Medium Rare
“Welcome back to the final round of Pony Chopped, contestants. You’ve both done very well to get this far, but after this round there can be only one champion.”
Star Anise spoke to the two remaining ponies from her spot beside the judges' table. Across the stage, standing behind their identical mini-kitchens, a pair of nervous ponies stared at the closed baskets before them.
“Please open your basket of mystery ingredients,” she said. They did, and she continued: “Your ingredients for the entree round are: alfalfa sprouts, acorns, dandelion sap, and dragon steaks.”
Fluttershy squeaked at the sight of the steaks. Beside her, her competitor, Coriander, shook his head in disbelief.
“You have 30 minutes. Your time starts now.”
* * *
“While our chefs start their cooking, let’s meet the judges,” Anise said. The camera promptly panned to her right, stopping first on warm orange earth pony mare.
“Butternut is the owner of The Squash Haus, the oldest continuously operating restaurant in Fillydelphia.” Butternut gave the camera a polite nod as Anise spoke.
“Next we have Dill Weed, the owner and executive chef at The Green Truffle in Canterlot, author of What The Hay? a cookbook for young ponies, and our token stallion.
“And finally we have none other than Saffron, the executive chef at The Drunken Snail in Manehattan, and the only pony to ever defeat two iron chefs in Iron Chef: Equestria. Judges, thank you.”
“You’re welcome, Star,” Dill Weed said. “I can already see that Coriander is slicing his dragon into nice, thick sections. It looks like he has some experience cooking with this rather exotic meat.”
“Well, we saw in the appetizer round that he’s willing to take chances with some unusual ingredients. What he did with that ostrich egg was amazing,” Saffron said.
“That’s true, but let’s not forget what Fluttershy managed to do with those cattails,” Butternut said. “They might have been a bit under-salted, but they were clearly the best item on anyone’s plate.”
* * *
“The first thing my eyes go to when I open that basket is the dragon steaks,” Coriander, looking far more calm and collected than on the stage, said to the camera. “I spent a year in Gryphonia studying with the best gryphon chefs in the world, and dragon is one of their most prized dishes.
“I immediately decide to go with a twice-baked potato blended with an acorn and alfalfa puree, complementing a grilled dragon steak glazed with a dandelion sap and parmesan sauce. The slightly bitter sap should offset the saltiness of the cheese nicely.
“Most ponies don’t know how to cook dragon correctly. They think it has to be very well done. The secret is to just barely cook it at all – a little flame kiss, if you will.”
* * *
“Um, as soon as I saw the dragon steaks I knew I was in trouble,” Fluttershy said. “I’ve cooked bunnies before, but I don’t think dragons are anything like rabbits.
“I decide to grind the dragon into a patty, and use the alfalfa and acorns as a topping for a gourmet dragon burger. I can infuse the dandelion sap into the meat to keep it nice and moist.”
“Um, if that’s alright with you.”
* * *
“It looks like Fluttershy is searching for something... Oh my, is that the grinder she has?” Dill Weed said, surprise registering on his face.
“It is. Do you think she’s going to grind the steaks up?” Star Anise asked.
“That’s a risky move if so... Oh, look, she is grinding it up. I’ve never had a dragon burger before. I hope it works out for her,” Butternut said.
“I’m not sure I like that plan,” Saffron said. “Dragon steaks are an almost sacred meat, very hard to come by. Grinding it up for a burger seems disrespectful.”
“Well, we’ll just have to see how it tastes.”
* * *
“I look over at Fluttershy’s plate and realize she’s going for a burger, and I immediately start to worry. Dragon meat isn’t the best for burgers, that’s definitely what owls are for, but it’s such an original idea I’m afraid the judges might give her some credit for it simply because it’s so audacious.
“I cut my steaks and set them aside. They won’t go on the grill until there’s just a few minutes left. I spend most of my time trying to reduce the sap and get the cheese to melt with it. I was afraid it might start to burn, but by keeping the temperature low enough, it all mixes together nicely.”
* * *
“Oh, um, I realized after the patties were down and cooking that I needed some kind of sauce for the burger. Ketchup wouldn’t mix well with the sap, so I decided to whip up some chipotle mayonnaise instead. I’ve heard that dragon is a very spicy meat, so hopefully the chipotles will restore any of that spice lost due to the sap.”
* * *
“I look up and realize there’s only two minutes left, and I need to get those steaks cooking. The grill is already nice and hot, so I just toss them on and start plating the baked potato.
“As soon as they hit the grill, the most delicious smell just rises from the stove. I’ve got this in the bag.”
* * *
“I toasted a poppyseed bun with a bit of butter and set it aside. The acorns went into a sautee pan to soften up a bit, and I added the alfalfa at the last minute. I didn’t want it to wilt down to nothing, but if I waited too long, it would’ve overpowered the rest of the dish.
