stayed with your parents for three months before moving to Ponyville. You took a position as a cloud pusher in the Ponyville Weather Office. Thanks to a remarkable work ethic, you managed to become the Weather Captain in charge of all the weather in Ponyville, as well as being in charge of the stray weather from the Everfree Forest in the Ponyville region, in only three short years.”

Dash relaxed a little, “Yeah, I guess that’s all true.”

Miss Sweetheart continued, “Your activities here, as an adult, speak highly of the quality of your character. You are responsible for saving this town and Equestria as a whole multiple times, you are the bearer of the Element of Loyalty, and you have also been given letters of recommendation by all three princesses.”

The social worker gave Dash a warm, genuine smile, “Rainbow, while you had a rough start, and you still behave a little mischievously at times, you are a good mare who has done good things for Ponyville and Equestria. Your positive influence on Scootaloo has been profound, inspiring her to become a better flyer despite her physical disabilities.” Sweetheart inclined her head toward Dash and had the most hopeful of expressions, “That little filly glows when she speaks about you, Rainbow.”

Miss Sweetheart makes a few notes at the end of Dash’s folder. She then opens a drawer, takes a stamp and green ink pad out, and stamps a green smiley face on Dash’s adoption form. “Rainbow Dash, it is with great joy that I approve of your part of the adoption petition.” Dash threw her hooves around me in a warm hug and a passionate kiss. I could tell she was thrilled. “However...”

Dash looked at her in confusion and fear, “‘However’ what? I thought you said you approved the adoption.”

“I did. I approved your part of the adoption Rainbow. Alex, however, is a unique case. Since we don’t have as much information about Alex, we’ve had to modify our usual research procedure.”

I nodded, and Miss Sweetheart smiled, “Excellent. Alex, let’s look at your file.” She produced a folder, with maybe dozen sheets of paper. “As you can see, your available information is a little thin. So, let’s start with the basics. You already filled out the form, but I want to confirm. What is your full legal name from your home reality?”

“Alexander Jean-Paul Roberts.” I used the French pronunciation of my middle name. I never liked it, but if this was for an official investigation, then I wasn’t going to let vanity get in the way.

“And, what is your date of birth and current age?”

“Let’s see, I was born May 30, 1969. I first jumped in late August of 2011, and I’ve been jumping for about 60 years. Let’s call my chronological age 102, but my physical is 42, so...” I counted on my knuckles and did a little math, “about 45th day of Winter, 920th-year A.N.M.”

“Last question. Have you ever fathered children? What were their names, ages, and genders? And why are you no longer parenting them?”

“Yes. I’m the biological father of two human children. My son is Daniel Synclair Roberts, thirteen years of age. My daughter is Lillian Rose Roberts, four years of age. I no longer parent them because I am no longer in the same reality as them. But, thanks to some communication equipment I have, I can speak to them on occasion.” I smiled sadly, “I miss them very much, but I would still adopt Scootaloo even if I could go back.” I smirked, “Of course, the first five minutes back there with Ann and Dash would be kind of awkward, but they would both be worth it.” Dash chuckled nervously.

Miss Sweetheart flipped through the scant notes in my file, then looked up and tilted her head in the same way Twilight does when she encounters an interesting data point. “Who is this ‘Ann’ person?”

‘I knew this would crop up at some point.’ I cleared my throat and explained, “She’s my human wife. In the past, she has told me to build a life where I could. I want to make it perfectly clear that I still love her and my kids as much as I love Dash and Scootaloo. But with her permission, we will no longer be husband and wife. When I next speak to her, in about four months, I will ask her to release me from my vows, and I will marry Dash within a month. It’s not traditional or normal, but neither is my situation.” Despite my nervousness and knowledge that with a simple stamp, she could stop the adoption process cold, I gave her a defiant look.

Sweetheart considered what she had just heard, and I could see her weighing the pros and cons filtered through my unique situation. Her expression was almost cold as if she were reciting the results of a calculation.“If you were from Equestria, this would be an automatic denial of your request.” Dash took in a sharp breath. “But, since coming to our world was beyond your control, and there is no way for you to return to the world of your birth and your family,” her expression softened and held an edge of sadness, “and you are making attempts that are culturally significant to you to do the right thing, I simply cannot hold this against you.”

Dash and I both could breathe again. We thanked her and asked her to continue.

“Thank you. I would like to start with the positive things we have for you on file. Within the first week of your arrival, you protected Scootaloo in a public place from a known disciple of Nightmare Moon.”

I was taken aback by this, ‘I wonder... He seems to be changing, but...’ I was drawn back to the matter at hand by Dash’s light tap on my leg.

“You then risked your life to save Tree Trimmer from a burning building, resulting in serious injuries to yourself. In both cases, you had nothing to gain and placed yourself in physical danger, protecting two children you did not know. You have been a continuing positive influence on Scootaloo, always encouraging her to do her best. You have begun a major construction project that will contribute in the long term to the local artistic community as well as the economic growth of Ponyville. You have been given letters of recommendation by Princess Luna and Princess Celestia. Overall, very impressive achievements in a very short time.”

“Finally, as of last night, rumour has it that you stopped a dangerous recurring threat to Ponyville. I am referring to the popping cat. Can you please tell me what you did to remove this threat to our beloved town?”

I shifted uncomfortably on the stool and said simply, “I had to put it down.”

Miss Sweetheart tilted her head, slightly confused, “You insulted it?”

I didn’t know if she was playing stupid or if she genuinely didn’t know the expression, ”No,” I draw my thumb across my throat, “I put it down...”

Her eyes became huge and her pupils pinpricks, “Oh... well, as unfortunate as that is, it was a dangerous animal. I’m sure you did everything you could to avoid that solution.”

I looked at my feet and spoke my reply quietly, “Yes, ma’am. I did my best, but...” I shrugged.

“I understand, Alex. Please rest assured that this incident will not be held against you. As a citizen of Ponyville, I thank you for your act of bravery.”

I managed to look up with a weary smile, “Thank you, ma’am.”

“Now, in your own words, please describe the whole incident and what led up to it.”

I took a deep breath, “Simply put, we, that is Rainbow, Scootaloo and myself, were taking a walk together as a family. We weren’t paying close attention to where we were and wandered too close to the Everfree Forest. We were almost ambushed. I managed to spot it before it attacked. Dash was the real hero. She got our little girl out of harm’s way. To tell the truth, I blame myself for the whole thing.”

Dash’s tone was warning, “Alex...”

Miss Sweetheart gave me that little ‘Twilight tilt’, and her voice changed from warm and friendly to calm and neutral. “Why do you say that, Alex? Are you saying you led Rainbow and Scootaloo into that dangerous situation so you would have an excuse to exercise your more predatory instincts?”

I went blank for a moment, “I... I would never expose my daughter to that kind of horror, not on purpose.” I grew angry and started to stand, with Dash trying to hold me down. I snarled at her, “What kind of sick monster do you take me for? How dare you suggest I would risk the lives of my wife and child for some cheap thrill?”

Dash pulled me back down with difficulty and harshly whispered, “Calm. Down. She’s trying to get you upset.”

We both stopped mid-movement, a warm chuckle drawing our attention to Miss Sweetheart. She only beamed at us, “Alex, that is the reaction of a loving father. Thank you.” We all sat back down.

I muttered an apology, “Sorry I overreacted.”

“Actually, Alex, you didn’t, not by gryphon standards. Since you’ve mentioned multiple times yours is an apex predator species, and the closest species in Equestria that has extensive psychological profiles available are gryphons, we decided to use the WISGER scale. That stands for Wade and Ironclaw Scale of Gryffin Emotional Reactions. Evidence has shown your reactions lie somewhere between pony and gryphon norms. So, as long as the remaining evidence falls somewhere between the two, it will be acceptable. It may not be perfect, but we feel it is a workable compromise, given your... unique status.”

I relaxed a little, “You know, it’s actually reassuring that you’re working from objective standards and not from gut feelings. Thank you for telling us this.”

“Alex, if it were up to me, I would approve you. You’ve shown yourself to be, without a doubt, a good pony, and I know you would make a good father.” She seemed lost in thought for a moment, “The day Scootaloo and I visited you in the hospital when you were in such obvious pain, physical and, I think, emotional, you welcomed us so warmly. I could see your eyes light up when you saw Scootaloo, a little filly you barely knew. I prayed to Princess Celestia for her to find loving parents, and I know you and Rainbow are just that. But, the law requires I investigate. Rainbow was fairly easy. I could find plenty of information on her. In fact, every pony I’ve had in this room has been fairly easy to investigate. By now, I would have approved of both of you and sent you off to be a happy family. But, a unique situation requires a unique solution.”

“While your record is generally good, it only accounts for the last eight or so months. There have also been several incidents in that time that have caused concern. You have been overheard saying on several occasions that your species is the apex predator in the world you come from. There have also been reports that your behaviour is quite aggressive, even in situations that would not warrant such behaviour. However, your obvious efforts to blend into our culture far outweigh your aggressive tendencies. Our biggest concern, however, is the overwhelming lack of information we have or don’t have about you. Of any kind.”

“While you did many positive things, and there are many good things to be said about you, there are some concerns. Simply put, you are a predatory species we know nothing about. I want to assure you that we are not judging your species, just you.

Now, to help us get a better picture of who you are, we would like three testimonials.”

I brightened up. I knew AJ, Twilight, and Elusive would write me glowing recommendations. We were going to be a family, and it was clear sailing.

“We have a list of the three ponies who will venture their opinion on your character and your ability to parent. Your task is to go to each of these ponies and get a written statement on your ability to be a parent. We have chosen one individual known to be friendly but not a close friend, one for their objective neutrality, and one pony who is publicly known to not be your friend. This ensures a truly balanced and complete view of your character.” She took a single sheet of paper out of my file and slid it across her desk. It was not lost on me that the sheet was face down.

I closed my eyes, and I reached for the frightening sheet. I grasped it and snapped my eyes open as I read the three names written in a neat hand.

Mr Carrot Cake

I was relieved ‘Makes sense, he’s a good guy and a dad. I’m sure he thinks well of me.’

Ms Lyra Heartstrings

I was confused. ‘Why would they want that nice lady I bumped into at the train station involved?’

Mr Golden Coins

I muttered out loud, “Fuck me.”

38 - Den of Nightmares

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As the last name on the list sunk in, I began to protest, “Miss Sweetheart, I can understand Mr. Cake, and I suppose I can understand Miss Heartstrings, but Coins? You said yourself he’s a disciple of Nightmare Moon. How could his-”

She pursed her lips in annoyance, “Mr Alex Roberts, are you questioning my decision?” She continued before I could answer, “Because you’re welcome to take this to the appeals court.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose, “No, sorry, that’s not what I mean. I guess I was just... surprised Coins was an option. We may have buried the hatchet, but he still... Anyway, if that’s your decision, I’ll respect it.”

She seemed to relax a tiny bit, then quietly sighed, “I know my choices seem arbitrary, but they are all for very good reasons.”

Dash glared daggers at Miss Sweetheart. Her voice was low and menacing, “I’ll just bet...”

I turned to Dash and placed my hand on her cheek. She turned to face me, her eyes glued to Sweetheart for a heartbeat longer before she fully turned to face me. “Dash, please. I know you’re as upset as I am, but she’s just doing what’s best for Scootaloo. Honestly, I’m thankful to even have this opportunity. I mean, I’m as alien as you can get, yet your society said it would give me the chance... no, the privilege, to try to prove my worthiness to be that little filly’s dad. I’m thankful, Dash. Truly grateful.”

Scootaloo’s caregiver cleared her throat. We both turned to her, myself expectant. Dash was annoyed, but she was hiding it like a champ. “Now, Alex, Rainbow, there is one more thing. At this point in the adoption process, you will not be allowed to have any contact until you are approved. This would normally be for the duration of the meeting, but, again, the law didn’t foresee this situation.”

It was my turn to lose my cool, “Well, what about Dash? I mean, she’s been approved, right? I don’t want my little girl to think we’ve abandoned her.”

There was a pause as Sweetheart looked at the door behind us, “I assure you, Scootaloo is well aware of the adoption process and of your current standing.” She raised her voice, “Aren't you, Scootaloo?”

I turned to the door and noticed the light giving away a shadow, followed by scampering noises. I couldn’t help but smile.

Miss Sweetheart smiled warmly, then glanced around the room and leaned forward. She whispered kindly, “She’s never done that before, you know. She loves you two so very much, and I hope and pray to Celestia I can approve you, Alex.”

Sweetheart suddenly got this strangely determined look in her eye. I had seen that look before in the eyes of Garat, son of Sinabi, the look of a principled person about to betray the system they believe in. “In fact, I think that your approval is a certainty no matter what. But the faster you get me those testimonials, the faster you can all be together as the loving, happy family you are.”

I glanced at Dash and felt the warm glow of her strength in my heart. “Miss Sweetheart, we’ll get you those testimonials as quickly as we can, and we appreciate everything you’ve done so far. I always knew Dash would be a great mom. I hope I can be just as good a dad.”

I held out my hand to Scootaloo’s guardian. Her gaze flicked between my eyes and my hand, seemingly not understanding.

Dash explained, “It’s like a hoof bump, but you hold on lightly and shake. It’s a human thing.”

Sweetheart cocked an eyebrow. “Rainbow, I know what a hoof shake is. You’ll have to forgive me, but ponies in Alex’s position are usually very upset and not friendly at all. I was just... surprised.” She seemed to come to some kind of decision. As her hoof pressed against my palm, she spoke in a low voice, “For the first time in a very long time,” I felt her telekinetic grip pull my palm more tightly, “I can see where the system might be failing.” Her expression was fierce, “It’s a good system, Alex. Even with its flaws. I will ensure that it works for you, no matter the cost.”

Dash and I were both taken aback. We made eye contact for a moment to confirm that we had understood the same thing. ‘Did she just say she would fudge the results if they didn’t come out our way? I’m glad Applejack’s not here. We would never hear the end of it.’

Dash and I walked slowly, quietly, in Ponyville Park. My hand was on her neck, and I could feel the athletic muscles flow easily under my fingers. Something had been weighing on my mind since we left Miss Sweetheart’s office. “So... Dash. Do you know if Sweetheart has any connections to Scootaloo? I mean, personal connections? I get it that she likes us, and anybody could tell she thinks the world of that little filly. Who wouldn’t, right? But I can’t understand why she would risk her job and Scootaloo’s adoption just to make sure we get to adopt her.”

We stopped, and she placed a hoof on my arm, “You know, Alex, you really shouldn’t look for the chaos in harmony.”

It took me a moment to understand, “You’re right. I shouldn’t look a gift horse in the mouth. Sometimes, it’s not worth it to dig too deeply into another person’s reasoning.”

It was her turn to look at me, both perplexed and slightly insulted, “I hate it when Twilight uses that expression. Don’t you start using it too.”

I half smiled sheepishly, “I wasn’t thinking. It’s a very old human expression. Anyway, I’ll be grateful to her for the rest of my life, and if I can help her in any way, I will.”

We found a bench by the playground and watched the children playing, squealing and laughing. A few of Dash’s young fans gawked, and one timidly approached us.

The light green unicorn with the blond mane spoke hesitantly, “Miss Rainbow Dash? What... what are you doing here in the park? N-Not that we mind.”

The rainbow speedster smiled kindly, “Actually, kid, me and my special friend here are a little bummed out because we’re trying to adopt a very special filly, and we ran into a snag. No biggie, but,” she shrugged and turned to me, “Mind if I give them a little show?”

I smiled at her, then looked at the unicorn pony colt. “What’s your name, son?”

“Clockwork, sir.”

“Well, Clockwork,” I turned my eyes again to Dash, and her eyes came to life, “you and your friends are about to help the one and only Rainbow Dash cheer up by watching her show off some of her best tricks. Does that sound good?”

“Keen gears, does it ever!” He turned back to the crowd of colts and fillies that had gathered, “Guys! She said yes! She’s gonna show us her best tricks!”

Dash’s young fans cheered excitedly. I knew she needed this, and I could see a faint blush across her face. She loved the adulation, and sometimes, even my dedicated attention was not enough. I felt joyful at seeing her bask in their cheers.

We must have spent an hour entertaining the kids, Dash flying and performing her daring tricks while I acted as a colour commentator. At the top of a loop, I could see her turn her head; then, she quickly came to a hover, just looking beyond the playground. I saw her smile so sadly, yet so lovingly, that I could feel it in my chest. She suddenly put on one of those bursts of speed I would never get used to. She flew around in a complex pattern and shaped a cloud into a heart.

The kids were confused, but as I followed Dash’s gaze, I saw why she was behaving the way she was. Scootaloo and Miss Sweetheart, who I suspect were watching the show, stood a short distance away. Scootaloo and I locked eyes for a moment. She started to move towards me, but I shook my head, imploring her to stop. Not because I didn’t want to hold her and comfort her, but because I couldn’t be close to her. At that moment, had this been any other situation, I would have held her, consequences be damned. But not today. Today, I couldn’t comfort my daughter.

She stopped as if understanding. She yelled out, “Dad.” My little orange filly looked up and softly said, “Mom.” Again, my heart broke. For her sake, I kept a smile on my face, raised my hand, and waved to let her know she was not forgotten. I was thankful she was too far away to see my tears.

Miss Sweetheart smiled sadly at us and ushered Scootaloo toward Sugar Cube Corner. I made a mental note to set up an unlimited tab for her, then thought about the consequences. ‘Ok, so maybe not unlimited.’

I was taken away from my numb state by that brave Clockwork kid, “Mister? Is Scootaloo the pony you and Rainbow Dash are adopting?”

I wiped my eyes and smiled down at him, “Yes, she is.”

“No way! Scootaloo is way cooler than we thought! She said she was getting private lessons from Rainbow Dash, but we thought she was, you know, making it up.”

Dash landed with grace beside me, sniffed as she flicked a few errant hairs out of her eyes, and laughed a little. “No way, dude. She’s my awesome little filly, and she’s the coolest kid I know.”

As we left the park, I realized we were being followed. The little mob of kids was trying to be discreet, but it proved impossible with their constant whispering and giggling. We gave them a little wave and decided to ignore them.

Dash bumped her shoulder into my side. “That was fun, Alex. I... I needed that. It’s been a crazy few days, with the popping cat and the chaos magic and the adoption.” There were more whispers and giggles from the gaggle of fillies and colts trailing behind us, and I couldn’t help but snicker. Dash, however, was still serious. “I know you do your best, but...”

“Shush.” Dash gave me an incredulous half-smile. “You love being at the centre of attention, and I’m cool with that. It’s part of who you are, and like I said this morning, I love the whole package.” I leaned in for a kiss, but Dash stopped me with a hoof on my lips.

She motioned with her eyes and whispered, “Alex... kids.”

I matched her whisper, knowing she was the only one who would hear me. “Let’s give them something to talk about at school.”

Dash smirked. “Alex... no... let’s go grab some lunch. We can spend some quiet time tonight. Anyway, do you really want to embarrass your daughter before she even becomes your daughter?”

I batted my eyelashes in innocence. “Of course. Isn’t that what a dad is supposed to do?”

She smiled a little sadly at me. “Not today.”

I was struck by her reaction and decided to stop joking around. “You’re right, not today. I’ll even hold back for a full week when this is all over.” I moved my hand to the back of her head, my thumb lightly touching her ear. “I just wanted to distract you, take your mind off things. That’s all.”

She blinked slowly, that sad little smile still on her lips, “I know. And tonight, we’ll comfort each other because I need some time with you. Just you.”

She turned back to the kids and raised her voice so they could hear, “Alright, me and my special friend are heading off to lunch. If you’re good, I might give you another show tomorrow. Just... er... have a great afternoon.” Her eyes grew a little sadder, and I could see they were getting moist., “And tell Scootaloo—” Dash faltered. “Tell her—” She faltered again, “tell her— her mom says to hang in there.”

We always seemed to end up at Chez Bouffe. That is not too surprising, considering the size of Ponyville. Anyway, they practically had a custom menu for me. The waiter, Classy Server, knew us, and we were friends. I greeted him in what had become our usual routine. “Allo mon vieux! Comment ca va?”

'Pas pire, Alex. Toi et Rainbow Dash vous voulez vous asseoir dedans ou dehors?

It made me smile when he spoke French, especially now that he had a pronounced Quebecois accent. I suppose that would be considered quite exotic here.

“I think we’ll sit outside today, Classy. Watch the world go by.”

“Where’s the little filly that usually hangs out with you two? Scootaloo, right?”

“That’s right. We’re in the process of adopting her.”

“Hey, that’s great! So, where is she?”

“Well, we ran into a snag.” I rubbed the back of my neck. “My fault, really. Not local enough, I suppose. I just need a few written affidavits. They want to be sure I’m not some crazed predator that will eat you all in your beds, I guess. Dash got green stamped in about five minutes.”

“Well, I hope everything turns out okay. I hear you got your foreleg busted up taking care of that popping cat. I’m not much of one for violence, but this thing was dangerous. Tell you what, lunch is on me. Least I can do to thank you.”

I protested. “Hey, look. I was just saving my own skin.”

But he insisted. “Saving your own skin, nothing. I heard you saved your missus and little filly. You also did a great service to this town, and you should be proud of both. What you did changed some opinions about you, all for the better. Now, you’ll take a free lunch, and you’ll be grateful for it.”

I raised my hand in surrender, “Alright, you win.”

We placed our orders and sat, each in our own little worlds. Looking off into the distance, I admired the towering spires of the Coins mansion.

I spoke quietly, and Dash only smiled sadly at me, “You know, Dash, normally I would save Coins for last, but this is important, and I want to strike while the iron’s hot. I think he’s the kind of guy who would be impressed if I go to him first. The last time we talked, we left on, well, not exactly good terms, but better than they were. I hope I can use that to our advantage.” I reached over the table and gave her neck a loving squeeze. “No point in wasting this advantage on anything less important.”

I chuckled. “Who knows, maybe one day we’ll be having a barbeque with Coins and his family, laughing about the old days and celebrating the new.”

Dash chuckled. “You’re so cute when you try to redeem the unredeemable.”

“How does the song from that stupid show go?” I cleared my throat and started singing quietly. Badly.

”My Little Pony,

I used to wonder what friendship could be,

Da da da da, da da,

mummum..shared its magic with me”

Dash snickered at my impromptu lyrics.

“Big adventure”

She snorted, knowing it was her part in the song.

“Tons of fun,
A beautiful heart,
Faithful and strong,
Sharing kindness,
It's an easy feat,
And magic makes it all complete,
You have my- mmmph”

It’s hard to sing when receiving a kiss from Rainbow Dash. Still laughing, she pulled away. “Okay, okay! I get it, mister creepy town pony show fan. And that’s totally cool. You know I believe in you, you big lug. It’s that jerk I have doubts about. And...” she smiled sweetly, “thanks for making me laugh.”

I fell into her eyes and could only smile. “That means a lot to me.”

She flashed me that little mischievous smirk. “That I don’t trust Coins?”

I chuckled. “Yes, my heart is all aflutter because you’re a little unsure about a sociopath. Unlike you, I want to invite him to the family barbeque and give him piggyback rides.”

Dash chortled. “You are a goof and a good person, and I,” her cheeky grin grew, “am a good influence on you.’

I walked up, alone, to the increasingly familiar front steps of the Coins estate, the gold leaf columns still as impressive as ever. Dash and I decided it would be best if I went alone. I tentatively knocked on the front door and waited.

I could hear a child’s voice calling out, “Door.” In a slightly higher, peevish tone, she repeated herself, “Door!” She finally called out shrilly, “DOOR!” still more peevishly, if that was possible. This was followed by a pained sigh and the clip-clop sounds of a filly walking on marble floors.

The door opened, and I was greeted by a little silver-grey filly with a braided silver mane, a pair of glasses, and a string of pearls. We both stood, blinking at each other. I smiled. She let loose with the most startling, blood-curdling scream I think I have ever heard in my life. We both stumbled away from each other, my hand raised in defence. Based on the volume and terror, you would think I was trying to serve her up as cold cuts. The poor little thing seemed absolutely terrified.

Before I could say anything, I heard a thunder of hooves on marble. Turning a corner and galloping down the hall came a very angry Ms Butterscotch, soaking wet, mane and tail dripping with suds and soap. As she charged, she yelled, “Silver, get away from that thing before it hurts you!”

She came skidding to a halt. I was stunned at this very sudden and unexpected turn of events. But I managed to regain my cool in time to calmly speak out, “I’m here to see Mr Coins.”

She stood quite close to me, dripping on the marble floors. I could smell the scented soaps she used, “You’re not welcome here, Alex Roberts.”

I repeated calmly, “I need to speak to Golden Coins. It’s a personal matter.”

I looked up at the sound of angry stomping and cursing from down the hall. A snarling Golden Coins bellowed, “What in the name of Night- oh,” his expression became neutral, “Alex, so good to see you again so soon. Miss Butterscotch, please dry yourself off, and Silver, dear, do refrain from screaming at daddy’s... friends.”

Miss Butterscotch mumbled, “I apologize for my rudeness, Mr Coins, but I heard Silver screaming. In the future, I will greet Mr Alex Roberts,” she seemed to choke on the last word, “warmly.” With that, she trotted quickly back to what I assumed was the bathroom.

Silver Spoon looked back and forth between myself and Coins for a few moments before speaking very timidly, “Y-Yes, Daddy. Welcome to our home, Mr Alex Roberts.” I was a little shocked; that kid looked just as afraid of her dad as she was of me.

“Come along, Mr Roberts, let us go to my new office and speak with some privacy.” He trotted quickly down the hall, turning into the room he had charged out of.

As I entered the familiar den, I observed the window had been partially boarded over and wallpapered. The desk was a chaotic mess of ledger sheets, various stamps, and coloured pencils. To his side, within easy reach, was an ornate golden cup, and it included the ubiquitous bendy straw used by every pony. To his left sat an overstuffed Victorian-style chair.

He gestured toward the chair, “Please, sit. Mr Davenport is truly gifted in the furniture-making arts. Do you know he built this based only on his own observations of you about town?”

“Thank you, sir.”

He waved a hoof dismissively, “You shall call me Golden, and I shall call you Alex. Now sit.” He added under his breath, “So we can get on with our lives.”

I sat, and it was like putting my backside in heaven. I have literally never sat in a more comfortable chair. He must have read my expression, “I can see you approve of Mr Davenport’s hoofwork.”

I wiggled my backside a little, revelling in the comfort. “Very much so. I’ll have to commission one just like it for my home.”

Coins gave me a bored look, then sipped from his cup and mused, “An excellent red wine with imported rose sea salt. A perfect blend. Would you care for some?”

“No thank you, s— Golden.”

“Are you sure you don’t want some? I always add the salt separately, and I can have an extra bottle brought up. Besides, I find it better to match the salt with the wine.” He took another sip and, with a very slight smile, “Yes, quite delightful. Now, I’m sure you’re not here for a friendly visit. Our business meeting is not for two days. What is it that I can do for you, Alex?”

I was surprised at his cool yet friendly behaviour. “It is a rather personal matter, Golden. I’m not sure if you’re aware, but Rainbow Dash and I are in the process of adopting a pegasus filly named Scootaloo. Since I am, as they say, not a local, I was asked to secure affidavits as to my fitness to be a father. Your name was on the list, and I wanted to seek your help first, seeing as you’re such a respected member of this community.” I did my best to keep my demeanour humble and subservient and my tone not sarcastic. It hurt, but what was a little self-respect for her?

His expression remained neutral, and I was sure he was evaluating my words, weighing them. His eyes flicked to some photos on the mantelpiece. One was a young mare with glasses and a string of pearls. I recognized her as Silver Spoon. The other, older one looked like a wedding photo, with Coins being the happy groom and the bride the spitting image of the other photo, right down to the glasses, pearls, and braided mane.

Coins looked back at me with a genuine, sad smile. “We both know that’s a lie. My reputation is for hating feath—” He frowned, catching himself, and I pretended not to notice. “...non-earth ponies is common knowledge.”

I shrugged. “I don’t know about that. I find rumours and ‘what everyone knows’ to be an inaccurate source of information.”

He considered me for a moment, then gave a short chuckle. “Well said. Now, back to the matter at hand. I suppose I owe you a great personal debt. Thanks to you, Princess Luna herself has seen fit to impart Her wisdom on my blessed home. She has not only acknowledged me personally, but She has also sent me several letters with guidance to make me a better pony. One of those letters,” He motions with his forehoof to the back wall displaying three scrolls, “asked that I tell you about a certain incident that may have led to my,” he pursed his lips for a moment, “reputation.”

He took a long sip from his wine, sighed, and spoke in an unemotional tone, “My wife’s name was Platinum Ladle. She was breathtakingly beautiful, a brilliant chef, kind, warm, and she had a wonderfully mischievous sense of humour. She was everything a stallion could want in a wife and a friend.”

Coins seemed lost in thought for a moment, so I took the opportunity to comment, “She sounds like a wonderful person. I’m sorry I never had a chance to meet her.”

He smiled sadly, “It had been a very good year, both personally and financially. It was our first wedding anniversary, and my dear Platinum was ten months pregnant. We decided to live like the nouveau rich that we were.”

He took another sip of wine before continuing, “The travel agent promised us, assured us, the cloud walking spell would last for two weeks, plenty of time to enjoy Cloudsdale, see the sights, wine and dine, no salt for Platinum of course.”

“In retrospect, the unicorn who cast the spell seemed to be out of sorts. I had met so very few unicorns at the time. I thought it was normal for them to look so bedraggled, having to wield all that mighty magical power. He did me first, then... Platinum.”

“The first day, we arrived by chariot at the Grand Hotel in Cloudsdale. It was wondrous, and my sweet Platinum was awestruck, as was I. We had a tour of the weather factory, the Colosseum, and even the ancient temples. Oh, I know how touristy it is, but we were inexperienced and both from humble backgrounds. We thought that’s what rich ponies did, so,” he takes a long sip, “we did as the rich did.”

I was curious, “But if your wife was that far along in her pregnancy, why would you take a risky vacation like that?”

He took a sip, “We were young, in love, and my precious Silver Spoon was soon arriving. We knew we would not be able to take such a trip again for years, so we wanted a last fling, a last hurrah.”

This time Coins picked up the goblet and drained it, spilling some on his coat, but he didn’t seem to notice. He then carried the empty goblet to a small table with various bottles of wine and several shallow bowls with salt.

I had seen it done before, ponies walking on three legs and carrying something in the fourth. Dash told me the trick was to grip the ground with their rear hooves and not take the third leg off the ground for too long. It would seem earth ponies have more opportunity to practise than others.

Coins put two spoonfuls of salt in his goblet, quite a bit as I understand it, then topped it off with red wine. Before returning he took another spoonful of salt and poured it in his mouth. Even Dash, when she’s partying, wouldn’t do that.

I was a little worried and spoke gently, “Hey, Golden. Are you sure that much salt is a good idea? Based on what I’ve seen, that’s a lot of it. Are you okay?”

Wavering slightly, he just looked at me as if he had never seen me before. “That is very kind, Alex. Few show me kindness. Not to ‘Stinky Old Coins’, as the children say.” He turned his head away sadly, then looked back at me with a curious smile, “I have done nothing but be cruel and mean-spirited to you, yet you show me compassion. Even when you attacked me, you made sure not to harm me. For this, I thank you, Alex.”

Coins returned to his seat, put the straw back in, and took a sip. “Now, where was I? Ah, yes. The last day of my dearest Platinum.”

“It was our second night, and we had gone to bed early. Well, you know how a pregnant,” he seemed to be racking his memories for a moment, then brightened, “woman?” I nodded, “likes to have her hooves rubbed. We were in bed, she was resting her head on a cloud pillow, and I was there, at her hooves, easing the pain and discomfort our little Silver Spoon inadvertently brought with her. She started complaining that the pillow was getting soft. I... I laughed. I thought she was joking. She was always making silly little jokes like that. Then she started screaming and...” Coins drank deeply, ignoring the straw. He dropped the goblet, spilling wine and salt on the floor.

Coins then did something I didn’t expect: he wept. Not just a few controlled tears, but an anguished wail, an expression of profound grief. After a moment, he spoke with obvious difficulty, gasping as he continued his story, “...her hoof slipped out from mine. I was a bank clerk, not some muscle-bound field hand. I didn’t have the strength to hold her. I simply didn’t have the strength. In a panic, I called the front desk, and they called the City Guard.”

He composed himself, that calm facade back in place, “Did you know it takes approximately sixty seconds to fall from Cloudsdale to the ground? An average pegasus can make that distance at full flight in about twenty seconds. The City Guard left after exactly forty-two seconds. By the time they reached her, she had already hit the lake's edge.”

Coins stared into space briefly, and I didn’t dare interrupt him. He continued without looking at me. “Do you know who was the first to get to her? Miss Butterscotch. At the time, she was a nursing student. She had been enjoying an evening walk by the lake. She saw Platinum hit the shallow water. She was able to keep Platnum alive long enough for the paramedics to cut my little one from her mother’s womb. By the time I got there, Miss Butterscotch was holding my perfect, healthy daughter. My perfect little filly, who looked exactly like her mother. Her perfect, beautiful mother. And now, my trusted employee, then my best friend in this world, Miss Butterscotch, takes care of my perfect little filly.”

There was a long silence while Coins quietly looked at the photos on the mantelpiece. I was at a loss as to what to say, so I said the only thing I could think of, “I’m so sorry, Golden.”

“Well, I suppose the best thing I could do in the way of thanks would be to provide you with an honest assessment of your parenting skills.” He went to the door and yelled out, “Pencil Pusher! I need to dictate a letter.”

I returned to the restaurant where Dash was nervously waiting. The moment she spotted me, she leapt into the air and flew at me in a blur, “So, how did it go? Did he go for it?”

I smirked, “Does this answer your question?” With a confident smirk and a flourish only agile hands could provide, I produced a scroll sealed with the Coins family crest. “I was escorted to the garden to wait.” I chuckled, “I’m sure Coins whispered the whole thing to Pencil Pusher so I couldn’t hear it. Anyway, it must be impressive. It took an hour to write it. Lucky for me, Miss Butterscotch brought out snacks and a drink. I think she only spit in my cup once.” Dash snickered, and I continued with a shrug. “I didn’t mind. Ponies have good oral hygiene.” Dash laughed and eww’ed, all while nuzzling my cheek. “I was really nice to her no matter what she did. Drove her nuts.” Dash snickered in earnest.

After a full minute, Dash’s snickering trailed off, and her expression became sober. She held the scroll in her hoof, balancing it on its end. “I wonder what he said. I mean, it could say anything. Isn’t it driving you crazy?”

“Nope. I did everything I could to get him on my side, and now there’s nothing to do but wait.” I held her in my arms, “I saw a side of him that I never expected. It was... sad.” I gave her a peck on the nose, “I think I can help him heal, stop the hate.”

“Don’t put your hopes up, Alex. He’s been that way for as long as I can remember.” She pushed me back a little and flashed her trademark confident smirk at me, “But if anyone can do it, you can, you big lug.”

I smiled, then remembered my promise and facepalmed. “Shoot, I was so excited about getting the letter from Coins, I almost forgot going to see Fluttershy. Come on, let's go before it’s dark. The last thing I want is to be walking near the woods at night.” I chuckled, “Again.”

39 - Collecting Words

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Dash and I approached Fluttershy’s cottage. It always left me slightly confused, a strange fusion of the wild and perfectly manicured. We passed a clearing I was familiar with. At the far end was a circle of grass at a slight angle. This was the spot I landed in almost nine months ago. It was impressive how much it stood out from the surrounding landscape. Seems what I brought with me was a darker green and more coarse than the local stuff. Fluttershy said it tasted bitter but might make a nice accent in a salad.

I felt a little sad and happy at the same time. So much has happened since I landed here, so many wonderful surprises. Compared to my other experiences, this has been just a fun ride. Unlike everywhere else, here I have friends, wealth, a lover, a child, a family. I envied no man, or stallion for that matter. But there was a little voice in the back of my head that asked if this was too much of a coincidence. Well, something to brood on another day.

As we approach the backyard, I spot a bear waddling out of what appears to be an outhouse. He was also trailing some toilet paper under his paw. The absurdity of the sight, combined with the tension of the day, caused me to begin laughing out loud.

Dash started snickering with me and asked, “What’s so funny?”

“Now, my dear Dash, the eternal question asked by man, and possibly pony, since the dawn of time. No, bears do not, in fact, shit in the woods.”

Dash moaned, chuckled, shook her head, and then hovered ahead to find Fluttershy. I think she wanted to make sure there were not going to be any issues between me and her.

Before I reached the clearing I heard a bit of a commotion. Fluttershy’s voice was a little louder than I expected, a tiny pause between each word, “Oh, goodness. Look at this wonderful,” she gagged a little, “yummy half raw ch-chicken, just for you.”

A moment later, I heard a hiss and a tiny pop, quickly followed by Dash’s derisive snort and the most delicate little frustrated sigh. I had to assume that was from Fluttershy.

I carefully approach the clearing, using all of my experience to keep as silent as possible. The little black creature quickly shifted its gaze from Fluttershy to Dash. It had not noticed me yet.

Dash whispered to her friend, “Let me try, Flutters.” She takes the meat from her hoof. “Here, kitty, kitty.” When Dash tried to flutter closer, the little thing hissed and popped again. Dash groaned, “Alright, big guy, you’re up.”

I spotted the small cardboard bucket with a label that said ‘Garbo Gryphon’s Grubb House Chicken - Home of the Equestria Famous - Seared Spiced Chicken’. I slowly bent down and picked it up.

I had never seen that restaurant in town before. I’ll have to remember to ask Fluttershy about it. I mused, ‘It would be nice to have access to a source of meat that’s not fish or pet food.’

Anyway, I guess it’s my turn. I crouch quietly and move slowly toward the girls. I make sure to turn my eyes away from the frightened little thing. I figured if domestic cats didn’t like to be stared at, why would a wild cat?

Calm. This animal needs calm. I change from a crouch to a cross-legged sit. I whisper, “Dash, Fluttershy? Can you back away, please?”

Dash gave me a little nod and slowly, and without wasting any time, moved away. Fluttershy only stared at me in curiosity until Dash gently pulled her away, too.

For a full ten minutes, all I did was sit, without a sound, holding a strip of meat loosely in my hand, low to the ground. I made sure to look away from the kitten, never to look at it directly, but also to make sure I could see it out of the corner of my eye. I soon felt the lightest touch on the meat. I risked taking a good look, minimizing my movements.

It was sniffing the strip of meat, feeling it with its whiskers. I moved my hand a tiny bit, bringing it lower, so it could eat, and it popped away in fear. Obviously, kitten-popping cats could teleport more often than adults. My guess would be less mass in relation to the size of whatever organ they used to teleport.

After another five minutes, it was, once again sniffing at the food. I dared look again more closely. There, just centimetres from my fingertips was a tiny, fragile little creature. It was obviously torn between fear and hunger. It slowly, carefully moved its tentacles, moving closer to the meat, until finally, the little clawed pads snatched the food out of my hand and it started to tear into it. It didn’t teleport away but looked at me for a long moment. Once it had devoured the strip, it then slowly, cautiously, moved forward and sniffed my fingers.

I took a chance, and started to quietly sing a lullaby I had sung to my children. Well, not the exact song, but something like it. I realized the lines didn’t rhyme anymore, but it wasn’t like anyone would understand. Anyway, it made me smile to sing such a silly song.

“Fais do do, Dino mon petit frere. Fais do do, t'auras du poulet. ”

At first, the kitten looked like it was about to jump again, but then it slowly became curious.

“Maman est en haut, Elle fait d’la tourtiere. Papa est en bas, Il fait du rôti.”

It started to approach me, and I heard purring.

I continued, softly, “Fais do do, Dino mon petit frere. Fais do do, t'auras du poulet.”

As I ended, he rubbed his head against my hand while eating the meat using his tentacles. I gingerly scratched the top of its head, and it didn’t seem to mind. I continued to rub the top of its head with my index finger. “I think, my little friend, that I shall call you Dino.”

Out of the corner of my eye, I caught a smiling Fluttershy, glancing shyly at me. I heard Fluttershy whisper a few words to my rainbowed love, “...that way, he could bond with the darling little thing.”

Dash’s voice followed, filled with admiration, “... a set-up?” My dearest’s eyes lingered on me, and on the edge of my hearing, I heard her say, “...really cool. Thanks, Fluttershy...”

Dino curled up into my lap, wrapping his tentacles around himself and purring away. He seemed satiated for now and was perfectly content to be stroked.

Fluttershy's soft voice was so hard to hear. Only the last few words were audible, “... for friends like you.”

While I kept being affectionate with Dino, the two friends hugged. Dash then looked and smiled sweetly at me.

I waved them over. I kept my voice soft, “Fluttershy, thank you for doing whatever you did to make Dino... calm, I guess. I appreciate it.”

Again, the little pause between each word. “Oh, dear, Alex. I do not know what you mean?” I smirked. Fluttershy is such a bad liar.

Dash touched my arm and gave me an annoyed look while gesturing at Fluttershy with her eyes. “It was all you, big guy.”

Realizing it would be rude to call Fluttershy on her little ruse, I sighed happily. “I’m sorry, Fluttershy. I guess it was just lucky that I caught him in a good mood. Well, since Dino seems to have accepted me, I want to engage you in a little pet-sitting work, if that’s okay. Your usual fees?”

Fluttershy seemed positively frantic, like she had been caught with her hoof in the cookie jar, “But, I can’t possibly ask-”

I pleaded, “Fluttershy, please. You should be compensated for all your hard work. And that take-out chicken can’t be cheap. Anyway, I’m an Apple, so you know how stubborn we are.” I smirked warmly at her. “I’ll have the bits transferred to your account in the morning unless you want me to pay you for the first week in full right now?”

Dash fluttered up to me, “Pay her already. You know Dino’s gonna be in good hooves.”

“You’re right. Quicker than the bank, anyway.” I took out the coin pouch and withdrew the required coins. Angel seemingly appeared out of nowhere wearing a little visor like an old-fashioned bank teller and carefully counted the coins. When he was satisfied the amount was correct, he placed the coins in a pouch he wore as a backpack and handed me a receipt. I examined it, noting the header said, ‘Fluttershy’s Animal Care Services - Care For All Creatures Great And Small’.

I gave Dino a final scratch behind the ears, and l left him in Fluttershy’s tender care. I smiled when Dino tried to follow me, and Fluttershy gently held him back. A little sad, really. But he was obedient and didn’t teleport.

I walked, and Dash hovered in silence. Once we reached the main path, Dash spoke, “You know, Fluttershy thinks you’ll be a great pet owner. That’s her way of saying she thinks you’re a good guy. So, why Dino? Does that name mean something special? You know, like yours means ‘bright defender’. Was that the name of a pet you had before?”

“Honest truth? Dino is short for dinosaur.” I shifted my injured arm uncomfortably. It had been in the sling for far too long today. “There was a guy called Fred who named his pet that, and I thought it would make a good name.”

Dash seemed to accept that, “So, this Fred guy, was he a friend of yours back where you came from?”

I shrugged and shook my head, “Nah, just some stupid cartoon char-” I looked away from her, disappointed with myself. I spoke softly, voice filled with shame, “I’m so sorry. I didn’t mean... I wasn’t thinking. I...”

“No, you weren't, were you?” I felt warm forelegs wrapping around me, “It’s okay.” I could hear the laughter in her voice, “As long as I’m your favourite creepy town pony show character.”

I turned my body so I could hold on to her. “God. What did I do to deserve a wife as awesome as you?”

“Hey, pal. I’m not your wife yet.” She snickered, “I still have my options open, ya know.”

“Oh, I know. I’m not totally convinced Bea and Mac are for real. There’s your chance to get that big strong stallion of your dreams, or maybe there’s some mare you’ve had an eye on, or-”

“Shut up, you goof. You are the stallion of my dreams.” She held me tight, “I just didn’t realize I was looking for you until I beat you up.”

I chuckled at her wit. “Yes, dear.”

Having finally come home from Fluttershy’s, Dash and I snuggled in front of the fireplace for a little while, lost in thought. Naturally, the adoption process loomed over us and made our minds uneasy, but I was happy to have such a wonderful person at my side for this.

I leaned into Dash, her intoxicating scent giving me hope. “Dash, let's do something positive. She will be our daughter, and even Coins will give me a glowing review.”

She turned her head and smirked at me, “What have you got in mind, big guy?”

“You know all that stuff I got in Canterlot? I think now is the best time for us to put it to good use.”

Dash drawled slowly as she seemed to mull the idea in her mind, “Yeah, I don’t know-” Then she suddenly kissed me and lept up, “RaceYouToHerBedroom!” Dash took off, giggling like a fiend.

Dash is fast, tough, and easy on the eyes. Me? I’m slow, weak, and ugly as sin. She also has at least fifteen years on me physically, in addition to being a pegasus. My humble self? I’m just a tricky human.

I quickly craned my neck to look behind Dash, who happened to be in the very empty living room, and faked my most sincere expression of shock and surprise, “Princess Celestia! What are you doing here?”

Dash came to a sudden stop, looking around for her monarch,“Princess?”

I bolted past her, “Oops! Saw her in Canterlot!”

She chuckled warmly, “I’ll get you, Alex.”

While Dash may be faster and stronger than me, I was bigger. I blocked the stairwell and had my back to her all while I taunted, “Oh, darn. What now, oh most beautiful of pegasi?”

She smirked. “I might just have to do...”

“Yikes!” The sudden strong and focused telekinetic pull on my butt almost made me lose my balance, but I felt a hoof firmly hold me in place, and her second hoof gently pushed me to the side and out of the way. I had felt something like it countless times, just not there or quite as focused. It was almost like she was trying to goose me.

I stood on the steps for a moment, stunned. A good stunned. A happy stunned. But before my laughing angel could flutter past me, I ran my hand along her tail, not grabbing too hard, but just enough to get her attention.

She looked down at me, over her shoulder. Our eyes meet, and she turned around. Her smile was sad and hopeful and happy all at the same time. “I know you’re worried. I am too. But never forget that I will always-”

Her hoof rested on my lips. She sighed happily and spoke softly, ”You will always be here for me. Just like I’ll always be here for you. Forever.”

She closed the space between us, put her forelegs around my neck, and simply held me. Then, before she let me go, she whispered in my ear, “I can’t wait to be a mom, I can’t wait to hug my daughter, and I can’t wait to be a wife to a good husband.”

We kissed and wordlessly entered Scootaloo’s room together.

I had put the shopping bags in Scootaloo’s room, the one across the hall from us. As I started organizing the contents, Dash looked impressed, “You’ve got good taste. Then again, you are marrying me.” Her smile looked a little fake, and I knew she was worried about the adoption.

“First things first. I’m taking my arm out of this damn sling for a bit. I need to stretch it out. The last thing I want is for it to scar up and reduce flexibility...”

“Good idea. Be a shame if you were less... flexible.”

“Yes, Miss Rainbow Dash, it would be a crying shame.”

Dash and I worked together to quickly decorate her room. We put Wonderbolt posters on the walls. I made her bed with a Wonderbolt bedding set. Wonderbolt books were put on the little bookshelf. A Wonderbolt lamp and night light. And finally, the pièce de résistance, the authentic, one-of-a-kind set of goggles, autographed by Spitfire herself, mounted and covered in glass. There was a second pair of matching and equally authentic goggles for everyday use without the autograph. It was a Wonderbolt lovers’ paradise, and we couldn’t wait to present this to Scootaloo.

When we were done, I stood in the doorway of my little girl’s room. I wiped my face with my hand, not looking at Dash. Then she said, "Wow, my room looks great. Where is Scoots room going to be?" Once again, her silly sense of humour made me laugh. That's another thing you never really got from that stupid show.

Dash’s voice was strong, kind, and hopeful, “The adoption will go perfectly and...” she faltered, but only for a moment, “and... everything will go off without a hitch.”

Dash leaned against me. I wrapped my good arm around her shoulder and spoke softly, “We,” I pulled her a little tighter, “are going to have a wonderful daughter.”

We had gone to bed soon after decorating Scootaloo’s room. Dash sprawled and quickly went to sleep. I, however, simply lay in bed, getting a good look at my ceiling. The alarm clock on my dresser had a simple enchantment that made the clock face glow. I saw the minutes, then hours, crawl slowly by.

At three in the morning, I felt Dash shifting. In a groggy voice, she spoke to me, “Hey Alex. What are you still doing up this late? Are you okay?”

I smiled at her concern. “Just thinking about stuff that’s been rattling around my head since I got here since I realized where I was. Stupid stuff, really. It’s nothing to worry about, sweetheart. Why don’t you go back to sleep.”

“I’m not going to sleep while you’re sitting here worried. That’s not what I do. You,” she placed her hoof on my cheek, “are going to get it out. And make it snappy, I’m,” she yawned, “tired.”

“Then you should go to sleep, beautiful.” I gave her a quick peck, and she looked at me with one raised eyebrow and that little smirk. I knew I was beaten. “Okay, fine, but it’s not that interesting. Anyway, I know that look, so I’ll get this off my chest as fast as I can.”

“So, the big one. Why me? Not in that complaining, ‘Oh universe, why doth thou strike at me.’ kind of way. I mean, what’s so damn special about me in particular? Why would a wonderful, beautiful angel like you want anything to do with, well, me? I mean, the best I should have expected is a friendship, not a love affair. Heck, I even had the thought pass through my mind that you were originally sent to spy on me, and you’re still putting up with me just to keep closer tabs on me.”

Dash looked shocked. I waved my hand dismissively. “I know you’re no spy. And if you are, you have me totally fooled.” She reacted by placing her head on my chest and placing her hoof in my left hand, gripping me tightly.

“And that leads to another question, why do problems seem to melt away so easily? I drop out of the sky, and land in Fluttershy’s backyard. Just like that, I have a friend. On my way to Ponyville, I get beat up by the coolest mare in Equestria. How’s that for lucky?” Dash snickered and snuggled closer.

I continued, “Then, I walk into town. Folks are, for a very good reason, kind of scared of me. Bang! Coins shows up just in time for me to save Scoots and win the respect of the town folk. Not just any filly, mind you, but the little filly I would fall in love with. My little girl. It could have been, I don’t know, Sweetie Belle or, or, what’s Derpy’s daughter’s name? God I cringe at that name.”

Dash helped me out, “Dinky. And what’s wrong with Derpy’s name?”

“The word ‘derpy’ has negative connotations where I come from; it basically means stupid, and I know Derpy isn’t that. Anyway, Dinky. So, it could have been any other kid, but it was Scoots. What are the odds?”

“And, just in case that wasn’t enough, ladies and gentlemen, I save Tree Trimmer from a burning building in full view of the town. You know, just in case everyone doesn’t know, the new guy in town is on their side, despite being an apex predator. Something that should make every pony run away like maniacs.”

“And as an added bonus, before I got here, I was really messed up. I would...” I lifted my arm, the multitude of scars visible in the moonlight, “...cut myself every time I killed something, I was deep in PTSD,” Dash gave me that little look that said she didn’t quite get it, “same thing as Induced Trauma Syndrome. I was damaged goods, Dash. I was a broken man. I slept with my knife, ready to attack. Heck, I almost stabbed Angel on my first morning. Part of me regrets that...” Dash snickers. “The point is, I should have needed years of therapy, maybe a lifetime, and I was basically fine after a few short months. What fixed me so fast?”

Dash hummed, then spoke in silken tones, “A home you can feel safe in? Good friends?” She kissed my jaw, “The love of a good mare?”

I sighed happily, “Definitely, the last one.” I paused my diatribe to enjoy her warmth. After that moment, I continued, “Speaking of good luck, isn’t it just peachy that I happen to have over two hundred kilos of the most valuable metal in this world? That I happen to have been carrying for,” I had to think about it for a moment, “five jumps because it was totally worthless everywhere else.”

“And what about the Princesses? If I were in their shoes, the moment I knew an unknown alien popped into my turf, I would sic the Elements of Harmony on them or, at the very least, the Royal Guard. Why didn’t the Princesses throw me in a lab and study me?” Dash started laughing, and I couldn’t help but chuckle along with her. “Seriously, for all you know, I could be a spy or a scout for an invasion.”

Dash snuggled closer, “Yeah, well, if you are, you’ve got me fooled.”

With a terribly fake French accent, “Well, I am a very good spy.” Dash snickered, and I spoke normally, “Anyway, what’s so special about humans?”

“Alex, I don’t know what’s special about humans, but I do know what’s special about you. You’re special enough to get me to realize I could never be a Wonderbolt.”

“You see? You see! That’s what I mean. They were everything to you. I know you didn’t like the show, but you can’t tell me it was that far off, can you?”

“Ugh, always with that stupid show. Look, it’s simple. You've been bucked in the flank for so long that now that you have a little good luck, you just don’t see it. Let me make it easy for you. I love you, Scoots loves you, your friends all love you, the Princesses trust you, you caught a lucky break with the aluminium, and you made me realize why I could never really join the Wonderbolts anyway.”

“What? Why not? You've got the talent, the dedication, the work ethic, the-”

She put a primary feather over my mouth, “I’m an Element of Harmony, Alex. It didn't matter how good I was. I could never be a Wonderbolt.”

I tried to speak through her feather, "But-”.

“Think about it. If there’s another Nightmare Moon or Discord, you need the Elements to stop them, right?” I nodded. “And the Elements only work if I’m with my friends, right?” I nodded again. “So, if I’m out on tour, I’m leaving my friends behind, right?” Once again, I nodded at what she said. “So, if there's trouble, I need to be close by. I need to be loyal to my friends.” She gave me a bittersweet smile, “And that’s why I can’t be a Wonderbolt.” She seemed thoughtful for a moment, then gave me a throaty chuckle, “Anyway, with all my friends and my new family here, why would I ever want to leave Ponyville?”

She repositioned herself above me, one foreleg on either side of my head, “One more thing, Mr Alex Roberts. If you ever, ever, question my feelings for you again, I will buck you into next Tuesday.” Dash kissed me passionately, pulled back, and smiled angelically down at me, her messy mane cascading down over her shoulders and around her head, tickling my cheeks, “Do I make myself perfectly clear, you big lug?”

I placed my hand on her cheek and lost myself in those perfect eyes, “Yes, dear. Perfectly.”

With my beloved in my arms, I soon settled down to a troubled sleep.

Author's Notes:

The song that Alex sings to Dino is based on a traditional French Canadian lullaby. Here is a translation of the original and Alex’s version. Those of you who remember this from your childhood will appreciate the humor.

Org. French Fais do do, Colas mon petit frere
Alex French Fais do do, Dino mon petit frere
Org. Transl Go to sleep, Colas, my little brother,
Alex Transl Go to sleep, Dino my little brother.

Org. French Fais do do, t'auras du lolo.
Alex Frech Fais do do, t’auras du poulet
Org. Transl Go to sleep, and you'll have a treat.
Alex Transl Go to sleep, you'll get some chicken.

Org. French Maman est en haut, Elle fait des gateaux
Alex Frech Maman est en haut, Elle fait d’la tourtiere.
Org. Transl Mama is upstairs making cakes,
Alex Transl Mom is upstairs, she's making meat pie.

Org. French Papa est en bas, Il fait du chocolat.
Alex Frech Papa est en bas, Il fait du rôti.
Org. Transl Papa is downstairs making chocolate.
Alex Transl Dad is downstairs, he's making a roast.

Org. French Fais do do, Colas mon petit frere
Alex French Fais do do, Dino mon petit frere
Org. Transl Go to sleep, Colas, my little brother,
Alex Transl Go to sleep, Dino my little brother.

Org. French Fais do do, t'auras du lolo.
Alex Frech Fais do do, t’auras du poulet
Org. Transl Go to sleep, and you'll have a treat.
Alex Transl Go to sleep, you'll get some chicken.

40 - Writing on the Cake

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I was aware of the darkness. Not the inability to see. That’s different. This was the visual awareness of darkness. I was fairly sure this was a dream. The only question was, is it just a weird dream or the start of another damn nightmare.

But this feels so much more real. What if it’s not a nightmare? The pulling in my gut put ice in my soul. That same sensation of... oh god, no! No, no, no, no, no! Not now! Not now! Oh god, Dash. I have to wake up. I have to warn her. I have to get you away! I’ll never hold Scootaloo again. I... wait. Hold on. This... this is different. It's the symptoms of a jump without the substance.

The world around me changed from black to an undulating grey to a great ever-shifting expanse of colours and hues and intricate patterns. Images faded in and out. Chaos and confusion. Nothing made any sense.

Yet, I found if I stilled myself and looked, I saw what looked like...a unicorn? Or the shape of one in all that chaos...chaos...then I heard a voice in my head. It was not Luna or the princesses but a deep male voice. Calm, subtle, yet clear. "Good. You took a step back to view the big picture. But it is not their sincerity you should be questioning. And is it the individual parts or the united whole that are important?" It finished with an inquiring tone, like that question was testing me.

Why is Morgan Freeman a voice in my head?

I awoke with a start to find Celestia’s sun peeking over the mountains. I was relieved to find I had not jumped, and I was left puzzled as to the nature of the dream. Still tired, I cuddled with my angel and once again fell asleep.

I was woken up by the sound of a pony knocking on the balcony door. I quickly put on a shirt and pair of shorts, then carefully stepped onto the balcony, quietly closing the door behind me. There, a blushing Derpy looked away and sputtered, “I’m so sorry, I didn’t mean to... I mean, I didn’t realize... I mean, I knew you and Rainbow Dash were... I mean...”

With a chuckle and a warm smile, “It’s alright,” I did my best to hide my discomfort in saying her name, “Derpy. Dash is still sleeping. Is there anything I can help you with?”

“Not really. I don’t think you can fly, can you? Of course not. You’re like an earth pony. You don’t have wings. What was I going to say?” I grew a little confused, “Oh, right. We got a report early this morning of a giant freak thunderstorm. Every pegasus on the weather patrol in Ponyville is being called in to help. I was sent to find Rainbow, and when she wasn’t at home, I thought she might be here. I hope I didn’t interrupt anything.” Derpy looked away shyly again.

“It’s alright, Derpy. Anyway, you’re family. How could I possibly get mad?” I smiled broadly again. “So, let me wake Dash up and get her breakfast.” I thought for a moment, “Did you have breakfast? You’re welcome to join us.”

She looked down shyly, “No, that’s alright. I had some of the wonderful muffins Caramel made last night. But thank you for the offer.”

“At least have a cup of coffee while you’re waiting. Just come in the back door and make yourself at home. I’ll get Dash going and be right down to make coffee and breakfast. Once she’s fed, you guys can go and save us all from a terrifying storm.”

She suddenly got a very serious expression, sat up straight, and snapped off her best military salute. “Yes, sir!” She flew off with a burst of wind that was noticeably less powerful than the one Dash makes.

I quietly opened the door and crawled on the bed. Dash lay there, her mouth was slightly open, her legs and wings all sprawled out. She looked positively adorable, and I almost felt guilty for doing this. Almost.

Moving carefully, I whispered in her ear, “Good morning Rainbow Dash. Time to get up.” Her mouth closed, a light smile grew on her lips. “Wakie, wakie.” She started squirming, her smile growing. “Time to go take care of that big bad rogue thunderstorm.” Dash’s eyes snapped awake, and she sat up very quickly. Fast enough for her head to impact mine. “Ouch!”

She was laughing, rubbing her forehead, “You goof! Are you okay?”

I also chuckled, rubbing my forehead as well, “I’m fine. No thanks to my own actions.” I heard the door downstairs opening, telling me Derpy had come in.

Dash started stretching, “So, what was that about a thunderstorm?”

“Derpy was looking for you. Something about a rogue thunderstorm. So, you go take a quick shower, and I’ll make some breakfast for you. Oh, and don’t be surprised-” She was already gone.

As I hurried carefully down the stairs, I heard a ‘Hey!’, followed by an ‘Eep!’ then a crash, ending with ‘Derpy! What are you doing here?’

When I arrived in the kitchen, Dash was in an aggressive stance, wings erect, and Derpy was trying to pick up my coffee pot, a look of embarrassment and panic on her face.

“Hey, sweetie, it’s alright. Like I was about to say before you took off, I invited Derpy inside for coffee while you were getting ready.”

A bashful Derpy drew a little pattern on the floor with her front hoof, “Sorry, Rainbow Dash. You scared me.”

“Yeah, well, I didn’t expect you here. So, I guess, make yourself comfortable. I'll go have a shower and be back in a few.”

I bent down to give her a kiss, but her eyes flicked worriedly towards Derpy, and she turned away at the last moment, and it landed on her cheek. “Something quick and high energy? Eggs, oatcakes, and a few hay pucks?”

She looks uncomfortably at Derpy, “Sure, whatever. Just make sure there’s some strong coffee, and I’ll be happy.”

I watched her go off to the bathroom, then went about the task of making breakfast. In an effort to maintain Dash’s happiness levels, I started by making a full pot of strong coffee.

As I was filling the coffee pot with cold water, Derpy spoke, “Alex, can I help? Is there anything you would like me to do? I was going to make coffee, but Dash said, ‘Hey’, and I got startled, and I dropped the coffee pot, and I tried to pick it up, but Dash said, ‘Derpy! What are you doing here?’, and...”

I interrupted the increasingly flustered blond-maned pegasus, “My dear Mrs Derpy Hooves. You are a guest in my home. Your job is to sit and enjoy a cup of coffee or tea. I’ve got this all under control.”

Putting the coffee on to boil, I could hear the shower starting. I grabbed a carrot and some lettuce, broke them up by hand, and put them in Tank’s bowl, along with clean water.

Derpy’s voice was a mixture of awe and maybe fear, “How did you do that?”

As I started mixing some oat cake batter, I said, “Do what? Make the coffee?” I hear the sound of hooves on the porcelain bathtub, telling me Dash is in the shower.

I smirk as she rolls her eyes, “Not that, silly. I mean cutting the carrot without a knife. Do you have cat claws? The kind that goes in and out like a cat?”

I chuckled kindly, “No, I guess it looks like that though. It’s just the difference in the way I grab stuff, more lateral strength, I suppose.”

It was just a simple mixture of oats, flour, milk, some sugar and a pinch of salt. I also started prepping a second frying pan for some eggs. I would wait until after Derpy left before cooking up the bacon. “So, how are things with Caramel, and how is Dinky adjusting to life with a new dad?”

“Just wonderful. There were some rough spots, especially around parenting issues, but we worked them out. And, um, cousin Alex? Since I’m here, I wanted to share the news with my family. I think I’m pregnant.” She giggled, a bright smile on her face. “I’m seeing the doctor this afternoon to make sure, but,” she rubbed her belly, “at about mid-Summer, there's going to be some more love in our family.”

I smiled broadly, “Congratulations!” I also felt something surprising: a burst of hard-edged envy. I prayed it didn’t show. “So, mid-Summer, you say?” She nodded happily. “I never realized ponies were in the oven that long.” I regretted the words as they came out. Derpy looked horrified and started moving away from me, tripping once or twice.

“Oh my goodness! Derpy, that’s just a saying where I come from. ‘Bun in the oven.’ Waiting for a baby is like baking a bun in the oven, get it?” I smiled, hopefully in a calming and amusing way.

Derpy came back to the table. “That’s a really scary way of saying, ‘The seed’s in the soil’.” She once again looked sheepishly at me, “I’m sorry I was so silly. It’s just... I know you’re nice, I know you would never hurt me or any pony, but you’re so tall, and you have all those scars, and I know you won’t try to eat me, but I saw your teeth and...” If it was possible, she looked even more sheepish.

I smiled, dropping to a knee, rubbing the back of my neck, “Yeah, I’m sorry I look the way I do.” She gave me the most sympathetic, heartbreaking look of a mother stumbling onto a sad child.

Before I could say anything else, Derpy shushed me, “Now Alex. Don’t be silly. No one can help the way they look. It’s not like you cut yourself up to look scary.” I winced at this. “ You shouldn’t be so hard on yourself.” She looked down sadly, “I’m the silly one who panicked and upset everyone.”

“Now, Mrs Derpy, being super critical of oneself is my job. On that subject, I’m sorry. For being scary, I mean. And as far as the baby goes, I hope you’ll keep me updated. I’m very, very happy for you and Caramel. I wish your baby well. So,” I chuckled, “silly question. When will you start showing?” Before she could answer, I smelled something burning, “Oops, I need to take care of breakfast.”

A much calmer Derpy, talking about her upcoming bundle of joy, happily answered. “With Dinky, I started showing at six months. How... how long do mares take to show from where you come from?”

I flipped the oatcakes and thought for a moment. “Ann, that’s my human wife, started showing after about four and a half months. Mind you, humans are only pregnant for about thirty-six weeks.” I had my back turned to Derpy, working on breakfast. I was expecting a barrage of questions but only heard silence for the longest time.

When she spoke, there was ice and anger in her voice. “Does Rainbow Dash know you’re a two-timing cheater? Does Ann, know you’ve abandoned her and your foal for some unicorn that’s prettier and smarter than her?”

I choked down my sudden urge to raise my voice. She didn’t know, after all. "I was unwillingly taken from my home, Derpy. And we have no idea how to get me back. I’ve accepted I will never return, which is why I am making a new life here. Do you understand?"

She looked suspiciously at me, “I guess. I’m still not happy with you. I heard you have a magic scroll that lets you talk back home.” Her eyes narrowed, and her voice lowered, “And why Rainbow Dash? She’s not very pretty.”

I smelled burning and muttered under my breath, “Damnit.” I turned and quickly took the oatcakes off the heat then scraped them onto a plate. “Derpy...” I let a long sigh escape, “I love Ann and my two kids, Dan and Lily, but I’ve lost them forever. Not even the Princesses can send me home. Ann knows this. And because of this, she told me to build a life. That life includes Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo. I did not abandon Ann, and I will not abandon Dash.” I raised my voice a little, despite my attempt to control it, “And for the record, Dash is very beautiful.”

In the moment of silence that followed, my thoughts turned to Derpy’s accusation. I was surprised. She was always so chipper, so meek. Yet here she attacked me pretty vehemently. I wonder if...

Before either of us could speak further, my beloved came into the room. She smiled a little sadly at me, “It smells good, Alex. Sorry if I was a little snappy.” She paused for a moment, “And for the record, I think you’re really handsome.”

I dropped to one knee. “Thank you. I didn’t mind. You’re not a morning person.” I made to kiss her cheek. She repositioned herself for a proper kiss. I pulled away and smiled. I stood with a theatrical clap of my hands, “And, so, madam, with the great help of good conversation from our dear friend Mrs Derpy, who I am happy to announce, is expecting a little bundle of joy.”

Dash smiled at her friend and hugged her, “Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! Oh my gosh! That’s awesome. I’m so happy for you.

“I, your humble servant, have prepared breakfast for the hardest working mare in Equestria.” As I started plating the food, I called over my shoulder, “Are you sure you don’t want any? I made lots.” As was normal with ponies, any signs of distress or negative emotions quickly vanished.

Derpy titered, “You keep offering, and I keep saying no.”

Dash chuckled, “You get used to that with him and food. It’s a human thing. It means he thinks of you as a friend. And if he ever offers to share bread, don’t worry. He’s not trying any funny business.”

I couldn’t help but chuckle, “Only with you, dear. Lucky for me, the first time I tried sharing bread was with an understanding friend. Where I come from, sharing bread or any food, really, is an act of friendship. It’s like saying, ‘I trust you, I am or want to be your friend, and I’m even willing to share my food with you.’ Ponies are lucky. You don’t really seem to need that.”

Derpy got a sweet smile, “Oh, that’s so nice, thank you. I... I guess I could have an oatcake.”

“Good, you’re eating for two now.” I serve her a plate of three nice oat cakes and have all the trimmings, pony and human, on the table.

Dash slathers some jam on her oatcakes as I fill her mug. I pause before filling Derpy’s cup. “Um, can pregnant mares have coffee? I don’t want to hurt you or the baby. I can make tea.”

She got that look that told me she thought what I said was adorable. “Of course, I can, silly. Why?”

I shrugged, “Well, human moms shouldn’t drink it when pregnant. But I don’t know anything about mares.”

Between bites, Dash commented, “I wouldn’t say that.”

I snorted, trying not to draw attention to her comment. “Anyway, big ‘ol cup of coffee then?”

Derpy smiled kindly, “Yes. A cup would be wonderful.” She then locked eyes with Dash for a moment and in the universal language of wives everywhere. In that split second, they spoke volumes to each other. Derpy smiled shyly.

With that, I quickly finished serving the meal, then busied myself packing a lunch for Dash. I made sure the two pegasus had a good breakfast, and then we said our goodbyes. I made quick work out of the dirty dishes and got ready for my own day.

Had this been almost any other day, I would have gone straight from home to Sugar Cube Corners for coffee then straight to visit Applejack, but today I was going to linger at the Cube for a very important conversation. I had to ask Carrot for his official opinion.

The familiar merry jingle of the bell that sounded by the door opening made me smile. Behind the counter, the always-busy Mrs Cake greeted me with her usually motherly cheer. “Hello, dearie. Your usual?”

“Not quite yet, Cup. Right now, I need to talk to Carrot. Is he in?” I looked away shyly, “It’s a... personal favour.”

Mrs Cake seemed to be taken aback at my request, “Oh, my, I hope it’s nothing bad. Is it?”

“No, no. Me and Rainbow are adopting Scootaloo.”

“Oh my, that’s just wonderful news, dear. That little Scootaloo is a real firecracker, such a nice little filly. I’d heard some gossip about that, but it’s nice to hear good news from the source.”

“Yes, ma’am, it is. As you likely know, I’m not from around here,” we both chuckled, “so they need some affidavits about my fitness to be a dad. Specifically, they wanted one from Carrot. So,” I shrugged, “here I am.”

“Alex, dear, I’ll get Carrot. Those muffins can wait.”

I had a sudden, inexplicable feeling that I had to apologize to Derpy. “Thanks, Cup. I really, really appreciate this.” Cup Cake paused at the kitchen door, looking back at me with that motherly smile, before heading into the kitchen.

I was a little startled when I realized Pinkie had been standing right beside me. I caught a whiff of her cotton candy scent, and the corners of my mouth rose involuntarily. That girl can just put a smile on your face just by being in the same room. I spoke quietly, “Hi, Pinkie. How are you?”

While I was surprised by her sudden hug, I was shocked by the sadness in her voice. “I’m really sorry, Alex. Really, really super duper sorry. I don’t know about the others, but...” She sniffed loudly. “Some days I wish I didn’t have my Pinkie Sense.”

“Woah, hey, Pinkie. What’s wrong?”

“I’m just sad that I can’t change what’s going to happen next.”

“What do you mean?”

“Tail twitch, shudders, cramp in my left back leg, tail droop, and tickly teeth means a bad review.”

I had heard of her infamous Pinkie Sense but had never encountered it directly like this. “Oh, well, okay. It’s not that I don’t trust you. I totally do, but let’s just see what happens.”

She stepped back, wiped her eyes, and while her eyes were still sad, she favoured me with a huge grin, “Okie-dokie-loki! It’s only one out of three, right? I’m sure everything will turn out just fine.”

“Yes, ma’am. I’m sure-”

Carrot stepped out of the kitchen, “Hello, Alex. My special Cup Cake says you need to speak to me?”

“You bet, Carrot. As you are no doubt aware, Rainbow Dash and I are adopting Scootaloo. Due to my... alien nature, for the adoption to be approved, I need to get some affidavits as to my fitness as a father. You were one of the people they wanted an opinion from. Carrot, can I ask this favour of you? Not that I thought you would put things in my favour, but there we go.”

He looked at me uneasily, “Are you sure you want me to give you an honest review?”

I paused before answering. I think I see where Pinkie was headed. “Yes, Carrot, I do. Even if I could have chosen my three reviewers in Ponyville, you were the top choice.

He tilted his head a little, “Why me? I’m not a hero or anything special.”

I smiled sadly, “In another life, I was you. Worked at a job I liked, did my best to be a good dad and good husband.” I was lost in thought for a moment, “Lost it all, of course.” I looked up with a smile, feeling hope, “Still, a new life here, right? So, will you do this for me? Will you give me your opinion? Good, bad, or indifferent?”

Carrot considered me for a long moment, “Well, alrighty then.” He went back into the kitchen.

Cup looked at me worriedly, “Don’t worry, dear. My Carrot speaks highly of you. I’m sure he’ll write a glowing report. Here, have a cup of coffee while you’re waiting.”

“Thanks, Cup. Hey, while I’m waiting, I’d like to set up a tab for Miss Sweetheart. Unlimited, payable directly by me.”

“That nice social worker that takes care of foals in need? That’s very generous.” She hoofed me my cup.

“Well, Cup, she does good work with those kids.” I took a sip, and as always, the coffee was perfect. “I’ve gotten a close look at what she does, and I think it will help her treat those kids special. Many of them have had it rough, and Sugar Cube Corners is a ray of sunshine for them. Just, um, don’t tell her it was me.”

Cup looked slightly confused, “So if she asks, who should I tell her did his.”

I thought for a moment, then snickered, “Tell her it was Golden Coins, but he wants to remain anonymous.”

She chuckled, “Oh, Alex. That’s so mean.”

I continued, smiling broadly, “How so? I do a good deed; no one knows except us, which is how I like it, and Coins gets the public credit. Maybe it makes him think about following up with his own acts. Even if he denies it, his is the only name associated with the deed. And the bonus? You get a little extra business.” I thought for a moment, then chuckled, “As a further bonus, it annoys the hell out of Coins.”

Cup smiled in irritation at me, “Alright. But I’ll tell them it was you, you big mean softy.”

I laughed out loud, “Tell you what, leave it anonymous, and I’ll be happy.”

Cup simply chuckled and nodded.

At that moment, Carrot came out of the kitchen with a scroll, sealed in what looked like a blob of cake frosting. With rainbow sprinkles. He placed it on the counter. “Well, Alex, here is my honest opinion.” Strangely, he didn’t make eye contact with me. “Cup, give him his two coffees on the house. And some pastries.”

Cup’s eyes narrowed, “Why the sudden generosity, dear.” I knew the inflection Cup was using. She thought he was up to something or trying to hide something from her. Every husband knew that tone. Part of me was pleased it was directed at someone else.

Carrot shifted from side to side. “Oh, haha. No reason. No reason. Can’t I thank a... a loyal customer?”

I suspected I knew why. I’m not that stupid—still, there's no point in punishing the guy for doing what I asked. “Carrot, thank you very much for the coffee and treats, and I want to sincerely thank you for your honest opinion. No matter what it is.” I put my hand out and maintained a friendly smile.

He gulped in fear. I’m sure I saw his hoof tremble a little. I made sure to very gently shake his hoof and speak only in the softest tones. “Thank you, Carrot. When I said I wanted your opinion, I was serious. I hope it’s positive, but even if it’s not, I’ll always be in your debt.”

41 - Arrangement for Lyre

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The morning crowds flowed around me, like water around a stone, giving me a slightly wider berth than anyone or anything else. Earth ponies shouted from behind their stands, pegasi swooped low overhead with carts, and unicorns carried their wares glowing with a rainbow of colours from store to store. The locals would give me a friendly good morning or would completely ignore me, like any other person. I wasn’t anything that special anymore, just like any other denizen of Ponyville. I found that I rather liked it that way.

With the scroll presented to me by Carrot in my pack, along with some suspiciously free pastries and two caffeinated treasures in my hands, I made my way to the Apple family apple stand. I arrived just as another satisfied customer was leaving. I smiled, “Hey, Applejack. How’s my favourite sister?”

Applejack squinted at me, “What in tarnation are you doing without yer sling? Doc Pulse said you needed to wear it.”

Before I could respond, we turned at the loud crunch of an apple. Apple Bloom piped up from behind the apple cart, “I thought I was your favourite sister.” She followed this with a cute burp and a big, toothy grin. Sweetie Belle and Sapphire skipped into view behind her.

I dropped to my knee with a huge smile and my arms out, “You’re my favourite filly sister and AJ’s my favourite grown-up sister.” The little red bowed filly jumped into my arms, and I gave her a loving hug. I did my best to hide my wince from the pain of getting my injured arm struck by that little high-energy filly.

Sweetie Belle looked on with a squeaky “Aww.” While Saphire just sat there grinning at me.

I spotted Scootaloo in the distance. She had stayed away, just like she was supposed to, and I felt my chest swelling with pride. I smiled, maybe a little sadly, and waved at her. She waved back nervously. I could tell she wanted to run over. Her little legs moved, and she was almost dancing in place. Her eyes met mine, and she stopped, one foreleg still raised, staying loyal to my words. On the edge of my hearing, I hear her yell out, “I miss you, Dad.”

I smiled at her and waved, then said out loud to no one in particular, “I have got to take care of those affidavits.”

Apple Bloom stepped back with a concerned look on her face. “Aphids? Aren't those them pesky bugs we have to keep away from the trees?”

AJ gently corrected her sister, “Affidavits. Those are letters ponies write that are the truth about something.”

Apple Bloom pressed on, “Right, affidavits. Come on, big brother, you’re as smart as Twilight. Scootaloo’s getting worried.” She turned away from me a little as if she was afraid I would get mad at her. As she continued, I was sure her voice cracked a little bit. “She thinks you might be changing your mind seeing as how much work it is to adopt her.”

Hearing my daughter was losing hope hurt. I turned my head to get a good look at my daughter and gave her another smile. As I spoke to my youngest sister, my expression became serious, “Apple Bloom, I have a very important task for you.” She sat up straight and nodded. “I want you to tell your niece that her dad is getting this done as quickly as he can.” I closed my eyes for a moment, “Can you tell her that for me? Can you tell her we haven’t forgotten, that we think about her every minute of every day? And that her mom is going crazy about this, too?”

I have never seen such grim determination in a face so young. “You bet, Alex.” Then, a thought seemed to have struck her. “Niece? You mean, I’ll be her aunt?”

I smirked, “Eeyup. You’re my sister, and I’ll be her dad, right? That makes you Auntie Apple Bloom.”

She got a sly look, “Does that mean I can boss her around?”

I chuckled, “Nope.”

Apple Bloom shrugged, “That’s okay, she wouldn’t listen to me anyhow.”

I gestured toward Scoots, “Alright, off you go. I need to have some grownup talk with Applejack.”

“But, I’m an aunt, isn’t that grown up enough?”

“‘Fraid not. Anyway, you’ll be late for school, and I’m really particular about my sister, daughter, and their best friends getting a good education.”

Apple Bloom harrumphed. “Alright, we’re going. I’ve got to go tell my niece your important message on the way to school.”

I stood and watched them skip off and absentmindedly patted Applejack on the shoulder. “She’s a good kid.” A melancholy overtook me momentarily, “I hope I’m doing... right by them. Scotaloo and Dash, I mean.”

She softly shoulder-checked me, “Shoot. I don’t doubt that. They’re lucky to have you, you know that? Thank you kindly for the coffee, by the way.”

I rubbed the back of my neck, “...welcome. And I sure hope so.” I sighed, “Good old self-doubt.” I chuckled mirthlessly, “I know, right? Alex Roberts with self-doubts. Who would have thunk it.”

She smiled up at me a little sadly, “S’all right, sugarcube, it happens to the best of us, even Pinkie.” She reached up and rubbed my back a little. She spoke softly, with a tone of concern, “So, you sent the kids away for a reason, Alex?”

I chuckled, “Many and varied. They need to hit the books, I need to talk to someone, and Dash isn’t here.” I realized what I said sounded awful. I waved my hand, dismissing my words. “Not like that. I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that.”

She took a sip and chuckled. “I know what you mean. When your marefriend ain’t here, your sister will have to do. So, worried about the reports?”

“Yes, ma’am. I think the one I got from Golden was positive. We had a good talk, and I think we have an understanding.” I glanced at the clouds in the sky being taken apart by the weather team, hoping for a glimpse of Dash. “Anyway, I got a good vibe.” I chuckled, “Maybe I’ve got Pinkie Sense? Besides, it’s Carrot’s report I’m worried about. I... I think he doesn’t think I can be a good dad. It got me thinking. Maybe he’s right. Maybe-”

Applejack started sputtering under her breath, “Y’all are gonna be a fine pa. You already are. Your Daniel and Lily are two fine youngsters. Why that no good hypocrite. I’m not even sure he even fathered his own kids. ‘Second cousin twice removed was a pegasus’ my flank. Why that rotten-”

I knew no one else could have heard that, but I was shocked. I had never heard such vicious spite coming from her mouth. I whispered, “Wow. Are you sure that’s the truth? Because I don’t think so. Anyway, I asked him for it.” I rubbed my forehead. “No AJ, I practically begged him to give his honest opinion.”

She looked up at me, her mouth opened and closed silently, then she looked to the ground, embarrassed. “Shoot.”

I smiled kindly at her and spoke softly, “It’s alright. You saw family under attack, and you shot back. Anyway, I don’t think Mrs Cake has eyes for anyone other than Mr Cake.”

She looked back up at me, pushing her hat up a little, “Yeah, I suppose not.”

We stood quietly, me leaning against the apple stand. I spent much of the morning helping her with customers. The only noteworthy event was that, at one point, a customer dropped a bag of apples. I helped her by quickly picking them up. She was a cream-coloured earth pony with a pink and blue striped mane. She smiled kindly at me but didn’t speak. I thought I might have recognized her from the show, but I’ve learned to throw that out the window.

Applejack and I continued like that until mid-morning. During a lull in the flow of customers, AJ scolded me. “Alex, why are you still here? I appreciate the help and the company, but you should be getting that last note so you can get on with raisin' that little filly. Who is it, anyway?”

I cheerfully said, “Lyra Heartstrings. Nice young lady. I tripped over her at the train station.”

AJ gave me a you-have-got-to-be-kidding-me look, “Come again?”

I repeated the name.

Those lovely green eyes blinked at me, “Sugarcube, I think it would be safe- I mean best if y’all waited for Dash or me to come with you.”

“Dash seemed to know her when we bumped into each other at the train station. Anyway, she seemed nice enough. What could possibly go wrong?”

After chatting for a little while longer with Applejack, I let her know I would see how Bea was doing at her new house. I’m glad I was able to get that key to her. Having my new employee and friend homeless would not do, although I’m sure Big Mac would gallantly offer her a place to stay.

Now, why the hell am I procrastinating? Was I scared of getting the last affidavit? I guess as long as I didn't get it, I couldn't fail.

It was a modest cottage on the edge of Ponyville, near the merchant tents, not far from the Carousel Boutique—a nice part of town. It was nicer than mine, really, but she deserved it.

I rounded the corner to see Bea with a kerchief on her head, sitting primly with her back to me and three paint brushes repainting her once red and green house into a blue that matched her coat. I noticed some large stencils with various star and moon shapes lying on the ground.

I moved quietly behind her and made sure not to disturb her. She was focusing on what she was doing, but I could see a satisfied smile. I continued to watch her, fascinated at her skill in precisely controlling the three brushes. I was a little surprised at how quickly she had settled in and was making this place her own. When she let out a breath, and the brushes dropped into a water-filled bucket, I spoke. “Very nice, Miss Lulamoon.”

She stood and turned with a friendly smile, “Why thank you, boss.” Her eyes narrowed in irritation, “Alex Roberts. Please tell me your arm is in an invisible sling. Because if it is not, I will be having a conversation about this with your darling sister and your fiance.”

I chuckled nervously, “Holy cow, you go straight for the jugular. You sure you’re not half she-wolf?”

She smiled sweetly, “Flattery will get you nowhere. Please stop trying to distract me.” Her expression became worried, motherly. “I’m supposed to keep an eye on you, and you not wearing your sling means you might hurt yourself again.” She sighed. “I value our friendship, and I value you, but if I have to talk to Rainbow about this, I will. I’m sure she’ll be much less nice about this than me or your sister.” She laughed, “Come inside for a cup of tea. I need to let this wall dry before putting on the decorations.”

