The Silence

by Searous X20

ALONE - The Original

ALONE by acoobrony

Rainbow Dash tackled Fluttershy who let out an eep as she fell. The two of them rolled laughing together in the grass. Exchanging a kiss now and again.

It had been two years, two years since there dear friend Twilight Sparkle abandoned them for the life of a princess. She never sent letters or came to visit. Her library had closed, nopony had touched it since she left, except for the occasional royal guard coming to collect some books for, the princess. Around that time, Fluttershy had confessed her feeling for Rainbow Dash, who did the same to Fluttershy. They were living like this till now.

“C'mon, please.”

Rainbow Dash had asked her marefriend, Fluttershy, to fly to Cloadsdale with her.

“C'mon, you do want to meet my parents, don't you?”

“Yes, but its just, I'm not exactly the best flier.”

“That's fine, I'll carry you if I have to.”

“Oh, I guess I'll go...”

The two flew east, in the direction of Cloudsdale. Ten minutes later, they arived.

“You ready to meat my parents? Hmmm sexy?”

“R-rainbow, now's not the best, time.”

“Ok, I'll stop. Just look at me, ok?”

Fluttershy looked. As she did, Rainbow dashed foreword; kissing Fluttershy who had no choice but to accept the embrace, and kissed her back. Meanwhile, a dark blue pegasus peaked his head out of a door. One of Rainbow's eyes opened, she broke the kiss and turned to stare at the blue pegasus. Fluttershy cowered behind her marefriend.

“Really dad?”

“Heh heh, come on in you two.”

That night Fluttershy got to know more of her friend's past. Dinner was divine. Freshly picked fruits and vegetables covered with pure, creamy white icing. With daisy and daffodil sandwitches.

“Thanks for...dinner.” Fluttershy spoke softly, “It was...nice.”

“Any time sweetie!”

It had began to rain by the time they left. They flew towards Ponyvil, lightning streaked around them.

Fluttershy called out, “Rainbow...Rainbow” Her attempts to draw the attention of her friend were in vain, however. Just them, a burst of light almost blinded Fluttershy. The next thing she saw brought chills to her bone. Rainbow Dash plummeted to the earth, wings at her sides, eyes closed, mouth agape. Fluttershy chased after her, but it was no use. Rainbow hit the ground hard, leaving a small crater in her wake. Fluttershy fell to her knees, cradling her lover in her arms.

Rainbow's eyes opened slightly. “F-fluttershy? Wh-what happened?” She tried to move but found that she could not.

Fluttershy hugged her dieing friend, sobbing into her solder.

“Fluttershy...” Rainbow Dash spoke weakly, “I...I love...you...” She kissed her quickly them collapsed into Fluttershy.

“no..Dashie no...” Fluttershy sobbed holding the now lifeless Rainbow Dash. “Rainbow please...don't leave me.”

She sat there for hours. When officials came to take Rainbow Dash away, she nearly fought them.

Fluttershy thought to herself, “I've just lost the only happiness I have left. Not even Pinkie in as cheery any more.” With that she ran home.

Nopony has seen her since. There is just the sign on her door, it reads, “Do not disturb, ALONE”

Comments

[Dynomutt]

[Impress Me]

How about posting a thousand words next time champ.
P.S This was an atrocious story. How is anyone supposed to rate your writing when you type up this puny excuse for a fic? And you spelled meet MEAT. Hilarious.

[CDFA]

Nope

[Padwan]

It had been two years, two years since there dear friend Twilight Sparkle abandoned them for the life of a princess. She never sent letters or came to visit. Her library had closed, nopony had touched it since she left, except for the occasional royal guard coming to collect some books for, the princess.

The story looked pretty decent at this point, but after that the story was pretty bad. If you had worked on the original concept (the bit in quotes) then this could be a very good story, you should also read over what you wrote(or get someone else to) so that you can avoid posting a story with errors in it and potentially get more than 1 like

Edit: For some reason fimfic decided to cut off the last bit of my comment

[Searous X20]

2294295 I'll rewrite it after I finish writing LAST-DAYS. P.S. I wrote it on my phone at 3AM. Also I didn't edit it. It was a test to see if my unedited work is ok, obviously its not. But thanks for the feedback

[The Grey Pegasus]

Well, this might be a first for me. In my one year here, I don't think I've ever seen a story get past the mods by having the same chapter twice to meet the 1,000 words requirement. Seriously, just...

[Searous X20]

Reminder: ANY negative comments will be removed, also I am rewriting the story but you must give me time.

[Searous X20]

Update Plan (WARNING! Spoiler)

Chapter 1: Alone
Synopsis: Rainbow Dash has been struck, and killed by lightning. Leaving her friends broken, and alone. Even Pinkie, and especially Fluttershy. Follows the POV of Fluttershy as she observes her friends behavior after Rainbow's tragic demise.
Notes: I got the idea for this after looking back over my work, and removing all the romance. (Estimated release date: 4/15/13)

Chapter 2: Moonlight
Synopsis: Twilight discovers some anomalies in with the fabric of reality. Time has stopped flowing perfectly. One day is replayed with different events. It started the day Rainbow died. She contacts the other four ponies, and together they recreate the universe; fixing everything and resurrecting Rainbow Dash. However, they released an ancient evil witch will slowly grow over time...
Notes: This came to me after I finished watching the last episode of season 6 of Doctor Who. The idea of Moonlight came before that when I was thinking of story ideas, and before Alone popped into my head. Why I scraped it at the time? I don't know.
(Estimated release date: 5/20/13)

Overall Notes: I hope you enjoy the sneak peak of what's to come. I'm a cool brony, and have a nice day!!

[Jeta]

That... That was... Beautiful... Like seriously, aside the grammar errors, that was amazing.
[youtube=http://www.youtube.com/watch/?v=RzhAS_GnJIc]
Listen to this as you read it.
Gosh the feels...

[Searous X20]

2460713 Thanks! Also, I'm rewriting it to be about 50% sadder. So just wait and you can read it again!