Tea, for a lack of other words, was strange. While the ponies nervously sipped their tea or nibbled at their biscuits, he just sat there. Not saying one word, touching neither the half of his biscuit or the hot cup of water he simply observed them in silence.
After what seemed like minutes of eery silence princess Luna finally spoke up, “Are you not hungry?”
He looked at his food for a second, “Does protocol require I eat?”
“No, it does not... But it would be nice if...”
“Then no, I am not hungry.” he stated flatly. There was another strange moment of silence.
“May I ask a question then?” Luna asked slightly irritated.
“Ask.”
“Why do you read the letters Twilight Sparkle sends my sister?”
Why did he read those? It had been a moment of curiosity at first but then... “I find them... amusing.”
“Hey! Those are serious!” Twilight gave him a sour look.
“They are?” he asked with a slightly surprised voice, “When I read the first one I initially had the impression you were writing a book for chil...” he corrected himself, “For foals.”
“Of course they are serious! I'm studying the magic of friendship! That's important for everypony!”
“I see...”
She squinted his eyes at him, “What?”
“Nothing.”
Rainbow Dash gave him a curious look, “What's so amusing about them?”
“They are immature.”
This time Twilight nearly exploded, “They are not! What would make you think something like that?! Don't you know what friendship is?”
He turned to her, “Your reports...” he stated, “Are innocent and full of good intentions, but you have not yet lived long enough to truly understand friendship, or love for that matter. You have made friends and your friendship has survived troubled times. But...”
“But?” Twilight gave him a skeptical glare.
“You have yet to experience death. Only when you lose someone important, only then will you truly understand what friendship means.”
There was a moment of silence as all of them stared at him with open mouths. Celestia looked at him for what seemed like minutes before finally asking, “Who did you lose?”
“That is a question I will not answer.” he replied without emotion.
Celestia watched him for another moment, “May I ask something else then?” he didn't reply but merely nodded, “Could you play that song again?”
He slightly tilted his head at her unexpected request, “Why?”
“I believe it will help the others to understand something about your... nature.”
He pondered on it for a few seconds but couldn't see a threat in it, so he carefully retrieved the little item from one of his pockets. As he held it in his hands Pinkie Pie eyed it with fascination, “It's so pretty! Can I touch...”
“If you even come near it I will tear you to pieces.” he said with a low tone.
She started to get up, “Oh, come on! It's not like I'm going to...”
“Pinkie, I advise you don't touch it.” Applejack said with worry, “He's not lying.”
“Ohh...” her hair slightly dropped but she returned to her seat.
He paid them no further attention and started to wind up the delicate mechanism, the ponies gasping in fascination as the little gears started to turn. The ponies only had little skill when it came to clockworks, the ones they had were usually driven by magic or simply crude and big.
“It's so tiny! I've never seen something so delicate!” Rarity swooned.
The others were about to make comments but the words never escaped their mouths as the music started to play. He watched their faces as the music was carried through the air. In their shocked expressions he saw the same emotions he had seen in Celestia's face a night before, recognition, wonder and fear.
When he saw Celestia's face though he suddenly realized her true intent. He retrieved the music box and placed it in his pocket again before casting her an accusing glare had it not been for his mask, “You tricked me.”
“I merely wished to confirm something.” she replied with an even voice before turning to the others, “Tell me, do you know this melody?”
Applejack was the first to reply, “My grandmother used to hum it to us on rainy nights.” she gave him a fearful look, “She said her grandmother used to hum it to her...”
“My father always hummed it me.” Rainbow Dash said, “He said his mother always hummed it for him...”
“My mother...” Rarity said with a perplexed voice, “She still hums it to Sweetie Bell...”
“I too remember the melody.” Luna replied, “Our mother hummed it to us as well.” she turned to Celestia, “But that was thousands of years ago! What does this mean?”
“It means that our guest has been here for a very long time indeed.” she turned to the others again, “You all know this melody?” they all nodded, “And it has been in your families for generations?” they nodded again. She turned to him with the smallest of smiles, savoring the fact she had been able to trick him into confirming this fact. He despised her for it.
“That is because he has played it for all of our ancestors. Tell me, how long have you been here?” there was a small amount of sadness in her voice.
“Always.” he replied, “I have always been watching.”
“And you never felt alone?”
He eyed her with a growing feeling of unease, “I have not.”
This time he could really see the sadness in her face, “That is regrettable... May I ask, why is it that you watch our newborn night after night?”