We entered by the kitchen door, walking past a row of pegs on the wall holding her hat and cape. The kitchen itself was a bit spartan, but then again, she hadn’t had a chance to do much inside if she was painting the outside. I would have to show her where the kitchen shop was. Again, it made sense, considering her past situations. I was surprised to see a small stool in the corner. A silvery glow surrounded it, and she placed it on my side of the small kitchen table.

She gave me a half smile over her shoulder. “Make yourself at home. I’ll just be a moment.” While I still don’t get the deep emotional reaction a pony would get, I could tell she had the same, I suppose, sex appeal Rarity has. But, when ‘Trixie’ was turned off, she also had a warm, grounded personality, a lot like Applejack. No wonder Big Mac fell ass-over-tea-kettle for her.

I thanked her for the seat and made myself comfortable. “Is there anything I can do? Anything you need? Was the house in good repair?”

She stopped mid-step and turned properly in my direction, with a combination of admiration and confusion, “The world is not your responsibility, Alex Roberts. Every problem is not yours to fix. Your kindness and generosity are far more than... well, let’s just say it was more than enough.” She returned to making tea.

The cupboard opened, and the two solitary cups floated to the table. I noticed the one at her end had a chip and the teapot was the same kind used at the Apple farm, only older and with more wear.

She spoke over her shoulder, “I’m sorry I don’t have any pastries to share, sweetie. You know how it is, busy working, no time to go shopping, big mean boss.” We both chuckled at the last.

Of course, I had to comment, “Hey, now. I’m engaged to be married, and I don’t think I should be sharing baked goods.”

A tea towel flew onto my head, and Bea’s laughter was like singing. “Not only are office romances a bad idea, but my heart belongs to another, boss.”

I smirked, “You’re not talking about my little brother, are you? Big, red, rugged guy?” Bea blushed and threw a smirk at me. “Now you be good to him. He’s not just another conquest, ya know.”

Trixie rebutted, “The Great and Powerful Trixie shall take any stallion she chooses. And he shall consider himself lucky for the privilege.” We both laughed at her antics. Speaking normally again, “He has, in fact, asked us...” she chuckled at her error, “me to join him on a picnic tomorrow night on Stargazer Hill.”

As I got up to place the towel back where it belonged, I said, “Nice spot. Not far from my house. Dash and I go there from time to time. Anyway, that will give me a chance to spy on you from my balcony, maybe get Dash to do a flyby in the dark.” As I sat back down, the towel was once again hurled at me.

Again, that joyful, free laughter. “Don’t you dare, boss. I’ll send a letter to the Equestrian Board of Entertainers if you do.”

“Now I see some incisors. Can’t hide your wolf-ish heritage.” I carefully folded the tea towel, “I’m happy you and Mac found each other.” I mused for a moment, “He’s a good person. I know he’ll treat you well.”

Once the tea was ready, she sat and held her cup between her hooves, rolling it slightly. I was surprised that she kept her eyes low, a slight smile on her lips. She spoke quietly, “I’ve told you this before, and I’m sure you’re tired of hearing it. You’ve given me a life I never imagined I could have. A sense of purpose. But I am most of all grateful for my new friends.” She smiled wistfully, “For that kind, gentle brother of yours.” She looked up from her cup, frustrated. “But so help me, if you don’t take care of yourself, I’ll... I’ll... I’ll lock you in one of my magic boxes and hide your back half.”

“Bea, I’ll be okay. A sling just... restricts movement and makes scars in bad places. Anyway, I’m being as gentle as a mother lamb. I don’t want to get three lovely, strong-willed ladies on my case. Heck, I’m already outnumbered with just one of you in the same room.”

She gave me a sceptical smirk. “Then why aren't you wearing a sling?”

‘Damn.’ I looked down, avoiding eye contact. “Because I know my own body. I heal up faster here than I have anywhere else. In fact, I’ve never healed faster, not without magic. You weren’t around for this, but when I first got here I-”

She interrupted me, “You thanked her for the evening sky. You could have asked to go home, you could have asked for any number of selfish things, but all you did was thank her for the comfort her night sky brought you. And this caught Luna’s attention. You, a total stranger, a complete alien, thanked her with humility. And then, you saved little Tree Trimmer and got yourself hurt. You were brave and stupid. You threw yourself into a situation most ponies wouldn’t even consider putting themselves in. And yet... and yet you did.”

I still couldn’t look up from the floor. I wouldn’t allow myself to.

Her practised storyteller’s voice carried the perfect tone to draw my attention, “And then there was,” Her voice changed to her stage voice, “me, The Mighty Trrrrixie, the most malevolent mare in all of Equestria. As mighty as the insufferable Twilight Sparkle, I, too, graduated from Celestia’s School For Gifted Unicorns when she was still in diapers. Me, the greatest villain of them all.” She threw out a maniacal laugh that ended in a self-indulgent chuckle. Her tone then returned to that of a storyteller, “You could have simply hired me as an employee, and I would have been grateful beyond words.” She closed her eyes, obviously relishing the reality of the situation, “To be able to work as a show mare again, to get paid to do what... what makes me complete.”

“But you didn’t stop there.” She took a sip of tea and sniffed. “You showed me real, honest respect. And with that, you make me want to give others the same self-respect you’ve given me.” She took a sip of tea and became thoughtful. “I suppose... that’s why Princess Luna gave me this opportunity to help others.”

I was humbled by her words. I hesitatingly spoke, “Beatrix... I... I’m happy. I’m happy to give you the respect you deserve.”

We sat quietly, not saying a word, the sounds of the cultivated nature around Ponyville the only sound. At the sound of birds singing, I closed my eyes and tilted my head slightly. I don’t know why, but that bit of natural beauty brought me peace. I opened my eyes to see Bea’s ears turned toward the sound, her eyes closed, and a hopeful expression on her face.

I reminisced softly, “About, oh, twenty-three years ago, I spent four months in an ice swamp, in the branches of a tree. Freezing cold, silent as death, smelled of nothing, every single day a cloudy day, and it was very lonely. Got into the habit of talking to myself.” I chuckled a little sadly at the memories. “Didn’t take long to break that habit when I got back to civilization.”

"Do you know the only living thing I saw was on the morning that I jumped out? It was a tiny little bird, small enough that it would have fit in my palm.” I put out my hand and traced the circumference of my palm with my fingertips. “I gave it my last piece of emergency bread, just in the hope it would stick around a little longer.” I could see Bea smiling softly at me. “It did, and then it started to sing.”

I closed my eyes, remembering the joy I felt, “It was such a welcome sound. Later that day, it got caught up in my jump field. We landed in a nice temperate forest. Once the wildlife calmed down, all I could hear was birds singing. Beautiful music. Not a note out of place. As coordinated and complex as anything Fluttershy could train. I just lay there. I must have lay there for an hour. Stupid thing to do. It could have been like the Everfree or worse. But I was so happy to hear something other than my own breathing, I just... took it all in.”

She sighed, “Sounds beautiful.”

I chuckled, “Yeah, it was.” We finished our tea, and I started to get up when a thought struck me. “Will you miss the road, Bea? I mean, travelling from town to podunk town?”

Bea smirked, “Podunk is a nice place, actually. Trixie was a hit. But,” she spoke carefully as if she was afraid to offend. “I suppose the adventure of the open road is appealing.” She quickly added, “Tempered with a home base to call my own, of course. Too long on the road and,” Trixie came back, “we begin to speak like this all the time, even off stage. Our judgment also becomes impaired, and we start doing foolish things, like picking fights in Ponyville.”

“Well, I may have a cure for that. Did Twilight tell you about the teleport stations? The ones to get the crowds from Canterlot, Manehattan, and all the other big cities?”

“She mentioned something about controlled, predestined, mana flow accumulators wedded to matrices mounted in non-mobile fixed locations designed for trans-locational spatial transformations. Is this what you’re talking about?”

I chuckled, “I love it when you talk technical.” It took me a moment to fully parse what Bea had just said. “Yes. I think.”

Bea mused with a smile, “Twilight does have a way with words, doesn’t she.”

I chuckled warmly, “Just to change the subject, did you know Pinkie likes to create desserts and name them after her friends? Named a banana bread after me, called it monkey loaf.” I could have sworn I saw her eyebrows shoot up for a split second before returning to their previous position. I wasn't quite sure I saw what I thought I saw. “Ehem. So, expect a blueberry moon pie with white and silver frosting to bear your name soon enough.”

As Bea laughed, the clock tower struck two o’clock, and I looked up from my tea. “Hey, I’ve got to go. I need to get this last affidavit for Scoots. Dash should be done by now.” I quickly gulped my tea, but before I could get up, she came around to my side of the table and hugged me. “What was that for, Bea?”

Bea sighed, “Can’t a mare hug her friend and the older brother of her special somepony?”

I could hear Dash’s throaty chuckle, “I turn my back on you for five minutes, and here you are hugging hotties.”

I gave Bea a final squeeze and turned to see Dash hovering outside the kitchen window.

Bea laughed, “Rainbow. Come in, please.”

Dash was in like a flash, wrapping her forelegs around my neck and rubbing her nose against mine, a huge grin the whole time. Over my shoulder, she flashed her most confident grin at our friend, “Hey, Bea. Just looking for my future hubby, and AJ said he was headed this way.” She shifted, looking me in the eyes, “I also have some awesome news, Alex. Derpy got confirmation from the doctors. She’s knocked up. I’m so happy for her. She’s a great mom, and Caramel is a great guy.” She hugged me tightly, “I can’t wait to get our own little filly.”

“Same here.” I held her for a moment, lost in her scent and warmth. I was snapped back to reality by a familiar nasal and breathless voice.

“Trixie has no doubts you shall be considered an acceptable adoptive father. Not as acceptable as Trixie, of course.” I couldn’t help but chuckle.

Still chuckling, Dash threw Bea a rough and tumble hug, “Come here, you big blowhard.” I found it interesting that Dash felt comfortable enough around Bea to behave like she did with Applejack. “House looks awesome, but you’d better finish up the decorations. We’ve got a light drizzle scheduled all day tomorrow.”

Bea seemed a little taken back by the affection, but she took it in stride. “I will, Rainbow. Thanks for the warning.” She gave me a smirk, “Oh, and Rainbow? Be aware Mr Roberts is not wearing his sling, despite the doctor's order.”

Dash groaned. “Alex. Really? Do I need to watch you like a little foal?”

I clicked my tongue, surprising them both with the sound, “I’ve survived much worse with far less medical attention. Trust me, I’ll be fine.”

Dash simply looked at me, unimpressed, “You’re a dork, you know that, right? I’ve seen those scars. You’re not going to pull a fast one on anypony, especially me. You stay right here. I’ll go home and get it.”

I sighed, “Don’t bother. I have it here,” I lifted my pack and reached inside, withdrawing the sling. I quickly placed it around my neck and arm. “There, satisfied?”

Dash puffed her cheeks out and blew a raspberry towards me. “You knucklehead. You had it all along? I can’t take you out of my sight for two minutes without you doing something... something... something dumb.” I must have really upset her if she couldn’t come up with a decent reprimand.

Bea’s expression once more had the look of a mother pleading with her wayward son. “Alex, sweetie, she’s right, you know. You’re... fragile. And the last thing I want to see is you ignoring your physical needs.”

I resisted the urge to glare at her. I knew she didn’t mean anything by it. She was just a worried friend, and I saw the subtle shift in her eyes. I think she noticed my irritation at being called fragile. Her expression then changed to one of friendly concern. “So, how’s the affidavit hunt going, you two?” She was taking a page from my book and changing the subject.

I smiled broadly, pleased at the change in topic, “Only one to go, and an easy one at that. A nice young lady called Lyra Heartstrings. Dash knows her, so this should be a cakewalk.”

Bea brightened up, “There you go, Rainbow. Easy as popping a cloud. Afterwards, you two should go on a date. With that little bundle of joy coming up, it’s likely to be your last chance in a while.”

Dash had a distant look, “Yeah. Easy.” I figured she must be just stressed out about the whole adoption thing and likely still a little upset at me for the sling.

I wrapped my unslung arm around her, “Don’t worry, oh, coolest mare in Equestria. Your slightly less cool, soon-to-be husband-to-be will make sure everything goes smooth as silk.”

While Bea chuckled at my antics, Dash only gave me a weak smile.

As we walked toward Lyra Heartstrings’ home, I noticed Dash fall behind. I turned back in time to see her put something in her mouth. Our eyes met as she bit down. There was a distinct crunching sound. I smirked, “A little sugar cube for some extra energy?”

She smiled weakly and broke eye contact, “Naw. Just a little granular courage.”

It took me a moment to understand what she meant. She had just eaten a salt cube. They were meant for punch bowls and such. In human terms, she just consumed an eighth of a 40oz bottle of hard liquor.

“You okay, Dash? That’s a lot, even for you.” I tried to place my hand on her neck so I could rub her ear, to show her I was by her side. Her sudden movement threw my hand off.

She snarled at me, frustrated. “Alex, let’s just hurry up and get this over with, okay? I don’t know what I’ll do if she pulls any of her stunts.”

Her aggression took me aback, “Come on, Dash. You’re still not sore about that accident at the train station, are you? It could have happened to anyone.”

She looked up at me, her expression pleading. “You don’t understand. Lyra and me, we used to...” Dash turned away and sighed. “We used to be a couple, okay? We lived together for almost a year. Aside from Gilda and you, she was the most serious relationship I’ve ever had with anypony.”

I knew she had had some homosexual relationships in the past, and I understood this was not uncommon among mares, but I had never met any of her ex-lovers. A little voice in the back of my head wondered if I measured up. “Oh, okay. So, do you still have feelings for her?” I regretted saying that as soon as it left my mouth.

“What?! No. Nothing like that. We just ended it... badly. We both had a lot of hurt feelings, and I didn’t leave on the best note. But, how could I? She's worse than Twilight. At least Twi takes time for some fun. Anyway, I hope I haven’t messed things up for the adoption.” She looked up at me, her eyes full of worry, “Or us.” She turned away and kept going toward our destination.

My expression grew grim, “Stop right there, Ms Rainbow Dash.” She stopped with a sharp breath and slowly turned to face me. I was shocked by her expression. It was fear and resignation. I took a deep breath. “The past is what it is. I have no doubts about you. None.” Her expression became hopeful. “Anyway, I’m sure we can, as adults, all come to some kind of understanding.”

We finally arrived at the front door of Lyra’s house. Dash still looked like she swallowed lemons, but when I touched her neck, she smiled gratefully at me. The front curtains were drawn, and I could hear thumping music from inside. I knocked.

A muffled and strangely distorted voice called out. “Coming! Coming.” was all I heard.

The door handle glowed light green and opened to reveal Lyra, a look of shock and a spoonful of peanut butter still in her mouth. The half-empty jar hung in the air beside her, and her hair was even messier than Dash’s. I could see the living room beyond was a disaster area, covered in discarded food containers, scrolls, quills, and who knows what.

We looked at each other for a heartbeat. She mumbled, her speech slurred by the peanut butter and spoon, “Eep.”

She proceeded to slam the door shut, making Dash scowl. There was a mint-coloured flash of what I assumed was her magic, and the door opened again. Lyra was neat and tidy, the living room was spotless, and all the papers and writing instruments were organized. The same cream-coloured earth pony from this afternoon sat in the living room, looking shocked and confused.

Strangely, the mint-coloured unicorn mare was standing on her hind legs and leaning against the door frame. She was working very hard at being nonchalant. Really, really hard. It was actually kind of cute.

I began formally, “Hello, Miss Lyra Heartstrings. My name is Alex Roberts, and this is my fiance Rainbow Dash. We have a great personal favour to ask of you.”

“Ok...” Her voice was far higher than what I would have considered normal and barely above a whisper. It was a little like Fluttershy when she was freaked out.

I recognised the upset-looking mare in the room behind Lyra as the one I had helped this afternoon. “We are in the process of adopting a pegasus filly named Scootaloo, and due to my unique situation, it has been requested that certain individuals vouch for my fitness as a father. I hope it’s not too much of an inconvenience-”

Dash interrupted, glaring at Lyra. “Alex, just ask her already. I know she’ll do it,” she continued under her breath, “if she knows what’s good for her.”

Lyra stared hard at Dash. “I’m not going to do it just because you tell me to Rainbow. You know how I am with research. Everything must be done professionally. After all, this is the life of a young filly we’re talking about, not some Wonderbolt doll that you can lose a dozen times in a week.” Stacks of paper zoomed out from all around the living room. Lyra looked at them and separated some from the other stacks, the title on the front reading ‘Reproductive Practices.’

“Listen, Lyra. Don’t mess things up for Scoots just to get back at me. Anyway, what’s Alex ever done to you other than fall on you by accident.” Dash’s eyes grew wide, “And what the hay is that?” She snatched the papers out of Lyra’s glow, “‘Reproductive Practices’? Really? Have you been spying on him? On us?”

“I’m not at liberty to discuss anything. Anyway, I’m not breaking any laws.” Lyra snatched the papers back and held them in her glow lovingly. “Besides, it’s biological data. Things like gestation, fertility and biological tendencies like genetics. I wouldn’t ask for your help on this,” she cocked an eyebrow at Dash, “you’d probably just skew the data.” She paused in thought for a moment. “Alex is far better than you deserve, you know.” Lyra turned to me, “Why not make a life with Applejack, or Rarity, or even Twilight? They’re all better fits, intellectually.”

I tried to get a word in edgewise, “Excu-”

Dash’s head snapped in my direction, “Quiet, Alex. Mares are talking.”

Lyra rolled her eyes, “Let him talk, Rainbow. Doesn’t he have his own mind? He doesn’t need you to run his life. I mean, I don’t have you bossing me around anymore and look where I am now.”

I tried again, “Actually I-”

She stepped closer to Lyra, almost snout to snout and with an angry sneer. “He’s his own stallion and doesn’t need me to cheer every time he writes a sentence. He’s not some insecure nag who-”

Lyra rolled her eyes, “That’s rich coming from you, Rainbow. Do you get upset that he doesn't spend his whole day watching you practice? Or has he had to put up with your whining over any failed Wonderbolt applications lately?”

Dash’s eyes narrowed, “That’s low. But what do I expect from a nutjob like you.” Dash turned to me, an incredulous expression written all over her face, “She actually believed there was such a thing as dragon fairies. She would spend weekends in the woods chasing after them.”

I gave Dash an apologetic shrug, “Well, they’re quite real. Nasty little buggers, too. I’ve got a scar right...”, I trailed off. Lyra hadn't said a word, but the smug look on her face was enough.

Dash snapped at Lyra, “But they’re in a different world, you dope! Not here.”

Lyra smiled with smug superiority, “So were humans. Not so crazy after all, am I?”

The mare from the apple stand finally got a word in edgewise, “Lyra, I don’t care if you finally cleaned the house. Just let them in and discuss it like grown ponies.”

I took the opportunity with both hands, “Hello, ma’am, my name is Alex Roberts, but you can call me Alex. What’s your name?”

She smiles brightly, “My name is Bonbon, but my friends call me Bons. It’s a pleasure to finally meet you. I wanted to thank you for your help this afternoon. Lyra talks...”

I noticed Lyra was suddenly signalling desperately for Bons to stop talking. I felt a pang of sympathy. “I’m sure she did. After all, I almost fell on top of her at the train station. With only two feet, I trip over anything.”

Lyra and Dash both swivelled their heads between Bons and me.

Bons turned to Lyra, “You see, Lyra, that’s how you have a conversation. Like a grownup.”

Lyra looked at Bons while Dash looked at me. The strangest thing was they both had the same fearful expression. They both knew they had blown up and were both looking to their lovers for absolution.

“I realize there may be some baggage between you two ladies, and we will deal with it, but for right now, the only thing I give a sweet tinker’s damn about is making sure a little filly gets a good life. Am I clear?” Both high-strung mares nodded sheepishly. I nodded, “Good.”

After a moment of stunned silence, Lyra spoke, “Okay, look. I guess this isn’t the time and place. I’m sorry, Alex.”

Dash nodded, “Agreed. Thanks for clearing the air, Bons.”

Lyra shuffled through the various stacks of paper before finding what she was looking for. The remaining sheets disappeared in a series of minty-coloured poofs as she teleported them away. A stack of thirty or so sheets remained. Unlike the earlier pile, this one was neatly labelled ‘personality assessment summary.’

“This is everything Ms Sweetheart will need to know about Alex’s personality and behavioural patterns. It’s not biased in any way. I might not like you, Rainbow, and I might not believe you can be a responsible parent... but they asked me for my opinion on Alex, so that’s what they’ll get. Honestly, his strong parental bias will make him a great dad. In fact, I would normally just send the data, but in this case, I want to make sure she gets all the facts.” A clean sheet of paper hovered in front of her, along with a quill and a small vial of ink. She cleared her throat and gave Dash a look I can only describe as haughty.

“Summary.” The quill jumped to life and began writing. “This is a summary of the enclosed statistical, observational, medical, and sociological data on the personality of the” Lyra’s expression becomes a self-satisfied smirk, “human known as Mr Alex Roberts.”

“Mr Roberts displays several traits that contribute to his ability to be a responsible parent.”

“The first is experience. It is known he has had a family before his involuntary departure from his homeworld and has made great efforts in maintaining contact and positive influence with his,” Lyra smirked harder, if that was possible, “human children.”

“Second, he has shown to have taken great effort to adapt to pony culture and norms, as well as keeping whatever predatory mannerisms and tendencies that are natural to his home society, in check.”

“Third, his predatory mannerisms are nowhere near that of a griffon. Indeed, Mr Roberts is omnivorous and has not displayed an overt desire to satiate any hunger for meat in maladaptive or inappropriate ways.”

“Although he has shown himself capable of violent actions, they have presented themselves in a context where Mr Roberts’s well-being and/or the well-being of another was being threatened. The actions would have been no less appropriate if a pony had done them in his position. In fact, Alex has shown himself several times to be willing to put himself in danger for the well-being of another with whom he has no personal connection.”

“There is the issue that Mr Roberts may be experiencing symptoms of Induced Trauma Syndrome due to his past experiences, but he has shown awareness of his actions and remorse at the consequences of his experiences, rather than dysfunctional behaviours. There is no evidence this will give rise to any significant issues.”

“Finally, Mr Roberts has made great efforts to be a fatherly figure to Scootaloo. He has shown compassion, understanding, empathy, and kindness to her. In addition, he adopts an authoritative parenting style that encourages Scootaloo to grow and learn, praising her for her accomplishments and ensuring she takes responsibility for and learns from her mistakes.”

“Even without a position as Paladin of Redemption under the service of Princess Luna, I conclude that Alex Roberts is very much qualified to be a father.”

“Signed, Lyra Heartstrings, Graduate of Celestia’s School for Gifted Unicorns, Field Researcher of Unusual Animals for Canterlot University, Assistant Field Researcher for the Head of Equilogical Studies at Manehattan University” Lyra stopped, “That should be enough. She’s not looking at my CV.”

Dash opened her mouth, then closed it again. She looked down and spoke very quietly, “Thanks, Hearts. Thanks for not...” Dash sighed, “I’m sorry I hurt you. And I appreciate what you did.”

Bon-Bon sat beside her marefriend and gave her a hug. “I’m proud of you. You did the right thing.”

“Miss Heartstrings?” Lyra looked up at me with such sadness. “I can see you have some kind of interest in me. I don’t completely understand why. I’m actually kind of boring. But if you ever want to talk, just you and me, I would be happy to give you all the time you want.

“I... I don’t know what to say.” She sniffed as a single tear rolled down her muzzle. Bon-Bon sighed the sigh of the defeated.

“Miss Heartstrings, once the adoption is taken care of, you and your friend will come over to my place for dinner, and we can all have a good talk. You will find humans place a great deal of importance on breaking bread with friends.”

Papers flew around Lyra, “Yes, yes, I knew it! I knew that it was some human social interaction, and it wasn’t some... sexual...” She trailed off in mid-sentence. “Not that I was researching you or anything.”

Bonbon brought her hoof up to her face, shook her head slightly, and then looked at Lyra lovingly with a smile and a sigh.

As we left, Bonbon and I shared a quick hug and promises of dinner invitations. Dash and Lyra politely said goodbye to each other without much more interaction than they needed. As Dash and I walked, I held the final scroll in my hands, rolling it in my fingers, admiring the aquamarine wax seal with the lyre imprint. I unshouldered my pack and placed the scroll inside.

I noticed Dash was very quiet. I looked over at her and saw her eyes were downcast, her lips pressed together. I placed my hand on her neck, and she shook me off. I stopped, “Dash?”

She spat out softly, “I lost it.”

I placed my hand on her neck again. This time, she didn't shake me off, “What, your temper? We all do.”

“No. I promised myself I would keep it together so that I wouldn't embarrass you. The second she started in on me, I just had to talk back at her. I lost it, and I hate losing.” She nuzzled me, “I’m sorry, big guy.

“Dash, there’s nothing to be sorry for. You two have some hard feelings, and it’s something we’ll have to work out, but not today.”

With it being so late in the day, we knew Sweetheart would be busy with all the youngsters, so we decided to see if Twilight and Spike wanted to have dinner.

I knocked on the door, announcing myself so Spike could put his filters on. The door glowed violet and flew open. I was surprised to be to see Twilight as she galloped towards us. I also noticed a unicorn stallion I didn't recognize, a green coat, black mane, and tail, sipping a cup of tea at the table, and my laptop closed at the centre.

Even halfway across the room, I could see Twilight’s eager eyes sparkled as if she had just been given a book blessed by Celestia herself. When she reached us, she exclaimed, “Guys! I have great news!”

42 - Messages of Sorrow

View Online

I gazed past Twilight into the Library and took a good look at the unicorn at the table. There was something off about him. Not in the sense of evil or anything sinister, just that his outline was fuzzy, and I found it rather difficult to focus clearly on him.

As he spotted me, he stood and gave me an awkward smile. I had the impression he had practised a natural smile in front of the mirror, and this was the best result. It was just a bit...off.

I didn’t have the opportunity to think more about it as he spoke excitedly, “Greetings and salutations, Mr Alex Roberts, or Alex to your friends, ha ha.”

I was taken aback by his peculiar behaviour. ‘He actually said ‘ha ha’?’ Once more, just a little off. Nothing I could put my finger on. I don’t normally judge a person by their mannerisms, and it would be wrong if I started now.

The one thing I noticed that seemed natural was his accent. A very proper, upper-middle-class British accent. Unlike most ponies I’ve met, like those from Canterlot, his accent did not sound affected. A very rare characteristic indeed.

I also never thought I would meet someone with more unrefined social skills than Fluttershy. “Hello, um, I’m sorry,” I smiled politely and put my hand out, “I didn’t catch your name.”

He carried on, excited. “My goodness. You were right, Miss Sparkle. He is quite bright.” His head lowered to my hand, and he peered at it intently. His eyes inspected me like I was a prime specimen.“And those dull claws at the ends of his forelegs look fascinating as well. Perfectly suited for manipulation and grasping thrusting weapons, like pointy sticks.”

He sounded familiar, but that wasn’t important. I whispered, still smiling kindly at the unicorn, “Twilight? What's your friend’s name?”

She seemed to snap out of whatever dreamy place she was in. “Oh, right. Alex Roberts, let me introduce Doctor Emerald, chief-”

Doctor Emerald interrupted her, “Oh, I’m so sorry. Where are my manners.” Emerald stood abruptly and, from a pair of shiny black saddlebags, floated a thick binder my way. It looked like a curriculum vitae. I examined the cover page;

---Doctor Emerald, M.D.---

Ph.D. Natural Science

Concentration: Xenobiology

Education: Canterlot Academy of the Sciences and Astronomy

Additional Certificates

Certification of Knowledge

Biology

Biochemistry

Neuropsychology

Naturis-Arcane Physics

Environmental Science

Certification of Study

Geology

Psychology

Previous Experience

Canterlot Military Hospital: Civilian Medical Doctor

Canterlot Military Hospital: Night Guard Medical Doctor

I made a low whistle and thought to myself, ‘That’s one hell of a CV. No wonder Twilight is excited about him.’

Twilight seemed to be looking at me expectantly. I flipped the last page of the binder and passed it back to the good Doctor. “I’ve got to say, this is very impressive, sir.”

Emerald cleared his throat lightly, “Please, call me Doctor.”

“Um, of course. Doctor. So, what brings you here?”

Emerald smiled with pride, “I’m here to assist Lady Twilight Sparkle in researching you, my fine simian friend.”

Twilight blushed a little, “Doctor, please. He’s a human.” She leaned in and whispered, “And he might be a little touchy about being called a simian.”

I chuckled, “That’s alright Twilight, homo sapiens are within the simian branch. If memory serves, humans are classified in the order Primates, family Hominidae, tribe Hominini, genus Homo, and species Homo sapiens.”

Twilight had an annoyed look, “Why didn’t you tell me that when I asked you? You said,” A notebook flew off a library shelf and came to a stop in front of her, “and I quote, ‘Not sure, Twilight. Has Homo Sapient or something like that near the end, I think. I’ll look it up when you’re done with the laptop.’ That was two weeks ago!” She glared at me for a long moment, then she closed her eyes, put her right foreleg across her chest, took a deep breath, and let it out as she moved her foreleg back out. “Sorry, I got excited and frustrated. It’s just... inaccuracy bothers me.”

Doctor Emerald looked on with, I think, pride. “I’m very glad you’re using the calming technique Princess Cadence suggested. Bravo.”

Twilight blushed and replied a little breathlessly. “Thank you, Doctor.”

I smiled involuntarily. If I didn’t know better, I could have sworn Twilight had just batted her eyelashes. It was subtle, but that grin, the tone of voice and the smile all pointed to a certain purple unicorn being smitten. ‘I’ll make sure everything is above board with this Doctor Emerald.’

Without warning, there was a bang as the front door slammed open, and a torrent of fillies rushed in. Applebloom and Sweetie Belle tumbled in, giggling like fiends. Scootaloo rushed between me and Dash, hugging us both. Then, with a look of shock, realizing what she had done, she scampered outside in a panic. From the door, still giggling, “Sorry.”

Finally, the new Crusader, Sapphire, skipped happily straight to Doctor Emerald. His face lit up with honest joy, “If it isn’t my little dearest?” Sapphire ran over to the green unicorn and hugged and nuzzled him. Then, that thought came again. I knew Sapphire was happy to see her dad just plain from her actions, but I knew it as if she broadcasted it to me. I made a mental note to ask Emerald about this later. “How is my little adventurer?”

Sapphire smiled and moved her head subtly as she made known her latest exploit with the CMC, then happily showed her official cloak. Emerald smiled as we all did.

“I am glad you are getting along with your new friends. But don’t neglect your studies. You will be starting kindergarten tomorrow.” He kissed her little forehead and looked at everyone. “My apologies. I suppose I’ve neglected to mention this little one is my daughter.”

I dropped to my knee, “I’m very happy to see you again.” I turned to Dr Emerald to explain, “We've already met.”

Spike deadpanned, “Look, while you guys were yakking, that stupid, stinky, no offence, Alex, noise box beeped again. It’s been beeping every few hours since you guys left. Twilight didn’t want to open it. Now that you’re here, could you please turn it off? A dragon just can’t get sleep with all that noise.”

“Beeping? Huh. Let me check.” I casually flipped open the laptop and could see right away there were several video messages for me. “Twilight, could I have some privacy?”

“Sure. You can use the study room.”

“Dash, Twilight, if you want to join me, you can. Sorry, Doctor Emerald. I don’t know you well enough.”

“Quite alright. I understand perfectly.” He started scribbling into a notepad, “Low trust of properly introduced social units must come from his predatory side...”

I sat on a stool and opened the laptop. Dash placed her head on my left shoulder and her forelegs around my waist. Twilight sat to my right and placed her hoof on my shoulder reassuringly. I took a quick breath and started reviewing the message headers.

The first one was dated about a day after I left. I selected it, and my finger hovered hesitatingly over the Enter key. I finally stabbed down, and the message started playing.

Ann looked worried but cheerful, as if she was sure nothing was wrong even though she was worried. “It’s been two days my time, about a month and a half your time, since your last call. I don’t know why you’re not there.”

I leaned toward the screen, and I noticed the slight redness around her eyes that said she had been crying. After a long pause, she barked out a laugh. “I was surprised when some mint-coloured unicorn answered. Boy, she wasn’t any help. She just kept asking stupid questions like what kind of fire I breathe.”

She laughed nervously. “I know you’ve survived crazier and more dangerous situations than these ponies. They’re harmless. So, why can’t you talk to me?” Her expression flashed sadness for a moment, and then she smiled, but it didn’t extend to her eyes. When she did speak, she hesitated, “C... Call when you can, okay?” The screen returned to the list of messages.

Twilight started speaking to herself, “That doesn’t make any sense. It should be at least eight or nine months our time, unless...” She gasped and then galloped out of the room. She called over her shoulder, “I’ll be right back. Keep watching! And make notes!”

Dash hugged me a little harder, and my hand touched her hoof. She whispered, doing her best to be soothing, “Don’t worry, big guy. It’s going to be okay.”

I whispered, as much to myself as to her, not really believing my own words but not knowing what else to say. “Yeah, I know it will.”

Feeling numb, I started the next message. It was dated two days, her time, after the last message. “I’m convinced you must have gotten your laptop damaged.” She paused to wipe her nose with a tissue. “Was it Twilight? I’ll bet it was Twilight. She probably hooked it up to one of her crazy contraptions and fried it. I hope it’s not too damaged.” Her expression was almost angry, like she was scolding a precocious child. “Twilight, if you can see this, please be more careful. This is his only connection to his family, okay?” She wiped her nose again, “Alex, just... just call me as soon as you can, okay? I’m really worried.”

I noticed Twilight sitting behind me. She had her forelegs crossed and tried to hide a slight pout. She muttered, “I would never break your laptop. Well, not on purpose anyway.”

I turned and patted her foreleg. “Don’t worry, Twilight, Ann’s just upset. She was just lashing out. I know she wouldn’t seriously think you were to blame.”

I was now determined to watch them all, no matter what was said. I played the next message, dated a week and a half after the last one. “It’s been two goddamn weeks since you talked to me, Alex. That’s three years of your time. Your computer has got to be fixed by now. Is it that bitch Rainbow Dash? She doesn’t want us to talk, does she? Did she finally steal you away? Did that slut throw herself at you?” The hate she directed at the screen was palpable. “Fine. If you want to get rid of me, you just have to say so. I’ll be glad to be rid of you, you two-timing son of a bitch.” In her anger, she fumbled with the controls, swore, and then the screen returned to the list of messages.

The room became silent, and all of us mutely processed what we had just seen. Dash broke the silence and spoke nervously, “Wow, you would have thought Ann and Lyra got together to compare hate notes.”

I chuckled a little sadly and leaned my head against hers. “That’s just anger and fear talking, not her.”

I mused in silence for a moment, then started the next entry, dated two days after the last. “If you’re not just horsing around on me, and you died in some accident, then why the hell didn’t any of you ponies tell me?” her chin started to quiver, and her eyes began to tear up. She suddenly spat accusingly, “I know you can use his laptop. And I know you ponies talk. That’s all you stupid horses do.” She sniffed again, oblivious to the tears and runny nose, “Why didn’t you have the common decency to show me his grave.” She wept quietly for a few minutes. I didn’t dare touch the controls or fast forward. Finally, she whispered harshly, “You can all go to the glue factory.” The video stopped.

I felt a hoof wiping the wetness from my cheek. Dash’s voice, so rough but so supportive, “I’m right here, okay? Whatever you need.”

Twilight sniffed and then spoke, her voice barely under control. “As a good friend... I’ll be here for you too, even if I can’t solve this problem.”

I felt I was a broken man. Seeing her cry, knowing what it took to make her cry, I felt so helpless, so weak. I leaned against Dash. Her strength was my strength. I swallowed the helplessness back and started the next video.

She was sitting calmly, a look of resignation on her face. “Ok, I don’t care if you’re with her, just...” She paused and seemed to lose her composure; her expression changed to one of desperation. “Please don’t leave me.” She licked her lips, obviously searching for something to say. “I can talk with you more or... or maybe have the kids on. You remember Lily and Daniel, right? We... We’ll have family talk time more often as much as you want. You are in a safe place now, so you don’t have to worry about running. Won’t that be nice? Just us...as a family...again.” Her voice was so pleading, my heart was breaking, “Please. I love you so much.” She then only stared into the camera for a few moments, mournfully reached over, and turned it off.

My head fell forward, my hand covered my eyes, and I wept. Dash held me tighter still, rubbing her cheek against mine.

Twilight spoke so very softly. “Oh, Alex,” and she placed her cheek on the other side.

For the first time in such a long time, I felt so impotent, so feeble, so lost. The woman who I loved and who had kept me sane and hopeful for twenty years before I jumped, then sixty afterwards, wailed in pain, and there was not a damn thing I could do or say. I am useless. There is nothing I can do to comfort her. Nothing. I slumped on the stool. For the first time since I began this journey, I felt as old as the years I’ve seen.

I heard the door creak open, and that damn proper voice spoke quietly and full of concern, “Is there anything...” I heard a sniff, and he stopped. Did he listen on the other side of the door? After seconds of awkward tension, he then spoke even more softly, “Excuse me, terribly sorry. I’ll just escort the children to the schoolhouse, then.” And the door closed once more.

I half laughed, half cried. “I wish I knew where I heard his damn voice before. It’s perfectly British.” I wiped my nose with the back of my hand. There was a lavender flash, and a washcloth already damp with warm water floated in front of me. “Thanks, Twi. You are the best friend I could hope for.” I turned to Dash, “And you’re the best marefriend a man could ask for.” I kissed her damp cheek, but I wasn’t sure whose tears they were. I took a deep breath, wiped my face and hands, and looked at the list. “Two more. No point stopping now, right?” I gritted my teeth and clicked.

Ann’s eyes were downcast. She seemed to have lost what fight was in her. “Why did you have to die? I miss you so much. All I do is cry at night and hold your pillow.” Her voice grew soft, “And the worst part is that I can’t tell anyone. They would think I’m crazy, take the kids away.” Another long pause. “Did you know I can still smell you on your pillow? It’s very faint, but if I try hard enough, I still can.” Her eyes lifted a little, “The children are starting to ask questions, and all I can do is hug them and tell them everything will be alright.” The corner of her mouth lifts a tiny bit, “I hate lying to them. I hate lying to myself, but if I can hold on to this lie a little longer... maybe, just maybe, it won’t hurt as much.”

I was drained. I just didn’t have anything left. I didn’t know if there was anything else she could say to me. I numbly looked at the date and time of the last message. It was just a little while ago. The video started, and I realized I didn’t remember starting it.

Ann sat there, calm and relaxed. This time, there was no underlying anger or fear. She seemed... at peace. I wanted to reach out and touch her. Just one more time. Just one more. “It’s been two months my time, about twenty years your time, and to whoever gets this message, I want the princesses and Rainbow Dash to see this.”

After a moment, she bowed her head slightly and spoke. “Princess Luna and Princess Celestia. To both of you, I wish to say I’m sorry. I’m sorry I was so unkind and angry to your little ponies. I realize now that you would have literally moved the sun and the stars to save him.” Ann sat in silence for a moment, then continued. “Rainbow Dash, I accept that you love him. I remember when you told me you wanted to,” she looked down slightly, then looked back up. “What was the word you used? Court him? Well, for what it’s worth, you have my blessing now. I don’t know how much that means to you all the way out there after so long, but I hope it means something to someone. I hope you were happy together, I really do. Just take care of Alex. He had a bad habit of getting into trouble.”

I sat in shock. Ann’s words rang in my ears. Dash did what she could to comfort me. I just felt numb to everything. I don’t know how long I sat there, staring into space. I eventually rose up from my slouched position, still dazed.

It was at that moment a scream sliced through my fog.

43 - Night Watch On Route To Ponyville

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In the cold fall sky of Equestria, en route to Ponyville, is a cadre of Luna’s Night Guard

In the cloaked transport pulled by equally camouflaged Night Watch pegasi, Captain Nightshade sat in the bumpy darkness. The Night Watch ponies checked and rechecked their heavy combat pastries, sticky candy apple bombs, and medical supplies.

A young trooper, about to take a bite from a small pie, was stopped by an old sergeant. "You think they're just pies? Don't underestimate these little darlings. The bottom is lined with lead pellets, and the filling is pretty vile. One shot to the face and you are overwhelmed by the smell of strong spices. You get any in your eye, and you’re looking at some major eye irritation, and, Luna help you, if you swallow any, you’ll be puking so fast you won’t have time to open your mouth. Still want a bite, junior?"

The turbulence was worse than usual. The sound of the air rushing past was loud, almost deafening. The long cylinder was being pulled at breakneck speeds by some of the fastest flyers in the Watch, blessed with a huge magical boost by Her Majesty herself. An enchanted rope, the only light source in their confines, painted the cabin a deep crimson light.

Broken Shield, her trusted lieutenant, yelled hoarsely above the noise. “So, Cap, what are these Paladins like? I heard the top guy is some kind of mutant Diamond Dog. Kinda weird to have one of those buggers trusted with anything.”

“Actually, the head Paladin is something called a human. They don’t look anything like Dogs. Here, take a look.” She pulled a black and white picture from her saddlebag. It was labelled, ‘Alex Roberts, human, Paladin Of Redemption, Your Friend’. “He’s ugly as Discord and makes a Dog look like that high society nag, Fleur de Lis. Pass it on when you’re done.”

The armoured lieutenant nodded in agreement. “You can say that again. Still, could be worse.”

Nightshade chuckled, “I don’t see how. But, he’s a Paladin, and that makes up for his looks.”

“Yeah, but what did he do? I mean, he hasn’t been here long enough to have a history, has he?”

“He made his history on his third day in Equestria. Turns out he gallops, he doesn’t trot, into burning buildings to save kids.”

Broken Shield’s muttered words were lost in the roar of the cabin, “Son of a nag.” He spoke a little louder, “You said he’s the head Paladin. How many more are there?”

“The Princess briefed me. Sorry to say there’s only one more right now, Beatrix Lulamoon, alias The Great And Powerful Trixie.” She pulled a second picture, this time of Beatrix. Broken Shield gave an appreciative whistle. “She’s a showmare, knows how to fight, and at her lowest point, she gave a pony a reason to live, even though she didn’t think she had one herself. She's also a level-three unicorn. And before you ask, yeah, it’s the same one who helped out those guys with ITS.”

“Beauty and the beast, eh Cap?”

The Captain’s eyes narrowed. She stood, and her horn glowed, amplifying her voice, “I don’t care how ugly his outside is or how much of a wet dream she is. The Princess trusts them both. That means they’re both Night Watch. We protect those who can’t and redeem those who need it. That’s all that matters.”

As one, the ponies lining the walls of the cabin shouted, “Oorah!”

44 - A Running Fight

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I mumbled angrily, “If that’s Lily Valley freaking out over nothing again, I swear to god I’ll frog march her to Canterlot and get her psychological help.”

In the darkness, we all heard some panicked yelling and screaming coming from outside. I could make out the occasional ‘dogs’ and ‘gnolls’, but it was, for the most part, nondescript panic sounds.

“‘Dogs’ and ‘gnolls’. Looks like there’s a party going on.” I cracked my knuckles. “I could use the distraction.” What I wanted to say was, ‘I need to bust some heads and break some noses to help me forget the nightmare that just happened.’

I started getting up, but Dash pushed me back gently but firmly into my seat with one hoof. She spoke to me hurriedly, “You stay right here. Do you understand me? This is mare’s work.” I ignored the sexist comment and looked toward the window, hoping for some glimpse of the problem. She placed a hoof on my cheek and pulled my face in her direction. “Are you listening? Me and the girls will take care of this. Besides, you’re in no condition to handle anything right now. Got it?” She gave me a quick kiss and spoke softly, “Alex, your head isn’t in the game. Anyway, I really don’t want to spend any more time at the hospital with you.”

She looked at me for a long moment, her eyes pleading, “Please,” she placed her forehead against mine, “just stay here, where you’ll be safe, okay?” She kissed my nose, placed her forehead back on mine, and whispered, “I… I’m not strong enough to lose you.” She pulled away, put her other hoof on my other cheek, and locked eyes with me. She said flatly, “Promise me.”

I placed my hand on her hoof and fell into her eyes, “I’ll try, but I’m not sure I can.”

Her eyes narrowed, and a tear seemed to form, “Fine. Just don’t get yourself killed. Then I’ll be really mad.” Before I could answer, she bolted out the window and out of the library.

Twilight put a hoof on my hip, “Don't worry, Alex. I’ve known her for a long time, and she’s just worried. Now, as a good friend, I would also ask you to stay here. Somebody needs to protect Spike.”

From another room, I heard Spike, “I can take care of myself. I’m a dragon!”

Twilight retorted with an ever so slightly manic edge to her voice, “A baby dragon!” The snap crack of teleported saddle bags brought the smell of cinnamon, anise, chocolate, and other scents.

She started mumbling to herself, “Spices and chemical spell enhancers, check. Okay, Twilight, Rover wouldn’t do this. He may be a son of a bitch, and wouldn’t know a good thing if he was dating her, but you can’t take your frustrations out on-” She stopped abruptly, looking me in the eye, “So, as Dash said, stay here.”

She turned to leave, taking a few steps toward the door, then suddenly turned to face me, “You’re a loyal coltfriend, right? You would never dump Dash just because she’s smarter than you, right?” Twilight didn’t wait for an answer and looked at me, imploring, “I mean, if Dash had to spend a few days or weeks conducting important experiments for the Princess, you wouldn’t be upset about that, right? You wouldn’t just give her an ultimatum to choose between the Princess and him, would you?” She threw her hooves in the air, “Of course you wouldn’t. That’s because you are a loyal coltfriend, unlike some disloyal dog. You understand Dash is smart and does experiments for the princess...” She blanked as if returning to the present. “Um, sorry, bad memories. Anyway, stay here, keep, um…” With a flash, a green vase with wilted daisies appeared in the air between us, “this vase! Vitally important it stays safe. Take it, and stay here.” She seemed to be satisfied with her blatant falsehood and galloped off.

I sighed and murmured, “That is a high-maintenance girl. God save the poor bugger that catches her eye.”

Once I placed the vase safely on the table and got rid of the sling, I stepped into the late afternoon sun, shading my eyes. I slowly scanned the chaos around me. There were large dog-like humanoids, one each to my left, right, and straight ahead. Gnolls. I started listing their strengths and weaknesses to myself.

‘Gnolls are taller than me but are lean and gangly, weighing about as much as I do. They have long arms with taloned hands but usually use crude weapons. These ones don’t seem to, but I'll keep an eye out for it. Their jaws can crush stone. Keep away at all costs. Their weaknesses are a sensitive snout, weaker back legs, and a soft underbelly. They have a predictable attack pattern but faster reflexes to make up for it. The key is to find the Alpha and take them down hard. The rest usually fold once that happens.’

The trainer who had taught me how to defend myself had shown me a meditation trick to help me relax and focus. This was especially useful when frightened, or in my case, mortified that my wife of eighty years thought I died, or worse, ditched her. ‘Okay, Alex, focus. Clear your mind, and let all the distractions wash away.’ With that, I dropped to a combat stance, readying myself for the inevitable fight.

I hadn’t been noticed yet, so I took the opportunity and sprinted to the closest gnoll. It was facing away from me, terrorising a mare and her colt. The mare was tan, with a brown mane and tail, while the colt was dark brown with a reddish mane and tail and, of all things, a propeller beanie on his head.`

As I ran, I held my breath, so I didn’t make too much sound. At the last moment, as I made eye contact with the mare, I leapt and snarled like a beast. Grabbing the gnoll’s mane at the back of its head, I pulled as hard as I could, then kicked down on its left hock, putting all my weight behind it. There was the sickening sound of breaking bone, a high-pitched yelp, and the creature crumpled unceremoniously to the ground. I took a moment to force myself to breathe slowly, calming myself.

As it whimpered in fear and pain, I snarled, “Stay down.” I forced my expression to one less savage and looked up with concern at the terrified ponies, “Don’t worry. Princess Luna sent me. I’ll make sure you’re safe.” It's a bit of a lie, but I was supposed to be her representative. I may as well try to live up to my title. I silently prayed, ‘Princess, now would be a good time to come to Ponyville.’

I breathed in slowly through my nose and out through my mouth. I stared hard into the eyes of the now terrified creature at my feet while I forced myself to breathe calmly and rhythmically.

Once I centred myself enough to think clearly, I grabbed the gnoll by the scruff of the neck and spoke in a guttural voice, “Where’s your alpha?” It only whimpered. I moved my face closer and raised my voice, “Where! Is! Your! Alpha! Gnoll?"

It whined pathetically as it flinched in pain, “Me, diamond dog. Me no ugly gnoll. You looking for boss?”

I forced myself to speak calmly to maintain some semblance of control. “Yes. If you tell me and stay down, then I’ll make sure you get medical attention. Deal?”

It was looking into my eyes with fear, almost terror, then seemed to come to a decision. “Yes. Rabbit Slasher stay right here. Boss go to red book house for whelps.”

I’ve never known a gnoll, or diamond dog, I suppose, to be cowed so fast and so completely. First time for anything, and it's much better than the alternative.

“Thank you.” I directed my attention to the mare, “Ma’am? If this one tries to get away, buck them anywhere, but not in the leg. I don’t want to cripple them.”

She smiled grimly while looking at the Diamond Dog, “With pleasure, Alex Roberts.”

I patted the colt’s shoulder, “You’re very brave, son. Keep a sharp look out for your mom, okay?”

“Yes, sir! Sweetie Belle was right. You’re no monster.” He got this goofy grin, “This is so cool.”

I gave the kid a half smile and kept scanning the area, looking for an opportunity to get closer to the schoolhouse. “All you have to remember, kid, is that this monster is on your side.”

I started looking around as I planned my path to the school. I wanted to make the maximum difference in the minimum amount of time so I could get there as quickly as I could. Anyway, if I make a straight beeline there and make enough of a stink, they might get clever and ambush me or something. My teacher’s words still rang in my ears even after all these decades, ‘Never fight foolishly or predictably.’

I hated to admit it to anyone except maybe Dash, but part of me was exhilarated by this. I felt so alive and very much in my element. Much to my surprise, I wasn’t even winded anymore.

My attention was drawn to a thunderous explosion in the sky to the northeast end of town. There was what looked like a swarm of flaming bees rising and dancing into the air, then suddenly streaking down, seemingly all to the same point. That was from the direction of Bea’s house. I smiled and almost felt sorry for the diamond dogs at that end of town. Almost.

I looked straight up in time to see Dash streaking toward Rarity’s place. No matter how often I saw her fly at full speed, I was still amazed. I smiled and said aloud, “That’s my blue angel.”

I snapped back from my revelry. The Diamond Dog’s words remembered. ‘Scoots. Damn it to hell. I’ve got to get to that schoolhouse.’

I skulked down an alley. I knew Elusive’s shop wasn’t too far, so I thought I could do a quick pass by to make sure he and his dad were okay. Like half the alleys in Ponyville, this one had a dog leg about halfway down. I used this particular one on occasion during the market to avoid crowds. When I turned the corner, I was face to face with a pair of Dogs. They both snarled at me and started advancing.

I quipped, “Well, boys, cowardice is the better part of valour." As I was about to turn and run, a gray and blond shape streaked past me from above. My eyes shut instinctively, and only half reopened at the cloud of dust and particles of brick centred on one Dog.

There in the wall, in a pegasus-shaped dent, was Derpy. She lay there, pinning an unconscious dog under her. His buddy stood in shocked silence, so I took the opportunity to charge the other one with a shout. I ducked below its massive clawed paw as I dropped a fifth of the total electrical reserve into him. His eyes bugged out, and then he went limp. I shoved him off of me and started making sure she was alright.

“Thanks for the save, Mrs Derpy.” I quickly added, “Are you okay? Are Caramel and Dinky alright?”

“Yes, they both are. They're at the Town Hall, where all the adults are gathered. It's the safest place to be. I was just heading out to find Rainbow.”

“I saw her heading toward the Carousel Boutique. But do me a favour. I kind of promised Dash I would keep my head down. Don’t tell her you saw me. Please?”

She smiled, “Saw who?”

All I could do was return her lovely smile.

I finally reached the back door of Elusive’s tailor shop. I peeked in and saw Elusive’s father in the back room, barricading the door. I called out, “Snazzy Suit! It’s me, Alex Roberts! How are you guys holding out?”

I could hear him, a little muffled, but still understandable. “I’m fine, but Elusive is playing hero out front. I’d appreciate it if you went and looked out for your friend.”

“You bet, sir. On my way.” I snuck along the side of the tailor shop to the small plaza out front, looking for my drinking buddy. I would be all kinds of angry if he was injured. I mean, he’s a fashion designer, not a warrior.

What I saw gave me pause. No, it gave me a full stop. There, the meek little tailor and the pencil neck academic, Elusive and Emerald, were surrounded by a pile of stunned, battered, bruised, vomiting, and out cold dogs around them.

After a particularly impressive takedown, I heard Emerald comment, “I think they make an agreeable thump when they hit the ground.”

To which Elusive, with all the relish the foppish designer could muster, “Quite, sir. Quite indeed.”

They then proceeded to share a shoulder bump, like any two workmen celebrating an exciting hoofball play.

I thought it best to leave them alone to their fun. They didn’t need my meddling. I made my way back to where Snazzy Suit was barricaded.

“He’s fine, Snazzy. He can teach anyone something about being a hero.”

I had to cross a small plaza. Luckily things were quiet, and I figured it should be safe. I heard the galloping of a few ponies but ignored it. I figured they were heading to town hall and safety.

Without warning, I was tackled. A light blue pony with a messy and unkempt white mane was on top of me, and it seemed very excited. I think it also had some bladder control problems. It whimpered with excitement and suddenly licked my face. The disgusting smell made me gag. I could now see it was a mare. In a sing-song voice, “You are the key! You bring all the beautiful madness into the world, oh most beautiful key.” She giggled, and her voice became lustful, “And you taste like strawberries. I just love strawberries.”

Before I could push her off, I heard some gruff stallion voices calling, “Get back here!” She laughed maniacally and bolted in the opposite direction, barking like a dog. The two stallions dressed in medical smocks galloped through the plaza and presumably continued their chase.

I continued my own mad dash to the schoolhouse. My only thought was the safety of my daughter. There was a last blind alley before the less dense part of Ponyville. With a surge of hope, I pressed harder.

I reached one of the ubiquitous doglegs, almost running into the wall. As I turned the corner, I stumbled into a pony.

A tired, angry, and frightened stallion’s voice bellowed, “Blasted and Tartarus-fire! Get out of our way you Discord addled fool!” I could now see it was Golden Coins, followed by an equally frightened Miss Butterscotch and Silver Spoon.

“Coins, head to the town hall, it’s the-” I stopped, surprised by the sight of two diamond dogs tearing around the other corner. They came to a screeching halt, confused. I think they were surprised by my appearance.

My own shock only lasted a moment. I drew my knife and lept between the ponies and the dogs while yelling, “Get behind me!” I placed myself firmly between them and the Dogs. I ordered through gritted teeth, “Get to town hall, now.”

Butterscotch moved in beside me. “I’m not letting you take all the credit for saving them, Alex Roberts.”

Recovering from their momentary stupor, the two dogs snarled at us and pounced.

I lept and lashed out in an arc, using half the electrical discharge in hopes of getting them both. I did manage to hit one, it’s body convulsing then dropping like a ragdoll, but the other passed me, hitting me in the upper back as I passed by. My face ground into the gravel, my breath gone for a few seconds.

As I gathered my wits, I saw a most unusual site. Miss Butterscotch was standing on her hind legs, her forelegs held close, and she was dancing. No, I recognised it from my own martial arts training. She was readying herself to fight, keeping her centre of balance always moving.

The dog lashed out at her, and she grabbed its arm in her forelegs. She then kicked off the ground while twisting her body around, her body becoming parallel to its arm. At the top of her arc, she bucked both hind legs, smashing the dog senseless. I was amazed at the smoothness of her attack. It was like she had practised it hundreds of times, but how could you ever do it without serious injury to your partner? The defender, no, the target, otherwise it would imply some chance of deflecting the attack, didn’t stand a chance.

I almost felt sorry for the dog. I was sure it had a shattered jaw and dislocated shoulder, at the very least. It simply lay on the ground, whimpering, until she unceremoniously bucked it in the head again. It now lay unmoving and silent except for shallow breathing.

Butterscotch offered me a hoof and smirked, “I suppose you owe me one now.”

I smiled and took her offered hoof in friendship.

One last shortcut. I peeked down the alley and saw a brown cloud billowing out, quickly followed by a trio of coughing, stumbling, and finally collapsing dogs.

As Twilight trotted out of the cloud, she spotted me. I could see she sported a slightly disturbing manic grin. As she got closer, I could see her mane was dishevelled, and most disturbingly, her right ear was twitching randomly. I have never been around her when she went seriously ‘twazy', but I’ve had enough advice and common sense to know that I should direct her to safe tasks and, barring that, get out of her way.

I really, really hope she’s forgotten about the vase.

She levitated a small mass of reddish-brown powder from one of her saddle bags. “Cocoa powder was the key, Alex. In the right concentrations, it worked fairly reliably, too.” She giggled manically, abruptly stopping herself, “Out cold if they breathe enough.”

Yup. She forgot about the vase. But replaced it with a side order of crazy.

I knew from what I had been told by Dash and Applejack that when she was like this, it was best to humour her and just stay out of her way. “Wow, who would have thunk it? Well, I have to get going-”

She came closer, levitating a few bottles out of her bags, joining the little cloud. “It was quite simple once you consider the fact that canines are allergic to cocoa. I then took a common idea from the countless examples I saw in your Wikipedia.” she took a triumphant breath and held her head high with pride, “I weaponized it.” Her eyes started to drift in different directions as she let out a disturbing chuckle and rubbed her hooves together.

I tried to not change my expression. I wasn’t sure if I should be proud of her for thinking outside the pony box or horrified for thinking like a human. I had to think fast.

She continued, excited about her new combat-ready coffee topper. “It all came together once I added powdered espresso beans and rubrum taurus to the matrix and-”

Sometimes, the best plans are the dumbest. I pointed to the middle of town and yelled, “Look! More Diamond Dogs!”

She turned, changing her focus from me to maybe attacking dogs. “How dare they attack Ponyville! That’s just crazy!” She slammed her hoof into the other, then started rubbing them together with that deranged smile and tiny pupils still shrinking, “I’m going to write a letter to the Princess about this so hard it will make their heads spin, then he’ll be sorry he dumped me!” With the snap crack of teleportation and some relief on my part, the purple unicorn was headed toward the centre of town. In the distance, on the edge of my hearing, was the sound of familiar, if somewhat deranged, laughter.

I finally reached the edge of town and saw the large empty field between me and the school. As I took a moment to rest, a large shape flashed past me in the sky. I didn’t get a good look at it, but I was able to recognise a long sky-coloured tube being pulled by a bunch of pegasi wearing sky-blue overalls. It was headed in the direction of the large fields not far from my house. I did see something drop out of the back before it was obscured by the houses.

With my short rest complete, I sprinted to the school, eager to resolve this situation once and for all. I reached the front door, climbed the stairs two at a time, and skidded through the classroom door. I stopped my hands on my knees. I raised a hand and gulped air, “Just a sec.”

The huge Diamond Dog had turned, a look of confusion on his face. He was not alone, flanked by three more of those dog troopers, but they looked better fed and were cleaner than the ones I had seen so far.

They must be trusted lieutenants.

Behind them was a purple mare with a two-tone pink mane. She was standing protectively in front of a brown pony with a black and grey mane and impressive handlebar moustache lying on the ground, a serious bruise on the side of his face, and a bunch of terrified kids huddling together in fear. I looked directly into Scootaloo’s eyes and saw the fear. My heart skipped a beat.

God damn it.

My daughter, Apple Bloom, and Sweetie Belle were in the group, along with Diamond Tiara and five or six other kids I didn’t recognise. At the front was one of the kids I didn’t know: grey coat, teal mane, and tail. He caught my attention because he seemed to be placing himself firmly in defence of Scootaloo.

All those kids.

I came up with a desperate plan, and it required I continue with my act. Well, half an act. I really was a little winded. “Ma’am? You’re Cheerilee, right?”

Unsure how to react to the surreal situation she was in, she simply half smiled, “Yes. I’m the schoolteacher here.”

“Great, great. We’ll have to talk later. Work comes first.” I chuckled, “Luna’s a real strict boss.” I stood up and cracked my back, startling all the conscious ponies.

First, the stick. I need to show them what a precarious situation they’re in.

“Alright. Here’s the deal. Most of your boys are captured or incapacitated. The Royal Guard will be here any second. Luna’s personal Paladins are all around you, with the head Paladin standing in front of you and the Elements of Harmony all around town.” I realized this was all based on the assumption the locals could handle themselves. I really hope I’m right.

And now for the carrot. A chance for them to get out of this without losing face.

“Now, I’m tired, you probably are too, with all that terrorizing of kids and such. What say I give you a chance. You and your boys step out this door and tell your guys to release any ponies they have. Then, and only then, will I let you guys go. You will then come back in a week, and I swear to you I will do everything in my power to help your people.”

He seemed to think for a moment, then gave me a big toothy and slightly unsettling grin. “Bonecutter. Kill him.”

There were audible gasps from the ponies, even a desperate little ‘no’ from Scootaloo. I had almost forgotten how shocking that sort of thing would be to them, but I knew I couldn’t afford to lose my focus. Nevertheless, I was ashamed for the briefest moment; I was unaffected by it.

The larger dog to his left, Bonecutter I presumed, took a step towards me. I quickly drew my knife and threw it at a spot on the ceiling above him. As it left my hand, its shape changed into a steel hummingbird with a blade in place of its head, trailing an almost invisible hair-thin wire connected to a quickly forming bracelet around my wrist. I love elven design. Always so damn elegant.

He snarled with laughter, “You ugly dummy miss me! Ha!”

I commanded NON-LETHAL.FINISHER. The knife, in only an instant, grew to a sphere about half a meter in diameter. I knew that while it didn’t weigh much, it would spit out from the ceiling like an apple seed, moving about as fast as an arrow.

Almost in slow motion, the ball slammed his face into the floor. This was instantly followed by the sound of a large electrical discharge, a dance of blue lightning around the sphere, and the jerking and flailing of the diamond dog. The ball returned to its knife shape and slapped into the palm of my hand. “So, the offer stands. But, this is your last chance.”

“Bonecutter was an idiot.” The two other dogs took discreet but noticeable steps away from their boss. “So, pink puppy, what you do if me say…” his smile was filled with malice and foul cheer, “no.”

He snarled to his subordinates, “Kill the purple pony and take the whelps back to camp. Me want take pink runt.” I noticed the two hench-dogs glanced at each other and hesitated.

The leader was angry, bellowing, “Do what you told!”

Scoots impudently called out with pride. “They’re smarter than you, puppy. They know my dad will beat you all up.”

He casually shoved the noble little gray colt to the floor and angrily backhanded Scootaloo. Her little head snapped back, trailing a thin line of blood and saliva.

As soon as I saw her struck, something broke inside me. This animal had to be put down. My breathing became rapid as my vision completely focused on my target. The Alpha was clear as day while everything else blurred out of sight. I felt my nerves were on fire as I gripped my weapon.

I may have bellowed something out because the Alpha turned his full attention towards me. I wasn’t fully aware of what I was doing. This whole time, I was walking towards him, calculating exactly where I wanted to hurt him. The knuckle guard formed around my hand. No blade. No spikes. No electrical discharge. No killing.

The Alpha Diamond Dog lunged its arm out. I nimbly moved to the side as the claws tore into the sides of my shirt, the tips digging in and leaving shallow wounds. My right arm was already pulled back and ready. I drove it into his snout without hesitation. Despite the protection offered by my weapon, I was dimly aware of the knuckles on my right hand popping. I watched the dog’s head snap back with a satisfying crack.

That moment of clarity vanished as I realized that I had thrown my entire being into that attack. The Alpha Diamond Dog was flying backwards, and I was following close behind. The dog crashed through a window he was standing in front of; glass was everywhere as I passed through. I may have been cut, I was unsure as I didn't feel anything. It didn’t matter if I was hurt. This barbarian had the gall to hit my daughter.

I had no intention of stopping. This monster would learn pain. The alpha landed on its back. Its nose was bloodied, and glass shards had cut its neck and ears. I slammed my knee directly into his sternum when I landed on him and quickly dug in.

I didn’t want him blacking out for this.

I wanted him to feel every ounce of pain. There was something I have never done before, a setting I had always refused to use, but now… now was the perfect time to use it.

PAIN-DUSTER.MODE.

My brass knuckles grew vicious points as I sent the first blow to its throat. I felt something crunch. It hacked and coughed blood as my left followed up on its face, and then my right hit the other side of this mongrel’s mug. I lost myself as blood splattered on my cheek. I only wanted to pound this beast’s face into ground meat, leaving it in agony for what he did to my baby girl!

“You.”

Each blow…

“Never.”

Made me hate...

“Touch.”

This worthless creature...

“Any.”

More...

“Child.”

And more...

“Especially.”

And more...

“My.”

Until...

A young filly's voice cut through my rage, “Dad!”

Then, there was nothing left.

My vision cleared. I looked down on the Alpha, its ragged breathing matching my own. It begged with a whispered and choked cry, “Please…”

“Dad, stop... please..."

I looked over, my little Scoots was breathing hard, and her voice sounded a little raspy. Was she calling out to me? How long was she doing that? The dog in front of me was wheezing in pain, and both of his eyes were swollen shut.

I… did... that.

I scrambled away as fast as I could, stumbling and landing on my backside. My weapon fell out of my hand, landing in the gravel pathway by the school. The world around me returned to clarity. I saw for the first time there were glass shards everywhere, and blood had stained my clothes.

Scootaloo was by my side, and she wrapped her forelegs around me. “It’s ok, Dad. You can stop now.”

I held her tight, “Are you okay? Tell me you're okay.”

She sniffed, “I’m fine, dad.” I just held for a moment longer. “I hope Miss Sweetheart doesn’t see us.”

I chuckled warmly, “I don’t think that will be a problem.”

I slowly stood up, my body shaking a little after the rush I had been through. I looked down to see the bigger mess that lay below me. There was blood on the ground. The dogs watching me do this from the window were terrified, their tails between their legs. I noticed Ms Cheerilee had been keeping the children from watching. Any other witnesses simply grimaced at the site.

After regaining my composure, I leaned down, resting my hands on my knees, glaring at the dog until I could see his pupils lock with mine through his swollen eyelids. “Don’t ever forget, it was a filly who saved you. My little filly.” I turned away from this beaten dog and smiled hopefully at my little Scootaloo.

45 - Aftermath Part 1

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I stumbled back a few steps and sat heavily against the school wall. I beckoned Scootaloo to come to me. She hesitated for a moment, but finally galloped to me, putting her little forelegs around my neck. Her warmth became my world.

Once I get home, I’ll have a hot bath. I think I’ve earned it.

As I held her, I felt a lump growing in my throat. There was something I had to confess. “Thank you so much for saving me. A man couldn’t ask for a better daughter than you.”

She looked at me in confusion, “W-what do you mean?”

I stifled my tears and chuckled, “I mean, you reminded me that I’m not a monster, that what I was doing was wrong. If I hadn’t stopped, I would have… I wouldn’t be the same person. And for that, I want you to know that I thank you, from the bottom of my heart. It’s not often a parent can be indebted to their child like this.” I placed my left hand on her unbruised cheek. “I’m sorry if this is… weird or too much or...” I trailed off, surprised at my little girl smirking at me.

"So that's what mom meant when she said you ‘throw it all out there’. I just wanted to keep my awesome," a huge grin formed on her lips as she savoured the next word, "Dad." She hugged me gently and whispered, "You were changing and..." She sniffled back a tear. "I'm just happy you're back."

The only thing I could do was to be her father. I held her more tightly and told her her daddy loved her.

My back ached from the cold stones of the school wall and recent exertion. My right hand throbbed, the stitches in my left arm were torn and stung, the three jagged wounds in my side burned, and every brush of her fur on my open wounds stung. Even with all of that, the warmth of my little girl hugging me made all my aches and pains fade.

I heard the soft footfall coming from the front of the school. A gruff yet humble voice spoke with deference, “Alpha?”

I quickly stood and drew my knife as I pushed Scootaloo behind me. My right hand was on fire, but I still gripped my weapon hard enough for my knuckles to turn white.

The Alpha, that beaten creature lying in the blood-speckled grass, raised its arm and croaked, “Me yield...”

The two dogs, the lieutenants, took a step back and raised their hands in supplication. The taller, leaner one spoke, “We surrender. Me Roughbone, new leader of eastern forest pack. Me accept offer. One week, we come back, we fix things, we regain honour.”

I nodded, and then the new Alpha grew sad, took a deep breath and let out a low, mournful howl. It spoke of loss and shame, but also of hope for a future with dignity. Soon, similar howls replied.

I sheathed my blade and sat back down heavily.

He spat at the fallen leader as he walked past him, “Stupid bitch.”

I suppose that means the Alpha is female.

“Why you try do this? We said no do this. Bad idea.” He looks down on her with disdain, “You welp bitch lucky be rabbit skinner.” The new leader glared at her, the menace in their voice palpable, "If you come back..."

I spoke with authority I knew I didn’t have. I figured solve them all and let Celestia sort it out. “I think you should head to town hall now. It’s that way,” I gestured. “That’s where there will be some authorities to talk to. Tell them our agreement. If they don’t like it, tell them to take it up with Alex Roberts.” Easier to beg forgiveness than ask permission. “Also, make sure they send some medical help.”

“Do what you want. She failed as Alpha. She nothing to us.” With that, the two trudged unenthusiastically toward the centre of town. The Alpha simply turned its head away from me and sighed.

Before they left, I repeated myself, “I said, send medical help. We have other injured and they’ll also need some attention.”

At my words, they stopped and turned to face me. The new Alpha bowed his head respectfully, “As you command, pink monkey.” His duty done, he turned and trotted away, quickly followed by the other diamond dog.

After enjoying a few moments of silence, I started hearing pony voices in the distance, barking commands. It sounded like they were starting to round up the dogs, but it was just a guess.

A mare spoke shakily from my left, “Mr Alex Roberts? Are you alright?”

I turned my head to see the teacher peeking around the corner, the worry and motherly concern on her face changing to shock. I raised my right hand and started to rub my forehead, grunted in pain, and quickly rested it on my leg. “I’m sorry, I was a little distracted when we met a moment ago. You’re Miss Cheerilee, right?”

She smiled worriedly, “Yes, that’s right. I’m Scootaloo’s teacher.” She started to babble a bit, “Miss Sweetheart said you and Miss Rainbow Dash were in the process of adopting her. I’m so glad she will have robust parents taking care of her.” She stopped then peered quizzingly at me, “Are you alright? Your hoof, or paw, I suppose, seems tender, and… Oh my! Is... is that..." she gulped, "blood?"

“It’s a minor wound. It stings and, sure, there is a little blood,” I winced at my own bald-faced lie, “but nothing to worry about. To change the subject for a moment, how is the young colt who was hurt? Is he alright?”

Happy to have her focus pulled away from the wound on my side, she latched onto the new subject like a drowning mare. Her quick answer held a grateful tone. “Do you mean Steelskin? He’s quite resilient for such a young pony. He wasn’t hurt at all.” Her nervous giggle at the end was hard to miss.

There was a worried colt’s voice from above me, “Is she okay? Is Scootaloo okay?”

Scootaloo rolled her eyes, “I’m down here, Steelskin.” I chuckled at her silly nickname for the colt. “I’m fine, don’t worry. My dad saved me.”

I suddenly recalled the other pony, “What about the gentlecolt who was in the room with you? Is he hurt?”

Her voice took on a dreamy tone, “His name is Dusty. He was knocked down, but I think he’ll be just fine. He did his best, but there were three of them.” She sighed, “He was so brave.”

I smirked, “I’ll make sure to remember him in the official report. Can I ask you a favour?”

“Of course. What can I do?”

“Could you escort the kids away from here and to the town hall, where they’ll be safe?”

Scootaloo’s expression was stern and her ears stood at attention, “Oh no you don’t, Dad. I’m not leaving here until Mom or the Princess says I have to. You’re hurt, and you need protection.” For the first time, I saw how dark her cheek and the corner of her mouth were where she was struck.

I gave her a thin smile. “It’s been a long day, pumpkin. Please don’t make me use my daddy voice. I just want to make sure you’re safe, and things get cleaned up as fast as possible. Anyway, you’re not supposed to be in contact with me, remember.” I got Cheerilee's attention, “And I would appreciate it, ma’am, if you didn’t mention anything.”

“How could I possibly have seen anything out there, Alex Roberts? I was in here with the children.”

“Thank you.” I turned my attention back to Scootaloo, “Now, young miss. Please, go back to your teacher.”

She frowned in irritation and looked down, “Yes, Dad.” She took a few steps with her head down, then stopped. She brightened up as if struck by a sudden realization. She looked back at me with a happy smile and joy in her voice, “Yes, Dad.”

I sat quietly, my eyes closed, back to the wall, trying to ignore my hand and all the aches and pains I had. I dreamed of a hot bath soothing my mind and body. I was grateful I was only lightly injured, nothing broken and nothing that wouldn’t heal. I heard a general murmur from the town but no screams or panic sounds. Good. Cheerilee was organizing the kids to get them to the town centre, guarded by Dusty. While I was sure all of the children would be met by their loving parents, I felt guilty I couldn’t be one of them.

In that quiet moment, with only the steady breathing of the Alpha to be heard, I pondered how chaotic situations like this were so hard to remember accurately. I could recall flashes, scenes, and disjointed images, but I was unable to recall details like how I got from A to B.

It seemed like, despite all this ensuing chaos, I was manoeuvring through it with ease. When I was in a spot where I should have been overwhelmed, there was just the right pony with just the right skills to save my sorry ass. And at other moments, I was at just the right place where I could make a difference.

Was it dumb luck?

It was moments like these when I wondered if I was just a fictional character like so many I had met. Had my writer just been lazy and just left out the boring details? Over the years I had spent many hours sitting in front of a campfire pondering this very question. I had decided very long ago it really wouldn’t make a difference. It was like that old scientific hypothesis, ‘The Simulation’. In the end, you had to behave like you were real.

“You whelp bitch strong.” The sudden croaking statement made me tense up a little and grunt in pain. Fictional or not, I was damn sore.

Her voice drew an image in my mind of Scootaloo being dragged away, begging to be let go, being beaten by the slave driver, and a menagerie of similar horrors. I fought to keep my voice neutral, “You mean my daughter, right?” Remembering something Mrs Cake said, I smiled with savage pride, “Yeah, she’s a real firecracker, alright.”

The Alpha seemed to be speaking to herself, “She like my daughter.” She slowly made a fist and weakly pounded the grass. Through her broken teeth and battered mouth, she lamented, “Pink monkey, this was supposed to be easy. We take pony whelps, sell back for gems, we buy enough meat for winter. No pony hurt. Pack have enough to eat. Everyone happy.”

Except for the terrified children, you hypocrite. I knew I was in a position of power, but I was tired and really didn’t give much of a damn what she said at this point. Still, I felt some compassion. Given her position and culture, would I have done any differently? “You know, you could still end up with what you need. Just not the way you envisioned it.”

She continued, not seeming to listen. “So easy. It going to be so easy. Ponies weak cowards. One run, all run. One kneel, all kneel. Why these ponies not ponies?”

“Oh, don’t make that mistake. They are ponies. And you’re right, they follow. The thing is, this town is full of leaders, full of heroes. But, if you knew what the ponies in this town had been through, you would have thought twice before raiding it," I explained. "While they are followers, just as you say, if they can see one example, just one single example, they will all follow. This town is full of those examples. You were doomed the moment you committed yourself to raid this place.”

I sat in the cool shade of the school, daydreaming about the first meal Dash, Scoots, and I would have as a family. I’m thinking individual pizzas. Pasta, maybe? Then again, Dash might accuse me of trying to make her fat with all my high-density human food. On the third hand, Dash knows how to take care of her body, and she’s never complained about my food yet. Still, might do a salad or veggie stir fry or something. Dash and Scoots always liked my stir-fries.

My thoughts were broken by my right hand throbbing. I heard hoof steps, and a rough, feminine voice addressed me, a lot like an older Dash. “Your paw looks pretty swollen. Here…” There was the familiar snap-crack of teleportation, and I felt the cold of an ice pack being gently placed on my hand.

I opened my eyes and looked up at a sadly smiling unicorn mare with a dark grey coat. She wore what looked like a helmet made of black beaten iron with a crest, like bat wings. She also wore body armour made of similar material with a similar bat and darkness motif. But her most striking feature was her eyes. Bright green with slit pupils. Her fearsome appearance was in direct contrast to her actions and expression.

I could see behind her a couple of unicorn medics dressed in similar gear, tending to the Alpha. They looked young, and their unease was easy to see. I’m not sure which unnerved them more, the huge diamond dog lying limply in front of them or the smaller creature who had done the beating.

I hear one of them swear and then say, “Cap, this is above our pay grade. She needs a real doctor.”

The mare sighed, “Okay. Doc E is in town. Get the word out that he needs to get his flank here ASAP.”

With relief that she had a task she could accomplish, she replied, “You got it, Cap.”

She sat beside me, holding the ice pack in place. “It never gets easier, does it.” I opened my eyes, and my expression must have matched my confusion. “Hurting a pony, or anyone really. No matter the reason, no matter who you’re protecting, it always hurts you more than it hurts them.”

I grunted in agreement. After a few moments of sitting in silence, the throbbing in my hand steadily being replaced by the numbness of the ice, I spoke quietly. “Thank you for the ice. It’s really helping.” I suddenly realized I was being rude. “I’m sorry, ma’am, I’m Alex Roberts.”

“Alabaster Nightshade,” She smiled, “Captain Nightshade, if you want to get all formal.” She gave a little chuckle, “And no need to apologize. We’re technically the same rank.”

I snorted and gave her an incredulous grin, “How in the heck do I rate that?”

She was taken aback, “What? You thought you would be my boss?”

I sighed. “No, ma’am. I knew I had some kind of standing but not an actual rank. As far as I can tell, being a Paladin is a… a pet project of the princess. Some kind of off-the-cuff reward for-” ‘not killing myself’, I thought sourly. It was at that moment I realized how long it had been since I had seriously thought about ending it. She must have noticed my pause because her expression became worried. I waved my good hand dismissively, “Never mind, it doesn’t matter what I think.”

“You, sir, sell yourself far too short.” One of her saddlebags glowed, and a thick folder floated out. “I’ve read your dossier and-”

I interrupted her, “Wait a minute, you're telling me that Big Sister is watching me? Like someone out of 1984?"

I could see the confusion on her face. "Nineteen-what? The bureau was renamed back in 984. Is that what you mean?"

My pile of look-into-it-later was getting bigger. “Moving on.”

“I want you to rest assured it was gathered with full oversight of the Bureau of Information Gathering By Responsible Operatives Through Heuristic Encryption Requirements. Of course, we had to do in the space of a few months what we would normally have taken years to do. We know a lot about you, Alex, so we know you’re safe. You’re harmless, really.”

“But… where did you get the information? And besides,” I pointed at the Alpha, “you call that harmless?”

She winced a little, “Well, mostly harmless. No worse than what you did to Coins the night of the Derpy Hooves and Caramel wedding, really.” She looked at the fallen Alpha for a moment, “Okay, maybe a little worse.”

She sighed and removed her helmet. Her eyes changed to more normal pony eyes, but the irises were the same green. Her messy silver mane cascaded around her shoulders. “I suppose it’s only fair if I tell you where we get our information. We coordinate reports and observations from any ponies who care to make them, throw in a little postcognition magic to fill in the blanks, and we can build an accurate picture of who you really are. I guess the term you would use is ‘data mining’?”

I was stunned. I knew this society loved its paperwork, and I guessed that having a herd mentality would mean privacy was less important, but still, I never expected this level of intrusion. Frankly, I just wasn’t sure how to react.

“By the time you were invited to an audience with Princess Celestia, we knew you were unlikely to be a danger to her. The fact no one had to ask you to leave your weapon at home pretty much confirmed what your dossier was telling us. For a complete stranger from a completely different species, you showed yourself to be very kind. Putting yourself in danger multiple times, usually for no personal gain.” She leaned towards me a little, “You represent what we strive for. Always looking for a way to give redemption to anypony who needs it.”

She leaned back, closed her eyes and slowly rubbed the back of her neck with a sigh. “You know, the biggest change that happened when we got our Princess back was that we went from the part of the Royal Guard only fit for the misfits, the screwups, and,” her expression became sad, “the drunks, to a respected part of the Guard. I know it’s selfish, but that was… nice.” She looked around at the guard ponies with pride, busy at their tasks. “At the end of the day, we all serve Princess Luna. Redemption is a big deal for all of us; the Princess, the night guard, and me, personally. I know it’s important to you.”

“If it is so important to me, why did I almost kill the Alpha?” I rested my head on the wall, “I mean, under different circumstances, my ‘bravery’ would have been considered a crime.”

She rested her hoof on my thigh, “Give it time, Alex. You just came off of a series of intense emotions. Now everything is crashing down. Just give it a few days, and you’ll see you did the right thing.” Nightshade looked up. “Ah. Ms Dash is coming.”

I heard her a moment before I saw her. It was like a freight train crashing in front of me. Dash landed with enough force to dig a small crater, throwing gravel and small stones all around. As the dust cleared, she stood in front of me, wings flared and body language aggressive. She glared her hurricane of anger at Captain Nightshade, who, with a slight look of panic, promptly removed her hoof from my leg. When Dash didn’t stop looking at her, Captain Nightshade quickly moved away from me. Dash then directed her emotions directly at me. I’m not ashamed to say I flinched when she spoke. “Alex Jean-Paul Roberts. You’re lucky you’re still alive because so help me I’m going to kill you.”

Not a normal greeting for a pony, but this one was engaged to marry me. I suppose I’ve been a bad influence on her. I think I’m about to pay for that. “I told you to stay in the library. I told you to keep yourself safe and look what I find. Your hoof is all busted up, your shirt is ripped to rags, and you’re covered in… blood!” Her eyes went wide with nauseous horror as she lifted the side of my torn shirt with a hesitant hoof. “Celestia, you’re bleeding!”

I turned myself so that the side with the slash was away from her. “They’re not as bad as they look, sweetheart. Just a little blood from the cut. Heck, it barely got past the dermis.” I smirked and with a jaunty British accent said, “Tis but a scratch.” She looked at me with a deadpan expression. I looked again, “Okay, and maybe… wow, that is a lot… but it’s mostly from the diamond dogs.”

Her eyes flicked between my eyes and the wounds on my side. “You’re not helping, Alex Roberts.”

Well, at least she dropped my middle name.

She looked down and muttered angrily to herself as the tears ran down her face, “I promised myself I’d never let this happen again. I’m such a bucking idiot.”

I stood and did my best not to grunt, wince, or make any negative or pain-related noises. My task complete, I wobbled and stood straight and tall. My head swam, and I was doing my best not to fall over. I smiled sadly at her, "Now, when did you promise anything like this would never happen?"

She sniffed and looked up at me with such fierceness, "When I decided you already had too many scars.” She gave me a small tearful smile, “That’s when I promised."

I didn’t know what to say. For one of the few times in my life, I didn’t have a clever comeback or witty remark. I finally managed to shake my head a bit, “Don’t you beat all.”

I was rewarded with a smirk, “Yeah, well, I am the best.” The smirk turned to a frown, “Stop trying to distract me, darn it. I’m still mad at you, Alex. I mean, you’re barely standing, and you’re hurt. But you know what the worst part is?” Her fierce eyes were moist, her chin showed the slightest quiver, and her voice cracked. “You’re acting so apple-bucking flippant about the whole thing!”