“The patties didn’t hold together as well as I’d hoped. The sap was supposed to bind the ground meat together, but instead it just acted like oil and they started to fall apart. Hopefully the judges won’t notice.”
* * *
“Five seconds left contestants...”
Fluttershy and Coriander didn’t look up at the announcement. Both were bent over their dishes, frantically rearranging little pieces of food and wiping away stray drops of sauce. Coriander’s steaks looked nearly raw, with only a thin sear on the sides, and his baked potatoes were a curious blend of yellow and green, with slivers of chopped acorns poking out of the top. He frowned at the plates, and in the final moments added a sprig of parsley to each.
Fluttershy’s burgers were harder to judge from a distance, as they were mostly concealed by the buns. Still, from the sides, a low camera angle was able to capture a delicious-looking sauce drip down their edges onto the plate. As time ran out, she added a daub of her mayonnaise in a small porcelain tureen to each dish.
“And time is up! Contestants, please bring your dishes forward.”
* * *
“Contestants, both your dishes were well prepared and delicious, but I’m afraid only one of you can be the Pony Chopped champion.” Star Anise grabbed the cloche with her hoof. “And the dish that was chopped is...”
Both contestants leaned forward, beads of sweat dripping down their faces. The moment dragged on, and on, and on into the final commercial.
* * *
“...the dish that was chopped is...” Star Anise waited a moment longer, then with a dramatic flourish pulled away the cloche, revealing a poppyseed burger.
Fluttershy let out a quiet gasp as her dish was revealed. Beside her, Coriander visibly sagged, relief written on his face.
“I’m sorry, Fluttershy, you’ve been chopped. Judges?”
“Fluttershy, we loved your dish,” Dill Weed said. “But in the end, we couldn’t get over the loose patty. We thought the sap might have been better used as a sauce or in the mayonnaise. It was a hard decision, but in the end, Coriander’s steaks were just a little better.”
“That’s fine,” Fluttershy said with a sniff. “Thank you for the opportunity.”
“Thank you, Fluttershy,” Anise said. “Oh, and we should’ve mentioned it earlier, but the dragon whose leg we used for the steaks is very upset with us. While you two were out, we also voted to tell him that this show was your fault. So, uh, you might be getting a visit sometime soon.”
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Fluttershy has cooked bunnies??
I want to watch Iron Chef: Equestria. I mean, it's already an awesome show in the US, so if ponies were added, I'd love it even more.
Heh, you captured the essence of the show beautifully with the individual camera bits
On a side note... Aarón Sanchez is the best Chopped judge.
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THIS IS NOT WHAT I EXPECTED!!!
This is definitely a story that earns its [Random] tag.
Carnivorous ponies aside, the idea of Equestrian Iron Chef contest is great, and I hope someone grabs it and does a "serious" fic about it.
I... uh... what.
Oh man. Angel'd better get his shit together before he winds up on a platter.
2294183
Seriously, that bunny's been cruisin' for a bruisin' for three whole seasons now.
I remember reading a worst chef in Equestria fic that was pretty good...
Trixie, Rainbow Dash, Derpy, and.... somepony else were contestants. Maybe Luna?
37 minutes? That's 38 words per minute. That's almost like typing at full speed with no corrections, let alone revisions.
So it looks like Fluttershy just accidentally invented sloppy joes...
Wee, crazy minds. Not what the prompt writes expected indeed.
I've no idea what to think about your use of meat, but especially with the real premise it works great to "lolwut okay just go with it."
Oh God, I expected all the time that Fluttershy will poison judges or bomb TV station as animal rights extremist!
Well that was kind of rude.
2290912 That's not even remotely as horrifying as what I just read happening. They cooked a fucking dragon. I'm only thinking about how horrified and frightened Spike would be after watching this. Imagine: Fluttershy, who is terrified of dragons, meeting Spike, who is terrified of ponies.
Fuck those stupid bunnies.
Out of left field doesn't even describe this story based on that prompt... Your imagination is the Escher of Eschers.
Holy shit, these judges are DICKS.
2295102
Worst Bakers in Equestria, yeah. That was pretty funny, but I'm not sure if it made it onto this site.
3308895
Mmmph, yeah. As much as I like the turnaround of the food chain here, Spike's gonna have to think long and hard about this revelation.
2290912 I heard that we don't see angel in season five...
I fear that dragon meat would be a lot tougher than this story gives it credit for if alligator is anything to go off of.
wat
2290912 Didn't you know that Angel's full name is Angel Seventeen? Angel Eighteen is still a little baby bunny, and Angel Sixteen was sweet, very sweet with a little hollandaise sauce on the side.
Someone really ought to write a HiE where the ponies are ruthless carnivores.
Ha! I love it!
...WHERE ARE THE REST OF THE STORIES FROM THIS PROMPT? Because, if they're half as good as this one...
Okay, given what we know from canon, this story doesn't make a lick of sense whatsoever. However, I do like competition cooking shows, so eh. "shrug"