Once again he found himself under the stares of the ponies, it made his skin tingle. He would be careful of her questions from now on. “They remind me of something my kind has lost a long time ago.”
Fluttershy eyed him with a sad face, “You don't have foals?”
“We do not.”
“Why?”
He stared at her, trying hard to push old memories aside. “Because no new life can be born within the void.” It was a delicate matter. It was the sole reason for his presence and he hoped the ponies would not tread any further upon this subject. All of his work, all of his efforts... everything was connected to this one, simple fact.
“Wait, does this mean your whole species lives inside the void?” Twilight asked with disbelief.
“We exist within it.”
“But that's impossible! The void is empty and lifeless! Greybeard the Wise himself explored the void with his mind and he found nothing!”
He mustered her for a moment, “Greybeard... he only saw what I allowed him to see.”
“You interfered with his studies?” Luna asked with a surprised voice.
“Had he truly entered the void our response would have been immediate. He would have been killed and any evidence of his existence would have been removed. Still, his disappearance would have caused questions. I lead his mind on his studies, showing him only glimpses of the surface of the void, giving him the impression it was empty and lifeless. That way, any danger of further inquiries from your side was evaded.”
“So you do intervene from time to time.” Celestia remarked.
“Only when the necessity arises.”
“There's a whole race living inside the void! That's amazing! I must start studies on this subject immediately!” Twilight seemed excited with anticipation.
“It would be a futile attempt. I have set up blockades in the void since then. You would not be able to gaze past what I allow you to see.”
“Why are you so intent on keeping your existence a secret?” Luna asked him with suspicion.
“It is our rule. Any contact made is a threat to my work.”
“Your work? I thought you were an observer?”
“I am.”
“You're not.” Applejack spoke up, “You're keeping something from us, I've been feeling it since we started talking. There's more to you than you're willing to tell us.”
“There is.” he had not intended this conversation to come to this point, but it did not matter. Their fate would be the same whether they knew it or not, just like the fate of all those worlds before theirs... Their knowledge would only serve to shorten the time until then.
Celestia looked at him intently, seemingly trying to see beyond his mask. She was probably trying to read his thoughts, but she would only waste her time and energy doing that. “You say that you are a watcher, that you only observe. But the more we talk, the more I have the feeling that you are by far more active than you tell us. You say you act only out of necessity, but refuse to tell us why. What is it you are truly here for?”
He could see her wings tremble softly at her words and he could hear her heart beat increase, she was clearly more agitated than she allowed the others to notice. He mustered her in silence for a moment as she stared him down, “I wait.”
She took a step towards him, “What do you wait for?”
“For this world to die.”
fans...
fans nearing the shit...
Ooooooooh, spooky.
I like how you update with quick, snappy yet quality-laden chapters. It goes along well with the flow of the story, keeping interest and allowing us not to have to go back to the beginning in order to recall what is happening.
I like where it is going and maybe soon we can get into the post-explanation/overview/word-I-can't-remember.
Oh snap
More!!! Dang cliffhanger!
deathwish
i'm thinking this guy sounds a bit like Dr. Manhattan with his emotionless voice but with a bit of a grim tone to it
it's funny how he doesn't choose his words, you can tell he wants to scare the shit out of them
Dun Dun Duuuuun.
Every chapter update expertly pulls off a chillhanger. You must be a master at them.
I like the fact that he simply stated he is waiting for the world to die, not trying to cause or prevent it. I think that makes him all the more scary.
2314667 In my head he sounds like Zer0 from Borderlands 2...probably because of the faceless mask thing going on
I like where you moving this story, it has a good flow to it, nice updates, maybe a lengthier chapter now and then couldnt hurt. One thing though, even though he is emotionless, i dont like how applejack can detect him the instant he isn't telling the truth. She is the element of honesty, but it feels as though she's a lie detector maybe just a little more mystery to her judgement. Other than that, i love it honestly i havent seen one of these fics before, its completly new, and you've captured my interest. lets see where this will lead to, shall we?
Fecal matter prepared for high-speed rotational air delivery apparatus...
The end was pretty spooky
Knew it.
Only question remains is if their kinds causes it, or if it's a natural death.
I do believe the headcrab has hit the oversized, nuclear-powered, 'sate-of-the-art,' air conditioning system for Silo D. (i.e. the giant fan thingy. The headcrab also probably crapped itself on the way down)
That's bucked up...
Damn, that ending.
Wow just wow then again all planets and civilIzations will die eventually!