I took a wobbly step closer, doing my best to give her a charming smile. The effect is ruined when I grimace from the pain of my side. “Okay, maybe a little. But, well, I’m safe, if a little banged up, Scootaloo, our daughter, is safe, the Diamond Dog Alpha is down, and the rest fell into line. The day’s been saved. I think all that’s worth a few scratches.” I looked at my increasingly swollen hand, “Anyway, I’m sure my hand isn’t broken.” I winced despite my best efforts. “Well, fairly sure. I’ll be fine in a couple of days, a week or two tops. May need help opening peanut butter jars…”

She wiped her eyes, that storm of anger rising again. “You think you’re clever, don’t you.”

I was tempted to quip, ‘Yes, I am.’ but decided against it. There was a crack of fear in her voice I had never heard before.

With a tone that was part wail of anguish, part roar of anger, she yelled at me. “You could have died, Alex. Have you thought of that? Do you know what that would have done to me? To Scoots!?”

I stumbled, and she caught me, carefully steadying me, but her expression was no less angry. I was tired, and I knew she could do this all day. I also knew every word she had said was true, but I was selfish and could only think of my own point of view. I spoke softly, not making eye contact, “As opposed to me watching you fly out of the house, fighting the monster of the week? Wondering if some crazy chaos god will turn you inside out, or some demented moon goddess will rip out your mind, or like today,” I spoke the next words softly, “when you left me at the library. Who knew what might happen to you.”

She moved closer, trembling with anger, “I’m starting to wonder if we can even have a relationship.” She squeezed her eyes shut, turned her head away for a moment, and stifled a cry. She looked back up at me, her eyes begging for forgiveness. “No, I don’t mean that. I… darn you, Alex. You’ve been hurt enough, and I’m starting to say stupid things.” Her ears were down, and her eyes downcast. “Just let me take the risks. Let me carry you, you stupid lug.”

Dash had called me a ‘stupid lug’. That was a good sign. “Dash, you are the fastest and most talented mare I know, but even you can’t be in two places at once. If we’re going to be together, I need to carry some of the load, too.” I placed my left hand under her chin and turned her face up to mine. “Besides,” I looked down, our eyes locked, “I guess I was just being selfish and went ahead to get our baby girl.”

She snorted with an angry smirk, her beautiful eyes blinking away her tears, and then she spoke softly, “I guess that makes me the bad parent.”

“Hey, now. While you were busy saving lives, bucking dogs, and keeping them busy, I used the opportunity to save our daughter. It was a team effort. You and me, beautiful. You,” I put my aching right hand on her cheek, “and me. Together. Body and soul.”

Dash’s ears folded forward, a smile on her lips. She whispered, “You goof,” then she fluttered up, and our lips met. She stayed there for a few heartbeats. It was not a passionate kiss, but it was full of ardour, relief, and love. I felt tears of joy welling up. I was so happy this person, who was so important to me, was unharmed and here. I was also full of joy that my daughter was not being dragged to some god-forsaken pit as chattel to be bartered with.

I pulled away to see such a loving expression beaming back at me. I wiped her cheek with my thumb, “I think Scoots is still with Cheerilee. Why don’t-”

She pulled away with a grin, “Why didn’t you say she was here!” She braced herself to take off, then looked at me sheepishly, “She’s inside the school, isn’t she.”

I simply nodded.

She rolled her eyes, annoyed with herself, “I’ll be right back.” Then, in true Dash style, she bolted through the broken window above me.

A surprised Scootaloo exclaimed, “Mom?”

Dash’s voice was a little distorted and dripping in relief. “I was so worried.” Her voice became clear, “Come here, squirt. Let me take a look at you.” She let out a relieved breath. “Well, aside from your war wound, I think you’re ok. So, how did you get it?”

I imagined her puffing her little chest in pride as she told her tale. “So, after Saphire’s dad walked us to school, it was a regular school day. At least, it was until these Diamond Dogs burst into our classroom. Mr Dusty came galloping in, but the big one just smacked him down. I knew you guys would come and get me, so I wasn’t scared. It took Dad a while, and there were other doggies that would come in, and the big one would tell them what to do. After a while, they stopped coming. I guess they all got their orders or something. Anyway, the big one just looked at us and said something about how we were the keys to a better life or something like that.”

“That’s when Dad slid into the room. He then holds his hoof up and gets everyone to just wait a sec. It was awesome. Those big diamond dogs just shut right up and didn’t say a word. Dad gave them a chance to give up, and then the big one sent one of the little ones to beat him up, but Dad used his knife-y thing and, wham! Out cold. He even gave them a second chance to give up, but the dog just told him off. That’s where I got this bruise after I told him exactly what was going to happen. I told him my dad was going to beat him up.”

Scoots’ voice became cautious, “Then, the big wolf knocked Steelskin out of the way and then he hit me.” Again, with that nickname. I started to wonder what his real name was. “Then, Dad got scary. I mean, the puppy was so much bigger than him, but he tackled it right through the window. And then he started hitting it, and he was screaming at it. Not words just sounds like a wild animal. And just kept going, and going. And… I remembered how you said he gets all emotional about stuff, and I thought maybe he was so mad because it had hit me. And I didn’t want him to change, Mom.”

Dash spoke quietly, and I couldn't help but notice the pride in her voice for her daughter. “So, what did you do?”

“I ran outside and tried to stop him. I yelled at him, but he didn’t hear me, so I grabbed his arm. He stopped and looked confused for a second. When he turned around and looked at me, he looked so scared, like he was afraid I stopped loving him or something. That’s crazy, right mom?”

There was a pause, and then Dash’s voice was awestruck, “Wow, kid. That was awesome.” There was a strangled little throat clearing that sounded like Cheerilee. Dash continued in a much more motherly tone. “I mean, you should be more careful young lady.” Dash’s voice got a little softer, “You’re lucky your dad was there to keep you safe- oof!”

This time, it was Scootaloo’s voice that was a little distorted, “Thanks, Mom. I’m glad you two made up. I was a little worried there.” Scoots must have given Dash one of her ballistic hugs.

“Are you kidding? Me and your dad may argue, but we love you and each other to bits. Don’t ever worry about that. Now that I know you’re fine, I’ve got to go get some help for him.” Dash stage whispered, “And Cheerilee? You didn’t see me.”

Cheerilee returned the stage whisper, “You know, I don’t believe I saw you or Alex.”

“What do you mean, I’m standing right-” She stopped suddenly and let out a relieved chortle, “Oh, right, never saw us. Got it. Thanks, Cheerilee.”

Dash sailed back through the window and landed beside me. She sniffed and chuckled. “Okay, you big lug,” she gave me a quick peck on the cheek. “Normally, this is where I’d buck you for being a flank head, but you’re already beat up. On the way here I caught up with Twi and she said Doc Emerald is a top-notch stitch hide. Stay here, I’m gonna get him and bring him right back.” Her expression grew determined, “I’ll carry him back if I have to.”

Dash helped me down, assisted by Captain Nightshade, and back to the school wall. “Stay. Here. I’m not kidding. Sit right there and rest until I get the Doc.” She smirked and said, “Siiiiit. Good boy.” She patted me on the head, kissed me on the forehead, and then flew off with her usual burst of speed.

As Dash went out of sight, I saw the good doctor, flanked by a pair of night watch guards, trot into the field toward the school. His crisp accent was as haughty as it had been when I first met him about an hour ago. My gut reaction to his voice, combined with the oddity of his lines, made me uncomfortable. But, I reasoned, everyone else who mattered was alright with him, so why should I be any different?

Still, for some reason, my hindbrain did a Wilhelm Scream when I saw him.

He dismissed his escort, “Thank you, gentlecolts. Now, what… Oh blessed Luna, what in Tartarus happened here?” He stared at the Alpha, compassion and fear evident. He mumbled to himself, “The guards said she had been ‘neutralized with extreme prejudice’, but this… this is barbaric. Quickly, get the screens up. No one else needs to see this.”

Two guards carrying light wood and cloth screens started setting them up. One of the guards whispered to the other, “That’s a fancy way of saying he nearly killed the bitch."

The other gave a deadpan whisper in reply, “Yeah. He beat the fleas right off of her back.”

My opinion of the good doctor increased a little when his head snapped in the guards’ direction. “If you are quite finished, you may want to review your night watch oath, especially the section on compassion for friend and foe alike.”

They sheepishly returned to their work, setting up the screens to block the view and give the battered Alpha a modicum of privacy. The screens were positioned so I could see him working, but the battered Alpha was otherwise hidden from view.

Doctor Emerald turned back to me with a mixture of fear and disgust, “I suppose... as long as you kept the children safe.” He turned to the Alpha, “Now, let me get you stabilized and free from pain. I’ll make sure you get a full and proper follow-up later, alright?” A green ray burst from his horn at a right angle to the Alpha’s throat.

Soon, Cheerilee trotted back with the children in tow. I waved weakly at Scootaloo, and she waved back. The colt, who I assumed was Steelskin, trotted behind Scoots, eyes glued to her cheek, a worried expression on his face.

As they walked by, I heard Scootaloo’s voice full of pride. I turned my head to see a smirk full of satisfaction, "He’s the one who saved us, and he's going to be my dad."

I noticed Cheerilee looking around, her expression becoming increasingly worried, bordering on panicked. “Dusty, did you see Sapphire? Did you see her anywhere?”

He squared his shoulders and started shouting. “Sapphire, darlin’! Where are ya?”

Without looking up from his work, Emerald sighed and raised his voice, “She has sequestered herself in the broom closet, which is the most defensible location available to her. She went there when the diamond dogs burst in.” There was a long pause as his horn glowed, “She’ll be out momentarily.“

Soon, there was a little unicorn filly, very meekly peeking around the corner of the doorway. She seemed startled to see me but came directly to me. Her little head came close to me as if to nuzzle me.

Emerald cleared his throat, “Sapphire. Get… Please, let him be until I check on him.”

Her head snapped in his direction, her mouth distorted in a scowl. She made her intentions clear in that odd way she communicates. Daddy, he helped us! I want to thank him.

Emerald’s tone became very controlled, with an edge of anger. “Sapphire, I said to step away from that bru…” He turned away slightly, “Sapphire, dear, please step away, alright? He’s hurt and may not appreciate your presence.”

She turned back with a bright smile. Thank you, Mr. Scootaloo’s dad! You saved my friends! She then gave me a little hug then skipped off. Daddy, please treat him.

Emerald’s expression became wooden as he started turning away from the Alpha. I licked my lips and spoke carefully, “Doctor Emerald, I really think you should finish treating the Alpha. I can wait.”

Sapphire stopped, looked at me curiously, and then smiled. I’m sorry, daddy. Mr Scootaloo's dad is right. Finish healing the puppy.

Emerald turned and continued treating the Alpha as if nothing had happened. I made a mental note to investigate this later, just one more thing on the Scooby-Doo pile. But not right now. I was beat.

I must have dozed off for a second because the first thing I saw was the Alpha’s arm grasping Emerald’s shoulder. Emerald tensed as his head snapped to the massive clawed paw. I started getting up, about to call a guard, hoping to do something, but her expression stopped me. It was easy to recognise a grateful smile, and Emerald obviously recognised it, too. He patted her paw, “It’s all right, my dear. Everything will be just fine. Alright? Very good. Now, Miss Cheerilee, please line the children up over there, injured first.”

Scootaloo headed the line, wearing her injury like a badge of honour, followed closely by Steelskin like an overprotective puppy. The rest of the fillies and colts looked shaken up but uninjured. Dusty stood behind them, his swollen eye clearly visible.

I muttered to myself, “Huh. Three injured plus the dogs.” I spoke just loudly enough so Emerald could hear me, “I guess it pays to be a barbarian.”

Emerald turned to me for a moment and glared, but I was sure I caught just a hint of a smile. He then returned to the task at hand. His horn glowed with almost neon-green energy. He touched it gently to her cheek, and the glow softly spread over Scootaloo’s bruise. It took a few moments for the swelling to fade, leaving only a slightly darker spot. It reminded me of Twilight’s heal spell she did on the poor colt I almost gelded back in Canterlot.

The Doc continued with Steelskin. He quickly seemed satisfied that the little colt was fine. The rest of the kids were quickly evaluated and dismissed with a kind word.

He came back to me, “The children are doing well. I shall recommend a follow-up with a Miss Introspective, of course, but otherwise, they are all doing quite well.”

The ex-Alpha slowly stood, running her huge clawed paw on her jaw. She was quickly manacled and led away by a pair of Night Guard ponies. She stopped, turned, and looked at me. There was no animosity, but there was hope in her words, “One week, you help pack. You help me welp. You keep word.”

46 - CMC vs Town Hall

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Miss Cheerilee watched carefully over her charges as she lead them through the village. She counted them for the third time since leaving the school house, terrified she might lose any of her students. While she was grateful that Alex Roberts managed to stop the attack, she was worried some of the children might have been affected by the violence. She had seen young ponies, after experiencing similar shocking events, get spooked and bolt at the slightest provocation.

Along the way, they collected others on their way to the town square, including Golden Coins and his family. Miss Butterscotch scanned the area carefully as she stayed close to Silver Spoon. Silver quickly joined her best friend, Diamond Tiara.

The Cutie Mark Crusaders kept together, giving each other moral and emotional support. Steelskin followed a few steps away watching for danger, occasionally glancing at Scootaloo’s cheek.

In sharp contrast to the frowns and worried expressions of those around her, Scootaloo wore an ear-to-ear grin. As she trotted along proudly she said to herself, “My dad saved us.”

Sweetie Belle bit her bottom lip in thought, then spoke to her friend. “Hey, ‘Loo? I know he’s going to be your dad and all, but he really scared me. I mean, I know he’s nice, but he’s like…” her face screwed up in thought, “... like a bear. Cute and fuzzy when he’s nice, but really scary and dangerous when he’s mad.”

Scootaloo frowned at her friend. Sweetie started to apologize, but she cut her off, her expression thoughtful, “Okay, maybe,” she paused, “just maybe, he went a little too far.” She walked a little further in silence. She brightened up, “But come on! He tackled that thing out of the window like… like… they were in a hoofball game. Besides, Princess Luna thought he was cool enough to be one of her knights or whatever.”

Snails piped up, "Yeah! That was so cool how he was talking all nice to the dog and then it hit you and then BAM, he totally knocked it through the window!" Snips nodded his head in agreement.

Apple Bloom glared at Snails, then corrected her friend, “He’s a Paladin. At least, that’s what Applejack said he was, just like Miss Lulamoon.”

Sapphire encouraged her friend. That is correct, friend Scootaloo. He even instructed my father to treat the doggie before himself. He is nice, not bad.

Diamond Tiara sneered at the orange pegasus and her friends as she sauntered closer to Silver Spoon and muttered, “I can’t believe that blank flank is getting all the attention from those dolt-colts. How is that fair?”

The pink filly walked quietly for a moment, pondering how she could best get her revenge. A cruel smile grew on her face.

Silver Spoon’s curiosity was tempered by knowing her friend’s cruelty could sometimes get out of hoof.

Diamond saw her friend’s questioning look and snickered. "Wait until we get to the town hall. I'll put that stupid little feather duster and her freak parents in their place."

Silver Spoon asked tentatively, "What are you going to do?"

Tiara replied in a sing-song voice, "You'll see."

Miss Sweetheart smiled brightly and hugged her charge tightly, "Oh, Scootaloo!” she kissed the little pegasus on the forehead, “You’re alright.”

Scootaloo smiled and hugged Miss Sweetheart back, “I’m fine.” She whispered into her caretaker’s ear, “My dad saved us.”

She only held Scootaloo tighter and replied just as surreptitiously replied, “I know, but I didn’t see it, so it’s alright.” She let her go and smiled sadly at the proud little pegasus. She looked over to Miss Cheerilee and asked with a light smile, “This is just a formality, you understand, but I have to ask, did Alex Roberts or Rainbow Dash make contact with Scootaloo?"

Scoots’ proud stance faded as she nervously pawed the ground, looking imploringly at her teacher.

Before she could answer, Diamond Tiara spoke with a cruel grin, "Yes, they both did. That Rainbow na-pony flew in our classroom and acted like she was her real mom or something.”

Silver Spoon recoiled from her friend in shock and whispered sharply, “Don’t. She’ll lose her family.”

Diamond met her friend's imploring gaze with rolled eyes. She continued with relish, ”And before that, she went outside with him when he was screaming. He stopped when she got there. She must have scared him with her face. He even," she made a gagging sound," told her she was the best daughter a... a... whatever he's called-"

She was interrupted loudly by Scoots, "A man. A stallion human is called a man." She quickly amended herself, "At least, as far as I know."

"Fine, a man could have. He must be a real loser if he wants you as a daughter. But, I suppose that's the best he can hope for, seeing as he's so-"

She was interrupted by Golden Coins, "As much as it pains me to say this, my dear, I think you must be mistaken. Miss Cheerilee?"

Her face was completely neutral, a necessary skill forged through years of teaching young children. "That's correct, Mr Coins. I did not see this happen. In fact, she was within my line of sight the whole time."

Steelskin came rushing to her defence and snarled out, "That's right. It never happened."

The rest of her friends followed suit.

Apple Bloom burst out, "I didn't see, with my own eyes, Alex hugging Scootaloo. And that's the truth."

Sapphire nodded in agreement, ‘My friend Scootaloo did not, to my knowledge, hug Mr Scootaloo's Dad or Ms Scootaloo’s Mom.’

Sweetie Belle looked worried, "Nope. I didn't see her. Now way, no how. For sure. Absolutely. I'm positive. I-" Sweetie stopped when Apple Bloom covered her mouth.

The rest of the class glared daggers at Diamond Tiara and murmured a general agreement that Diamond Tiara was wrong.

Diamond suddenly realized every one of her classmates had put just a little more distance between themselves and her. She wasn’t surprised all those idiots failed her, but what she couldn’t believe was her best friend’s public treachery. Silver’s father also supported that blank flank feather-duster was just too much. As Diamond stomped away angrily, trying to reconcile what happened with her worldview, she simply couldn’t see why anyone wouldn’t find her exposing that liar to be a wonderful public service.

The final blow came from the Silver Spoon herself. She stared hesitatingly, never having stood up to her friend before. "You know, that was really mean. Like, meaner than normal. I mean, that Alex Roberts is weird-looking, but he’s not all bad. He tried to save us, me and Daddy and Miss Butterscotch, and got hurt doing it, too.” She grew more confident, “And ever since he’s been talking to daddy, he’s been acting different. Daddy, I mean. Nicer. Not just to me, but to everyone. And as uncool as those blank flanks are, I don’t want to hurt them.” She stood a little straighter as she came to a decision, “I think I'll hang out with someone else for a little while. Maybe you'll get nicer if you're alone for a bit." With that, she trotted off to be with the other kids.

A few days later, once everything had returned to normal, Tiara trudged angrily to her bedroom, her supper left untouched. As she flopped down on her bed, there was the sound of paper crunching. Under her pillow there was an envelope, with the words, “From Your New Friends”, written on it. Each letter was in a different style and a different colour.

47 - Aftermath Part 2

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As she was led away, the defeated Alpha glanced hopefully at me. I had been surprised by her request. I guess it means I’ll need to check up on her kid. I noted this new factoid and added it to the ever-growing mental pile.

My attention was drawn back to my arm when it was suddenly encased in a green glow of unicorn telekinesis and was stretched out. I saw the doctor’s horn glowing brightly and a look of irritation on his face. “Ouch! Watch it, doc.”

He was obviously upset because he handled my arm somewhat roughly. It was as if I had personally offended him or damaged an interesting specimen.

“That’s Doctor to you, sir,” he snapped at me. “What madness was going through your simian mind, pray tell.” He continued in a cold and very controlled manner. "Do you recall the poor creature whose leg you broke?”

“You mean the one about to-” I found myself suddenly unable to speak as a fist sized blob of glue softly hit me in the mouth.

“As I was saying, the bone shard in her leg was a mere two centimetres from the external iliac artery. Had you struck little harder, she would have bled out in less than two minutes. You are very lucky, sir, not to have murdered her.” He drew close, almost nose to nose, and I could smell his breath. Unlike most ponies, whose breath smelled of chlorophyll or mint, his smelled of nothing. “Do you know what you did to her?” He pointed at the Alpha being led off. “Does your kind enjoy inflicting so much pain while keeping the victim conscious? I could see that blasted weapon of yours was designed to do exactly that.”

Despite the pain, I pulled off the strip of quickly drying glue obstructing my mouth with my right hand and sputtered, “If you’ll just let me explain-”

This time he raised his voice, “In all my time as a pony of medicine and as a military healer, I have never seen such damage. The wounds were as precise as ones produced by the finest surgeon's scalpel. The damage cut muscle along the grain, and flayed skin to the dermis, yet avoided major blood vessels and nerve clusters and never crushed the windpipe despite multiple blows. The damage was massive. Painful beyond words.”

He paused for the briefest moment, almost in confusion. “Yet, it was all reversible with basic healing techniques, even without magic, given time. You claim your kind is weak and fragile, but you have shown me just how very cruel and dangerous you can be.”

He thrust his face close to mine and in a low, harsh tone, making sure only I could hear. “Did your emotions drive you so strongly that grief turns you into a monster? A predator such as yourself losing his mate.” he shook his head sadly, “That must have brought you such rage-”

I snarled, unable to take any more of that sanctimonious son of a bitch, “Osti de tabarnac de calice, elle a frappé ma petite. Backhanded her like she was garbage. Would you have done anything differently?”

Despite the pain, my right hand formed into a fist, my heart started to beat faster, and I could feel my body about to give me another surge of adrenaline. I was slowly pulling my arm back, ready to teach him just how pissed off he was making me.

At the same moment, he was staring hard at me, and I could actually see the side of his mouth open slightly, showing me his gritted teeth. But what happened next made that little Wilhelm Scream go from a minor cautionary warning to a full-on panic that made my guts turn to ice.

The Doctor’s mouth froze, and he made the most gut-wrenching and unnerving hiss. I could swear I saw impossibly thin, sharp fangs rising from his frozen lips, like a superimposed image. It disappeared as quickly as I was cognizant of it. If it was there, it was only for the briefest of moments.

We both forgot our mutual animosity at the sound of loud cursing. We both turned to see the Alpha flanked by two Day Guards and a third in front of her. The one in front was straining with the rope in her teeth connected to the Alpha’s wrist manacles. I was impressed by the diamond dog’s brute strength. She barely budged, no matter how hard the earth pony guard strained. The brute spoke with humility, “Must talk healer.”

Two of the guards stepped back, drawing small pies and holding them threateningly. I noticed the pies seemed to have more heft than an ordinary pie would have, but looked normal otherwise. I suspected there was more to them.

The guard pulling her by the shackles shouted, “Get moving, mutt, or you’ll get more than a prodding!”

The callousness with which they were treating a helpless prisoner directed my anger away from the doctor. I shouted, “Take it easy on her! And for god’s sake, let her speak her mind.”

The doctor glanced at me and carefully spoke, “Please, let her talk. I wish to hear what she has to say.”

The ex-Alpha nodded in my direction and then faced the doctor. "Me speak truth, say kill him,” she touched her forehead, just above her eyes with her massive finger, “from pneuma. Him ask me to surrender two times." The ex-Alpha gave an embarrassed cough. "Then, I hit his whelp. He fight with honor and show mercy to pack when he won. Few kind like that." She looked down, embarrassed, “Me never offer such things.”

I smiled warily and remembered something that had stuck with me since I had heard it when I was a kid, “An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind.”

She looked thoughtful and nodded at me. She then stood as tall and proud as a queen going to her execution. She inclined her head at the guard holding her manacles, “Me ready for fate, warrior.”

Emerald seemed momentarily confused, as if this was the last thing he expected from me. “A lofty sentiment. I suppose I should not judge you so hastily.”

Alex Roberts, you hypocrite, I thought angrily to myself. It’s not like I didn’t already get my pound of flesh. Some Paladin I’m turning out to be. What would Shedinath say? I could hear her now, “If you were a proper Paladin, you’d shut your mouth and beg Bahamut's forgiveness.”

In that damned familiar voice I couldn’t quite place, he quietly continued, “Right. We will discuss this at length later. For now, let’s have a good look at you.” He pulled out a scroll, quill, and ink, and began sketching and taking notes. “Patient Alex Roberts, human. Preliminary assessment of injuries. One. Minor lacerations to lower front mandible and lower right bucca. Cosmetic damage, low priority. Two. The right manipulative appendage has suffered severe impact trauma. High priority. Three. Previous stitching of wound on inner mid-joint left foreleg compromised.” He muttered, “Unsurprisingly.” He then cleared his throat, “Intermediate priority. Four.” His horn glowed a sickly green and my shirt was taken apart. “Teats?” He looked confused, pulled some notebooks wrapped in his glow, quickly flipped through them, and then looked up. “My notes said you were male.”

I answered a little more peevishly than I had intended, “Yes. I’m a male. And they’re called nipples. Totally non-functional. Just fun to look at.” Dumbass. Some doctor this jerk is.

He sniffed, “I’m afraid I don’t find them attractive at all. Now, where was I? Ah, yes. Three shallow parallel cuts, indicative of a Diamond Dog strike. However, there has been minimal blood loss. Intermediate priority. Five. There seems to be minor laceration on the primary left knee joint. Low priority. Now, is there anything else? Strained joints? Internal pain?”

I stretched my knee a little and winced. “My left knee is sore. Feels strained. I guess the adrenalin carried me through, though.”

“Adrenalin.” He spoke the word in awe. “Miss Sparkle mentioned it in her notes. At a more suitable time, I will ask you further about this remarkable substance.”

“Okay…” He’s a doctor, and he doesn’t know what adrenaline is? Likely, they use a different word for the same thing. Still, he should have made some kind of connection by its function.

“Now, let’s take a closer look at you.” This time, he lifted my swollen and bruised right hand very gently with a thin ray from the tip of his horn. The ray suddenly fattened to a sickly green beam that danced over the battered and bruised skin of my hand. Wherever it touched me, the skin, muscles, bones and other tissues became translucent. While each tissue type was highlighted in its own colour, the bones remained a ghostly white.

The doctor peered closely at my hand and muttered to himself, quickly making notes. At several points, he stopped and shook his head, grunted, or gave me the stink eye. When he was done with my hand, he repeated the process on my left elbow, the cuts on my side, and my left knee.

Once his notes were completed, he addressed me. “You, sir, are most fortunate. There are minor lacerations, both internal and external, to the hand, the bones have minor contusions and several hairline cracks, the joints are partially torn, and the midsections of your fingers are damaged, no doubt from that blasted weapon you put to such foul use.”

He continued lecturing me. “The cuts on your sides, while ragged, are mostly superficial. The knee has suffered a minor sprain, nothing a few days rest, some ice and a compress bandage won’t fix. The torn stitches will have to be replaced.” He grew thoughtful for a moment. “A normal course of treatment would require approximately an hour and good night's sleep. However, due to your unusual medical condition, I have been forced to use an alternate course of treatment.”

I spoke cautiously, “If needles are to be used, I demand that only the thinnest foal needles. What ponies consider a needle would get you arrested for assault where I come from.”

He cracked a thin little smile, “Ah, yes. Miss Sparkle related the regrettable incident with a standard adult needle. Do not worry, unlike you, I do not let my emotions get the better of me. The devices, if used, will be ones suited to your needs.”

I replied sheepishly, “Well, alright then.”

“First, the hairs must be removed from the skin. This will reduce discomfort in the later removal process,” My arm glowed green again as I felt the hairs painlessly being plucked out, and then placed in a glass vial.

I gave him a tired smirk, “Souvenir?”

With a forced nonchalance, Emerald said, “Samples.” Once they were secured in the vial and labelled, he quickly stored it in his saddlebag. He then spoke with a hint of pride, “Now for the healing ointment. Please lift your right manipulative appendage.”

I lifted my hand and held it up to him.

He examined my hand for a moment. “A little higher.”

I complied like a good little patient.

He nodded, “Good. Now, don’t move. This will only take a moment.”

With the setting sun at its current angle, I realized I could see a hint of a darker shape through his flesh. It was almost as if his outer shape was concealing a smaller, darker body, just out of sight. Then I saw those fangs slowly push through his upper and lower lips again, but this time, it was just the tips, and it was only for a moment. I’m sure most ponies would have missed it. Normally, this would have caused me to scream like a little girl, but I was already exhausted from the emotional trauma I had experienced today. My only reaction was a simple, “Huh…”

His horn glowed, and a beam started dancing on my hand like before, but this time, it seemed to be placing layer after layer of a warm, thick green goo. I could also see that the distorted area between his mouth and my hand was being magically camouflaged. If I ignored the ray from his horn, it would seem he was vomiting the stuff.

By the time he was done, there was a semi-rigid transparent bright green shell on my hand covering down to my fingers between the top and middle knuckles, leaving only the fingertips free. I tried to wiggle my fingers.

He scowled at me. “Stop that. You need to let the casing harden properly. Failure to do that will lessen the effectiveness.”

“So, is this something you created, or is it a standard pony medical technique?”

He stood straight, obviously full of pride. “The Gelatinous Antimicrobial Ailment Healing Cellulose is a medical compound created entirely by myself. It is formed entirely from natural organic medicinal plants, herbal compounds, purified mineral water, and spinach, all in a secret process. The unique formulation administers the perfect multi-action biochemical healing salve for magic-sensitive tissue and bones.”

I mumbled the name to myself then spoke aloud, “GAAHC?”

He gave me an annoyed glare, “I prefer the proper name. Gelatinous Antimicrobial Ailment Healing Cellulose.”

I swear I heard the capitalization of the words. I also snorted. The colour, the transparency, and the name reminded me of some kid’s toy or radioactive jello, not a medical… whatever the hell it was. I was tired, grumpy, and just wanted to get home. However, there was no point in not having just a tiny bit of fun. Dash would appreciate it. “Okay, doc, I got it. Jello Antibacterial A-something H-something Cellulite. GAAHC for short.”

He spoke again, slowly, like he was talking to a slow-witted child, which at this moment, he might as well have been. “Gelatinous Antimicrobial Ailment Healing Cellulose.”

“Gelatinous-cube Anti-microbe…” I got tired of playing. “Look, does it really matter right now?”

“Well, you asked. If you wanted to know, at least be courteous enough to listen to the answer.”

I sighed and decided I'd carried the joke far enough. “You are correct, sir. I was out of line. Let’s get me fixed up. I could use a bath.”

“Apology accepted. Now…” He continued for about another half hour and applied the same treatment to my other injuries. All except my scraped-up face. I didn’t want that stuff there. As my dad joked, chicks dig scars.

“There we go, my boy, all done. Now, lay here for about fifteen minutes to let the…” his voice dropped to a mumble for a moment, “Luna help me,” then it came back as strong as ever, “GAAHC harden. After which you are to return to your home, climb into your bed and let your marefriend care for you. Do I make myself clear?” His glare was stern but not mean. You could tell he really, honestly, gave a damn.

I had to break eye contact. “Crystal, doctor.”

He smiled and quickly collected his medical gear, “Excellent. Well, I’m off to fix more of your carnage. Cheerio.”

I was about halfway home and passing through a part of town I didn’t usually pass through, but I wasn’t actually concerned. I chuckled to myself. With all the Day Guard and Night Guard patrols around, it’s not like I’ll be mugged or anything.

As I reached the mouth of a dark alley, I saw a disconcerting sight. There, in the middle of the small square, was a huge gryphon standing off with three Day Guards.

The unicorn with a little more gold and feathers bellowed, “Listen, pigeon, I told you to sit down and shut up.”

His huge left claw started to curl up, and his voice was unnaturally steady, “And I said, sir, why are you stopping me? I need to check on my family.”

I instinctively put my hand to my knife. The handle wrapped itself around my hand. I glanced down and smirked. The brass handle material had made a beautiful and complex lattice around the green bandage and up my arm, almost to my elbow. I was ready to go.

One of the others, an earth pony, put a hoof on the gryphon's chest, “We ask the questions around here, big beak.”

The gryphon gritted his teeth and spoke very, very carefully, “Please. Remove your hoof from my person, sir.”

I didn’t know who was who, but despite the fact they were being morons, I felt I had to back up the guard. I started getting ready to zap the big guy but stopped when a unicorn in Night Guard armour trotted into the plaza.

A female voice called out with an easy Canterlot accent. “Sargent! What seems to be the problem here?” As soon as the ponies saw her, they snapped to attention.

The gryphon seemed a little taken aback, unsure of what was going on.

The sergeant’s expression became sour. “Lieutenant, ma’am. We-”

“It’s pronounced Left-tenent, Sergeant. We keep to the old ways in the Night Guard. Now, you were saying...”

The large predator relaxed his claw and, I think, cracked a bit of a smile.

The sergeant overpronounced it, on purpose, I think, “Left-tenent, we caught this possible insurgent landing on the outskirts of Ponyville and running through the streets.”

The officer looked at the gryphon with a raised eyebrow. “I see. What evidence did you have he was aligned to the Diamond Dogs or otherwise involved in nefarious activities.”

The three ponies looked at each other nervously.

The pegasus nervously started, “Well, you see, ma’am-” and was quickly silenced by a tap from the earth pony.

I could see the Lieutenant kept a calm and slightly curious expression, “Sergeant? Your trooper here was about to speak.”

The sergeant glared at the pegasus, “No ma’am.. Left-tenent, he’s,” he gestured with his hoof, “you know,” he mumbled, “not a pony.”

I could see the officer’s disdain, “While I appreciate jocularity as much as the next mare, this is no time for jokes.” She raised her voice, “Now, what evidence do you have? Do you have any? Anything?”

The Day Guard ponies hung their heads, not saying a word.

She raised her voice in incredulity. “Do you mean to tell me you detained this citizen without any evidence of any kind? Nothing? No evidence beyond his lineage?”

The three guards didn’t answer.

At this point, the gryphon relaxed and, I think, was becoming amused.

“Right. Corporal, you will return to the headquarters and remove yourself and your troops from duty involving the public.”

“C-Corporal? But, I have 20 years of service.” He hurriedly added, “Ma’am.”

“I know, that’s why it’s Corporal and not Private.” She turned to the gryphon, then lowered her head. “Sir, I humbly apologize for-”

The gryphon gave her a good-natured grin, “Hey, don’t apologize for those yahoos.” The Day Guard all looked a little ticked. “I work at Garbo's Chicken, just a block from here. I use the knives...the sharp ones I make myself.” He grinned. “As thanks to your treatment of an Equestrian citizen, the day guard gets to be defenestrated if they enter.” He leaned in. “And I know how much you like your precious ‘fenestrations.’

I don’t know what the day guard was thinking he meant. It was a big word that most people with an education knew meant being thrown out of the joint. But they probably thought he meant something else, given their tails were tucked between their legs, hiding their ‘colts.’ I could see the Lieutenant snickering as the day guard backed away nervously.

I happily sheathed my knife, both because I really didn’t want to tangle with anybody right now, especially a half-ton of gryphon, and I now had a great new place to grab a bite. I stepped out of the shadows, continuing on my way home.

The two turned to see me. The lieutenant snapped to attention and gave me a crisp salute. I returned it with a decidedly sloppy salute, “Carry on, Lieutenant.”

The gryphon asked, “What the hay is that? And what the heck happened to him?”

The office’s voice spoke with quiet pride, “He is a Paladin, and he will redeem the Diamond Dogs.”

I was frankly surprised at her tone of respect. She acted like I was some kind of hero or something.

The deeper voice sounded amused, “How about that.” His head turned slightly as his eyes narrowed. “Took quite the beating.”

The pony answered matter-factly, “I believe the Alpha struck his daughter.”

The reply was flat, “Did he kill it?”

Again, that pride came back, “Oh, no. But, he did make sure it learned the error of its ways.”

The gryphon’s voice was filled with amazement, “Wait. That scrawny thing beat up a Diamond Dog Alpha? Suroi’s Beak...”

I finally reached home. Wanting to be sure, I quickly made my way around the house and saw the back door open, the lock damaged, and the frame splintered. I was disappointed but not totally surprised. I crept carefully to the door, but I wasn’t expecting anyone. The kitchen was a mess, and the refrigerator door was wide open.

All the grains and most of the vegetables and hay pucks lay scattered and trampled on the floor. The only food missing was dried meat, fresh bacon, and milk. While I didn’t appreciate having my home ransacked, I was getting the picture that these diamond dogs were hungry and desperate. Despite my gut reaction to lash out, I was starting to feel some compassion for these poor buggers. Had they only asked, they could be bringing home food. Instead, they bring home news of humiliation.

I salvaged what food I could, closed the door to the best of my abilities, and then headed to my much needed respite.

With all my limbs aching, I started running the water in the tub closing the bathroom door to keep the heat in. It took me a minute to lower myself in, but it was well worth the trouble. I placed a hot, wet washcloth over my eyes, sighed deeply, and forced myself to relax. The muscles of my back and legs were knotted, but slowly, after a few minutes in the soothing heat, they started to relax.

I must have dozed off because I was awoken by the sound of Dash swearing from outside the bathroom. “Luna’s teats, if ever get my hooves on the dogs that wrecked his place, I’ll buck them to the mother-bucking stars.” There was a grunt of frustration. Then it sounded like she bellowed out the back door, “You guys could have picked up a little or used the broom that’s sitting right there or something! You didn't have to stand around like a bunch of bums! I thought the Day Guard was better than this!”

A rather off-put voice sulked, “But Ma'am, we were told to-”

She gave a fiery retort in typical Dash style, “I don't give Discords rosy red flanks what you were told. A little common courtesy would have told you otherwise. He single-hoofedly stopped this thing, and you know it! Now get out of here before I get really cheesed."

I had to admit that put a smile on my face. She was soon opening the bathroom door, closing it again quickly. I appreciated her keeping the heat in the room, especially since it messes with her feathers. I was feeling a little playful, “If you’re here to pick a fight, I’m afraid I’m not taking any more beatings today. I think I can do next Tuesday.”

I was rewarded with a throaty chortle, “You dork.”

“Oh,” I chuckled, “and don’t take my boss’s teats in vain. She might not appreciate it.”

She sounded a little sad, “Well, yeah. I was mad. They were just standing around, protecting the perimeter.” I felt the ripples as she ran her hoof in the water. “This is really hot. You must be part dragon.”

“Well, my beloved pegasus bride-to-be, I do breathe fire.”

She playfully splashed me, then rested her hoof on my left hand. “I’m still mad at you, you know.”

“Oh, I know. But my charm and good looks will save me once again.”

“And your fat head. Anyway, I’m the cool one in this relationship.”

“Yes, you are.” I tried to change the subject, “So, how was everything at your end of town?”

“Same old, same old. Me and the girls were all over town, keeping them distracted so my amazing coltfriend could take care of the Alpha.”

I remembered Twilight’s condition. “Did you catch up with Twilight? She was a little… off.”

Dash sighed, “Yeah, she was full-on twazy for a while, but something calmed her down. She was alright when I last saw her. Rarity was keeping an eye on her, just in case.”

I was relieved she was as okay as she could be. “I see. Any injuries?”

She chuckled, “Only Diamond Dogs. Speaking of which, you really went to town on that Alpha.”

I snorted in irritation, the unpleasant memory of the emotions flooding back, “Well, yeah. But in my defence, she did hit Scoots. I’m more bothered by the fact she made me beat her rather than the actual beating, you know.”

Dash chuckled, and I felt warm lips on my own. “You did good, you knucklehead. You missed a good fight.”

I scoffed, “Mine wasn’t good enough?”

She gave me her throaty chortle, “Oh, you would have loved this one. Shining wanted to do a drumhead tribunal right then and there. Nightshade jumped on him right away, going on about due process, the rights of the accused, and junk like that. I don’t think I ever saw him so mad. I wondered if he would blow a gasket.”

I felt her soft chin resting on my hand. She let out a small sigh, and we simply enjoyed each other’s company in silence. I finally spoke softly, “I’m very sorry, you know. For leaving the library.”

She answered without lifting her head, the vibrations from her voice caressing the back of my hand, “I know you are, fat head. Turns out you knew better anyway.”

I raised my right hand and shifted the wash cloth. Dash’s eyes were closed and she had a slight smile. She looked at peace, happy. “I was just lucky. That’s all. I was lucky they weren’t better organized. I was lucky they weren't just a split second faster. I was lucky… you forgave me.”

“That was the easy part. I just have to remember you’re a cagey rascal. Anyway, that Alpha was lucky too.”

I chuckled, “How so?”

Her voice softened, and she opened her radiant eyes, “You’re a kinder pony than most.” She chuckled, “That, and you were the only one who has a weapon like yours.”

I rubbed the top of my head with my right hand. It felt like I was rubbing my hair with a helium balloon. "True, but I wish I didn't need the damn thing anymore. I mean, until a few days ago, until I realized that damn thing and ponies are all that are keeping me alive..." I trailed off, knowing Dash already knew all this.

Dash stretched luxuriously, “Welp… I’m happy to be one of those ponies.”

“You’re the most important one, of course.”

She sighed, and I could hear the smile in her voice, “Naturally.”

We continued to simply enjoy feeling each other’s warmth, and then Dash moaned. “Ugh. This is doing a nasty trick on my feathers. I’ll be stuck preening for hours, or worse, a spa treatment. I hope you realize how much of a pain that that is.”

“Maybe I can help?” I considered, “Well, next time. Once I have both arms.”

She chortled, “Alright, I guess I can let you off the hook for now.” I felt the weight lift from my hand and her hot breath in my ear, “But, you’d better believe I’ll count on it next time.”

“On that note, I think it’s time to get out of the tub. I’ll be a little slow, but I hope you can guide me.”

“No problem. I never leave my friends hanging.”

After getting dressed, with Dash’s help, I inspected the remains of the kitchen. Someone had done a little sweeping, and I was grateful. So, I decided to, as my father would say, do the Christian thing. I quickly did an inventory of the undamaged goods. The cans and packages in the upper cupboards were not touched, the tea and coffee were plentiful, and I even found some packages of biscuits, cookies, and candies at the top of the pantry.

I stepped out the back door, seeing there were four ponies, two day-guard and two night-guard. The two night guards snapped to attention. The earth pony sergeant addressed me. “Paladin Roberts, sir!” I had to suppress a chuckle because his voice reminded me of the character Ernest Borgnine played in All Quiet On The Western Front. I just hoped he would have a better end.

“I have some good news, ladies and gentlemen. I have coffee and tea and have managed to scrounge up some treats. Anyway, I just wanted to know who wants coffee and who wants tea.”

They gratefully answered, all wanting coffee. I returned to start putting what I had together to give them a little snack. I returned to the kitchen only to see a smirking Dash.

I matched her smirk, and when the door closed, I chuckled, “What did I do now?”

“Nothing bad, you dope. It’s just nice what you’re doing for the guards, that’s all.” She started making a pot of coffee.

I leaned back into the chair and sighed. “You know what bothers me the most?”

She tapped her chin, “The way she kept smashing her face into your fist?”

I deadpanned, “Ha. Ha. Very funny. No. It’s that I gave her a chance, Dash. I gave her two chances. I mean, I took her guy down so hard… Remind me I need to pay to fix the school. Anyway, I slapped him out cold. I mean, I didn’t even raise a sweat. And then I gave her a second chance. And then, she did the dumbest thing you could do. I mean, standing in front of you is a creature that just casually dispatched one of your top lieutenants. He gives you a chance for an honourable surrender, and you go and hit his kid. After that, it’s all a bit of a blur, at least until Scoots knocked some sense into me.”

Dash nodded, "Yeah, Diamond Dogs aren't usually that brave… but she was the Alpha.” She considered the implications, “Maybe she was trying to prove something? Show her followers how tough she was?"

“Huh. You know, maybe so. I mean, she mentioned her daughter and even said her kid was like Scoots. Suppose if Scoots were starving. What would you do? I mean, if you didn’t have any choices.”

Dash’s expression became distant, her eyes sad. “I guess I might gather up some ponies to take the food those rich Diamond Dogs had.”

“I would seriously consider doing the same thing. And if I had to slit a few throats?” I shrugged matter-of-factly, “Well, that would be unfortunate, but my kid has to eat. Better their kid starves than mine.”

Dash winced at that statement, and I kicked myself. That was a little rough, even for humans, and I know she would have found it disgusting. She shook her head as if to push the statement out of her head, then kissed me softly. “I hope we’re never in that place. And if we are, I hope you’re with me. I know we could find a better way.”

I returned the kiss as the coffee was done perking. With Dash’s help, I put the cookies and biscuits I had on one serving tray along with four mugs, spoons, and sugar cubes on the other. I held the door open for Dash as she carried the coffee out, and I followed behind with the treats. One of the day guards quickly righted a small table for the trays.

“Sorry to say they cleaned me out of all my milk and cream. If you ask me, the poor buggers were just hungry.”

The day guard sergeant muttered, “Whatever you say, sir. Thank you for the coffee, Element Bearer.”

Dash smirked, “It was his idea.”

The night guard sergeant answered with an appreciative tone, “Dat would make sense. Real logical, like. I mean, they robbed that gryphon restaurant, left a cash register full of bits, and swiped all their meat. I think they got it all back, but them dogs could use a hygiene lesson or two,” he chuckled with a bawdy wink, “know what I mean? I may not know nuthin about no meat, but I knows dirty food when I sees it.”

Once all the drinks and treats had been consumed, we excused ourselves. Dash was soon tucking me into bed. “Don’t get used to this, mister.”

I chuckled, “I won’t. So, you up for a date tomorrow?”

Dash put her head on my chest, “What did you have in mind?”

I smiled, “How does getting our little girl sound?”

I felt a teardrop on my chest as she whispered hoarsely, "That would be totally awesome."

48 - That evening...

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Earlier that evening...

"Blast and Tartarus fire...when I could," Doctor Emerald said between gasps of air as he ran. He grudgingly acknowledged the fact that he'd be in worse shape were it not for his past life's training. As much as he deplored his previous existence, exercising old muscles and skills felt invigorating.

As he neared a small courtyard, he heard the distinct sound of a unicorn throwing bolts of force. Based on the tenor of the magic, it was male, and it held the unmistakable taste of desperation. His instinctual reaction was to let the other succumb to whatever fate The Mother had for him, but in his new life, he knew he had to help.

Emerald focused. Unlike the unicorn he was trying to help, he was not prepared to blindly throw energy at the assailants. The doctor preferred a more surgical approach, one with more finesse. Seeing the diamond dogs, he started with something simple, combining his medical training with the need to incapacitate. He removed the liquid from their inner ear, causing the group closest to the fellow he was protecting to collapse in a heap. Some howled in anguish, and others projectile vomited. Unexpectedly, a few even had violent bowel movements. Doctor Emerald looked on with satisfaction.

With the immediate attackers taken care of, the unicorn looked around for his saviour. His eyes coming to rest on Doctor Emerald, he stuck out a hoof. “Name’s Elusive. Who do I have to thank for this?” He waved a hoof at the pile of moaning and ill diamond dogs.

He answered with a bow of his head, “Doctor Emerald at your service, Mister Elusive.”

“Just Elusive will do. Are you-” Elusive’s eyes went wide in horror, “Look out!”

Emerald turned his head just in time to see a diamond dog throwing a knife at him. He managed to jerk his head back enough that he was struck at the base of his horn by the handle rather than the blade. The pain was blinding, and his unicorn appearance dissolved in wisps of green eldritch flame, revealing his true form.

Despite the pain, Emerald managed to shut down the dog’s somatic nervous system from the neck down. It dropped like a bag of rocks.

The doctor’s black exoskeleton glistened in the setting sun. Elusive looked at him in terror, then quickly lowered his head to send a bolt of force in the changeling's direction. Expecting the worst, Emerald simply closed his eyes and waited for the blast.

It never came.

Instead, there was a dull thud beside him. A diamond dog with a vicious-looking blade in its paw had fallen to the ground.

It took Doctor Emerald a moment to realize what had just happened. With a flash of green fire, he quickly hid his true nature.

From inside a tailor shop, an old unicorn called out, “You alright, son?”

Elusive’s eyes stayed on Emerald, “Yeah, dad. Just me and my normal pony friend taking care of some dogs.”

Snazzy Suit questioned, “New friend, kiddo?”

Elusive smiled, “Without a doubt, dad.”

Shining Armor sputtered in rage, “He did what?!”

His long-time aide and companion, Lieutenant Stoutheart, had not seen his commander this angry in a long time. He repeated, “He let them return to whatever hole they came from, sir. However, he did ask them to come back in a week.”

“He just asked them?” Captain Armor took a deep breath to calm himself. “Where are they now?”

“The Alpha is under guard and on her way here.” Shining nodded in response to Stoutheart. “He is being taken care of by some Night Guard doctor.”

“I don’t care! Get his biped meat-eating predator flank here ASAP! And while you’re at it, read up on battlefield banishments. That dog needs to be taught a lesson.” Shining thought for a moment. “I'm half tempted to see about banishing him too. If he thinks he can whinny orders around and set policy just because he has a pack full of bits and he’s the pet project of the middle Princess, he’s got another thing coming.”

The fuming Armor was interrupted by a courier pegasus. “Sir! Messages for you, sir. From all three Princesses.”

Shining took the three scrolls and opened the one from the Solar Diarch. As he finished reading, he grew a savage and satisfied grin. “Princess Celestia wants Alex Roberts in chains. Says he totally bungled the situation.”

Shining took the following message, broke the seal and opened it. As he read it, his expression grew both slack and angry. He passed the message to Lt Stoutheart. “For the love of Celestia, can you please read this out loud? I must be having a nervous breakdown.”

Stoutheart took the scroll and started reading.

To: Captain Shining Armour.

The aide cocked an eyebrow, “Huh, she misspelt your name.”

Shining sighed. He rubbed the back of his neck, “No, she always spells it the old way when she’s upset.”

The lieutenant kept his face neutral, “Right you are, sir.”

From Princess Luna, Lunar Diarch, Protector of the Moon, Defender of Equestria, Mistress of the Eastern Armies...

Stoutheart let out a low whistle. “There’s three more lines of that stuff. She’s going to throw her weight around for this one, isn’t she? She must be really upset.”

Shining Armor thought to himself, ‘Mare, is she ever, and that moon can be really, really heavy.” With resignation, he sighed. “Just skip to the message.”

Stoutheart shrugged, “Right away, sir.”

I am writing you this message regarding the displeasure my sister has expressed about the actions of my champion, Paladin Alex Jean-Paul Roberts. His ability to find the correct action to assist others in finding redemption on a small scale has proven very effective. I believe the outcome of his chosen plan, vis-a-vis the Ponyville Diamond Dog attack, will provide Equestria with friends and allies, whereas our traditional way of resolving this issue would bear far less fruit. In short, I would thank you for not questioning the methods and actions of my champion.
I am formally countermanding the order given by my sister, as is allowed under the Agreement Of Power, Signed 137th Day of Fall in the Year 1001, whereas in matters of internal security, any order given by any Royal Princess or Prince may be overruled by a second Royal Princess or Prince. This will be allowed to stand if a third Royal Princess or Prince agrees with the second Royal Princess or Prince; otherwise, the original decree will stand.
Please be informed that your dear wife has already agreed with my position.

Shining quickly opened the third scroll, the one with Cadence’s seal. It was quite short. He muttered to himself, “Nightmare's frozen teats, she’s siding with him.”

As Shining was fuming, a familiar voice he barely tolerated spoke up from behind him, “Armour, sitrep.”

He turned his head and glared at her. “That’s Captain Armor to you.”

Captain Nightshade smirked, “Whatever you say, Captain Armour.” Her expression became much more serious and professional. She said flatly, “Now, sitrep.”

Stoutheart, used to the posturing these two always felt they needed to partake in, answered. “Currently, no hostilities. The enemy's primary leader was captured, healed, and on her way to the train station for transport to Canterlot. All enemy combatants neutralized and healed or have retreated. They’ve collected themselves in a small camp just outside of town. The night guard is providing water.” Shining glared at Nightshade. “They are also collecting and paying for appropriate foodstuffs for the enemy combatants. The raiders seemed to focus primarily on food, even forgoing valuable goods like cash, gems, and even aluminium.”

Nightshade gave a quick salute, “Thank you, Stoutheart. Efficient as always.” She smiled kindly, “My offer for you to join the Night Guard still stands, you know.”

The ever-suffering soldier sighed, “Thank you, ma’am. But breaking in a new CO would be far too much work.” The two Captains chuckled at the joke, this being one of the few things they both agreed on.

Rainbow Dash, Element of Loyalty, sat beside the bed where the person she loved slept an uneasy sleep.

With a flash of pain crossed his face, his head turned away, and he muttered a, “... no …”, then in a begging tone, “... please …”. He finally made a long, low, sorrowful moan.

She looked around the room, her eyes hunting for a hint or a sign of something, anything. What could she do to help him? Her eyes fell on a framed scroll on his wall. It was the scroll from Princess Luna, the one telling Alex she had chosen him as her champion.

She was loyal to Celestia but could never call on her. Not directly. Since this was a dream, Princess Luna would be the one to seek. She had seen the younger diarch at her worst. Could she trust her? The one who was Nightmare Moon could be forgiven, and she might be redeemed, but was there any trace of Nightmare left in her? Would she risk his mind with her care? Could she even get into his dreams if he wasn’t a pony?

As if her eyes opened for the first time that night, she saw a silver ray of moonlight streaming in the window, touching her hoof and his hand. Smiling sadly, she reflected on the events that had brought her life to this point.

‘If somepony would have asked me a year ago what I would be doing now, I would never have said I would be watching my future husband sleeping.’ She smiled despite her worry. ‘Future husband. A year ago, that was something I never even considered. I was sure I would never connect with anypony like this. The best I could hope for was fans who loved me and maybe some short-term flings, just for fun. But now I’m watching my husband having a nightmare, and there’s not an apple-bucking thing I can do about it. I think... I almost wish I was a unicorn so I could do some magic to help him.’ She gave a soft little chuckle. ‘He’d still love me, no matter what. And I’ll do whatever it takes to help him.’

Rainbow placed a hoof on his chest as he moaned, his arm weakly moving. She softly cooed an old song, half-forgotten from when she was a little filly. It was sung by mares to their sick or injured herd mates. It was supposed to give strength and hope, and maybe it did. He calmed a little, but he was still ill at ease.

She finally came to a decision. She would do something she had not done since she was a filly. Despite her misgivings, she called upon the Princess of the Night. Her eyes shut tight, desperation and hope in her whispered tones, “Dear Princess Luna. Please help Alex with his bad dream. Your friend, Rainbow Dash.” After a moment, she added, “P.S. You owe me one.” She prayed, repeating her simple request again and again, fueling her plea with love.

In the night court of Canterlot Castle, Luna sat on her throne. A fresh steaming pot of her favourite tea was just being delivered. The nightly parade of supplicants waited patiently. She had dispatched the night guard to deal with the incursion in Ponyville and was awaiting reports.

The main doors opened with a familiar golden glow. There, in the doorway, stood the Princess of the Sun. Luna spoke a word to her majordomo, and the room was quickly cleared, giving the two sisters privacy.

As soon as the doors were closed, Celestia spoke calmly, “Sister, I have an issue with your… project.”

Luna calmly took a sip of tea with a small bit of displeasure at her sister’s tone. “Do you mean Paladin Roberts?”

The solar diarch answered in a controlled voice. “Yes. Alex.”

Before Luna could answer, there was the sound of a commotion at the side door. Fly True, a pegasus courier in the Night Guard, burst in. Celestia turned a withering glare on the young corporal. He stopped in his tracks, terrified by the Sun herself. Luna raised a hoof and smiled kindly to the young pony. She bid him to come forward.

Bowing deeply to Princess Luna, he spoke excitedly, “My Princess, I bring you glad tidings from Ponyville. It is with great pleasure that I tell you the townsfolk have been saved, suffering only minor injuries.”

Luna smiled with pride, even more so when she noticed the pleasant surprise on her sister's face.

The corporal continued with a grim smile, “The Dogs did not go unscathed. Eyewitness reports state that Paladin Roberts not only subdued the Alpha and her two lieutenants single-hoofed but was personally responsible for stopping at least a quarter of the other attackers.”

Celestia flashed an irritated glare at her sister. It was subtle enough that the corporal didn't notice it. Luna, on the other hoof, got it loud and clear.

The courier removed his helmet, “However, I do regret to report Paladin Roberts was injured in the process.” Luna gave a little gasp. “But, I personally saw Doctor Emerald attending to his injuries.” The princess of the Night gave a slight, somewhat un-princess-like sigh of relief. “Here are the detailed reports, your Highnesses.”

Luna nodded to the Night Guard, “I thank thee, Fly True. Please, go to the Royal Kitchen for refreshments. You are dismissed.”

The pegasus bowed deeply and left.

As the door closed, Luna smiled graciously, “What do you think of my champion now, sister?”

Celestia started reviewing the field reports, “Why didn’t you pick that Sergent always chatting with you? Noctus, isn’t it?”

“Sir Noctus wishes to protect ponies above all else. That is a fine and honourable calling, but I need somepony who wishes to redeem others despite all else. Paladin Roberts cares not a fig if the one to be redeemed is a pony, a diamond dog, or a warg. He cares only that they are given a chance at redemption.”

Celestia’s expression became one of curiosity. "Looking over the reports of injuries and thefts, I must admit, sister, I may have been too hasty. Perhaps there is something to your choice of champion."

Later that night, Captain Nightshade and Stoutheart were taking a moment to rest in the slowly organizing chaos of the evening.

Stoutheart began hesitatingly, “You know, Captain-”

Nightshade smiled and lightly shoulder-checked him, “No non-coms around. You can call me Al.”

He smirked, “Alright, Al. Don’t be too hard on Shining on the subject of Alex. He’s seen his share of weird stuff ever since the Elements have been back together. He wants to keep everypony safe. That’s all.”

Nightshade closed her eyes and sighed, “I know. But Luna believes in him. I mean, she really thinks he’ll solve problems in a way that will make us stronger. And maybe change us all for the better.”

"Did Shining tell you what he did when he visited his house? He spotted the top infiltration team like they were rank amateurs. Even that pegasus sergeant, what’s his name, Whisper Quiet?”

Nightshade cocked an eyebrow. Whisper Quiet was one of the best.

Stoutheart rubbed the back of his neck. “He claims he's an ordinary human, not exceptional at all. Let’s assume that’s true. What if the next human is a warrior, or a mage, or some kind of human Nightmare Moon?” He paused to let that sink in. “He’s easy to contain now, but what if the next one is not as... controllable?"

Diamond Tiara turned the envelope over and over in her manicured hooves. The strange writing was so compelling, yet she couldn’t quite make herself open the envelope.

She had had it for a while, and this had become a nightly ritual. Finally, her curiosity got the better of her, and she tore it open. An envelope, addressed to the Post Office Box at the Ponyville Post Office, fell to the ground.

Dear friend,
We wanted to let you know you don't have to put up with those weak losers. There's a better way. A life of strength and power can be yours. You can come to a place where you will be appreciated for the brilliant beauty that you are. We can offer you a place where anything can happen, especially fun things.
When you decide to join us and take your time, we know you're smarter than most ponies, put a clipping of your luxurious mane in the envelope and we will get you to our special, amazing community.
Friends of D~

Diamond read the letter several times, then came to her conclusion. ‘They must be my friends. D for Diamond. What else could it possibly be?’

Her eyes narrowed as a nasty smile formed on her lips.

In the highest tower of Canterlot Castle, a Princess smiles.

‘Thy love is strong... and I do indeed owe you one.’

Before calling on the old magics, she hesitated. His was an alien mind in so many ways, and she feared what she would find in it. What if he is not what she hoped? What if he had been deceiving the ponies the whole time? What if… no. She sensed none of those things then and she will not now.

Luna paused. She would need to be careful with his dreams. A long, hard life would have made even his peaceful dreams grim by pony standards. What would his nightmares be like? Would the terrors she witnessed in her long life steel her against it?

With a deep breath, determination, and perhaps a slight thrill, she called upon the fabric of reality to carefully slip into his alien dreamscape.

49 - Romp and Circumstance

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I was in my living room, standing behind the old loveseat. Ann was in front of the French doors with the gauzy curtains billowing softly around her. She was wearing that knee-length green dress she loved. Behind her, the wine-red light of the setting sun was streaming in. She stood there, a light smile on her ruby lips, her green eyes with flattering eyeshadow looking at me with casual interest. The only sound was of the soft breeze rustling the leaves outside.

I felt my heart pound in my chest like some lovestruck teenager. “I’ve missed you. So much.”

Her smile grew, “I know. I missed you too.” Her smile grew sultry, “But I have to ask you one… little... question.”

I eagerly answered her, “Anything. Anything at all.”

Her smile changed to a frown, and she jabbed a deep red lacquered fingernail at me. “If you missed me, so very, very much,” her voice grew to a scream, “then why did you fuck a goddamn horse?!”

Her scream hurt worse than the slap in the face I had expected. I couldn’t breathe. The lump in my throat was so large that I couldn’t even swallow. Her hatred was all I could see.

I pleaded, “Please, Ann. It’s not like that.”

She sneered as her eyes burst into flames, her teeth became fangs, and her voice deepened, “As God as my witness, you will never see the kids or me ever again!”

I grovelled, inching forward. “Please, let me explain…”

Her face became a visage of rage, and she carried on without hesitation, “I hope you took your ring off when you did it, because it is never coming back on.”

My left hand was pulled painfully down by the ring finger. I looked to see my old wedding band, sold for food so many years ago, had grown so large it painfully pushed my pinkie and index fingers aside. The heavy burden had the word Treachery engraved in flaming letters on the surface. My eyes followed the ring as it slipped off and hit the ground with a dull, echoing thud.

I looked back up to Ann and whispered tearfully, “I was so alone for so long...”

Her voice became demonic as she spoke her final pronouncement upon me. “You’re worthless and weak. You are nothing. You will forever be nothing. The only thing you will ever be is a two-timing son of a bitch.”

The room spun, furniture shattered, and everything disappeared into a blurry, crunching mess.

In an instant, everything stopped, and I was in my old living room, sitting on the old comfy leather couch. All the other furniture was gone, the shelves with CDs, DVDs and nicknacks were empty, and there was a ragged hole where the television used to be. On the wind, Ann’s final words whispered in my ears.

... two-timing son of a bitch.

In the corner of the room, I saw a life-sized plush doll of Dash with a little Scootaloo doll lying on the ground in front of her. Slowly, the head turned to look at me, and I heard her voice saying, “I just can’t love someone as disloyal as you. Come on, Scootaloo, let's go.” I blinked, and they became the real Dash and Scootaloo, not toys. Scootaloo lamented, “I guess I don’t have a daddy anymore.” They stepped out the back doors through the billowing gauze and flew off.

I howled in frustration, anger, sorrow, and in the knowledge I was not worth pity.

My mind wrestled with the question, ‘What about self-pity?’ The roaring blackness thrice damned me for a fool. I don't deserve any pity after what I did. Holy vows meant nothing to me. Hallowed bonds I casually broke without a thought. Sacred promises I lied through my teeth. I am truly beyond redemption.

My failures, my weaknesses, my horrors, they all stabbed my heart. Each one a betrayal of someone who trusted me, or had never harmed me, or would have done good in the world had I not caused them to be snuffed out.

I fell off the couch and kept screaming. On the edge of my vision, I saw a dark blue shape.

“Go away!” I roared.

I closed my eyes, willing them away from me. Anyone helping a wretch like me would only be complicit in my vile treachery.

There was a roar of righteous anger, “Enough! Begone Foul Abomination!”

Despite the anger in the voice, it rang with compassion and grace. Compassion and grace that I didn’t deserve.

I flinched away as I felt a hoof on my cheek. I begged, “Please, go away…” I opened my eyes to see who this foolish person was.

Upon opening my eyes, I stared into Her perfect teal eyes. Her mane was like the darkest night with a dusting of brightest shimmering stars. Her smile was pure, kind, and hopeful. I knew she would walk by my side into the heart of death with no expectations, not even needing to be asked. I was absolutely certain she would carry me if I fell from grace. I knew this because she knew what it was to fall. Alone.

I then had a moment of clarity. ‘Celestia. This is just like Celestia. The projected emotions are being forced onto me. Different emotions to be sure, but less intense.’

In a tone that was as delicate as a snowflake in a spring breeze yet as powerful as a thousand hurricanes, “Alexander Jean-Paul Roberts! I Greet Thee And Give Unto You Glad Tidings.”

I looked up at her in horror. I simply could not understand what was happening. This loud, shouty alicorn was completely overwhelming.

She took a step back, seeing my awe. “I See That Our Presence Is Perceived As Strongly As Our Sister’s. Allow Us To Compensate For This.”

Her horn glowed a blinding silver light. Then she suddenly went from an overwhelming force of nature crashing onto my senses to merely one of a strong presence. I could see clearly now the hurricane of emotion was gone. I felt relief and collapsed a little more, the misery that had been driven away fading into a distant memory, never to return.

She seemed to perk up, “Much better. It would not do to have my champion prostrate himself before me. I hope you think of me as a friend, Alex, for I am here to help you.”

As I scrambled to kneel properly before a Princess, “Princess Luna, I’m so sorry I overreacted. I meant no disrespect. I-”

She laughed kindly, “You do apologize so.”

I felt relief. This was a dream. I doubt Luna would be in my living room back on Earth. ‘This vision of Ann was all guilt. Dammit, I already felt guilty enough, I don’t need this crap. All except Luna. She’s real. As real as I am.‘

She spoke as if replying to my inner dialogue. “This is true, Alex. This is just a dream, and that was not your true human wife. And, yes, I am real. As real as you.”

I stood in a slightly crouched combat stance and took a step back. “Did you just... read my mind?”

Her head tilted a little. “Of course. How else would we gain knowledge of you?”

I started remembering the worst GWAR song I could as loudly as my imagination allowed. Luna’s eyes widened in surprise and maybe a little shock.

I licked my lips nervously. “With all due respect, Your Highness, please stay out of my head. You really need to ask permission before you do that.”

Her expression became confused, “Do I? I am your Princess. I only have your greatest good as my intentions.”

I rubbed my dream face, “The road to hell is paved with good intentions.” She was startled by what I said, and she looked like she was getting angry. I swore to myself, then decided to take a more respectful approach, “Please understand, I fear having my mind read. My experience with this sort of thing in the past has been very negative.”

She took a step back and composed herself. “You are correct, of course. The road to Tartarus is paved with good intentions. If I am to garner your trust, I must show you trust. Thus, I must respect your privacy. Please,” she bowed her head, “accept my sincerest apologies."

I sighed, “No, Princess. You don’t have to apologize. I’m sure this would be how you would treat me if I were a pony. But, please understand, this is something that terrifies me.”

She seemed hesitant, maybe a little confused again. This time, she spoke without that royal tone. Instead, her voice has a slightly nasal tone to it. “Y-yes. My little ponies are joyful when I see into their hearts and can guide them to the solution to their problems.” She evaluated me for a long moment, looked around the wrecked dream room we were in, and bowed her head slightly. “Come. Let us walk a happy dreamscape and talk. I will answer any question you may have.”

I thought for a moment, “First off, thank you for stopping the nightmare. I really appreciate it.”

“I am the Princess of the Night. It is my duty to protect your dreams. I must confess I have not dared venture this deeply into your dreamscape until now. It differs greatly from a pony, or even a gryffon’s, dreams. I wished to enter properly, like this, without forcing and causing you distress.”

“Well, Princess, I really appreciate that you knocked on the door and didn’t just barge in. So, I guess I’d better make it quick. The cows will be coming home any second now.” I couldn’t help but grin as I said that.

She smiled kindly at me, “In the dream world, we can take however much time we need. However, if the cows do arrive, I’m sure they shall wait.”

The sun was bright and warm as we walked in silence through a beautiful cherry orchard. A light breeze kept the temperature just perfect. It was Yoshino, Japan, where Ann and I had visited before the kids. The flowers were in bloom and very fragrant. The Princess seemed to be enjoying it, even giving a ride to a dream child that had wandered by. I didn’t know what cherry trees were like here, but I suspected they were basically the same.

I addressed the little girl, happily enjoying her pony ride, “Alright, sweetie. Me and the Princess need to talk. Go back to your folks.” The child obediently hopped off, bowed deeply to both of us and ran off, giggling. I watched her disappear among the cherry trees. I chuckled.

Luna spoke lightly, “She reminds you of your daughter?”

I gave her a warning look.

She returned my warning glance, “I did not read your mind if that is what you fear.”

I cocked my eyebrow, “Then how-”

She smiled a little sadly, “Alexander, I have lived for many millennia. I know how to read ponies.” She chuckled warmly, “And humans, it would seem.”

I looked away, embarrassed. “Some Paladin I am. Here I am accusing my boss of breaking her word a minute after she gave it.”

She spoke softly, “I do not blame you.” She continued in a friendly tone, “Many times, the eyes, the face, and the body speak more loudly than the heart. But,” she indicated our surroundings, “it was your mind that conjured this dreamscape, so everything here is important to you.” She chuckled, “And even if your expression can be somewhat difficult to read, I could see that you watched that child wistfully. That was the look a father reserves for his children.”

I smiled sheepishly at her and walked on with her by my side. She was giving me time to sort my thoughts, and I appreciated this. I hope, one day, I can give her the same gift.

We walked through the main gate of Osaka Castle. A table laid out in a traditional Japanese Tea Ceremony was waiting for us in the courtyard. I half smiled, knowing this was all based on old half-remembered details, all likely wrong, but I thought it fit the mood. The Princess seemed to be enjoying it, as she was now wearing a silk kimono. I poured her a cup of tea in a delicate English tea cup and filled my own old faded Spiderman mug. I enjoyed a sip of the rich Irish Breakfast tea.

I sat back on the comfy couch that just appeared under me. Luna reclined regally on the other half of the couch that had expanded to become a huge pillow. “You’re right. This is much better. And thanks for the time to think. That Ann-thing hurt. No, I need to speak to the real deal. She thinks I’m dead or worse, that I ditched her.” I took another sip. This time it was Earl Gray. “Anyway, she needs to know about me and Dash from me.” I leaned forward, letting the cup warm my hands. I spoke softly, sadly, “This isn’t easy for me. Hell, I imagine this wouldn’t be easy for anyone.”

“Thy words are true. I have seen such things only a few times in my life, and it was always most difficult.” She took a sip from her cup, then sat quietly in thought for a long moment. “Would you like me to communicate with Ann? Perhaps together we can resolve this situation?”

I quickly spat out, “No.” Then continued in a calmer tone, “I mean, no thank you. This is something private between a man and his wife. I appreciate your offer, but this is… private.”

She bowed her head, “Of course.” We sat, enjoying the beautiful scenery around us.

I sat enjoying my tea and absentmindedly humming a tune, something I usually don’t do unless I’m alone or I’m very comfortable with whoever I’m with. In this case, it was someone who I knew cared. After a few bars, I stopped, “You know, in my earlier days, when I was still very frightened, I turned to God. I prayed, and I pleaded. Asked for help, for deliverance, for mercy.”

Luna turned to me in interest, “God? As in a deity? Which one? Did they give you the guidance or protection you sought?”

I chuckled mirthlessly, “Honestly? I don’t know. Oh, I knew there were plenty of lowercase ‘g’, gods, beings of great power. Heck, I even met a few. As a matter of fact, there’s one beside me keeping me company.”

Luna gave a small, kind laugh, and I think she held back an eye roll.

“But was there an upper case ‘G’, God? A God that knows all and sees all and has a plan for us all, even the lowercase ‘g’ gods? If there is, what does he do? A creator, a guide, or maybe something to fear? Does it even matter out here, in a world without religion? Then again, I haven’t been here long enough to actually confirm that.”

Luna tilted her head, “Allow me to confirm that for you. I have spoken to Rainbow Dash, and she repeated your description of religion to me. I do not know of any religions as you described, though some have sought to codify what we princesses wish from our little ponies.”

“That answers that question. Where I came from and a lot of the worlds I passed through, there is an innumerable number who claim they are the one true way. It was hard to keep track of them all, honestly. But a lot did have something in common. Many shared the most common tenet of, ‘God is Love’, or some variation.”

Luna’s tilted head showed me she was very interested in our topic of conversation. “‘God is Love’? A noble sentiment, though Discord is in the details. Do they define it the same way?”

“Maybe. Where I come from, we can’t send Him a letter and get a concrete answer. Mind you, the same God in the same book is also a spiteful, jealous God, wiping out the entire population of the world for some perceived slight. I like the loving one better, but it’s complicated. At least here, the theology is simple.”

She nodded, and we both sat contemplating the universe around us. I put the empty cup down and started walking the parapets of the castle. After what seemed like days of slowly strolling, I broke the silence by taking a deep breath, “Princess, I have a question.”

She bowed her head slightly, “Of course.”

I gestured toward her, “Why me? Why didn’t you pick a pony as your champion?”

She tilted her head, analyzing my words, “I do not understand. Are you not pleased to be my Paladin? Should I have chosen one of my loyal Night Guards? Sir Noctus, perhaps?”

I dismissed her question jovially, “Oh, no, don’t get me wrong. I love the job. It’s decent pay, and the hours are good.”

Luna chuckled at my joke. “You do use thy humour to smooth social situations, do you not.”

I gave her a gallic shrug, “It’s that or run away screaming.”

Luna chuckled again. “Still, you have posed a good question, and we believe we owe you an explanation.” She paused, seeming to collect her thoughts. “You came to my attention when you first arrived. To be precise, approximately thirty-seven minutes before you arrived, there was a burst of 1.27 megachaons from the outskirts of Ponyville.” I must have looked confused because she seemed to catch herself. “Forgive me, the technical details are interesting only to natural philosophers.”

I chuckled, “No worries, Princess. I've always been a science buff. Let’s pretend I completely understood that.”

She smiled kindly, “To answer the question, I, myself, do not precisely know why I chose you. Looking back upon my first personal contact with you, I was struck by how you looked outside yourself from the very beginning.” She playfully kicked a small stone on the path. “When you offered your letter from your heart to me, you did not demand as would a lord in assistance in adjusting to a strange new world. You did not stomp your hoof like a courtier for material goods or even beg like a simpering plebeian for simple information. Rather, you gave me simple, heartfelt thanks.”

She stopped, as did I a step or two later. “Is it so very surprising that I would take someone who demonstrated such honest humility despite their dire circumstances?”

I nodded quietly and continued walking.

I was surprised by the sudden chuckle and friendly shoulder check. “I know it is obvious to any but the dimmest of fools, but you know compassion. The truth is, few ponies would have offered an armistice with the diamond dogs. An act even my beloved sister, in all her glory, might have missed. I am pleased to say you have proven yourself. You see that not only do all deserve mercy, but they also deserve a chance at redemption.”

I woke quietly, feeling very rested. ‘Should have asked her why everyone can speak English. Maybe next time.’

Dash was sprawled beside me on her stomach. Her wing was stretched over my belly. The feathers tickled me with their light touch.

I looked over at the clock. It read 5:37. Dash was still snoring softly, and I didn’t want to wake her. I carefully lifted her wing and slipped out from under it. Creeping to the dresser, I pulled out fresh clothes: a grey tee shirt and matching sweat pants, underwear, and socks.

I slipped on the undergarment, pants and shirt without incident. I was determined to get myself dressed without any help. Applejack did not have the market cornered on stupid pride.

I fumbled at my socks, the green goo making it impossible to move my fingers in the way they needed to or my arm to bend as I needed it. Finally, I gave up and slipped my feet into my house slippers.

I started trying to strap my knife on with difficulty. It slipped from my grasp and made a loud crash as it landed handle first onto the wood floor. I froze and held my breath, listening for Dash’s snoring. After what seemed like hours, she finally started again. I let out my breath in relief. I picked up the knife and managed to strap it on.

Satisfied that I was ready to go, I headed out of the bedroom. As my foot crossed the threshold, a certain rainbow maned pegasus spoke in a groggy but rapidly waking voice. “Where the buck do you think you’re going?”

I replied sheepishly, “Out?”

Her reply was flat, “Out where?”

I answered without much bravado, “Ponyville?”

“Really? It’s,” her head turned away momentarily, “5:49.” She yawned. “Explain.”

Why do I feel like a kid getting caught with his hand in the cookie jar? “I… I…” ‘Suddenly, I could really go for a chocolate chip cookie.’

I could hear her grin, “Go on.”

I give a resigned sigh. This is one fight I would never win. “I’m following a lead.”

She sat straighter in bed, her unevenly sagging wings fluffing and tightening to her sides. “A lead? This isn’t a who-dun-it, Alex. We know who dun it.”

I tried rubbing my face but stopped as soon as the green rubber-like material touched my skin. “I know, but I think why-they-dun-it is much more important in this case.”

Dash gave me a tired smile, “Why not leave it to the guard? They’re trained professionals.”

I nodded in agreement, “Maybe so, but an extra set of eyes that thinks laterally can’t hurt.”

“Is it that idea you had last night? Where they attacked for food? I went along with it, you know, to support you, but I think it’s just the DD being scumbags.”

She was just humoring me? I involuntarily scowled, “Huh. Well, in the future, if you think I’m wrong, say so. I don’t care who we’re in front of. I respect you, and I want to know your opinion. I may not always like it, but I always want to hear it.”

She seemed taken aback for a moment, then flashed me a loving smile. “Heh. Got it. Still not used to it, that’s all.”

I smiled sheepishly at her, “I hope I didn’t make you feel bad. I just don’t want you making yourself… I don’t know, subservient to me or something.”

She threw her head back with a laugh. “No chance of that, fat head. I’m a mare of the first millennium.” She came closer with a cocky grin. “I may not be your little homemaker. But I can do it if there’s a need.”

I looked down at my feet. "Hey, Dash?"

Still smiling, she looked at me with half-lidded eyes. "Yeah?"

I pick up the discarded socks, "Could you help me with these?"

Her eyes went wide, and her cheeks became amaranth. "T-Those? I thought you said you wanted to go out... also, I thought the doctor said to avoid strenuous activity."

I was confused, “What do socks have to do with anything?” For the life of me, I didn’t know what she was getting at.

She raised an eyebrow with a frown, “Just forget it.” She quickly grabbed the socks in her teeth and slipped them on before helping me into my regular shoes. I noticed her wings start to extend a few times before finally being clenched firmly to her sides.

She followed me down the stairs to the front door. There, she hovered up, gave me a kiss, and warned me, “You watch your flank out there, okay?”

I smiled confidently, “Yes, dear. I’ll be back by eleven. Noon at the latest.”

“I should be back by then, too. I’ll be checking on Scoots and the girls. I’m not worried about them, but, you know, just to be sure.” She flashed me her confident grin.

I touched her nose with my right index finger, “Wouldn’t expect anything less from my beautiful wife.” As I walked off, I waved goodbye and headed to that big gryffon’s place. If my hypothesis held up, it would be picked clean.

The town was busy with everyone cleaning up. Most ponies waved or gave me a simple greeting, too busy for anything more. I also passed a few Royal Guard patrols; the Day Guard barely acknowledged me, whereas the Night Guard would salute respectfully or give me a friendly slap on the back.

I happened to pass Derpy’s house on the way. What a mess. Her front door was off its hinges, and Derpy was sweeping up broken glass. Caramel was boarding up a window while Dinky was picking up the remains of some dried vegetables.

Derpy looked up and grew concerned, “Oh, Alex! What happened? You look hurt.” She dropped her broom, dashed over, and started inspecting me with a mother’s eye. She was soon satisfied, “It looks like someone took good care of you.” Her expression became hopeful, “The rumours are that you captured the Alpha. Is that true, Alex? Oh, please say it’s so. I can’t imagine that… that beast running around and threatening my little muffin.”

I smiled kindly, “I can assure you, she’s in custody as we speak. Dinky is safe and sound. I promise.”

She breathed a sigh of relief, “Thank you.”

I made as if to turn, then tapped my temple, “I do have one question. Did the diamond dogs steal anything?”

“Now that you mention it, yes. It was mostly food, like the milk, cream, cheese, and a lot of the fresh and dried vegetables.” Her voice went from mild irritation to a tone that spoke of cold vengeance. “They also stole a big batch of muffins I had made, took the muffin tin and everything. They didn’t touch the hay pucks.” Her head popped up as she recalled a detail. “Oh yes, and the fish was gone, too.”

I was a little surprised, “Fish?”

She nodded, “Traditional pegasus feast food. Carmel and Dinkey love my fish, and I’m sure they’re really upset.”

Behind Derpy, Caramel shook his head and mouthed, ‘Don’t bring it back.’ Dinkey made a ‘yuck’ face.

I caught myself. This was calling for blood by pony standards. Keeping a friendly expression, “Well, we’ll see where the evidence takes us. Thanks again.”

As I walked through town, the same pattern was repeated over and over. Houses were broken into, yet when I asked, only food had been stolen. There was the occasional report of valuables or cash stolen, but this was the exception and not the rule.

I passed by Bea’s house. It was dark and seemed undamaged, except for a few scorch marks on the northern wall. I suspected she was asleep but was soon proved wrong.

Beatrix ‘The Great And Powerful Trixie’ Lulamoon’s slightly nasal and breathless voice made me smirk, “Gotta say, boss. Ponyville sure knows how to welcome a girl.” I turned as she trotted towards me, a confident grin. “Captain Nightshade said you had some fun too. Glad you’re alright, Alex.”

“Good to see you in one piece, Beatrix.” I had a sudden thought, “Any word from Sweet Apple Acres?”

Bea smirked, “Big Mac and Applejack took care of things. No one other than Diamond Dogs hurt. Luckily, there were only a few scouts. I almost feel sorry for them.” She gave me a quick hug. “Alex, I would love to hang out and chat, but this show mare’s been on the stage for the last twenty-four hours. The Tired and Grumpy Trixie needs her beauty sleep.”

She spotlighted this statement with a huge yawn.

I nodded, “I totally understand. We’ll get together once things calm down, say, in two or three days?” Bea nodded, looking totally beat. “Now go on, get out of here. Get some sleep.”

“Thanks, boss.” She smiled weakly and trotted back to her house.

I finally made it to my destination. The building was freshly painted, and the sign said Garbo’s, written in a Germanic script. Like so many people in town, the people who lived and worked there were busy cleaning up the mess. This place looked like it had been particularly hard hit, with the front and side doors torn off their hinges and the front dining room windows smashed. I saw the large gryphon I had seen last night carrying out a damaged table. Beside the building, a smaller, greyer gryphon with some woodworking tools was waiting. He, I presumed it was a he, was repairing a damaged table with two more damaged tables beside him. There were two other gryffon. I guessed they were female, sweeping up the broken glass and organizing unbroken dishware.

The smaller of the two females spotted me. “Hey, Gary. I think that weird-looking guy you talked about last night is here.” Her voice made me pause. She sounded like a teenager from 1950s New York. At least, the stereotype of one. With a hint of Eastern European. I suspected it was an affected accent, like Rarity. I was also fairly sure she was chewing gum.

The large gryffon, who I assumed was Gary, put the table down gently. “Hey, Dad, there’s the tough guy I was telling you about. Took down the alpha.” He added significantly, “Alone.”

The old gryffon’s eyes narrowed, “Is that so?” The corner of my mouth lifted for a moment. He sounded like a stereotypical Russian? No, Romanian. “Well, boy?” He lightly cuffed his son, “Hospitality. He must be a constable and must be paid.”

Gary looked at me, embarrassed, “Sorry about that. He’s still used to how it’s done in the old country. He doesn’t mean any disrespect.”

I was not quite sure how to react. “None taken. I’m not exactly a cop, more of a Champion of Luna. And I don’t take bribes. Unless it’s a cultural misunderstanding of some kind and not taking the bribe is an insult of some kind.”

Gary paused and sized me up. “No feathers off my neck if you’re honest.” He grinned and put out a big taloned claw. “Gary the Roc, son of Garbo.”

I matched his smile and put out my right green rubber encrusted hand. “Alexander Roberts, Paladin of Luna.”

His huge clawed hand gently wrapped around mine, and he gave a single light shake. “This is my dad, Garbo the Sharp, son of Greg; my mom, Georgeena the Huntress, daughter of Frenn, and that’s my little sister, Georgette, daughter of Georgeena.”

