It has been a long time scince Lusa, Kallik, Toklo and Ujurak saved the wild; now that the four seekers are in the stars with all their ancestors, the balence of the wild has began to falter. Strong-willed cubs were in a shortage this year during a forest and ice shortage, thanks to the flat-faces, but Lusa makes a discovery that could cancel their doubts and bring back the balence of the wild.
On hiatus until I can find some good inspiration and I've finished with my first and second stories. May be cancelled.
Chapters (3)
Eh, the plot doesn't interest me. Plus, I find it confusing at times. The chapters are short, and yea.... But hey, you'll get better at writing
whut
Overall, this seems rushed, especially the first chapter. I'm not really sure who these bears are or what they're up to, other than saving the world from some vague evil or something. I recommend slowing down and taking the time to describe things, especially the settings, with as many senses as possible. Sights, sounds, touch, etc.
Don't have more than one speaker in the same paragraph. It makes it hard to keep track of who's saying what.
Also, Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle are two words, not one.
2348465 Thanks for the critisism, I'll work on that.
One way you could understand a little more is by reading Erin Hunter's Seekers collection, then you might get a better idea of what they're doing.
2346352 I will admit that I need to work on it a little bit. I wasn't really thought through with the story and I just came up with the idea before. I am aware that it could use a bit more work, and I'm hoping it might turn out going better as I go along.
2349390
hey, knowing what you need to work on is always the first step, ain't it?