>>>He turned to her, “Your reports...” he stated, “Are innocent and full of good intentions, but you have not yet lived long enough to truly understand friendship, or love for that matter. >>>
Says the creature that doesn't feel or care about anything...
Besides, equating living a long time with comprehension is a false assumption at any rate. Many old people are just as clueless as children. Intelligence and wisdom are required to comprehend. Lacking those, living forever will not benefit a fool.
2314738 I'm having a rather hard time with this entire thing logically. Why must he wait there for it to die? You'd think this supposedly vastly superior race living in an impossible (and I do mean impossible) void (which isn't really a void since it has stuff in it) would be able to tell when a world was getting close to dying without needing to be there for its entire existence.
So far, it's been a whole lot of chatter, saying almost nothing.
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dayum
I imagine the Watcher to have a voice that sound like a cross between Morgan Freeman and the narrator guy from Pinkies episode in the MOV series.
2315081 He needs to be within the world to absorb the butt-hurt once it starts to die. His entire race has troll faces behind their faceplates
2315465 That would actually make sense or something. So far his entire line of reasoning is like, "Blah blah blah superior blah blah angst blah blah blah Vorlons."
Ladies and Gentlemen
say hello
To Death
2315450
I'm going with he sounds like Bane, the last line sealed it for me.
2315779
I read his lines in the voice of Ulysses from Lonesome Road.
Shit just got real
That is one HELL of a punchline...
Great job!!!!
Can't wait to see what happens next.
And so far my theory on them wanting the world looks the most promising.
I hope Cho'Gath lives in this void
MY LITTLE CHO'GATH
FEASTING IS MAGIC!
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2314741that's even cooler now i have to play borderlands 2 again
NYES. THIS IS AMAZING.
Simply amazing story man. Usually I'm a bitch when it comes to waiting for releases of next chapters and such, but these I'll happily wait patiently for.
Take this, you'll know what to do with it when the time comes:
EDIT: Everyone seems to be commenting on what they think the watchers voice sounds like.
Up until now I've been reading with a certain voice and I wasn't able to place it until now...
http://images2.wikia.nocookie.net/__cb20120104203923/elderscrolls/images/5/54/TESV_Augur.png
^the Augur of Dunlain, from TES V: Skyrim
Best way to kill a conversation ever.
"I wait for this World to die" ...................Dang, nice conversation piece.
Dang. That's one heck of a wait.
2317947 Voice: Augur of Dunlain
Appearance: Nightingale Armor, mask replaced with a smooth, black mask.
2315048 Feeling love and understanding it are completely different things. With the music box, we can safely assume that he has experienced love and has lived long enough to understand it, but no longer feels it currently. Also, this is the fourth comment on this story I've seen by you. Your contributions are pointless and at times idiotic. I highly suggest you do not continue carrying on like this.
Celestia is about to get taught a lesson if she attacks him. I mean, come on; what is she going to do to him? Is she going to threaten him with
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2319121 *sighs* If he no longer felt love, then the box would no longer have any emotional baggage. It would become merely an object.
This is one of many instances where the author is trying to have this character act in a bipolar, irresoncilably conflicting manner: utterly emotionless on one hand, beset with turmoil and doubt on the other. One could be a mask, an outward show to hide the truth he wishes to keep hidden from superiors; BUT, the problem is we, the omniscient voyers have a view into his inner thoughts and BOTH states of mind are present there as well! Yet, it is the emotionless machine we are mostly shown, which suggests the emotional aspects are the mask... but then why the connection to the music box? Why watch over foals if the emotions aren't genuine? Why the moments of anger?
He's a severerly inconsistent character who demonstrates a very disgenuine personality beset with internal contradiction. I frankly cannot find anything relatable about him, as he feels like several fragmented personalities shoved together, jostling for the 'real' main character position.
I believe it is an attempt at the 'Unreliable Narrator' trope that just is not coming together, leaving the character disjointed. He's also more than a little 'Godmode Sue', in that none of the other characters can do anything against him or his leaders: we have the over-whelming theme of interdimensional plots/conspiracies and nigh-immortal creatures who have absolute power over their domain to the point where they can kill ANYTHING that tries to look into it even from a distance, and it comes across as horribly overpowered contrivance. It's the very definition of 'god-moding'.