I gave them as charming a smile as possible under the circumstances. “Pleasure to meet you all. I’m sorry it was under these circumstances.”

After eyeing me for a few seconds, Garbo spoke up. “Don’t be. You fixed head of that bunch of thieves.” He spat, then added darkly, “Now, I hope justice will be done.” With that, he stabbed a knife into the small stump he was using.

I replied softly, “I hope so, too.” Continuing strongly, I added, “Now, Mr Garbo the Sharp, maybe you can help me in my investigation by answering a few questions.”

The old gryffon waved me away, “Feh, I do not have time. I am to be fixing tables. Gary. You will be the flock speaker for this.”

The big griffyn smirked, “Sure thing, Dad. Alright, Alex, ask away.”

I cleared my throat and continued. “Mr Gary the Roc-”

He gave me a friendly smile, “Just Gary’s fine. I’m not much for formality.”

I matched his grin, “Neither am I.” I looked around, “I see your home and business got attacked. Was anything stolen?”

He fumed, “Most of our food. Those beakless dirty dogs took all the meat, all the vegetables, and most of the cheese. I guess I could say there was a bright side where the guard ponies brought a lot of it back. They shouldn’t have bothered. None of it was salable or anything I would want to eat. May as well give it back to the dogs.” He sighs, “All that pork liver paste gone to waste.”

For a moment I was lost in thought, wondering if he could make me some crotons. I gave my head a shake, “Yes, that’s what I expected. Did they steal anything else?”

“Not a floating feather. They even left a cash register full of bits. I tell ya. If I hadn’t been coming back from Manehatten on business, I would have pulped them mutts,” he smashed one clawed hand into the other with a solid smack.

I nodded in understanding, “Alright. This certainly helps my investigation. I won’t take any more of your time.”

Gary held up a claw, “Hold up there, skippy. You’re not just assuming the dogs are to blame, are you.”

I shrugged, “Not exactly. They are to blame, but why they did what they did isn’t clear.”

He slowly scratched his cheek, “Dogs are thieves, sure, but I guess they would have to be desperate to attack this town. It’s not some undefended backwater. Everyone knows the Elements of Harmony live here.” He paused for a moment, and then he seemed to reach a decision, “I think,” he paused again, “you need an escort,” he concluded. He then added, “Just in case.”

I took a bit of a step back, “No, that’s all right. I can take care of myself.”

He grunted in irritation. “You don’t understand. You’ve got their respect, and you’re not a pony. That ain’t easy.” He continued, a little embarrassed, “Last night, I spotted you in the alley. I saw you grab your weapon, but you didn’t charge in. You just wanted to make sure I wasn’t trouble, and as soon as you knew I wasn’t, you put it away.” He smiled again, “I know how hard it is to get trusted by ponies, especially when you’re a predator. I just want to help you do your job. So, like it or not, I’m tagging along and helping.”

I hesitated.

Why did I hesitate?

He seemed like a decent guy. He lived in this town, so he had a horse in the race, so to speak. If he was a pony, would I have had any second thoughts? I liked to think I would, but if I was honest with myself, I likely wouldn’t.

I put on my winning charm, “Alright. Get to know your neighbours, help the community, and make sure I don’t fall over. I can get behind that. Shall we, sir?”

His eyes narrowed just a touch, “Sure.”

We walked towards the centre of town, chatting with anyone we passed. Again and again, the same stories of stolen food. Even ponies who lived in apartments, like Nurse Redheart, had reported the same. Gary had generously stayed behind a few minutes to help her with some heavy lifting while I carried on.

I turned a corner and almost stumbled into Lyra and Bonbon. I smiled, “Lyra, we have to stop bumping into each other like this.”

Lyra brightened, but they both became worried as they saw my green goo bandages. Lyra carefully touched my enveloped hand. “Oh, my goodness. You’re paw- I mean hand-”

Suddenly, they both shied away, looking behind me with slightly worried expressions.

I turned to see Gary grinning, "I believe I’ve met at least one of these ladies before she scampered away." Bonbon blushed a little and smiled at him sheepishly.

“Lyra, Bonbon, this is my new friend, Gary the Roc. He’s helping me out. Gary, this is Bonbon, top-notch candy maker, and Lyra Heartstrings, uh...”

Lyra came to my aid, smiling brightly and extending a hoof, “Interspecies researcher and musician.”

Bonbon followed suit, “Nice to see you again, Gary. A little startling, but nice.”

I overheard a slight mumble under Gary’s breath, “A pleasant greeting, for a change.”

I decided to gather a little data, “Now that we’re all reacquainted, did you guys get robbed in the attack?”

Bonbon nodded, “Our house was spared, we made sure of that, but my candy shop was wrecked. They left the candy and sugar but cleaned me out of cream, butter, and all my nuts.”

I rubbed the stubble on my chin with my right thumb and muttered out loud, “Now, why did they leave the sweet stuff? It's a good, dense source of calories that's easy to carry. Doesn’t make any sense.”

Lyra started rubbing her own chin, “Diamond dogs are on the carnivorous side of omnivore, just like we’re on the herbivore side of omnivore. I wonder if that has something to do with it.”

Bonbon deadpanned, “Could be they just don’t like the taste?”

I smiled, “Makes sense. Thanks, guys. Now I’m really glad I bumped into you two.”

Lyra looked crestfallen, “You mean, you weren't happy before?”

I chuckled, “No, I was just happy before. Now I’m happy and grateful. This information may be the key to their defence.”

Bonbon’s muzzle scrunched up in confusion, “Who? The Diamond Dogs?”

I was a little hesitant to answer, “Y-yes. I’ve got a hypothesis-”

Lyra threw her hooves in the air, interrupting me, “Finally! Someone who uses the right word. Do you have any idea how many ponies use ‘theory’ when they mean ‘hypotheses’?” Before I could answer, she blurted out in frustration, “Too many!”

I chuckled, “I know, right? Even Twilight does it.”

Bonbon deadpanned, “Cool it, egg-heads. Alex, you were about to tell us your theory-”

Lyra blurted out, “Hypothesis!”

Bonbon continued without missing a beat, “Hypothesis before you two nerdgasmed.”

I think I can appreciate Bonbon’s sense of humour. “Oh, right.” I cleared my throat. “The Diamond Dogs are hungry. Actually, starving would be a better word. Why else would they attack? No one mounts a raid on a whim, not without some big reward. Too much chance of losing tribe members.”

Lyra spoke softly and sadly, “Those poor things. Were they just hungry? Why didn’t-”

Bonbon snarled out, “Poor things!? They wrecked my shop, Lyra. It will take weeks and bits I’m not sure I have to get everything back in order. I’m not even sure my insurance covers this. If this is considered an act of war… my plot is in a sling.” Now, it was Bonbon’s turn to be teary-eyed. “All those years of hard work, gone. All because some Diamond Dog tribe was too lazy to get food.”

I stood silent for a moment, not sure what to say.

Gary, who had been quietly taking it all in, spoke up. “I know how you feel, Bonbon. We moved here about three weeks ago, and we lost all our inventory. The Night Guard tried to save it, but… anyway, I just want to say I’ll come over this afternoon to help you guys out. Your flock is my flock. The magic of friendship is all about neighbours helping neighbours, right? That’s why my family came here, to get away from the old ways, all those politics in the old country. If I want to live here, it would be hypocritical not to offer.”

Bonbon and Lyra looked up at him in slack-jawed surprise. It was Bonbon who reacted first by launching herself at him and throwing her hooves around his neck, sobbing. “Thank you so much! You don’t know how much it means to me!”

Gary looked a little panicked at first, then accepted the hug graciously. He patted her back, “There, there. All for one and one for all and all that.”

Lyra grinned at him, “I knew gryffon gallantry was biological and not just socially based. I wish I had my gryffon notebook here.”

Gary looked at me questioningly. I responded with a shrug.

As we left, Gary muttered, “Well, that was emotional. Are ponies always like that?”

I sighed. “Yeah, more or less. Ponies change their emotions so fast you’ll get whiplash some days. Still, they also have good hearts, even if you have to point them in the right direction sometimes.”

We were on the edge of town near my house. I saw a streak of colour headed in the general direction of the house, and I knew it was Dash. I smiled, knowing she would be waiting for me.

Okay. I’ve had enough of saving the world for today. I addressed my new gryffon friend, “Well, Gary, it’s almost noon, and I need to take care of some very important personal business.” My voice dropped to a defeated mutter. "I need to fix my family. Both my families." A deep, painful sigh forced its way out of me. "Maybe Ann can wait till tomorrow."

He was surprised but seemed to understand. “I can respect that. Family is important. If you need any help, you let me know, understand?”

I idly considered, only for a moment, letting Gary talk to Ann in my place. I decided that would be a bad thing to do, “Thanks, I appreciate that.” With that, I returned home. The willow tablets of the morning were wearing off. The walk home was slower than I would have liked, but all things considered, it could have been worse.

Dash was waiting for me in the backyard, reading the latest Daring Do in one hoof and munching on a beet and tomato sandwich in the other. Both were carefully placed on the table before she leapt in the air to give me one of her fierce hugs.

With a quick nuzzle, she asked me with a smirk. “So, hero, how did your sleuthing go? Did you find out what you needed?”

“As a matter of fact, I did. They were stealing food, Dash. Everything else was pretty much ignored. Now I know for sure the poor buggers must have been desperate. It all adds up. Now, I need to figure out how they got to that point. If they live in Equestria, aren't they Equestrian citizens? Why did the government let them starve? If they’re not citizens, what is their status? Ugh. This is going to get complicated.”

She nodded, “Yikes. Sounds like it.”

I smiled at my soon-to-be wife, “But that’s for tomorrow. Today, I need to fulfil a promise I made to a little girl. What do you think?”

She brightened, “That’s a great idea. Let me get the scrolls and a saddlebag, then we can go.”

I gave her one of my best smirks, “Don’t forget your lunch. Don’t want to pass out mid-interview from starvation.”

She looked up at me a little sadly, “That’s… not as funny as you would think. But, yeah, I am kind of hungry. Anyway, the kids are probably having lunch. No point in messing with their meal.”

“Very true. On that subject, I think I’ll grab myself some lunch. I’m starving.”

Dash hovered up in a snap, “Hold up, mister.” She examined my hand and arm. “You’re all messed up. One arm doesn’t bend, and the other doesn’t grab. I can’t see how you’ll feed yourself.” She pointed to one of the Adirondack chairs under the tree. “Sit. I’ll make you a peanut butter and jelly sandwich.” I started wondering how I would feed myself. She must have seen my expression because she shook her head and smirked, “And I’ll feed it to you.”

I cocked an eyebrow. “You sure?”

She waved a hoof dismissively, “Yeah, yeah.” Flashing her most confident grin, she continued, “But don’t get used to it.”

She soon returned with a sandwich cut up into small bite-sized pieces. With a smirk, she offered me a small bit of food balanced on the front edge of her hoof. Despite feeling a little silly, I was really hungry. Besides, I appreciated her thoughtfulness. The process of being fed by someone you love was quite intimate, especially since she insisted on feeding me one small piece at a time.

When there were only a few pieces left, she gave me a big grin and rested her forehead against mine. “You knuckle head. I really hope this won’t be a regular thing.”

I nuzzled my nose against hers, “I hope not either. I hate not being able to take care of myself. Not fair to you.”

She laughed, “Fair, shmair. You would do the same for me without a second thought. Why should I do anything less?”

“I guess not. I still reserve the right to feel guilty.”

She put another piece of sandwich in my mouth, “You’re allowed to redeem yourself too, ya know.”

I swallowed. “I’ll think about it. Well, enough sexy banter from you, missy. Let’s get our little girl.”

Dash looked at me lovingly, “That sounds like a sweet plan.”

Dash and I sat in the waiting room at Sweetheart’s office. I held those three scrolls in my left hand. Examining them, I noticed one scroll had something splattered on it. I think it was blood, and I wasn’t sure whose it was. Dash was looking away, lost in thought. I don’t think she noticed it, so I rubbed at it with my thumbnail, trying to remove the stain.

A flustered-looking Sweetheart opened her office door. “I’m so sorry for the wait. My little ponies are all still quite excited. Now, I assume you have the reports?”

I dropped the scrolls on her desk.

“Ah, yes, thank you. Let me see…” She first picked up the scroll from Lyra.

Dash became worried, and she started chewing her hoof. I kissed the top of her head. She stopped hoof chewing and leaned into me.

Miss Sweetheart snapped the seal on Lyra’s thick, multi-page scroll. It opened up and landed in a pile on her desk. Sweetheart read the cover letter and then skimmed the supporting evidence. She gave us a smile, “I must say, Mr Alex Roberts, Miss Heartstrings has certainly given you a glowing recommendation. Let’s see how you did with the others.”

Dash relaxed a little and snuggled closer.

The social worker picked up Mr Cake’s scroll with a smile, “Mr Cake should be another glowing recommendation.” As she read, her expression became neutral, and her tone nervous. “Ah. Well, that was a… response.” She gulped, and her eyes shifted from side to side as she muttered, “I am well within my rights to interpret this in any way I choose.” She quickly sealed it in a scroll case and dropped it in her desk drawer. She looked up and smiled broadly. A little too broadly, perhaps.

It was my turn to become worried. What had Mr Cake said?

“Now, on to the last scroll.” She picked up the ornate scroll with Golden Coins’ seal and quickly opened it. She snickered. “Mr Coins is always direct and to the point. A very adequate response.”

Dash stood, leaning over the desk, “And? And! Can I see Scootaloo? Can I see my little filly now?”

Miss Sweetheart beamed, “Congratulations. You’re parents.”

The door slammed open, and Scootaloo burst in. I noticed there were a bunch of other kids cheering her on, including that grey-coated kid, Steelskin, I think was his name. I didn’t have time to dwell on it.

“Mom! Dad!” Scoots crashed into us, knocking the wind out of me. I didn’t mind one bit.

Dash chuckled, “Careful with your new dad, squirt. He’s a little beat up.”

She giggled while hugging us, “Sorry, Dad!”

I hugged them both as best I could. “I can’t think of anything better.”

50 - Her First Day

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My little girl.

Here she was, hugging me fiercely. I was overjoyed and couldn’t think of any better plan for the day than to hold the two most important people in my life. But a nagging thought kept digging at the back of my mind, what about Ann, Lily and Daniel? Weren’t they also important? Didn’t they deserve all my love and affection too?

Of course, they did, but they were a universe away. It still hurt, and I sure didn’t look forward to talking to Ann, especially after how defeated she looked in that last message.

My thoughts, happy and worried, were interrupted by Ms Sweetheart, “To make it official, I have to perform the legal ceremony. Then, before you leave, I have some papers for you to sign. You will also want her medical records, legal papers, and all her associated governmental forms in this binder.”

Dash, her expression brimming with confidence, asked, “Alright, so what do we do?”

“Both of you, raise your left hoof and repeat after me. I, your name, do swear to protect, to love, and to care for the child known as Scootaloo.”

Dash and I said the words, all the while looking at our new daughter with love. Scootaloo beamed at us, her eyes becoming moist with emotion.

Ms Sweetheart smiled broadly, “Now, Scootaloo, this is something I’ve wanted to do for a very long time. Raise your left hoof and repeat after me; I, Scootaloo, promise to love, obey, and respect my new parents, Alex Roberts and Rainbow Dash.”

Scoots raised a trembling hoof and spoke the words, her voice quavering, her smile radiant, and her joy overflowing.

We held each other again. Now, we were legally a family; she was my little girl, I was her dad, Dash was her mom, and that would always be true.

The only thing left to do is for me and Dash to get hitched. Then, we would be the complete package.

I couldn’t wait.

Scootaloo was on her scooter, wings buzzing happily. She was pulling a wagon with a grubby cardboard box filled with the tools, spare parts, and other supplies for her scooter.

I walked along with an ear-to-ear grin, carrying Scoots’ thin battered suitcase in my left hand. It was awkward with my arm at almost a right angle, but I had to do something to help.

Dash hovered between us with that cocky grin of hers. “You sure you can carry that, Alex? You’re arm is still hurt.”

I replied with faux irritation, “Bah. The day I can’t carry my daughter’s suitcase will be a sad day indeed.”

About halfway home, I stumbled and dropped her bag. It sprung open, spilling the meagre contents onto the cobbled street. As I watched the miscellaneous contents spill out, my eyes focused on her faded yellow winter jacket. The thing was threadbare and far too thin. The mismatched scarf was in just as bad shape. I gasped. To me, they seemed woefully inadequate, but I had to remind myself she was not a human. Ponies, and pegasi especially, were far more resistant to cold than any human was.

I knelt down, attempting to help with the task of picking up all the things. “Sorry, pumpkin. I guess your old man is a little stubborn.”

Scootaloo paused and looked at me in confusion, “Old man?”

I missed a beat, then realized what the problem was. “Old man is slang for dad.” I looked to Dash, “Sweetheart, don’t ponies have a slang term for dad?”

She smirked at me, “You mean like ‘big stal’?”

Scootaloo brightened up, “Oh! So, ‘old man’ is just like ‘big stal’?” She giggled. “That’s so funny.” She imitated my deeper voice, “Old man.” She giggled again.

I placed the last item in the case and started struggling with the clasps. Dash gently pushed me aside and closed the clasps with a click. I stood up and took the suitcase, despite Dash’s warning glance. “Alright. Your big old stal man is ready to get home.” Dash gave me her confident smirk.

This also sent Scoots into a fit of giggles and Dash rewarded me with a throaty chortle.

As we walked, I could see how joyful Scootaloo was. It wasn’t just the grinning and the excited conversation she and Dash were having. It was the physical presence of joy, and it was gloriously infectious. I felt it in my mind, in my heart, and in my soul. It was a literal physical thing, and it brought me great elation. I walked more slowly, just so I could take in my daughter and soon-to-be wife more completely.

I walked, mind unfocused, happy.

For a fleeting moment, there was a shadow, a whispering voice in the back of my mind. ‘You don’t belong here.’ I ignored it and walked on. I half heard Dash making a joke and Scootaloo giggling. I joined them with a chuckle, desperate to maintain my blissful state of mind.

That voice came back, a little louder. That little voice, the one that told me to dodge to the left instead of the right, the one that told me to wait until the water was boiled, no matter how thirsty I was. That little voice saved me time and time again. The one that reminded me the heroes always die, and the good guy always finishes last. The tiny little suggestion it now threw at me was painful. Scootaloo’s happiness lay in Rainbow Dash being her mom. That was why she was happy. I was just a means to an end; a convenient tag-along she didn’t mind including.

With experience and will I kept my expression a happy one. There could not be a single iota of doubt on my face. None. Any external show of my internal chaos would result in my little girl being heartbroken.

My little girl.

That voice, that ghost of a thought was making me doubt. It has always been right, in the past. It has never failed me, except… except now, I choose to ignore it. I want to be happy. And maybe, just maybe, this time it’s wrong.

Scootaloo looked around and saw I had fallen behind. She happily pronked in my direction. “Come on, Dad. Catch up.”

I smiled apologetically to her, “Sorry, pumpkin. Guess I’m still a little tired.”

She rushed to my side, “Mom! Slow up. Dad’s not feeling good.”

Dash smirked, “Get used to it squirt. Your big stal can be a bit of a slowpoke sometimes.”

She grinned back, “You mean, my old man.”

Scootaloo’s new mother beamed at her, “That too, Scoots.”

As the two most important ponies in my life continued, that blasted thought came back. That voice in my head warned me of impending peril. It was screaming at me, and it was hard to ignore. As wonderful as this was, a wife and child to love again, a family to nurture and care for, it was also a family to lose. If I lived to my next jump, unlikely but not impossible, if they still lived, I would leave them, alone, or even worse, I would somehow drag them into the horror my life had become, will become again. There was also a question of loyalty. Loyalty to Ann, to Lily, to my firstborn son, Daniel.

I must have had a troubled expression because I almost bumped into Dash as she hovered in front of me. She spoke tenderly and placed a hoof under my chin, lifting my face to look up at her, “What’s up, big guy? You look… scared.”

Scootaloo rose to my defence, “Come on, Mom. He’s the bravest dad I know. He’s just… I don’t know, thinking about… stuff.”

I smiled sadly and kneeled down, “That I am, Scootaloo. For now, let's just say I’m worried about you two.” Dash just smiled kindly at me, while Scootaloo looked surprised. “Nothing bad, just… I don’t know, I want to keep all the bad guys in the universe away from you and keep you safe. It’s just what I do, pumpkin. I worry and plan, so that when the faecal matter hits the fan, I know what to do. Let's just say it’s become a hobby over the years.”

I didn’t plan on telling her my stories, at least not for a long while—no point in burdening her with my nonsense.

Dash broke the silence. “Alright, Alex, this is where you clap your hands together, change the subject, and we head off to someplace else. So,” she clapped her hooves together, “change of subject, let's go home and make dinner.”

I gave Dash a grateful look. She replied with a little nod and a loving look.

As we carried on, those damn, stupid thoughts slid back. This time, all I could see was that Dash was using me to adopt Scootaloo. There was no other explanation. Why would she have any interest in me, other than as a tool? Rainbow already has self-esteem issues, so bringing in someone who absolutely worships her under her wing makes her feel worthwhile.

And Scootaloo? Why would she love an alien as a father? From all accounts, to a pony’s eye I’m a grotesque abomination, part animal, part monster. She tolerated me because it brought her closer to her hero, the world-famous Rainbow Dash.

I firmly quieted the voices. Perhaps they are correct, maybe they are trying to save me from my own foolishness. Maybe. However, for the moment, I choose to take this all at face value. I choose to see this as it seems, a loving fiance and beloved daughter. I choose to take this moment as my own, as much as it is about Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo. For once, I will be selfish, and embrace this as it should be. I will share in their joy and be happy with them. I will allow myself the right to be human... even if I haven’t earned it.

Dash opened the front door with great aplomb. “Welcome home, Scootaloo.”

Scoots giggled, “I’ve been here before, ya know.”

I corrected my daughter, “Ah, you were here before as a guest. Now, you’re here as part of our family. Big difference.”

She looked at us both shyly, “The truth is, you guys always made me feel like part of your family.”

I smiled, dropped to a knee, and held her tight. “Thanks, pumpkin. You will always be part of us, no matter what happens.”

Scootaloo started choking theatrically, “Ack! Dad! You’re squishing me.”

Dash shook her head and smiled a little sadly, “Hey, don’t knock a dad that hugs you. It’s a great thing.”

To save Dash from having to explain herself, I did what I was best at, “So Scootaloo, would you like to see your room?”

She looked at us excitedly, “You already have my room?”

Dash beamed with pride, “You bet, squirt. Right across the hall from us.”

“Awesome!” She made to run, then realized she didn’t know where she was running to and gave us a sheepish grin. “So…”

Dash smirked, “You’re ready for action. That’s my little filly.” Scootaloo blushed at her mom’s words. “It’s at the top of the stairs, the door on the right.”

With a burst of speed, the little pegasus ran up the stairs and paused in front of the door. She raised her hoof and hesitated. She then seemed to steel herself and opened the door slowly. I saw a smile light up her face, but then it quickly faltered and faded.

Dash was behind her in a flash, looking in the room to make sure nothing had happened. I made my way up the stairs quickly and poked my head in the doorway. It was still decorated with Wonderbolts everything, just as we had left it. Dash landed behind her and placed a hoof on her shoulder, “What’s wrong, squirt? Don’t you like your room?”

Scootaloo looked back at her with her little ears pinned down and a crestfallen look on her face. “No, I like it, I guess. It’s… it’s just that I was kind of hoping there was more stuff about my heroes.”

Dash, with growing confusion, asked, “I thought you liked the Wonderbolts.”

It was at that moment I noticed the slightest beginnings of a smirk on Scootaloo’s lips. “I do, but none of them have ever done a Sonic Rainboom ...”

As Dash grabbed her up in a fierce hug. That thrice-damned voice picked that moment to whisper its poison, ‘Dash is the only one she really wants. You’re just a tag-along. Second best. Worthless.’

Just as the thoughts were getting impossible to ignore, I was saved by my daughter. “... or took on an Alpha and her lieutenants alone. Dad, would you mind if I started an Alex Roberts fan club?”

Before I could make any kind of witty remark, she gave me a kiss on the nose.

Surrounded by such love, Scootaloo could only grin.

Once we put all of her things away, we returned to the living room. I sat on the couch with Dash to my right and Scoots to my left. I rested my aching hand on Dash’s back and could just reach Scootaloo’s ears to give her a scratch. While we chatted about nothing, the doorbell rang. I started to get up but was stopped by Dash’s warning look. I noticed Scootaloo had a similar warning look. “Alright, point taken. Staying on my keister.”

While Scootaloo giggled at the new word, Dash trotted off to answer the door.

I heard a familiar duo of happy, filly voices, “Is Scootaloo home?”

Dash replied with pride, “You bet, girls. She's home sweet home.”

The little pegasus looked at me as if asking permission. I smirked, “Go see your friends. I’m sure they want to see you. Besides, Mom and I will still be here when you come back.”

She hesitated for only a moment, “Promise?”

I touched my right index finger on her nose. “Promise.”

Her little face lit up, and she scampered off to see her friends, only to meet them halfway. Apple Bloom, Sweetie Belle, Sapphire, and that grey-coated colt all tumbled into the living room and surrounded Scootaloo. They all spoke at once, but I could make out some of the exchanges.

Apple Bloom grinned from ear to ear. “I’m now officially your auntie Apple Bloom. Y’all have to listen to me now.”

Scoots grinned, “Not really, and you know it.”

Sweetie Belle spoke excitedly, “We came over as soon as we heard. All the kids are talking about it. Steelskin was so happy for you. He could have just burst.”

Sapphire broadcast in that strange way, ‘Friend Scootaloo, we are joyful at your acquisition of a permanent family unit.’

The grey colt had a bittersweet smile and shyly congratulated her, “I’m so happy for you ‘Loo. No one deserves awesome parents like them more than you.”

Scoots answered with a confident grin Dash would be totally proud of, “They are awesome, aren't they.”

Unnoticed by the others, Steelskin’s expression became tired, his eyes moistened, and when he thought all attention was off of him, he whispered quietly to himself, "Almost as awesome as mine were."

‘Poor kid,’ I thought.

After a few minutes of excited talk, Sweetie Belle got all the kid's attention, “I think we should celebrate with a sleepover at my house! It will be great fun. What do you think, Scootaloo?” All the kids looked at her with anticipation.

She looked at us and replied hesitatingly, “That would be really fun, but, I kind of want to stay here tonight. You know, first night and all.”

Sweetie blushed, “Oh. Right. Maybe next week?”

Scoots brightened up, “You bet. Next week, your place for sure.” She looked around at her friends, “Thank you all for this, I really appreciate you guys coming here, but I really want to spend some time with,” she smiled brightly and giggled in disbelief, “my folks.”

With a few friendly hugs, heartfelt goodbyes, and promises to meet up at school, the kids left.

We stood, smiling happily at each other for a moment, and then Scootaloo’s stomach growled.

Dash chuckled. “Looks like my awesome daughter is hungry. What kind of mom would I be if I didn’t fix it?” She sauntered to the kitchen. “Now, I may not be the cook your dad is, but I can whip up a mean pasta with tomato and hay sauce. What do you say, squirt?”

“That sounds really good.” She got this far away look, “My first home-cooked meal. Can my day get any better?”

Dash piped up. "How about you have that sleepover here?"

She stood, mouth agape. “Really?”

Dash nodded, “Darn right. It wasn’t something I ever did, but if you want it... Bam! It’ll happen.”

Scoots looked concerned, “You never had a sleepover?”

Dash smoothed her daughter’s mane lovingly, “Just one, but I want you to have all the cool stuff a filly should have that I never got.” She embraced her little filly. “You are so special to me. I just want to see you happy.”

With overflowing joy, Scootaloo spoke. “Mom, I’m already happy.”

I kneeled down and joined the hug.

Dash chuckled, “Alright you two. Enough of this for now. Alex, keep the couch warm. Squirt, set the table, then join your dad. I’ll make the grub and call you both when it’s ready.”

I was about to object, but I saw my useless right hand. I sighed, “Yes, dear.”

“Don’t worry, you big lug, you’ll have plenty of chances to make dinner.” Dash leaned over to Scoots and did that pony whisper, “Truth is, he’s a way better cook than me, but with that busted arm and hand, he can’t do it right now. Not that it would stop him. Us girls need to keep an eye on him.”

Scoots turned her head towards me with a mischievous grin and narrowed eyes, “I’ve got my eye on you, Dad.”

After dinner, Dash and Scoots cleaned up. I mostly kept the couch warm. I wasn’t comfortable with them serving me, but I was stuck. So, I made the best of it and decided to entertain them with an old story, ponified of course.

I started, in my best bard’s voice, “Once upon a time-”

Dash chuckled, and I’m sure she rolled her eyes, too, “Here we go.”

I sniffed. “Madam, if I can’t help clean, I will help pass the time. Ahem. Once upon a time, long, long ago, there was an old traveling cleric.”

Scoots interrupted me, “Dad? What’s a cleric?”

I thought for a second. ‘Maybe I should have said merchant.’ I finally replied, “Someone who serves a Princess and maybe has a cutie mark related to them.”

Dash put a hoof on my hip, “Don’t confuse her, Alex. It’s like… like Mr Waddle. Someone who helps with life ceremonies.”

Scootaloo brightened at Dash’s explanation.

I bowed my head formally at Dash, “Thank you, my beloved. Yes, this cleric went around and helped ponies remember what was important in life. He carried only a few possessions, the biggest of which was a large iron pot, big enough to make soup for a whole town.”

Scoots tilted her head and asked with interest, “What kind of pony was he? What was his name? What was his cutie mark?”

I thought fast, “It was an earth pony named Covert Pedagogue. His cutie mark was a split disk, half sun, half moon.

One day, he found a town where harmony was at its lowest. No one shared, and everypony was only worried about themselves. While he walked into town, ponies slammed their doors shut and peeked out from behind closed shutters.

Near the centre of town, he called out to a rich-looking home, ‘Do you have some food for an old travelling pony?’

The reply was quick and harsh, ‘Beat it old timer. We don’t got no extra food! Nothing to share!’

He tried another house, and another, and another. They all gave the same answer. Nothing to share.

To each, he smiled wisely and thanked them. Then, right in the middle of town he placed his pot on the ground and started to build a fire with a few meagre sticks.

One brave mare crept out of her house and asked, ‘Hey, buddy. Whatcha doin'?’.

The old stallion smiled kindly to her and replied simply. ‘Oh, nothing much. Just making stone soup.’.

The cautious mare became curious. ‘Stone soup? How can you possibly make soup out of stones? You’d break your teeth, and you don’t sure don’t look like a dragon.’

He chuckled, ‘Oh my, no. I’m just an old pony. The trick is how to cook them.’

By this time, a few more ponies had ventured out.

With a kindly smile, he spoke to the assembled ponies. ‘To make the soup, I’ll need some water. Could any of you help an old stallion with tired bones get some water to fill my pot?”

A few ponies volunteered to bring water, and soon, the pot was full.

‘Wonderful. There should be enough for the whole town.’ He looked worriedly at the sticks under the pot, ‘Oh my. I think I may need one or two more sticks of wood to heat this much soup. Could any of you spare a stick or two of wood?’

The gathered ponies murmured, and a few called out, ‘I’ll bring some!’, and soon there was a roaring fire under the pot.

‘And now, for the main ingredient.’ He pulled three smooth river stones out of his saddlebags. Plop. Plop. Plop. ‘Now, they simmer for about 15 minutes. You should soon be smelling the wonderfully delicate flavours of the rich broth. Oh my, yes.’

Soon, ponies were getting closer, and one exclaimed, ‘Hey! I can smell the wonderfully delicate flavours of the rich broth!’ Others joined her, and all the ponies were talking about how wonderful it smelled.

Covert Pedagogue took a long wooden spoon and took a taste. ‘Not bad, not bad. I think it could use just a little bit of rosemary and pepper.’

One pony called out, ‘I have rosemary!’

Another called out, ‘I have pepper!’

Soon, they were back and adding their ingredients.

Covert gave the pot a good stir and tasted again. ‘Not bad, not bad. Almost ready. But…’

‘But what?’ a pony in the back of the crowd called out.

The old pony considered, ‘I find this soup gets a nice little flavour boost with just a little chopped garlic and diced onion.’

One pony called out, ‘I have garlic!’

Another called out, ‘I have onions!’

Soon, they were back and adding their ingredients.

Once again, Covert gave the pot a stir and tasted it. ‘Almost there. It just needs a little more body, something to add bulk and more flavour.’

One pony called out, ‘I have carrots!’

Another called out, ‘I have potatoes!’

Covert smiled beatifically, ‘Oh my, yes. Those would do just fine.’

The ponies with the carrots and potatoes ran off to get them. Soon, they were back and adding their ingredients.

Covert gave the pot a good stir and tasted again. ‘This is good. Very good.’ He stood tall and called out to the crowd, ‘Good news, everyone. The soup is ready.’

A pony in the crowd yelled out, ‘We need tables!’

Another called out, ‘And bowls!’

Yet another, ‘And spoons!’

Soon, a cacophony of voices offering the needed items and more were heard. In a few short minutes, there were tables covered in tablecloths, bowls, salads, dinner rolls, and everything needed for a feast.

Covert raised a hoof, and the crowd became silent. “Thanks to all the things you all shared, we may now all have a feast.”

For a moment, there was silence. The mare who first talked to him sighed, ‘We just got schooled, didn’t we?’

The old stallion just chuckled.

The end.

By the way, Scootaloo, do you know what his friends called him, that old cleric?”

She shook her head and grinned, “No, but I bet it’s cool.”

“They called him Sneaky Teacher.”

Dash groaned and threw a damp dish towel at me. I caught it with my face and chuckled.

We spent the rest of the evening on the couch as a family. We chatted, played word games, told more stories. I was somewhat reserved. I didn’t want to overwhelm my little girl. We had plenty of time for personal histories.

Scootaloo yawned, and Dash smiled. “Alright, squirt. It's time for bed. My little filly needs to get a full night's sleep.”

She looked up at Dash, “Aw, do I have to, Mom?”

I answered, “Yes, you do, pumpkin. You need your sleep.”

She seemed a little put out by this but acquiesced, “Alright.”

I continued, “Actually, it’s been a long day. I think we should all head for the sack.”

Dash yawned, “Your dad’s right, squirt. Time for us all to hit the hay.”

While Dash ushered Scoots to the bathroom to wash up, I used the sink in the kitchen. With everyone freshened up we turned off the lights and made our way upstairs. Scootaloo hesitated at the threshold to her room, just for a heartbeat, then rushed in and jumped on her bed, giggling and laughing joyfully.

Dash smiled lovingly at her once little sister, now daughter. “Alright, squirt. Time for bed.”

Scoots reluctantly hopped off the bed. I smiled as I pulled her covers back with my left hand. She snuggled into the bed and Dash pulled the covers over her. We kissed her on the forehead, and she gave us each a hug. I happily pulled her covers back over her and tucked her in.

“Nice and snug, pumpkin. Now, you have a good night's sleep.” I gave her little fetlock a light squeeze and her a smile.

We closed her door and went to our own bedroom. I sat on the edge of the bed. “She’s a good kid, Mom.”

Dash leaned against me, “She’s an awesome kid, Dad.”

I kissed Dash on the cheek and started trying to change my clothes. Dash hopped off the bed to get a book from the little bookshelf in the bedroom. As I struggled, Dash smiled at me around her book, “You need a hoof?”

I was struggling with my clothes and decided to stop being stubborn. “Would you mind? I just want to change into some boxers and a tee shirt. Just in case.”

Dash placed her book down and looked at me curiously, “What do you mean?”

I felt a little embarrassed, “Well, I don’t want her to freak out if she sees my back.”

Dash nodded and smirked at me. “Oh, that. I’d kind of forgotten about that. Good idea.”

I never said a word, but her forgetting that felt good. I’m not above a little narcissistic pride. Dash wordlessly helped me get my clothes off and some fresh garments on.

As she was helping me pull my shirt down, she paused. “I know Scoots never had a lot of pegasus culture growing up, but, you know what would be nice? A real classic pegasus adoption ceremony. I remember seeing them in Cloudsdale. The dad or dominant mom would take the foal to the city hall steps and hold the kid up for everyone to see. Then they would say something like, ‘This filly is my daughter. Let all know this and remember it, or I’ll kick your flank’,” she chuckled, “or something like that. Not every family did it, and it was always a different little speech, but I think we should. I want her to know, without any doubt in her head, that she’s a part of this family.”

I put my green rubber-encased right hand against her cheek, and Dash kissed my thumb, “That sounds like an awesome idea, Dash. Let’s do it on market day so that everyone can see.”

She tilted her head, “Does your family have any kind of tradition like that?”

“There were no traditions like that in my family. But I do remember being in a small dwarven city on market day, and something similar happened. Their speech was something like, ‘This child is the blood of my blood. This child is the flesh of my flesh. If you strike them, you strike us all. If you befriend them, you befriend us all.’ and so on and so forth. There was even a dwarven accountant recording everything.”

“An accountant? Seriously?”

“Hey, the dwarves take their paperwork seriously. Accountants make sure the books are balanced. Money, favours, debts, life, death, you name it. I worked with one for a while, Einkill Ungart. Nice kid. Only 67 years old, a teenager by dwarf standards. Got mixed up with a cult of Loki, but we got him turned around before I left.”

She shook her head slightly, “You know, sometimes I just don’t know if you’re spitballing or telling the truth.”

I laughed, “The memories get a little muddled, so it’s likely a bit of both.” I gave her a kiss on the nose, then yawned. “Alright, time to snooze.”

We were soon fast asleep but were woken by a knock on our door. I lifted myself on my elbow and saw a little orange muzzle poking around the door.

I spoke quietly so as to not wake up Dash. “What’s up, pumpkin? You okay?”

Dash started awake, “Scootaloo? What’s wrong? You alright? Oh my gosh, are you okay? You’re not feeling sick, are you? Oh, mare, I was afraid of this. My pasta was bad, wasn’t it? Now I made my filly sick.” She jumped out of the bed, wings flared. “Alex, I’m taking her to the hospital. Catch up when you can.”

Scootaloo waved her mom down. “I’m not sick, mom. And your supper was great. It’s not that, it’s…” she trailed off, murmuring something just under her breath.

I walked over to her and put my left hand on her shoulder, “You’re going to have to repeat that last part. I’m a little hard of hearing sometimes.”

She gave us a resigned sigh, eyes fixed on the ground, “I said, I would really like to sleep with you guys tonight. If that’s okay with you.”

Dash looked uncertain, but I gathered Scootaloo up in a hug. “Pumpkin, you can sleep with us whenever you like. You’re our daughter, and you’re the most important filly here. As long as you don’t mind snoring. I’ve been told I snore like a train.”

Dash smirked, “He’s just being funny. He doesn’t snore.”

Scootaloo and I shared a moment, confirming to each other that her mom, and soon my wife, snores enough for two ponies.

I smiled. This was a situation I was very familiar with. Lily used to sneak into our bed from time to time. I didn’t realize how much I missed this until now. “Alright, kiddo, I’ve got the inside third right here, mom has the outside third, right there, and you, my dear, have the middle bit. Sound good?”

With obvious relief, she hopped on the bed and snuggled in. “Sounds great, mom and dad.”

Dash laid a wing over Scootaloo and pulled her close. I smiled down on them then pulled the covers over us all.

With a little help from the girls.

51 - A Mother's Secrets

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Luna was tired. While she could remain awake for months or even years and be fully alert the whole time, she had grown used to the simple routine of a light meal and a rest at the end of her nighttime vigil.

This routine had been disrupted by an argument with her sister. While she found this was wearying, this time she would not quietly acquiesce.

With renewed determination, Luna looked up defiantly at her sister on her golden throne. Celestia had cleared the royal atrium lest her little ponies see their beloved princess and her reformed sister arguing like mere mortals. The elder sister looked down with amusement. "You keep saying redemption, little sister, but I do not think you know what it means."

Luna resisted the urge to slam her hoof down in frustration. She took a moment to look at the stained glass images depicting her redemption, her transformation from Nightmare Moon to her true self by The Elements of Harmony. Luna eventually spoke with a control born of millennia of practice. "Dear Sister, I have experienced it first hoof. Have you forgotten that I have been... cleansed by The Elements?" Her voice softened as she tried to reign in her exasperation. "Nevertheless, does not a Princess have need of her champions? Champions like your Element Bearers?"

Celestia, seemingly ignoring the question, spoke in an amused tone. "It would seem, little sister, that you're trying to copy me."

Luna tore her gaze away from the reminder of her mistakes and looked up at Celestia. "My beloved sister, why would you have any issue with anypony imitating you? I have noticed, since my return, there seems to be a statue of you in every village, town, and city centre." For the briefest moment, Celestia's expression flashed annoyance. It quickly returned to the one of her famed kindly neutrality. "Come now, sister. You had been cultivating an image of a loving mother for centuries before my… incident. There is no need to hide this."

The solar diarch smiled wisely, "What my little ponies do is not under my control. If they wish to celebrate me, who am I to deny them? Still, I suppose I shouldn't be surprised you seek to emulate a successful tradition, as it were. My sources tell me even Cadence is planning such a group. What did she call them? Her League of Extraordinary Gentlefolk?" Celestia waved a hoof dismissively, "A silly name, but she is young and full of what she thinks are new ideas. Perhaps she was influenced by that champion of yours?"

The Princess of the Night gazed at her sister with obvious pride, "A positive influence, I have no doubt."

Celestia kept her famed expression of gentle neutrality. "We shall see."

Luna's gaze returned to the stained glass. Her response was tempered with the slightest sliver of doubt. "Yes, you shall, sister." She slowly continued to the stained glass depicting Discord, looking up ruefully at the image.

Celestia stood from her throne and joined her sister in gazing upon the terrifying Draconequus. "Luna, do you recall the last thing Discord said before we imprisoned him?"

Luna snorted, "Of course I do. He said our friend would free him. You are not implying it is Alex, are you?"

Celestia shrugged, "He is quite chaotic, but I'm not saying it's Alex. It could also be that entertainer, Beatrix Lulamoon." She gave her sister a tight smile, "Speaking of your champions, what tasks have you given them, Luna? All I've seen are trivial tasks, saving an individual here or there. Nothing substantial. The Element Bearers have the Elements. What weapons have you given them? None."

Luna stiffened, then turned an angry glare at Celestia, "That may be so, sister, but at least I don't send my champions armed only with riddles, half-truths, and misdirection."

Celestia sat with a thump, unable to hide her anger as the words cut deep. "You know I must make them strong and that is the best way. They wield our best defence against Equestria's threats, old and new."

Luna locked eyes with her sister for a moment, then bowed her head."Forgive me, Celi. I did not mean to question you or your methods. They work, and I am living proof of that. But, I do ask, for one thing, please treat them with respect."

Celestia sighed, "I will, Lulu. However, I still think he is a thug and a brute, as witnessed by the school house incident." She shook her head, "It's bad enough Rainbow Dash has been charmed by this beast, made him her special somepony, but they have adopted a child."

Luna reminded her sister. "Her name is Scootaloo. Hers was one of the first dreams I interceded in when I returned."

Celestia smiled sadly. "Yes. Scootaloo. I recall her supplication, asking for 'a super cool mom like Rainbow Dash'. I knew one day they would be a family, but I didn't expect... him. I never saw him then, and I still don't see him now, just the chaos he leaves in his wake. This is how your episode started." She swallowed hard, a cold sweat making her shiver, "The weave had shown me Rainbow Dash and Soarin becoming her parents, you know. I had made arrangements for them to spend time together at the last Wonderbolt rally, for their love to blossom, for Soarin to save Scootaloo in the school house." The Princess of the Sun rubbed her temple and spat out accusingly, "But, your Alexander, he distorts everything he touches. He makes long-term," she hesitated for the slightest moment, "planning so much more difficult."

Luna rolled her eyes, "Come, sister. It cannot be that bad."

Celestia pleaded, "I don't think you understand. Any strand he touches twists and bends in uncontrollable ways. Now, even the simplest change to those corrupted threads yields unpredictable results. Luna, my control is no longer certain."

Luna shrugged, "Perhaps it is time for you to lose control? Maybe our little ponies should lead themselves."

Celestia continued, ignoring her sister, "The most worrying thing is that it's spreading. Rainbow Dash's connections are changing, twisting and fading. The other Elements, even Twilight, are beginning to become resistant to my touch. She questioned my advice, Luna. Twilight Sparkle. The little pony who worships the ground I trot on. I had wanted her to become her own mare, but not like this." Celestia grabbed her sister and almost shouted, "How can we keep our little ponies safe if I cannot influence the Weave?"

Luna hugged her sister tightly, "Do not fear. Our ponies will become stronger. We cannot forever hold them to our bosom like mewing babes. Why, one day, they might outgrow the need for us, dear sister."

"Yes," Celestia said coldly, "and maybe one day we shall release and befriend Discord."

Luna's expression became annoyed, "That was most uncalled for. Comparing Alex Roberts to Discord is most unfair." She stood and sighed, "Now, if you'll excuse me, I would like to rest. I need to be strong to perform my duties tomorrow."

"Of course." Celestia smiled sadly, then, in a most sisterly way, hugged Luna.

In the heart of the Everfree Forest stood the ruins of the Castle of the Two Sisters. In the decaying throneroom were gathered a group of ponies from all walks of life and all social strata. One cloaked earth pony sat on the crumbling dias, her face hidden in shadows. She stomped her hoof to get the others' attention, then spoke. "My sisters, behold the greatest gift our master has left us. The cursed chaos orchid, the Orchidaceae Maledictionem Chaoticus, the—"

She was interrupted by an angry shout, "Get on with it!"

The speaker replied in a jovial tone, "Right, sorry. Just adding a little chaos to the mix." She burst into hideous laughter that would have caused any outsider to flee for their lives. Here, it was joined by the others. She finally slowed and stopped. "As I was saying, this beautiful example of Poison Joak all cause… well, something."

The gathered disciples started excitedly suggesting possible results.

"It'll turn his arms backwards." This elicited a few groans and one of 'boring'.

"It'll make him into a proper pony." There was silence, quickly followed by a single snort and giggle.

"You know, it might not do anything at all." This suggestion was followed by hisses and boos.

"Oh, oh! What if he becomes the joak? Blessing everypony he touches. Won't that Rainbow nag be surprised? Huh? Huh?" There were several cheers at this suggestion.

"What if he brings back, you know, Discord?" There were a few angry shouts of 'blasphemy'. "Don't forget, he's a friend of the Princess and chock full of chaotic goodness."

"Why bring him back? That weirdo could be Discord, just in a sillier monkey package." There were shouted disagreements from all sides.

"Hold on, hold on! You know what I hope for?"

A random voice from the gathering shouted 'What!'

"I hope it turns him inside out."

The gathered throng roared in laughter.

The leader called out, "Whatever it does, it will be a doozie."

One of the cloaked figures raised a hoof, "So, um, Exalted One, not to question your plan, but how are we getting this to that goodie four shoes? We can't waltz into town with those flowers."

The nominal leader smiled at the brilliance of her plan. "My plan is simple. First, we bless ourselves, en mass, with Poison Joak. Second, we overwhelm the hospital, begging for cures, and maybe do something about the source while we're at it. Thus, all the available medical treatments will be depleted. Third, we get him the flowers. Four, not quite sure. Five, we profit! And by profit, I mean to watch that interloper suffer."

The lone figure, hoof still raised, "But, you didn't actually answer my question, did you?"

The leader rolled her eyes under her cloak, "Yes, you have a point. I've been grooming our nascent Nightmare Moon, our diminutive Discord, our tiny Tirek. Her name, pause for effect, is Diamond Tiara."

The room was silent, not the reaction she was hoping for. Then, from the back came a single voice, "She sounds like a nag."

The room erupted in laughter.

In the city of Cloudsdale, at 1717 Skyway Towers, apartment number 137, an older sky-blue mare with a fading fire-red mane held an envelope in her hoof. It was addressed to her, Golden Dash, and it was from her daughter. Strangely, the post office stamp was from Canterlot, not Ponyville.

Golden smiled warmly. Her daughter sent so few letters. I suppose I can't really complain. My little filly is a hero. She doesn't have time for an old mare like me. She decided she would savour this rare treat. She made a pot of tea and sat in her over-stuffed chair. Pouring a cup and taking a happy sip from her cup, she used the steam from the teapot to carefully open the letter.

Her eyes grew wide at the fancy Canterlot Ritz-Canterton stationary it was written on. 'My little filly has sure moved up in the world.'

Dear Mom,
It's been a while, and I'm sorry for that. Not very loyal of me. It's been crazy here, and once you read this letter, you'll understand why.
I finally fell in love with somepony. I know what you're thinking, "You fall in love twice every year, and you've broken up with them just as fast." Well, this time, it's different. He's different. You could say he's out of this world. And we love each other. He doesn't care about my past and how I'm not refined, I guess. He loves and trusts me like nopony else ever has, except you. His name is Alex Roberts.

Golden read it again and a third time. She thought, 'What a strange name. He must be an earth pony. They always have strange names. That's alright. As long as he treats her with respect.'

Long story short, we're getting married!

Golden Dash put the letter down and wiped a happy tear from her eye. Her heart was bursting with joy. She said out loud, "Oh, my little Rainbow, you're all grown up."

But, there is something you should know. So it's not a shock when you meet him.

Golden put the letter down again and became sad, 'Oh dear. I hope he's not sterile. I do so want grand foals.' She took a sip of tea and read on.

He's not a pony.

Golden folded the letter, closed her eyes, and pleaded, 'Please, please, please don't be another gryffin.' She had a sudden, terrifying thought, 'Please, sun giving Celestia, not a diamond dog, not one of them. They're so… dirty.' A pleasant memory struck her, 'Although, that zebra was a lovely young mare. And some ponies don't think they're ponies. I could have listened to her talk for hours, but Rainbow is like her father, just no patience for that way of talking, I suppose.' She giggled at a new thought, 'I wonder if he's a sea pony? I read about them in the newspaper a few weeks ago. Could she… well, it would be unique and out of this world, as she said.' She tisked, 'I hope it's not one of those dreadful night guard bat ponies. The last one she dated was such a snob. Well, no use in guessing. I may as well read it and get it over with.' She began unfolding the letter but stopped. 'I will put my hoof down at a donkey. I refused to have one in this family.' Golden giggled again, 'Unless he's rich.'

He's a human. A human is like a pony that stands on two legs, like a minotaur ~~or a diamond dog~~. No, everypony says he looks like a diamond dog, and I can say for sure he looks nothing like one. I should know, I've tangled with dogs saving my friend, Rarity. He also has hands on his forelegs. They're like claws, but softer and warmer. It's like they were made to hold you and make you feel loved, ya know?

Golden read the paragraph several times, then sighed. 'Why couldn't it have been the gryffin?'

Mom, I want you to trust me. When you meet him, you'll love him too. He may look a little scary at first, but once you know him, you'll see he's got a heart of solid aluminium. I know, it's corny as all get out, but it's true.

The elderly pegasus sadly shook her head and muttered to herself, "Oh, Dashie-poo. You always say that every time. I hope this time it's different."

I'll end my letter here because I have to leave soon. Alex and I are headed back home, and we don't want to miss the train.
Love you with all my heart.
RD
P.S. Alex and I have talked about adopting, for obvious reasons. We already know a pegasus filly, the one I was a Big Sister to. She's a great kid, and I love her to bits. Her name is Scootaloo.

Golden thought for a moment, 'Wasn't there something wrong with her wings? I can't remember exactly what. Well, I'm sure it's nothing.'

P.P.S. Before I forget, Alex said his wedding tradition is for the groom's family to pay for the wedding. Believe me when I say, he's not worried about the cost.

Golden shrugged and finished her tea, 'He may not be handsome, but at least he's rich.'

P.P.P.S. Say hi to dad for me.

Her expression soured, 'I doubt that salted scrub will care, but,' her expression softened, 'Rainbow Blaze might pull his head out of his plot long enough to be a father.'

52 - Mornings and Lies

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I was dreaming.

It was a happy dream for a change. I was hosting a backyard barbecue, and all my friends were there.

Applejack and Big Mac were at the treats table, making sure it was filled with delicious Apple-made goodies.

Fluttershy and Rarity were happily chatting. I didn’t know what the subject was. All I cared about was they were happy.

Beatrix was wandering around the crowd, doing card tricks and other illusion magic, smiling happily. She would occasionally flash a mischievous smirk at Big Mac, who would smile back shyly.

Lyra and Bonbon were chatting with the Cakes. Talking candy, I’ll bet. Lyra turned and waved eagerly at me.

Pinkie was doing a giggling snort at a joke 'Doctor' Time Turner made. They were surrounded by a few ponies I didn’t recognize; a slate grey pegasus mare with a wild, light grey mane, a pink unicorn mare with a curly purple mane, a light blue unicorn stallion with a blue mane, and an all-white stallion, mane and all.

Gary and his family were also there, happy to be part of the community. Ponies around them accepted them with that crazy emotional whiplash ponies create. One minute, they’re suspects in everything, now ponies treat them like their best friends, which counts as a casual acquaintance among ponies.

One of my few human friends, Tycho, who I still occasionally kept in touch with, was also there, chatting with Twilight. I didn’t really understand what they were talking about, but they were really into it. Science vs Magic, no doubt.

Even Celestia and Luna were there. Their manes were in ponytails, with no crowns or jewellery. Basically, they were relaxed and casual. Celestia was enjoying a piece of vanilla cake with white and pink frosting, a tiny dollop on her muzzle. Luna, with a mouth full of rich chocolate mooncake, snorted in laughter at something someone said. I was happy to see them relaxing and having fun. I briefly wondered if this was really them. At that moment, Luna turned her head and winked at me, before returning to what she was doing. I chuckled, ‘I guess this is my Paladin paycheque.’

I heard the happy squeal of kids having fun on the play equipment. Dan and Lily were playing with Spike, Scootaloo, Sweetie Belle, and Apple Bloom. They were patiently being watched by Granny Smith, who was sitting in a rocking chair beside my mom in her own rocking chair. Granny was chatting in her quaint country-isms, and my mom responded in her own Rive-Sud-de-Montreal French. They had no problems understanding each other.

I was busy at the twin grills. Various veggies, hay burgers, and tofu dogs filled the larger one, with the smaller one covered in drumsticks, pork chops, and thick, juicy, ground chuck burgers. My mouth just watered at the thought of biting into that perfect, medium-rare, hamburger.

Finally, my eyes swept over to Dash and Ann at the picnic table. They momentarily both turned to look at me, looked at each other with wide grins, and then laughed uproariously at a shared joke.

Definitely a happy dream.

CRASH!

I was rudely awoken by an impact and found myself on the ground beside the bed. The wood floor was rough and cold, and a single sheet was still on my head.

I quickly removed the sheet and looked around, only to find Scootaloo on the bed, lying on her side, her little sleeping face blissfully unaware.

‘Scootaloo kicks like a mule,’ I mused to myself. ‘No offense.’

I looked groggily at the clock.

3:27 in the A.M.

I don’t think I’ve ever smiled that broadly at a physical assault before. I thought back with an ache in my heart to the irritation I felt when Lily did that to Ann and me. ‘Amazing what you miss.’ This is a wonderful slice of normality back in my life. Totally worth it. I looked at Scoots for a few moments and thought, ‘Yeah, she’s my daughter, all right.’

I carefully shifted her legs and got back into bed. I quickly fell back asleep.

My internal alarm clock woke me at 7:03 AM on the dot. Moving slowly, I got out of bed. I felt guilty as I carefully moved Scoot’s foreleg from my leg. The tail tickled slightly as I pushed it off my arm. She had migrated her way down to the other end of the bed, head on the edge beside my feet. Lily did the same thing. I suppose some things are universal.

I sat on the edge of the bed, slowly stretching while planning out my day. ‘Laptop’s still with Twilight, so that’s my second destination,’ I flexed my encased right hand a little, ‘I’ll go there right after I get this junk off. I want to walk Scoots to school, too. It will put me in the general direction of the hospital, so it’s all good.’ I smirked, ‘In the meantime, I can make breakfast for my ladies.’

I was able to get downstairs without waking them, despite that creaking stair. I took my time to avoid making a mess and within half an hour I had the table set, pancakes made, with and without straw, fruit salad, canned unfortunately, and a big pot of coffee.

During my breakfast-making activities, I realized my arm and hand no longer ached. I hadn't even taken a willow bark tablet yet. ’Doc Emerald said to come back in a few days, and this feels like long enough to me. Besides, it’s a pain in the ass to not have both arms and hands properly usable.’

While placing the bowl of canned and dried fruit as a centrepiece, I heard the sound of a clearing throat. I turned on my heel and was greeted by a pair of annoyed ponies. Dash stepped up to me and pointed to the table, “Alex Roberts! What do you think you’re doing?”

She was quickly followed by Scootaloo, matching her stance and narrowed eyes, “Seriously, Dad? Do we have to watch you all the time?”

I replied in my best villain voice, “Bwahaha! You intrepid heroes will never stop my evil plan to feed you a delightful breakfast of pancakes and fruit! You’ll never stop my pancake plans!”

Scootaloo only giggled, “Smells great, Dad.”

Dash gave me an exasperated sigh, “Why do I even bother?”

I batted my eyelashes, “Because you love me, and I’m incredibly cute.”

Dash smirked, “And modest.”

I replied, “Yes, thank you. I, the most modest man in this world and the worlds beyond,” they chuckled as they sat at the table and dug in, “will need help in cleaning up.”

Dash waved a fork in her hoof with a piece of pancake at me, “Oh, sure, make a nice meal then force us to do the dirty work.”

I steepled my fingers as best I could. “Of course. All part of my evil plan.”

During this silly exchange, Scootaloo busily scarfed down her pancakes, grinning the entire time. I noticed how fast she was eating and made eye contact with her. “Hey there, pumpkin. No need to eat so fast. No one will steal it from you.”

She put down her fork and looked up, a little embarrassed. With her mouth still a little full and a dollop of syrup on the tip of her snout, “Sorry Dad. It’s just that these pancakes are so good, I just couldn’t help myself.”

It was probably just my imagination, but I thought I saw a shadow pass behind her eyes.

Dash smirked and, with an also partially full mouth, said, “She has a point. These are mighty fine pancakes.”

I took a big bite of pancake, and with a half-full mouth, threw my hands in the air in mock despair, “And so it goes; my beautiful wife and daughter, teaching me bad habits. Oh, the humanity!”

My reward was their riotous laughter.

We all soon finished breakfast, and as a family, we cleaned up the dishes, not that I was allowed to do much. There was about half an hour before school started, so there was no rush. Dash stepped out into the living room and called Scootaloo to join her. I finished putting the dish towels on the drying rack and curiously poked my head through the kitchen door.

Dash and Scoots were sitting face to face, their noses touching. Dash gently blew, and Scoots breathed deeply. My daughter then repeated this act with her mother. They slowly put their foreheads together and smiled.

Dash noticed my curious smile. “Hey, Alex.”

Scootaloo grinned, “Hey, Dad.” She hopped in front of me, gestured me to come closer, touched her nose to mine, and gently blew.

I became a little worried and made eye contact with Dash. She made encouraging little blowing motions.

I mentally shrugged, ‘When in Rome.’ I blew gently.

Scootaloo wordlessly touched her forehead to mine, then, after a moment, started giggling. “Dad, you have dragon breath.”

I chuckled along with her and Dash. “So, not to sound too stupid but what just happened?”

Scootaloo and Dash looked at me in confusion. Finally Scootaloo spoke up, “That was a breath hug, Dad. Haven’t you ever done a breath hug before?”

I stroked her mane, “No, this is my first one. No one’s ever done that with me.”

Dash, obviously agitated, blushed, “Well, I was saving it for our wedding day, okay? I wanted our first time to be special.” She grew thoughtful for a moment, “Also, with the way Scoots reacted, I think you need to see the dentist before we share ours.”

I chuckled, “Not a bad idea, actually. So, this breath hug. Is it something pegasi do?”

Dash rolled her eyes, “No, everypony does it. It’s something you do with family.”

Scootaloo looked down sheepishly. “Actually Dad, this was my first, too. My birth mom never did it. At least I don’t remember her ever doing it.”

Dash smiled lovingly at her daughter, “You know what, Scoots, if you want, I’ll give you one every single day.”

“Wait a sec, you know what a dragon’s breath smells like?” I looked at the time, 8:15. “Sorry to break this up, but it’s time to boogie. Scoots, you have your school bag packed?”

She gave me a snappy salute, “Sir, yes, sir.”

I returned with my own sloppy salute, “Excellent. Lunch?”

Dash face hoofed. “Sorry, squirt. Totally my bad. But-”

I cut her off. “Shoot! This is awful. Is there somewhere you can just buy lunch?”

Scoots looked down, a little embarrassed, “If I’m super quick, I can go to the Cube. I’ll miss lunch with the girls.” She hastily added, “But that’s okay, Dad.”

I started racking my brain for a better solution to her missing lunch with her friends when Dash gave me a light shoulder bump.

Dash was smirking, “I have a better idea. How about you head to school, and I’ll just bring you your lunch.”

Scootaloo beamed, “That would be awesome!” She hugged Dash as she landed, “I love you, Mom.”

I don’t think I’ll ever get tired of those two hugging. I picked up Scootaloo’s saddle bags and tossed them over my shoulder.

Dash was the first to react. Eyes narrowed, head forward, wings slightly open. “Hey, now. I let you get away with breakfast, but not this. Scootaloo can carry her own saddlebags.”

Scootaloo was so cute, matching her mom’s facial expression and body language. “Yeah, Dad. I’ve carried it since my first day of school. You don’t have to. I don’t want you to. Anyway, you’re hurt.”

I smiled at them. “Scootaloo, I am calling on a father’s prerogative to walk his daughter to school and carry her bags. This is something I want to do and will make me very happy.”

We stood there, Dash and Scootaloo giving me the stink eye and me just smiling at them. Dash stayed firm, but after a few moments, Scoots snorted and giggled.

I dropped to a knee and held my arms out. I was rewarded by my little girl galloping into my chest and giving me a tremendous hug.

Dash sighed and said with a smirk, “I’ll let this go too, I guess.”

After a walk during which Scoots took her time, and I hustled, we finally arrived at the schoolyard. Kids were already milling around, playing, or just sitting and talking.

I spotted Diamond Tiara sitting alone at the picnic table, away from the other kids. She seemed perfectly satisfied without anyone around her, furiously scribbling in a notebook. When we got close enough for her to spot us, her eyes narrowed, her ears pinned back, and she gave us a nasty scowl. As an afterthought, she snapped her notebook closed.

I was a little surprised. There was so much raw hate from such a young person. Not that I expect adoration, but you would think I would at least rate neutrality. Something bad might come out of this later if I’m not careful.

I don’t think Scootaloo even noticed her as Sweetie Belle and Apple Bloom charged toward her, bombarding her with questions.

Apple Bloom was the first to reach her, “How was it? I’ll bet y’all got a really nice room. Did ya sleep good? Slept like a baby the first night, I’ll bet. Ain't that right big brother?”

Before I could answer, Sweetie Belle asked her own questions. “I’ll bet they tucked you in, all snuggly warm, and...”

All the while Sapphire peppered me with questions. ‘Did friend Scootaloo acquire proper nutrition this sunrise? Did she achieve the medically required number of sleep units? My father says eight units are required. Will she have the required energy levels to interact with us?’

Off to the side, watching the Cutie Mark Crusaders, was Silver Spoon. She looked embarrassed, her hoof making little circles in the grass. Scootaloo turned her head in her direction, looked up at me and grinned. She looked toward the grey mare, “Hey, Silver. Why are you all the way over there? You want to join us?”

Silver smiled and joined us, relief obvious on her face. “Yeah, I think that would be great.”

As the kids got together and started chatting, out of the corner of my eye I noticed a seething Diamond Tiara. She snarled out, just loud enough for me to hear, “I don’t need you. I’ve got newer, better friends, Silver. You’ll see. You’ll all see!” With that, she stomped into the school.

I knew they didn’t hear her, but based on their expressions, they sure could see her. I knelt down beside Scootaloo and her friends. “Don’t worry, guys. I’ll have a word with her folks. Just promise me you’ll give her a second chance if she asks for it.” The kids gave each other looks, then nodded as one at me.

Silver spoke for the group, “Mr Alex Roberts, sir, she may be a little rotten on the outside, but she’s still my friend.” Her expression changed from concerned to hopeful, “After all, she is a diamond in the rough.”

I waved a final goodbye to Scootaloo and her friends, turning to make my way to the hospital. After a few steps, I watched the school as the kids trailed in. When the last filly hopped up the stairs, I thought it was time to send the kids in. “Alright, girls, time to go in and fill your heads with knowledge.”

The teacher, a reddish purple mare with a pink mane, waved in our direction. It was the teacher from the incident. I escorted the girls to the door and we were greeted by the enthusiastic teacher, “Mr Alex Roberts?”

“Ms Cheerilee, correct?” She nodded with a grin. “Alex is fine.”

The ginning mare seemed relieved, “I’m so glad you’re here. In light of all the recent… excitement, I was hoping you could be our guest for the next Family Appreciation Day.”

I was a little surprised, “Me? I’m actually pretty boring. You sure you don’t want someone a little more interesting, like Rainbow Dash.”

Cheerilee’s head tilted slightly, “Alex, my students have done nothing but talk about you since, well you know, the incident. They want to know all about you.”

I mulled it over in my mind for a moment, “In that case, sure. I suppose I can tie whatever I have to your lesson plans.”

Apple Bloom whispered to Scootaloo, “Sounds like your pa’s gonna give us a boring lecture like Twilight.”

A slightly annoyed Scoots replied, “So what if he does?”

Sweetie Belle interjected, “I like Twilight’s lectures. They’re full of useful information and sesquipedalian words.”

There was a brief moment of silence before Apple Bloom snipped back, “I guess a dictionary would like them.”

Sweetie muttered under her breath, “Better than brachysyllabic words.”

Cheerilee warned, “Girls!”

I chuckled. “Thanks for the support, Scootaloo. Sweetie Belle. I’m not as smart as Twilight, but I’ll do my best to give you some information to chew on.” I smiled at Apple Bloom, “And I promise not to be too boring.” I smiled kindly to Cheerilee, “Once I get these silly bandages off,” I lifted my right hand a bit, “we can get together to work out the details. Sound good, Miss Cheerilee?”

I climbed the hospital steps, deep in thought. ‘Finally gonna get this gunk off. And maybe I can get to the bottom of Doc E’s mouth needles. I know what pony teeth are like, and those are not pony teeth.’

The receptionist was a perky pink palomino mare. “Hello, miss. Could you direct me to Doctor Emerald, please?”

She replied in a very perky voice and mannerisms, “Why sure. Room two-seventy-four, second floor.”

I gave her a grateful nod, “Thanks.”

There was a snort from behind me, “Mr Roberts, why are you seeing that interloper?”

It was Doctor Pulse. “Interloper?”

“He was sent here from Canterlot without so much as a by your leave to ask us if we needed this so-called human expert. I have handled all your medical needs until now, and I don’t hear you complain.” He paused for a moment, eyes narrowed, “You don’t have any complaints, do you?”

“Complaints? No. Still, wouldn’t a backup be nice? You can compare notes and be human buddies.”

“Buddies?” He spoke the word with disdain and continued with a snarl, “The only thing I want my ‘buddy’ to do is to get back to the Canterlot snobs he should be treating and let me take care of mine.”

I smiled innocently, "So, I'm your Ponyville snob?"

His attention came back to the hear and now, "W-what? No. You are the, um, a..."

I chuckled and decided I had had my fun, “I understand what you mean.” After an uncomfortable moment, “So… which way to Doctor Emerald?”

He lightly cleared his throat, “Up the stairs and third door on the left.”

I respectfully knocked on the door. From inside, I hear a grunt and a grumble, “Yes, what is it?”

I raised my voice slightly above my usual speaking voice, “It’s Alex Roberts, doc.”

An irritated English accent called out, “Oh, yes, fine. Come in, come in. Just reviewing your case file by that Pulse fellow. I suppose I will have to mentor him on proper record keeping.” He snapped the file shut and put his hooves together. “So, how can I be of service today, Mr Roberts?”

“Well Doc, my arm and hand feel alright. I appreciate what this stuff has done for me,” I patted the GAAHC with my good hand, “but I was wondering if we can get it off. As in now. Please.”

Emerald looked at me unamused. “That is quite amusing. The patient telling the doctor it's alright.” He levitated down his reading material. “I’ll be the judge of whether it is alright or not.” He approached me and gestured with one hoof for me to the nearby chair.

I flashed him a genuine smile. “Doc, I am not saying you are wrong, but I’ve just had so many injuries in my travels over the years that I know how my body heals. I rarely had the luxury of medical help, magical or otherwise. I was always on my own, and I learned to judge if something worked or not.”

“Well, let's put that to the test, shall we?” Emerald’s horn glowed as a widening beam shot from it and illuminated a broad line on my cast. The glow displayed a ghostly X-ray image of my bones and hand on the cast itself. It was hard for me to tell from this angle, but it looked pretty neat. “I forgot to tell you one of the secondary features of the Gelatinous Antimicrobial Ailment Healing Cellulose.” Emerald cracked a smug grin. “It bends magic in such a way that I can see your bone structure while not exposing you to magic.” He closely examined my mending limbs. “Hm...well, this is slightly unexpected but, at the same time, unsurprising. You mended quickly with my gel. I did expect it to work, but not as well as this.” He thought for a moment. “Very well, Alex. But no fighting with these for at least four weeks. That means no sparring with your sandbag toy, either. However, light exercise is fine.” His horn glowed again as the gell suddenly stopped sticking to my arm and peeled off easily.

I felt the cool tingle of the gel leave my arm and hand as it was replaced with the cool exposure to air. My hand and arm were hairless, but that would grow back in time. I flexed my hand and arm. They were slightly stiff and ached a little, but they worked fine by my standards.

I nervously scratched my nose, “So, now that we have your miracle rubber off, I have a question of a more, um, personal nature.”

His eyes narrowed slightly, “I do not think it is appropriate for our professional relationship to-”

I put on my serious face, no joking or fooling around this time, “What’s up with the fangs?”

Doc Emerald stared as if surprised and afraid, then leaned forward slightly, speaking slowly and carefully. “Mr Roberts, listen to my words.” His horn pulsed with different coloured lights. “You did not see any fangs.”

Is he serious? “I… didn’t see any fangs?”

He continued, his voice smooth with the well-rehearsed words. His horn glowed slowly, modulating in a hypnotic pattern. “You were hallucinating from the fatigue and the pain of your injuries.”

Really? Huh, maybe I was. “I was hallucinating?”

Dr emerald replied with obvious relief, “Yes, that’s right, my boy.”

No, I was a little fuzzy, but not that far gone. I stared at him for a moment, then lightly shook my head, “Sorry Doc. I’m not the droid you’re looking for.”

The glow faltered for a moment, then intensified. Doctor Emerald leaned forward, an image of grim determination, “I said that in my professional, medical opinion, you simply imagined seeing fangs. Do you understand?”

I took a moment to ‘feel around’ in my head. Not finding anything out of line, no sudden desire to obey any commands, I replied with a smile. “Yes. You’re trying some kind of mind control magic, and it’s not working. So,” I shrugged, “still no droids.”

Emerald shook with rage, “Will you stop making bloody cultural references? Nopony understands them!” He seemed to come to a conclusion, “Wait...that’s how you’re doing it, you confounded ape.” He jabbed a hoof accusingly, “You’re distracting me.”

I casually moved my hand to the hilt on my knife but kept a friendly grin. “Performance anxiety, doc. Happens to the best of us.”

“But, you don’t understand, the spell directly stimulates the aural frequencies in your medi-ocular starswirl gland to modify the higher brain waves towards the correct pattern of… ” He stopped, stared blankly for a moment, then facehoofed. “You don’t have those, do you?” He dropped his hoof and looked at the ceiling, “How could I forget such a basic fact?” He grabbed the folder in his telekinetic field and started rifling through it. “It was there in all the reports, in all the medical papers. I just thought the local doctors had missed them somehow.”

I gave him a gallic shrug and smiled.

He looked away and swore softly, “Blast and Tartarus fire.” After a moment of silence, he looked back at me in the eye, “So, Alex Roberts, you have me at your will. What now?”

My expression softened as I gestured with my hand, “Give me your word you’re not up to no good, that you will not be harming anyone, and I will back you to the hilt. Everything I’ve seen has been positive. Your bedside manner could use some work, but you honestly give a damn. You should also be ashamed of yourself for bringing a little kid into the mix.”

Emerald corrected me softly, “Nymph.”

I was a little surprised and had to ask, “Pardon?”

He made sure the door and privacy screen in the window were closed. He stood in front of me, and with a sudden burst of sickly green light, a circle of magical flame rose around him. There, instead of the unicorn doctor, was an insect-like pony with a black chitin shell and Swiss cheese legs. He looked at me with pupilless blue eyes and smiled sheepishly at me. “A changeling child is called a nymph.”

I smiled. “A nymph. Oh, speaking of kids, Scoots was talking about having the Crusaders for a sleepover. Are there any dietary requirements I should know about? Peanut allergies?” I smirked, “Don’t forget to put your clothes back on. People might get the wrong idea.”

He blinked at me, twice, obviously at a loss as to what to do next. "I'll...discuss with her about this sleepover. You need not worry about what she eats. I'll… take care of her primary source of nourishment."

I rubbed the back of my neck, “You know, that was a dumb question. I guess I wanted to make sure she had a little something for her to snack on. You know how kids get.”

He looked a little embarrassed, “While I know foals from a medical point of view, I don’t know them in the sense you mean. I suppose she could ingest something to fit in. Limited solids.”

I nodded and started thinking in terms of insects, “So, does she feed on blood? There are a few human cultures that do, so it’s not something-”

Emerald cringed at the thought, “That’s disgusting! No, she feeds on love.”

It was my turn to blink. “Love?”

He smiled happily, “Yes, it has a high magical density.”

I smiled, “You mean, literally love? Huh. So, I can give her a heartfelt hug, and that should be a nice snack?”

He leaned forward, his head tilting just a little.“You would do that? Freely?”

“Er… Are there any side effects to being fed on?” I scratched my chin, a little embarrassed. “Sorry, the ‘freely’ part kind of threw me.”

“While my kind can forcibly withdraw love, and that can cause chemical imbalances in the brain, we can also absorb freely directed love with no impact on the host whatsoever. It’s not as filling but far more palatable. So, no, there are no side effects in this context. However...”

I cocked an eyebrow, “However?”

He sighed, “However, you do not have the medium that would carry that love. Magic is required.”

It was my turn to sigh, “Ah, well. Maybe get Dash to hug her, or I can arrange for a group hug with her at the centre. Don't worry, we’ll think of something.”

He started as if he suddenly remembered something, “I suppose I should get ‘dressed’ again.” His horn glowed, then stopped. “You know, I think this is one of the longest times I’ve been without my disguise in a very long time.” He looked at me for a long moment. “Thank you.”

I sat in the darkened back room of the Library. Dash was at my side. I flipped open the laptop and turned it on. There were no new messages, which was both a relief and a little worrying. I would have thought Ann would have tried again, just to check or something. On the other hand, it had looked like the rate of time flow was changing, so who knows how long it’s been for her.

I started the connection. It usually took fifteen or so minutes, but this time it connected almost right away. I quickly started Skype. Ann’s account was offline, but I had been invited to a Roberts Family call group. I opened it and saw Ann and Daniel’s accounts, but they were off or invisible, and Lily was there and online. I was curious, so I started the call.

I didn’t have to wait long when the screen flashed. There, on the screen, was a child, about ten, wearing a sky blue tee-shirt with an image of Dash and the words, ‘My other mom is Rainbow Dash’.

She spoke, her mouth full of what I assumed was food, “Abby! I can’t talk now.” She plopped down in the chair, showing her face with a bandaid on her left cheek, her hair in pigtails, biting into a sandwich. She continued speaking with a mouth full of food, “Mom is still mad about…” Her eyes grew wide as she looked at the screen. She gulped and croaked out, “Dad?”

I smiled, a little unsurely, “Yeah. It’s me, pumpkin. I’ve missed you.” Dash leaned her head on my shoulder.

Lily’s stunned expression remained, but she slowly said, “You’re both real.”

Dash smirked. “Yup. Real as the Wonderbolts.”

The little girl became angry, “I knew you were both real. To heck with Dr Sharma.”

53 - This Unit Remembers

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About two years ago…

The Beloved Queen has led The Hive to glory. She has infiltrated the food colony and gained enough control to weaken the shield. The Hive warriors have stormed forward to open a path and have shattered the shield.

This unit was tasked to carry and care for the Royal Egg. She would soon rule this new hive.

The eyes of the lithe infiltrator were unfocused while receiving a telepathic command. ‘Medical unit thirty-seven, join the assault group. Repair damaged drones as required. Terminate those who cannot be repaired.’

‘Yes, overwatch unit.’ This unit complied with its new mission. This unit must confess concern, but The Hive knows the whole situation and consequently, the best way to protect the Princess.

I was confronted by the pink poofy maned mare. Standard training dictated she be copied. For unknown reasons this unit cycled through the other target ponies at her request. This unit is theorising her Strange Earth Pony magic must be affecting our decision process.

The pink one demanded this one copy her, but, while this one’s copy was perfect, the pink one expressed contempt for this one’s abilities. This unit felt, for the first time in its memory, irritation.

The assault is complete, this unit has located the Royal Egg and has found a proper nesting site; a large stone building with a dark, cool basement. This place was much like my beloved hive.

I found some injured food. At first, I was unsure, but the whimpering of the foal made me wish to treat it like I would any injured hive mate.

The mare was brandishing a scroll like a weapon. “S-Stay away, you brute.”

“This unit assures you it does not wish to harm you. This unit is a sixth-tier medical unit. Repairing the nymph is well within this unit’s capabilities.” There was a sudden burst of emotion this unit has never felt before, and it was coming from this unit. I felt pride.

She looked at me in confusion and this unit felt that strange emotion generated by the pink one.

"I said, this unit can heal your nymph.” This unit considered the ramifications of healing food without a direct command. I quickly added, “But you must not tell anyone this unit rendered aid."

This unit hoped she'd be too hurried to help her daughter to think this over. The adult female slowly nodded and released the foal.

This unit did a simple diagnostic scan and found a simple fracture of the left hind leg. An elementary healing spell was all that was required.

Then, without warning, the world exploded and I was slammed into a wall. I felt my chitin flex and almost crack. For an indeterminate length of time, there was pressure beyond any memories. I soon fell to the ground and the world went black.

I was awoken by a loud bombastic voice, “... I asked a question, changeling. What is your designation.”

“I am Medical Unit Thirty-Seven of the Chrysalis Hive, sector two, subsector fourteen. That is my name.”

The black scared alicorn with the lunar brand seemed confused. “Did you say ‘I’, Unit Thirty-Seven?”

I blinked in confusion, “I… I suppose I did.”

She asked cautiously, “And, did you heal this foal?”

I answered plainly, “Yes. She was injured, what else could I do?”

She replied with a tone of pleasant surprise. “Verily. You bring honour to yourself.”

“I do?” I considered the recent events, “I suppose I am responsible for that.”

The flavour of her gratitude was most palatable.

54 - Dinner with The Roberts

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I furrowed my brow in confusion, “Dr Sharma?”

Lily rolled her eyes, obviously irritated, “Yeah. Mom can’t talk about you because it sounds crazy, but you always taught me to tell the truth. The school sent me there after Mindy Johnson said I was nuts, and then I punched her.” My daughter grinned with pride, “She doesn’t call me names anymore.”

Dash matched her pride, “Good for you, squirt. Can’t let bullies run your life.”

“Thanks…” she looked around, then added, “Mom.”

Dash’s expression softened, “Hey now, squirt. I’m not your mom yet. Me and your old stal still need to get hitched. Just call me Dash for now.”

Lily became a little crestfallen. “Oh, okay.” She leaned in more closely, “You look different than on TV, Dash. Way cooler.”

Dash leaned back with her trademark confident smirk, “I know, right? I look even more awesome in real life.”

As Lily giggled as I heard Ann in the background, “Lily, mommy’s home.”

Lily excitedly got up and ran off, presumably to meet her mother. In the distance, she spoke excitedly, “Mom, guess what? Dad’s on the ‘puter! And so is Rainbow Dash.”

Ann’s voice was tired, “Lily if this is one of your pranks-”

Lily stomped her foot, “No! It’s! Not! Come look.”

A tired-looking Ann came into view, “My God. It is you, Alex.” There was a small pause, her eyes narrowed imperceptibly, and her lips tightened just a tiny bit, “Rainbow.”

I blurted out, “Ann. I’m so happy to see you.”

She started flatly, “It’s been almost two years.”

“I need to get this out. There’s something happening between this world and yours, so I don’t know how long we’ll have this connection.” I closed my eyes for a moment. “I’m sorry. I’m sorry our lives got twisted and turned upside down. I can’t change that. I’m making a life here with a wonderful person,” I pulled Dash closer to me, “and I want you to do the same. You’re a catch, I’m sure you’ll find another trophy husband.”

She stared at me and spoke quietly, “Alex, it’s been two years. I thought you were dead. I was sure of it, especially with the time difference. You were declared dead.” Ann sniffed and wiped a tear, “We had a memorial. Bruce even organized a service at the Odd Fellow Lodge.”

There was a pause. “Uncle Bruce had a service? Now I really do feel guilty.”

Dash rolled her eyes and tapped me on the shoulder, “Alex, you dope, cut it out.”

Ann answered in earnest, “The horse has a point. None of this is your fault.”

Dash replied with irritation, “I’m a pegasus, not a horse.”

Ann scoffed, “Pegasus, horse, what’s the difference.”

I raised my hands in irritation. “Ladies, can we please not fight? Ann, do you mind if we run the time test? Dash, it should take an hour or so and give everyone a chance to cool off.”

The sky-blue pegasus sighed, “Ann, the big guy has a point. Let’s take a breather and come back as friends, alright? Magic of Friendship and stuff.”

Ann rolled her eyes a little, but Dash didn’t notice, or she chose to ignore it. “Sure, fine. Let’s just run the test.”

The connection suddenly cut out.

I sighed and started the timer.

Dash gently tapped her snout to my cheek to get my attention. “Alex, I think Scoots should be here. To meet her sister and stepmom, ya know.”

I smiled tenderly at her, “Great idea.” I started getting up, “If I book it, I should be back in time.”

Dash gently pushed me back in my seat, “No way, you goof. I’m the fastest mare there is, and you’re still recovering. Sit and wait for your mare to get our squirt.”

I had to admit that I wasn’t fighting too hard, “Alright, alright. I’ll keep your spot warm.”

She gave me a peck on the nose, “I’m counting on it.”

Dash, Scootaloo, and I sat in a semicircle around the laptop. Spike had kindly brought us tea and cookies. The laptop beeped, and I quickly examined the screen. “Huh. I’ve got sixty minutes and thirty-seven seconds.” I spoke quietly, half to myself, “We’re almost synced.”

On the screen, Ann looked thoughtful, “So, does this mean we’re on the same time scale? How is that possible? It’s never changed more than a few minutes, even over the course of a few years. I mean, how long have you been there?”

I thought for a moment, “I landed on the 16th of Spring, went through Summer, half of Fall, so about fifty weeks, give or take. A little less than an Earth year.” I quickly came to a decision, “I’ll get Twilight involved in this.”

The rainbow mare grinned, “Don’t worry, Ann. If anypony can figure this out, it’s Twilight.”

Scootaloo chimed in, “You bet! Twilight is the smartest pony in Ponyville, maybe smarter than the Princess. I’m Scootaloo, by the way. Alex and Dash adopted me. You’re in Alex’s herd, so I guess that makes you my other mom.”

