The End
Dash sat in the hospital, listening to Fluttershy's heart monitor. It was flat-lined for the tenth time that night. Her face was sore from crying so much and she listened to the doctors in Fluttershy's room, until she heart faint, irregular beeps again. She didn't sit by Fluttershy. She couldn't, they said their goodbyes long ago. She sat alone in the waiting room, everything seemed gray and lifeless, it was almost certain that Fluttershy wouldn't make it. A pen in Dash's mouth and a piece of paper in front of her, she stared at the blank paper, she flicked the lighter on and off and ran a hoof over the engraving. “With love from Fluttershy” she looked down at the paper and the words seemed to come as easy as the tears stained the paper and she began to write.
“Fluttershy sat at her kitchen table and cried...”
THE END
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My Little Pony: Friendship is Magic Fanfiction
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Review?
Nice job!
It's a pretty good story in concept and partially in delivery. Still you need to fix your spelling and grammar mistakes.
Overall it was not bad. I'd read a future story of yours.
I'm not sure how I should feel about this story, the last chapter confused me
Thanks for all the favorites and likes! Oh, and i do understand that there is spelling errors and stuff but honestly, it would be nice to get some comments that are not about that, because i understand they're there but i write stories more for the actual story, not that stuff, and im sorry if like, grammar and spelling means a lot to you but im too lazy about to do that and i suck at it haha, so, just putting that out there, and my friend who helped write this has a...dark mind! Haha! But i mean...come on, Jack deserved that for what he did to Fluttershy...anywho thanks for reading!!
2376218 what about the last chapter confused you?
2371959 why did chapter 4 ruin it? Just wondering because for future reference in my stories
Damn you, you broke my heart! You know how much it costs to get that fixed?!
this seemed.. A little too rushed for me. I can tell you put alot of effort into making this story and i respect that, but i thought if you filled me in on detail a little more, this story would have been perfect Dispite this, it was a nice read, here, have a moustache
I learned how use my account:) i just wanted to say thanks again for posting this ryan! i see tho that it has created some conflict...
Ah wanna say something nice about this story.
...
It's short.
It's riddled with errors, from constantly droppin' quotation marks ta ponies usin' their hooves like hands. The last chapter is kinda hard ta believe, medically - ah don't think ya can flatline ten times in a night, the heart wouldn't start again that many times - an' the last two chapters both happen too quick ta have the emotional impact they should.
Well finally finished reading it in between distractions and such. This story was ok, it had potential for quite a lot, but at times everything felt like it just didn't quite fit. Grammar Errors and Horrors have really tormented me since i started reading this fic and quite honestly I don't really like grammatical errors on a story and the such, unless of course that is the intention. There is a cliche like feeling to this story but its not a bad one which is something I liked, I have read other fics that seem like a copy/paste of cliches and that's just bad story telling, good to see the feeling wasn't as strong on this one. Short chapters felt a little odd, like there could be more told within them but that's just a choice of style. Overall it was an ok fic that could have been better, maybe next time it'll be better.
Noooooooooooooooooo!
i kind of feel really bad when i start reading a story that have potential but in the end it just didnt work. Sometimes i wonder if is because the writter is either lazy or didnt wanted to put some more care in his work.
Really a shame cuz this could be a really good story.
3359366 sorry you didn't like it, me and my friend worked hard on it, is there a reason why you didn't like it?
Great. I seem to have flooded the house.
3496670 thanks for all the feedback! I really appreciate when people leave comments! you earned yourself a follower!
3496638 and i apoligize about spelling mistakes, i'm not a very good speller and in my opinion, spelling and grammar mistakes never matter to me, but to some people it does but thank you for the feedback!