• Member Since 30th Mar, 2013
  • offline last seen Dec 19th, 2023

Jet Edge


E

After beating the Shadowbolts in a race, Soarin' decides to set off to create the most perfect pie ever. He gathers a crack team of scientists, cooks and other forms of artists from across Equestria. He finds that he needs some special, and kind of rare ingredients to create this concoction in this silly little story.

Chapters (1)
Comments ( 4 )

Right okay... I'm not really sure what to say.

I enjoyed reading it, but it all seemed a bit rushed and linear. You may need a proof-reader to iron out some of the creases as well. I would suggest trying to read more stories so you get a feel to how everything fits in together and so that you understand some grammatical details.

Oh, one more thing, space out your paragraphs more. You don't want your text looking like a block of text. Nopony likes that :pinkiesad2:

Anyway, good luck!

Faceless

2389171
Thank you for the feedback, I will probably have a couple people I know help me fix this, I see what you're saying, I guess I should have added to it more, as I had more time to work on it, but at the time I wrote it about 2 or 3 weeks ago, it was just a stupid little story I came up with. I posted it on Fanfic.net, but I felt that I should migrate completely over here as the brony community is WAY larger. I will most likely add to it soon, thanks again for the feedback!:twilightblush:

2389317 Glad to know my head is not being bitten off :twilightsmile:

I just wanted to say, don't get me wrong. I liked it, but I thought it was missing something.

Good luck... again!!!!!

2394559
Oh that's quite alright! I just like to get constructive criticism, I haven't had it yet, but I hate when people just say "Dah, this story sux LOL!!! You are horrbel person!!!" with plenty of grammatical mistakes too, so thank you for telling me WHY the story suffers.

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