Ann was taken aback, “Excuse me? Alex adopted you? With her?”

I put on my most charming smile, “Yes. Dash and I adopted this little firecracker. As I understand the legal system here, that makes her your daughter since, technically, you’re part of my herd. You’re first of our herd, or alpha mare.”

There was a pause, then a snicker, “Herd... well, I’ve been called a cow, but never a mare.” She peered at Scootaloo, “You are a pretty little thing. Well, Scootaloo, no matter what happens, I want you to know I will be proud to be your mom.”

The young pegasus grinned, like she was in a wonderful dream, “First a mom and dad, now another mom. It is just like a real herd. Could this get any better?”

There was a sudden outburst from Lily, “Oh my gosh, mom! Scootaloo is my sister?”

Scootaloo sat straight up, “Who is that? You mean I have a sister, too?”

One girl squealed, and the other whinnied, both in delight.

Lily started pushing her mom out of the camera’s view, “Scootaloo! Scootaloo! Do you have your Cutie Mark? What about Sweetie Belle or Apple Bloom?”

Scoots blushed and turned away. I explained, “Now, now, Lily. Questions about Cutie Marks are kind of private. I’ll explain later, and you will have plenty of chances to talk to her. Right now, me, Mom, and Dash need to talk.”

Lily grudgingly obeyed, “Okay. Talk to ya later, sister.”

Scootaloo had tears of joy, “I can’t wait,” she savoured the word, “sister.”

Ann’s expression softened, “I’ll make sure you two can talk later, but right now, we grownups need to talk.”

Lily moved out of view of the camera for a moment before popping back in, “Oh my gosh! I totally forgot about Princess Twilight.”

Dash smirked, “Princess Twilight? Twilight’s awesome, but she ain’t no Princess.”

Lily’s eyes narrowed, “Are you sure you haven’t got your cutie marks switched, and Twilight got you all to use the magic of friendship or something to get them back? I mean, that was way back in season three, and season five just ended. Does Princess Twilight still talk to Starlight Glimmer? Daniel downloads all the episodes for me. And why isn’t daddy on the show?”

Dash muttered to herself, “What is it with humans and that stupid show?”

“Lily, sweetie, it’s complicated. For now, you need to let the grownups talk. When we’re done, I promise I’ll let you and Scootaloo talk. When your big brother gets back, I want to talk to him too.”

Scootaloo tapped me on the elbow. “So, Dad, let me get this straight: I also have a big brother?” Her expression was neutral, almost bored.

I gave her a loving smile, “Yes, his name is Daniel.”

She whinnied in joy, “This is amazing! Today just can’t get any better.”

Lily quipped, “Don’t get too excited, he’s a jerk.”

Dash warned, “Hey, Lily-doo, don’t say mean things about your brother.”

Ann unleashed her mom voice, “Lily…”

Lily relented, he voice fading as she left the room, “Alright, alright, jeez.”

I saw the shadow that belonged to a certain young dragon under the door and called out, “Spike? Could you take Scoots to the kitchen? Thanks.”

Spike answered excitedly, a new set of nose plugs not distorting his voice at all, “Sure thing, Alex. Come on, Scootaloo. I’ve got the latest Power Ponies we can read.” He gave a quick conspiratorial glance around, “And some of my world-famous butterscotch, raisin, chocolate chip cookies.”

Scootaloo gave Dash and me a final glance and resigned herself, “Alright, I guess.”

Dash ruffled her daughter’s mane, “Thanks, squirt. We’ll get this done as soon as we can, I promise.”

Scootaloo dutifully followed Spike out of the room.

From the screen, Ann spoke quietly, “So, I guess I have a new daughter, huh? I like that. Don’t know how much mothering I’ll get to do, and I sure won’t be able to teach her how to do her nails, but maybe I can show her how to braid her hair.”

“And I’ll show her how to be the best flyer she can be and how to be confident. I hope I can be a good mom.”

“Rainbow, despite any problems you and I might have, you being a good mom is not one of them. But now that we can talk a bit more properly, you can always come to me for advice. I’ve been a mom for sixteen years, and I know a few tricks.” Ann smiled warmly, “Besides, kids are kids. All they really need good food, a warm place to sleep, and lots of love.”

Dash chuckled, “I’ll let Alex handle the food, but I’m good with the rest.”

Ann smiled, “He is a good cook, even if he doesn’t admit it.” Both ladies shared a chuckle.

I joined them in their chuckle but sobered quickly. “Let’s deal with the elephant in the room, my apparent death and resurrection. So, here is what I think happened; everything was tickety boo when all of a sudden, the stable time difference became not so stable. What was about a sixteen hundred-to-one difference became about one-to-one. This effectively made it look like I was no longer responding for years, my time. You rightly assumed I was dead. I came back from a business trip to find your messages, expecting to wait about four months my time before we could communicate. So, here we are.”

Ann sighed, “Here we are.”

I thought for a moment. “This is way out of my wheelhouse. I need to bring in Twilight, maybe a Princess.”

Dash loyally added, “If Twilight can’t figure it out, Celestia will know what to do. She’s even smarter than my buddy egghead, Twilight.”

Ann tapped her crimson lips with her lacquered red fingernail. “I think we can worry about the why’s later. For now, what do I do about my returned husband?”

Dash’s eyes narrowed a bit, “It’s not like he can go back to you.”

Ann’s eyes narrowed a bit, showing off her green eye shadow, “How do you know, Rainbow? Are you as smart as Twilight? Even close? This might make all the difference.”

Dash leaned closer to the screen, an angry sneer forming, “He’s here for good. He’s mine. Deal with it.”

I was desperate to stop this fight before things got out of hand, “Ladies, please. Let’s, for the moment, agree that I’m staying here. Ann? Over the years, I’ve had some really smart people tell me point-blank I have no reason to think I can ever get back to you. I doubt this will be any different here.”

There was a moment of silence, broken by Ann, “Alright. Rainbow? Until Twilight can say one way or the other, we put this on the back burner?”

Dash crossed her forelegs, “Fine. So, what do we do, Ann?”

Ann closed her eyes for a moment, then answered. “We agree you two live your lives, for now. Here, I keep the secret. I think Bruce would lynch him if he came back, at least without a lot of proof.” Ann became sad, “I still love you, Alex. I always will, but if you can’t come back…”

“I love you too, but you’ve already moved on, right? Like I asked?”

“... yes. I’ve gone on a few dates, but it felt like I was cheating on you.”

I pleaded, “Don’t do this to yourself, Ann.”

Dash spoke with compassion, “Ann, this situation sucks, but if Alex loves you, you can be part of our herd. Bring in your own stallion if you like. It’s a little old-fashioned, but I’m cool with it.”

I wanted to thank the three ponies who made my adoption of Scootaloo possible in the best way possible, so I sent them each an invitation. It was Wednesday, and a Sunday dinner would work out perfectly.

I want to thank you for making my family here in Equestria complete by inviting you and a friend over for dinner this Sunday. Among my people, sharing food is considered an act of friendship, and I hope to see you there.
Please R.S.V.P. by Saturday, the 110th day of Fall.

Dash read the note over my shoulder, “What does R.S.V.P. mean?”

“Réponse s'il vous plait. It’s French, sorry, Fancy, for please reply.”

She draped her forehooves over my shoulders and laid her head on my shoulder. “That’s why I let you hang out with me. You’re all class.”

In the cold halls of the Coins mansion, the slow, measured hoof beats of his most trusted assistant echoed in the long wood-panelled hallway.

A letter on a silver platter was presented to Golden Coins.

He took it, read it, and placed it back. “Please reply with my… humblest apologies that I will be unable to attend at any time in the foreseeable future.”

The tan mare kept a neutral expression, “Of course, sir.”

“He may not be my enemy, Miss Butterscotch, but I do not feel he is my friend at this time. Besides, thanks to my own rash actions caused by his misplaced heroics, I have a very inconvenient investigation to prepare for.”

“Of course, sir. Shall I bring more wine and salt? This year’s pear wine and sea salt from Vanhoover would be a very nice pairing.”

“Yes, that sounds pleasant. But, only half the salt, I need a clear head.” With that, he returned to the piles of law books and papers on his desk.

Cup Cake examined the letter nervously, “Love muffin, letter for you.”

“Sure thing, snickerdoodle.” Carrot dusted the flour from his hooves and then took the letter from his wife. “Oh… dear… I hope it’s not an angry letter.” With a shaking hoof, he read the letter.

Cup danced in place nervously, “What it, Carrot? Is he threatening? Does he want to eat us?”

Carrot was stock still, his eyes pinpricks, “Even worse. He invited us to… dinner. In his home. For a human friendship ritual.”

Relief filled Mrs Cake’s heart, “Oh, well, that doesn’t sound so bad.”

Carrot grabbed his wife by the shoulders, “You don’t understand, Cup!” he shook her with each word, “He. Doesn’t. Know.”

Realization washed over Cup’s face, “Oh, my.”

Carrot threw his forelegs in the air, causing Mrs Cake to drop the tray of muffins, “Exactly! I can’t go.”

They stood in silence in the kitchen for a few moments. Mrs Cake offered, “Do you want me to write the letter? You’re hoof writing is atrocious when you’re excited.”

Mr Cake replied with relief, “Thank you, honeybunch.”

Bonbon picked up a stack of letters from the mailbox. “Bill, bill, junk mail, bill. Oh. Lyra, mail for you. I think it’s from Alex Rob-”

“Give me that!” Lyra dived at the offered item, frantically opening it the moment she had her hooves on it. “Oh my gosh! It is! It’s from him! Bonbon, do you know what it means?”

Bonbon deadpanned, “No.”

Lyra, nose to nose with her marefriend, answered excitedly, “Neither do I! But it’s exciting.”

Bonbon answered in a slightly bored tone, “I suppose it is.”

Lyra quickly read the short little note. “Want to go on a dinner date? This Sunday? Please? He invited me as part of a human friendship ritual.”

Bonbon looked worried, “I don’t know. Will he be serving meat?”

Lyra rolled her eyes, “I doubt it. He’s very sensitive to pony sensibilities.” Lyra thought for a moment. “He might serve fish for the nag.”

Bonbon answered with a warning tone, “Now, Lyra, what have I told you about being nice?”

Lyra replied in a sing-song voice, “That the past is the past, and I should live and let live.”

Bonbon patted Lyra on the head like a foal who solved a complex math problem, “Good filly. So, with that in mind, I would be delighted to be your date.”

Over the next two days, I received replies. The first was from Golden Coins. Dash and Scootaloo were crowded around me, excitedly reading the letter.

Mr Alex Roberts,
It is with deep regret to inform you that I shall be unavailable to join you at your delightful dinner party. I am saddened to tell you that due to circumstances beyond my control, this will apply to all such invitations in the foreseeable future.
Your Servant,
Golden Coins
cc: Ms Butterscotch, Pencil Pusher, Town Of Ponyville Notary Office

Sending a courtesy copy to City Hall was a nice touch. To be honest, I was not surprised, but now he can’t say I didn’t invite him.

Dash snorted, “So the big jerk isn’t coming? Good. He would have stunk up our house.”

Scootaloo, loyal to her mom, cheered her on, “Yeah, mom. Silver Spoon isn’t that bad once you get to know her, but her dad? I’ll bet he said nothing but bad things about you.”

I raised my hand, “Now, now, girls. Be nice. We don’t know what he said. Maybe it was the nicest of them all.”

The next day, I received the other two responses.

Dear Alex Roberts,
I’m afraid we will be unable to attend. Likely ever. The busy life of a baker and all that.
Carrot Cake

Short and sweet. Still, it is a little surprising. I’ll try to spend some time there. Maybe I offended them?

Dear Alex,
I am so excited to be invited to your house to become your friend. I look forward to comparing my speculations (Vol. 6, Chapter 37 - Making Friends) to your actual friendship ceremony.
Your Soon To Be Friend,
Lyra Heartstrings
P.S. I promised Bonbon you wouldn’t serve meat. I suppose it would be okay if you served fish for the n Rainbow Dash and Scootaloo.

Scootaloo hopped excitedly, “I’m so glad Lyra is coming. She’s so nice. Last week, she gave us all bags of Bonbon’s candies while she was asking about you. Her candies are the best in Equestria.”

I gave her a half smile, “Really? Me? Huh.”

My little filly got confused, “Yeah, but she seems to get really annoyed when I talk about Mom. I just don’t get it.”

I was glad Scoots was facing away from Dash at that moment because her expression was surprisingly ugly.

After Scootaloo had been tucked away in bed, Dash and I followed suit. I started rubbing her shoulders. I was rewarded by her sigh, and then she leaned into me. “Dash, I can tell there are some hard feelings between you and Lyra.” She stiffened a little. “Why don’t I take them and Scoots out for supper? I’ll... suggest you’re on a mission for Princess Celestia or something.”

She rubbed my hand with her cheek. “Alex, I’m not going to ask you to lie for me. Besides, I... I want to show you that I can be, you know, grown-up about this.”

I straightened a misaligned feather, “Of course you are. I was just trying to save you some aggravation.”

She turned and kissed my jaw, “You’re awesome, you know that? But, no thanks. I need to do this. I need to show you I can control my emotions.”

I cupped her cheek in my hand, and she kissed my palm, “Sweetheart, you have nothing to prove to me.”

“Fine, then I have to prove it to myself. Not only that, but I used to be kind of flighty. I would bail if I didn’t think they were good enough for me. I…” she trailed off and snuggled closer, “for the first time, I’m afraid I’m the one who’s not cool enough. And I want to show you I can be.” She snorted, “Crazy, right?”

I held her tighter and sat in silence for a few minutes. “Want to know the truth? I wake up every morning, afraid that you’ll think, ‘What am I doing with this old fart? He’s not even a pony, and I could do way better for me and Scoots.’”

Dash began to protest, “But I would never do that. I’m a different mare because of you. I... I know it’s not just—”

“Dash, I know. You do the same to me. I...” I thought for a moment. “Do you know what bugs me most about Coins?”

She snickered, relieved at the change of subject, then answered me, “Everything?”

I chuckled, “No, it’s how much he reminds me of me.” She pulled back, a little confused and disbelieving. “When I was hopping around, I had the chance to pull all kinds of dirty deals. I knew I would be out of town before they could stop me, but as tempting as it was, I wouldn’t. I knew I had to look at myself in the mirror in the morning, and I knew I would have to look at Ann in the eye one day.”

“Well, I’m grateful to Ann for keeping your head straight. It’s something that’s important to me. I’ll have to tell her that the next time we talk. And I’ll tell her about us, how you make me feel complete, how you make me so happy. I don’t care how upset she is at me.”

“Ann? Let’s table that for now until the three of us can get things sorted out.” I kissed the end of her snout. “But if I had lost that grounding if Ann wasn’t there to keep me honest... I could have done stuff that would make Coins look like a Boy Scout. Even now, I casually think of what I need to do to crush anyone around me, to play underhanded but perfectly legal tricks, to own this town, including Sweet Apple Acres. I’m fairly sure I could do it in about... oh... give me a year. But if I did that, I would be the loneliest man in Ponyville.

I was still working in the kitchen when the doorbell rang. “Can you get that, Dash? I’ve got my hands full.” Scootaloo was helping to set the table, and she wanted everything to be perfect, just like we did.

I hear Dash sigh and whisper to herself, “I can do this. For Scoots.” Then, a little louder, “Got it.”

I could hear her hoof steps on the floor, another deep breath, and the front door opening. Her voice was brash and brassy, “Hiya, Bonbon.” There was a noticeable pause, “Hey, Lyra.”

“Hi Rainbow, it’s so lovely to see you again. I hope you’re doing well.” Lyra’s tone was just a little too friendly.

I closed my eyes and sighed, ‘This is going to be a long night.’

Dash replied with what could be interpreted as a little anger, “Fine,” then she immediately regained control of herself, “I’m fine. Thank you. Come in, please. Can I take your scarves?”

“Oh, no problem, Rainbow.” Her tone was smooth and condescending. “Your home is our home, right? Isn’t that what humans say?” Her tone sounded coy, playful even, but there was that definite undertone of cattiness. I caught the greenish glow of Lyra’s signature colour. I had to assume she took the scarves with her telekinesis.

Dash sputtered, “Thanks.” There was a pregnant pause, “Wait a second, how did... those hooks are hidden and up high.” I think Bonbon sighed, maybe begging Dash not to push the issue. I’m usually a good judge of character and I’m sure she just wanted to make it out of the dinner without unnecessary drama.

‘I’m beginning to regret inviting her. Still, Bonbon seems nice.’ I sighed and called out, “Everything okay?”

“Yeah, we’re all good. Right, Lyra? Everything's just peachy keen.” I could hear the controlled anger in Dash’s voice. I also felt pride knowing how hard this was for her and how much self-control she showed. Dash had really changed in the last seasons. When I first meet her she would have at the very least gotten into a yelling match.

Lyra replied sweetly, “Oh, of course we’re fine, Rainbow. Why wouldn’t we be just fine.”

Dash was curiously silent. When my two guests walked into the kitchen, Bonbon was simply glaring at Lyra, and Lyra was simply looking smug and maybe seemed a little oblivious. Dash followed behind, looking a little caught somehow. Knowing my Dash, she wants to knock some of Lyra’s teeth out; she also wants to show she’s matured and can handle it. Not the happiest place to be.

Scootaloo saw her mom’s expression and spoke hesitatingly, “Are you okay, mom?”

A stray thought caught me in that moment, ‘How much does she know about Dash’s past? I mean, she still runs her fan club. Anyway, I really hope Lyra keeps Scoots in mind. She needs to tone down this openly aggressive crap.’

Dash’s face lit up, and she smiled warmly at her daughter. “You bet I am squirt. Just... just having a talk with old friends, that’s all. Miss Lyra just gave me something to think about. I’m...” her voice got softer, “okay.” I could see the frustration she was trying to hide.

I decided this must be some pony mare posturing. To me, it looked like Lyra was having a pissing match, and Dash wasn’t even defending herself.

Satisfied with the answer, Scoots went back to setting up the dinner table. She stumbled as she carried a stack of plates, and the top dish slipped off and shattered on the floor. She looked up at me, “I... I’m so sorry, dad.”

I chuckled kindly and started to bend down to pick up the pieces of the shattered plate, “It’s ok, sweetie. It’s just stuff. As long as you’re okay, I’m happy.”

Lyra stepped forward, pushing Scootaloo a little out of the way, “Allow me, kid. I wouldn’t want your, dad, to cut up those hands of his.” The plates glowed in her minty green signature, lifted off the filly’s hoof, arranged themselves on the table while the shattered ceramic remains glowed and formed into a haphazard ball. The cupboard under the sink, the one to the left, opened and revealed a garbage can. The mess was deftly deposited, all the while the cupboard above and to the right of the sink opened and a single plate glided into place.

I stood, a little flabbergasted. I suppose it’s possible for me to have arranged my kitchen in the exact same way as she had at home. Ponies usually treat the upper cupboard in the same way humans would generally treat the lower cupboards, for things used less often. So how did she know exactly where to look for the plates and the garbage can?

“There, that’s some of the trash taken care of.” Lyra innocently looks around, her eyes settling on Dash for a fraction longer than anywhere else.

I couldn't help but notice Bonbon wince at her lover’s cruelty.

Out of the corner of my eye, I saw my Rainbow’s shoulders tense, her wings opened ever so slightly, but before she could react further she glanced at our daughter and relaxed. A look of calm returned to her. Her hoof touched Scootaloo’s shoulder and they shared a moment.

Lyra just smiled innocently, it was like she was taking all her hate out on Dash at once. While I suppose it might be good for her to get it out of her system I didn’t appreciate her doing it in front of our daughter. She was an adult, not some teenager that got dumped. Although, I suppose, adults have done far worse for far less reason.

I hoped the food would make everyone forget about this little incident, and I hoped this would be the end of it. “Ladies, dinner is ready.” I proceed to serve generous portions of ginger carrots, stir-fried hay with mint, and buttered brussel sprouts.

Dash and Scoots dug in. I had been using them as culinary guinea pigs all week, and they knew I made a mean meal.

Bonbons looked at the food with a little trepidation, as if it might jump off her plate and bite her. She finally nibbled a carrot and smiled. “This is delicious, Alex.”

Rainbow Dash smirked with pride, “You bet, Bonbon. Alex is an awesome cook. I have to be careful not to put on weight.”

Lyra, who had also been examining the contents of her plate very carefully, finally took a bite of supper. Her eyes widened in surprise. She started muttering to herself, and I’m sure I was the only one who heard her, “Wow, this is a lot better than the stuff I picked out of his garbage. Must note; human style food degrades quickly.”

I did my best to hide my concern. “So, is everyone enjoying the meal?” I was rewarded with a chorus of appreciative nods and eating sounds. “Good. Bonbon, I hear from Scootaloo that you're the best candy maker in Equestria. We’ll have to have a talk, businessman to businessmare. I have a few ideas for candies from my, um, homeworld, I guess. Anyway, I’ve been looking for something-”

Dash tapped me on the shoulder, “No business talk at the table, you goof. This is supposed to be just us thanking our friends.”

Bonbon smiled, “It’s okay, Rainbow. I’ve heard about his theatre, and I’m flattered he asked me about my candy. But, she does have a point. We’ll talk about this later.”

Between mouthfuls of hay, Lyra asked, “Alex, can I look at your laptop?”

It was an odd request, but why not, “Sure. Let me get it for you.”

She smirked, “Don’t you worry yourself about that. I can get it from here.” Her horn glowed, and I heard the drawer of the desk in the living room open, then shut. A moment later, my laptop floated into the kitchen. She opened it with ease.

Bonbon smacked Lyra on the shoulder, “Not during the meal. It’s rude.”

Lyra rolled her eyes but dutifully put the laptop back in the living room.

I took a controlled breath, careful not to show my anger. “Lyra, could I speak to you in private for a moment? The backyard is fine.” I made eye contact with Dash, and she glanced back with a hint of anger in her eyes. I smiled and made a show of pulling out my knife and placing it beside my plate.

Lyra looked disappointed, “Oh... I was hoping for a knife demonstration.”

I gave her a tight smile, “I don’t think you want that right now.”

Bobon tried to keep a neutral expression, but I could see a hint of worry and hurt over her lover's actions.

I felt a real pang of compassion for Bons, seeing the look of abject humiliation on her face. She started to get up from the table, “I’ll get our scarves.”

I stopped in the middle of getting up, still crouched. “No, Bonbon, please. You’re both still very welcome. I just wanted to show Lyra some... human stuff, and it’s best done in the backyard.”

Dash looked at me, hurt, but knowing I’d do something to smooth everything over or try to anyway. She gave me a little nod and a weak smile. Scootaloo just looked at me worriedly.

Lyra’s expression became a little smug, with a hint of confusion. “Sure, let me get my notebook and something to write with-”

I put my hand up to interrupt her, “That won’t be necessary. Lyra.”

She tried to continue, “But—”

I interrupted again, “Please, just come.”

As we headed out the back door, I overheard Bons whisper to Dash, “I’m sorry. I’m getting so tired of her nonsense.” I couldn’t help but notice Lyra's ears turn back at that moment, then fold down, her shoulders drop a tiny bit, and she made a slight misstep.

As I led Lyra outside into the cool, starry night, I could hear Dash whispering to Scoots, “Don’t worry, Dad's just helping Lyra be a better pony.” I then heard her address Bons, “He won’t hurt her, you know. He would never hurt anypony. Not even Lyra.”

I walked slowly to the tree that held up my workout bag. I didn’t speak for several moments, but I could see Lyra was getting a little... bored, I suppose. She just looked at me in the way you would look at what was supposed to be an interesting insect that wasn’t being very interesting at the moment.

Without warning, I threw a punch into the workout bag, making Lyra jump in surprise. I turned to face her, and while my face was contorted with anger, I kept my voice steady, not much above a normal speaking voice in volume. “How dare you. How dare you insult my wife in front of our daughter.”

Lyra’s expression was confused, “But Rainbow isn’t technically your wife yet.”

I only glared at her. “And how,” I threw another punch that smacked loudly, “dare you violate the sanctity of my home.”

“What do you mean?” Her eyes quickly shifted from side to side, and the curves of her lips scrunch up a tad. Ponies are terrible liars.

I paused for a moment, assembling my thoughts. “You sure knew a hell of a lot about the layout of my house. You knew about the hooks, you knew where all the dishes were after Scootaloo dropped that plate, you knew where the hidden garbage can was, and you knew exactly where I stored the laptop. But the cherry on the sundae was that you knew how to open it. I’m not that bright, but even I could finally put two and two together. Ann had said she talked to a blue-green unicorn for a few minutes, and this unicorn started asking all kinds of questions, like what kind of fire they breathe back on Earth. You, Miss Heartstrings, are the only person who matches that description.”

“But I-”

“Damn it, I’m more upset that you just took what you wanted rather than asked. Just because you’re stronger, faster, and smarter than me didn’t give you the right to just take what you want. I still think ponies are good people, but you make it very difficult to continue with that belief in your case. You could have at least given me the common courtesy of asking my permission to enter my home. I know ponies have an open-door policy, but this is borderline stalking. What I’m most hurt by is that you think so little of me as a person that you felt you could do whatever the hell you wanted.

“Unless you want me to treat you as a common thief, you will walk in there and apologize to Dash, to Scootaloo, and especially to Bons for embarrassing her tonight. All three of those mares are wonderful people. And when this is all said and done, I still have to explain to my daughter why I invited someone like you into my house and her mom sat there and took abuse from you. Do you have any idea how hard that was for her? As a matter of fact, I was reluctant to invite you in our home. I was just going to take you guys out to the restaurant—just me. But Dash wanted to show her daughter and me, I suppose, she could be mature about this. And what do you do? You attack, attack, attack. This is behaviour I would come to expect from a thug. You are, I hope, better than that. So, the choice is yours. A real apology, or go home. I’ll even cover for you if you want. Make it snappy. The ginger carrots are getting cold.”

She had a cocky smirk, “I know, I know. You think I’m being a mean old horse to Rainbow, but you’re wrong. All I’m trying to do is help you. You’re not used to ponies like her, and that pony show sure didn’t get you ready for the real deal. You’re a decent guy, and I don’t want to see you make a serious mistake like I did.”

I sputtered, “What are you talking about?”

Lyra got a serious expression, and her tone was a little condescending. “Look, I’m trying to save you some trouble. I’ve known Rainbow for longer than you. Yes, I realize that the two of you are trying to do the right thing for that filly... But this is Rainbow Dash. Do you really think she’d be a good mother? She’s slept with about two-thirds of the stallions in this town, probably half the mares, too. I know. I was one of them. Do you really think that a mare of… questionable integrity like that is a suitable example for Scootaloo? She’s likely to abandon the two of you the moment things get rough, just like she did with me and every other pony she’s ever dated.”

I pinched the bridge of my nose. “First off, who I have a relationship with is none of your damn business. Second, I get it. You and Dash had a nasty breakup. That’s in the past. She’s a good person and will make a damn good mom. Overall I don’t give a good goddamn what you think.”

Lyra hoofed at the ground. “I know you might not believe me, but I really do care about what happens to you. If I didn’t keep an eye on you, somepony else would, and they wouldn’t keep an open objective mind. They wouldn’t pay enough attention to see you cry over having to kill a rampaging beast. They’d call you a monster and have you put you down. I’m just trying to look out for you.”

I rubbed my temples, “I appreciate what you’re trying to do, but you’re wrong. Rainbow Dash and I have a good relationship.”

Lyra spoke sadly, “So did we.”

I sighed, “I’m not here to review your relationship with Dash. I just ask that you don’t interfere in ours, that’s all.”

She turned her head away for the longest moment, then looked up at me with an expression of abject sadness. She finally spoke in a harsh whisper, “Why do I always do this?” I could see tears welling up in her eyes. “Why do I always obsess over stuff, or pon... people?” The tears begin to flow. “Everyone tells me I’m as smart as Twilight Sparkle. I mean, I’m not as magically gifted. Who is? But our marks averaged out to about the same, and I didn’t need the princess to force me to make friends. But,” she sobbed, “I always do dumb things like this. I always go too far. ” She was now openly crying, not even trying to hide it. “I lost Dash, and now I’ll lose Bons, and I’ll lose you as a friend before I really even had a chance to become your friend and...” She was now unabashedly weeping, an aquamarine pile of misery.

I did the only thing that made sense: I dropped to my knee and held her. She started really bawling. I made comforting sounds and stroked her mane. She buried her face into my shoulder and cried even harder.

After a few minutes, she managed a squeaky whisper, “Why are you being so nice to me?” She gasped, getting breath, “I broke into your house. I’ve been mean to Dash, treated you like some lab experiment, and... and...” she sobbed, “now Bons is leaving me.”

I smiled, “I’m helping you because you’re not a bad pony, just someone who’s been hurt, and you’re lashing out.” I stroked her mane again.

I heard the back door open, and Dash peeked out. I made eye contact and gave a little nod and smile. Her head raised a little, and she smiled with pride before closing the door.

I could hear Scoots, “Is dad okay?”

Dash answered with a strength in her voice I had not heard since the invitation came back, “You bet. He’s just helping Lyra with something.”

Bonbon asked meekly, “Is Lyra alright? He’s not... doing things with his hands, is he?”

I could hear the smile in Dash’s voice, “Naw, he’s just helping her. He’s... yeah.” She continued slowly, almost as if she was talking to herself, “He’s helping her find redemption.”

Scootaloo’s voice was filled with hope, “So, she’ll stop being mean to you?”

I could hear Dash’s voice soften, “Maybe. And maybe she’ll stop being mean to herself.”

Lyra and I sat on the bench in the backyard. She had stopped crying and just sat in silence with me, her posture very human and very un-pony. I would occasionally glance over with what I hoped was a kind smile. She would sniff occasionally, looking up at Luna’s beautiful starry night, a slight smile on her face.

“Rainbow loves the night sky, you know. She said Luna was so happy to sculpt her night again after a thousand years.” She gave a sad little laugh, “When she came back home after becoming an Element, I thought she was pulling my leg. I just couldn’t believe she was the Element of Loyalty, but I knew she wasn’t going to lie to me. It was a good night.” Lyra sniffed loudly, “I really loved her, you know? And then she left me. Said I spent more time chasing dragon fairies than chasing her.” Lyra turned her face away from me, sniffed loudly, and then regained her composure. “She’s not pretty but she’s beautiful, you know?”

I smiled, still looking at the stars, “I know exactly what you mean.”

We continued in silence until my curiosity got the best of me, “So, you went to school with Twilight?”

Lyra answered with a bit of a laugh, “Yeah. I took most of my classes with her, aside from the ones she took with the Princess. There was a herd of us, actually; Moon Dancer, Minuette, Lemon Hearts, and Twinkleshine. We were all in the Advanced group.”

I rubbed my chin, “So, what was your best subject?”

She got a happy expression, “That’s easy, xenobiology, xenolinguistics, xenoanthropology, xeno-”

I smiled, “I get the picture. What about Twilight?”

“She was great at almost every subject.” I glanced over and saw Lyra had a smirk. "However, Twilight was never any good at physical anthropology, and she was just terrible at music... Have you ever heard her play the flute? She always tried passing it off as spike sneezing or something.” She gave a little laugh. “Still a good singer, though. Twilight had that much.”

There was another long silence until Lyra spoke; her voice was very soft. “I’m sorry.”

I leaned over and lightly shoulder-checked her, “Apology accepted. I’m still pissed at the sneaking into my house, but as long as it never happens again, I’m willing to forget about it. Now, the hard part. You need to say the same thing to the three ladies in there.”

As we walked back to the back door, Lyra chuckled. “I’m also sorry about the carrots. I can warm them back... oh, right. Magic. Never mind.”

I chuckled, “What I wouldn’t give for a microwave oven.”

Lyra perked up. “Is that a human invention? What is it? How does it work? Oh, maybe I can just research it.”

I spoke in a warning tone, “Lyra. Apologies. Saving your relationship with Bonbon?”

She blushed, “Oh, right. I’ll just worry about that oven thing later.”

As we reached the back door, Lyra hesitated.

Lyra didn't look away as I pointed to the door. I didn't care at this moment if my words struck home. She then looked at the door and slowly walked to it. Her ears were flattened, and I could see enough from her posture she was pretty ashamed of herself as she walked back inside. I followed shortly and shut the door firmly. The sound made Lyra flinch and reminded her that I meant business.

Lyra looked at the three at the table. There was an uncomfortable silence for a moment before she finally spoke: "I'm...sorry." She paused again. She was shaking a bit. "I am sorry I disrespected everyone. I'm sorry I said those things to you, Rainbow. I am sorry I upset you and Scootaloo. I am...very sorry, Bons. I think I should leave."

Bon Bon pleaded with her marefriend. "Lyra, please stay."

She didn't have time to finish before Lyra turned to me. "I meant every word in that affidavit, Alex. I'm sorry I disrespected you and your family." Her horn glowed, and there was a loud snap-crack of teleportation.

Bon Bon stood still for a moment, then frowned sadly. There was an uncomfortable silence.

Scootaloo was in bed, and Dash and I were silently cleaning up the kitchen. I wasn’t sure what to say after that disaster. Bonbon promised to come back with Lyra some other time after I insisted. We all agreed a cooling-off period was needed.

When we were done, I made Dash and myself each a cup of tea. As we sat down, there was the familiar snap-crack of a teleport. Between us, a scroll with a familiar black and blue seal dropped on the table.

55 - The Village Pt. 1

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Bonbon quietly closed the door to her home. “Lyra? Where are you?”

The house's silence was deafening, but Bonbon knew where her marefriend went when she was in this kind of mood. The earth pony candy maker went to the kitchen workshop and took a small red box with a green bow labelled 'Lyra'. It had four orange-crisp chocolates. As she expected, the ladder from the attic was down. She carefully balanced the box on her snout and climbed. At the far end, looking morosely out the attic window, was an aquamarine unicorn.

Bonbon called softly, “Lyra?”

She sniffed loudly, “I’m just a screwup. I’m lucky to have forgiving friends, not that I deserve them.”

“Shush.” Bonbon opened the box and took one of the chocolates out, “Here. Eat.” Lyra looked at the treat on Bonbon’s hoof. “It’s your favourite,” she cooed.

Lyra took the candy and chewed. “Oh, Celestia, this is so good. Did you add more orange essence?” Lyra’s existential crisis was suddenly forgotten in a rush of candied heaven.

Bonbon smiled, “That’s my secret, love.”

A blush coloured Lyra's muzzle as she analyzed the flavours of the treat. "Banana rind?"

Bonbon turned a naughty little smile, "Maybe."

Lyra chuckled at her marefriend, “You’re a bad mare.” There was a long silence before she continued. “Thank you. I guess I’ve learned my lesson.”

Bonbon hugged Lyra, “You’re lucky he’s a good egg, and Rainbow is understanding. By the way, they invited us back in a few weeks.”

Lyra excitedly came to a conclusion, “This must mean I’ve been redeemed.”

Bonbon smiled kindly at her excitable friend, “Slow down, speedy. Let’s just say you took the first step.”

The ornate scroll sat on the kitchen table, the ribbons and seals in various blacks, blues, and silvery whites. With only a slight hesitation, I opened the scroll. A map nestled with the letter fell out onto the table. Dash fluttered up behind and above me so she could read the letter as well.

My Faithful Paladin,
We Have A Task For Thee. We Need Thee To Investigate The Village Of The Diamond Dogs Who Attacked Ponyville And Discover The Root Cause For, According To Captain Shining Armour, Such A “Needlessly Hostile And Unprovoked Assault.” You Are To Leave In The Morning Using The Provided Map. The Journey Should Take Approximately Two Days At Your Pace.
You Are To Bring Paladin Beatrix, For She Will Prove A Useful Ally. I Have Assigned Master Sergeant Noctus And His Hoof Picked Squad As A Bodyguard For Yourself And Paladin Beatrix. You Are Travelling In Hostile Territory, And There Is No Love Lost Between You And Them.
One Final Order Of Business. We Wish To Assign Both Of Our Paladins, And All Future Paladins, Spheres Of Influence. You Shall Be Henceforth Known As The Paladin Of Hope. Likewise, Beatrix Lulamoon Shall Be Known As The Paladin Of Dignity. These Titles Reflect Your Strengths And What You Bring To The Equation Of Redemption.
Yours In Redemption
Princess Luna
CC: Princess Celestia, Princess Mi Amore Cadenza, Captain Shining Armor, Captain Alabaster Nightshade

I muttered out loud, “A Courtesy Copy to all the heavy hitters? It must be serious.” The letter continued in a far less formal script.

P.S. You will have to forgive Captain Shining Armour, for his only desire is the safety of our fair realm. I also wish to apologize for our sister’s overreaction in trying to have you arrested. She did not have all the facts before issuing her order. Luckily, I was able to countermand her orders with support from Princess Cadence.

I was surprised, “Celestia seemed so kind. I wonder what I did to piss her off?”

Dash tapped me on the shoulder, “I wouldn’t worry, big guy. Princess Celestia is on your side, so it must have been somepony feeding her the wrong information. She’ll sort it out; she’s the best.”

I nodded at the sageness of my fiance's wisdom.

P.P.S. Scootaloo has been suffering from bad dreams but has kept this from you. Her words were, “I don’t want to bug Mom and Dad with my stupid problems.” I have been fighting to keep her safe, but a kind word from her beloved mother would prove most effective at combating this threat.

Dash passed me a stack of underwear, pants, and shirts. She grabbed a few socks, blushing and giggling, “Can you just take these things?”

I chuckled, “You like it, and you know it.” I quickly put them in the bottom of the pack.

Dash headed for the door and spoke softly while giving her plot a shake, “Alright, hero. I’ll get some supplies for your trip. Be right back.” She gently closed the door behind her.

While I waited, I laid out a fresh set of clothes for the morning. Finally, I stuffed a sleeping bag in the left side pocket and a fire-making kit in the right one.

A little while later, the door opened, and Dash had several bundles on her back, a small iron pot, and a couple of canteens on her wings. “Alright, big guy, I scrounged you about six days of preserved and dried foods, eight or nine days if you stretch it. So, it’s about a kilo of dried carrot slices, a kilo of dried beans, a kilo of smoked dried salmon, a big hunk of that Cloudsdale cheese you like, two dense loaves of rye bread, and about two kilos of traveller’s hard biscuits. Also got a small cooking pot, a cooking fork, and some water canteens.”

I took her up in my arms, “A meal fit for a king. Thank you, dear.” I gave her a tender kiss.

She rewarded me with a throaty chuckle, “Got to keep my stallion fed on his trip, you know.” She grew annoyed, “I wish I could be with you to keep you safe.”

“Yeah, I do, too, but the boss is sending me a bodyguard, some pony named Noctus, along with his hoof-picked squad. I’m sure they’re the best of the best.” I saw the subtle look of irritation creep into Dash’s face and quickly added, “Not as good as you, of course.”

Dash brightened up, “Nice save.”

I was about to make a witty remark when I heard the door to Scootaloo's room open. My little filly poked her head through our bedroom doorway, rubbing the sleep out of her eyes. “Mom? Dad? Why are you packing? Is something wrong?”

I smiled and picked her up. She nuzzled my neck, and I explained. “No, nothing’s wrong, pumpkin. Princess Luna just wants me to check up on the diamond dogs who attacked Ponyville. I have to leave in the morning, but I’ll be back in about a week.”

My daughter looked up at me worriedly, “You’re going alone?”

I gave her my confident grin, “Nah, Ms Beatrix and a new friend named Noctus and his buddies will be with me.”

Scootaloo asked, “So, you’re going to help them? The Diamond Dogs? Even after what they did?”

“I'm going to see if I can figure out why they did it. I don't think they're bad. I just think they had the dirty end of the stick. Now, I think it’s time for my little princess to get back to sleep.” My daughter looked at me with concern.

Dash smiled softly at her adopted daughter, “Hey, squirt, mind telling me what those dreams were about.”

Dash, direct and brash, as always. I smiled tenderly at my daughter.

Scootaloo stood, mouth agape, for a moment, then became frustrated, “Princess Luna ratted me out.”

Dash flew to her daughter and gave her a fierce hug, “She did, but it was for your own good. Now spill.”

Scootaloo thought for a few moments, “Alright, fine. It was my parents. Not you guys; you guys are my real parents, I mean my original parents. I dreamed they wanted me back, that they got me back, and I could never see you again.” Dash was hugging her as the little filly sobbed. “I was dreaming I was back in that closet, always hungry, scared all the time, with no hope. Princess Luna smashed open the door, and you guys were right behind her.”

Dash wrapped both wings around Scootaloo. “Don’t worry, squirt. We’ll always keep you safe from them.”

The clacking of a typewriter danced with the rhythm of the old grandfather clock. The secretary looked up briefly at the waiting couple on the loveseat. She noted the jar of mints was slightly jostled out of position on the coffee table. The pale yellow curtains framed the two ponies with the busy streets of Ponyville bustling beyond the window. As if on cue, the tiny magical paperweight and reminder system, generally called a golem, sitting on her ‘finished’ paper stack chirped at her. “Ah, Mr Eater and Mrs Roller, Mr Chamor is ready to see you now.”

Thorn Eater hopped up, followed by Bramble Roller, past the old polished oak door. They entered a room that was very different from the rest of the bank. Shelves of varying heights covered the walls, all there were filled with scrolls, books, and strange trinkets of all kinds. Roller flinched when he looked left and saw the towering minotaur armour silently guarding the door. Eater glanced at some of the old charms on the shelf: an emerald egg broken like something hatched from it, a small hoof mirror that offered no reflection, and an open music box with a strange creature that Thorn guessed was an owlbear from across the ocean.

Roller cleared his throat as they approached the modestly sized desk covered with hoof size golems that moved papers from pile to pile. A worn donkey wearing small reading spectacles sighed as the ponies finally reached the chairs. “Greetings Chamor. Thank you for seeing us. My wife and I believe that you have the skills to help us.”

“Well—”

“Please!” Roller announced with all the drama she could muster. “We want to hire you to save our beloved daughter.”

“I see—”

“Our poor sweet Scootaloo is now in the hooves of a loose mare and a violent alien.” Roller’s tears started to form on the edges of her eyes.

“Stop,” Chamor said sharply, and both the ponies sat straight up. He took off his glasses and inspected them in the light of his lamp before putting them back on. “Scootaloo, huh? The young filly that was recently adopted by Rainbow Dash and Alex Roberts.” His voice was rough but not quite as base.

“Yes, sir, our daughter. She has been taken by them, Dash and Roberts” Thorn repeated as she practically spat out their names.

Chamor chuckled. “And you want me to represent you. You know I’m not a lawyer.”

Thorn placed his dirty forehooves on the desk, “This is true, an unchanging fact, but you do have a reputation for knowing the Equestrian legal system better than any lawyer we can af-know. Any lawyer that we know.”

Roller nodded as she joined her husband in slamming the table with her hooves, nearly knocking off a worried golem that blitzed about. “You also have connections. Alex Roberts and Rainbow Dash abused their power by being so close to the princesses. We can’t compete with money and power like that with just a normal lawyer.”

“That’s not the only problem,” Chamor grumbled about their dirty hooves under his breath as he took out newspapers. “You both don’t have a leg to stand on. Shall I?”

“What?” Thorn’s eyes shrunk as he gulped. “Shall you what?”

“Possession of clover, exuberant gambling, petty robbery, and my favourite.” Chamor put down the paper with the unhappiest smile they’d ever seen. “Chaos cultists.”

Roller and Thorn felt a heavy thump behind them, the minotaur armour now blocking the door. “I don’t like chaos cultists. You have a lot of nerve coming here.”

Thorn threw up his hooves. “Wait, wait, wait. You got it all wrong. We’re ex-cultists now. We don’t do stuff like that anymore.”

“We’ve changed, sir.” Roller pleaded. “Celestia’s guards busted us, and we were arrested. We’ve been freed on good behaviour and swore by Harmony itself.”

Chamor tapped the newspaper again. “Bad apples like you never change. I’ve dealt with too many, and frankly, I don’t believe you.”

“Chamor, harmony changes everyone. We can prove that we’re changed ponies.” Thorn pointed to a family picture on Chamor’s desk. “We can make things right again. Wouldn’t you want that chance?”

The donkey’s glare didn’t weaken. “Make things right again until you decide to have a relapse. Convenient timing.”

Thorn bit his lower lip as he slightly looked away. “Chaos is hard to resist after being enthralled by it. The crown has given us therapy, and we’ve been diligent.”

Roller nodded as she put a hoof on her chest. “To have a happy whole family again would be a slap in the face of old selves. We want to defy that old life.”

“How very sweet.” Chamor tapped this hoof to his table. “A complete turnaround. I do know what chaos magic does to a pony. Even a little bit can be enough to twist their feelings and desires into something perverted.”

“Yes, it does,” Thorn said evenly. “Which is also why we want our daughter back. To protect her. Rainbow Dash barely qualifies to take care of a foal, but the alien is toxic.”

Chamor’s long ears perked up. “Pardon? From all I’ve seen and heard, he’s a model citizen.”

Roller had a faint ghost of a smile. “But at the end of the day, he is not a pony, not one of us. Chamor, what do you know about humans.”

“Little,” Chamor admitted.

“They are not what they seem. The crown keeps this confidential, but they only know because of the confiscated documents from other raids on cultists.” Roller leaned in to whisper. “Humans are natural fountains of chaos magic. Their very nature is unstable, and it affects others.”

Thorn mirrored his wife’s actions. “We don’t know why the crown keeps it secret as they have sworn us to secrecy, but we don’t want our little filly to be hurt.”

Chamor stared at them, thin lips and ears forward. “That is quite the accusation.”

“It is true, though.” Thorn sat back up. “I understand we have a spotty history.”

The donkey snorted. “That’s an understatement.”

Roller wiped away the tears on her muzzle. “But we truly do want what is best for our little filly. Please help us.”

“I’ll think about it. I need to do some research on this, Roberts. I can’t just go on your word alone, but if you are correct about him, then he is worse than any cultist.” Chamor pulled out a card. “This is my information. I’ll get back in touch with you.”

The desperate parents bowed, and Roller thanked the suspicious donkey, “That is all we ask.”

The whole family was sitting down for breakfast. My pack, walking stick, and good boots were at the door waiting. The plan was simple. Wait for this Noctus character, swing by Bea’s place, and head out.

There was a knock on the door. Scootaloo rushed to answer. The door creaked open, and I heard my daughter’s awe-filled voice say, “Cool.”

A stiff, precise voice replied, "Greetings, little filly. I am here on behalf of Princess Luna. I request a meeting with Paladin Roberts immediately."

An impressed filly replied, “Sure. I mean, yes, sir, sir. My dad’s in the kitchen. Come on.”

A dusk grey pegasus stallion the size of an earth pony strode behind a skipping Scootaloo. He wore Night Guard armour and had what looked like a very wide broadsword with a blunt tip slung over his back. In a haughty tone, he asked, “Are you the Paladin of Hope known as Alexander Jean-Paul Roberts?”

Dash, with a huge grin, quipped, “Naw, you’re looking for the other human Paladin. This one’s the paladin of cheese.”

He turned to Dash. His expression was kept carefully neutral, “Good morning, Element Bearer of Loyalty Rainbow Dash. Your reputation for your pranks precedes you, so I shall take that as a yes.” He returned to face me, “I am Master Sergeant Noctus, with my squad of hoof-picked soldiers, here on Princess Luna’s orders to protect you and Paladin Lulamoon on your mission to the diamond dog village.”

I smiled, “You don't have to call me by my full name, Alex is fine. Can I offer you a cup of coffee?“

Noctus’s expression remained neutral, “No, thank you, Paladin of Hope Alexander Jean Paul Roberts. As for calling you simply ‘Alex’, I am afraid that would simply be improper. Princess Luna ordered me to treat you with the greatest respect, and I shall do that. However, as a concession to your reputation, I will call you Paladin Roberts.”

I shrugged, “Suit yourself. Will any of your, um, ponies want coffee?”

Noctus sighed the sigh reserved for adults dealing with high-energy children. “While I am sure they would appreciate the gesture, the light of Celestia’s blessed sun is, as they say, burning. In light of this, I have taken the liberty of dispatching guard pony Starfall to fetch Paladin Lulamoon. As soon as both mares arrive, we shall depart.”

The golden glow holding up her field glasses dimmed and then intensified. "Ah ha! Dash is finally kicking him out! He’s now all mine to study… Bons won’t be happy, but she’ll forgive me. She always does.”

Lyra squinted at Alex and the menagerie. “Wait… why is he leaving town? Why are Lulamoon and those night guards with him? He didn’t get banished, did he? I need to talk to Mayor Mare. Rainbow Dash doesn’t have the authority to banish him, does she? I mean, if she did, she would banish me, and then Bonbon would be sad.”

She quickly repositioned herself to follow Alex and the group of ponies around him. “Why is he taking the eastern road? Isn’t that where those dogs came from?”

The aquamarine unicorn followed in silence until she realized she was in the woods, well outside of Ponyville. “I’ve been following for over an hour. Where the heck are they going?” She looked at the position of the sun, “I’m going to be late for lunch with Bonny…” and gasped, “Lunch with Bonny!" With her date on the line, she snuck back until she could use the road, then galloped back to Ponyville.

It had been a moderate day of travel. In fact, it was more like a brisk hike. I’m sure Noctus was keeping things slow for me because he was briefed that I couldn’t keep up a pony march pace for more than an hour or so. Noctus spent a lot of time on the ground or, occasionally, hovering near us while the rest of his men, ponies I corrected myself, tended to stay high in the air, catching thermals and keeping an eye on the surroundings from cloud level.

The sun was still high in the sky, maybe 4 p.m., and the clearing around the road was fairly wide. Noctus suddenly called out, “This looks like an acceptable place to camp. Let us do so.”

We had only been travelling for about eight hours. “What’s the problem, Noctus?”

The large pegasus sergeant turned slowly toward me. “We are setting up camp. Did I misspeak?”

I raised a hand to dismiss his hostility, “No, it’s just that we could still travel for another three or four hours and still have enough light to set up camp. Don’t stop on my account.”

He explained with a sigh, “Paladin Roberts, my troops are exhausted from a hard day’s travel.”

I shrugged, “Really? They look fine to me, but anyone who knows me can tell you I can’t read ponies.”

He looked a little incredulous, “Are you not fatigued? This was a full day of hard travel.”

I shrugged, “A little, I guess. Bea?”

I was shocked to notice that she was sweaty and looking exhausted. “I’m with the good sergeant, boss. My hooves are on fire.”

I shrugged again, “Motion carried. Camp it is.”

An annoyed Noctus turned to continue his duties and barked orders. “Guardponies Starfall, Shooting Star, Moon Gazer, set up the camp site. Guardpony Sun Dancer, collect firewood. Corporal Silver Lining, prepare the evening meal. Master Corporal Tree Top, cloud watch. I’ll join you in a moment.”

I cleared my throat, “What did you need me to do, sergeant?”

He levelled an unkind gaze at me, “Stay out of our way, sir. My little ponies know what to do.”

Noctus settled down beside Tree Top on the anchored cloud above the campsite. ”I believe we are out of range of his hearing. You’ve had a full day to observe him. Your opinion, Tree Top?”

The Master Corporal’s Appaloosa accent was strongly evident. At times, Noctus wondered if he did that on purpose. ”Well, sarge, I don’t reckon where he gets his energy. Full day’s march, and he’s not even breaking a sweat. Shoot, we were going slow an all, but if he could keep that up for 12 or 14 hours, let’s just say I hope he’s never trying to catch me.”

Noctus nodded, “Yes, add to that he claims he is considered middle-aged among his people. Imagine a fit, young, warrior. It boggles the imagination. What about his personality?”

Tree Top rubbed his chin in thought, “Fair-minded, determined to do his bit. He offered to scout ahead at about eleven. Stopped him o’course. Kept jawing about his pa in the Royal Canadian Air Force, whatever that is. Some kind of doctor, I think.”

Noctus gently corrected, “An artificer, as I understand it. He repaired and maintained flying machines.” There was a pause while both ponies considered the new information. “He claims his people have no magic.”

The Master Corporal commented, “And my ma’s a diamond dog.”

Beatrix was wrapped tightly in a blanket, lightly snoring. The guard ponies were variously on cloud duty or sleeping. I guess grabbing sack time is universal for soldiers. I poked at the fire in silence while Noctus polished his sword with an oiled rag, I spoke softly, “So, Noctus, tell me a little about yourself.”

Without looking up or stopping the maintenance on his weapon, he spoke flatly, “Is that an order, Paladin Roberts?”

I sighed, “No, just a suggestion.”

He stopped moving the oiled cloth and looked directly at me, “Then, no.”

I wasn’t quite sure how to react to such a blunt reply and was unsure if I had heard what I thought I heard. “Pardon?”

He repeated himself, over-enunciating the single word, “No.”

I decided to let it drop for the moment and to make us a treat. I cut four slices of rye bread, made two cheese sandwiches, and then started toasting them over the fire using the toasting fork.

Noctus looked on curiously and with some concern. “Please be careful, sir. I don’t want you to burn yourself.”

“My dear Master Sergeant Noctus, I’ve been camping before. You have nothing to fear.” I slowly turned the sandwiches, letting the smoke flavour them. The cheese browned and melted slightly, binding the two slices of bread. The bread slowly caramelized, gaining a wonderfully crisp crust.

Noctus looked at me doubtfully.

I offered one to Noctus.

He seemed cautiously curious, “Is that cobbler cheese from Cloudsdale?”

Ah, the power of cheese. “I think so, yes. Made by Fromage Dure if memory serves.”

He tentatively poked the offering, “But, why is it melted? And in sandwich form? And why did you smoke it?”

I shrugged, “Enhances the flavour and keeps your hooves clean.”

He took a tentative bite and chewed thoughtfully. His expression went from slightly sour to neutral. “This is acceptable.”

We sat in silence, eating our grilled cheese sandwiches. Once we were done, we continued sitting in silence, me poking at the fire, he polishing his sword.

Let’s try a different tack. “Tell me about the diamond dogs. Their culture, anything specific about the Eastern Forest Pack, their status in or relationship with Equestria, anything you can think of.”

Noctus leaned on the hilt of his sword, “To be frank, we know little about diamond dog society. Scholars are generally uninterested as their magic is similar enough to earth pony magic, as there isn’t much to learn in that respect. A foolish attitude. If only… ” He waved a hoof dismissively, “If wishes were fruit, we would all eat pie. Diamond Dogs. Tribal society is generally led by the strongest or smartest dog, depending on the tribe. The tribe we’re going to investigate tends to favour brains over brawn, but strength has influence. Their legal status in Equestria is contentious at best. Technically, they are protected by the crown, but I regret to inform you the reality is less honourable.”

I cheerfully slapped him on the shoulder, “Thanks, Noctus. That helps. See? We can work as a team.”

He only levelled a neutral gaze. “Permission to speak freely, sir?”

I smiled and sat up straighter, “Always.”

He took a deep breath, “I do not trust you.”

I lost my smile.

He continued, “You are an outsider that has somehow managed to introduce concerning thoughts to the mind of my Princess and to a great many ponies, in fact—trust, influence, and in most cases, even respect must be earned. Yet you somehow, in the span of two and a half seasons, managed to earn my Princess' ear to the point where she dismissed more reasonable consultations. I intend to uncover your goals and remind my Princess why she cannot afford this blind faith in a creature that is beyond the magic of Harmony. That does not mean I will allow my duty in protecting you to flag. Neigh, I shall defend you with my life as I am expected to, even if my investigation sees you put to stone.”

I shifted my gaze to the burning wood in the fire pit, then spoke softly. “Fair enough. I do have one question, Noctus. Would you say you’re an honourable pony?”

He answered without hesitation, “Yes. My honour is my life.”

I made eye contact and smiled kindly, “Then I welcome your investigation.”

The remainder of the trip was uneventful. We finally left the forest to see the Diamond Dog village. I stopped dead in my tracks and muttered, “Vierge bénie et Joseph...”

56 - Lyra's Date

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“I’m late! I’m late! For a very important date! Bons will be so mad at me.”

“Hello!” Roseluck waved cheerfully.

“No time to say hello.” Lyra politely stopped and waved back, “Goodbye!”

The aquamarine unicorn fretted as she ran, “I’ll never make it. Oh, what to do, what to do? I know! Twilight does it all the time. How hard can it be? I can teleport back to Ponyville! Let’s see… I can’t brute force it like Sparkle. I need to finesse it. Alright, Lyra, focus.” There was a greenish flash and Lyra winked out of existence. “Yes! Right spot, but where’s Bonbon?” She looked at the clock tower. “Darn it! One second late. She must have left. Serves me right. No, no mopping, got to find Bons.”

Lyra was soon winded and tired from running, looking for her marefriend. Her heart soared, and her stomach sank as she spotted her marefriend. "BB! There you are. Where were you hidden?"

Bonbon didn’t look up from her magazine, "At our usual date spot. In the plaza. I was two minutes late. You’re five."

The aquamarine unicorn stood for a moment, mouth agape. "What!? I was here… right there…” Lyra gestured wildly with her hooves. ”And I was on time. Well, okay, maybe I was actually a second or two late, but you weren't here, so I assumed you went back home because you knew I was stalk— track— obser— examin— looking for Alex Roberts. He was being banished from Ponyville—"

Bonbon interrupted her, "Hold it. Do you mean to tell me Alex Roberts was banished from Ponyville? Alex Roberts. Tall stallion, good with foals, does heroic stuff?"

Lyra nodded with limited enthusiasm.

"And you were stalking him again?” Bon Bon slowly closed her magazine to give Lyra her full attention.

Lyra’s ears folded back, and she nodded meekly.

Bonbon sighed, “I thought you learned— Hold on. What makes you say he was banished?"

Lyra collected her thoughts, “Well, why else would those guard ponies march him away.”

Roseluck, who was passing by, gasped in her normal screaming voice of despair. “Oh, No! Alex Roberts was banished from Equestria!”

Her companion put her hoof to her forehead, “The horror! The horror!”

Silver Thought sat in her bookstore, Forget Me Not Books. It was Ponyville’s best, cleanest, and only bookstore. The storefront was finally cleaned and organized after her cousin Scrap Paper had been running the store for the last two weeks. “Why did I ever agree to go on a vacation and let her run the shop?” She looked out her front window as a mob of ponies hurried by. She could pick up bits of conversation, something about Alex Roberts being banished. She pulled her frying pan from her saddlebag and wondered if she should contact the other members of The League Of Extraordinary Gentlefolk? She shook her head and muttered, “No, this isn’t for us, this is a Paladin matter.”

Mr Cake, making sure no one saw him, wiped the sweat from his brow and muttered “Oh, good.”

Mrs Cake’s eyes narrowed in the universal language of wives everywhere.

Mr Cake wisely changed his opinion, “Oh, that’s awful. Couldn’t have happened to a better guy.”

In a richly appointed mansion, Golden Coins called his mareservant. “Miss Butterscotch, I think a celebratory tea is in order. Make mine blueberry and don’t spare the salt.”

Meanwhile, across town, Pinkie Pie took out a megaphone that was clearly several times larger than her own cranium. Her coltfriend, the enigmatic Doctor, a.k.a. Time Turner, pointed a device at the bullhorn, a sonic, screwdriver-like device. Pinkie’s voice is amplified far beyond the manufacturer's specifications. “Alex Roberts has been banished! Everypony we need to save him!”

“We need to make a petition to the princesses!” Mayor Mare pounded her podium. “Let them know that this is an injustice.”

Far away, in her golden throne room, Celestia felt a twinge in the Weave.

“Something important is about to happen in Ponyville,” she muttered to herself.

Her majordomo sighed, “Again?” He glanced from his desk to his monarch with worry. “Perhaps, my Princess, we should alert the Guards?”

She frowned, “No, it will not be that kind of event. As disturbing as it seems, I cannot interfere.” She smiled bitterly at her old friend, “Of course, the lines are snarled because of Him. I can’t see what will happen to the foal with any precision.”

Shining Armor reviewed the reports from Ponyville and gave a defeated sigh. “What a mess he’s made.”

His current aide de camp, Corporeal Daisy Blossom, carefully suggested, “What if we just, I don’t know, just leave him alone? Ask Princess Luna to not use him. ”

An angry Shining Armor slammed the thick report labelled ‘Alex Roberts: Magical Potential’ on the table. “Don’t you see, Daisy Blossom? You can't just 'leave him alone'. It’s that thrice-cursed chaos magic of his. He causes an uproar just by his presence.”

Dash looked outside with her daughter at the large mob forming into a frenzy on the edge of town. “Yeah, squirt, I think we should stay inside. It looks like one of Those Days in Ponyville.”

The next day was perfect, with only a few clouds. Dash was just finishing breakfast when there was a knock on the door. “Okay, squirt, you put the dishes in the sink and get ready for school.” She hurried to answer the door. “Hey, Miss Sweetheart. What are you doing here?”

57 - The Village Pt. 2

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The scene reminded me of war documentaries, the ones where you can’t turn your eyes away from the screen. Bitches and their pups, haunted and hopeless eyes, males looking defeated and desperate, everyone was lean, dirty, and tired. I suspect some were looking for an excuse to rip us limb from limb and only the fact we were well armed and well fed kept us safe for now.

Our little menagerie moved through the village in stunned silence. Noctus had an expression of pity and anger. Beatrix stifled a cry. The other ponies were equally distressed. Not a single soul said a word; the only sound was the buzzing of flies and, in the distance, a crying infant.

No wonder they raided fat, prosperous Ponyville. I might have done the same thing in their place.

Bea stood close to me, “I don’t like this, boss. Could it be a trap?”

I surveyed the scene, “I don’t think they have the energy to do anything. I say we wait for—here we go.”

An old diamond dog with a cane hobbled towards us from one of the many caves. “ I will speak to you in pony-speak for my chief. My name is Moon Howler. I am the Speaker for the Eastern Forest Pack. Are you the Alex Roberts who defeated Grass Runner?”

May as well be honest, “Yes, I am. May I ask where Roughbone is? I thought he was the boss around here. Shouldn’t he be the one talking to me?”

Moon Howler shrugged, “You are beneath Chief Roughbone. Your last encounter was a special one. I would savour it if I were you.”

Noctus snorted in anger, but I glanced at him, and he didn’t make any further comments.

I kept my tone friendly, even jovial. “I’ll keep that in mind. Nevertheless, we,” I indicated to the group of ponies with me, “are here to help. We want to try to give you your dignity back.”

The old diamond dog’s face grew dark with anger. He spoke with a threatening voice, “Our dignity was never yours to give, monkey.”

Noctus snapped, “Keep your tongue civil or I will teach it to be civil.”

The oldster lowered his head and gave a slight smile. He dropped his cane and I saw his right paw ball into a fist. Glowing streamers of golden magical energy slipped between his fingers.

I admonished myself for being so foolish and thought, ‘They have spellcasters. Great. Why did I think only unicorns would be spellcasters.’

I stepped between them, “Please, gentlemen. Let’s not destroy the process before it’s even started.” I made a point to look at the pony commander, “Noctus, let’s view this as a chance for redemption.”

Noctus made to say something, then closed his muzzle and muttered, “As ordered, Paladin.”

I turned to the elder diamond dog. I noticed the glow slipping from his fingers was no less bright than before. “Speaker Moon Howler, I humbly request that you forgive this misunderstanding. Master Sergeant Noctus can be overprotective at times. I’m sure we want to keep this friendly and beneficial to us all.”

If possible, things grew quieter. Even the wailing baby had stopped. The two belligerents locked eyes, each daring the other to strike first.

I glanced around the village and noted twenty-seven, no, twenty-eight adults with various weapons. There were likely more in the caves. We had seven guard ponies plus myself and Bea. Those are not good odds. I spoke in a warning voice, “Noctus, don’t forget we’re in their house.”

Noctus’ head snapped in my direction. I gestured with my chin, indicating the now-armed village. He sighed. “Very well, Paladin.” He turned to the diamond dog, “In respect of your… domain, I withdraw my threat.”

Moon Howler bowed graciously while opening his paw. Golden wisps of energy dissipated. Almost as one most of the diamond dogs around the village put down their weapons. “Very well. Like water in the stream, all is fresh and new.” The oldster inclined his head in my direction, “I must commend you, Alex Roberts. I would have turned your friend to ash had you not intervened. Perhaps one day my chief will allow me a personal duel when such stakes,” he gestured to the village, “are not involved.”

Noctus bowed, “I would feel privileged to duel you. Perhaps we shall be able to determine who is the better combatant in a less lethal setting.”

I shook my head and thought, ‘Jesus Christ, guys. Stop with the dick-waving. You’re both pretty, now move on.’ I spoke up, “There will be no duelling. You’re both too valuable to me and Roughbone.”

Coming from one of the caves, I presume watching this whole stupid affair, was Roughbone. “Dat true. Moon Howler, smarty, keep what little we have organized. No duel for you, grey muzzle.”

The old dog looked crestfallen, as did Noctus.

Now that that nonsense is over, time to earn my keep. “Moon Howler, can you give me a situation report? In a nutshell, what’s going on?”

The Speaker sighed. “The primary issue is-”

Noctus interrupted, “Sir, with all due respect, we already know what’s going on. This group of bar… diamond dogs got greedy. It’s as simple as that. This was caused by their own mismanagement.“

I locked eyes with Noctus. “Are you done?" I turned to Moon Howler, "I apologize, Moon Howler, please continue.”

Moon Howler gave Noctus the stink eye, then nodded to me. “Thank you, Paladin. The primary issue is the food supplies sent by the Royal Sustenance Master are not suitable for a healthy diamond dog diet. It contains no gems of any kind and only fish as a meat source. The youngest have suffered the most from this poor diet. Bone loss, poor teeth, reduced vision. Our benefactors also deemed to include almost half by weight of those accursed ‘hay pucks’, only good for the hearth, and barely even that.”

I was confused, “Didn’t you inform the authorities? Surely they would want to make sure you’re getting proper nutrition.”

The old dog spat, “Why should ponies care about non-ponies?” He glared at Noctus, “Especially we bloodthirsty diamond dogs.”

Noctus became concerned, “Form CP872636 is a class A form, priority response for complaints regarding food supplies. If a simple six-page form is too much effort to ensure your supplies are adequate to your needs, then I see no need to correct the central bureaucracy.”

Moon Howler shook his head sadly, “Perhaps if your vaunted paperwork was related to ponies, it would have been acted upon. I filled out that form seven times. Seven! Not once did they reply or even acknowledge it. Not once. We were desperate, Paladin Alex Roberts. Our pups were starving. What would you have us do? Now, if you'll forgive me, my people need me." He hobbled off with all the dignity he could manage.

Noctus surveyed the scene; the lean hungry looks, the desperate parents and their frightened pups, and the downcast elderly. After a moment he came to a decision. Jaw set tight, he leapt into action, bellowing, “Silver Lining, get me requisition form FD110023/7 - Emergency Specialty Food Request.”

The bookish mare replied shyly, “But Master Sergeant, that’s a class AAA form. I am required by regulations to inform you this is only for the most dire of emergencies. Misuse of this form-”

Noctus snapped at his subordinate, “Are you questioning my knowledge of forms, corporal?”

Silver Lining sputtered, “No, of course not-”

Noctus took a step forward, getting muzzle-to-muzzle with his clerk. “This is a dire situation and requires the strongest measures be taken. I am shocked and appalled the forms sent by Moon Howler have not been acted upon. I will do everything in my power to ensure we uphold this agreement. The very honour of Equestria is at stake. We are ponies, not savages. Now, follow my orders or I will find the form myself along with the forms for your dismissal!”

Silver Lining quickly started rummaging around her saddle bags, “Right you are, Sergeant.”

After a moment, curiosity got the best of me. “Is this some kind of magical form that will get them food right away?”

Noctus rolled his eyes, “If by right away you mean four to eight days, then yes. It’s the most efficient way to get things done. The paperwork must flow.”

Beatrix snorted at Noctus' posturing and wandered off towards a group of pups.

I looked at him in silence for a moment, blinked slowly, and decided paperwork could get stuffed. “Right. Paperwork. Incidentally, Sergeant, who’s your fastest flyer?”

He answered without hesitation, “That would be Shooting Star, Paladin Roberts. She’s on cloud watch, over there.” He pointed to a small group of clouds in the distance, a bright red mane visible even from this distance.

I fought, successfully, to keep a calm and friendly expression. “Could you get them, please?”

The silver-haired show mare created fanciful illusions, much to the pups’, and a few adults’, delight.

Meanwhile, Noctus made a series of hoof gestures. I saw the glint of field glasses below the mane. The pegasus dropped through the clouds and headed in our direction at breakneck speeds. She was a sleek mare who would not have been out of place in the Wonderbolts. Her landing was graceful and showed controlled power. I noted her build was similar to Dash’s, only a little more muscular.

I spoke with gravitas, “Shooting Star, I have a special mission for you.”

She snapped to attention, “Sir, yes, sir!”

I continued, “How fast can you get to the nearest pegasus settlement?”

Shooting Star scratched her chin in thought, “About three hours if I book it.”

“In twelve hours I expect you back here with all the fish, meat, and gems you can get your hooves on. Hire fishers to work while you organize the shipment. Hit up pet stores if you have to. They’ll have the meat products if you are unable to find any other suppliers. Raid jewellery stores for gems, and talk to Moon Howler for the best kinds, especially for the young ones. Oh, and be sure to pay for them. I want minimal hard feelings. Once there, you will appropriate assistance from any number of guards, night or day, that you need. This is a Cadenza tier relief mission, corporal. Treat it as such.”

Shooting Star looked confused for a moment before a light went on and she smirked. “Yes, sir; Cadenza tier. Got it.”

“Oh, and take my coin purse.” I tossed her my money pouch. “Use mine and your own to pay for the supplies, make sure you get receipts and I'll ensure you will get double time to sort the paperwork afterwards. Pay with I.O.U.s if the funds you have are insufficient.”

A crisp “Sir, yes, sir” was accompanied by a snappy salute.

She turned to take off, but I called back to her, “Oh, and if anypony gives you even a hint of grief, remember you're under the orders of a Paladin entrusted with the authority of a Princess. I'll take full responsibility for any consequences.” I grabbed a piece of paper and a quill from Silver Lining, wrote a short note and handed it to the fast pegasus. “This should help. Good luck, soldier.”

Shooting Star stared at me for a moment before a huge grin formed. She saluted enthusiastically, “Sir, yes, sir!” As she sped off to find Moon Howler I heard her talking excitedly to herself, “I can see the headlines now, Night Guard saves the day. This’ll be sweet.”

58 - The Village Pt 3

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It was early evening, and the faint glimmer of stars peeked overhead. Shooting Star was still hours away, and we needed to do something, so we made four fires at the centre of the village and borrowed cauldrons to make soup with what rations we had. We pooled our rations and had a little meat from my own supplies and a good supply of peanut butter based protein bars. This, along with our dried vegetables, were all divided equally between the large pots. With more food coming soon, we managed to supplement the stews by stone souping them with what meagre supplies they had. The resulting stew wasn’t a gourmet meal by any stretch of the imagination, and some turned their snouts up at it, but we managed to feed most of the villagers. The young, the sick, and pregnant females had priority in the lineup. I wished we had more, but this was a start.

Bea had gathered a small crowd of younger dogs around her, now all sipping from their soup bowls. “Behold, the Great And Powerful Trixie will amaze you with illusions never before seen by diamond dog kind!” After the obviously magical illusions, she continued with card tricks, appearing and disappearing handkerchiefs, and various other close magic, much to the delight of the pups. A few adults, bowls in paw, gathered to watch the show.

One pup with a black coat and white muzzle watched in particular amazement at her tricks. I caught Bea’s eye, and she winked at me. She accidentally dropped a handkerchief right in front of him. He timidly grabbed it and examined it.

“I’ll now need a volunteer from the audience.” She pointed a hoof at the amazed pup, “You! Trixie senses great power in you, but not, of course, as much as Trixie herself!”

The pup held the piece of cloth in front of him and shyly nodded.

Trixie smiled widely, “Now, say the magic words Alakazim Alakazam Bright Sham Disappear.”

The young dog slowly repeated the ‘magic’ words. I could make out a very slight glow around Bea’s horn. There was no way a pony would have spotted that, and I suspected no diamond dog could either. The handkerchief disappeared in a little puff of fireworks.

The little dog was gobsmacked, grinning from ear to ear, the other pups oo-ing and ah-ing at their friend's newfound magical powers.

“Ha! Not bad. Not bad at all. Now watch this!” She pulled out a green kerchief said the magic words and… nothing. She laughed sheepishly, “A minor miscalculation. Here, I’m sure you’ll never get this one.” She hoofed the piece of cloth to the excited pup. He said the magic words again, and poof, the cloth was gone.

“Trixie congratulates you, young one. Now, Trixie shall match your mighty magical feats!” Producing a yellow hanky, she said the magic words slowly, over-enunciating each word, then, with tongue sticking out in concentration, waved her hooves. Everyone around roared with laughter.

“This is impossible! How can Trixie be bested in a magical duel? Oh, mighty wizard, you have truly shown your magical skill. May I offer to teach you the tricks of illusion? In fact, you are all invited to learn the magic kerchief trick.”

She then started to hand out brightly coloured bits of cloth and showed them how to distract, how to palm (hoof?) the cloth, and so on. Soon, the dogs were making a small handkerchief disappear. I beamed at her. She had distracted these poor souls from their troubles, even if it was just for a short time.

Late that night, with a crescent moon shining down on us, Shooting Star arrived. She was a few minutes ahead of the rest of the aerial caravan, saddlebags stuffed with cans. “I got it! I got as much as I could! It should last them a few weeks, at least until those idiots in Sustenance can get their heads out of their plots, sir.” Soon, aerial chariots loaded with food, pulled by grumbling day guards and happy night guards, started arriving—those who had the strength started unloading and organizing the welcome gift. “There wasn’t much in the way of meat, but I cleaned out the pet stores of their dog food. Made sure to have can openers, too. I wasn’t sure if they had any. Got gems for the foals. Your coin pouch is empty, but don’t worry, I got the receipts. There was some problem with the I.O.U.s-”

I interrupted her, “We’ll worry about that later. For now, help with the unpacking and organizing, alright?”

She saluted, “Sir, yes, sir!”

Roughbone approached me, roughly shoving what looked like a young female. “You dun what you say. Dis bitch whelp of Grass Runner. Her name Summer Blossom. Grass Runner say you take care of her.” With a final shove, he pushed her towards me. The girl stumbled while scowling at Roughbone, but she kept to her feet.

My hand went to the handle of my knife, “Watch it, sport. She’s just a kid.” I put my other hand out, “You alright, Summer Blossom?”

She batted it away, “Me no goat, me diamond dog whelp. Me almost of age.”

I took a step back, hands slightly raised, “Alrighty then. Duly noted.”

Roughbone chuckled, “She paw full. Luck spirits guide you. Oh, and she only thirteen summers; she not adult for three more.”

Celestia took a dainty sip of her ale. Inside, she raged, but a millennia of experience allowed her to keep her appearance and voice calm. “He must follow procedure. It has been developed over the course of over nine hundred years. It is utilised and appreciated by all my little ponies for a reason.”

Luna swallowed her tea with disgust. “Fie on thy paperwork. Those poor souls hungered under your benevolent rule.”

Only Luna could have seen the muscle under her sister’s left eye twitch. “You mean under our rule, dear sister. Now that we know how we failed them, they can receive proper food. There will be an investigation, but I suspect the cause is one of error on the filer’s part. Had the paperwork been properly filled, this would not have happened. Instead, your blessed champion fed them pet food. Luna, they had to eat animal feed because of this champion you put so much trust in. Trust that has been wholly unearned.”

Luna slammed her hoof down on the table, upsetting her teacup, “You will not speak of him in such disrespectful tones. He has—”

Celestia stood, her ethereal mane flowing on imperceptible winds, her tone questioning, “He has what, dear sister? Saved a small hoof full of ponies? Saved his adopted daughter? Saved himself?” She lifted a delicate hoof to rub her temple. “Even a wolf will save its own, yet you would not keep one as a pet. He”, she paused to emphasize the word, “is a wolf in sheep’s clothing.” She sat back down with a sigh. “You have to understand he is outside of the Weave. This means he is outside of harmony, which means that, in the end, he cannot be trusted. Can’t you see this was simply another example of his willingness and ability to casually circumvent the rules and procedures we have in our beloved kingdom?”

Luna composed herself, "Sister, I tire of you blaming him for every failure and chipped hoof. I can understand if the weave is not attuned to him, he is not of this world, but now you say he is an actively malicious force, as was Tyrek. He is hardly only protecting his kin. He has offered compassion and mercy to those who attacked his loved ones. Mercy that, I should point out, was lacking from your little ponies. We shall see whether the error was in their understanding of our paperwork or thine own precious ponies’ tribalism. Could it be your grasp on the Weave is faltering, like it did to Father in his last millennia?"

The alabaster princess snorted dismissively, “Don’t be ridiculous. My time was foretold to last ten millennia. It has only been three.”

Luna’s voice was quiet, “Perhaps, dear sister, the foretelling was in error.”

Shooting Star trotted up to me, “Paladin Roberts, sir. Do you have a few minutes?”

I was finishing up organizing the supplies with Moon Howler. “Sure, I can make some time. What’s up?”

She hesitated, “It’s about the IOUs. There are a few muzzles out of joint, even with your note. Lots of the townponies didn’t like the idea of, and I quote, ‘A minion of an agent of Nightmare Moon bossing us around’ and ‘Why should we help those filthy dogs’. Lucky for me, they were happy to part with the goods once they saw the bits. Let’s just say I paid more than retail for a lot of the stuff. Not one of them offered a disaster discount or anything. The day guard were no better. I had to threaten to get Princess Luna herself to order them. Not sure what I would have done had they called my bluff.”

“You did good. As for the price gouging, I’ll get that looked into when the dust clears. There is no point in arguing at this stage. So, roughly, what were the damages?”

Her tone was worried, “A little over ten thousand bits in IOUs.”

“Ouch. Well, I hope Luna has deep pockets. If not, I still have a few kilos of aluminium stashed away for a rainy day.”

Shooting Star did a double take, “Kilos? Of aluminium? I heard you were loaded, but Luna’s teats, that’s crazy. I think only the princesses have that much. Where did you get it?”

I chuckled, “Dumb luck, mostly.”

The sun was peeking over the mountains, the beginning of a bright, beautiful day. I made sure we had done all we could. “Moon Howler, I want to assure you I’ll do everything in my power to fix this. These supplies should last about two weeks. I wish there was more I could do for now.”

“You have done more than your pony masters have ever done.” He handed me a necklace with a small stone token carved into a stylized diamond dog head. “Take this. It will mark you as a friend to diamond dogs.”

“Thank you.” I placed it over my head, “ I’ll treasure this.” I cleared my throat and called out, “Alright, ponies, time to saddle up and move ‘em out. We’re heading home.” The night guard ponies cheered, waving goodbye to the villagers who had gathered.

It had been a long day's march and we didn’t feel it would have been right to take any of the food we had just given. I was used to going without, but I’m not sure the ponies were. Still, they were stoic, even when their stomachs growled loudly. We had made camp on the side of the road and made a meal with some wild plants we found. Turned out this wasn’t the first time these guys had to do without. I was starting to get a bit of a belly, so I just had coffee. I did take a few cans of dog food and some other supplies for Summer Blossom. She was quiet, only occasionally glaring at me while she was eating.

We were all tired. Summer and most of the ponies finally fell asleep, leaving Tree Top on cloud duty and Noctus and myself to tend the fire.

Noctus spoke quietly, “Paladin Roberts, why don’t you get some sleep? Despite your stamina, you must be tired.”

I stretched and yawned, “Yeah, I am, but I can’t help but think of those people. How badly they were treated through official channels.”

“Yes, but thanks to you, they have food until, as Shooting Star put it, the bureaucracy can pull their heads out of their plots. You have saved the day and helped restore honour to Equestria.”

“Maybe so, but... “ I trailed off, deep in thought. “But, there was a time when my own people did something similar. It was a point of great shame to treat the First Nations people in such a shoddy manner. In my lifetime, we, that is, the government, did its best to rectify what was done in the past. There was history there, Europeans settled in North America, displacing the native peoples and decimating them with disease and warfare. In later years, they tried to eradicate their culture by forcing the children away from their families and to boarding schools.” I poked at the fire, thinking. “Correct me if I’m wrong, but the diamond dogs were here before the ponies settled in this area. I’m guessing the ponies technologically and magically outclassed them.”

“I warn you, Paladin Roberts, you speak of ancient history.” We sat quietly for a while longer, and then Noctus started speaking, “During the age of expansion when ponies came to this fertile land, they came with harmony in their hearts. We gave them medicine, engineering, law, and countless other gifts. I resent the implication that ponies could engage in a deliberate genocide of the diamond dogs.”

I sighed. “It may not have been deliberate, Noctus, but the net effect was the same. Where do they live now? How many are in the pony cities and towns?”

He sniffed, “Many, I’m sure.”

I raised an eyebrow, “Really? I don’t recall seeing one in Ponyville or Canterlot. Now, Ponyville is small, and while I haven’t met everyone in town, I’m pretty damn sure there aren’t any diamond dogs living there. I don’t think I even saw one in the market. As for Canterlot, maybe there are some that live there, but I doubt it. Can you name one?”

“No, Paladin Roberts, I can not. As you implied, Canterlot is a large city, and my duties preclude exploring all the nooks and crannies.”

“Celestia's mane, Shining Armour. There was no reason to treat those poor bastards like that. Mares and foals were starving, for goodness sake.” Tight Bracer, current second in command of the day guard, struggled to maintain a respectful posture for his captain.

“You’re exaggerating,” Shining Armor replied. “They just miss filed the forms or something. Thanks to Noctus submitting a FD110023/7 - Emergency Specialty Food Request form, there is a mandatory investigation. I’m sure those dogs just did something wrong.”

“Really, Shining, really?” the day guard realized his insolent tone and forced himself back into civility. “Moon Howler filled the required forms seven times, according to Master Sergeant Noctus. It’s a class A form. You know it goes to the top of the pile. If he had made a mistake, would there have been no follow-up? Would somepony not wonder why they keep sending the same form over and over with the same mistakes, assuming there was even was some kind of mistake? Do you ignore that type of request unless it’s perfect?”

“Of course not. We both know a class A form is always handled with great care. And, of course, they would follow up on any such thing. He must be lying.” Doubt started to creep into Shining Armor’s voice.

“Why would he lie?” The second in command asked with obviously forced deference.

“Because he’s a diamond dog, Bracer. Everypony knows they’re liars and thieves.” Shining grimaced, ears folding back as he realized only after it was out of his mouth how prejudiced that statement was.

Home. Finally home. In the distance, I saw Dash’s sky-blue coat next to Scootaloo’s orange coat and smiled. They were sitting on the step, no doubt waiting for me. After the crap I’ve seen, I could use a hug. I whistled to get her attention. Her head snapped up and she bolted at top speed toward me. I held my arms out to catch her and hold her tight. Summer sneered and rolled her eyes. Dash slammed into me, knocking me flat on my back. I realized she was crying. "... What's going on?"

She sobbed, "They're trying to take Scootaloo away from us!"

I was shocked, “Who? When?”

My daughter grabbed my arm, bawling her eyes out, "Dad! I don't want to go! They want to take me!"

I tried to reassure them. Ponies have a way of overreacting, and I hope this is just the case now. "Now everyone calm down. Who’s 'they'?"

The trembling little pegasus, in a quivering voice, simply said, "My birth parents."

My beloved explained, "Miss Sweetheart is getting her this afternoon, Alex. She'll be here any second."

I kissed them both and stood, "Over my dead body. Dash, go get Twilight. Scoots, go to your room. Summer, go with her, “I pointed at Scootaloo. Before anyone could argue, “I’ll explain later. I don't want you to see Daddy mad."