And yet with all these powers, living thousands of years or more, with the ability to trapse in and out of various dimensions, reshape matter/energy... he gets wounded by a knife from a species his people consider little more than primitive beasts. Ahem... basic armor, anyone? Couldn't he simply, you know, 'harden' the matter in his hand? It would take a mere fraction of a second to rearrange the molecular bonds, if he does indeed have the powers we are bluntly shown later on. The wound was just a plot device so the Princess could track him. But it makes no sense given what his people can do and their supposed powers and technology. It'd be as ridiculous as some blue-skinned tribal aliens defeating a heavily armed military inductrial complex... oh... ohhhhhhhhhh.... (yes, I hate "Avatar" for that and many other absurdities)
It shatters the suspension of disbelief when so many facts fly in each others' faces.
The ponies themselves are merely one-dimensional artifacts of characters we're already familiar with, given no unique personality or depth, and serve only as expositional pieces to move the plot along and give 'The Watcher' someone to talk to. They could be replaced by any other pony or OC with the exact same results. They come across as totally arbitrary and inherently meaningless to the structure of the narrative. And since they're too weak and powerless to do anything at all to affect the outcome of the 'bigger world' idea, they are thus even further minimalized.
The small glimpses we've seen of the others in that 'void' are that they are petty, manipulative, narrow-minded, selfish, and rather stupid given the needless hyper-complexity of whatever their endgame is. Perhaps they aren't meant to be, but that's the picture that's been painted in very harsh tones.
As I pointed out, what possible reason would the 'Watcher' have for being there if he's only waiting for the world to 'die'. If these creatures are so super-intelligent, then a simple analysis of that universes' structure would give them a fairly accurate estimation of its end time.
The concepts aren't fully developed, nor are they applied in a consistent and believable structure. With as little as we know, already serious inconsistencies are revealing themselves, which for anyone interested in a story that maintains its internal plausibility and character development are unavoidably distracting.
This is a classic example of the 'my world scope is bigger than yours' notion, mixed with what looks to be a 'Xanatos Gambit' with regards to the 'void gods' plan (as I shall call them), which has become all too common in the video game genre clearly influencing the majority of stories of this type.
Now, is that constructive enough for you?
2319130 And that is one of my biggest complaints. The character is a god-mode Sue. It's a very illegitimate to have one character suddenly show up in established canon and be utterly untouchable by any other character.
If this exact thing were to happen in the show, I'd expect the ratings to crash quite immediately, for the simple reason that it doesn't make any sense in terms of the world setting.
It's a major intrusion into the canon world with no sense of perspective to balance out the sudden segway into interdimensional intrigue. In the first chapter, he's just there. No introduction to the world and its inhabitants, nothing that sets the mood and tone, no build-up to the conflict event; just a sudden inexplicable appearance and action by a character who simply doesn't belong.
Each story should always be written with the idea that every reader knows nothing about the world its set in or its characters. Even a short story can accomplish introductions in a very brief space with the right attention to relevant detail. There is none of that here. The author relies entirely upon our fore-knowledge to set everything up.
That is a very big no-no in creative writing 101, and one of the oft-derided aspects of fanfiction.
Think to yourself, would you care aboiut anything going on if these characters were, say, anthropomorphic gophers living in Tunnelot who happened to be the Elements of Neutrality? Take out the names of the familiar ponies, and the settings we all know so well, and you're left with very little to care about; nothing but a random world upon which some random powerful being watches for its end.
2319525 As much as you are making valid arguments and I do welcome constructive criticism for my writing... I just have to ask; If you don't like the story why read it? Why not read another story or write something better? It was the sole reason I started writing, I wanted to do something different. Granted, the results may not always actually be better but nobody actually forces you to read anything. So why start of with remarks that make it seem like you only dislike the story for its setting and then later suddenly post a two page critic after being criticized yourself?
That being said, if you don't like it vote it down and don't continue reading it. If the story really is that bad the rating will reflect it.
2319631 I wouldn't worry about him too much if I were you. I can't recall a time I've ever seen Alondro post anything constructive. As far as I've seen, he's either on-board with something or he hates it.
Personally, I'm interested in seeing where this goes. We're still knee deep in the introduction phase and don't know much about the main character yet, but there's enough here that I want to know what happens next. I also happen to enjoy stories with real power players in them, so this seems like it'll be right up my alley.
2319525 And that is the point of fan-fictions... FICTIONS; you know, not canon. It is about whatever the author wants it to be about. But I do understand how you feel about random OP characters; my advice, see where the story goes.
2319525 want to read a story that makes sense or leads you by the nose?
read a damn text book.
2344971 ...What is this thing I feel in my chest!? I thought I buried my emotions long ago! GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHAHAHAH! IT HURTS!!! *Is able to feel emotions again*
You sir, are a miracle!