Cutie Mark Cruseekers

by DADERPSTER

The Way Of the Seeker - Chpt2

Scootaloo looked at Cupun in astonishment. He had been waiting for them, and he knew about them? But they hadn't even met him! SweetieBelle, not wanting to be impolite, said, "My name is SweetieBelle." Applebloom stood up too, managing to keep her paws from shaking. "An' Ah'm Applebloom." Scootaloo, determined not to look put off, added in, "I'm Scootaloo. You can call me Scoots. We're the Cutie Mark Crusaders."
Cupun looked at the three filly-cubs curiously. "Strange names for bears," he murmured, then snapped back to attention. "We have to get to Great Bear Lake! The Gathering!" the black cub sprang to his paws. Scootaloo shook her own brown-orange pelt and took a step toward the unfamiliar cub. "What in the name of Celestia and Luna are you talking about?" now it was Cupun's turn to look confused. "You don't know about the Gathering? And who are Celestia and Luna?" Scootaloo simply shook her head. This was getting confusing. She mentally knew she was a grizzly, although she also knew that she was supposed to be a pegasus filly. She wondered if her friends felt the same.

"Well? Are you coming? We need to get to Great Bear Lake! There's something very special going on soon! And we need to be there to see it!" Cupun stood a few bear-lengths - bear-lengths? she wondered.- away from the Cutie Mark Crusaders. They all looked at each other before Applebloom stood up and went "Of course we're comin'! Ah, for one, ain't gonna get left behind in a forest Ah ain't familiar!" Scootaloo secretly felt the same, but at a risk of ruining her reputation she said nothing. SweetieBelle instantly nodded, looking scared of being left behind. Scootaloo almost rolled her eyes. She wouldn't be scared. She would protect them all! Just like Rainbow Dash would've done.

"Come on, then!" Cupun said brightly, beginning to lead them into the forest. Applebloom led ahead right away, her black tail bobbing. Scootaloo nodded when the Polar-Belle hesitated, allowing SweetieBelle to go ahead of her. don't worry, girls and guy. I've got your backs. She wasn't going to let anything lay a paw on her friends. She made sure to keep an eye on the white pelt in front of her, as to not lose her friends in the foliage. "My name means coal," Cupun said, looking back at his new friends. "what do your names mean?"

Scootaloo winced. They didn't know yet, because they hadn't found their Cutie Marks! Applebloom blinked. "Well..." she paused to think of what to say, before continuing. "Where we come from, we're hooved creatures called ponies. We get somethin' that we call Cutie Marks. We get 'em when we learn our special talents. The problem is, we haven't learned our special talents. Thats why we're the Cutie Mark Crusaders!" suddenly an idea formed in Scootaloo's head. "We're the Cutie Mark Crusader Bear Meeters!" the three smiled widely - well, the way a bear can - and looked at each other. "That would be a great Cutie Mark!" SweetieBelle said.

Cupun looked at the three with his eyes sparkling happily. "Then lets hurry!"

And the three cubs raced into the trees.

Had they taken the time to look, they would've noticed the claw marks on the trees, marking a brown bear's territory.

Comments

[Diamond Brook]

Eh, the plot doesn't interest me. Plus, I find it confusing at times. The chapters are short, and yea.... But hey, you'll get better at writing

[Scribblestick]

Cutie Mark Cruseekers

Cruseekers

Cruseekers

whut

Overall, this seems rushed, especially the first chapter. I'm not really sure who these bears are or what they're up to, other than saving the world from some vague evil or something. I recommend slowing down and taking the time to describe things, especially the settings, with as many senses as possible. Sights, sounds, touch, etc.

Don't have more than one speaker in the same paragraph. It makes it hard to keep track of who's saying what.

Also, Apple Bloom and Sweetie Belle are two words, not one.

[DADERPSTER]

2348465 Thanks for the critisism, I'll work on that.
One way you could understand a little more is by reading Erin Hunter's Seekers collection, then you might get a better idea of what they're doing.

[DADERPSTER]

2346352 I will admit that I need to work on it a little bit. I wasn't really thought through with the story and I just came up with the idea before. I am aware that it could use a bit more work, and I'm hoping it might turn out going better as I go along.

[Diamond Brook]

2349390

hey, knowing what you need to work on is always the first step, ain't it?