My little girl sniffed, confused, "I already saw you mad at the school."

I smiled sadly at her, trying not to let my anger show. "I wasn't mad. I was just worried. Now? I'm mad. Now, please help Summer. She’s going to be staying with us for a while."

59 - The Two Sisters

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Scootaloo sniffed once and put on a brave face, “Come on Summer Blossom, my dad knows what to do.” She added after a pause, “Let's go.”

Summer Blossom resigned herself, “Mother told me to obey. I obey.”

Scootaloo stopped at the bottom of the stairs, straining to listen to what was happening outside. She barely heard her father ask, “Miss Sweetheart? What is this all about?”

Miss Sweetheart replied, but she could only make out the word, “... overreacting...”

Her mom yelled, “Overreacting?!” The rest was muffled except for the sounds of angry wing beats. “... salt addled monsters…”, then, “... faking it!”

She could hear her dad’s soothing voice, calmly bringing her mother’s frantic response down to a dull roar. Scootaloo crept closer to the door, to better hear what was being said.

Annoyed, Summer asked, “Why you stop? Father say go-”

Scootaloo waved a hoof dismissively, “Shush. I’m trying to eavesdrop.”

Summer rolled her eyes, “No speak-”

Scootaloo turned her head and glared, “I. Said. Shush.”

Summer made to respond but stopped, shocked by the little pony’s fierce expression. Scootaloo held eye contact for a moment, then returned to listening outside. She laid her right ear flat against the door and focused.

Miss Sweetheart was speaking in her calm, motherly voice, “... are reformed, they are seeking their filly back. If the courts agree, she will be returned to her parents, under my supervision, of course. You will be allowed contact with her unless the parents choose to deny this. Based on their past, I would be astonished if-”

Rainbow Dash blurted out, “If? If! What do you mean, ‘if’?”

Miss Sweetheart sighed, a sound Scootaloo was very familiar with. “If they get court approval, which I highly doubt, then I will assist you in reversing that tragedy. It’s obvious Scootaloo does not want to go back to them.” The kind mare sighed and then smiled sadly. “Off the record, don’t worry. This is just her ex-parents flailing about, trying to harm you.”

Dash spoke hesitatingly, her voice full of hope, “Are you sure? You’ve seen this sort of thing before, right?”

Scootaloo could hear the smile in Miss Sweetheart’s voice, “Yes. It rarely amounts to anything other than worry. Now, I do have one question. Was that a diamond dog staying with you?”

There was a pause, and then her dad answered, “Yes. Her name is Summer Blossom. She’s the daughter of Grass Runner, the ex-leader of the Eastern Forest Pack, the one that attacked Ponyville. She was placed in my care by her mother. I’m afraid I don’t have…” Scootaloo stopped listening.

As the young pegasus held back the panicked tears that threatened to overwhelm her, she noticed that the fur on Summer’s back was standing on end.

“Birth father, birth mother bad ponies?” Summer asked in a low growl.

“I don’t want to talk about it,” Scootaloo said tightly.

“Bad ponies? Yes? No?” Summer insisted.

“Yeah. Real bad,” Scootaloo replied.

Summer growled threateningly. “Bad ponies steal, me bite.” The young diamond dog snapped her jaws in the air.

Scootaloo paused and looked at Summer in surprise. “You would?”

“You welp father, he father, you sister. What else?” She tapped her forehead, "I good dog. I protect father's pack. Make mother proud."

Scootaloo’s ears drooped. “You shouldn’t do that. Bite, I mean.”

Summer growled low and dangerously. “I protect.”

Scootaloo flinched. “That’ll just get us all into trouble. If you bite them, you’ll get taken away, and my birth parents will use that against Mom and Dad.”

The determination in Summer’s eyes faltered for a moment, and her voice took on an uncertainty Scootaloo hadn’t heard from her. “How to protect?”

“I don’t know yet.” The little pegasus tried to smirk, “Dad will figure something out. He always does.”

We watched in silence as Ms Sweetheart returned towards the orphanage, Dash still hovering in anger. Once she was out of earshot, Dash seethed, "She had the gall to talk to us like we are one of her foals."

She was on a warpath and would calm down in her own time. "I know, dear."

She threw her hooves in the air, exasperated, "I'm a full-grown feathered mare for Celestia’s sake!"

I spoke in a soothing tone, "We all know you are, dear."

Her anger started subsiding, "I helped save Equestria, you know."

"Yes, dear, I know."

She chuckled, “Will you please stop being so darn agreeable.”

I smirked, “Of course, dear.”

Dash was distracted but was determined to make things as normal as possible, under the circumstances, for her daughter. She corrected herself: daughters. “Scoots, Summer, can you set the table, please, while we make dinner?”

Summer muttered in resignation, “Me do, Mother.”

Scoots snickered and stage-whispered to Summer, “You’re lucky you’re new. That would get me grounded for a week.”

Dash smiled, “You still might if you don’t help Summer.”

Scoots sighed, “Yes, Mom.” Her mood instantly brightened, “Come on, Summer! You can get the stuff on the high shelves.”

In a much kinder voice, Summer replied, “Me do, little sister. We honourable.”

Scootaloo threw her hooves around Summer, “That’s so totally cool!” In a dreamy tone, “I’ve got the coolest big sister in Equestria and the most awesome family.”

Summer, unsure what to do, awkwardly patted Scootaloo on the shoulder.

Dash and I had thrown together a quick dinner for our new family. It was mostly vegetables and hay, of course, and some dried fish.

Summer Blossom seemed a little confused, so I started heaping food on her plate. “Here, have some snap peas, some carrots, spinach, and fish.” I gave her most of the smoked salmon. “Eat up. You’ve had a busy day.” I smiled at Scootaloo and started heaping food on her plate as well, giving her the rest of the salmon, “You too, young lady.” I apologized, “Sorry for the dinner, Summer. I still need to get more meat for us.” I muttered to myself, “Maybe Gary has some extra he can sell me.”

The young diamond dog princess sniffed, “Do not apologize, father. This better than home.” She touched her forehead, “I thank.”

Scootaloo touched her own forehead with her hoof, “I’m also thankful.”

Dash snorted, “Already copying your new roomie, eh?”

Summer glared at Dash and spoke in an icy tone, hair bristled, “Little sister grateful, mother. Mocking unkind.”

Dash sputtered, “Hey! I wasn’t making fun. It’s just a little, I don’t know, weird, I guess.”

Summer glared momentarily, then looked down at her plate with apparent hunger. I was sure she would have devoured her food in a single bite had she had less self-control.

We ate silently for a few minutes, and then I decided to break a subject. “So, Dash, I have some good news and some bad news.”

Dash moaned, “What else could happen today? Okay, out with it.”

I gave her a half smile, “I had to use all our savings to pay for the food to save the Diamond Dog village.” Summer looked up from her plate in awe. “Don’t worry. I made sure to get receipts, so I should be able to get that back. Worst case scenario, I sell some of the aluminium I’ve been saving for a rainy day.”

Dash put down her fork, wiped her muzzle with a napkin, and cocked an eyebrow at me, “I hope you get it back because I don’t know if you’ve checked the price of aluminium lately. Ever since you started selling it, the price has almost dropped in half. You flooded the market, you dork.”

I sighed, “Well… f- fiddlesticks. So, how did you...”

Dash answered flatly, “Twilight. It’s a bit of a sore point for her. Her family held a lot of aluminium. Her folks are… were, loaded. I never mentioned it because I didn’t want you to feel bad about it.”

I put my own fork down. “Ah. I guess I owe Twilight and her folks an apology. Well, I’m sure the Princesses will help resolve this. It was an official rescue mission, after all. ‘Cadence’ or ‘Cazentta’ level. I don’t recall which one I used.”

Dash’s ears perked up, and she tilted her head, “What the heck is that?”

I chuckled, “Something I made up to give the pony I sent for the food a little extra authority. I’m sure Cadence won’t mind.”

Dash snickered, “Heh. I have to admit, that’s funny. You’re right. I think Cadence will get a kick out of it.”

The dinner was complete, and I started collecting the dishes. Summer interrupted me, anger obvious, “Me clean dishes. Me earn keep.” She took on an exaggeratedly submissive posture as she turned to Dash. “Mother, show tools to clean?”

Dash chuckled nervously, “Sure.” After a moment of thought, “Look, Summer, you don’t need to call me ‘mother’. Dash is fine.”

Summer’s head tilted to the side, and her ears drooped, “You the Alex’s mate? His bitch.”

Dash, slightly confused, replied, “I don’t belong to him. It’s more like... best friends with benefits.”

Summer’s ears perked up, her reply flat, “Words. You his, he yours. Blood mother quested me obey as father. Thus you mother.”

Dash could see Summer's hackles were raised, and her eyes showed a glint of fear. Something was going on here; she wasn't sure what, but something was definitely happening. "Okay," Dash eventually replied. "If you feel you need to, I'm cool with it."

We all spent the evening relaxing in front of the hearth. Dash, Scootaloo, and I were snuggling on the couch, all the while Summer Blossom was curled up in the easy chair, staring quietly into the fire. I noticed Dino slinking in the shadows, looking for mice, but the little guy kept his distance for the evening. He was likely a little spooked by Summer.

We were all contemplating the day's events, so there wasn’t much in the way of conversation. I saw the time and spoke quietly, “Okay, kids, it’s nine-thirty, and it’s been a busy day. I think it’s time for all of us to hit the sack.”

Summer looked up at me with a sour expression, “Of course, father.”

Scootaloo yawned, nodded, and headed toward her room. “Come on, Summer. I’ll let you take the bed tonight. I can sleep on the floor.” She perked up, “It’ll be just like a sleepover.”

I yawned, “Thanks for reminding me, Scoots. I’ll see about fixing that for tomorrow night.”

Summer yawned and followed behind Scootaloo. At the base of the steps, she turned her head suddenly, peered into the darkness of the kitchen, then hurried to follow Scootaloo. Once they reached the room, Summer closed the door and sat at the foot of the bed. “You sleep bed first. Me take first watch.”

Scootaloo tilted her head in curiosity, “Um, we’re in a house. It’s safe. No need for watches.”

Summer whispered loudly, “You blind? You not see popping-cat?”

The little pegasus giggled, which slightly irked the dog. “You mean Dino? He was just a little spooked. It takes him a few tries when new ponies are around. Anyway, leave the door open. He likes to snuggle with me sometimes.”

She looked at her with a slack-jawed expression, “You have popping-cat for pet?”

Scoots shrugged, “Dad saved it after its mom attacked us. He’s really friendly once he gets to know you.”

Summer didn’t know what to think and replied in awe, "He tamed popping-cat? Father strong."

We were all sitting at the kitchen table, quietly eating breakfast, each of us lost in thought. I had so much to do today to keep my family intact. But, first things first, I need to make sure the newest member of our family has an education. I cleared my throat and announced, “Okay, I’ll talk to Cheerilee and get Summer enrolled in school this morning. We can all go early.” I made lunches for both of them: a red pepper sandwich for Scoots and a sandwich with the last of the canned ham for Summer. I included fruit and vegetables for both of them and some hay for Scoots. I packed them up in paper bags and labelled them with their names. I handed one to Scoots, who promptly placed it in her saddle bag. When I held the other one for Summer, she only looked at my hand in confusion.

Summer hesitantly moved her hand towards the outstretched bag. “That feast mine?”

I smiled, “Well, yeah. You need a full belly to learn properly.”

She snatched the bag and quickly opened it. She was about to bite into the ham sandwich when I stopped her, “Hey, Summer, that’s for lunch. If you’re still hungry, I could make you a peanut butter sandwich or something.”

She looked at me, gobsmacked. “I… I can have more?”

I smiled sadly, “Sure. I know things were rough in the village, but you don’t have to worry about that here. Dash and I will always make sure you always have plenty to eat.”

The young ponies in the schoolyard shied away from the strange pair. Scootaloo was excited, “Okay, Summer, while Dad gets things set up with Ms Cheerilee, I want you to meet my friends. Here, let’s drop our lunches off, and we can go.”

Summer looked at the pile of lunches with awe, “This not right. All this food. We have nothing. Scraps when hunting good. How this happen?"

Scootaloo, looking for her friends, answered distractedly, "What was that?"

Summer replied patiently, "Father. He richer than any pony."

Scoots answered, a little confused, "Well, he has money, but he’s not the richest."

Summer rolled her eyes, "I speak not of material things. He safe home. He want, he get."

Scoots thought about it for a moment, then nodded, "Yeah, I guess so."

The young diamond dog continued, “Pony Princess, raiser of moon, make father alpha. He bark, ponies listen. Stop ponies hurting Diamond Dogs.” Her eyes turned downward, “He has teeth in fight.”

Unnoticed, Sweetie Belle and Applebloom came up behind them. Sweetie squeaked, “Who’s your new friend?”

Summer turned and dropped to a combat stance. “Scootaloo! Behind!”

Scootaloo chuckled, “It’s okay, Summer, these are my friends. Sweetie Belle, Applebloom, I want you to meet my new sister, Summer Blossom.”

Sweetie Bell squeaked loud enough to cause Summer to fold her ears down, "Sister?!"

Applebloom’s ears pinned back, "Ow, my ears."

Sweetie blushed, “Sorry. Nice to meet you, Summer Blossom.”

Applebloom thrust out her hoof and gave a big smile, “Howdy! Mighty fine to make your acquaintance.”

Summer gingerly took Applebloom’s hoof and shook it. “You Scootaloo’s pack-mates? Is good meet you.”

One of the fillies who were eyeing Summer suspiciously called out, “Why are you shaking hooves with that stinking diamond dog? It’s just going to steal everything.”

Scootaloo, indignant, shouted, “That’s not true, Sugar Snap! Summer would never do that. She’s my sister!”

A small crowd of students had gathered as Sugar Snap continued with her vitriol, “She doesn’t look like your sister. Besides, everypony knows diamond dogs are nothing but dirty thieves.”

Scootaloo snarled, “You take that back. Summer is a good diamond dog. You just take that back.”

The belligerent pony stood a little taller, “Nu uh. I ain’t taking nothing back.”

Scoots got closer, almost touching her muzzle to Sugar Snap. “I said, take it back.”

Sugar Snap seemed a little unsure and backed away. “They attacked Ponyville. They hurt ponies. How can you forgive that?”

Scootaloo pleaded, “She wasn’t there. She wasn’t part of the attack.”

Sugar Snap made a sour expression. “Fine, whatever. Just keep her away from us.”

Alex stepped out of the school. One little pony ran over to him, saying, “Mr Alex Roberts, sir, there’s a diamond dog! Save us!”

Alex replied coolly, “I think she’s just fine. You should treat her like you would any pony.” He looked at Summer with concern, “You okay?” she nodded, “Good. I signed you up for school. The teacher’s name is Miss Cheerilee.”

The school bell rang, and the ponies started filing towards the school.

Alex sighed, “Okay, Scootaloo, Summer, be good. I’ll pick you up after school.”

Summer inclined her head, “Yes, father. Me bring pride and honour to house Roberts.”

Satisfied, Alex gave Scootaloo a final hug. He was about to do the same to Summer, but her expression stopped him cold. “Okay, have a good day, Summer.”

While the young ponies were moving to the school, Summer whispered to Scootaloo, "You not protect me, you know."

Scoots replied with a grin, "Hey, you're my sister. Of course, I'll watch your back."

Summer rolled her eyes, "Me not real sister."

Scoots stopped, looking Summer straight in the eyes, "Like it or not, you're in this family. I've never had a family, really, before this one, and I don't care if you're a dog or a pony. You're family."

Summer’s head drooped in acquiescence, but a glint of hope shone in her eyes. “...me submit.”

Cheerilee stood at the front of the class as the students settled in. The window had been replaced since the attack and the ceiling showed fresh plaster. Summer was standing by the door, nervous. “Good morning, class. I want to welcome a new student, Summer Blossom. Please, give her a warm Ponyville Elementary welcome.” The class halfheartedly greeted her, except for the Cutie Mark Crusaders, who cheered wildly. Cheerilee gave her a book and directed her to a desk with a stool at the front of the class. “Today, we will continue our history of the three pony tribes.” Summer raised a paw, “Yes, Summer Blossom?”

Her eyes narrowed, “Ponies steal land from Diamond Dogs. You teach?”

Cheerilee’s face froze for a moment. She was used to students who were not this aggressive. "Well, right now, we are discussing how the three pony tribes fought with each other and found Harmony. Tomorrow, we will be discussing the settling of modern Equestria. I look forward to your contribution to that discussion at that time."

Sugar Snap muttered, “I’ll bet they stole it from the ponies.”

Cheerilee gave Sugar Snap a warning look. “Now, back to our lesson.”

After such a busy day, I took my new family to Garbo’s, the restaurant Gary’s father owned. I figured we could use a night out, and anyway, I wanted to celebrate Summer’s first day of school. We sat at a table on the patio.

Gary, with his waiter’s apron tiny on his huge frame, greeted us, “Hey, Alex, Rainbow Dash, Scootaloo; good to see you.” His cheerful smile fell on Summer, “And who’s this?”

“Please allow me to introduce Summer Blossom. She is the newest member of our family.”

“Well, congratulations, Alex. Glad to meet you, Summer Blossom. Menus?” I nodded. He handed Dash and Scoots menus with ponies on the front, while Summer and I got gryffin menus. He shifted his gaze to Summer, “What can I get you to drink?”

Summer looked at the huge gryffin with a combination of fear and confusion. “Water?”

“Sure.” Gary was about to turn to Scootaloo, when he narrowed his eyes, “Hmm, tell you what, I’ll make something special for you. A sort of welcome to Ponyville surprise.” He got the rest of our drink orders and left.

Most of the other patrons were looking at Summer with curiosity, some with fear, and a few with outright hostility. Considering the recent events, it was no surprise.

Summer looked at the menu in confusion. “What do this? This Ponyville food?”

I patiently explained, “That’s the food options you can choose. Anything on the menu tickle your fancy?”

She looked incredulous, “No, no, no. Me eat what on my plate. Me not choose. Not right.”

Smiling kindly, I gently corrected her, “Normally, I would agree with you, but this is a special day. You can have anything you would like.”

Looking at me in disbelief, Summer asked, “Anything? But, so much...”

My heart ached. “I’m sorry. I guess this would be a little overwhelming. Would you like me to choose for you?”

She snapped, “No!” then quickly composed herself. “No, thank you, father. Me choose.”

Gary soon returned with our drinks and a tall glass full of pink liquid that sparkled. He placed the tall glass in front of the diamond dog princess with a flourish, “Here you go, Summer Blossom. My very own tartar smoothie with quartz dust, just for you.”

Summer looked at me, seeming to ask permission. I smiled and said, “You can eat quartz, right?” She nodded. “Well then, give it a taste.”

Summer took a tentative sip. Her eyes grew wide and her tail started wagging. “Thank you, Master Gary. This very good.” She took another sip, and I actually saw a bit of a smile.

"Master Gary? Naw, just Gary. The fact you're enjoying it is thanks enough. So, you know what you all want? Scoots, let me guess, you want a stuffed red pepper?" Scoots nodded. “And you Rainbow Dash? Your usual?”

“You bet. But with extra daisies.”

“You got it. How about you, Alex?”

“Oh, chicken and veg stir fry sounds good.”

“Great. Extra hay right? Just kidding. And how about you Summer Blossom? What can I make you?”

“More?” Summer squeaked in confusion.

“You bet. I’ve got pork, chicken, vegetables, tofu. I don’t have much in the way of gems, just some powdered quartz and sapphire. Spike gets milkshakes with those.”

Summer thought for a moment before looking at me nervously. “Roast chicken?”

I gave her a slightly sad smile. "Of course, you can."

“And one roast chicken for the young lady.” Gary made a note on his order pad, collected the menus, and jauntily walked off to the kitchen.

While waiting for our food, my nose picked up a smell. It was a combination of long unwashed bodies and salt. Against my better judgment, I sniffed again. This time, I also smelled clover. Two ponies wearing long dirty cloaks, dragging on the ground, and amused grins were sauntering towards us. The red mare with a brown mane had scratches on her face. Due to the cloaks, I couldn't tell if she was an earth pony or a pegasus pony. The blue unicorn stallion with a green mane seemed to have swollen lips. They came straight toward us. Ponies around them wrinkled their snouts in disgust.

They both sat down like they owned the place. The mare spoke in a perky, scratchy voice. “Well, if it isn’t our little scootaly doodally Scootaloo.”

Dash and I looked at each other, then our daughter. I pulled Scootaloo a little closer and could feel her trembling. I smiled at them, “Hello. You seem to know my daughter. Is there anything I can help you with?”

Scootaloo pressed herself even closer to me. She spoke barely above a whisper. “Mom and Dad, these are my birth parents. He’s Thorn Eater, and she’s Bramble Roller.”

Summer growled a low, menacing snarl.

Dash stood so fast she sent her stool flying, her wings erect. “You monsters! Get the buck away from her, you bucking foals of rutting nags!”

The stallion rolled his eyes. “Such a dirty tongue for such a pure hero. Maybe I should beat some manners into ya-”

I held my hand up and spoke carefully, “Sir, this is quickly escalating. Let’s all calm down and discuss this like adults.” I smirked to myself, ‘Besides, you assholes are totally outclassed.’

Thorn Eater seemed to relax, that dopey grin back on his face. “He’s right, Bramble, my love. Let's get down to brass tacks. A little walrus has told us our… beloved little filly has been stolen from us, her loving, loyal parents.”

My mouth spoke before my brain could stop it, “I call bullshit on that, or is that your smell?”

Thorn and Bramble stared at me for a moment, then burst out laughing. They laughed like they had just heard the funniest joke in the world.

Bramble wiped a tear, and very suddenly, she slammed her hooves on the table. Her expression was pure malice. “Listen up, you stupid stinking ape, you will give us our daughter or a hundred billion bits.”

Thorn chuckled in amusement at the terrified Scootaloo. “No snookums, we hired a lawyer, remember? He said he could get us our dear little Scootsalooloo back.”

Bramble sat up, perkier than Pinkie Pie and with a similar unnaturally wide grin. “That’s right. Silly me. Seriously, give me my little pin cushion back, or I’ll hunt you like a hungry dragon.”

Thorn grinned at me, his foul breath making my head turn. “We both know you could beat me up, but this is the future, where lawyers do all the fighting for us. Our friends want to make sure our little filly is at home with us.”

While this was happening, I could see Dash getting increasingly upset. “You know darn well why you lost her. It wasn’t just the abuse. It was the Discord worship. You prayed to that piece of garbage, and you know what? I helped put that thing down.”

Bramble snarled at Dash, “We don’t do that anymore.” She put a hoof on her chest and struck a beatific pose, “We’ve seen the errors of our ways. Celestia is the one true ruler of Equestria.” The words were spoken like lines of dialogue in a bad play, spoken by bad actors.

Thorn’s left eye twitched, but he kept that mad smile.

Gary barreled out from inside the restaurant, “What in the Emperor's beak are you two doing here? I told you to stay away! Now get gone!” The griffon’s voice almost felt like thunder in the air.

Thorn’s smile disappeared, “Come, Bramble, my beloved. Let us wander to a different local and get things ready for our little Scootsy-poo.”

Bramble made to lunge at Dash but stopped. Dash flinched forward to take her but also stopped. “Yes, let’s make like a tree and fall without a sound. Bye-bye, Rainbow Crash, hairless monkey, ugly mutt, see you in court.”

Gary roared, “I said leave!” I could have sworn the floor rumbled.

It was a beautiful evening, and the kids were in bed. I heard a knock at the front door. When I opened it, there was no one there. ‘Odd’, I thought.

Just as I was closing the door, I noticed what looked like a wrapped bouquet of flowers. I picked them up and opened the package. The blue orchid-like flowers smelled of… I wasn’t sure. I sniffed again. I just couldn’t place the scent, but it sure smelled nice. I could have stood there all day, sniffing those lovely flowers. I was so engrossed I didn’t notice Dash until she swatted them out of my hands.

Dash pushed me hard, “Come on, you big lug, you need to get looked at. Who knows what it will do to you.”

“I feel fine. Anyway, what’s so bad about those flowers? They smelled nice.”

Dash threw her forehooves in the air, “Smelled nice?! Are you nuts? That was poison joak.”

60 - The Fall Of Rome

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Shining Armor slammed the doors to his house open, “Cadence! Where are you?”

“In the office, dear,” she called out calmly from down the hall.

His measured steps echoed down the hall. With a weariness far beyond his years, he threw himself down into a chair. “How could you? How could you side with that, that, thing over your own husband!?”

Cadence looked up from the paperwork covering the desk and peered over her glasses, “What do you mean? Do you mean the rescue mission? Yes, I sided with him. It was an emergency and he was doing the right thing, dear.”

Half ignoring her, he pleaded, “He even used your name without permission! A, what did he call it? A ‘Cadenza tier relief mission’? What, in Celestia’s name, is that?”

“It’s exactly what it sounds like, dear. A relief mission based on love for our fellow beings. Didn’t you want to help those poor diamond dogs, dear?”

Shining rolled his eyes, “Of course I did.”

“But?” Cadence prompted.

“But, there is a system in place for that. It’s a good system. There was even an FD110023/7 filed for pony sake. The food was going to be there in a few days, tops.”

She took her glasses off, carefully folded them, and looked across the desk to her husband. “Days they may not have had, dear.”

Chamor sat in his high-backed chair, forehooves together. “I called you here to tell you I will help you. As I explained, I am not a lawyer, but I do have some interest in this case. I’ve done some research and the facts were... disturbing.”

Bramble Roller clapped her hooves, “You will? You’ll help us get our little Scootaloo-loo back?”

There was a moment of silence. Chamor glared at them. “I’m not doing it for you, and I will not be getting her into your clutches. I’m doing it to protect that foal from the chaos magic that... thing radiates.” The two ponies just stared at him. “Oh, it has done some things that, on the surface, seem good, but the deeper repercussions...” Chamor waved a dismissive hoof, “No matter. His chaos is a danger to all of us, especially that filly. And I don’t feel like moving her from his influence to yours will be any improvement for her.”

Bramble lunged forward, slamming their hooves on Chamors’ desk, knocking one of the little golems to the floor. “But, but, why should we pay you if you’re not getting us our little Loo-loo back?”

“I don’t need your money. Besides, that filly needs to be taken away from it. If the courts decide you’re now fit to be parents, then so be it. As long as she is being protected from that spawn of chaos, I will be satisfied.

Dash was worried. I could see it on her face. “Come on, Alex. Let’s get you checked out. That magic can’t be good for you.”

I tried to calm her fears, “Dash, sweetheart, it was just a flower. What could the harm be?”

She facehoofed, “Alex, we don’t know what that thing will do to you. You need to get to a doctor. Now.”

I pleaded, “What about Scoots and Summer Blossom? We can’t leave them in the middle of the night.”

Summer came down the stairs, “Mother, take father to the healers. I will keep my little sister safe.”

Scootaloo trotted down the stairs behind Summer Bloosm. She stood tall and stuck her chest out, “Yeah, Mom. Get Dad to the hospital. We’ll be fine.” She lost some of her composure, “Dad? Get yourself looked at. Please?”

Despite my protests, we went to the hospital emergency room. As we crested the hill, I could see a mob at the entrance. In the crowd was a huge pony, maybe ten times the size of a normal pony, and one that looked like it was on fire, calmly pacing. As we neared, I heard one pony call out, “Sdrawkcab klat si od nac I lla, taerg si siht.”. Every pony was affected in a strange and unique way. One glowed bright green, one was sneezing like mad, with flowers popping up whenever she walked, and there was a hole in the press of ponies shaped like a pony, even one pony who was grinning like crazy but whose eyes were downcast.

I felt a cold chill, “Okay, I may start worrying after all.”

At the door, I saw Nurse Redheart with pen in mouth and clipboard in hoof, trying to organise this mayhem. We waded into the chaos. I started getting crushed by the crowd, but Dash saved me by pulling me up and out of the press of bodies. “You need to lose weight, Alex. Seriously.”

Nurse Redheart called out in exasperation, “Not you, too!” She pulled a slip of red paper from the clipboard, “Here, take this. It will get you straight to Dr Emerald.”

“Now, sit on the table so I can get a good look at you.” Emerald’s horn glowed a sickly green while he leafed through a binder with a sketch of my face on the cover. “Yes, your background chaos magic signature is only up one point seven percent over your last measurement. An alarming amount if you were a pony, but well within your normal values. A normal uptick of twenty-five percent or more is required for any physical changes from the poison joak. You should be fine. Still, we should take some samples.”

I tensed up, remembering Twilight’s method of sample collection.

Dr Emerald must have noticed my apprehension. “Oh, don’t be such a foal. I will be using a modified version of the technique Miss Twilight Sparkle used. And don’t worry, I only use the finest foal needles.”

After a few minutes of discomfort, I had my clothes returned the right way around and started to leave.

“One moment. I’m giving you a conditional discharge. If you have any odd effects, no matter how minor, I want you to come back here as soon as possible. Is that clear?”

With a sigh, I answered, “Yes, doctor.”

Dash patted me on the head, “Don’t worry, Doc, I’ll bring this lug back here if he has any change at all.”

When we returned home, Scoots was sitting on the steps, wrapped in a blanket, sound asleep, with a little line of drool on her bottom lip. Summer Blossom was sitting beside her, cross-legged, eyes closed. As we drew nearer, her hunter’s eyes snapped open. She turned to Scoots and gently touched her shoulder, “Wake, little sister. Father and mother have returned.”

Scoots snorted and woke blearily, “Wha?” Realisation drew across her face, “Dad!?” She bolted towards us as fast as her little hooves could carry her, stumbling once or twice on her way. She jumped into my arms, “Dad, are you okay?”

I snuggled her, “Don’t worry, pumpkin. Your old stal is just fine.” I looked up at Summer, “Thanks for staying with her. We appreciate it.”

Summer rolled her eyes, “Why would I not, father? I am a good dog.”

Dash smirked, “The best, and don’t you forget it.”

I stood, carrying Scoots, “Alright, I think we all need a good night’s sleep. It has been… a day. A little rest and we can tackle whatever the future holds.”

It was that moment in the morning, just before I really woke up.

I could smell Dash's scent.

I smiled to myself, "Mor- OOF!" My next sensation was to be bucked off the bed, right in the chest.

Dash snarled in a menacing tone, “Where’s Alex? What did you do to him?”

This was no time to panic.

I replied in confusion, “Whoa! It’s me, Alex! I…” I started rubbing where she hit me. That’s not right. I looked down, “I’ve got breasts?” I looked at my hands. They were much more delicate, more feminine, even with the scars.

Okay.

Now this is the perfect time to panic.

61 - Good News and Bad News

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Two shabby, shaggy ponies in ratty old cloaks peeked over the edge of a rooftop. The one with binoculars complained, “You saw him last night, Glue Bottom! Nothing happened to him.”

The other pony moaned. “Have a little patience, Feed Bucket. Chaos takes time, like any artistic endeavour.”

Glue Bottom grunted, “Okay, maybe— wait! Shush. He and his nag are leaving the house.” He adjusted the binoculars, “Huh. He seems... different somehow.”

Feed Bucket snatched the binoculars. “Let me see.” It took him a moment to focus on Alex. “Well, what do you know? He’s lumpier and walking strangely. Can’t say it looks like much.” He adjusted the focus. “Wow. His nag sure looks peeved at him. I wonder if…”

A friendly, slightly confused voice called from the ground, “Why are you folks on my roof?”

Glue Bottom snarled, “We’re bird watching. Now, beat it.”

The voice continued cheerfully, “Okay, but there aren't many birds over there, don’t-cha-know.”

Feed Bucket replied testily, “Who asked you? You heard what the pony said, scram.”

“There's great bird-watching toward that big oak tree, just a little to your left.” The voice continued in a friendly tone, “Would you like some hot cocoa? It makes ornithology much more exciting. We ornithophiles have to stick together, don’t-cha-know.”

I felt like Dash, and I had been staring at each other for a very long time. It felt like about four years.

Dash dropped to a combat stance, wings erect, and she sneered at me, “Alex? Is that really you?”

I raised a hand, examining it. Using my training, I felt around in my mind for the telltale signs of mind control or mental alteration. Finding my mind as squeaky clean as it could reasonably be, I reassured her. “You bet. Well, my mind is my own, my body?” I looked down at my new hand in fascination, “Not so much.” I continued absentmindedly, “ It looks like I’ve been transformed into a woman. That’s a human mare.”

Dash's eyes narrowed in suspicion and anger, “I know what a human mare is! Now, prove it’s you. Tell me something only the real Alex would know.”

I smiled at the memory, “Easy. When we first met, you flying tackled me, we both said ‘Run for it Fluttershy!’ at the same time, and then I elbowed you off me.”

She snorted angrily, “Okay, okay, I believe you. I’m still mad at you tho. You should never have touched those stupid flowers. You should have known better, you dummy.”

I was concerned because, at this point in the conversation, she would smirk, hug me, kiss me, usually all three, for starters. Now she was standing back from me, wings a little less erect but still in a combat stance.

Slowly examining my new hand, I wondered out loud, “But who could have sent them? And why?”

“Who the buck cares? Let’s get you to Dr Emerald now! Let's get you to the stupid ER. You can figure out the ‘why’s later. Celestia’s teats, can’t you care for yourself without all those stupid questions? Just move! I’ll get Scoots and Summer awake, and then we'll go. Got it? Good.”

Dash slammed open the bedroom door, slammed open Scoot's bedroom door, and shouted, “Wake up!”

Summer was startled awake and jumped on her bed in a low crouched combat stance with teeth bared in an angry snarl.

“I’m taking Dad to the Emerg.”

Summer quickly stood, dropping her arms by her side and a worried expression. “Father need healer? How me help?”

Dash ordered, ”You’re in charge until we get back.”

Scootaloo groggily woke up, “You’re taking Dad to the Emerg?” Her eyes grew wide, processing what she heard. She sniffed and grimaced, “No way! We’re going with you.”

Summer looked between Scootaloo and Dash, torn between obeying her new mother, protecting her new father, and caring for her new little sister. “Maybe we should obey mother, little sister?”

Scoots turned on Summer and snarled, “No! We have to help take care of Dad!”

Dash grunted, “Look, we have to go. Both of you, decide now!”

Scootaloo snapped, “Common, move your flank, Summer!”

“Alright, little sister, alright. We go.” She whined with annoyance, “No need bite my tail.”

The quickest way to the hospital was through the market. It was early, but Applejack would be at work, so I guided our group in that direction. Dash, annoyed I was taking a tiny detour, berated me, “Alex! Come on! Don’t waste time. Let’s go already!”

In the distance, I could see AJ and Elusive. AJ noticed us first. We're kind of hard to miss, honestly: a human, two ponies and a diamond dog. I could hear AJ saying, “What in tarnation?”

Elusive just tilted his head, “Alex? You look… different. More bumpy.”

AJ sniffed and frowned, “You sure that’s Alex? I reckon I don’t like it at all. Something nasty about it.”

Dash explained, “It’s Alex, alright. Some comedian sent him a bunch of poison joak. It changed him into a human mare.”

Elusive’s face went neutral. Then, he snorted. Finally, he burst into laughter, tears in his eyes. “Oh, wow!”

I rolled my eyes and smirked, “Laugh it up, fuzzball. Look, Dash is right.” Dash started to pull on my arm with a look of disgust on her face. “We need to book it. Sorry, I can’t stay and chat.”

Elusive waved us off, “Go on, get the treatment. You can talk later.”

AJ frowned, “I suppose. Just get your tail out of here.”

Once Alex was out of earshot, AJ’s nose wrinkled, “Ugh, what was that smell? That’s a powerful nasty stench, Alex had.”

Elusive stopped laughing momentarily, “I didn’t smell anything.”

After a pause, AJ finally said, “You’re kidding me, right? Y’all didn’t smell that?”

Elusive said, “Nope. Smelled no worse than he usually does.”

AJ’s eyes closed momentarily. She shook her head, her expression becoming confused. “Now, why, in the name of Celestia's sun, was I so upset?”

The rest of the way there, Dash glared at me like she was furious at me. I noticed most of the ponies we passed did not give me their usual morning greetings. A few even scowled at me.

Walking was... weird—no other way to describe it.

My hips were wider, and it threw my gait off. The weight distribution shifted my centre of gravity, so I had to stand slightly taller. My legs were a little longer, and my arms were about the same length but less bulky. Not that I had overly muscled arms or anything, but the difference was noticeable. All in all, it felt strange to walk in this new body. The balance didn’t feel right, and I stumbled a few times.

In the early morning light, I noticed some of the flowers in the gardens we passed. The hews were slightly different than I recalled. The greens and blues seemed more vibrant and brighter. And the scents were more intense. Usually, the smells were subtle and in the background. But now, they popped. It was hard to ignore them. It was almost overwhelming.

With the hospital in sight, Dash burst out, “Celestia’s teats, you stink.”

Scootaloo nodded in agreement. “Mom’s right, Dad. You smell real bad.”

Summer sniffed and grew confused, “You no sink extra, father. Just normal stink.”

I rubbed my chin and was a little surprised there was no stubble. “Okay, well, that’s a start. Maybe it’s a side effect of the poison joak? I mean, based on the show—”

Dash interrupted me at the top of her voice, “Will you please forget that stupid creepy pony show? It has nothing to do with reality!”

I backed off, stumbling thanks to my new, hopefully temporary, body. “Okay, fine. Forget the show. Doesn’t poison joak mess with each individual in their own unique way? Didn’t it put your wings on backwards? Made AJ tiny? Gave Fluttershy a profoundly deep masculine voice? It may be messing with me in the same way, taking away my ability to talk to people. Well, ponies, at any rate. You all seem very upset for no reason.”

“No reason? No reason! The stallion I love has been whammied by poison joak, and I don’t know if he’ll ever be back to normal! No reason? That’s a bucking good reason to be upset, you idiot!”

The ER was far less crowded this morning. Last night’s crowd was almost gone.

Nurse Redheart looked tired but not panicked like she was before.

When she saw me, she snapped, “Who are you, and what do you want?” She noticed our little menagerie, “Do you know this person, Rainbow Dash?”

Dash snapped, “Are you blind? It’s Alex! I mean, how many humans do you know around here?”

The two mares came up to each other, muzzle to muzzle. I quickly went between them and tried to separate them, “Hey, guys, this is a hospital. Calm down, both of you.” Separating them would have taken some effort, even at the best of times. Now, I noticed my upper body strength was less than I was used to.

With my nudging, they backed away, glaring daggers at each other and me.

I spoke calmly and to the point, “It is me, Alex. Someone gave me poison joak, which seems to have affected me after all. I woke up this morning with this new body. I also seem to be giving off a scent only mares can smell. It seems to be making you all… angry.” I sighed and ran my hand through my hair. “Look, is Dr Emerald still here? Maybe he can sort this out.”

With a look of irritation, the nurse pointed to the back corridor, “He’s in his office. If you really are Alex, then you know where he is.” She then turned her back on us and started furiously flipping through paperwork.

“Alright, let's go. Summer, stay here in the waiting room with Scootaloo. Here are some bits for snacks.” I handed Summer my bit pouch, then turned to my pony daughter. “Scootaloo? You listen to your big sister, alright? Don’t worry. I’ll be back to my old self in no time.”

Summer put her index finger on her forehead, “I be good dog, protect sister.”

Scootaloo muttered indignantly, “I don’t need protection.”

I tiredly smiled, “Summer, you are indeed a good dog. The best. Thank you.”

Dash testily pulled my arm, “Will you move your flanks, Alex? The quicker we can do this, the quicker we can get out of this place, and the quicker you can stop stinking.”

I nodded, quickly led Dash to the office of Dr Emerald, and knocked on his door.

His unique British voice said, “Blast and Tarturus, I said I was not to be disturbed!”

I placed my forehead on the door in fatigue. “Doctor Emerald, it’s me, Alex Roberts. The poison joak did affect me after all. Please, open the door.”

The door opened slowly, “By the moon's light, Alex, what happened to you? You look positively hideous.” After a moment of shock, he greeted me warmly, “Well, don’t just stand there, my boy. Come in.” I entered the room with Dash following behind a bit further than usual. When the door closed, Dash seemed even more agitated than before.

She said, “Can we open a window of something? Alex is really stinking up the joint.”

Dr Emerald opened the window and took a tentative sniff, then a sharp breath, “Interesting. A cocktail of pheromones, chaos magic, and…” he inhaled deeply, “yes, mind-altering gasses. Similar to what the Queen uses to control her drones, but with a different flavour. Tell me, Mrs Rainbow Dash, have you been more irritable since this change happened to Alex?”

Dash shook her head, “What? No! I’m just mad at the big lug for getting… fooled…” Her words trailed off as she seemed to have an epiphany. “Well, buck me.” She stomped her forehoof on the ground, “Darn it! I don’t want to be mad. I just am.”

In his dry manner, the doctor replied, “I’ll take that as a yes. For now, I think you should leave the room. In the meantime, I will see to getting the hospital ventilated.”

Through gritted teeth, Dash pleaded, “Can I at least hang out outside the window? To keep an eye on him?”

Emerald smiled kindly, “Of course, Mrs Rainbow Dash. I would expect nothing less from the Element Of Loyalty.“

With a sneer, Dash flew out of the window with a sharp burst of air. Emerald's green telekinetic glow closed the window and locked it.

He spoke into a speaker box on the wall, “Code Chartreuse. I’ll stay with the patient in my office as I seem unaffected. The room needs a negative-pressure atmosphere. Over.”

A gruff female voice called back, “Acknowledged, Doctor Emerald. Please begin the room sealing procedure. Over.”

Dr Emerald replied with a professionalism that impressed me. “Acknowledged, Gas Line. Beginning procedure.”

He quickly drew a roll of wide tape from his desk drawer and started taping the door frame, then the window frame, leaving the air vents in the room open. I noticed a small door in the wall beside the room's main door. I guessed that it was a small airlock of some type.

About a minute later, there was an announcement, “All staff and patients, please prepare for an emergency ventilation in thirty seconds.”

Emerald turned to me, “You may want to plug your ears and open your mouth.”

The squawk box started a countdown about twenty seconds later, “ten… nine… eight… seven… six… five… four… three… two… one…”

There was nothing for a heartbeat, then FOOSH! It was like being inside a giant vacuum cleaner. About ten seconds later, everything stopped. There was dead silence, and then the sound of the ventilation system began humming again.

Emerald spoke in a friendly tone, “For now, my boy, I shall keep you isolated in this room.”

Through the window, I could see Dash peeking in with a worried expression. She yelled through the window, muffled, “You ok, Alex?”

She looked a lot less upset. I gave her a thumbs up and yelled, “Yeah, I’m stuck here for a bit. How are you doing? Feeling better away from my smell?”

“I’m starting to feel better. That junk really messed you up. Ugh.” She chuckled, “I swear you spend more time here than at home.”

I smiled, “Yeah, well, better for that than the alternative. Speaking of home, why don’t you take the kids there? I don’t want them to miss school. Tell them I asked them to go if they give you any trouble.” I looked at the clock on the wall, “They have about an hour and a half. They can help you make their lunches and still be on time. And don’t forget to give Summer some of that ham. ”

“Yeah, yeah, I know. Got to be a Mom first. Okay, I'll be back as soon as I can. I know you’re in good hooves. You stay safe.” She gave me one of her glorious smirks, ”And no heroics.” She turned to leave, then quickly turned back, “Oh, and I’ll bring you your knife. I don’t want that magic messing you up more than it has to. Love ya, you big lug.” She put her hoof on the glass, and I placed my hand in the same spot.

I replied, “Love you too, Dash. See you soon.”

We stayed there for a few seconds before Emerald cleared his throat. “Right. That poison joak had quite the effect on you, my boy. A few cure doses should be available even after last night's outbreak. It should work, and I don’t foresee any issues.”

I faced him and gave him a warm hug, feeling gratitude for everything he had done and would do.

He patted me on the shoulder, surprise in his voice, “Thank you. I was famished. I think, due to the poison joak, I was able to metabolise a small amount of your positive emotion.” He sat and rubbed his chin. “Did you know not one of the poison joak patients I treated last night was grateful? Not a solitary one. I had to rely on the kindness of the staff.” He brightened, “And now, in the spirit of reciprocation, let us get you in that healing bath.”

Miss Sweetheart stood in front of the Foal Protection Services board in Fillidelphia with an exasperated expression. “I know Mr Alex Roberts and Ms Rainbow Dash are not typical pony parents, but I assure you they will provide Scootaloo a loving home.”

The old, grey unicorn stallion sniffed. “But Miss Sweetheart, the, ahem, father, is of a predatory, meat-eating species. Not only that, but they’re not even married! What good would it bring that foal to place her in a perpetually broken home? Simply preposterous!”

Miss Sweetheart pleaded. “Alex Roberts must take care of a profoundly personal matter before getting married. They will be doing so sometime in the next season. Would you have the same reservations if Alex Roberts were a gryphon?”

An older pegasus mare replied, “Of course we would. However, Mr Alex Roberts seems to invite chaos wherever he is. He seems to be continually surrounded by… incidents.”

Scootaloo’s caretaker argued, “But what about his status as a Paladin? He was selected by Princess Luna herself!”

An ancient earth pony replied with no slight disdain, “With all due respect, Princess Luna has shown the occasional lapse in judgment."

The now frantic mare begged, “But you will agree, not in this case, correct? Please, they love her, and she loves them. He has made every effort to be a good father, and I feel he has succeeded.”

The three older ponies quietly conferred. After an eternity, the old unicorn stated, “We shall review the evidence, for and against. We will render a decision in two days.” And with that, he banged his gavel.

Dr Emerald left to get the cure, and I was alone. While I was waiting, three orderlies wearing hazmat suits had brought a collapsible tub into the room. After setting it up, they ran a hose through the little airlock and filled the tub with warm water.

As the orderlies pulled the hose back out of the airlock, Dr Emerald returned with four small vials filled with a purple liquid. “Here we are, my lad. I’ve taken the liberty to bring a quadruple dose just to be safe. If my calculations are correct, and they always are, you’ll be right as rain in approximately fourteen hours. I warn you. It will be very unpleasant. The changes in your body have been extensive.”

“Thank you, doctor.” I gave him another heartfelt hug.

“Think nothing of it. And thank you for the snack.” He poured the little vials, one by one, into the tub. Purple suds started forming on the surface. “There. The last of the cure. I hope there is no need for it again for a while.”

I took my clothes off and slipped into the frothy tepid water. “The water’s not very warm, and it’s only going to get colder. I know ponies can take the cold better than I can. Any chance I could get a top-up with hot water?”

“Don’t fret. The tub has heat controls. Allow me to set it to thirty-seven degrees Celcius. Will that be warm enough?”

I nodded, “I think so. We can always change it later. You said there would be some unpleasantness. What… erk! Oh, ya. I can feel bits of me rearranging. Oh, that is not comfortable! Aah… fourteen hours of this, you said?”

Dr Emerald nodded gravely, “I’m afraid so.”

I muttered between grunts of discomfort, “Great…”

Dr Emerald checked his notes and said, “Naturally, I’ll need to check your medical condition when the process is complete.”

I asked wearily, “Needles?”

Emerald smiled sympathetically, “I’m afraid so.”

62 - Failsafe

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The good doctor returned from his rounds to check on me about an hour after leaving. “I’m terribly sorry I can’t provide any pain relief, my boy. It would interact poorly with the poison joak cure. If you were a pony…”

I replied mirthlessly, “And if ponies were wishes…”

We both chuckled.

I groaned, “It’s okay, doc. I mean, it’s not… ugh, yowza that stung… something you can control.”

He shook his head sympathetically, “I’m afraid not.”

“When this is all over, I… ugh… want to get together with all my… ahh… friends, including you and Sapphire. I want to, “ I took a sharp breath, “...celebrate Scootaloos’ adoption.”

The doctor nodded, “That sounds delightful.”

I don’t recall much about the cure, only the unending discomfort. Not pain, as such, just the sensation of shifting body parts and the occasional stinging. The misery eventually faded to a dull roar in the background. I could even eat the vegetable puree I was served at lunch, but I didn’t have much of an appetite. Dash peeked through the window several times during the day, but I could only give her a weak wave. You wouldn’t think so, but sitting in a comfortably warm bathtub all day and having various body parts rearrange themselves was exhausting.

I had time to think about unpleasant topics. About what I did to Summer’s Mom, what the poison joak did, and what it could do to me. I reflected on the little game I play, the one where I plan to disable everyone I meet. About four hours in, I came to an unpleasant conclusion. That made my mind up. I then spent the rest of the time planning how to implement that decision. I had finally turned my little mental exercise on myself.

Eventually, when things were calm for about an hour, I no longer gripped the tub’s edge in anticipation of a nasty surprise. I passed my hand on my chest and found it was back to normal. Still scared but far less bumpy. I cautiously felt in other places and that, too, had returned to normal.

Dr Emerald carefully opened the door, sniffed, and muttered, “Yes, that will do.” After a few moments of examining a chart and giving me a courtesy examination, he started helping me out of the tub with his green telekinetic glow.

With a sympathetic look, Emerald said, “Right. Here is where you will be uncomfortable again for a moment.”

I sighed, “Oh, yes. I’d almost forgotten. Well, you may fire when ready, Gridley.” I braced myself.

He chuckled, “You and your idioms.” He proceeded to get the samples he needed with great care and efficiency. As promised, he used only the thinnest needles. When all the samples were taken, he said, in a kindly tone, “There, that wasn’t so bad, was it?”

I chuckled, “No, I have to admit, you’re getting better.”

With a jaunty tone, he levitated my clothes, “Right. Let’s get you decent.”

I was grateful he helped me get my clothes on. I was still stiff and achy from the bathtub experience, and no doubt, I looked like a sun-dried raisin.

He called out towards the door, “You can come in now, Rainbow Dash. It is quite safe.”

Dash tentatively entered the room and sniffed, “Oh my gosh, Alex! You’re you again! And the smell is gone.” She hugged me warmly, and I returned the hug. She snickered, “I guess all you needed was a bath.”

Dr Emerald stood straight and smiled, “Right. I’m discharging you once again, Mr Alex Roberts. I want you to rest tomorrow, and I will see you again in two weeks.” He gave me a stern look and shook a warning hoof at me, ”No strenuous activities. Doctor’s orders.”

Dash snickered, “I guess you are out of luck tonight, Alex.”

I smiled, “Just your sweet, sweet hugs will have to do.”

She grinned wickedly, “Still, too bad you stank. Trying out a human mare could have been fun.”

I chuckled, “Yeah, well, I suppose it could have been an interesting experience, but honestly, I’m glad I’m back to my normal self.”

Dash smiled warmly, “I am too, you big lug.”

I peered through the open door, “Are Scoots and Summer here?”

She replied, “They’re in the waiting room.”

Dr Emerald volunteered, “I shall fetch them immediately.”

I inclined my head in gratitude, “Thank you, Emerald.”

As promised, my daughter and ward were led into the room. As soon as the little filly saw me, she dashed to me and hugged me for all she was worth. “Dad! You’re back to normal!”

I picked her up and hugged her fiercely, “You bet, pumpkin!”

Summer Blossom bowed slightly, “It’s good to see you, Father. I am glad the healer was successful.”

I motioned to Summer to come closer. She tentatively did so. I wrapped an arm around her shoulders, “Glad to see you too, Summer.” She seemed a little confused, maybe uncomfortable, but accepted the gesture. I couldn’t help but notice her tail wagging just a tiny bit.

Dash, Scootaloo, and Summer conspired against me. ‘Those traitors’, I thought.

Dash kissed my forehead and said, “You sit there and rest. Me and the girls will take care of supper.”

The three of them headed off to the kitchen.

As she prepared to leave the room, Scootaloo directed her hoof towards me in a stern manner. “Stay.”

Finally, before leaving, Summer glared at me, “Do not leave couch, Father.”

With specific instructions and two threats, I decided I would, in fact, stay on the couch. As I overheard them laughing and working on the evening meal, I reviewed the plan I had concocted in the tub. I went over it in my head again and again, making sure I was positive I wanted to do it. I realized that I not only wanted to do it, but I had to do it. With the weight of that decision off my shoulders, I could relax.

I was considering the best time to execute my plan and concluded that the upcoming party next week would be the best time. Lots of distractions, and I could sneak off with the three I trusted for it without drawing any attention to us. They would understand the stakes involved, and I was confident they would do what was needed if the time ever came.

About a quarter of an hour later, there was a frantic knocking at the door. I called out, “I got it!” I slowly got up, my joints creaking.

I opened the door to find a grinning Twilight, “Alex, I have a solution for you! The Experimental Highly Inefficient Artificial Starswirl Mark 1 or EHIAS-1.”

Dash chose that moment to pop her head out of the kitchen to scold me, “Hey, what did I say, flank head?”

I gestured to the purple pony in the doorway. “It’s Twilight, Dash. And she may have a solution for my magic problem.” I repeated the acronym, “The Eh-e-az-one? What does it do?”

She floated a simple wooden box, a cube no more than 10cm to the side, with a hinged lid. I was surprised by the weight when she placed it in my hands. It must have weighed around nine kilos! “This is the storage case for the medallions. I covered it with a thin wooden sheath to protect you from the lead. I know it can be toxic to ponies, and I thought it might be the same for you.”

“Good call.” I opened the box and found three identical medallions about three centimetres in diameter and around a centimetre thick. They were gem-encrusted and engraved with what looked like arcane symbols. The metal seemed to be a dull aluminium. Each one had a cord laced through a little loop at the back to act as a necklace.

Dash peeked over my shoulder, “They look cool, anyway.”

I turned one of them slowly in my hand, admiring the intricate workmanship. “So, what does it do?”

Twilight beamed proudly, “I took your idea of creating a highly inefficient magical artifact. I created a basic light enchantment to make the gems glow and added blaanera loopback matrices to not only use magic as inefficiently as possible but to quintuple the general mana flow! It was actually quite the challenge. The enchantment matrix is usually—”

I interrupted her, “Twilight? I’m sure the details are fascinating, but right now, I’m running out of steam. I just got out of the hospital. If you can give me the bottom line while I sit down?” Maybe they were right to get me to stay on the couch.

That brought her back. “Yes, of course. Here, let me help.” I felt that slippery telekinetic field on my hips and lower back. As she guided me, she continued, “Simply put, you must always keep one on your person. It will absorb about two and a half ponies’ worth of magic, about twelve blaaneras, so the damage to your telomeres will be minimized. That, along with your knife, will mean you will only lose them at the normal rate.” She pondered for a moment. “Maybe even a little slower.”

She levitated the medallion around my neck. “It can store enough magic to protect you for up to six days, depending on the local field density, longer if you're around ponies. The gems will glow from the middle to the outer edge as the magic is absorbed. When all the gems are glowing, you know it’s full. Replace it as soon as possible. After that, you can bring it to me, and I’ll discharge it safely. I’ll teach Rarity, Beatrix, and Elusive how to do it, too, in case I’m not around. I gave you three, so you’ll always have one or two fresh medallions. Just make sure to keep the empty ones in the storage box.” She looked sadly at the ground, her hoof tracing a little circle on the floor. “I’m sorry, that’s the best I can do for now.” She brightened, “But don’t worry. I have some ideas to improve it.”

After most of a day on the couch, Dash relented and said I could come with her to see Miss Sweetheart to get the final adoption results. As we walked, she hovered slowly to accommodate my still-healing body. Dash gave me her usual confident grin, “Don’t worry, big guy. It’s just a what-cha-call-it? Formality. Scoots is our kid, and she always will be. And once that’s done, we’ll have a party with all our friends.”

I smiled up at her, “Yeah, I guess you’re right.” I nodded, more sure than ever that the plan was now essential.

Dash and I were waiting nervously in Miss Sweetheart’s shabby waiting room. There were three more couples before us, so we had to wait. Some looked worried, and some looked happy. I didn’t enquire about their status. Frankly, I was too worried about Scootaloo. While Miss Sweetheart had approved the adoption, technically, the Foal Protection Board also needed to approve it. I knew it was just a formality, but I was nervous. I’m not a pony, and I didn’t know who was on that board. I just hoped—My thoughts were interrupted by a smiling Miss Sweetheart. “Alex Roberts, Rainbow Dash, please, come in.”

We quickly followed her in. Dash was grinning, and I was just worried.

She quickly reviewed some paperwork in a file folder. I couldn’t help but notice the corner of a red stamp on one of the last pages. She quickly stuffed the papers in a desk drawer. With a grin, she simply said, “Congratulations. You’re now parents.” Dash hugged me, tears of joy in her eyes.

‘Sometimes,’ I thought, holding Dash, ’it’s nice when something just goes right.’

Twilight was frustrated.

Upon delivering the medallions to Alex, she had slightly stretched the truth about having additional ideas. She understood how magic worked in Equestria on a fundamental level. The starswirl glands collected the stray magic particles in the environment, allowing a pony and almost every other creature in Equestria to utilise that energy to create substances in their body needed or to shape their environment in specific ways. It makes earth ponies physically stronger and more robust, allows pegasi to fly, allows unicorns to use their telekinesis and cast spells, and allows a popping cat to teleport.

What she couldn’t understand, at a fundamental level, was how it affected Alex. Although she understood the tangible impact of magic on human beings, she lacked an understanding of its underlying causes. She needed to know what the physics of his home reality was like. Despite her best efforts to gather information through conversations with Alex, the data was insufficient. Alex just didn’t have a deep technical grounding in the physics of his world.

She sat at her writing desk and composed a letter.

Dear Princess Celestia,
I am writing this letter to ask for assistance.
You have been my teacher for most of my life, and I’ve always known you know far more than I could ever imagine. I need your help and guidance.
As my previous letters explained, I have created a device to protect Alex Roberts from ambient magical particles. I now suspect they will not be as effective as I hoped in the long term, but I have not told this to him. If I can get more information on the physics of his universe, I can refine my designs. These efforts would also go a long way to refining medical devices for your subjects.
Please help.
Your Faithful Student,
Twilight Sparkle

She carefully rolled up the scroll, placed her seal on it, and asked Spike to send it.

In Celestia’s throne room, a familiar wooshing sound was accompanied by a scroll that appeared in a wreath of green flame. The solar diarch caught the scroll deftly and with ease. She smiled. She always enjoyed the letters from her faithful student, even if they have recently been focused on helping that… human.

With a delicate touch, she snapped open the scroll and read. She was displeased by the words Twilight had written. Still, Luna’s pet needed to be cared for—no matter her personal misgivings. However, this was Luna’s special project. ‘She should deal with it herself,’ she thought wearily.

Within the hour, Twilight got her response.

My Dear Faithful Student Twilight Sparkle,
I admire your tenacity in helping your friend. As always, you are an exemplary example of friendship. However, this is a subject on which I do not have the information you seek. His world is as much a mystery to me as it is to you.
However, Princess Luna may be able to help. I have spoken to her, and she is composing a plan to help you in your quest for further knowledge. Once she is ready, she will send you a letter.
Sincerely,
Celestia

Satisfied with her mentor’s reply, she returned to her various other projects.

A few days later, Twilight heard the distinct snap-pop of a teleported scroll as it dropped on her table. It had Luna’s dark blue and moon crescent seal. She opened it with a snap and started reading the old-style script.

We Greet Thee Twilight Sparkle,
Our Beloved Sister Has Spoken To Us About Your Plight. We Appreciate The Effort You Are Putting Forward On Behalf Of Our Paladin.
During A Recent Dream, A Good Dream To Reward His Efforts, We Interacted With One Of His Dream Constructs. His Old Friend, Tycho Hernandez, Is A Natural Philosopher At An Institution Known As CERN. A Society Devoted To The Natural Science Of Physics. Alex Values And Respects His Friend’s Intelligence And Fierce Curiosity.
We Believe Your Best Course Of Action Would Be To Contact Tycho. We Will Request That Alex Furnish You With The Most Efficient Method Of Approaching His Friend.
We Hope Your Endeavour Will Yield A Rich Harvest.
I Write This To You In Love,
Princess Luna

I was busy planning the adoption celebration when I heard the distinct snap-pop of a teleporting scroll. Unsurprisingly, it had Luna’s seal. I quickly opened it and started reading.

My Paladin Alex Roberts,
We Greet Thee And Are Happy To Hear You Are Hale And Hearty Once Again.
I Have Two Tasks For You.
First, You Will Take Steps To Find The Culprit Responsible For This Assault On Your Person With The Poison Joak. An Attack On One Of My Paladins Is An Attack On Myself. You Will Find Them And Redeem Them. I Will Scour The Dreamscapes Of My Little Ponies To Find The Possible Evidence You Need. I Will Send You What Information I Discover.
Second, You Will Assist Element Bearer Twilight Sparkle In Contacting Your Old Friend Tycho Hernandez. She Requires His Expertise And Insightful Perspective. She Wishes To Learn More About Your World From A Technical Point Of View. Although You Have Performed Admirably In Describing Your World, You Do Not Have The Technical Training The Element Bearer Requires.
We Would Like To Express Our Utmost Appreciation For The Diligent And Thorough Measures Taken To Ensure The Safety And Well-Being Of Summer Blossom. It Is Truly Commendable To Witness Such Dedicated And Caring Efforts In Our Community. Even Now, Her Dreams Include Warm Scenes Of Your Family. I Foresee Her Becoming A Fine Leader Of The Diamond Dogs. Her Mother, Grass Runner, Is Currently Being Detained In Canterlot. She Is Being Treated With Dignity And Respect. She Is Gaining Redemption And Will Become A Strong Ally Of Equestria.
The Crown Is Assisting Her People, This Time With Proper Foodstuffs Appropriate For Their Needs. We Have Personally Seen To It.
Finally, And Most Importantly, I Must Congratulate You On Successfully Adopting The Foal Known As Scootaloo. It Is A Momentous Day For You And Element Bearer Rainbow Dash. It Gladdens Our Heart You Are Building A Loving Family.
I Write This To You In Love,
Princess Luna
P.S. Rest Assured, We Did Not Read Your Mind To Discover Tycho. We Spoke To His Dream Construct When You Received Your “Paycheque”.

I was at the Ponyville Library, speaking with my purple pony friend. “Alright, Princess Luna let me know you needed some science help from Tycho.” I decided to keep things simple and lay down some ground rules. “So I’ve been keeping up with him, but he doesn’t know I’m a jumper. Also, if you told him you’re from Equestria and not Earth, he might shut the conversation down right then and there.”

Twilight gave me a worried look, but I continued. “He’s not one to take nonsense, especially when it comes to science.” I thought for a moment. “How about this? You’re a fellow researcher.” I considered that for a moment. “No. A grad student? Yeah, a student. Perfect. He won’t ask what papers you’ve written; you can ask questions. He also won’t expect you to have in-depth knowledge.” I thought for a moment while rubbing my chin. “Okay. So he might not answer all your questions. He’s no Carl Sagen.”

Twilight interrupted, “Oooh, I loved Cosmos.”

I chuckled and continued, “He’s not the teacher type, but he’s also not a jerk. He’ll direct you to someone who can answer your questions. His mom is a medical doctor. I think she specialises in nuclear medicine. That might apply here.”

I nodded in satisfaction, then tapped my forehead in annoyance. “Oh, I almost forgot, you need a name. I went to college with a lady called Nevena Derrick. She was a chef. Made a mean… well, never mind what she made. The point is, I don’t think there’s a physicist or doctor out there with the same name.” I quickly did an internet search for that name. The only significant result was for my old acquaintance, the chef. “Huh, She has three stars now. Sorry, back on topic. The name is good. That lessens the chance of uncomfortable questions. My kids are too young to have college-aged friends, so you’re the daughter of an acquaintance of mine.” I rolled my hand in the air in thought, “I don’t know, Bob and Fretta Derrick. That sounds good.”

I sat back in satisfaction, “There. A simple plan, a simple cover story, and since you’re doing everything over text, there’s no chance for video. No one will see you. Anyway, Tycho hates video.” I chuckled at the shitstorm anyone seeing Twilight over his shoulder would cause, “Man, that would need some explanations.”

I made the connection and started to type.

>>> Hey Tyk! Are you still sweating over hot particle accelerators?

There was no immediate answer. But, after a few minutes, there was a reply.

<<< Hey, Al. How are things?

>>> Fine. Kids are healthy. Ann and I are still working things out. But I have a favour to ask.

There was a delay in the reply.

<<< Sure.

I explained, “Tycho likes to choose his words carefully.”

>>> I have a friend of a friend whose kid is taking a physics course at UofT. They’re doing something in medicine and nuclear something or other. You know me, I don’t know an up quark from a down quark.

<<< Yeah, yeah. Sure. What’s their name?

>>> Nevena Derrick. She’s right here.

I passed the laptop to Twilight, and our plan went into action. I felt terrible about deceiving Tycho. Maybe I’ll tell him the truth one day, but today is not that day.

I watched them go back and forth, Twilight asking questions I frankly didn’t understand and Tycho getting more frustrated. Eventually, he typed:

<<< Look, Nevena, The questions you’re asking are out of my expertise. But I know someone who knows this stuff and can teach you way better than I can. What’s your email address?

Oops. Something I hadn’t thought of. I killed the connection, quickly created an email address, and then reconnected.

>>> Alex here. Sorry, the router decided to reboot.

I gave him the email address.

<<< Alex? Never do that again. Please.

>>> I appreciate your help more than you can know. Thank you.

We closed the connection.

Twilight started speaking excitedly, “That was amazing! You and Princess Luna were right. He is brilliant. I could barely follow his explanations. It was exhilarating!”

The party was a hit. All our friends and Scootaloo’s friends were there. I even got DJPon3 to DJ. Dash was chatting with her friends, enjoying a lightly salted drink.

I went around the party, meeting and greeting. I noticed Summer Blossom standing in a corner, looking uncomfortable. “Hey, Summer. You okay with this crowd?”

She looked at me with irritation, “Me happy sister now in family. Me not like…” her voice dripped with disdain, “parties.”

I smiled kindly at her, “Ponies love this stuff. But I can understand why you may not be comfortable. If you want, you can go to your room. I’ll see about the noise.”

“No! Me mean, party make little sister happy. Make you and Mother happy. That make me happy.” She started to tap her paw to the tunes, “Music also not bad. Me be alright.”

“Alright, Summer. If you need anything, just let me or Dash know.”

I was all smiles and sunshine. I knew what I needed to do and surreptitiously gathered Twilight, Rarity, and Beatrix. It was under the pretext that I wanted to get away from the noise and talk about the theatre. This was partially true. I gestured for them to go to the backyard and closed the house door. In the quiet of the cool evening air, I took one more look around. I didn’t want anyone but these three here. They all looked at me curiously, with Rarity finally asking, “Alex, what is this all about? What theatre business is so important it could not wait until tomorrow? This is not like you. Is there something wrong? Should we find Rainbow?”

I spoke calmly but with some force. “No. This is about... insurance.”

They looked at each other in confusion.

I sighed, “It’s like this. With the recent events, especially the diamond dog and the poison joak, I figured you needed insurance, just in case.”

Beatrix cocked an eyebrow, “In case of what? Fire? Theft? Bugbear attack?”

I smirked sadly, “No. In case I became… dangerous. I’ve put a lot of thought into this. I had a long time to think while I was getting cured of the poison joak. What if, I thought, the next time something affects my mind instead of just my body? I wanted to ensure that if I ever break down or if I ever go rogue and threaten ponies, you have a fast and hard way to stop me.”

Rarity grew worried, “Alex, this isn’t what I think it is, is it?”

Beatrix protested, “I refuse to hear any more of this, boss. I don’t like where this is going.”

Twilight just looked at me angrily and didn’t say a word.

I became upset, “Well, too bad. You’ll all listen and memorise it because one day, it may be the only thing that keeps everyone safe from…” I faltered for a moment, “me.”

Rarity cleared her throat and nodded, obviously emotional.

Bea turned away, a tear forming, then quietly spoke, “Okay. What’s this insurance you were talking about?”

Twilight just glared at me.

I put two fingers on either side of my neck, “Right about here are my common carotid arteries and the internal jugular veins. They move blood in and out of my brain. It takes about five kilos of pressure to close them both off. Once that’s done, I have about ten seconds of useful consciousness, maybe ten more of flailing around, and then I’m out. Hold it for about another four or five minutes, and I’m brain-dead. Make it ten to be sure. I’ll tell Elusive later. Twilight, tell your brother and Princess Celestia. Rarity and Bea, I entrust you to share this with a unicorn you trust that’s not already here?”

Rarity shook her head. “I refuse to share this with anypony. I’m... appalled you shared it with us.”

I nodded, “Alright. I can respect that.”

Beatrix thought momentarily, then answered, “Yes, a friend from the days I entertained the troops. But I want an explanation as to why from you before I do it.”

Twilight muttered, “But you aren’t crazy. You aren’t dangerous. I know you.”

I reminded her gently, “But I could be Twilight.” I sighed, “The diamond dogs are supposed to be apex predators, right?” The three nodded. “Top-tier threats and I blew through them like they were children.” They looked at me, comprehension dawning. I chuckled dryly. “Did you know I used to play a little mental game whenever I entered a room? I tried to figure out what I would have to do to incapacitate everyone in it. It used to be to ‘end’ everyone in the room, but that got too easy. It takes a lot more effort to take the non-lethal path and a lot more thinking. I just turned that little exercise on myself.” I smiled sadly, “So, while I’m still in my right mind, I wanted to give you the tools and weapons to stop me.”

Bea argued, “Affecting such a small area precisely during a confrontation would be tricky for me. I imagine Twilight or Rarity would find it just as difficult. I doubt even Dr Emerald could do it.”

I shook my head, “No. Emerald is a doctor, a healer. I don’t think he could do it. He’s the last person I want to be involved in this.”

Twilight blurted out, “Why can’t we just grab and pin you? Lift you off your hooves. And… and…”

I conceded the point. “Maybe so. And I certainly hope you can try that before killing me.” The ponies shuddered at the word. “But all I’m saying is if, and it’s a huge ‘if’, you can’t stop me any other way, you have an option. An ugly option, it’s true, but it’s there.”

I rubbed my hand on my face. “It’s like this,” my eyes scanned my dear friends, making momentary eye contact with each one. Twilight looked away, stifling a tear. “I trust you all. And when I lost my self-control on that Diamond Dog Alpha, I realized how dangerous I could be. After the poison joak incident, I realized my mind could be tampered with. I know it was me doing the tampering in this case, but what if next time it’s my mind that is affected?”

My dear friends could only look at me in stunned silence.

63 - Meatball Psychiatry

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Dr. Emerald enjoyed the quiet of the evening at the hospital. He was preparing for tomorrow at a leisurely pace, following up on patient lab work, reviewing correspondence from other doctors, and so on. Suddenly, his office door flew open. He exclaimed, “Who in blazes?” He saw a familiar purple unicorn, “Oh, Miss Sparkle.” She quickly slammed the door behind herself. He added dryly, “Please, come in.”

Emerald saw a look he had rarely seen on the face of any pony. Anger. Rage. He could feel it rippling off of her. Concerned with his friend, he started to ask, “My dear Miss Twilight, what—”

She snarled, “He’s gone crazy! He wants us to kill him!”

Emerald raised a soothing hoof, “Please, calm yourself. Kill whom?”

Twilight threw her forelegs out in exasperation, “Alex! He told us how to kill him.” She continued passionately, rage in her voice, not letting Emerald a word in edgewise, “After all that work! Weeks spent slaving over a hot enchantment table for those medallions! Almost 90 milligrams of aluminium! 90 milligrams! And after convincing Princess Celestia he was no danger to anypony, now I learn he’s a danger to himself?” She took a breath. “How dare he? How dare he throw his life away!” She stopped, collected her thoughts, and seemed to come to a realisation. She continued in a low, angry tone, “ What about us, his friends? Rarity wanted nothing to do with it, but Beatrix seemed to go along with the idea.” Twilight grew a little frantic, “What about Dash? Oh, Celestia, what about Scootaloo?”

Dr. Emerald placed a mollifying hoof on her shoulder. “Twilight, are you sure? Could you have misinterpreted what was said?"

Twilight looked Emerald straight in the eye, “He showed us where to apply pressure to cut off blood flow to his brain. Not a lot of wiggle room to misinterpret, doc.”

Dr. Emerald felt fear rising in his thorax. His ears involuntarily pinned themselves back. He took a deep breath, calmed himself, and drew on his medical training. “Did he say anything else? What was the context?”

Twilight started casting about, trying to remember the details of the revelation earlier that night. “He wanted us to know how to stop him if he ever became dangerous to us, to ponies.”

“Do you believe he is a present danger to himself or others?”

“N-no. He just seemed so adamant to tell us how to,” she stumbled on the word, “kill him. He was worried he would become a danger. Emerald, I know him. He could never hurt a pony, not in the way he’s worried about.”

Emerald reassured his friend, “You did the right thing. In a few days, I shall be giving him a checkup. I will speak to him then. In the meantime, I will inform Rainbow Dash of the situation.”

“That’s logical. What do you suggest I do? How can I help him?”

“Get a good night's sleep, and when you interact with him, remind him he is a beloved friend.”

Once he had reassured Twilight, she returned to the library for a fitful sleep. In the renewed quiet, Emerald stared at the painting of Luna on the office wall, doing a mental inventory of details about Alex that could help. He finally focused on a minor detail on Alex’s left arm. At the time, he assumed it was just a coincidence. He muttered to himself, “I will have to investigate further.”

It was a bright and early morning. The children were still sleeping, and Miss Sweetheart was in her office. Carefully, she was copying the last page of an official document. She muttered to herself, “One little change here, one little stamp there, and,” she precisely stamped a green smiley face on the last page, “there. Done. Now, no one will ever know.” She placed the stamp and green ink pad in a concealed drawer under her desk.

With a happy hum, she filed the paperwork in the appropriate filing cabinet. “Now Scootaloo gets her loving parents.”

Rainbow Dash nervously entered Dr Emerald’s office. “Hey, Doc. Derpy said you wanted to see me?”

He nodded, “Yes, Rainbow Dash. It is about Alex.”

Dash gulped, and her attention became laser-focused, “Alex? What’s wrong? Did he get hurt again?”

Emerald held up a hoof, “No, he is physically fine. I am… concerned. Last night at the party, he spoke with Miss Twilight, Lady Rarity, and Miss Beatrix.”

“Oh yeah.” She added questioningly, “Something about the theatre?”

Dr Emerald shook his head slightly, “I’m afraid he was not completely honest with you. He gave them instructions on how to… disable him.”

Unsure, Dash continued, “That’s a little weird, but it doesn’t sound too bad, I guess.”

“You misunderstand. He gave them instructions on how to disable him… permanently.” Dash’s eyes grew wide with comprehension. “Now, don’t be alarmed. I do not believe he is a danger to himself or others. However, I am legally required to let you know about this incident. In two days, I shall be giving him a follow-up examination on the injuries he suffered during the diamond dog attack. At that time, I will be conducting a preliminary psychological evaluation. I have a hypothesis, but I would rather not say any more until I evaluate him more closely.”

Dash grew angry, her wings popping open, “He’s no Discord-addled nut job, doc. Yeah, he had it rough, and I know about his fair-trade crud, but he’s been good. Happy. I don’t believe he would have told them that just to hurt himself. He’s not thinking of anything like that. I’m sure he had a really good reason." A tiny seed of doubt crossed her face, " I mean, he would tell me if he was, you know, feeling like that. Right?”

“I agree. He must have wished not to alarm you.”

Dash snarked, “You did a great job of that, doc.”

“I apologise for that. However, I must ask, for the moment, not to mention that you know. It may alarm him.”

Dash thought for a moment. “Yeah, I guess it would.” She squared her shoulders, ready to do anything for her loved one, “So, what should I do?”

Emerald smiled at his friend, “Remind him he is loved.”

The tidy, meticulous, green-coated, brown-maned unicorn looked around the Canterlot coffee shop. Even though his brew was lukewarm, the cup, spoon, and napkin were precisely arranged in front of him. When he was feeling like this, he always became even more fastidious. He couldn't help it. His mind was present and yet trapped in the past.

His eyes followed a fellow pony, an average mare, going about her day. He could clearly see their circulatory system, and not because of some silly x-ray vision spell. It was from experience. In his mind's eye, he was back at the changeling attack in Canterlot. Franticly patching up fellow ponies, desperately trying to save their lives. When they’re bleeding out in your hooves, you need to pinch the correct artery, or they die. Hold it. Hold it there.

The memories washed over him.

A soft voice interrupted his melancholy daydream, "Sir, are you okay?"

He looked up and smiled at the unicorn waitress. She was quite pretty. "Sorry, lass. Just thinking."

"Here, I'll warm up your coffee for you. If you need anything, ask." Her tone was warm, just like her smile. He felt a pang of regret as she trotted off to the next customer.

His quiet remembrance was interrupted by a familiar, breathless and nasal voice, “No hugs for your old friend, Corporal Quick Fix?”

He turned and, seeing who had just spoken, embraced Beatrix. “Trixie! Oh, my ray of sunshine! It’s so good to see you again!”

Beatrix smiled radiantly, “Good to see you again, too, Quick. How's life in the Guard treating you?”

“Good! I made sergeant last month. I have my own medical squad now.”

She gave him another hug. “I always knew you could do it! I’m so proud of you!”

He smiled surreptitiously, “Scuttlebutt says you got a promotion too. A Paladin, no less. Working with that,” he over-enunciated the unfamiliar word, “hyooman, Alex Roberts.”

Beatrix chuckled, “That Scuttlebutt. She’s always in the know.”

After about a half hour of catching up, Beatrix finally broached the subject she had come about. “So, I have a favour to ask.”

“Sure thing. Whatever the Great And Powerful Trixie needs.”

Beatrix looked around and spoke quietly. “Alex Roberts asked me to share some information with someone I trust.”

Quick Fix grew serious and leaned in towards his friend.

I entered the familiar tailor’s shop, ‘Snazzy Suit & Son - Suits For The Discriminating Stallion’. The merry jingle of the little bell above the door didn’t match my mood. “Morning, Elusive. How’s business?”

He looked up from his workbench in the back. “Hey, Alex. Can’t complain. I’m kind of busy right now, but maybe we can do lunch?

I smiled nervously, “Actually, I need a favour. Well, I need to tell you something important. It’s something I hope you never need. I’m only telling this to people I trust.”

“What is it,” he smirked. “Unlimited access to your bank accounts?”

I chuckled, “Not today.” I turned to the door and flipped the OPEN sign to CLOSED. I didn’t want to be interrupted.

Slightly annoyed, Elusive asked, “Okay, what is it, Alex? I know it’s something important. You wouldn’t do that to me unless it were.”

“This is about insurance,“ I began.

He rolled his eyes, “Don’t tell me you're selling Canterlot Life™ now.”

I caught his eye. “This isn’t about me selling anything. It’s about me making sure you can stop me if I get out of control.”

“Like, what? Making you apologise? That should buy me three or four seconds. Plenty of time to get you back to your senses.”

I chuckled again. I loved his sense of humour. “No, I’m thinking something a little more effective that doesn’t rely on me coming to my senses.”

I told him my plan to incapacitate me, possibly terminate me.

His reaction was unexpected. He laughed. Not just a chuckle but a full-on pony rolling-on-the-ground belly laugh.

Confused, maybe a little hurt at his lack of gravitas, I had to ask, “What’s so funny?”

“You expect me just to snuff you out? Just like that? Okay, I know you can tend to dark humour, but colt, that was a good one. Me? Take you on in a fight? Alex, my dude, I don’t think you would even need that knife of yours to whoop my flank.” He chuckled heartily.

I grunted in frustration, “That’s the point, Elusive. I’m not kidding. I already told Twilight, Rarity, and Beatrix.”

There was a metaphorical record scratch. “You did what now?”

I explained. “I made sure the most precise unicorns I trusted knew, including you, pal. I mean, don’t get me wrong. Try anything and everything you can think of first, but if it comes down to it, you can stop me. Long enough to do something else, or permanently if you need to.

Elusive grew concerned. “You’re serious, aren’t you?”

I nodded, and then he surprised me. He got up and hugged me.

“Okay. Alex. I’m telling you now, I’ll do everything to avoid doing it. But if I have to, I will. I did my time in rattle. I know that sometimes, you need to do stuff you don’t want to do to protect others.” He chuckled, “But, um, can you tell me again? I was too busy laughing.”

I had the plans and supporting paperwork tucked under my arm. I realized my knee was involuntarily hopping while I was waiting for our turn in the council chamber. Dash put a calming hoof on my thigh and grinned at me. “Don’t worry, big guy. Things will be just fine. I’m not worried, and neither should you. No matter what happens, I love you. Don’t forget that.” She grabbed my face with both hooves, gazing deep into my eyes, “Never forget that.”

I chuckled. This was so unlike her, but I appreciated the vote of confidence. I smiled and nuzzled her nose with mine. “I won’t forget, sweetheart.”

Finally, after what seemed like an eternity, a pinto mare official opened the door. ”Mr Alex Roberts? The Ponyville Counsel will see you now.”

Dash hugged me tight, then looked at me with an anxious expression. "Don't forget, I'm here for you, no matter what."

I smiled warmly, "I know, Dash. Never doubted it."

The mare spoke with a slightly irritated tone, "Sir? The council is busy. If you need to reschedule…"

"No, no. We're on our way." I felt a little pang of guilt. Dash seemed a little, I don't know, clingy today. I wonder if-

My thoughts were refocused on the task at hand as we were escorted through the door. The council chamber itself was small and crowded. The opposite end of the room held a long table, and the rest of the room had boxes, scrolls, books, and all the flotsam and jetsom of government work piled in a seemingly haphazard manner against the walls.

Mayor Mare, Berry Punch, Filthy Rich, Golden Coins, and Gale Force were seated at the table. Each had a little stand-up card with their name on it. I recognized most of the ponies except for Gale Force. I recalled Dash mentioning he was a big deal in the weather patrol.

Golden Coins had a sour expression. “Let’s get this over with. We still have a rather large itinerary with more pressing matters.”

The Mayor adjusted her glasses. “We have reviewed your proposal. The plans are very extensive and comprehensive. However, we do have a few questions.”

I nodded, “Of course.” Dash seemed nervous, so I placed my hand on her shoulder. She looked up at me with a forced smile.

“Yes, well, at the risk of being indelicate,” she glared at Golden Coins, “a large fraction of your fortune has been lost. How do you plan on funding this project now?”

“Ah. While I would have loved to finance this project all on my own, I see my current situation as an opportunity for the citizens of Equestria to join in this endeavour. I will offer a simple bond with a three percent return per thirty-six weeks after the theatre goes into operation. The payouts will begin ninety-six weeks after the theatre opens, giving me enough time to get established. The bonds will be as little as five bits with no upper limit. The minimum time of the investment period will be one hundred and forty-four weeks after the payouts begin, so sixty months after the theatre opens. That will give me enough time to build a nest egg to buy out anyone interested in leaving. Given my personal relationship with them, I also hope the princesses will invest.” I beamed at the council, “This would be an excellent investment, wouldn’t you agree, Mr Coins?”

“I reluctantly agree. However, three percent is rather generous, almost twice the typical return rate. How do you propose providing for this financial lavishness?”

I smiled, “I have several ideas, but as you can see in Appendix H, the projected return on investment is over fifteen percent in the first year. This will allow—”

Berry Punch interrupted me, “Yes, Alex Roberts, we have all read your proposal. It is rather ambitious, but I don’t see any problems as a certified accountant. The teleport pads are especially clever. It will be useful for many non-theatre applications and an excellent income stream. Have they been developed yet? Have they been tested?” She punctuated her question with a small belch. The other ponies nodded.

I opened the proposal to the relevant section. “As you can see in Appendix Q, Twilight Sparkle has sketched out the magical engineering. According to her, this is all straightforward. She has done the initial investigation, allowing us to estimate the requirements, with redundancies, to make it work. We estimate the pads will be ready about a month before the theatre opens.”

Gale Force spoke in an accent I didn’t recognize, “Dat Twilight Sparkle is one smart cookie. I trust her estimates. From what Dash tells me, she probably already has it all designed and prototyped.”

Dash beamed.

Mayor Mare smiled, “Does anypony else have any questions?” There was silence at the table. “No? Time to vote. All in favour?”

Everypony raised their hooves.

“The ayes have it.” Mayor Mare beamed at me. “It is with great pleasure that we approve your theatre building plans. Good luck, Alex Roberts.” With that, she struck her gavel. “There will now be a half-hour recess.”

Dash jumped up and hugged me. “You did it! I knew you could do it!”

Golden Coins trotted up to us with a patronizing smile. “Alex. May I call you Alex? Of course, I can. Alex, despite our past differences, I will, naturally, personally, invest in this project. I believe this will be a great boon to Ponyville. However, with the sums involved, I must insist that I be the one in charge of the project. Say, Chief Executive Officer?”

‘Nice try,’ I thought to myself. “No, I’m afraid I can’t accept that. No offence, but I just don’t trust you. You can invest just like everyone else. I can’t stop you. But this is my baby.”

Dash’s wings flared in anger. “You heard him Coins. Beat it.” I thought Dash might have overreacted a little, but screw Coins. I may be willing, eager even, to help him redeem himself, but that doesn’t mean I need to let him take advantage of me.

Coins smiled condescendingly. “Of course, Element Bearer. As you wish.” He turned that smile to me, and I frowned a little, “Alex? I will invest in your foal. I will also make a tremendous profit, double what I would get elsewhere. All thanks to you.” He chuckled infuriatingly, “I believe this is how we play the game, correct?”

‘Why, you bastard,’ I thought to myself, then smiled bitterly. “Yes, and well played.”

Dash looked at me in confusion, “Why are you letting Coins invest? That flank head doesn’t deserve-”

Coins interrupted Dash, “Ah. You never told your dear marefriend about ‘the game’, did you?”

I deadpanned, “Didn’t think it was important.”

“Tsk, tsk, tsk, tsk. So many secrets. And from the Element Of Loyalty.”

Dash snarled, “Shut up, Coins.” And she looked up lovingly at me, “I trust this big lug. If he doesn’t tell me something, there’s a reason.”

“While I appreciate your confidence in me, he does have a point.” I sighed. “Remember the night of Derby's wedding?”

She cocked an eyebrow at me, “Don’t tell me. Your cathartic experience?”

“Yup.” I then told her exactly what happened that night. The ninja suit, sneaking around town drunk, the garrot, my speech about ‘the game,’ everything. Well, everything except that Coins peed on the carpet. Why embarrass him?

Coins looked on as I spoke, a sneer slowly forming as the story continued. When I was done, I smiled, “I want to thank you, Golden Coins, for reminding me I need to be completely honest with my beloved.”

He replied with venom dripping from his voice, “My pleasure, Paladin.”

Dash smirked, “See, Coins? My stallion is the best! And he was right. I might have been more ticked off if he had told me that night. Now, it’s just a funny story.” She paused momentarily, looking imploringly at me, “Anything else you want to tell me?”

I kept that light smile, “Only that you’re the best.”

She seemed slightly disappointed, but I couldn’t think of anything else she might want to know.

Dr Emerald’s office was always a little too cool for my tastes, but it was the standard temperature for the hospital. I sat on the examination table in my underwear while he held a clipboard and pen in his glow. He was making notes and going through a checklist of some kind.

"Very well, my boy, that is the physical examination complete. I believe you have fully recovered from your escapades. Now, I want to ask you a few routine questions about your mental health."

I chuckled, "Looking for bats in the belfry, huh? I can tell you now I'm as sane as you are. Have to be, don’t I? Building a theatre, raising an amazing daughter, marrying a beautiful wife, and rebuilding my relationship with my human wife.” I tapped my right temple, “All tickety boo."

We stared at each other for a few moments, daring the other to break eye contact. He finally spoke, still locked in eye-to-eye combat. "Your arm, please."

I presented my right arm.

He shook his head slightly, maintaining eye contact. "Your left arm, please."

I smiled tightly, keeping my tone neutral, "What's wrong with my right arm?"

Eyes locked, he spoke darkly, "It is not the arm I wish to examine."

My eyes flicked away for the briefest of moments, then refocused. "Why? What's wrong with my good arm?"

His voice remained calm, "It is not that arm I have a hypothesis about. Now, your left arm. Please."

I suddenly felt angry at his gall. Who the hell did he think he was? "You go to hell." I reached for my clothes.

Suddenly, the arm in question was encased in a green aura and forced out, palm up, fingers spread. He pointed at the neat row of memories on my inner forearm. There was a beat, the silence between us deafening. He continued softly, "How do you explain these?” He pointed to the memories on my arm. “All the same length, all with the same distance apart, almost mechanical precision. Based on the scarring, I would guess they were all made years apart.” I stared in hate at that sanctimonious son-of-a-bitch, my mouth deformed into a savage snarl. He asked quietly, pleadingly, “Well?"

I could feel the rage and shame welling up inside me. I put my right hand on my knife. Just give me an excuse, you freak. I angrily lashed out, "None of your goddamn business. Now let me go, or I’ll make you let go."

He didn't flinch, "I don't believe you will."

I stared at him for a few moments. Then, reluctantly, my right arm went limp.

He let my left arm go, and his expression, even the one under his skin I could barely make out, was full of concern. "Have you had any thoughts of taking your own life?"

His question stopped me cold. I sat on the exam table and stared. “What are you talking about?" I finally realized what this was all about. "Is this about the insurance?" I did my best to sound reasonable, one adult speaking to another about a simple topic. "What I did was take reasonable precautions. I gave them the tools to stop me.” I looked away and muttered, “I specifically told them to keep you out of this for a reason.” Then, maybe a little louder than I meant, “Who was it? Who blabbed?”

Emerald smiled, “It was a friend who cares. Now,” his expression became serious, “why did you give instructions to three powerful unicorns on a method of killing you?”

I could only glare at him. Didn’t he see the simple evidence in front of him? I guess I’ll have to explain it like he’s five. I spoke clearly and slowly. I overenunciated every word. "Because I am a danger to everyone around me. I could lose control and kill you all. Friends. Family. Foes. Everyone.”

Elusive didn’t seem moved by my explanation. “With this in mind, I ask again. Do you plan on harming yourself?”

I stared blankly at him for a moment, then answered with a sigh. “No, of course not.” I waved my hand dismissively, “I want to live a thousand years!” There was a long pause, and I found my hands involuntarily making those little circular motions when I was thinking.

He prompted me, "But?"

I lifted my hands in mock surrender, “Okay, fine. I used to, for a very long time. But not for a while. Not since Dash.”

“And what about this fair trade? Ms Rainbow Dash mentioned it when we spoke.”

“You spoke to Dash? Huh. Well, that explains the clinginess. It was a little uncharacteristic of her, but now it makes sense. Not that I minded. It was just not her usual behaviour." He cocked an eyebrow at me, and I chuckled, "Okay, enough stalling.” I pursed my lips, collecting my thoughts. “So, my fair trade. I was looking for it for years, doc. Long, hard years. I was alone and, frankly, terrified out of my wits. It was like that all the time. After a while, I thought, if I've got to go, at least it can mean something. It was something to make it all end, but not for nothing. I started looking for a fair trade about fifteen years in. I wasn't afraid of death, as long as it was for a good reason. I never really thought about just ending it. I never had the guts. Doing myself in, I mean.” I recalled an incident that contradicted my statement. “Actually, I lied. I did once, maybe about ten years ago.” I paused, remembering the moment. “I was standing on a chair, rope around my neck." I laughed, "The damn ceiling beam broke. Aw man, was the innkeeper ever mad. Cost me over a hundred gold pieces to fix it, too." I wiped my eyes and looked up at him. "Look, I know you’re just doing your job, but…?"

Emerald looked at me with an understanding smile. "Why? Because it is my oath as a physician to relieve pain. Because of my oath as a member of the Night Guard requires I show compassion to all. And because, even though you know I'm not a pony, you still call me your friend." He became serious. “Alex, under equestrian law, I had to inform your next of kin. I was able to contact Rainbow Dash. Applejack was away on business, but I’ve sent her a confidential letter. Ann Roberts is in another universe. I will inform her as soon as possible.”

I begged him, “Please don't. I can't give Ann anything else to worry about. Applejack has so much on her plate. Can’t you, I don’t know, cancel the letter?” I whispered, "I can't let Dash know how weak I am.” I chuckled bitterly, “That ship’s sailed.” I continued, “I know she's committed to me, but I'm afraid she'll… God, I don't know which would be worse, her pity or her leaving me… Anyway, it's not like I'm going to off myself any time soon.” I sniffed away a tear and sat straight. “Too much shit on my plate. And someone needs to show that little girl what a good dad is." I became frightened, "And what if she found out? She’d never look at me the same way again." I plead with him, "Doc, can we forget this whole thing? Tell them all there was just a terrible mistake?”

He shook his head and smiled sadly, “I’m afraid not, Alex. Your loved ones need to know.”

I desperately flailed around for a solution to make this all go away. “Look, doc, I’ve been able to keep myself together for a very long time. I'll be fine with Dash and Ann and friends like you for the rest of my life. Deal?”

Emerald's expression didn't change, "First, Alex, even in your world, I am sure there are many who advocate that mental illness is not a problem with one's character. I understand you are afraid that people would see you less the… man you are if they knew, but does hiding one's problems from their family equate to strength of character? I would wager the Element of Loyalty would say no."

He took a deep breath, and his voice became softer: "Now, I am aware Dash doesn't present the insight to understand these things easily, but I had to inform her. I did my best to make sure she understood the gravity of this. Applejack, as well. Would it not be a greater burden on Applejack and Dash not to know? Do you really think Rainbow Dash would see someone who has gone through as much as you have to be weak? Frankly, for you to get as far as you have after all you have been through merits a person of unyielding will and resilience." He put a hoof on my shoulder. "But even the strong need to heal their wounds. There is no shame in letting others help carry the burden and for you to draw strength from them for a while."

I watched the changeling for a long while as he patiently waited for my reply. I smiled involuntarily, "How long have you been saving that cheesy speech?"

Emerald smirked, "Practiced it in front of a mirror this morning." We both shared a soft chuckle. "But it’s all true, wouldn't you agree?"

I nodded and took a deep breath, holding back the tears. "I’m scared, Emerald. I am afraid I'll fall apart if I let this all out. I feel like I’m holding my insides in, and if I let go… I’m scared."

"That, my dear Alex, brings us to the second part of this consultation. I am going to refer you to Miss Introspective for an intake interview. She is a certified psychotherapist with a specialization in multiculturalism and held a practice in the Griffon Kingdoms for several years. That way, you will have a safe place to talk about it.”

In the cool of the night, Celestia awoke with a start. She looked around in panic and unceremoniously bolted to the throne room, startling several guards along the way. She slammed the gilded door open and bellowed, “Clear the room!” The startled ponies and foreign dignitaries quickly obeyed.

On the night throne, Luna seemed unaffected by her sister’s sudden intrusion. She discreetly put aside a report from a particularly trusted Night Guard physician. She had been reassured there was no immediate concern and had no reason to doubt their word.

Celestia hurried onto the royal rostrum, and in the room's silence, she whispered, “Did you feel that, sister?”

Luna nodded, “Yes. It would seem we have another guest on the way. I shall notify my Paladins as soon as you can tell me where they will arrive.”

“Just outside of Ponyville, near Fluttershy’s estate, within about half a kilometre of the fork in the stream.” The solar diarch rubbed her temple, “Why is it always Ponyville?” She groaned in frustration, “Another Alex. Wonderful. Let’s hope this one is as compliant as our current chaos creature.”

Luna gave her sister an irritated look, “I would appreciate it if you didn’t call Alex a creature. He is a citizen, one of our little ponies. You made him one yourself. True, he does not share the same shape as most, but he is one nonetheless.”

Celestia closed her eyes and sighed. “Forgive me, sister. Can we discuss this after we have determined what is arriving? I’ll contact the Elements while you contact your Paladins. Perhaps Alex will be best suited to deal with this newcomer. Shall we inform Cadence so that she can call on her League?”

“Given we do not know what is arriving in about thirty minutes, it would be the wisest course of action.” Luna thought for a moment, “Do you know what members of the League are currently in the area?”

Celestia closed her eyes for a moment, “I believe the gryffon Gary and the pegasus Silver Thought are the only ones in Ponyville at the moment.”

Luna looked out the window towards Ponyville, “I hope it’s enough.”

Gary was in the kitchen of the restaurant, washing dishes. It was his turn, and fair is fair. His sister's turn was tomorrow night, and he could take a break then. He was happily drying the second sink full when there was a sudden snap-crack of a teleported scroll. It hovered in the air briefly and fell unceremoniously into the dirty, sudsy water. With a sigh, he gave the scroll a quick shake, broke the pink seal and started reading, “My dear blah blah blah important mission blah blah blah your compatriot Silver Thought blah blah blah at the stream blah-,” he stopped reading. He reread the last part, “Another Alex Roberts in twenty minutes? Oy feathers, this is going to be a long night.”

Silver Thought was settling in with a cup of her favourite tea and a good book. It had been a busy day, and she looked forward to it. Reorganizing the shelves of her bookstore was always draining. She was startled by the unexpected snap-crack of a teleporting scroll, almost spilling her tea. She quickly snapped the seal and read it. “A second human? So soon?” She pondered the question, “Maybe. A second interdimensional jumper for sure.” She reached for her frying pan, “I hope they’re friendly.”

It had been a long day, and I was beat. I only wanted to spoon with my wife and get some shuteye. As I finished brushing my teeth, I heard the snap-crack of a teleporting scroll coming from the living room, followed a moment later by a second snap-crack and a scroll appearing at my eye level. I grabbed it and read. I rubbed the back of my neck and muttered, "Shit. Another jumper?".

I heard Dash yell to me, "Princess wants me to go to meet and greet another jumper!" She trotted into the bathroom excitedly, "Do you think it's another human?"

"I... don't know." I sighed, "So much for bed."

64 - The Iron Man

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Bonbon brushed up against her marefriend as they walked in the cool evening air. She felt like skipping. Despite her worries her shop was covered by insurance after the diamond dog attack, the repairs had been finished in time, and she had spent the day making candies for the grand reopening. She thought, ‘Maybe a little snuggling on Star Gazer Hill to end the evening, right.’

Rainbow Dash shot past like a lightning bolt low above them, her rainbow-hued trail momentarily lighting up the night. Lyra looked up in irritation. “Ugh. She’s always looking for attention. I should give her a piece of my mind!”

Bonbon lightly shoulder-checked her marefriend and smiled, “Don’t worry about that attention hog. You have better things to focus on.”

They ducked before Lyra could say anything else as a big gryphon soared low over them. Bonbon recognised him as Gary, the friendly gryphon who helped out at the shop the other day. As soon as they gathered their wits, they were almost bowled over by Pinkie Pie, who was quickly followed by several ponies, including the bookshop owner carrying a frying pan. Finally, bringing up the rear, Alex followed as fast as he could. As the eclectic menagerie continued on their madcap dash through the streets, she overheard them say something about another jumper! Lyra’s face lit up at the prospect of another human. She started to follow, “Oh, I have got to see what’s going on!”

Bonbon stopped her and softly explained, “No, Lyra. Tonight is for us.”

Lyra, pointing to the quickly leaving group, “But—”

Bonbon interrupted her, “No buts.”

Lyra exclaimed, “Humans!”

Bonbon stated flatly, “No.”

Lyra pleaded, “But what if—”

Bonbon would have none of it. “Let the professionals handle the emergency. If it is a human, I know you’ll have every opportunity to meet them. Tomorrow.”

Lyra’s eyes sparkled at the possibilities, “So, could I bring them home?”

Bonbon, trying to be reasonable, “They’re not a stray cat, Lyra. If they’re anything like Alex—”

Lyra cut her off and tried to explain, “But they could be scared! Or hurt! Or scared and hurt! Or maybe there’s that human male thing I hypothesised about? You know, if they’re male. Maybe Alex and them will fight! Some kind of dominance display?”

Bonbon sighed and stood firm, “I’m sure Alex would have mentioned that at some point.”

Lyra began, “But what if—” and was stopped by her marefriend covering her mouth with a hoof.

Bonbon spoke firmly, “No.”

Lyra realised the futility of continuing and only nodded, “...kay.”

As we ran, I breathlessly reminded the others, “They’ll be blind, deaf, likely sick, and disoriented. Let the rest of us know as soon as you spot them.” We reached the spot near the fork in the stream with about five minutes to spare. I was a little winded, but I called out, “Flyers! Get some altitude and start scouting. The rest of us will spread out in pairs. I don’t know what a jump looks like from this end, so be ready for anything.”

Beatrix and I scanned the woods around us as we walked in a wide, spiralling circle. I could tell she was tense, and so was I. Who knows who, or what, is jumping into this world? I hoped they were safe, unlike me. I’m just glad we had time to get here before they arrived.

Beatrix spoke softly, “Will Scootaloo and Summer Blossom be alright? You and Dash had to leave in a hurry.”

I reassured her, as much as myself. “They’re fine. Summer was awake and is keeping an eye on Scoots.”

In the silence of the night, there was a sudden burst of light to my left, like a camera flash, and what looked like lightning arcing through the air, followed about a second later by a roar of thunder. As I started running in the direction of the flash and sound, there was a crash like something heavy moving very fast, smashing into the underbrush ahead of me, quickly followed by a loud splash. Whoever they are, they may have landed in the stream. I redoubled my efforts to get to them before they drowned.

The boom from the woods woke Scootaloo with a start. Half asleep, she called out, “Mom? Dad?”

Summer Blossom soothed her adopted little sister, “Do not worry. Princesses summoned Mother and Father for an important task. Everything will be fine.”

The little orange pegasus became very awake, “We have to go! They might need our help!” She added with a little trepidation, “What if dad needs reminding again?”

Summer winced at the memory of her actual mother’s fate. “No. I was tasked to protect you, and I can only do that here. I also wish to be by their side, but I will obey, and you will too.”

Scootaloo began answering but stopped. She knew enough not to argue with her big sister.

I yelled out, “Twilight? Can you do something about the darkness?”

The entire wood lit up as Twilight cast some kind of sunlight spell.

I soon heard Beatrix yell out, “Alex, I found them. Alex! I found the human.”

I was surprised at what I saw. The newcomer was covered in armour—metal plates with a black body suit like a form-fitting gambison. There was a backpack of some sort, also metal. They were clutching their helmet to their chest. What alarmed me the most was the sidearm. I may not have recognised the make, model, or even the type, but I knew a gun when I saw one, and this one looked high-tech.

I had to assume they were male based on their body shape and a glance, but I could be wrong.

Beatrix picked the newcomer up in her blueish-silver glow off the stream's edge. She grunted in surprise, “It’s like lifting a solid chunk of cold iron. What’s he made of?”

“Frankly, it’s probably his armour. It looks high-tech, but I’m guessing it’s not magical. It might be some kind of high-density metal?” I re-evaluated the newcomer. “Well, at least he seems to be out cold. And…” I shuddered as my first-aid training kicked in. I muttered, “DR ABC. Okay, no danger, we made sure he wasn’t drowning.” I shook him lightly, “Hey, buddy, you okay?” No response. He’s out cold. I put my fingers under his nose. “He seems to be breathing slow and steady, so his airway and breathing seem fine. Circulation. That leg is bleeding a little, so we need to bandage him up.” I called out, “Rarity! Do you have that gauze for bandages? Our guest is injured.” But, before the bandage, I had to disarm him.

I gave him another quick inspection, this time looking for weapons. All I saw were the sidearm and a tonfa. I took the black nightstick without issue. It looked and felt like high-density plastic, but nothing exceptional otherwise. However, the sidearm was a different matter. When I tried to pull it out of the holster, a little red light flashed at the top of the weapon, and it held firm. I didn’t want to hurt or wake him, so I didn’t force it.

It occurred to me that I could kill two birds with one stone. If I wrap up his leg with enough gauze, I can also wrap up his gun. It may not stop him from getting to it, but it might buy me the seconds I need to stop him.

As I bandaged his leg, the others gathered around us to get a better look at the newcomer.

Dash was concerned, “That’s a nasty gash on his leg. You didn’t…” She let her words hang in the air.

I didn’t blame her for thinking that. Hell, I would have, too. I replied, “No, he landed this way. I think he was injured before he jumped. It looks like he applied a bandage, but it got ripped off when he landed.”

Gary examined the wound as I wrapped it. “Doesn’t look like a claw or beak wound. Almost like a slingstone injury, but I’ve never seen a slingstone do that much damage.”

I agreed. “Could have been a high-tech weapon of some kind.”

Once I wrapped his leg, we took him to the Ponyville hospital. The night was damp, and the Ponyville streets were empty. We entered the Emergency entrance, Dr Emerald was ready with a trauma team. After a quick evaluation, noting no other damage besides his leg, he began to unwrap the makeshift gauze bandage. I placed my hand between Dr Emerald and the bandage, “Stop. He looks human, but we can’t be sure.”

“With the gause rag you applied, I can not apply my Gelatinous Antimicrobial Ailment Healing Cellulose. That bandage will simply not do.”

“Dr Emerald, that stuff was made for my biochemistry, right?” He nodded. “The problem is, they may not actually be human. Who knows what effects it may have on them? I think a simple gauze dressing will have to do for now.”

Dr Emerald frowned slightly, “Yes, you have a point, my boy. At least let me rewrap their leg. It looks like a poorly wrapped Hearths Warming Eve gift.”

“Maybe so, but it will have to do. Once we can talk to this guy, then we can rewrap it.”

“Very well. Once my patient is awake, I will run tests and adjust the formula accordingly.”

Bonbon and Lyra were headed back to their home. It had been a good night. Lyra spoke worriedly to Bonbon, “After that non-euclidian transdimensional transport event, I hope everyone is okay. I would hate to see Alex hurt.”

Bonbon reminded her marefriend, “I would hate to see anypony hurt, Lyra.”

Lyra rolled her eyes, “Yeah, yeah. Anypony.”

In the distance, Applejack walked ponderously toward her farm. There had been just enough excitement for now, and her bed was calling her. Besides, she had a lot of chores to do in the morning.

Lyra saw an opportunity and trotted towards the apple farmer. “Applejack! Applejack! Did you see them, the new human?” An exasperated Bonbon followed close behind.

Applejack turned. “Yeah, I sure did. Poor guy was hurt, knocked out cold, but Alex wrapped up his wound. He looked powerful worried.”

Lyra excitedly spoke, “Of course, Alex was worried! That fits his personality profile to a tee. Did you notice what colour their mane was? You said ‘guy’. Were they male? How many fingers did they have? What about fire breath? Did they say anything?”

Bonbon put a hoof on Lyra’s shoulder, “Calm down, sweetie. Remember, we talked about this.”

Lyra sighed, “I know.” She became crestfallen.

Bonbon brightened. She had a thought. “Applejack, would I be able to meet this new human in the morning? Lyra can be a little intense, and jumping is very unpleasant from what I’ve heard.”

Applejack thought for a moment, “Don’t see why not. As a matter of fact, getting somepony’s opinion who isn’t involved might be a good idea. I’ll drop by your place in the morning and get ya’ll in.”

Lyra stared at her marefriend in surprise, “You would do that? For me?”

“No. I’m doing it for them. They’ll need friends and a place to stay. We have the room, and if they’re anything like Alex, they’ll be a perfect gentlecolt.”

I sat in the dark room with our guest. He was sleeping fitfully, tossing and turning. I can relate. Man, was I beat. I was half asleep myself. Still, I had my knife drawn and, with the safety on, was absentmindedly tapping the blade in the palm of my hand. I was thinking hard. How the hell do I protect these people? My family? What do I do if this guy’s a threat? Can I stop him? The knife is good, but it’s not a gun. Could it even go through that armour?

A soft knock on the door shook me from my worried contemplation. I answered quietly, “Come in.”

I recognized Elusive’s horn glow, levitating a mug of coffee as he entered the room. He spoke in a pony whisper, “Here you are, buddy. I heard the boom and thought you might be involved. Figured you needed a little go-go juice about now.”

I thanked him and took a grateful sip.

“So, another human, eh? He doesn’t look a thing like you.”

“He’s younger than I am, maybe mid to late twenties, early thirties. Hard to tell under all that armour.”

“Yeah, he’s got a lot of rattle on, that’s for sure.”

“Hey, I appreciate the coffee, but I don’t think any pony should be around when he wakes up. I’ll meet and greet him. Heck, I even suggested Dr Emerald stay out for now.”

“You sure?”

“I can see through Emerald's disguise, and I have to assume he can too. Hard to build trust in that situation.”

“Yikes. That’s likely for the best.”

“Yeah, gotta keep you guys safe. I don’t know what he’ll do. Maybe something, maybe nothing. That’s the cost of protecting innocence. Uncertainty. But I’m willing to pay that cost if I have to.”

Elusive chuckled, “I don’t know whether to be flattered or insulted.”

I also chuckled, “A little from column A and a little from column B?”

He smirked, “Smartalic. Alright, I’ll go ahead and leave you to it. I’ll come back in the morning with Applejack. See you then.”

“Night.”

I sipped the hot brew and continued running through scenarios, good and bad, refining what I would do and say in each one. I was playing my little game of clear-the-room but with one focus. In a few scenarios, if I was very lucky, they were friendly, and I had a new drinking buddy. However, if I’m honest with myself, they were mostly bad. That was why I justified keeping the knife in my hand all night. I’ve got to keep these people safe, no matter what the cost.

Princess Luna carefully entered the dream of the newcomer. The mind felt similar to Alex’s but was less seasoned. This human did not have the extensive mental scarring Alex had. He had scars, but they hadn’t metastasised the way they had in Alex.

She found the centre of the dreamscape, where this person’s consciousness would be. She found herself in a dark forest at night, the two full moons providing a dim light. They were fighting what could only be described as demons. The vile creatures were running and leaping towards the human, trying to swarm him. He fought fiercely and with bravery.

With a gentle touch, she froze everything around them so they could speak. He turned to her in a flash. Arms held up defensively, blades glistening in the twin moonlight.

This being a dream, he was more likely to speak what they considered the truth. She spoke gently but with practised formality, “Greetings. I welcome thee to Equestria. Art thou friend or foe? What doth thou plan on doing here.”

He seemed confused but answered anyway, “A friend, I guess. I plan on surviving like I always do. Who the hell are you, and what did you do to the demons?”

“I stopped the dream creatures momentarily. I regret they will soon be at your throat once more. I only wanted to know if you were a threat to my little ponies. I see you are not an immediate threat. Therefore, I will allow my Paladin to assess you as planned. I’m afraid you will not recall this dream in any detail. Perhaps we shall speak again. Fare thee well, and welcome to our fair land.”

Twilight paced up and down the corridor. She was worried. Alex was alone in the room with the newcomer, and in his current state of mind, violence might break out at any moment. She had known him for over a year, but did she really know him? Dash wasn’t worried; she had full confidence in him, but her viewpoint might be skewed.

Months ago, Twilight had received a mysterious manuscript about humans by an author only identified as “L.H.”. There had been many incorrect and downright fanciful ideas, like the claim that Alex breathed fire. Rainbow had told her the whole story, and while Twilight didn’t usually approve of deceit, she had to acquiesce it was clever in that situation. While some of the insights had been entirely accurate, as far as she could tell, some of the hypotheses had been very worrisome. The one that stood out at this moment was the one in which human males are extremely territorial, to the point of violence. This was supported in a footnote to a reference volume the author had found in the Canterlot Library. Twilight thought for a moment. ‘What was it called? Ah, yes, “On The Dangers Of Piercing The Veil To Other Worlds” by Starswirl the Bearded.’

“Rainbow Dash? What do you think? You have the most experience with humans. Do you think they’re a threat?

Dash smirked, “Naw, they’re probably scared out of their gourds. Who knows how long they’ve been jumping and what craziness they’ve gone through? Alex said—”

Twilight cut her friend off, “No, Rainbow Dash. I want to know what you think.”

“Okay, fine.” She thought for a moment before answering, “Well, I’m a little worried, to be honest. I mean, the guy has armour and weapons. He looks dangerous, even more than Alex on a bad day. Alex said not to worry, but I could tell he wasn’t telling me everything.”

Twilight whispered angrily, “He makes a habit of that, doesn’t he?”

Dash’s wings opened a little, but she replied softly, not wanting to wake the newcomer or disturb the others, “What do you mean by that?”

Twilight narrowed her eyes, “What do I mean? I mean, he never told you about his insurance, did he?”

“Well, no, but—”

“What else is he keeping from you, Rainbow?”

“I don’t think—”

“That’s right, you don’t. If he couldn’t confide in you something that important, what else—”

Dash’s voice cracked a little but remained quiet, “Hey! He had a reason. He didn’t want to freak me out, that’s all.”

Twilight deadpanned, “Well, he sure freaked me out.”

The conversation was interrupted by the familiar snap-crack sound of a teleporting scroll with half a solar and half a lunar seal, a rare joint Royal seal. The scroll was addressed to Rarity. Twilight passed the scroll to the fashionista.

Rarity quickly read it, and her eyes grew wide. She centred herself and explained to her friends, “Princesses Celestia and Luna have asked me to be our guest’s first introduction to pony kind. He should be awake now. But first, let me fix my makeup.” A powder puff, lipstick, and compact mirror were expertly and quickly used. “There, perfection. A lady must always look her best.”

65 - Insights

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It was early morning. Celestia’s sun was streaming through the windows of the well-appointed yet cheerless private bank office. The donkey named Chamor reviewed documents from Fillydelphia. “Interesting. The Foal Protection Services board did not approve the adoption, yet the filly is still with them.” The dower donkey frowned, “A most chaotic state of affairs.”

I must have dozed off because I was startled awake by a sudden scream. The room was dark, even with the morning sun streaming in from around the shades. I stood and got closer, my hand reaching out to the bedside lamp. His hand shot out, hitting me squarely on the sternum with his palm. I stumbled back from the force of the blow. While I regained my balance, he scrambled off the bed, huddling in the corner of the room, arms held up defensively. There was a sudden, quick scraping sound of metal sliding against metal. I turned on the bedside lamp. The short, wide blades out of the backs of his armoured gauntlets glinted in the gloom.

There was a pause. I looked at him. He looked at me. When he did speak, his voice was filled with anger, “If you EVER do that to me again, I swear to god! I just about pissed myself I was so scared. What made you think it was a good idea to stand over me in a dark room like that?”

I thought honesty was the best policy. “I’m trying to decide if I can trust you. This world is a genuine paradise, and I refuse to let anyone destroy that.” The knife was still in my hand, and I must have instinctually put it in combat mode. The gloom of the room was lit only by the animic lamp and the electric arcs dancing along the twisting and shifting blade while the knuckle guard flowed to protect my hand.

I don’t know how long we stood there, just staring at each other. Frankly, I thought he looked as scared as I felt. I didn’t want things to go down like this, but I had to protect—the door opened.

A familiar voice spoke, “Alex darling, Princess Luna just sent a message that he should be awake now—” I turned my head to see Rarity scowling at me. I quickly sheathed my blade. Her glare then turned to the new guy. The short gauntlet blades retracted.

I pointed at him, “He’s dangerous, Rarity. Look at him! Just look. He’s a soldier. If that’s not mil-spec,” I grunted, realising she may not know what I mean, “military specification equipment; the armour, the built-in weapons. I don’t know what is. I know I have to give him a chance, but I’m not about to unleash a monster on you. Sure as hell not on Dash or Scoots.”

Rarity rolled her eyes at me. “Shining Armor is a soldier, and you know he is a dear. Princess Cadence would never have married him if he was anything less. It was a wonderfully glamorous ceremony…” She sighed, then clicked her tongue, “Well, the second one was after we dealt with that horrible mess from the changelings.”

The newcomer was forgotten. I was focused on convincing Rarity of my point of view. “Who knows what he could do! Right now, I stand an even chance of stopping him if he gets out of control.”

Rarity remained ladylike, never raising her voice, “As you instructed us to stop you if you got out of control? Alex Roberts, with that sort of reasoning, we should have thrown you out of Ponyville the moment we saw you. But we did not. We showed you compassion and gave you the chance to prove what a gallant knight you are. Were we wrong about you?” She took a few steps towards me, and I stumbled back. I could tell she was very upset.

I put my hands on my hips, head down. I couldn’t make myself look her in the eye. “No, of course not, but—”

“No buts, Mr Alex Roberts! You are a citizen of Equestria and a Paladin of Redemption as well. Helping strangers is part of that. Now, are you one of us or not?” She smiled radiantly at our guest, “Show the dear some Ponyville hospitality.”

Her words reminded me of my obligations as a citizen of Equestria, a denizen of Ponyville, and a Paladin of Redemption. I swallowed hard, sighed, and turned to the newcomer. “I’m Alex Roberts, welcome to Ponyville. These people are under my protection, as are you.” I put out my hand, and he took it with only a little hesitation.

“Mathew Brennan, no rank, service or serial number. This is a modified combat flight suit. In case you didn’t notice, when I shift realities, I typically end up more than a few metres in the air and exit at your average city speed limit. I’m not a soldier, assassin, hunter, murderer or arsonist, and I even pay my taxes. Do I still deserve to die, or can I have a chance to discover the magic of friendship?”

‘Oh, you have got to be kidding me,’ I thought to myself. “You watched My Little Pony?” I was sceptical. I mean, what are the odds that both humans in Equestria were Bronies? It’s just too much of a coincidence.

Rarity rolled her eyes, “Oh, no. Not that dreadful... what did you call it? Tee Vee show? You were an aficionado as well?”

“Yes,” he chuckled nervously, “I was kind of a hardcore fan. I would really like to know if everything is like the show. I’m curious how close everything is to the fanon. Do the fan names match up to everyone's real names? How about the fan insights? Timeline? What about—”

Rarity interrupted him with a simple raised hoof. “Darling, please! You’re sounding like Lyra does about humans. Please calm yourself.” I buried my face in my hand. Is this what I sounded like at first?

He continued, “Heck, I’ve even written fiction set in this universe.” Rarity became obviously uncomfortable.

He seemed to catch her discomfort and explained, “Oh, don’t worry, Rarity. Nothing I’ve written involved anything… uncouth or involved anyone you know.” She seemed to accept that and, with her lady-like grace, accepted what he said at face value.

Now that I’ve had a moment or two to calm down, I realise I may have overreacted. He may very well be on the level. “I’ll tell you what I learned about the show and the reality here. They skip out on a lot of stuff, change the context, reorder some of what happened, and do all kinds of editing to make it kid-friendly. And forget about everything after season three. I mean, it’s a fun show, but just straight-up fiction after that.” I thought for a moment and had an idea. “The two best examples are Twilight Sparkle and Pinkie Pie.” He suddenly looked a little uncomfortable. “Twilight is damn smart and powerful, but not a Princess. They got her personality more or less right. Pinkie Pie, on the other hand, is way off. On the show, they present her as a spastic, crazy, all-over-the-place party pony. When I talk to her, she’s a smart, funny, insightful pony. But,” I chuckled, “she does tend to hop instead of walk.”

I sighed and pinched the bridge of my nose, “What I’m saying is, don’t rely on that damned show for much. I’ll tell you this: they’re all far better people than you would expect them to be based on nothing but the show. So, you want to know what the difference is? Everything. The personalities are kind of right, but they were only shown at their funniest, not their best.” I had to smile at Rarity, recalling all of her kindness towards me.

I didn’t interrupt the silence of the room. Mathew was just looking at Rarity with a bit of a smile plastered on his face. I think I knew what he was experiencing. It would take some mental digesting, that’s for sure.

There was a knock at the door, and Applejack came into the room. She was followed by Elusive, with four cups of coffee in a cardboard tray floating in his glow. I started to turn back to Mathew when I saw a third, unexpected, pony entering the room. It was Bonbon, of all ponies, coming in slowly, hesitantly. What the heck is she doing here?

Applejack put a hoof on my hip, “Alex, sugarcube. Are you okay? Elusive here came to the farm and dragged me away from my bed to come to make sure you were fine. Big Macintosh was not impressed with him at all,” she chuckled a low chuckle and flashed a warm smile to Elusive, “even less than he already was. Anyhow, he said something about you sitting here in the dark, playing with your knife and muttering something about ‘the cost of protecting innocence’. He was worried that you’d go and do something foalish, and judging from that there human in the corner, I’d say I got here just in time.”

Mathew gave a small smile and waved at Applejack, simply saying, “Hi.”

Applejack tipped her hat towards Mathew, “Howdy.” She looked back at me with a penetrating grin, “You didn’t do anything to tarnish the Apple name now, did you?”

I opened my mouth to explain myself, somehow, when Mathew spoke before I could. “Just a misunderstanding on my part, Applejack, nothing to worry about. Things just got a little heated between us,” he looked pleadingly at the fashionista, “but Rarity helped bring us to our senses, right?”

“I simply brought fresh air into a closed room and reminded the windows to open. They were both simply under stress. This situation can hardly be easy for either of them. Now, as fabulous as I am, darlings, I still need my beauty sleep.” With a flirtatious swing of her hips, she left the room.

I noticed Mathew and Elusive both watching Rarity leave. I had to admit, she could pull off a fine feminine walk.

Applejack chuckled that low chuckle of hers, “Do y’all always have plot on your minds?”

Mathew and Elusive started sputtering. I just smiled, looked at the floor, and scratched my nose.

Applejack motioned to the cream-coloured pony, “Bonbon wanted to offer a place for him to stay. They are a ‘him’, right?” Mathew nodded, and Applejack continued. “She figured he needed friends around here, being new to town and all.”

The armoured human, still with a grin, “You can call me Matt. Will Lyra be there?”

Applejack and Bonbon looked surprised, but I was wondering if he would mention her. “You know Lyra, huh? I’ll be honest. After I landed here and actually met these people, I didn’t really follow the show or the fandom. I don’t know how she was presented on the show, but here she’s a xenobiologist. She went to the same school as Twilight Sparkle, so you know she’s smart. She spent some time interviewing me, so I’m sure she’ll be tickled pink to see another one of us.”

Rainbow Dash entered the quickly filling room. “Hey, Alex. Hi, new guy.” She fluttered up to me and gave me a peck on the cheek.

Matt gave me a questioning look, but that little smile stayed, “So, no AppleDash?”

Applejack and Dash both looked at him in confusion. Dash finally facehoofed. “Don’t tell me he was a fan of that stupid creepy pony show. Is that why he has that goofy grin?”

I sighed, “Yeah.” Then, I explained, pointing my finger back and forth between Dash and AJ, “I guess AppleDash means you two end up together on the show.”

Dash stifled a laugh, and AJ just blushed. Dash finally spoke, “No way, dude. AJ is not that kind of pony. She’s my best gal pal.”

Elusive gave Applejack a little nuzzle. “Yeah, buddy, Applejack is all mine.” He turned to me, “But, uh, maybe you can show me this show after all?”

Applejack chuckled and lightly shoulder-checked Elusive. “Now, don’t you be looking at that foolishness, Elusive. Y’all got the real deal right here.”

Bonbon finally spoke up, “I think Matt needs a little rest. A room full of ponies isn’t the way to do that.”

Matt looked around the room, “Yeah, I think that’s a good idea. Look, Alex, no offence, but how about we go our separate ways for now?”

“Agreed. I think we’re both a little off.” I figured the least I could do was fix up the gauze, “Here, at least let me rebandage your leg properly.”

“No need.” That short, wide blade snapped out of the back of his gauntlet and in a single stroke, he sliced off the bandage. “Nano-bots will heal me up better than any cloth strip.” The blade was just as quickly hidden away. He then started limping away with Bonbon leading the way.

I said, as he left, “I’ll check up on you at Bonbons’ tomorrow. Give you a chance to rest.”

He snarked at me, “That’s fine. Don’t hurry.”

We were back home. I was tired, but I couldn’t just lay down to sleep. Deciding it was five o’clock somewhere, I opened a cold bottle of cider. Dash was sitting next to me, half asleep, unwilling to go to bed unless I did. Her head was on my shoulder. “I’m worried, Dash. What if this Matt guy isn’t what Rarity thinks he is? What if he does something to hurt Bonbon or Lyra?” I put the bottle down, “I think I’ll go check on them.”

Half asleep, she scolded me, “Alex Jean-Paul Roberts, you will do no such thing. Bonbon and Lyra can take care of themselves. Besides, Rarity was okay with him. You should really go to bed, you lunkhead.”

Before I could answer, the sounds of Scootaloo and Summer Blossom coming down the stairs caught my attention. As soon as Scootaloo saw us, she charged the rest of the way, her little wings fluttering furiously, “Mom! Dad!” She gave us both a hug.

Summer simply inclined her head.

I smiled, “Hey, pumpkin. How’d you sleep?”

“Not that great, but I feel better now that you guys are home.”

“And you, Summer Blossom? Did you get some sleep? Was Scootaloo any trouble?”

“Me sleep alright. Little sister was honourable. Made watching easy.”

Dash ruffled Scootaloo’s mane, “That’s my little filly. Thanks, Summer. You’re awesome.”

“Okay, let me get some breakfast for my two girls and get your school lunches ready. Then we can get you out the door in time so you’re not late for school. I’m afraid I’m a little tired, so I won’t be able to walk you to school today.”

Summer asked curiously, “Two girls?”

I answered with a smile, “Well, yeah. You and Scoots. My two girls.”

Summer simply inclined her head again.

The next day, as I was heading towards Bonbon’s to check up on Matt, I glanced at the town clock. Eight-thirty. The appointment with the shrink is at nine. Maybe I can duck out? Important stuff is happening. Too busy for that nonsense. This Matt guy—

Dash had snuck up behind me, wrapped her forelegs around my neck, and kissed me on the cheek. She whispered in my ear, “Listen up, you big lug. I know what’s going through your head, and you will not bail. You will go to that appointment with Miss Introspective, or so help me, I will send a letter to Princess Luna, and she will order you to go. I don’t care that you’re worried about this new guy. He’s harmless. You? I love you, and I want to keep you forever. Got it?”

Wow, she plays hardball. I kissed her hoof before responding. “Yes, dear. Understood. I’ll be there with bells on.” So much for my great escape.

I sat on the couch in the cosy little office and stewed. “I don’t have time for this,” I muttered. “I have a situation to deal with.” I sighed. “But Dash insisted, so here I am.” I chuckled, “Why am I talking to myself?” I half-jokingly pondered, “Maybe I am nuts.”

The assistant had asked me a bunch of questions, medical history and so on—about what I expected for an intake interview—after about a half-hour wait, a half hour I could have been using to deal with Matt, a bespectacled ivory earth pony mare with a dark purple mane and tail in a bun entered the room.

“Doctor Introspective, I presume?”

She smiled thinly, “No, just Miss. It’s a pleasure to meet you, Mr Alex Roberts.” She led the way towards a slightly open door, and I followed.

I entered the next room and settled down on the comfortable couch—the heavy oak coffee table between us, almost like a barrier. I had decided to nip this whole thing in the bud. “I’m afraid this is just a waste of your time. Aren't there people who are more sick you could be helping?”

She answered in a pleasant tone, sitting down primly on a cushion across from me, “Well, thank you for showing concern for my other clients, but this time is reserved for you. I have water and comfort items for you if you need them.” She gestured to the side table with a pitcher of fresh water, tissues, and what I guessed was a stress ball. “Do you have any questions about the intake session?”

I shook my head.

“If you do have any questions, feel free to ask at any time.” The mare adjusted her glasses. “Now, can you tell me about what brought you here?”

I answered frankly, “My doctor, my fiance, my friends, they’re all concerned about me.”

“How are they concerned?”

I recognised an open-ended question when I heard one, but I did my best not to take the bait. “How long do you have?”

She smiled thinly, “As long as it takes. Would you like me to read the referral notes?”

I grew a little annoyed. I should be figuring out this Matt problem. With a dismissive gesture, I replied, “Go ahead.”

She adjusted her glasses, “From Dr Emerald, he was concerned you may be suffering from thoughts of self-harm, possibly suicidal ideation.” She waited for me to reply, but I kept a tight lip. “Your friends and significant others insisted you see me after giving them a disturbing set of instructions. Can you elaborate?”

“Which one? I ask my friends to do a lot of stuff.”

She replied with a kind yet discerning look, “Mr Roberts, were you informed of the reason for this referral and the cause for concern?”

I was tired, and my verbage wasn’t as effective as usual. I took a deep breath to search for an answer. “That I gave my friends, people I trust, precautions to deal with me in case I became dangerous.”

“Can you describe those instructions to me?” The therapist asked.

“Why ask? It’s all right in front of you, apparently.” I gestured at her papers.

“I ask because your perspective in this referral is very important to better understand you.” She replied.

There was a brief silence as I refused to reply, not because I was afraid to repeat it but because repeating it would no doubt freak her out. Then, the silence continued for one long second after another. I felt I had to say something to break it. I sighed. “I just gave them the tools to stop me if I got out of control, that's all. Let’s just leave it at that.”

She tilted her head slightly in the way ponies who are in their element do. “And do you plan on being a danger?”

I shook my head and waved my hand dismissively, “No, of course not. But, after the Alpha, I wasn't sure I would never be one. So, a little insurance for you guys.”

She leaned forward a little, her ears focused on me, “What do you imagine you could do that warrants this?”

I hesitated. “I don’t know, and I never want to find out.” I had an internal debate: Do I tell her about my little game? Why not, might get her off my back, “You know, when I walked into a new setting, I used to play a little game called clear the room. I made a plan to kill everything and everyone in it.” No reaction on her part. “Well, I did that for the first few weeks I was here anyway, but it became too easy. I'm really a wolf among the sheep, you know? I’m sorry, do you have that expression?” She nodded. ”Okay. So, after a while, I added the challenge of making it non-lethal, just disabling. Just as a mental exercise, you understand. I would never do it.”

She seemed calm and unaffected by what I said, “Are you playing this game right now?”

I just want to get out of here. Maybe I can get her to kick me out? “Maybe…I mean, if I did, nothing fancy. I would likely catch you unaware, if I could, so just an electrical stun from my knife or a punch to the throat, if unarmed. If you were aware, like you are now, I would rely on a distraction and speed to get you before you could call out for help. Didn't fully plan it all out, to be honest. It's gotten kind of boring. And anyway, the game is getting harder because I see you all more as people and friends, not just random creatures.”

"In the past, this wasn’t a game, was it?"

I shook my head, "No, it was necessary for my survival.” I chuckled wryly, “Old habits die hard, I suppose."

She leaned forward a bit more, ears and eyes locked on me. "And now you are here, with friends. Is it still necessary?"

I slammed my palm on the coffee table and raised my voice, "Of course it’s necessary! After what I did to that bitch..." A tear ran down my cheek.

To her credit, she didn’t flinch. She’s made of tough stuff. "But she was not your friend. She was, in fact, hurting your friends and your daughter."

I conceded the point, "...yeah." There was a moment of silence while I collected myself.

"So, how do you think the habit is going away?"

I fought to hold back the tears, "I told you, it’s boring. That, and I see you people more as my friends. I don't want to hurt any pony or see them get hurt." I shrugged, “I’m not a psychopath. It’s not easy to hurt others.”

"So you made a plan for them to hurt you."

I sat up on the couch and punctuated each word with a tap to my chest, "Because I’m not safe.” I begged, “Don’t you understand?"

Again, that pony head tilt. "I would like to. Mr Roberts, do you feel safe right now?”

The question resonated in my mind. I finally whispered, "No."

She gave me a moment to collect myself. "When was the last time you remember feeling safe?"

I stared at the ceiling, tears wetting my cheeks. "I was sitting in my living room, back in my world. Ann, my wife, was resting her head on my shoulder. My kids are with us, we're...watching a movie...moving pictures. That was the day before I jumped. It was so long ago I honestly don’t know if it’s an actual memory or something I just made up to comfort myself." I lay back down on the couch on my side, facing away from her, and brought my legs up to my chest.

Her tone became warm and compassionate. "And for sixty years, you couldn't afford to feel safe."

I took a moment to collect myself. "No. I don't even remember what it’s like to feel at peace. It’s like my gut is always tight. I’m always worried some new disaster will hit me. Just like the new Jumper. Did you know the first thing I said to him was? That I would kill him to keep this world safe. Jesus Christ, I didn’t mean to scare the kid. I mean, he must be as screwed up as I am. Some Paladin I turned out to be." I sat back up on the couch.

She kept her expression neutral, but I think I caught a hint of disapproval in her voice, “I’m sure he will understand once he gets to know you and us. Now, can you tell me about the incident in Canterlot and what led up to it?”

I tried bluffing, “What incident?

There was a pause. Without taking her eyes off me, she turned to a different page in the file. “It was reported that you threw yourself out the window of your hotel room on the thirty-second floor.”

I chuckled, “Oh, yeah. That. No, I just fell off the balcony. My foot went through the thin edge between the lip and the floor. I guess I wasn’t as careful as I should have been.”

“Why do you think that was?”

“I had just found out from Twilight Sparkle that my days were numbered. I mean, all of our days are numbered, but my ticket was going to be punched sooner rather than later. Dash and I had been headed to her room for a little special snuggle time when we got ambushed by Twilight. She told me I was dying. No time frame, no explanation. Just, I was going to die. Dash and I spent that night together.” I chuckled at the memories, “I found out later it was a DNA issue. I was ageing much faster than normal. Thanks to ponies, my knife, and this thing,” I indicated the medallion, ”I’m doing much better now.”

“I see. With this in mind, have you experienced even a small measure of peace recently?"

I had to ask, "What kind of small measures?"

"Recall moments where you felt even a hint of peace."

I smiled a little, "Before I fell that night, I was just enjoying the warmth of my fiance. We were in the afterglow, tired but happy.” I thought a little more, “At my house, sitting with Dash on the couch, stroking her ear. No battles, no fights, no diabolical villains. Just her and me.” I thought for a moment more, “ Right after I had beaten the Alpha, Scootaloo hugged me. It wasn’t peace, but I did feel so loved right there at that moment." I recalled another incident, “When I was checking up on Beatrix after things settled down, there were birds singing. Reminded me of one of my jumps, right after spending about four months—about a full season—stuck in an ice swamp. Near the end, I managed to have a single bird sing to me after I gave it my last piece of bread. Afterwards, I landed in a lush forest. Took the little guy with me in my jump field.”

"So, for those moments, you dropped your guard. And what did you get out of it?"

I sniffed back a tear, "Paradise. But it never takes long for that little something in the back of my head to tell me I don't know why Dash stays with me or why Scootaloo wants me to be her dad."

"So you question when things go well for you, but do not question when things go badly."

"Yeah.” I chuckled, “I guess I'm used to hell, not heaven."

From the medical records of Alex Roberts:

From: Miss Introspective
To: Dr Emerald
Subject: Preliminary Diagnosis Of Alex Roberts (human)
My preliminary diagnosis for Mr Alex Roberts is Complex Induced Trauma Syndrome. After reviewing his history, it is my professional opinion that any sentient creature would suffer from CITS after sixty years of the kind of trauma he endured. I believe the incident with the Diamond Dog Alpha was the trigger that caused him to make the CITS symptoms more pronounced. He has, in my opinion, managed to hide the symptoms quite well until recently.
Since he is not a pony, I cannot recommend any medications, only verbal and behavioural therapies. It will have to be a mixture of pony, gryphon, and warg methodologies. I have made further weekly appointments for the foreseeable future.
See attachments for clinical notes, observations, and a preliminary treatment plan.
I have also begun inquiries as to the mental health of the new human. Having two humans to study will allow further and better treatments for any more humans arriving at our doorstep in the future.
Miss Introspective, BSc

66 - Regret

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As our appointment came to an end, Miss Introspective suggested that I talk to my friends about the situation. She pointed out that if I trusted them enough to take my life, then I should also trust them enough to lend me a helping hand in my time of need. Initially, I was hesitant, but her words resonated with me. I came to the realization that confiding in my friends would be crucial for my own healing and redemption.

As I stepped out of her office into the warm autumn morning, I was surprised to see Dash waiting outside the office for me. Okay, I maybe wasn’t that surprised. Without a word, she hovered up to me, hugged me, and gave me a peck on the cheek. She was smiling sadly, “So, ya big lug. How was it? How are you feeling?”

“I would say it went well. I'm feeling better.” I thought for a moment about what Miss Introspective suggested. My redemption would be my first step. “I know what I need to do to feel better.”

She brightened, “Oh? What is it?”

I smiled sadly, “I need to apologize to my friends for putting them in an impossible situation.”

She nodded, “That makes sense.”

I looked up at her, making eye contact, “I also owe you one.”

Her smile faded slightly, replaced by a hint of confusion. “Really? Why?”

I sighed, “Because I should have spoken to you before I followed through with my cockamamy plan. So, with this in mind, my redemption, I would like to apologize. Please, forgive me for being so—”

Dash placed a hoof on my mouth and smiled sadly at me, “You don’t have to do that. I told you before. I love you no matter what, you big goof.”

Miss Sweetheart was beaming with joy, a broad smile stretching across her muzzle. She had helped several couples create loving families this season, with only a little fudging for one unique family.

When she heard an unexpected knock on the door, she quickly went to open it. Surprisingly, she found a sombre-looking donkey wearing golden pince-nez at her doorstep. He spoke in a gravelly voice, “Miss Sweetheart?”

She answered tentatively, “Y-yes?”

“My name is Chamor. I’m investigating some alarming rumours surrounding one of your ex-charges on behalf of her birth parents.”

“Oh?”

“Do you recall the filly named Scootaloo?” He scrutinized her face, trying to tease out all the information he could.

“Yes, of course. She’s been very happy with her new parents.” Her expression changed to one of suspicion, “Her—birth—parents were worried about her? I find that hard to believe, given their history.”

“They claim to be reformed. Nevertheless, I am investigating. Correct me if I’m wrong, but the mother is the national hero, Rainbow Dash, correct?”

Miss Sweetheart nodded, fearing where this might be going.

“I believe the—father—is the human known as Alex Roberts. An upstanding member of society by all accounts. Do I have my facts straight?”

Again, she nodded with growing dread.

“I have concerns about the filly’s safety.”

Miss Sweetheart gasped, “Has something happened to Scootaloo?”

“No, she seems to be fine at the moment. My concern is the disarray that seems to follow Mr Roberts everywhere he goes. I have it on good authority he has some connection to Discord. He seems to be a breeding ground for chaos.”

“That’s ridiculous. He was appointed a Paladin of Redemption by Princess Luna herself. He is beyond reproach.”

The old donkey was unmoved, “Perhaps. Who am I to say what a Princess decides?”

“Then, the matter is closed. Goodbye, Mr Chamor.” She started ushering her unwanted guest out but was interrupted.

“Then how can you explain the Foal Protection Board denying the adoption? And yet, she is with them as we speak. Care to elucidate?”

“Yes. Your information is incorrect. I have the paperwork right here.” She opened the filing cabinet, rifled briefly, and pulled out a folder. “Here you go. Everything is in order.”

The dour donkey examined the papers. “These seem to be… correct. Thank you. That is all for now. I have other avenues of inquiry to investigate.”

With a final kiss, Dash headed off to help with the fall weather, satisfied I was as well as possible under the circumstances. I decided my first task would be Matt. Then, I would make my way around town to speak to the others.

I walked straight to Bonbon and Lyra’s home. I knew Matt should be there, especially with his leg still healing. I stood at their front door, hand hanging in the air, poised to knock. I finally summoned the courage. With a long exhalation, I gave two solid knocks.

It was Lyra who answered. She was trying to be cool and casual, “Oh, hi, Alex. Come by to make sure Matt hasn’t eaten us yet?”

I lowered my head in shame, “No. I need to talk to Matt. I—owe him something.”

The mint-coloured mares’ eyes narrowed. “What? Did you think of something else to accuse him of?”

I pinched the bridge of my nose, “Lyra, I just need to speak with Matt. You can stay here if you want. Heck, you and Bonbon can both be here if it makes you feel safer.”

After a few moments, she nodded. “Alright. He’s resting right now, and I’ll ask him. But if he’s not interested, you’ll need to come back later. Much later.”

I nodded. If he’s not interested, it would be best if I just stayed away for a while.

In the awkward silence between Lyra and myself, there was a soft grunt from somewhere in the room. Bonbon’s voice had an edge of worry, “You silly stallion, why are you getting up? Lyra can handle whoever is at the door.”

Matt spoke in a tired voice, “No, Bons, that sanctimonious son of a bitch is there, and I can’t let Lyra deal with him on her own.”

In a few moments, Matt hobbled into view, supported by Bonbon. He had stripped his armour off but kept the gambison on. The wound on his leg had an unusual silver glint. ‘That must be the nano-bots he was talking about.’

Our eyes met, but I looked away first. Matt scowled just a little. “So? What do you want?”

I sighed, “I owe you an apology. I shouldn’t have been so paranoid.”

Matt sneered, “You’re damn right. Now get out.”

I pleaded, “Look, I just need to explain myself.”

There was silence for a heartbeat. He then cocked an eyebrow, “Go on.”

Thankful for the opportunity, I started, “What I did was wrong. I love these people.” I smiled warmly at Bonbon and Lrya. “Being the only human, I knew what I was capable of. When I saw you, I suppose I projected all my fear and self-doubts on you. This place is a paradise. These people are good and kind in a way no human can be.” Matt started to object, but I cut him off, “Oh, I know I… we can be good and kind, but we can also be violent, cruel, and deceitful. I let my fear get the better of me, and I’m very sorry.”

There was a moment of silence. I felt tired, and my eyes moistened. I suspected the emotions of recent events were getting to me. “Thank you for listening, Matt.” I nodded to myself, my task complete, “I’ll leave now.” I turned, starting to trudge away.

Mat spoke softly, “Hold up.” I turned to face him again and saw he had cracked a small but genuine grin. “I get it. Now that I’ve spent some time with Lyra and Bonbon, I guess I would have done the same. I’m just a little ticked off you came out guns blazing.”

I gave a little mirthless chuckle, “Yeah…” I rubbed the back of my neck, “I tend to go all out when I think family or friends are under threat. More adrenalin than brains.”

I decided the next stop on my grand apology tour would be what I hoped was the easiest. I guess I’m just a coward at heart. I found my way to the familiar tailor shop, took a deep breath, and entered. The little bell rang happily. This time, it almost sounded pleasant, but I was here to make a serious apology.

When I approached the counter, I noticed that Snazzy Suit appeared to be a bit frightened by my presence. “Elusive, your friend is here.” He added significantly, “The human one.”

Ah, crap. He must have told his dad about my plan.

Elusive dashed out from the back, still levitating a thread and needle. He spoke with forced joviality, “H-hey, there, good buddy! Old pal o-mine. What’s shaken’?”

I looked at the ground. I just couldn’t make eye contact. Damn, this is going to be harder than I thought. “It’s okay, Elusive—no need for that. I came to apologize. I assume your dad knows?”

Snazzy Suit gave me a sad smile, “Sure do, son.”

I took another deep breath and did what I had come to do. “Elusive, Snazzy, I’m sorry I put you in the position you were in. It wasn’t fair to either of you. I don’t expect you ever to do what I asked.”

Elusive looked relieved. “Oh, thank Celestia. Look, Alex, blinders off. I don’t think I would have the nerve to do it. I mean, you’re my best drinking pal. Sinking a few at The Grain Bucket would never be the same.”

I spent a few minutes talking to Elusive, and we planned on going to The Grain Bucket tonight. He’ll call on Applejack, and I’ll bring Dash. It will be nice to have a night out with friends. I think I may need a drink after today.

Now, I was headed toward the library. As I approached, I noticed several stray clouds huddled together suspiciously around Twilight’s tree home. I stopped for a moment to examine the fluffy anomalies, and as I did, I noticed the top of a pegasus head, covered with white cloth, peeking over the edge of one of the clouds. Looking around, I saw a group of four strangers laughing and talking. There were two mares and two stallions, all of them more heavily muscled than the locals. I didn’t recognize any of them, not even in passing.

Soldiers? Maybe. If so, it looked like they took some of my suggestions to heart.

I knocked on the Library door. Unsurprisingly, a smugly smiling Shining Armor answered. I smiled, “Good morning, Shining Armour. Your teams are getting better. It took me almost three seconds to spot them all this time. The clouds were a little off. The local weather patrol usually keeps a clean sky. Still, it was an excellent effort. The white sheet was a nice touch. Good job.” He lost his smile. “And then the four soldiers walking around were good, too. I didn’t recognize them, so they looked slightly out of place. A bit stockier than a typical pony around here. Not much you can do about that. They did well.”

Shining smiled again, “So, you didn’t spot Corporal Peach Strudel? She was hiding in the attic here. Spotted you a few minutes ago. The guys walking around? A distraction.”

Smirking in appreciation, I complimented him. “Your guys are good. Well done. The distraction was a clever trick.”

Shining tilted his head in thanks, “I’m sure you’re not here to spot my infiltration team. Are you looking for Twi?

I rubbed my nose, “Yeah. I’m here to see Twilight, and you too, I suppose.”

I heard Twilight calling out, concern in her voice, “Hey, Alex. How did your appointment go?”

I replied, “It went well. I’m actually here on a related matter.”

Shining stepped out of my way, and I entered. I decided to get right to the point. “Twilight, Shining, I owe you both a sincere apology.”

Shining was curious, “What for?”

“For putting you both in a position I never should have put you in. Twilight? After all the kindness you showed me and the hard work you did on my behalf, I was thoughtless and unkind. I never should have asked you to take my life after working so hard to save it. Shining? You’re a soldier, but I think doing something like that to me was the last thing on your mind. I don’t know what else—”

Twilight threw her forelegs around me, “Apology accepted.” As I heard her relieved tone of voice, my spirits lifted. I had been worried that my actions might have harmed our friendship, but it was reassuring to hear that things were still good between us.

Shining had a kind smile and gave me a single nod.

I found Beatrix outside her house, cursing. “Bucking plants. Why don’t you grow?”

I spoke in a jaunty tone, “Hey, Bea. Horticultural problems?”

She pushed her hat up, “Hi, boss. Yeah, Big Mac helped me plant this garden, and it would seem I have a black hoof. Almost a quarter of them have withered.”

I scratched my nose, “Really? Huh. Maybe you should ask AJ for advice. Pinky might be able to help, too.”

She smirked, “Good idea. So what do I owe for the pleasure of this visit? Making sure I haven’t burnt the place to the ground?”

I chuckled, then grew serious. “No, I just needed to apologize to you.”

She looked at me with a disbelieving smile, “What? Why?”

I sighed. “For putting you in a position I shouldn’t have. Do you remember the insurance?”

She deadpanned, “Kind of hard thing to forget.”

“Yeah, well, I never should have asked you, or any other pony, in the first place. I’m sorry. Please accept my apology.”

She just stared at me for a few heartbeats, a hint of anger on her face. Finally, she simply said, “No.”

Well, I tried. “Ah. I understand. I would be angry, too. I hope one day—”

She waved a hoof dismissively, “No, I forgive you, but I don’t need an apology. You were worried about us, about everyone else, not just you. It was sweet in a weird, violent way. Just don’t expect me to collect on that policy. I can think of a dozen ways to disable you without putting you down like a rabid animal.”

I nodded my head in admiration, “A dozen? I’m impressed.”

She smirked, “I’ve been thinking of contingencies ever since you ambushed me with that. I wanted to make sure I never had to use that information.”

I was curious, “What were you thinking? Something simple? Maybe just lifting me off the ground?”

She gave me her dynamite Trixie smile, “Let’s just keep that as a little surprise.”

The Carousel Boutique was closed, with a sign proclaiming the shop was open by appointment only. I knew she kept shorter hours than she used to, but I hoped she was in. The quicker I could speak to her, the quicker I could put this all behind me.

I gave two sharp knocks.

Soon, the bottom right corner of the curtain lifted, and I could see a blue eye with blue eyeshadow. The door opened, and I was greeted warmly, if a little nervously, by Rarity. “Alex, my dear. How are you? Are you feeling well today?”

“I’m feeling better.” I scratched my nose, “Let me get to the point. I need to apologize for asking you to do the unthinkable. I had no right to ask you.”

Her expression grew disdainful. “You are correct. You did not have the right to ask me to do that dreadful—thing. I’m not sure I can accept your apology. What you asked from me was appalling.”

“Yes, it was. I’m not sure what else to say, Rarity.”

“Neither do I.” She sighed a long, drawn-out sigh. “However, I suppose since you have come to the realization what you asked was foolish, I believe I can forgive you. On one condition.”

“Name it.”

She closed her eyes, “Please, please, please, please, please never ask me to do anything like that again.” She grinned kindly, “It would be a most unladylike task.”

Having apologized, I started to feel better about myself. I managed to find a babysitter for tonight, thanks to Mrs Cake. It wasn't an emergency and I didn't want to take advantage of Summer. I made it home in time to prepare supper, but the kids were still out. Dash and I had a chance to talk before they returned.

I gave my fiance a quick kiss. “Hey, Sweetheart. How was your day?”

She seemed a little exasperated, “Things were going alright, right up until some clown gathered a few clouds right above Ponyville. Ugh. Some pegasus I didn’t know was in a white sheet, hiding in one of them. They said they had authorization to be there. Whatever. I’ll clear it out in the morning. Still, a pain in the flank.”

I chuckled, “Ah. I see you found part of Shinings infiltration team.” Dash rolled her eyes. “They're getting better, I actually missed one. However, for now, my beautiful bride-to-be, I have a very important question to ask you.”

She smirked, hovered up to me, and put her forehooves around my neck. “Ask away.”

“Dash, what do you say we go on a double date tonight? Nothing fancy, just you, me, Elusive, and AJ. I just feel like going out and being normal. It feels like forever since we were just an ordinary couple. I kind of miss it.”

Her smirk grew into a genuine smile, “You know what? That’s an awesome idea. Just you, me, and friends. It’s been a while since AJ and I just hung out. May as well have a little salt while we’re at it.” Dash sighed, “Oh, wait, what about the kids?”

I gave her a kiss on the nose, “I already made arrangements with a young lady named Twist. Mrs Cake recommended her.”

She chuckled warmly, “You’re lucky I said yes.”

“Of course you did. Who wouldn’t want to go on a date with an amazing guy like me?

She gave me a throaty chuckle, “Goof. It’s been a long day. I’ll just hit the shower and have a little nap before supper.”

“Sounds good. I’ll call you down when supper’s ready.”

With our date planned, I made a family favourite, eggplant casserole. Well, I made two, one with hay and one with bacon. I also had a small bowl of mixed gems for Summer. I left them plain.

Once supper was ready, I went upstairs to get Dash. She was waking as I opened the bedroom door. “Supper’s ready, dear.”

She blew a strand from her messy mane out of her eye and stretched luxuriously. “Be down in a minute.”

I turned to leave and could hear the soft sound of a perfume bottle being sprayed. I smelled the lilac scent and smiled, pausing at the door. “You smell nice, dear.”

She gave a throaty chuckle, “Just getting ready for tonight.”

I smiled, “I’ll take a quick shower after supper.”

Waving a hoof, she dismissed my concern, “Naw, you’re fine.”

I was a little worried. I thought I was a bit sweaty, “You sure?”

Her eyes were half closed, “Oh, yeah.”

With supper on the table, I made an announcement. “Before we dig in, I have a little announcement. Mom and I are going out with friends tonight. It’s a last-minute thing. Twist will be coming over to watch you guys. She said something about making candy.”

Scoots’ eyes narrowed, “Wait, wait, wait. Like… a date? You guys are going on a date! That’s awesome!”

Summer just tilted her head in confusion. “What is ‘date’?”

Dash answered right away, “It’s when me and your Dad hang out. Tonight, it’ll be with our friends, Elusive and Applejack.”

Summer nodded but seemed unsure.

As I served the family meal, Dash gave a little sigh. “Hey. You made eggplant casserole. Again.”

I thought Dash and the kids loved my casserole, “Er, is something wrong?”

Dash and Scootaloo gave each other sidelong glances. Scootaloo spoke first, “No, not as such, Dad. It’s just it could use a little sugar. You know, to bring out the flavour.”

I deadpanned, “Sugar.”

Dash spoke encouragingly, “Yeah, just a sprinkling. We aren’t trying to be bodybuilders after all, so a little flavour won’t hurt anypony.”

I considered the flavour profile of sweetened eggplant. “Sugar?”

Scoots explained, “Yeah, Dad. Just a little. I know your, what’s it called, your taste for different foods?”

Dash’s hoof made a little circle in the air while thinking, “Yeah, the kinds of foods you like. Salty, but not salty, kind of like that taste of mushrooms, sort of. Ugh, how do I explain this?”

I thought I understood, “You mean my palate?”

Dash brightened. “That’s it! You like foods that aren’t as sweet. Even less sweet than what Applejack cooks up.”

Scoots agreed, “Yeah! You know how you have salt in the sugar shaker? Well, everyone else has sugar in there.”

“Really?” This was not something I had considered. I assumed it had been Dash or Pinkie playing a prank on me.

Dash gave me one of her confident smiles, “Really. I mean, your food is good without it, but you know, it would be just a little better with it.”

Summer spoke in my culinary defence, “Me like your food, Father. It just right.”

I chuckled. “Thank you, Summer. But I know what they’re trying to say. Alright, Dash and Scootaloo. Going forward, I’ll be sure to add some sugar to your food. And I’ll get a second salt—I mean sugar—shaker with actual sugar.”

A culinary crisis averted and a little sugar sprinkled on some plates, we happily continued.

As we were having dessert, blueberries smothered in cream and sugar, Scootaloo tentatively spoke. “Mom? Dad? Miss Cheerilee said she wanted to see you tomorrow after school. It’s about me and Summer.”

“Oh?” I spoke in a tone of mild interest, but inside, I was starting to panic.

Dash beat me to it. Her head slumped back in anguish, “Oh, Celestia. What happened?”

“Nothing, Mom. She just wants to meet you guys. You know, while the town is not being attacked. No offence, Summer.”

“None taken, little sister. She right. Teacher want talk.”

Dash got a worried look, “That’s even worse.”

I didn’t hide my relief, “Is that all?” I brightened up, “That’s good. This means she’s interested in her students. That’s what you want in a teacher. So, Scootalloo, Summer, tomorrow after school, you said?”

Summer nodded glumly while Scootaloo answered unenthusiastically, “Yeah.”

I gave them a fatherly smile, “Don’t worry, girls. I’m sure Miss Cheerilee will have nothing but great things to say about you both. And if she doesn’t, I’m in your corner.”

Scootaloo brightened, and I heard a steady thumping of a wagging tail from Summer.

“Now that we have that sorted out, Twist should be here soon to watch you guys and make treats. Let's get the kitchen cleaned up.”

When we left, Twist was setting up her candy-making gear in the kitchen. Before we got out of earshot, I heard Twist excitedly explain what they were doing and what kinds of candies they would be making. “That Twist kid is good. She’s making pony and Diamond Dog candies.”

Dash was as impressed as I was. “I didn’t even know there was such a thing as Diamond Dog candies.”

I shrugged, “Neither did I.”

We made our way through the dark, empty streets of Ponyville. There were few people walking around, but for the most part, it was quiet Wednesday night. We chatted about this, that, and nothing at all.

We reached the familiar alley and went up the steps to The Grain Bucket. The bartender, Berry Punch, greeted us as we came into view. “Long time no see, strangers. Your usual, Dash?”

“Naw, I think I’ll have a cider with half salt. I’m a mom now.” She laughed, “Got to be respectable and all that junk.”

I chuckled, “Just a rye and ginger for me, light on the rye. And for the record, my dear, you are very respectable.”

I scanned around the bar and didn’t see the others yet. I glanced at the clock, and it was only about seven-thirty.

I smiled lovingly at Dash. “I guess we’ll have a little alone time after all.”

She took a sip of her drink and gave me that cocky grin I loved so much. “Yeah. Let’s sit over there.” She pointed to a dark, secluded corner.

“Why, ma’am, are you trying to get fresh with me?”

She laughed and gave me a radiant smile, “Maybe.”

Once we reached the unlit corner table, Dash sat right beside me. I put my arm around her, and she snuggled into my chest. We sat like that for a while, just enjoying each other’s warmth. She sighed, “I missed this.” She kissed my jaw and breathed deeply, then whispered, “Celestia, you smell good.”

I turned my head to give her a kiss when I heard Applejack chuckling, “Whoa, nelly. It looks like we caught those two lovebirds making hay.”

I gave Dash a kiss, and we both chuckled. I greeted our friends warmly, “Applejack! Elusive! So happy to see you guys.”

Dash jumped up and hugged AJ. “Hey there, cow mare. How’s my best gal pal?”

Elusive gave me a friendly hug, “Hey there, Alex! Good to see ya! You feeling better, pal?”

“Yeah, I am. Look, before I get into all that, let’s get you guys some drinks. The first round is on me.”

Applejack pushed her hat back and drawled, “I’ll take an apple cider with salt, if’n you please.”

Elusive smirked, “I’ll come with ya. You know, to do all the heavy lifting.”

“Dash, your bottle looks empty. You want another one?”

“Sure, why not? Same as before.”

I bowed, “Alright, ladies, your heroic stallions will return momentarily.”

The two began chatting happily while Elusive and I headed to the bar. “Hey, Elusive, thanks for suggesting this. It’s been crazy, and I appreciate the downtime. Just some time to be normal.”

“Hey, no worries. Glad I could help a friend.”

I leaned against the bar and took out my coin purse. “Hey, Berry. Could I get a cider, half salt, a cider, full salt, another rye and ginger, and…” I pointed to Elusive.

“I’ll take a stout beer with salt.”

She replied happily, “You got it!” While she was getting the drinks ready, she asked, “How are the theatre plans going? Do you have a contractor lined up?”

“No, not yet. But I hope to hire somebody soon.”

“The whole council is looking forward to seeing this thing built.”

“Me too. Anyway, I’m off work tonight. I’m just here to spend time with my friends.”

“Best place for that. Here you go. That’ll be seventeen bits.”

I happily paid. “You’re the best, Berry. Thanks!”

Elusive took the drinks in his telekinetic glow as we made our way back to the table. I commented to Elusive, “It’s not a party without tunes.” I stopped at the jukebox, put in a few coins, and selected a few songs, more or less at random.

Our marefriends were having an animated, whispered conversation. When Dash spotted us, she shushed her friend, and both started laughing.

Elusive placed the drinks in front of the ladies with a flourish and a smile. “Alright, girls, what’s so funny?”

Dash smirked, “We were just saying how weird it was that I’m a mom. We always figured AJ would be first.”

AJ laughed, “Yeah. She owes me one bit. She lost that bet.”

Dash noticed the music and exclaimed, “I love this song!” She grabbed my arm, “You. Me. Dance floor. Now.”

As I happily followed my dear Dash, the song’s good beat and catchy tune made me want to dance. Even though I was never much of a dancer, all that mattered was the mare in front of me. I looked around and saw that even Elusive and AJ were dancing, too. Soon, a few more couples joined in the fun.

After a couple of songs, a slow tune started playing. I gestured to Dash, and she placed her hoof in my hand. I held her in my arms and slowly moved to the music. It was a magical moment. I could smell the lilac perfume blending with her natural scent. I had almost forgotten how wonderful it feels to dance with someone you love. Just holding her close, nothing complicated, just enjoying the warmth of her presence.

After a few more songs, someone else had put some money in the jukebox. We decided to take a break, and Elusive offered to buy the next round. I noticed that my drink was stronger than before, probably because they used rye as a mixer. It was only when I was halfway done with my drink that I realized the bartender wasn’t Berry. However, it wasn’t a big deal, and they must have made it stronger, which was fine by me.

Everyone at the table was feeling great. We chatted, laughed, and had a good time. I had my arm around Dash, and she leaned into me. Elusive was also leaning into AJ, happy as can be.

At around ten-thirty, we decided to call it a night. As we went out separate ways, AJ gave me a peck on the cheek, and Dash gave Elusive one, too. For a split second, I was worried this would be a repeat of the wedding, but, to my relief, I was worried for nothing.

Dash and I wandered the long way home, quietly enjoying the quiet walk. I did, however, let her know my feelings. “Thanks for tonight, Dash. It made me happy. We just don’t do this enough.”

Dash leaned against me, “That’s a fact. We need to do this more often. But, next time, how about just us?”

I nodded, “It's a date.”

67 - Small Redemptions

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Luna’s moon was a waxing crescent in the sky, and Sergent Noctus was happy. His Princess was gaining respect, as was her Night Guard, and tonight was very special—the pony responsible for the recent Diamond Dog crisis was going to be given the opportunity for redemption. A messenger whispered in his ear. He nodded to Luna’s majordomo, and the usual line of supplicants was quickly cleared from the room.

The old majordomo announced the pony that had been called. "May it please, Your Majesty, the Royal Sustenance Master Second Class, Carrot Casserole.”

Luna sat regally on her throne. Her favourite, Sergeant Noctus, was standing by her side. She spoke in a haughty tone, “Come forward, Casserole. We wish to have words with thee.”

Neither princess had ever called the bureaucrat, and he was nervous. The Princess Of the Night had a certain reputation. “Y-yes, your Highness.”

The stoic Sergeant Noctus corrected the increasingly intimidated functionary. “That’s ‘Yes, Your Majesty.’.”

“O-of-course. Yes, Your Majesty.”

Luna continued, unamused. “Are you familiar with form CP872636, Casserole?”

Carrot Casserole grew worried. He had a suspicion as to the nature of this summons. “Yes, Your Majesty.”

Luna prompted him, “What, in your own words, is the task this form is meant to accomplish?”

Carrot was now sure it was about those thrice-cursed Diamond Dogs. The rumour mill had said there was some issue with an A-class form. “Provide non-standard foodstuffs to Equestrian citizens in need.” Noctus raised an eyebrow, and Carrot hastily added, “Your Majesty.”

Luna raised her own delicate eyebrow, “I see. And what priority does this form have, prey tell?”

Casserole nervously cleared his throat. “It is an A-class form. It goes to the top of the order. Only class-triple-A forms have higher priority. Your Majesty.”

Luna gave the increasingly uncomfortable minister a very slight, cold smile, “I see. Another related question. Are Diamond Dogs citizens?”

“I suppose so—Your Majesty.”

“And as citizens, are they not given the same rights and obligations as other citizens?”

The Royal Sustenance Master Second Class answered tentatively, “Yes?” Noctus shifted his eyes ever so slightly toward him. “Your Majesty.”

“Yes, indeed they are. Now, can you please explain why a CP872636 form was ignored?” She raised her voice ever so slightly, “Can you guess how many times it was ignored?” The danger in her tone was now unmistakable, “Seven, Casserole.”

There was genuine shock in his reply, “Your Majesty! That’s unheard of! I will personally investigate this travesty at once.”

Luna smiled, “Excellent. I look forward to your report.” When he bowed but did not leave, “Don’t let me detain you.”

It was a bright and beautiful sunny morning. Today was a pancake day, with and without hay, topped with authentic Vanhoover maple syrup. And for the meat eaters, pan-fried ham steaks. I did my daily routine once the kids were off to school and Dash was off to work. While I was on the heavy bag, there was the familiar snap-crack of a teleport. This time, the scroll was much thicker than usual, like something was tucked inside. Luna’s dark seal was plainly visible, so I opened it excitedly.

The coin purse that was nestled inside fell to the ground. I picked it up and read the letter:

My Dear Alexander,
When You So Nobly Discovered The Root Issue The Diamond Dogs Had Encountered, You Selflessly Used Your Own Private Funds To Purchase Food. Included With This Letter Is A Coin Purse With The Funds You Used For This Altruistic Act.
We Have Also Taken The Liberty To Make Sure The I.O.U. Incurred Were Honoured.
We Thank You For Your Valiant Deeds To Help Those Unfortunates. They Are Not Ponies, But They Are Citizens Of Equestria And Should Have Been Treated As Such From The Beginning. It Appears That Finding And Reforming The Flaws In The System Was A Task You Are Well-Suited For.
Thanks To Your Findings, We Have Initiated An Investigation On The Subject.
Well Done, My Little Paladin.
Yours In Love,
Princess Luna

I examined the coin purse. It was a ‘bottomless’ type like the one I usually used. I guessed it had a balance equal to what I had spent.

Well, Dash will be thrilled to hear that.

After stopping at the kitchen store for a couple of new sugar shakers, one for actual sugar and one for gem powder, I spent most of the day at Bea’s kitchen table. We were getting some theatre details sorted out. We spent much of that time writing letters of inquiry for various artists. Pop acts like Sapphire Shores and Countess Coloratura. There was another notable one. What was her name? That newcomer, Songbird Serenade? That’s it.

There was also a host of comedians, theatre companies, various orchestras and even a band that plays something called slingstone. Based on her description, and thanks to a snippet from Bea's illusion magic, I surmised it was the pony equivalent of heavy metal. That should be interesting.

We had written letters to almost two dozen top-tier acts when we broke for lunch. These were the Aluminium Tier acts. We hadn't even started on the Silver Tier, never mind the Gold or Copper. That should keep us going for the first season.

The town clock struck two-thirty, meaning the school day would end in about an hour. I excused myself and headed toward the post office with the letters, about thirty in all. Once I was done and chatted with Derpy for a few minutes, I excused myself and headed for the school.

Dash met me along the way, and she seemed a little distracted. “So, what do you think Cheerilee will want to talk about? I’m worried, ya know. I want to make sure I treat Scoots and Summer right.”

I gave Dash an admiring smile, “I don’t think that’s a concern. It was a long time ago I last went to one of these, but it was basically a chance to voice concerns from us or the teacher. There’s no need to worry.”

When we got to the school, I saw the kids sitting at a picnic table in the schoolyard, waiting patiently. They did look a little dejected but brightened when they spotted us.

The little orange pegasus waved at us, “Mom! Dad!”

Summer greeted us with a bowed head and a sour expression as we got closer, “Father. Mother.”

I was concerned for my daughter’s well-being, “You okay there, Summer?

Scoots jumped to her sister’s defence, “Summer didn’t do anything wrong. Miss Cheerilee just asked for Summers’ opinion today. She didn’t like it.”

Dash grew uncertain, “What did you say?”

Summer spoke defiantly, “She ask what Diamond Dog say about ponies. Me say ponies stole land. Me only speak truth, Mother.”

I put my hand on her shoulder, “Alright. I believe you, Summer. I still want to hear what Miss Cheerilee says, but I believe you.”

Dash still seemed skeptical but was supportive. “Don’t worry, Summer. Me and your dad will figure this out. Alright?”

Summer seemed a little relieved, “Yes. Thank you, Mother.”

We asked the girls to wait for us in the schoolyard while we were talking to their teacher. When we entered the red schoolhouse, we were warmly greeted by Cheerilee. As we entered the main room, I couldn’t help but look at the ceiling and window. The repairs still looked good.

Cheerilee sat primly at her desk. “Please, sit down, Mr and Mrs Rainbow Dash.” We sat on the two little stools in front of her desk. They were a little low for me, but I was used to it. “I just wanted to get to know Scootaloo and Summer’s parents a bit better.”

Dash had a lopsided grin, “Come on, Cheerilee. You know us.”

I reminded my dear fiance, “Dash, sweetheart, she doesn’t know us as parents, just as, well, in your case, a national hero, and me, a friendly local. But she’s right. No need to be so formal, Cheerilee.”

Cheerilee chuckled nervously, ”Alright, Alex, Rainbow. I just wanted to get a feel for your parenting skills. I’m sure you’re both new at this—”

Dash interrupted her, “Actually, the big guy has been around the block a couple of times. And he’s been teaching me the ropes.”

The teacher’s eyebrow lifted, “Really?” Her head tilted, “You have children from another mare, Alex Roberts?”

I answered candidly, “Yes. I have two human children. My son Daniel, who’s fourteen, and my daughter Lily, who’s six. I haven’t seen them face to face in many years.” My expression must have betrayed my sadness, and I could see Cherelee’s compassion. “Sorry. You never stop being a dad, even when you’re a universe away.”

Dash leaned into me and whispered, “It’s ok, big guy.”

I cleared my throat and smiled, “I’m sorry, we’re here to talk about Scootaloo and Summer. What can we do to help in their education.”

Dash gave her confident grin, “Yeah. I’ve known you for a long time, C, and any advice you can give, we would appreciate it.”

“Let’s talk about Scootaloo first. At the beginning of the school year, she was not doing well in any of her classes.” My expression of concern must have been evident as Cheerilee quickly continued, “However, her grades have been steadily improving since you two have been in her life. She is now on a trajectory to pass all her classes. While her Physical Education mark is at the top of her class, her Mathematics and Science marks are still low. But, if she maintains her current effort, she should pass.”

I brightened, “I’m no mathematician, but I was always decent at math. I’ll take a look at her textbook and see what I can do.”

The purple pony teacher smiled warmly, “I’m sure she will appreciate the help.”

Dash leaned forward, ears erect, “I’m no Twilight Sparkle, but I know the basics of physics, at least when it comes to flying and weather work.”

“That’s wonderful. We will be starting those sections in a few weeks. I think we are on a great track with Scootaloo.” She quickly referred to some notes on her desk. “Now, Summer Blossom is more… complex. Before attending our school, she had received a basic education. She can read, write, and do arithmetic. She is polite but also insightful and asks—challenging—questions. Some of these are disruptive, especially regarding pony and diamond dog relations. Just today, she accused the Princesses of stealing the lands of Equestria from the Diamond Dogs.”

I had to object to the characterization of my daughter. “Oh? What were her exact words? Did she say the Princesses stole the land?”

Cheerilee grew defensive, “Well, no.”

I kept my voice calm and steady, “So, what did she, you know, actually say?”

Cheerilee cleared her throat, “I believe she said ponies stole the lands of Equestria.”

I smiled slightly, “So, she didn’t actually say the Princesses stole the lands?”

She became flustered, “Well, no, not as such.” But seemed to rally, “But she implied—”

I interrupted her, “Implied? Maybe, maybe not. But she didn’t actually say anything about a Princess, did she?”

Cheerilee rallied and regained her composure, “Be that as it may. Summer is usually a model student but can sometimes be very disruptive.” Cheerilee tentatively suggested, "There are medications that could help Summer control her emotions better. Have you investigated that avenue?"

Dash stood up, wings erect, "What!? C, you want us to drug her because she asks inconvenient questions? Because you read stuff into what she says? No. Way."

I tried to find a diplomatic way to tell her to go to hell with that suggestion, "I'm with Dash on this one. That's a little extreme, don't you think?"

Cheerilee sat more primly, "I suppose, but what alternative do we have? I can't have a student disrupting my class."

I tried being reasonable, "How is asking uncomfortable questions disruptive? No. I'm putting my foot down. No way am I drugging my daughter just to maintain the status quo." I sighed and thought of another angle, "Why not see it as an opportunity?" Cheerilee's head tilted slightly. "Your students could learn a different perspective? Seeing things from another's point of view can be a good thing to have. You know, help build their critical thinking skills.”

Cheerilee thought for a moment. “I suppose that could be useful. Give my little ponies another perspective. This is such a delicate issue, especially with recent events.”

“Yes. As someone intimately familiar with those events, can you please at least consider her point of view? Surely there is value in that.”

She nodded slowly, “Yes. Yes, I can see the value for my students. I’ll see if I can integrate her questions into my lesson plans.” She referred to another set of notes. “Now, Alex, you said you would be happy to be a presenter at Family Appreciation Day this season. Are you still interested?”

“Of course. What will your general lesson plan be?”

“We will be talking about the sentient races of Equestria. I was hoping you could tell my little ponies about humans. There are two of you now, so I thought it would be of interest to my students.”

I nodded in agreement, "Sounds great. I'll talk to Matt and get his perspective too."

Dash and I were lying in bed, relaxing after a long day. I was staring at the ceiling in quiet contemplation while Dash was reading a book on weather management techniques. After about half an hour or so, I came to the conclusion my next step should be to focus on my family.

“So, Dash, remember when you said you thought a traditional pegasus adoption ceremony for Scoots would be amazing? I agree. Market Day is in a few days. I say we do it then. Give that little filly something to remember.”

Dash put her book down, “Are you sure? The pegasus adoption ritual is a little intense.”

I shrugged. “It can’t be much worse than the dwarven one.”

She turned towards me, her ears slanted forward in focus. “Oh? What was it like?”

I let my mind drift back a few decades, “Let’s see. It went something like…” I spoke in my best imitation of my dwarven friend, Einkill. To my ear, it sounded a little like Scottie from Star Trek.

Blood of my blood. Flesh of my flesh. This child is bound by the honour of our clan. Let all those who witness this be honour bound to acknowledge this bond. By the blood that flows through my veins, I say to all, this child is now of the clan Roberts. Let the Accountant record this event in their book so it is remembered for all eternity.

“Then the speaker would pull out a dagger with the clan design, cut the palm of their hand with it, and with their blood still on the blade, hand the knife to the kid, who would also cut their hand and say something like…”

My blood is now one with the blood of clan Roberts.

She blinked slowly and finally answered, “Well, buck. Nothing that crazy. A similar speech, yeah, but no knives or blood stuff.”

“Yeah. Dwarves were intense. You knew, very quickly, where you stood with a dwarf.”

“Anyway, the pegasus one goes something like this…” Dash recited the lines, and I committed them to memory. I wanted my little girl’s day to be special.

The following day, at breakfast, Dash spoke excitedly to Scoots. “Hey, squirt. Me and Dad have some good news for you. We decided you might like a traditional pegasus adoption ceremony. I know you haven’t had much in the way of pegasus culture, but I thought you might want something like this.”

Scootaloo looked unsure, “What’s wrong with the adoption stuff Miss Sweetheart did?”

I answered, “Nothing at all. This is different. It’s something that some pegasi do when they adopt a foal. It’s not required,” I explained, “but it tells the whole community you’re part of our family.”

Dash continued excitedly, “Yeah, it lets everyone know you’re in a loving family. I never had many traditions when I was growing up, but I wanted to give you all that stuff. Stuff I never had.”

I noticed Summer Blossom looked a little sad, not looking up from her bacon and eggs and also not eating. I gently prodded, “You okay, Summer?”

“Me fine. There no Diamond Dog tradition for that. Anyway, me not adopted. Me just guest. Me go back to real mother one day when she free.”

“Well, that’s not completely true, Summer. You’re just as much a part of this family as any of us.” I stroked my chin in thought. “Tell you what, I think we should include you in this ceremony. We’ll create our own tradition. Part pegasus, part diamond dog, part human, and all us. What do you say, Dash?”

She swallowed her mouthful of food and answered with a smirk, “We’re a one-of-a-kind family, that’s for sure.” She thought for a moment, “Yeah. That would be cool. We can all figure something out together.”

I could hear the steady thumping of a wagging tail. “Me like that.”

Scootaloo could only lean over and glomp on Summer. “We’re going to be sisters for even realer!”

It was Market Day, and we stood on the steps of the Ponyville City Hall. Dash was by my side. Scootaloo and Summer stood proudly in front of us. I spoke in a strong, loud voice, “Hear you all! We come to make a pronouncement on this day!” That was the formal beginning of the pegasus adoption ceremony.

Scanning the crowd of market-goers, I noticed most of the pegasus ponies turned their heads in my direction, quickly followed by a lot of the other ponies. I presented my two daughters.

“I am Alex Jean-Paul Roberts, and this is my wife, Rainbow Marigold Dash. Let all see this child,” I indicated my pegasus daughter with my right hand, “named Scootaloo. Let all see this child,” I gestured with my left to Summer, “named Summer Blossom. They are our daughters.”

Dash continued, “They are of our flesh and of our blood. Befriend them, and you befriend our family. Strike them, and you strike our family.”

Up to this point, it had been a traditional pegasus adoption ceremony. Now for our own touch as unique as this family. I spoke clearly, loudly, “Let there be no question. Let there be no misunderstanding. Scootaloo and Summer Blossom are our daughters. Let all of you, friends and foe alike, witness this, our declaration.”

Dash and I spoke fiercely in unison, “They are our daughters! Our family is now whole! And we shall all rejoice!”

With that, there were wild cheers from the pegasus community and happy shouts and stomping from the others. Dash and I hugged our daughters with fierce joy.

I glanced around the assembled ponies and noticed Miss Butterscotch stamping along with the crowd. She had a light smile. Our eyes met. Her smile grew a little, and she bowed her head slightly. I returned the gesture.

Wood Frame was desperate. He had come to Ponyville looking for that human that thumped him but afterward had offered to help. He didn’t expect much, but he was frantic. He spent some of his last bits on return train tickets to Ponyville, where the monster had told him he would be.

He had arrived late afternoon and set out to the market for a cheap meal. ‘I’ll talk to him in the morning,’ he thought to himself. Much to his surprise, he spotted him. He was chatting with this real dish. The mare was tan with a blonde mane and a cowmare hat. His eyes lingered on her three-apple cutie mark a little longer than they should have.

He was startled by a stern voice, “Hey, buddy. Her eyes are up here.”

Wood quickly shifted his eyes to the mare’s face. She had a bit of a smirk. “Sorry there, partner. I’m already taken.”

A little embarrassed, he said, “Err.”

There was a strange snapping sound. Wood thought the human had made it with his paw, but he wasn’t sure. That same voice, now softer, spoke, “Hey, aren’t you Wood Frame?” He turned to the pretty mare, “We, um, meet in Canterlot. Had a bit of a disagreement at the time. But that’s in the past.” Then he turned back to Wood, “I’m actually glad to see you, Wood Frame. I was thinking about you the other day. I was wondering if you would ever take me up on my offer.” He smiled warmly to the gruff construction engineer, “I’m glad you took me up on it.” He turned back to the mare, “Duty calls, Applejack. I’ll see you tomorrow.” He gestured with his paw, “Let’s go to my place and have a talk.”

Unsure of the friendliness, he could only say, “Err, sure?”

I led Wood Frame to the kitchen table and gestured for him to sit. “Would you like a coffee?” He nodded, so I started making a fresh pot. I heard his stomach growl, “I think I have some pastries to go with it. Let me check.” I took a moment to think while pretending to look for the pastries. I soon collected some of Pinkie’s finest onto a plate and set it down near him with a little plate for each of us. He picked up a pastry and took a bite.

While the coffee was brewing, I decided to break the silence. “I’m glad you reached out. Tell me a little about yourself.”

“Well, I am, that is, I was, a white hat, the general contractor for a new stadium for the Canterlot Colts hoofball team. I was responsible for the project, including anything that went wrong. And boy-howdy, did it ever go wrong.”

I was now curious, “What happened?”

He sighed, “I hadn’t inspected the work of a new welder pony, Steel Frame. She usually did good work, but this time, she must have made a mistake, and there was a collapse. No pony got hurt, thank Celestia, but it did set back the project for at least twenty weeks, maybe more.”

The coffee was ready, so I poured him a mug and one for myself. He took a sip and another bite of pastry. In the silence, I took a sip of coffee as well. He wasn’t forthcoming, so I prompted him, “So, what happened next?”

He looked down at the table, a sad and embarrassed expression on his muzzle. “There was an investigation. It took them about two days to find the flaw. The weld in a main support beam had failed. I told the architect to use rivets, but he insisted on welds. I didn’t fight the guy. I figured he knew what he was talking about. I have over twenty years of experience in construction and fifteen years as a manager. What the buck do I know? I don’t have a fancy architectural degree. Anyway, they were going to put the whole blame squarely on the welder. Officially. That kid would have been ruined. So, I took the heat. I wasn’t going to throw the newbie to the timber wolves, and I figured my experience and record would protect me.” His expression became bitter, “I was wrong. I got canned two weeks after the findings.”

That meant he had around twenty-seven Earth years of experience, twenty of which was managerial experience. And he took care of his crews. Interesting. “I’m very sorry that happened. It sounds very unfair. But why didn’t the architect get some of the blame? Especially since he ignored your warning.”

“Oh, that’s easy. He’s a buddy of Prince Blueblood. Connections, and probably a few bribes, kept him safe. That’s around the time we, er, met. That was about ten or eleven weeks ago.”

“Ah. And that’s why you were spoiling for a fight. You felt humiliated and angry.”

He thought for a moment. “Yeah, that makes sense. For what it’s worth, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have done that. I have to admit, after you thumped me, I thought you might just eat me. But you asked that unicorn, Twilight?" I nodded. "To heal me. It gave me something to think about. After that, I stopped wasting money on salt and picking fights. It just seemed, what’s the word, counterproductive.”

I nodded. “Anger and shame are nasty feelings. They make you do stuff that goes against your better nature.”

“Yeah, I guess so. Look, you know my story now. I need help. The Mrs is supportive, but I got to bring home the hay. Word got around, and not a single job offer. I don’t want to go on the dole. I didn’t know what else to do. So, I came here.”

“Alight. So, family life is fine, that’s good, but you’re looking for work.”

Wood Frame slumped a little, “That’s basically it.”

“Okay. Let me noodle for a few minutes.” My eyes unfocused as I took a sip of coffee. My eyes finally focused on a spot on the far wall, just above his head. After about five minutes of thinking, I suddenly had a bright idea. Well, I thought it was bright. It definitely wasn’t altruism. I was doing it just as much for myself as for him. “I think I can solve two problems with one solution.” He grew curious. “I’m looking for someone to handle building, maintaining, and helping out with special projects.”

He put his mug down and leaned forward. His ears were focused on me. “I’m listening.”

“How would you like to be the general contractor for the new Ponyville Theater and Town Hall? Then, be in charge of maintenance and assisting—”

He interrupted me, “Yes! I’ll take it!”

“That’s great. Hold on, you need a signing bonus, too. Give me five minutes.” I went up to my bedroom, where the coin purse from Princess Luna was. Luckily, I still hadn’t deposited it at the bank. I counted out five thousand bits in one-hundred-bit coins and put them in a small sack. That should do.

I came back downstairs, and Wood Frame was happily taking a sip of coffee. “Here you go. Five thousand bits.” He did a spit-take.

I wiped the spit coffee off my face and chuckled, “That should help get things rolling again for you.”

“Oh, Celestia! I’m so sorry.”

I continued, chuckling, “It’s all good. It was my own fault for springing that on you. So, since you’ll be one of the lead ponies in my theatre, I’m offering you the same salary as my head of Entertainment.” This time, I waited until he had swallowed his mouthful of coffee. “Thirty thousand yearly.”

“What? I used to make twenty-eight as a manager. Are you sure? I mean, I appreciate it, but that’s a lot of bits.”

“Yes. I want my people, er, ponies, to be fairly compensated.”

The front door opened, and I could hear Scootaloo and Summer talking excitedly. “That was so awesome, Summer! I think Miss Cheerilee is starting to respect your opinions.”

“Teacher learned my value. I bring honour to family.”

I got up, “Excuse me a second. My daughters just came home.”

He nodded and took a sip of coffee.

I walked to the living room, “Hey, kids! How was your day?”

They both looked happy. Scoots was smiling, and Summer’s tail was wagging. “It was good day, Father. Me teach class about diamond dogs.”

“Really? That’s great, sweetheart.”

“Me bring honour to family.” She touched her index finger to her forehead, “Me good dog.”

“You absolutely are, Summer.”

Scootaloo stuck out her little chest in pride, “Diamond Tiara and a few of the others made comments, but I shushed them. And so did the other Cutie Mark Crusaders.”

Summer looked kindly at her adopted sister, “Scootaloo have my back. Her friends, my friends, have my back.”

“Good. If there’s anything I can do to help, just let me know.”

Scootaloo smirked, “Naw, we got this. But, if there is, we’ll let you know.”

“Well, after all that excitement, I’m guessing you both need a snack?” they both nodded. “I’m speaking with a new friend in the kitchen. You can meet him while I make them.”

I led them into the kitchen, and Wood Frame’s eyes grew wide as saucers. “Luna’s pimpled flank! A diamond dog!”

I raised my hand in Summer’s defence, “Whoa there, Wood Frame.” I smiled, “It’s alright. I’d like you to meet my two daughters, Scootaloo and Summer Blossom.”

“Er.”

Scootaloo’s eyes narrowed, “Hello, sir.”

Summer’s tail had stopped wagging. Her voice dripped with venom, “I greet you.”

Then came the awkward silence. I did my best to smooth things over, “I’m sure Mr Wood Frame was just surprised to see Summer.”

He smiled nervously, “Er, yeah—sorry, kid. I didn’t mean any disrespect. Like your, er, Dad said, I was just surprised.”

Summer glanced in my direction, then bowed her head slightly, “Me accept apology. Every dog need second chance. Come, little sister. We make snacks.” Scootaloo took some leftover pasta, and Summer made herself a ham sandwich.

Wood Frame seemed as relieved as I was as they trotted to the living room. We spoke more about the details of his employment, which was fairly standard stuff. Soon, I heard the door open and close. There was a chorus of “Hi, Mom!” and “Greetings, Mother.”

Dash replied, “Hi girls. You have a great day?”

Summer replied first, “Yes, Mother. I teach class about diamond dogs today.”

Scoots agreed, “It was really cool! Summer could be a teacher.”

I could hear the smile in her voice, “That’s my awesome girl. I’m proud of you. Where’s your Dad?”

They both replied flatly, “Kitchen.”

Dash entered the kitchen and stopped in her tracks; her wings flared. “You!”

Wood Frame turned towards her in surprise. “You?”

’Uh oh.’ “Hey, sweetheart. Guess who I met in the market? It’s the guy I promised to help. From Canterlot?”

Dash shot me a glare. “Yeah. I know who this clown is. I just never thought he would ever darken our doorstep.”

Wood Frame lowered his head, “I know I deserved that. I wronged you and your husband, and he was good enough to help me when I was in a jam.”

“Dash? Sit, please. It’s all good.”

“Don’t you tell me to sit, Alexander Jean-Paul Roberts! He tried to beat you up! And, and, he called me a bucking nag.”

Wood Frame looked worried, “I’m real sorry I called you a n—name, “ he finished lamely.

“Yes, he did call you something, but that’s in the past. This is his second chance. His shot at redemption.”

“Ok. Fine. You’re a lucky stallion, buddy. My husband is giving you one shot at whatever is going on.”

“I, um, hired him to build the theatre.”

Dash did a little head shake and blinked slowly at me. She then took a deep breath in, as if she was going to yell, and slowly let out. “Okay. Fine. Is he any good?”

“Yes. He was the general contractor for the new stadium in Canterlot.”

Dash deadpanned, “The one that collapsed?”

Wood Frame winced.

“Yes, he made a mistake, but he has integrity. He took the blame because a new welder made a mistake, he didn’t catch it, then physics happened.”

“Took the blame?” She mulled over the new information for a moment. “Okay. I can respect that.” Finally, she cracked a smile, “Aw, who am I kidding? If this big lug trusts you, I guess I can, too.”

“Alright, Wood Frame, how about we take a break? Tomorrow morning, around nine, we can finalize the agreement, and we can start going over the plans. Sound good?”

“Sure thing, boss.” I escorted him through the living room and to the front door. He nodded to Dash and the girls, “Ma’am. Kids.”

As he left, I heard him mutter, “What in Nightmare Moon’s Pimpled Flank did I get myself into?”

68 - Getting Down To Business

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The minotaur armour loomed above Chamor as he entered and locked the office door. He paused. The suit drew a thin smile from the dower donkey, bringing back exciting, if not happy, memories from his youth.

With his banking tasks for the day complete, he wanted to work on his special project. As he walked to his desk, the golems waited patiently for instructions. He ordered, “Fetch the following Ponyville files: Alex Jean-Paul Roberts, Rainbow Marigold Dash, Scootaloo.” The little automatons obeyed, and by the time he reached his seat, the file folders were lying perfectly arranged in the center of the green felt desk blotter, ready for reading.

The Roberts file alone was thick, almost three centimetres, and it contained everything there was to know or could be surmised about that chaos beast. He had not yet been able to get the third edition of the work by Lyra Heartstrings, but the two previous editions had provided much useful information. Oh yes, it had taken some work to discover the mysterious writer, but being at the bank, he could trace the financial trail that Heartstrings and Coins had left behind. All quite legal, but hidden through multiple shell companies, hidden to any but the most skilled accountants, and Chamor prided himself on his accounting skill.

Chamor started to read, quickly flipping to the pertinent sections. He frowned. He was at a dead end. Roberts was as clean as Celestia. Everything he did was above board. There wasn’t so much as a missing period. In the past, agents of chaos were always sloppy, at least by his standards. Not this time.

Sweetheart had shown him the paperwork. It was clean. But what about the original in Fillydelphia? He didn’t have standing, so getting the original was out of the question, at least not through proper channels.

Rainbow Dash was nowhere near as clean, but nothing showed she had influenced the case. She didn’t have the smarts.

Scootaloo? No. She’s a child.

That Summer Blossom whelp? No, too new.

Celestia? No. Not her style.

Luna? Maybe, but there was no evidence.

That left Sweetheart.

“Alright! Now that our new friend has gone for the night—” Dash, Scootaloo, and Summer all had skeptical expressions, but I continued, ”How do stir-fried hay and veggies sound for supper? With a side of chicken strips?”

Dash cracked a smile, “Sounds good to me. But you can keep your chicken.”

Scootaloo had an expression of curiosity. “I don’t know, Mom. I hear it tastes like mushroom or tofu. Would it be safe for me to try some?”

Dash grew worried, “I don’t know, squirt. It should be safe. I mean, we can eat fish, why not chicken?”

I shrugged, “Don’t see why not. Summer? Can you think of a reason not to let her try some?”

Summer grew thoughtful, “Me no see problem. Maybe make her more like me?” She laughed at the thought. “Yes, little sister. You should.”

I nodded in agreement, “Okay. I’ll cook up a few extra pieces.”

Dash and I started working on supper, chopping veggies, and prepping the hay. I was on chicken duty, not that I minded. Once the kids had set the table, they sat and talked about chicken.

Scoots was obviously excited and a little nervous at the prospect, “So, Summer. I think I should try it the way Dad eats it, more cooked than what you eat.”

“Me agree. Pony stomach not used to meat. Cooked that way, make it more…” Summer seemed at a loss for a moment, “What word?”

I suggested, “Digestible?”

Summer bowed her head in my direction, “Yes. Thank you, Father. Digestible.”

Dash turned from her hay chopping, “If you don’t like it, squirt, no big deal. Don’t feel you have to eat it. The last thing I want is for you to be sick.”

Scootaloo sighed, “I know, Mom.”

Once the meal was ready, I started serving the vegetables on everyone's plate, the hay on Dash and Scoot's plates, most of the well-done chicken on my plate, all the undercooked chicken on Summer's plates, and a single small well-done chicken strip on Scotaloos' plate.

I smiled, "Alright, Scootaloo. Go ahead and give it a try."

The orange pegasus tentatively nibbled on the cooked chicken. "Not bad. It's kind of bland. Maybe a little sugar will help?" She grabbed the sugar shaker and sprinkled some of the sweet crystals on the meat. She took another nibble. "It's not as exciting as I imagined. Not a bad flavour, but the texture is weird. A lot more rubbery than fish. I don't hate it, but I don't love it either." She moved the chicken to the side of her plate and dug into the vegetables and hay.

I chuckled, “Now we know. I'm glad you were curious enough to try it.”

Once we were all done, but before we started cleaning up, I cleared my throat to get everyone's attention. "So, I was thinking maybe we should have a get-together with our human family. What do you guys think?"

Scootaloo spoke with excitement, “It would be awesome to see Lily again. I vote yes.”

Dash smirked, “Natch! Be good to talk to Ann and the kids again.”

Summer looked a little confused, “Human family?”

Dash spoke, “Yeah. Your dad came from a different world. He is, er, was, the only human here. Before he came here, he had a family, but he can never go back. So, we’re his family now. And they’re family, too. It’s called a herd. Dad is the alpha-stallion, and his human wife, because she was first, is the alpha-mare.”

Summer nodded, “Me look forward to meeting alpha mother.”

I added, “Plus, there are two more siblings, Summer. Your brother Daniel and your sister Lily.”

A smile grew, “More pack-mates? This good.”

I smiled, “I’ll call Ann tonight and make the arrangements.”

By my back-of-the-envelope calculations, it should be about nine-thirty for Ann. I sat in the empty kitchen and made the connection. The connection took a few moments, a little longer than last time, but we were talking across who knew how many universes. I was grateful it worked at all.

Ann answered in her nightgown. She seemed a little sleepy, “Oh, hey, Alex. Why are you calling so late? It’s past ten-thirty. Is there something wrong?”

I was surprised but didn’t let her know, “Everything is fine. I must have miscalculated. Sorry about that.”

She waved a hand dismissively, “No problem. What’s up?”

I smiled, “Well, it’s been an exciting few weeks here. Dash and I finally adopted Scootaloo. We also adopted Summer Blossom. Well, we made her part of the family, anyway. It’s complicated.

Ann smirked, “Wow! You have been busy.”

I nodded, “So, I wanted to call and arrange a time for all the kids to meet. Get the whole herd together, as it were.”

She thought for a moment. “That’s a good idea. Maybe two days from now at around seven? Lily has her art classes after supper tomorrow.”

I nodded, “Alright. Seven in the evening, on Fall 129, that’s a Thursday.”

“I’ll never get used to the Equestrian calendar system.”

I shrugged, “Took me a while, too. I have to convert months into weeks constantly. I still get funny looks when it slips out.”

We were both silent for a moment. Ann tentatively began, “So, I went on a date.”

I smiled, despite the sting in my heart, “That’s great. I always said you were a catch.”

“Well, yeah, you did. I’ve come to terms with you never coming back, and I always told you to build a life. I may as well follow my own advice, eh?”

I chuckled sadly, “Yeah—nothing we can do about it. Still, I hope you’re happy. You are happy with this new person?”

She nodded, and I could see the sadness in her expression.

We both sat silently, lost in thought. I finally spoke, “Welp, may as well call it a night. Sleep well, and give my love to the kids.”

She replied with a little sadness in her voice, “Same. Say hi to Rainbow for me." She paused for a moment, then quietly added, "Night.” She then closed the connection. I sat and stared at the dark screen.

For the first time I could remember, we didn't end the call with an 'I love you' or anything similar. The realization tore a hole in my heart.

Rainbow Dash, my sky-blue angel, shattered the silence with gentle concern. "Hey, big guy. I overheard some of that. You okay?"

"Yeah. It still hurts," I admitted, my shoulders lifting in a resigned shrug. I could feel a moistness threatening the corners of my eyes.

Dash nestled close, her presence a comforting weight beside me. I sensed the soft feathers of her wings as they enveloped my shoulders and the gentle warmth of her cheek pressed tenderly against mine. Her whisper, a soothing balm to my aching heart, carried conviction. "Everything will be alright. I know it will," she assured me, her voice a murmur of unwavering loyalty.

The weather ponies were stretched thin during the busy late Fall, and every set of hooves counted, including those of a national hero. To streamline the morning routine, I suggested that Dash take her usual shower in the evening. With breakfast and lunch already prepared, Dash could get ready quickly and efficiently without the usual morning scramble.

Summer Blossom was earning the respect of Cheerilee and her classmates at school. In fact, Trixie's two enthusiastic admirers had taken to calling Summer "cool." She was gaining popularity amongst her peers, and her confidence and poise were apparent to everyone around her.

Scootaloo was thrilled to go to school as she was becoming something of a minor celebrity as the daughter of the human who had stopped the diamond dog attack. Having a diamond dog sister who was considered ‘cool’ only added to her newfound status, and she basked in the attention she received from her classmates.

The morning was going smoothly. After Dash and the kids left, I tended to Tank and Dino, tidied the kitchen, and tackled some minor household chores. I was just finishing up when I heard a knock on the door. I called out, “Coming!”

As I opened the door, there was Wood Frame, looking eager. “Hey there, boss,” he said with a smile on his mug.

His enthusiasm was hard to beat, “Good morning, Wood. How did your arrangements go yesterday? Did you manage to take care of everything?”

“Yeah, it went well. Sweetie Petunia, my wife, is on her way to find a place and register our son, Winter Gust, at the school. Got a few other odds-and-sods sorted, too.”

“Great! However, there’s been a slight change of plans. I think it would be best to include Beatrix in this meeting. I’ll leave the plans and paperwork here. There’s too much to carry. We'll be going for a short walk, getting some coffee, and meeting up with Bea.”

He nodded, "Sounds good. Guess we’re off, boss?"

I chuckled, “Oh, don’t call me ‘boss’, please. I’m Alex. ‘Boss’ implies I own you or something. You are a partner in this endeavour. Don’t forget that. Just call me Alex.”

While we walked, I gave him a general description of what the theatre was supposed to accomplish—the new town hall, the community shelter, and, of course, the theatre itself.

We stopped at Sugarcube Corner for three coffees and tea for Bea.

“Who’s that third coffee for?” He quickly added, “If you don’t mind me asking.”

I simply said, "My sister."

As we neared Applejack’s stand, I mused, “Hmmm. We need an office or a central place to meet or something. It would make storing plans much easier. I'm running out of room.”

Wood’s head tilted a little in that pony way that showed the pony in question was in their element. “Ya know? I may have an idea about that. Once I see the plans, I’ll be able to say for sure, but what we could do, for now, is find a spot in the city hall. I could fix it up if we need to.”

“I’ll be happy to put in some sweat equity. I’m decently handy and follow instructions.”

He chuckled, “Ya, that last one is the rare one.”

As we walked up to Applejack, she tilted her hat back and gave us a friendly smile. "Hey there, Alex. I see your new friend is with you."

I bowed my head slightly and gestured with my hand, "Allow me to introduce my newest partner in the theatre, Mr Wood Frame. He will be heading the construction, maintenance, and future special projects."

"Mighty fine to make your acquaintance, Wood Frame. Good to have a pony to help keep my brother on the straight and narrow," she chuckled.

Wood frame nodded, "Thank you, ma'am. Nice to meet you, too."

I explained to Applejack, "We're just heading to Bea's to grab her and head back to my place. Too much paper to lug. Oh, and before I forget, here's your coffee."

She took the cup graciously, "Why thank you, sugarcube."

Wood suddenly got a confused expression, "Wait. Brother? She's your sister? But how?"

I shrugged and smirked, "I was adopted late in life."

Applejack chuckled, "He's an Apple to the core, don't you doubt it."

We finally reached Bea's house, the silver decorations sparkling in the morning sun. The garden was lush and healthy, even this late in the fall. I guessed Big Macintosh must have helped her out with that.

I knocked on the door and waited patiently. I could hear Beatrix call from inside, "Coming."

When she opened the door, the first thing I saw was unexpected. Usually, Beatrix looked like Trixie. Full stop. The only way I could tell the difference was her voice and mannerisms. Trixie had a more breathless, nasal voice, and usually had her hat and cape. Now, Bea looked like a school teacher. She wore her mane in a simple bun, wore a simple orange knitted shawl, and was wearing hoof bracelets. I had to surreptitiously glance at her cutie mark to make sure it was the same pony. Yup, it was her.

"Good morning, Miss Beatrix. I'd like to present our new construction manager and future maintenance and special project pony, Wood Frame. We've come to get you for a meeting at my place to go over the theatre plans. Sorry to spring this on you."

She dismissed my concern with a wave of her hoof, "Not at all, boss. I was wondering when you would be over.

Wood Frame interjected, "He doesn't like being called boss."

Bea, smirked, "I know, but he lets me do it because he really likes Trixie."

I chuckled, "You mean, I let you get away with it because you're an amazing illusionist, and I owe you one."

The Wood Frame looked a little confused and said, to no one in particular, "Dis is the weirdest job I've ever taken."

Pinkie Pie was busy in the kitchen of Sugarcube Corner. It was nearing the end of her—

Pinkie suddenly looked up at the ceiling, a slight scowl on her muzzle, her eyes narrowed. “Well, well, well. If it isn’t Mr Ignore-Pinkie-Until-A-Plot-Point-Needs-To-Be-Resolved. So, what is it this time?”

She listened carefully as—

Pinkie interrupted the unheard voice, “Yeah, yeah. Scootaloo’s birthday party. Got it. I’m still a little upset you didn’t add a new chapter to our story. It’s been since August.”

As she listened, her expression became sheepish.

“Oh. In that case, all is forgiven!”

Mr Cake had walked into the room and tentatively asked, “Who is forgiven, Pinkie?”

“Mr Author.”

Mr Cake decided it would be best to just smile, nod, and agree. Pinkie was in one of her moods. If she wasn’t the best darn baker in Ponyville, maybe all of Equestria…

As the sun shone brightly in the sky, we dedicated the remaining morning to studying the intricate plans for the new theatre. At my kitchen table, we meticulously scrutinized every minute detail of the design, from the ornate architectural features that would adorn the facade to the high-quality materials of polished mahogany, wrought iron, and plush velvet that would be used inside to create a luxurious atmosphere.

While I had a general understanding of how to interpret simple blueprints, Wood Frame was invaluable in patiently explaining and deciphering even the most complex technical details of the schematics. He was clearly impressed with the exemplary work that the renowned architect Perfect Home had produced for our project.

After reviewing the structural details, he happily exclaimed, "And not a single weld on any supports."

We discussed the potential audience for the theatre and the types of performances that would be held there. We also considered the logistical aspects of the project, such as the seating capacity, the location of the theatre, and the necessary infrastructure to support the performances.

As we reviewed the plans, we also discussed the potential challenges that we might face during the construction process. We brainstormed ways to overcome these challenges and ensure that the theatre was built to our exact specifications.

I felt the key to ensuring a seamless flow of patrons to the theatre and a steady income without placing an undue strain on the trains was constructing a network of teleportation pads. To begin with, it was essential to establish the primary receiving pad in Ponyville. However, we would also require one in Canterlot, Manehatten, and Fillydelphia. Nevertheless, placing a pad in Cloudsdale would prove to be a challenging task. Fortunately, Wood Frame had collaborated with a pegasus civil engineer, Sky Hook, who could offer valuable assistance.

Furthermore, Bea expressed her enthusiasm for a portable pad to transport to smaller towns. After all, why neglect such a lucrative market?

In addition to their primary purpose, the teleportation pads could also be utilized as a rapid transport and package delivery system. With this, we might be able to achieve within-the-hour delivery wherever a pad was, all for a premium price, of course.

The construction of a teleportation pad network was a crucial aspect of ensuring the success of our project, and we were determined to make it happen. With the help of Wood Frame and our top architect, Perfect Home, we were confident that we could overcome any challenges that came our way.

As we were making steady progress on the theatre project, we were thrilled with the momentum we had built up. Around midday, Wood Frame informed us that he needed to run a few errands before his wife, Sweetie Petunia, could make her way to town. Sensing that we had made significant strides, I proposed that we take the rest of the afternoon off to contemplate the information we had discussed thus far. This would allow us to fully absorb the details and ideas we had examined and provide us with a fresh perspective when we returned to work.

Once Wood Frame had left for his errands, I gave Beatrix a quick summary of who he was and how we met. I then asked Bea, "So? What do you think of him?"

She replied with a smile, "I like him. He's a no-nonsense pony who cares about his craft and his little ponies. And for what he does, that's exactly what we need. I'm glad he took you up on the offer."

I nodded, "Yeah, me too."

For a moment, we sat quietly, deep in thought. I finally broke the silence and asked tentatively, "So, next week is Scootaloo's birthday. I was wondering if I could hire Trixie to give a show." Before she could reply, " I know it's a little short notice, but I'll be happy to compensate her fairly for her time and effort. Her usual rates?"

She looked at me incredulously, “What? Are you kidding? No, you can’t hire Trixie.”

I was crestfallen. “Oh, okay. Maybe Pinkie can—”

My fabulous entertainer friend interrupted me, “No, no, no. You misunderstand, boss. I’ll be happy to do it. That little filly of yours is an amazing little firecracker. My objection is to being paid. Trixie wants only the adulation of the crowd.”

I answered worriedly, “Are you sure? I mean, you’re off the clock. I don’t expect anything for free.”

She smirked, “If the situation was reversed, wouldn’t you drop everything to help me?”

I shrugged, “Of course, but that’s me. I can’t expect others to—”

She interrupted me again, “Then think of it as a favour to Trixie.”

I raised my hands in surrender, “You drive a hard bargain, Miss Lulamoon.”

She raised her cup, “Indeed I do.”

Before seeing Pinkie about a party, I thought I would check on Matt. I wanted to make sure he was acclimatizing to life in Ponyville. I had heard he had visited the music shop and played the piano. That was a good sign. Apparently, he's a great musician. I only felt the slightest pang of jealousy.

I also wanted to give him and Lyra a synopsis of what I'd be saying to the class, just to make sure I didn't give any false impressions to the impressionable young ponies.

I tentatively raise a hand to knock on Lyra and Bonbon's bright red front door. I felt that things might still be tense and awkward with Matt after our last interaction. We had parted on decent terms, but certainly not the best or friendliest. I wasn't sure how to make the knock sound friendly, so I kept it simple. I gave two solid knocks. The front door slowly creaked open. Standing there in the doorway was Lyra, with a messy mane. Her expression shifted from a happy smile at expecting a friend to a more closed-off and neutral expression as she saw me standing there.

She spoke in a controlled, neutral tone that thinly veiled her true feelings, "Oh. Hello, Mr. Roberts. What a surprise. How can we help you today?"

From deeper within the cozy house, I heard Bonbon call out in a singsong voice, "Be nice, dear!"

Lyra looked over her shoulder and rolled her eyes in exasperation. She then put on an exaggerated, forced smile that didn't quite reach her eyes, "Hi there, Alex. What can I do for you on this fine day?"

I supposed I deserved the cold reception after the last time. On the other hand, Lyra being overprotective was also a good sign. "Well, I would like to speak with Matt, please. I was invited to give a guest lecture at the school about humans and culture, and wanted to get Matt's input and perspective. I'd also love to get your thoughts as well, Lyra. Both of your unique perspectives would be incredibly helpful to prepare what I'll say."

Just then, Matt limped into view behind Lyra. He spoke in a weary, guarded tone, "Hey, Alex. What brings you by?"

I tried speaking in a cheerful, upbeat tone to lighten the mood, "Matt! Just the man I was hoping to see. I got invited by the school to give a talk to the students about humans, and I was hoping to get your feedback on what kinds of things I should cover."

There was a pregnant pause as Matt eyed me warily, and then he turned and slowly limped toward the living room. "I guess I can spare a few minutes. Come on in. I need to sit and rest this leg."

Lyra's eyes narrowed sharply, and she spoke in a protective tone, "You don't have to do anything he asks, Matt. Don't feel obligated. He's not your friend."

Matt sighed heavily and spoke gently, "It's okay, Lyra. I know you're just looking out for me. But he's making an effort to be friendly and make amends. I should at least hear him out. Besides, I want to make sure he doesn't go filling those kids' heads with any weird ideas about humans."

The chat I had with Lyra and Matt earlier in the day went surprisingly well, all things considered. Lyra, who had initially come across as rather frosty and distrustful of me, appeared to be thawing ever so slightly—perhaps my friendly demeanour was finally beginning to break through her defensive veneer. Bonbon, too, seemed more relaxed in my company than before.

I cannot fail to mention that the scrumptious chocolates prepared by Bonbon's deft hooves were simply heavenly—the velvety, rich texture and complex flavours were unlike anything I had tasted in years. For a fleeting moment, I considered proposing some sort of exclusive distribution deal to sell Bonbon's chocolates at the theatre, but I quickly abandoned the half-baked business idea. Now was plainly not the time to propose any financial matters to either of them, not when our personal relationship remained on less than solid ground. Instead, any discussions of business could wait until later, once a solid foundation of trust had been established. For the time being, I was content with the fact that we had managed to navigate our conversation without any major faux pas—slow and steady progress.

Anyway, it was mid-afternoon, and I was now done with school and theatre stuff. I decided to go to see Pinkie at Sugarcube Corner. I knew her shift should end soon, if it’s not already over. I wanted to ask her to help me plan for Scootaloo’s birthday next week.

Pinkie bounced out from the kitchen, “Hey, Alex!”

I smiled. That pony always brightened any room she was in. “Pinkie! How are things?”

“Better, now that a friend is here.” She looked at the ceiling and smiled.

’That Pinkie’, I thought, ’always so strange.’ I bowed my head slightly and said, “Why, thank you, Miss Pie. I'm always glad to see you, too. I’m actually here on business for you and the Cakes.”

She gave me an exaggerated grin, “Let me guess. Scootaloo’s eighth birthday, that’s about her tenth birthday your time, is on Fall 135, next week, and you want me to plan a party for her?”

I was impressed. “Got it in one.”

She continued, “And her favourite cake is vanilla with strawberry frosting!”

I was a little surprised, “Really? I thought it was chocolate.”

Pinkie grinned, “Nope. That’s her second favourite. Unless—“ she tapped her chin in thought, then exclaimed, “I’ve got it! A quadruple layer cake, chocolate, vanilla, chocolate, vanilla, with chocolate fudge frosting on the outside and strawberry frosting between the layers! Maybe a thin inner layer of strawberry on the outside, and then the outer layer of chocolate. Oh yeah.” She got a faraway look, “That’s gonna be good.”

69 - Tick Tock

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The familiar hum of my laptop just barely played at the edge of my hearing, and as the screen sprang to life, it cut through the shadows of the evening with its quiet glow. My fingers danced over the keys, as natural to me as the grip on the hilt of my knife once was, their rhythm almost musical in its routine. By my side, Rainbow's mane painted a streak of vivid contrast against the encroaching dusk, her smug grin a testament to unshakable confidence.

I could feel Scootaloo's gaze burning with excitement over my shoulder, her underdeveloped wings fluttering in a futile attempt to take her off the ground. Then there was Summer Blossom, our newest addition to this eclectic tribe, doing her earnest best to sit still despite nervous excitement, causing her tail to betray her emotions.

As the call connected, cheerfully chime leaping through the speakers, a world and lifetime away, Ann's face materialized on the screen from her cozy Earth office. Under the artificial light, her green eyeshadow caught the gleam, while beside her, Lily beamed in her "My sister Scootaloo" t-shirt worn as if it were a medal of honour. Lily's chipper voice rang out first, "Hey, Dad! It’s been almost two hours. We were wondering when you’d call."

I found myself rubbing the back of my neck, an old habit that wouldn't quit. "Ah, sorry about that, sweetie. Has it been that long already?" Time here always seemed to dart by, evasive, like water slipping through clasped fingers. This time, it was literally slipping away. A quick glance at the clock confirmed my tardiness. "Oh, but before I forget,” I corralled the conversation back, “there's someone new here dying to say hi!"

"Yeah, and she’s been on pins and needles!" teased Rainbow, leaning toward the laptop's camera with a sly flick of her wing. At that cue, Summer, somewhat shy but filled with hope, edged closer, her deep blue eyes flicking between the familiar faces peering out from Earth's side of the screen.

A blur of motion was the signal of Lily dashing off to fetch Daniel, and soon enough, his face, shadowed beneath his gaming headset, completed the family picture onscreen.

"Alright, let's do the official introductions then," I said, pointing out each family member. Scootaloo smartly saluted, her chair nearly toppling with her zeal. Summer's smile widened seeing such friendly chaos.

"And that lady with the commanding presence? That's Ann," my voice softened instinctively,

"She’s the alpha mare around here," Rainbow quipped with a flick of her mane. Ann's laugh was a sound I knew well; its music was as heartwarming as it was tinged with sorrow.

"Now, this one here," I gestured to Summer, who squared her shoulders under our collective gaze, "is Summer Blossom. She’s a Diamond Dog and the newest member of our family."

Even through the screen, the enthusiasm was palpable. "Cool!" the siblings exclaimed in harmony, Lily's eyes gleaming with the bright curiosity of youth. And contagious as laughter, Summer's joy seemed to ripple out, her tail giving little flicks of elation.

Her eager voice, heavy with the accent of her kind, was both stilted and earnest as she said, “Me happy meet all you.”

Lily, ever the child, blurted out, “Huh, you talk weird, Summer Blossom."

A quick but gentle chide from Ann followed. “Lily, manners. We all speak differently, and that's alright,” her voice ever the diplomat's, soothing over the sudden ripple.

Loyal Scootaloo quickly chimed in, jumping to Summer's defence. "Hey, she just talks a bit different, no biggie."

Rainbow wrapped a comforting wing around her little sister, a silent reassurance as much as a physical one. Her other wing brushed against Summer, silently telling her she was accepted, supported. "They've never chatted with a diamond dog before, squirt. No harm, right guys?" Rainbow sought confirmation from the screen, her eyes questioning.

The apology came swiftly, bashfully, "Sorry. It’s just—we never heard a diamond dog talk like that on the show. Caught me off guard, is all," Lily mumbled.

Rainbow rolled her eyes, “That stupid pony show.”

"Yeah, you're telling me," Daniel joined in. "Mom says not to believe everything it shows us. Good thing I'm not a fan. Anyway, nice to meet you, Princess Summer.”

Summer nodded, her tail giving enthusiastic thumps now. "Me greet you, brother," she declared, though a hint of irritation flicked her ears. Being regarded as a 'princess' didn't sit well with her at all. "Me not like ‘Princess’," the annoyance was clear in her voice, "Me no royal highness. Long past, ponies, Princess Celestia, they took our lands. It complicated."

I witnessed a flicker of understanding cross Daniel's face, his wit soon peeking through, "No kidding! You weren't elected or anything, right?" His humour was sly, a little bit Python.

It took a heartbeat for Summer to process, and in that quiet moment, her tail went still, a question painted in those deep blue eyes. I tend to jump in with explanations; old habits die hard. "Well, you see Summer, Daniel’s making a bit of a funny because—"

But before I could really dive into it, she figured it out, her tail now up and thumping away. "Ah! Me understand. You make joke—like coconut on tail," she stumbled but her expression was pure pride.

Chuckling quietly to myself, I watched as Daniel's face broke into an open laugh. "Exactly. You catch on fast!" He deftly switched lanes, "So, do you have video games in Equestria? How about tabletop games? Like—" I could tell he was trying to find common ground, ever the inclusive one.

Summer began to tilt her head, clearly not quite sure, but Scoots was already barrelling in with the intel. "You mean those games for nerds? Like Ogres and Oubliettes? Yeah, Spike's all over that. And Button Mash might as well be glued to his console," she added with that signature Scootaloo eye-roll.

Interest sparked in Summer’s eyes. "Me would like to try... games," she considered, her tail a clear sign of excitement.

The thought drew out a mutual curiosity in her. "What height you? Me about one hundred seventy-eight centimetres.”

Daniel exclaimed, “That’s how tall I am!”

“So, we same height?" she mused, staring at Daniel. "In pack, bitches bigger. You tall for dog?"

It took him a moment to understand. "Oh, uh, yeah. Guess I am," Daniel said with a laugh, a hand reaching up to brush back his hair. "Means we'd see eye to eye if we stood next to each other, huh?" The kid was a bit shy but carried a confidence about him when it came to making friends.

I watched, a quiet hum of satisfaction in my chest as our worlds meshed together in this warm kitchen, illuminated by the laptop's glow. Despite digital divides and awkward explanations, underneath it all, we were discovering the unique rhythm of each other’s humour and heartbeats. It was a bridging of two quite different worlds that somehow felt like just another family evening.

"Alright, folks. Looks like it's about time for a little break to do the time test." I glanced at the bottom right of the screen; the timer indicated we had a few minutes left, and the connection was already starting to waver.

Ann's face softened with a hint of sadness. “Okay, kids. This is just to make sure everything is alright between our worlds. You know the drill?” Nods all around, except from Summer. Ann continued, “It’s simple. We disconnect and set a timer on both ends. You’ll wait for sixty minutes exactly. Then, we reconnect, and I say what the timer here reads. This tells us the time difference between our universes. There shouldn't be much of a difference. Just routine checks, no worries.”

As we set our timers, my eyes met Ann’s through the pixels and data, a moment heavy with the words we didn't say, with the history between us, with the weight of worlds apart. But in that shared glance, fleeting as it was, there lingered a connection that not even universes could sever.

The rain pattered against the windows, an unexpected accompaniment to the apprehensive atmosphere that had enveloped the room. I stared through the glass, watching as the premature tempest turned to a torrent. Dash's soft wing twitched against my side, a silent rebuke for the weather team who'd started their storm almost an hour early, throwing off the schedule she'd meticulously planned.

"Scootaloo, Summer," I said, my voice betraying a fraction of the anxiety I harboured, "could you two please head to the living room for a bit?" It was a difficult request, masking my concern with a veneer of grown-up matters.

The young ones reluctantly left, their steps a fading staccato against the wood floor. I gazed at the timer on the laptop screen, each second ticking away a silent drumbeat of worry, the numbers a link to Ann and the pending results she would bring.

Rainbow Dash shifted her position, frowning lightly at my restlessness. "The timer's still got plenty of time to go, Alex. Try to relax."

I heaved a sigh, feigning a calm I was far from feeling. "Yeah, you're right," I admitted, though the twitch under my eye told a different story. My gaze swept back outside, tracking the runnels of water streaming down the pane.

We filled the silence with chatter about the day's mundane events— Dash talked about the planning for winter weather, and I brought up Wood Frame’s excitement at the quality of the theatre plans. But beneath it all, an undercurrent of tension hummed steadily.

Scootaloo paced the threshold, her frequent glances towards the laptop betraying her anxiousness. "Is the hour up yet?”

Dash answered, “No, squirt.”

A few minutes later, Scootaloo asked again, “How about now?"

Her voice was a thread, strained and thin, and I felt my patience fray. "Scoots, sit down! It hasn't even been fifteen minutes!" Immediately, remorse lanced through me. "I’m sorry, Scoots," I muttered, my hand rubbing the back of my neck, feeling the prickle of guilt for snapping at her. “I’m worried, too.”

Rainbow nudged me, a feathered embodiment of support. "Give her a break, everypony's on edge. We'll know soon enough."

My pacing resumed, a relentless march back and forth that annoyed Dash as much as the early storm. Dash rose, placing herself firmly in my path to halt my pacing. Her rose eyes locked onto mine, steadfast. "We'll get through this. No matter what, we face it together, okay?"

"Yeah," I replied, my voice steadier thanks to her presence. "Together."

The empty silence stretched between Dash and me, filled only by the patter of rain and the soft whirring of the laptop, the black screen with the countdown bar slowly crawling across the screen.

"Don't worry, big guy," Dash murmured, her wing pulling me closer. "I'm sure it was just a mistake."

I forced a chuckle, hollow and strained. "You're right. I must have made a mistake. I forgot to carry the π or something. Easy mistake." But my laughter died in the growing storm. I had checked and double-checked the calculations, my certainty a leaden weight in my stomach.

We waited, our anxiety mounting as steadily as the rainfall outside. After an hour that seemed to stretch into an eternity, I stabbed at the key to start the connection with Ann.

Nothing.

A glance at the screen showed the connection hadn't been established yet, fueling an unsaid dread. Why was it taking so long?

Ann’s image finally filled the screen. She had finally answered, but with a look that cradled a galaxy of unspoken fears.

"Hi, Alex. It was sixty-five point two nine minutes versus fifty-nine point eight seven minutes last time. It looks like we're drifting apart in time again, only this time, it's getting longer for me."

A sense of dread coiled inside me, cold and serpentine. "Damn.” I pinched the bridge of my nose, “Okay, let's say we do the test again daily. We’ll reconnect at about seven tomorrow. Get a baseline for how fast the change is happening."

Ann’s face on the screen twisted with a sorrow that mirrored my innards. "Should we tell the kids?"

Dash's voice was firm yet tinged with vulnerability. "Yeah. I think so. Blinders off."

The storm outside boomed, a punctuation to the gravity of our conversation. I sighed, fighting against the deluge that threatened to break through my carefully maintained barricade of hope. "Agreed. I hate it, but they deserve to know."

"Then we're all in agreement," Ann nodded, the faintest tremble in her voice. "I say we do it now, with all of us here."

Our eyes locked on the screen, a digital bridge between two worlds growing painfully longer with each passing moment.

Suddenly, the charged air ruptured with a sharp intake of breath from the doorway. Scootaloo’s eyes, wide with a mixture of fear and understanding, met mine in the mirror's reflection. Her small body was rigid, poised for flight or fight. Dash turned, her face softening, but Scoots was quicker, a blur of orange darting away.

I started to get up, "We need to—" I began, but Dash cut me off with a shake of her head.

"No. Give her time," she said, but I could see the pain in her eyes, echoing my own.

Summer Blossom’s small voice broke the building silence. "What problem? It only five minutes." Her innocence was a sharp contrast to the ominous conversation that had taken place.

Scootaloo turned back from the top of the stairs, voice trembling with the effort of holding back tears. She was barely heard as she cried out, "Five minutes!? Five minutes! It's just the start, I know it is!"

The ever-loyal Dash made to move after her but stopped, respecting the need for solitude to process the bitter bite of reality. Instead, she stood, a guardian at the window, watching the storm rage outside as it did within us all.

I sat motionless, my mind racing. Five minutes can become an eternity. Ann, Dash, my friends, my heart is strewn across the cosmos. The thought of permanent disconnection from Earth, from Ann and my kids—a chilling void that no Equestrian magic could fix.

Ann's face, a flickering spectre on the screen, brought my focus back. As I looked into her eyes, I saw reflected there the young woman I’d loved, the mother of my children, the rock that had kept me sane all those years, and the bond that not even the relentless march of time could sever. With a deep breath, I prepared to face the tempest, inside and out, alongside those I loved— in every universe, in every minute—no matter how many we had left.

Scootaloo’s small hoof thumped against the frame of her scooter with a rhythm echoing her inner turmoil, each knock a futile attempt to vent the frustration clawing at her chest. Her treasured room, usually a sanctuary adorned with posters of high-flying Wonderbolts and neatly arranged memorabilia, lay in disarray, reflecting the chaos within her heart. Flight goggles, a symbol of her aspirations and love of speed were knocked to the floor, one lens cracked—a casualty of her rage against the unfolding situation. Plush toys were strewn about without care, and the silence of the room felt oppressive, punctuated only by Scootaloo’s fuming grunts.

Summer Blossom entered, the grey of her fur blending with the onset of dusk seeping through the window. Her deep blue eyes held an ocean’s calm, but the furrow of her brow betrayed concern for her sister. She saw Scootaloo’s mane stuck to her damp cheeks, and her usually bright eyes dimmed by helplessness.

"Sister?" Summer's voice was soft, unobtrusive, as if willing the tension in the air to dissipate.

Scootaloo barely managed a glance, instead directing another indignant kick at her scooter, sending it skidding to a stop against a bedpost. The clatter seemed loud in the quiet room. "It’s not fair," she muttered, torn between a simmering rage and an impending sense of defeat.

Summer navigated the minefield of toys, her paws careful not to disturb the remnants of Scootaloo’s earlier tempest as she made her way to the bed. Her voice remained gentle, a counterpoint to the pegasus’s bristling energy. "Talk? Make you feel better. We pack mates. Sisters," she offered, extending an olive branch as she sat, an island of serenity amidst the chaos.

Shifting uncomfortably, Scootaloo’s eyes finally met Summer’s. "It's Lily and Dan," she exposed the core of her fears with a whisper. "The... the time, it’s getting worse, Summer," she sputtered, desperate to unburden her heavy heart. "Each hour here... it's like Earth is slipping forward, faster and faster. Soon, it might be days or weeks from their point of view before we could even say hello again."

Summer’s expression softened, her heart reaching out to their shared unease, even if she could not fully grasp the mechanics of the temporal chasm threatening to widen between them. "Me understand," Summer murmured, her voice laced with an earnest desire to soothe.

In an unexpected display of affection, Summer drew her adopted sister into a tender, if slightly clumsy, embrace—an embrace that broke the last of Scootaloo's resolve. The diamond dog's arm, awkwardly draped over the smaller form, provided an anchor in the storm of Scootaloo’s emotions.

"I just wanted more time, you know?" Scootaloo’s voice broke as her words dissolved into a sob. "More time with Lily. She won't... she’ll forget about me if this keeps up."

Summer let out a fierce growl, one that startled Scootaloo. "We make time count," Summer declared, her fierce protectiveness morphing into a vow. "Me here. We family. We strong pack."

A tiny spark ignited in Scootaloo, and she allowed herself to feel the solace offered by Summer's warmth for just a moment, her earlier despair yielding to a cautious hope.

They parted, and Summer's gaze was steady, fierce, and sure. "We find way. For family. For everything we are, together."

On Summer’s strong words, a smile crept onto Scootaloo's face, its small triumph over the gloom reflecting the light from her sister's resolve. Here in her room, with shadows stretching and the promise of night swelling outside, facing the uncertainty of worlds together seemed less daunting.

"Yeah, we will," Scootaloo mirrored the conviction in Summer's tone. “Come on, Summer. Let’s get a snack.”

“You always eating, little sister. Soon, you become big sister,” Summer teased.

“Hardy-har-har. I can’t help it if I burned off supper already,” Scootaloo said in her defence.

Summer smiled warmly, “That alright, little sister. Come, we get snack.”

Summer and Scootaloo were sitting at the kitchen table. The patter of the rain was still beating against the windows.

Scootaloo glanced across the table to her Dad’s laptop, sleeping among scattered notes and books, a lifeline across dimensions. There was a promise within it, a fleeting chance to share moments and forge memories that might bridge the widening gap between their realities.

"They might be trying to reach us right now," Scootaloo said with renewed energy, already thinking about the logistics of the next connection, the next opportunity to communicate. "We need to plan, to make the most of every second we have."

Summer watched as Scootaloo’s gaze lingered on the damaged goggles, an ache evident in her eyes. The younger sister gathered them with a sigh, cradling the memento in her hooves. "It's like forgetting a scooter trick you had just figured out, ya know, Summer? I was getting so good at those spin landings... just like talking to Lily. It was getting easier, and now..."

Her voice trailed off, but Summer nodded, understanding the parallels in the trials her sister faced. "Not worry, little sister. We find a way," Summer reassured, using the term of endearment that bound them. She helped Scootaloo to her hooves, pressing a warm paw against a small shoulder. "We'll start with fixing those goggles. Tomorrow, we plan for next talk. And we keep planning."

As evening yielded to night, the sisters remained together, bound by determination and the love that had transformed two strangers into a family. Together, they faced the uncertainty of shifting worlds, the bond between them a tapestry woven with threads of sisterhood—unyielding, even against the relentless tick of discordant clocks.

In the quiet confines of our attic bedroom, the tick-tock of the magical alarm clock was a relentless metronome, each beat a cruel reminder of the slipping synchrony between worlds. The cool night air, slipping through the slightly ajar French doors, couldn't displace the stifling anxiety that clung to me like a second skin. I lay there in the semi-darkness, the soft ambient glow of the clock the only light, the scent of Rainbow Dash that lingered on the bed sheets my only solace.

A memory, unbidden but sharp as the chill of the room, sliced through the buzz of my overwrought mind—a time when loneliness had been a constant companion in my endless jumps, when every new reality was an echo chamber amplifying my isolation. Years, perhaps decades, lost in the cracks of the multiverse, until this spirited land of Equestria, and she—my rainbow-maned anchor—had collided with my life.

The bed dipped as weight settled beside me, a wing—warm and soft—draped over my chest. "Alex," Dash’s voice, imbued with concern and unwavering loyalty, tethered my racing thoughts. "I'm here for you, big guy."

My self-imposed isolation had once seemed an impenetrable fortress, but it had crumbled before her earnestness. Even our decision to handle our challenges, to lean on each other rather than call upon Princess Luna and Celestia, stemmed from a shared resilience that she fostered within us. I drew in a breath, savouring the earthy tang of the autumn air mingling with her comforting scent. I wasn't alone.

Yet, with her, moments of solace could as quickly become tempests of passion. She shifted, suddenly nimble and brash, pinning me beneath her with a whoosh of feathers. Her muzzle found my ear, her playful nibble sending a shiver down my spine that had nothing to do with the night air. Her hooves, usually so strong and sure, were now tender, tracing a path of yearning over my chest.

Dash knew precisely how to unravel me, how to wield our connection as both a balm for my soul and a fire that coursed through my veins. The kiss she planted was fervent, speaking truths words could only fumble at, weaving a narrative of shared destinies and enduring love. With her wings locked around me, the reality of our entwined heartbeats was a cadence more grounding than the relentless ticking that had held me captive.

In her embrace, amid the gentle murmuring of the nocturnal world beyond our balcony, notions of time, desynchronization, and separation dissolved, inconsequential in the face of the now. The worries about our disjointed timelines, the looming uncertainties of my Earth family, and the uncharted future with our daughters Scootaloo and Summer—they seemed distant, unfocused, against the clarity of this connection.

Rainbow Dash’s love was a vivid spectrum, splashed across the canvas of my night, turning fear into strength, doubt into determination. Our present was a woven tapestry of trials, but here, in this room of keepsakes and memories, we were the artisans of our fate. And when morning came, with its light and questions, we’d face it not as two untethered beings lost to time, but as a union, steadfast and ready.

For now, I embraced the night, her, and the promise that—no matter the span, no matter the universe—love was our constant, unyielding truth.

Chamor’s silhouette etched itself menacingly against the bright entryway as he stepped into Sugarcube Corner, the chime of the bell above the door out of tune with the gravity he brought into the room. The air seemed to grow colder, or perhaps it was the shift in atmosphere as patrons recognized the grim figure. The conversation lulled to a cautious murmur, glasses clinked a tad nervously, and Pinkie Pie paused in mid-giggle, a less common occurrence on any given day.

"The usual," Chamor pronounced, his gravelly voice eschewing any pretense of nicety. "And I need to talk to Mr Cake."

Pinkie Pie swallowed her sprightliness, nodding with more restraint than usual. "Coming right up, Mr Chamor. And Mr Cake's in the back; I'll let him know."

Chamor's eyes scanned the room—a slow, calculated sweep that left an invisible trail of disquiet. He made his way to an empty corner table, casting a nonchalant glance towards Golden Coins, who quickly looked away and pretended to be absorbed in his newspaper. Chamor's pince-nez perched precariously on his nose, ready to be re-adjusted at any sign of the disorder he so detested.

Soon enough, Pinkie Pie delivered a steamy cup of extra bitter coffee with practiced cheerfulness that didn’t quite reach her eyes. “Mr Cake will be with you in a jiffy!”

“See that he is,” Chamor replied, the corners of his mouth dangerously still.

A few tense minutes passed before Carrot Cake emerged from the kitchen under the pretence of casual aplomb, his gaze firm albeit surrounded by worry lines. “Good afternoon, Chamor. You wanted to talk?”

Not rising from his seat, Chamor simply gestured to the chair across from him. “Sit. This matter involves some confidentiality.”

Mr Cake hesitated, then motioned to Pinkie Pie. "Could you prepare a few more of those cherry cupcakes, Pinkie? Mrs Cake could use a hoof."

Pinkie Pie bounced towards the kitchen, sliding a curious yet concerned gaze back towards their table.

“I'm all ears,” Mr Cake said as he sat down, adopting a facade of calmness.

“This is about Alex Roberts and the adoption,” Chamor stated, the coffee steaming, forgotten between them. “About your affidavit. And Miss Sweetheart.”

Mr Cake stiffened perceptibly, his hooves fidgeting under the table. “I don't follow—”

“Your letter to Miss Sweetheart,” Chamor interrupted, his stare unwavering, “it was against the adoption, wasn't it?”

Mr Cake’s brow creased in confusion and faint traces of fear. “That—That was confidential. I... I gave my honest opinion, but the final decision wasn't mine to make.”

“Yet, the adoption went through regardless,” Chamor pressed, his tone indicative of the suspicion that riddled his thoughts. “Miss Sweetheart ignored your advice. I need evidence. Surely, as a moral pillar of this town, you'd agree that justice should be served.”

“I agree to justice, yes, but Alex Roberts—”

“Is chaos incarnate!” Chamor hissed, his pince-nez quivering on his snout. “I’ve seen what creatures like him can do. And you’d let an innocent filly live in that environment?”

Mr Cake’s fear ebbed, replaced by indignation. “My opinion of Alex may have been... premature. He’s not as bad a guy as I first thought.”

“Perhaps,” Chamor snorted, cocking his head with calculated derision. “Or perhaps you too have been charmed by his deception. Someone is covering evidence. It has to be Sweetheart, and you,” he leaned forward, “are going to help me prove it.”

The cheerful chaos of Sugarcube Corner seemed miles away as Mr Cake wrestled with himself, the moral fibre that held him stitched together being picked apart by the slowly escalating menace. A scraping of a chair from an adjacent table signalled Pinkie Pie's abrupt exit into the kitchen, a glance flickered towards them filled with uncertainty.

“I have done nothing wrong,” Mr Cake said finally, a quiet steel hardening his voice. “And neither have Alex Roberts or Rainbow Dash.”

“Don’t be trifled with this foolery”—Chamor let out an unsettling, mirthless chuckle, fixing Mr Cake with an icy gaze—“Have you considered the... repercussions if I were to turn my scrutiny towards you? Towards your dear wife?”

Silence crackled between them, fraught with the threat hanging in the air.

It was then that the faintest sound escaped from the kitchen, a ceramic clink, and Mr Cake's shoulders squared as his wife’s unspoken strength bolstered his resolve.

“Your threats don't scare me, Chamor,” Mr Cake said with newfound firmness. “I don't have what you're looking for. And I stand by my current belief that Scootaloo is in good hooves with Alex Roberts and Rainbow Dash.”

Chamor's nostrils flared, the muscles in his jaw twitching with unspoken outrage. For a fleeting moment, he seemed to grapple with the urge to say more, but instead, he stood, adjusting his pince-nez with a tight snap. Without another word, he turned, his shadow casting an ephemeral gloom over the checkerboard tiles as he exited, his coffee forgotten.

In the wake of his departure, Sugarcube Corner breathed a collective sigh of relief, the warmth and gentle murmur slowly resurrecting as normalcy seeped back. Mr Cake remained seated just a while longer, reassured as he felt the weight of his decision settle firmly but justly on his shoulders.

70 - Party Surprises!

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I stood in front of the chalkboard at Ponyville Elementary School, surrounded by the excited murmur of young voices. The classroom was full of young earth ponies, unicorns, and pegasi who gazed up at me with curious eyes. Their imaginations were undoubtedly weaving tales of the local hero who had saved them and their schoolmates, all while thwarting the recent Diamond Dog raid.

The room was bathed in the warm glow of the late morning sun that streamed through the windows, throwing playful shadows across the desks and floor. The sound of laughter mingled with the anticipatory chatter of the children. Somewhere in the distance, the town clock greeted eleven with cheerful bell strikes that seemed to capture everyone's attention.

Miss Cheerilee, ever the embodiment of warmth and authoritative grace, stood by her desk. "Settle down, my little ponies,” she said while clapping her hooves. At her command, the room quietened. Her kind voice introduced me, “I am happy to present Mr Alex Roberts. He is here today to tell us about his species, humans. Let's give him a big Ponyville Elementary welcome."

Applause filled the room, and I couldn't help but flash a genuine smile. With these kids, I felt good about being here, ready to broaden their understanding of the world. I wore my comfiest sweater, acknowledging that while these little ponies might not feel the cold, I certainly did.

I thanked Miss Cheerilee and turned to the attentive students. "Thank you for having me," I started, trying to keep my voice genial and inviting. I suppose the sweater made me channel my inner Mr Rogers, but the reference would be lost on anyone except Matt.

"Humans are quite similar to ponies in many respects. Family, friendship, community; they matter to us just as much as they do to you." I glanced at Miss Cheerilee and gestured to the chalkboard, “May I?” She nodded. So, with her permission, I turned to the chalkboard, wiped away the remnants of a previous maths lesson, and started drawing parallels—literally—between our worlds.

The responses from the children were a mix of rapt attention and typical youthful restlessness. A particular group, however, formed around a filly I recognized as Diamond Tiara. They watched her almost as closely as they did me, ready to mimic her every sneering expression.

Not far from this clique, Silver Spoon sat alone—once Diamond Tiara's shadow but now estranged because of her former friend's mean streak. She faced away from Diamond Tiara, quiet rebellion written in her posture.

As I explained about human diets—our omnivorous nature—I noticed the fluctuations of intrigue and surprise on those young pony faces. I briefly bared my teeth in a smile, "These chompers help us eat just about anything."

Diamond Tiara pounced on that, her voice laced with malice. "So, is it true you eat... meat?"

I could tell she was gunning for a dramatic reaction, but instead, I answered calmly with a kindly smile. "Got it in one. We do, in fact, eat meat, though not as extensively as some other species. For example, griffins are on the carnivore side of the omnivore spectrum, just like ponies are on the herbivore end of that spectrum. Humans are right in the middle. We need a little bit of everything."

Scootaloo sat up taller, beaming proudly. She whispered to the little gray colt, steel skin, sitting beside her, "That's my dad." Her pride for me warmed my heart.

"But ponies don't eat meat! That could never be right!" Diamond Tiara continued, her frustration mounting in the absence of the scandalized reaction she’d hoped for.

Miss Cheerilee intervened then, her tone soft yet decisive. "Fish is a traditional pegasus feast food, Mr Roberts," she affirmed, smoothly redirecting the conversation and silencing the brewing dissent. “So, class, as you can see, even ponies eat meat to some degree.”

I smiled and nodded at the purple teacher, "As do humans. One theory I had heard before arriving in Equestria was that eating fish and other seafood helped our brains develop." The youngsters seemed intrigued by this possibility.

My presentation continued with minimal disruption. Diamond Tiara tried her best to interrupt the flow with underhanded comments and whispers. At one point, she even uttered a slur—"narwhal"—directed at Sweetie Belle. But I noticed—and chose to focus on—Silver Spoon. Her look of disillusionment with Diamond Tiara was palpable, and as much as I was there to educate, I hoped for understanding and friendship to win within themselves.

Wrapping up my talk, the air shifted when Scootaloo led a round of applause that was heartier than I could have anticipated. Diamond Tiara sat, forelegs crossed, a scowl etched on her face as the applause continued, her plans to undermine me unsuccessful. Even Silver Spoon joined in, softly at first but with growing hope that redemption wasn’t out of reach for everypony.

Cheerilee soon took the reins again as the room descended into animated claps and chatter, and for just a brief second, I caught a glimpse of something in Diamond Tiara's eyes, something that looked like hate, and it was directed squarely at me.

As the evening twilight in Ponyville blanketed my backyard, the dying embers of daylight flirted with the vibrant balloons tethered to the trees and fences. The scent of fresh pastry mixed with the blooming fall flowers filled the early evening air, heralding Scootaloo’s birthday celebration. Colours and sounds flooded the scene, with a score of colts and fillies scuttling about, their laughter and playful excitement blending into the atmosphere of festivity.

Rainbow Dash, faithful as ever, hovered nearby, guarding the party with the same protective instinct she reserves for the skies. Standing beside her, I took in the transformed landscape of my backyard—now a fantasy of games, treats, and fun.

The Great and Powerful Trixie, cloaked in her starry garb, mingled with our guests. Her horn, glowing with a gentle blue hue, teased out the magic that burst into sparkles above the heads of the elated colts and fillies. A short distance away, Pinkie Pie revved up the crowd, her infectious energy captivating as she bounced from one group to another, game to game, laughter trailing in her wake.

I caught Scootaloo dashing past, her giggles capturing my heart. "Enjoying your birthday, Scoots?" I called out, sweeping her into a momentary hug.

Her mane danced in the lantern light as she nodded vigorously. "It's awesome, Dad! Especially with you and Mom here!" Her words were the best gift I could have received.

Returning to Rainbow Dash's side, we exchanged a knowing look, her eyes reflecting the emergence of the night's first stars. We took a moment, leaning against the wooden fence, silently appreciating the perfect chaos of the party.

She nuzzled me gently. "You know, I've been thinking about the wedding. I'd be happy with just a small ceremony. Only us, the kids, and a handful of friends."

I chuckled, eye twinkling with mischief. “But how else could I broadcast to the world that I’m the lucky guy marrying Rainbow ‘Danger’ Dash? And what better place to have it than the new theatre we're building?” I teased.

Her laugh, clear and heartfelt, filled the air around us. "You goof," she playfully retorted, her shoulder bumping mine.

As if on cue, the party's heartbeat, Pinkie Pie, whisked past us. "Remember, Alex, we’ll need more cupcakes soon!" she hollered over the fresh round of games commencing.

I gave her a thumbs up just as I noticed Wood Frame and Sweetie Petunia chatting by the refreshments. Drifting over with Dash, I greeted them warmly. "Evening, you two! Enjoying the party?"

“This is quite the get-together," Wood Frame admitted, his eyes wide in awe as they scanned the backyard. "It’s one heck of a bash!"

Sweetie Petunia beamed, her eyes reflecting the myriad colours of the party lights. "Indeed. We're quite smitten with this little town," she chimed in, her voice a soft melody amidst the cacophony of laughter and music. Her stature was regal, reminiscent of the princesses in elegance yet marked by her own unique grace. I surmised she stood just a shade shorter than Princess Cadence or Princess Luna, her slim figure casting a dainty shadow on the ground.

Dash remarked with her usual gusto, "Ponyville is awesome! I've made it my home for a while. You'll both make friendships in no time, I guarantee it."

Mid-conversation, the illustrious Rarity made her way into our gathering. "Petunia, darling! Too many moons have passed since our last meeting." The fashion icon and Petunia exchanged a heartfelt hug, their affection palpable. Rarity then addressed me with a flourish, "You must know, Alex, that this lovely mare was the first to grace the catwalk in my creations." Her gaze then swept to Wood Frame, adding with a playful smirk, "And who could forget this rugged stallion, the very one who swept her off her hooves," she teased, wrapping him in a gentle embrace. Their shared laughter mingled with the party's mirth as I observed their joyful reunion.

We chatted about the theatre plans. Petunia and Rarity listened with polite curiosity. At one point, Wood said, "I hate to bring this up, but I've got to be honest. I'm a little worried about the funding for this project. I mean, you're being pretty generous. My pay, for example. I'm not—"

Rarity, who had been listening with attentive grace, interrupted, "Alex is well up to the task. After all, we're all invested in his vision," she reassured him, poised as ever.

Our camaraderie was short-lived as my attention snapped to a fleeting shadow darting behind the bushes. At first, I thought I had spotted some kid playing in the greenery, but I caught a second glimpse. It was definitely not a pony. My heart fluttered with alarm; I excused myself, suspecting trouble. "I'll be back in a flash. Need to check on... something for the kids," I fumbled.

I made a beeline to Big Macintosh. He was standing quietly, keeping an eye on the youngsters and Trixie. I discreetly whispered to him, "Mac, something is sneaking around the house. Could you take a little walk to the right? I'll go left. Keep going until we meet. If you find anything, give a holler."

The big red stallion gave a sharp nod and started sauntering toward the house.

I caught Trixi’s attention. I whispered in her ear, ”Loud fireworks, please.”

When I started walking toward the house, the joyful explosions started. Dash, at first confused, made eye contact and threw me a knowing look.

Around the house, I tread carefully, the waning light creating dancing shadows with the flashes of the fireworks. There, obscured by garden shrubbery, I got a good glimpse of the unwelcome intruder. It was a golem with patchwork colours, like my ninja costume—a disconcerting sight. I’d seen similar golems in more conventional colours in high-end offices, shuffling papers around. I hesitated, uncertain. As I decided to confront it, the golem slipped into the night.

I gave quiet chase, the festivities receding in the background. I wove between the foliage, unfazed by the snap of twigs—a sound lost to the distant echo of Trixie’s magical fireworks.

When Big Mac and I regrouped, having found no trace of the intruder, Rainbow Dash descended, her form sharp against the backdrop of the Equestrian sky. "Okay, Alex. What the hay is going on?"

“Thought I saw something. Must have been… I don’t know what.” I scratched the back of my neck and fumbled to explain myself further, but as Trixie's magic and Pinkie's voice summoned us back to the party, I managed a reassuring smile. "Let's head back. It's probably no big deal. Anyway, the kids are having a blast, and truth be told, so am I." My words were a veiled promise—I'd tell her everything later when the time was right.

Before heading back to the party, I went inside. Seeing the golem, or thinking I saw it, made me realize Wood Frame and his family were still new in town. I’m not sure why that thought led to the other. Pinkie must be rubbing off on me. Anyway, I thought it would be nice to invite them over and really get to know them.

I strode out of the back door once more. Amidst the festivities, I approached Sweetie Petunia and Wood Frame, offering them a handwritten invitation to join us on Nightmare Night. "It’s nothing fancy, just a Nightmare Night dinner at our place. We'd be honoured if you joined us."

Wood Frame appeared touched, and with a look of newfound trust, he accepted. "We'd love to."

As the party continued to unfold, Trixie's illusions providing a mesmerizing backdrop and Pinkie Pie directing activities with delightful precision, I stood back, filled with a silent resolve to guard this life, my family, my friends, and all its wonder—even against shadowy threats.

I was halfway through topping up the tray of cupcakes in the kitchen when the doorbell rang. Laughter and party noise drifted through the house from the backyard, where the birthday party was in full swing. I held a cupcake in my hand, pausing as the bell rang again, its insistence odd amidst the party's chaos. Curious and a little concerned about who might show up uninvited, I set the tray on the countertop and made my way to the door.

I glanced through the peephole but didn't recognize the two ponies standing on the porch. The setting sun cast long shadows behind them, almost like omens. Opening the door, I was about to ask if I could help them, but the words never came out.

"I'm Rainbow Blaze," the stallion announced, a little too loudly and with more than a hint of inebriation. His grey coat was unkempt, and his muzzle sported a dusting of white crystals.

Salt.

Beside him stood a mare, her golden mane catching the fading light, enhancing the brilliance of her sky-blue coat. She carried herself with a subdued grace, her expression tinged with remorse. "And I'm Golden Dash, Rainbow's mother. We're here to see our granddaughter," she explained, her tone carrying more of a beseeching note than that of a simple introduction.

Feeling a twist in my stomach, my previously buoyant spirits began to ebb away. "I'm Alex Roberts, Scootaloo's father," I asserted, striving to maintain a convivial atmosphere despite the jolt of surprise.

Rainbow Blaze's overbearing pride was almost tangible. He spared me only the briefest of contemptuous glances before retorting, "What in Nightmare Moon's pimpled backside are you?" His blatant disregard rankled me, igniting a fierce protective instinct. "I reckon I could do with a drink," he muttered almost to himself.

My gaze hardened. "Mr. Rainbow Blaze, I believe you've already indulged in more than your fair share of salt this evening. Don't you think it would be better to experience your granddaughter's birthday party with a clear head?" I forced my voice to remain calm, even though it was laced with barely contained irritation.

That set him off. "Who do you think you are? Telling me, ME, what I can and can't do." Blaze's eyes were narrow slits of indignation, his stance teetering ever so slightly.

I readjusted my approach, a pleading note entering my voice. "Please. I've got a backyard full of kids and their folks. You wouldn’t want to make a scene, right?"

"What do I care about strangers I'm never going to see again?" he retorted, a few flecks of saliva flying from his mouth.

My patience was wearing thin. He wants to play this game? Fine. I pointed to the floor, "This is my house," I pointed to the backyard, "and these are my friends and family. You will behave—no salt, play nice, or else you're out.” I smiled to the quiet mare, “Mrs. Golden Dash, you're welcome to stay; I insist."

Golden's apologetic look spoke volumes, and Blaze's belligerence dwindled as I set my jaw firm. "Fine. I'll play nice," he acquiesced grudgingly. "Now, where's my granddaughter?"

Golden spoke, almost pleadingly, ”I haven’t seen my little Dashie in over a year. I know she’s a famous hero and probably has no time for an old mare. In her last letter, she said she was adopting Scootaloo, and,” the older mare became a little bashful, “she told me about you, too. She loves you so much.”

Blaze snorted derisively.

Ignoring him, I smiled warmly at her, “And I love her very much.” Golden and I shared a moment together. I plastered on a smile, picked up the tray of cupcakes, and gestured toward the backyard with my chin. "Alright, now that we've cleared the air, let's all be smiles and sunshine. Ready to meet your granddaughters?"

As we made our way to the back door, Blaze peered at the tray curiously. "You have daughters? Plural? We knew about Scootaloo, but…" he trailed off.

"Summer Blossom. Dash and I adopted her recently."

"Who's this Summer Blossom? Is she a hyooman or something?"

The disgust in his voice irked me further as I corrected him with a stern undertone, "Or someone. She's a diamond dog. I stopped her mother from making a terrible mistake. Now, she's my daughter too, just as much as Scootaloo is." I let the threat hang subtly between us.

Blaze started to speak, a sneer forming, but Golden cut him off with a glare that could freeze molten lava. "Looking forward to meeting her," he grumbled instead.

I couldn't help thinking about the future and how I might help Blaze whether he wanted it or not. Zecora was pretty adept with potions; maybe she could whip up something to curb his salt habit. On the other hand, free will and all that. It was going to be complicated.

The party's hum enveloped us as we stepped onto the back porch. I caught Dash's eye and mouthed a silent "sorry" before announcing with as much cheer as I could muster, "Everyone! Everyone. We have a special surprise—Dash's parents, Blaze and Golden, have joined us!" We were greeted with friendly greetings and welcomes.

Dash stiffened at my announcement but quickly put on a brave face. She hugged Golden, "Mom! It's so great to see you!" Then, she barely acknowledged Blaze with a curt "Dad."

Barreling out of the crowd came Scootaloo, followed closely by Sweetie Belle and Applebloom. And striding among the ponies toward us was a smiling Summer Blossom.

Scootaloo shouted, “Grandma! Grandpa!” and ran between Golden and Blaze, hugging them both.

Summer bowed deeply, “Granddame. Grandsire. Me greet you both.”

Golden hugged Sootaloo tightly, then gestured for Summer to come closer. As soon as she was within hoof reach, Golden embraced her, too.

Blaze looked at the scene with a slight scowl, but a glance from me and his expression changed to that of a thin smile.

Rarity, Applejack, Pinkie Pie, and Twilight all came forward, offering polite greetings. Golden glanced around, likely looking for Fluttershy, as curiosity mixed with nostalgia in her expression.

The scene was a chaotic tapestry of my life here: laughter, surprise, and accepting two more into the fold, no matter how unexpected. My adopted daughters were nearby, my beloved Dash chatted with her parents, and now, those two figures from Dash's past added to the rich tapestry of what had become my world.

Chamor waited impatiently in his office, a forgotten cup of tea long gone cold before him. The outside darkness was punctuated with the faint sound and dim flash of fireworks from that birthday party. He sneered involuntarily. More chaos the world didn’t need.

Soon, he heard the soft clanking of metallic feet on the wooden floor. The familiar sound of the golem entering through the secret passage made him smile grimly. He muttered, “Let’s see what you dug up, my little friend.” With familiar ease, he connected a cable from the little spy golem to the projector and pressed the inset stud on the back of its neck.

The little golem drooped, standing limply on its oversized feet. The projector came to life, shining an image on its small screen. Chamor adjusted the controls, fast-forwarding to the party itself. There, the tinny din of the party played. He held a pencil in his mouth, ready to take note of any and all indiscretions.

After about an hour, he had still not seen anything beyond the normal chaos of a Pinkie Pie party. He was sure he was missing something.

Could he be wrong?

No.

He was sure.

He knew for a fact that this Alex character was up to no good. He was just better at hiding it than other chaos creatures. While Rainbow Dash was the Element Bearer of Loyalty, she was, in his estimation, a little dim and easily fooled. Scootaloo was just a child, and her objectiveness was marred by her desire to have parents, no matter how foul. The diamond dog? She was a creature of chaos as well, but she may indeed be without fault in this situation. However, there was always the possibility she may be part of whatever plan he has concocted.

Chaos must be expunged wherever it is found, no matter how innocuous.